FFXIV Writing Prompt 14: Attrition
at·tri·tion
/əˈtriSH(ə)n/
the action or process of gradually reducing the strength or effectiveness of someone or something through sustained attack or pressure; wearing away by friction; abrasion.
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The pots and saucepans of Her Holy Respite’s kitchens bubbled and boiled and steamed away, filling the air with a conglomeration of delectable scents and aromas. The dining hall was warm and comforting, knights and clergy members and the few travelers that had checked in slowly making their way into the room, filling the benches along the wall and standing in clusters as they waited eagerly for their meals.
Kelas’ra worked at a quick yet measured pace, expertly peeling and slicing vegetables while testing the oil in the massive skillet by his side with a wooden stirring stick, nodding approvingly as the oil bubbled around the utensil, tossing in first minced garlic and onions to brown before adding the vegetables. Steam rose up as the skillet hissed, the man waving it away with his hand as he pulled down dried herbs from the waxed strings running along the walls, clipping just what he needed and tossing them in to cook. He sidestepped over to a massive brick oven, pulling over the metal arm to check the soup pot, stirring the contents before testing the flavor, scowling before dumping in another splash of yak milk and a healthy handful of salt. Content with the taste of the broth he swung the arm back over the open flames, moving to the fresh bread baking in the bin below, taking the wooden bread paddle and sliding it inside to pull them free from the heat to cool.
He’d been at this for a while now, having fallen into a pleasant rhythm upon coming to work and partially living here in the convent. He had always enjoyed cooking and had done so with the group he was a part of previously, The Order of St. Reinette, but when they had been forcefully disbanded from the church he was swooped up by Inquisitor Ackald, brought into the fold of the respite. Despite the circumstances surrounding his presence he appreciated the massive kitchen that he had been given control over (and had renovated himself, since the convent was non operational when they had first arrived) and had been determined to put it to good use, quickly earning a positive reputation and nearly a cult following among the staff.
With a satisfied nod he dusted his hands onto his trousers, crossing the room to the wall mounted dish rack and pulled down a stack of both bowls and plates.
“Line up if you are here for food!”
He called over his shoulder, beaming as the visitors to his kitchen hopped up and raced over like children outside of a treats cart. One by one he filled bowls with a creamy ovim stew, adding half a loaf of knight’s bread and pan seared vegetables to the plates and handing them out to the hungry crowd.
“Thank you, ser!” One of the knights piped up, his eyes shimmering with excitement. “This one is my favourite, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world!”
“I am glad, then.” Kelas’ra winked as he added an extra ladle of stew. “Can’t have you starving on me, now can I?”
The knight happily bopped away, sitting at the tables with his companions, their voices and laughter rising as the room blossomed into raucous conversation.
Soon the line began to dwindle and he felt himself slowing down, growing a bit weary in the process and dreading the clean up later this evening.
“Thank you, Master Sanpou.” The last temple knight smiled. Illaine, the local garrison’s captain, was a beautiful Elezen woman with flaxen hair and sky blue eyes, faint freckles dotting her cheeks as she grinned, cheeks punctuated by deep dimples. Despite her youthful appearance she was known as a fierce warrior and her subordinates always seemed rather scared of her, yet Kelas’ra had received nothing but kindness and flattery from the woman.
“As always, Miss Illaine.” He responded with a polite bow. “If you should require anything else, please, by all means let me know.”
She grinned, face flushing slightly as she turned to the benches, scanning for an open spot. They had more adventures staying in the barracks than they normally did so there were no available seats this night. Kelas’ra noticed her concern and headed over to the fireplace, grabbing the two stools that normally remained there for those needing to warm themselves.
“Here we are.” He announced, setting them side by side. “If you do not mind eating with the common rabble such as myself, let us enjoy dinner together, shall we?”
“Come now, how could I refuse?” Illaine gave him a bright smile, sitting herself on the stool by the young Miqo’te man, stirring her spoon through the stew. “So…glasses, then? Those are new.”
Kelas’ra paused, self-consciously touching the spectacles that he wore. “Ah, yes. Well...” He began with an anxious laugh. “I’ve been dealing with a little bit of eyestrain recently. Alethea suggested wearing these to see if it helps curb my headaches. It’s still quite a pain to get used to, myself.”
“T-they look good!” Illaine stuttered, bowing and quickly tearing into her bread. “I like them! They suit you, really.”
With a forced laugh, Kelas’ra pulled apart a chunk of his own bread with his fingers, dipping it into the stew and taking a bite.
He couldn’t tell her the eyestrain came from his so called condition. Ever since he had realized he was to eat the aether of men he had been avoiding doing so at all costs, trying futilely to ignore the voracious hunger in the pit of his belly. He’d been successful somewhat, however he had begun to realize he couldn’t continue doing this for much longer as with each passing day his control over his body was slowly breaking down. The other day he had accidentally teleported himself through the floor, dropping with a cry to the chapel below, thankfully barren of life for a rare occurrence. And this morning he had been unable to fix his face for nearly over a bell, hiding out in the loft as he tried with little success to get the various eyes that had appeared across him to disappear. It had finally worked but the sudden increase in vision and the subsequent loss of it had strained his normal eyes, weakening them and giving him a headache. To alleviate it, he’d taken to wearing spectacles to help his eyes readjust to a normal strength. Any more it felt like a slow trickle, a constant erosion of his humanity that he was powerless to stop.
“Really, I like them.” Illaine pressed, nudging his foot with her own. “I would rather you wear glasses than damage your eyesight, my friend.”
Kelas’ra nodded quietly with a faint smile, unable to bring himself to respond.
“Um…”
He heard the unsure voice, peeking up over the counter to see one of the knights awkwardly standing in place.
“Yes? Need another drink, or…?” Kelas’ra rose to his feet as the knight held out his bowl, still full. What was this? Nobody had ever returned their meal uneaten unless it was something rather serious, such as an allergy he was not made privy of! What in the world…
“Is something the matter?” He asked, the knight shrinking down.
“Tis not much, Master Sanpou…” The young man stuttered. “It’s just…well…”
He looked as if he were confessing on the gallows, pallid and nervous. “It’s..the soup. It’s rather salty today. A bit too much for the majority of us, actually…”
Shellshocked, Kelas’ta glanced around the room to see the same expression crossing the faces of the usual visitors, their meals untouched as well.
“Are you feeling alright, Ser? You’ve never oversalted things before. Perhaps a bit too spicy for our tastes at times, but it's always been pleasant. Perhaps...can it be salvaged by adding more milk to the base?”
Taking the bowl from the knight he sniffed it, confused. “It tasted alright to me earlier…” He grumbled, picking up the spoon and taking a bite. His heart fluttered in place before plummeting into his stomach, struggling to not drop the bowl to the floor right then and there.
I can’t taste it. Kelas’ra thought to himself, panicked. I can’t taste anything…
With a pained smile he handled the bowl back, trying his best to recover. “Mine apologies, I’ve been a little scattered as of late. Let me try this, it should fix it just fine.” He turned his back to the knight, reaching into the ice box and pulling out a carton of fresh heavy cream and poured a small amount in, mixing it and hoping to the Sisters it was correct.
“Try this.” Handing the meal back the knight sipped from his spoon, face lighting up. “Ah, that’s great!” He said enthusiastically. “It’s still a bit on the salty side, but I really like it! Don’t worry about it Ser, we all have our off days.”
The others from the tables soon rose and came over to have their meals fixed as well, Kelas’ra keenly aware of the cold sweat running down the back of his neck as he aided each one before correcting Illaine’s meal as well.
Setting his dinner on the counter he wasn’t hungry any longer, not for real, physical food anyways. Quite the opposite really, he felt as if he would vomit on the spot right then and there.
“Kelas’ra?” Illaine peered up at him with a concerned look. “Are you quite alright? You look rather pale.”
He gave a jerky nod before quickly shaking his head. “I need a moment.” Untying the apron around his waist he flung it to the stool, moving quickly. “I…I think I’m going to be ill.”
Before she could stop him he dashed from the kitchens and the shocked expressions of his patrons and sprinted down the hallway, skidding around the corner to the toilets and locking himself inside.
Gasping he slid down the door, heart beating a malm a minute, breath caught in his chest as he struggled to regulate himself, hyperventilating as he clenched his hands into fists, lightly smacking the floor.
I couldn’t taste it. He thought frantically. I couldn’t taste a swiving thing. I couldn’t smell it, I couldn’t even feel the heat on my tongue…
He couldn’t be that far gone, could he? His sense of taste and smell was quite possibly the most important things to him! How could he cook if he couldn’t taste what he was working on? His whole identity, his culture and memories of his parents, everything hinged on his association with the foods he had always so tenderly prepared. And yet he had completely botched a full dinner while thinking there was nothing wrong with it. You know it has to be bad when even the Ishgardians say the food is too salty, for Sister’s sake!
A sharp pang filled his belly as he grunted in pain, doubling over. Hissing, he felt his hunger surge and struggled to bring it back under control, taking a deep shaky breath. His body was turning on him, slowly stripping away his human senses and feelings until nothing base hunger and need was left.
Kelas’ra rose to his feet, trembling, huffing to try and ease the pain away as he leered at his expression in the mirror. He was greeted by his pallid reflection, eyes sunken and gaunt and filled with terror, even to himself. He could see the faint tendrils of the curse mark on his neck attempting to peek out from the collar of his shirt and adjusted it with jittery fingers to hide it once more.
He couldn’t keep this charade up much longer. No matter his feelings on the subject he knew his body was beginning to break down, eroding his very being in its desperate cry for aether. He couldn’t chance losing consciousness again, not after the fiasco the other week that the Inquisitors were still cleaning up the loose ends of so that nobody could trace him to the scene. That not that anyone would believe he was actually a monster wearing the skin of a man, at any rate.
I need to talk with the Inquisitor. He thought to himself, splashing his face with water before leaving the toilet room, slowly making his way back to the kitchens to apologize for his sudden departure. I don’t want to, but I have no other choice. Adry will know what to do. There has to be something to keep me from having to take an innocent’s life…
Kelas’ra paused in front of the great wooden door of the dining hall, hand resting on the handle as he gathered himself, shaking away the last of his jitters. Giving himself a fake smile, he opened the door, quickly reverting back to his usual self to lie to everyone that everything would be alright.
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