#its funny because what i do know is that i love masculine terms i love being he/him'd i love being called a man i love my body on t

[biteapple]

got this weird thing always where im always wondering if im a gay man or a bi dude-kinda or a bi girl-a-little-bit or a gay man-also-woman-a-bit, and its like. whenever im like "OKAYY I DONT CAREEEEE MAYBE I DO LIKE GIRLS" .... IMMEDIATELY my thoughts about liking women are gone like. when im trying to appease that. and then im like "hmm maybe i DONT like girls??" the thoughts about liking girls comes back

#and GENUINELY... COSMICALLY... if i really want to date a woman i would love to just allow this for myself. and am trying to #and whenever i try to its like ''yeah nevermind man it wasnt even anything'' #so when i do go ''oh okay i guess it was nothing'' the desire to like women comes back #and maybe its a case of ''putting it off the table makes me want it more'' .. but its like.. when i say ''ok im bi'' its gone. #its like hey. come back. what happened i said i liked it. gone. until i accept that its gone. and then its back. chameleon type shit #permanently grass-is-greener type of living... please.. #ALSO.... this happens with ''being a little bit of a girl'' because then im like ''ok cool man im a girl now. yup'' #but when i put this into action i HATE IT and VEHEMENTLY need to go back immediately #and then when i go back im like ''but what if i WASNT just a guy..... hmmm...'' #and its like that bit from courage the cowardly dog where baby muriel wants her mac and cheese 500 different ways #and is never happy when you give it to her #when i MOST think about ''being a girl who is bi'' is when i feel THE MOST like a gay man #& when i think about and put into practice ''being a gay man'' i CANNOT enjoy it due to the ''what ifs'' #its like i have to do a schrodinger's sexuality on myself #genuinely really dont mind what my sexuality and gender is as long as im happy and YET.... its like chasing my own tail with myself #its funny because what i do know is that i love masculine terms i love being he/him'd i love being called a man i love my body on t #but... ''what to call this other than blanketly 'transmasc'.. if anything'' and ''who do i wanna fuck about it'' are like going in circles #and NOT to say people need anything more specific than just being transmasc or just saying ''im gay'' or being blanketly queer or anything #and maybe i need to take a page from that if its giving me grief. but ... *gestures vaguely*

[heartscara]

𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒷𝒶𝒷𝒾𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝑜𝒻 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 ⊹. ♡˚

𐂯 𓈒 ˙ ˖ Being a genius is hard. For you have alot stored in your brain yet still not notice your friends romantic hints.

ᨳ ໒ ིྀ ֹ> ꭷ < ა࣪ ‌ ꢆ ◝✩ ꒰ chigiri hyoma x genius male reader !!̲ ✎ … just fluff ノ very very oblivious reader ノpre-blue lock chigiri ノhe!him pronouns and masculine(?) terms are referred to reader. ꒱

“Have you ever noticed chigiri-san well awfully close to you?”

You looked at your friend with a raised brow, confused on what he meant. “Aren’t friends supposed to be close?” you asked, tilting your head. They only sigh at this as they look at you in a stern manner, “like, he’s really really close to you, like super close.”

“So?” You said in a questioning tone, “look I won’t get your point if you don’t straight up tell me here,” you said cutting to the chase as they scratch the back of their head, “fine,” they said admitting defeat, “don’t you think chigiri has been in love with you and he’s hinting at you for I don’t know how long?”

You gave them an amused chuckle, “funny,” you said in a matter of fact but then you were met by their silence as they looked at you with deadpan eyes, “your serious?”

“yeah,”

They nodded, confusion hitting you like a rock. “How did you make these assumptions?” you asked curious why ready to debunk every claim they could give you. “For a self proclaimed genius you're pretty oblivious,” You furrowed your brows as a pout formed its way to your lips, you were clearly irritated at their teasing remark. Glaring at them they flinched at the sharp glare you gave them as they raised their hands as if they’ve given up.

“Got it, got it, I’ll tell you, well—“

“He seems to care for you, way more than the others nor his friends,”

Recalling the incident the very first day in class, there you came inside the classroom in a disheveled state of course they didn’t care but wow were they surprised to see a student looking quite well… something.

Though what caught their attention was a pinkette walking up to them, “Did you stay up all night again? You do know I’ve told you to stop doing that,” he starts to nag the disheveled boy as said boy pouted. The pinked haired boy took the liberty to straighten his uniform as he fixed his hair, “sleep is merely a little obstacle after all science is—“ but he was cut off by the boy pinching his cheeks quite hard.

“ouch! ouch! ouch!” He whined in pain as the pink haired boy looked at him in a deadpan manner. “If you stay up all night again you're gonna face this every morning,” letting go of his cheeks, the boy looked at him. As he looked down ashamed, the boy looked at the pinkette in front of him, “fine, got it,” he grumbled.

The pinkette smiled at him looking proud.

“That's because as childhood friends it's natural for us to look out for each other—“ though you were cut off, “SHUSH SHUSH I STILL HAVE SOME MORE!”

“he always prefers to be with you any chances he gets,”

They recalled another distant memory but this time they were close with you, y/n l/n a self proclaimed genius who is actually well… a genius, “Okay I’ll be putting you to pairs for this assignment.”

The teacher claimed as she puts everyone to pair, “chigiri hyoma with nanami takenaka,” looking at the pinkette they somehow could feel the disappointment oozing from him. “Y/n l/n with ayato hayashi,” their names were called.

Looking at y/n he said, “looks like we're gonna be partners,” though the genius only nodded at this not caring what he said, only yawning as they tried to fall asleep in class. This amazed them solely because wow they don’t care what the teachers might do to him, then again his marks are way higher than everyone literally.

“Sensei,” a familiar voice caught his attention as he saw Chigiri raise his hands to the teacher. Standing up, he asked the teacher, “can I change partners?” This made the teacher sigh as they shake their heads, “no you can’t chigiri-san anymore question regarding the activity?”

They were met by silence.

“I’m guessing none, you may all have your lunch.”

Thus they start what they usually do in lunch, placing their tables close to each other as they talk about some random topic but this time though chigiri seems to be oozing quite an annoyed aura as he just sits next to y/n. They raised a brow at this, confused why— though now he feels his annoyed gaze at him making sweatdrop.

‘what the hell did I do wrong this time,’

“He’s just clingy—“ you were cut off again by Ayato slamming their table as they gave you another reason, “NO NO NO LISTEN!!”

“you two are awfully touchy,”

Y/n could only look at his phone with a furrowed brow feeling quite irritated as he yet again lost another game. Chigiri only looked as his chin was placed on the boy's neck, his hands around his waist as the boy sat on his lap. “Tsk, this damn game,” the boy grumbled as he started again, chigiri could only chuckled. Amused that he was irritated.

“Hmm…” humming as he looked at the game he observed as he yet again lost, “maybe start going there first?” he suggested as y/n did instead of encountering another loss he won. This made the boy smile at him as he looked at Chigiri, “thanks” He thanked the boy with a small smile as he gave him a quick peck on the head.

“I’ve been doing that since we were kids, it’s normal here,” This made Ayato sigh. Well you were stubborn to admit it and because of this he gives up. “ugh… I bet you're in love with him because of how much you deny it,” they grumbled.

This made you well flustered. Coming up with such a conclusion you could only look away feeling quite embarrassed, “coming up with such a conclusion like that is idiotic.” They only nodded along with this annoyed at how much you are in denial, “yeah, yeah.”

The end of the day came within a blink of an eye. The thought that chigiri may have feelings for you eating you alive each passing second in school as you do what you two usually do. Now walking home with him your hands held each other, intertwined fingers sharing warmth to each other.

The walk was silent as usual. Though the silence felt awkward, not the usual comfort you felt every walk home with him. It’s now just the unburning awkwardness you felt. “Hey… chi-chan,” you called him out by his nickname.

The nickname you gave him since childhood, it was a cute one but he didn’t quite like it at first but grew used to being called it by you. “Do you love me?” you asked him. Eyes meeting him, his eyes widened as he smiled at you as if he was waiting for you to ask that question in a long time.

“Took you long enough, idiot,”

#૮ﾞ ๑´ ³)˘ᵕ˘៸៸ )ა 𝐿𝒪𝒱𝐸 𝐿𝐸𝒯𝒯𝐸𝑅𝒮 ﹗! 𐂯 𓈒 ˙ ˖ #blue lock x reader #blue lock x male reader #bllk x reader #bllk x male reader #male reader insert #chigiri hyoma x reader #chigiri hyoma x male reader #bllk chigiri #chigiri x reader #chigiri x male reader #chigiri x you #chigiri x y/n #chigiri fluff #blue lock fluff

[fantasiacafecat]

I noticed I didn't post any LGBTQ+ stuff or any Skyrim modded Follower content in more than a week. So why not make both right now?

Lgbtq+ headcanons with the Dovahkrew

These are Sexuality and romantic orientations not gender orientation headcanons. Sorry. These are also MY headcanons so if they don't match up with your headcanons it's not personal so please don't get mad at me. I am curious to see your headcanons as well though.

Inigo- Heteroflexible. He is most definitely interested in women and I always head canon that after the events of Skyrim he does settle down with the woman of his dreams who just happens to own a sweet roll shop. But I also feel like he would definitely point out a man's beauty. He seems like a very comfortable in his Sexuality kind of guy.

Lucien- Questioning Asexual Biromantic. He seems more interested in knowledge and learning other things than a relationship. And if someone did ask about his orientations then I feel like he wouldn't be able to answer that because he doesn't really try to experiment with romance of any kind.

Kaidan- Bisexual with maybe a fem preference (including feminine or men). I also see him as Pansexual because honestly I don't think he really cares about what gender his lover is.

Auri- Sapphic or Lesbian. I mean her creator basically made it Canon that she Prefers women.

Rumarin- Panflux 100%. Gender doesn't get in the way when it comes to any type of attraction to one another.

Vilja- I really only know her from a video of Inigo dialogue they have together. If I had to make a guess I would say she's straight or Pan, but I'm leading more into Straight.

Sofia- Bi with a big male preference.

Hoth- I really wish there were more videos and content on his commentary in Skyrim because I don't have him, but I'm interested him so much that I'd love to know more about his character. I feel like he doesn't use labels and gender isn't that much of an issue when it comes to love.

Taliesin- Pansexual. I mean come on its THE Talisman.

Gore (aka bby girl)- Questioning Omnisexual. It just feels right to me

Caryalind- I can't remember if rabbit said his sexuality was Demiromantic Asexual. I know he is Ace (or at least on the Ace spectrum) but I can't remember is they anything about being demi. I think he's Demiromantic.

Lucifer- Polysexual but I feel like he does have a male preference though I could be very very wrong. It's so funny because I play with him a lot on Skyrim but barely know anything about him. He holds grudges, he's very secretive (good on him because i would be too if i was in his situation), and he loves argonians. He seems to look up to Xelzaz and Inigo (and in some sense he does seem to be very enthusiastic when first meeting Nebarra until he realizes he doesnt like his personality) a lot which is what fueled my belief that he's maybe Achillean (Sapphic but for masculine terms instead of feminine).

Nebarra- I 100% believe that he refuses to use any labels. I think he might lean toward women a bit more, but that would only be because of how altmer are only raised to make the perfect child, so opposite sex relationships are probably the most common in the Summerset Isles. His fixation with Niranye and past relationship with Camia shows that. He doesn't seem Asexual because he doesn't hide the fact that he does enjoy the idea of doing the naughty naughty. His commentary on Dibella, Dibella Sybil quest, in the Night to Remember he says how he hopes we got to experience the Dibellan arts, and how he jokes about being Lucifer's father just prove that.

Xelzaz- Don't get mad at me, but I think he's straight. He says when hes ready he's like to marry a female argonian, and the only other time he's fallen I love was with another girl. I don't think he's asexual, but I think he definitely isn't very interested in it though we wouldn't really know because he seems very adamant on wanting to keep that part of his life private (as he should I love a king that doesn't feel like he has to tell us his sexual life).

Remiel- Asexual Panromantic. It was already proved Canon that she's Asexual. I had the conversation with her where she tells is she doesn't feel sexual feelings towards someone as she does with romantic feelings (also good on her. Not every relationship needs to have sexual desire in them). She's fallen in love with boys before and didn't seem too mad about being arranged to another man so I don't want to label her as Sapphic. And she does fall in love with you regardless of gender and I haven't seen anything that says she has a preference from the creator so I believe she's panromantic.

Secunda- I really don't know her that much yet as I'm still playing with her. First impressions is telling me panflux though I could be wrong though.

Extra!

Serana- Without the SDA. She always gave me Asexual Biromantic vibes.

Teldryn Sero- Haven't started A serious Teldryn mod yet so I don't know too too much about his personal preferences, but he seems like the type who doesn't really use labels. Though I'm positive he is Bisexual.

Karina- Panromantic Demisexual. It was confirmed by the one who made her @jewelthejaguar742

Arstul- Asexual Omniromantic with a male preference. Talked with @joonjii about it and it's confirmed. However, they also said he could be panromantic with a male preference too but they said my opinion was valid and technically right.

I might post sexuality headcanons for all my dragonborn and follower ocs

#skyrim custom followers #skyrim modded followers #Skyrim Modded #elder scrolls 5 #inigo skyrim #lucien skyrim #kaidan skyrim #auri skyrim #vilja #Sofia skyrim #nebarra #xelzaz #lucifer skyrim #gore skyrim #remiel skyrim #secunda #skyrim taliesin #rumarin skyrim #lgbtq love #lgbtq #happy pride 🌈 #pride headcanons #Serana #Serana dialogue overhaul #teldryn sero #Teldryn Sero Serious Wedding #caryalind thallery #Hoth skyrim #Karina Follower #Arstul Skyrim

[pinkandpurple360]

to be fair i don’t think ozzie kept his relationship with fizz on the dl bc he’s an imp (he doesn’t seem concerned that people know they up have sex), but because of the whole lust/love thing. which is stupid, but it’s also vivziepop writing so whatchu gonna do 🙃

ozzie does seem to be one of the “better” upper class members in terms of how he treats other species (imps are allowed in his clubs, he regularly interacts with succubi/imp hybrids, everyone at his workplaces seem pretty happy and unlike stella and andre, he doesn’t seem particularly discriminatory or callous), but he still calls moxxie “little imp” (granted he is literally little and an imp and its a performance) and his imp boyfriend “froggy” which with the fire toad slur kinda raises eyebrows? this could also just be vivziepop Not Thinking but. hmm.

even bee who is shown partying and dating hellhounds, said to be even lower than imps, still runs the abusive adoption pound and signs her name on every adoption paper. she can cover it up with honey and a smile all she wants but she’s 1000% complicit in their oppression. like how does tex feel about that??? it reminds me of corporations who do all this virtue signaling for social justice but give billions to horrible causes. but i don’t think vivziepop understands that because again. rich background. “bee was nice to loona so its ok!!! deeper implications? what’s that?”

speaking of which, every time viv likes a tweet about how striker deserves nothing and is a toxic masculinity homophobe makes my blood boil. i don’t particularly like striker and i lost any interest in him after western energy but he and crim are really evidence that viv thinks “STOP BEING POOR” is a valid argument. also wasnt he flirting with blitzo in his first ep???? so like? huh???

i will say one reason i ship blitzstriker is because they seem to have similar views in regards to class (at least pre oops…) and i can totally see them staking it out on the run together. i can’t see fizz doing that, he flaunts his wealth and even tho he says “it’s nice being out of the spotlight” i cannot see this man surviving without luxury items for over a day loo. even in the circus, he always had the best clothes and was the main breadwinner and while the circus is said to be struggling, he never seems to be. i think that’s another reason i personally never got fizz’s insecurities, because he’s been the ace his whole life???? like as someone who has struggled a lot for ANY recognition or love it just makes him seem spoiled to be like “ozzie no luv me bc im not perfect :(“ i think your manipulator idea would make more sense.

anyway this turned into a ted talk. you dont have to answer everything. im realizing i actually hate what helluva boss is but i love the fanworks and the potential it had. sigh.

Isn’t it so funny how we have to pick which flaws are on purpose and which are just…Viv being a bad writer. Like we have to accommodate her forgetting or not caring enough to put the work in and review it after.

Paragraph 1: I definitely agree 100%, I like the part where the imp and succubi are his patrons, equal, including the butler who stolas abuses. Which feels like a very purposeful decision to contrast him with Stolas specifically. But there’s still the fact that Ozzies is so overpriced and exclusive and yet, rich folk like stolas can just waltz in without any reservation for free, by threatening the bouncer with…something. Violence? Imprisonment? Ruining his life? Honestly I wish we could have seen Jesse tell Stolas to fuck off, before he notifies the big man of what he just tried to do.

Paragraph 2: He is one thousand percent better, and he respected his employees who in turn liked him and weren’t scared of him. However he’s a better monarch, but still a monarchby and at the end of the episode he betrays his employees trust and uses intimidation and the threat of violence to silence them. Also froggy??? Really? Really? And got every time he says it the cringe levels are intense, it feels deeply deeply ooc.

Back to paragraph 1 again: the secrecy…it’s about the inexplicable anti love thing, but I’m just saying I think fizz feels that way. Like in that article I keep referencing they say things like “heart hoarded by an imp?!” Which I suppose is equivalent to anti imp racism in hell. Stereotypes of them being untrustworthy selfish beings. Which is also the fuel for Stolas’ fetish. It just really pissed me off the way Asmodeus said “still getting your kink on with that feisty imp?” And stolas says “this imp has a business he runs” I was wayyyy to charitable to Asmodeus in the past and regret it so so much.

Paragraph 3: Many people point this out about Bee and I really hope her nice persona vanishes fast because it’s just ridiculous given her status and what she’s done. Why are your hellborn the most downtrodden of them all if you’re ohh so nice miss Beelzebub? And how the F could Loona not know who Beelzebub is??? Do her and Blitzø not realise who signed off on the adoption certificate? (Confirmed on Vivs patron that it was in fact Bee) why is Tex working as a bodyguard for verosika who calls him “my new hellhound” and yells at him, he also says he’s not paid enough to care about her issues. Sooo….why is he still in such a shitty position despite being with Bee. You’d think he’d at least be working because he wants to work but he doesn’t even seem

Paragraph 4: LITERALLY!!! Viv is such a privileged rich girl that her villains are poor. While she’s going on a world tour but raging at Twitter people criticising her pet character. She’s literally Stella and a Mammon: “Can you imagine not having money ahahhahh” — Viv describing why striker is so evil

Paragraph 5: another question is why would Blitzø being jealous of Fizz be such a bad thing? He didn’t want to cause the accident. But why would him hating how bad he is at making people laugh,,,make him bad? That’s why I love their arguments because neither is completely wrong or right. His father literally loves him more than his own son and as you said, he gets pampered the most and loved the most. He can’t stand someone not liking him for even five seconds which should be a character flaw, not endearing. But, Fizz doesn’t have a father at all, so he’s not completely wrong. And if his parents did abandon him and nobody would adopt him, that explains why he doesn’t feel good enough to be loved and why he needs audience approval. Viv just forgot to write that FUNDAMENTAL part into the f**king episode.

I love a good fish out of water story and seeing fizz slowly learn to fight beside his friend proving that their differences are compatible was great. By the end, Fizz seemed almost happier and freer by Blitzos side than by Ozzies side, but the goldfish is just put back in the bowl, which sucks.

Your last line made me almost laugh cry tbh because there’s enough lost potential to fill a fountain. The episode had such a strong start then around the breakdown things went south and it stopped being good. The status quo isn’t different at all and fizz just slightly shifted his destructive needs for affirmation onto a different royal.

#helluva boss critical #Fizzarolli critical

[yonpote]

Not to open a door, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But I always saw dan as the more dominant one between the two and it’s so funny cause I know he is also babygirl, but I feel like a large part of the fandom always made him out to be a submissive bottom??! It kinda makes me wonder how that made him feel seeing all that talk back then,when in fact it might have been way different than the overall assumption. Like the stereotyping was UGLY!Cause again what indicating factors make a person a bottom? Again the discussion and speculation is not really important but they just gave us a little insight today and I would love to hear your take on it some more!

no worries, i think just to Close The Door i'll make this post and my old posts unrebloggable lol.

more under cut

i only mention this briefly in my original thing about this, but i really do think a big part of this stereotyping comes from the fact that the phandom was (and arguably still is) largely afab people whose initial views of male queerness in particular came mainly from BL and slashfic. and like, that is me literally describing myself lol.

i was about to write an entire dissertation on the history of BL and romantic fiction and its roots in misogyny but LET ME NOT..... short story is, because young fic writers were being inspired by other fic writers who were inspired by yaoi manga authors who were inspired by romantic fiction of olden times, those old tropes of an Aggressive Masculine Dominant Top and a Passive Feminine Submissive Bottom have just stayed in the fic community arguably to this day.

if we add on all the extra layers of these fics being RPF, read by fairly young teens, about dnp who were Actually Gay and in the closet and there being evidence out there of their queerness, and obv all of this taking place in the early 2010s when queerness in media was few and far between, it leads to a lot of people projecting their own ideas of dnp that were absorbed thru fiction and stereotypes onto the real dudes themselves.

in terms of sexual relationships, especially queer ones, it's almost never cut-and-dry. i know i'm joking a lot but i don't actually claim to know anything about what their sex lives are like lmao, i just like talking about this kinda thing because it's just interesting how these tropes that i'd like to think people nowadays realize can be quite harmful stereotypes are still kinda perpetuated until dan calls phil a power bottom outright lol.

#ASsk #dear god i hope any of this makes sense im sorry im like this #myrambles

[mundanememorize]

my long gender post lol

idk how long it’ll actually be but like. god i’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “knowing since you were a kid” recently and for the longest time i thought i didn’t really know but recently i’ve remembered and realized to an extent i did know but in the vein of “who cares” and i guess i just always assumed everyone else felt the same. like i just thought everyone was like who cares, but ill just wear this thing because everyone else does.

and i used to be really nervous and somewhat afraid of bringing up my autism and other things in relation to my gender because so many people use it to discount and discredit your experience, especially when it’s brought up as a cause of you being trans. i’ve always been afraid of someone coming up to me and saying “you’re not trans you’re just autistic and confused” which would be a double punch for me.

but i’ve started realizing thinking that way as a kid, before i knew any words to describe myself other than “weird”, was me knowing i just thought everyone also felt like that. and i have that issue often. that i just assume everyone sees the same thing as me, and then thinking we all process that information the same because i just think that’s how brains work.

what makes me sad is you can’t even be “odd” anymore. if people just saw me as some really weird off the deep end “girl” still i wouldn’t really care. i really try not to care what others perceive me as in terms of gender because to me it’s “not their business”. but even just having really weird or unique clothes at this point can get you clocked or treated weird. and i mean this to point out how awful it is that if you just dress kind of “weird” there is a larger chance of you being hurt or turned away or ostracized.

now when you dress “odd” you immediately have an agenda. you have some sick disease or people roll your eyes when you’re around. and i’ve never understood this hateful lens of obsession people have with clothes. i love clothes i definitely have a clothes obsession but they have always been some form of a costume to me. because that’s what they are. you dress up how you’d like to look like in them. so if i have the ability to dress how i desire why wouldn’t i? and if i was a “girl” you would still look at me funny. if i was a “guy” you definitely would. and because i lie inbetween ill never be taken seriously and ill always have this large neon sign above my head that flashes “NONBINARY” which people hate. people get so mad.

over the years i’ve tried to become “tougher” through saying i’m more “reasonable” than other nonbinary people. i just wear t shirt and jeans and im just like you! im more masculine and im nonbinary but i will only use he him! but oh my god it’s wearing down on my soul. it’s grating. and i’m so upset that i made myself do this. for myself for others and im mad that it’s something i felt like i had to perpetuate to be “taken seriously”. being a person is the most unserious thing in the world.

i’m so tired of “gender roles” and i have been since i was 12 and saw others sharing this sentiment and im tired because its confusing. it doesn’t make sense even historically. when boys wore pink because its closer to red. but suddenly now it’s some omen that an “agenda got you”. i have never understood any of this so i’ve never participated but by doing that i was punished. and when i participated i was hurt worse. there’s no point in playing this made up game so why should i have to care im sorry i really don’t. i dont at all.

i’m not trying to make a big point or anything. i mean this as when i was a kid i had absolutely no concept of gender. and when i tried to it hurt me awfully bad. my parents themselves were not that strict with gender roles besides telling me what the world would expect but i could always do “boy” and “girl” things. i mean this as when i was a child i genuinely thought i was a boy because i would sex myself by counting my ribs to make sure i had 13 (…) and i “always did” (i was like 7 lol). i had no concept because lionesses do all the work and big blue peacocks are male. this shit is all stupid and it never made sense to me since i was a kid. and i don’t think it will ever be “because” of anything. people will always try to put a cause but i felt like this when my life was perfect and happy when i was 6 years old and i had no hardships. it felt like this when it got harder it felt like this when it got worse it feels like this now. there’s no point to this.

this is very very long but i have been nonstop thinking about it. i have always felt stuck in my gender identity because of the rules put on this stuff and im sooooo so so tired about it. i feel like ive come out 5000 times because i dont know what im supposed to be. i’ve tried hard to find labels and do them right over and over but god. and it’s not that i don’t identify or feel connected to being queer, i very much do, but to me (and especially at this point) i don’t feel connected to being the “alternative” because it doesn’t make any sense. but being queer and especially trans you get painted as the undesirable alternative. you become “what happens sometimes” and then they’ll try to explain it. give it reason. their parents weren’t the best. they have a gene or a mental disorder or illness. they’re autistic and confused. they have identity issues. they’ll grow out of it. but i’m soooo tired of having to have an explanation. oh my god. because no one else does and when you point it out they get mad and turn it on you.

i don’t really have a nice way to wrap this up. and this is not the 5001 coming out post. i’ve known i’m gender fluid for the past 2ish years. i know what i am. i’m queer. as in odd as in gay as in “alternative” as in shapeless as in confusing. i know who exactly i am by being an ever changing thing but that’s seen as being unstable and lost in yourself instead of curious or intrigued by others explorations. i am just sick of having to explain myself to cis people and having to be seen as a “good example” in every facet of my life, related and unrelated to this.

#i am very nervous to visit my family this weekend can you tell #it’s fine sorry this it’s so long i jsuy have nonstop been thinking about this stuff bc ive been getting more comfortable with how i feel #but now i’m just like kind of pissed off. lol

[vampstel]

I forgot I was gonna talk about this oops but here we are. Let’s go!! The Gender Talk™️ below the cut so be warned!!

I have a very complicated relationship with gender and it’s something I’ve always wanted to discuss to other people but never get the chance to. I tell people I’m trans and leave it there but I’m more than just that. To be more specific, I partially identify as a male. I don’t feel a full connection to manhood and it’s always left me feeling confused about my identity because I’m still in that toxic mindset that I *need* to be completely in the binary or completely out of it to be a “real trans person”

It’s a ridiculous notion I’ve had ever since I was young and its damaged my perception of my identity. My perception only gets worse when you consider I’m neurodivergent… societal norms and gender roles are not a thing I understand and I won’t pretend I do. I’ve always felt like an outcast and had little to no feeling about who I am until I turned 14. Even then, at 17 I still struggle.

But only recently have I come to terms that I’m not completely in the binary or out of it. I’ve adopted the label “demiboy” because of this.

The best way I can describe my gender is that I’m masculine. I’m a boy, but not entirely. My gender’s almost fluid, in a way. Some days I feel more masculine, other days I simply have no gender. You could argue it’s counterintuitive of me to feel connected to one gender yet feel like I lack gender but that’s simply how I am and I’m slowly growing to accept it.

I’m guessing you can tell where this is going. I’ve been dealing with internalized transphobia again. My dysphoria often manifests as apathy and dissociation which leads me to doubting my identity. It’s stupid and I hate it. Then with that doubt comes with scary thoughts of detransitioning (which is funny in hindsight because… if I’m scared of detransitioning cause I don’t want to be a cis woman, isn’t that solid proof I’m trans?)

So, as a way to cope, I’m trying to remind myself that detransitioning (that happening to me is unlikely but still) is perfectly fine. That should be making me feel reassured instead of scared. If I was wrong about my identity then shucks. That’s part of the journey and that’s okay??

Two things for sure though: I hate my voice and I hate my chest. Not only do they make me dysphoric, my chest gives me a lot of issues and leaves me overstimulated. Love being neurodivergent lol. Can’t wait to get top surgery someday.

On a different tangent: While I still feel doubt about my identity, I honestly don’t get affected by transphobia and it’s very odd to me? But thank goodness. I get transphobic comments a lot even as a small content creator and I’ve laughed at all of them without fail. I dunno,, it’s funny when strangers think I give a shit whether or not they think my identity is valid. I know who I am and that’s what matters. I don’t need validation from anyone but myself.

Anyway that’s all I have to share bye bye ^^ I’m still sick jsjsjs

#꒰ v’s rambling ꒱ #• about: personal/miscellaneous #I wanna make a video about this someday #maybe during pride month Idk #anyway… so I’ve been drawing a lot #and also been coming up with video ideas #I’m more productive when I’m sick apparently #that was completely off topic but yeah

[cxnevr]

Hey

I am choosing the option 2🖼 . I would like to know who is my future spouse and possibly his visuals.

Initials: CMPS

Well I always loved moon because I feel it's always there for me when nobody else is there. Just staring at the moon in the dark sky gives me peace. Even I love the colour purple because I feel purple is something that I am deeply connected, it gives more glow and a sense of joy.

As for you dear, reading the theme of option 2, witht the thoughts of you, I just got this sudden picture of a country side. I believe your future spouse could be from a country side. He loves nature and likes to live among them. He has a good job and a good pay. I feel he loves you alot and is always going to put you first before anything else. He is ready to do anything for you. This is what I got, I hope it resonates with you.😊

Thankyou💖

hello!! thank you for participating in my game, and i love that youve channeled such sweet energy for my future spouse!! and i love that you’re so connected to the moon as well, i also think the moon is so beautiful and so easy to get lost in when you stare at her.

for your future spouse, i’m getting that they may have a colder, more vampiric energy for some reason. might seem a little cold, eyes might seem cold too (maybe lighter coloured eyes? or they could just have an intense gaze) i think they def have masculine features such a stronger jawline, and i think they may be built pretty well (not overly buff, but not lean or skinny, just in between). i also feel like there may be some differences in how you were brought up. its funny that you mentioned the countryside because i felt like your future spouse may have grown up in a more modern city environment and you might have grown up in a small town/village with a very tight knit community or just being surrounded by people that are very kind to one another. this may be something your future spouse has not experienced.

cards i got: the hierophant, the page of cups, 3 of wands, 3 of pentacles.

this person’s hands or voice might be very prominent, or very important in their life. i think as a child they may have felt a little neglected of warmth and love, even if they were not completely aware of it, and i think you may be able to heal them of this hurt. i feel like there may be times where this person lets loose and i think those moments will be very precious to you, maybe they usually seem very professional and cold. do you have dark hair? or maybe contrasting features in terms of colours? your future spouse may have a very similar colour palette to you too.

thank you for participating in my game, and i really hope you enjoyed the reading!

#answered #🖼️ game

[slam-dunkrai]

long post, so under the cut. tl;dr that new album by that band I like? it’s good

Now that I’ve had about three or four goes with the new black midi album, Hellfire, I have to say I can’t think of many bands at all who I have such high standards for — I think it’s their weakest project to date, and yet I remain enamoured with it. About 70% of this is because Still, while a very good love song which is also one of few things I can describe as “country-tinged with some exquisite sax work”, doesn’t quite do it for me like a few of their other slower and lusher numbers while feeling at odds with the rest of the album in terms of overarching theme and feel; all of this I would be more willing to overlook if it wasn’t six minutes long. The remaining 30%: Dangerous Liaisons is excellent but there are times where it feels like it relies a little too much on the theatrics and feels ever so vaguely like black midi by the numbers. It also has the opposite problem where it is maybe a little too explicit about the album’s theme, though I am willing to overlook that for the line “this was no mafioso, this was Satan himself!”

The album does everything else so excellently that I don’t have many qualms at all giving it my highest recommendations to anyone and everyone curious. I stand by the post I made earlier where I said Sugar/Tzu might just be their best song yet, and as the first song proper, it really sets the tone for what the album does so well: like all the best concept albums, it’s about various characters (some recurring) doing terrible things mostly born out of their own insecurity but also just for the hell of it, and those terrible things are varyingly ridiculous in ways that could be comments on the thirst for fame or toxic masculinity or how far one’ll go to alleviate boredom and could equally be there because they are built around a completely absurd, but very funny, mental image. Sugar/Tzu is the most ridiculous because it’s from the perspective of a child who murders a boxer mid-fight, and the song itself is ridiculous but it’s also (adequately for the subject matter, and I liked how the music video played with this) absolutely pummeling, between the 100 mph riff and the somehow even more impressive drum fills; this is to say nothing of the vocals, which are overblown and goofy in all the right ways (”WEIGHING IN AAAAAATTTTTT / SIX HUNDRED POOOOOOUNDS,” and so on), but not too goofy so as to render the story completely unbelievable.

I don’t think I can really put any doubt onto the fact this is their most technically impressive record yet, but I think what saves it (mostly) from verging on the band showing their chops just for the sake of it is that the band seems to be having a lot of fun being completely unhinged while knowing when to show restraint. A lot of these songs are fairly short, clearly built around a building and release of tension. Welcome to Hell and Eat Men Eat, the other two singles, both fit this mould; the former (befittingly about the pressure a spurned military private feels to commit murder) has its main riff getting more and more intense before dropping that thrash metal section on you, the latter is an avant-prog-flamenco piece about two gay lovers blowing up a mine to escape poisoning and torture and is therefore obviously perfect; the closer, 27 Questions, seems to be the album’s acknowledgement that it is black midi going full theatre kid except the titular questions are interrupted by their asker dying on stage; you know how it is. The Race Is About To Begin is the centrepiece of the album, and I won’t say much more about the little trick it pulls on you; you’ll just have to find out that out yourself, won’t you. The clue is in the name. I have seen a couple of people take issue with the intro being a little on the self-congratulatory side, but my own take on it is that it is from the perspective of a guy who sucks and has a massively inflated ego and I also think it’s a good enough song that I don’t really mind either way.

(The Defence is the only other song I haven’t mentioned here: it’s the other slow, lush number on the album, except it’s shorter, grander, and delivered with the exact right amount of sincerity from a protagonist who is so clearly deluded and stubborn. It’s very good!)

I don’t think this is as cohesive as Cavalcade, which did the mellower moments so damn well and which has its ambiguities in subject matter that help bring about that special extra piece of charm; comparing it to Schlagenheim feels like comparing two completely different bands -- the weird progressive-rock fellas who keep singing about boxing and guys who are messed up vs. the weird noise-rock fellas who keep singing about [inscrutable] -- but, pound-for-pound, I think that’s the stronger album by a teeny, tiny amount. But the highs are so high, the concept is so tantaliting, and the riffs are so head-spinning that I think Hellfire is not at all out of place in what has taken all of three albums to become one of the most impressive discographies that I can think of.

No, I’m not thinking about how the members of the band are at most two years older than me, shut up

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Happy new year!! May this year bless you and bring you love and peace💙

I want to see what correlates in my chart in terms of beauty💕ty love

Venus in scorpio in the 7th house

your intensity is what draws others in. your beauty expands the more you become secretive and allowing the mystery to ooze through you.

gossip is theme for venus scorpios and what you must do is let the people talk. what they dont know what hurt em. especially because your venus is in the house of other people.

the way you express your beauty, is through the art of vulnerabilty, rawness, and exploration. allowing others to see the deepest parts of you is a treasure. so only give of a little, we can make so much out of that inch of information you give us.

being more to yourself, aloof is how your beauty intensifies. you're actually ultra sensitive to other peoples energy (7th house scorpio) so you have to have stronger boundaries.

what helps your beauty expand is being around the right company. so you may find yourself cutting off a ton of people from time to time.

6th house libra sun

your charm, intellect, and social ability will be a highlight on how this beauty comes out. you being a libra shows venusian qualities already so once you amp up your charm and your need to be social this grants you access to higher places.

the 6th house shows a person who has abilities in research, studying and growing in whatever fascinates you.

when you show the world what you know in terms of favorite topics, hobbies, skills, it allures people to you. the 6th house is the house of the teacher. however it is also the charismatic that connects to animals and nature (virgo rules this house). so the more you express yourself through the art of knowledge the more your energy shines.

aries rising / intercepted taurus

so your rising is at the last two degrees of aries, which bring taurus right behind it in the first. when another sign is intercepted into another house, both of those energies are mixed into that house.

so with aries, not only do you need to be bold, honest and confident to intensify your beauty.. you also have to be more stern, relaxed, calm and expressing your divine feminity.

its funny cause aries is masculine, and then taurus is mostly feminine. you have to learn how to both into both of those with ease.

your aries rising acts for you to be a leader, this is what brings out your sex appeal. the need to do it yourself, and just going for it. sometimes being impulsive makes for good attraction.

taurus is like, your yin energy. and fortunately venus rules taurus, which is in the 7th.. so being more honest with your connections will actually help ur true beauty come out.

also, seductive qualities are strong with taurus. be more prone to using them to get what you want. taurus's are naturally tempting, so you have to play on that as well as being bold with it. hope this helps!

[cyrassol]

man i haven't been on tumblr for so long i forgot how this goes, but uhhh here ig??

18+ only, s'il-vous-plaît

i realise this won't stop any minors who really want to be here, but a) please, b) you'll be blocked if i find out or suspect you're underage, and c) if you really want to see sex-related stuff then you should be learning about safe and consensual sex and, let me tell you, DoL and its fandom ain't the place for it my dude

and with that out of the way

hi! i'm cyra, you may use any pronouns but she/her usually works!

i am in my mid-20's, a funny little tidbit that surprises me everytime i remember

artist, despite what my shitty lighting and shading skills may tell you

sometimes, SOMETIMES, i also write

(psst if you want to see anything in particular relating to those things, feel free to send requests, ask box is open)

i am. terrible. TERRIBLE. at DMs. if you send me a message and i never reply or even read (does tumblr give read receipts?), know that it is not about you personally! i just get crazy anxious about text messages in general, so if you want to talk to me please send an ask or tag me in a post instead :) i understand it isn't the same (which is why i prefer it lmao) but it has a much, MUCH higher chance of being seen and replied to!

gdi i keep editing this post and adding shit to it but! i typically only tag characters and my stuff, but if you want me to start tagging specific topics/triggers then all you gotta do is ask me to and i will :)

welcome to my DoL blog! i can also be found on reddit with the same username as here :)

for the curious, info about my PCs are under the cut!

••••••••••••••••

Arden, my main PC. Genderfluid, but she/her is what she uses the most out of convenience. Official sources of income are her dates with Avery and modelling for Niki, but most nights there's also a shadowed figure breaking into Danube street mansions—oh, you've seen it? No, you haven't—and on Fridays you might see a masked figure go into the brothel for a weekly private show. Love interest is Avery, though both have the mindset that theirs is mostly a transactional relationship. Arden's also down bad for Wren, but for now it seems to be unrequited.

Monroe, my baby secondary PC. Herm/intersex, but although he does occasionally dabble in crossdressing for work, he goes exclusively by he/him and masculine terms. Sex worker, and pretty sought-after, too—Briar would lose quite a lot of money if Monroe stopped showing up one day. Unfortunately, it's come at the cost of his reputation, something he's already being blackmailed for. Love interests are Sydney and Whitney, though both relationships are something Monroe entered into extremely reluctantly given his current circumstances (and also because Whitney is... Whitney).

Adeline, my "forsake civilisation, return to nature" PC lmao. Cis woman with the wolf transformation, which she definitely did not get through the mushroom route. Plantpeople enthusiast, but her true love will always be the wolf pack and its leader. She did get kidnapped by Eden once after she got lost in the woods during a hunt and, while she escaped, sometimes Addie finds herself thinking about the hunter with curiosity—after all, didn't she also fight the Black Wolf at first before knowing better? Maybe the hunter isn't so bad either. Probably the only one of my PCs who'll become a parent.

Vincent, my final PC (for now?). Cis man with a huge everything—huge heart, huge muscles, huge... dick. Gentle giant, it's a wonder he ever escaped Remy's farm—probably an accident tbh, must have fallen into the river or something because this man was as well-behaved as they come. Nowadays his mind is pretty much healed from whatever weird trance he'd been in back then, but despite how happy he is with Alex and the farm, sometimes he remembers his days at Remy's with longing—Vince doesn't let himself wonder if it's the place or its owner that he misses, though.

All my PCs are in their 20's, btw! They also all exist at the same time, maybe one day I'll make a post with all their connections to each other and other NPCs :) It'll be... a mess lmao

#info

[yeastinfectionvale]

Hello! Happy June! It's Pride and I have another question (8/30)

HiHi, today we are again diving into the evolution of another word: queer!

The word queer entered the English language around the 16th century, and initially meant "strange", "odd" or "eccentric". (This is a slightly unrelated sidenote; as someone whose dialect of English is Hiberno-English, the word queer is still very commonly used to still mean this, and has also evolved to the word "quare" which can be used in place of "really" or "very" to provide adverbial emphasis <- like if someone is "quare tall" they're so tall that you're kinda in a little disbelief about it. Anyway just thought this was a fun side note because I really had not realised this word was controversial for people until I was on the internet)

Anyway, onto the late 19th century, the word queer began to have the connotation of "sexual deviance", before then starting to be used specifically about the "sexual deviance" of "feminine men".

The first, or at least one of the first, recorded time that the word queer was used as a pejorative for gay was in a letter written by John Sholto Douglas, 9th Marquis of Queensberry, about his son's relationship with Oscar Wilde. This letter was read out in Wilde's trial in April 1895 (in which he was being tried for "gross indecency" or "homosexuality"), and in it Douglas refers to Wilde and other gay men at the time as "Snob Queers". It is believed that American newspapers picked up this phrase and began using it themselves, thus spreading the pejorative to the US's vocabulary.

"The Concise New Partridge Dictionary of Slang" (1937) defined the word queer as "Homosexual. Derogatory from the outside, not from within. US, 1914", which tells us both that by 1914 it was a common pejorative or insult for gay people, but also, that queer people were using the word to refer to themselves as well. Around this time, queer, fairy, trade and gay all signified distinct "categories" of homosexual men. Historian George Chauncey notes in his book ("Gay New York") that queer would've been the self-identifier of ""masculine"" gay men.

We can also assume that this is what was happening in the U.K. as well, as a letter held in the National Archives shows us (you can look up the letter in full, search the full name of the person and "My Dear Billy"). This letter was written by a man named Cyril Coeur de Leon to ‘My Dear Billy’ in 1934. Billy was the owner of "The Caravan Club", a ""disorderly house"" of ""male prostitutes"", and in it he writes "Just a note to say that I am very disappointed about you. I honestly thought you were queer, but different from the others, and I liked you very much […] I have only been queer since I came to London about two years ago, before then I knew nothing about it." This use of queer is arguably ahead of it's time, given that at this point queer was exclusively about gay men, whereas de Leon mentions he "still likes girls occasionally".

Over the years though, queer has evolved from the narrow definition of "gay man" to "gay men and lesbians" to "anyone not heterosexual" to "not heterosexual and/or not cisgender". And despite the fact that for the majority of the time that it has meant "gay" it has been used by the community, some people are still of the opinion that the word is "too offensive" to be used, but thankfully, this argument isn't as common as it was in the 90s and 00s, though still annoying persistent.

And as for my question, today I want to know firstly, if you use the word queer yourself? and secondly, what is your favourite word/way to refer to the queer community? (for example, "friend of dorothy" is funny to drop into conversation, and today I spoke to some who said they were "looking forward to meeting other *limp hand movement* at [pub name] tonight!")

Happy Pride 🌈 🎉

I sorta use queer as a label alongside labels like Bi, just because I love the fact its a easy blanket term that doesn't need explaining.

Also I do like using the gag, 'are they a naval officer' to sometimes refer to the queer community but the *limp wrist* is more commonly used by me.

#pride anon #asks??? in this economy???

[apprenticesofdeweyhigh]

Preparing a new Stand-Up-Set I wanted to go in the end a little deeper into perceptions of masculinity within social structures, especially with the current situation in Iran where people stand up against a system – a fight I have a lot of respect for.

Meme-culture is often (albeit not only) used for funny stuff – also on this channel. So I wanted to go beyond the funny part like within my comedy-gig and todays post is about that.

Leaving the field of jokes the last part of my set is starting from the perspective of hiding women through shrouds, aggreeing with it on purpose (pronouncing that this is the starting point, leaving all more important true reasons of maintaining power in a current system based on certain principles aside). Based on the idea of hiding women by shrouds, we can extend this hiding to an eradication of the female body. One reason given sometimes is the allure of the last. And yes: with this point I can aggree. A womens body can be alluring. It can be freigthening, because sexuality is something bigger than we are. Often sexuality is considered as something either dangerous or astnonishingly beautiful, a big promise. But it has a quite dark side, too, when we get lost or hurt by our longings. It might be rare, but then there is a gravitation which only allows to fall, but often the distance is so large we just fall.

In "Hate" Loyle Carner raps "I fear women/I fear love, religion/I fear drugs, the feeling/I fear us", queueing up the topic of sexuality into the big questions of humanity: The force of love, of spirtitual drive, of psychedelic experience as well as addiction and in the end the biggest incomprehension of all: The one about ourselfes, which embraces all thinkable questions. What Loyle does is expressing his fear, formulating it and therefore getting close to what we can call truth.

Truth is a big term and on purpose I wrote "what we can call truth", as within our perception truth is an estimation, a possible contradiction. It is a belief in something beyond, in a ground we can found our existence on, our thinking, the behaviour of our bodies. In the bible it says "The truth will make you free". What it liberates from are illusions. But while liberation might be associated with relief, truth is a burden too. Life can be unbelieveably beautiful, but it is at the same time point a force which entrains us. Loyle is able to look into the eye of life and within all his weakness he holds the gaze of it.

On the other side a system which discriminates women like in Iran is not able to do so. They execute force of a certain kind like physical as well as psychological violence, but are afraid of another force, the force of sexuality. This leads to a contradictory system, where women are slated and exploited, where sexuality is lived within rape and abuse of power.

Within their system but also in other societies all over the world, including most likely our own, maleness is associated with strength. But what is virility? I don't know what menhood is, what womenhood is, at least not with a view to the charackter and behaviour. But I see strength in human being kind, being strong in a way to live the life with all its hardness without seeking refugee in illusions.

While their strength results in weakness, Loyles weakness leads to strength.

#iran protests #loyle carner #meme #art #feminism

[gvmrot]

Separatist anon here - its funny to me when osa women get mad at me bc there are lots of women throughout history & around the world who were celibate and they didnt do it for a political reason - they did it bc they cherished their freedom. I didnt know separatism was a practice but Ive been doing it for a long time without even knowing it was a radfem thing. I did it bc I love myself more than anything

"Separatist anon again: sleep3r4gent(.)tumblr(.)com/post/687397324261064704/why-do-you-dislike-the-term-internalized-misogyny#notes - this is how i feel about osa women"s victim complex. Im tired of them refusing to take accountability of how theyve harmed other women"

Linked post (idk how to add images to asks if i even can anymore lol) Anon Question: Why do you dislike the term internalized misogyny? I thought it just meant internalized sexism? OP's Answer: "bc it’s annoying, diverts attention and ultimately means nothing. theoretically all misogynist beliefs a woman holds are “internalized misogyny”, even when it’s things that dont currently affect her and possibly never will like thinking masculine women arent “real women”. by calling it internalized misogyny you’ve directed the conversation from whats at hand, a woman being sexist to other women and perpetuating misogyny, to be about her internal feelings (or your supposition of her internal feelings) and how we have to be nice to her. the abuser was abused in the past type shit, it’s obnoxious like even if it’s worth talking about, now is not the time when you’re talking about the victims or general impact of their actions lmao. also theres an assumption that internalized misogyny directly translates to self hatred. could not be further from the truth, how many countless cases have we heard of of anti choice women who got abortions themselves because “their case is ok” and kept being anti choice? or victim blaming women who have suffered sexual abuse themselves yet treat other victims as lying bitches unlike them pure truthful victims? srsly stop coddling these women, theyre not suffering from bigotry they are just perpetuating it. the concept of self directed misogyny is real and worth talking about and helping women with but it’s not the same thing as what people currently consider “internalized misogyny” to be"

------

For the first part, I agree. It is a little funny because these women, being self proclaimed radical feminists, I'm sure at some point have come to the realization that male oppressive tactics are not isolated to one or just a few areas of the world, it's seen all over the world and is recognized in all kinds of species. Males have an inherent need to control, I think we can all agree on that. We see it everywhere. What benefit/s do women receive from pairing themselves with men? If we are wanting liberation from men, how are we supposed to do that when there are women who refuse to sleep with men? Can't even suggest a sex-strike during the threat of Roe v Wade being overturned without some women acting like we're trying to take away their rights. I have to ask, is it a right to sleep with the enemy? Why do you want that as a right? We should all want to seek freedom so we CAN cherish it, but how can you do that while having romantic relationships with the exact thing that takes freedom away from you? Is it "not all men", I wonder? I thought it was enough? Not enough men to completely separate from them, though?

For the second part, I mostly agree with OP. I think I need to know a little more context to be able to form my own opinion, but just from seeing what happened yesterday how quick an osa woman was to call lesbians misogynists and accuse them of blaming her for her abuse because we said feminism shouldn't be about hating men it's about loving women, and i dared to ask the question if you hate men so much and have these experiences why continue to seek companionship with them, not blaming them for their past experiences but asking why CONTINUE, i'm a misogynist for somehow assuming osa women don't deserve companionship (which isn't at all what I said.) anyway i don't want to get too off topic, but I do see that these women with these victim complexes are very quick to lash out/perpetuate misogyny when their own decisions are questioned. I just feel like at some point you have to realize there isn't going to be "the one good man" and should start to focus your feminism on PLATONIC companionship with women. (have to clarify or i'll get accused of spouting poliles rhetoric)

[laurents-laces]

Notes on Pacat's livestream for this month! It's not a complete summary but you can watch the video on instagram if you missed it. I'm starting with one quote that I thought was important and the rest will be divided by fandom/topic. The part that's under the cut isn't spoilery, it's just cut to keep the post shorter.

“So I use she/her and he/him pronouns. And I guess just to speak really honestly about where I’m at with gender stuff, I identify as genderqueer- at least that’s the term I use when I’m asked publicly about this- but the truth is that, like a lot of people who are not cisgender, I struggle a lot with gender dysphoria. I’m probably trans masculine and it means that in a lot of ways the pronouns decision can feel very fraught for me. When you’re dysphoric, you know, sometimes even thinking about what your pronouns are can be a little bit traumatic. I absolutely love this new era where we are asking people their pronouns and people are free to have whatever gender expression they want. But for me I guess I choose “he” and “her” both together because it alleviates something of that dysphoric pressure for me. But I’m equally fine with either of those. So I just go with the flow there.”

Fence Comic:

Fence volume five is not supposed to be announced yet at all but it’s in the works. Pacat has already seen some of Johanna’s art for it and he feels like she’s gone to a new level with this volume. Pacat is excited for volume five because the boys’ storylines are really starting to take off

Pacat’s favourite Haikyuu character is Kageyama because he likes that character type that appears in nearly every sports drama. Seiji is that same character type. (There’s a character from Hikaru no Go that he compares to Seiji too but I didn’t catch the name)

Fence is written in a “shounen level up” structure

Pacat wants to read The Foxhole Court because it’s a seminal m/m romance and a lot of people brought it up after Fence got published, but he’ll probably wait until after Fence is done because he doesn’t want to be influenced by any similarities

Captive Prince:

We’ll find out what The News is “soon”

The Laurent’s hair debate is funny because his hair length is described in the books, but nobody cares about Damen’s hair length even though it isn’t described at all

There’s going to be a Japanese box set for capri in December, it looks spectacular

The funny thing about the Japanese version is that when capri was first published, western publishing didn't know what to do with it. It was published as a different genre in every country. But Japan was like “this is a BL light novel.” That's exactly what it is, you've nailed it Japan. Pacat loves the Japanese covers

Capri got a lot of weird western covers because people didn't want to telegraph that the book was gay. The Brazilian covers look like such a male het dude fantasy, and the Australian cover is so enigmatic that you can't tell what it's about. One time at Comic Con there were a lot of US marines there, and they came over to Pacat’s booth and picked up captive prince. Pacat could tell that the cover wasn't telling them everything they needed to know.

About why Laurent didn’t ever get help from Kempt: What Pacat tried to do with the map in capri was make Kempt so inaccessible through the Great Northern Forests that it was hard to get help from them in time, but that's a bit of a questionable part of the plot

Pacat’s pronunciation of Laurent’s name isn’t the most accurate because no one in Akielos and Vere is saying it with an Australian accent, so you really want to get a French person to pronounce it

Pacat might change his mind at some point, but the story of capri is complete for the moment. He likes stories that have an end. Additional material can act as a series killer when the story overstays its welcome

Pacat learned a lot about the structure of the hero's journey while writing capri. He thought it was a really easy, simple structure but it's actually really hard and unforgiving. If you mess up a single step the story feels broken

Captive Prince has elements of a hero's journey but really the A plot is a romance. Pacat did his best with the hero’s journey in Dark Rise but it was a huge learning curve, it was the hardest thing by far about writing the book

Dark Rise:

The Dark Rise trilogy is completely planned out, Pacat knows what will happen down to the last word

Book two will delve more deeply into the past, history and backstories of the characters; we're gonna learn a lot more about the old world. The romance will be explored a little more deeply. It's more “on page gay” than book one. Pacat is two thirds of the way through writing the manuscript. The book doesn’t have a release date yet but the manuscript is due in June

It’s been hard to get Dark Rise in the UK because they have to import the books, but Harpercollins US just agreed to do full distribution to the UK so Dark Rise should be in stores there soon

Dark Rise is in its second printing in the US and Australia but if you pre-ordered you'll get a first edition even if you haven't received the book yet. There have been a lot of COVID-related shipping delays

Pacat chose the names Will and James in two different ways. The first way was that he looked at a lot of censuses from the 1800s because he wanted to choose names people would actually have had, and the two most popular boys' names were Will and James. A lot of people tell him that the two main characters in Clockwork Princess have the same names. He hasn't read that series because it's set in the same time period as Dark Rise and he doesn’t want to be influenced by it but he wonders if Cassandra Clare chose their names the same way he did

The second reason for their names was that Pacat had something to say about pastoral English fantasies. We're so colonized by the idea of Englishness, England is the cultural true North. Australia doesn't have a lot of typical fantasy things like a medieval period, a cold north, a thick forest, castles, sieges, or walls. Those things don’t resonate with Australians but they're still colonized by those ideas. Those books taught what a hero was and Dark Rise is a push back against all of that. Those heroes are always called Will, it's a heroic name. “I wanted to take that Will and *smiles and makes a ripping apart motion with his hands*”

Pacat pronounces Sarcean like Sar-see-en but readers are free to choose the pronunciation they like best because it's not like people in 1800s England had an Australian accent

The scenes he most enjoyed writing in Dark Rise were the ending and both of the unicorn stabbing scenes

Most of the stories about unicorn horns say that they have truth-telling properties when they’re ground into powder, but Pacat thought it would be much more interesting if you had to stab someone with it

He had appointments with historians in Castleton where the inn is in Dark Rise

He often hires a historian to start background research on certain topics because they have an easier time knowing what to look for and where to find primary sources

Personal Things:

When Pacat lived in Tokyo he had an apartment in Jingumae in Harajuku

His family immigrated to Australia from Calabria, Italy after WWII when his mom was eight. He can speak a bit of dialect but he would sound like an old lady because he learned from his grandma

Pacat used to be really into Chinese dramas like the Legend of Fu Yao and Legend of the Condor Heroes. He hasn't watched a lot of the new danmei dramas but he really liked the Untamed

He enjoyed The Cruel Prince by Holly Black, he’s loved her stuff since Valiant and Ironside and the Spiderwick Chronicles

Pacat used to write fanfic for a lot of obscure Japanese fandoms like Hikaru no Go and Utena. He wasn’t a very popular fic author, he wrote gen character vignettes that no one read. The first romance he wrote was capri. He never wrote Harry Potter fic

#can't believe i thought badly about laurent's kemptian family this whole time for no reason 😂 #i still think they should visit more #captive prince #fence comic #dark rise #cs pacat #instagram livestreams #oh yeah this is gonna be a monthly thing for anyone who didn't know #my post

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hihihi this is may be a weird question but is your opinion on the main hypmic cast?

In brief:

(Spoiler alert: It was not brief. Stuck under a cut for length)

Ichirou: He's a good kid. I wasn’t super into him at first, as main protagonists very rarely hold my interest, but I appreciate him now for the struggles he goes through and the growth he’s experienced across the series.

Jirou: Jirou is also a good kid in his own way. I didn’t know what to do with him for a while, but now I feel like I understand him too. I don’t think he quite gets what makes Ichirou be as loved as he is, nor does he really understand what makes people love him for who he is. But that’s okay. He’ll get it someday.

Saburou: If you had tasked me as a fourteen year old to create an idealized anime boy sona, I would have come up with someone shockingly similar to Saburou. I’m fond of him. He can be a bit mean at times in a very fourteen way, but deep down, he’s a good kid too. All the BBs are good kids.

Samatoki: I just can’t not make fun of him. His posturing is so ridiculous to me that I am constantly filled with the urge to clown on him. Oh, you think you’re so tough? You think you’re a big tough guy? Well, I’m just a little bastard; what are you going to do about it? But underneath the posturing, I do feel sorry for him and admire his strengths a lot. He’s a good kid too under a very funny exterior.

Juuto: I’m enjoying learning more about him from the BB/MTC+ manga, but I’m a bit surprised at how much of a dick he is even deep down. Still, he has plenty of good qualities too, and I like him in a vague sort of way. I’d throw fruit at him over a fence but wouldn’t put any malice in it.

Riou: What a delightful individual he is. The BB/MTC chapter about him really resonated with me. For a character so outwardly obsessed with the military, Riou has an incredible understanding of the weight of his actions and such a deep appreciation for every living thing. There’s a lot of his depth to his simplicity, and the level of care he exhibits towards everyone is delightful to witness. An absolute favorite among the cast.

Ramuda: Self-recognition through the other (derogatory). In all seriousness, Ramuda’s story arc and actions are great narrative tools for me to examine some things about myself and grow to try to be a better, more considerate person towards myself and others. I want to see him achieve freedom and happiness.

Gentarou: I enjoy Gentarou quite a bit, although I think he gets overshadowed by the other members of Fling Posse at times due to my sheer passion for Dice and Ramuda. He’s my favorite character to translate at the moment, which is apparently heresy among Hypmic translators. More than the sheer fun of writing his witty banter, I find him to be a very intriguing individual, and I’m excited to learn more about him. I want his happiness too.

Dice: Oh, Dice... He’s a really good kid in a way that the BBs could never be. He’s deceptively good, and he does choose to hurt other people and himself in ways that characters like Ichirou don’t. But he also finds the goodness in the oddest places, like a person finding a coin in a cracked sidewalk, and that’s delightful. His narrative is one of the most compelling for me. What a champion of a character.

Jakurai: Wow, what a good foil for Ramuda. Let me bounce narratives off of you like a mirror. I’m slowly learning to find him compelling in his own right, however. This is also a self-recognition through the other (derogatory) scenario, but there’s more of an emphasis on the derogatory part.

Hifumi: A funny little individual bearing a lot of sadness and a whole lot more courage. Like most of Matenrou, I admire him a lot, but I think that Matenrou resonates much more strongly with other people than they do for me, so I prefer to sit back and let other people appreciate them. I think he’s very brave and very fun to read/write.

Doppo: The biggest fucking mood in existence. When you move past the stereotypical aspects, you end up with another character who has a lot of deep flaws but also an incredible amount of courage. I’m excited to see where they go with him, but again, I’ll sit back and let others take the first row here.

Kuukou: Having already drafted Saburou, if you came back to me at age eighteen and asked me to make an idealized anime boy sona, you would probably have ended up with a character astonishingly like Kuukou. He brings me sheer joy. Astonishingly, I feel like Kuukou has exhibited the least growth out of any of the cast, and yet I do not mind a bit. He is the closest to the perfect man I have ever met. I would drop everything to be this dude’s homie if he existed in real life. Just a champion individual.

Juushi: Juushi’s a good kid. I’m very fond of him and like writing him, but much like Matenrou, I feel like he does a lot more for other people than he does for me. Therefore, much of how I work with him is less, “How do I enjoy this character as a reader?” and more “How do I nurture the traits about him that other people love?”

Hitoya: Hitoya strikes me as a damn good person with a lot of heart who sometimes lets his anger drive him a bit too much. He’s also utterly ridiculous, of course, but I try to write him with as much strength as possible to be present behind his words. He honestly seems like a great person to know in real life, not simply as a fictional character, as well.

Sasara: I have to clown on him to assert dominance. Joking aside, I admire the depths of his character and the growth he’s shown over the series. He can be pretty callous at times and goes to odd lengths to get what he wants, but I think he’s now starting to realize how much his actions affect other people. For a while I was really in his camp as a hardcore Sasara lover (back before he was a main cast member - I love writing quirky minor characters), but now I approach him with the idea mentioned above, ie how I can present him for other people.

Roshou: Whenever he’s around the rest of Dotsu Hon, I think he’s kind of an idiot. I mean that in the best way possible. It’s very endearing. Yet moments when he’s on his own are where I think he best shines, and I would love to see more solo material for him. He’s an incredibly good support character, and I admire his passion for his students.

Rei: I really enjoy asshole antagonists, which is why I liked Ramuda for a while before the clone story came up behind me and struck me into the ground with its mighty fists. Now Rei fills this role. I would love to learn more about him and team up with the Buster Bros to pelt him with rotten eggs in a fun bonding activity. I’m sure there is some strong backstory that will absolve him of at least some of his shittiness, but until now, I’m still not excusing his whole abandoning his children thing, not to mention the human trafficking thing he pulled with Ramuda.

Otome: I hate translating her, if only because she and Rei frequently talk about things in extremely vague terms that I have no context for. It’s hard to make her sound idiomatic in English while also not shooting myself in the foot by accidentally filling in the wrong information. But with that aside, she’s okay. I like her, I guess. Her motivations are pretty interesting.

Ichijiku: Ichijiku was written for people who are sexually attracted to women, and I’m not at all, so I 100% approach her in terms of her pull on other people. She’s fun on her own, though, and I’m impressed at her ability to walk in high heels. Her complete disrespect for everyone but Otome brings me no end of entertainment in reading and writing.

Nemu: YOU. Maybe this is some stupid toxic masculinity thing, but I always feel embarrassed speaking affectionately about male characters but not at all about female characters. Therefore Nemu gets all of my loveposting. She’s a wonderful girl! She has such a strong spirit, and I’m completely overjoyed that she’s making her own decisions and becoming her own character defined on her own terms. I want to watch her grow up big and strong. Fuck yes, baby girl! Fuck it up! I’m very proud of her.

#not a translation #asks #hypmic asks