#it must have been such a relief

[pinbitch]

i think about the stanford fight every day. i think about sam planning exactly how he’s going to tell john and dean. separately or together? sooner or later? deciding if he can ask dean to keep it secret. i think about things going wrong, john finding the letter or dean making a joke that sam just can’t dismiss. i think about dean finding out and going straight to john. i think about things going exactly the way sam planned them, until suddenly they don’t and he’s walking out the door and never coming back. i think about every single way it could have happened and whether the start even matters when the ending is always the same

#supernatural #sam winchester #it’s such a hole in the narrative that we never saw it but also i’m glad we never did #it doesn’t matter how it happened just that it did #what a weight it must have been to carry #what a relief to set it down #of COURSE finally being free of that was in sam’s heaven #even after he’d been abandoned and betrayed #(and YES sam was the one betrayed in that situation i said what i said)

[eelektroenthusiast]

YAY! GIRLLLSSS!!☆

I haven't drawn these ships nearly enough... i still have yet to draw minoharu but def planning on it

#my art #i can only work on this type of fanart when at home so it has been my stress relief this last weeks #istg my classmates must be <this> close to figuring out i ain't straight if they have seen my phone over my shoulder #but it may just be paranoia who knows!☆ #project sekai #mizuena #anhane #ena shinonome #mizuki akiyama #an shiraishi #kohane azusawa #i try to keep them playful and not too obvious or else ill get wierd looks when my family walks on me drawing #i miss my summer vacations... (i spent it making pearlina fanart and don't regret it)

[fauchart]

JUNE 2023 VS JUNE 2013

Decided to redraw a piece from ten years ago that was very important to me back then. Many things changed from that time, and it's always nice to have a look above your shoulder to see how far you've come ♥

The original:

Details under the cut

#ocs #the reaper #my art #it was strange drawing him again - it had been a while. I used to mostly draw him when I felt terrible as a way of venting #he was the expression and the personification and the relief from pain all at once #a bit funny for the anniversary to have been now when i've been a bit down in the dumps again. it was fitting hgbhb #anyway. it was nice to draw this old frienemy again #and revisit the old brain world #if you must get anything from this it's that you should always stay to one day be able to look back #and realize that it was worth sticking around #anyway. i don't like this piece as much as i wish i did - i'm not happy w the composition and contrast. but it shall do for this decade #can't wait to see how it will look in ten years #it's a nice goal i think

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

i don't know maybe it's the translation i read but i guess i always thought it was made fairly clear that shuro never legitimately hated laios so much as he resented him for being able to be the way he was. much like laios (albeit for very different reasons) shuro's affect is frequently commented on by others to be strange and at a mismatch with the prevailing culture around him, being very reticent to the point of the part where he tells the girl he likes that he likes her being when he Proposed. quite a few characters say something to this effect! shuro was raised in formality and stoicism and i think has a tendency towards not rocking the boat even besides that, and now here's this guy who breaks every one of his rules and he makes it look so easy. it's like a two-pronged frustration of "doesn't this guy understand that you can't just do that" and "fuck, what would it feel like to be able to do that." of course he gets mad! it's frustration, but it's also envy.

#the nemesis speaks #after their fight they're very chill/friendly and in the nightmares chapter laios literally says something to the effect of #''i thought we worked this out already!'' when dream shuro shows up. so he does consider that fight to be Working Things Out #&that like. imo makes it pretty clear that shuro's dislike of laios was never like inherent? it was just another product of him not- #-being able to say clearly when he likes or doesn't like something. trying to keep a lid on that pot until it boiled over #once the air had been cleared and laios was aware of it- i mean the relief of that honesty must have been- #-kind of fresh air to shuro atp regardless after not saying anything for so long. #& i think you can't bare that much of your soul to another person without becoming friends at least a little bit #plus all of shuro's actions after that chap and his demeanor towards laios are much warmer in general #idk where i'm going with this i guess tl;dr it's not even that shuro hates laios' autistic traits it's that they're like- #-out of place socially in opposite directions and shuro dislikes how unfamiliar laios is but also kind of wants to be more like him #this is beyond just the fact that the final line of their fight (in the translation at least) was quite literally #''that's the part of you that i envy''

[sadhorsegirl]

ultimately i do think one of the most romantic things about moiraine and siuan's relationship is just the absolute joy they must feel abt being fully understood by another human being for the first (and possibly only) time in their entire lives. throws up ❤️

#just when u thought my wot posting was over i make a dramatic return!!!! #two ppl who have been alienated from society finding love and compassion in each other.......im abt to lose it!!! #in a world where misscommunication is basically par for the course when talking to any other person #the sheer relief they must feel about being instantly understood by each other #i just think their relationship is Profound™ u know like real life affirming hope for the world bc ur beloved lives there level shit #siuan sanche #moiraine damodred #siuraine #wheel of time

[petr1kov]

the fact that ace looks way more like his mother than he does gold roger is such an inspired choice tbh

#put him in a blonde wig and they're the same i swear #must have been a relief for ace too. avoids looking like his dad and inherits pretty boy looks in the process #one piece

[dreamlogic]

musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"

#meatsuit renno #chronic blogging #ctxt #at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache #and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right #after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen #nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws #about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site #it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip #this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully #this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now #i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly #about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar #couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep #finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me #finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy #started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately #i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature #but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws #the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement #then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening #it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept #that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside #but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT #the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin #it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble #as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence #my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal #i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long #i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.

[parvuls]

but here's the thing:

bob zimmermann probably gets into bed that night, and stares at the ceiling and listens to his wife tapping on her phone and then to her turning on her side and then to her breaths as they even out slowly, and thinks: I did not fuck up my son's life.

because for a long, long time he thought he had. and for a long, long time the inescapable truth was that he actually almost had. the therapist they saw together while jack was in rehab was very big on analyzing blame, so he's been told many times that he couldn't shoulder the full responsibility over something so complex, but it was a hard thing to believe in the years after the overdose. because the truth was, he pushed his son too hard, and then didn't watch closely enough to protect him from the fall, and that was all on him.

and even after jack was out of physical danger, bob still worried. because his son was quick to push people away and slow to trust. because his son went right back to hockey like there had never been any other option, despite all that it put him through. because his son still seemed to think hockey was all there was, that hockey was all he was, and a big part of that was bob's fault. for all of bob's four cups, somehow he never managed to tell jack that his greatest and proudest achievements were him, and alicia, and their family.

and when they skyped (when jack agreed to skype with them for more than a few minutes at a time, which was at first almost never, and then occasionally, and then, unexpectedly, a regular thing), alicia would ask about jack's friends, and if he's seeing anyone, and about the latest screw or safety dance or spring c (bob never got the hang of all those college events, truthfully, although it did sound just as fun - and less risky - than his twenties), and jack would sometimes mumble something, or talk briefly about his teammates, or let shitty barge in and take over without answering. but more often than not jack would just say that he's too busy with pre-season; that he's too busy with practice; that he's too busy with playoffs; that he's too busy preparing for the next season.

but then --

he's serious about this, alicia said at dinner, and bob rubs that tight spot in the center of his chest and breathes. because that phone call made bob realize he'd been worried about that. had been worried jack spent his whole life thinking his father wasn't sure of his abilities as a player, when bob had been certain of jack's success all along; it was everything else bob was unsure about.

bob zimmermann gets into bed that night, knowing that there's someone out there looking out for his kid. someone out there making sure he knows he has value outside of being a hockey player. someone out there making him laugh and holding him when he cries, someone who jack opened up to, got to know, fell in love with, someone jack is serious enough about to share with alicia and him, when jack has never been one for sharing. and even if it ends (although - jack is, after all, bob's kid, and if he's right about how jack looks at bittle, and how bittle looks at jack, then bob's pretty sure it's not anything to worry about), at least jack would go back into the world knowing it's something he can have.

at least jack knows he's allowed to be happy. that's all bob ever wanted for him.

#omgcp #omgcheckplease #bob zimmermann #never have I ever read that bob and alicia extra and NOT made myself sad thinking about it #bob zimmermann wants the world for his son but is so cluelessly as to how to tell his son that #and how to make it clear he's not talking about wins or losses #bob zimmermann hasn't learned how to talk to his son in a language that isn't hockey. and he's getting better #(and bitty being around will help) #but god. that moment must have been a moment of relief #alicia to bob later on: bitty isn't who I imagined him with. I'm SO GLAD bitty isn't who I imagined him with. #I'M EMOTIONAL LET ME CRY OVER THIS FOR A LITTLE BIT #text

[100percentdirtball]

maybe it’s because i’m a faggy little writer and not a woman of faith, but i really really thought the point of the story about isaac and abraham was just to make you really live inside a man who spent three days walking with his son knowing that at the end he would die, and waking up every morning for the rest of his life and looking his son in the eyes and knowing that he was willing to kill him. how is this not a horror story.

#like i am being told that maybe the point of the story is #to have faith in god because god has a plan for you #and in his love for you would not induce you to do murder #but i just can't stop thinking about the sorrow in abraham's eyes #how the angel appearing must not have come as any relief #how when the angel says do not lay a hand on your son how abraham must still have felt himself damned #since he knew himself now to be a man that would lie to his son #tell him god will provide a lamb but knowing that god already has #that god has given abraham but a single lamb #an only son who he loved so dearly #i cant stop thinking about the walk back down the mountain towards the land that suddenly the lord has promised to abraham and to isaac #and how cold comfort it must have been

[lilliankillthisman]

God the Duke of Francis backstory still gets me. You're a child getting invasive surgery on your everything and your dad comes in and starts monologuing about how the hideous pain you're in will stay with you forever and make you strong through the struggles to come, because nothing you go through in the future will ever be as awful as this. But he forgot to tell your doctors that it should hurt and they've given you top of the line anaesthetic so you're actually doing super good but you still have to listen to your dad give the most cringefail villain speech of all time.

And then you need to monologue at torture victims for your job... I'd be so fucking nervous I'd rather be shot in the head

#learning they weren't related must have been such a relief #the duke of francis #twig #twig spoilers #wildbow

[ndcultureis]

ND culture is losing your bright yellow raincoat, feeling nauseous at the mere thought of using any other rain coat or an umbrella, eventually finding it again crumpled under a pile of random stuff several months later. Additionally, it has the bike key you also lost several monhs ago and forgot about in one of the pockets.

.

#neurodivergent culture #mod milo #that must have been such a relief!

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[sneez]

fairfax in 70s clothes because i think seventeenth-century men would love flares and incredibly loud shirts and questionable woollen tank tops. i don't have a better explanation than that i am afraid

#artwork #fairfax #puritan swag. the parliamentarian drip #i'm still mid-exams (which is why i havent answered my asks yet i am so sorry dear friends) so this has been my stress relief activity #it has been very effective! would highly recommend drawing historical figures in flares :-D #and belted jumpers for some ungodly reason. i looked at many 'top ten worst 70s outfits' articles in the process of drawing these #i must confess though i would wear 100% of these outfits. especially the first two he is making it work so much #to be honest i dont know if fairfax would actually wear any of these in reality but the whole cavalier/roundhead fashion divide is mostly #fake anyway (they pretty much wore the same clothes for the most part) so i like to think he would. he was a swanky guy #ALSO theres that one extant buff coat he owned which i have posted many times before which had pink silk sleeves so i am choosing to #believe that he would wear all of these. thats my opinion as a historian #anyway! i hope you are all doing well my dear friends :-D i miss you all very much #i am so close to being Fwee now..........i only have two more exams and my final one is on the last day of term so i am Almost There #i am absolutely exhausted though. i have five five-hour exams writing three essays for each and they are about as agonising as they sound #but this time next week i will be done!!! and then i will have time to draw more 70s fairfaxes (my purpose in life) #until then though i will continue crawling across the ground making horrible moaning noises until my final two exams are out of the way #eeueuuu. eueuuuuuuhh. eeeeuuuu. like that

[fooltofancy]

book 3 feels veeeeery much like someone tellin a story with beats they know they wanna hit but they're not QUITE sure how they wanna get there? so everything between the two or three mildly interesting bits of story is just filler.

#like. deeply uninteresting! could have been fun could have been something #..... mostly wasn't #miss sad wet failure detective from book one bring them back #sin like 'i have not been slapped by a twink in centuries and now i must flee' #ive only read m's route but 🙄 #idk i dont feel especially optimistic LOL #sort of a relief that imma be free of the brainworms tho tbh #fondness for m notwithstanding #twc3 #twc 3 spoilers #the stakes should have been so high and they were written like they were high but oh my god the detective just trippin over the bar it was #so low lmao

[edwardseymour]

hoes love stagnant water

#💿🐴 #ab fandom #ding ding ding the first bitter bitch ass posts abt jane seymour getting attention are in!! #genuinely happy for them. it must be a relief to have something to artificially feel persecuted over #the recent lull in tudor content must've been hard for a group of people who rely on it to assuage their inferiority complex #yet again they can dust off the whole 'a woman other than ab is getting attention' wank <3 #nature is healing <3

[what-breaks-my-heart]

Praying for someone to make a gifset on the parallel from episode 18 when Yeondu asked Taegyeong if he liked her and episode 20 when Taegyeong asked Yeondu if she liked him and a bonus gif of Taegyeong finally confessing his feeling to her instead of pushing her away like what he'd been doing throughout episodes 19 and 20.

#I was already crying from the scene before when yeondu snapped at his family for bullying him #the confession was the cherry on top #and the way his mother cried upon seeing yeondu protecting taegyeong... #the son whom she had been feeling guilty for 20 years #guilty for marrying into the family which started the whole saga of bullying #but she was unable to protect her precious son despite her efforts #even when she threatened it with a divorce #but yeondu was able to do something she couldn't do as a mother #I cannot even begin to imagine how tortured his mother had been all along #and being able to finally see taegyeong now having someone who would and could stand up for him must have been a HUGE relief #not only that... taegyeong also finally stood up against the family to protect yeondu #when he had been letting the family walked all over him over the years #so to see his growth really really appearing (this is a play on the title btw) is HUGE #the real has come #kdrama