#introspection tonight

[creaturefeaster]

Other than Jake were there any other characters that were scrapped from colorquest? I don’t know if you’ve said already

Yeah, there was someone named Skylar and they were like. Pre-Jake, not really the same role, but when I got rid of them I almost immediately added Jake afterwards. They were like, a bit anxious like Jake was, and some of them is what inspired Taylor's addition. I remember I wanted, quite specifically, an ambiguously gendered character with a unisex name, and Skylar was the first attempt at it I guess.

They're so old I have no old art saved of them, I know I doodled them a while back when the discord server was still up, but I myself do not have that image saved. They were a pixie, a light brow moth person with squiggly eyes and I think a long sleeved striped sweater. Had little antennae and wings.

There's been a few prototype mimes as well in the past, but they're so old and forgotten I don't have much on them. There was gonna be a crab mime at one point.

#i just hated the monochrome tan/light brown theme they had going on #also clearly with their removal and jakes removal #i really didnt want to have a stereotypical scaredycat character bc thats what they both kinda were #i like my silliness and my cartoons but my pet peeve is unbearably scared characters that don't reflect fear or anxiety properly #but also i think i felt obligated to include that stereotype in my work? #introspection tonight #anyway bye jake bye skylar. hello elliot and taylor #taylor sorta drifted from his original ambiguousness #i didn't think his shorts and heels worked together it #so now he definitely dresses more like a dude bro #but he's meant to still have that ambiguous air abt him i hope it still comes across #brambleramble

[charlottan]

specifically what hurts a lot is when i wanted to grow my hair out in a specifically Girl way in high school and i KNOW it was in a Girl way because i thought i had to do it under the ruse of it being to donate the hair to cancer patients like my sister did 😭 instead of just. growing out my hair like boys do normally which wouldnt have been a big deal if i was approaching it from THAT perspective. like i even asked my mom permission basically because i was so Scared. and if i had looked into that Scared feeling more i could have realized that i in fact was simply afraid of the possible pushback if i came out as trans.

I was so afraid of what people would think that i didnt even let the thought of being trans occur to me.

god.

#trans talk #doing so much introspection tonight

[capn-twitchery]

been thinking about grace's Arctic Incident again--i wonder if things would've ended up different if he hadn't drawn the short straw,,

i don't know how much of his guilt is just dedicated to the fact that he broke the rules,,,grace drew the short straw, he's not supposed to be alive, he feels terrible about it. cue nemesis on the dead guy's behalf to ""make up"" for the mistake grace made

but what if he didn't!! what if he won the draw & was the one who was "supposed" to live? obviously he'd still feel guilty, killing the other guy. but would he still feel like he took a chance away from him? would that guilt drive him to still do nemesis or would it just be a "damn that's just how it goes i guess, sucks!"

maybe he would go through the first steps,just find out some information, honour the other guy's memory somehow, but not be so ridden with guilt that he goes through ALL of the stuff he does.

but i mean that's all assuming grace would even be able to kill him without the panic adrenaline anyway. maybe the other guy would have killed him first too, maybe grace would've backed down and sacrificed himself instead. i'm genuinely not sure. either way it wouldn't result in the absolute insane downward guilt spiral he actually has

all this to say it is fucking hilarious that his spiral was basically kickstarted by failing a 50% luck check. neath's #1 fucking unluckiest man for real

#londonmusings #grace #i don't know why the thought popped into my head but i was walking around thinking about it #like oh my god. oh my god wait that's so fucked up it's honestly hilarious #there's some kind of deep introspection here about how hard he sticks to rules & codes #that it breaks his entire sense of self when he doesn't follow them #but i don't have the brain for it tonight #his bad luck is funnier

[hangmanbradshaw]

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to read your own fic? Like with fresh eyes as if it wasn't yours and see how it comes off?

#don't mind me very introspective tonight #also I WILL respond to asks and messages soon I promise <3 #like how I feel about it is sometimes very different than the response/feedback I get and idk just interesting! #or like as an author do you have a tone/vibe/style and don't even realize it you know? but readers do. idk! #steph's stuff

[despite-everything]

i can't help but wonder if they're going to end this season (or the show) with ed and stede retiring from piracy while izzy goes on to captain the revenge.

it just makes sense to me: we keep getting more and more evidence that ed and stede are good at complimentary tasks that would suit a retired lifestyle and we see them imagining those kinds of scenarios. they'd planned to run off together on a whim, but they're taking it slow now. but they're still headed in the same direction. and then izzy - izzy who's been accepted wholly by the crew and been celebrated as their figurehead. he shot ed to protect them, and has shown himself to be loyal to and protective of the crew.

this season, we've already had some sweet reversals or reprises of moments from season one (see: you wear fine things well, izzy and lucius' solo scenes, ed with fire on the revenge, etc...). i could honestly imagine them doing this again with the scene from season one in which lucius tells izzy "you're not my captain" with him (or another crew member) asserting at izzy is their captain.

this would also serve as a continuation of the original plan to kill stede, "kill" blackbeard, and have izzy take over the ship and the crew. stede's already legally (and socially, in barbados) dead, ed was basically brought back to life (and maybe needs to fake his death, too?), and izzy could inherit the crew - this time, the crew of the revenge.

#im just thinking about things tonight #idk if i think this will happen or if i want it to or what #im a little high for thatlevel of introspection #but i think it would be narratively fulfilling #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 #stede bonnet #edward teach #izzy hands #the crew of the revenge #tree talks

[yloiseconeillants]

JUNELEZEN - Day 27 :: Fancy Clothes

nothing left but the celebration

AH I SEE WE'RE DOING THE ALA MHIGAN POST-LIBERATION BALL FOR JUNELEZEN TODAY

#this is as introspective as she's getting tonight because yloise is in a Mood for Chaos #junelezen #junelezen 2023 #yloise coneillants #stormblood tag #blorboverse shenanigans #junelezen: yloise #the ala mhigan ball

[serotoninisheldinkiwis]

the family of all time

#help this oneshot is uhhh #over 10k words #close to 11k #it's not even done 😭 #transformers earthspark #fanfiction #this thing has been cooking for a l o n g t i m e #character introspection? check #hints of angst around the edges? check #tooth rotting fluff?? ABSOLUTELY #found family? ALL OF IT #i'm living laughing loving in the club tonight

[jojo-schmo]

I wanna say your doodles and drawings are SO ADORABLE. that being said, whenever you do stuff like ship art, normally, I don't really care or like ships, BUT YOU MAKE IT SO ADORABLE AND I LOVE IT. HOW???!?

That’s so kind of you to say, thank you so much!!! I work hard to make pleasant things :)

Oh gosh I wish I could pinpoint my exact thought process behind character interactions- romantic or otherwise. I find a lot of solace and comfort in drawing positive or fun or silly interactions!

Which isn’t to say I avoid all negative interactions- Every story has its ups and downs. I don’t try to outright ignore the complexities of life and the different feelings it brings.

But when it comes to the bits of free time I have, it genuinely makes me happy to make other characters happy with my own pencil- even if they are fictional. I smile when I draw fluffy things. I let myself enjoy it for the first time in my life not long ago.

One thing that really helped me is realizing the limits I placed on myself. If I got an idea to draw and considered it “cringe” or whatever, I’d shut it down. Wouldn’t even consider it. Like a year and a half ago, I NEVER would’ve imagined I’d produce ship art of any kind!! I was mostly just a lurker with little to no audience! I tried dipping my toe into sharing things I never shared before- like ship art or AU concepts- and now I’m here! I had to leave my comfort zone, but since then I’ve had some really lovely interactions with people here and I’m working on a big roleswap comic project that I’m really excited about!!

Removing those self-inflicted limitations on myself and simply allowing myself to enjoy the most saccharine, goofy, fluffy concepts has been great fun!!!

I guess my secret just boils down to genuinely enjoying myself when I create. I just like seeing characters loved the way I might like to be loved. Familial or romantically or platonically. It took me a while to learn that but I’m here now!

It brings me so much joy to think others can enjoy something I make too. More than I can convey. <3

#ask #bit rambly haha I’m just feeling a little introspective tonight! heehee. #thank you all for being here.

[neige-leblanche]

guys i am licking all of you. affectionately in a social bonding way

#txt #alcohol cw #nevaur been drunk at a bar before & im cutting myself off for now otherwise idk if i'd be able to get home tonight #even thaur the bus stop is right down the street & ive already baught[sic] my bus pass #thinking back to when my angel friend in montreal whos even more of a lightweight than me on the subway back home grabbed the bars & leaned #back to face the led subway lights eyes closed. like an angel fr. each of us had one single drink she just drinks so fuckin fast #she does a lot of introspection so im assuming its on purpose shes just crazy like all of us on this bitch of an earth #she is so beautiful though so angelic & perfect i do swear it #sorry yall on tumblr dot gov are getting this ramble i just got a new mutual on vent & i gotta impress them😩 #aurnly at 25% battery saur i should probably stfu okay goodnight my angels i am blowing a kiss to all of you and you will see my bitchass la #ter bc this app is an addiction for me

[khazadspoon]

Had a moment thinking about my body and what we’ve been through and…. Yeah. This sorta just happened.

———

Thirty years we’ve been together. Thirty long years.

I’ve loved you, I’ve hated you, nurtured you and hurt you. I’ve spent hours looking at you and wondering why you are the way you are. Sometimes I’ve deliberately denied you the things you need out of spite. Sometimes I’ve given you more than you have asked for, to help or hinder… I’m not sure which.

Thirty long years of love and hate and ambivalence all curled up together like pups in a den.

But now, in the midst of this long struggle of life, I will care for you. A conservation project. You are a mural, a mosaic, marble imitating bronze. I pour libations on your thighs and belly to help your strength increase. I feed you marvels of the modern world to keep you here with me, functioning, growing, living. I don’t hurt you anymore. Not deliberately, at least.

Thirty long years of strife and overcoming.

Here’s to as many more as we have together.

#poetry #transgender #introspection is the thing tonight I guess

[electricea]

i think for me the one thing i'll always try to bear in mind and try to take away from rp is that it's okay to embrace your corny ideas - we're all here writing fiction together, it's okay to get a little corny and out there. having grown up around realists and people who laugh at or belittle corniness, it was always something i tried to stifle or avoid and worrying about not being embarrassed or other people thinking it's dumb is something i have to keep reminding myself but honestly, it's such a guilty pleasure and if it's between you and someone else who won't judge you or make you feel childish or embarrassed for it, embrace it - just say your corniest and dumbest ideas and see who's interested. always worth asking, at least.

#that meme put me in an introspective mood tonight. #maybe this is me talking to myself more than anyone else. #and reminding myself #because god knows i do get embarrassed #i get mortified #i get self conscious af. #because i'm used to the response of people seeing it as unrealistic or laughing at it. #but if you needed to be reminded of this too then i hope this helps. #( ooc. )

[flowercrowngods]

hi my inbox is full of so much love and affection right now and i swear i am not ignoring anyone, i see all your "you make me happy" asks and your cat pics and your "i hope you have a wonderful day" messages but i swear i'm not ignoring you, i'm just gonna bask in them a little longer 🥰🤍

#just thought i would mention that i am not annoyed by any of you or ignoring you or anything #and also it is crazy that i am. wild take incoming but uh. that i can be someone to some people again without uh panic or nausea #it's been a journey (a wild and long and hard journey) but some of you have made me into someone for yourselves and that thought is not #as scary or overwhelming as it would have been in november when i made this account as a fresh start after uh. #manipulation and gaslighting and being abandoned. yknow the usual #and uh. i can say 'i love you' back again (in that platonic way). it's still mostly ily instead of the real deal but!!! i dont feel like i' #manipulating anyone anymore with just. yknow. being myself. and i'm coming out of my shell more #just some uh introspection here after (and among) weeks of depression idk it's not all bad and depression doesn't diminish the progress #and i'm realising that in this second and i know following this blog is probably like a rollercoaster and still feel like the most annoying #person on tumblr but!!! i can say 'ily'. and i can be affectionate. and i'm just gonna focus on that some more tonight :3 #and i'm gonna bask in all the love in my inbox. and look at all y'all's kitties 🤍 i am rambly but i am making this space for myself #and i let myself take it. and i let that be okay. and for now that's enough ✨ #(okay dio out. flower for you 🌷)

[spotsupstuff]

Only 25% processing power dedicated to sparrows? Thats nothing! *dedicates 87% of my processing power to sparrows*

25% of an Iterator processing power has to be an equivalent to like. three or four NASA centrums combined or smth i do not know processing powers but it has to be insanely much..

n then they make some sort of plans for the night that appeal to Euros Very Much and suddenly all processing power he can spare goes to it for the whole day till the plan happens

#spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #sparrows isnt a fan of the idea that hed be only thinking about her either. she thinks its stupid from like.. the romance standpoint #you have yourself to think about! you need to look after yourself and think about yourself and learn things n do introspection too- #-all That needs thought! an individuals self comes before anything else cuz then how can one grow. n as his second mechanic oh shes- #-supposed to support his growth as much as possible. not like she needs her title for that anyway she does want him to become a good person #-just because she thinks anyone should be able to grow into a good person #either way. spars: hey so tonight we could watch a movie n then cuddle up maybe have some FFffun if ull feel like it | euros: 👀 #and then he proceeds to not get any work done #my wifi is shitting itself again too so.. thats an info

[deityforged]

Sb: you can’t keep calling grown ass men baby girl

Ashmi:

#introspection. #OWSNEOFMGO #I’m in a silly little mood tonight #Ashmi: uh??? yeah I can??? most like it?? tf??

[paperstorm]

Your tags on that gifset hit home a bit for me, I think.. something I've found very difficult this season is seeing sort of a lack of compassion from some people in this fandom toward Carlos' tendency to avoid difficult situations and conversations. I understand that things are dialed up for dramatic purposes, but as someone who can relate to that tendency and also struggles with it, it's been upsetting to reckon with the idea that TK showing him kindness, grace, and compassion is too much, or that he shouldn't be. I understand people being upset by his actions and I don't want to invalidate those feelings, but I'm left wondering if the wishes for TK to have been harsher are a reflection of how these people treat individuals in their real lives who struggle with this as Carlos does. Again, I don't want to dismiss anyone's feelings, this season has definitely been polarizing, I just wish people would be more careful with the words they use.

I have a lot of compassion for anyone not enjoying his story this season because I don't think anyone wants to feel that way. I think there are people who have loved Carlos and were excited for this season and feel really let down by how he's been written this year and that's not a place anyone would be by choice. It's just how they feel, and that's gotta be really awful.

Idk. The writing has been somewhat sloppy with some of this, I don't deny that. But at the same time, Carlos is a person who spent his whole life until he was 26 years old feeling like he couldn't be fully honest about basically anything. Feeling like he wasn't safe to tell people his truths. That's not a thing you can just shake off or something that magically goes away the day someone falls in love with you. That's a lifetime of trauma and learned behavior. Of course he should have been more honest with TK but that's not a simple thing, for a person who's spent their whole life being guarded as a necessary defense mechanism. It's not an excuse, but it's a valid reason, and a little bit of grace is not unreasonable. Especially from someone who loves him. Sometimes it feels like the internet at large likes to talk a big talk about how supportive they are about mental illness right up until the point that someone starts displaying symptoms of mental illness, and then it's too far or they're problematic or they should've gone to therapy and fixed themselves or they're using it as an excuse or they're causing harm by daring to not be perfect. And Carlos isn't real. You can't hurt his feelings by not offering him any compassion. But other people are real, and they see those harsh and uncompassionate reactions, and that's where feelings get hurt.

#911ls asks #911ls discourse #i'm introspective tonight #because I'm very tired lol

[languajix]

I was just taking a stroll down memory lane today, rereading some very old fanfics that I first read back in 2007-2008ish.

And I went, oh.

This explains a lot.

I had no idea how much that specific author had informed my writing style, and it feels even kind of presumptuous to say that because these stories are just. So good. Even a decade and a half later, and it's hard to find fics that hold up in that way. Evocative, thoughtful, intense, and the characterization and how they inform the characters' relationships with each other is just incredible.

I think I'd be a totally different person if I'd never found that author to begin with, all those years ago. A totally different writer, too.

#jix stuff #getting all introspective tonight