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forever-forgotten-angel · 5 years

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To Be Named Strip Club Fic (Chapter 3)

Warning: I am currently planning this to have some Thomas/Virgil romantic elements, if that’s not your thing please move on and have a wonderful day! In addition, this story involves strippers and will likely have some explicit content at some point, so if that isn’t your thing, also please move on and have a wonderful day! Summary: Sanders Sides Strip Club AU, with a newbie Virgil who still isn’t sure about performing in front of actual people and protective club owner Thomas who just wants his employees to be happy and reach their full potential.

Pairings: Patton/Emile, Logan/Roman, Thomas/Virgil, Virgil/Remy, possibly Thomas/Virgil/Remy depending on how things go. More couples may be added.

It’s back and hopefully better than ever! Sorry it took so long! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Thomas Sanders was having quite the lovely night so far.

He’d gotten to perform, there hadn’t been any issues at the club, he’d gotten all of his paperwork caught up, the pizza place he frequented had made an extra pizza and given it to him free, and now he was on his way back to his club to eat said pizza with his newest employee.

He smiled as he thought of Virgil. He’d been about to give up on searching for a new helper for the club and just deal as they had been after two hours of disastrous interviews (and having to stop Roman from punching someone who had taken a dig at Logan) when Patton had walked in with the man. He’d been so respectful of Patton and he looked to be capable of performing the tasks Thomas might need (mostly it was just restocking the bar, cleaning up, setting certain things up, that sort of thing) so Thomas had hired him on impulse.

He hadn’t regretted it. Virgil got along well with all the other employees, or famILY members as Patton would say. He was a great help and never complained about working late or anything. He had never been anything but kind and respectful to the performers. And while he didn’t really interact with the customers a lot, he was polite when he did.

Not to mention how much Thomas himself liked the employee. He was witty, caring, funny, and yeah okay absolutely gorgeous to look at. Thomas was constantly reminded that he was very gay whenever the man was around. His good looks combined with his sarcastic but sweet personality made him irresistible to the club owner. It was honestly a struggle not to drag the man up to his office, bend him over his desk, fuck him until he can’t see straight, and then spend hours cuddling and kissing and taking care of him. Luckily for him, his willpower had held out, so far at least.

Now Thomas really didn’t have a problem with relationships in the workplace. That was obvious considering half of his employees were dating each other. Roman and Logan, Joan and Talyn, and Ember and Octavian. Plus, Patton and Emile weren’t together yet, but everyone knew it was coming soon. No, the problem he had was he didn’t want the fact that he was Virgil’s boss to sway his decision in any way. So he’d decided to wait on making a move until he knew Virgil was fully comfortable with him.

Don’t get him wrong, even if he wasn’t interested in Virgil he still would have insisted on driving him to and from work, while the club wasn’t in a terrible area of the city, it wasn’t in the greatest area either and he didn’t want one of his employees walking around alone at night. But it was also an excuse to get to hang out with him and get to know him better. Plus it led to times like this, where the fact that he was already waiting for Virgil gave him an opportunity to spend even more time with him.

He arrives back at the club quicker than he’d expected due to not having to wait for the pizza and manages to get through the door without dropping said pizza. He makes his way into the main area of the club and looks around for Virgil. He doesn’t see him at first, causing a frown to grow on his face. Surely Virgil wouldn’t have just left? His eyes continue to scan the room until he spots his employee.

He’s at the top of one of the poles. Thomas is surprised, but his frown turns into a smile knowing at least Virgil is still there. The other man had never shown any interest in trying out the poles before, but Thomas supposed anyone would get curious eventually. He’s about to call out to Virgil when he sees him start to slide down the pole. He rushes forward, worried the other is going to fall, only to freeze in shock when he catches himself perfectly and spins around the pole using only his legs before flipping upside down and switching to using his arms, twirling around the pole until he’s back at the top.

Thomas stares in shock. That is not the type of move someone who was just curious could pull off. That’s the type of move someone who’d trained and performed for quite a while did. Which means Virgil had trained and performed pole dancing for some unknown amount of time prior to working here. And he was good. Really good. Now Thomas would like to say the first thing he thought when he saw this was how good it would be for the club to have another wonderful performer, and how it could bring in more business. In all actuality though his first thought was just…

D A M N.

He’d already thought Virgil was hot, but this? He looked incredible working his way up and down the pole, and he wasn’t even wearing the typical stripper outfit. He was still in his hoodie and jeans (and the fact that he was able to hold onto the pole with his legs without the friction of skin was impressive in and of itself). His second thought still wasn’t about the club, but about how many more positions he could think of now that he could see how flexible Virgil is. Then he thought of the club though, and that Virgil would be a really good performer. Right after that.

He quietly makes his way towards the stage and creeps onto it, his eyes never leaving the dancing form in front of them. He sets the pizza down at Jahmal’s station and continues to walk to the center of the stage where the poles were until he was only a few feet away. He watches entranced as Virgil spins, flips, and slides in time with the beat of the song until he’s finished. Silence fills the room as he just stares in awe for a moment. Then he beings to clap.

He sees Virgil lose grip and instantly darts forward, catching the other man before he hits the ground. Virgil is tense in his arms and it takes him a minute before he looks up at Thomas. His dark blue eyes widen and he looks paler than usual.

“H-hi Thomas. You’re back sooner than I th-thought you’d be.” Thomas raises an eyebrow. “They had a pizza ready and gave it to me so I didn’t have to wait.” Virgil nods in understanding. “That’s nice.” Thomas nods back, eyebrow still raised. “Yep. So are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room here?” Virgil shrugs in his arms. He sighs and brings it up himself. “How come you never told me that you could dance like that?”

Virgil shifts a bit, looking uncomfortable. “It never came up?” Thomas gives him a look. “I own a strip club. A strip club that you work for. And you never thought to tell me that you were a performer.” Virgil jerks his head back and forth instantly. “I’m not a performer.”

Thomas lets out a huff. “Really? My eyes tell me differently.” Virgil continues to shake his head. “No. No, you don’t understand. I mean I can…” Virgil trails off, gesturing to the poles. “But I don’t perform. I never have.” Thomas’ other eyebrow joins the one that is already raised. “Why the heck not? You’re really good. I’d pay to see you.” A blush breaks out over Virgil’s cheeks. He seems to consider it for a moment before shaking his head again. “No, I could never perform. On stage. In front of an audience. With people….watching. Just no.” Thomas gives him a ‘go on’ look. “I’d screw it up. Everyone would hate me.” Virgil’s tone indicated he thought this should be obvious. “Verge, no one would hate you. You just have to get out of your own head. I bet once you actually get up there it will be a lot easier than you think.” Virgil’s eyes go wide and they contain a look that says he thinks Thomas is insane. “Once I….No! No, no, no.”

“Virgil, you’d be amazing!” The man in his arms side. “Thomas, I can’t.” Thomas looked him in the eyes. “Yes you can. Virgil, my audience, any audience, would love you. Pat, Lo, Ro, and I can teach you how a typical performance works here. You can do any routine you want to any song you want, I’ll leave that up to you. It would be great for this place and I think it would be good for you too. You looked like you were enjoying yourself up there." Virgil let out a sharp breath. “Yeah, I….I love the actual dancing….but the crowd…” Virgil let the sentence trail off. “Virgil, I get it. You don’t think I was nervous the first time I danced here? But the crowd is not as bad as you think.” Virgil sighs a bit, still anxious. “Thomas, I work here....” He started but trailed off. “You’d make more money as a performer.” Thomas pointed out when Virgil didn’t continue. “Or, everyone hates me and I make no money then or after because I won’t be able to show my face here again so I’ll have to quit and find another job with new people and-” Thomas cut him off before he could get too worked.

"Well how about I make you a deal then? You dance one performance, just one, and if anyone hates you and you feel too embarrassed to work here anymore I'll pay you your current salary without you working at all until you’re out of college." Virgil's eyebrows shot up. "You really want to risk that?" Thomas gave him what he hoped came off as a teasing 'I know something you don't' kind of smile. "There's no risk at all. You dance like you just did and I'm going to have people begging me to make you a regular performer." Virgil looked disbelieving, but the determination to not perform wavered in his eyes for the first time.

“I wouldn’t get to see you anymore...or the other employees. I mean Patton’s like my best friend now so…” Thomas was touched and smiled softly at the man he was holding. “It’s adorable that you think you’re ever getting rid of Patton now. Or any of the rest of us. We can all still hang out. And you can even use the poes when no one is here if you want. But that is if it even goes badly which it will not because you are a beautiful dancer and everyone is going to adore you.” Virgil seems to be warming up to the idea a bit more, but still hesitant. “I don’t know Thomas. I’d like to say yes but I just don’t know if I can handle it.”

“I believe you can. Please just give it a try.” Virgil gives him an unreadable look. “Are you trying to use the puppy eyes on me?” Thomas shakes his head. “Wait, would the puppy eyes work?” Virgil immediately averts his gaze from Thomas. “......Noooooo.”

Thomas gives his best puppy look complete with big pleading eyes and a pouting lip. Virgil refuses to look at him so he shifts his arms so he can use one of his hands to guide Virgil’s face back to looking towards him (which coincidentally pulls him further into Thomas’ chest). He hears Virgil mutter something that sounded suspiciously like ‘Too damn adorable, fuck me.’ under his breath (which Thomas is really hoping he heard right because he would be more than happy to oblige that request). “Alright. I guess I can try just one performance.”

A large grin grows on Thomas’ face. “Awesome. You can go on next Friday. Should give plenty of time to prepare. You’re going to be amazing!” Virgil huffs and rolls his eyes, though the effect is ruined by the red coloring on his cheeks. “Whatever.” Thomas laughs fondly at his antics. “Ummmm Thomas?” Thomas hums in response. “You can put me down now?” Oh, right. Too bad, he had been so focussed on getting Virgil to perform that he hadn’t even really fully enjoyed having the man in his arms. Oh well. Some other time, he hoped at least. Just to make it last a bit longer he carries him over to where the pizza was, grabs it and put it on top of Virgil and then carries him to the bar where he places him down in a stool. Virgil’s blush has grown darker, Thomas noted.

They enjoy their pizza even though it’s a little cold now, and spend a while chatting. Thomas learns how Virgil first started pole-dancing and how he trained. He tells Virgil a bit more about his own experiences too. They talk for a good while after they’ve finished their pizza and Virgil quickly finished what little he had left to sweep up before his impromptu dance and they head out to Thomas’ car together, ready to go home.

They don’t talk about dancing, or the club, or anything really notable in particular as Thomas drives to Virgil’s apartment to drop him off. Virgil grabs his bag and gets out of the car. He thanks Thomas for the ride like he does every day even though Thomas has told him he really doesn’t have to. He is about to shut the door when Thomas call after him.

“Hey Verge!” The other pauses in closing the door and peeks his head back in. “Yeah?” Thomas only allows himself a moment of nervousness before blurting out what he wants to say. “Would you like to go out with me sometime? Just to clarify, I mean go out with me on a date. Romantically. As boyfriends.” Virgil stares at him in shock, saying nothing. Thomas’ anxiety builds a bit and he begins to ramble. “I know it’s a little different, because I’m your boss, but I don’t want that to affect your decision at all. I won’t hold it against you if you say no, we can just continue on as we have been. I was actually going to wait a bit longer before asking, just to make sure you were comfortable with me and all, but after people see the way you dance, you are going to get tons of people offering to be your boyfriend so I figured I should get mine in before they do.” He finished with a nervous but genuine smile towards Virgil. “Yes.” The nervousness falls away as the smile grows bigger.

“Really? Because you know you don’t have to if you don’t w-” He doesn’t get to finish as he is cut off by Virgil leaning in and kissing him. He is quick to kiss back, his hands automatically coming up to cup Virgil’s face. The kiss is light at first but as Virgil goes to pull back Thomas automatically licks his own lips, his tongue just brushing Virgil’s leaving ones. And then suddenly Virgil’s lips aren’t leaving but pressing back to his harder than the first time, slightly parted for Thomas’ tongue to slip through. Virgil climbs back into the passenger seat so he’s not at such an odd angle and puts his hands on Thomas’ waist. Their hands start to wander slightly as the kisses grow more heated, the two of them barely stopping to take a breath before starting up again. Virgil’s lips were so soft and warm against his and he tasted so good. Thomas wants to taste every inch of his body until the Virgil is begging him for more than just his lips and tongue. That will have to wait for, but he won’t forget about it.

He settle for pulling Virgil over the middle of the seats and sitting him down on his lap. Their kisses continue, brief breaks to pant out a breath or two in between until Virgil accidentally moves the wrong way and the car horn goes off. Virgil startles instantly and darts forward into Thomas’ arms, hugging against him tightly until he realizes what the noise was and settles again. He pulls away from Thomas with a sheepish look. Thomas can’t help but find it adorable.

Figuring it’s better to end things there before they rush into something they’ll regret, Thomas helps Virgil crawl back over the middle of the seats and the other gets out of the car again, though this time he is noticeably more flush. He picks up his bag from where he left it on the ground just outside the car and goes through it quickly checking on his things. Thomas assumes this must just be an instinct of his as even as wrapped up in each other as they were, they would have noticed someone coming that close to the car. He seems satisfied after a moment and looks back up at Thomas. “Does Tuesday night work for you?” The hoodie-clad man asks to Thomas’ confusion. “Tuesday night?” Virgil nods back. “For our date?” Thomas smiles brightly at Virgil who has a slightly anxious expression as he shifts from foot to foot. “Tuesday night is perfect. Pick you up at seven?” Virgil look of anxiety fades into a relieved looking smile. “Sure. Goodnight Thomas.” Virgil goes to shut the door as Thomas call back to him. “Goodnight boyfriend!” He blows Virgil a kiss through the window which the other pretends to catch, rolling his eyes while doing so. He’s still smiling though, which takes out any bite the eye roll might have had. Thomas waits until Virgil has safely entered his apartment building before driving off.

He thinks back on his the night's events as he drives towards his own home. He’d gotten to perform, was given free pizza, saw Virgil dance and god was it gorgeous, gained a new performer for his club for at least one night (hopefully more, he thought to himself as he made a mental note to save himself a seat as close to the stage as possible next Friday), eaten pizza with his crush, asked said crush out and got a positive response, and last but certainly not least he’d had a wonderful makeout session with his new boyfriend.

Yes, Thomas Sanders was most definitely having a lovely night.

Taglist: @organizeddiscord, @nightmarejasmine, @mariniacipher, @bubblycricket, @nico-ksanders, @anxiousangel121, @detroit-become-pan, @lesliealiceinwonderland, @tinashrader, @ab-artist, @dont-rain-on-my-gay-parade, @romanslunchbox, @jani-bunny54, @themarauders1 , @patheticlilkiddo , @aroundofaceapplesauce , @theunoriginaldaisy

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #thvi #thomas/virgil #Strip Club Fic

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esperanzafuentes-archive-blog · 5 years

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beans & santerías → reyza

Where: IKAG Mansion

Summary: Esperanza and Reyna finally talk, instead of coming at each other’s necks and they find out that old habits truly die hard.

Written with: @reynasantos

The theatre was blacked out for Christmas Eve which was perfect for the actress. It was her favorite holiday, and well, even though she couldn’t go home she planned on cooking and enjoying the evening watching Santa Clause. It was and always will be her favorite movie. So, there she was in the kitchen stirring the beans and getting ready to fry some maduros while dancing to some Beyonce. She was completely oblivious to anything around her until she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. That didn’t stop her dancing of course. Nothing stopped her groove once she was moving. “You’re welcome to stick around if you’re hungry,” she said before turning around. Of course, the person she offered this to would be her ex. A part of her wanted to take it back, but she told herself that would be cruel on Christmas. “I mean, if you want to. I kinda made too much. I guess I’m used to the whole six of us kids and the rest of the family deal.”

It was rare that Esperanza was ever tired. She ached to do nothing but the brunette was good at keeping herself occupied between her cello, her portraits, and boxing. Plus, it was an added perk that she could do the things alone. Exhausted, the girl padded her way into the kitchen to find something to snack on before heading back to boxing, since she had somehow managed to have gone the whole day without eating anything. With a messy bun and stuck in her own head, Esperanza pulled her headphones from out her ears when she heard someone talking to her, realizing far too late that it was Reyna. “Yeah, uh, no I’m okay. I only came in for a drink before having to go back to what I was doing.” Esperanza explained, figuring that she would just go back and find granola or whatever in her bedroom. “Yeah, is that gone be weird for you? To not be home with your siblings and stuff?” She asked, pulling a water bottle out, being polite.

Reyna didn’t even try hiding her eye roll when Esperanza turned down the offer. She had no idea how long the girl thought she could avoid her for, but Rey was finding thoroughly amusing. Although the question about her family made her sigh slightly. It wasn’t one she was expecting because she didn’t think the other woman would be interested in small talk. “It’s weird yeah. Jonah and I have been inseparable forever, and that’s only gotten worse with age. Ruby too. But they all call pretty much constantly.” Which was true. You’d think they’d get enough updates due to her being on a show that watches her every move, but apparently not. “By the way, just sit down and wait for dinner,” she said without thinking twice. “You can’t survive all day on whatever snack you’re going to grab. If you keep it up, you’ll end up passing out mid jab. Plus, I already got a call from your mother and my own about our fight. I don’t need to hear about my manners too.”

Esperanza really thought she was doing what was best for them. They had gone so long without talking anyways, what was a couple more months? Suppose it was a little different now since they lived in the same space again. “You and I both. I got like a three way call, it as a bit strange but whatever. They said their due.” The brunette said, having her hand away at the issues. She wasn’t going to deal with it again, in fact, she had made it every clear to her own mother that the subject of Reyna was not come up if she didn’t want the call to end. Just because Esperanza didn’t want to talk about it. Not now. She wanted to paint it out, play it out, to box it out. Especially box it out. She didn’t want to talk. “I’m glad they’re calling, though I wouldn’t have expected anything else. And uh, news flash, I would be okay, Reyna. I haven’t passed out yet.”

Her ex had apparently gotten more annoying over the years too, and God, did it drive Rey crazy. She honestly just wanted to do about anything to shut the woman up. “Looks like your mom is getting better though. I mean, she knows you’re on a gay show and with your very out lesbian ex girlfriend. And she calls, so that’s progress.” Reyna knew it was hard being from where they were, but honestly, things were getting better just about everywhere. The newsflash part though made her bristle slightly though. “Es, I’m just trying to give a damn. If you’d rather me go back to hating you, then you let me know. God, you’re acting like I’m the one that hurt you, and I’m the one that should stay clear of you. Just fucking stop and deal with the fact that I’m here.” Then fighting was always dangerous because with Reyna, well, it had a history of turning passionate more than once.

Esperanza could only shrug her shoulders, her mother only called because they pretended it was a phase. She might had even told her mom once or twice that it was. Anything to keep her in her life really, which wasn’t the smartest move but it was what worked for her now. Her father on the other hand, man, he was a piece of work. They really weren’t talking about it. For all he knew, she was straight and the show was just to bring attention to her work. “Yeah, progress. We can call it that.” She said with a smile, taking a sip from her water bottle. A eyebrow raised Reyna mentioned that she acted as if she was the one who was hurt because in reality, in her eyes, Reyna did hurt her. Esperanza might have put the final nail in, but in her books, Reyna has her fair share in the situation. “I am, dealing with the fact that you’re here. Maybe not the way you’d want me too. But I’ve got a good routine going on.”

“You’re so fucking difficult,” she mumbled under her breath. Although one thing had been on her mind since she ran into her ex, and well, she’d be damned if she didn’t get the answer. “Let me ask you something though. If we got back together, would you still want to keep me a secret back home? Even now?” She just — the thought hadn’t crossed her mind but she needed to know if anything had changed. “You’re not dealing. You’re avoiding. Those are two very different things.”

The girls eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “This is a multi-parted questions. First, no. I wouldn’t. The things that I was previously afraid of before aren’t really a factor anymore.” Esperanza explained, and it was true. While her parents wasn’t exactly over the moon about it, she had told other people in her community over the years. “Two, when pigs fly, Reynita.” The other said with a laugh, shaking her head. That would never, ever happen. Not that she didn’t want it to but Jesus, it would take so long for them to not want to choke each other out. Not in the good way either. “Says you.”

Reyna was happy to hear that her ex wasn’t living in fear of being herself anymore. “I’m happy for you. I mean, living with that wasn’t easy, and despite everything I just want you to be happy.” The second comment did sting though, and she didn’t even know why. However, she would rather die than show it. “First off, you haven’t called me that in years. Secondly, how many times I’ve caught you staring at my ass when I’m stirring these beans tells me differently.” Esperanza’s final answer was enough for the actress. So she put everything on the stove on low and wiped her hands on a dish towel before moving closer to her ex. She placed both hands on either side of Esperanza against the counter before whispering, “So, me being this close to you isn’t a problem?”

“I haven’t seen you in years.” Esperanza retorted, tilting her head to the side before going on, “Well, something’s gotta get fed. I don’t remember beans ever taking this long to cook.” It was a half joke, mm, actually mostly not. There was a reason Esperanza had originally been attracted to Reyna, and those reasons had only become better with age. She was a nonsensical idiot, not blind. The cellist kept her eyes on the other, letting them become more narrow as she got close to her. Esperanza would be lying through her teeth if she said that she didn’t have to steady her breathing, especially with the counter up against her back where nowhere to go. “Get closer.” She dared quietly, the smallest evidence of a smirk upon her lips.

“It’s been what, about ten,” she asked as if she hadn’t really been keeping count. She knew it was closer to twelve. She was very aware of the fact actually. “Smart ass. Also, you know good black beans takes hours. Don’t even try to make a comment about my cooking.” Getting closer to her ex wasn’t exactly easy for the actress either. She wished that Esperanza had gotten ugly over the years, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. That made everything harder. At the dare, Reyna didn’t hesitate to take another step so their bodies were pressed together. She slipped one of her thighs between the cellist’s and made sure her lips were just a few meters away from Es’. “Your turn. Say another smart ass thing. Give me a reason to shut you up.” The dare was evident in her voice as she kept her eye contact firm.

“Around there.” She mused, though Esperanza knew how long it had been. Down to the month, it was easier to keep track of when she was in Boston. It was just a reminder of how long it had been since she found where she wanted to create her new home. Since she had, quietly, in some way, given Reyna the neighborhood. She’s find new family somewhere else, and Boston offered that to her. With her hands gripping the edge of the counter, she watched as Reyna’s dominant trait made a full blown appearance, confirmed with the other giving into Esperanza’s playful taunts. “Another smart ass thing.” She said clearly, never breaking eye contact with the other.

They were both so stubborn. While, they both could be stupidly sweet and romantic with each other when things were good, when they fought it could be like the Cold War. They would stay at a standstill until one of them missed the other too much. Now, Years had just made that stubborn streak even harder apparently. When those four words left the musician’s mouth, Reyna felt her nostrils flair slightly as she rolled her neck. “Fuck you,” she mumbled before grabbing the back of her ex’s neck and crashing their lips together. She said that she would shut her up, and Reyna never backed out of her word. So, her hand fisted a bit of the woman’s hair as she pressed her body even more firmly against the other woman’s.

She had always been a brat, especially when it came to Reyna, a trait that she had quietly tucked away. One she thought she probably wouldn’t see again, being an adult and everything. But of course, the minute the other waltzed back into her life, it was begging for attention. She remembered how hard they could fight and how she could never last long. At the thought of it now, Esperanza was surprised she had held out for twelve years. Mostly only possible because she hadn’t been back to Washington Heights. Perhaps because she knew this might happen, the anger, the need to prove something to the other, the battle for dominance that Esperanza’s would never win. “You won’t.” She muttered before their lips were roughly pressed against each other. With the position of her arms, she was able to push her body against Reyna’s moving ever so slightly from the back of the counter.

Reyna didn’t even bother to answer to Esperanza’s shit anymore. She just got lost in the kiss and wanted to kick herself for doing so. It honestly felt more like going back home than any of the other times she had been back in the Heights. Their games had always ended like the same way, but it was so much more dangerous right then. It was dangerous because she knew Es didn’t feel the same way about her. She’d treated her with nothing but walls and distaste really since they laid eyes on one another. All it would lead to was pain and watching the cellist fumble out of the room when they stopped after going who knew how far. And yet, Rey couldn’t pull herself away. She pressed firmer against Esperanza to pin her back against the counter. The cellist didn’t know it but she wasn’t the only one who boxed and worked out religiously. Her free hand went to her ex’s hip before dancing along the muscles of her abs and stopping to cup one of her breasts.

Es was more mad that she was enjoying what was happening, she wanted to say that she would have been able to stop herself from kissing Reyna. Still, she found herself kissing the other back with the same energy, not yet wanting to give in to her own nature. Esperanza wanted to avoid what was happening at all costs, she had always told herself that she wouldn’t let herself do it. It would cause everything she thought she had worked on, crumble to the ground. Just that was happening too. Her hands finally moved away from the counter, coming up to the sides of the others face. Aching for her to be closer which was seemingly impossible. Esperanza’s breath hitched for just a second feeling Reyna’s hand make its way over her body. Shit.

As soon as she felt Esperanza’s hands on the side of her face, she wanted to melt into the kiss. To take the time to mark every inch of the woman’s body and hear her make sounds she hadn’t heard in years. The actress wanted to say fuck it to every concern about what it would do to them, but she couldn’t. She had always been the dominant one, the one to bring forward the hard choices, and it was her job again. If they did everything she wanted to, Reyna could end up heartbroken by Es’ running, and she refused. So she pulled away, but only enough to rest her forehead against the woman’s before her. “If we keep going, you can’t run or keep pretending like I’m nothing,” she said breathlessly. “If you can’t do that, push me away now, Es.”

The two of them complimented each other nicely, that was the truth, especially when it came to making tough calls. Her passive and sort of naive nature meant that she always acted as if things were okay. Refusing to make the decision that would change things. Feeling the other pull away, she groaned softly and her eyes fluttered open— keeping their foreheads together. Esperanza’s eyes locked on Reyna’s as she talked. In her heart, she knew she was right. Esperanza has treated Reyna in a way that she definitely didn’t deserve. The brunette thought about it, how everything she had wanted for so long but didn’t think she’d ever see was right in front of her. She couldn’t mess it up, right? She couldn’t be that dumb twice. “I won’t.” The cellist whispered softly, her lips brushing over the others ever so slightly. She had to stop being a brat, and running, and acting like Reyna wasn’t this huge important person in her life.

The groan made Reyna smile softly. Es was always someone who absolutely hated momentum being broken. It was always a cute quality. The other woman could always get so instantly lost in anything she did. She waited patiently for an answer, and when she got it, she didn’t waste anymore time. She closed the distance between them with a more tender kiss that grew as the seconds passed. One of her hands slid into Esperanza’s hair as the other reached for the the cellist’s ass and gave it a firm squeeze. She hated how her siblings knew this was what she needed and practically arranged it. They were tired of seeing woman after woman not make it home for one reason or another. Add to it that Es was family, and well, it was better for her to be with the cellist than any other woman to them. They’d have hell to work through, and Rey wasn’t easy, but she’d try. Right then though, she just tilted her head to the side and enjoyed deepening the kiss.

Esperanza couldn’t remember the last time she wanted someone to touch her. The friends she had made who didn’t know the whole story just thought she was picky which wasn’t untrue but relationships never seemed to last and she was always the one to break it off. With Reyna, it came naturally, something she just didn’t have to think about. Hands making their way down the other body, she one wrapped around Reyna’s waist, keeping her close to her. There was a world of things they’d have to talk about, apologies that Esperanza would have to give and mean before they could be back in a happy, healthy place. For now though, she figured that this was enough. Sliding her hand under the other’s shirt, she gently let her nails go over the others back, following Reyna’s lead, continuing to kissing her.

A soft moan escaped Rey’s lips at the feeling of nails against her back. She smirked into the kiss because it was such an Es thing to do. It appeared the woman still knew exactly what to do to make Rey feel absolutely insane in every way. As much as she wanted to continue everything right there, she did have some pork in the oven and food on the stove. So with one more quick kiss, she pulled back and cupped Es’ cheek. “Stay for dinner with me. We’ll talk, and then we can go back to my room or yours.” Hopefully they could pick back up where they left physically later on at night if things went well.

Esperanza could truly stay in that same position until they couldn’t stand it anymore, till her lips were raw. Alas a small hmph came from the other when they finally broke apart, she wasn’t very patient when it came to not getting exactly what she wanted. A brat through and through but she did need food and well, it would be better than possibly letting the house go up in flames. She turned her head to kiss the inside of Reyna’s palm, a hand coming up on top of hers before agreeing to stay. “Okay, that sounds like a good plan, Rey.” Giving her ass a light tap, she managed her way out from Reyna to sit on the counter and watch her with the patience she had left. “You should know,” Esperanza started, “I became a vegetarian few of years ago.” The truth? No, but it would be funny to her to see if Reyna could tell that she was talking out of her ass. It wasn’t entirely untrue, she had just left out the part that she had reverted to her old diet about a year ago now.

After stealing one last kiss, she went back to moving around the kitchen. Of course, she looked over her shoulder to give her ex a look that said the other woman would be getting it for that slap on the ass. She figured that Es was hoping for it though. “When do I have anything other than terrific plans,” she asked with a sweet smile. That ego was never fading. If anyone tried to tell her that she was less than the best, she’d barely even give her the time of day just to prove how little their opinion meant. When she heard her ex’s comment though, she chuckled. “Oye ya tú vas a empezar a comer mierda,” she asked playfully without even looking around. “You were a vegetarian. If you think I didn’t keep some sort of tabs on you then you’re out of your mind. Plus, your mom practically told the whole neighborhood when you told her that shit because she didn’t know what to feed your ass,” she said with a chuckle. The whole thing had been hilarious. “You know, I think it was your plan to act like the biggest brat this whole time to get me to shut you up the only way I know how.”

Climbing onto the counter, she settled herself there comfortably. It was amusing to her that time had just intensified Reyna’s personality. Not that she was complaining but she didn’t think she would have expected anything else. Then again, it seemed as if Esperanza had made this Reyna up in her head that was so drastically different from the real one just to make it easier on herself. She liked the real one more. “Es que esa mujer no saber como dejar las cosas en paz.” Esperanza said, rolling her eyes. She loved her mom, she did. She didn’t deserve her but she was such a gossip, that nothing Esperanza ever said to her was in actual confidence. As for the keeping tabs, Esperanza had too. Again, via her mother and the occasional google search of Reyna. That was the joy of her job, it meant that her life was in some ways public. She definitely knew the highlights over the years. “I don’t act like a brat, I am a brat.” Esperanza joked, an eyebrow raising ever so slightly, “It’s not my fault you have an almost default way of doing things.”

“You do realize you’re on public television, and she will see all of this, yes,” she asked as she turned to look at the woman over her shoulder. She knew Esperanza would get a call from her mother about that comment later. A playful one, but a call nonetheless because that woman was a gossip. Hell, she’d probably touch on that just to be a pain in the ass before even mentioning Rey and her daughter making out in a kitchen. Grabbing oven mitts, Reyna opened the oven and then bent over to pull the pork out. There would be enough for more than a few people in the house to eat which she hoped happened. If not, she’d be taking leftovers to the theatre. “You are, this is true, but it’s grown over the years. You’re going to give me grey hairs,” she mumbled loud enough for Es to hear as she placed the dish on the stove. She had to let it cool for a bit, so she went about grabbing plates and everything else. “You love my way of doing things. Even now, it’s not like you were exactly complaining.”

Esperanza contemplated it, moving her head side to side before shrugging. She didn’t know if her mom was actually watching the show, just because when she mentioned it, a groan came out of Sara’s mouth. She didn’t want to tell her what to do but Esperanza knew that she mother was less that pleased. She did it anyways. A call from the woman would be the confirming that she in fact was keeping up. “Like you don’t already have some.” Esperanza joked, a playful laugh coming from her. “Ay, old habits die hard, if ever.” The brunette mentioned, watching Reyna move around the kitchen. She’d offer to help but she enjoyed the view, enjoyed just being around her. It would never make up for the years they were apart but it was a good place to start. No matter how it ended.

A scoff escaped her mouth at the idea of grey hairs. She had yet to find one and was quite pleased. “Keep it up amor bella, and you won’t be getting any of my ass later.” It was an empty threat at best. They both knew that if just kissing each other felt that good that sex would be a whole other thing altogether, but it was fun to mess with the woman. “You know though, if you had just gotten ugly like ex’s are supposed to, then this whole not wanting you thing would have been so much easier.” She was kidding partly. It was aggravating for the actress to want Esperanza when she had sworn up and down that she was over her first love for years. Although, she also admitted that she wanted the cellist the moment she saw her in the same sentence, so it wasn’t all playful and bad. “You’re lucky I still have a soft spot for your bratty side, and I love putting you in your place or else I’d want to kill you.” She set up their places on the kitchen island, and as she walked past Esperanza she let her hand graze her leg before moving to start serving their plates.

Making a face, Esperanza rolled her eyes knowing that after all that, there was no way she was letting Reyna out of her sight for the next couple hours. God, if she was that worked up for just kissing her... it made her head spin to think about what it be would be like back in the bedroom. “Sorry, getting ugly isn’t in the cards for me, honey. I can’t believe you’d want that for me.” Esperanza exclaimed, her hand joking clutching her chest. “The wretched curse and me, over here knowing that you’d be pretty forever.” She might’ve been better but Esperanza definitely gave credit where it was due and when it came to Reyna, you had to be practically in denial to say that she wasn’t absolutely gorgeous. Age had only added to that. “Oof, that isn’t the first time I’ve heard that. This wouldn’t have ever worked if I wasn’t bratty and you know it.” Biting softly on her lower lip, she reached out to catch Reyna’s hand as she moved around her but missed it by a second. It was probably for the best because all Esperanza wanted to do was wrap her legs around her waist and kiss her again.

Catching sight of the face Es made, she couldn’t help but chuckle. A part of her wanted to be aggravated beyond belief that her ex could still ignite her so quickly, but she honestly gave up that battle. While she was stubborn at times to a fault, it was hard to argue something that was so blatantly obvious. “It’s not like I started doing Santaria and sacrificing chickens to hex you,” she said cheerfully. “I doubted it would happen, but a girl could dream because then I wouldn’t be getting wrapped around your finger again.” People always assumed the dominant one held all the cards, but it was so far from true. The submissive one in a relationship held the safe word, was taken care of, and could crumble any dominant with a pout. It was ridiculous. “I’m glad you knew I’d be gorgeous though. Although, me being in tabloids and on the internet made it easier for you to see me over the years.” There were many times she wanted to see a picture of Esperanza, but she didn’t want to ask. Asking would make it seem like she cared, and she refused to do so. “And it won’t be the last. That’s true. You always kept me on my toes with your bratty side. Ugh. I don’t even know why I find it so sexy on you.” Within minutes, dinner was served. She fixed them both a glass of water since they definitely didn’t need alcohol to add to their mix right then. “Come here,” she said as she pulled back the chair for Es.

“I can’t even imagine you doing Santarias.” The brunette said with a laugh, the very thought of Reyna doing the old school Caribbean voodoo was hysterical. Esperanza hummed, moving her head from side to side when mentioned that she had it a little easier to see Reyna over the years. She wasn’t wrong, for the most part, Esperanza wasn’t looking for her— in the line for groceries, watching the news, Instagram. It seemed like she was everywhere. It was only a handful of times where she went into a deep delve of what she was doing after her mother mentioned a thing or two to her. It was pen of the things that she enjoyed about being a cellist. She still had a bit of anonymity in her life which she was beyond grateful for. “Being a pain has definitely brought me what I want on more than one occasion. Don’t fix what isn’t broken, right?” She pondered before hoping off the counter to where Reyna was, taking a seat. Curious how a couple days ago they were ready to rip each other’s throats out. Ready to spit an venom they had to to survive in the same house together to being more than friendly. “Tell me about what you’ve done though? I mean— a lots bound to happen in twelve years, Reynita.” She whispered, placing her elbow on the table and her head on her hand.

“That’s because you know me, and you know I would never even try that brujeria.” She managed a shudder at the very thought of it if she was honest. Some things just shouldn’t be messed with in her opinion. A part of Reyna was worried about them trying things again because Es would be in the public eye a bit more. Rey wasn’t a huge celebrity which made it easier. Broadways actors didn’t really get the lime light outside of the Tony Awards, but it was still there in the background. “It has. I should really try not giving you what you want every once in awhile to show you that is not always a viable way to get things.” When Esperanza took a seat, Rey did the same and placed a napkin on her lap. It was an old habit her mother had engrained into her brain. “I’m sure you know highlights from your mother, but it is different hearing it from me,” she said after taking a sip of water. “Well, I told you I went to Emerson. I was offered a full ride for their musical theatre program, and I loved it the four years I was there. I made a bunch of friends, and eventually got an apartment with my sister for my junior and senior years. Ruby still lives there actually, so I go back whenever I can if she’s not appearing at my flat in Brooklyn.” She took a moment to think of the things Es would want to hear about. Surely, it was everything since they were best friends for years, but some things were just honestly mundane. “I moved to New York right after graduation with Jonah. We found a roommate on Craigslist to share a one bedroom with and my God was he the weirdest human I’ve ever met. He collected his toe nails and just, I couldn’t. But he paid rent on time and left us alone, so it could be worse. I auditioned for every musical out there. I had this no fear mentality for years, still do I guess, so I didn’t care how many no’s I heard. Eventually I knew I’d get a yes, and I did in The Waitress for the lead. It got kind of crazy from there. I was in award shows, photo shoots, and just went from being the baby sister of a huge family and small neighborhood to being a name most musical theatre fans knew. I’ve given my mom heart attacks because I became an adrenaline junkie. I’ve sky dived, swam with sharks, and other shit that she yelled at me for.” She left the girlfriends part out. She wanted Esperanza to ask. If she didn’t, then they wouldn’t talk about it. She just wanted to see if the other woman wanted to know or not because she knew how jealous people could be. “Ask any questions too. I mean, it’s a lot of years.”

The Heights native knew that the quiet life she lead would end because of IKAG, and it was... okay. To some sense, she had made the decision and well, come what may. She couldn’t take her choice back this far in. Something that was already apparent in her Instagram statistics. She wasn’t wrong though, Reyna, doing witchcraft? Hell would have had to freeze over before that was even an option. She was glad that was her mentality because Esperanza didn’t play with Demons. She nodded when she heard about Ruby still living in Boston, she had definitively seen her and had definitively turned around and walked in the opposite direction. Esperanza gave a hearty laugh when she mentioned her freak of a roommate. New York attracted the strangest if people like flies they swarmed to the state. She knew about Waitress, Esperanza had seen it at the American Repertoire Theatre before it went to Broadway. Beautiful show, she could only imagine how well Reyna had done. However, she didn’t know about the crazy stunts, just the thought of it made her heart pump into her throat. She could never do anything like that not for any other reason that she didn’t crave adrenaline like that and often found it in other places. “Y la prometida?” Esperanza asked before taking a fork full of food up to her mouth. She had only heard of that one, her mother called her to let her know. Esperanza had cooly told her that she didn’t care about it, it has been forever and of course Reyna would eventually get married. With her family mentality, there was no way she wouldn’t settle down. There was no chance in hell she would be admitting that hearing of her engagement sort of felt like a nail, the significance of some sort of end.

Of course that was the only question that Esperanza would have. It nearly made Rey chuckle. It was hard to miss though. It was on headlines that she was going to get married, and their whole neighborhood spoke about it. It was a huge thing until it wasn’t. “She got scared of the commitment. Her name was Christina Russo. Whoever thought a Hispanic woman and Italian woman should get together clearly had a desire to make a world war,” she said with a shake of her head. It was definitely a passionate relationship, but not always in the bedroom. “We ended things because I wasn’t about to sit around for her to figure her sexual identity out and see if she really wanted to be with a woman forever. It was fine when we were on red carpets or events, but forever was too big of a commitment.” She wasn’t hurt by it or even bitter. Honestly, it amused her as she looked back on it. “I thought my family would freak since she was the only girl I ever brought home, but nope. I swear, they are just waiting for you and accepting no less. I don’t know how Christina didn’t get tired of hearing about you. My dad even told me once that if I had to be with a woman, then why not make it you. Lord. I think they think they took the break up harder.” She rolled her eyes and then took a bite of her food. “What about you? Tell me about your life,” she asked after swallowing.

She hummed while Reyna talked, it made sense. She heard about the engagement and then nothing more of it after a little bit. For a long time Esperanza had thought that she had actually gotten married but eventually figured that her mother would have called to tell her how beautiful it was or whatever the case actually was. The brunette chuckled at the comment of the world becoming a war zone. She could definitely imagine the intensity of two very loud people. She didn’t know about why it ended nor had she been entirely interested at the time but hey, if the door to ask questions was there. She was going to take it. “She was the only one you brought home?” Esperanza asked, and she knew that Reyna would be able to hear the surprise in her voice. She wasn’t entirely sure why it shocked her so much. It was interesting that her family was still wondering why they weren’t together. She had only gotten that question a handful of times from her family, from their neighborhood abuela when she flew her out to Boston. It was odd ghat people cared that much about the two of them and their relationship. When it came to her life, Esperanza gave a little shrug. “I dunno, I stayed in Boston after graduation. It took me a year longer that I had expected which broke my heart but whatever, it happened. I wanted to move back to New York but I don’t know, it felt too much like a hassle, I got my seat in the Boston Symphony Orchestra the same week I was deciding between the two places. It felt like a sign, so I went for it.” Sighing, she played with her food before taking another bite of food. Thinking of the worthy moments in the past twelve years. There weren’t many. “And that’s been my life, painting, scoring, playing, and boxing my life away. I’ve maintained a pretty consistent life.”

Reyna was wondering if Es would catch that, but she shouldn’t have. Her ex was incredibly intelligent and observant. She caught everything even if she didn’t always make it obvious that she did. “Mhm,” she said with a slight nod. “No one else felt worth it. I know that sounds mean, but I had to feel something with you to take you back to the Heights. I couldn’t just parade you around unless you meant something. I guess — as much as I tried to act like you didn’t mean anything anymore, you did. Every girl subconsciously was compared, and it wasn’t fair because you weren’t just an ex. You were my best friend. Big shoes.” She decided to leave it at that. She’d given a lot in this dynamic right then, and well, Es needed to show that she would treat Rey differently too. Not just that night, but the next day or the day after that. Yeah, she knew she was cold, but Esperanza had acted down right ruthless at some moments too. Her words may not be an apology, but she was pretty much showing that she was talking shit. “I heard about the Symphony Orchestra. I almost went to hear you play, but I didn’t know if you’d want me there. Plus, I — I didn’t want to run into you with some girl or something. Funny you say boxing though, because I box too. I picked it up in New York. My brother said it would be good for how angry I got over the years. Turns out he was right.”

She hummed, giving a nod, letting it be. She wouldn’t question it any further, it wasn’t really her business. She had felt that way too, she hadn’t found anyone that made it past her own standard. Her standards were impossibly high and Reyna said it right, there was very big shoes to fill. At the thought of running into Reyna in Boston made her think about how strange it would have been. “I wouldn’t have noticed, I don’t think. After every performance, I feel my skull coming out my head and just ran on autopilot.” Esperanza explain and she chuckled at the thought of some girl being with her before she shook her head, “No, I never let them come. The only person who ever came was this... guy. I begged him not to but God, he really thought I was the love of his life.” At the thought of him, Esperanza could only roll his eyes. He was a different story one that she wasn’t entirely proud of but proof that curiosity could get the best of her. “No way? Huh, I didn’t know that. I mean, I never wanted to. My dad always wanted me too, y’know. Since that’s his thing. But after whatever happened, he and I came to the conclusion that there was no other option but to do it. It was love at first jab.” Esperanza joked.

Reyna nodded in reply. One difference with Esperanza was that she was more distant, and it was odd for Rey. She never had that. They were best friends since kids and then effortlessly slid into more. She didn’t have to endure this whole breaking down walls thing or working back towards something. For her being around Esperanza immediately effected her, but it wasn’t as easy to see on the other woman. “Oh, well, I just thought it would be weird. Maybe it’s me having a big head, but you not noticing me wasn’t something that ever crossed my mind. I guess it’s because I was going off of old habits. I haven’t really ever known us acting a different way.” That was the most she could say about it without getting too into her own feelings. She just couldn’t give them freely anymore. Now, she was more cautious. She had to be. “A guy huh? Well, I’m not surprised. Falling for you is pretty easy. Poor guy though.” Rey focused on her food for a moment and tried to put a bit of a dent in her plate. “I’m glad you like it. It’s a really good way of getting energy out.”

The years has definitely made Esperanza more cautious, she was someone who had always had an open heart, an open mind. She didn’t want life to harden her, she Joey enjoyed being an exposed nerve. It felt like a fresh air to her. She was trying not the be that way with Reyna, she really way trying to be that person she was years ago. “Yeah, I get that. Reverting to old habits that sometimes you just can’t shake.” As much as you tried, trying to stop being who you are, at the core of your being, was hard to do. She could speak to that. “Oh, I shouldn’t have but I got curious. I without a doubt regret it but hey man, it was a rough couple of months and I know better now.” Esperanza said, before she kept eating, “Oye, lo vas a quebrar.” The cellist commented, giving Reyna a wave of her fork as she watched her pressed into the plate. “It is good, God, it’s so good. Plus, it gave me something solid to talk to my dad about. An unexpected perk.”

“You seem to be avoiding old habits pretty well,” she said with an arched eyebrow. However, after a moment she sighed. She decided to not be so snarky. While she always said things bluntly with Es or anyone, there was a difference in her tone. “What I mean is, you’re still acting like I’m someone you should have your guard around. I know I acted like a bitch too, but at the end of it all I am at the least your childhood best friend. Plus, no matter what, I couldn’t ever intentionally hurt you.” If she was that petty with Esperanza, she would have sought her out just to hurt her. They were in the same city after all. “And I’m sorry I’m being blunt. I know you hate being out in the spot, but give me credit. I lasted five minutes without saying something.” She wasn’t even being cheeky. For those who knew Rey, they knew she hated being in awkward situations. She’d rather call out the elephant and deal with it than walk around it. “I’m glad you did what you had to do. Now that you know, you can be more at peace with yourself I guess.” At the comment, she stopped moving her fork and instead took a bite of food. “Good. You two need to deal or at least make avoiding shit less awkward.”

“No, no, it’s not that, Rey. My life has literally been the same over the past twelve years. I went to school, I achieved what I wanted. I paint, I play the cello, and I box, Day in... day out. I don’t know what else you’d want from me. I mean— Que mas quieres? I’ll answer anything.” Esperanza said softly, maybe there was something huge she was missing. Underestimating what Reyna wanted to hear, she wasn’t trying to stir the pot, Jesus, it was the last thing she wanted. “No, no don’t apologize if that’s how you feel. Really, I mean communication is clearly what we need right now.” Nodding, she decided to end the conversation about the boy. It wasn’t even worth mentioning and mentally she was kicking herself for even saying anything. It was a detail that she could have just left out. “Yeah, it is. I mean, the only thing we don’t talk about is my relationships. Which is fine by me, the last thing I want to do is talk to my dad about my sex life.” She said with a chuckle, scratching the back of her head before taking a drink from her glass.

Reyna didn’t know what it was. Something felt off with Esperanza. Taking a moment to wipe her mouth and then take a sip of water, she decided to try something and see if it would fix it. Without taking another minute to second guess it, she gently put her finger under Esperanza’s chin to tilt her head up and then placed a soft kiss on her lips. She lingered for a moment to savor the connection before pulling back. “I think I’m just not used to being weird with you. Part of my fear of finding you was the weird. I told myself I’d rather lose you than be around you and be some shell of us.” She rolled her eyes at herself. The closet romantic would never leave apparently. “What are you scared of now?” The comment about her father made her laugh. They were an awkward duo. “Well, now I have something to talk with him about too. We can box together.”

The kiss was softer than the first one, more tender and it was a little more her speed right now. Reyna was always a better gauge to their situations and she was thankful that she really knew when to be more gentle and soft. “I think it’s just going to be a learning curve, Reynita. It’s been so long and while not much has changed, so much has many without us realizing.” Esperanza whispered, “With us as people, with our relationship.” She could only shrug, it was going to be a trail of relearning each other. Sure, core portions of people don’t change but little things do. The way they sit, how they react to things, their favorite movie. There’s as a lot. “What am I scared of now? It’s been the same for a couple of years;, losing my hand.” She admitted, “That’s really the worse thing that could possibly happen to me. I got a taste of that and I can’t possibly think of anything worse.” She chuckled about Reyna having something to talk with her Dad. It would work, Mateo was all about boxing and would rather avoid the awkward bits with talks of boxing stats. It was the referee in him. “What about you, what are you scared of now?”

“I’m not patient,” she said with a laugh. That wasn’t a secret and probably something that’s only gotten worse with age. She was used to getting what she wanted because she usually just went out and got it. “Well, just be your physical self,” she said with a huff. “Because if I have the green light, I’ll touch you whenever I want. You know that. And I’m much more forward than I was at eighteen.” If she was going to start something with anyone they had to know she was a touchy person. It was how she showed her affection. “I’d be devastated if you did. I still have some of the recordings you made me when we were younger on my phone. I listen to them a lot.” She loved classical music because of Esperanza. It was the first thing that calmed her. “I was scared that I’d regret not following you forever. That was it. Now, I guess it would be letting my temper and ego cause me to fuck up again. I’m not scared of much.”

“You’ve got a green light, Reyna. I’ll make it known when and if you don’t.” Esperanza stated, taking the other hand in hers, giving her a tight squeeze of some sort of reassurance. From what the girl remembered, Reyna had been quiet forward and touchy in the past, it would be interesting how much more she was now. Her eyebrows pulled together in embarrassment thinking of the old recordings. She knew exactly which ones they were, done on Abuela’s quite crummy cello (that was still Esperanza’s favorite) and she was so much better than that now. Back then, she was proud of what she could do. Esperanza was good, she was a natural but man, she could run circles around her younger self any day of the week now. Seventeen year old Esperanza wouldn’t mind either, she’d admire it, try to get all of the information out of to get better. “I didn’t know you ever regretted it, I just assumed that you would’ve just... well, I don’t know what I thought you felt. But regret wasn’t it. Your ego has gotten you into some hot waters before, no?”

“I can deal with that.” Food was long forgotten. She had eaten enough to satisfy her hunger in that moment. At the mention of her regret, she sighed. “I was good at hiding it,” she said with a chuckle. “But if you saw me through it you would have noticed. You were my world, Es. I doubted I’d find anything like that again, and I was right. And my ego has only gotten me into trouble with you. With anyone else, I’ve never cared what it cost me because they didn’t matter. When it cost me you though, that’s the problem.” With a sigh, she got up and began to move her plate away to clear at least her section of the table. “When you’re done, do you want to keep talking in yours or mine?”

It was becoming more and more clear to Esperanza that what had happened had actually affected Reyna. For a long time she had this thought that because she was so tough and she probably didn’t care, Reyna going to Emerson and not telling her directly in a weird way confirmed that for her. It shouldn’t have but Esperanza was so wrapped up in her own head at the time. “That would have been a sight to see, just because I couldn’t have ever imagined that was the case.” She admitted, watching the other move about the kitchen. “Mm, how about we go to mine? I technically don’t have a roommate. I mean, I haven’t seen her in weeks.” Esperanza said with a chuckle, she would care more but with the way that people went in and out of the mansion, she was sure that maybe she just moved out. Most of her things were gone as it was and when she had met her, she was pretty consumed in whatever her work she was in. She padded after Reyna, clearing her own area because she wouldn’t be labeled a slob in the house. Happy to have at least something in her stomach. Placing it down, she went behind Reyna, wrapping her arms around her waist before she placed a kiss on her cheek.

“You always thought of me as the strongest girl around,” she said with a smile. “And I am, but we all have our soft spot. You’re mine.” Reyna was so focused on putting things away that she didn’t feel the woman wrap her arms around her from behind. “Yours it is,” she said with a smile as she leaned back into the embrace. After rinsing things off, she dried her hands on the nearby towel and then turned around to face Es. “You ready,” she asked before slowly moving to kiss the woman’s neck. When she reached her pulse point, she nipped the skin.

Reyna was right, per usual. Esperanza has just always grown up knowing that Reyna was the toughest girl, no one could get to her. It felt as if she was invincible, anytime anything went wrong as kids, Reyna was always the one to stand up for her and little Esperanza kind of just cried things away. Not much had changed. “Yeah, c’mon.” The cellist whispered, taking her hand and leading them out of the kitchen up to her bedroom. She kept their fingers interlocked just wanting them wanting to be alone, well, more alone than being in the public kitchen. Up the stairs to her room, she walked down the hallway because somehow she was placed at the end of the long hall of doors.

Reyna allowed Esperanza to lead them through the house. She was happy to follow the woman through the house. When they got to Esperanza’s door though, she couldn’t reach for the doorknob quick enough. As soon as the other woman was through the door, Rey closed it behind them. “I know we aren’t technically alone, but this feels better,” she said with a sigh as she leaned against the wooden surface. “If you want full privacy, I can just take my shirt off. They gotta cut off when we get to semi nudity.”

“It’s better than being out there,” She responded, she knew that aside from the bathroom, in their bedrooms they got just a tad bit more privacy. Not much but just enough which worked out pretty well for all of them. A little smirk can from her when she mentioned taking off her shirt and she chuckled, “I don’t think taking off your shirt will do much.” Esperanza admitted, “But I won’t protest you doing so.”

“You won’t protest huh,” she asked with an arched brow. “Aren’t you ever the opportunists?” Her voice was teasing as she pushed off the door and walked towards her old friend. “Mmm before I do any of that though, you’re sure about diving back into this rabbit hole, Es? I’m far from easy, and I’ll drive you crazy on more than one occasion.” The question wasn’t as serious as before because she was wearing a smirk. They were close enough for her to not have to be so somber. “And you know, just try to ignore the fact that you’re answer will get you me pining you against your bed and having my way with you for hours eventually.”

“I mean, what am I going to do? Stop you?” She teased, taking a step backwards as Reyna came towards her. At her words, she did take just a second to think about it before coming to the conclusion that she couldn’t imagine not diving head first into this. Again, it was always this little fantasy that she had in her head but to have it before her as a tangible option? There was no way she was going to say no. “Eventually? That sounds like it’s going to take too long.”

“You could,” she said with a contemplative look on her face. “You could grab my hands, tell me it makes you uncomfortable, or just throw a blanket at me.” There were many options if she was being honest. Of course, she knew Es wouldn’t pick any of them, but it was so much fun to tease the other woman in any way possible. The answer made her chuckle and shake her head. “Well, it might take that long if I have to chase you all over the room with this one step forward one step back then you’re starting.”

Esperanza rolled her eyes, Reyna really knew how to get under her skin. Which wasn’t a bad thing, but Rey could act like a brat too, whether she knew it or not. “Y’know me, I’m all about the chase.” She said playfully, taking her steps back towards Reyna until she was pressed up against her, ever so gently. Esperanza didn’t touch her for a second before her fingers grazed the hem of her shirt and she whispered “Take it off,” into the others ear.

“You’re all about being a pain in my ass.” When Esperanza made her way back towards the actress she smiled but kept her hands at her sides. Typically she’d ask the cellist who she was giving orders to, but since she was being nice and easing the woman back into things, she crossed her arms and grabbed the hem of her shirt. In one quick tug, she pulled the shirt over her head so she was left in just her pink, lace bra. She allowed the shirt to fall on the floor and then placed her hands on Esperanza’s hips. Her body hadn’t changed much. It was more toned than before, but that was about it.

Esperanza knew that she was pushing her luck already with Reyna, normally she wouldn’t dare tell her what to do but when she didn’t get a quippy response back, she realized that the other was letting her play her game. It wouldn’t be long until the script was flipped on her. Esperanza almost told Reyna not to touch her but figured it might backfire. The cellist took in her body, nothing that in many ways it was the same, her hand came up to trace the edge of the lace bra before she learned in and placed a soft kiss on Reyna’s lips.

Reyna happily reciprocated the kiss and slowly pushed the backwards towards the bed. Once they reached it, she pushed more until Esperanza’s legs gave way and the woman gently fell backwards so Rey could straddle the cellist’s legs. Slowly she ground her hips down into Esperanza before leaning forward and capturing her lips in another slow kiss.

She had kept her hands on the actress’ body, keeping her close before she felt the gentle thud of her bed against the back of her knees. Feeling Reyna’s movements, she lifted herself off of her back, propping up on her elbows then meeting Reyna halfway to the kiss. She deepened the kiss gently, bringing a hand up into the others hair, acting as if she could make the distance between for them smaller.

#thread: beans & santerías

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postpunkpontypandyphantomthief · 3 years

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Eddie! it’s time we talk about our feelings

(Hurt/Comfort) (tw! references to mental health and alcohol misuse)

Richie suggests having a chat about something Eddie isn't prepared for when the tv has nothing good on.....feelings, all that soppy stuff, Richie is the emotional one, Eddie usually is not, that is until this chat makes them have some realizations and reconciliation?

In the Hammersmith flat, it was quieter than usual, there were no fights, no yelling, Richie and Eddie were just sitting on the sofa together.

Nothing good was on

Eddie flicked the remote multiple times

“oh come on, there must be something saucy on one of these channels”

Eddie kept flicking the channels

“Young man I think that’s enough, if you keep switching from channel to channel, you’ll break the television set and I’m not paying for that”

Eddie turned over at him as he switched it off “what, it’s not like you don’t watch television as well while you're making those science experiments you call meals”

Richie rolled his eyes, “No, it’s because we’d both have the pay the damages as we share the tv and if it did get smashed we wouldn’t be able to pay for it”

After going off to the kitchen to get some tea, there was more quietness, Richie looked down at his teacup as he stirred it around with his spoon, “you know Eddie, we don’t usually get quiet moments like this, this could give us a chance to talk about our feelings more you know, instead of repressing it through mindless reckless behaviour”

Eddie gave him an unhappy look before he raised his gravelly voice slightly, “it’s not a quiet moment, because your never quiet and the mindless, reckless behaviour is fun, booze, pub quizzes, getting girls, it’s all a good laugh”

Richie was unhappy with how Eddie was acting, he whined, “I am in fact the quietest that I have been and when the reckless behaviour is excessive, it’s unhealthy for you, that pub quiz wasn’t even successful we got involved with skull crusher, because of your fake money idea, How do you think I feel?, do you think I like looking back on every unsuccessful flirting attempt, every social cue I didn’t understand, every day that ended up going badly when I wanted it to be good, honestly today we are going to be settling our issues like men”

Eddie kept jabbering, “Are you asking for a fight then?”

Richie held his hand out in a form of surrender, “No, No fights this time, we are just going to talk”

Eddie said, “Talk?, about what, about how you can never get with women, about how great Napoleon was at Tamagotchi, how Nigella Lawson’s dress was absolutely ravishing this morning?”

Richie straightened his tie and pouted, “no, no, not about any of that….we are going to talk about our feelings and our emotions and our issues, we are going to try and get some closure”

Eddie sipped some tea as he mumbled to himself “oh no, he’s going to go on about some philosophical soppy bollocks isn’t he?”

Richie clapped his hands together, “now I would like you to tell me, what your issues are with me, now try to not word them in an insulting way please, as I just want to know why I bother you so much and what I can do to be less annoying”

Eddie mumbled to himself, “why do I bloody start, my number of issues with rich would be as big as my Christmas list, and of course he’s making this about himself, sooner or later he’s going to be having some ramble about who knows what”

Eddie stared at Richie, who didn’t say a word as he continued to wait for Eddie’s response

Eddie mumbled again, “wow, he’s serious, I guess I’ll give an answer”

“Well...you do tend to be very self-absorbed a lot of the time, why is that, why you seek attention so much Richie, why do you always humiliate yourself when socialising with ladies or with my friends, why are you so overly emotional and girly, why are you so sad and perverted, why are you so bad at cooking, why do you go off about history you barely know the accurate facts about, why did you make me do that liposuction thing that one time, why did you cause a drama about Miss World, why did you cause such a tantrum about being a shopkeeper?”

Richie was taken aback by how the question was worded but tried to give an explanation anyway

“Oh….Well you see Eddie, I’m just a very lonely person when your not around and even I am with other people I just have no idea how to talk to them, I don’t know their social cues, I don’t know what their interests are, I would talk about other topics If I knew what topics to talk about, but I’m just simply not as informed about other topics, this also carries into my dating skills, I’ve learned through my magazines I’m not the casanova I wish to be as I’m just too awkward sometimes, I do want to truly fall in love someday but it would have to be someone I’m socially compatible with, I didn’t intend to be rude to the lesbians we met that one time, I just didn’t know until they told me, I didn’t understand boundaries and my views on people who aren’t straight were very outdated, I was raised conservative and that’s how I was told to view gay people, but I see now that they are just people like everybody else”

“I guess when I’m around people like Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog, my inability to communicate can get me frustrated and it can make me appear very stuck up, that and again my outdated conservative values, this isn’t the 90s anymore, times are changing and so are we”

“My bad cooking probably stems from my mother’s notoriously bad sandwiches, but I am learning, I am trying to be better, if you have any tips or cookbooks you recommend, I am eager to give them a go, I know you joke that I’m trying to poison you but I’m not as I just need to develop my skills more and I’d rather we have food on the table than nothing at all even if it’s not food that tastes good.

“The liposuction thing was a mistake to look hunky which just caused damage to my balls, beauty standards were so ridiculous back then, did you know most magazine cover art is done by computers now, they give us unrealistic expectations, no wonder half of the ladies we could list in our preferences were just supermodels we’d have no chance with”

“And I was not causing a “drama” about miss world young man, it was you that started it all just because you didn’t want to eat the meal I prepared for you, you could’ve just said if we could watch it without making the lie about the bet and then I wouldn’t have crashed into the dustbin, although that was also your fault as you left the window open, see! not everything I do is my fault sometimes you need to acknowledge your mistakes too”

“The shopkeeper thing was I guess my competitive streak and the fact we’ve both been jobless for such a long time that to have a job even if it was temporary just felt very good, sometimes when I have power, I misuse it, because I’m not used to it but I would rather have a job I enjoy instead of working at an office all day for some git who earns more money than me”

“My pervertedness is probably my deviancy and sometimes I can take my sex-positivity way too far, but now I know there are a time and a place for it”

“I seek genuine love and attention, sometimes I come across as a mean person because of my ignorance and competitiveness, but I am trying to do better, just by simply having this conversation, we’re getting our words out constructively instead of punching each other’s faces in”

“Talking about your emotions is not girly, it’s important to acknowledge issues instead of ignoring them when you ignore issues, they just continue to consume you, we shouldn’t repress our feelings and hide under shells, we were brought up in a generation that didn’t care about feelings, no wonder we acted the way we did, if you don’t listen, people get hurt and sometimes the person getting hurt is you, also some people are just generally more sensitive to some things and I’m one of those people, there’s nothing wrong with being a man who doesn’t look like a bodybuilder, in fact, I admire how agile and athletic you are compared to me.

After trying to process everything Richie said, Eddie quietly said, “you mean all of this?”

Richie nodded, “I mean every word,this is me being honest”

There was more silence,Eddie thought for a second about the lecture that Richie had given about his past actions and also the importance of the one soppy subject he avoided talking about….feelings

He self reflected himself on his actions,the miss world drama,the wolverhampton visit, he felt humiliated, he started to realize that maybe richie didn’t enjoy it when his past mistakes would be brought into the conversation,Eddie wasn’t used to addressing his own elephant in the room so he did something that he rarely did….he sobbed.

Eddie looked down as the waterworks started,he winced and sniffled as he tried to not let his glasses get smudged,he felt bad,he felt bad about how he treated Richie occasionally,he felt bad about how many times he repressed issues instead of addressing them,this was a new realization for him,he’d have a go at richie for being smug and competitive but on some days he was no different,he felt bad for not understanding richie’s perspective,he felt bad about the one thing he was constantly reminded of when walking into the dreaded dole office, he was jobless and didn’t have much money,he knew at times he was a bit too self destructive,he was lucky to have Richie,if Richie wasn’t there to tend to his wounds or calm him down after a bad day,he’d probably be dead or in jail”

Eddie continued to cry,he rarely cried but there he was,with tears running down his face like a waterfall,he knew he had issues,metaphorically he could get help,but he didn’t know how,he hadn’t even told spudgun and dave hedgehog about his self destruction habit,then again it’s not like the government was giving them many options that didn’t involve waiting lists or prices he couldn’t afford

Eddie whimpered and wailed,he wasn’t used to this soppy bollocks,but he’d rather do that and add to the repeating cycle of hiding issues under the rug instead of addressing them.

Richie looked concerned as he heard his flatmates raspy bawling, he frowned and turned his eyebrows as he was shocked to see Eddie of all people on earth,having a sob.

Richie shuffled closer to Eddie on the sofa as he wrapped his arm over Eddie’s shoulder, rubbing calming circles on his back smoothly as he reassured him in a soft toned voice “Eddie!..it’s ok, it’s ok to vent sometimes,

Eddie kept bawling, he held Richie into a hug as he tried to explain what he was self reflecting about

Richie kept softly rubbing the back of the flatmate until he calmed down,he tried to use his words in a constructively way this time, “There There, it’s alright,we can get out of this,you’ve got me to talk to,I’ll be here to listen,I stopped relying on the conservative party ages ago after I realized they’ve done bugger all to help working class people like us,we’ll get you help,we’ll get whatever treatment it takes and maybe if we look around enough,we might even get jobs and we can go on more holidays,stuff our faces and maybe work on our flirting skills along the way”

Eddie stopped whimpering, “t-that, that would be nice actually”, “you know, your a good friend Richie”, he dried his tears, “I’m sorry for not understanding how you felt sometimes and I’m sorry for being too self destructive,we’ve all got our issues,but we won’t let them define us,”

Richie quickly handed him a tissue, as Eddie blowed his nose,he leaned his shoulder over to Richie,

“Best mates?”

Richie then gently held his hand, “Best mates”

They then just snuggled for the rest of the day,eventually ordering a chinese takeaway and turning the tv back on to watch a film together.

#bbc bottom #fanfic #richie richie #richie and eddie

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chris-sales-belly-ring · 7 years

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Phlochte: Speak Now

Sometimes, I’m just in the mood for some Phlochte angst.

So when I saw this prompt, I really wanted to write it!

Prompt: “So I know we haven’t talked in like, two years, and that things ended pretty badly between us but what the fuck do you mean you’re engaged to be married” AU.

@shanna-kayfabe, @jeahwriting.

Ryan is having quite the morning from hell already. He left his keys at the house of the guy who he hooked up with last night, so he’s locked out of his apartment. Ryan feels like an idiot for having to sneak in through the window that’s slightly ajar. His head is pounding from still being hungover, so he just wants to have a giant mug of coffee. He’s fresh out of K-Cups and he threw away his old coffee pot. Ryan doesn’t feel like going to the store to get some more K-Cups, so he decides that he’ll walk to Starbucks after he takes a quick shower and brushes his teeth.

He doesn’t have much worth stealing, so he’s not too worried about anyone breaking into his apartment while he’s gone. Ryan doesn’t have the number of the guy that he slept with last night, but his place is within walking distance. He plans on going back later and having an awkward conversation as he retrieves his keys. The Starbucks at the end of his block is small and not usually crowded, but of course it is today. Ryan sighs because the line is about twenty people long. He doesn’t have much planned for the day except for doing laundry, but he still doesn’t want to spend thirty minutes standing in line for overpriced coffee.

Ryan puts his headphones in to help pass the time. He’d much rather listen to Lil Wayne than the stupid John Mayer song that’s playing over the speakers. Ryan puts his phone and his headphones back in the pocket of his jeans when he’s actually close enough to read the menu. He kind of wants to stab the person in front of him who’s taking forever and a day to order. Ryan just wants to get his drink and then enjoy the rest of his Saturday. He takes a sip of his Caffè Americano after it’s handed to him and he moans at the taste. Ryan heads toward the exit and he stops in his tracks when he hears his name being called. He knows the voice very well. It’s his ex, Michael. Ryan turns around to face him and he can’t control how rapidly that his heart is beating. Michael still has the same big ears and goofy smile. He gets up from the table where he’s sitting to give Ryan a weird and uncoordinated hug.

“Hey Michael,” Ryan greets.

“I haven’t seen you around here in forever,” Michael says.

“I’m not really into spending $5 on coffee every day anymore,” Ryan says.

Ryan and Michael used to come to this Starbucks all the time when they were together. Once they broke up, Ryan had to stop coming for his mental health. He didn’t want to be constantly reminded of his ex, so he avoided the place like the plague. Michael has grown out his facial hair and Ryan can’t figure out if he actually likes it or not. He would normally tease him about it, but he doesn’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. The last time that they saw each other ended with them getting into a colossal fight. Despite the fact that it has been two years, those wounds are still a little raw. Ryan can’t just forget about that and joke with Michael like everything’s ok between them.

“So, how’s life?” Michael wants.

“It’s good, how about you?” Ryan returns the question.

Before Michael can answer, a pretty woman who’s holding an adorable baby boy in her arms approaches him. Ryan doesn’t have to wonder for long who she is to Michael because she greets him with a sweet kiss on the lips. She smiles at Ryan before she hands Michael the baby. She excuses herself and she heads toward the bathroom. Ryan is stunned and he can’t find his voice to speak. It suddenly feels like it’s 100°F in the room.

“As you can see, I have a son and a fiancée now,” Michael eventually says.

Ryan blinks. “You’re engaged?”

“Yeah. The wedding is actually next month and—”

Ryan cuts him off. “I can’t do this.”

When there’s a knock on Ryan’s door several hours later, he’s surprised to see Michael standing outside. He tries to slam the door in his face, but Michael’s reflexes are too quick. He manages to force his way inside Ryan’s apartment. Michael says that he just wants to talk, but Ryan isn’t interested. He doesn’t think that there’s anything left for them to talk about. Michael has a kid and he’s getting married, so Ryan isn’t even sure what he wants from him.

“Why are you here?” Ryan questions.

“I wanted to apologize for earlier. It obviously wasn’t my intention to blindside you like that,” Michael explains.

“Are you only marrying her because you knocked her up?” Ryan wonders.

Michael narrows his eyes. “No! It’s because I love her and because she’s good for me.”

“You know, you’re not suddenly straight just because you’re able to finally get it up for a woman,” Ryan spits.

“We’re not going to have this argument again. I’m not gay. I’m literally going to spend the rest of my life with a woman. What part of that don’t you understand?” Michael snaps.

Ryan backs Michael into a corner. “Maybe I’m confused because you used to make the prettiest sounds for me. And you used to tell me how I was the best you ever had. I would make you cum in five minutes. I bet that I still can, MP. Can she get you off like that?”

Michael is really rethinking his decision to wear sweat pants right about now. It’s blatantly obvious that he’s starting to grow erect. It’s been two years and Ryan hasn’t even touched him, yet here he is popping a boner like an overly horny teenage boy. Ryan still smells exactly the same and his lips are still ridiculously pink and enticing. Michael knows that he can overpower Ryan and leave, but it’s like his feet don’t remember how to move properly. He puts his knee in between Michael’s legs and Ryan smirks because of how fucking hard that he is.

“Sure that you’re not gay?” Ryan taunts.

“Ryan, please,” Michael begs.

“Please what?” Ryan asks.

“Please, stop. I need to forget you. I have to,” Michael whispers desperately.

“Don’t marry her, MP. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to her,” Ryan points out.

“I-I can’t give you what you want, Ryan. I’ll never be able to,” Michael admits.

Ryan chastely kisses him on the forehead. “I know. But that doesn’t mean that I want to see you ruin your life like this.”

Ryan finds out the details about Michael’s wedding through one of their mutual friends. He knows that he shouldn’t go, but that doesn’t stop him from crashing the wedding anyway. Ryan sits in the back, hoping to blend in with the rest of the guests. Michael looks nervous as he waits for Nicole to walk down the aisle. He still knows Michael like the back of his hand and he can read him like a book. Ryan can see the clear hesitation and the apprehension in his eyes.

He doesn’t quite understand the self-hatred and the internalized homophobia that has been plaguing Michael ever since he met him. Ryan has tried relentlessly to get Michael to accept himself, but he fails every time. It actually breaks his heart to see Michael try to force himself to be the person that society says he should be. Ryan can’t stand to see him so miserable, especially because he knows that it will only get worse. Even though the chances of them being together happily are slim to none, Ryan is still in love with Michael.

He still wants what’s best for him. His palms start sweating profusely when the “if anyone can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace” part of the ceremony comes. Ryan’s almost positive that Michael will hate him for ruining his wedding day if he gets up to object. But he doesn’t think that he can live with himself if he doesn’t say anything. Ryan’s legs are shaky as he stands up from his seat. Everyone gasps and Michael looks furious.

“Ryan, what are you doing?” Michael angrily asks.

“Saving you from yourself, MP. You’ll wreck three lives if you go through with this; yours, Nicole’s, and your son’s,” Ryan tells him earnestly.

“I can’t believe that you still care about me. Even after everything that I’ve said and done to you,” Michael says outside of the church after everyone has left.

“Love isn’t logical. You just can’t help how your heart feels,” Ryan answers.

Michael looks sad. “It’s hard to feel like I made the right decision after humiliating Nicole and making her cry like that.”

“I tried talking some sense into you before now, but you didn’t want to hear me. But trust me, she’s better off now than she would be if you had married her,” Ryan gives his opinion.

“I know. It’s just hard to see the bigger picture right now,” Michael comments.

“I know that you have some people to call and things to cancel, so I’ll leave you to it,” Ryan says as he turns to leave.

“Wait. I don’t want you to go,” Michael quietly admits.

“I came here to stop you from making a mistake and I did that. It’s time for me to move on now,” Ryan decides.

Ryan can’t get caught up in the whirlwind that is Michael again. He knows that his heart just can’t take it anymore. It has been broken too many times now and Ryan is afraid of what one more break will do to it. He hugs Michael tightly and he whispers that he loves him. Without thinking, Michael pulls him in for a passionate goodbye kiss. Ryan hates that the moments like this between them don’t last. He blinks back the tears that desperately want to escape his eyes and he reluctantly walks away from the love of his life.

#Michael Phelps #Ryan Lochte #Phlochte #Fanfic #Ficlets

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animelester-blog · 6 years

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Self Acceptance is a Two Person Journey

Chapter 4

Chpt 1I Chpt 2I Chpt 3I

Link to ao3

Words- 23k

A few days had passed, and Phil was still struggling to wrap his head around what happened.

Dan said he was straight, which Phil obviously had no problem with, but it was the way he said it, almost like he was insulted to be considered anything but.

Phil couldn't lie, that really hurt.

Not just because that means him and Dan could never get together, but also his tone of voice, which insinuated that he had a problem with gays.

Phil isn't completely gay, as he is definitely attracted to females-the giant Sarah Michelle Geller poster he had recently plastered onto his bedroom wall is proof of that- but why should that make a difference to Dan?

Why should this affect Dan at all?

Does he hate Phil for liking guys? Could they not be friends, just because Phil is attracted to guys?

Phil doesn't know, but hopefully Dan isn't some homophobic arsehole, that will hold something that Phil cannot change about himself, against him.

However, whilst Phil thought Dan had a severe case of homophobia, his friends seem to think Dan was indeed lying.

And boy were they not afraid to say that.

“Yeah right! I’ve never met a straight guy with great fashion sense,” Louise exclaimed, whilst sipping on her hot chocolate. Because Phil asked Dan out mere minutes before the Film society meeting began, they where close by when it happened. They tried to stay away and not eavesdrop, but as soon as they heard Dan getting defensive, they quickly came towards Phil to make sure he was okay.

And also, because they correctly predicted that Phil would try to escape the situation, which after some heavy bribing in the form of free coffee and sugary treats if he stays, they managed to make him take part in the meeting.

And by take part, he meant be physically present, whilst his mind was wandering off, and his heart was shattering into a million pieces.

This was where they was now, his friends making good of their promise on filling him up with caffeine and sugar, all of which, was on them. Of course, they tried to keep the conversation light and pleasant, but, within 5 minutes, everyone was talking about Dan.

“That’s a bit stereotypical Louise,” PJ spoke up, affronting Louise about her earlier comment. It was rare for PJ to confront someone, but if someone says something, that he himself feels is wrong, he will gather up all his courage and force himself to speak up.

Phil admires him for that.

“I’m just saying, he doesn’t strike me as your typical straight guy. Besides, if he was straight, then why does he act the way he does around Phil. And why did he get so defensive when Phil asked him out?- it was borderline homophobic,” Louise said, attempting to explain her earlier point.

“I do agree, it doesn’t make sense- I mean the way he acts around Phil, is similar to a teenage girl with a crush, what with all the blushing and stolen glances," PJ agreed, with a puzzled expression filling his face.

“God I love a good closet case” Tyler unhelpfully added.

Since then, things have been understandably awkward between Dan and Phil.

Whilst both haven’t actively pursued each other, they have bumped into each other a few times, in places such as the coffee shop, or just generally around campus, when they are travelling to and from their lectures and seminars.

Dan's reaction to them bumping into each other, seems to differ each time, presumably something to do with Dan's ever-changing mood. Some days, Dan will make eye contact with him briefly, with a smile gracing his lips, before turning away with a tinge of red on his cheeks. Sometimes he will do a small wave, and mumble a greeting. But some days, he will ignore Phil completely, like he was nothing more then a mere acquaintance, that he had the displeasure of knowing.

These different reactions, meant Phil was constantly on edge, as he had no idea what to expect, when he inevitably bumped into Dan.

All he wanted, was for things to go back to normal, with him and Dan.

But he was reluctant to bring this up, with a moody Dan.

Especially now, that Dan knows how Phil really feels about him. Everything he does, could be seen as him doing it, because he has feelings for him.

Phil has never felt so self aware of his actions- and that is saying something. However, one day, Phil completely snapped. He was having a bad day to say the least, as his alarm failed to wake him up, so he was late to his morning lecture. He did not have time for a morning cup of coffee to fully wake him up, and a bowl of cereal to satisfy his growling stomach. What’s even worse, was it was pouring down with rain outside, meaning Phil got drenched on the walk down to the lecture hall. He then had to walk in with every one watching, and he took his seat, where he spent the next two hours looking and smelling like a drenched rat. He did not miss the looks thrown his way, or the whispers behind him, reminding him of how bad he looked.

So his day was not getting off to the best start.

Phil decided that he deserved a treat for the hell of a morning he had just suffered through, and so went to his favourite coffee shop for a caffeine pick me up, and some food for his grumbling stomach.

This particular coffee shop, also seems to be a favourite for Dan, as Phil has bumped into him here, more times then not.

So he should of been less surprised, when he walked in, and saw Dan leaning over a table in the corner, staring at a laptop screen, with a very bored expression plastered onto his face.

He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

Phil decides that since he is already miserable, he might as well go over and greet Dan, as surely any reaction Dan could give, would be nothing, compared to the disaster of a morning, he had just gone through.

Apparently Phil was wrong however, because as soon as Dan noticed Phil walking towards him, a smile danced across his face, and his eyes shimmered, before he tensed up, and quickly looked away.

This reaction from Dan, made something snap inside of Phil, and he approached Dan with a new found determination, fuelled by a mixture of anger and confusion.

Why does Dan seem happy to see him at first, and then within seconds, he seems miserable or uninterested?

“Why do you keep doing that?” Phil asked, rather harshly, inwardly cringing as he realised how brash he sounded. He didn’t care enough to apologise, and he generally was intrigued as to why Dan was acting strange, if it wasn’t because of a crush like his friends had suggested, then what was it?

“Do what?!” Dan replied in a defensive tone. Phil thought Dan knew exactly what he was on about, but didn’t want to discuss it for some reason.

Fine. Phil wasn’t going to push him, despite how curious he was. And besides, he was starting to feel a bit self conscious under Dan's intense gaze, that was accompanied with crossed arms, and furrowed brows.

Besides, all he wanted from Dan right now, was the ability to make non-awkward small talk, whilst looking each other in the eye. The rest can wait- for now anyway.

“You know what? Forget it! Let’s just forget everything that has occurred since we met, and just pretend that the last few weeks haven't happened at all,” Phil reasoned, thinking what he was asking for, was reasonable.

Dan seemed to think otherwise.

“Okay- It will be hard though,” Dan answered, muttering the last part so quietly, Phil didn’t even know, if he was supposed to hear it or not.

It doesn’t matter anyway, because he did, and just like everything Dan said or does lately, it confused the hell out of him.

“What does that mean?” Phil inquired, trying to keep the rising frustration he was currently feeling, at bay.

“Oh...um... nothing. Let’s....um try that- if you want to anyway” Dan stuttered, confirming that Phil was indeed, not supposed to have heard that.

“Fine, okay” Then an awkward silence fell between the two. Phil didn’t know what to do. Dan has given Phil a second chance-rather tentatively by the seems of it, but still a second chance nonetheless-and he was determined to not mess it up.

However, Phil was uncertain, about how to go about this. Everything he does with Dan, usually ends up being awkward, in one way or another, and he is determined to not mess up this opportunity.

And yet, the irony of the situation was, whilst Phil was desperately trying to come up with a solid way, to begin their new, and hopefully, lifelong friendship, they had settled into a -you guessed it- awkward silence.

After minutes of brainstorming different ideas in his head, he came to the conclusion, that there was only one thing he could actually do, and with that realisation, he walked over to the barista, to purchase a coffee and two pistachio muffins. Phil didn't know Dan well enough, to know his preferences when it came to food, but he knows Dan has ordered one of those before, so he thought it was a safe bet.

He payed for them, and then made his way, back over to where Dan was sat. He stood in front of the empty seat next to him, and spoke in his friendliest voice, “excuse me, is this seat taken?”

Dan looked up, with a hesitant expression plastered onto his face, before he realised that it was just Phil, and then a smile graced his face.

And when he says smile, he means an actual smile, showcasing his pearly white teeth and cheek dimples, instead of one of those smaller smiles that appear, before quickly disappearing.

Maybe all they needed, was a fresh start.

“No it’s free,” Dan answered, in a very soft voice. Phil suddenly feels warm all other, as he has never heard that particular tone before, and he assumes that voice is reserved for special occasions, when people succeed to break down that hard exterior he has created.

Now that Phil starts to think about it, he wonders if all the black clothing, sarcasm, and overall moodiness, could all just be an act he puts on, and his true self, is a soft and friendly giant, similar to the BFG.

No, Phil thought, now wasn’t the time for him to start analysing Dan’s personality. He’s here to get rid of the awkwardness, that was ghosting them, and for some reason, Phil seems to be succeeding.

Phil pulls back the chair, and moves to sit down on it, aware that Dan’s eyes, where watching his every move.

For someone who doesn’t have a crush on him, he is staring at Phil, a LOT.

Phil takes a sip of his coffee, before unpacking the two muffins, from their brown packaging.

“Oh no, they gave me an extra muffin by mistake,” Phil said, hoping his acting skills where not as bad, as he feared.

Dan looked down, at the muffins on the table, and his eyes widen in response, accompanied by an unconscious lick of his lips. Phil was memorised by the action, but quickly tore his gaze away, in fear that Dan would catch him staring, and things would be awkward between them, in response.

“You know, I happen to like pistachio muffins, so if you need any help eating them, I could surely be of assistance,” Dan said, thankfully playing along with Phil's game.

“It’s all yours,” Phil replied, whilst pushing the spare muffin across the table, into Dan’s reach. Dan picked up his muffin, and took a huge bit out of it, moaning as he chewed and swallowed that piece.

“Oh my god, this is like the best thing I’ve had in my mouth for a long time,” Dan said, whilst making more inappropriate noises. Phil had to restrain himself, from thinking about the implication of those words.

Phil decides that he desperately needs to distract himself from Dan, and so asks Dan the first question that pops into his head. Besides, it's not like Dan can continue with the suggestive comments and noises, when hes busy talking-right?

Phil hoped not anyway.

“So Dan, what you doing here?” Phil asked, mentally berating himself for asking such a boring question.

“Well I have an essay due in tomorrow, and I haven’t started it yet, so I thought I would get a coffee, and crack on with it.”

“Ah, and how far have you gotten with it?” Phil asks trying to be polite.

“Well... I haven’t actually written it yet...” Dan replied rather sheepishly.

Phil just laughed, causing Dan to relax slightly, like he was originally expecting Phil to scold him.

“What’s it about? Maybe I can help?” Phil asked, genuinely wanting to help Dan, and not just trying to be a supportive friend.

“Well unless you can tell me about English contract law, you're probably going to be no help,” Dan said whilst chuckling at the end, when he noticed Phil's expression, has transformed to one full of confusion.

“Sorry I’m currently studying romanticism and lexicography, so I can’t help you," Phil replied, worried Dan would think he was dumb, as he was unable to help him, and so used big words in hopes of impressing him. If the way Dan's eyebrows travelled up his face, is anything to go by, it worked.

“Ah, that sounds so much more interesting than this."

“I guess... I mean don’t get me wrong, I love English, and writing, and speaking, and all that, but.....it just isn’t my passion in life,” Phil replied honestly, whilst playing with the now, half empty cup in front of him.

“So what is your passion in life?” Dan asked, seemingly invested in Phil's answer, as he closes his laptop, and pushes it to the side, giving Phil his full undivided attention.

“Film and media, and creating things, and..... you know...just doing things.. like that,” Phil answered truthfully. He didn't know where all this honesty was coming from, as usually when asked questions like this, he would either lie, or refuse to answer. Yet, with Dan, he feels the need to confide in him. Why, he doesn't know, and that terrifies.

When it comes to Phil, Dan literally, has all the power.

“Hence why you joined the film society I suppose?” Dan asked, joining the dots together in his head.

“Yeah” Phil replied. They then settled into silence, which wasn’t awkward per se, but Phil had Dan talking to him now, and he wasn’t prepared for him to stop. To keep the conversation rolling between them, Phil asked, “and why did you join the film society?”

“Oh.. same I guess... just always had a passion for film” Dan mumbled, whilst looking at his hands, which was currently playing with the stray crumbs, of what was now left, of the pistachio muffin.

"Oh, so contact law isn’t your passion then?”

At this, Dan laughed, which made a feeling of warmth, spread from Phil's gut. This particular laugh was soft, and free of life stresses, and reminded him, of his more happier and innocent childhood memories.

Phil wished Dan laughed like this more often.

“Firstly, it's conTRACT law, and secondly, no, definitely not. I have to study that for my course, which I only ever chose, because I didn’t know what else to do, and I thought I could get a career out of it” Dan replied, a brief smile appearing on his face, as he corrected Phil's mistake, before his usual frown took over.

At this, Phil suddenly felt compelled, to tell Dan the truth about his degree. They seem to have similar reasons, as to why they are studying, what they are studying, and Phil thought, that by telling Dan something personal, he could make him smile again.

Or at least feel less alone.

“You know, that’s kinda similar as to why I’m pursuing my English degree. Whilst I do love books, and writing, I do have a particular love for film editing. The only reason I didn’t go for a degree In that, was because, everyone was telling me it was a bad degree to get, and English would be better to make a career out of,” Phil answered truthfully, whilst unable to make eye contact. At this moment, Phil felt the most vulnerable, he has ever felt...well apart from that... encounter... a few days ago. However, at the same time, he feels okay, like he knew Dan wasn't going to judge him, for something like this.

“That's the same reason I pursued law, like I said, so I can understand why you did English. Plus, I want everything I do to be meaningful to...well, everyone, and thought Law would be a good way to go, as your helping people seek legal justice, and do some good in the world. How can media positively impact people's lives?" Dan's voice turned more and more passionate, yet simultaneously gloomier, as he ranted on. It’s seems to Phil, that Dan is a deep thinker, and overthinks everything he does.

Phil knows from personal experience, that, that, is a very unhealthy thing to do.

Besides, Phil thought Dan was wrong. about media not having a positive impact on people's lives. When he was personally feeling down, he would switch on an episode of Buffy, and he would feel instantly better. It may not solve the problem, but it helped take his mind off it for a bit, and that, Phil was eternally thankful for. He was just about to voice his opinion on the matter, but just as he opened his mouth, Dan started -what Phil likes to call -panic rambling.

“Sorry, that’s too deep.... I mean we are just two buddies hanging out, and here I am discussing my attempt to add meaning to my life. Soz, this probs not what you wanted. You probs want to keep the convo light,” Dan said, whilst glancing down at the floor. Phil hates that Dan feels this way, and that he feels bad for dumping his problemms on others.

His heart clenches for Dan, but for a different reason then usual (a.k.a not the 'I have a massive crush on you' way).

“You know Dan... It’s good to talk about these things, and if you wanted to...you could talk to me about them... BUT only if you want to” Phil said, emphasising the 'but', as he didn't want to come on to strong to Dan.

Previous experience has shown, that is not a good idea.

“Um... thank you... but I rather talk about something else right now,” Dan said, voice laced with genuine gratitude. Whilst saying this he blushed, and a tiny smile appeared onto his face.

Although Phil was hoping, that Dan would open up to him a bit more, he understood this was the beginning, of what was-hopefully- a very solid friendship, so Phil buried his curiosity deep inside him. He then racked his brains, trying to think of something he could talk about with Dan, without provoking him in any way.

It took a few minutes, for an idea to make itself known, inside of his head. By then, Dan was twisting the muffin case in his hands, scattering crumbs everywhere.

“Are you excited for the film society project?” Phil asked, barely able to contain his excitement. He hopes Dan feels the same way, or else this could lead to an awkward silence, which he has experienced way too many times with Dan.

“Umm.. kinda I suppose,” Dan drifted off in a quiet voice, like he was afraid of voicing a different opinion.

“oh..um.. why?”

“Well... I mean... you have to be in groups... and I have no one..”

Whilst Phil wasn't there-mentally anyway- for the meeting, he still knew the rules of the Christmas film project, as PJ filled him in, once he was in a better state of mind.

“We need to be in groups of 2-4, and any ideas, set designs, costumes, e.t.c, must be original ideas from members of the group. Main characters must also be played by the members of the group, but any minor or background characters, can be played by other people. The film must not contain anything deemed inappropriate or offensive, and must be between 20-30 minutes long.” PJ filled Phil in on the details, whilst playing Mario Kart. Phil was currently destroying PJ, and so PJ hoped, that bringing this up, will distract Phil from the game.

Unlucky for PJ, Phil could see straight through his intentions, and so ignored what he said, until after he won that race, when he asked him to repeat the rules.

What Dan said, sent a shooting pain through his heart, as he was mind was replaying moments, from his lonely school years, where he was-most of the time anyway- picked last for games.

Phil could relate all too well, to the pain Dan was currently experiencing, which probably led to him saying what he said next, without thinking twice about it.

“You could join my group- we had someone drop out due to other commitments, so you're more then welcome to join us.”’ Phil offered. It wasn't until he stopped speaking, that he realised how desperate that sounded. Sure, Phil meant it as a helpful friend, but what happens if Dan interprets it as something else? What happens if Dan thinks Phil is desperately trying to get him to join their group, because he is a loser with an unreciprocated crush, and so wants any excuse to spend more time with him?

“Um I dunno.. like.... I only know you... are you sure the others in your group, would be okay with me joining you?” Dan asked. Phil could not tell, if Dan was genuinely concerned, about Phil's flat mates not wanting him to join, or whether he was just making excuses.

Nevertheless, Phil has just suggested the idea, and is going to go all out on trying to convince Dan, he is more than welcome to join them in the project. Besides, Phil could be overthinking everything again, and maybe Dan did actually want to join him, but was concerned about Phil's friends reaction, to finding out they have an extra member.

And anyway, Phil would be lying to himself, if he said he didn't actually want Dan to join their group.

He does. So much.

“It’s just me, Tyler, and PJ, all of which you have met before at the...uh...Star Wars movie showing.. Anyway, they both are really nice people, and both thought you was alright too... “ Phil trailed off, realising that talking about that night, was probably not the best idea, if he wanted Dan to join them. He doesn’t know what impression he got from them that night, but he doubts it was 'nice'.

“Really.... I mean I expect they are..but... the one with glasses was a bit loud and overbearing.. the other one however I can get along with.. you know how he didn’t speak at all- I can respect that in a friend” Dan admitted, being honest about what he thought of his flatmates.

“Yeah, I admit, Tyler can be a bit much at times, but he is generally a really nice guy, despite his rather unhelpful commentary with...uh yeah” Phil stopped himself, before he started to spill, what exactly he had been talking with Tyler about recently.

That would defiantly make things awkward between them.

“Well, if your sure they won’t mind.. then okay- I mean I do have some ideas... that’s if you guys haven’t decided what you're doing yet...” Dan trailed of, trying to act nonchalant, but Phil could see the slight smile on his lips, and the glimmer in his eyes, as he spoke.

“No, we haven’t decided yet- in fact on Saturday we are meeting here at noon, to discuss what idea we are going to go through with, and the basic planning, role designations, e.t.c. “

“Oh cool- if you don't mind me saying, I have this really cool idea.."

"No, go ahead"

And with that, they talked about their visions for the project, getting lost in their respective imaginations, and the creativity of the other's mind.

It was fair to say, Dan forgot about his essay deadline, and Phil forgot that this coffee trip, was supposed to a 10 minute break, and not an all day chat.

However, they where eventually brought back to the harsh reality of real life, when Dan's phone started buzzing on the table. At first, Dan ignored the vibrating, but after Phil suggested Dan should answer it, he picked it up, and with a huff, he answered, in a very irritated voice.

So Dan didn't think Phil was eavesdropping, he took out his own phone, and checked the time, eyes bugging out their sockets, when he realised what time it was.

2:03pm! How?!?

Thankfully, the only things Phil had to do today, was attend two lectures, one at 9am, and one at 3pm, so he hadn't missed anything so far, and still had some time to talk to Dan, before the next one.

Phil was contemplating what he and Dan should talk about next, when Dan suddenly drops his phone onto the table, stands up, and hastily shoves his laptop into his bag.

“Sorry that my girlfriend.. I was supposed to go and meet her 30 minutes ago, and because I am the worst boyfriend in the world, I forgot, so I better go meet her now.” Dan explained in a rather glum voice, refusing to look at Phil, till he had finished speaking.

“No worries, I have a lecture in an hour anyway, so I couldn't stay much longer myself,” Phil reassured, plastering on a fake smile, whilst his heart smashed into a million pieces, at the reminder that Dan has a girlfriend.

“Um...yeah...see you on Saturday then?” Dan asked, with a hesitant look in his eye, and a frown etched onto his face.

“Yep see you on Saturday”

Dan glanced at Phil one last time, before he stomped away, like a moody child, being asked to do something, he didn’t want to.

Huh, Phil thought. That’s odd. He would of thought, that Dan would of been happy, to see his girlfriend.

Phil sat in the coffee shop for 20 more minutes, thinking over everything that has occurred today.

He and Dan are friendly again, which is amazing, and Dan is working on the Christmas film project with them, which is a giant bonus.

That thought alone, makes Phil's shattered heart, repair itself, as that means him and Dan, are going to be spending quite a lot of time together. over the next few weeks.

Phil could hardly wait.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic au #au #dan and phil #phanfic

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