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unhinged-transmasc-man · 1 year

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First: This is my first post since the one I made about transmasc issues blew up,,, thank you to everyone for the support, I’m glad it resonated with so many :D

Second: As someone who has sensory issues and struggles with executive function (and who struggled with depression for most of my life), I discovered a method for self-care that has actually made everything quite pleasant, and figured it would help a lot of people. Disclaimer that these tips won’t work for everyone. Please understand I have good intentions and am trying to use what has helped me to help others. For reference, I am a mostly able-bodied neurodivergent person (system, autism, adhd), so I don’t have much personal experience with mobility issues or severe chronic pain/other related issues. Feel free to add suggestions with those perspectives. And so, here’s a post with tips for Self-Care™️ for anyone with sensory/executive function issues:

Sensory issues: My main issue was that everything had too many steps, and that many sensations were too unpleasant, almost to the point of causing physical pain. After I tried out a brush for exfoliating (they’re hard to describe, but it’s an exfoliating device for your face), I found the sensation of it with the gel to be really really nice. I’d start looking forward to it as the center point of motivation for my skincare routine. So I realized the trick is to instead try and create or focus on new and more pleasant sensations. Get toothpaste for sensitive teeth, in a flavor that you can stand (I realized I can only do peppermint or I feel sick). Instead of focusing on the obligation of brushing, focus on how it feels to run your tongue over smooth teeth (sounds weird but I promise it helps). For showers, focus on how nice it feels when you’re clean. If you have body dysphoria, try showering with the lights off (this helped me a LOT). Try getting a nice fluffy bathrobe and good quality towels, small things can be really nice. They add a lot of motivation, which for me goes something like “Showering means I can put on the fluffy robe! Good texture!” A good bathmat also works wonders, especially ones with thick fibers like terry cloth that absorb water so you don’t have to endure a wet bathmat when you get out. Also, slippers!! Not having to touch a cold bathroom tile is nice!!! Soon you’ll be able to focus on those much more pleasant sensations, rather than the harsh ones that made everything difficult.

Executive function: First, you have to reframe your thinking. Instead of beating yourself down with trying to force yourself to do something, realize that you deserve to be clean. You’re trying as hard as you can, and you deserve a judgement free zone. And this goes for most things, but for self-care in particular there are way more steps than a lot of people (esp. neurotypical) consider. It really helps to write/break down all the steps for something like showering or a skincare routine, and focus on completing each one. For example: taking a shower is framed as having three steps (turn on water, get in and shower, and get out), when in fact is actually can be broken down into many more:

1. Prepare clothes

2. Prepare towels

3. Prepare hair care products (if using)

4. Undress

5. Put on bathrobe

4. Go into bathroom

5. Hang clothes on rack

6. Turn on water

7. Test temperature

8. Put hair care products near bathtub/shower (if using)

9. Get into shower

10. Use soap

11. Exfoliate/do whatever in the shower to be clean

12. Use hair care products (if using)

13. Turn water off

14. Use towel to dry off

15. Put on bathrobe

16. Get dressed

You may not have even realized how many steps those are, and are shaming yourself for not being able to do 16 tasks when you may feel like you barely have the capacity to do one! Hopefully seeing it framed like this helps 🫶

In general, I hope these suggestions help!! Please add additional suggestions or thoughts in tags and comments <3

#mental health suggestions #self care #self-care #self-care suggestions #executive disfunction suggestions #sensory issues suggestions #sensory issues #adhd #autism #helpful suggestions #wholesome suggestion

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charismastaticarchive · 5 years

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lulu ( & patricia ) hc/meta:

motherhood/maternal instinct in fiction & feminist analysis

if u read my content, you know that i like to have a bit of a leftist, feminist&genderfuck slant to all my writing and the analysis of all my characters. women in particular are never just women, and they’re always more than the fanservice and literary/video game tropes that are pushed on to them.

i want to talk, for a moment, about “cis” motherhood and a cis woman’s body, particularly a fictional/conceptual/symbolic one---from the perspective of a non-binary afab lesbian with psychosis who has experienced delusions and dysphoria about pregnancy my whole life. from my own personal perspective, mostly because of the aforementioned marginalizations and mental illnesses i experience.... pregnancy and motherhood are both terrifying.

but i don’t really want to talk about that, i want to talk about the typical “cis” women characters with maternal instincts----and how i believe mothers in fiction can be portrayed as complex women without losing their personalities and personal goals, namely by choosing to believe that a woman’s experience with pregnancy, childbirth, and her family/romantic entanglements are as complicated and varied as she is---and believing her problems are not solved by a man, a child, or pregnancy and in fact, can even be excacerbated by them.

so to do show examples of simpler narratives that can be made more complex, i’m going to talk about two different characters of mine that are ‘mothers’ in canon----patricia, and lulu.

to start with, patricia is the archetypical dead anime mom. the only things that make her a special character to me are that: 1) she had an extraoridinanary amount of children in order to birth a ‘special’ child. 2) she was married to two men at apparently the same time. and 3) because of her wanting to see her own child, extreme tragedy takes place that she apparently is aware of when she asks the villains of the game---a man masquerading as her own brother included among their ranks---to help her.

now we could go the typical route. we could say that patricia is a mother---and of course she loves her biirth children more than anything, and she wanted to see her birth mother instead of her step-child. (in addition to being a dead mom archetype, she makes a very excellent evil step-mother.) but her life is so much more complicated than her child. she has two husbands. her brother is one of the main villains of the game that tortures her child. there’s thing you can get into, hidden depths that can’t be explained by her just being a woman or a mother. perhaps she loved her birth children as if they were her only family bc she knew her brother no longer was her family, her parents did not believe she was any use to them other than a bargaining chip to becoming royalty. the emperor was old, and she was very young. perhaps she felt for the past ELEVEN pregnancies that only her children, made inside her body, were the only thing that were her own in that terrifyingly lonely castle. perhaps she wanted to see them because her second husband was just as patriarchal as the first, perhaps as self-consumed. perhaps she wanted to be more than a wife---and all she knew she could be was a mother.

there’s was you can write her as very complex, and even make the seemingly simple motivation of just seeing her birth child a symbol of a greater inner life within her, even though she’s not even mentioned on the black eagles route, and is only mentioned in passing in blue lions route!

and so, on to a much more complex example of my portrayals, because lulu is an actual canon character who we can actually see in the canon of ffx and who is not just alluded to.

lulu is maternal, an ‘older sister’ figure to yuna, and a voice of reason the whole game who takes care of yuna and even wakka in a famililal context. she’s nurturing and kind despite her dark & gothic appearance, and even her puppets refer to her as ‘mother’ in certain unlockable cutscenes in the second game.

but despite this, this is not all lulu is. lulu is a wise guardian figure---but she’s also a fierce fighter that can get the most damage in your party. she’s knowledgeable about the world at large, she’s sensible to a fault and takes 0 bullshit. she’s deeply traumatized about the loss of her first love, chappu, and probably her second lost love, someone she tried to guard shortly before the game begins. despite the most important person in the world to her being her sister character in game, the second game pairs her up with wakka (her dead fiancee’s BROTHER) and ‘shows her’ having a child with him. i say ‘shows her’ because, the game uses the exact same model from the first game, and does not ACTUALLY show her looking pregnant before she has the child even tho she could supposedly give birth at any moment.

we can assume lulu wants to move on from all the death in her life---to a new life with wakka. but it doesn’t make sense that she would get over her trauma so easily, especially without yuna by her side. she lost her parents to sin, she lost chappu, and just because sin is gone, doesn’t mean that the church and all its teachings which she believed in for long hasn’t left a mark on her, or that the church being willfully wrong about how to save the world (and sacrificing so many people in the process) ALSO didn’t have an effect on her when so much of her trauma is related to that.

i think lulu as a mother figure fails. i think in this case of canon, motherhood is a copout for the character---who literally just wasn’t in ffx-2, because it would restrain yuna and not let her grow as a character as much, in the director’s own words. she’s ‘healed’ by wakka and motherhood, her agency as an active player in the story (and her sister’s life, the most important person in the world to her) is taken from her. we’re supposed to take it as FINE with lulu that yuna just left in the middle of the night and never came back even tho she told no one where she was going! she could’ve been dead!

but i think we CAN make the circumstances of lulu in ffx-2 more complicated, if we try. if we take lulu’s trauma seriously, and show that her circumstances effect her. if we make her relationship with wakka something of desperation---to try to make her life make sense, to try to inject new life into a world still full of death & ghosts. we can make her feel not connected to her body and her baby by not being able to ‘show’/’see’ the growth of her child inside her. and we can make part of the reason she wanted to have this child because she felt she ‘lost’ yuna, that yuna was growing beyond her---and she wanted to have someone to take care of, still, even tho she might never have the same connection with her child as she does with yuna---and that SCARES her. we can also note that as a wlw as i play lulu---she might’ve thought she HAD to be with wakka to ever find someone who could love her AND have children with her, and being pregnant with a man’s child making her feel lost from her body and sense of self---her love for both chappu, and for women.

final notes: this was about cis women, but i want to note that all motherhood can really be something beautiful. i believe that stories should be about LOVE more than anything, and the bond between mother and child---especially a trans mother who chooses their own child through adoption, found family, surrogacy, or having a child with their partner with a uterus---can be one of the most beautiful sources of love on this planet!

being responsible for another human’s life with always be taxing. but when it’s something you choose---knowing that responsibility, wanting to bear the burden of a human life, and actually seeing the goal of raising them for the rest of your life and seeing to it that they’re happy and healthy---that’s something that’s really special and wonderful, even if it’s something i can’t see myself doing.

still, i don’t think the story is EVER so simple as a cis birth mother in a nuclear family loving their child and their husband, and living solely for them. life is complicated. women are complicated, with rich inner lives! and that’s part of the thing that makes willful, ethical motherhood so beautiful----knowing that taking on the burdens of taking care of another person for the rest of your life, meaning that your life comes second, is such a. big step in giving up part of your self just to love someone, just to take care of them and be there for them as your child deserves.

it’s more complicated than that, obviously, but love is complicated! and if love is worth telling stories about, then complicated stories about women and the ways they love their children, each other, and themselves are even more important.

i don’t know how to end this so [dabs] i guess lol

#{ ch: in my dying breath i will still wish to see you; as i have again & again until even death itself knew your name | patricia }#{ hc: in my dying breath i will still wish to see you; as i have again & again until evil death itself knew your name | patricia }#{ ch: puppet of fate | lulu }#{ hc: puppet of fate | lulu }#{ ooc: hc }#pregnancy tw

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izzy-b-hands · 5 years

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Hey all

So, if you peek at my lil bio paragraph on my blog you'll notice some changes. Wanted to briefly note them here as a blog housekeeping thing.

Change One-the addition of queer. This is a term I always felt applied to me but that as a younger person figuring myself out on here, Tumblr had scared me away from using. However, after some long talks with myself, my therapist, and some local LGBTQ community members, I've come to find that I'm most comfortable using it in addition to bisexual and genderfluid. However, I know not everyone is comfortable with it, and I understand that, so I want to note that while it's a term that fits me, I would never apply to anyone who didn't use it/isn't comfortable with it. But for me on my own? In that case I'm here and I'm queer (and it's a lot easier to for me to say queer until I know I can trust whomever I might be meeting/ talking to, and from there can explain the exact details of who I am if it comes up.) It was used against me as a slur growing up, but so were all our words more than once sadly (thanks to growing up in a fairly conservative area)-gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender-and I'm just so sad and so tired of letting those bullies from my past and how they stole those words dictate how I identity now. So, for me, I'm queer: specifically bisexual and genderfluid, and I'm just grateful to have words that describe me, that have helped me feel less lost in finding myself. But if you don't want me using that word for you? I respect and understand that, and will use whatever words you say fit you and who you are. We're a community-and I'd rather make every effort to life each other up and help each other, rather than tear each other apart over word choice-you do you, I'll do me, essentially.

Change Two-the new name. A while back, I had switched from Alyssa (my full birth name) to Aly as an attempt to have a more gender neutral name to help my general dysphoria. However, as time has gone on and my dysphoria has worsened for a variety of reasons, I've realized that another change is in order. To lessen my dysphoria (since other methods, like breast removal and hormones are so far out of my reach atm and boy howdy is that all another fucking basket of eels I may vent post about later tbh) and to feel more comfortable as I feel more fluid (now having an equal number if not even a few more days where I feel more masculine than ever, and feel more comfortable trying to pass that way or at least as close to androgynous as I can get) I've decided to change it again, and go by Lee.

There is some significance to the name-its actually a male family member's middle name. While I chose it in part because it's a fairly more neutral name than Aly, I also chose it to honor him, as basically the only blood related man in my life who has been a good figure for me. Even with his flaws, him on his best day still personifies the type of man I want to be-and I'm typing that particular reason out here to get it out because sadly he is of the older generation, and I don't yet know that I'll ever be able to tell him this or even fully come out to him and my other older family members. So indulge me as I put it here instead for now.

It isn't changed legally yet-this is a new change for me, and one my mother particularly hates, so I'm easing into it before I do that so that she hopefully won't hate me forever once I do change it legally. Don't get me wrong, she's trying-this is all just hard for her.

But I digress-point is, on here and in a few other places of my life, I'm going by Lee.

Also, apologies for not updating the writing blog. Life has been busy and often strange in good and bad ways recently, and between my day job and writing I'm just not online as often as I used to be. But I appreciate you all for still following me (except for the porn bots. Porn bots? Please stop following me) and for being here as I grow both as an artist and as a person. Y'all are wonderful ❤️🖤🌷

#text post #I almost wasnt going to write this but then i was like #shit I probably should #since i havent really altered that little bio area in ages lol #plus it is cathartic to type this all out #since I cant always be open and myself everywhere rn #but at least i can on my fucking blog

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 7 years

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Hello, I realise this blog is mainly for trans teenagers however a few months ago my daughter recently came out to me as trans and has since been asking if she could buy a binder. I want her to be happy but I have done some research and have seen some horror stories detailing the dangers and harm that they can cause, I wanted to know how much of this is true. Thank you

Lee says:

Unfortunately, the horror stories you’ve heard are likely true. Binding unsafely can damage ribs and is dangerous. People who bind with ACE bandages or duct tape and similar unsafe materials can hurt themselves, and even some binders are unsafe to wear because the material isn’t stretchy enough. If you wear a binder from a good company for too long or while doing vigorous exercise, you could get hurt. That’s why you sometimes hear of people getting hurt in commercial binders more often than people getting hurt in DIY binders; they’ll buy a binder and then wear it all day and night.

However, if you are careful to follow our guidelines for safe binding and you have a binder from a reputable company and not a cheap one, binding should be safe. Personally, I have been binding since I was 15 (I’m currently 18) and I have not experienced any negative side effects from binding, and I haven’t ever had any injuries to my ribs or anything else. Phoenix, the trans guy who created this blog, has been binding since 16 and he’s 23 now and doing okay I believe. I know a lot more people who haven’t gotten injured than people who have been hurt, and I know a lot of trans people.

I think that it is safe to purchase your child a binder, and I know that binding can really help a trans person experiencing dysphoria feel better and improve their mood, which makes it worth it. I was so happy when I bought my first binder! I finally felt like my body looked like it should be, and it made me a lot more comfortable with myself. However, I will be honest- binding unsafely can be dangerous, and you can’t ignore that. But making sure they are aware of and following the guidelines listed below should make binding a whole lot safer!

Sidenote: I’m so pleased you’re doing this research to help your child! This is such a wonderful thing to see, and you really are a good parent for trying to accept this change and adjust to make them happy and safe. Having unaccepting parents is very hard on a trans person, and can send them into depression (which we already suffer from at higher rates than non-transgender people until we’ve been allowed to transition) and I think open communication within a family about what’s going on and how they feel is incredibly important.

Binding info:

GC2B and Underworks are the most popular and reputable binder companies. I personally prefer gc2b, but both companies should be safe to purchase a binder from. All gc2b binders only have compression in the chest area (Even their full length tank ones) which is good because full-length compression is uncomfortable like wearing Spanx or shapewear to flatten your stomach because it covers that area too. Some Underworks binders have full-length compression, so make sure you avoid those.

Binding does NOT cause:

Breast cancer

Lung cancer

Any cancer at all

Mastitis

Normal side-effects:

Getting winded after walking quickly/upstairs with binder on, but able to catch breath

Chafing in the underarm areas

putting on lotion can help, or getting a bigger binder

Soreness during or after binder in arms, shoulders, or back

Increased acne on chest or back

washing your binder regularly should help, and over the counter acne cream from the pharmacy is good

Here’s a post on washing a binder. Binders should be washed about as often as you would wash a bra. Some people say every 3 days, and some people say once a week. It depends on how much you sweat and whether your skin is irritated easily.

Mild anxiety about tightness

Chest sagging

This is a cosmetic change and not a medical concern. It’s similar to the natural sagging you get with age, but a bit accelerated.

After binding:

Take some deep breaths

Force a few coughs to rattle around any mucosal buildup in your lungs/chest

Stretch your back/shoulders to release any tension.

Additional exercises: simple trunk twists, arm circles, pulling each arm across the body, and tip your head side to side to stretch your neck.

What are the general safety rules of binding?

No sleeping or exercising while binding

Don’t bind for more than 12 hours maximum, 8 hours to be safer

Take breaks if possible

Break in a binder - don’t go straight to 8 hours of use. Instead, wear it for a few hours more each day,

Never bind too small, use the right size (if between sizes, go up)

Never use ACE bandages or tape

Don’t wear more than one binder

Don’t wear any compression garment under, like a compression sports bra.

You can wear this type of bra or a soft undershirt if you want something under your binder, although most people wear their binder directly on their skin

Take it off if you’re experiencing pain

Can I bind while doing x?

Yes

On a plane

At school

Doing normal routine stuff that won’t raise your heart rate

While smoking or vaping

While taking a walk or light bike ride

While playing an instrument that requires breath

While singing (singing in the car is okay, choral singing or any singing where you need good breath control is not)

While exercising

While moshing/screaming/dancing at a concert

While sleeping

While swimming (unless you have a specific swimming binder)

There are swim binders available from underworks, and all gc2b binders are safe to swim in (but it’s good to get one a size up from your every-day one for swimming)

However, if you swim competitively, lifeguard, or do any type of “exercise” swimming, use a sports bra and rash guard instead.

On roller coasters/thrill rides

When you’re sick (coughing particularly)

During marching band

During gym class

When you’re visiting somewhere that is much hotter than temperatures that you are used to (vacations)

When you have a chest/torso injury, etc.

How do I know if it’s the right size?

Can you fit your fist between your binder and the centre of your chest? then it’s big enough!

What do I do if it’s not the right size?

We have a post about returning new binders here!

Here’s Lee’s experience with exchanging Underworks and GC2B.

All The Questions You Had About Chest Binding, But Were Afraid To Ask

Everything you need to know about binders and binding

General info:

Practicing with pronouns:

Pronoun practice app

Pronoun dressing room (read about someone with a certain set of pronouns)

Using their preferred pronouns in conversation or writing it down can be very helpful! Practice makes perfect, and the more you use their pronouns the sooner you’ll get used to it.

It took my parents about a year to be able to consistently call me by my pronouns because they were so used to calling me “She” because that’s what they’d done all my life until I was outed

Using a trans person’s name and pronouns is something that can really validate them and make them feel better! Trans people often suffer from depression, and being misgendered (that means being referred to with your old pronouns) can really hurt their mental health.

Trans info if you don’t know much about what being trans means:

PFLAG’s guide to being a trans ally (This one is my favorite, but it’s a bit long)

Trans 101

Understanding Transgender: Why are people transgender?

Trans 101 for Parents/Guardians

Genderqueer/Nonbinary 101

I’m a transgender woman, and this is what it’s like.

What does it mean to be transgender? (by a trans man)

What does dysphoria feel like?

Transgender FAQ

Things to not say to a trans person

Think you’ve got “trans” down, but still feel confused about “non-binary”?

Basic questions about trans people, answered

Tips for allies

What is intersex and is it the same as being trans?

List of recommended resources

List of offensive terms

How to support a trans person experiencing body dysphoria

Gender neutral titles

How to be a good ally to nonbinary people

10 myths about nonbinary people that it’s time to unlearn

Why gender and sex are both social constructs

#Lee says #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

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