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dancingazaleas · 3 years

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𖨆. 07 / all for us

summary: it feels as if god is blessing you personally when levi decides to spare you. but as the day goes on, you can’t help but notice things and ask questions, some of which you didn’t ask.

note: why was this chapter so hard to write

taglist: @voltairelesecond @baelo80 @the-sun-baby @uniquepickle @ascybous @messyhairday-me @stupid-stinky @saturnalya @megumitodoroki @kouyume @quacksonlover81 @gipumar

word count: +3.0k

warnings/notes: cursing, mentions of murder, mentions of drinking and driving, vomiting, mentions of blood, mentions of ocd, the reader is confused

LEVI ackerman knew he wasn't a good person. he knew from the moment he watched his uncle slaughter a man in front of him at the age of eight.

levi knew the moment he killed a man for theft. he knew the moment people would cower before him in highschool when he'd walk through the halls. he knew the moment he was sucking the smoke from a cigarette into his mouth.

he knew the moment he found himself fighting police officers. he knew the moment he was pushed against the hood of a car with his hands cuffed behind his back.

he knew the moment when erwin smith sat down in front of him with no emotion written on his face. the moment when erwin said he knew levi had done it, but he would be defending him either way. the moment when levi disobeyed the oath as he spat out his testimony. the moment the gavel was slammed down along with the verdict of 'not guilty'. the moment he stepped into the sunshine, erwin's hand in his, for the first time in months, knowing damn well he didn't deserve it.

but levi didn't care, he never did. the world he was born into was cruel. he had to fight for his place at the top, for his food, for his clothes, for everything. if no one cared about him, then why should he care for others.

but as he stares down at you trembling from fear on the floor, he can't help but think that he's incorrect.

"please don't hurt me again," you plead in a whisper, tilting your head to the floor.

levi only sighs, walking in and shutting the door behind him. he crouches in front of you, hand now awkwardly stroking your head.

"what happened," he asks, and it's something that comes as a shock to you. you were slightly prepared for a beating.

you snap your head up to look at him in shock.

"what have you got in your hands," he points at the scrapbook held to your chest.

"oh!" you fumble to show him, "i saw this earlier... i wanted to look but i didn't think you'd allowed me. i'm sorry, please don't hurt me."

"i would've let you, i barely look at this thing anymore. can you tell me what happened now," he scoffs at the front cover of the scrapbook.

"when i was going to put it back, a book on the shelf fell. then another book on the top shelf fell off, so i used the lower shelves as a ladder. as you can see, it didn't work," you look ashamed while you gesturing towards the shelf.

he just huffs, "go sit on the couch. we can look through that book after i clean."

you obey and watch levi heft the bookshelf back onto its legs. his fists clench as he looks down at the pile of books surrounding his feet.

hastily, levi's picking up the books by the color and placing them back onto the shelf. when he's finished, he takes a step back to look at it. he's unsatisfied, instead more frustrated as he starts to take all of the books off of the second bookshelf he has.

but in the middle of taking the books off the shelf, he twitches and taps the book against the wood five times. he's putting the books back onto the shelf, going back to the other bookshelf and taking all the books off of that.

you stare in absolute bewilderment. the shelves had looked perfect and identical to you, not to mention clean. as he's in the midst of taking the books off the shelf, he taps the book against the wood again.

and with that, he's placing it all back onto the shelf again. he sighs in relief after he's checked everything, finally trotting to you and plopping down next to you on the loveseat.

nervously, you scoot closer to him in order for you both to be able to see the scrapbook. he watches you flip it open past his baby picture, instead turning to the page that showed his mother feeding him.

"that's my mom, kuchel," he gently rubs his finger on the photograph, "think i was around a year at this point."

humming, you flip to the next page. when you realize it's the picture of levi at his mother's funeral, you try to flip the page but levi stops you.

a sigh, he explains, "my mother always had a very weak immune system, according to my uncle. because of where we lived, we both ended up getting deathly ill and we were too weak to get any help. i had to watch her die and wait for someone to come check up on us."

"i'm assuming it was your uncle," you tilt your head.

"it was. he took me in afterwards, gave me food and a shower. he even taught me how to hold a knife and how to fight for future reference. he had some work to do while i would fight for food."

you point to the one of levi standing in front of a building. to which he replies with, "first day of kindergarten. my mother was still alive back then so she decided to take the picture."

he turns the page for you, a relieved look in his eyes at he stares at the next photograph. it's a picture of levi, in high school, wearing a tux while standing next to another man with a bubbly girl holding onto levi as she holds up a peace sign.

the boy, who's also wearing a tux, has ice blue eyes and wavy dirty blonde hair that obviously hasn't been styled. he's got a gentle smile on his face while he looks at both the girl and levi, someone who levi was obviously fond of.

the girl has dark red hair in low and loose ponytails with freckles painting her tan cheeks. her eyes shine an emerald green along with her pearly white teeth.

"that's... isabel and farlan. met them in 8th grade, and we were at junior prom in this. farlan took me as his date while isabel went stag. i'm glad i still have this picture."

you resist the urge to fight back the joke of his type in men, instead asking, "are you not friends anymore?"

levi stays quiet for a moment, "they died in a horrible car crash a month later. some asshole decided to drink and drive while driving a semi. rear ended them at 45 miles per hour and killed them on impact. isabel was slouching in her seat and farlan was hunched over the wheel apparently. it was gruesome."

"i.... i'm so sorry," you reluctantly touch his arm.

he waves his free hand up and down in dismissal, despite hurt he actually was, "it's fine. happened years ago."

he turns the next page in order to distract himself from the sheer awkwardness that bathes the room. the next picture is of him, around the age of 24, standing in the sunlight while he smiles softly to the sky.

"erwin was my attorney, before he became a prosecutor, when i went to jail. he proved me not guilty and this was the picture he managed to take of me right after we left the courthouse. it was the first time i'd seen the sun without handcuffs on in months," he huffs with slight annoyance at the memory, something that surprises you just a bit.

"why'd you get arrested?"

"nothing you need to worry about," telling you would only make you fear him more. and that would be a pain to deal with.

the next page after is blank, along with the rest that follow.

"i stopped because i thought it was stupid," he crosses his arms, nudging the back of the scrapbook with his knee.

"i don't think it's stupid," you shake your head, fingertips gently tracing the grainy and textured paper.

"why's that?"

"well," you smile a bit while your mind wonders to the scrapbook pieck made you one year for your birthday, "it shows you the good memories that you might've missed as the time passed. reminds you that there's something in every little small day. it helps you keep the memory alive, even if some of it is upsetting, and i think it shows how much you've changed as a person."

levi stares at you, slightly flustered at your words as you relook at the photographs with gentle hands.

he stands up, "i just remembered the tea." ah, a sound excuse. if only levi had made tea.

you watch as he seems to rush out of the room, something you shrug off while gently putting the scrapbook on levi's desk and laying back down on the couch. you play another movie on the television that hangs on the wall, perking up when levi walks back into the room with a tray. it holds finger sandwiches and some lettuce mixed with some fruit in a small bowl along with tea. cracked sunflower seeds sit on a small plate on the side, and you feel yourself droll when you realize at there's cheese, lettuce, and ham on your sandwich.

levi places it on your lap, simply nodding at your kind, "thank you, levi."

he doesn't answer and just goes back to his desk, while you chew quietly.

it stays that way until erwin comes home.

————

it isn't until your eyes are fluttering open that you realize you've fallen asleep. you flinch at the sight of erwin's face close to your's, but slowly relax when he pulls away.

"i'm sorry, i didn't think my kiss would wake you," he places a loving hand on your head.

"'s fine, probably needed to get up anyway," you reply groggily while rubbing an eye, "how long have i been asleep for?"

"levi said since a little bit after lunch. it's only three o'clock at the moment," he sits on the edge of the couch, smiling at how you shuffle to accommodate him.

"sandwiches must've been tasty.... did you just get off work," you sigh and snuggle up under the thin blanket that's been laid on top of you while you were sleeping.

erwin lays his large hand on your cheek, which has you tense for just a moment and then relaxing.

"i got off a little while ago but i needed to run errands," a thumb strokes at the apple of your cheek, something that you disgustingly find comfort in.

"where did levi go?"

"went to make himself some tea," he chuckles with a shake of his head, "he claimed that he felt withdrawals."

you shake your head while laughing, "i doubt he said that. how was work?"

"i guess i can say it was adequate. i missed you and levi the whole day, but would often get distracted by my clients and their necessities. i'm dealing with a kidnapping case at the moment. a girl around your age named ymir was recently found by her girlfriend, historia. i can't say anything more," he pulls his hand away from you and uses it to pinch the bridge of his nose.

you feel yourself get the chills.

he's.... working on a kidnapping case.

he's prosecuting.... a kidnapper.

he's punishing someone who's doing the same thing as him. someone who took away a girl and kept her trapped for months. god knows what the man did to the girl.

and here you are, letting erwin hold your cheek and looking through an old photo album with levi.

you feel sick to your stomach, shooting up while slapping a hand to your mouth and grabbing at her's shirt.

"i'm gonna throw up," you barely are able to speak without the feeling of your food coming out of your stomach.

startled, erwin stares, "what?"

"can... need a can," you gag and lean over the edge of the couch.

erwin gets up when he realizes just what it is you're asking for, rushing across the room only for you to spill your guts out onto the floor.

it's been forever since you've thrown up, minus when levi kicked your stomach, and it has your whole body shaking. the intensity of it all has your nose dripping with blood and tears falling from your eyes, forcing you to seal your eyes closed.

"what happened here," levi sounds scared as he stands in the doorway, but before erwin can even finish his sentence levi is slamming the door behind him while he storms out.

erwin sighs with frustration, helping you scoot down the couch so he can place the trash can in front of you without the bottom being dirtied. with shaky hands, erwin's pulling all of your hair out of your face while you sob and gag into the trash.

it's ten more minutes before you're able to lay back down. blood and tears stain your face and you dazedly stare up at the ceiling.

"i'll be back with a towel and some water, levi will be back soon with an avalanche of cleaning products," erwin reassurances while he stumbles out of the door.

just as erwin leaves, levi enters. he's got a mask that covers his nose and mouth and rubber gloves that match with his cleaning apron. he's carrying a sponge, some spray, a towel, a broom/dustpan, along with some breath mints.

levi squats on all fours, scrubbing at the floor aggressively as he rides the room of the stench and the stain.

"s... sorry," you croak and levi grimaces.

he ignores you in order to keep scrubbing at the floor just as erwin rushes in with a warm towel and some water. he wipes off your blood, tears, and the mouth to rid you of your vomit. you look at him dazedly as he helps you drink the water he's given you.

levi passes a few breath mints to you when you're done drinking the water, which you eagerly take. you plop them into your mouth, sighing as you rest back against the couch cushions.

"take her to her room," levi orders erwin while spraying the spray onto the floor and couch.

erwin does so in silence, carefully carrying you to your room and laying you on the bed.

"levi won't hurt me will he...? please tell me he won't," you grit your teeth while holding onto erwin's shirt sleeve, tears welling up in your eyes.

"no, he won't. he's just scared," erwin grabs the hand on his sleeve and holds it in his own.

"of what?"

"uncleanliness. a while after he started living with me, i took him to a psychiatrist as i had noticed strange behaviors. he ended up getting diagnosed with ocd, and the psychiatrist thought it had to do with his upbringing in poverty. if things aren't a certain way or clean enough, it causes him to spiral," erwin explains carefully, trying to find the correct words and meanings as he speaks.

"doesn't that... give him more of a reason to hurt me...?" you squeeze his hand tightly and pulling it closer to you in fear.

"it doesn't. why are you insistent at how levi might hurt you," he bunches his eyebrows up in concern while scooting closer to you.

"he's done it so many times before... remember? if i say the wrong thing... i'll get slapped. if i make a mistake, he'll beat me.. i just don't want to hurt anymore," you sob hysterically, bringing your free hand up to your face to cover your eyes.

erwin stares in bewilderment. he hadn't realized just how much levi's beatings effected you. of course, they were supposed to affect you in some way, but not enough where you were terrified of making a wrong move.

"he won't hurt you unless you've deserved it, and you've done nothing in a while. he loves you," erwin stroked his thumb across your skin.

you raise your hand from your eyes to stare at him, heat swarming your face, "he does? he doesn't act like it.."

"of course he loves you," erwin smiles, "i love you as well. we'd never hurt you unless given a reason."

something about his sentence makes your head throb in pain. maybe it was the secret confusion that lingered in your head. they said they loved you, even though they kidnapped you and beat you half to death. but then again, they did provide you with things you'd mentioned to them before in order to keep you happy. they even bought a grand piano for you.

it has your heart speeding up and your body hot, bashfully looking to the side.

you loved them back didn't you? they'd treated you with such care, hadn't they? bathing you, feeding you, dressing you, and even visiting you. anytime they were around you, your heart would speed up and you'd get a weird feeling in your stomach.

that meant love, did it not?

subconsciously, you furrow your eyes and grit your teeth. they didn't love you. they were just crazy.

well, maybe they weren't crazy, maybe just misled. you've yet to learn about erwin's past, but based on the way he acts, you assume that it might be a sensitive topic. that had to be the only logical solution, right?

but if they weren't crazy, they'd let you outside, right?

but then again, the outside world could be dangerous at times. when you went outside last time, you did get scuffed and bruised because of the concrete. maybe they just wanted to protect you? that had to be it.

you open your mouth to reply, but the sound of your door opening and closing has you slamming it shut.

"she's still crying," levi asks while walking closer, frowning at how you grip erwin's hand tighter.

"it's best if i let you and her speak about it," erwin says sadly, letting go of your hand and making his way to the door, "alone."

you gulp as soon as erwin shuts the door behind him, staring at levi anxiously. he plops himself next to your body, just like erwin did before.

"please don't hurt me..."

sighing, he lays himself down next to you and pulls you close to him.

"i'm not going to hurt you," he pulls your head into his chest and wraps his arms around you, "not unless you deserve it."

"but...," you quiver, "you were so angry earlier."

"i wasn't angry. i was just... nervous, i guess. and it wasn't at you, or because of you, it was at the mess."

a silence floods the room as you relax in levi's embrace, heat once again spreading to your cheeks.

"what made you puke? i know lunch wasn't that bad," levi grumbles while rubbing your back, arm slightly stiff.

"erwin... was telling me about his case. the one about the girl getting kidnapped...," you tense up again while levi sighs.

"why would he tell you that? i swear he's gonna end up shooting himself in the foot one day," he shakes his head, "you're not like that girl."

"how so..."

"we did it because we love you, not because we wanted to use your body," he scoffs, "surprised you think of us that lowly."

"n-no! i-i don't," you exclaim.

"i know, i'm just teasing. but don't doubt us like that. we want to love you and care for you, not use you," you trace your finger in a circle at levi's sentence, embarrassment washing over you like a wave.

"you love me?"

"yeah, wouldn't do what i did otherwise."

"i think..." you furrow your eyebrows, unaware of the slightly shocked expression of levi, "i think i love you too..."

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #levi ackerman #snk levi #levi x you #levi x reader #erwin x levi #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi aot #erwin x you #attack on titan erwin #erwin smith #aot erwin #erwin x reader #sorrels.allforus💒#sorrels.darkcontent👛

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coldsorescured · 7 years

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Why Have I Had Cold Sores for More Than a Month?

See Why Have I Had Cold Sores for More Than a Month? on The Best Place for Unbiased Cold Sore Information or read the entire post below:

Having a cold sore can be a source of discomfort and embarrassment. However, having a blister that will not heal quickly, perhaps for as long as 2 months, can be a source of enormous frustration.

Caused by a host of triggers, some fever blisters can definitely overstay their welcome. While some reasons can be simplistic, others can be highly complex. This is especially true if an infection is the reason why your cold sore has lasted for so long.

Although even the most stubborn cold sores will eventually disappear, some require lifestyle changes and the best medicines for cold sores. This is why it is important to contact your physician if your blister refuses to respond to OTC treatments.

Why Has My Cold Sore Lasted for 1 to 2 Months?

The more you know about potential pitfalls, the easier it will be to steer clear of long-term issues. Let's explore the reasons more closely:

Disturbing Blisters Can Slow Down Healing & Recovery

Although no one deliberately hinders the healing of their cold sore, bad things can happen. Even the slightest trauma can set you back.

Even with a solid treatment, we all fall victim to ourselves every so often. This is especially true if you are naturally fidgety and inquisitive. Touching, rubbing, picking, and stretching your lip can halt the cold sore healing progress. Even touching your blister with your tongue can be problematic.

If your cold sore has lingered more than a couple of weeks, it is possible that this could be the cause. It is also possible that you are the cause and do not even know it.

Although cold sore treatment methods are numerous, they only work on a protected lip. Treatment falls short if your lip and blister are being tampered with on a somewhat routine basis.

To summarize...

Manipulation of a cold sore can have a negative effect on the healing process.

Simple and unintentional acts can harm your blister. Just the basic act of rubbing your lips with your finger(s) or tongue can cause a problem. This situation is naturally made worse if you have a habit of "playing" with your lips.

Treatment will not work to full effectiveness if your lip is compromised. Even HERP-B-GONE cream, for example, will not be able to heal your sore if it is being wiped clean by a fidgety finger.

Infection Can Cause a Cold Sore to Last Longer

An infection can cause a cold sore to overstay its welcome.

Caused by a number of potential issues, lack of proper care, manipulation, and improper hygiene can all lead to infection. Although infection can occur at times due to matters beyond your control, that is usually not the case. If you have been treating your sore and using care, infection is not likely to develop.

It is important to note that infection can come from a minor detail. Something very trivial, in fact. Simply touching an active blister with an unclean finger can potentially infect the blister. While slight, touching your lip is certainly within your control.

If you have a cold sore, you are encouraged to use extreme care. This action and mindset will not only heal the sore faster but also save you some potential grief in weeks to come.

If your cold sore has lasted beyond 10-14 days, an infection could be the reason. Consult your physician to receive a true evaluation.

To recap...

Infection can be harmful to your existing blister and can impact healing. The setback can potentially last for weeks.

Infections can be the result of lack of proper care but they can also be the result of honest, yet avoidable, mistakes. Ex: Touching your blister with an unclean finger, etc.

You are encouraged to consult your physician if you think you have an infection. The cold sore will likely require prescribed medication.

Health & Lifestyle Factors Are Slowing Down Recovery

Could your long-term cold sore be the result of your lifestyle choices and health? If this is your first experience with HSV-1, it is certainly more difficult for a tired and under-the-weather individual to recover.

While the "trigger list" is quite lengthy, listed below are some of the pitfalls:

General illness

Fatigue

Stress

Cold and sunny weather conditions

Lip trauma due to dental work

Although some triggers stick out like a sore thumb, others hide under the radar. Is it possible to be stressed and not be fully aware of the problem? Yes. Is it possible to be fatigued and not realize what it's doing to you? Yes. The weather would also fall under this category. What you consider normal seasonal conditions could be hindering the cold sore healing process.

Whether you are having your first cold sore or a routine outbreak, it is always important to know the triggers. Even the stress of having a cold sore could be the reason your cold sore is still hanging around.

If you have been under the weather, for example, building up your immune system will expedite your recovery. This will ultimately allow your body to heal your cold sore more effectively.

Did You Have a Severe Cold Sore Outbreak?

So much of the healing process, for better or worse, can depend on the severity of an outbreak. Have you had a cold sore for weeks? Perhaps a cold sore for over a month? The outbreak itself and your ability to recover could be the reason.

There are three vital things to note...

Severe outbreaks always take longer to heal.

First-time outbreaks can be quite aggressive. In most cases, an initial cold sore outbreak will be the worst you will ever face.

Have your cold sores spread? If HSV-1 has been transferred to the mouth and even nose region this episode will take longer to resolve. The greater the coverage area, the longer the recovery. Additionally, severe outbreaks are more prone to infection. Especially outbreaks with a wide coverage area.

Alternative Cold Sore Treatments

Are you currently using an OTC treatment or natural remedy and seeing no results? If so, we have a few suggestions that could potentially reduce your cold sore healing time.

Having a cold sore for weeks and potentially months is beyond annoying. Thankfully, the demand for treatments is bigger than ever. More competition means more products for you to try. And remember, all it takes is one quality product to eliminate your fever blister nightmare.

Let's touch on just a few:

Carmex - This brand has been on the market almost 80 years. Carmex Cold Sore Treatment can reduce pain as well as minimize itch. Carmex also claims to provide immediate relief.

Abreva - Quickly moving to the top of the OTC line, Abreva cream is a worthy selection. Designed to penetrate the skin to the source of the virus, Abreva blocks HSV-1. This shield can separate infected cells from healthy skin. It is said that Abreva can heal cold sores in 72 hours.

Campho-Phenique - Not to be confused with traditional liquid Campho-Phenique, this famed brand is now offering a cold sore ointment. Similar in many ways to Abreva, Campho-Phenique can heal cold sores fast.

Lysine - Super Lysine Plus is a highly touted ointment that can heal cold sores. With the claim of cutting overall healing time in half, Super Lysine is a clear application that can soothe the infected area.

As it relates to a more technologically advanced method, the Virulite Electronic Cold Sore Treatment is available. FDA approved, the Virulite only has to be used three times per day for two days. Additionally, courtesy of light technology, your lip will remain free of cream or gel.

The market is endless, and it is designed to help you win. If you are currently unsatisfied with your treatment method, consider making a switch. As with any treatment, it truly is different strokes for different folks. We encourage you to shop around and find the best cold sore healer for you.

Long-Lasting Cold Sores Do Heal on Their Own

While it is most certainly easier said than done, the final takeaway is likely patience. When all else fails, it is important to trust the healing process, even if that process takes much longer than you would like.

It is also important to avoid manipulation and pay attention to your overall health. Are you accidentally sabotaging your own healing? It is certainly possible. Have you left the door open to infection? These are all important things to consider and address.

Finally, never give up on medicine. Just because your current treatment is falling flat does not mean the next one will too. All cold sores heal eventually. They are not perpetual. It is only a matter of time before you find the right treatment for your unique situation.

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