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doctorbunny · 3 years

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MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.

#haruka sakurai #milgram #milgram theory #001 #text post #essay #long post

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persepholline · 3 years

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I've read that article about the romanticization of the Darkling and while I absolutely understand people who are pissed off/sad and I agree that it's shitty, I find LB's attitude towards Darkles stans very funny in a "girl what are you doing" sort of way because it's so petty like I've never heard of a bestselling author writing a portion of their fans into their books as a crazy cult before, it clearly hit a nerve

I'm new to the fandom but the feeling I get is she wrote something problematic ten years ago and became very embarrassed about it afterwards so she turned on the fans that liked it as a way to absolve herself. Especially since fandoms in general have become a lot more focused on discussion of what constitutes healthy/acceptable relationships to write about. And in a way I get it I had a huge Twilight phase in high school and afterwards I was super embarassed about it because of how problematic and cringe it was. But now with distance and more maturity I'm able to both still see why it was problematic and also why I was drawn to it (mostly the very unhinged representation of female desire) and like...it's really not the end of the world and no it never made me believe that breaking into somebody's room at night to watch them sleep was actually ok in real life lmao. This feels so obvious to me but apparently it needs to be said.

(More under the break this is turning into an essay, I've been thinking of this a lot recently)

And of course it's good to have these discussions about how historically romance tropes have echoed social dynamics of men's shitty behavior being romanticized and excused. But these days they often are so simplistic and focused on chasing clout that they become this weird new puritanism and moral panic about oh now women are reading novels it's going to make them hysterical or something

So you have these weird assumptions that you can't like a character and also be critical of their actions, or enjoy certain parts of a character and not others, or wish they were written differently and like them more for their potential (which I'm sure stings a bit for an author lol) - it assumes that if you like a character it means you would approve of their actions in real life, or that people just stupidly reproduce whatever they see on TV. That tendency to treat fictional characters like real people is the thing that actually worries me, to be honest, because it indicates a lack of distance and critical capacities regarding how stories are used and received. But people - fans and authors - are so scared of being called out as problematic and harassed for it that they're going to shy away from any nuance.

And yeah I think that it's good that standards of what constitutes an ideal relationship are evolving and becoming more feminist and communicative and all that and we definitely need more of that. But not all fiction has to be aspirational! Sometimes you just want to read about fucked up shit, because it's cathartic or fascinating, even healing at times because with fiction you are absolutely in control and can choose when to close the book. Toxic relationships in fiction can have an appeal specifically because they go to extremes of feeling that we don't want to go to in reality, in exactly the same way as horror movies or very violent action movies - which I don't see a lot of people besides fundamentalist Christians argue that they turn you into violent psychopaths (and that feels very obviously sexist). And for women, who are often taught growing up that love is the purpose of life, the "saving someone with your ability to love" can be a power fantasy in the same way that being a buff superhero who saves the day with their capacity for incredible violence can be a power fantasy for men. Still doesn't mean those women are going to fall in love with actual murderers or that those men are going to start beating up people at night. And love is scary, and weird, and weirdly close to horror at times, with all the potential for loss of self and being vulnerable and overwhelming feelings and potential for being horribly hurt and it should be possible for stories to explore that without anybody screaming about how this is going to Corrupt the Youth or something

And I mean I get it LB wanted to write a cautionary tale for teenagers, but it just did not work for reasons a lot of people have already written about - the fact that the Darkling is the leader of an oppressed minority and is the only one with a real political agenda to end that oppression in the first trilogy, the fact that he helps Alina come into her own power while her endgame LI is someone she keeps herself small for, that she's shamed for wanting power after growing up without any, a generally very wonky conception of privilege, and a lot of other stuff with yucky regressive implications to the point where stanning the villain actually feels liberating and empowering which is a surefire sign that the narrative is broken (unless it's a villain focused story lmao). But of course that Fanside article makes almost no mention of the political dynamics, it's all about interpersonal stuff which is an annoying trend in YA, there are those massive events happening in the background but it's made all about the feelings of the hero(ine) ; war as a self-development quest (which is kind of gross). Helnik is kind of an example of this too - I like them, I think they're fun ! But Matthias spends a big part of the story wanting to brutally murder Nina and her kind, and he mostly changes his mind because he finds her hot. Like you don't feel there is some sort of big revelation that his entire moral system and political framework is completely rotten ; it's all better because of feelings now.

As a teenager that kind of sanctimonious bullshit would have annoyed the hell out of me ; I read those books in my early twenties and I found the ending so stupid I wouldn't have trusted any message or life lessons coming from them. And I liked reading/watching dark stuff as a teenager, as a way to deal with the very intense inner turmoil I was dealing with - and I turned out fine ! Meanwhile I've seen several times women in very shitty relationships being obsessed with positive energies and stories ; they were so terrified of their life not being perfectly wholesome they ended up being delusional about their own situations.

Like personally I think the Darkling is a compelling, interesting, alluring character and also a manipulative, murderous piece of shit and that Alina should get to punish him (like in a sexy way) - but he's also the end result of centuries of war, oppression and trauma and reducing that to "toxic wounded boy" feels kind of offensive ngl ESPECIALLY since the books don't offer any kind of systemic analysis or response to oppression beyond "the bad guy should die" and "now the king/queen is a good guy our problems are solved!!!!"

In Lives of the Saints, we see how Yuri is abused extremely badly and almost killed by his father, and so when his father dies when the Fold swallows Novokribirsk, he thinks the Starless Saint has saved him. Later in KoS/RoW he's turned into this fanatic who explains away all the Darkling's crimes. The other followers talk about how the Starless Saint will bring equality for all men. Then the Darkling comes back and actually thinks his followers are pathetic, which feels again like a very pointed message to his IRL stans. Which is absolutely hilarious to me. Like oh no, if he was real he would not like you and think you're pathetic ! Yeah ...but he's not. Real. Damn right he would not like the fics where Alina puts him on a leash. I'm still going to read them. What is he going to do about it, jump out of the page ? Jfjfjjdhfgfjfj

Anyway I think the intended message is "assholes will use noble political causes for their own gain and to manipulate people" and "being abused/oppressed is not an excuse to behave badly." Which. Sure. But that's kind of like...a tired take, honestly ? A big number of villains nowadays are like this ; either they've been bullied as kids, or they're part of an oppressed group, or they have "good ideals but too extreme". This is not surprising because a lot of mainstream heroic narratives present clinging to the status quo as Good and change as chaotic and dangerous. And like sure in real life people often do bad shit because they're wounded and in danger. But if you want to do a story like that, you have to do it with nuance, talk about cycles of violence, about how society creates vulnerable people to be exploited, about how privilege gives you more choices and the luxury of morals, etc. The Grishaverse does not have this level of nuance (maybe in SoC a little bit but definitely not in TGT). So it kind of comes off as "trauma makes you evil" and "egalitarianism is dangerous" and "if you're abused/oppressed you're not allowed to fight back". And ignores the fact that historically, evil generally comes from unchecked privilege.

I guess my point is that there are many things I like about LB's writing, she knows how to create these really exciting character dynamics, and the world she has created is fascinating. But these stories are not a great starting point for imparting moral lessons. And her best characters tend to be, at least in canon, the morally grey ones. I hope one day she'll be at peace with the fact that she wrote the Darkling the way she did and leave his fans alone but in the meantime I'm just not going to take this whole thing seriously I'm sorry

#darklina #the darkling #alina starkov #aleksander morozova

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elias-veturius-laia-of-serra · 3 years

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A Sky Beyond The Storm: SPOILERY Review

*!!BEWARE!! A Sky Beyond The Storm Spoilers below. And it’s not just a little of them. It is FULL BLOWN COMPLETE SPOILERS! SO BEWARE! DO NOT READ THIS REVIEW IF YOU HAVEN’T READ A SKY BEYOND THE STORM!*

[CAUTION] This is all my opinion so please don’t leave anything negative. Or send hate or think this is a welcome post to start arguing. I’m only posting this cause sadly my friends have not finished the book yet and it’s been five days since I’ve finished and I have yet to be able to explore how I fully feel about the book. Thankfully writing this tired me out and completely reflected everything I feel! It was the perfect outlet! I also wrote it all in one go just pouring all my emotions out so if the grammar is bad or some things don’t make sense. I’m sorry! I’ll be sure to edit this at some point ❤️

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Wow.

Five years. I had stuck to this series for five years and it’s always given me love, heartache, pain, loss, but most importantly hope.

I want to start off by talking about how happy I was with how Laia’s arc was handled. Usually when you have a “weak” and frightened protagonist their growth is mainly focused on how quick they can shed that image and because something else entirely. How they can become an ultra badass that is able to hack and slice through their enemies and become this killer warrior machine, but Laia Of Serra is not a killer. And that’s been reiterated throughout the books. She feels too much, cares too much, and loves too much. She mourns the for any lives lost even if it is the enemy. She hates taking lives cause she sees no reason to take one even if it is for the greater good. As shown in Torch and Sky, She cries after she accidentally that man. She’s wrecked with guilt when she accidentally kills that jinn. At the people who fall during this war. Laia Of Serra isn’t a killer. She’s hope. She’s love. She’s understanding. And many people do see that as weakness but I love that Laia is able to harness these emotions that make her human as use it as strength. That at the end of the day she isn’t a badass savage girl who lost everything and is out for blood. She’s still just Laia and I wouldn’t have it any other way! Being a big emotional scaredy cat I am I’ve never been able to relate to the big badass skilled warriors that can take down armies of men. I wish to be like them but the reality is I’m not. So I never thought I could see myself being a hero or doing any good if the time for me to be one ever came, but Laia really conveys that strength is more than just being able to shed blood and kill people. That it’s okay to cry, to be scared, to feel sad, and be insecure. Brown girls are always so used to being silenced and taught to behave in order to survive. That’s been our story for a long time but Laia was able to turn our meekness, our fragility, our fear, and our insecurities into something strong. Into something that moves her forward, that taught her how to fight, and that ultimately makes her victorious. The Her final scene with the Nightbringer was beautiful and utterly heartbreaking.

Which brings me to the Nightbringer. I used to hate him so much unable to understand him. I found his anger equivalent to that of an edgy teen that got told “No” too many times. But despite his cruelty book 4 really opened my eyes. Despite all the deaths and rage Sabaa has managed to also convey all his loneliness, his sadness, his hopelessness, his loss, and how all this pain had driven him to believe this was the only way he’d be able to be at peace. To get rid of the world that had been so cold to him. To get rid of a world that made him feel unaccepted and had taken away everything that mattered to him until all he had left was the broken pieces of himself with no one there to help him pick them up. I loved the Nightbringer here. I learned to respect him so much. He’s carried so much pain and loneliness for thousands of years in hopes to gain back what he has lost. I was finally able to sympathize with him and much like Laia - I didn’t hate him anymore. Couldn’t hate him. Of course what he did was wrong but it’s hard to wish more unfortunate things upon someone whose whole life has been nothing but misfortune. I loved his story with Rehmat. Their love though mentioned briefly was a beautiful thing and I found I wanted nothing more than him to be able to be with her again and to be able to feel that love again. I used to cringe and loathe the idea of Nightbringer and Laia being romantic but this book opened my eyes into seeing that that isn’t it at all. I mean yes he is in love with her but that’s just the kind of person he is. He loves. He’s the beloved. He has many loves. As his queen once said, he loves too much. So it isn’t about sparkly forbidden romance. It’s the fact that Meherya had love for all things and to be betrayed because of it had hardened his heart. Laia knows what this feels like. So to see her hold him and tell him it’s okay. That his feelings are valid and the world turned it’s back on him first, but he can’t blame all life for that. That she knows deep within him he still loves, he still hopes, and he must hold onto that. Skies, nearly made me cry. Then by the end when he is able to tell her goodbye with a hand to her cheek and she knows despite everything he still loves her - I nearly started bawling. Because he truly is the beloved and he did not deserve all those who took his love then basically spat in his face. I was happy to finally see him be able to reunite with Rehmat. His one true love and his only queen. Cause I know through her and finally leaving this world - he will be able to finally be at peace.

Now onto the next character. Elias. WHEEEEW! He was as cold as Sabaa promised. So distant and stoic. Reading about him through Laia’s P.O.V. was so heartbreaking. Yet reading through his was ALMOST worse. Where as Laia can’t find her Elias we are able to see little cracks of it. He still looks at her for too long. Lingers at the thought of her for too long. His heart beats faster when she is around when it shouldn’t. He remembers things he shouldn’t. Being around her is too hard because she is everything he had originally fought for. Inner Elias still sees her as his home and his freedom. However his cold demeanor was nearly too much for me! I even almost contemplated unstanning my favorite OTP in the world when he left her to the jinn. Though I think a lot of that mainly has to do with the fact cause we see how much he loves her. He’s risked so much for her so to see him abandon her was like a slap in the face and truly showed how much he has changed, but thankfully there was hundreds of pages left for him to make up for it. And of course in an Elias fashion he did. When the nightbringer had her captive he couldn’t get himself to leave her again. When he saw Laia scratched up after falling into a river and his thoughts immediately thought of ways to defeat this river (I cackled). When he told her he wouldn’t be able to help if she were to get in trouble trying to steal the Nightbringer’s scythe and yet he came in seconds the moment she called to him cause nothing else mattered as soon as he heard her voice. When Elias realized Mauth had completely weakened his first reaction was to run to Laia and while she had been frozen haunted by realizing what she had done it was Elias who ran in front of the storm to get her away from it and nearly sacrificing his life in order to keep her safe. I mean HOW CAN I NOT FORGIVE HIM AFTER ALL THAT!? I couldn’t stop the emotions running through when he was able to finally meet his father. When he was able to see the life he could’ve had if war and pain hadn’t tainted it. Then his final strive to live. Him fully coming back as Elias Veturius and chanting Always Victorious to come back to the world of the living. It was everything! Elias has been a death magnet throughout this series. His whole has made his hands drenched in blood and making him live a life so dirty that he believes at many moments is a life that isn’t worth living anymore. That he’s too damaged. Too callous. Too tainted to be considered worthy of anything, but in the end when the time came he pushed to life. He fought to be more than his mistakes. To be more than a symbol of death. He chose to live.

I will continue with the characters but here’s a short break to speak about my most prized possession: Elaia. So I already explained a good chunk in Elias’s snippet, but we ALL know they need their own portion for one to get their feelings out more clearly. Elias and Laia’s love as usual isn’t easy and broke me time and time again. One minute my heart flutters and I’m on the edge of my seat in hope and then the next it’s like I get a bucket of cold water dumped over my head. Their relationship was especially rough in the beginning. Elias pulled away consistently and though watching Laia try her hardest to break through was admirable it hurt all the more every time it failed. Yet even through all the hurt my heart still fluttered. The way she purposely said things, or did certain things, in order to get a rise out of him was such a delight to watch. Elias and his rocks ended with both Laia and I sad but I still can’t help how wholesome it felt to see them banter. Laia sitting on the boulder in the middle of his “workout”, him casually hoisting her over his shoulder, putting her down, and just to have her spring back up and follow him to continue the conversation. Who knew seeing two people talk about pets could get a giggle out of me. The last three hundred pages I’d say are the best. Cause this is when the Soul Catcher slowly begins to soften up. He lets himself care about Laia more. Lets himself get lost in her more. I had to put the book down after the mango scene just to catch my breath! I won’t lie and pretend I didn’t enjoy all the steamy scenes. I did and nearly fainted at every single one of them, but it was the soft moments between Soul Catcher and Laia that stood out the most. When she was sad and he’d hold her, the way he was so attached to the armlet that thought that he had lost it made him tear his cabin apart, when he went to find her to tell her to leave the waiting place but couldn’t help but stare at her instead, telling her he prefers being called Elias from her, still putting her first then then disguising it saying he is only doing it for his duty to the ghosts, and the way the old him springs up constantly whenever she’s around. Every little detail was a hit to the heart! Especially Laia telling Elias that he had no right to dictate her emotions. He has no right to tell her how to fell. She loves him and she finds him worthy of it and he cannot take that away. He can’t make her stop loving him. It was everything to see her always declaring how much she loved him seeing as she never got to at the end of Reaper. And now she won’t let him stop hearing it. Won’t let him not know it or forget it. Even their sex scene felt more than just steamy smut. It was so wholesome as they laughed together for the first time in a long time, the way he saw her as perfect, and by the end of it to have Laia speak about how she wanted everything with him forever. It made their ending all the more sweeter. I had made so many jokes before SKY about them finally being able to do it, about them practically being married, the wooden armlet being an engagement ring, and them being endgame and hoping that at least one of these would come true. Little did I know every single one would. Little did I know that the ending I have been hoping for but was 99% sure I’d never get was exactly what I’d get and more. Sabaa Tahir has truly spoiled me and I don’t deserve it but I will thank her a million times for it!

Next Character: Helene. Oh boy. Unpopular opinion but I had a strong dislike for Helene for a long time. I thank Sabaa for giving her a P.O.V. though. Cause without it all I and many others would see is colonizer and oppressor. Evil. Wrong. Wicked. I hated Helene in the first book. Tolerated her in the second. Found her likeable in the third. Then ultimately fell in love with her in the fourth. I found book 4 Helene to be the very best Helene she could be. Her finally letting her emotions break through is what ended up captivating me. Her scene as she slayed Karkauns all the while crying gave me chills in REAPER. THAT to me was strength . THAT was what reminded me as badass as Helene is she’s still human. She falters, she makes mistakes, she cries, she wins, she loses, and it isn’t power that ultimately drives her. For her too it is love. Love for family, love for friends, and love for her people. Her friendship with Laia made my heart bloom. I wish we could’ve had more of it! I also wish we could’ve seen it develop more but I also understand that this is the last book and I’d rather spend it seeing two queens getting along then bicker like they had been in the last three books. I loved watching them tease each other, them grin while talking about blasted men, Helene feeling like she can stand taller when Laia compliments her, and Laia ultimately being the first scholar to hail her as Empress. And all her fighting scenes!? BEST FIGHTING SCENES I’VE EVER READ! Helene is ruthless, she is brutal, she isn’t afraid to be stained in blood, and will defeat anyone in her way. I found myself so excited in my reread when I saw I was approaching those scenes. She is flawless in battle and I found myself completely entrapped by her. Slicing off heads, arms, and striding into every battle with her head held high. I was about ready to fight Harper to let her be with me instead! Her P.O.V.s had actually been my least favorite through book 2 and 3. Book 4 made me so happy that I got to go from chapter to chapter like: Oh yay! Laia! Oh yay Elias! Oh yay! Helene! I was able to be excited throughout the whole thing knowing each character was going to give me something good! Also I found her a lot funnier this time around! And Lord knows how I love my women bossy, sarcastic, and blunt. I know a lot of people are angry about her ending. I was deeply saddened by it too. I used to think as a colonizer serves her right to lose everything! Why should I feel bad when she’s scoffed at the lives of the scholars and shrugged her shoulders at slavery for the longest time but of course that ended up biting me in the ass. I understand Sabaa’s reasoning. Helene has took for the longest time. So now it has come full circle for her to experience what that feels like for the other side. All those scholars who too lost a sister, brother, mother, father, and lover that she took away without a second glance when oppressing them. I loved that Sabaa protrays it in a way that before as someone who despised her, I can’t even be happy about it. Instead I am empty. Lost. Hurt. It shows all the more how useless war and vengeance is. We think more deaths and kills will make us feel better. It does not. Instead I found myself days later still haunted by what happened between her and Avitas. And now I wish nothing more but Helene to find happiness. To have more days laughing with Laia and reluctantly letting her braid her hair and dress her up. More teasing and reminiscing between her and her once best friend, Elias. And possibly something new and exciting and fulfilling with Musa. (Which I will touch on in it’s own paragraph haha)

Next: Avitas. Hmmm. Here’s the thing. I don’t hate Avitas. His moments with the shrike were meaningful and his presence is what ultimately led to breaking through her hard exterior. He taught Helene how to be just a girl again. How to feel without being weak. How love can be strength. I loved that he was able to bring out a more vulnerable side of her and show to her that it wasn’t a weakness. Every part of her is strong. Every part of her is beautiful. Every part of her he loves. That moment especially when she declares herself as broken and his eyes are wet with tears feeling for her. That he tells her being broken cannot stop her. It just makes her all the more of a force to reckon with. He was exactly what Helene needed in this time of war. Exactly what she needed to stay tethered to the world and faithful to herself. Sadly however I couldn’t get myself to connect with him. He was so reserved, so quiet, and so serious most of the time. It was hard to gather much from him. The little cracks of his demeanor whenever he was around Helene helped soften me. His fierce loyalty to her alone and understanding that a girl like her doesn’t need protection. She can very well take care of herself but it wasn’t about that. He just loved her too much to ever stop worrying. It ached something fierce within me. His death also haunted me for days and still does. Though I think it did hurt a little less cause I wasn’t attached to him. It was hard to considering how little I feel I still know about him and his thoughts and feelings. Plus his final scene with Elias at the waiting place brought me peace. He died for the person he loved and now he gets to reunite with his family. He wanted to leave and so he did. May Avitas Harper rest in peace and never be forgotten.

Next: Darin. His death ruined me. He was the sole purpose Laia went on this journey in the first place. He was the first person to always believe in her. He was the only family she (thought) she had left. He was one of Laia’s biggest fans and nothing else mattered more to him than her. He based so much of his life pushing Laia forward and encouraging her and getting her to laugh again even during the darkest of times. The way he pinched her cheeks before bidding her goodbye, the way he went back to find Laia and fight beside her, the way he teased her about Elias making the both of us laugh, and how even in his final moments before crossing over he wanted to know how his sister was doing. If she had won. Then being able to pass in peace proudly when he found out that she had. And his final words telling Elias that if there’s one person who can make up for all the love she’s lost it’s him. He will be missed greatly. So much so!

Next: Faris. Faris has been here since the beginning His last scene with the shrike also ruined me. I had to put the book down cause I was so hurt. Faris was a giant teddy bear always spewing jokes and being a clueless but brave boy. To see him go down like that though admirable still broke me nonetheless. Especially despite knowing a lot about them I loved him and Dex very much! I also thought maybe him and Livia could have their own happy ending, but I hoped too hard ):

Next: Livia. I bet you can guess this hurt very much as well. I loved Livia so much. She was such a powerful girl thrust into this world of politics and tyrants and held her own. My love first ignited in Reaper and only shined brighter in SKY. My jaw dropped and once again the book went down when Keris killed her. I was so broken. She was so full of life, witty, brave, sweet, and just as fierce as her sister. I wished she could’ve stayed!

Next: Musa. My FAVORITE secondary character in the whole series. Words cannot describe how much I love Musa and it saddens me to see that he is so underrated. Though I’m happy that even Sabaa says that he is one of her favorites! Musa was a light in every dark moment. I’m always a sap for handsome snarky sarcastic comedic relief characters with a tragic past. I loved that he was the one to always joke first despite how much he hurts. That he was the one always encouraging those around him to fight for love even though he lost his. I loved that he called Laia little sister and how his mere presence around her could make Elias go feral. Surprisingly most of all I loved his relationship with Helene.

Now here is yet another break from character talk to talk about another pair. Musa and Helene. I know it’s wrong. Helene had just lost Avitas and they are two broken people right now. But like said just for a moment, together, they make a whole. I never even thought of a possibility between the two. It felt so random. Awkward even. Though upon my reread I can see the little hints. Musa and Helene practically spend most of the book at each other’s side. They fight together, they encourage each other, they argue, and they see each other. Two people always putting on a brave face no matter how much they hurt. I was surprised to feel myself smiling at their bickering. Helene tends to be an uptight stoic person but around Musa she can’t help but smile and laugh as easy as it is to breathe. The way she endearingly considers him pretty. Around Musa she can’t help but talk about her feelings and him to her. The way she held his hand when they found out about Nikla’s death and how even when Harper went to talk to him he still wouldn’t let go of her. And their final scene together at the end of SKY. SO MANY FEELS! I CAN’T HELP THE FLUTTER OF HOPE I FEEL! Their bickering even cuter! Their vulnerability to each other even more powerful! All the while still respecting their past loves and understanding they can still mourn and yet live and strive for more. Absolutely perfect! Seeing Helene not close herself up after yet again losing in love was such a beautiful thing to me. Her telling Musa she’d like it if he stayed and him obviously happy about it but feigning arrogance instead is so him it only makes me love him more. Makes me love them more. Makes me hope! This could just be Sabaa testing the waters but Helene does still owe him a favor and I hope to the skies above Sabaa will be giving us that tale soon!

Next Character: Keris. I loved how she was handled as well. Learning about her past explained so much and yet erased nothing. I loved being able to learn more about her. I loved being able to see all the suffering she went through that we didn’t know about that turned shaped her into the cruel person she is today. How some of her actions still can’t be fully understood cause Keris herself probably doesn’t understand it either. I love that we are able to see her point of view and understand het and yet it’s plainly obvious that Keris has made her grave. Now it’s time for her to lie in it. It’s such a painful yet satisfying thing to see her reunite with her mother’s ghost. To be confronted by all her misdoings as Karinna looks at her in hope and then disdain upon seeing all the blood on her hands. From then she is unable to see her as her daughter leaving Keris ultimately alone and to confront all the wrongs she had cause to get to where she is. I felt it more fitting that Mirra killed her. Marcus is the one who took the Bloodshrike’s family away from her so it is only fair that Helene got to kill him. While Keris is the one who tortured Cook and her family. Forced Mirra’s hand to kill her own family just so they won’t have to suffer under Keris anymore. So it felt right to me that Mirra finally got to have the last word. I also loved how Mirra was able to take away all of Keris’s pain until she was reduced to nothing but a girl again before she was tainted. Then ultimately passed on. I found this a incredibly satisfying end to her arc.

Lastly: Mirra. I LOVED that Mirra was able to come back. I LOVED that Sabaa wasn’t cruel enough to leave Laia alone. Since Helene had baby Zacharias. Elias has Quin. Laia would’ve had no one. And I loved that Elias and Helene teared up also happy to see that Laia still had one person left. I loved that cook admits to her faults and how broken she herself is. How vengeance took over her and led her astray. But there is no one she loves more in this world than Laia. That she will fight everything and anyone just to ensure Laia will have a place in this world. I also loved her sense of humor. Had me cackling when she demanded Mauth to come talk to her and when she casually calls Elias her son in law. I loved her teaming up with the Bloodshrike! I love the big reveal leading up to it. It was all just so perfect for me!

In conclusion: Do I have my criticisms? Yes. There are a few things I wish to change. I thought Keenan was mentioned too much in the beginning. I found their relationship especially in book 2 very unhealthy so to hear her mention it and him as something to miss made me quite uncomfortable. Though I suppose it’s also just the thought of missing an ally and a friend cause there was a time where she had no one but Keenan to rely on. I wish we could’ve had more Helene and Laia scenes! Seeing her smile in a long time because Elias and Laia had their happy ending did wonders to my soul! I wish we could’ve had more scenes of Elias, Laia, and Helene all working together. I wish we could’ve had more scenes of Elias and Laia fighting side by side. Especially since I’ve always wanted scenes of them fighting together. The ones we got in SKY were EVERYTHING! I just wish we could’ve had more of that instead of them walking in the forest and pages of him being cold to her. I wish Avitas and Elias could’ve bonded more. To see them two be so reserved and yet so happy to be able to meet was such a gift. And yet they only fully spoke in two scenes ): I wish Darin and Laia got to spend more time together. I wish Laia could’ve gotten more scenes with her scythe. Or that we could’ve gotten more scenes of Laia with her bow and arrows. However these are minor things and do not take away much from my overall feeling for this book.

Which is I am in love with this book. It is my new favorite book of all time. Of any other book ever. I think it is the best book in the series and the fact that Sabaa is so proud of it and says it’s the best book she ever wrote. I can’t help but agree and give A Sky Beyond The Storms a sky full of stars. The ending is everything I’ve ever wanted and so much more. It makes saying goodbye hurt less knowing my faves are alive, happy, and have finally found a place to call home. I love that we end off on Elias and Laia getting engaged and walking off to get ready to start a new life together. I couldn’t of asked for a better ending. Sabaa really outdid herself and I hope she gets all the praise and all the awards for this divine book and her flawless story telling. Truly one of the best Kehannis out there ❤️

#A Sky Beyond The Storm

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2ki8h1 · 5 years

Text

What if Ishimaru and Mondo had both survived the killing game?

So, at the beginning of this year (2019), I decided to embark in a different project: to write a full fanfiction surrounding a certain idea: “What if both of them had survived the killing game?”. The goal of this was to include Ishimaru, as well as Mondo, in the canon plot described by the games and anime (I still haven’t read the novels or the mangas) by creating an adventure surrounding them but also focused in points I wished I saw in Danganronpa. In other words, write about their character development, their relationship (yes, it was supposed to be mainly focused on Ishimondo as a couple, slowly blossoming their romance) but it was also an opportunity to write about tragedy and despair (I enjoy writing horror and angst). I won’t reveal any major spoilers (about my fanfiction) because I haven’t decided if I will continue to work on this. I have other tasks at hand that I need to prioritise. It was supposed to be a big project which I estimated to be longer than 100.000 words. [so far, I have only written over 13k with the 1st chapter still at the beggining, while the second one is already at the middle with over 10k words.]

The point of this post: since I don’t know if I continue this or not, I would love to share the best moments I have wrote so far (both humorous and romantic and I have decided to not share any gory/sad parts). I will give context for every part I share without giving too much details.

NOTE 1: The narrator tries to put themselves in the feet of the character they are focusing on. So, they also try to adopt their way of speech and attempt to convey their feelings facing the various occasions (for example: the narrator is more crude and sad when the character in focus is Mondo)

NOTE 2: English is not my first language. So I apologise for any mistakes found.

WARNING: HEAVY SPOILERS FOR DR1 AND SDR2.

1. “Hopes and Dreams”

Chapter: 1

Context: epilogue of DR1, looking at the metal gate that locked them inside the school, after defeating Junko.

The prospects of a new start were high amongst everyone. Makoto was experiencing a restraint holding his body, in other words, he felt tensed. Suddenly, the feel of warm leather touched his right palm. Kyoko had approached him and gently held his hand. She didn’t made eye contact however he appreciated her kind gesture. “You will not fight this battle alone.” Her speech motivated him and invoked a determined willpower from within which led him to furrow his eyebrows and squeeze her hand slightly harder. Amused by his mood changes, Kyoko tried but failed to conceal a shy, joyful smile.

Mondo walked closer to his brother and hurriedly hurled his long coat to fall over the other man’s shoulder and placed his right arm around Ishimaru’s neck to enfold him in a friendly embrace. That action startled Taka, who barely succeeded to sustain both feet on the ground after the abrupt (and clumsy) headlock. Along with an open, radiant grin, Mondo spoke: “Finally, we’re leaving this place!” Taka with his left hand reached and grabbed Mondo’s right wrist and looked back at him to return his kind words with a soft, resolved smile.

(...)

Byakuya continued to show suppression of his emotions to let his cruel image rule whatever perceptions he wishes others to have of him. Toko was next to him, fidgeting her fingers in embarrassment, peeking briefly at her “beloved” every two seconds with an odd, lustful desire on her face. Hiro, in the other hand, was screaming and crying in ecstasy, praying down in all fours, blessing the floor underneath and showing gratitude to whatever god (or alien) was looking after him.

2. “Lost happy memories”

Chapter: 1

Context: shortly after opening the door, the survivors stand inside the school grounds but outside the building, thinking what they should do next.

Even if any of the lost memories had still not returned, Mondo remembered fondly of the small time he spent with Chihiro during the game, it had been enough for him to develop feelings of admiration towards the geek. He reached out for a specific content that was sitting inside of his long coat’s left pocket (the same coat that continued to shelter Ishimaru’s shoulders) to purposely find the set of stolen photos that served as evidence in the former trial. He glanced upon one in particular. It starred him hugging fiercely both of the baseball star and the computer nerd – he was happy. No, he was extremely happy. Look at his wide, stupid grin; it was a smile that he didn’t recall to see a long time ago. He browsed through the rest and his suspicions were confirmed. He had good times at Hope Peak’s academy. However, the collection was limited. Did he get along with the rest of the class? Were he and Ishimaru as close as they currently are or were they fierce enemies fighting about dumb things? There were a few of him smiling towards Taka. More than anything, he wanted to believe in the happiest statements. He glanced through the same photographs once again but he ended up with the same doubts. He wished to rewind time and relive through those moments one last time where he could adopt the same idiotic, relaxed posture he seemed to use back then. At least, he wished the set included a photo of him with his kyoudai. Did they also resolve their differences with a competition in the sauna? He laughed at the thought.

Ishimaru sighed while pointing at one of them. “I will miss them as well.” At the end of his index finger was a photograph captured by Makoto: They were all posing for the picture, in their school uniforms, inside their classroom (well, almost everyone - of course, Leon insisted in wearing his version of a “uniform”). Mondo turned his head to encounter red eyes glazed, stained with tears that fought to break free. Wow, he really was kind. “We were lucky… I wonder if I truly deserve to be one of the s-”

Maybe too kind for his own good. “Shut it...” He caught Taka surprised with the response. “What would I do without my brother next to me?” Mondo added, wrapping an arm around the other’s neck in a friendly way.

“Maybe it’s true. I still have a lot to lecture you about the true value of effort!”

That was not what Mondo wanted to hear “Oi-“

“And, as selfish as this may sound, I am truly relieved you weren’t the one who passed away.”

Sadness and guilt. Mondo looked at Kiyotaka and remembered how those two words felt. Those were feelings Kiyotaka was over familiar with… hell, even he knew the despair hidden behind those terms.

Mondo had quickly learned to detect those moods. In fact, he was pretty good at it! And he was unnecessarily proud of that achievement... The diagnosis? Symptoms of a low self-esteem. He still hadn’t figure it out how to improve his condition however, he had to think about it later; right now, he wanted to focus in leaving this creepy-ass school.

“Movin’ on… What th’ hell is this creepy smile?” In a sloppy attempt to change the subject, he shoved the mentioned picture in Taka’s face.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Look at your face! You look like those creepy clowns but without the makeup. So stiff and robotic and why are you behaving like a soldier?”

“Ghk- Are you saying I am ugly?”

“Wha-! Ah- Shit! no!” just like mentioned before… embarassingly sloppy “That’s not what I meant! I just wanted to tell ya’ that ya’ need to smile naturally and not force yourself just ta’ try to look good in th’ pictures because it has the opposite result you intended!” Mondo pulled off a different photograph. In this one, they were with their gym clothes, enjoying a P.E. class and Ishi was smiling brightly while cheering for their class “For example, in this ya’ look natural ‘cause ya’ got caught off guard!”

“Oh- I see.” Disappointment was felt in his voice.

“Well- See? It doesn’t mean yar ugly or nothi’, actually I think ya’ are very good lookin’. Ya’ just look funny in photographs. Not everyone is photogenic! ... (especially you…)” he babbles.

“Thank you.” Taka released a soft smile. The type of smile someone would like to record it with a photograph “You are a very kind man, kyoudai!”

And Mondo gets easily flustered with sweet (and cheesy) praises “Oh! Stop it! Don’t worry that pretty head of yours thinking that yer’ ugly or some bullshit like that…”

“I don’t usually concern myself over those issues. But I can’t stop myself from wondering if the lack of a more relaxed posture or behavior is the result of my failures at adopting socials skills.”

Mondo couldn’t deny it. He had the same opinion. He gave it a shrug in an attempt to give the conversation a closure.

“And if I may say so myself. I think you are a very attractive man yourself, Mondo.”

Mondo blushed even harder at the sudden compliment. And again, that cute smile… if only he could make him smile like that in photos…

“I know!! What if I force you to smile spontaneously?”

A small silence broke between the two “Force me to smile spontaneously?” Mondo cringed at the obvious mistake “Did you think that through?”

“Eh- shit! Atleast I am tryin’. I don’t see ya’ spittin’ any ideas!”

Taka chuckled. Mondo never considered to see Ishimaru laugh as he did right now. It created an ambience of comfort. It’s a new side that Mondo wished to see his brother with it in more occasions. “I will try to think of something too, then.”

Observing those two talking was Kirigiri; detective mode activated: the right index finger intertwined and resting on her chin as she would normally do whenever she found herself immersed deep in her thoughts. “Those two seem to be in a good mood. It’s good to have someone to rely on.”

“Well, I consider myself lucky too. After all, I am the ultimate lucky student if I have you backing me up.”

That was… unexpected. Was he trying to be smooth, flirty or just kind? One look at his facial expression: huge smile, eyebrows tense, shoulders determined. He was definately not trying to be flirty but that comment was very effective. She turned around, flushed.

3. “Makoto, the servant”

Chapter: 2

Context: daily life of Makoto in the Future Foundation.

Makoto had woken up with a tedious mood. He checked his alarm clock and groaned… 4 a.m., “Great!” He said before slamming the snooze button and slumping back into the flat, old pillow. He blamed Togami for that. The man continued to impose him waking up at ridiculous hours to perform the most preposterous tasks. To be honest, he sometimes felt to be Togami’s pet or worse… a servant. He cringed at the idea and quickly dismissed such unwelcomed thoughts to not further the cranky mood he was in.

“Peasant, I will need my coffee at exactly 65ºC (150ºF) with just a sniff of cinnamon or I’ll have you thrown into the dungeon. Naegi, you tell them the answer!” He adjusted his imaginary glasses, pointing forcefully to a random nearby object while attempting to copy Togami’s presumptuous act with an over exaggerated high-pitched voice. “Makoto, that was not what I wanted y-you to t-tell… t-them.“ …but he merely ended in chuckles in the middle of the last one, ridiculing his own failed attempts.

He pushed the sheets to one side and hopped off out of bed. Imitating Togami would always lighten his mood. He grabbed his phone to see what horrifying tasks awaited him that day…

4. “Reunion”

Chapter: 2

Context: Mondo was part of the 2nd division (army) while Ishimaru belonged to the 14th division. Mondo was a soldier, facing wars in different points of the world; while Ishimaru worked in Future Foundation’s headquarters, safe from any danger. This was not their first reunion but it was the one where they spent the most time apart. The location of the reunion was in a cafeteria inside FF.

At the end of the corridor, he rested his hands over the knees to normalize his respiratory rate. One mental reminder to himself was to put his exercise in order! Those sleepless nights and postponing his exercise regime were clearly affecting his stamina. Though, he would have to worry about that later. Still panting, he recomposed to an upright stance to meet the single entrance of the beautiful building where Mondo awaited him. The smell of freshly baked buns was causing his stomach to start rumbling. He touched the glass door but didn’t push it to open. Instead he looked through the stained glass and tried to spot him. Shaky breaths were quickly turned into condensation whenever these brushed over the surface of the glass, defocusing the once clear image and forcing Kiyotaka to clean the droplets with his right sleeve. It had been wise to look for him behind the entrance door. It avoided a clumsy search inside the cafeteria for anyone to watch and whisper. He sensed something was beating fast inside of him. He confirmed that his heart was racing when he placed a hand close to his chest. Why did he feel so nervous?

The cafeteria was still pretty empty at this time of the day but a few people were starting to fill the empty chairs and placing their trays on top of the metallic round tables to start enjoying their meals. Loud laughter and loud chatter slowly scattered across the space, too much to his annoyance. He looked at his right, straight to his usual table. It was almost hidden by a load-bearing wall, away from the restless crowd and at the same time, closer to the landscape he so enjoyed. That blooming tree filled his morning with color and energy and made him believe that he could endure another harsh, boring day. Darn, someone was already occupying that… spot. Wait… sun-kissed muscles, different uniform (if not mistaken, he recognized it to be from the 2nd division), bleached long hair… That was Mondo right?

“Mondo.” he whispered only letting himself to hear before opening the door. The smile vanished in a brief second after he noticed bruises, scars and some bandages covering his best friend. Mondo turned his head around almost unconsciously to the scraping sound that the front door’s metallic base did over the tile floor, a common sound that repeated every time someone moved it to open.

Not five seconds passed when a very trembling Ishimaru had his arms around him. Mondo felt a stream of warm tears running loose in his cheeks, damping the collar of his t-shirt. Taka was crying, of course. Gently, Mondo folded his arms around the other’s midsection, pulling him to his lap to allow his forehead to drown in Taka’s neck, surrendering to the embrace.

The comments mocking the odd pair suddenly reverberated through the room, filling the air of not-so-sneaky murmurs. Without separating himself from the warmth radiated from Taka’s right shoulder, Mondo rotated his head, locking eyes with the few smug fuckers. A narrow purple iris shined in contempt out of a squinted corner of his left eye. Some deviated his looks, frighten by the former delinquent’s cold stare, while the boldest ones maintained the glare beside a derisive smile, maliciously enjoying the scene.

Yet, Taka was only focused in who held him; giving minimal concern to his surroundings. “Without hearing from you, I thought you were gone for good!” Hell, he didn’t even seem to notice the bastards around them! He only knew how his arms trembled and how his eyes hurt, overdriven with emotions.

Taka shifted to close the embrace even tighter, to reduce any amount of space that still remained between the two. The strong dedication put in those words chocked whatever sickening feeling Mondo was struggling with. Kiyotaka cherishing him was the remedy he needed to immediately light his mood and now, it was his turn to return the favor. Mondo moved one hand to ruffle Taka’s soft hair, while the left rubbed his back, working in tandem. Whatever it was, the affection was soothing the other’s tears. Mondo gave him time to compensate the time they had been away from each other so this position lasted for a few minutes.

Suddenly, Taka raised his head to look directly into the other’s eyes, who replaced kind eyes for a big smile. Mondo had a wide variety of smiles but this one, this stupid wide, teeth-clenched one meant ‘everything is alright’ where as Taka just continued to feel as hurt and tired. He inspected the scars meticulously, especially the ones across his face before unwrapping his arms around Mondo’s neck. Mondo didn’t budge but his palms slid to rest in other’s hips. Taka detected a tiny cut just under the left eye. He glared at it for a bit before rubbing it gently with his thumb to depreciate the change of texture that usually escorted injuries.

Red eyes were glazed deep in thought to which Mondo frowned and sighed. “Who are you?”

Taka was taken aback with the question. “What? Do you not recognize me?”

The exaggerated dismay on Ishimaru’s expression lines was what caused the loud, boisterous laugh that followed. It started off as a snort but it quickly developed to guffaws. That laugh only belonged to Mondo and to Mondo only. Taka simply gawked at him in absolute oblivion until the other stopped to explain. “I-I am just playin’ ya.” He managed to say between chortles “Ya’ almost fooled me with that long hair of yours, but your face continues the same. Oh gosh! How long has it been? 5 months? Hmph- it looks good on ya!”

This had not been the first time apart but it had been the longest they have been away from each other.

“This is hardly the time for games!”

“Sorry! Pout as much as you want. That cute angry face does not work on me! It was fuckin’ hilarious to see your reaction!”

Mondo conceded. He did look older, more mature, like a proper business man. He smirked turning Taka alert to his movements. He proceeded to remove his gloves and threw them carelessly on top of the table. He cupped Ishimaru’s pale but warm face against his cold hands. He flinched with the abrupt change of temperature but melted into it nevertheless. He pushed Taka’s bangs back revealing the angry wrinkled forehead and some kinky strands of hair that fought free from the grip. He noticed the obvious dark rims under the eyes, knowing full well he was the cause of that predicament. Regardless, he chose to leave the subject untouched. In any case he still had the same face and the same soft raven hair.

(…)

Although not evident, Kirigiri did worry about Ishimaru’s well being. He had a gorgeous smile when he truly felt happy and he was the only who could perform such a confidence boost in Taka.

“Hello, Mondo. It is nice to see you’re back safe.”

He looked at his right to see the former ultimate detective staring at him with a formal smile. “Hello Kirigiri. How are you?”

“Good. What about you?”

“Meh- could’a be worse!” he answered, looking fondly at Taka.

The conversation quickly died and Inadvertently, Kirigiri’s eyes fell over Mondo’s lap, where Taka was still sitting.

For once, Taka was able to read the surprise in Kirigiri’s face and immediately jumped out to his upright position leaving Mondo stunned.

“I didn’t realize I was still in y-your lap. I am so sorry kyoudai!”

He could have been quieter in saying that… Kyoko attempted to cover a snicker behind her usual thinking expression which became apparent that it would be a hard task when holding an apple in each hand.

5. “???”

Chapter: 2

Context: after the “reunion” moment. Taka went to grab breakfast for himself and Mondo, while the other waited for him in the lounge.

Taka rushed to the kitchen without running. Old habits die hard I guess. Mondo chuckled at that. A tall man with ridiculous hair was now approaching Mondo.

“Mondo! So nice to see you again, man!”

“Same, Hagakure. How are you doing?”

“Fine. (gasps) those are some ugly, nasty scars.” Hagakure pointed it out “Are you ok?”

“No, dude. Can’t you see I’m dead?”

“AHHHHHHH- a ghost!”

Mondo is now the one stunned by Hiro’s overreaction.

“Bro… Chill… I am just teasing you… Did you seriously think I was dead? How high are you?”

“Are you sure you didn’t come to haunt me??” Hiro continued, half-hunched, covering half of his face with his forearms, squinting towards an even more stupefied Mondo,

“You have serious problems. I was bein’ sarcastic, ya’ big idiot!”

“Oh- haha! I am glad to hear it!” Hagakure quickly to his usual chirp self and laughed it off “It would be bad news if I had been haunted by a ghost.”

“Whatever man…”

Thank you so much for reading!! And apologies for my terrible sense of humour!

#my writing #danganronpa #Future Foundation AU #ishimondo #Kiyotaka Ishimaru #Mondo Owada Oowada #naegiri #Makoto Naegi #Kyouko Kyoko Kirigiri #Touko Toko Fukawa #Byakuya Togami #Yasuhiro Hiro Hagakure #togafuka #naegami

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gracie-p8-officialblog · 4 years

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A dream only time would fade… Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks for the nice reviews so far. And thank you @thatonefangirl1223 for dropping into my ask box about the fic! Hopefully the wait has been worth it!

This is an R/C Anastasia!AU which will mostly follow the musical but I’ll throw in a few easter eggs from the 1997 movie and a few changes would be made to better suit the characters in the story. This is a slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers. This entire series is rated T because I’m paranoid.

This story is also on Ao3 and Fanfiction.net.

“Ready to become the Grand Duchess Christine Daae?” Raoul asked the next morning, holding a leather journal in his hand.

“I want to go to Manhattan but I don’t want to lie to do it!” True, Christine was excited to leave, but she almost felt like a liar…

“You don’t know it’s a lie. What if it’s true?” he shrugged nonchalantly, almost unfazed by the possibilities of what could go wrong “Either way, it gets you to Manhattan, Philippe and I get out of here, and we all live happily ever after! Everyone wins!”

“I wish I had your confidence,” she bit back sarcastically. Sensing the tension, Philippe began as he led Christine to a small mirror in front of him.

“Christine, what do you see?” “I see a skinny little nobody, with no past and no future.” she sighed, her shoulders sagging and she began to slouch.

“No,” Raoul piped up, unaware of who was listening “I see a beautiful and smart young woman… who on a number of occasions has shown a regal command equal to any royal in the world,”

“Raoul?” Christine tilted her head slightly, peering at his reflection.

“Just… forget I said that,” he quickly brushed it off, hiding his face. But secretly, she felt a little better by his words.

“He’s right,” Philippe added for his brother “And I have known my share of royalty. You see my dear, I was a member of the high society,” “Yeah, until the revolution where we lost all our money and had resorted to stealing,” Raoul scoffed before Philippe gave him a stern glare.

“But…” Christine began, wanting to get down to business “How do you become the person you’ve forgotten you ever were?”

“Take a deep breath,” Philippe instructed “Close your eyes, and imagine… another time, another world…”

“You were born in a palace by the sea,” He slowly began.

“A palace by the sea,” Raoul emphasized.

“Really? Me? Born in a palace by the sea?” Christine placed a hand over her chest as she saw the breathtaking view from the holiday palace, trying to imagine it all.

“Yes, that’s right,” Philippe nodded, continuing their history lesson “And you rode horseback when you were only three.”

“Horseback riding! Me?” she shook her head in disbelief.

“And the horse’s name was Romeo,” Raoul interjected, only to receive an odd look from them “What? I’m trying to help you,”

“You often made faces and terrorized the cook! And your tantrums back then made the palace shook!”

“What a charming child,” the street rat smirked.

“Was I really that wild?” Christine tried to suppress a small laugh.

“Wrote the book!” Raoul cheered, smiling at her.

“But you’d behave when your father gave that look!”

“Imagine what your long, forgotten past was like!” Raoul smiled at her “Now, we have lots to learn before you can become the Grand Duchess Christine Daae!”

“Alright,” she began, taking it as a challenge “Bring it on!”

~~~

Philippe handed Christine a book “Now, let’s see you walk,”

Christine had taken her gloves and coat off and was now trying to balance the book on her head, beginning to move around slowly as she waved her arms around to keep balance.

“Try to float,” he prompted as he walked next to her, demonstrating.

“Am I floating?” Philippe cringed a little as she stomped and flailed helplessly.

“Like a sinking boat,” Raoul muttered loud enough for her to hear. She threw the book in his direction, missing him by inches before she argued, slightly frustrated and annoyed “Then why don’t you try it yourself?”

Princess training was so annoying. They would spend days holed up in this dusty palace, drilling rules of courtly etiquette, history lessons, and family trees. She was sick of the two men constantly telling her what to do and what to say, correcting her. What did they know about her own memories? It wasn’t like she knew who she was but still.

Philippe quickly stood between them and took the book off of his brother’s hands.

“Let’s learn to bow, shall we?” Philippe took their wrists and pulled them until their fingers intertwined. Christine felt her fingers in Raoul’s strong, firm grip like she was about to kiss her hand.

“Your hands are cold!” she protested, hating how she flinched at his touch. He wasn’t as rough or vulgar as the handsy men she had encountered before, the ones who would try and pin her down to fulfill their own desires, but she still hated his every touch. She knew what men were like, she wouldn’t let her guard down that easily.

“Well, your hands are rough and I never complained!” Raoul argued back, equally exasperated at the lack of progress they were making.

“Enough!” poor Philippe looked as tired and annoyed as the both of them “Try to be civil, for my sake. Now, imagine… you are in a ballroom, you are about to dance with your partner, and you bow,”

Christine could see it all clearly, so vivid… almost as if it were a memory. She could hear the music, she could see the beautifully dressed aristocrats waltzing together… subconsciously, she was bending her left knee, bringing her right hand to her chest, bowing her head, and a regal smile on her face. When she stood up, she almost felt like a different person; she was so regal, elegant, and graceful. She opened her eyes to find the two brothers, gobsmacked.

“How did you do that?” Raoul began slowly, slightly stunned.

“I didn’t teach her,” Philippe added before smiling “Christine, you’re a natural!”

~~~

Now, they were learning the Daae family history and Philippe was in front of a chalkboard, holding a history book in one hand.

“Now, we memorize the names of the royalty!” Philippe instructed, “Who’s your great-grandmother?”

“Queen Catherine Svenna Daae!”

“Who’s your great-grandmother?”

“Princess Catherine The Third!”

“Your best friend is…”

“My little brother, Gustav!”

“Wrong!” Raoul shook his head “Your best friend is-” “I know who my best friend is!” she interrupted stubbornly, marching up to him. “What a temper,” Raoul commented to himself.

“I don’t like being contradicted!” the young woman threw the book into his arms. “That makes the two of us!” the con man challenged as he tossed the book back to her.

“Continuing on,” Philippe nervously butted in before Christine threw the book at him. “I had enough! What do you know about me?” She began ranting, already frustrated “I’m so tired! And I don’t remember anything about my past! Just leave me alone!”

And with that, Christine turned away angrily, tears of frustration threatening to spill out.

“Christine,” Philippe began after a moment of silence, his voice calm and relaxing “Look at me,” she turned her head a little to peer at him.

“We’re all tired,” he continued “Now, shall we start again?”

When she nodded hesitantly, Philippe gave a warm, reassuring smile “Take a breath and count to ten,”

She took a deep breath and silently counted to fifteen, the extra five seconds being for the fact Raoul had annoyed her to her frustration.

“You are much more than you think you are,” he reassured soothingly as he pulled out a handkerchief “So blow your little nose, and dry those pretty eyes. A princess like you can do anything if she had her mind to it! Ready?” “Set,” Raoul added, leaning towards the whiteboard.

“Go!” Christine cheered, feeling slightly better after the pep talk. And with that, Philippe turned over the chalkboard, smacking his younger brother straight in the face from the impact. “Ow!” he yelled, clutching his nose as she tried to suppress a small laugh escaping her lips.

“Your great aunt Olga,” Philippe circled a name on the board “Had so many parties and balls she hosted!”

“Oh,” she gasped before Raoul pointed to another name on the board “Your distant cousin Anton had loved spending time in the palace library!” before he asked with concern, watching as the street sweeper attempted to memorize names and faces of some distant relatives and eccentric cousins as quickly as possible “Got it, Christine?” “No, not really…”

“The Grand Duke was short!��

“Count Louise often wore a feathered hat!”

“I heard he’s now very fat…”

“I missed that cat,” she muttered, fondly remembering the days she spent at the holiday palace playing with his cat. “I don’t think we told her that…”

“Christine,” Raoul smiled “You’re a dream come true!”

~~~

Now, before she could complete princess training, they were practicing a waltz. Poor Philippe groaned and massaged his temples over the past few hours. Despite his patient instructions, the two waltzing felt wrong. She kept looking away from his face, doing mental counts and he kept checking his behind, afraid of crashing as they waltzed.

“Back straight!” Philippe yelled “What are you doing? That’s not a waltz! Stop kicking him!”

“He stepped on my toe first!” she protested, feeling bad for Philippe to endure their bickering while feeling not-so-sorry for kicking Raoul in the shin, who winced in pain.

After some painful hours of bickering and berating, Philippe gave up. Grimacing, he grumbled “We’ll work on it tomorrow as both of you are insufferable! I’m going to get a glass of gin!”

“I could use one too,” Raoul grumbled.

“No!” and with that, his older brother exited the room.

~~~ Great, just great. Now, he had to deal with that bratty little know-it-all all by himself! A heavy silence fell between the two as Christine glared at him, painting an irritated expression on her face. “Why are you always so angry with me?” he asked. “Why have you been so rude to me ever since I entered that palace?” Christine hissed.He gave a hollow bark “Me? Rude to you? You acted as if you owned the place!” “How?” “You don’t take anything seriously and now, I’m going to have a welt on my shin because of you!” “You’re the one who stepped on my toes!” he stumbled back in shock before her voice softened and he could see her tear up, being vulnerable for the first time… “I’m trying, I swear I am…” she whispered hoarsely.“I know,” he reassured “I’m sorry. I was just so frustrated that I… lashed out,” Now he had a closer look at her face, she was so drained and pale… “Are you alright?” he asked, genuine concern in his eyes. “Yes, yes,” she forced a smile “I’m just… tired,” She stood up and walked away “See you tomorrow…” Raoul could only stare at her as she walked out of the palace… It was already late.

~~~

The next day, they were trying not to argue as they waltzed awkwardly. They were trying to perfect it for Philippe’s sake. Raoul could still sense her body tensing up whenever he touched her or approached her…

“Can we stop? I don’t feel so well…” Raoul stopped. She was paler than usual and she was so cold. He helped her to a chair before sprinting to the kitchen to get a glass of water and a piece of bread, kneeling in front of her, eyes full of worry.

“Did you have breakfast today?”

“No,” she croaked, her eyes closed as she massaged her temples. He suddenly noticed dark circles under her eyes. Everything made sense: her frustration, her tardiness…

“How long did you sleep for?”

“Two or three hours.”

“Are you insane?” his voice rose with each word.

“I can’t lose my job. They’re not easy to come by…”

Raoul felt guilt build up in his chest. This girl was falling apart because of him… Her groan of pain caused him to come back to reality…

“I’ll take you to a guest room,” he offered as he wrapped his arm around her waist and carried her to a nearby guest room. She fell blindly on the bed once they arrived. Raoul was taken aback as he saw her already asleep on the mattress, looking vulnerable and fragile. He felt his heart pang with sympathy and wanted to protect her. She deserved better than this, and he was determined to help her…

“I don’t know what you’ve been through and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but… I want to help you,” he whispered gently before exiting the room, every word of his genuine “Just… trust me,”

~~~

Christine’s eyes fluttered open, yawning as she stretched her legs. She hadn’t had such good, long sleep in a long time…

“Oh, you’re awake!” Raoul smiled from the open door. His eyes didn’t have the usual playful or teasing glint in them. They were filled with genuine concern and adoration.

“I’m so sorry,” she began, feeling guilty for sleeping in “I don’t want to be a pity case for the both of you and-”

“It’s okay,” he smiled, his face apologetic “I want to help you, but you have to trust me…”

He would not admit it but, she finally found someone who would listen to her…

~~~

Philippe walked into the room, not believing what he saw! Raoul and Christine were dancing in harmony and in sync! They looked like a couple in love instead of two strangers lost in the ballroom…

“Mon dieu,” he finally spoke up, speechless “Am I dreaming?”

Their grins answered him. Finally! The two were getting along as he wanted! No more arguing! And it was so peaceful and quiet… “We’ll wrap up early!”

~~~

The weeks went on with less bickering, but with the same lessons. Christine still argued with Raoul at times but there was less animosity between them. Insults became teasing and she even laughed at a few of his jokes.

She secretly loved the proximity between them. She didn’t know why but perhaps, it was because she only remembered how these touches would hurt her. She trusted him when he said nothing would harm her. And the foreign concept of a gentle touch slowly became more familiar…

“I feel like someone new,” Christine commented happily.

“You’re an expert now!” Raoul smiled tenderly and hugged her, ignoring the drumming heartbeat in her ears.

~~~

“Anything concerning the Daaes, even the most preposterous rumour,” Erik stared at the three girls sternly “We take very seriously,”

“She’s a street sweeper!” One spoke up “She was homeless until she took up with them!”

“Her name is Christine!” Another interjected.

“Thank you,” his tone was level as he said those words, clustering the stack of papers together, not looking them in the eye.

“Are you going to arrest them?” “You’ve done your duty. And I’ve done mine. Listening to your gossip.” he tried to keep his voice calm and stoic.

“It’s not gossip, it’s the truth!” she quickly defended before he slammed his fist on the desk, all eyes and ears on him now. Erik slowly stood up and placed a finger under the prostitute’s chin… “The next time I see the three of you soliciting on the streets,” he warned, his face and tone stoic, making his words more frightening, “I won’t look the other way.” The three women ran off and as he watched them run off, he ordered “File out a new report!”

The mere presence of one Daae could topple what the rebels had worked hard to achieve… there was no way this girl would waltz in to make their hard work go to waste…

~~~ A/N: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#my fanfic stuff #Fanfic: a dream only time would fade #christine daae #raoul de chagny #r/c #philippe de chagny #erik destler

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soupberries · 5 years

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Burn The Stage The Movie: My Experience and Thoughts

I know this is an art blog but I really felt like sharing my thoughts!

This post will consist of:

The general cinematic experience

My thoughts on the movie itself! (I will put this bit under the “Keep reading” tab. I hate spoilers as much as the next guy!)

So - let’s begin!

(Disclaimer: Opinionated)

PART 1: THE GENERAL CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE

The local cinema where I live is located at the top floor of a shopping mall with only one other shop nearby it, which is a restaurant. Take this into consideration.

I arrived at the mall with my friends at around 8 o’ clock. The movie was at 9.15pm but I wanted to get there early because I knew there was a small giveaway for a mock ticket designed by BTSMalaysia on Twitter, and I was afraid if I was late I wouldn’t be able to get it. The cinema lobby was fairly empty except for a small group of people in the corner who were quite obviously ARMYs. One of them had an ARMY bomb and was walking around like he had a duty to do, which he did - it was to hand out the mock tickets. I knew he was the guy I was supposed to approach but I was suddenly frozen with fear and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know what came over me. All these doubts flooded into my head, I was scared I was gonna make a fool of myself. Luckily my friend went to approach him for me and we got our mock tickets T_T

After that we went off to go get some food since we still had like an hour till the movie started. I met up with another friend of mine around 8.30pm and she told us that they were having a flash mob up at the cinema lobby and they were playing BTS songs. So we went to go check it out. Surely enough, there was a crowd of people surrounding only two people in the middle who were dancing to Dope (which was being played in the lobby). The cinema was the one playing the music, by the way. Not the crowd. So I guess it means they were encouraging it. Nobody seemed very disturbed by it, and I really hope nobody was. It was cute in a way? Seeing everyone so excited. If the cinema had played more recent and easier songs I think more people would’ve joined in, not just the two. The playlist consisted of Dope, DNA, Baepsae, Anpanman, I NEED U... those kinds of songs. I’ll admit I did kinda cringe though.

It was interesting to see the local ARMYs because sometimes I feel so isolated? But there’s actually a lot more than I would’ve thought. A lot of them seemed to be university and college students, and there were a few parents there too.

I’m so so very glad I got seats right at the back of the cinema. I had a friend who was sitting in the middle rows and she said she was disturbed by the people behind her who were talking during the emotional moments. I hope my friend and I didn’t disturb the people in front of us though... but all we did was make comments once in a while about how cute BTS were haha.

While the ads were running some people were irritated by how many ads there were which is understandable but it was still annoying. Whenever one ad finished, there would be people going, “Please, please, pleeeease,” but when the next ad played they all groaned. Like just... don’t? When the BTS ads started playing a lot of people screamed which doesn’t make much sense to ME but people are excited, okay, I get it. When the movie finally started some people tried to start the fanchant but got shushed and not to be mean but it was kinda funny. This is a MOVIE, not a concert. We should treat it as such. Anyway it gave me some faith in local ARMYs. They were well behaved and I was impressed. Prior to the movie I was SO afraid of my experience being ruined by “no jams” and “Koreaboos”. But it wasn’t! Surprisingly I didn’t hear a single word of Korean from anyone there. Either that or I’m not observant, haha. I’m glad I didn’t hear it, nonetheless. Nobody had their ARMY bombs with them - or if they did, it wasn’t turned on in the cinema hall. There was no screaming (except for the first few shots of the members when the movie started - which I expected). Everyone reacted and laughed along and I think we all enjoyed the movie. I was happy.

PART 2: THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE

From here on I will be talking about the movie, which means major spoilers! Only click “Keep reading” if you’ve already watched the movie or want to be spoiled!

It was very, very different to the YouTube Red series. I thought I was gonna be basically the same thing, which is why I initially didn’t want to go. But after seeing the trailer and how much new content there was, I decided I would.

Anyway. I like how this movie had a narrative? The whole “Desert, Together, Sea” thing. I just love how they incorporated their hidden track into their movie. I was surprised the movie didn’t touch so much on their struggles? Well it did, but from a different angle. It just wasn’t as explicit as the YouTube Red series (ie. the fainting, the fights, the insecurities). I feel like the movie highlighted more on their togetherness, their family-like bond. Not just with each other but with their staff and even Bang PD. And on BTS’ relationship with ARMY.

The movie shows the side of them we will probably never ever get to see - them being themselves. When they were having their little retreat thing and messing about and having fun in the pool, I couldn’t help but think, “They look like ordinary boys. Having fun with each other, eating, drinking, chatting.” It must be hard to find that balance, you know? Between your idol life and your ordinary life.

It was fun to see the shots of them just hanging, like Jinminkook eating together and joking together and being, well, themselves.

They touched on the pressure they feel to deliver the best performance they can to their fans - which must be an awful lot of pressure, I can imagine. Jimin was so visibly upset at his mistake even after all his brothers were comforting him, telling him he was cool... it was, well, not sad. I don’t know the right emotion to explain it. It was just interesting, I guess? Because, like I said before, we will never get to see this side of them. All we see are the glittery outfits, dazzling smiles, on point performances, an occasional cosy V-live. It can be hard to remember that they, too, are humans.

I wish I could understand Korean so I could’ve gotten Jin’s jokes! The part with him and their personal trainer (?) was so cute. It really does show the bond they have with their staff. And when they were all having dinner together, when Namjoon gave a toast, saying “We couldn’t have done it without (the staff),” (or something like that) and one of them replied, “Well said!” and everyone laughed. Even after they toasted I noticed Jimin chatting to one of the staffs at the table in a friendly way. These boys, they’re so humble.

When they had the meeting with Bang PD - man, that totally put him in a new light. I always see people online calling him not-so-nice things and accusing him of mistreating members, which may or may not be true. But you can’t deny that he cares for BTS. (Or at least seems to, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.) They have said he’s like their father, and the movie showed that. He told them that it was important for them to be happy, and that he was scared that if they continued the way they were that they would be miserable. I just thought that was nice.

The way Yoongi was so excited about all the music equipment in the shop was so cute! They seemed so happy to have a day to themselves to just go out and shop. In fact, they seemed very happy about vacationing in general. When Jin announced that they got a week’s vacation after their Taipei concert he looked very excited. I hope they get more holidays.

I feel like the thing that makes them so humble is the fact that they are AWARE of the fact that this isn’t going to last forever. I feel like that’s what keeps them going, too. How Yoongi said, “There will come a day when we can’t do this even if we wanted to.” Hits hard, man.

I loved how they kept joking about them winning the BBMA and how they kept mentioning it? Not in a prideful way, like... I don’t know? It was just fun. How Hoseok said jokingly to the cameraman, “Hey, you’re working for a BBMA winner!” They were obviously very excited about winning it.

WHEN YEONTAN POPPED UP OH MY GOSH it was so so cute! Everyone in the cinema uwued together haha.

Oooh and when Hoseok hit that high note in Stigma? Wowwww!

Another part which I learned something new was when Taehyung and Hoseok were in a car and Taehyung played 4 o' Clock for him... and he said he wrote it to the character he played in Hwarang - Hansung! That's so cute of him. But turns out it wasn't written to Jimin like we originally thought? Though that was just speculation by Namjoon, right? Anyhow. Taehyung is precious.

There was one line of the narration which stuck out to me, I don’t know why? It went something like, “When you present yourself with confidence, not conceit, you will captivate the hearts of thousands.” Which is very true! In the case of BTS, I feel like one of their major appeals is how humble they are. They present themselves in a way that is confident, but not arrogant.

The relationship BTS and ARMY have is a very interesting one. Codependent. BTS helped ARMY and ARMY helped BTS. We never fail to show our gratefulness for each other. They highlighted this in the movie too.

I didn’t get very emotional during the movie, though. I didn’t cry (I don’t know if I was supposed to - I felt like I was). Some things that made my heart hurt were the orchestra versions of Sea and Spring Day! Please release those tracks! I need them!

Also, a side note... who was the narrator? I have a feeling it wasn't a BTS member so it felt kinda weird. But I suppose BTS are quite busy and may not have had time to narrate a two-hour movie. I don't know.

All in all, it was a sweet movie. BTS’ teamwork is astounding and I truly believe it was fate that brought them together.

As a business student, I feel like this movie was a very smart idea. It brings benefits for all - the cinema company, BigHit, BTS and ARMY. Cinemas get money, BH and BTS get money as well as gaining consumer (ARMY) trust and loyalty and potentially even more clients (fans) from ARMY who brought their non-ARMY friends. ARMY get new content and a whole new understanding of their faves. Win-win, yes? Don’t mind me. That’s just Business Lily speaking.

But yeah, that’s all I can remember... It was enjoyable, but perhaps I would’ve enjoyed it more if I wasn’t sick with a flu haha.

That’s all I have for now! Thank you for reading

#lily talks #burn the stage

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infernallewords · 7 years

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Stereotypes

I’m sick of them. I’m sick to death of them. If I see one more show, movie, or book with a stereotype of a minority in it, I will scream and pretend that piece of garbage doesn’t exist. If you have to add a commonly used adjective to your minority to describe it (one you’ve seen used previously), you are writing a stereotype. I have dropped show after show after show because of this. At this point I just watch silly videos online, because almost every show has this, with the exception of The Flash, because that show is apparently being written by people who actually interact with minorities. The story line may be a little hackneyed, but the minority characters are gold. And people need to take a page from its book, because fucking hell it’s beautiful.

If I can watch a movie/show or read a book with a minority, and predict exactly how they will behave, that thing will be dead to me.

Example: I was so excited to read a Christopher Moore book. Super excited. I’d heard so many good things about Lamb. Everybody I knew loved it. Well, I wanted to read a horror story, and he had written a horror comedy called A Dirty Job. This book was set in San Fran’s Chinatown district. The main character, a white male, was written with some depth (goofy, beta male stupidity, but some depth). His lesbian sister was written as just that. Her entire story line revolved around her being a lesbian. Not her as a person, but just her as a lesbian. Okay, I said, and continued on. His Chinese landlady spoke in broken English, stole his many pets to eat them, and screamed in Cantonese at him. His female Russian neighbor constantly talked about fighting bears. The one black guy in the book, who could also sense the dead, always dressed like a pimp, is called “Minty Fresh”, and pretends to be gay to lure in gay men to buy all his Cher albums. Also, the main character is constantly “talking black” to him. He’s also super physically strong. His creepy fellow shop keeper is constantly searching for “desperate Filipina girls” on dating websites and fetisizes them. There’s some ugly “trans humor” attached to it that makes me cringe. And the women are all fuckpuppets. One of the female souls gets attached to her breast implants.

Do you see the problem here? I will never read another fucking book by this author, because the method by which he wrote his minority characters was stunningly bad. Not all black men have to be big, burly pimps dressed in pimp suits. Not all Asian people “eat dog”. I guess he was trying to throw you off the scent with the Russian lady and “wrestling bears”, but fuck man, you don’t make something better by doubling down on it. And if you’re trying to comment on stereotypes, you have to subvert them in a well-written way. This author does not do that in the least. All he needed was the sexed up, saucy Latina character with her big hips and “feisty attitude”. Thank god there was no “sassy Black woman”, or the many, many stereotypes depicting Black women as either whores, mammies, or non-sexed magical characters for the main character’s benefit (though Minty did come off as a bit of a magical negro character to help guide the story line). Also, if the main character hadn’t been portrayed as a “beta male”, I’m sure there would have been some white savior complex a la every main white male character Hollywood throws in with a bunch of minority characters.

“Oh, stop talking down about white people! That’s just racist!”

Well, I am talking about minority stereotypes and the inherent racism therein, so it makes sense to talk about the opposite problem, y’know? You can’t improve upon a problem without talking about the problem. Also, stop getting cringey when somebody talks about white characters and their juxtaposition with minority characters in pieces of entertainment. The troupes are already proven and they are well-worn. Besides, I’m talking about representation, and it matters. White characters get amazing representation with depth, personality, romance, wants, goals, dreams, and hopes for their future. All I want is to see is that with minority characters, which rarely happens unless it’s written by a minority. And then if it’s a movie, expect a slave narrative, which I pretty much will not watch (#nomoreslavenarratives).

Example: While I did enjoy the movie Logan (went to the theatre and everything), its WSC was off the scales. I still enjoyed it, but why? And if anybody rolls their eyes at me mentioning this, just take a look at the way Hollywood furthers this standard. Avatar, The Help, The Blind Side, The Last Samurai, Dangerous Minds, etc. Hell, martial arts films made by Hollywood have a straight up complex when it comes to the Asian master who teaches the non-Asian to fight and be the best there ever was. I can direct you to Iron Fist, the Netflix show that does this, but everybody says, “Hey man, that was the original story!” Okay, but that’s actually not better. The fact that this has been going on forever doesn’t make it excusable. The movie Man of Tai Chi doesn’t exactly endear me to the concept, either. And I won’t even go into everything wrong with that horrific Dragonball movie.

And so you know I’m not pulling this out of my ass.

http://feministfilm.tumblr.com/post/6608112156/a-brief-list-and-analysis-of-white-savior-films

All I’m saying is this: I just want to see some realistic depictions of minorities in Hollywood and beyond. I’m sick of the stereotypes. I’m sick of being super excited to watch or read something, only to be hit over the head with stereotypes anytime a minority is introduced. And I’m also sick of people refusing to even write minorities in lead parts, because they don’t want to offend or have “tokens”. As Tim Burton put it, “Nowadays, people are talking about it [diversity] more ... things either call for things, or they don’t. I remember back when I was a child watching The Brady Bunch and they started to get all politically correct. Like, OK, let’s have an Asian child and a black. I used to get more offended by that than just… I grew up watching blaxploitation movies, right? And I said, that’s great. I didn’t go like, OK, there should be more white people in these movies.”

First of all, lol. This is why I haven’t watched a Tim Burton film since he fucked up Sweeney Todd. Second, “a black”? Blaxploitation films? Oh man. Third, minorities aren’t just people you sprinkle in stories for the sake of diversity. If you have a diverse group of friends, they aren’t there just because you “sprinkled them in”. You have them because you like them and what they bring to the table as human beings. You have friends from different backgrounds, because you have things in common. It’s those commonalities that cause you to come together and experience life. Why people who write these scripts and screenplays and books seem to completely forget the real people they know in real life when they put pen to paper is beyond me. If you have black friends, are they are sexless mammies who are magical negroes that merely exist in your life to further your story? Are they all thieves or pimps or gangstas who have at some point involved themselves in criminal activity? Do the young black women you know all resort to drugs or having a bunch of kids for child support or welfare? Are they turning tricks? Are the guys all players who fuck women and leave them with kids? Are the black women in your life all neck-swiveling Shaniquas who wag their fingers and eat fried chicken and talk about “oh no you didn’t!”

I certainly hope none of the people I know who write would try to shove me in any of those boxes, because I don’t fit in any of them. I’m childless, in a long term relationshipand have hopes and dreams and a love of creativity, writing, and books. I also have mental illnesses that affect my ability to be social and end up staying at home all day trying to parse my own reality while struggling with existential dread and nihilism. I have the type of personality that would never be attributed to a black woman in many scenarios. I’m not strong and independent--I’m a sad, depressed girl with anxiety issues who spends her time fumbling through life while trying to be successful and artistic. That black girl never gets written, and it’s a shame. That Korean/Chinese/Filipino/Indonesian girl never gets written. That Latina girl never gets written. That Indian girl never gets written. Same with minority guys. That guy, as a minority, never gets written, and I know so many going through the same ups and downs as me.

Minority characters are fucking human. When I see us get written as humans in a movie or show or book, I inhale it and support it with all my might. I will stan for these things. I get excited about them. I tell everybody about any piece of entertainment that does this and does it right. And if you don’t know how to do it (I’m looking at you, again, Hollywood), then just write a character and make them a minority second. Again, take a page from The Flash, who does this marvelously. They wrote people first, and minorities second. Did they have some slip ups (the absent mother who becomes a drug addict arc for Iris West), yes. And it was stupid. Did they make up with it with Iris’s brother in a way when they introduced Kid Flash? Absolutely, and his character is awesome. He was a little hotheaded at the beginning, but when they found his voice and disposed of certain stereotypical aspect (illegal drag racing), it was much better. And really? Even the drag racing played into him becoming Kid Flash due to his motivation for speed. Even the mild stereotypes made some sense. He’s a college student now with a job and a loving family, and that makes me so happy. Why can’t more shows and movies do this? Why is this so hard? Joe West is a hard-working detective in the show and a black father who supports his kids. He doesn’t have some edgy past with drugs and other crap. He’s just ... amazing. Why is that so hard?

Why is this so hard to comprehend? I’m not complaining to be controversial or aggressive or mean or hateful (though many will obviously see that, regardless of how politely I structure my argument simply because I am mentioning race). I’m complaining about it because I am none of these stereotypes, nobody I know or love are these stereotypes, and nobody I’m around are purely and only these stereotypes. Whether or not you choose to believe that “stereotypes come from somewhere”, those same stereotypes can be found in any group of people. So why are they only attributed to some and not others? Or, if they are attributed to others, why do those others get to redeem themselves while the minorities who have these stereotypes don’t? That’s where my frustration lies.

#stereotypes #Hollywood just doesn't get it #why I hate most entertainment #writing #mini rant about stereotypes and minorities

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