#i hate i here i should be able to go home if im puking almost passing out from pain

[anarchyloser]

I HATE CAPITALISM

#rant in tags #i just worked. 9.5 hours of my 10 hour shift in 8 out of 10 pain #im JUST NOW getting to urgent care bc i dont have my own car and hadto wait an extra 7 hours #but i couldnt call out they wouldnt be able to cover my shift #and more so i need the money to live #i cant live with 10 less hours a week id be literally homeless #i hate i here i should be able to go home if im puking almost passing out from pain #like legit worst pain of my life andive been through shit #i have a high pain tolerance but this is so so so awful oh my god #writing this frm he urgent care waiting room to tryto distract myself #its not working thst well #owie ouch ow

[therealmilfdennys]

Hagans Parties Fucking Suck

cw: alcohol, puke mention, a little bit of a tussel, pot/smoking mention, season three spoilers, tommy hagain is a piece of shit and i hate him. 

Nobody understood why Tommy Hagan continued to throw ridiculous parties after he graduated. He’d always had a ‘peaked in highschool’ vibe and it was obvious he was still playing off of his popularity this summer. Its humid, it feels like your shirt is sticking to your skin. You don’t know why you’d decided to come to this fucking party, but you’re starting to regret it. Tina and Carol keep asking why you’re dating the (second) ‘Zombie Boy’ of Hawkins and you can feel your blood boil with each of their little snobby giggles. It reeks of sweat and cheap booze, and you have a headache by the time Tommy asks if his dick is fucked up like the rest of him. You’re fed up at that point, angry tears welling in your eyes as you shout at the man. Defending Billy’s honor is something you’re used to, considering he scarcely leaves the shitty apartment you two have anymore. The Starcourt fire was on the news for the four months Billy was in the hospital. He’d had reporters force him into interviews as soon as he was able to stay awake for longer than 30 minutes. You wouldnt have Tommy Fucking Hagan make it worse. HIs nose is bloody and he’s on his ass in 30 seconds flat and if BIlly were here he’d be proud. You know it was a bad idea, but you’re a little drunk and a little stoned and a lot pissed off.

Hagan calls you a whore and a freak but you can just barely here it over the rushing of blood in your ears. It’s nothing you haven’t heard before. You dump the rest of your drink on his head while he struggles to get up, and curtly walk back to the front yard. You knew this was a bad idea. You wish you’d just stayed home with Billy and watched some shitty horror. 

The humidity is worse outside and your fifth drink is making you sweat. June in Hawkins certainly wasn’t California heat, but it was still hot. You watch a little toad hop across the step stones up to Tommy’s parents house, giggling a little bit, reaching out to touch it, pouting when it hop away. You’re folded over your knees and staring at the concrete when heavy boots plant themselves just in your line of sight. “Don’ wanna talk Eddie, smoked enough already.” You giggle drunkenly, hed rolling to look up at who you previously thought was your best friend. Billy is beautiful in the moonlight i you first thought. His is that you look fucked up and pretty at the same time, something he wont ever understand. 

“Couldn’t have gotten blitzed at home sweetness? Had to come to fucking Hagans?” He smirks, arms crossed over his chest, covered, sadly. He rarely went without a shirt anymore, swore it was cause he still couldn’t stand the heat but you knew it was the scars. You get a little teary eyed thinking about it in your drunken state, making him frown. “Hey was’that for huh?” He mumbles around a lit cigarette, crouching down to look at you better, eyes scanning for possible injuries. You shake your head, waving a hand absently. “You’re pretty s’all, Bills. Missed you, these guys suck.” You huff, glaring back at the open front door were two girls you dont know almost drop their drinks in shock and skitter off. He chuckles softly, taking the cup from your hands and sucking on his teeth when he sees your brusied knuckles. “Whats that from baby?” He all but growls out, a thumb running over the blushy skin. You shrug, a wobbly smirk crossing your lips. “Decked Tommy Hagan cause he was bein fuckin’ RUDE.” You shout, lookig back at the house with fire in your eyes. Billy scoffs in surprise, eyes a little wide and a little hazy. “Oh didja now? Good job baby, looks like you got ‘im good. Need some ice for that hand though.” He states, trying to keep you from going back in to finish your ‘fight’. You ignore him, huffing. “Was callin’ you names n shit, pissed me off so bad Bill. You’re so good and they’re so stupid. Don’t know they should keep their fuckin’ mouths shut.” You grumble, watching him pet your hand with teary eyes. He frowns around his cigarette, nodding. “Thanks babydoll, I appreciate you standin up for me.” He’s gotten better at that, letting people help him. Love him. It took awhile but he’s getting there. “I wanna go home though, you wanna come with me?” You look up at him wide eyes, sucking on your bottom lip. “Uh huh, stupid lame ass party. Like you better anyhow.” You grumble, trying to stand up and failing. Billy chuckles at your pitiful little whine, grabbing you under the arms and pulling you up easily.  Your laugh is music when you get thrown over his shoulder. “Unhand me you brute!” You say in a silly voice, patting his butt playfully, making him chuckle. “Quit that shit or I’ll drop you.” He says in a way too fond voice, putting you in the front seat of your jeep and helping you with the seatbelt. He knows in the morning you’ll be whiney and sick with a nasty hangover, but he can’t find it in him to care. He used to hate the sticky warm feeling in his chest when he looked at you but now he embraces it. Let’s his cheeks warm up and his eyes glaze over a little bit as you hum Zeppelin with the radio distractedly playing with your rings. This is home to him more than Neil’s house ever fucking had been, and he won’t trade it for the world. He’s also planning on eating you out so good you see stars as a reward for knocking Hagans lights out, but thats tomorrow. Tonight he has to make sure his baby doesn’t choke or hurl on the way home.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove fluff #soft billy hargrove #i want him so bad #i couldve mothered him :(

[hellstreak]

boy oh boy have I had a fucking day

TW panic attacks, dissociation, self harm?, and bitch ass parents, puke

SO RIGHT IM MOVING TOMORROW SO FUN SILLY QUIRKY LAST DAY WITH BUDDIES! SO FUN RIGHT, RIGHT????? NO.

go to the beach with a friend we plan to walk and she tells me she has a foot disorder so we cant. So we get a ride with another friend. He drives us very the wrong way so we walk to go meet up friends already at the beach (we were almost like 40 min late at this point).

I having a bipolar moment trade marked

and freak the fuck out

I think I ran like a mile straight ahead full speed, puked twice, pulled a shit ton of my hair out, and almost blacked out. (Yay!)

finally ran into a friend, calmed the fuck down spent the rest of the day at beach all fun and games.

until I get home and get yelled at by my parents for abandoning my friends and get told to calm down and I should be able to “control my emotions”

I hate it here

#TW self harm #TW venting #tw vommit

[kendallroydefender]

Late nights at Hawkins High Part 2 (Billy Hargrove x reader)

Part 1

You went to stand in the line to get your degree in the sun on the field where you and Billy shared your first kiss a few months ago. It felt like an eternity ago. You waited until they called your last name, walked onto the stage shaking hands with the headmaster and he handed you the piece of paper that meant you were free. After the ceremony you walked up to the mullet haired boy that was your boyfriend. You and Billy had been going strong for the last months. "Hey there.“ you smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck, his went around your waist as he gave you a sweet kiss "Hey princess. Congrats.“ he whispered against your lips as you parted slightly "Congrats to you too.“ you smiled at him. You took his hand into yours and walked to where your parents where standing. "Look at you two! Congratulations!“ your mother said and gave both of you a big hug, your father did the same afterwards. Your parents liked Billy alot even before you became a couple and they were even happier as you told them that you were in a relationship. You talked to them a bit until his father, his stepmom and Max came over to where you were standing. "Congratulations!“ Susan said as they approached you. "Who would’ve thought Billy was getting a degree!“ his father laughed, it seemed like he wanted it to sound like a joke but you knew his intentions behind it so you took your boyfriends hand again and gave it a squeeze. Your parents talked for a bit with his parents and Neil threw quite a view mean "jokes“ toward Billy.

After a few more minutes you excused yourself and walked a bit away from the group. "I fucking hate him.“ you muttered once you were sure they couldn’t hear you anymore. "Me too, but it’s only one more night.“ he said and you began to smile widely. Tomorrow you would leave Hawkins and you couldn’t be happier to start this new chapter of your life. "Y/n, Billy!“ Someone called and you saw your other best friend Robin come towards you. "Oh my god hey!“ you two hugged each other "Can you believe it? We actually did it!“ you said "I know right?!“ she went to give Billy a hug afterwards. When you and Billy had first got close she wasn’t a fan of him at all. She actually despised him but they eventually got on fine with each other and once she saw how happy he made you she didn’t hated him that much anymore. She was actually happy after you told her that you were together now since she knew how much you liked him and she just wanted her best friend to be happy. One particular Friday night when Robin was staying at your house Billy tapped on your window almost giving her a heart attack thinking the monster from the movie you had just watched was coming. That night he let Robin in on his secret after you swore to him that he could trust her that she wouldn’t tell anyone. After that she understood why he was acting the way he used to in school better.

You and your two friends talked a bit until someone screamed "HARGROVE!“ you saw Billy cringe slightly "Hey Tommy“ Billy said to the boy that approached you all now. "What’s up? You gonna come to my party tonight right?“ he asked and Billy shrugged looking at you gave a small nod. "Yeah guess so.“ He said and Tommy clapped his back "That’s my man!“. They continue talking and you turn towards Robin "You’re coming too right?“ she makes a disapproving sound "It’s my last night and I want to spend it with my best friend please!“ you whine and a smile breaks out on her face "Okay okay!“ you hug her thightly once more.

Afterwards you and Billy went to your parents house to have dinner with them. They originally wanted to invite the Hargrove/Mayfield household too but you asked them not to. Without much explaining you had told your family that Billy had a difficult relationship with his father and that Neil was not a nice person. Billy was happy when he sat down at your table now. He always felt welcomed in your parents home and he was so thankful that they’d accepted him into their lives. You all ate and talked freely. You were also extremely happy seeing your parents and your boyfriend get along so nicely. After the dinner your parents handed you both a envelope. "We have a little present for the two of you. Go on open it!“ your mother said and you opened it, in it were two checks with 500 dollars each. Your family was far from rich so thousand dollars was a lot of money for you. "I- I can’t take this.“ Billy said shaking his head. "Billy. We love you, you are a part of this family now and we thought you two would need a little something for California.“ you father said. Billy looked at it for another moment while he blinked, he looked at your father "Thank you! A lot. Thank you.“ your mother gave the blonde another hug and you thanked them after that. You were so happy to have a loving family and you were sad to leave them. But you would had left Hawkins even if you hadn’t met Billy. You wanted to leave this town since you were 12.

"I can’t believe you are leaving me here!“ Robin pouted but you knew there were no hard feelings. You two sat on a bench in the garden of Tommys House, everyone else was inside drinking and dancing. After a bit Billy came through the door "Here you are.“ you shuffled closer to Robin so he could sit next to you. "Oh I forgot to tell you! I went to get my work uniform today and guess who’s my co worker?“ she asked you pulled your eyebrows up "Who?“ she took a sip from the red cup before saying "Steve fucking Harrington!“ you chuckled "Don’t laugh! It’s a nightmare!“ now you actually let out a laugh "Geez Robin maybe he’s nice...“ she rolled her eyes at you "He’s a dingus!“ "I agree!“ Billy said and you shot him a glance "You shouldn’t be so quick to judge him. Remember I wasn’t so happy either when I was paired up with this one.“ you nodded your head towards Billy "Hey!“ he chuckled holding a hand over his heart. "You know i love you know. But you were mean back then.“ you explained yourself "Yeah I was a dick...“

"Look people can change maybe you and Steve will become friends.“ Robin made a disgusted face "Okay stop before im going to puke.“ you leaned your head onto Billy’s shoulder as the topic of the conversation changed.

As you were about to leave you remembered to ask something "Oh Robin you’re coming over tomorrow right?“

"Of course what time?“ you thought about it "Billy comes over at 12 so maybe 10?“ she nodded and you all got into your parents car wich you drove since you didn’t owned one yourself and neither did Robin and the camaro was already packed with your suitcases and stuff you wanted to take with you to your knew home. You drove Robin home and then made your way to Billy’s house. "You really don’t want to stay over at mine?“ you asked as you looked at the House in front of you. "Nah my dad would actually kill me if I would do that.“ he leaned over to give you a kiss "Also after tonight I can share a bed with you every night.“ you hummed as you leaned in again. The sweet little kiss turned into a small make out session. Kissing Billy still made you nervous but a good kind of nervous, the butterflies were still there everytime. "I love you Billy.“ you said and he gave you a peck again "I love you too.“ he opened the door "See you tomorrow.“ he said. Once he reached the door he winked at you and then he was gone.

The next morning you had breakfast with your parents and packed a few things you needed like your shampoo and toothpaste, everything else was already in the Camaro. You had been able to downgrade your need of rooms once you were actually a couple since you wouldn’t need two separate bedrooms anymore. The flat you had ended up renting wasn’t that big but you loved it when you visited it a few weeks ago also it wasn’t far from the beach. Billy had already found a job there, one of his old friends had known someone who looked for a lifeguard this summer and being a California native he easily got the job. You would look for one in the coming weeks even though Billy was always telling you to apply for college in California but you wanted to start college with him next year.

Robin came over to your house and you talked until Billy came over. You said your goodbyes to your parents first crying but they assured you that you did the right thing and that the two would be back to thanksgiving anyway. Robin hugged you tight and you had to swear to her to call every week at least once and meet up with her when you were in town. You also told her that she should come visit you at the end of summer. While you talked to her your parents hugged Billy goodbye and once you parted Robin looked at the mulled haired boy "Come here you Dingus!“ they hugged and you heard her say "Take good care of her!“ he chuckled "I will.“ she smiled too "Yeah I know.“ you got into the car’s passenger seat, still crying and you all waved as you left. "Are you sure you want to do this... with me?“ Billy asked almost whispering. "Of course I want to B!“ he didn’t looked at you "Billy I love you and I want to start this new part of my life with you! I’m sure in this decision! I want this.“ he smiled now "I want this too. Fuck You don’t know how happy I am that I’m able to leave and on top of that I have you.“ you intertwined your fingers with his and he gave your hand a kiss.

The drive was exhausting, you took turns driving so the other could sleep but finally you did it. The moment you stood in the living room of your new home you knew this long drive was worth it. You squealed as you hugged Billy close giving him a few fast kisses. You were able to get a small flat that was already furnished. Sure it wasn’t anything fancy but you wouldn’t want to have it any other way. This was perfect. After you brought your stuff inside you decided to take a walk on the beach and get some takeaway.

Billy watched the smile on your face wich made him smile as well. You walked hand in hand, the water beside you and you just looked stunning to him. He could actually cry because of how happy he was. "I can’t believe this.“ Billy said and you looked up at him "I know it’s perfect here.“ he stopped walking causing you to also halt. "I love you y/n. You don’t know how much and I’d never thought that would be possible but here I am.“ you smiled up at the boy with the blonde mullet and your heart hammered in your chest. "I love you too Billy Hargrove.“ he smiled a genuine smile, the one he gave only you before he slipped his hand in yours and kissed the back of it briefly as you started to walk along the shore again.

#billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things imagine #billy hargrove

[keytomythoughts]

Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index 

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually. 

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

                                                               Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu) 

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

                                                                                                                      Funny

                                                                        Yk I can’t move out, at least not on                                                                            my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

:/

What about Jaehyun?

                                                                            Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

                                                                       They’re just hell-bent on me getting                                                                                    into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

                                                                                                                        Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

                                                                 Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

                                                                         Me crying and stuffing myself with                                                                           pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

                                                                         Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

                                                                  And that’s bc you were there dumbass                                                                    and half of the time ur either in oppa’s                                                                    room or out somewhere

                                                                  Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

                                                                                                           I miss y’all :’(

                                                                   Ok I should be there around like 5 ish                                                                     so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo 

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

                                                                                           Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

                                                                               Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol 

                                                                                             See? My point exactly

                                                                               Your fAcE scared off every girl                                                                                   in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

                                                                           I almost feel bad for them, u little                                                                             heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

                                                                                                                     Rlly?!?

                                                                                                                         YAH

                                                                                                               U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

                                                                                    U JERK HOW COULD U??

                                                                                              Those poor girls omg

                                                                               Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

                                                                                         And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

                                                                                                        Can it u demon

                                                                                                         Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated. 

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends. 

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side. 

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another. 

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.  

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?” 

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.” 

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.” 

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away. 

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.” 

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”   

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.” 

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation. 

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide. 

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?” 

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!” 

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail. 

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul. 

What can I say? It’s a talent. 

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder. 

“Good to be back,” I whisper. 

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment. 

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat. 

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  

#moonbin x oc #moonbin ff #moonbin fic #moon bin #cha eunwoo #jung jaehyun #astro #nct #fanfiction #my writings #mine

[sinfulserpents]

Late Night Devil

Billy Hargrove x fem! reader

Slightly inspired by the song “Teeth” by 5 Seconds of Summer 

warnings: billy being his usual asshole self, bitchy! reader, unprotected sex, angst

THIS IS MY TRASHIEST WORK YEE YEE IM SORRY

Billy was pissed off. 

Actually, the crushed red solo cup would probably tell you he was far past the point of being pissed, he was furious – but he knew he didn’t have the right to be this angry.

He normally enjoyed parties, and that was usually because you were on his arm for most of the night – but instead, you were on Sam Porter’s who was grinning as if he had just won the damn lottery.

He practically had.

You were dressed to the tens, the little red dress was barely covering your ass, and the fishnet tights that covered your legs sent a shiver through Billy’s spine and caused his member down stairs to tighten in his denim jeans.

Billy watched as Sam slid his grimy hand down the curve of your spine and rested it on your ass – you didn’t even swat it away which made Billy clench his teeth.

How were you okay with the blonde haired, freckled douchebag touching you like he had the night before?

Tossing the cup to his feet, Billy willed himself to look away as you led Sam to the dance floor – turning around so your back was against his front, your hips gently grinding against his.

Billy planted his feet because you were having a damn good time and he wasn’t going to be the asshole who ruined it, but the moment that Sam nipped on your earlobe and whispered something in your ear that made your lips part and your hand fly back into the boys hair; he was on one.

With clenched palms, Billy pushed past the bodies of his classmates that got in his way until he was standing in front of you. Sam’s face was buried in your neck, and your eyes met Billy’s – but you didn’t stop your movements. Instead, your hand reached out for Billy’s arm, tugging him towards you; your chests pressed together.

Billy’s hands immediately settled for their usual place on your hips, as you wrapped your arms around his neck causing Sam to finally look up with a confused expression.

Without saying anything, you began a steady rhythm against the two boys, but your focus was now solely on Billy who was pressing his forehead against yours.

It was erotic – but Billy doesn’t like to share.

So without so much as a goodbye to the flustered boy you both left on the makeshift dance-floor of whoever’s shitty house you were at, Billy tugged you behind him until you were in his car – and pretty soon in his bed.

It was a mess of tangled limbs, and tongues fighting for dominance – teeth clashing kisses and nails scratching the others back. For now you were his and Billy was going to relish in it.

His hips thrust against yours sporadically as he drew closer and closer to his edge, your eyes closed in bliss as little gasps flew past your swollen lips. 

“Y-you’re so fucking tight,” Billy grunted, his arms holding your thighs as he pushed them onto his shoulders. “F-fuck, I’m gonna cum – can daddy cum in your wrecked cunt?”

“P-please,” the word was barely register-able with how breathless you were.

If there was one thing Billy Hargrove was good at, it was fucking.

Your legs shook as your orgasm came crashing through your body, hands clasping the blankets beneath you – your pussy clenching around Billy’s solid cock was enough to send him spilling inside you.

With a gruntled moan, Billy pulled out of you – placing your legs down on the bed gently before rolling beside you. Silence filled the air as you both tried to tether yourselves to reality – after a while, Billy turned his head to face you.

“I fucking love you, ya know that?” He spoke, softly running his fingers up and down your arm; it caused goosebumps to spread across your skin.

With a huff, you pushed yourself upright before swinging your legs over the side of his bed and began to pick up your clothes.

“What are you doing?” Billy furrowed his brows, quickly sitting up.

“I’m going home.”

“What?! No, it’s late – just stay the night.”

Shaking your head, you pulled the tight dress over your body before picking up Billy’s denim jacket and holding it up, “can I borrow this? It’s cold out.”

“Y/N, fuck! Just stay here tonight, I’ll drive you back home tomorrow.”

Rolling your eyes, you pulled the jacket over your body before walking towards his bedroom door.

“Goodbye, Billy.”

                                                         ✧✧✧

Billy was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

He knew he fucked up last night when he told you he loved you. He couldn’t possibly love you – because he doesn’t know how to.

The phone was beeping as it waited for him to press call, the little red button almost taunting him. He had to apologise to you because you were the only decent thing he had in the shitty town of Hawkins.

So before he could stop himself, Billy had pressed call; waiting for you to pick up. He knew you were home – Saturdays were for studying.

“Hello?”

Sucking in a shaky breath, Billy was half tempted to just slam the device back into its holder and go get drunk to the new Metallica album, but he didn’t.

“Y/N, it’s uh – it’s Billy.”

“What do you need, Hargrove?”

The complete emptiness of your voice made Billy shudder – it was as if you were annoyed he was calling you at all. 

You probably were.

“I just wanted to, you know, uh-apologise for what I said last night before you left. You know,” he stuttered, why was he so nervous? “When I said I love you, obviously I don’t – we promised that this was just going to be sex; so I wanted you to know that I don’t love you and I’m sorry if that made you leave.”

“Oh,” You voice was barely above a whisper and Billy couldn’t tell if you were relieved or upset by his confession. “Well, I was actually going to call you and let you know that I don’t think we should do this anymore. It isn’t a healthy situation.”

“You don’t want to fuck anymore?”

“No Billy, I want to fall in love with someone and fuck someone who I know loves me – I’ve got to go; I have a date.”

Before Billy could even start his next sentence the sound of the disconnected call rang through his ear. With a frustrated huff, Billy slammed the phone against the wall and stomped to his room.

Guess it was bourbon and Metallica after all.

                                                       ✧✧✧

The next time Billy saw you was a couple of days later at school.

You had taken two days off which made him nervous – but he quickly pushed those thoughts aside. 

Your smile was bright as you dragged a boy through the school; his expression matched yours except that while you were staring at the school with wonder, the boy was watching you with what Billy knew all too well as lust.

Billy felt his heart clench as he noticed the boys hand clenched in yours; he must be the douche you went on the date with. You smiled widely as you made your way past him without a second glance and stopped at your locker that was only a few feet away from his.

“You can come over to mine after school,” you chuckled to the boy, turning your lock and opening the locker door. 

You hadn’t even noticed that Billy was staring at the whole exchange, so he slammed his locker closed to gain your attention and walked across the hall to you.

It was childish – he knew that much, but Billy was jealous.

He was jealous that this asshat that looked like a ripped off version of Tom Cruise was staring at you like he was going to take you right then and there against the lockers. He was jealous that you were feeding into it, and he was jealous that it only took you a couple of days to forget about him.

“Y/L/N,” he practically spat, completely ignoring the boy next to you – pushing himself in-between you so he could lean against your locker. Your eyes met his and Billy’s heart almost stopped; he hated the way you were practically looking through him.

“What do you want, Hargrove?”

Your tone was harsh and cold – and Billy wanted nothing more than to go back to the day he first met you when you stuttered and rambled to him about how much you loved AC/DC when you saw his shirt.

“I want you naked in my bed, tonight.”

“Fuck off, Hargrove”

Slamming your locker shut equally as loud as he had done prior; you pushed his shoulder so he had to lean against the locker to stop himself from falling to the ground; Billy watched as you grabbed the now confused boys hand and tugged him down the hall and into your class.

Fuck.

                                                       ✧✧✧

Romantic gestures almost always made Billy want to puke.

They were cheesy and disgusting, so he hated that he was standing on your front porch with a pink rose in his hand and a shitty apology planned out in his mind. Knocking on your door, Billy’s impatiently tapped his foot as you swung open the door with a tired expression. 

Your eyes immediately darted to the crimson colour that stained his broken knuckles and shirt – but it wasn’t his blood. Before you could question him, Billy rushed to speak

“He was using you,” he blurted, sheepishly holding out the rose that you didn’t take. With a deep sigh, Billy threw the shitty flower behind him. “That jerk that you went out with, overheard him in the carpark talking to his friends about how he was going to fuck you and then move on. Said you were desperate.”

“So,” you began, causing Billy heart to thump against his ribs so hard that he thought it was going to burst out of his chest. “Let me guess, you beat him up?”

“Fuck yeah I did, he was treating you like a fucking toy, Y/N.”

“Isn’t that what I was to you too? Someone you could go to, to get your fix and then leave?”

“No! God no!” He shouted, running his hand through his hair before taking a deep breath – it was late and he knew your neighbours were assholes who would probably put in a complaint against you.

“Then what was I, Billy? You said you couldn’t possibly love me.”

“But I did – I do!”

“Do you? Or do you just think you do? Do you even know what love feels like, huh?”

“You know I know what love feels like,” he tugged his bottom lip between his teeth. You knew that the only person who had shown him honest and pure love was his mother. “I feel that warm feeling every time I look at you and it scares me, because I know I’m going to fuck it up. I’m a shitty person, Y/N. I’m a fucking dick, but every time I wake up I’m reaching for you, but you’re never there. I want you to be there.”

Your eyes shut as a single tear ran down your left cheek and Billy hesitantly reached out to wipe it. His calloused pad of his thumb swept under your eye lightly, and you opened your eyes to look at him.

“Where do we go from here, Billy?”

“I’m not sure, but wherever it is; I want to discover it with you. I want to fall completely in love with you – I want you to consume me, but only if you want me too.”

Pressing your lips against his, Billy felt you nod – a silent confirmation that held much more emotion than any words could.

Sometimes the devil needs love too.

#billy hargrove imagines #billy #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove x oc #billy hargrove stranger things #billy hargrove oneshot #billy hargrove one shot #stranger things #stranger things 3 #stranger things s3 #stranger things season 3 #stranger things billy #stranger things billy hargrove #stranger things imagine #stranger things imagines #stranger things oneshot #stranger things one shot #strangerthings #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #imagine

[mousehole5000]

the rest... of... book 4..... through chapter 225

i sad.

“He was lying to himself and lying to others! All nothing but deceit! No matter what, it was impossible to pretend nothing had ever happened, and it was impossible to return to before!!!” - i know :(

“Before Feng Xin went, he was afraid. Now that Feng Xin had gone, he wasn’t scared any longer. But, even though he wasn’t afraid anymore, he was in deeper agony.” - ah yes. being afraid of your friends leaving so you do things to drive them away so you can have something to point to and say that you were the one who made the choice and you dont have to fear it anymore. except that has never once worked out ever and turns out losing people just means you lost them and it still hurts. not that i would know or anything.....

“He saw upon the table there were a few plates of horrid-looking dishes that were now cold. They were what he made the queen take away without eating a single bite the night before. Now, he pulled them over absent-mindedly, and ate everything, not daring to leave behind a single leaf, afraid to miss a single grain of rice. After he ate he started puking.” - this broke me and the bad cooking isnt funny anymore :(

all this happens after they have money again. no further commentary on this chapter

i know for a lot of book 3 i just wanted hua cheng to go away but now i would give anything for wuming to come and interrupt these interactions with white no-face

“Lang Ying, a brute commoner, led an army and destroyed Xianle. With the aura of the king enveloping his body, ordinary evil wouldn’t be able to come close to his person. However, at this moment, what Xie Lian brought with him were millions of souls of those who died on the battlefield!” - interesting to think about this story from lang ying’s point of view. the bit about his wife and child... oh my god... the things we carry with us...

“Will it really be alright to leave him like this? How about, I give him a cup of water?” - cup of water motif is back... ouch

“One person. Just one. Really. Just one person was enough!” - for like 20 minutes after reading this i really was just sitting here thinking about every time a stranger did me a small a kindness and the times i did the same it just made me cry harder i love people and they really can be awful and choose to be cold and cruel but it means that when they choose to be kind..... it doesnt negate the cruelty but its still indescribable.. and being able to see that and remember that even after all the pain..... 

ugh still just thinking about the times ive gone through something that changed me and having the cold numb fear that i would never be the same as i was before that i would lose some precious part of me forever and wondering if this would be the thing that finally did it... i dont know if ive ever actually experienced a piece of media that really make me think about that tbh

“Stop thinking so highly of yourself! I don’t need you to teach me anything, I can learn on my own. If you represent heaven’s will, then something like heaven’s will should be destroyed!” - why is defying the heavens so sexy.... keep it up (edit after white no-face identity reveal: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!)

the fact that xie lian went through what he did and got nothing out of it and in fact lost everything he had left due to the trauma,,,,, but just one person is enough for him to willingly offer to do it again, even if all he could save is one person,,,,,, crying again.... and who it is who takes it all on instead... ok...

“After all, everyone knew that Mu Qing ascended because he cleaned up all the remaining stubborn resentful spirits in the old capital of Xianle, so to understand it as “generous and kind” wasn’t unreasonable. In any case, everyone in the old capital of Xianle were all very grateful for him.” - its not unreasonable at all!!! this boy picks cherries for his mom and the neighborhood kids leave him alone

“Shaking his head, Xie Lian contemplated, then he ladled two large bowls of rice, one offered inside the Temple of Ju Yang, the other inside the Temple of Xuan Zhen. Finally, feeling that everything served its purpose, he clapped his hands close, completely satisfied.” - please i just want them to be friends again

ruoye........ xie lian bidding farewell to the tiny red flower.... ok i feel a totally normal amount about all these things

book 5 time!!!

xie lian king of taking a third option.. no one dies in the kiln at all we’re just leaving bitch

“Xie Lian didn’t know why he had to use his hands to cup Hua Cheng’s cheeks, but he did so subconsciously, probably so he could comfort him, but also because Xie Lian was afraid Hua Cheng’s face would be frostbitten by the snowstorm.” - gay people.....

“This giant stone divine statue must’ve been sculpted when Hua Cheng was trapped inside the Kiln, when he was severely beaten down and in intense suffering.” - ohhhh my god. okay. okay. look. i get it....

“The divine statue obeyed his command and took off with a gigantic, wide step, going along with the rolling current of snow. One slide was several miles, and the snow waves it created crashed around its body. Because both its arms were open, even though it was a body of a million tons, it still maintained good balance.” - HELL YEAH!! HELL YEAH LETS FUCKING GO LETS GOOOOO

the statue that requires transfers of spiritual energy... statue of make you kiss me i see how it is.....

“Hearing this, Hua Cheng raised his brows, his expression seeming to say, please have them beat each other to death, that’d be great.” - when you dont like your SO’s friends and they dont like you

“With a sharp sword in hand, Xie Lian was like a tiger with wings added, his might increasing exponentially, and he struck out!” - YES!!! GET EM!!!!

“No one could blame him for not knowing what was going on. Perhaps, he was confused the entire way: Why was he beaten? Why was he buried inside a wall? Why was he turned into a daruma doll? And why did he have to turn into a sword, too? There was not a single point where he’d figured out what was happening.” its okay qyz its okay i know honey me too

HELLO?? SQX IS BACK???? omg what a development omg omg okay okay interesting... okay so shi wudu would have rather died than lose everything but shi qingxuan is still trucking

“Hua Cheng responded lazily, “Oh? So you mean to say, beggars can’t save the world? Is it because they don’t have the ability to, or because they’re not worthy?” - KING okay i know this is a motivational tactic but also... who was it who took on all the souls for the human face disease and did in fact save the world back then hmmm?

absolutely enthralled by the fact that in chapter 207 we find out that the guoshi is in fact just. still here. and the name of the chapter is "Seeking Affection; Ghost King Fakes Displeasure” which i mean that happens too but fjasdlkfajsld

bruh okay. okay. okay. everything is happening okay. okay. chaos in the heavens okay. ling wen is still invited to kiss me on the mouth tho idc

“Indeed Yin Yu didn’t have enough confidence, and said weakly, “Chengzhu has shown me grace, he saved me…” “I know,” Jun Wu said. “He even helped you pacify and send off the resentful spirit of Jian Yu, who died during banishment, am I right?” - awww im glad they resolved that bit that whole situation was awful also give me the forbidden hua cheng ghost king lore...

“Yin Yu finally couldn’t take it anymore. He clenched his fists tight, his knuckles cracking, and he whipped around. “I DO RESENT HIM! I DO HATE HIM!!! BUT, SO WHAT??” - yin yu kiss me on the mouth right now

“Xie Lian hugged him. “It’s alright, it’s alright. These are all small matters, really. Your Highness Yin Yu, just live in this world for another few hundred years and you’ll know that none of that really matters. Either driven to madness or really wishing someone would die, whichever. Who in the world has never had such thoughts? I’ve even thought of massacring all in the world who had wronged me, it’s true, and no lie, I’d almost done it. But look at me, haven’t I shamelessly lived until now? You haven’t actually done anything in the end, and that’s the most important thing.” - he’s right im crying again

“But…in the end, I…still think…it’s so unfair,” Yin Yu sobbed. “If I was already destined to be no one remarkable, then at the very least, I…wanted to be a kind and perfect person. But…I couldn’t even do that. It’s really…so unfair. And truth to be told, even in this moment, just thinking that I’m dying for Yizhen, this little dummy, I still can’t get over it. I can’t even let go and die with a heart with no resentment and no regrets, what is that.” - YIN YU YOU CANT DIE NOOOOOOO youre the only man in this whole book i would kiss why does this always happen im actually really sad ;_;

“If the Rain Master was killed directly, and a better heavenly official couldn’t be found to replace her, the people put food above all else; if agriculture isn’t running smoothly, the world will be thrown into chaos. You don’t let people eat, people won’t give you a job. Besides being displeased with the Rain Master, the people of the world might also begin to be dissatisfied with the great god above Rain Master’s head. Which means, if he isn’t careful, the fire can burn all the way onto him. If things aren’t controlled adequately, it might incur riots to topple gods.” - rain master my friend rain master... also yes!!!!! food production!!!! critical!!!!!!! theres a lot you can get by without but food is not one of them!!!!!

“Feng Xin was Xie Lian’s servant, his good friend, but not his slave. He could’ve built his own home, had his own family. And he had actually already met those people, but the encounter just had to be during Xie Lian’s first banishment, the toughest days they suffered back then.” i am very sad about all of this

hua cheng in the palace of ling wen looking for the brocade immortal while the heavens are in complete chaos as the world turns on its head and STILL taking the time to beg for kisses is making me lose it fjalkdfjlsd

oh my god the guoshi and the cards thing..... hmmmm

delighted that mount tong’lu has such great significance beyond just being the kiln or whatever

hmmm crown prince of wuyong... its truly sad... but dude.....

the way that the heavenly capital is literally built out of previous gods... wow

the outright attempt to continue to cycle of trauma that failed simply bc 1. xie lian is his own person and 2. xie lian recieved kindness and gave it back to the world even to the people who refused to help him im ;_;

the absolute mess of xuan ji/rong guang/pei su/banyue/ke mo going down in the palace of ming guang... entertainment

okay i think im to a point where i dont have any possible spoiler knowledge in my brain about what happens next (only thing i have is theres a joke about he xuan eating that i dont understand yet and i think we might get like an emily corpse bride moment but if we do i dont know why) but oh my god things have escalated

#oh my god the next one might be the last??? we'll see #what a ride for real #tgcf liveblog #ty to everyone who comments or reads even a bit of these i appreciate you #mouse mumbles

[the--blackdahlia]

You’re All That I Need Chapter 10 (Tommy x Nikki)

Title: You’re All That I Need Chapter 10

Summary: It’s the early 80’s and Nikki Sixx is in need of a band. There’s one condition: no other alphas. That should be fine, since he found three betas to fill up the lineup to become Motley Crue. Or, at least he thinks they’re all betas. A collab between myself and @callme-kaz2y5-baby​​!

Series Warnings: M/M smut (18+ only please), alpha/beta/omega dynamics, mpreg, language, slight drug use, protective Nikki, extremely funky timeline (might add more as we go)

“I’m fine,” Tommy told Mick, Vince, and Nikki months later. “Why are you guys all staring at me like that?!”

“Because you were just puking your guts out a few minutes ago?” Vince said with a shrug. “And you have probably a demon child in you.” Tommy glared at Vince. Mick knew he was two seconds away from strangling the frontman if something wasn’t done and fast.

"Tommy relax, it's our job to be worried about you." Mick placated. 

"I’m fine,” Tommy rubbed his head. “Why is this pregnancy thing such a bitch?” He felt an arm wrap around his waist and he closed his eyes, leaning into Nikki.

"Because your growing a person...and your amazing," Nikki hugged him. “How are you feeling, honestly?”

“I’m tired,” Tommy sighed, not able to lie to his alpha like he did the betas. “And I don’t feel good.”

“But I’m fine,” Vince mocked, making Nikki turned to look at him, eyes turning red as his alpha wanted to protect his omega. "Hey, hey, I didn't mean anything. We're worried too. Mick and I want Tommy to be healthy and the baby too," Vince placated. 

"Gah, I know, I'm almost as moody as Tommy is. Sorry babe." Nikki explained. 

"You're just protective, which is good," Mick told him. Tommy closed his eyes and rested his head on Nikki’s shoulder. He just felt so tired all the time anymore. Nikki sensed a change in Tommy then.

"Tommy, hey, are you sure your ok?” Nikki asked, voice filled with concern. "I don't know how to explain it but we need to get you to the doctor, now." 

Tommy was going to argue but the room started spinning, and he started to fall. Nikki held him up and together, him and Mick helped get Tommy to the car. Vince drove them to the ER, where Tommy was promptly whisked away for tests, leaving an anxious and worried Nikki to pace the waiting room. 

"What if something is wrong? I can't lose him," Nikki said pacing faster. 

"You got him here quick, so he’s going to be fine,” Mick told him. “You need to calm down. You need to be his rock," Mick stood and placed his hands on Nikki’s shoulders, stopping him from pacing. "Get a hold of yourself."

"Right, right," Nikki agreed, sitting next to Vince, who took Nikki's hand to hold immediately. Nikki looked at their hands, a little confused but yet comforted. 

"I....I told you I’m...we’re worried about him too ok, you guys are the best family I've ever had.... I just want everything to be ok," Vince admitted sheepishly. 

Mick sat down and threw his arm around the alpha, "we're your pack dude, you're not doing this alone."

Nikki took strength from the betas to pull himself together, "thank you guys, come whatever we will handle it." 

"Mr. Lee's family?" A nurse called. 

The three men shot up, "that's us" Nikki said. 

"Come this way. We have him in a room right down here." the nurse pointed down the hallway. After showing them to Tommy's room she added, "the doctor will be in momentarily." 

The three nodded and headed in, Tommy was laying on the bed hooked to several monitors. 

"Hey how are you feeling, babe?" Nikki asked reaching out to hold Tommy's hand. 

“Like shit,” He looked up at Nikki and gave him a bit of a smile. “I heard them say something about high blood pressure or something. Guess being hyperactive and pregnant isn’t a good combo.” He held Nikki’s hand, wanting the alpha to make everything better.

Nikki's presence seemed to soothe the omega, which helped when the doctor came in. 

"Mr. Lee, and family, thank you for your patience. It seems like Tommy is suffering from preeclampsia, in other words extremely high blood pressure, if it's not managed it can lead to complications with delivery," the doctor explained. 

"What can we do?" Nikki asked. 

"Well, I'll be prescribing a medication that is safe for him to take, but bed rest would be best for the remainder of the pregnancy," the doctor advised. Tommy was about to argue when Nikki spoke over him.

"You need to listen to the doctor," Nikki told him. Tommy sighed and nodded, taking the instructions the doctor had for him. Tommy pouted as the doctor left. Nikki cupped his face and had him look at him.

“I can’t be on bedrest,” Tommy told him. “We’ve got so much to do…”

"It can wait," Mick said. 

“But I…” He caught Nikki’s eyes and stopped talking. Vince rubbed his shoulder.

“It’s okay man. I could use a vacation. Maybe find me some sweet babes in Tijuana or something,” He winked at Tommy.

“Well, while Vince is catching every STD in Mexico, do I get to walk out of here or do I have to go in a wheelchair?” Tommy asked.

"You'll be wheeled out per protocol," the nurse that came to discharge Tommy, told them. Tommy rolled his eyes. 

She had a wheelchair waiting in the hallway, and brought it in for easy access. Tommy slowly got in it, ready to get home but hating everything that was going with it. Nikki knelt down in front of the chair while Mick and Vince stepped out of the room.

"It's gonna be fine, we could all use a break anyhow and we can keep writing music, just no recording or performing. I love you," Nikki soothed. 

“I know, I know,” He smiled at Nikki. “I love you too.” He relaxed a little, hearing Nikki’s words.

"Are you two love birds coming?" Vince called. 

“You’ll need to see your doctor in about two days,” The nurse told them as they got ready to leave. “Here’s the prescription from the doctor for your vitamins.”

“Thank you,” Tommy took everything he was handed. He knew once he was safe in bed, Nikki would go get the prescription and anything else he needed, instead of letting him do it. Tommy didn’t want to be an invalid, but honestly he didn’t really feel good today. “Do you want me to go with you to the store?” Tommy asked as Nikki wheeled him to the car.

"I was actually going to see if you'd stay in the car and make sure we don't lose Vince to some passing hot chick," Nikki suggested. 

“Hey! I’m not that easily distracted!” Vince called out. “And why do I have to go with you to the stupid store? I’m sure you have a list of things you want to get anyway.” Tommy groaned and rubbed at his head as a headache came on.

Nikki shot Vince a nasty look, "were you going to ride back with Mick?" 

“I just might,” Vince crossed his arms over his chest.

“Can you both just stop!” Tommy called out. “Jesus fucking Christ, you’re making my head hurt!”

“I’m not a doctor, but I think stress like this is bad for the parent to be and child.” Mick pointed out. Nikki’s attention immediately turned to Tommy, and Vince instantly stopped talking. 

"Thanks Mick, the fighting isn't good for any of us least of all Tommy. I'm taking Tommy home, once you and Vince figure out what your doing will one of you come sit with Tommy and the other can come to the store with me?" Nikki asked, looking exhausted. 

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Tommy told him. Nikki opened the door to let him into the car before heading around to the other side. “I’m sorry Nikki…”

"I'm not saying you do, but I want you to be safe, I would feel better if you weren't alone, and why are you sorry none of this is your fault?" Nikki checked in. 

“Because I’m a bad mate…” Tommy looked down at his hands. “You deserve a better one than me.”

"You are not, you are an amazing mate, I don't deserve you, with all the awful things I've done.... you're the one who deserves a better alpha..." Nikki trailed off, thinking maybe Motley Crue needed to be dissolved, that Tommy would be safer if he didn't have the band stress. 

“I’m just ready for this little one to be born already,” Tommy smiled. “They’re going to have so much fun riding my drum kit with me. I’ll get a little baby harness made and it’ll be awesome.” He looked over at Nikki. “I can go to the store with you. I don’t mind.”

"I know you don't mind but the doctor said bed rest babe and that's not bed rest. And we will talk about the baby in the drum kit...." Nikki answered, reaching out to hold Tommy's hand. 

Tommy held Nikki’s hand and felt his eyes get heavy. He wanted to cuddle into Nikki’s side, but the console in the car stopped him. Instead, he fell asleep with his head resting against the window, which was really fun when Nikki hit an unavoidable pothole.

“Fuck!” Tommy called out.

"Sorry, oh god sorry, are you ok?" Nikki apologized, looking at Tommy rubbing his head. 

“Yeah, yeah. Windows just are not comfy. Fucking potholes,” Tommy was grumpy. He always was when he was woken up from a nap and didn’t wake himself up. “Are we almost home?”

"Yup, 5 more minutes and we will be there, and you can nap in bed," Nikki supplied, "Do you have any requests from the store?" 

“Chocolate,” Tommy smiled. “And since I can’t have coffee, can I have hot chocolate packets?”

"Of course." Nikki answered. "Here we are and it looks like Mick and Vince are right behind us."

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo​ @dekahg​ @marvel-af-imagines​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @nanie5​ @imboredsueme​ @gemini0410​ @aiaranradnay​ @babypink224221​ @mogarukes​ @xxwarhawk​ @sandlee44​ @shatteredabby​ @caswinchester2000​ @supernaturalwincestsblog​ @lauravic​ @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk​ @teller258316​ @horrorpxnk​ @tommyleeownsme​ @marvelismylifffe​

Motley Crue Tags: @primal-screamer​ @waywardprincess666​ @twistnet​ @saint-of-los-angeles​ @vader-kai​ @motleyfuckingcruee​ @sharon6713​ @kawennote09​ @2dead2function​ @nikkisixxwiththebass​ @iamtiber-andtiberismusic​ @jayprettymuchomw​ @charlyallise​ @you-know-im-a-dreamer​ @sweet-dreams-on-butterfly-wings​ @estxxmotley​ @arianareirg​ @the-normal-potato​ @nikki-sixxtynine​ @jjjjjjjoshdun​ @just-a-normal-fangirl18​ @stella20131991​ @tarahell​ @wowilovenikkisixx​ @i-want-to-shoot-myself​ @motleycrueee​ @sams-serialkiller-fetish​ @getbackhonkycatt​ @are-you-reddie54321​ @flamencodiva​  @scarecrowmax​ @major-tom-is-a-junky​ @anyasthoughts​ @bandaids-not-groupies​ @ilovetomkeiferslips​ @kaitieskidmore1​

#you're all that i need #Motley Crue #tommy lee #nikki sixx #tommy lee x nikki sixx #nikki sixx x tommy lee #fanfiction

[overbakedone]

1

this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.

instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.

im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.

i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.

i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.

one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.

fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.

alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.

i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i  met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.

am i an unlikable person

the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol 

so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know. 

thanks for listening   i guess 

#self #baking #life #thoughts

[matazz]

entries

diary entries of roy endoza

here’s some journal entries of roy endoza that i wrote for the duration of the campaign. for the most part, i kinda wrote these in my twitter drafts just to write down roy’s thoughts. sometimes to remember events that happened, and sometimes just to vent out roy’s feelings to myself. i ended up saving these on a document for safe keeping and i’m glad i wrote these.

‪entry 47‬

‪i miss milo so much. his laugh, his eyes, his smile. i would do anything to have that back.‬ ‪i know its my fault he’s gone. its only been a few months, but i’ll fix that; all of it. no matter how long it takes, no matter what happens. i’ll find some way to do it.‬ ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪i told ayce the biggest con in all of history.. but i confirmed he’s undead. i have more hope in my goals now that i know its possible. he hugged me bc he thinks we’re similar. i dont usually allow people to do that but i’m sad for him. i wish i could ask more about him. ‬‪entry 69‬ ‪i’m getting closer to ayce, unexpectedly, but good for me. i need his information.‬ ‪he talks to me a lot about his life; i think he’s become dependent on me which is easy for me. its hard for him to see i’m using him when i lie to his face.‬ ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back.

i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ((scribbled out)) ‪i havent had sex in a while. i’ve wondered this before but realized it was an inappropriate question to ask. i wonder if ayce’s dick works? it probably doesnt. this is so sad. i dont know how i’m going to fuck him if thats true.. yikes‬ ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ((lost)) ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪good evening. i saw ms winters. she was undead, just like ayce. she died a year ago. her soul was lost though. i killed what remained of her undead corpse. i assume she was trying to remain in this world.. i’m scared that this will happen to him too. maybe ill have to do the same to him. entry 101.2 i hope ayce's soul is able to sustain in his body for longer. i cant afford to lose him. entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. i assume its bc the gods know what i'm doing & are against it, so they're trying to give me more recoil than usual. but the last time i killed an undead corpse was in my house 6 months ago, and i promise that the last time i will use it is when i bring milo back. (torn note inbetween the pages: hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void

of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over.c (the rest of the pages with entry 102 are torn out) when i saw milo in the old house again just being his happy lovely self i felt miserable and happy at the same time. i love him so much, and i knew i missed him already but seeing him again just made me feel so much love for him all over again. it just makes me miss him more. it's hard not to cry thinking about what i've done to him. i wish he could come back. ayce's was hard to watch. i witnessed myrkul force ayce to choose between killing me and quri. ayce cried as he couldn't make up his mind, and then i watched as i fell into a void. i felt sick and i wanted to puke. i thought ayce found out about me. i thought he knew that i was using him for necromancy, but when i asked him about it, he told me that he thought i killed him with quri. i... personally don't have any reason to ever kill him so that was a bit sickening to think of. i dont ever want to kill anyone. i dont even have anyone i hate enough to want to murder. the only person i hate enough to want to kill is me. i know based on what i said before i guess it might have seemed that bad; but haha... i would never ever want to do that. putting people down at hospital was rough. god, putting ms winters down was rough and she was already dead. i love him, but it's probably better if we end the relationship and just stay as friends? he's already witnessed me still loving milo, and he thinks i murdered him... i'll try to clear up his misunderstanding, but it'll be hard to without giving more of myself away. this relationship has so many problems. entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 i’ve done so much in preperation of whats to come. Soon. i hope it works. i’m going to travel to solardome and investigate those readings. entry 124 suspicions

confirmed. miss winters is alive. she captured my biological father. a strange way to meet him. i cant see him as my father. i told her about the key, and we’re going to rearrange our circle. we’ll still use the spirit stones, just as a backup. i’m scared. i’m terrified. i dont know if it will work and i dont know what will happen if it does. i know the gods will be mad but i’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. i’m sure i won’t be a champion anymore. we’re doing this on friday evening, which means i’m no longer attending the gala. they don’t need my assistance anyway.

#roy endoza writing #roy endoza #writing

[aggresivelyfriendly]

~Meet Me In The Hallway~ huge thanks to @emulateharry for the beta!! Chapter One-Terminal 

That was all I wanted to do. I just needed to pass through. That was the whole fucking point of a hallway, right? To get from point A to point B? It didn’t have to be damn metaphor for being stuck, being unable to move on.

 I was there, and I wanted to be, now I’m not and I can’t move to the next place, so I wait in a long lonely corridor and wish for yesterday.

Yesterday and Tuesday are gone with the wind though. And I was glad of it. It had been years since I’d seen his face, and frankly, that was better for me. It’s how I had gotten better. I’d even managed to avoid nearly anything and everything about him. That was easier out here. The east knew his name, but it was not the brightest nor the biggest.

It was almost like when we started. His star was ascending, but his name didn’t come with a trademark quite yet.

I’d toured with his openers, someone’s little sister cum make up artist. But I was actually good, and I didn’t mind being around a bunch of gross boys either. That was what I’d grown up with, and so my brother and his band and the biggest band, idiots all, brought me right in. Gave me a spot, a job, a family, a goddamn complex with all of their teasing.

Except for him, Harry. He had not immediately seen me as one of the boys, despite the jeans I hadn’t washed in many many moons, and the vans someone had puked on, and the t shirt I’d found on the floor of the bus between stops. I expected to be one of the boys, but he made me feel like the only girl.

It started in a hallway, but of course. I’d gotten kicked out, well, shoved out, by a groupie with a killer bod and a rep for head. The sock was on the door and I knew the rules. It was late, everyone was drunk, and I was homeless.

I sat down in the hallways and laid my head upon my knees and hoped I’d had enough beer to put me right to sleep. I had not.

I sat and played music, as loud as I dared, to drown out the sound of my brother getting off. Gross. But so fucking familiar. He was just old enough to be in charge of me and young enough to know better but not care. And we were close enough in age that it wasn’t that weird. Except it was always my friends. Let me tell you, the last thing you want to hear is your best mate screaming your brother’s name.

But the girl in the hotel room was far away from my mate, she’d looked at me like she couldn’t figure out where the fuck I came from and what I was doing hanging with baby rockstars.

“Who’s she?” She’d asked like I wasn’t able to hear as my brother pulled her into the room.

“My little sister.”

“Oh,” had been her disinterested reply as I’d been dumped in the hallway. Lovely.

It was an auspicious start. I should have known with a beginning like that, an end was inevitable.

Something started that night in the corridor. I think it all started for me that night. After our first hallway rendezvous, I gave Harry years of my life. Always meeting him in the hallway, sneaking into his sheets, and trying to work it out. It ended in a hallway too. He left me and I stood there hoping we could work it out for too long, years maybe. But then, I walked away, and I got better. Seeing him here, tonight, another sparse but posh place that wasn’t, felt like I’d walked into a time machine. Like I’d just left his bedroom. His hair was short, like it had been when I fell for him. I thought I had gotten up, but I know now I was still on the floor.

I watched him, his back was to me, but I could tell by the loop of his stride, the set of his shoulder, the occasional smack of his gum, that it was him. He has yet to see me. If he did he must have been disinterested. Apathy is the worst, I hate it more that hate.

Harry had never shown disinterest in me, though I guess he wasn’t interested right away, polite and kind I’d say. But busy and charming and rolling in girls. So, imagine my surprise when he fell for me. Though it would be lie to say I didn’t fall first.

“Hey,” I looked up at the voice while I sat wishing for my ear phones that first leg of tour. He was all mussed curls and bare torso dotted with nonsensical ink.

“Hey, Sorry, was the music too loud?” I picked up my phone and notched it down.

“Nah, I heard you get the boot. I waited to hear another door, then heard the music. Figured you could use a refuge.”

I smiled brilliantly at him. I’d had a crush from the first time I’d met him that had only grown in magnitude as I watched him navigate around the first arena we rocked up to. He was in a muscle t, riding a Segway, and later, I watched him when he wrestled and sloshed beer with the other rowdy boys, the same shirt had got stretched and see through and he’d caught me trying to read the words at his hip. He’d quirked a brow.

“What’s it say?” I’d asked.

“‘Might as well.’” He quoted

“Just fuck?” I finished and slapped my hands over my mouth. But he sneezed or laughed and wheezed before being pulled back into the joyful altercation.

I could definitely read the lyrics the night he invited me in. I’d say to his hotel room, but I got into so much more than that. His good graces, maybe then his good books, and at one point, I’d thought his heart.

He’d set me up with a beer and a controller and we’d played xbox until ridiculously late.

“You’re really good,” he bemoaned after I’d beaten him for the 14th time.

“Yeah,” I shrugged and tossed some more crisps into my mouth. “Boys play on the bus. There’s not much else to do. What aren’t you better?”

“I sleep a lot.”

“On the bus?” I pointed at the tv as I selected another round.

He nodded his delight and we started in again. “Pretty much anywhere I can. Our schedule is crazy. We’re always on planes, and I hate sleeping there. So, I sleep on the bus and whenever I can—”

“Why aren’t you asleep now?”

“Another part of the merry go round, I can’t sleep after shows for a while. I’m all wound up, so then I’m tired the next day, but we are often on a plane, where I can’t sleep, so I—”

“Sleep where you can when you. So you miss out on fifa?”

“Pretty much,” he dimples at me and I felt so happy he had opened his door.

We played for a while longer, until I caught him yawning and called him out for it. “Tired? Ready for bed?”

He looked sheepish, “Yeah, should sleep, Sorry.”

“No,” I got up and grabbed my trash, “I’ll go, just let me see if the damn sock is gone,”

I’d just gotten a glimpse that the sock was still very present on the door across the hall when he pulled me back. “No, you can crash here. I just meant I needed to lay down.”

“Mkay, I’m not to proud for the couch. Looks like it’s there or the floor out there,” I gestured. I kept talking, I couldn’t seem to stop my mouth. “This is a nice hotel, but the floor is still pretty grotty.”

He scratched the back of his neck and I catalogued the new tattoos the move revealed to me. I could see no relation between pieces or how they’d fit into a sleeve. Maybe after a few more nights of video games I’d get really brave and ask him.

He must have felt braver than me, “no, um….this isn’t a come on, k?”

He paused for my reaction but my 3 am brain was sluggish and I just stared until he continued.

“I figured you could sleep with me, just to sleep. I like a body next to me, but…” he trailed off and stared at his feet. The toe of his right sock had a hole near his big toe, I could see why, his nail needed a clip.

“But?” I prompted.

“I can’t sleep with the girls I hook up with, because who knows who will find out, and I can’t handle another segment on tmz. I’ve watched you around. You’re not a big talker. You listen a lot. I like that.” He smiled a little and I returned it.

“You listen a lot too,” I commented. “You pretend to be life of the party, but I catch you hovering round the edges all the time.”

He stubbed his foot down, “I like being around people, just gets tiring to be on all the time.”

“You can turn off with me.” I meant it and caught his hand as I said it.

“I know,” he said. “I can tell. Know you know some dirty shit about all of us, never hear about it from you. Think I can trust you. Not gonna have to confiscate your phone.”

“Well good luck there, babe, not relinquishing my phone. Only line I have home while I’m out trying to keep up with you ragamuffins and keep my stupid brother alive.”

He laughed and then yawned.

“Bed,?” I suggested.

“Bed.” He pulled me behind him. “You can have a shirt if you want?”

“No, I can sleep in this.” I went around him to the unpopulated side of the fluffy white bed and sat down to pull off my shoes and socks before I slid in under the covers.

“Not in the jeans,” he shook his head, “that’s so uncomfortable. I’m sleeping in my pants.”

“Feel free, your bed and all, but your ploy to see me in my knickers is going unmet, Styles,” my laugh was an attempt to cover my nerves. “cant, cuz im not wearing any.” I laughed.

“You’re not wearing any what? Any knickers?” He blushed.

“Nope, had to rush out this morning. Sans pantaloons I’m afraid.” I’d arranged myself under the blankets and was trying to look cool as a cucumber while he’d fish faced across from me.

Finally, he about faced on his heel and I wondered where he got to. He returned with a fresh pair of boxer briefs. “You still can’t sleep in jeans, be right un comfy, an I don’t want them rubbing on my legs.”

I don’t know where it came from, but I took the pants and met him cheek for cheek by standing and sliding my jeans down my legs and slipping his blue shorts over my hips.

“You’re gonna catch flies,” I quipped and slid back beneath the overs and shut the light.

And that was how I came to sleep with Harry Styles in his underwear most nights for years.

#harry styles #Harry Styles fanfiction #Harry Styles fanfic #Harry Styles imagine #one direction #one direction fanfiction #mmith #meet me in the hallway #song fic

[norman-reedus-gossip]

bulk

– mod–
I’ll add to the comments as usual. Anon:
The DM ran photos of DK in the exact same outfit with the exact same shopping bags iSaturday – walking alone. Check it out. No way she wore the identical outfit and had the same bags yesterday. The story conveniently tags them as yesterday when it was known N was back in NYC. The “getaway” makes for a much better story than 2 friends hanging out like he’s done with several female friends in the past few weeks (Ira, Jarah, Liz) – and been photographed with them too. These pics were set up.

Anon:
what is everyone talking about with norman and what did this DK woman do? i’m late and curious because i really don’t want to find a way to dislike norman

Anon:
grooooooooossssssssssssss. well if the other rumours are true, she wants a baby w him.

Normansweetpie:
I honestly am surprised about Norman and Diane. And to the person that said Norman is a horrible person, you’re wrong. Norman liked Diane and I believe that Norman can do whatever he wants to do with his life. If Norman wants to date Diane, that’s fine.

Anon:
So he is w a disgusting famewhoere. completely changes the way i see him. bye bye norman, no longer your fan (and im a lesbian, so this isn’t butthurt shit here)

Anon: If this is true, I don’t want to go to WSC London now. I don’t feel like meeting him if he has been lying to us this whole time.

Anon: Norman has to address this. He’s getting so much hate. I hope he shuts it down. Please Norman say it’s not true.

Anon:
I can’t believe he lied to us. If this really is true, then everything he says is bullshit.

Anon: Mod, I am at a loss how this whole narrative in the NR fandom went from “DK is vile, they’re not friends ” to “DK is vile they’re definitely not dating cuz NR is sweet and great” to “They’re dating! They’re both vile!”…. Like, where is this coming from? Norman’s own fans would rather believe he’s some sort of vile scumbag than the alternative that maybe, just maybe 1) NR and DK are both decent people? And 2) none of us knows the private details of when/how they got together?

Anon: Mod in your opinion do you think he would have done that? He did things that made us believe he was single so do you think he was really lying to us the whole time? I want to cry if he was. I thought he was different. Do you think there’s a chance that he is just friends with her?

Anon: Just friends my ass. They’ve been together off and on for over a year. Time for fans to take off the delusional glasses and accept it. He’s a good ACTOR, isn’t he?

Anon: II thought that if this happened I would feel angry and sad and disappointed. But I feel relaxed and calm and I wish Norman finally have found the woman that will stay with him till the end. I feel really happy for him.

Anon: I hope that Norman realizes that Diane probably called the paparazzi and set that whole thing up so they would finally be outed as a couple. She is a real piece of work.

Anon: A few choice words like unwise, irresponsible, childish, selfish, asinine, and dishonest, as well as many more like them are all coming to mind right now.

Anon: I know it’s his life but I think he needs to say or do something for his fans now. Just like when he shut down the EK rumor. Btw, TMZ also reported that as official too, if I recall and that was never true either. Please say something about the truth of this, Norman

Anon: In the midst of this DK stuff, someone on Facebook who works at LaGuardia airport says she talked to Norman at work today. Do you know if he’s heading somewhere?

Anon: What had Diane done and why does everyone hate her?

Anon: I am an extremely disappointed… I was gonna say fan, but I can no longer even bring myself to write that much less say it. What an effing nightmare. Seriously, I’m not sure if Norman could make a more foolish decision.

Anon: I want to be clear this is not a DK hate (or even dislike) post. I have to say I find it a bit ironic of NR fans blaming the trash mags for NR not being able to “live his personal life”. If I’m not mistaken didn’t the pap pics originate in daily mail? Doesn’t DK and her people have a deal with them and they set up pics all the time? So I’m assuming DK or both of them are courting this attention, yes? I think we need PR wife again, lol.

Anon: Ok wait, it doesn’t have to mean they are together. She could have been hanging with him like he does with a lot of his female friends. And I stil think the pics are only one day. Not a “weekend getaway” I really hope he says something now, though. This back and forth is too much. I pray it’s friendship and nothing more because I don’t want to have to stop supporting him. Say something Norman.

Anon: 
I cannot think of a single nice thing to say about Norman right now and I’m not sure I will ever be able to again. Anon: Dont you think that this is kinda ridicilous , this whole dk / nr is going on since 2015 , if they were together , they would already admit that and dont forget joshua and diane broke up a long time ago , so nr and her had a long time chance to admit it 🙄(sorry my english is not very good ) 


Susa206: Everybody should calm down! In my opinion it´s obviously, that they are a couple. I think we don´t have the right to judge about his or her life! Nobody knows what really happened between DK and her former boyfriend….. I never liked her … but the most important thing, is that he is happy…. and we have to accept his choice…. ( sorry again for my bad english)

Anon: So are we to believe they have been so careful to not be seen out together in more than a year and now they are caught in his parking garage? Set up

Anon: she is just so unlikeable. ive read her interviews and seen her interviews. she is not likeable. this is bad new for his brand, but its his life. i know i won’t tune into anything he does if she is accompanying him or being mentioned. i know celebs are humans, but i also consider them brands that i choose to consume. ive no interest in using my money & attention to help her brand, and won’t consume anything she is attached to. sorry normski, not interested if you come w her as an add on

Anon: But hold on remember when he was photographed with Elsa Hosk? and they aren’t together. I know because of DK, it’s strange but I don’t think it proves it yet. Until Norman comes out and says it.

Anon: Mod , i would like to help you a bit. I also dont believe that they are together , in fact i do believe Diane might have a crush on Norman (who not) and im sure Norman knows that , but it seems he is enjoying his single life and told her that , and still wants to hang out as friends with her , because why not? Maybe they were out having dinner , maybe he or she made dinner at their homes! 😊( just what i think about the whole dk/n thing)

Anon: this norman stuff with TMZ, is utter bullshit. they are probably just friends and so what if they are dating, they should be happy that they are happy.

Anon: Mod , it seems you doubt about if they are friends or not ….

Anon: Mod, do you think they really are together or do you think the friends theory is possible? I just want to cry if it’s true. It’s not that he’s with someone but that it could be her! I hate her. She is nothing like him she is so full of herself and now he looks like a cheater and a liar. I didn’t think he was anything like that but now he looks like such a fake person. Not who he said he was to his fans. I’m so sad. What do you think Mod??

Anon: If them unloading a car together is the smoking gun on their relationship… damn! I am in a relationship with a bunch of cab drivers! Dammit… and here I am thinking I’m single! 


Rebellacycle: I’m sorry I’m laughing at a lot of this this man can’t be any where near a woman or his female fan loose their shit “ oh he’s with her no ” if he is dating her at least she is close to his age if she slept with him I’d hi- five her good for you Diane 😂🤣💪🏹 let him live his life I don’t know her we really as fans don’t know the both of them it’s his and her business if they are dating or not what ever and I would love to be at his next convention to see if these “ fans ” ask him about it

Anon: Sorry!! I meant good luck to HIM. I want the man to be happt but she is just YUCK. My bad. You always rule. I’m going to drink whiskey til I puke this weekend. Why do I care? I have no clue but am just disappointed.

Anon: Can someone post the pics of DK that are supposedly from Saturday, please. Also, are those pics on tmz from yesterday or Thursday. I’m confused!

Anon:
Sooooooo are they together or were they just carpooling to like Whole Foods and Best Buy or something?

Anon:
I’m done with NR. Cannot support this disgraceful behaviour whatsoever. More to the point how can he be okay with a supposed partner calling the paps on them? Entire thing is a mess. he is not who he pretends he was.

Anon:
NR and DK kept their relationship hidden this long because they knew people would never forget about how their relationship got started (cheating) and they knew if they went public they would be one of the most hated couples in Hollywood. I seriously want to throw up she is such a horrid human being. N has developed really shit taste in women.

Anon:
Here it goes. Seems like we finally got our proof and Norman and DK came out and made it public finally. They are together. You can’t tell me she’s just a friend cruising around with him and unloading his car. Not after all. I’m so disgusted, I almost vomited. I can’t believe Norman fell for this woman. I’m SO SO disappointed and disgusted! 😞

Anon:
Those two horrible people deserve each other. And they deserve every ounce of hate that they get as long as they are together.

Anon:
Isn’t there a simple way to clear it up? One or both of their reps will confirm or deny the rumors, right? NR had to do that with the EK thing. Plus I think isn’t DK going to LA for Oscar weekend stuff? If she gives any interviews I’m sure they’d ask about this, right?

[weirdlywisely]

Yearly recap : 2017

I’ve done that the past two years and idk i think it’s good to do it and i like doing it anyway so here is my thoughts abt my 2017

So many things happened tbh idk if i’d say 2017 was a good year objectively, but it wasn’t that bad of a year for me

so ! i noticed i didn’t mention it at all but this year has been both really hard but also really good 

really good bc I finally moved out ! I’ve been living with my best friend officially since July but really since the end of August and I couldn’t be better ! 

i love my family i really do... but we’ve been at each other’s throat for like more than a year... if it’s not me and my parents, it’s me and my brother, or it’s my brother and my parents, or my brother and my sister... it’s very tiring... im tired of fighting with them... I really am... but im better since i moved out and see them less! i will have to move back in for summer bc im leaving Toulouse normally but it’ll be good i think

but i should do smthg in a more organized manner hahaha 

January was... plain bad... I was still in my double degree thing that exhausted me so much ! and i failed one of my final badly so i was really feeling awful (got my degree in the end thanks retakes) but i got back on my feet ! january was also bad bc i applied for an abroad exchange but was refused pretty harshly. if im being honest that hurt a lot... i may have cried bc i didn’t know what to do if i couldn’t go abroad and get away... but i got back on my feet and i was more or less okay!

I met two wonderful online friends for real this year ! and let me tell you IT WAS AWESOME ! took out quite a chunk of my savings but it was totally worth it ! but with all the money i spent on travels these two years im probably not going anywhere by myself in 2018 hahaha 

I met Mathilde in February and went to the eastern part of France, where i never went tbh it was a really fun week ! idk how long we had known each other but it was a loooooooong time hahaha 

I also met Lark in May! we took a little roadtrip in the US it was super fun hahaha i never went to these parts of the US so it was super cool to see ! could have done without the “guns make sense” signs... those were awful and didn’t actually make sense but ‘murica my guy

in the end got my English degree (look who has a valid college diploma !) and got my DEUG with an AB (ITS NOT EVEN WRITTEN ON THE DIPLOMA IM SALTY I WANT MY MENTION !!)

I am honestly focusing on the good bc the first half was hard but the second half of 2017 was better, and seeing friends i hold dear was just sooooo good and such an highlight of my year ! 

i went to Peru with my family for the summer it was super cool ! i met such great people and it was so interesting ! as you know my spanish just sucks but i have the best spanish in my family so i talked quite a bit and it was very fun hahaha there’s one thing im so angry about ! i was sick, like very sick for three days... Which three days ? the ones we did the Machu Picchu ... so i still went up but sat down on a bench at the entrance bc i couldn’t walk without wanting to puke... Fun story, the first day we had to do the famous hike to get to the Machu Picchu with guides and all but i was feeling so badly i couldn’t do it so i took the train all the way to the town and i was told someone would tell me where my hotel was... the guy didn’t... so i went out of the train station, feeling half dizzy half wanting to cry, i saw a guy on a bridge and asked him in spanish if he knew where my hotel was... he seemed all confused so i asked in english and one of his friend arrived and tried to help me with google maps but sent me on the wrong way hahaha so i walked a bit but felt so sick i wanted to cry so i sat down and a few minutes after i saw two guys who seemed to know where things were, so i asked them in spanish if they knew where my hotel was, and they said they knew and i asked if they could tell me, and they were like “oh no we’re leading you there” and like they did and one of the guy tried to speak with me but i was feeling so bad my head was spinning and i couldn’t understand half of it bc it was too fast and i apologized bc of that and then i thanked them so much bc that was so nice and i just spent the rest of the day sleeping bc i was dying inside!  it was such an experience hahaha also before that i went up 4910m ! and man that is high ! you can feel the lack of oxygen ! i loved it it was soooo cool ! 

if there’s one thing i know, it’s that traveling and experiencing new things is something i love ! it’s like the one thing that doesn’t fail to cheer me up soooooo

this year has been very good to me but also very bad... my lows have been pretty awful but i think i managed to open up abt it and get better. i mean im still not fully okay but i’m recovering pretty well, i mean ive never been that bad so it’s pretty okay.. like yeah there are still moment when i want to die or stop existing, and you know some thoughts aren’t the best... but im hopeful for the future so there’s that !

i mean, i didn’t think i could get my english degree bc i hated it so much it basically made three years of my life hell bc i just couldn’t stand it but i did it ! i thought i wouldn’t ever be able to let go of the “fake your confidence” thing but i feel like it’s less fake ?? im better with myself and im starting to actually like myself a little ? bc im trying to become a better person, im trying to become more compassionate and more helpful bc i am trying to better myself 

is anxiety still fucking up my life ? yeah it is, but guess what ? i can do it! what my brain is telling me is wrong ! i can do it, people aren’t laughing at me, i’m not making a fool out of myself ! and if i can’t do it ? i have a great best friend who knows that i sometimes cna’t do things and is willing to help and that is just so helpful ??? i sometime worry that i rely too much on her, but actually i trust her to tell me if im bothersome or whatever so it’s great ! 

honestly, i am hopeful for the future it’s so strange ?? i didn’t think i could have so many things i want to do ??? like i know what i want to do with my life ! i am stressing over which masters i want to apply to and creating so many other plans in case im not accepted ?? i want to travel the world ! meet new people ! see new things ! learn more ! 

it’s honestly crazy.. four years ago ? I was almost certain i wouldn’t be alive at 20, and now ? im 21 and im getting my life back on track ! 

another pretty big thing for me was that i cut my hair ! i had cut it all off very short back in may or june 2014 and two months ago i cut it all off at around the middle of my neck and it’s been soooo liberating ! im gonna cut it back shorter bc it’s way too long but wow! 

i feel like i am actually growing as a person ??? idk the me from last year and the me from this year, we’re not the same ! im getting better ! 

tbh 2017 was a train wreck i mean im still a train wreck but a train wreck who wants to get better sooooooo ! 

2017 was hard, but seeing friends and traveling helped a lot, i think those few days away from home helped so much, and just moving out it was just great ! don’t get me wrong i had very bad breakdowns while living at my flat but i didn’t have to call my best friend crying bc we were fighting with my parents sooooo yeah

lots of negative this year, not gonna lie, but ! like the idealist fuck i am i am hoping that 2018 will be better ! i mean i have so much planned ! im not gonna let anything set me back ! fuck it !

also i got a job this year ! i tutor people in english so it’s pretty good and it gives me experience ! my résumé isn’t empty anymore yay !

also im better at standing up for myself so it’s good ! i can finally just say what i think, not fully but more than before !

So basically in 2018 i want to try and improve on myself more ! i want to be proud to be myself soooooo 

i’ll try to talk to more people on here i think bc i really want to talk to people and i just am super shy but idk i want to talk to people and have more friends so why the fuck not hahahha 

i’ll also probably confess to my crush... tho i hate that i have a crush on him bc he’s a friend and all but idk i feel like it’s either to move on once it’s out soooooo 

i also want to learn how to dance bc i have way too fucking much energy and idk i don’t want to start any combat sport and i really want to learn how to dance even tho i am as graceful as a drunk hippopotamus hahaha

and finally i want to seriously get back intro writing and drawing ! it has been hard last year bc so many fucking classes and pressure but idk im motivated ! tho i always say that hahahha 

in conclusion, just be kind to yourself in 2018 ! you’re improving but it takes time ! i really hope i can look back on 2018 and be like “yeah i did it, im proud of who i am and where i am” 

#Wis's uninteresting life #it's a pretty long post wow #written with shitty internet yay for the internet at my grandma.... #anyway i'll try to post it either tomorrow or on the 31st #depends #anyway not a great year but not that bad retrospectively #i don't talk much abt my uni life but there's a lot to say abt it hahhaa #but yeah in general i think 2018 might be a good year #which is surprising bc these last few years i just dreaded the new year hahaha #also im posting this a bit earlier than usual bc idk if ill be able to go on the computer at all tomorrow hahaha #but ill probably be on mobile tbh #i mean ive been on mobile all last week hahhaa