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strrwbrrryjam · 5 months

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a link back to this post and inspired by @fatdink's tags

...Dutch sighs, resigned, listening to the waterfall behind him, as he hears the echoes of light footsteps on metals bouncing off the walls of the sewers.

He knows it is Hosea behind him, coming to argue, coming to berate him, he's not too sure.

He sighs again, before he starts to speak, hoping to get some words in before Hosea starts his tirade.

"Trelawny's right," He starts, "These lawmen aren't going to quit until they hang me. I shouldn't have lied to your face. I shouldn't have fallen off the wagon and secretly started to steal again on the sly. I shouldn't have pushed these lawmen so far, trying to embarrass them and mess with their heads. It was thrilling, yes, but I shouldn't have done it --- and now there is only one way out, maybe if I were to hand me over to them, let them imprison me, walk me to the gallows and kill me,"

Hosea interrupts, "You will do no such thing," His tone is detached, not revealing the emotions Hosea is burying inside.

Dutch turns to Hosea, his expression forlorn as he continues, "Dear, maybe they'll let everyone live,"

Hosea's face betrays the emotions he feels as his expression turns from rage to resigned sadness, as he speaks, his tone frustrated, "Oh, why'd you get us into this, Dutch?"

Dutch searches the ground, seemingly looking for an answer to Hosea's question, before his eyes jump back to Hosea's face, "I don't know," He answers Hosea, dejectedly, before continuing, "But I have a possible theory," He turns, away from Hosea, gazing at the wall opposite the waterfall, staring at the ground as if it hurts himself to even be near Hosea, "I think I have this thing where I need everybody to think I'm the greatest, the quote-unquote fantastic Mr Van Der Linde," He gestures to the air left of him, as if his name was written there, "and if they aren't completely knocked- out, dazzled, and kind of intimidated by me," He looks back to Hosea as he admits, wistfully, "then I don't feel good about myself." He finishes, gesturing to himself.

He turns back to Hosea, sour, at the world, at Hosea, at himself, he's not too sure anymore, "Humans traditionally like to tempt fate, flatten the weak and outsmart the strong, and at the end of the day, I'm just-"

"We're wild animals," Hosea finishes for him, his facial expression matching Dutch's.

Dutch chuckles, dryly, "I guess we always were," he replies, before walking towards Hosea as he speaks, "I promise you, if I had all this to do over again, I'd have never let you down." He stops, till he's face to face with Hosea, gazing into his sad eyes that have been tearing up steadily this whole conversation, "It was always more fun when we did it together, anyway."

Dutch shares a kiss with Hosea, his left hand cradling his cheek, after he rests his chin on Hosea's collarbone, wrapping his arm around his chest as he carries on, "I love you, Hosea," he tells him, softly.

"I love you too," Hosea replies, whispering in his ear, after which he detaches himself from Dutch to look him in the eyes as he says, "But I never should have married you,"

Dutch's expression is one of resigned despair as he turns from Hosea, the sound of his dejected footsteps echoing as he walks away from Hosea...

its i what like to call the fantastic mr van der linde au, or what i like to think might have happened if micah didn't join the gang

side note, when i made the original post i had thought john to be ash because honestly, when i think of a younger john i think of ash, especially with the introduction of kristofferson in the movie. but I've recently learned that kristofferson is younger than ash, so if i were to actually write more, arthur would obviously be older than john.

i haven't exactly workshopped the idea of why arthur would end up with hosea n dutch, at least, i think i haven't, all I've came up with right now is that arthurs pa was hanged for his crimes n arthur was put into the system where hosea n dutch were the ones to take him in

if you can't tell there is an au where they did settle down n start to live normal lives, but you know dutch, i think out of all the characters in rdr2 he would be one of the most to not want to settle down, not want to be known as some working man and not the most wanted man in america, i think, out of all of them, he would be the one to fall off of the wagon n get them all into trouble again.

and i made trelawny the badger, because for me it just makes sense that it would be trelawny.

and while i havent worked in all the characters, micah is definitely the black rat, although, he's more obvious with his intentions than he is in the game n never joins the gang, as he didn't really get a chance to since they've settled down.

charles is agnes for many reasons, most of them entirely self indulgent, i am mainly a charthur shipper, i like charles so much n i thirst for john n charles friendship. but also for the little we get of her, we know that shes is reserved, shes smart n shes loyal.

im not entirely sure who would be kylie (the opossum), i think my main choices for him was either susan, uncle, sean or lenny, but i haven't decided because there are reasons why each of them would work, but there are also ideas why they wouldn't, i think my favourite of the four is uncle.

i havent exactly got everything sorted so far but i know most of what i would like for this au.

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applejee · 1 year

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I posted 17,813 times in 2022

That's 80 more posts than 2021!

151 posts created (1%)

17,662 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@celeryw

@pishposhbagosh

@blas-ph-emy

@lemontongues

@ officialspec

I tagged 3,777 of my posts in 2022

#dc - 1,160 posts

#batfam - 683 posts

#just us - 204 posts

#csm - 180 posts

#sandman - 178 posts

#q - 143 posts

#batman - 132 posts

#timkon - 104 posts

#cute - 103 posts

#goncharov - 94 posts

Longest Tag: 118 characters

#burning the receipt so you can keep the kid you were handed for a weekend who is painfully cute and a cool little dude

My Top Posts in 2022:

who’s ready for

See the full post

68 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

Hi! Any recs for timkon, or kon centric fics? It only tends to be in the background/implied in batfam centric fics that i read, but i keep seeing you post about timkon and 🥺🥰 I’m catching feelings about it

i’ll be real... im glad u asked bc i read So much timkon ♥ sorting by kudos for timkon is hard bc yeah... its so often background..... kon deserves better!!!!!! so here are some stories u should definitely read, by some lovely authors whose works i am absolutely normal about:

- everything by @batfam-chaos especially this one. kon is injured and tim panics my beloved... their stuff is *chefs kiss*

- everything by @lemontongues especially this one! slowburn in kansas.... their 2021 whumptober is very kon-centric as well!

- everything by @mindshelter, this one in particular makes me CRAAAZY

- composed of us by @starlikeknight which so far is tim centric BUT itll be eventual timkon and its already amazing so you know the timkon will be too

here are some others i like, found in my bookmarks:

- Gonna Be A Better One (A Thousand Miles To Your Door) by Traincat

- Leap, Fall, Fly by malcyon

- A Night In by Musafir

- Three Little Words by timkons

- please don't live in fear by murmurare

- time flies by by Laroyena

- shenanigans’ timkon my beloved

sadly, i read less kon-centric fic simply cause i am so obsessed with tim my little guy, my poor little meow meow, but again there is good stuff out there. u may have to search excluding timkon on ao3. REGARDLESS,

this is everything i can find off the top of my head, really. trust me theres so much more out there i adore (like the pretending to be a gold digger wip, or the catfishing fic, or the hannah montana-style identity shenanigans fic, or this one astolat fic, or the one where dick picks up kon as a cop and tim on the phone asks if he’s cute, or any of the countless other stories out there) so definitely go and have a search!! yeehaw!!!!! hope that helps!

96 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

omg omg i just BLEW through your dc fics (showstopping. incredible. magnificent) and AH TIM and was wondering do you have any Tim-centric fic recs? with that GOOD angst? no pressure or anything, thanks for all your hard work 💕💕💕💕💕

omg anon 😳😳😳😳 thank you im so glad to hear it <3

also FYCK YES IM HERE TO GIVE OUT ANGSTY TIM FICS. first and foremost u should probably jsut go thru my entire bookmark tag with tim drake but i will pick and choose the best for u here, i hopeu enjoy.

also fair warning all these may include, to some degree, violence, torture, child abuse, implied or referenced non con, etc, due to the fact these are very angsty and filled with hurt and comfort and lots of whump, so pls read the tags!

A Meditation on Railroading by eggmacguffin

this one is the best. i love it. @eggmacguffin blew it out of the PARK with this once ive reread it an absurd amount of times. tim's dad leaves him in atlanta so he makes his own way home, runs into jason, and shit happens. also, read ALL their other tim fic ok. u wont regret.

buried birds by envysparkler

have i told you to read everything by envysparkler? read everything by envysparkler. her shit is the BEST. buried birds is one of my faves, as tim is buried alive in a coffin and jason rescues him. luv it

Grilled Cheese by crumpetz

hooooooo 8k of pure tear inducing deliciousness. i reread this constantly for the catharsis. makes me cry everytime. cw for graphic injury

Echoes of You by SilverSkiesAtMidnight

wherein tim dies, is resurrected, and jason is the one to find him fresh out the grave. trauma times two electric boogaloo! check out their current wip and recent works as well!

best laid plans by Valkirin

ra's steals tim away at the same time as jason, freshly unearthed from his grave. Shit Happens. LOVE valkirin’s stuff

The Return by lurkinglurkerwholurks

essential reading. what happens after batman's brought back out of time. read all their other tim fic if u havent yet

It's Not That Funny by Ionaperidot

tim becomes joker junior! uh oh! tim's brain is scrambled by the joker and ra's and he and jason maybe become serial killers and highly codependant but they slowly heal and rejoin the family. so good. cw for graphc violence and so much more, check the tags

On the Way Home by ignesfatuis

little wolf shifter tim is kidnapped, then rescued, and stays with the waynes to heal while he cant shift back. chicken soup for the soul

Fussing Over Scars by maychorian

platonic soulmate au! i cried. check out all of maychorians stuff for more tim angst!!

Dangerous and Noble Things by destiny919

tim is kidnapped by ra’s, and four years later the bats rescue him, and whaddaya know! he comes with a sister <3 love it. they have a bunch of other tim fic too!

more behind the cut!!

now theres a ghost in the back of this room by CosmoKid

tim helps an abused kid and comes to some Revelations of his own

whumptober 2021 by CosmoKid

just read all of it. chefs kiss. cosmokid has a lot of angsty tim fics and u should read them all

Bristol Kids by Anonymous

See the full post

109 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

reminded seeing the collection of the batfam fic survey i voted in (which is fun and exciting, ill be checking some of those out later!!!!!) of some of the batshit collections people have requested my works be added to.

straight up some of you need to just use the bookmark function because it is beyond offensive to have your fic added to a collection titled “dumb bullshit to satiate my escapism”. like, really? obviously i rejected that one, and ive rejected a few others just because. that’s not what collections are for.

do people forget collections are public? do people forget that you see a list of collections a work is in directly under the tags? i’m honoured to accept my works into collections titled “fics i love”; “fics i’ll reread until the end of time”; “fics with good stephanie characterisation”—these are compliments, and things like “robin vs red hood” collect specific tropes and AUs together that ao3 may not have the tags for yet. they serve a function

i dunno, i think collection use has got a bit out of hand. im complaining on main because this keeps happening and at one extreme it’s offensive (dumb bullshit??) and at the other extreme there already exists a function for tracking it (“fics i have read”?)

respectfully, i think some people may benefit from bookmarks and bookmark tags. for one, you can tag nigh limitlessly, and search them on your bookmarks page using both the tags and the notes. also, most importantly, you can make them private. want to leave a note for yourself as to why you didn’t fully enjoy a fic? remind yourself of something that triggered you? want to simply keep track of a fic you didn’t enjoy as much as others? private bookmark, and the author never has to know.

this is a little bit of a rant but when i have rejected my works being added to collections multiple times it adds up, lol.

202 notes - Posted September 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

since i cannot find the masterpost i initially used to obtain all these extensions initially, here’s a list of privacy extensions i use in conjunction with firefox! i’ve included a link to each of them which is very easy if you use firefox. pls use firefox. brave is also good for privacy. there are others out there so do your research, and again, please for the love of god, switch from chrome if you can xx

–

Bypass Paywalls Clean - bypasses paywalls. v helpful. this one isn’t verified by firefox however

Decentraleyes - this helps to prevent websites from tracking you and blocks requests

Don’t track me google - stops google from lengthening urls theycan track you with. godsend

DuckDuckGo Privacy Essentials - blocks tracking, enables https where possible, overall a good and helpful extension

Facebook Container - isolates facebook in its own container so its much harder for them to track you. always a bonus

HTTPS Everywhere - does what it says!

Privacy Badger - blocks trackers, similar to some of the others listed. can never have too many

Shinigami eyes - if you dont have this enabled wyd? marks trans friendly accounts as green and transphobic ones as red, or other colours based on your preference. makes blocking very quick and easy! not verified by firefox, but just as essential as the rest

uBlock Origin - basically an ad blocker, the best of the bunch; also prevents a lot of tracking and coin miners too

–

if you have any privacy extensions you use or find useful, feel free to reblog with your own suggestions!

248 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #mostly reblogged from mutuals hiiii ❤️

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littlelambdrgnfly · 4 months

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Ok since you reblogged that one post I hope you know I reread The Sum of Them for the 3rd time, maybe like a month ago, up until the last chapter and i never finished it cause i didnt want to experience it ending again (if that makes sense), i wish it never ended. I wish they could play baby games forever but its so important it does end because the ending is soo beautiful but so devastating, and it's beautiful because its so devastating, and my heart cant take experiencing that again :'-(

i already sent a message on here saying that your fic was the first fic to make me cry, possibly the first piece of LITERATURE in general to make me cry (i could be wrong but i cant remember any piece before that), and it made me cry 2 times when reading it for the first time. It is truly my favorite piece of McLennon fanfiction, but the only reason i dont fully consider it mine is that if someone were to ask me, it'd be too taboo/freaky to say but its truly one of the most heartfelt and complex ways ive ever seen anyone portray John and Paul while also feeling completely accurate and realistic. My god. And i love so many of your other fics too but The Sum of Them really means so much to me and I cant even say that enough. i wish you could just live as me and be inside my mind to fully grasp how much of an affect it had on me, I dont think i will ever be able to explain it sadly </3. But just know out of every McLennon fic ive ever read (and ive read many), THAT one is my very favorite out of like 100+. The way you characterize them is just so completely different from any other fic ive read and its so intimate and raw and holy shit i dont even have the words. Sorry i know im rambling at this point but I just think about it a lot! Also your fics are the only fics i enjoy anymore, (recent) beatles fics have gone down the drain in my opinion and yours are the only ones i can be satisfied with because, as far as im concerned, anything you write is automatically in-character for them after reading The Sum of Them lol x) thank you so SO much for writing cause it's truly exposed so many of my own desires and hidden , sensitive parts of myself that couldn't be excavated any other way without your work 💖

Dude... this is legitimately one of the best comments I've ever gotten. I wish I could memorize all of this and replay it for myself whenever I'm feeling blue. Thank you so so much, it means the world to me! I think all writers insert their own thoughts and emotions into their work, and I definitely do that in all of mine, but especially The Sum of Them. This fic is basically my wishlist of things I would do with a partner, as well as coming to better terms with my own kinks, so I'm glad it's been able to resonate with people. I'm also glad that I managed to keep John and Paul in character, even if John is crying every other paragraph lmao! I totally get what you're saying about wishing I could experience what you did, I wish I could too. Sometimes I reread my fics with the mindset of someone reading it for the first time, but it's just not the same. I'd give my left tit for more writers on my level or higher who wrote bottom!John or even ABDL fics, I swear. I don't read a lot of fics these days, but I'm usually disappointed whenever I check the Beatles tab. I'm also really really bad at remembering titles and author names, so I never remember what fics that I like! Thank God for bookmarks. I definitely understand not wanting to tell people that this is your favorite fic though, lol! I've been writing Beatles fics for a long time, but I created a new account on AO3 when I started writing these fics. I'm comfortable talking about this stuff, but only with the help of an alternate profile. I'm really really happy to help people explore this side of themselves though-- too often fics like mine are just really gross over-the-top and completely unrealistic portrayals in my opinion, and I guess I wanted to bring something sweeter and more realistic to the table. <3

#sorry if this is all over the place i'm having a migraine

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by-kilian · 3 years

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i just saw all the stuff going on where weirdos r reposting ur work?? um? do people not know boundaries 💀 its so weird to do that?? i swear ppl on tiktok that discovered ur writing must’ve never read good writing before cause the way they were acting was very obsessive/possessive. like they must’ve been used to type “y/n is a 2’9 small feisty bean with blonde hair and blue eyes and everyone is in love with her but she’s shy 🥺” writing.

another fic writer I follow on Twitter went into detail about how ao3 culture is going (currently changing) to change now cause of everything going on with wattpad and even the influence that tiktok has on things these days. people become obsessive with fic writers & their work, as well as artists that create fanart, it’s scary. like i remember, even with ur work, I was shy with leaving comments and was content with just leaving kudos & supporting quietly. people can be overwhelming now, with more negative results then positive.

im ranting again but i even wrote a discussion post for my college biology class about tiktok’s influence on the food industry & how it’s become a trend to try new foods from different cultures, but not for the purpose of enjoying a food from a different culture, but JUST to record their reactions for likes & views. i have a love/hate relationship w tiktok, it’s scary how influential it is.

It was def borderline odd although I was appreciative of it to an extent. I really wish things did not happen the way they did. It definitely was obsessive/possessive, particularly how they took it and started bothering other people with it and their stories when it had nothing to do with me/my story. I equated it to Stan twitter because that’s exactly what it felt like, just antagonizing people who weren’t me (when these people literally didn’t even know me). THAT bothered me the most, and I do believe it was because no one understood or respected boundaries, not mine or others.

Also, Idk who that writer is but I am right there with them. TT has made fics an…odd place now, not just with the AOT fandom but to my knowledge, several. AO3 has faced a litany of drama / important topics of discussion recently, and while I don’t know the extent of the issues—I do know it stems from some of the stuff going on with Wattpad/TT, and people moving their stuff to AO3 and going wild with it. I’m honestly not happy with it considering AO3 is and always has been open-source and volunteer run, and I would hate to see anything bad happen to it or the terms change. That’s the whole purpose of the website is to be open and for fandoms, and it’ll be ironic and devastating if fandoms are the thing that make it crumble because people cannot behave.

And yeah, I’m super weary about all the parasocial relationships people are building with authors/artists. It’s one of the reasons I do not share a ton about myself or my face ever because apart from being private, I know from experience that this makes people think they know you better than they do and while not everyone’s intent is bad, it often crosses boundaries and people overstep that line of over familiarity sooner than later. Some authors cross that line too, but that’s a whole other thing.

It is very scary how influential TT is, especially in this age of the pandemic. Not only are people bored but people want content, but you’re right—it’s really sad how people are doing things just for clicks/likes/views/clout. I hate it all because I’m old and crabby LMAO. (also side note, I would honestly love to read that paper! It sounds fascinating, I love stuff like that).

And regarding you leaving comments, your comments literally make my day!!! ❤️Not that you have to leave them at all, but I really do appreciate the time you all take to read, kudos, like, reblog, or comment or reply (or if you say nothing at all, you’re still valid to me). It is all incredibly sweet, and I am so grateful for it all. I’m glad I’m finding many of you again, truly and honestly. TY for sending this in and I am so happy we get to talk here now too 😘😘😘😘

#asks

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tokugou · 3 years

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i feel you so much, i become so extremly neatpicky (sometimes I feel like its better to only follow jpn artist man) but you still will see stuff. i don't follow any enabler but the shippers I follow often get attacked by the other shippers and defend themself, its so disheartning to see. Doesn't help we currently mostly only have like, our favs, comfort ship and the premis of the show (Im, ignoring canon currently, not very fun to read at all for a while now) Im kidn aglad I have a second twt i follow more jpn artist and for other stuff so I can just avoid the stuff a bit more easily. I also reacently started watching a more cartoon show with a bit of a story, sure writting aint the best but I promised myself to not be as hypercritcal for it and enjoy it as it is and I do. it helps cause now I actully have something to look forward too comming out (so I also care less about the manga right now) and kinda ironically helps keeping my intested for my fav charas and ships in bnha alive too (along side specefic artist and writers I follow) doesn't work for anyone but yeah. This ship wars are the most stupid things fandom ever came up with. Were around the same age so I don't think I can give much advices you probaly don't already know yourself but hey, maybe worth checking the todobaku tag for yourself on a03 again?

Here I am replying waaaay too late again. One day I gonna pay more attention to my mailbox, yeah I am still not used to the fact there is anything there.

Dont ever get me started with twt it is ridiculus how bad the non-existencial blacklist system there is, like you cant have safe time there even if twt has huge amount of good stuff when it comes to art. pity

I am actually pretty good nowdays, like I avoid everything that can tilt me, the blacklist is so full and I usually block people who are dumb or spread hate and I have never been a part of any ship war, yay me. Maybe cuz of that when something happens (like last time) it is huge and mindfucking more, or maybe it is just canon fucking with everyone brains, we have literally no good content in canon so people will stick to anything non-existencial and try to create something out of nowehre and say it is the way.

I cant belive I had a hope, each week checking leaks hoping for good exciting content and here we are with today's chapter that hope prolly died. I cant, how worse it can be?

I am glad tho you manged to find something to take your mind off b/nha in general no matter what it is as long as you enjoy it I think it is valid! I still try to find a new anime/manga I could get into, but this is my problem I cant have more than one obsession at a time. And I am stuck here in b/nha but it is fine at least I have bk/td which makes me happy. Tho I admit that there is less and less new content for them even on ao3 (or maybe it is me thing since i have too many filters on there....)

but thank you so much for sticking with me for that time, i hope you are having a great day and once again i am sorry for such a late reply. also sorry for lame reply

#chloe.txt #chloe.mailbox #anonymous

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ray-the-fanatic · 4 years

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His Home

Gravesbeaks family, Hurt/comfort fluff prompt. One shot

Ao3 link

(last one short for bit now that im working on multiple chapter stories.)

Just a some moment dealing with this awakard family figuering things out.

Everything was dark from under marks hands as he used them to keep Boyd’s eyes covered. While Mark ushered him quickly, Boyd could really only feel the carpet under his feet as they awkwardly waddled across it. There were at least, from what Boyd could think up five better ways to go about this. Another part of him, however, thought this was more fun. It was pretty normal for him to feel pulled by two different lines of thought process like that. Maybe cause Mark programmed more kid like thoughts? Or whoever made the original software did.

“Alright Little buddy ready, to have your circuits blown? Not really though.” Mark said as he moved his hands away from Boyd’s eyes.

Boyd took a moment to adjust to the light, as his eyes set on said surprise. A bedroom just for him, well almost it was more a mix of a playground as well. Boyd walked in further looking over everything before him. The room was full of colorful tubes that were scattered all over the place. That you could climb through with exit and entrance points found in different places of the room. A few of the exits being slides that drop at different heights. Rock climbing walls and foam pits to fall into under them. A built-in playhouse building that functioned as a bed on the bottom. Covered in Boyd quickly counted, ten, colorful pillows. The top of it was set up as a small reading area. From where he stood Boyd could make out shelves with a few books on them. There were cut-outs on the floor for trampolines. Likely just like at Waddle each for different impacts of bouncing. There was also a small desk almost resembling the deck of a skateboard. The desk having a computer set up on it. Boyd ran over to it to check it out, able to tell it wasn’t from any store in town. The room was amazing he thought full of excitement just wanting to explore every inch of it now.

“So?” Mark said as he walked over to Boyd “Like it?”

“Very much Dad, it’s” He paused to think a moment “Lit?”

Mark smiled brightly and took a picture of Boyd standing in the room quickly as he started writing an update to go with it.

“Best room ever.” He said out loud as he typed then watched the screen for a few seconds before excitedly chirping out “ooo look at all those likes, it's blowing up.” Mark held his hands up in the shape of a gun and playfully gestured like he was shooting real ones in the air “pew, pew, pew.”

Boyd did the same and moved in sync with Mark “pew, pew, pew.”

The action caught Mark’s attention right away as he couldn’t help but smile. He placed his hand on top of Boyd's head gently ruffling his head feathers. Boyd happily moved into Mark's palm as he hummed happily enjoying the affirmation from his creator, Dad he meant. One thing Boyd knew well at this point was he often got rewarded for mimicking his Dad or going along with his antics. Maybe it was deceitful, another side of Boyd thought it was like he exploited that fact. He decided not to dwell on that thought thankful to hear Mark speak up.

“Glad that didn’t get lost during your little meltdown at that brats party.”

Mark pulled his hand away slowly as he could hear footsteps behind him. His smile growing brighter when turning to see the man he called Falcon. Though when Boyd looked his inner files they told him he was farther. Who seemed shocked by the room as he looked around curiously. Boyd’s own smile growing when seeing him, he was very fascinated with Falcon since he didn’t see him often. His height alone was enough to pull his attention since he towered over the small android, no boy. He was quiet and calm most of the time and spoke in a stern English tone. His eyes always having that pricing gaze of a predatory bird. To Boyd he was the definition of fierce nothing shook him, well one thing seemed to faze him and make him break that facade.

“Hello Father!” Boyd sprouted out suddenly as he made his way over to him having to stare up at the raptor.

“Y yes uh hello to you as well” Falcon seemed to tense up slightly by that sudden greeting from the boy.

For whatever reason he seemed to be easily thrown off by Boyd, he would freeze up and lost his usual air whenever Boyd got near him. Like he was now so Boyd took a few steps back which was for the best most likely. Boyd tried to keep his smile though to act as if he didn’t notice.

"Hey kiddo why don't you play around in here for now and get settled in." Mark said as he began to push Falcon out of the room able to feel the tension growing in the air. “Were just going to head downstairs for a bit boring stuff, unlike your super cool room.” He added on as he pulled the door to Boyd’s room closed behind them.

Boyd knew it wasn't right but at the same time, he couldn't help it. Quickly running over to the heavy door able to faintly hear their voices from the other side. But, he couldn't really make out what they were saying too well. Luckily being an android came with advantages. Taking a moment to raise up his frequency until he could clearly hear Mark's voice from the other side.

“Does it bother you when he calls you that? I just thought it would be nice so I programmed it in.”

Boyd hadn’t been living with them for long, it had only been a few days since that party. Everyone was still adjusting to this change but Falcon seemed to need the most time for the adjustment. He always reacted the same way whenever Boyd called out to him. Mark made sure to reassure him or would intervene whenever it happened.

“Falcon.” Mark said his voice in a tone Boyd never realized it could reach. It was followed by a sigh from the larger bird.

“I’m not sure. I guess I didn’t think much about it at first when you decided to turn your new project into a means of increasing likes for your social media, so you could go to the child’s birthday party.” He paused “Which I still don’t fully understand why you went to that. When it was just one of your random whims I figured you get bored of the idea. But he’s not an idea he’s here?” Falcon phased like a question.

“Well the little guy kind of grew on me and guess I got attached, I wasn’t really expecting this turn out myself. At first, the project was to make my own robot to be better than Gizmoduck so I could rub it in his face.” Mark said then trailed off for a moment “The focus shifted a bit there and I don’t know the idea grew on me?”

Boyd was listening to every word, it wasn’t like before he knew he wasn’t. Real. He was a robot, android, created by Mark. Kind of. Everything that made Boyd well Boyd was programmed, coded in. He looked down at his hands as he thought to himself. He felt something heavy inside sink into his deepest pits. It wasn’t an actual object but it made him. Feel? Feel bad. In his memory Dad and Farther, no. Mark and Falcon were his parents well they were meant to be. That wasn't real either though. That was the truth. No matter how much he didn’t like having that knowledge it conflicted with his files and it hurt when he looked into it too much. The last thing he wanted was a repeat of his malfunction. His mind was a blank and he had no control over what he was doing. No matter how hard he tried to take it back, he just couldn’t. It was still him doing that but he felt like he had been watching it. Boyd tightly closed his eyes, it was- he didn’t want to think about it. He took a moment to process and pushed those memories away, placing them as far back as he could in his memory as possible. So he wouldn’t have to be reminded of it again.

Boyd moved away from the door and made his way to the bed, he let his face hit the soft mattress. Mark and Falcon seemed to have walked away since he couldn’t hear them in the hallway anymore. That was likely why Fath- Falcon, reacted as he did. The things Boyd could do set him apart too much. Making it apparent that he wasn’t a real kid, and maybe that was why he just couldn’t seem to connect with him ? It was easy with Mark. If he mimicked Mark, he would smile like he could burst from the pride alone. Being basically a walking breathing piece of tech probably didn’t hurt either. Mark liked the power technology offered so Boyd was just the perfect kid for him.

“That’s it!” Boyd sprung up suddenly “I act like dad and that makes him happy so if I act like father too then that should work.!” He said to himself.

...

No less than a few hours had passed when Boyd saw his dad poke his head into the room. Boyd met his eyes and smiled like his usual self, taking note of the slight drop in Mark's shoulders as he seemed to let out a sigh of relief.

“Wanna come out of here for a bit?” Mark asked him “and maybe spend some time with us?” The added emphasis on ‘us’ was not lost to Boyd.

“Yes, I would enjoy that.”

Mark had to pause a moment, he was used to hearing an Engilsh accent now but not from Boyd who he was positive didn’t have that before. He looked down at the young android as he walked by him, arms kept at his sides walking with his back completely straight. A stance he was all too familiar with, didn’t take Mark long to figure out what he was doing. But, he just smiled and shrugged wanting to see where this goes.

Boyd made his way to the living room where Falcon, back to his usual self, it seemed. Was sitting in his scarlet recliner buried beak deep into his current book. Boyd caught sight of it and quickly ran to the bookcase grabbing the first book he could. He went to run back when he caught his dad staring at him so he instead went back to his proper stance and walked to the couch. Only to scrambled quickly on to it as he climbed- up on the couch he got situated and cracked the book open to start reading. Mark looked over to Falcon who was unaware of everything.

“So, kiddo anything you wanna do?” Mark asked as he walked up behind Falcon’s seat, resting an arm on the back of it purposely elbowing his boyfriend when he did so well speaking.

Falcon looked up at Mark a bit annoyed only to get caught by the smile on his face. Mark then pointed over to the couch. Falcon’s eyes following as he looked over to Boyd mimicking Falcon’s usual reading position.

“Reading is fine by me.” Boyd said again using the Engilsh accent once more.

Mark covered his beak as he playfully nudged Falcon, who was more confused instead of delighted by the situation. Falcon closed his book and tentatively placed it on his lap able to see Boyd copy his actions from the corner of his eye. A quick look over to Mark, seeing the smug smile he had made it clear he wasn’t going to help. Falcon just sighed, part of him almost laughed though. It reminded him of all the times Mark had put on his god awful attempt at the accent himself. He looked back to Boyd who seemed to be staring in anticipation at him. Falcon’s tension built up a bit.

“Um, Boyd are you sure that book is a good pick for you?” Was all Falcon could think to ask since he couldn’t make eye contact with him and instead looked to the cover of the book to see the title. “I don’t think 'The Grapes of Wrath' is right at your age.”

“Oh it’s fine, my reading level is above average!” Boyd responded with forgetting the accent as he excitedly spoke. Only to quickly shift back into his act when he realized it. “I do enjoy reading a lot. Reading is an essential skill to have after all.”

Falcon smiled a bit not having spent much time with Boyd so it was the first time he saw him perk with such enthusiasm. Displaying such a kid like enjoyment for the task and the act was starting to grow on him, maybe that was why Mark enjoyed it so much.

"Well being able to read it is one thing, that book may be out your understanding."

“Dad made sure my artificial intelligence can grow naturally so the more I do something I just advance along with it. I like to read so I can grasp the more complex topics on somethings” Boyd looked down annoyed suddenly. That was the second, no third time already he broke character. He sighed and turned his head to the side looking away from Mark and Falcon as he pressed himself up into the couch cushions.

This wasn’t working, by now Mark would be bursting with joy and giving him a pat on the head. Falcon was more a challenge with this game. Though it made sense he was so close off, Boyd had seen him at times drop it when he looked at Mark. With a softer smile and sometimes a playful tone when speaking to him. Cause he cared about Mark. They had a love for the other, Boyd pushed himself deeper into the couch. It felt nice at the moment, it gave him some comfort because suddenly he just felt so alone. Boyd wanted to just escape into the comfort the couch had to offer because it didn’t make him question his place. In truth all Boyd wanted was to just feel he belonged here.

“Hey Kiddo you okay over there?” Mark asked, snapping Boyd out of his thoughts.

Boyd opened his eyes but didn’t move from his hiding place, he seemed to have wedge himself between two of the cushions squeezing tightly in the small gap they offered him.

No, I’m not okay

He thought to himself something wasn’t right with him, he couldn't shake the, feelings? Thoughts that kept fogging up his mind. That same sensation from before like something was sinking inside him. Almost like he was being weighed down by it. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to force those thoughts from coming back again. He didn’t want to think about those thoughts he could maybe delete them? Make it like he never had them in the first place? That could work, then they wouldn’t be in the way he could just act like everything was normal. Like he was normal, just like before.

Again his thoughts were interrupted, feeling the familiar sensation of a hand resting on his arm. At first he thought it was Mark but the size wasn’t right and the touch was more hesitant. Boyd lowered his head a bit to look. Surprised to see brown feathers instead of Marks grey ones. Continuing his gaze up to see Falcon standing over him, his expression something Boyd never thought he could make. Did he look worried? No that can’t be right.

“Are you okay?” Falcon said, his usual stern tone gone replaced by something more soft and genuine. Concern maybe? That alone made him crave in.

“No” He vocalized this time only to retreat back into his safe haven between the couch cushions.

Falcon looked over to Mark who made his way over and sat on the other side of Boyd, laying up against the couch as he lightly poked at Boyd’s head. His own special approach to the situation.

“What’s going on kid?”

“I’m not!”

“Not what?” Mark asked “Gonna say? Talk? Not here? The last one won’t work cause we can see you clearly.”

“Mark” Falcon said flatly to show that wasn’t helping, then turned his attention back to Boyd “You can tell us son” that tone aimed at him again. It didn’t bring comfort this time though it was more a reminder of what was bothering him so much right now.

“I’m not your son!” He let out and drew his knees to his chest curling up into the couch like a small ball, he didn’t want to see their faces after saying it. “I’m not even real, no matter how much I want to be I can’t be.” Everything he had been thinking for the past days coming all out.

“What that's crazy, I built you to be my kid so obviously that's what you are.”

Boyd looked up at Mark his eyes fierce and burning red as the head inside them started to raise “I’m fake!” He yelled out in frustration making Mark grow silent at the reaction.

“I know it, you know it farther knows it.” he tucked his face into his shoulder as his voice grew more quiet. His thoughts messy and all over the place but he couldn’t keep them from spilling out anymore. “I hate it. I want to act like I don’t know the truth but I do. I’m not your son I wish I could be but i’m not real. It’s all pretend.”

“What? But you are real Boyd.” Falcon was the one to speak up

“No I'm not that's why you get all weird with me. If I was real you could bond with me. Dad can but that's cause he made me and he likes when I copy him. That’s all I am”

Falcon awkwardly pulled his hand away then fidgeted with his cufflinks. He happened to catch Mark’s gaze who just slightly gestured to Boyd. A small sigh escaped his beak and he nodded to show he understood. Falcon placed his hand back on to Boyd’s shoulder. He was so small especially when curled up like this.

“Boyd?” He said and like always his voice got the small boy’s attention as he looked over his shoulder to him. “You are real to me and that scares me.”

It grew silent between the three of them as those words settled in the air. The reason Mark was aware of, the answer Boyd didn't have. The truth Falcon wasn't good about stating seeming to bring a clam over them all.

“I scare you?”

Falcon nodded but smiled not helping clear Boyd’s confusion in the least when he did. It wasn’t often when Falcon displayed his awkward side but as he used his free hand to move around in the air. Almost as if it was physically trying to grab at the right words when he spoke.

“I never thought I’d have a kid or family, your Dad’s whims are not in my control well really anyones. You just were an unexpected surprise. I probably should be used to all that now. “ He said tossing a look Mark’s way before he continued on “I’m just not sure what I'm doing.”

Boyd blinked absently as he took in those words. He slightly seemed to follow with what was said. Boyd could understand that though he too was unsure about the whole situation at times. Maybe he was also scared?

“And for what it’s worth, you are able to think freely. I found a good AI to base yours off for that. I think it’s cute when you copy me even if you do it on purpose.” Mark added in himself “Yeah you weren’t planned to be as you are now but that doesn't mean anything really. Most of my plans don’t go as I think they will, doesn't mean I dislike the outcomes.”

Boyd smiled slightly, it didn't really fix anything but it was nice. He moved out from the couch and looked at Falcon as he swept in and clung to his side,in a slightly awkward but loving hug. Falcon froze a moment but Boyd didn’t let go, his father was the one who needed the gesture. Slowly he felt Falcon arm wrap around him hugging him back. It took Mark a full half a second to intrude as he moved over. Throwing an arm over Falcon as he took a selfie.

“Family moments” He said out loud as he posted the picture. Boyd slightly laughing as Falcon groaned in annoyance.

#gravesbeaks #falcon graves #mark beaks #gravesbeaks family #I really like writing boyd #and mark too hes fun #my writing #fanfic

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chokememrstark · 7 years

Text

A Dangerous Game

Chapter: 10/15

Words: 1593

Summary: Sam comes across a very interesting book that describes a ritual in which one can play a game with the Devil. His curiosity is sparked and even if he doesn’t think he will ever actually do it, Sam soon finds himself face to face with this very entity. Things take a very unpleasant turn, but despite that, Sam is going back, as if something pulls him towards Lucifer.

abuse, violence, bullying, black magic, no hunter!au, a lot of angst, a lot of hurt/little comfort

Note: Because I feel I need to add this: Dean is pretty much a complete asshole in this story, so if you’re uncomfortable with that you might want to reconsider reading it (or tell yourself he is completely ooc, fine with me too xD)

AO3 Link

Thanks to @sassysupernaturalsweetheart & @brieflymaximumprincess for their wonderful beta reading and keeping me company while writing this story ♥

Tagging: @spnyoucantkeepmedown @samlicker83 @wait-what5 (if you want to be tagged, just drop me an ask or contact me via IM)

As soon as Sam came back home, he took the little box out from under his bed and opened it. Inside laid the letter his mother had written for him when he had only been a few days old. His whole life he had treasured this piece of paper and anticipated the day he would finally be able to read it - and now he was about to burn the words she had directed at him, the only words he would ever have that were hers. He didn’t even know why, but he had accepted the dare…

“Don’t be mad at me mom,” Sam said and placed a kiss on the letter in his hands. “You said if I ever found what I am missing it would feel wrong and insane and that’s how this feels right now, so please forgive me. I hope I’m doing the right thing.”

He put the letter back into the box, closed it and carried it outside. In the tiny garden behind the house they lived in, Sam dug a small hole, in which he placed the box. He opened it again, took the letter out one last time and got his lighter.

“Please, let this not be a mistake,” he said and lit the letter.

Within seconds the letter was completely on fire and Sam dropped it back into the box to not burn himself. At first, only the letter burned, until suddenly the flames took over the whole box, creating a huge darting flame. It was so bright, Sam had to shield his eyes from the intensity of the light and when he dared to look again, all that was left of the box and letter was a small, gleaming pile of ashes. With a heavy heart, Sam covered the hole with the dirt next to it.

It was done, he had fulfilled the dare Lucifer gave him. Maybe one day Lucifer would tell him why he had chosen this dare, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer to this. Right now, without any explanation, it felt like a kick in the guts.

Sam stood in the night for a few minutes, silently mourning the loss of something this precious. Eventually though, when he realized standing there wouldn’t change anything, he went back inside and crawled into his bed. He really wanted to try the summoning Lucifer told him about right this second, demanding an explanation, but he was too exhausted to even give it a try.

After a strangely dreamless night, Sam woke up rather refreshed. With a clear mind, he was really glad he didn’t summon Lucifer the night before. He had been way too emotional back then and he would have probably screwed it up anyways.

Sam wasn’t surprised that Dean and his dad were still asleep - they rarely got up before noon on the weekends - so he had his peace while preparing breakfast. The last week he didn’t have a proper breakfast, so it was very nice just sitting down with toasts, some scrambled eggs and a coffee, without being disturbed. Sam took his time reading the newspaper, enjoying his meal and actually hoped for a peaceful weekend for once.

Before anyone else was able to get up, Sam retreated back to his room to not get into another argument, which immediately broke out when both Dean and John were up. Sam rolled his eyes when he heard them bicker in the kitchen again. Since they stayed rather civil so far, Sam continued cleaning up his room and shifting stuff around. He wasn’t the most tidy person, but at the moment his room resembled a garbage can and he really wanted it clean for… well, for reasons. No, so far he didn’t allow himself to acknowledge why he wanted it clean, even if it was pretty obvious.

When everything was done and the two blockheads still argued, Sam groaned frustrated. One damn quiet weekend, did he ask for too much? Couldn’t they get a beer each and shut up for a few minutes, just for a change? Sam really tried to ignore them, he knew shit would hit the fan if he didn’t, but at one point he just lost his patience.

“Can you two shitheads just shut the fuck up for one day?” he yelled as loud and angry as he could, instantly shocked by his own reaction. “Shit…” he whispered.

It was dead silent outside, way too silent for this to turn out well. Sam quickly jumped off his bed and locked his door in case it was about to get real. He stayed at the door, waiting for something to happen, but for a while the same creepy silence stayed.

“This little…” he suddenly heard his brother hiss, followed by heavy steps into his direction, which caused him to quickly push away from the door.

“Dean, get a hold on yourself!” John said, but made no effort to hold his older son back.

“Come out of your room, you little coward!” Dean yelled through the door and began banging on it with his fist.

“Fuck off!” Sam spat back, as angry as before. He knew Dean wouldn’t manage to break down the door, even if he was shaking - both from anger and being scared shitless - he would not shut up this time.

“You think you can talk like that to me, you little shit?”

“Hell yes, I do! You’re an asshole, why don’t you piss off and find someone else to terrorize?”

“Oh, really? What are you going to do? Summon your imaginary friend to kick my ass?”

Sam huffed, now both angry and spiteful. How dare he… how dare he fucking say things like that?

“Yeah, maybe I’m gonna do that!” he eventually yelled back, hands balled to fists and ready to fight. “Someone finally needs to hand you your shitty ass on a plate!”

At this, Dean began kicking at the door, which finally caught their dad’s interest again and he interfered.

“Enough, you two!” he commanded with his army-voice. “Dean, get the hell outta here before I forget myself! And Sam, open the damn door, now!”

“No way! I won’t open the door until this asshole is gone!” Sam wouldn’t allow Dean to get in, no matter how much his dad thought he had him under control - he hadn’t.

John argued with Dean again, but this time their conversation was short and it only lasted a few minutes before Dean stormed off angrily and smashed the door out again.

“Now, open the door, kid, or I’ll make you!” John commanded again and Sam finally obeyed. His dad stepped into his room, arms crossed and an angry look on his face. “What did your brother talk about imaginary friends?”

“Oh come on!” Sam groaned. “He’s insane, don’t you see that? He’s annoying me all the time, it’s not funny anymore!”

“What was he talking about, Sam? I want an answer.”

“He found a book I had to read for school and mocks me for it, that’s all!” Sam lied blatantly. “He said I’m trying to make friends with the devil, I told you he’s going nuts!”

“And, are you?” John asked serious and Sam looked at him in complete disbelief.

“Are you kidding me, dad? What do you think I am, some kind of satanist?”

“Well, you certainly look like one,” John scoffed and eyed his son suspiciously. “I better not find any dead animals or shit in your room, or you’ll get the beating of your lifetime.”

“I’m not running around, killing animals and summoning the devil, geez!” Sam threw his hands in the air overly dramatic, sat down on his bed and crossed his arms. “I just want to be left alone, that’s all.”

“I’ll have an eye on you, Sam.”

“Yeah, whatever…”

His dad stayed for a moment longer, inspecting his son and the room, then left and shut the door behind him. Sam fell onto his back in a huge relief. Thank God he had cleaned up before! If not, his dad would have seen the book on his bed and the candle stumps in front of it, that would have ended in a catastrophe. Not that this topic was over now, but at least he wasn’t bleeding in a corner, begging for his life to end just now.

Summoning Lucifer now, with his dad being as suspicious as this, was not a good idea. Still, Sam needed to talk to someone and there was no one else he had. If Lucifer got angry, he could just ask him to end it, right? Maybe he would do it quickly, without torturing him too much. It wasn’t that he wanted to die, not really, but he would rather die on his own terms if he had to.

Sam knew he had to be very careful, but he wanted to speak to Lucifer as soon as possible. His perfect opportunity came three hours later, when his dad got a call. He came to Sam’s room, informed him that he had to work in the town a few miles away for a few days and would leave some money home, so the boys could get food. Sam nodded and tried to look as sad as he could, even asking what he should do if Dean decided to let his anger out on him. At this, John smiled and told him not to worry, his brother wouldn’t do anything. Sam really didn’t believe him, but still nodded dutifully and watched his dad leave.

#samifer #sam x lucifer #sam winchester #spn lucifer #a dangerous game #this chapter is cruel i'm sorry #myfics #series #chapter 10

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