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egelskop · 4 months

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i am so interested in ur hlvrai au can we get a rundown

oh boy, this is going under a readmore.

fair warning, this is a LONG read because (1.) i am not a competent writer and (2.) i can't for the life of me keep things brief. sorry and or good luck.

ACT I

The Black Mesa incident: Gordon Freeman is provided an opportunity to do an informal beta test for a combat training simulation program that's in development in the Research & Development department of the Black Mesa Research Facility. (Read: He knows a guy in R&D and said guy knows Gordon likes video games and VR stuff, so he was like "hey you should come check this out when you're on break.")

The combat sim would be a revolutionary training simulation using artificial intelligence to enhance and realize the experience for the ‘player character’.

The test goes wrong, and Gordon can’t seem to disengage from the simulation and odd, unscripted things start happening; he has to ‘play the game’ to its full completion before he is able to exit the simulation safely. He has suffered a brain injury throughout the process, eye damage due to prolonged exposure to the headset and is generally traumatized by the simulation experience he at some point could no longer physically and emotionally distinguish from the real world. The project as a whole is shut down and Gordon is put into a rehabilitation program. Black Mesa covers up the incident as best it can, but whispers of it still echo around the facility.

Below is a page for a two-page comic i never finished detailing said events.

ACT II

The rumors reach the ears of a particularly tech-savvy researcher named Clark, who steals the project documentation and anything else he can get his hands on from a storage. At home, he looks into the project, reads about it, and gets curious about the simulation’s files themselves. They’re on a drive he plugs into his computer, and suddenly his system’s performance lags, windows open and close until a txt. file opens up. He comes into contact with one of the simulation’s AI that has somehow entered his operating system. He tries to keep it busy by having it poke around as he reads up on the simulation and its ultimate shutdown. When the AI reveals it can see him through the webcam, he panics and rips the drive out of the port. The invasive AI and the other project files seems like they’re gone from his system, he does a checkup but sees nothing odd running or otherwise. The next day after work he does another checkup. Finding nothing, he surmises he’s in the clear and starts up an online game. The slumbering, corrupted data of the AI sees its out, and disappears into the game.

ACT III

The transition/journey to the game is a rocky one, and the already corrupted data of the AI known as Benrey splits and gets even more fragmented. The largest fragment embeds itself into the game’s files to keep itself running. Without the foundation of the game to support it, it’d be lost to a dead void and slowly die out. Somewhat stable, it learns about the world around it; the game seems to be an exploration sandbox game. For now (and clarity), I’ve chosen to call this bigger, embedded fragment ‘Data’. (so this is the big benny with the right eye/one big eye in my art)

Data splits off a smaller fragment of itself, intending it to be an avatar or ‘player character’ but this grows into its own awareness and becomes who we’ll call ‘Beastrey’ (the smaller benny with the left eye and tail in my art).

The fragment ‘Beastrey’ wakes to a dead void, so Data uses its knowledge to create a private server for Beastrey, an empty world. Beastrey’s existence is an extension of the bigger part, with more freedom of movement to parse through the game and move freely within it, with the caveat that it can’t go ‘too far’ away from the host. Beastrey can visit other servers and relay information. Data learns and slowly starts building up the world/private server, at some point settling for an aquatic world because it reminds it of itself (something something sea of data). It's important to note that Beastrey retains little to no memories of the events of canon VRAI.

Data makes it easier for Beastrey to move around, and they grow to have more reach with time. At some point Data can alter the basic structural elements of the game, so it plays around with making things that are reminiscent of the memories it has of Black Mesa and Xen. At one point, it gains access to parse through the player base of the game, and takes note of an email address: ‘[email protected]’, attached to a player account. The name is somewhat familiar to it.

It sends an invite to join the server to the player account.

ACT IV

Gordon tries going back to work at Black Mesa after rehabilitating, but he has trouble separating his experiences with the simulation from reality, to a breaking point where an altercation with a security guard drives him to quit. He seeks professional help for his PTSD and anxiety, but still experiences dissociative episodes, migraines and somatic flashbacks localised mostly in his right forearm. Despite this, he is determined to continue living his life as normally as possible. He applies for a part-time job teaching physics at a local high school, the one where his son Joshua goes to, and remains relatively stable from there.

Joshua is 15 years old. Regular teen. After an impressive amount of pleading he got a VR-headset for his 14th birthday from Gordon (much to the disapproval of Gordon’s ex), and he’s been captivated by an exploration sandbox game since it came out a few months ago.

He gets an invite to an unnamed private server, and he accepts.

He is struck with awe as the world he enters seems completely different from the ones he’s seen so far in the game. Different flora, different fauna. Most of it uninteractible, though, or otherwise just retextured from its base game variant. Even the new enemy types, after a scare, can’t actually hurt him, it seems. He stumbles upon Beastrey, who is just as surprised to see him and wants him out until Joshua says he was invited.

Joshua commends Beastrey (who introduces himself as 'Ben-') on ‘modding’ everything in, but admits that he was disappointed to find that everything was just surface-level stuff. Beastrey inquires about what he’d like to see. Data is always watching, unseen, and decides to alter the world in the way Joshua described when Joshua leaves.

Joshua starts appearing more often, if only for a few hours at a time. He marvels at the ways the world shifts and grows with each time he plays, and takes to exploring it with Beastrey at his side, for whom strangely enough a lot of things are also new. Joshua teaches both Beastrey and Data about the outside world, thinking Beastrey is just a somewhat reclusive but likeable weirdo.

Joshua tells Gordon about the new friend he made, ‘Ben’, and the adventures he’s been having with the other. Gordon is happy to hear Joshua is having a good time, but is otherwise none the wiser. Joshua starts losing track of time in the game, but chalks it up to being invested.

During one play session, Beastrey confesses he isn’t the one who did all the ‘modding’, and invites Joshua to meet Data. Data, or at least its ‘physical’ in-game manifestation is deep within the world, past the aquatic twilight zone and strange, drowned ruins of an unknown facility. Data, for the first time, really sees Joshua, and the resemblance sparks something within it. Joshua is drawn closer to it, and just before he reaches it-

Joshua wakes up lying on the floor with Gordon hunched over him in his room, pleading with him to wake up. Joshua unknowingly got drawn into the game much like Gordon had been, and Gordon urges Joshua to never touch the headset again, taking it away. Gordon opens up about his experiences with the simulation a bit more. They both agree to not touch the game or the headset again.

ACT V

Gordon comes into contact with an old coworker from Black Mesa, and he inquires about the combat simulation project, if anything happened to it after it was canned. This is where he learns that an employee had taken the project files from storage and was consequently fired. He comes into contact with Clark, and Clark explains he had no idea he accidentally unleashed the AI unto the game. Gordon asks if anything can be done to prevent what happened to Joshua and himself from happening to other people. Clark confesses he doesn’t know, and that it’s up to the developers of the game to find anything out of place and make sure it gets fixed. Gordon decides to leave the matter where it lies, not wanting anything to do with AI and simulations anymore and to safeguard his son.

Some time passes.

Joshua starts getting repeated invites and messages, at one point he gets into a conversation with ‘Ben’ via a platform’s messaging system. Ben says he can explain everything, that he’s sorry. Joshua decides he would like one final goodbye. He finds the headset stashed away somewhere in the house, and, while Gordon’s gone, he turns on the game and enters the server.

Beastrey (Ben) is surprised to see him, urging him to log out and turn off the game, but it’s already too late and Joshua can no longer leave. Beastrey helps Joshua attempting to ‘exit’ the game by going as far away from Data’s reach, but Data stops Beastrey and traps Joshua, determined to wait to the point that he assimilates into the game completely.

Gordon eventually finds Joshua comatose with the headset on, and he panics. He considers calling the emergency services, but he’s afraid they’ll take the headset off or that removing Joshua too far from the game will hurt his son like what happened to him. He calls Clark, urging him to help in any way he can. This results in Gordon and Clark going back to Black Mesa to retrieve the project files and the other gear they can get their hands on to get Gordon into the game to free his son.

Gordon enters the private server with Clark’s player character, and thwarts any attempt from Data to impede his progress and trap him as well. Beastrey’s awareness is overridden by Data as a last ditch effort to deter Gordon and Gordon is forced to destroy Beastrey before he can reach Data. As Beastrey is taken over, Data gains Beastrey’s awareness, and finds his other, littler half never wanted to trap Joshua in the first place, and the way it hurt him to hurt both Joshua and Gordon to this extent.

At this point, Data wavers in its intention to keep Joshua trapped, even more so with Beastrey now gone, and recognises whatever it is that is driving Gordon forward in the game is outside of his control to manipulate, so he lets Gordon destroy it as well. In a way, it also feels as a fulfillment of its intended role as the ‘villain’. The server crashes, the world breaks apart. The ‘game’ is completed.

The final boss is defeated and both Gordon and Joshua wake up. Joshua luckily wasn’t exposed long enough to have suffered any lasting damage, except for what seems to be a minor headache and some light sensitivity (and a vow from Gordon to get him checked out by a doctor as soon as the clinics open).

The whole ordeal results in Clark, Gordon and Joshua sitting in a Denny’s at four in the morning, eating pancakes somewhat solemnly, completely exhausted but also still reeling from the virtual battle. Joshua learns that ‘Ben’ essentially died, and he can’t help but cry for his friend.

“Honestly, I don’t think he’s gone,” Gordon admits, picking at the last bites of his pancakes. "I think he- or whatever that was, has a hard time staying dead. Like a cockroach, you know? At this point I’m just wondering when he’ll turn up again.”

Clark hums in agreement. Joshua seems somewhat reassured by his words, wiping at his eyes with the scratchy napkin as he settles into the squeaking diner seat.

“But,” he starts with a sigh, pointing his syrup-covered fork upwards to the ceiling in a decree, “One thing’s for certain…”

He thinks back to a time rife with virtual gunfire, caging walls and hysterical laughter echoing through the halls of the Black Mesa research facility. Five sets of footsteps and a whisper of his name.

“…No more VR. No more headsets. Ever.”

TL;DR: Gordon got trapped in VR and then Joshua also got trapped in VR. Benrey is there but also not.

thank you for reading. here. ( x ‿ o ) 🫴

#augmentedreality #gras talks #i need you all to understand that most of the plot was retroactively written to justify certain stylistic choices in my art #thats why beastreys design became what it is now and it wasnt 'like that' in the beginning #i didnt expect myself or others to become invested in it to such an extent /crying #with all of this i mean to say please don't grill me on the details. i simply dont know and will start crying profusely if pressed #also its very bencentric but i have played around with shoehorning the rest of the science team into it as well. so far no luck though

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utilitycaster · 2 months

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hm. in the process of doing some informal research re: Kollok I found this line on Polygon:

"One of the show’s gimmicks is that players who subscribe to the channel on Twitch can then make their own characters and are then allowed to embark on a freeform text-based role-play via Discord."

And I gotta ask but has anyone from the Polygon TTRPG/Actual Play writers every been on social media because I'm like, pretty sure any fan of any show can make up an OC and do text-based roleplay on a Discord server; it just might not be an official Discord server. I really do increasingly feel like Polygon capes so hard for Kollok and the heavily film-edited D20 seasons because they don't actually have a good grounding in basic actual play and fandom culture and are honestly a little embarrassed by it. Unfortunately this also means that they're like "Gadzooks! What are these Incredible New concepts like Text-based Roleplay and Longform Campaigns Of Undetermined Length!" and overall it gives off the vibe of a not terribly bright and profoundly stoned college sophomore trying to appear knowledgeable about music by acting like the guitar was invented in 1995 by Oasis.

#anyway 1. should i watch ep 1 of kollok tonight and 2. what booze should be involved #but uh. how shall i put this. again i'm hard stem the longest paper i've written in my life was a thesis that had a bunch of graphs in it #but i'm reading an article by the AP/TTRPG Polygon EDITOR and i'm like. this is simply not well written.

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jahiera · 6 months

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frustrating thing about any game with dichotomous endings is everyone wants to think that their ending is the more correct one when typically (if the writing is good) it’ll be more like both endings should be coherent within the narrative and how we arrive at the ending we get with the reasons and intentions is what’s interesting, and fun to pick apart. compare and contrast! how do these two endings intertwine, how do they play off each other. parallel stories are running in video games and they’re always in conversation with each other if the writing is well done, in a way that don’t work in any other medium for storytelling and it’s so so so fun.

#specifically with astarion in this case I think too the disaster of knowing authorial intent didn’t help much #I stand by that ascended astarion is simply not as well written on several grounds but none of them have #anything to do with it being the darker ending. that’s the best part of it #but that’s also my personal opinion & both routes are very interesting to analyze together #video games are just neat man. totally unique ways of telling a story in a way you just can’t do with #any other format and it’s fun! enough of who is right about what

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accirax · 3 months

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New Evidence Regarding DRDT's Chapter 2 Killer?

Hello again, everybody! As I continue on my journey of rewatching DRDT via stream, I continue to pick up on more and different things than I noticed the first time. The subject of this theory post is the letter, signed by Eden (even if it wasn't necessarily written by her), that she, Rose, and Whit put together before the second Class Trial began-- I want to take another look at it.

(CW for Despair Time spoilers through 2-10 and mentions of suicide as described in Arturo's secret)

This note is a highly important piece of evidence, and I would expect that anyone invested in trying to solve the case is pretty familiar with its contents. However, I want to highlight exactly what the killer had to know in order to put this note together.

There is someone in the cast who has a motive secret that someone was "responsible for the death of [his/her] sister."

Eden was the recipient of this person's secret.

Eden didn't mean to tell this person, but it slipped out.

This person threatened to do something to Eden.

Arei promised to be Eden's friend.

Like I said, shouldn't be too much of a shock to any of you. However, what I really want to draw attention to is the first bullet point: someone is responsible for the death of his or her sister.

Why am I drawing attention to it? Because the last time Eden or Arturo says anything even close to a family member dying is here... (11:31)

...before Arei arrives. (12:44)

(The last time anyone actually says "sister" is Eden at 11:13.)

But, why is the time of Arei's arrival such an important distinction?

The thing is, most killer theories I've seen for anyone other than Eden or Arturo account for the killer being able to write this note by listening in to the conversation through the door. What I'm trying to say is that there's a contradiction there that I, at least, didn't notice until just now:

If the killer, listening in through the door had to know that the secret Eden received was about Arturo being responsible for the death of his sister, they had to be listening in before Arei arrived, because that is the only time in which Arturo's secret is discussed in enough detail to mention a family member dying. However, when Arei arrived, she had to walk right past and through the door.

This is what the door to the outside of the Infirmary looks like. There is no way in hell that Arei wouldn't have been able to see anyone who was walking by or listening in while she was doing the exact same.

So, what would this mean? Well, it would mean that only Arturo, Eden, and possibly Arei (depending on when she got into earshot of the door) knew enough about Arturo's motive secret before the murder to include all of those details in the note.

Or, at least, that's the boldest version of the claim. However, there are some counterarguments.

The first is that other people could have known if Arturo, Eden, or possibly Arei told somebody else about what happened and mentioned the detail about Arturo's secret. However, I don't believe that any of the three of them would have done that.

Arturo very clearly did not want his secret to get out, and seemingly didn't even want to believe that the death was his fault in the first place. Threatening Eden and making an enemy of Arei also make him look really bad. Both factors combined make it very unlikely that Arturo would want to tell anyone that this happened.

Eden also didn't want to tell anyone about what happened because she was afraid of Arturo finding out, as is clear in the Class Trial. Additionally, if she did want to tell someone so that they could help protect her from Arturo, it probably would have just been Arei. Thus, the information wouldn't have spread any farther than just Arei again.

Arei is definitely the iffiest option, but I still find it hard to believe that she would have told anyone about this occurrence. Firstly, it's already debatable whether Arei heard the specifics of Arturo's secret in the first place. Secondly, Arei probably would have had respect for her new friend and not wanted to share this traumatic event and put Eden in danger. I guess it's possible that Arei could have tried to tell someone about what happened to try to rally a larger movement against Arturo, and then that single person turned around and decided to kill Arei (thus leaving no innocent person who would want to bring up that Arei talked to them in the Class Trial). But, that's... a bit of a stretch. Plus, even if Arei did that, why include the specific details of what Arturo's secret was about?

The second option is that the killer could have planted some kind of bug or other listening device into the Infirmary so that they could overhear the conversation from afar. However, given that we have been given literally no advanced warning that a device like this can even be obtained within the set, much less that anyone actually used one in that location, I'm tossing this objection out, too.

And no, I don't think J's remote could have accomplished something like that, either. Not without an actual listening device already in the room.

The final possibility that I've thought of is that someone could have overheard the conversation from somewhere other than the doorway, which holds a lot more weight. Let's take a look at what's around the Infirmary.

Based on the map, I think the only places that are possibly close enough to the door of the Infirmary are the doors of the Cafeteria or Bathroom (Wash Closet; WC). Recall that, given the private nature of the conversation and that Arei is shown pushing the doors open in the CG, the doors were probably closed. Thus, anyone listening in would have needed to hear the conversation from behind at least one set of closed doors.

Let's start by quickly ruling out the Bathroom. I'm operating on the assumption that, if you can hear something going on in the Infirmary from where you are, people in the Infirmary could hear what's going on in that location, too. If people could hear what's going on in the Bathroom all the way from the Infirmary... Well, that's some pretty shitty architectural design, pun intended.

The Cafeteria is a viable location, though. In fact, we've already confirmed that you can overhear a conversation going on in the Cafeteria from the Infirmary.

So, using the same logic I described earlier, if Teruko could hear something in the Cafeteria from the Infirmary, it stands to reason that you could hear something in the Infirmary from the Cafeteria.

However, this argument still has its issues as well. The thing that Teruko (and Xander) overhear in this scene is, funnily enough, Arei arguing with Eden over not being invited to bake with her. It is described in multiple lines as a very loud event.

While I don't deny that a panicked Eden, a shaken Arturo, and an infuriated Arei could have been quite loud, all of those things, once again, happened after the last time that Eden or Arturo said anything about a dead family member. It's impossible to tell for sure given that the prior part of the conversation isn't fully voice acted, but it's implied that everything Eden says about Arturo's secret is in a regular, or possibly even hushed, tone of voice. If someone only started listening in after things got loud, they would not have heard about Arturo's secret in detail.

Additionally, there are the logistics of who would be sitting in the Cafeteria. Given that nobody else has stepped forward and shared that they overheard this conversation as well (even under potential penalty of death), it seems reasonable to assume that no innocent student overheard what happened in the Infirmary. Therefore, conversely, if any student(s) did overhear the conversation, they were probably involved in the murder somehow. I'm sure you could argue some fringe cases, but this is the general rule.

Unfortunately for this argument, though, the majority of scenes in the Cafeteria have many people present in them, whether due to partaking in a meal or a fight. Overall, that makes it unlikely that someone would be in the Cafeteria by themselves or with only one or two other people. That's not always the case, though, so we can't rule out only a few people being in the Cafeteria!

Can we try to further pin down the time period when this confrontation occurs to try to figure out who could or could not have been in the Cafeteria?

Eden tells us that this confrontation happened on "the day Nico tried to kill Ace" and "the day that Arei and [Eden] had a falling out," which, by my notes, is Day 6. Arturo never challenges this notion, and it also lines up with Eden being afraid that someone is following her on the night of Day 6, so I think that this is true. The canonical events that Teruko takes part in during Day 6 are:

Teruko plays with cacti and gets caught by Eden

J and Arturo, Nico and Ace, and Arei and MonoTV fight

Charles' secret is revealed

Eden tries to host a clock decorating event

Arei has her breakdown and David comforts her

Teruko confronts Rose about her secret

Nico threatens to kill Ace

Nico's secret is revealed and Hu and David comfort them

J drags Teruko into a closet to get away from Arturo

Teruko runs into Eden in the Dress Up Room

Ace is nearly murdered and tries to confront Nico afterward

The events highlighted in green are the only ones of the day that none of Arturo, Eden, or Arei are in. Given that all of them were present for the confrontation, it could not have happened simulataneously with any of the other events.

If the confrontation occurred while Teruko discussed Rose's secret with her (and Nico was there), the killer could really be anyone other than Teruko, Rose, or Nico. Anyone who we didn't have eyes on theoretically could have been in the Cafeteria at that time.

If the confrontation took place while Nico was threatening to kill Ace, however, I doubt that anyone would have been able to listen in on the Infirmary conversation over that cacophony. Therefore, for the sake of someone listening in, that option should also be eliminated. If it took place while Hu and David were comforting Nico, things would look bad for Levi and Rose, as they were both still in the Cafeteria after Teruko left. I know what I said about multiple students in the Cafeteria probably all needing to be collaborators in the murder, but if it was Levi and an asleep Rose, perhaps Levi could have gotten away with eavesdropping by himself?

Despite all of that, though, I think that Arturo's relatively calm and normal (for him) demeanor during the closet scene would speak to the notion that he hadn't just heard that Eden knew about his sister's suicide. Therefore, I believe that the confrontation likely occurred between Teruko's two trips to the Dress Up Room, when she "spent the rest of the day in her room resting." That would line up both with Arturo's claim that he was just "in the middle of something with Julia" (Teruko saw them together just beforehand), give Arei more time to cool down and reflect after her big afternoon, and put the time of the confrontation very close to when Eden is worried about someone following her. (Although, it does give Arturo less time to have "been following" her, assuming that comment was about him.)

That would also give pretty much anyone the chance to have been in the Cafeteria, because Teruko wasn't with anyone at that time. However, it may have been during a pretty dinner-y time, which decreases the odds that anyone would have been in the Cafeteria alone or nearly-alone.

If all that wasn't enough, here's one final wrinkle: whoever witnessed all of this happening would have overheard Arturo threatening Eden and decided not to get involved themselves. It's not a total nail in the coffin, given that I would assume most theories in which the killer overheard the conversation require them to have not attempted to help Eden for one reason or another. But, it is something to consider. Personally, I have a particularly hard time believing that J, #1 Arturo Hater, and Levi, adventurer on the quest of being a good person in the same vein as Eden, wouldn't have tried to stop what was going on if they'd heard.

So, in summary, if the person who wrote the note is not Arturo, Eden, Arei, or someone working very closely with them, they have to be someone who was in the Cafeteria probably alone at the time of the confrontation (assuming Eden's words were even loud enough to be overheard from across the hallway through probably closed metal doors), who decided not to step in to save Eden.

What does that mean? Well, I think that it means that it's very likely that Arturo or Eden is the killer, because having all of those dubiously possible clauses happen to fire off all at once seems implausible to me. But, I already thought that Eden was the killer, so it may just be confirmation bias. Otherwise, since we can't pin down the exact time of the confrontation, I don't think it actually helps us to fully eliminate anyone from the running-- other than, arguably, Teruko. I do urge everyone who thinks that someone other than Eden or Arturo is the culprit to consider this data when coming up with their theories, though.

However, I will end this on the note that all of this deductive reasoning is... incredibly nitpicky. At the end of the day, the crew behind DRDT is very small, and I would understand if the exact details of where and when what parts of Arturo's secret were said or what exactly the Infirmary door looked like were things that they didn't take into account when planning out the murder.

I've seen some critics say about recent YouTube indie animation shows that the long hiatuses between episodes give the shows an unfair disadvantage. That's because the long gaps allow fans to scrutinize every detail of the worldbuilding and characterization and find their holes for far longer than a network television show would between episodes. While DRDT is not exactly one of these indie animation pilots, it is a YouTube show created by a small team of independent creators. I can only imagine that they may be facing the same thing with having to take a break mid-trial. If that's the case, and what I've presented here contradicts what actually happened in Chapter 2, know that I don’t hold it against DRDTdev at all, and don’t think you should, either. I would apologize for pointing out this “mistake,” if you can even call something this minor that.

However, I also think that all of this might be possible, perhaps even on a coincidental/subconscious level, because Eden or Arturo is the killer, and DRDTdev didn't think too much about the logistics of how someone else would overhear the conversation. So for now, I'm considering all of this logic as reasonable theorywork.

If you have any rebuttals though, whether about a specific character or the premise in general, I'd love to hear them! Or, if I missed some detail in the story in general that blows this theory to smithereens entirely, I wouldn't love to hear that, but it would probably be good if I did.

Otherwise, thank you for reading, and have a lovely rest of your day! :D

#danganronpa despair time #drdt #drdt spoilers #eden tobisa #arturo giles #arei nageishi #fanganronpa #sorry for going back to drdtposting when it's supposed to be milgo time i was simply watching the stream and had this epiphany #and needed to write it out #can't remember if i've said this on blog before but how it often works with me is that i have no ideas then i am struck with an idea #and then i CANNOT do anything else until i've written the idea out #i think i might've said that on the archetypes post? well it's still true so #every day i come up with eden propaganda. sorry queen #my theories #cw suicide mention

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trainingdummyrabbit · 6 months

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in conclusion the most poignant thing about ruina is its running theme of Imperfection. imperfection, focused not on its flaws, but on the miracle of it existing to begin with. imperfection not as a failing, but as a triumph. its cracked, broken, deeply in need of repair-- but it's real and its ours and it exists. despite everything it exists and that enough is a relief beyond words, beyond expression. to present a toppled structure not as a conclusion, but an opportunity.

its the choice-- and the joy-- of looking forward, unflinchingly, and facing it. one step at a time.

#piktalk #projmoon #didnt want to . make a bigger tagwall than i already made . ae if ur reading this uhhhhhh sorry <33 hai KSJNFD #anyway one of these days i might get th voice to really truly put down everything and what it means in regards to . [motions w hands]#but this ones just on my mind right now. something abt the presentation of ruina just fucking Kills and this is the big reason why #ilike. had to take a good couple hours after th finale to just simmer with it. because well..#again. its imperfection. every other story has such stark; lined up beats and paths and Messages Youre Supposed To Take #which ive spoken on before-- and it isnt a bad thing necessarily! but it does really speak something; quietly;#for those whose development Isnt That Neat. that Isnt That Kind. to themself or to others. im no expert; but it really does mean something #that ruina is written in such a way where there is no 'this is wrong and heres how they fix it to be forgiven'#or 'this is right and what everyone should do to be a Good Person'#angela simply Is. roland simply Is. they all simply Are. they make choices; have hopes; dreams; things they care about--#and theres no overarching echo of What Should Be. simply what people do; and what people hope for.#um. anyway. tag wall again; in conclusion: Why Dont You Go Listen To Poems Of A Machine And Maybe Then Youll Calm Down

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goemon-fan · 2 months

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This was easily one of the best Lupin episodes

#there will be a rant in the tags that you can ignore #but it is so upsetting how modern/current lupin took away the depths of these characters and flimsily tries to restore their earlier depth #i'm one of those people who craves depth in what i watch and it's so difficult to like this franchise because it will be so close to doing #something interesting only to abandon it #this episode and part one as a whole was peak lupin in my opinion with each character having emotional depth yet flaws to overcome #yet modern lupin would have you believe that these characters don't desire to improve in any capacity #if we were to just focus on Goemon for example right here he shows depth with revealing hidden emotional maturity and empathy for Lupin by #comforting him and admitting he himself is afraid (which is a big deal for a character like him who is supposed to be unflinching)#but in modern lupin goemon will literally say that he's not afraid of anything and this is written without any hint of irony or depth #i'm okay with mindless entertainment and i understand that this is a series simply about stealing but the character assassination is so #disappointing #and when this series does try to be “deep” they pick the most triggering subject matter possible to depict to the point where it's #practically unwatchable (this is in reference to Part 4 and its constant SA plots as well as the rampant gratuitous child abuse plots #throughout the entire series)#i want so badly to love lupin the 3rd but it's a huge problem when fanfiction understands the characters better than the source material #lupin iii #lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #goemon ishikawa xiii #goemon #arsene lupin iii #jigen daisuke #daisuke jigen #fujiko mine #part 1

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ricketycr1cks · 1 year

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I know obviously the plan wasn’t to make Mac gay in the early seasons but every time I watch back I think of Mac with internalized homophobia so bad he has convinced himself he was straight. Mac getting called slurs and bullied so relentlessly that he builds an impenetrable persona, one he won’t even let slip when he’s by himself, terrified once he lets it fall he will be too exhausted to keep it up. Mac getting so tired of spending almost two decades of his life pretending to be someone he isn’t that he gets sloppy, Mac who can’t even get himself to have sex with women anymore. I know it wasn’t the intention but they made one of the most accurate portrayals of internalized homophobia I’ve ever seen in media.

#I wanna make another post about this because #I feel like people think that it’s impossible to interpret early seasons Mac as being gay #and obviously he wasn’t written to be #but like come on do people really think gay men who have wives and children before they came out weren’t convincing??#especially considering Mac wasnt just lying to the people around him he was lying to himself #I simply think there are homosexual explanations for the earlier seasons even if not by choice #I don’t think I explained this very well but you get my point #dennis reynolds #mac mcdonald #dee reynolds #charlie kelly #frank reynolds #iasip #it’s always sunny #it’s always sunny in philly #it’s always sunny in philadelphia #macden #macdennis #iasip mac #iasip dee #iasip dennis #iasip frank #iasip charlie #source: iasip #iasip cast #I’m so sorry these are the ramblings of a mad man

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allfortzu · 10 months

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i'll carry the moon and stars, i'll carry you and me

-- jihyo / tzuyu. 1.4k - light angst, fluff - hurt/comfort, light mentions of blood // MEN DNI.

tzuyu goes home to jihyo.

it’s late at night and pouring outside, a constant static of crashing cascades instead of rhythmic patters.

jihyo still finds it calming, though. there’s always been something about the simultaneous state of disarray and comforting orderliness that came with storms and thunder.

it also meant she had an excuse to curl up under a blanket and watch every movie she’d been neglecting. not that she needed one, but it was always nice to have.

a little mundane for a detective, maybe, but some mundanity has always been needed to balance out a life like hers.

peace in chaos, if you will.

comforting orderliness in states of disarray.

so, jihyo picks out her most comfortable pyjamas, and makes the best cup of tea she knows how to make – which only consists of choosing the most expensive brand of tea she has and actually boiling water instead of microwaving, but such is life.

she’s still humming and waiting for the kettle to sound when her doorbell rings, a barely discernible ding in the storm.

she pads her way from her kitchen to the living room, right up the entrance of her house. it’s too dark outside to see anything through the peephole, so she opens the slightest crack in her blinds.

the light from inside spills out, and the outline of a familiar figure is illuminated.

jihyo opens the door instantly. instinctual, immediate.

“tzuyu?”

tzuyu looks up at the sound, and jihyo’s chest tightens.

her cheeks are smeared with blood, gaze weak and lidded. her suit is ripped and there’s splashes of dirt and more blood over her usually stark white button up. everything is drenched in the downpour. her clothes drip with rain.

tzuyu’s voice is painfully soft.

she opens her mouth but nothing comes out, the rain drowning out every syllable.

but jihyo hears her clearly.

she knows when tzuyu says –

“jihyo unnie.”

jihyo’s heart shatters.

she wants to tug tzuyu in by the wrist and ask her every question in her mind – what happened, are you okay, who did this – but tzuyu takes a single step in, and she loses all strength.

“tzuyu!”

jihyo surges forward; without thinking, without hesitance.

tzuyu falls right into her arms.

boneless, completely weak.

the rain from her clothes soak through jihyo’s pyjamas, she’s piercingly cold to the touch. jihyo feels her tremble, meek and shivering. every breath she takes comes out shakily, every exhale barely there.

jihyo’s never realised just how small tzuyu is, finding solace in her arms.

it hurts terribly to see.

maybe it’s the adrenaline, or pure determination – but jihyo hoists tzuyu up with everything she has, carries her unfalteringly until they reach her shower.

she sets tzuyu down and hurriedly pushes her damp blazer off; clenches her teeth at the sight of more blood revealed on the sleeves of tzuyu's white shirt.

"who the hell did this, tzu?" jihyo seethes, pulling a towel off the rack and wrapping tzuyu up. "what happened?"

"i don't know…" tzuyu says weakly, clutching at the towel and curling into herself for warmth. "some other gang– "

then, softer; shakier, "sorry… you– you were the only person i could think of."

jihyo pulls tzuyu into her arms as tight as she's able to, presses tzuyu into her shoulder, cheek to temple.

she's still worried sick, but at least tzuyu's conscious and speaking.

at least tzuyu's here with her.

"are you hurt anywhere?" jihyo's voice cracks, pained. she lifts tzuyu's head gently to cup her face, caressing a thumb over her cheekbones and looking over the wounds. "... is this your blood?"

tzuyu doesn't say anything, just looks at jihyo, eyes watery and lips pursed.

"oh, baby," jihyo mutters.

she realises, tzuyu's not so much shaking from the cold than shaking from whatever happened to her before all this.

she's scared.

jihyo decides her questions can wait.

"take a shower, i'll get you a set of clothes," she says, stroking tzuyu's cheek one last time and laying her palms on tzuyu's knees. "okay?"

tzuyu catches jihyo's wrist before she stands up; whispers, "stay with me?"

her fingertips are still freezing, so jihyo adjusts her hold until her hands are covering tzuyu’s. just a little warmth.

“okay,” she raises their hands up to her lips, presses a kiss to tzuyu’s knuckles. “i’ll get us clothes.”

jihyo has seen her fair share of blood and slashes, but peeling tzuyu’s soaked red clothes off still makes her wince. tzuyu sucks in a sharp breath at times, some wounds a little more tender than others.

the most obvious ones are gashes below her ribs and another on her thigh, then bruises here and there. there’s more blood on her jaw, but jihyo can’t tell if they’re tzuyu’s or someone else's.

tzuyu stays close the entire shower, and jihyo focuses on washing her hair first. she kneads the shampoo into tzuyu’s head gently, massages her fingers into her scalp and detangles whatever she can.

the shower adds on to the rain outside; it’s loud in tzuyu’s ears, a mess of sounds.

tzuyu clenches her fists, lets jihyo work her fingers through her hair despite the sensitivity of water passing over her wounds.

she tries to focus on jihyo’s eyes – dark brown, then golden when the light catches them just right. they’re distracted and darting, cautious and wary, but soft around the edges, fading into black at the rim of her irises.

it becomes apparent that the blood on tzuyu's face isn't tzuyu's own. jihyo doesn't know if she should be worried or relieved.

she cleans tzuyu's wounds in the shower, too, gently rinsing the cuts with warm water. tzuyu flinches whenever jihyo dabs at it, whimpering and shaking softly.

jihyo intertwines her free hand with tzuyu’s, squeezing reassuringly. “just a little more, tzu.”

tzuyu squeezes back, eyes closed.

for the most part, jihyo's voice is soothing enough to help her endure the pain.

"this part won't hurt, don't worry."

she rests her head on jihyo's shoulder still, and jihyo tries not to ache too much at the feeling of tzuyu tearing up, holding her breath throughout.

the gashes don't look deep, so jihyo places a gauze dressing over them and settles with wrapping tzuyu up in bandages.

"can you walk?" jihyo asks, scratching lightly at tzuyu's scalp and running a thumb over the shell of her ear.

tzuyu nods, releasing the breath she was holding. she uses jihyo as leverage to stand up, but shifts most of her weight on her uninjured leg.

jihyo stands with her, letting tzuyu hold on to her shoulders as they dress.

"thank you," tzuyu says, slipping jihyo's oversized t-shirt on.

it fits just right when she wears it, and it smells perfectly of jihyo.

"sorry," she adds. "i won't– "

"don't be," jihyo cuts in. "i know it's a given for… what you do."

she curves her palm around tzuyu's jaw gently, almost as if she's afraid of hurting tzuyu. tzuyu can't help but turn her head to nuzzle into the touch.

"just come to me, okay? any time," jihyo continues, stroking tzuyu's face. "i'm always here. i'll always, always open the door for you. i'll do all of this again if you ever need it. remember that."

tzuyu nods. "i know."

she places a hand over jihyo's, kisses her palm.

remembers the storm outside, how she staggered through the downpour with barely any conscience, light-headed from the fight. she'd shown up at jihyo's house naturally; an innate desire to just want to be with jihyo.

there was nowhere else she’d rather have gone.

tzuyu wakes up in jihyo’s arms at dawn, turns her head to check if jihyo’s awake.

jihyo has tossed all the blankets over tzuyu, she knows tzuyu runs cold. she has one hand over the part of tzuyu’s abdomen that had been injured, and the other plays with tzuyu’s hair idly.

“i have to go to work,” she says, seeing that tzuyu had awoken. her voice is low and raspy in the morning. “will you stay?”

tzuyu hums, stretches until she can curl an arm around jihyo’s waist. “can i?”

she's still sore, and every move sends a sharp pain to the gashes. but it's better. better than if she were alone.

“always." jihyo kisses her temple.

she leans down again to brush tzuyu’s hair aside, presses another kiss to her forehead. “i have to get a few urgent things sorted at the office, but i’ll be home quickly, okay?”

tzuyu smiles. “i’ll be here.”

where else would she go?

the rain had stopped sometime in the night.

she’s warm, she’s safe.

and she’s with jihyo.

even if tzuyu is chaos in all her ways, jihyo is peace.

i'm sure this would've been a much nicer read if i'd wrote some backstory for them, but i couldn't get this particular scene out of my mind 🤧 it's meant to be detective!hyo / vigilante!tzu! is the suit part of tzuyu's vigilante get-up or is it just bc i find it hot? who knows <3 you can tell ttt crime scene 2 did a number on me

anyways, thank you for reading!!! i really loved writing this one, and i really hope you enjoyed it! interactions truly truly appreciated <3

#twice imagines #jihyo x tzuyu #twice fluff #twice angst #park jihyo #chou tzuyu #jitzu #but very light angst!#angst written simply to give rise to a fluffier ending <3 #title very very vaguely inspired from 披星戴月的想你 by 告五人 (accusefive)#the vibe of their songs in general fits very well here too!! highly recommend! theyre one of my favs :)#i wanted to write a datzu sick fic but everything felt too similar to “in pain in love” so ive put that aside until i forget ipil 🙏#and new gradient!! for angst fics 😁#would be ideal if i had the mental strength to make this a series and seriously flesh all these out #maybe one day #twice fics

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