#idk where i'm going with it it's not finished but i'll ramble forever if i don't just stop

[pizzaqueen]

Literally everything still makes me think of them. I’ve been marathoning The X-Files and thinking about Eddie and Steve and Robin, of course, watching it every Friday night in their little apartment, squished together on the two-seater couch they bought or were given when they first moved in and that they can’t bear to part with even though it’s too small, eating takeout from a little place down the street straight from the containers, yelling about their theories about what’s going on and whether or not Mulder and Scully are into each other or going to do anything about it.

And sometimes Steve falls asleep after a long day at work and Robin will try to wake him so he doesn’t miss anything, but Eddie will tell her to leave him, he’s tired, and Robin can’t help but smile because it’s nice how much Eddie loves Steve.

And one night the couch just collapses and they mourn it (Eddie insists on holding a funeral) but Steve says they can get a bigger one, now, and it will leave room for Robin’s one-day girlfriend, whoever she may be.

And they eventually move apartments and Robin gets a girlfriend (the couch is just big enough for the four of them) but they still watch it every week (if they do miss it, they tape it and make Saturday or Sunday or another day their Friday night that week) and they grumble a little when The X-Files moves nights but, even though it's a different day, it's the same routine. And, when the show finishes, they still get together at the same time. Plenty of things in their lives change, but not this

#steddie #platonic stobin #steddie headcanon #Eddie munson #Steve harrington #robin buckley #this was meant to be like a sentence at most lmao #idk where i'm going with it it's not finished but i'll ramble forever if i don't just stop #when will everything stop making me think of them? #and when will I learn to be succinct? lol #also I feel like this might clash with Steve’s love of sportsball but idk? some of them happen on Friday nights right??? #pizzaqueentxt

[youredreamingofroo]

Long winded rant of me talking about NSB, doing a new series, storytelling and whatever else I talked about under the cut, feel free to read it's just me rambling, I don't really care if ppl read it or not it's VERY long 😭

I've been painfully itching to start a new series, I know I'm doing NSB rn, and I do plan to at least finish the normal NSB legacy (up to Gen 9), although I might finish or take a break at around Gen 5 or 6, just because I don't wanna lose motivation and also because it takes A LOT to make some of these posts (for example, the last NSB post... took a lot out of me), and I'm only on Gen 2, almost Gen 3 rn, and I was originally planning to do all 30 or 40 Gens in the updated ver of NSB, which def doesn't seem like it'll be happening right now, because at the current rate at which I post, and how fast things in my game move, Sims 6 will be out before I even finish Gen 30 😭😭

Anyways, I don't know what the series would be about, if I were to do a new series, it would definitely be a lot more story based, if not completely story based, I don't know if I'd do/include gameplay, but I really wanna dive into more storytelling and setting up scenes, I'm not a film or theatre kid by any means, and I really don't know much about writing and setting up scenes and stuff, to be honest, i don't even know how I storytell, I guess it's just regurgitated content molded to shape the statue of my story if that makes sense lmao, I guess it's also the art of using so many fucking metaphors and similes that doing something like comparing love to drowning in a cold ocean comes sorta easy to me? I'm not grammatically inclined and don't know a lot about punctuation, my teachers all kinda gave up on me in English class, so all of my writing is basically self taught, which I guess is the case for a lot of things I do- I feel like starting a new series would help me learn how to write better, even though it seems like a lot of ppl love my writing, I still feel like I could improve so much and do so much better. I already have a couple ideas in mind for a new series, I don't think I'll say much rn just in case I decide to make them a series, but as for right now, I've got plans for Gen 3 NSB (aka Calico), and if I were to start a new series, I would not stop playing NSB, but due to how I function and shit, I would have to put NSB on hiatus, I kind of have a hard time doing two stories at once, hence why Sharkie's story got put on hiatus, because it was too stressful for me to double up, especially with how often I post (at least 3 or 4 times a week), I would like to go back and play Sharkies story and share her story up to this point where I last played her, her story is a lot more gameplay centered (for example, I am more inclined to make a blender scene for NSB, then Sharkie, for Sharkie, I'd do stuff like go to the bar and see how it plays out and take screenshots and just edit those) which I like more, but that's not to say I don't enjoy NSB, because I equally LOVE storytelling as I do gameplay.

While writing this, I did think of something I could do, which would be posting NSB every other week (so one week I do Sharkie or some other series and then the next week I do NSB, then a diff series, so on so forth), the only problem is that usually when I get an idea, and I finish that idea, I like to post it asap, I'm not good at scheduling posts lmao, but it might be worth it if people want to see another series (that is if anyone is still reading up to this point lol), I'd like to channel my storytelling into a more story based save/story, but idk! I'm just kinda doing my thing rn and I'm at a point where i wanna do something different. I especially wanna start doing more in blender, it just takes fucking forever to do some of the stuff I wanna do, and some of it means learning new stuff which is thrice as hard and takes thrice as long compared to normal posing and stuff 😭

#yapping #this was intended to be only a paragraph long and turned into an essay id have to turn in for my wars class ☠️

[uhohbestie]

hey besties i have fanfic-themed but not directly plot-related questions! well, mostly

question 1) do yall have any favorite zombie media? was there anything in particular that yall are drawing on for your fic?

personally i've been scared of zombie movies all my life lol but because of tamn i've finally been trying to finish the world war z audiobook? (the last time i tried getting thru it was pre covid which has been. a weird experience) it's fully voice acted and i like it so far! super different from the 2013 movie with brad pitt

question 2) :3 do you guys think you'd be up to talk about the no-apocalypse au where scarian get to have a normal breakup someday? :3 it doesn't have to be now or anytime soon but i'd be into hearing about it!

anyways hope yall are having a good day lock and key ^_^

These are some really REALLY good questions!!!

for starters! for me (Lock) I actually didn't start watching zombie media until Key introduced me to it! We watched the Korean series All Of Us Are Dead together, and then followed it with Last Of Us (the tv adaptation) and the first seasons of The Walking Dead, so I've have a very curated window into zombie media (actually! We watched Walking Dead as research for TAMN, because Key wanted to make sure I understood what hordes of zombies in cities look like!)

As for Key's zombie exposure (lol): I (Key) WAS BIG INTO ZOMBIES GROWING UP!! Constant zombie media consumption--probably one of my earliest hyperfixations ngl I feel like what we're drawing on while we write TAMN is an amalgamation of all our favourite bits from the things we've seen together, as well as some of my favourite formative zombie medias while growing up.

The Walking Dead Season 1 remains like, one of my all-time favourite seasons of any television show ever, so that's definitely a big influence. (Some of the later seasons get a lot less of my love LOL) The Korean movie Train to Busan is also a popular one you may have heard of--I'd definitely recommend giving that a go if you're okay with zombie media that veer on the side of tragic. When The Last of Us (Part One) came out, it quickly became my favourite zombie-oriented video game, though a lot of its predecessors (Resident Evil series esp.) really gripped me (even though it took me ages to play-through cuz they would scare the shit out of me LMAO) Its TV show is also an excellent adaptation, so if you're not into playing it or watching a Let's Play, the show is a good bet! The UK series In the Flesh was also an interesting look into After™ the apocalypse, and though it was cancelled after it's second season, it's also worth a watch for a fresh perspective on zombie media. 28 Days Later was an excellent movie and ofc Dawn of the Dead is a classic. And then the usual comedies like Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, etc.

I saw World War Z as a movie but never read the book! I should def give it a try--idk why I never did! God, honestly I could ramble about zombie media forever if given the chance 😂 None of this even begins to cover the sheer amount of zombie comics I read. I was very much a "webcomic" era kid, so a lot of my favourite old original zombie comics are either offline now or I simply don't remember what they were called anymore, so I have no way to track them down :( I did recently enjoy the webtoon Boyfriend of the Dead as a light-hearted, humourous read, but there were a lot of gripping, nuanced, plot-heavy original comics like a decade ago that I loved and I wish I could link. ANYWAYS. I'LL STOP MYSELF HERE AND LET LOCK ANSWER QUESTION NUMBER 2 LMAO

HI IT'S LOCK. I'M BACK. Now, as for a non-apocalypse Scarian scenario, we've actually thought about this a LOT! One of our favourite things to do is make an AU, and then multiple "what if one key things was different" spinoffs of the same AU.

We're gonna put this under a read-more, in case you'd like to keep the "what if" a mystery forever, but to sum up:

In an alternate reality where Scar and Grian break up and then the zombie apocalypse doesn't happen........ they stay broken up! Scar gets what he longs for in the fic: time away from Grian to hurt and grieve and heal with the support of his close friends who care about him.

It takes him a while until he feels ready to date again, but Scar does eventually start a new relationship with someone he knows really well, and has loved and trusted for a long time. They get engaged and start planning their wedding..............

............. and then Grian comes back and says he's sorry, that he misses Scar, that he was wrong, and that he doesn't want to be without him. And Scar................... takes him back.

It's-- listen, it's not the best possible outcome! But we're basing heavily on the Life Series Scarian dynamic, which is itself incredibly nuanced and complicated and tragic and a little bit "you're both bad for each other." It's part soulmates, and it's part codependence, and it's partly killing the person you love with your bare hands alone in the desert, and how that guilt ends up haunting you into every other subsequent timeline. Grian's not the best person for Scar as he is, and Scar's not the best person for Grian, but they want to be with each other, and unfortunately that desire often overrides common sense.

As for what happens after that.... we don't know yet! It was a thought experiment we worked through and ultimately realised "oh, it's WAY better for them that the zombies DID happen in the long run, 'cause without them this would be awful." (Not that the zombies are great, but woof......... Scarian, c'mon.) In this version of events, they lose a lot of friends when Scar takes Grian back, and the isolation suits Scar poorly. It takes them a much longer time to work through how to be good for one another. If the zombie apocalypse was good for anything, it was forcing a reckoning of what they wanted and how to get it--the only other option was death. Without that hanging over their heads, it takes Scarian years to reach any sort of resolution, which (no spoilers but) takes TAMN!Scarian a much shorter amount of time to get to.

Hope that answers your question! The 'what ifs' are our favourite, so we love to ramble about them hahaha <3

#asks #anonymous #tamn #also love that you referred to us as bestie HAHA #I know it's in our username but it's so cute to hear used and directed at us #HOPE YOURE HAVING A GREAT DAY TOO!

[verothexeno]

I have some more thoughts after finishing Baldur's Gate 3 a second time. I must indulge - warning for potential spoilers under cut because idk how the post will go.

Halsin's romance, oh my dear LORD.

Never thought I'd giggle so much like a highschooler having a crush. What also made this playthrough really special was that Halsin's character is a lot like my partner's current D&D character: A wood elf (although a Fighter, not a Druid) that has people's well-being at heart and actually carves wooden ducks as well (when I say that I laughed so freakin' loud when Halsin mentionned that in-game, Mat and I couldn't breathe). Bear in mind, we've had our Descent into Avernus game running for 3 years now!! And so to have Kara, also my current D&D character, romance him sort of solidified the actual dynamic we have in our real-life sessions.

And the tenderness, the open expressions of love, the wanting to see a greater good in this world - that is also something that reflects the relationship I have with Mat. So that made me appreciate that romance even more.

And to say that I first wanted to romance Gale, but then got locked out of his romance because of a weird bug.... Then again, now I have no regrets - Kara belongs with him - and I will definitely revisit Halsin's romance when time allows. He's easily become a character I love, especially due to his warmth and sincerity. .... Man, I love all the characters in this fuckin' game, I swear... (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

-CRIES FOREVER-

My next romances to finish are Karlach, Astarion, and Wyll (I'm especially looking forward to Wyll's !! He's among my top favorite characters now!). Shadowheart and Halsin are completed, dunno when I'll get to (retry) Gale and also do Lae'zel. It's a lot of time to invest :')

Also I was surprised about the Emperor... I see how manipulative he can be on many instances, but I think there are genuine moments where you see how he truly wants to be free and be his own "person" again - even if in the end it's to look out for his own gains. I enjoyed his character. For most of my playthroughs now I've been rejecting a lot of the Illithid's "potentials", but I may try to go down that path deeper at some point. Who knows... Also yeah, Kara did fuck with him also, woopsie HEHEEHEHE. She's had ... quite the interesting body count in that playthrough LOL.

ANYWAY, gotta stop rambling for now. I'm just really grateful that such a game exists. It's been so long since I had such experiences...

#I JUST HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS M'KAY #I could go off about every characters in this game omfg #I love them all

[blizzardream]

Re: Machines Don't Bleed trilogy brainrot

It's not even been a week since I finished this fic series and I'm still thinking about it. God the characters are written so well that my mind is REELING

I'm gonna let my 2:30 am brain do the work here so hopefully I cover everything I wanted to last time but clearly didn't get a chance to.

(I'm going to ramble, no spoilers about the fics though so you should be fine if you choose to keep reading under the cut)

This fic was written in like 2012?? Which is before The Naked and the Dead was released, so there are a lot of discrepancies from canon. But for a fic written in the 2010s (Machines Don't Bleed was completed in 2017) it really holds up well. I'm not a fan of some of the language they use in certain cases, but I think it might be for the sake of adhering to the time period the fics take place in.

It starts with Eight Mercenaries and a Toddler, in which the respawn system kinda glitches and Scout is turned into a toddler. It starts fluffy and then becomes more and more serious as it goes on, delving into Spy's (really dark) backstory and the consequences of trying to hide the Scout incident from the Administrator.

Second part is where the series starts to become very Sniper + Spy (idk if they're a ship honestly. it's written as platonic but you could totally interpret it as romantic) centric. The basic gist of it is that the Administrator let the mercs (and Pauling) have a holiday break and Spy has nowhere to go, so Sniper invites him over to spend the holidays with his (Sniper's) family. Again, starts off lighthearted and gets more and more serious the further you read.

Third part - my personal favorite, simply because of the way everything comes together - is where Gray Mann takes over Mann Co. and tries to take over the world (this takes place roughly Cold War-era) while trying to steal all the Australium so he can live forever. It's basically MvM/The Naked and the Dead but with a (really fucking good) twist. And a lot of Sniper + Spy bromance content. It is still very Sniper + Spy centric, but the other mercs and some OCs get their time to shine as well. If I talk any more about this last fic I'm going to spoil the whole thing and also continue to go livid over the series -

As someone who does not ship Sniper x Spy before and after reading this fic series, it made me warm up a lot more to the idea. Like hell yeah, they're gay for each other and also best pals at the same time. Their relationship goes behind labels.

I mentioned OCs before and yeah. The OCs are written very well and they slide right in to the plot smoothly! Blake Porter is probably my favorite of the OCs introduced in the story.

Oh wow I'm getting sleepy maybe I'll talk more about it another day

#hoo boy I'm gonna be waking up livid because of this. #I'm heading to sleep lmao I have an assignment due tomorrow #just know that I am Not Normal about this fic #tf2 #team fortress 2 #machines don't bleed #bliz talks too much #bliz talks fanfics #text post

[jjongosaurus]

I was tired last night when I saw the ask game so I'm doing it now XDD but 12, 14,16 and 21?

Hello there ✨✨ this is wonderful thank you 😊❤️

12-. What's your favorite K-Pop ballad or slow song?

DBSK Tonight, SHINee's Quasimodo and BTS butterfly are my top 3

Honorable mention to SNSD star, star star and red velvet kingdom come and exo's what is love.

I like several more but this were the first that popped up on my mind

14-. What's your favorite K-Pop variety show, and why?

I don't really watch variety shows but if I have to name something I'll name shinee's hello baby, the vacation show they had and BTS' BTS run I could add bon voyage too

I like those shows because they're funny and entertaining, also I like to see ppl traveling lol

Funny thing about shinee's hello baby and BTS run are the shows that made me stan them even more

16-. What's your favorite K-Pop fandom name, and why?

I'm a sucker for fandoms names honestly, but I love more the ones that are somehow related to the group name or have an abbreviation that somehow matches with the group name or the meaning is almost linked to their name like SHINee world for SHINee (in my mind we're still a planet and not a country in kwangya) or onces for twice, army bc BTS are the bulletproof boys (i know is adorable representative MC of youth but they really thought how the abbreviation would work) idk

Omg nctzen for NCT that was like yeah they made citizen sound cool

Also Stays for Stray kids 👏 blackjacks for 2ne1 I could go forever but I'll finish this rambling with A-plus for MBLAQ and hottest for 2pm...l that one was really good too like yeah A plus quality for the absolute quality boys and hottest for the hottest time if the day 2pm

21-. If you could attend any K-Pop concert, which artist or group would you choose, and why?

I want to go to a SHINee world so bad, I can't believe I missed my chance years ago bc I was on my finals in college 😔

Also I would love to go to a sm town a BTS show or one of those fests where several groups go like music bank

#replies #ask game #eternaletain #long post #thanks for asking 🥰 #as you can see i can't just pick one thing lol

[gingerteaonthetardis]

would you share a little more about your new moon rewrites

heya, nonny, sorry i didn't see this yesterday. i'm always happy to ramble about my projects, though, even if most of them exist in my mind exclusively.

new moon but bella is hallucinating a completely unhelpful, dorito-crunching paul instead of edward.

i mean, if you take this crack and treat it seriously, there are a lot of cool directions you could go? if she starts hallucinating him before they even meet, how is that possible? imagine her freezing like a rabbit when she actually sees this random, irritating ghost guy for real in front of her for the first time... so fun. could be wolfy magic? or they could start as a guilt response about the slap! or their meeting could go a completely different way and she just hallucinates him because he's that bitch, living rent free in her mind forever.

i'm absolutely never gonna be able to write this concept out for real, so anyone is free to take this idea off of my hands!!

actually, i'm putting the rest below the cut, for everyone's sanity, lol.

new moon but edward died fighting victoria and james at the end of twilight and she has to go on without him.

what if the cullens actually had to be a support system for a grieving bella, rather than bouncing and leaving her to her own shit? idk, i don't care much about the cullens generally, but the idea of having two found families to rely on... of the wolves and cullens making some sort of peace without edward's bullshit antagonism and jacob's need to compete... it appealed to me.

this one only has a few hundred words in the doc and will probably never go anywhere, but i'll share some of them anyway, for funsies:

I took a deep breath, let it out. Warm breath mixing with steam, blending muddily in the air. However much I wanted to blame myself for the danger everyone was in, I couldn’t. It all led back to James. To the sort of malevolence that made hunting me an obsession.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off in a daze, hands moving mechanically, mind somewhere else. Somewhere in the forest, where I could only hope the people I loved weren’t being ripped to shreds—

There was a crash.

“Oh my god.”

Even through the door, Alice’s muffled voice rang with unmistakable horror. There was a pained kind of beauty in it, the kind that made my blood freeze in my veins. And it made me heedless, sending me careening through the bathroom door wrapped in my fluffy, white hotel towel. My pulse pounded so loud in my ears, I was surprised I could even hear her next words:

“He’s… he’s gone.”

new moon but bella's a witch.

probably my favorite concept, and the only one i might actually finish. it was inspired by this line in new moon:

Jacob, the only human I’d ever been able to relate to....

And he wasn’t even human.

I fought the urge to scream again.

What did this say about me?

there's something very appealing to me about making bella slightly supernatural. that sense she has of not quite belonging in the human world isn't because she was born to be a vampire (dumb! stupid!!!! nobody is born to die!!!!), but because she's been living with this power turned off, essentially. living with only half of her potential. so, this is bella finally getting some fucking autonomy in her life, featuring non-toxic imprinting, good guy jacob black, a new backstory for emily (who is pretty justifiably loathed by the fandom, but deserves some development), bella and leah friendship hours, werewolves at appropriate ages, witches teaming up, absolutely no fucking cullens, and just generally everything i like in a fic.

i've currently got about 50k words in the doc and a loooong way to go before this fic sees the light of day, so here's a little sample:

I had this strange feeling, as Emily ushered me back the way I’d come—down the porch steps and around the house—that when I’d set foot outside of the Blacks’ today, I’d entered an entirely different world than the one that belonged to me. It was a world where, apparently, someone could refer to me as a witch and get a completely straight-faced response from the majority of the observers.

“Wicked,” Embry said, an impish smile spreading over his lips, at almost the same time that Paul cried, “I fucking knew it!” Their voices followed me as I was towed across the yard.

It seemed that I was the only one responding appropriately. “I can’t be a witch,” I said matter-of-factly. “I’m pretty sure I’d know.”

Funnily, my first line of argument wasn’t, “witches don’t exist.”

finally, my most self-indulgent concept yet...

new moon but paul imprints on bella and they are both soooooo mad about it.

the girls are fighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Paul," Sam said, "I don't—"

I spoke over him, rising up on my toes. "Oh, you want to talk about loyalty? Why do you think I'm here—to go nine rounds with an overgrown Alpha male who thinks he can scare me?" His growl rattled through my chest, electrifying my whole body. "I'm here for Jacob. I would never abandon him, not even if the Cullens came back."

I was momentarily shocked at my ability to say their name aloud. I was even more surprised to feel the truth of my own words, bone deep and unshakeable. But my mouth was already moving, always ahead of my mind: "I would certainly never try to separate him from the people who care about him—"

"What do you think you're doing right now?" he challenged, head lowering closer to mine. I could see the golden speckles of something inhuman, something too-bright, in his irises. We were that close. All around me, the air smelled like crushed pine needles and scorched earth, confusing my senses.

"Paul, Bella—"

"We came here to help him," he went on, "but you're too clueless and self-obsessed to imagine him needing more than just you and your manipulative bullshit.”

enemies to lovers 50k START

i am obsessed with this and obsessed with them, thank you and goodnight

#NONNY THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE #twilight posting #abbey.txt

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: . . . – – – . . . Carly: ? Carly: nodded on your phone Ali: OG 🍑📞 Ali: nah save me Carly: it's pretty lemme just grab a 💄 really quick Carly: what's up baby? Ali: you are and I need distracting Ali: got band practice and I really have to Ali: missed the last two so she's dead moody Carly: go solo ill play a tambourine for you Carly: until you get famous anyway Ali: we'll get you those noise cancelling headphones they give to rockstars kids Ali: then you just gotta close your eyes n shine Carly: aw Carly: you're a 🍑 Carly: but before then I know how to sweeten up rockstars Carly: lots of jd is 🔑 yea so ill swipe ronans & its a party Ali: know that'll go down a treat Ali: almost as good as the ego stroke of calling them rockstars Carly: y you asked me its a not so hidden talent of mine Carly: strokes where needed Ali: 🎨 Ali: alright monet Ali: I'll try not to make it completely boring Carly: i have to take 5 to finish up here or he'll be dead moody Carly: so he's all you have to be more fun than Carly: & whats more boring than a horny lad when ur not feeling it Ali: easy Ali: I remember being that bored Ali: less memory more reliving but shh Ali: all fun and games yeah ✌ Carly: yea Carly: he gets it over quick tho some go & go without getting u anywhere Carly: ha Carly: ive got a home to go to sometimes boy Ali: he's very considerate like that Carly: i wont share it w him too big of a word for rn Carly: wheres this practice @ Ali: 'course not Ali: all he needs to hear is biggest and best Ali: memory serves Ali: in one of the other's garage Ali: so punk rock Ali: I'll come meet you Carly: long as he can call me a slut & I make the right noises it dont matter what I say Carly: thats every lad on here Carly: k well he's done so direct me Carly: u dont wanna meet me outside here Ali: if that's your jam, go off Ali: you mean you don't trust me not to 👊 your mans 😏 Ali: I started walking, call me a pessimist, Ronan 🤷 Carly: yea u kno for a good time call any of these caravans Carly: the old lady w the gnomes is a dark horse like Carly: i don't want u to see me looking this way ty ronan 💘 Carly: so rough about everything Carly: him & u ha Ali: she's living my dream, I remember her Ali: the pink trailer, like Ali: shoulda been going to see her if not you Ali: 🤡 Ali: you alright? Ali: you need a sec or Ali: idk, anything else Carly: her cats are living my dream Carly: lying in the sun all day, getting fat Carly: being loved whenever they ask Carly: i need a drink but im taking all of his its k Ali: duh Ali: only had it slightly better in ancient Egypt, like Ali: forever goals Ali: we'll drink it on the way Ali: need to see where to put their fingers Ali: not code for gay shit but like Ali: also Carly: theres lots they can have some as promised Carly: he owed me for all the 💊 Ali: you're sweet Carly: we can get your gf ☕ to dump it in thats the adult thing to do Carly: trying to make her happy not more mad Ali: she's 17 Ali: she just fronts a good game Ali: suppose one of us should Ali: #badgirlfriend Carly: ur the best wife tho Carly: ive missed u Ali: 😚 Ali: comments like that are why I've deffo missed you more Carly: aw Carly: comments like urs r why ill make today really fun for u Ali: 💚 Ali: we can make anything a party yeah Carly: yea Carly: but u gotta help me carry these drinks to cos i think my wrist was broken from all the coaxing that boy needs when hes been on it Ali: ugh, the struggle is so real Ali: though if you use that as an ice breaker they're all gonna look at you blankly Ali: fucking lesbian priviledge amirite Carly: i bet at least one of them's hurt their wrist trying to get a girl off Carly: half who go to our school r so uptight you need to check for sticks Carly: catholic guilt be like Ali: 😂 real Ali: but you gotta be on my side Ali: already outnumbered Ali: team bi for the day okay Carly: so i can talk about masturbating with my grandma's jesus cross or i cant Ali: you can Ali: that's a story whoevers company Ali: 'cept grandma, obvs Carly: punk rock enough? Carly: if theyre all as scary as ur lesbian im shotgunning more beers Carly: bag of recycling before we even get to the garage Ali: when she cares about the 🌍 Ali: 😍 Ali: they ain't, if we're being real Carly: dont want the earth to die Carly: its so pretty Carly: & fun Carly: k i wont have every can Carly: before we get there Ali: 👼🌟🌈🍓🐰👸 Ali: you Ali: and I'm literally just 'round the corner hold on Ali: not dragging my feet 'cos of you babe Carly: ur too sweet Carly: are you the singer & the guitarist or do they make you just do one cos youre too big of a 🌟 Ali: got it in one babe, I'm relegated to guitar #2 most the time Ali: at least you can own the stage more when you ain't so Carly: ill tell them you need to be 1st guitar & lead singer you're too talented for it to go to waste Carly: its sad Carly: but its cute that youre in a band together Ali: you wanna be backup baby? Carly: yea but i cant 😢😢 Ali: you can when it's just us though Ali: you're too pure for rock n roll anyway Ali: their brand of Carly: how you said that makes me think i need to drink more Ali: it's a good thing about you Ali: just saying though, my voice will be fucked by the end of this Carly: ill get you some 🍯 baby Carly: you can be 👼 again in no time Carly: church ready Ali: only if you coming with Ali: 😈 Carly: only if we do some more sinning first Carly: make it worth the walk Ali: naturally Ali: how we do Carly: k Carly: are all the band dating each other or just you two Ali: 😏 more and more apparent how straight you ain't tbh Ali: currently off again, I think Ali: they've all dated each other though, every which way you can combo it Carly: i have met a lesbian before ur rescued me @ that party Carly: been hit on by lots Carly: i kno they like to date in circles & all kinds of other shapes Ali: I bet Carly: aw don't be jealous Carly: i didnt like it Carly: ur my fave Ali: I'm not Ali: am glad I ain't giving off those predatory vibes though Ali: good to know, like Carly: you give off the best vibes Ali: 👼 energy, baby Carly: 🌟💙 Ali: let's hit 'em with it Carly: yea Ali: after she can drive us to a decent shindig 🤞 Carly: me & a car full of gays Carly: ronan will be in a mood ha Ali: always a bonus Ali: also always in a mood Ali: they really would get on if she could get over the whole man hate vibe Carly: ill bring him to the next rehearsal Carly: he thinks hes got what it takes Ali: 😏 Ali: I'll put my money on Mar Ali: poor boy Carly: steals my 🎸 every time he comes over Carly: i cant be impressed that you can play 2 chords baby boy I'm sorry Ali: 😩💦 Ali: even as relegated #2 I can do more than that Ali: promise Carly: me too & im only groupie #1 Carly: he still tries to teach me tho Carly: so boring Ali: 🙄 Ali: what a dickhead Ali: he just wants to be behind you to 'position' your hands, boys love that shit don't they Ali: I know how to play pool too so get off Carly: we should play my da taught me Carly: make some money & have some fun Ali: I'm down Carly: k Carly: cos i need to buy more 💊s he really did eat them all Carly: 😢😢 Ali: Babe Ali: I know a reliable lad Ali: invite him Ali: make it a party Carly: yea me & him been up since i saw you last how long ago was that? forever it feels Carly: be more fun away from site Ali: damn Ali: how the other half live Ali: I feel like I haven't had any fun since I last saw you Ali: get enough to take the edge of your comedown if nothing else or that'll be rough Carly: i wanted to invite u my baby but u kno how he gets Carly: hates that weve met Carly: ill make you feel good now promise Carly: hes had too much of my time Ali: worried that Imma tell you horror stories like you don't know him? Ali: backatcha 💚 Ali: swear Carly: yea he thinks my head's empty Carly: just a body like Carly: not that weve done school for years together or anything Carly: i kno i dont always go but boy come on Ali: you're miles ahead of him Ali: he only acts like he reckons that 'cos he don't want you coming to your senses and binning him off proper, like Carly: ur lil bro writes & reads better Carly: but hes a smart lil cutie Carly: what am i gonna do move the caravan in the middle of the night? no wheels is there Carly: stuck as fwb til he gets married his wife finds out & comes for me Ali: yeah he likes you too Ali: always chatting on when you coming 'round again so you know Ali: better hang some more, for his sake Ali: I know you got locks Carly: aw i love him Carly: always wanted a lil bro but my rents dont fuck no more so that ain't happening Carly: unless my dad knocks up someone younger Carly: u kno id lock myself out & end up round there Carly: ha Ali: lil blue pills don't fail us now Ali: ick Ali: should go to casa flamenco Ali: don't think she'd steal your stash Ali: oldies always have their own, the real good shit too Carly: that what ur calling it Carly: ill steal hers Ali: exactly Ali: 😍 #babe Ali: ronan who Carly: i do go older but not sure i could handle peeling back the wrinkles Ali: weak 😉 Carly: you seduce her for me, thats love Carly: & you wanna be under her anyway Ali: 'scuse you Ali: I'm happily married Carly: me too Carly: pimping me out to the older generation wasnt in the vows were it Ali: could've been Ali: you know how creative I am Carly: yea i do love that about you Ali: I 👀 you Ali: [runs up and takes some of the shit] Carly: [unnecessarily long hug moment because always] Ali: ['it does feel like forever'] Carly: [just rambling on about how much she's missed her & like all the compliments for how she looks/what she's wearing etc cos again always] Ali: [lbr she'd go all out for rehersals even so it would be a look, Ali lowkey fixing Carly up whilst checking 'cos was concerned but not gonna make it a Thing tm] Carly: [save her Ali she looks like shit rn & your gf don't need to be seeing her like that] Ali: [finishing by kissing her nose 'cos that is a thing] Carly: [😳 but really happy obvs & another hug cos they really have missed each other so] Ali: [walking and talking baby] Carly: [& letting Ali catch up with all the drinks Carly's had] Ali: [giving her the lowdown on the other bitches who are clearly not as scary as kstew] Carly: [you'd think she's not listening because 1. state of her & 2. how distracting Ali is in her lewk but she is] Ali: [is like soz it's boring but I'll make it fun] Carly: [she's like its not you're just pretty & also I'm saving you & making it fun] Ali: ['not about to beg but please do'] Carly: ['knew I should've locked that down in the vows' cos being flirty with it] Ali: ['too late now babe, 'less you make me wanna renew'] Carly: [is just like yeah okay will do, soz kstew but we know its true so] Ali: [turning up to your function, imagine kstews face oop] Carly: [Carly handing the booze out cos she's a babe while kstew talks shit on her by pulling Ali aside like we said] Carly: u want me to go? Ali: [Ali tryna explain but also being kinda over this mood like why can't she be here, u lowkey know why but you know] Ali: no Ali: don't Ali: I'll sort it Carly: k Carly: [Carly just drinking a little bit too hard cos the vibe is wrong & her anxiety don't need this thank you ladies] Ali: [just walking away and being like okay come on let's start 'cos can't argue if you're playing] Carly: [pissing about on some spare instruments while they're setting up cos awks] Ali: I've text the lad Ali: reckons 10 minutes 👍 Carly: 💙🌟 Carly: ty Ali: [ooh crimson and clover 'cos joan did it and it'd be a sexy moment so blatantly directed at carly] Carly: [Carly literally 😍 harder than her gf is, oops] Carly: [& so many compliments as soon as the song is over before kstew can get a word in, god bless] Ali: [gently/not being a patronizing dick with it showing her dance moves and stuff like getting her involved without being like you have to perform now lol] Carly: [k stew fuming like now the WARM UP is done we should play OUR songs we all know the type like excuse you everyone is having fun especially my sweet baby angel] Ali: [being like oh but I just learnt this song it's got a good bass bit we should do that, overruled lol] Carly: [has to go with it cos no argument she can make that won't sound petty as hell and not trying to look like that bitch in front of the squad] Ali: [doing electric feel for the gay sexiness] Carly: [Carly even more into it cos a song she knows cos lets say she don't know the glory of our cat song just because so its such a moment okay bye] Carly: [Marlene calling a 🚬 break immediately after cos fuming & that can also be when Drew comes] Ali: [as if you weren't fuming enough there's how a man here 😍 at your woman, also giving them droogs] Carly: [meanwhile Carly ain't noticed cos sharing a 🚬 with the prettiest & least intimidating lesbian perched on her lap like so cosy....way to kill Ali babe we know she's special but let her know please] Carly: [hops off to get her drugs but still a moment] Ali: [these other girls just stirring the pot rn lmao] Carly: [that girl being like you should come out with us & Carly's like yeah cos she's pure] Ali: you know this one's flirting with you too, yeah? Ali: 😏 Carly: ha Carly: shes nice Ali: yeah Ali: pretty cute Carly: u kno the dealer wants to fuck you tho yea Carly: hes pretty Ali: obvs Ali: his hairs a bit naff but yeah Carly: ur gf is gonna drag him out by it Carly: let me slip him my number first ty Ali: lol 🙄 Ali: better you have his, no Ali: 💊 Ali: idk why she's the fun police today Carly: k good idea Carly: [goes to get his deets] Carly: she's so mad Carly: u gotta love me more when shes not around Ali: i ain't done nothing Carly: shes jealous of me like i am of her Carly: two girls one 💙 Carly: [lowkey flirting with Drew before he gets thrown out] Ali: hmm Ali: maybe you can duel Ali: [helping herself 'cos they clearly got enough to go around 'cos Drew's easy lol] Carly: 😢😢 Carly: you want me to be killed Ali: don't be silly Ali: not very gentlemanly of her, she'd never Ali: for someone so punk she loves following rules you know Carly: y u like her or y ur bored? Ali: [casually loling at her phone like what you think] Carly: [a moment of eye contact soz kstew] Carly: y dont i kno this lad? Ali: idk Ali: he wasn't always that cocky Ali: maybe his pubes came in Carly: ha Carly: ill find out Carly: gotta b known as the school slag not the girl who pissed herself on the stage Ali: more catchy Ali: I get it Carly: u only remember our wedding day i kno but it tends to stick in everyone else's memories Carly: a day of bad vibes Ali: I remember you but not like that Carly: hope its not worse Carly: how you do Carly: [casually taking too many 💊 to deal with the bender she's been on with the gypsies, you know Drew will remember her like this] Ali: nah Ali: you were cute Ali: and nice when all these random english kids showed up Carly: cos you were cuter Carly: im always nice to the pretty ones Ali: 💘 Ali: s'a good line walsh, you get it off him n all Carly: 💔😢 Carly: i love you i dont need him feeding me those kind of lines Carly: we gotta crush some of these tho its gonna take forever to kick in Ali: only joking baby don't be sad Ali: [comes over and helps 'cos why not kstew already furious her band practice has descended into anarchy] Carly: [using a shoe she's wearing for once to crush pills casually but stops to put her head on Ali's shoulder cos is sad lowkey] Ali: [gives her top of the head kisses] Carly: [is smiling again & telling her how much she missed her again and all that good gay content while Marlene fumes in the distance] Ali: [whispers like sorry for the bad vibes and I am gonna fix this 'cos she knows it's been fucked but realistically don't know what she's doing about it yet 'cos where do we stand] Carly: [kisses her on the forehead cos that big brain always thinking & worrying & she know] Carly: u wanna 👃 or 👅? Ali: 👃 Carly: yea dont want a numb mouth Carly: no fun Ali: probably would help my throat but kinda 'bout that smokes and drinks a 40 a day vibe so Ali: soz to my nasal cavity in advance Carly: the 🍯 is coming as promised Carly: [puts enough powder in her hand for Ali to snort, how intimate excuse them like she could have used her own hand or any surface Carly but go off] Ali: you're sweet enough darling Ali: [soz kstew just gals being pals 'cos obvs returning the favour and 'holding her hair out the way' aka stroking it] Carly: [when you more about that intimacy than the drug you're trying to take] Carly: aw Ali: [moment being ruined by some kind of unignorable strop moment from marlene clearly so she has to go and have an argument brb] Carly: should i go now? Ali: wait for me Ali: please? Ali: outside if you like or whatever, I'm being selfish but Ali: I ain't staying either Carly: k Carly: [is outside quietly singing a little mash up of both gay covers while she waits, just little bits of lyrics she likes from each lol] Ali: [not tryna drag this out and clearly we can't let it get to let's break up point so] Carly: lets go have some real fun Ali: [when she comes out, resting her arms on her shoulders and spinning her 'round and 'round like let's go] Carly: [is loving life again bye bitches] Ali: ['we can do anything we wanna' means now but also like always] Carly: [is buzzing because her life is literally so stagnant already like what a welcome premise & hugs her cos that's what she wants to do, always gotta be touching] Ali: [and hand holding] Carly: [complimenting her AGAIN as they going along cos she's a really good singer tbf so] Ali: [chatting away 'bout the kinda music she wanna do and what the band is about and starting her own etc but also about how pretty Carly's voice is and how it's too precious for the stage anyway] Carly: [okay but after they've nerded out over music Carly be like 'wait for me' runs into a shop really quick & buys Ali some honey for real cos she that nerd & presents it to her really happily wrapped in her headscarf or something cos again nerd] Ali: [you know how buzzing and touched she'd be 'cos also that nerd, being like you're such an angel and imma get you something so special etc] Carly: [Carly like you gotta eat it tho & opens it right there like she gonna drip it into Ali's mouth if she don't how gaaaaaay, steals some with her finger too obvs cos cute but also accidentally sexy all the time] Ali: [winnie screeching in the distance] Carly: [gets a phone call from her mum & answers in this state cos no fucks given on either side & then turns to Ali like my turn to take you to a family bbq cos I think the contrast would be hilarious so we should but not now cos give them some alone time @ god] Ali: [is down 'cos she's not a snob unlike someone we know rosalin and she'd be lowkey about it 'cos any excuse to spend time] Carly: [ronan will 100% be there cos hilarious like you gotta fight him Ali tbh] Carly: [just rambling about how much she loves Ali rn though cos always] Carly: 💙🌟🐝👼🚀 Ali: [backatcha and dropping the charity shop plan] Carly: [is so down obvs like little kid levels of excited] Ali: [running thru the streets of dublin like babes] Carly: [god fucking bless] Ali: [charity shop crawl so wild like leave 'em be world] Carly: [like how pure that they think of cat lady Ro & kstew would never bitch] Ali: [probably making friends with all the nice old ladies in there/horrifying the old bitches tho too lol] Carly: [this is why Carly makes my heart hurt cos she'd wanna be friends but would probably horrify lol] Ali: [tbf they are high] Carly: [as per again let them live peeps its summer] Ali: [should steal something but like something really tiny and silly 'cos sinning and stealing from a charity shop is pretty bad in a cute way somehow lol] Carly: [but leaving shoes behind or something cos barefoot life so the universe is balanced] Ali: [and ali would buy stuff for 'em both but making sure carly knows this ain't THE gift 'cos wants to swag that lol] Carly: [okay but can they also come back to buy homewares for the caravan when she gets her own thanks bye] Ali: [absolutely, just window shopping rn how you do like 'when I have my own place' but saying we 'cos #married] Carly: [Ali can actually get one of the actual things when cos its still there, oh my heart]

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

This had to be explained to me this morning...

Okay why I don't fucking know and they won't bother because it's fucking dumb and lazy I'm quite sure.

But.

Apparently I won't be home for Christmas, Annabelle and I will be stuck out at the Uncle, Clone, Socrates Christmas Horror with probably my cousin Chris.. Maybe my brother...

And so I said "what are people supposed to think? They're supposed to be happy and experiencing new things, this is old shit and for me?! That's gonna make them feel even worse knowing I can't be with my Kidd over some stupid invalid shit that I don't even understand except it's just plain laziness, idiotic and definitely developed by a male!! A male that's lazy about his family!!"

William: let me defend myself

Me: shut up

So I was told by someone, someone i stole a gun from shortly before my faux 16th birthday in an attempt to help save the planet (Not William but an undercover CIA agent), that in his heart he was told that this Christmas when people look around think 'Sabrina is missing out on this kind of happiness with her family' that they should remember and realize that the sadness they feel for me was felt for millions of human trafficked victims world wide, every Christmas and every holiday.

Some of us didn't know about it. Or had forgotten. So let this be the last Christmas any one is sad. It will always be a serious issue in our hearts and minds and souls. But not forever should we carry the burden of sadness and fear.

This year is the eradication of the solitude of the sadness of each Holiday being sad. Now we all know why gramma would sit in the chair alone hugging herself quietly at,the end of the day or sit the camcorder in the corner and refuse to participate like a granddaughter thought she should and try to get her to interact more because she didn't seem happy enough.

This Christmas: the sadness shall be replaced with cheer. The fear with triumph and joy.

And yes you will remember I'll not be happy and my kids without their parents.

But they have my real mom and dad. My real twin brother. Their not real Uncle that loves them as much as a dad. And many more people, nearly 100 in their neat home giving them best wishes and having Christmas dinner.

No way in Hell nor God's green Earth would i allow them to miss Christmas.

So today they will open presents from Uncle Garth and tomorrow Trisha's stockings, the next day from the Dildo King who has been making new things with his family (faux Uncle Garth and real Uncle Matt) that i asked Uncle to purchase 3 years ago in preparation of taking care of my children. And on down. And hopefully I'll be able to get there while Christmas is still happening.

I'm there in spirit as i always have been and that is my Christmas Lesson to know I cared about Children i didn't know i had. And for Declan and Annabelle, too. To know they also assumed one day they would feel Christmas joy as they once had when they were little and alone, listening to little voices explain how things were different where they lived yet no matter how close they felt they knew things were too far to really feel the Christmas joy as they should. This year they will know why.

As Declan explains. Its beautiful because they never expressed unhappiness or even jealousy or loneliness, just an eagerness to understand what they were missing out on because their belief was one day they would experience it out of slavery and here with us.

And it's true. Since my divorce... The ability to do Christmas All big and strong has dwindled... Because i have too much pain, mostly physical and can't gather the strength to make it perfect in every way. And as getting older goes Declan couldn't also hide his worries from his soulmate. Although we worked together to make it best for Annabelle. For us it was more about "Thank God it's Done and everything went perfect"

So this year... Apparently William's laziness wants us to feel that before Christmas. -.- or at Christmas. -.- like i really care. We still have so much work to do! We have mental health and we have bunkers to redo so they're not bunkers and factories to move and figure out what to do with. And employ people at a rate that doesn't cause insane inflation. Like work is never over. So Idk whst the fuck hes thinking. Im All about letting those miserable souls we can't get the missle at think they can enjoy Christmas. Pay a lot of someone's an insane amount of money to miss Christmas and sit outside their house and shadow shot them when they attempt to leave. Drop down the fucking chimney at night... Now that it's raining because the world cries for us...maybe that's not the best idea but still you get the picture. See, my husband is lazy and has no defenses. But i still love him anyways although his life woild be easier if he just listened and didn't pretend he didn't ever hear whole discussions we had where he was all "oh that's so smart!!" And make new plans when he sure as Hell knew i wasn't listening and my face looked like this:

And he tells me i should take a picture of myself because hes too afraid to tell me i look mad and wants to soften things up.

Uh Yeah when you abandon me in Hell when i fully expressed that i wanted him to come back full body in our old truck and drive me to Macy's in Oklahoma So we can get the kids Christmas presents in the form of bedding and some holiday clothing like nice dresses and suits. That they can wear while playing in mud puddles because that's what life is about as stains are like scars but stains remember less pain usually, and more laughter than tears and fears. Then he could leave me at Uncle Garths while he goes back to work. So we could spend the whole drive together and shopping time and then Declan could caravan with us.

But no. Hes all about abandonment because its easy. -.-

And now he's like way way beyond scared. Well that's what a mad face is about. Its the door to truth. And truth isn't always happy or pretty.

Its scary. And it's real. And it doesn't go away. Its Not just a point of view, it is total truth. Its at least 2 points of view and a validation.

When i told him what i wanted he promised he could do it and wss very happy.

So then later he's rambling about me stsying here while im busy making gingerbread houses and I'm quite sure he inhaled too much Stevia powder we used for snow.

William: hey now I don't wanna be in control anymore i want my wife to tell me what to do!

Uncle Donald: are you trying to hide behind Uncle Donald?

William: I'm heading that way!

Uncle Donald: well you get back to body life for yourself and we will make sure you get there safe. If not we will Chinook her express. How does that sound?

William: well uhhh how does that sound to you? Im asking Uncle Donald.

Uncle Donald: well you have a period of 2 hours to decide then we are taking her and the kids and Uncle Dan, as she calls him, with respect because hes always been kind to her.

Me: sounds good to me

William: what about those other guys that have been fighting for her?

Me: Christmas comes the same time every fucking year. Like you they ain't spent it with me so they obviously don't care.

William: well uh they care, now.

Me: because they have an opportunity to and they're all taking too long. What? We put the calender on pause because they didn't make their own opportunities? No they hurry the fuck up. Maybe they will make it but not fair to my children to wait on them to finish and any husband od kine will understand that.

William: not if they always lived in a bunker

Me: well that is why we already placed human trafficking victims with their families as best and as fast as we can So that they can learn to understand. Because it's not something that can be taught, its something that's felt only when together in happiness and love in a group. Its like having a whole meal and not just a bag of chips.

William: that's all you gotta say.

Uncle Donald: Sabrina...

Me: we already have a standing plan from August. It will be easy.

Uncle Donald: that's all

Me: thank you. And Merry Christmas.