#its not working thst well

[anarchyloser]

I HATE CAPITALISM

#rant in tags #i just worked. 9.5 hours of my 10 hour shift in 8 out of 10 pain #im JUST NOW getting to urgent care bc i dont have my own car and hadto wait an extra 7 hours #but i couldnt call out they wouldnt be able to cover my shift #and more so i need the money to live #i cant live with 10 less hours a week id be literally homeless #i hate i here i should be able to go home if im puking almost passing out from pain #like legit worst pain of my life andive been through shit #i have a high pain tolerance but this is so so so awful oh my god #writing this frm he urgent care waiting room to tryto distract myself #its not working thst well #owie ouch ow

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[seariii]

I was stressed but now i'm more chill and really sleepy...

#overall my mood has been better but i am so incredibly terrified of the future... its like.... #like i feel as if someone has holding me at gun point and got told thst if i did any mistakes they would shoot #but then im not given clear instructions on what i need to do and i have to figure it out myself #i am really scared... even tho all of this gave me a new objective... i dont wanna be obsolete... #... so... that what we will work on... also... i wanna work towards my dreams... #I've been putting it off for so long i want to do it #people support me and actually enjoy my voice... i want to... #the things on my plate right now are things i can achieve... but i want more... i want things i actually want... #i want... #my house has a constant buzzing sound. i believe its because of the small power plant behind the lot. which makes it difficult for recording #since i have to get rid of that and that messes with the rest of the audio #its comforting to know it wasnt the mic tho... heh... #tomorrow lets try to take the first few steps... well more like lets try to continue with the set up #we have already a couple stuff but we still have a lot missing... #... today the girls said some stuff that impressed me... thats how im perceived?... is that what people think of me? #i kinda want to... fulfill those 'expectations'... they dont expect anything but its more of a me thing... ive been dreaming and hoping for #so long but i dont take the next step. i never do... and its because of the executive dysfunction... but... once i get the hang of it... #once i do... everything will be excellent... and we will take it easy #i am so tired already... i feel im gonan falla sleep #seari talks

[armyofpsychictrashcans]

While I did think the political messaging of gen v sometimes felt a little bit too hamfisted, the plottwist of the news showing our main characters found dead and then switching over to 'our heroes', the white blond haired blue eyed people that killed hundreds hit really fuckin hard

#gen v #they did pop off with that one tbh #and rufus just makes me mad #gen v spoilers #they did really well though with what theyvhad #i think its more a problem in the whole making superpower a symbol for political stutus thing #thst usually results in weird metaphors that domt really work #but idk i really loved that part

[soldier-poet-king]

Tumblr pls fuckin stop suggesting trad blogs to me oh my fuckin shit I am going to lose it

#not even just trad caths. but trad prots. anything leaning thst way #no i dont want to hear abt j Peterson or m walsh or any of those ilk #omg i had to hear enough about pterson when i was at u of t #ughhhhh #like if youre perbaos well-meaning post abt talking to queers or ppl of other faiths #is full of condescenion #and the underlying premise that its abt evangelization and not just like. treating other ppl like ppl #idk how to help u #not everything has an ulterior motive! #have u considered! just being a good kind person without being a preachy asshole! #is actually the divine plan! god works in ways u dont understand! ur just being self righteous and annoying!!! #have u considered that other ppl are not just ignorant and dumb but have made their own decisions #and most ppl are genuinely trying to seek Good in whatever way they can or know how #for whatever definition of Good #and some of yall are Sooooo condescending and prideful #and im gonna KILL im so fkin annoyed #and tumbkr keeps!!!! recing it to me!!! #Go away #franposting #this is what i get for being on my phone at work #://// #literally these ppl vire evanglizing and conversion as a means to an end #they don't even see other ppl as ppl. but as objects to be saved or whatever. like ffs. that's SO #ppl are ends in and of themselves. not to be kant. but yknow. STOP we can tell when ur being an ass. i promise

[artificerstimetable]

oroorhah lemon demon song ocs

SWEET BOD - Or Coughdrop!

-huge fan of LAA (Lifetime achievement award)

-Chandler

-Thousand year old corpse

Lifetime Achievement Award - Or Acosta Marin!

-Wax figure in Coughdrop's house

-Super Cool Star™️

-Loves the ocean :-)

we love these buds they're so fun to draw

#coughdrop has been an oc alongside acosta #will redraw and prolly put list of their songs but we kinda like the artstyle we went for w this kinda cute ngl #cough drop has the .. confusing story ever #and we're still working on acosta #we really hope acosta's name works well with him bc his name is supposed to be oceany n shit #bc before he was hashtag super cool popstar #he loved the ocean and shit and lived there but #moved away so L :( #then he died and coughdrop turned him into wax statue #will make touch-tone telephone soon #got most of his songs laid out #note there are some songs we decided to merge from diff albums to make characters so if you see anything weird thst aint in spirit phone it #its prolly the other shit yo #lemon demon #lemon demon ocs #we had our album ocs but yay finally song ocs!! #well have we still love them with all our heart #oh man gear is So Fucked Up... #spirit phone #sweet bod #lifetime achievement award #we think we should add more stuff to acosta. we wanted to give them wax figure look since the old design was literally just a walking dead #-bod n shit. but this one seems so.. plain. we just realised thats bc we forgot the screws and cool stuff but #bros a wax figure?? would he need those?? why would coughdrop add them??? #coughdrop was forced to live thousands of years without moving witnessing their body age and the world around them change in like 5 mins- #excuse our bad handwriting btw!! but so coughdrop is like. so... confused?? ish?? they like keeping bees around. bugs always stayed w them #but we wanted the main focus of them to be a chandler because woahhh candles cool #lifetime achievement award is literally just a guy we drew as a joke but then thought..m #omg.. hes sommm....!!!!!!!<3 #was thinking of simandthedimbulb's art like the entire time like omg theyre so good at art RAHHHH

[lemongogo]

art is so crazy in general. i have this revelation like twice a day and it never ceases 2 amaze me . tbh

#like ppl… make tht .. u liteslly made that. the omly person who couldve ever envisioned it the way u did #like a glimpse into ur mind . thats u in visual form . #also im always so impressed by people who manage to have such consistency in their work #like drawing on demand . and in the same style w the same rendering process #and it always feels complete it always feels like . Ueah u know what u were doing #im so envious of that tbh. (crossing my arms) #its smth i need to train me thinks . my creativity is lacking and i need 2 Pick it UPP‼️‼️‼️☝️☝️ #like to be able to watch a movie n go home and just draw what u r feeling #I WANT 2 DO THAT!!! i can do that i need to do that more #i need to go to live drawing sessions i think .. 2 better visualize physical form #its always been smth ive wanted to do (eyes go big round and dark) #tht and i need 2 shut the hell up and jst not care . wheres thst tumblr post #thags like oh u cant draw the way u wanted to? who cares draw it anyways❤️ #nodding .. yeah.. #do u guys also have that imposter syndrome thing where even if u draw #u feel like u are somehow exempt from creating . #ur like oh yeah that was luck thats all but one day its going 2 run out and #HELPP #i keep having those ‘one day’ thoughts its so silly #like ih well one day ill get there #girl that day is TODAY!!!!

[othercrossee]

Btw yes I am making kamado sorta a villain in the au, in the game he was so pathetic about protecting the village he rather sent out a 15yo child out in the wilderness after using them for his own gains, left to die and rot if volo didn't help them

#z rambles #hes so caught up in his own goal and his past to look around himself who he hsd been casually exploiting and in this case #its the dorm presidents who are still students yet treated like an employee for the entire school years #its even worse knwoing theres TEACHERS in the dorm concil who doesnt do equally as much as the president #and irida is young. her entire thing is that she was forced to grow up too fast and shes so tired she doesnt let herself rest due to it #unlike irida. adaman actually doesnt overload himself with work cuz he trusts his council members to do their fair share #irida is too prideful and shes too anxious to rely on others. she rather overwork hersslf to death if it leads to that #kamado doesnt care as long as the job is done #and when a very real dangerous thing happened he doesnt call off the hunt altho adarida told him to do so #*he was not one to bent rules after petty remarks* they were questioning his status and decision. he was the director for a reason #and it seems irida took that to heart. of course. only you kmow the best ill do my part eveb if it means dooming myself #cant help it cant you? just another task she needs completed and be validsted in how responsible she is for her position #for the greater good wpuldnt you risk yourself as well? your livelihood? your youth? your life? #was death really sth she cpuld casually accept #obv it isnt entirely kamados fault why irida is the way she is. eveb in later chsoters hes proven to be rsther stuck in his own shoes #why not fit into another size for a try? #the ghost of the two children hikari snd rei would surely show him incase we couldnt. exploited and dying in battle out in the danger? #theyd kmow a thing or two about teaching old men too stubborn in their ways to see the risk theyve taken #why risk for the greater goods when theres other ways thst doesnt require such things to begin with? #were you gonna let your own trauma and memories destroy others too? were you? #and god did that rang thru maybe not just for one. someone else def need to hear that for herself #were she gonns ket her own trauma and memories destroy others....and subsequently herself in the process? #it almost feel like her entire life could burst open at the seams. at its foundation #maybe for her the treasure hunt isnt too special. especially when your entire life feels as if youd been hunted from the beginning #spirit school au #HOW R PEOPLW FINDING THIS?? its just so ranfom??? #2024 op here excuse me dkjakd

[goldenguillotines]

I must also say. The flavor difference in Moirailships is amazing sometimes. This post is about fish to fish communication

#ngl you guys dont understand how interesting that pale is because by all standards in my brain its the most not pale thing... but also like #THE MOST pale thing ever at the same time? i feel like people would never clock them as being romantic tigether ever. Its just #So. Hard to actually read if Aitreo and Lammek are a thing? Not because theyre making it hard but theyre both those kinds of people #Aitreo fucks around and Lammek is very much prickly as shit because of his turbulent paleships in the past thst make it hard to actually #show said affection.. and also Aitreo is a tease so its a back n forth pull. But when shit gets serious.. i feel like its very obvious #Lammek would moet likely drop everything and rush in if needed... #but itd also so fuckign jarring to have these moments where im like yeah. Feels jam vs. the fact theyre both very angry people UWKDOF #Like deep down. Pretty angry even if theyre both softies. They show anger in a kick reaction so im like :pikachu: #So im just.. U TWO WORK VERY WELL EVEN IF THE FACT UE BOTH LIKE THE WAY U R MAKES IT SEEM LIKE UR NOT

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished #and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing #or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol #inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!! #which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont #wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol #but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball #and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose #its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh #or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die #im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it #ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier #but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic #environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species #like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene #transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling. #i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt #teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff #what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready #my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol #unrelated

[brasswired]

me realizing that both shadow and agent stone will be (probably) motivated by revenge in the next movie

#shadow because of the ARK and maria of course #stone because this is assuming thst robotnik did die (or was presumed dead) and he wants to pick up where his boss left off #as well as take down G.U.N. #which shadow also wants to do! #they probably wont work directly together but its gonna be both of their motivations and im so excited #sonic movie spoilers #sonic movie 2 spoilers #sonic movie 2

[novagrippia]

.

#my brain is being a little stupid right now #the past couple of weeks i have Not been in a good place mentally #i havent been brushing my teeth as much i havent been able to get out of bed on time i just lie there doing nothing like i used to #had a panic attack for the first time in like a year and ive been feeling so irritable and anxious recently #like damn brain dont be depressed youre so sexy aha #and im like. no i am Not going to be depressed again i am not going there again #ive been doing so well! ive been exercising and taking my meds and ive even been meditating and doing yoga and shit #i joined a club i started volunteering my work is going well #there is no. reason. for my brain to start being like heyyyy you hate yourself and everyone else should also hate you #like actually no thsts not true i quite like myself! and I'm enjoying where im at even if its a little stressful sometimes #and im doing so well mentally #and like it was just a panic attack it doesnt mean that all the progress ive made is gone #but combined with the everything else im just like. worried im slipping backwards

[istherewifiinhell]

Wondering perhaps what level of granular control one can have their physiological emotional thingys or just. Well its all very normal i assure u.

#some shit #almost said. physiognomy... thsts. not quite it. but maybe. lol #no truely prommy im chilling rn. best part of the day -> in bed with weighted blanket and USB [unnamed spirit bear (plushie)] #and thus. can express emotions. well lol anyway been havjng a 'facial twitch' at work sometimes. its my mouth tho. so. fine with mask. #bad terrible no good day im like.... is that. wait. is this just. crying. #plus. had a. a safer. at home. lets watch sad media together. -> crys outta the eye facing awah from person #[yes i do single masculine tear cry. sowwy] #just connecting dots. hey body. how do you even know that. [is cause brain and body split is an affectation. probably. id bet.] or its just #complete cowinky dink. #epic guy thumbs up. clearly the only solution is to blog abt it. sbdvdhdvdhd #good night forever. -> 5 to 12 hrs

[naturenaruto]

#sakura #naruto #polls #ultiamtely i have alot of complex feelis abt her #i feel she got shafted w no progress which if you take out the 'she was written to be that way' concept then #as an actual character/person she seems very typical in the sense that shes relatable for always wanting to improve but like.. #its all words no action and i havent even finished shippuden yet but so far its like #shes so relatable because of her frustration over being stagnant and not good enough #but bc shes also fairly unlikeable like ppl dont have sympathy for her and its like Well Obviusly you wouldnt but #i just think its so common that like if she was more guy-likeable like hinata shed have more stans #and if she was more girl-likeable like ino shed have more stans #but also both of them legitmatly work to improve and i feel like sakura (so far) hasnt been given the Big Win shes looking for #id love to have seen her go down a darker path wheres shes alone and works on herself rather than being constantly framed around sasuke and #naruto bc i think thats where she fails herself #bc conparing to them is never going to positive for her bc theres just no way she cold get the overpowered mc trait and fame like naruto #and the hereditary and singular clout of sasuke #trying to compete w that is a no win for her and i think thats why she never gets anywhere #they shouldve pushed her far down an individual path of like maybe..secret medical jutsus and ancient healingg powers or soemthing #like shes the kind thst needs somethinf Special to feel good about herself so being an average ninja was never going to do it for her #i think thats why she went for the dreamfantasy of The Uchiha Wife™️ bc in the end she couldnt meet their standards so she had to get as #close as she could which was inly ever gonna be marriage #instead she shouldve focused on a specified skill that wouldve brought her notoriety which i think is the source of why she likes sasuke so #much like its not just him being the fantasy or badboy or ideal or we its his notoriety and fame and family name etc #shes after clout essentially bc her family isnt clan and despite being good in school its not impressive bc any of them were good enough in #school so what she always lacked was something unique to set her apart #and i think being in a team w two of the most overpowered unique ninja wasnt doing her any favours #she was always going to pale in comparison so she needs a specific thing to give her fame #also i think her bond w ino stands apart from her fixation w sasuke bc its the reality of actual bonding: #friendship and knowing someone udnerstanding them relating liking them etc #vs just likig sasuke bc hes Sasuke Uchiha™️ and hes cute

[thewanderingace]

....

#so.....i turned down the job #i know i know #why would i turn down a job in this economy? when ive bee complaining thst i cant find one for ages? #well...it comes down to this #i do not belong in a hospital workplace #i do not have the personality or temperament for it #it would crush me #i barely lasted one day that was considered a veeery slow and good day #a day where very little happened and everyone was in a good mood #and i barely survived watching #i hated it #the work itself was simple and i onow i could learn to do it with time #but i do not belong there #id be crushed in a month #its not worth it #i will keep looking and in the meantime im gonna focus on building a crochet business #or at least attending a few craft fairs and selling commissions during the holidays #i think its important that you amd the workplace fit together #i don't believe in taking a job jist for the sake of it if you have another option #and i do have the privilege of not having to take a job if i dont want it #i have that privilege #so i shall continue to look for something that is a better fit for me #personal #stephs stuff

[whoviandoodler]

Pilot Wu 'heterosexuality tires me' Zetian being the biggest mood of the century I swear

#iron widow #xiran jay zhao #wu zetian #i started reading it honestly worried that i wouldnt be into it #bcs i havent been into mech since transformers #but its now 4 am and i forced myself thru sheer force of will to put it down so id go to sleep #its rly rly good i love it #blorbos <3 #only halfway thru so no spoilers pls if anyone does see this post #dont have uni stuff tomorrow so looking forward to a day of lounging around and reading #before i dare search out fanart and look thru the tag #also having a unique experience where i heard someone talking for long periods of time before reading their work #there are some sentences that i can imagine xiran sasaying or that fit her speech pattern so well #and as a linguist i find thst so fascinating #makes me wonder how much of my written work maches my speech psttern #anywayyyy amazing book 100% recommend (after uve check the trigger warnings!!!)