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td-scenarios · 1 year

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Okay same thing with Anne Maria but Heather, mean girl is so pretty.

Thank you so much (I loved the last one so much!)

OMG YESSSSS ur literally inside my head i swear <3 mean girl,,,, (also im gonna go w/ like s1 Heather since that dynamic seems the most fun to me :D )

Heather x f!reader where Heather isn't used to a girl crushing on her

Okay, let's be honest, Heather would act like it didn't phase her for the longest time

Like her "of course she likes me. I'm hot asf" mentality yk

She's a bad bitch she's gonna act like one

Okay with that out of the way

You've fallen for her

HARD.

Like, yeah, she's kind of a bitch to everyone around her and is extremely manipulative

But in your head, you could fix her (or decide you like the atrocities. either way, you love her.)

Really, it starts off relatively small. Your main displays of affection towards her were staying out of her way and just admiring from afar

Not close enough to be manipulated like Beth and Lindsay, but not far enough to be completely shit on like Gwen or Leshawna.

But slowly, it develops a bit more where you're just

"Oh no. It's not a simple crush anymore I think I really really like her"

So now, she is starting to recognize your presence within the game

You defending her whenever the other campers get on her ass

Never voting for her

Stumbling through your words everytime she talks to you

This is basically all it takes for her to notice that you like her more than in a friend way. Let's be clear, she's NOT dumb.

At first, she thought she could use it against you to get you out, but something about that idea seemed "illogical" to her

Heather decided that you'd be better to keep around instead of getting rid of you too early

Rookie mistake.

She may or may not start catching feelings back in the meantime

The way that you're willing to stand your ground against the other campers, the way you are pretty competent in challenges, not to mention the fact that you are somewhat bearable.

And, being Island Heather, she has no one she will willingly vent to besides the confessional and she did NOT want the people at home knowing a vulnerability of hers

So the gay thoughts™ stay pent up and attack her like crazy

This is when she starts to think that she NEEDS to get you voted off

You are messing up her game and by God if she loses that prize money just because the most attractive girl she has ever met is on this island she will just about murder someone

Any move you try to make on her from this point onward will be ultimately thwarted since she will make the most distance between the two of you as possible

Everyone else had seemed so EASY to get voted off, but you. You were just too perfect in her eyes. She couldn't think of any possible weakness that she could use to get you voted off and it was driving her insane

There is no happy ending here unless you get voted off I'm sorry. It's just her character to not positively commit to anybody while also participating on the show

But once you do get voted off

Her game on the show would only improve. Her only motives being the money and getting to see you again

She doesn't get the money

But you end up being the only person who doesn't laugh at her shaved head and that only allows the two of you to grow closer

(I'm so sorry if this is worse than the usual imagines i write </3 im kinda out of practice AS YALL KNOW qwq)

#total drama heather #total drama #total drama island #total drama imagines #total drama x reader #total drama heather x reader

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0xo · 2 months

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that post about trying to break cycles by being nothing like ur abuser but actually failing to grow better behaviors... (tw lots of talk of suicide and death, mentions of abuse)

really hitting hard rn considering the death of my uncle who hated his (admittedly terrible) father but ended up perpetuating the same exact bullshit onto his wife and kids. and then died bc he couldn't face that fact. like when faced w divorce and the idea of losing his control over his family he... fucked off and died. (still don't have details on how, unsure if it was on purpose but. signs point to...) [AND PREFACING WITH: i do NOT think all people who die by suicide are cowardly or bad people or anything like that. i am talking about a very specific and complicated situation in my own family. please do not interpret this as me saying that all people who die by suicide were bad people/dodging responsibility/could've "worked harder to improve their situation." i know deeply that that is NOT the case, i have been personally impacted by suicide in other ways. i am just discussing one person and the circumstances around his death.]

and of course im sad, we were close once, he is family. ofc im sad he felt dying was better than trying to sort out his life or trying to be a good coparent. but the way he treated his (very sweet, very patient) wife was deeply unacceptable to me. he isolated her, and didn't properly care for his high-support needs autistic kids, and pinned it all on her. he was terrible to my mother and forced all my grandma's end of life care on my mother. he hurt us a lot with his behavior.

and like. i don't think he necessarily deserved to die bc of it, right? he had his own issues, he cut himself off too and refused help from everyone, these problems run in the family and he knew that and still wouldn't accept help. and you can't MAKE anyone accept help. but i can't help but think that if he'd, maybe, been open to the people who loved him, he could've... restructured. he was so smart, so clever, so creative! he could've done anything he wanted to, he was so good at anything he tried.

and yet. in trying to avoid being like his father. he ended up doing all the same things. and i think that was too much for him to handle. and i hate that, i hate that so much.

he leaves behind two brilliant, brilliant children - they're SO CLEVER. but he couldn't accept their support needs and didn't treat them well. they don't even know he's dead yet, i don't think. but they love him, and he saw them as manipulative and trying to intentionally ruin his life. they're small children. they haven't even developed the capability to manipulate yet, they just want some chocolate milk, right? and yet he compared those kids to his father.

it just hurts. this wasn't necessary. my poor fucking mum is now an orphan with two dead siblings. how is she meant to deal with all this? how is she supposed to reconcile the grief of his needless death with the absolutely shit way he treated her and their mother?

luckily we love his widow very much and we will make sure she and the kids are okay. but i truly don't understand anything. it just sucks balls to watch someone ruin their own life and leave a giant fucked up mess behind. and then everyone's saying sorry and apologizing for my loss, like i didn't lose him years ago, like we were still close, like i'm not angry with the way he treated the people around him. we grew up like siblings. but that connection was basically severed when he started acting like a jackass. i don't know how to respond to people trying to comfort me. they all assume i'm really really sad, and i am, but i'm also pissed off, and i don't think anyone knows what to do with that.

because you're not supposed to be pissed at someone for dying, especially if it's probably suicide, you're meant to be tragically sad. you're not supposed to say they were wrong, you're supposed to apologize for being wrong and not seeing the signs earlier, you're supposed to be sorry. and you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, even if they were fucking complicated, you're meant to shove all those negative emotions aside to grieve the good of them.

and i do grieve the good of him! i grieve the family member he could've been if he had actually broken cycles! but i'm fucking angry. you don't get to treat everyone around you like shit and then kill yourself to get out of being remembered as an asshole. it doesn't work like that. you're still an asshole, now you're just dead and can't take responsibility for fucking up people's lives. i'm sorry he felt that was the best way out. AND good god, he was a grown man with every opportunity to improve himself. and he chose to stagnate and be fucking mean. dying in a shit way doesn't erase that.

and like, listen, i understand that people are complicated. i don't think everyone who dies by suicide is an asshole. MOST people who do were genuinely failed by the people and systems around them, they weren't bad people, they were in bad situations. they didn't have help or a way out. it's not inherently selfish or evil, it's fucking devastatingly sad.

and mental illness is complicated and hard. like. hm. i don't think it's his fault he was fucked up, it runs heavy in our family, he was traumatized too. but. he talked so much about growing past that and then just... didn't. he had support, he had a good therapist, he talked the talk. and didn't walk the walk AT ALL. he treated people like dirt. and i understand that certain illness our family is prone to, they make it extremely hard to get or accept help, okay? i get that. i really do. but you can't just fall back on mental illness and trauma as an excuse for financially/emotionally abusing your wife and neglecting-to-the-point-of-abusing your children. it wasn't okay when his dad did it and it's not okay that he did it. and what makes it worse is that he was so aware of how fucked up his childhood made him, and self-aware enough to superficially recognize his own faults, but not enough to change how he interacted with people. why must these cycles continue! why!

i'm so angry and so sad. i don't even know my cousins well because he was so ashamed of how poorly he treated them that he cut us off from them. he hated my mum and so held me at arm's length to avoid interacting with her in any capacity. they're sweet kids...

anyways. sorry. im just so so so so so so so so so tired of death in my family and abuse cycles. im so tired in general and these giant unnameable unfathomable emotions don't help. i feel like the suicide element makes it even harder to talk about, because i sound like an absolute cunt for saying any of this to people who don't know the situation. nothing about it is simple. nothing about it is easy. i don't know what to do anymore at all tbh!!!!!!

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chaotic-average-child · 8 months

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ngl i usually dont have problems with dash updates etc, i get used to it. but for the love of god the new one is just physically painful to use.

I already made a shitty edit of what i meant, but i wanted to improve now that im not fucking exhausted lmao

I am going to be critiquing the new UI, and comparing it to twt, and how poorly they pulled it off dont keep reading if u dont care/think im overreacting

and im not gonna sugar coat my opinion on it. please understand when u read.

Honestly its just bad, its a copy of twt, and I use twitter??? you'd think id have no trouble adjusting since ive used both since 2020. (tumblr first but ykno)

but it just feels totally wrong. the buttons are too small, compared to twitter's much larger ones, the change between the top bar with the post types vs the new +create button is just???

If it was about icons, you could make a form of hover to see what they do. but now it feels so much more painful to use. like i physically struggle to find shit on the new dash because tumblr decided to put shit in weird ass locations.

all the improvements supporters are talking about could have been done without messing with the whole site alignment.

(blogs censored cuz im digging into tumblr here like im not holding back and i dont want randoms being brought into smth)

This would have accomplished the exact same thing

(not perfect but i need to get my idea across.)

Id probably spread out the icons too, to get room for text. especially since theres room over there

AGAIN I DONT WANT IT TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THIS!! THIS IS JUST DEMONSTRATING WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

Or like this so that its even with the tumblr logo

Or hell, just make the upper ui look similar to the post ui where it extended the bar to add the text in.

like this.

(again i dont think this exact layout would be best but Im trying to show what i mean.)

Like I LIKED the explore update

I liked getting recommended blogs!

I even like radar n shit

But the new layout is objectively worse.

this was messing w muscle memory for no reason. and just making the whole site look bizzare

and its not even a GOOD twitter rip off.

Here is my biggest issues with the new ui

(not written but i have a problem with the fyp and shit being so high up, like it s at the same level as the logo)

Here's a direct overlay

The tiny icons is what really confuses me + the placement of the create button? like why????

the misaligned tumblr logo too. like really??? would that be copying too much??? they already had a pretty good ui??? just add the text to that????

Tumblr really wasnt that hard to use? most confusion could be fixed with text under.

anyways if tumblr REAALLLYY wanted to do this like desperately

everything on the right makes slightly more sense, given the fact tumblr has always had right side ui.

(please ignore the shitty parts, im just trying to get a point across not actually make a new ui lol)

Anyways,,, I may be overreacting but its really not the change that bothers me.

its how they changed it

also recent stuff i heard about tumblr recently is making me really not wanna be nice about this, at all.

Its just weird that in their path of adding the text they have removed other accessibility features they used to have.

and the fact that tagging a post with "epilepsy warning" puts it in the epilepsy tag is abysmal.

I kinda dont buy that this was for accessibility given tumblr's other actions.

Anyway i dont blame individual members of staff but cmon yall...

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royal-they · 4 months

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hi so i kinda happened to fall in love with your art.....and i wanted to ask a few things!!! (if its ok!)

uhmm first of all how long did it take you to get that art style and perfection it etc etc?

also do you have any tips for anatomy? not big complex full body anatomy, just like...idrk honestly, some tips related to anatomy or hands or just the body that helped/help you?

and uh yeah if you just have any general tips on whatever to improve my art/art style i'll take litterally anything 😭

again, i love your art, i love what you make! keep doing what you do, you're awesome!!!! sending love and support <3

ah!! tysm <333!! thats so cool to hear!!!!!!!!!/gen

ive been drawing forever honestly. i've always been really into it. im fifteen so thatd be like 12 years. and obviously i wasnt always studying it super seriously or anything. idk. my art isnt perfect by any means. i just dont really post the shitty pieces lmao. i struggle with sm stuff and will be continuing to study probably till the day i cant hold a pencil anymore lol. (i draw too much, my hand hurts ;w;) its a never ending process and honestly thats why i love it sm.

as for anatomy i think the main thing to keep in mind is that anatomy and just drawing people in general is really hard. i heard this in this old video about how pixar used to do 3d animation is that the reason they didnt do animations of humans for so long is because we ourselves have very specefic ideas of what a human looks like. i think this also applies to art. which is a really long way of saying, trust the process.

i use photos personally! you can find a lot on pinterest but there are a couple things id keep in mind when it comes to photos people edit their bodies sometimes so their proportions so be careful, it will defeat the purpose of the study if the bodies inaccurate.

idk here are some that might be good for starting off. dancers and people like that are super helpful. remember to not to focus too much on the lines but more copying down the shapes,

for hands i would just look at your own hands and try to capture them quickly. i say quickly mainly bc i shake a lot lmao, maybe youre different. or you could just be smart and take a picture of your hand but im very lazy and dont like getting up to grab my phone.

for art style id just save stuff that inspire you. could be animations, comics, album covers, cool photos, just stuff that gives you like vibes. literally ANYTHING.

like, omg this is making me think of a cool idea rn!! save it! even if you cant execute it now you can always execute it in the future when your skills are more developed :)

style studies are also helpful! try copying art you like, seeing different peoples techniques however some things to keep in mind with this are

you might accidently copy down an artists mistakes or bad habits without realizing it so try to have some variety in your artists

dont post the art. some people are okay with tracing but the vast majority of artists dont like it and it makes them uncomfortable. so id just like keep it in your sketchbook or whatever :) better safe than sorry.

anyway ah this is so longgggg! sry im so bad at being concise lol. theres probably a lot of youtube videos that could help you with this stuff if you want more explanation. the channel ive been watching a lot in since this summer is sketches of shay. she makes a variety of stuff but her art studies and resources are also very helpful :)

Sketches of Shay - YouTube

#asks #hope this was helpful!! im not an expert so i wouldnt take my advice as gospel but yeah there it is

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lovedazai · 7 months

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hello :)

i was wondering if you have any tips when it comes to writing dialogue, it makes me tug my hair out all the time.

and can you also drop tips on flow?. your works flow sooo nicely, like butter :D

thank you !!!

hi nonnie!! i hope i can give u something helpful cus tbh i rlly have no idea what im doing :( !!

dialogue sometimes makes me a little crazy too >:/ i think if u have a problem of thinking of things the characters would say, the best thing to do is go back to the og material & try to pick up on any patterns they have (for example i noticed fyodor always speaks politely) but ofc its ur writing so incorporate some of ur own interpretations in it too!! the more u practice the easier it’ll become i promise

AA THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY ive tried so hard to improve the flow of my writing!! a lot of the times i write longer fics its just me trying to connect disjointed scenes so ty ty <3 !! im rlly visual so i think if u have a general idea of what ur writing, try ur best to picture the scene in ur head from start to finish & if theres any details u havent included yet, write them down. does that make sense :o

my biggest writing tip is to put it aside if u find urself getting frustrated & come back to it in a couple days. everything ive hated is never as bad as i think after i give my brain a little break (•̀ᴗ•́)و rooting for u nonnie!! best of luck w ur writing <3 !!

#valentines #im sorry i was a little late replying to this :(

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daydadahlias · 1 year

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16, 17, 20, 40🗿, 44, 56 for the writer game :D

how are u today?

why thank u for asking <33 im very curious abt this little face emoji and cant wait to figure out the reasoning when I go look at question 40. also i'm great! I finished my sophomore year today!! summer and fanfic here i come <3

from this ask game <3

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

oh too many. always too many. literally cannot even count the amount of docs in my google drive. i'm trying to focus on MiM right now but there's this fucking weird mashton fic tentatively called Sweet Tea I want to write at some point that's about Ashton owning a rodeo. it's like... subversive sugar daddy.

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

talk to friends! If I'm really struggling with something I'll hop on over to someone (usually Ashley these days <3) and say "hey, do you have any ideas for this?" Or, sometimes, I just like to talk through things and I'll solve my own problems by just discussing them w/ someone!! Molly and Crystal especially are great sounding boards <3

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

yeah, to be honest I think if you've read all my stuff, you'll notice I'm a bit of a one trick pony. I reuse the same lines, the same style, over and over again. I say "just" a lot and "well" and "made to love" and stuff like that. My dirty talk is basically the same in every fic lol. I incorporate writing/theatre into a lot of fics as well! And I'm a whore for some violent imagery. Like the whole "it's so BLANK it hurts." Usually it's shit, like, "it feels like home so much it hurts." I love describing love as being painful <3

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

hehe ok now i know what the little rock guy is for. well, I'll just say that fanart is literally the nicest thing ever and I dont think I will ever have enough words to accurately express just how much I love receiving stuff for fics. getting art/moodboards/edits is just a whole other level and something I never really considered I would get when I first started writing fanfic. and I have a little folder on my computer where i save every moodboard / piece of art anyone's ever made me for a fic bc it's a really really beautiful thing I'll never take for granted. As for specific stuff... uHhh. I don't know!! I can say that I always love black and white style the most and, like, sketchy stuff. I don't know, my favorite thing is seeing what people choose to draw / make!! i wanna know what readers like; it doesnt really matter what I like. <3

44. What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?

most of my mistakes are html formatting. and, then, grammar stuff is usually just, like... I happen to look over it. i swear i know grammar you guys i do it for a living :sob: but sometimes it sneaks through the cracks. im also an overwriter by nature.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

oo my dialogue. I think I make people talk like people and that shit is hard to do. because my dialogue used to be <33 really really bad <33 so there's definite improvement. I think you can see it just between my earlier fics and now tbh. I've definitely improved as I've kept writing!!

#pigeon #io #thank u for asking so many i luv speaking #sorry i cant give u anything concrete for the fanart question #i just dont know!!#i like sketchy stuff and slice of life #like the one you did at the bean was literally my DREAM style of fanart #the stuff that could actually exist within the world of the fic #a long time ago Miki drew me luke's copy of The Normal Heart #like put some little doodles/notes on it #and tbh that was everything to me #yeah it's stuff like that <33

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stuckinapril · 1 year

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hi, i think i've sent you an ask about this before (or maybe it was someone else?) but im going to again lol, sorry for that! anyway, i've never had any luck at dating. as in, i've been ghosted 7 times after the first date and once after the second (and i was the ghoster twice, but that's not my point). i've been asked out by a stranger and vice versa, i've been set up by a friend, i've tried dating apps — nothing sticks. at this point i think there must be something wrong with me. i always try to look nice, be sweet, funny, interesting etc, so i have no idea what it is. maybe it's the essence of me. a while ago, i reinstalled tinder (as one does lmao) and i've been talking to this great girl who wants to meet up, but im so fucking scared i'll get ghosted again. i don't know how many more times i have in me. at this point i just think im unlovable. im 19 and i've never been kissed. idk what kind of answer im hoping for from you, maybe reassurance or advice or whatever you feel like. maybe just you hearing me out. happy 2023

i have no doubt in my mind that you’re fucking great. being out in these streets is just hard. the market is probably even harder for lesbian women honestly. one of my close friends is 24 & gay, and she still has the exact same issues w dating. just girls entertaining her & then flaking. she also has a lot of insecurities about being “behind the curve” & not having that much experience.

but being 19 & not being kissed says nothing about you at all. literally nothing. that’s a perfectly fine age to be kissed—and if you don’t get there w anyone at 19, you might at 20. the whole point is you’re really, ridiculously young. you will get your chance. the dating scene is just rough these days. a lot of it has become digitalized bc of dating apps, and as a result of that i think fewer & fewer people are willing to approach you in person. it lessens your chances exponentially.

if i had to guess at one thing you might want to improve, maybe it’s just this nagging energy of “i need this experience” “i’m so scared you’ll ghost me” “i wish this person just wouldn’t ghost me” it’s the kind of behavior that indicates you need someone in your life to complete you. which should literally never be the case. you shouldn’t let your desire for experience eclipse your self-worth, yk? there’s nothing wrong w wanting to experience more, but it can’t be at the cost of your confidence in yourself. you don’t need anyone. all you need is you. someone walking out is not a unidirectional loss—it goes both ways. they lose out on you as much as you lose out on them. keep reminding yourself that.

if you really think there’s some sort of tangible issue you can’t put your finger on, maybe ask a close friend. someone who has your best interest at heart & will give you an honest, raw answer without reassuring you w empty platitudes just not to hurt you. but i seriously don’t think you’re doing anything inherently wrong. dating is just getting tougher and tougher. i hope 2023 gives you all the experiences you want 🤍

#it might’ve been me i’m not sure 😭😭#i’m aiming to get through my ask box in the next couple days !#ask

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tearsasmascara · 1 year

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okay, so for the ask game: 6, 21 hehe see what i did there? <3

okay so im stupid i actually have no idea what you did pls enlighten me mari (can i call you that) (TT)

6. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

so, i'd def say the best part is meeting all the new people and receiving feedback. moreover, i love observing people and seeing how diff people interact and how their thoughts differ from mine is really amazing

the worst part is the consistent comparing yourself to everyone else, and the negativity you get exposed to. but i think its necessary to have a little of everything, and this isnt an exception bc you'll face the same things in person, and if you can't handle online negativity you're gonna have a hard time in person. but also like,, feeling unappreciated for your work also sucks

21. are you a spiritual person?

this is a hard question, so by the google def (relating to things associated w the soul) no. i'm more materialistic, and i believe facts i see in me. the way i live in life can change my soul and my spirit, and if i'm too focused on the inner, ill totally forget the outer, which really counts in the end to me. i do consistently try to improve myself though, if that counts.

ask game !

#[bulletin board]#pls enlighten me???#what did you do #[marin <3]

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o813in · 9 months

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2021 and 2022 were probably the hardest years of my life. perhaps it still is hard now in 2023. but perhaps ive just learnt to live with the hardships.

trying to navigate early adulthood is alr tough. then i was thrown w so many traumatic events which i had no idea how cope, handle or process. i thought i was okay. i thought i was fine. but when i think abt it again, perhaps i was just avoiding it. perhaps i just put a strong front bc everything else seemed to be crumbling down. and if i had not remained a wall, who would?

i couldnt blame them. it was traumatic for all of us. they all coped with it differently i guess. but i wish i had someone to talk to. at that point in time, i couldnt tell anything to the only person that could hear abt this. no, i couldnt do that to her or the child she was carrying. so i faced it myself. carrying my emotional baggage alone. i was helpless. there was nothing i could do to improve the situation and everyone did not make it better (and its not their fault). one had absolutely zero awareness to the chaos theyre causing. one just couldn’t be there. one completely avoided everything. another 2 had too much anger in them. and one had no one but me to pour their worries and concerns to.

so what did i do? i froze. no fight. no flight. just there. frozen. what more can i do? who else could i turn to? where else can i run? i was and still am stuck. how do i process such a long traumatic event? it wasnt just a day. it wasnt a month. if i think abt it, it still is continuing till today, 13 aug 2023. maybe im not ready to process it yet. maybe my heart is not strong enough to do it. maybe im making excuses to avoid facing it upfront. maybe im just weak. maybe. maybe. maybe. i rly want grow through this. i want to heal.

but its too heavy.

this baggage im carrying.

#o813

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zombiesun · 1 year

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hey sorry im the same person who asked both questions about my mother earlier i didnt realise they would be weird questions to ask the pendulum, ive just been having a rly intense time w my mother lately but i genuinely have a hard time understanding context clues so i had no idea that they werent good questions, i rly apologise!

listen, I know you weren't try to frustrate me. it's really hard for me when people send questions that aren't questions so much as they are variations of "I don't want to fix the problem. validate that there's a problem." which is how both of your questions were structured. my divination is focused on empowering people to make choices they actually want to make and both of your questions were structured around "I don't want to do any work. I need this to improve. I don't want to do this thing. A person in my life wants to do it." neither involved you taking action for yourself and because of that there really is no answer. it's like "will the train move in the same direction if I don't change the track?" probably?

I think that in your situation - you have a bad relationship with your mom, it doesn't feel great and it feels like it probably won't improve on it's own. and that sucks. but divination isn't going to tell you anything you don't already know. anything you want to be changed requires you to make effort to change it. now I don't know your situation, I don't know your mother, and I don't know you so I'm not going to tell you what effort or what change is required but your questions indicate that you feel hopeless and powerless and unwilling to be involved in the solution. and that's totally okay - I grew up with an abusive parent, I know what that's like intimately.

I encourage you to ask a question that actually has something to do with you and your actions. I am more than willing to answer those, but I won't answer questions that justify stagnancy/inaction because that has nothing to with the future. it's okay to be upset and to have a bad night. but you deserve an answer to something that actually involves you and your autonomy instead of something and someone you can't control.

#divination station #I had a feeling you'd come back #I know I must seem harsh but it depresses me immensely when I see people ask non-questions that just further their suffering #it's just not. good for the soul

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kiwisaurusrexx · 1 year

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learning recently how money works has vastly improved my life as an adult like. i had an idea growing up but i never had any concept of what prices for stuff were, what was and wasn’t reasonable. been looking at stuff recently and learning that like. yeah a $20 t shirt is p much par for the course, i’m not terribly fussed over stuff like that anymore.

when i first had my own money before i got a proper job i would try and spend as little as possible bc that’s what my mom did and i didn’t have much to spend in the first place. idk if it was intentional teaching how to budget or if my mom was just Like That.

if it was trying to teach me, i don’t think i really learned anything. i saw sm was more than i could afford at the mall w the 20 bucks my mom gave me and moved along. i thought shit was expensive when it’s rlly p average for what it was. my mom rlly only shopped (and still mostly does) at thrift stores where she can spend as little money as possible and while yeah i get that and i also enjoy thrift stores, it’s hard to find myself and who i want to be or present off of whatever ppl decided to donate recently.

ive been buying my own things recently and i love it. not bc heehoo new items but bc i get to figure out what i like and what represents me most i guess. i tend to like graphic tees but not ones that overdo it with image detailings, i dont like long sleeves unless i can push them up, cargo pants are gods sent, i prefer more muted colors. i gotten myself some cool pants i like, some demon slayer shorte, an atla shirt, a ddlc shirt, i literally bought a destiny shirt earlier tonight and im so excited. i bought a fucking waluigi christmas shirt!! im finally figuring out how i want to present myself both as an adult and as someone who’s transitioning.

i love growing up and learning things ab myself but in the more mundane way. it feels like the personality details ab a book character that you’d fall in love with. i’m finally feeling real recently and it’s so. reassuring, i guess, that i do actually exist and i havent just been masquerading around this concept of me or how i want to be perceived. i can actually recognize why ppl talk ab me the way they do and i feel like i deserve praise when i work hard rather than just feeling terrible but not knowing why when i dont get the support i needed.

idk tldr im just happy im finally rationalizing money and figuring out who i am and how i want to present myself. things really are getting better and growing up is. genuinely pretty cool.

#long post #i went on a bit of a rant here #nearly cried while typing this #heartfelt #personal #positivity

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