#it would be devastating if they couldn't afford to keep up the patch

[bunsofhoney]

Son of a Preacher (working title)

Peter Parker grew up in the church. His father and grandfather were pastors before they died. His uncle Ben was too, and raised Peter to follow in their footsteps. But religion just…doesn't make sense anymore. Not after visiting the library in Albany and reading about Darwin and Tesla and Einstein. So he slipped away, started writing for the local paper, dreamed of moving to the Big Apple and maybe learning to take pictures like Ansel Adams.

That was the plan until Uncle Ben died, from the same cancer that killed Peter's father and grandfather. The little town was left without a minister, and his Aunt May practically begged him to fill in. So here he is, preaching a religion that he doesn't believe in, that couldn't save his righteous and moral uncle, and couldn't prevent the devastation of the Great War. He's stuck in this podunk town, managing its dwindling flock and tiny newspaper.

Then a traveling snake-oil salesman rolls into town. This smooth-talking man with the scars covering his body seems to really be helping people, somehow. Is it the cocaine in the soda-water that he's hocking as medicine? Or is something deeper going on, something that defies both the religion Peter grew up in and the science he's adopted? Mr. Wilson keeps hanging around the church, sending Peter sideways glances and joking innuendos. It's infuriating. And captivating. Peter needs to learn his secrets, but the journey will take him down a dark path and away from the life he's always known.

. . .

Wade hasn't been the same since he met Mr. Sinister. That's his name for the voice in his head, anyway…the one that gives him premonitions, that tells him how to cure people and take away pain by branding it onto his skin and into his now seemingly immortal body. The same voice that promised he could heal Virginia, for a price…but failed to mention the fire that would take her life a few weeks later. Mr. Sinnister probably has a real name that sounds vaguely Latin and has too many Z's, but Wade has forgotten what it is.

After Ginny died, he packed up and hit the road, vowing to use his powers for…something useful, anyway. But faith healing doesn't actually pay the bills; those most in need usually can't afford his services. Sweet, cocaine-laced fizzy water…now that's where the money is. People will buy anything if it promises good health and vital spirits, and gets you nice and high while doing it (especially during prohibition). And Wade can slip in some actual healing on the side.

When he finds himself in Saratoga County in upstate New York, he starts hearing about the healing powers of the local springs, and thinks maybe it's something he can "tap into", so to speak. But then he sits in on a sermon at a small church (he likes to keep Mr. Sinister on his toes), and this cute young preacher talking about evolution and relativity…now that's something he can really tap into. Between the dark and sulphur-laden local hot springs, the TB sanitorium up the road, and the brooding young man on the pulpit, Wade and the voice in his head both like it in this little one-horse town.

Or: supernatural powers AU set in rural New York State in the 1920s. Featuring religious internal conflict, sexy demon possession, a reverse baptism, and a real life TB clinic where Wade gets to play Patch Adams. A WIP for the Spideypool Priest Fest.

#on a scale of 1-10 would you even read this #also if anyone wants to illustrate this i will have your demon babies #demon babies sold separately #spideypool #spiderpool #wade wilson #peter parker #fanfic #marvel au #Son of a Preacher #wip #my work #Spideypool Priest Fest #priest fest #snake oil

[muffinrecord]

Rayshift: Support Needed

Hey everyone, this was posted a few days ago and I thought I’d give it a signal boost. For those unaware, Rayshift is the team that makes the Magia Record English Patch. They’re responsible for putting in old NA translations back into the game, for organizing with fan translators for putting in new translations, and for other general updates such as japanese to english menu translations. 

They also work on translating the Fate gacha for other languages.

I’m going to copy and paste their message and leave a link to the patreon below. I’m going to become a patreon since I love their work-- I know that not everyone can do so, but if you use the patch and have a few dollars to spare monthly, then it might be a good idea to give back. Of course, no pressure either! Reblogging this to get word out is also kind.

“Rayshift and it's associated services are not free to run - and I've been hit with a hardware failure recently that requires a fairly costly replacement. If you're able, please consider becoming a Patreon to support the site.

We have a few cool features currently planned over the next couple of months, and I would like to share them: - Login reminder: Receive alerts via discord, email, or text to remind you to login and collect your daily login bonus for both F/GO and MR if you forget. - 4K textures for F/GO: F/GO textures will be upscaled with the latest in machine learning(tm) and you can patch them using the TL app. Designed for people who record their gameplay or play on larger screens. this will be patreon only - 3 new languages for Translate/FGO: Russian, french, brazilian portuguese.  - Some experimental menu translation for MR.

And remember Patreons already get bonus features on the site, which you can read about here: https://rayshift.io/donate, as well as access to beta channels here. 

 A massive thank you to the past and present Patreons, for without you, this site and community would not exist. I hope you will look forward to the planned features. https://www.patreon.com/rayshift.”

As linked above, here is their patreon.

Lastly, if you weren’t aware that there is an English Patch, it’s an APK you download that has a good portion of things translated (aka stories and such). You can see a previous post I made about it here.

#Magia Record #Rayshift Patch #i haven't been asked by them or anything to make this #i just want to help since #it would be devastating if they couldn't afford to keep up the patch #and they work very hard

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Liam

Edie: [Okay, so a school trip moment for Edie for Politics and Society where they've gone down to the local courts to probably watch the most boring cases of people paying parking fines etc lol so have fun with that babe] Liam: got the hots for any criminals? Edie: the dude refusing to pay his child support is just my type Liam: pity I don't have any 👶 I've binned off for you Liam: all I've got going for me is how willing I am to catch a charge Edie: We're gonna snatch one, already decided Edie: daddy issues withstanding, no one here is as interesting as you Liam: when I find one with 👀 like yours Edie: 🥺🥺🥺 Edie: I'll make one for you Liam: would you? Edie: I'd do anything for you Liam: I'm just testing you, baby Edie: Test away Edie: my brain is dribbling out my ears over here Liam: don't lose it, we need it Edie: I need you Edie: what are we doing later to bring back my will to live? Liam: anything you want Edie: I might have something Liam: am I guessing or are you telling? Edie: I don't wanna get your hopes up Edie: but I heard rumours, some kid in my year reckons he's found an empty Edie: and that his brother and his mates are gonna squat in it Edie: but it's in a really fuck off big house in a decent part of town, so idk if it's bullshit or what Edie: but it'd be fun to trash if it isn't Liam: we could kick them out, stay for a while before we do Edie: yeah? Edie: play 🏡 with me Liam: somewhere nice to take the 👶 to Edie: Wonder how many rooms there are Edie: can have a playroom and everything Edie: lucky bastard Liam: do you think there's a garden? Edie: even if it's really in town, they'll still have a perfectly landscaped backyard, patio, room for a swing Liam: sandpit for our buried treasure Edie: and the dogs 🦴s Liam: great idea to blame the dog 💀🦴 Edie: I think so Edie: failing that, the previous owners Edie: clearly left in a hurry because the body count got out of control Liam: won't look suss that all the little pussies from your class who are looking at you now when they shouldn't be are in there Edie: I can think of a thousand reasons they deserve to die Edie: yours is the best though Liam: it's the most important one Edie: I don't want anyone else to look at me Liam: put your jacket on Edie: [stealth selfie 'cos p sure you are not meant to have a phone in court lol] Liam: you'll feel better now Edie: 🤏 Edie: what lesson are you in? Liam: maths Liam: about to stick a pencil through my own eye Edie: save one for me Edie: I love your eyes too Liam: right or left? Edie: left Edie: it's the side the tattoo is on Liam: 👌 Liam: [a selfie that he's edited to get rid of an eye] Edie: my cyclops Edie: still hot Liam: eye patch isn't as useful as a fake leg but I knew you'd be into it Edie: you can stash some in the socket Edie: or a 💎 Edie: can't bury all the treasure Liam: 💍 Edie: 🥰 Liam: when can you get out? Edie: when do you want me? Liam: I wanna find the house & make it nice for you first Edie: [screenshot of this kid in her year going off about it/inviting her with the address etc] Liam: I'll go now Edie: I'll pretend the cases have upset me and ask to be excused when I get the chance Edie: then I can go into town and steal all the stuff we'll need for the house Liam: don't forget the 👶 Edie: I'll look in all the prams for the bluest eyes Liam: has to be a girl though Edie: they're always decked out in all the pink Edie: even if I've left some of my brain on the seats Liam: get some clothes too then Edie: your babies would be so beautiful Edie: not like pink screaming blobs Liam: if she looks like you I don't mind her screaming, can do whatever she wants Edie: I'm in love with you Liam: I know you are Liam: & you know how I feel about you Edie: yeah Edie: you take care of me Liam: I'm trying to Edie: you are Liam: I want this to work Edie: then it will Edie: I'll do whatever you need me to Edie: be what you need Liam: you're perfect Liam: he knows that's why he invited you there Edie: but I'm going to be with you instead Liam: who is he? Edie: dunno, he's barely in any of my classes Edie: Craig something, his brother is called Sean, you've probably seen him at shit, even though he's been out of school time Liam: yeah, previous raves & shit Edie: right Edie: just think he knows I go to that shit too Liam: I just need to broadcast a bit louder that I'm with you now, everywhere Edie: How do you wanna do that? Liam: can't let you out of my sight if it means you're in theirs Edie: I'm not mad about that Edie: I want to be with you all day every day Edie: but I'll stab my eyes out before I look at anyone else Edie: you know that Liam: it's not you I don't trust Edie: if anyone touches me, you'll kill them Edie: and we'll bury them in our sandpit Liam: I test you, they test me Edie: you can handle anyone, you're so above them, everyone Liam: I don't know what I'd do if things changed Edie: things will only change if you want them to Edie: I'm not going anywhere without you Liam: tell your ma you're staying at mine, I don't want her trying to get you back Edie: okay, I will Edie: you're the only one who's allowed to tell me what to do Liam: it'll be home until we don't want it, barely a lie Edie: it doesn't matter Edie: I'm never safer than when I'm with you Liam: you can stay at mine too, any time you want Edie: I can? Liam: yeah Edie: 😄😄😄 Edie: I'm now leaving Edie: very, very devastated about the lady driving without insurance 💔 Liam: who can afford that shit, heartbreaking isn't far off Edie: it's a scam Edie: speaking of, how am I gonna liberate some sleeping bags 🤔🤔 Liam: 🤰 Edie: 💡 Edie: pram would actually be perfect Liam: didn't leave any of your brain behind Edie: don't wanna live that young mum stereotype too hard or I'll be right back in that place and I've only just escaped Liam: you won't Liam: the baby won't need to steal it from you, it'll be smart & talented & beautiful in its own right Edie: and you'll love it Edie: and always look after it too Liam: everyone says there's nothing like it, I'd have to feel something Liam: you know that's all I want Edie: I think even if you don't love your kid Edie: you must still be scared for them Edie: and for your own life, how they'll save it or destroy it Edie: that's something Liam: we could be a family, it's been so long since I had one of them Edie: all we'd need would be us three Liam: if my ma won't let us make my sister's room into one for the baby then we'll find our own place Edie: there's room at mine Edie: well, we could make it Edie: with her track record, that's the one thing she can't not be cool on Liam: mine's not cool on fucking anything, but pretend I didn't say that or you'll never wanna come over Edie: she won't like me Edie: but I'll still come Edie: and I'll try to be more what a ma would like Edie: in front of her anyway Liam: she's up for me having a girlfriend, in her words finally Edie: better not disappoint then Edie: what's she like? Liam: she's a lot but she's been through a lot Liam: maybe that's where all the shit I'm supposed to feel went to Edie: maybe Edie: that's the kind of thing a mum would do Edie: take it all on, for good or bad Liam: she does do that, since both the baby daddys she picked turned out to be losers Edie: same with mine Edie: the only person who helped her out was another chick but she died and then there was another kid to take in so Edie: I'd hate to live like that Liam: you won't Edie: I can't Liam: we've got a plan, yeah? Liam: stay with me Edie: we can be different Edie: we are Edie: don't you feel it, around everyone, all the time Liam: yeah, I do Liam: I used to hate it Edie: it's lonely Edie: was Liam: I wanted to be more like my sister, everyone knew her & liked her Liam: but she got lonely too, in the end Edie: people are selfish Edie: they couldn't deal with her pain, even though it was hers to go through Liam: she used to beg me to stay with her & I did but we weren't in the same place Liam: I couldn't go there Edie: you weren't dying Edie: that's lonely Edie: people waste their time alive being alone and not doing what they want whilst they can and for what Liam: they don't wanna live too hard in case it kills them Edie: at least that way is quick Edie: you don't have time to think about it, or wait in that place Liam: yeah Edie: it's bullshit, all of it Edie: what happened to your sister, your mum, you Edie: we'll live by our own rules and it won't be like that Liam: it was bullshit, everyone acting like there's peace & acceptance & she'd feel super chill Liam: she was angry & lonely & fucking terrified of falling off the edge Liam: exhausted from fighting to stay on Edie: why would there be, or should she be Edie: it isn't okay Edie: kids with everything ahead of them shouldn't fucking die Liam: I should've Liam: before I met you Liam: instead of her Edie: you would've if you could've Edie: the universe doesn't do trades and that's another fucked thing about it Liam: I need you to help me fix it Liam: nothing's how it's supposed to be Edie: Okay Edie: let's do it Liam: you'll really do anything for me Edie: I swear Edie: it's right Edie: it's what I'm meant to do Liam: how do you know? Edie: because I want to Edie: and if the universe is pure random, chaotic chance Edie: then you have to follow the right strings Edie: or it goes wrong, like you said Liam: & this is right Liam: the only way I have Edie: is it? Edie: for you Liam: you're all that's left Liam: I can't do anything else Liam: if this doesn't work, nothing will Edie: then it's settled Liam: you're gonna love this 🏠 Edie: what's it like? Liam: huge Liam: bigger than the one my ma rents for real Edie: no way Edie: can't believe he wasn't lying Edie: let's keep it Liam: baby, there's so much space Liam: haven't hit my head either Edie: 😱 Edie: let's stay forever Edie: we'll deal with any estate agents or potential renters who come Liam: under the floorboards Edie: bet they have loads of unnecessary storage we can use too Edie: wine cellars and pantries Liam: 👶 do have a lot of shit they need though Edie: how many bedrooms are there Liam: 4 Edie: it can have a playroom and so can we Liam: you'll be able to finish that song about me Edie: I'll write whole albums Liam: you can write one for the 👶 every milestone, like a less shit Adele Edie: 😂 Edie: I will Edie: 👶 will feel so loved Liam: I want it for my birthday Edie: have you done the maths? Liam: not in that lesson any more, give me a sec Edie: 🤞 you've not given me an impossible task 😿 Liam: [does the maths even though we don't know when his bday is or what time of year it is rn but pretend we do] Edie: okay Edie: we'll have to get moving Edie: I'll put these condoms back Liam: give them to that lad, he don't need to be having any kids Edie: seriously Edie: his brother already has some he doesn't see, right Edie: gross Liam: I got some 💊 off him that didn't do fuck all Liam: waster in every way Edie: such a loser Liam: we're gonna have to be clean Edie: me at least, when it's cooking Liam: I'm not gonna keep going without you Edie: serious? Liam: you're willing to do anything for me, I can stop taking 💊 for you Edie: I love you Liam: hurry up, you have to see this place Edie: Okay, okay Edie: there's a lot of stuff this baby needs too Liam: I need you here Edie: then I'll run Liam: you can lie down as soon you've made it home Edie: I got us dinner Liam: gutted I don't have a real 💍 in my eye socket Edie: I'll have to use a ring pull Liam: it'll work for now Edie: were your parents married? Liam: nah, but she married my sister's dad Liam: she liked him better all round Edie: that makes sense Edie: same with mine and the others dad Edie: hence she went back to him Liam: dunno what your ma was thinking but in fairness to mine he was less of a twat for a while Edie: can't help who you love Edie: some people are unlucky with that too Liam: yeah Liam: & some people never get to be in love Edie: some people don't let themselves Liam: like we said earlier about not living Edie: yeah Edie: I guess it is scary but what's the alternative Liam: I used to properly feel things you know Edie: before your sister died Liam: if it was there before, it could be again Edie: definitely Edie: I know it Edie: we'll work it out Liam: you'll be happy here Liam: [a pic of the cute shit he's been doing in her absence trying to make this place nice for her] Edie: 🥺🥺 Edie: it says I'm nearly there Liam: I'll come out so I can carry you in 👰 Edie: you know I'd die to make you happy Liam: but that isn't what I want Liam: I'd prefer if you lived forever Edie: then I'll do that Edie: we can have hundreds of babies if that's what you need Edie: or do all the drugs in the world Edie: or go on the longest killing spree Liam: I think that'd take a huge toll on you physically, which I don't want either Liam: I'm not trying to ruin you Edie: you might make me actually cry Liam: stay beautiful, that's what I need Edie: Come get me Liam: [does] Edie: [lowkey laden down with all the essentials be careful boy] Liam: [literally take a sec to imagine them going from room to room planning their lives like adorable nerds] Edie: [this is all so bittersweet we're so mean] Liam: [I'm totally fine and not gonna sob] Edie: [I think if they made it look lived in, it'd make the squatters go away, so then it's just when the landlord/estate agent moment shows up eventually, but I think that would give them a bit of time to do it, even if it's like a week] Liam: [there's just something so pure about this, like it really reminds me how young and broken they are, casually playing pretend like little kids here] Edie: [mhmm, like because she's technically smart everyone expects her to be cynical and realistic but she can't be and is like genuinely if we try hard enough this will all work and be real] Liam: [just reminding me of my pure baby angel Carly in a way I did not expect to be hit by, excuse me] Edie: [when you're more like her and Billie is more like Ali don't mind me] Liam: [I don't know why I love that so much but I do] Edie: [just live your best lives huns, all the ridiculous things you've got for this home moment, also some kind of baby doll 'cos we didn't steal a real child] Liam: [we don't need either of you getting in that much trouble when the fams are gonna be annoyed as is, they should totally film something with it during this week because those hoes] Edie: [creepy, cryptic video in response to where you are like soz for scaring you all half to death it's just our brand] Liam: [and she should practice tattoo designs on it for him like do you like this one or nah] Edie: [definitely covered in biro] Liam: [put your treasure in it's eye socket] Edie: [there's so many sick designs tbh] Liam: [are we saying they still go to school or purely hole up] Edie: [probably hole up 'cos 1 why not but 2 at least you'd know they were together even if not where lol] Liam: [it adds to the vibe of their own little world so I'm here for it] Edie: [like truly why would you go to school, maybe when you're pregnant and we need to win people 'round lmao] Liam: [he wouldn't stalk Rio all week that means #proudofyouboy] Edie: [we're all thrilled] Liam: [actual progress for real because he's been doing it for years and he didn't force Edie to go to school so he could] Edie: [it truly is, when you're just having fun gah] Liam: [proud of you for living real life again boy, speaking of, we know the vibe but is there anything you wanna write down here as defs happening this week other than what we've said?] Edie: [hmm, so let's recap real quick and then we can add anything if we think of it, we've got homey things and he's made it cute and we're playing house so the squatters don't come and wreck it, which is so cute, we're planning our family and life like this is absolutely nbd, doing all the biro tattoos, making our ARG and making a weird/scary vid for the fam lollollol soz, just clearly getting to know each other intensely and bonding and cementing this plan] Liam: [do write some songs gal but I also think they should try whatever drugs they want to that they haven't before they get clean for this pregnancy moment because adds to the bonding that they don't even throw a party they just do it together] Edie: [i vibe that because it isn't about the party of it all, it's the feeling things, so it makes feelsy sense] Liam: [yeah I felt it, and it's so cute that they're doing all these domestic things while sometimes high af] Edie: [like you said, we don't need to be saints 'cos who is even when they have a child but it's very noble that you're like okay let's get it out of the way lol] Liam: [literally ruster are still living lavish and partying with their champagne and coke when they have theirs, tell me I'm wrong] Edie: [mhmm, y'all are very sweet actually it's pure] Liam: [neither of them seem like they would be so sweet and pure and that's why I stan it] Edie: [maybe they can do things they'll do when they have the bub like the park etc so like normal childhood things which he probably didn't get to do much] Liam: [boo how dare you, that's so cute] Edie: [like again, bittersweet but also childlike vibes again and he can enjoy it] Liam: [also I vote he gets on this roof and shouts about his feelings like he said he was gonna on the school roof] Edie: [a mood, and you can be a bit destructive inside, just got to keep it looking respectable so every loser in town doesn't crash your fun] Liam: [OMG but what if that's towards the end of the week and he says he loves her then because he has not like literally shout it from the rooftops but genuinely] Edie: [need that tbh 'cos as in this as she is and not turning back, she's obvs noticed he hasn't like she knows she's still out here trying to make him feel not like oh yes, I have succeeded lol] Liam: [it just is real like when you're pissing about at first but then the feels carry you along] Edie: [oh you two]

[jepleurs-icry]

My Life, My Mess, My Legacy Part 3

This chapter is perhaps the hardest to write because of how much I invested in this relationship.

Having had two previous relationships that went sour, I was much more aware of how this person behaved. Not just what he said, but how they acted.  In a way, I was leery of getting into another relationship. In fact, I went back to the singles dances once a month and joined a mixed soft ball league .  A fun league to enjoy a sport and make new friends. A social person I am not.  I am introverted, have way too much "empathy" and I am not a person who is well liked for some reason.  Why? I don't know; it was like that in school. People didn't know me, but they had a judgement of me.  Being unpopular was a way of life.  I really did not care. I had a lot of pride in me.  This was because "our" natural family had been split apart, and we were made fun of at school.  My pride came from my thinking that my family did nothing wrong except be poor.  It wasn't my fault.  It was something that we had no control over. So, to continue on, this pride made me tough, indifferent to what others thought of me.  I did not care.  If they could not take the time to talk to me, or want to be friends, even though I tried, I let it go and observed others but always from afar. The bullshit that people say to each other, boasting and bragging and back stabbing made me stronger.  I didn't want to be like them.  I grew up always observing others.  And I heard a lot of things that people would say, and totally behave another way. So, I enjoyed playing softball, that summer, it was fun! I was not an "A" player, more like a "C" player. But it was fun! But, it was at a singles dance one night, my girlfriend and I were doing a line dance, and I could see this man standing near the bar, but kinda off to the side a little.  He kept staring at me nearly all night. Time went on for awhile, and a few months passed some more, and the next dance I went too, I did not see that man at all.  I kinda forgot about him. I saw him playing on another softball team that summer or spring.  1995 I believe.  My girlfriend would come and watch the games sometimes and she knew I was a tad lonely, so she called out to this man and said something to him.  I think she told him he had a nice ass.  He laughed. I ignored him, as most of the guys there were looking to meet someone or they already had their significant other. At the next singles dance, he was there, and my girlfriend told him he could come sit with us.  But I said no, the seat next to mine was taken.  Although it wasn't; I wasn't prepared to have a jackass sit next to me all night. But, it turned out he seemed to be a nice guy, loved to talk and laugh.  He did talk a lot.  He told me he was a recovering alcoholic and was sober for about 6 months.  He was an alcoholic all his life and had learned it from his Dad. I was very careful, as drinking was not something I wanted in my life, although I did drink on weekends like at a dance or a dinner party.  He would talk and talk.  About, how going to AA had helped him so much. He had a better understanding of how to work out problems without using alcohol.   He had amends to make as well, with his children, family members, co-workers, etc.  He wanted to be a better person. It took me 2 months before we had our first kiss.  He would come over to my place in the evening and we would have ice tea outside.  And, he would talk about his life.  All of it.  I listened to every story he had to say about his family, his Mother and Father, brothers, his ex-wife, his children, his disease (alcohol). Eventually after about one year, the next softball season came upon us and we joined the same team.  He became a popular and was well liked by all.  Especially the ladies. the guys were jealous of him.  He liked to brag about his sport's skills, and about his AA recovery.  That was fine, but hearing it all the time it becomes an Ah-ha moment. Without having good problem solving skills in life, a person does not know how to find solutions to their everyday challenges.  An alcoholic cannot find a way to resolution, therefore drinking is the solution. Eventually we

became a couple.  Slowly, we talked and got to know each other.  I was not sure I liked everything about him.  He used to "spit".  I told him to stop that and use a kleenex, it was gross! He used to swear, which I hated, I asked him to stop doing that too.  This was his old alcoholic behavior talking.,.,  Gradually those things went away.  He worked on himself.  I was proud of him, but still cautious. He was a smoker, and I was not.  He never smoked around me, but he said he was willing to quit, (and I know that's really hard).  He went on the patch at first it helps you to quit.  But he cheated. He would smoke with the patch. Finally after a few months he said he manged to quit for good.  Or so he said. The patch helped him not get the cravings. One day, he was out at the mall, we were living together by then, it had been a year, so I was good with us living together.  That day, I decided to go to the mall to the get something at the drug store.  The mall had a food court and he would meet his AA buddies there, have coffee, and do lotto scratch tickets. When I got to the mall, I finished my shopping and was at the cash and saw him sitting with one of his buddies, doing a scratch ticket and smoking! So much for telling me he quit!  He lied.... I hated liars.  I went over and confronted him.  I was calm, but shaking inside.  I told him I didn't like liars and I didn't want to see him again.  I walked back to my apartment. I don't remember if it was the same day or the next day in the early evening he knocked on my door.  He said he was sorry he lied.  I couldn't help what else he lied about.  He asked me to forgive him and would really quit smoking and never lie to me again. That was not true.  There were many times, he lied about things.  I think it had to do with being so used to lying to his family about his drinking and hiding things, it was second nature to him. But...I was tired of being alone.  I enjoyed his company. I had grown fond of him so I gave him a 2nd chance. Eventually, we took a trip to Kelowna, BC to visit some friends that lived there.  We stayed at a beautiful bed and breakfast.  We fell in love with this small town. Later the following year, we decided to move out there because we thought it was beautiful.  So that August, we moved to Kelowna in 1997. I found part time work at the Real Canadian Super Store, and he was on disability for his back, since he had had a couple of surgeries on his back.  When we moved to Kelowna we had to quit our jobs, but for him he pretended to have back issues so he could get long term disability for 2 years. I got tired of him not working and being home all day.  He started whining about things because he had no car, as I was using it to go to work.  We moved to Richmond the following year, cause I wanted to work full time and in Kelowna full time jobs that pay well are scarce.  After we moved, he was still on disability. He could not find work.... He still lied about things.  During that year in  1999, he found a job being a sales rep for an artificial plant company, that would sell plants to restaurants, or commercial offices. One day he took me by surprise, he said he went to the GM dealer to buy a used van so he could carry the plastic plants around in it, as these plants were quite large.  But I really didn't want to be in debt for a van, which meant another 320.00$ a month. In the long run, no one would buy any plastic plants so he never made a sale. But, we still had the van to pay for.  After 2 years his disability ran out, and there was no more money coming in from his side. In the year 2000, in the month of July, he sat me down in the kitchen and told me we had to move back to Montreal, since he could not find a job in BC. I was devastated. He also said we had to file for bankruptcy because he could not pay rent or insurance any more.  He had zero money coming in.  We were married by then, back in Kelowna we had the Minister come to our house and we had a very small wedding in our living room. So, I would be dragged into bankruptcy too.  He

told me he would take the van and drive back to Montreal with two of our dogs.  I would fly down in a couple of weeks with the other small dog. It was a very difficult period.  I had to give my convertible back to the bank as we could not afford to keep both vehicles.  I was furious, I resented him and what we would have to go through.  I had never been a person who had bad credit. Once he was in Montreal he found a place for us to live, and he did find work almost right away.  We went to a solvency company and declared bankruptcy.  I was ashamed, humiliated, angry and embarrassed all at the same time.  I blamed my husband for having to put us through this. It was easy for me to find a job a couple of weeks after, we moved back to Montreal.  Between the two of us we wanted to rebuild our lives, so we started to invest in RRSP'S.  In 2 years we had enough for a down payment and moved to the suburbs of the suburbs. It was a really nice house, with an outdoor pool, a huge yard, and a Master bedroom downstairs with a private bathroom.  I loved it and we were happy for awhile. After about 6 months of being in the house, my husband became depressed.  His boss was "grinding" him, and there was conflict at work.  This made him grumble about everything he had to do around the house.  He lost interest in me. I encouraged him to write up a new resume, and start looking for another job.  So he did that and within 2 months he found something else, and quit the job he had. His behavior around me did not improve.  I felt him pull away.  Not sure if it was the depression or he just got tired of me.  It was 9 years we were together.  He felt broken, tired. We ended up selling our house and moving back to the West Island to be closer to our work.  The relationship was ending I could tell. We lived maybe 1 year in the new house and we decided to split up.  I moved out into a small townhouse and we split the little money that was left over from the sale. During this 6 month separation, I thought he would really look at what he wanted in life, at our relationship.  I thought he would work on "us", but it didn't happen. Instead; he flew to Hawaii for a softball tournament, where he met another female player called Louis. He knew her from other teams and they hooked up in Hawaii. At one point, I wanted him back, as I still loved him and I was heart broken that all of this happened.  So we tried re-connecting.  He thought he could have her and me at the same time.  I said no.  I said it is better for us to get a divorce now. He drew up the divorce papers and they were signed I think in 2005 or 2006.  The last time we were together and he left for the last time, I walked around the apartment feeling empty.  It was like the ghost of him was still there.  I went from room to room feeling his presence.  It was an awful feeling. It took me a long time to get over him. I'm not perfect.  I was hard on him, to push him to get that other job, to try to get him out of that depression.  Once he was apart from me, he found his joy back.  I could tell. For me, I decided to move to Ontario in early 2007.  Fourteen years later I was still in Ontario.  It was the year of 2012 that I realized I no longer had sad thoughts about me missing him.  I finally was free too, and went back to college to learn something new. I found a new career in medicine and loved it. After 5 years my joy had come back to me as well.  Since then, I am happy, working, almost retired but happy.  I have everything I need and want.  Single yes, but I have good friends that know me and know my heart. That's all I need. There probably will never be another man in my life.  I think 3 was enough.  At least now, if I create a mess with my life, it is my mess and I am not forced to fall into someone else's. I hope you enjoyed my memoirs.  I enjoyed writing about it.  It will give my children a chance to know more about my life once I am gone. Thank you Chickapea

#abuse #manipulators #anger #fear