forever in your eyes (j.m)
pairing: joel miller x fem!reader
summary: It wasnât like you hadnât dated before. You had been on plenty of dates since youâve been in Jackson, too many actually, youâve even been in a semi serious relationship, but unfortunately, nobody had really charmed their way into your heart like they were supposed to. Youâve never been in love, always thought that falling in love wasnât meant for you. Until one day, you meet a certain grumpy man.
genre: fluff + romance + angst + smut (18+ mdni)
word count: 15k+
tags/warnings: age gap (reader is 27, joel is in his early 50âs), takes place post s1, very minimal use of y/n, soft!joel tbh, kinda shy!reader⊠at least with joel, flirty joel, joel deserves to be loved, assumed unrequited love from both sides, reader described as shorter than joel, mutual pining, inexperienced/virgin!reader, unprotected sex, piv sex, loss of virginity, soft!dom joel, sub!reader, vaginal fingering, oral (f!receiving), joel has high key an oral fixation, kinda pleasure!dom?, multiple orgasms, creampie, some breeding kink, overstimulation, size kink, joel is huge⊠literally packing oof, lots of pet names (darlin, sweetheart, angel, baby girl, etc.), reader has a sister (named emilie, so if thatâs your name Iâm so sorry đđđ you can imagine another name then đ„ș. I didnât want it to be y/s/n because that would be so annoying to write imo).
a/n: this is my first joel fic. this is kinda more soft tbh⊠might be a bit oc? I donât know but I love it. Itâs pretty self indulgent !!! Iâve always loved writing but I got a lot discouraged in the past, giving up on it. I was inspired to start writing again by some of my favourite writers @joelmama and @joelscruff. also english is like my third language so please be nice/gentle with me. do not give me unsolicited advice pls <3 anyways! I hope you enjoy it đ„ș
please donât forget to interact, reblog or let me know if you read/loved it! <3 thank you ily đ„ș
AO3 â playlist
You knew you had feelings for Joel Miller. Youâve always liked and cared for him, even when you first met.
You still remember the day you met him. Clear as day.
It was such a warm and beautiful day, like a year and a half ago. The sun was beaming down on you as you were reading a book that you found on one of your trips outside Jackson â on your front porch of your house. The blowing mid-summer wind was hitting your face, cooling, as if to apologise for the almost unbearable heat that Jackson was currently subjected to. The soft breeze was caressing your skin and hair making the heat a lot more bearable as you enjoyed the day.
You were so immersed in your book that you didnât hear the people approaching you until there was a shadow descending over the pages of your book. Someone was standing in front of you, their body blocking the sun.
âYes?â You said with a smile without looking up from your book.
âI would like to introduce you to some people.â
The voice belonged to Tommy. Tommy Miller.
Your eyes widened at that, and you looked up from your book and saw that there were two other people behind Tommy looking down at you.
âIâm sorry,â you said before you cleared your throat, giving them a sheepish smile before standing from your lounger, shielding your eyes from the sun to get a better look at the strangers in front of you.
A teenager gave you a polite smile as she introduced herself. As you gave her your name in return you finally noticed the man next to her, gave you a curt nod when you locked eyes with him. He had a broad build, dark eyes and brown peppered hair. You assumed he was around the age of fifty and you couldnât help but find him incredibly handsome.
âThis is Ellie and my brother,â Tommy smiled as he gestured to both people next to him. âTheyâre your new neighbours.â
You knew Tommy had an older brother but you didn't know what you had been expecting. Maybe someone less handsome. As you continued to take him in you realised you were staring. You felt your body becoming more warm as you felt him stare back at you.
âHowâs it going? Iâm Y/N.â You gave him a small smile as you stepped forward to extend a hand out to the man.
"Hello," he repeated your name with a deep southern accent, which did nothing to calm your racing heart. You donât think youâve ever heard a voice that attractive in your entire life and it made heat flood to your cheeks. His hard expression melted into a more soft one as he took your hand in his. "Iâm Joel, howâs your bench going?â
Your eyes widened at his words, âMy bench? How did youââ
âWe saw you through the living room window earlier this morning or more like Joel did.â Ellie, the teenager said with a huge grin on her face.
âEllie.â He warned under his breath. His ears turned red and the two of them began to argue in hushed whispers, but your mind was elsewhere as panic began to set in.
Oh my god. He noticed me?
You grew embarrassed as you realised that he saw you struggle to fix that old bench on your porch. Youâre painfully aware of how clumsy you are and that youâre not handy at all but you donât like to ask other people for help. It was not because of your pride or any of that sort, youâd hate to burden someone else with your issues, so you mostly keep trying to fix things yourself.
"Oh yeah..." You said, looking back towards the bench that has been the bane of your existence these past few days. Your words effectively pulled Joel and Ellie out of their current argument. "It's a bit broken and needs some fixing."
Joel just looked at you for a moment before speaking up again. âYou know, if you want, I could come check it out?â
You felt your cheeks heat up again at his offer and you glanced over at Tommy. âUhmâŠâ
âWe both used to be contractors back in the day, so if you ever need anything repaired or something built, we are your people. Well⊠Joel specifically.â Tommy laughed.
âOh, thatâs cool. I think Iâm good for now though, I donât need any help but thanks for offering.â You declined politely with a small smile. You knew you could use their or his help with repairing the bench, but you didnât want to burden anyone. And the older brother was already making you feel flustered, you didnât want to make a fool out of yourself when you just met.
âAlright, you know where to find me if you change your mind.â He gave you a small but genuine smile before the three of them walked away from you.
As they walked away, you released a breath you didn't realise you were holding. The hammering of your heart only registering as the distance grew between you. You felt a bit of disappointment once they were gone, a sense of longing setting in your heart as you thought about the tall and older man that you know youâll grow to care for.
â
âGod damn it. Work with me please.â You grumbled as you tried to fix one of the loose wooden planks of the bench. Sweat was dripping down your forehead as you concentrated on your task at hand. You were on the floor, crouched underneath the bench you were so desperately trying to repair. Youâve been trying to put it off for a couple of weeks now but you knew you couldnât keep doing that. You knew you should ask someone for help but you didnât want to give up just yet. Curse words wouldnât stop leaving your mouth as you struggled. âFuck.â
âI didnât take you as a girl that could curse like a sailor.â A low and deep but still soft voice resounds behind you.
âAh shit!â you gasped as you heard the voice behind you. Youâd smacked your head on the edge of the bench when youâd startled at the sudden intrusion. You recognised that voice. Joel Miller. The man thatâs been consuming your thoughts for weeks now. You hissed as you rubbed at the already sore spot and landed on your butt as you looked up at him.
The bemused expression morphed into one of concern as he crouched down to your level. âAre you okay?â He replaced your hand with his own, making sure there was no visible injury.
His touch made your body turn hot as he continued to study you.
âYeah I-Iâm fine. Although, I do think it will be a nice bump later.â You chuckled. âYou shouldnât sneak up on me like that, itâs not good for my heart.â
âAnd your head,â he said as a grin replaced the one of concern. You were glad to be sitting because that smile has been making you weak in the knees lately. Ever since youâve been introduced youâve been talking and hanging out here and there, finding out that the man can smile sometimes. Youâre not entirely sure why he felt so at ease around you but you were truly grateful that he was spending time with you. (It might be for the fact that Ellie grew fond of you and loved to ask you a million questions whenever she was around.) He had the prettiest smile youâd ever seen and it lit up his whole face, you truly wish he would smile more. Subconsciously you started biting your lip as you admired him.
âAre you sure you donât need any help?â He questioned with a chuckle as he looked at the state of the bench next to you.
Your face grew warm as you moved to focus your gaze on your hands. âIâm fine.â You whisper softly as you continue to look at your hands in your lap.
You heard him sigh before he took your chin gently in his hand to tilt your head back, making you look into his eyes.
âYou know itâs okay to ask for help sometimes?â He said as he studied you intently. It was hard to maintain his eye contact, your face heating up more under his intense gaze and because of the close proximity of both of your faces.
His brown eyes stared into yours and you couldnât help but find them the most beautiful eyes youâve ever looked at. Your eyes flitted all over his face, not being able to stay in one place. You couldnât get over how handsome he was. His head tilted to the side and he gave you a questionable look. You felt embarrassed as you realised you hadnât replied to him yet.
âSorry,â you bit your lip nervously as warmth spread even more to your cheeks. Your eyes moved away from his face to a spot behind him as you stared into the distance. âI just donât want to burden you.â Your voice sounded so small and squeaky that you cringed internally. Embarrassed, you quickly drop your gaze to your lap.
âOh, Darlinâ,â he said gently, his expression turning more soft. âSweetheart, you could never be a burden.â
âIâm sorry,â you bit the inside of your cheek as you tried to keep yourself from getting emotional. âI didnât mean to⊠I justâ I just always feel like itâs best I do everything myself all the time because I donât want to annoy anyone with my problems.â
Youâve always been someone to wear your heart on your sleeve. Youâre a very sensitive person and very in tune with your emotions most of the time. People saw you as a very caring and helpful person but when it came to your own things you mostly tended to yourself. Youâre aware that most people arenât like you, at least not anymore ever since the outbreak happened, but you didnât care. Thereâs strength in sensitivity.
âYou could never annoy me,â Joel frowned. âespecially not when it comes to you struggling to do something on your own.â
You werenât used to people caring for you the way you cared for others. So when Joel reassured you or took the time to hang out with you, you couldnât help but feel appreciated.
His reassuring words gradually eased your anxiety. You let out a long sigh before looking up at him again. âO-okay, I-I think⊠I might need your help.â You stutter, hoping he didnât catch it but he smiled at you warmly instead.
Shit, heâs so pretty. Come on, forget it. He could never have feelings for you.
âGood. Because Iâd love to help.â He winked at you with a crooked smile.
Warmth flooded your body as you stared at him, you couldnât help but feel flustered around him. Youâre certain that your heart is running two hundred miles per hour, because it felt like it was about to burst out of your chest.
Itâs just a silly crush. You told yourself.
â
Turns out, Joel Miller, your hot new neighbour, could be very handy.
He was able to fix the bench you've been fighting with for weeks in less than an hour. You were truly impressed.
As he brought back the supplies he used to repair the bench back inside to your supply closet, you couldnât help but want him to stay a little longer. Besides, you wanted to thank him for being so helpful. Youâre relieved and so grateful that the âdemon benchâ, as you had called it, was now fixed
âThank you for helping me out, Joel. It means a lot to me.â You said as you smiled up at him as you both walked towards your front door.
âOh darlinâ itâs no problem. I loved helping you.â He said with a grin. He moved closer, making your breath hitch which made him smile even more. âYou can ask me anything. Whenever you need.â He winked and you felt your insides melt at his words and his actions.
âI-I want to be able to thank you. Give something in return for your help.â You smiled shyly at him.
âYou donât have to do anything for me sweetââ
âPlease, let me make you dinner. Itâs the least I can do after what you did for me.â You cut him off as you looked up at him with wide eyes. âEllie is welcome too!â You added nervously when he took a bit longer to reply.
He snorts softly at your words before clearing his throat. âEllie isn't in tonight,â he says as he avoids your gaze for a few seconds âsheâs at this girlâs place she hangs out with a lot. So itâs just me.â
âOh thatâs okay! Iâm sure she can join us next time.â You flashed him a bright smile. âBut, Iâd love to make dinner for you tonight⊠if thatâs okay?â You asked with pleading eyes.
He chuckled fondly at your expression as he shook his head with amusement. âOf course. Iâd love that.â
You felt like you were going to burst out of excitement. Internally youâre screaming, kicking with your legs like a schoolgirl thinking about her crush. You really loved spending time with the man.
Joel followed you back inside as you quickly disappeared down the hall and into the dining room thatâs connected to your kitchen. You saw him admire the walls of your dining room from your peripheral view as youâre rummaging in one of the cupboards of your kitchen for a cutting board. Most of the paintings were either more abstract gradient paintings or heavily inspired by the Impressionism art movement.
âYou have lots of paintings. They are very pretty.â
âThank you. Some of them are made by me or my sister.â You smiled genuinely as you made your way back to him.
âReally?â He asked curiously.
Your smile turned timid as you looked up at him, Joel's inquisitive look making you even more shy.
âYeah⊠we both love art. Especially making our own sometimes.â You cleared your throat with another bashful smile, before looking down at your shoes.
âIs your sisterâŠ?â
âIs she alive? Yesâ you finished his question. âShe lives here in Jackson with her boyfriend actually.â
âThatâs nice.â
âYeah. Iâm truly grateful to have her in my life.â You told him. âSheâs my best friend.â
âThatâs beautifulâ he nods at you as a small smile graces his features. You canât help but feel yourself get more warm at his soft expressions. Heâs so beautiful. âHow did you two find your way to Jackson?â
âItâs a long story. I donât think Iâve ever told you this but, originally my sister and I weren't from here⊠the USA I mean.â You told him.
Joelâs eyes widened at your words. You giggled at his expression.
âWe are originally from Europe, I was still very young when the outbreak happened. I was around? Seven years old. We were in San Francisco when it happened and my sister and I havenât really moved from that place for a long time ever since everything went down.â You said as you walked back to the kitchen.
âChrist. Thatâs very young.â He said, he looked shocked as you told him as much as you wanted him to know.
âYeah but Emilie was four when it happened.â You said as you bit your lip.
âIt must be hard being trapped in a foreign country. Especially when youâre a child.â
âYeah⊠My parents eventually died when I turned eighteen. So it was just Emilie and I for a long time. One day a couple of years ago she went outside the San Francisco QZ and I hadnât heard from her for a long while. I just⊠I had to look for her, sheâs my sister, she means everything to me. I would literally travel through this whole country just to find her. I always felt like I needed to protect her. Iâve always been very overprotective of her, just like I know she is with me.â You chuckled as you shook your head with amusement at your previous words.
âOverprotective huh?â He said as he flashed you a grin as he came to lean against a wall close to you.
âYeah,â you giggled. âI am the big sister but sometimes it does feel like sheâs more overprotective than I am.â
âYour sister seems very nice. I do understand her being overprotective though.â He smiled as he leaned closer to you.
âOh really?â You bit your lip as you continued to prepare everything for dinner.
âYeah, I mean youâre a precious little thing so I do understand her overprotectiveness.â He muttered.
Heat rose up in your face at his words. You couldnât look up at him, feeling too flustered to look him in the eye. Your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest as you kept repeating his words in your head. He thought you were precious.
Was that flirting? No. He would never flirt with you.
âY-you think so?â You question shyly, still not meeting his gaze.
âUhuhmâ He hummed softly, âI donât only think that, it is so. Youâre very precious.â
âO-oh.â You were at loss for words.
Joel chuckled, probably because of your flustered state, before he noticed you struggled with the ingredients. âLet me help you sweetheart.â
âNo, itâs okay.â You said. But as most people knew, Joel was a stubborn man.
âDarlin,â he looked at you pointedly, letting you know that you wouldnât be able to stop him from giving you a hand.
âIâm making dinner for you, to thank you. You shouldnât be helping me.â You huffed as you crossed your arms in front of your chest. Youâre aware you probably look like a child but you canât help it. Dinner was supposed to be made by you, and only you.
âOh angel, being in your presence is rewarding enough for me.â He says as he leans closer to your ear.
Butterflies erupted in your stomach at his words. The sound of his deep voice close to your ear, and the feeling of his breath against your skin, made you fight the urge to shiver.
Joel smiled playfully, eyes looked down and locked with yours for a couple of seconds. The close proximity made your skin set on fire. He could lean down a bit more and then his lips would be on yours. You slowly pulled back, clearing your throat while you did.
âA-a-anyways.â You stuttered. You hated stuttering, you never really stuttered but somehow this man could turn you into a flustered, stuttering mess. His smile widened at your state which made you want to run and hide. You decided to change the subject. âI had to go through some states to find her and eventually I found her. Then we travelled together through Wyoming and then some people from Jackson surrounded us and thatâs how we got here. That was almost a year ago.â
âSo⊠You are pretty new here?â
âYep.â You said as you smiled at him.
It was silent for a moment as both of you were preparing everything for dinner. Until your eyes widened at the realisation that you hadnât offered him anything to drink yet.
âOh shit, sorry. I canât believe that I havenât offered you something to drink yet.â You said as you abandoned your current task, running towards another supply closet, looking for something good for the both of you. âGive me a second.â
You could hear Joel chuckle, knowing he was probably looking at you with an amused expression on his face. You were looking for a specific bottle of red wine, your favourite, the ones you always keep for special occasions. Once you found it you couldnât help but squeal excitedly. âAha! Here it is!â You smiled triumphantly as you held it in your hands.
You were grinning widely as you came back into the kitchen. âIâve got some red wine, I hope thatâs okay.â You said as you placed down the bottle on the kitchen counter.
âMore than okay.â Joel smiled.
You beamed up at him and opened one of the cabinets, you stood on the tip of your toes as you struggled to reach for some wine glasses.
âFuck,â you muttered to yourself. âWhy did I put those glasses so high and so far in the back?â
âLet me,â he chuckled softly as he stepped behind you, his body pressing softly against yours. Your breath hitched at the action and warmth spread all over your body. You mentally cursed yourself as you felt a heat pool between your legs. Different kinds of scenarios started going through your head as you felt his body pressed against yours. You wished his arms were wrapped around you as he stood behind you. But one of his arms extended over yours as he reached for two glasses easily. âHere they are.â He whispered as he leant down to whisper close to your ear.
You truly felt as if you caught a fever. Heâs so close and so big. As his chest brushed against your back you felt as if your brain short circuited for a second. He was so broad and tall while you were so much smaller than him, he could quite literally swallow you whole with his frame.
You felt his body slowly retreat from yours, giving you the possibility to collect your thoughts again.
âShow off,â you grumbled teasingly, warmth still filling your chest and face.
Joel snorted, shaking his head amused. âYouâre just tiny.â
You gasped dramatically, turned around and feigned offence at his words. âAm not!â
âSure you arenât.â He teased, a grin forming on his face.
You giggled at that, âyouâre just awfully tall.â
âRight.â He nodded along to your words, tried to look as serious as he could, he tried to stifle a grin and you could see right through him.
âI am right.â You pouted.
âSo am I.â He retorted playfully, a loud laugh left his lips as you continued to pout, before he took a step closer to you.
Your cheeks warmed, but you tried to hide your embarrassment by crossing your arms and sticking your chin up in the air. Huffing you turned around, âget back to work Mr. Miller.â
âYes maâamâ he said in mock seriousness as he went back to making dinner with you.
âYouâre so silly,â you giggled as you teasingly bumped your shoulder against his arm. You went to open the bottle of wine before pouring some of the liquid in both glasses. Once the glasses were filled you held a glass out to him.
âOnly with you darlinâ,â he gave you a wink before he took the glass from your hand. Flushed, you tried to ignore the way your heart skipped in your chest when his fingers brushed against yours.
This man is going to be the death of me.
â
Dinner was very nice. There was lots of banter, lots of words exchanged from Joel that felt awfully like flirting but still you tried to push those thoughts away. He wouldnât flirt with you. Youâre pretty certain of it. The tension sometimes was killing you though. You think it was sexual tension but then again that would be impossible because he wasnât flirting with you.
But you also noticed that the more you hung out with Joel the more relaxed he was around you. You loved that for him. Underneath all that rough exterior he has so much depth to him. Heâs very caring, protective, helpful, funny, and so intelligent. Heâs so sweet to you too, you didnât know why. But all you knew is that you care for him so much. You felt comfortable around him too, safe. You couldnât help but associate him with warmth, safety. Home. He felt like home to you.
Empty plates were still on the table and for a while you were enjoying the comfortable silence between you two. Eventually you broke that silence.
âThe wine is so good.â You whispered as you looked at your wine glass then brought your gaze softly to the man sitting across from you. He seemed like he was lost in his thoughts, staring off in the distance as he looked through the window outside towards your garden.
He brought his gaze back to you as he heard your voice, he cocked his head to the side. âHmmm what did you say sweetheart?â
âItâs good right?â You ask as you motion with your head to the drink in your hand.
âYouâre not wrong. Itâs very good.â He nods with a soft smile.
âItâs my favourite,â you flashed him a grin before you took a generous sip of your wine, the liquid burning down your throat.
âOh really?â He questioned with a curious smile.
âYeah, I keep them for special occasions.â You said as you bit your lip, feeling bashful.
âIs that so?â Joelâs smile turned into a full smirk as he looked straight into your eyes. âI am assuming this is a special occasion then?â
You hummed your agreement, shrugging your shoulders with faux nonchalance as you continued to bite your lip. Warmth was overwhelming you. Not only because of the alcohol you consumed but that man always made you heat up.
âIâll consider that as a compliment.â He said as he leaned back in his chair.
Excitement bubbled inside you. Feeling bold, you winked at him. âAs you should.â
He was visibly surprised, Joel didn't expect you to finally flirt back. You giggled at his reaction, pleased to see that you could surprise him.
You stood up from your seat with a smile as you took the empty plates from the table, bringing them to the sink.
As youâre about to turn the faucet on you heard him stand up from his chair. He muttered your name, his voice coming out a lot deeper than usual. Fighting back a shiver you slowly turned around to look at him. Your eyes were wide with curiosity and your heart was pounding so hard you could barely hear over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. He looked at you, a desperate expression on his face.
âDarlinâ,â he said, his voice hoarse as his dark eyes continued to hold your gaze. For the first time of the night you couldnât fight back the shiver from going down your spine. Heat flooded your body, your cheeks burning, the warmest youâve ever felt them.
Joel must have noticed the way your body was reacting to his voice, as he dragged a low shuddering breath at the sight of you.
âJoel?â Your breath turned heavier as you waited for him to say or do something. Your wide pleading eyes stared into his hungry eyes. He continued to stand there just looking at you, his chest moved quicker as he breathed more heavily. Your heart pounded so fast and hard that you were worried that he could hear it from across the room.
Your eyebrows pulled together as you stared at him, your eyes shining with curiosity. You waited with bated breath for Joel to say what he was meant to tell you. He looked at you desperately before he moved from his spot, striding towards you but before he could reach you, someone barged through the door of your home with a loud bang.
âHey! I knew Iâd find you here.â Ellie yelled without looking at both of you. Once her eyes settled on both Joel and you her mouth fell open. âWhatâs happening?â
You were breathing heavily as you looked at Joel. Eventually you brought your gaze to the teen. âN-nothing, Ellie bean.â You stuttered out quickly, moving away from the kitchen towards the younger girl. âWe just had dinner.â
Her eyes widened, âwithout me?â
Your face flushed with embarrassment before you turned around to look at Joel. âI thought she was atââ
âIâm assuming you told her I wasnât home tonight, right?â Ellie cut you off, raising one of her eyebrows as she looked at him.
Wait what? Did he want to be alone with me?
Joel swallowed and then avoided both Ellie and your gazes. âAlright.â She snorted.
âI think it's better if we go home.â Joel finally spoke up, before walking towards Ellie. You feel yourself deflate at his words and you canât help but feel a bit disappointed.
âO-okay.â You whispered, looking down as you entwined both of your hands nervously.
Ellie looked at you with sympathy before glaring up at Joel. âYouâre so stupid.â She grumbled under her breath as she gave him a shove as she made her way to the front door.
âEllie,â he warned her.
âYou are.â She sneered.
Joel sighed deeply as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He dropped his hand before looking at you. âThank you for dinner,â he said with a small but grateful smile.
âThank you for fixing my bench on the front porch,â you gave him a faint smile. âI enjoyed spending time with you.â You said as you looked away timidly.
âSweetheart, you donât have to thank me.â
You bit your lip as you avoided his gaze. He said your name softly before he held your chin gently with one of his hands, tilting your head towards his face which made your eyes lock with his own.
âI always enjoy spending time with you.â Warmth rose to your face at his words. He gave you a warm smile before releasing your chin.
You walked with him towards your front door, leaning against it as you tried to say your goodbyes to each other.
âI really enjoyed tonight.â
âMe too.â You said as you bit your lip.
âGoodnight darlinâ.â He said with a barely noticeable smile before he walked out your door.
Your eyes met Ellieâs waving at you from in front of your porch. You return the action with a small wave.
âGoodnight.â You whispered before you closed the door behind them. You rested your back against the door, exhaling a long breath you realised you didnât know you were holding in.
â
You were in too deep.
As months went by, you were more and more aware of how strong your feelings were beginning to grow for Joel. So strong that they were starting to terrify you. Not because you didnât want to have these feelings for him, no that was certainly not it. You just never experienced feelings this strong for someone before.
It wasnât like you hadnât dated before. You had been on plenty of dates since youâve been in Jackson, too many actually, youâve even been in a semi serious relationship, but unfortunately, nobody had really charmed their way into your heart like they were supposed to.
Youâve never been touched intimately before, never had sex either. You knew how inexperienced you were but so far, you just hadnât found someone to be worthy of your time.
Youâve never fallen in love with anyone before. And these new feelings were truly scaring you. For so long you were so certain that youâd never fall in love with someone. That falling in love wasnât meant for you. That those feelings would never exist for you. The apocalypse hadnât made things easier either so it wasnât like falling in love was an option for a long time. But now that youâre relatively more safe, it was a possibility.
It was so much easier when it was just a crush, or an infatuation, despite the fact that you knew that crushes usually wouldnât make your heart swell so big or your lungs feel so tight when you think of them or see them. But now, itâs a lot harder to pretend that itâs not more than that.
You always dreamed of the day youâd finally fall in love but now that those feelings were here they made you feel like you wanted to run and hide.
Youâre not sure youâd be ready to confess those feelings to him any time soon. You were quite certain that they would be one sided, so youâd prefer to keep those to yourself. Because why would someone like him ever see you the way you see him, the way you feel for him. You were a lot younger than him, around twenty years or so. Youâre twenty seven. So it seemed impossible for you that he could regard you in the same way you did.
So you decided to do just that, keep them a secret. And you were completely fine with that, with your feelings remaining completely unknown to anyone but yourself.
Or so you thought.
â
On a beautiful warm spring day, you decided you were going to indulge in your favourite hobby. Drawing.
Youâve always loved art, specifically, you loved sketching. If it wasnât for the fact that the world ended, youâd like to think you wouldâve studied art or tried to become an artist.
You were pretty good at it actually, not to sound too full of yourself. But with the way things were, your skills werenât at their full potential. And besides you didnât like to tell most people, keeping it a secret because you were always too shy or embarrassed to show people your talents. So you sketched as much as you could in your free time.
You loved to draw all sorts of things, nature, still life, animals and sometimes, people. But on top of your innocent drawings you also had a specific secret sketchbook that you only drew in when you were certain you were alone.
This sketchbook was dedicated entirely to indulging in your massive crush on Joel Miller. (Okay, crush is an understatement.) It was usually difficult to draw a specific person when they werenât standing right in front of you, but you had seen his face so many times that it was nearly photographically imprinted in your mind. You would often summon his face up whenever you were alone. As many times as you could. Most of these were just his face, the sketchbook was definitely filled with several of him smiling. Some were just details of, for example, his hands or his eyes. Or even his nose or lips.
Everything about him made you feel warm inside. You would always be a flustered mess around him and it would even make you heat up when youâd draw him. Sometimes youâd have to take breaks from drawing him because youâd start getting too hot from thinking about him.
You often felt like you were doing something bad or wrong, like you were some sort of stalker when all you did was admire him.
It was a specific drawing you were currently working on, after checking and double-checking that you were truly alone. It was a beautiful day and you had the day off, so you figured what better way to spend it then by sitting on your front porch all day while enjoying the weather and sketching out what youâd seen the man do during your shared patrol the day before.
The drawing was him holding his gun as he concentrated on a target in front of him. You were so focused on sketching him as well as you could, wanting to capture every feature of him in the best way possible. You recalled his intense expression, the way his jaw clenched while he was so focused yesterday. His dark brown eyes and his handsome side profileâ
âWhat are you drawing?â
You practically jumped and yelled as you heard the voice close to you. Hurriedly you tried to close the sketchbook as you addressed the person standing close to you. âEllie! You scared me. What are you doing here?â
âIâm just done with school and thought Iâd drop by. I kinda wanted to spend some time with you.â She smiled at you as she was leaning against the wall. The soft expression slowly turned into a more mischievous smile as she cocked her head to the side to study you. âYou okay there, Y/N?â
You swallowed nervously before giving her your best smile. âYeah, why wouldnât I be?â
âWell⊠youâre looking pretty nervous or flustered. Embarrassed even.â She said as she smirked deviously.
âI donât know what youâre talking about. Iâm perfectly fine.â You said as you tried to keep your composure.
You could never tell Ellie about the fact that youâre drawing Joel. Heâs practically her father figure. Besides, you were quite certain it would make the whole situation awkward.
âYou sure?â She asked as she leaned closer to you. âCould it have something to do with⊠what youâre drawing?â
âIâ no. I mean no.â
âHmmm.â Ellie hummed as she looked at you suspiciously.
Before you could react, Ellie snatched the sketchbook out of your hands at lightning speed.
Fuck. fuck. FUCK. Please no.
âEllieââ
You sprang to your feet and quickly tried to grab the book back from her, but Ellie pulled it just out of reach at the last second with a huge teasing smirk on her face. Your face burned with shame.
âItâs nothing Ellie, please give it back!â You couldnât hide the terrified desperation in your voice.
âYou sure itâs nothing?â She said as she hid the sketchbook behind her back.
âYes!â Apprehension fills your bones at her actions.
âAh, then Iâm sure you wouldnât mind letting me take a peek at whatâs inside right?â Ellie grinned dangerously as she moved the book in front of her.
âPlease give it back.â Tears started to well up in your eyes as you pleaded for her to give it back.
Shit. Itâs over.
As she opened the book on a random page, a gasp left her mouth. âOh my god?!â
âEllie, Iâmââ
âYouâre drawing Joel?â She whispered with wide eyes as she flipped through the pages.
Youâve never felt your face warm up this hot in your entire life. âNo?â You said nervously but it came out more as a question.
Ellie said your name softly as she looked at you with a huge smile. âYou have a crush on Joel?â
âIâ I-Iâmâ uhm I donât know, I justââ you stuttered as you tried to retrieve the sketchbook. Ellie pulled back which made you want to scream internally.
âItâs okay, Iâm not mad.â Her face softened as she saw you look utterly terrified. âIf anything, Iâm very happy.â
âWhat?â You asked as you blinked your tears away.
âHow could I be mad at you? Iâve always wanted Joel to be happy. He deserves that, even if he often doesnât think he deserves that himself.â She smiled at you before looking back at some of the drawings inside the book. âTheyâre very beautiful by the way. I love drawing too.â She stepped closer to you as she went to put the book back in your hands. âBesides,â she shrugged nonchalantly, âhe has a crush on you too.â
âOh.â
Warmth flooded your body as you listened to her. You quickly felt overwhelmed by her words and everything that happened, you needed to sit down to process it better. You went to sit down with the book in your lap, looking down at it as you were at loss for words. It was very difficult for you to wrap your head around what she said. Joel having feelings for you? You couldnât allow yourself to believe it. As you let her words sink in, she took a place next to you, placing a hand on your arm and giving it a small reassuring squeeze. Ellie gave you enough time to collect your thoughts and you were truly grateful for that.
You heaved out a long sigh. âI donât have a crush.â You finally spoke up but not meeting her gaze just yet.
âWhat? Butââ
âSaying itâs a crush is an understatement.â Your voice trembled as you finally looked at her. âIâve never felt like this in my entire life, so itâs hard for me to deal with what Iâm feeling.â
âOh.â She said as her eyes widened. âYouâre⊠In love?â
âI am pretty sure I am, yes.â You nodded with a small smile.
âOkay. Well he has feelings forââ
âEllie, Iâm pretty sure he doesnât have feelings for me.â You interrupted her.
âOh my god,â she groaned as she hid her face in her hands, mumbling, âyouâre both so oblivious.â
âWhat?â
âYouâre both so stupid. So oblivious.â She groaned once again as she threw her hands in the air. âYou both think that the feelings are one sided.â
âI donât knowâŠâ you trailed off as you let yourself lean back on the bench. Youâre quite certain that youâre the only one being so consumed by these emotions. Youâve pretty much made your mind up about the fact that itâs impossible for him to return any of those feelings that you have for him.
âThe atmosphere when I came in the last time both of you had dinner, just the two of you, certainly didnât look like it was one sided.â
âBarged in.â You corrected her teasingly as you bumped your shoulder into hers.
âOkay, whatever. My point still stands.â
âEllie, that was months agoâŠâ you sighed deeply and shook your head at her words.
âStop. Why do you do this?â She asked exasperated.
âWhââ
âWhy do you believe that he wouldnât have feelings for you too?â Ellie questioned as she leaned closer to you. âLike, youâre so pretty and have such a lovely personality.â
âI-I I donât know. I just find it hard to believe. Besides,â you shrugged with a frown âI find it very hard to deal with my own emotions because Iâve never been in love before so this is so new to me.â
Her eyes softened as she listened to you. Slowly, she brought her hand to squeeze your arm reassuringly. âI can understand that. But love is a beautiful thing.â
âTrueâŠâ you whispered.
âI can understand being scared, but Y/N youâre so worthy of love. Just like Joel is. I am convinced both of you are meant for each other.â She said with a hopeful expression.
âEllieââ
âIâm serious. Just, please think about it for a while. You both deserve more than this secret pining for each other.â She grumbled at the last sentence.
âOkay I will. Can we please talk about something else now?â
âSure.â She shrugged with a smile.
âThank you, Ellie bean.â You said gratefully.
Itâs quiet between you two, as you two sit in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying the beautiful weather and each otherâs company.
âSo⊠drawing huh?â She grinned.
â
As Ellie and you were talking about your shared love for drawing you heard someone approaching the both of you. Ellie is the first one to look up and she greets the person with a wide smile.
âHi Emilie!â Ellie beamed as your sister stepped foot on your front porch.
âOh, here are my favourite girls!â She said with the biggest grin on her face. Emilie brought her hand up to high-five Ellie. âHey ravioli.â She said as the youngest girl hit her hand.
Ellie scoffed and rolled her eyes dramatically. âJeez, just because I love ravioli doesnât mean you have to call me that. Canât a girl love food in peace.â
Your sister doesnât reply to the teen and averted her attention to you, greeting you too. Emilie gestures for Ellie to scooch over, before she plops down on the bench between both of you. âSo what are you guys talking about?â
âHey! That bench was recently repaired! Thereâs no need for you to let yourself fall on the seat like that.â You groan at your sister's silly behaviour.
âRecently? That was months ago.â Ellie counters with a playful smile.
âAh yes, the bench that the love of your life repaired.â Emilie said with a dreamy expression.
You gasped at her words, feeling your cheeks heat up instantly. You gave her a light shove, âEmilie!â
âWhat?â Your sister shrugs nonchalantly, âitâs true.â
âLove of your life?â Ellie beams.
You sighed dramatically before leaning against the back of the bench. âLook at what you just did.â You gestured towards Ellie.
âOh quit the theatrics.â Your sister rolled her eyes teasingly. âEveryone knows you have feelings for Joel except for that man himself.â
Your eyes widened as her words registered in your mind. âEveryone?â You squeaked.
âYes, just like everyone knows that man is pining over you except for you!â Your sister said exasperated.
You shook your head frantically. âYouâre lyââ
âOh my god, Y/N.â Ellie groaned. âWake up.â
âYeah, lovely sister of mine,â Emilie placed a hand on your shoulder, giving you a serious look, ârespectfully wake the fuck up.â
âDisrespectfully, Emilie, shut up.â You said to your sister, shrugging her hand off you. You crossed your arms in front of your chest, pouting as you still leaned against the bench.
âWhy are you pouting? This is a good thing.â Ellie huffed.
âYeah, this is a good thing. Why donât you want to allow good things into your life?â Emilie asked, looking at you seriously.
Silence fell for some moments, before you whispered, âI donât feel like I deserve it.â
âYes, you do!â Both Ellie and your sister said simultaneously.
You bit your lip as you looked at them silently. You knew deep down that you deserved to love and be loved in return but it was so hard for you to accept that someone could genuinely have feelings for you. It wouldnât make any sense, you were always used to people that were attracted to you to expect something from you that you werenât ready to do or they wouldnât genuinely care about who you are as a person. You knew Joel was different, he showed you enough through the past year. But somehow your mind tried to tell you otherwise.
âThis is driving me insane,â Ellie sighed, shaking her head.
âEllie,â your sister said pointedly at the younger girl before turning back to look back at you. âY/N⊠you are so worthy of love. I know youâve never experienced this type of emotion or feeling ever before, but you deserve to feel safe with someone and to love someone deeply and for them to love you just as fiercely. I know you keep thinking because of past relationships, friendships or situationships that people arenât truly interested in you or that people donât genuinely care for you. But, those people do exist. Ellie cares for you, I do, and I am completely certain that Joel cares for you too. You deserve to feel loved, cared for and to be happy.â
Tears welled up in your eyes at your sisterâs words. You felt truly overwhelmed by everything she told you. Deep down you knew she was right, you were trying to believe her words but you knew it might take a bit of time.
âThank you.â You whispered, tears flowing down your cheeks as you hugged her side. âYou donât know how much that means to me. It might take some time for me to truly believe everything you said but I want to try.â
Both girls went to envelop you in a warm hug, squeezing your body tight. You felt your body relax in their embrace.
âI love you.â Ellie whispered, at her words you hugged her body tighter.
âI love you too, Ellie bean.â You smiled, tears still in your eyes as you leaned your head against the crown of her head.
And for the first time in a long time you felt like your heart could breathe again.
â
A month passed and you still hadnât confessed your feelings to the man thatâs been consuming your very brain for a year. You still hung out whenever you could, but telling Joel how you felt about him still terrified you. But as time passed, you allowed yourself to believe the words your sister and Ellie told you. It was very freeing.
One thing that didnât change though was your stubbornness. You are certain you will always hate asking people for help. Like for example, the fact that your shower head was acting up so much you couldnât take proper showers which made you have to use Emilieâs shower at her place sometimes. Until the shower head actually broke.
Thatâs why a few days later, you were standing in front of Joelâs door, contemplating if you should really ask him for his help. You bit your lip as you thought about it. Sighing, you told yourself that you should just do it. As you were about to knock, the door opened.
Your eyes widened as you came face to face with Joel. Your cheeks heat up as you lock eyes with him. You know you shouldn't be flustered right now because he is the only one who can help you. And he did tell you that you could always come to him if you needed his help. Or for anything really. But somehow, you still couldnât help but feel shy around him.
âSweetheart?â Joel looked at you worriedly.
âH-hi?â You smiled sheepishly. âAm I coming at a bad time?â
âNo, âcourse not.â He shook his head slightly, a soft smile curled upon his lips. âEverything alright?â
âI am alright, itâs just,â you trailed off as you looked away shyly. âI think I might need your help.â
Joel closed the door behind him as he kept his gaze on you. He motioned for you to show the way. âLetâs go.â
You giggled as you shook your head light heartedly. âYou donât even know what I need your help for.â
âThatâs where you're wrong darlinâ. A little birdie told me your shower head is broken.â Joelâs mouth twitched in mild amusement as you just gaped at him.
Oh my god⊠Emilie.
Your face burned once again. You couldnât believe that your sister would tell the person youâre desperately in love with about this. You felt embarrassed, knowing that he knew about you struggling. As if he could read your thoughts, âI only know since yesterday, but I wanted you to come to me when you were ready.â He said as he looked at you, a gentle smile on his lips.
âO-okay.â You said, groaning internally at your stuttering. âAnyways, yes. I need your help with fixing my shower. I hope thatâs okay?â You asked hesitatingly.
ââCourse it is. Show the way, pretty girl.â He winked, beckoning for you to move along.
He thinks Iâm pretty?
â
Joel was standing in your shower as he tried to fix the shower head. He smiled as he threw you a thumbs up.
âAh, here we go. This should work nowââ Joelâs smile faltered as water started unexpectedly spraying out of the shower head. Surprised, it slipped out of his hands, dropping to the floor, the spray pointing up at him, which drenched Joel quickly.
Your eyes widened as you took Joel in. His white shirt and jeans are both drenched and sticking to his body. You could see the outline of everything. Your body turned flush with heat as you continued to stare at him. You couldnât help but find him so hot, with his shirt clinging to his body. He grumbled as he looked down at the state of his clothes. Eventually you moved into action, âO-oh let me get you a towel!â you blurted out. You quickly made your way to one of your closets in your bedroom, rummaging for some spare towels.
âY/N stop being such a creep.â You grumbled to yourself, embarrassed that you were staring at him so unabashedly. Youâre worried that he might think youâre creepy, staring at him like he was the sexiest man youâve ever seen. Well, actually, he was the sexiest man to you. But you didnât want him to think of you as some sort of weirdo. Thatâs the last thing you want, for him to think youâre creepy. As you found the towels you were still in such a deep inner monologue while you walked back into the bathroom.
âI found the towelsââ you gasp, accidentally dropping the towels on the floor as you took Joel in.
The man had taken off his shirt, most likely because he didnât like the feel of the fabric clinging to his body. He took your breath away. As you once again stared at him you couldnât help but let your wide eyes wander all over his chest. He was broad, he wasnât really muscular but he had a solid build. He was strong and large, and soft in the right places. There were some scars littered over his skin here and there, as a result of the years of fighting to try and stay alive. Some hair was scattered over his body, your eyes trailing along his happy trail, eventually disappearing underneath his jeans. You felt yourself ache between your legs as your eyes continued to roam over his form, studying him with so much intensity. You were still admiring him when he spoke up.
âIâm not really nice to look at.â He mumbled.
Your heart ached at his self deprecated words. You couldnât believe what he said. How could he think of himself so lowly? You thought he was the most beautiful man youâve ever seen. âW-what?â You said as you shook your head frantically.
âIâm notââ
âJoel Miller, you better stop bringing yourself down.â You said sternly, surprising both of you. You sighed loudly as he looked at you with wide eyes, âIâm sorry. I just donât understand the need for you to put yourself down when youâre far from unattractive.â
Silence fell for a couple of moments. Until Joel exhaled shakily. âYou-you think Iâm attractive?â The man asked, he seemed so doubtful.
âI thought that was pretty obviousâŠâ you trailed off shyly as you looked at the tiled floor between your two feet. âI mean, itâs pretty obvious to everyone else.â You chuckled nervously.
You heard him grunt softly before hearing his wet, heavy steps, as he slowly made his way to you. Joel grasped your chin gently, tilting your face towards him. You felt your cheeks burn, you donât think youâll ever get used to his touch. Your eyes lock with his as he looks at you desperately.
âYou think Iâm attractive?â He repeated his earlier question more pleadingly.
âI donât only think youâre attractive⊠youâre so beautiful. So pretty. HandsomeâŠâ you trailed off as you duck your head timidly. âSexy.â You said apprehensively, before looking away from him. âI think youâre the hottest man Iâve ever seen.â
âI think youâre beautiful as well. The prettiest little thing that has ever walked this earth.â He whispers, his voice coming out a lot deeper. âWords can not describe how beautiful you are. Inside-out.â
You felt your breath catch in your chest as you felt your body tremble at his words. You slowly looked up at him, your eyes wide with curiosity. You couldnât help but like how he was towering over you. He was so broad, so strong. You felt your face burn, biting your lip and feeling incredibly weak as his gaze stayed locked with yours. You felt light headed at the close proximity. You could barely think straight.
He brought his hands down to your waist, holding your body close to his as he smiled warmly down at you. He whispered your name, breath hitching as he looked at you intently. âSweetheartâŠâ
You breathed his name softly before his lips connected with yours in a gentle kiss. You gasped in surprise at his actions, but you quickly closed your eyes as he deepened the kiss. Joelâs large hands cupped the side of your face in such a tender way it made your insides melt. Never did you think youâd ever be able to feel his lips on yours. And here he was, kissing you. Your arms wrapped around his back, your fingers digging in his back the action making him grunt. His beard was rough against your soft skin, but was so welcomed. You kissed him back just as deeply, hands stroking up and down his back in a soothing manner.
He held you tighter against his body before slowly pulling away, resting his forehead against yours as both of you breathed heavily against each other's lips.
âI hope that was okay.â He said with a gentle smile. Tears welled up in your eyes as you processed what happened, having a hard time to believe that their kiss really happened. Never in your life were you ever able to keep your heavy emotions in control. Certainly not when you were overwhelmed. His forehead furrowed, concern flashing through his eyes. âWhatâs wrong Darlinâ?â
God, why do I have to get so emotional?
âI am so sorry I just. I feel a bit overwhelmed because I always thought youâd never feel anything for me.â You rambled anxiously and your fingers trembled as they swiped under your eyes. âIf you have any feelings for me, that is.â
âReally? I thought it was pretty obvious.â He smiled gently, his hands cupping your cheeks. Softly, he brushed your tears away with his thumbs. âEspecially after⊠you know, kissing you.â He said with a teasing lilt in his voice.
âYeah maybeâŠâ you shrugged with a giggle, âyou do have a point.â
âI do, donât I?â He smirked playfully.
âYouâre so silly.â You rolled your eyes lightheartedly.
âOnly with you darlinâ,â he winked.
You felt the heat rise in your face once more. You donât think you could ever get used to his teasing or his flirtatious behaviour.
âSo cornyâŠâ you snorted as you shook your head with amusement, âyouâre lucky I love you.â
You quickly covered your mouth at the realisation that those words were said out loud. Your heartbeat was beating loudly in your chest, as your wide eyes met his. You wonder if he could hear your heart practically beat out of your chest.
His breath hitched in his throat, as his eyes bored into yours. âYou mean that?â
Heat overwhelmed your body, feeling as if youâre on fire. Your mouth felt extremely dry, still you tried to swallow, nodding slowly anticipating his next reaction. âI do.â
The molten intensity made you unable to look away as both of you just breathed and stared into each otherâs eyes. You felt as if time stopped in that moment, your bodies so close, yet they felt so far. As he held your gaze, he moved his body closer to yours again.
âJoelââ you whispered breathlessly.
He cut you off, kissing you by surprise. Capturing all the words you were about to say. Completely shocked, your whole body froze as you felt his lips claim around yours, hands pulled your face towards his as he kept pressing his lips further, almost to the point it hurt.
All your thoughts overwhelmed your brain, disabling any rational understanding of what was going on. Like a magnet, you felt your body move closer to his, moving your hands around his shoulders as you kissed him back just as fiercely.
You nibbled on his bottom lip lightly, eliciting a moan from him. Slowly, he pulled away from your lips, to press kisses to your cheek. His lips slowly travelled all over your face. You whimper as his mouth moved from your jaw to your neck, pressing open mouthed kisses all over your neck, your hands moved towards his hair, tugging lightly at the roots.
âHow long have you been feeling like this?â He questioned, his beard scratching your neck as he continued to kiss your neck. Your body trembled against his as he continued to suck, kiss and lick your neck.
âHmmm?â
Joel groaned and stopped his actions when you didnât reply to his question, pulling back to look at your face. You feel his stare, waiting for your response. You hadnât realised your eyes fell closed as you were enjoying his kisses. Unhurriedly, you opened your eyes, looking right into his.
You swallowed dryly at the intensity behind his eyes, your heart beating madly in your chest. A flare of heat rushed to your cheeks as you decided to tell him the truth. How could you not? When heâs looking at you with so much desperation.
âLike⊠at least a half year ago?â You answered, your hesitant eyes looking into his own.
Joel groaned loudly, enveloping your lips with his once again. He kissed you with so much passion, giving you everything that had to offer. His mouth moves against yours so hungrily. As he continued to give you long and deep kisses, you felt the heat rising within you. The throbbing between your legs felt unbearable as you whimpered desperately against his lips.
âI love you too baby, so fuckinâ much.â He rasped against your lips.
A gasp left your lips at his words and he deepened the kiss even more, as he quickly took the opportunity to slip his tongue past your parted lips and swirling it around yours. You felt as if your whole body was on fire as you continued to kiss each other ferociously, your fingers raking through his peppered hair.
He grunted as he pushed your body against the wall. His arms wrap around your body, holding your body close against his. You whimpered as his lips travelled from your lips to your throat, nipping at the skin which resulted in you squirming in his hold. Your hands busied themselves with exploring his exposed back, caressing his skin.
He moved his mouth towards your ear, âyou have no idea how long Iâve been dreaming about holding you.â He murmured. Joelâs lips travelled towards your shoulder while littering your skin with soft kisses. âKissing you.â His hands wandered unhurriedly against your back, his hands eventually settled on your lower back, just above your ass. âTouching you.â
âPlease,â you whined as you tried chasing his lips again, gripping his strong arms with your hands.
âTell me what you need, baby girl.â He whispered raspily into your ear. A shiver went down your spine at his words. Joelâs voice carried so much emotion. So much desperation and adoration for you. âI love this baby blue dress on you. Although itâs really killing me right now.â He groans against your neck as his hands finally move to your ass over your frilly summer dress, grabbing a handful of your cheeks.
You felt even more wetness pool between your legs as you thought about the fact that you werenât wearing any lingerie underneath.
You turned into a bigger whimpering mess as he kept littering your neck, shoulders and face with kisses. You felt one of his legs sliding between your legs, pressing his thigh against your exposed core.
âFuck,â you moaned.
Joel lifted his head and your eyes caught his, his lips finding yours in a rough kiss, not wasting any time as he slipped his tongue past your lips. The man is wrapped around you completely, a hand caressing your back, the other holding your ass. Your body trembled as Joel started rubbing his thigh against your soaked core. Youâve never wanted someone more in your whole life.
âJoel,â you whined desperately.
âTell me what you want kitten.â He groaned.
A loud whimper escaped your lips at his words. The pet name turned you on extremely. Your hips moved against his thigh, grinding against the clothed material.
âI want you.â
A string of moans slipped past your lips as Joel moved his head up to lick into your mouth.
âPleaseee.â You whined against his lips as you rubbed your sensitive pussy against his jeans. âI need you.â
âFuck, youâre so wet.â
âAh!â You gasped as he picked you up effortlessly. Quickly, you wrapped your legs around his hips. The both of you continued to kiss each other passionately as Joel carried you to your bedroom. Once he reached your bed he softly placed you down the sheets.
You felt the bed dip before he hovered above you. Joelâs dark eyes stare into yours as his hands move underneath the skirt of your dress, his fingers trailing up your thigh. You felt yourself grow nervous at his touch.
âW-wait.â You whispered.
His movements halt immediately at your words. He looked at you worriedly, âyou okay, sweetheart?â
You wanted him so badly and you were extremely wet but you would be lying if you werenât a bit nervous. Everything seemed more real once his touch moved closer to your intimate parts.
You exhaled deeply. âItâs just⊠donât get me wrong, I want this. I literally want you so badly, but Iâve never been with someone intimately.â You said nervously as you waited for his reaction.
âOh baby girl,â he whispered, looking at you tenderly. âDonât you worry about that. I will take good care of you.â He smiled as he leaned down to rub his nose gently against yours. âBut, we donât need to do anything if youâre not ready.â
âI am ready, I just donât want to disappoint you.â You nibbled anxiously at your bottom lip.
âBaby, you could never disappoint me with this. You'll always be a good lover to me. Youâre literally perfect. I promise.â Joel smiled gently, looking at you with so much adoration before he pressed a kiss to your forehead. You felt your whole body relax once his lips touched your skin. You trusted him, he was your everything.
Your lips moved to his neck before you placed an open mouthed kiss to his skin. âPlease Joel, I need you.â You whispered seductively into his ear.
He groaned loudly before engulfing your lips in a heated kiss. You whimpered against his mouth as his hands started slowly caressing both of your thighs. Your head was clouded with so much lust, you felt so much love for him. Your brain turned quite literally into mush as you continued to kiss each other deeply.
You moved your hips desperately as you moaned against his lips, hoping Joel would get the hint.
âSuch a needy kitten.â He chuckled against your lips.
âOnly for you.â You whispered as you looked up at him pleadingly. âPlease, touch me.â
âI am touching you.â He counters playfully.
âPlease.â You whined desperately as you wiggled underneath him.
Moments later his lips pressed against yours again. The kiss got more heated the more you kissed each other. Your hands wander to the back of his head and you pull at some strands softly making him moan into your mouth. One of his hands slowly trailed up your thigh once again. Your whimpers came out more frequently the closer his hand moved to where you needed him the most. Once his fingers come in contact with your heat you mewl loudly.
âFuck,â he moaned against your lips, youâre certain because he felt how soaked you were for him. âYouâre so fuckinâ wet baby girl. All for me?â
You were overwhelmed with warmth, it felt like a hot storm â as he spoke those words. You nodded frantically. You were sopping wet, you managed to speak but your voice is strangled and pathetic. âP-please. T-take off your clothes.â
âAnd leave you in this dress? Out of question.â He chuckled as he moved the hand that was touching your wetness to your thigh.
âWho said I wanted to stay in this dress?â You said as you raised one of your eyebrows at him.
âBabyââ
âUndress me cowboy.â You smiled as you pulled your bottom lip with your teeth seductively.
âGod, youâll be the death of me.â He groaned loudly.
âMy name is Y/N but god sounds good too.â You giggled.
Joel shook his head with an amused grin on his face. His fingertips find the hem of your dress and you sit up a bit. You raised your arms quickly to help him get rid of your baby blue dress.
You felt your body tremble in anticipation, as his eyes roamed all over your naked body, his eyes not being able to stick to one place. You felt your heartbeat picking up as his hands reached for your hips, holding them and pressing your body closer to his. His lips moved to ghost over your neck, slowly moving below your ear. âYouâre out of this world. So beautiful.â He whispered into your ear.
His lips then crashed against yours as you gasped openly into his mouth, desire growing, and took it upon yourself to guide his hand back down to your heat. His mouth fell from yours to unleash a heavy groan into your neck at the first slip of his fingers between your wet lips.
It's very, fucking wet, more wet than you'd honestly ever been and certainly more wet than he could've imagined in his wildest dreams.
âYouâre so fuckinâ beautiful sweet girl,â he muttered again in a very raw tone, his voice strained. His lips trail slowly down to your neck, all the way to your chest. Joel breathed in through his nose, you flush harder at his words and shivered when he exhaled warmly through his mouth and onto your nipple. âThe prettiest little thing Iâve ever seen.â
Thatâs all youâve been given before he wrapped his lips around one nipple, teeth just skimming your skin as he sucked and licked passionately, as he also pushed one of his fingers inside your pussy.
The whine that came out of you only drove Joel to seek out more of those heavenly sounds.
âFuck, youâre so tight.â He moaned, as your pussy clenched around his digit. âI need to prepare you as much as I can for my cock.â
Your whines became louder as you felt the pleasure overwhelm you. His fingers are so much bigger than yours, one of his fingers is more pleasurable than any of your fingers.
His tongue began licking, long licks with the flat of his tongue over your hard nipple as his other hand kept pumping his finger in and out of you at a leisurely pace.
You whined as your core started clenching around his finger, begging for more. Instinctively you began moving your hips, grinding against his hand, as he groaned against your skin. His lips left your breast with a wet pop and he looked at you intensely as he continued to fuck you with his finger. You were panting heavily, barely able to think straight as he slowly slipped another finger inside you. He moved his face back to meet yours, engulfing you in a passionate kiss, swallowing all your little mewls.
âGood girl, youâre doing so well for me.â He panted against your lips.
You bucked your hips up towards his hand in response, silently begging for more. He noticed and slipped a third finger in, moving them slowly at first as your tight pussy tried to adjust to the addition. Little whimpers left your lips as he fucks you slowly with his fingers. You felt so full, you canât help but imagine him fucking you with his cock, youâre quite certain heâs massive. His pace eventually speeds up as you move your hips along with his movements. His lips moved back to kiss you, whining against his mouth. Your hands clutched the bed sheets as you moved along with the pace of his fingers, feeling him curl them and spreading them.
âThat feels good doesn't it baby? You like it when I play with your little pussy? You like me fucking you with my fingers?" Joel moaned and his thumb connected with your clit, rubbing it at the same pace as he fucked you with his fingers. You bucked your hips and nodded as you moaned. "Use your words kitten," he taunts.
âFuck, yes. Yes, please oh my god. Joel, please.â You writhed against the sheets as you whimpered. âPlease keep calling me that.â You bit your lip as you squeezed your eyes shut.
âYouâre such a good kitty for me,â he said, a smug smirk playing on his face. You were impressed how easy it was for this man above you to turn you on and make a mess of you.
Joel leans his head back down, trapping your lips in yet another heated kiss. You felt your legs spread even more open for him as you felt yourself get close to your first orgasm of the night. His tongue slipped into your mouth after another gasp fell from your lips. You couldnât help but moan, whine and whimper as he continued to pleasure you. Your hands wandered to the back of his head pulling at hair softly making him moan into your mouth.
âFuck, I need you so bad.â He groaned as his thumb applied more pressure on your little nub. He curled his fingers forward with every penetration until your thighs shook.
âI need you more.â You whimpered as your body trembled underneath his.
His eyes stared into yours, lust and love written all over them. When he fastened his motions inside you, you moaned again and squeezed your eyes shut. A burning intense feeling, a tight coil in your lower abdomen made your back arch beneath him.
âOpen your eyes for me, my baby.â
You opened your eyes slowly, looking straight into his eyes. His intense gaze was what it took for you to come undone. The hot feeling spread all over your body, your body tingled, your hips moving at their own accord against Joelâs hand.
âYouâre doing so well for me angel,â He said proudly as his fingers slowed down, slipping out of you to rub your slit softly, still helping you ride out your orgasm.
As you came back to your senses, you felt his fingers slip away from your heat. You felt your pussy clench around nothing every now and then and were dripping down the sheets, which made you whimper helplessly. You needed him so bad. And now. Joel climbed off the bed, making quick work to remove all of his clothing. You were still in a daze, closing your eyes for a minute. Moments later you felt the bed dip.
You felt your legs being spread further apart with his strong hands. A loud broken moan left your lips at the feel of his mouth meeting your soaking wet pussy. He dove between your legs, licking a stripe up through your folds and teasingly dipping his tongue into your entrance before he travelled up to your clit, spreading your lips with his wet muscle and sucking your button into his mouth.
You practically screamed at his actions, arching your back slightly off the bed once again. You felt your body trembling terribly. You needed more. You tried to grind your wetness slowly against his lips as your body continued to shake.
Strong arms were suddenly locked around your thighs, securing your hips with his biceps, holding you still despite your attempts to grind your pussy against his lips.
âYou taste so good, baby girl. I could eat this pussy all day.â
You felt heat overwhelm your senses more as you felt Joel chuckle against your heat. His tongue was lapping sloppily at your lower lips. Squeaky, senseless noises came out from your throat. You were squirming, it was so good you could barely even figure out what he was doing with his tongue.
âFuck, Joel baby, oh my gooooodâ you cried out loud. You were certain that if people walked outside your house that they would have heard you by now. He sucked lazily at your clit while he moved to slip two fingers into you. Joel eventually sucked harder on your clit, still occasionally swirling his tongue around your little bud while moving his fingers inside you a bit faster. You kept chanting his name between moans as you now hold onto his hair with both of your hands.
âPlease, Iâm so cloooooose.â You whined.
As Joel sucked your clit harder, you gasped loudly as you felt your whole body trembling even more and then you felt your body tense as you came against his mouth. Your whole mind felt like exploding and all you could see were stars. You felt truly overwhelmed by the amount of pleasure and emotions you were experiencing. Your body continued to tremble as you felt yourself come down from your high.
You felt Joelâs tongue still licking up your pussy as he retreats his fingers from your pulsing hole. His mouth felt heavenly, but you whined at the sensitivity. He moaned as he licked against your tight hole, licking up your release, his tongue prodding your entrance.
âT-too much.â You whimpered at the overstimulation.
Joel ignored your pleads, moaning against your heat as he continued to eat you out. The man you love so much that was between your legs kept sliding his tongue up and down your sensitive slit. Your little mewls and other noises spur him on, to move his lips back up to your clit. He sucked the nub softly between his lips. You were grinding your hips against his face as moans kept spilling off your lips. This time he didnât hold you back from fucking his face. Eventually he leaned down, slipping his tongue into your entrance, he curled the muscle upward to brush your walls, the sight of your fingers bunching the fabric of the sheets in a tight grip encouraging him to do it again.
You were a mess of his name, you chanted his name over and over again. Your hips moved against his face as you continued to whimper and moan breathlessly underneath him. Writhing below him, you felt him lick up and press against a sensitive spot inside that had you seeing stars, while your hips bucked against his face uncontrollably. Defiance and greed consumes your thoughts, your fingers once again gripped onto his peppered hair rather harshly and hips pushed against his face to shove his tongue deeper into your hole.
âAhhh Joeeeeelââ you drag out. You were really so close, you just needed one more little push.
âCome for me kitten,â he whispered against you, before plunging his tongue back inside you as his thumb came up to press against your little bundle of nerves. That does it, your dam broke down as you came against his mouth as your whole body wouldnât stop trembling. You came with a loud whine, your hips stuttering as your vision turned white. You cry out his name, your voice unable to remain steady. Your fingers were tightly woven through Joelâs hair and your hips pushed so far against his face, you almost thought you were suffocating him.
âYouâre always doing so good for me baby, I love you so much my sweetheart.â Joel whispered against you. As you slowly came down to reality again and you tried to catch your breath, you heard him praising you softly while he continued to lap at your wetness gently, until you whined because the overstimulation was getting too much for you. You Nudged your leg against his face as you tried to squirm away from him, Joelâs mouth finally detached from your heat.
He quickly licked the wetness off his lips and the places he could reach before he crawled up to you with a smile, to kiss you deeply, cupping your face in his hands. You moaned at the taste of yourself against his tongue, your eyes fluttering against his skin while you kiss, his wet beard against your face, your arms wrapped around him to pull his body closer against yours. You sighed, against his mouth, you felt yourself melt in his embrace already. You can feel his soft mouth smiling against yours, as the kiss gets more heated.
Soon your hands start to grip his body tighter against yours, your legs tangling together. It's like you're both starved, this insatiable hunger for each other.
You couldnât help but roll your hips against his to feel his cock. It turned slick as you kept grinding yourself against him, and he had no trouble gliding his hips against you and rutting it into your clit.
âOh, fuckâ Joel rasped, and it was because he reached down and grasped himself to line up between your lips and slide. He kept rubbing the head of his cock from your entrance, up to your clit, circling until you squirm underneath him, and back down. He loved the sounds you made as he spread his precum around your slit, where you are still dripping for him.
You gasped openly into his mouth, desire growing quickly. You quickly realised by the way he felt while he rubbed against you that he was huge. You were still so wet, but the thought of him finally entering you with his big cock made you wetter. Joel swallowed your whines with his lips against yours, hips rolling against yours. He kissed you full with fervour, his grip on you intensifying heatedly.
You were trembling against him, filled with anticipation. His broad body covered your body with his. Loving how bigger and taller he was than you. You writhed against him, wishing he was just in you already and filling you up and making you see white.
âAre you ready for me darlinâ?â He whispered as he looked deep into your eyes. âLet me know if you want me to stop and I will.â He promised.
You bit your lip and nodded, too shy and excited to talk, as you rubbed your pussy against his dick.
âFuck,â he grunted, âI need you to use your words kitty.â
âYes,â you whispered breathlessly.
âIâll try to go slow at first, okay, sweetheart?â He said before leaning back down to kiss your lips again, he reached down and grasped himself to line up between your lips and slide. He rubbed the tip firmly over your swollen clit then moved down to your wet tight hole and your mind was all over the place.
âP-please J-JoelâŠâ you stuttered as your body trembled even more underneath him.
He rubbed himself up and down your slit for a while longer before one of his hands lean down to spread your outer lips sliding his dick teasingly around your core. You arched your back slightly and whimpered loudly out of frustration.
The moment you want to beg him again he leaned down to line it up with your entrance. Your legs trembled underneath him, a mix of nerves and excitement. Joel slid the tip in so slowly it was agonising. Your lips part with a gasp. He was careful, like he was afraid you might break. You let out a long broken whine as he gradually pushed more of him inside you. You whined at the stretch of him. He was so big. You thought big was an understatement, heâs huge. Your tight pussy clenched around him as it tried to accommodate his massive girth. Joel continued to push more of his cock inside you. He leaned down to kiss your lips gently as he moved more inside, hoping the sweetness of the embrace will soften the sting.
His hips stilled once he heard you gasp loudly. âSo fullâŠâ
âDo you think you can handle more?â He smiled tenderly as he looked down at you.
âT-t-thereâs m-more?â You stammered with wide eyes.
âYeah,â he said breathlessly.
âPlease,â You closed your eyes and whined as you nodded. You gripped the bed sheets between your fingers as you begged him for more.
âGood girl,â he groaned softly. You thought there wasnât a possibility to get more wet but as he said those words you felt your heat get sopping wet. Your pussy continued to pulse and clench around his cock as he moved deeper inside you.
Once he bottomed out, you felt his tip kiss your cervix. Joel let his body rest against yours as he allowed you to adjust to his size. You felt so full, as if he was made for you, and only you. The feeling of him filling you up so completely had you seeing stars and digging your fingernails into his shoulders.You felt one of his hands finding your hand, lacing them with yours as the other one reached up to your face.
His breathing was heavy as you squeezed his cock repeatedly. Small whimpers left your lips as you squirm underneath him.
You needed more.
You slowly opened your eyes to look up at him with pleading eyes. âPlease, Joel.â
âMy sweet girl needs me to move?â He asked teasingly, as he cocked his head to the side.
âYes, please.â You begged as your pussy clenched around his thickness rather hard which made him moan. âI need you to fuck me so bad.â
He licked his lips before he nodded quietly and started moving slow and deep, one hand reached down to play with your clit, while the other held your hand tightly. The sting was hurting for a while, but it easily morphed into a more pleasurable feeling as he moved against you. Youâre so overstimulated from all your previous orgasms that the sensation he was giving you is mixed between pain and pleasure.
He grunted as he dropped his head to your ear to kiss and lick at the sensitive skin just below it.
âSuch a tight pussy,â he groaned.
The angle was so good, but when his pace picked up he finally leaned down to wrap his arms around you, the action made you gasp and you grab at the sheets around you, to fuck you harder and faster.
âYouâre taking me so well, baby. Doing so so, good for me. Y-youâre so perfect.â He whispered as he nuzzled his face against your neck.
You whimpered as his lips moved back up to your lips, enveloping them in a passionate kiss. At a certain point you felt the end of his strokes slide into a pressure point in your core that has you clenching like a vise around his dick. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head from the pleasure he was providing you. A loud noise like nothing youâve ever made escaped your throat, a strange cry of his name.
âFeeling good sweetheart?â He grunted, a small smirk forming on his lips.
His mouth covered your own instead as he swallowed your mewls, you could feel the tightness return in your belly, the tight coil that pulled tight, tight, tighter. His lips slid away from yours, wet and swollen and his breathing harsh as he tried to suck in air again, and everything was too much. It was just too much for you to handle.
He quickened his pace, his hips snapped up to yours to a fast tempo. âThis pussy was made for this cock, isnât it, baby girl?â
His hands couldnât get enough of you, sliding around your hips and lower back, wanting to feel all of you, touch you everywhere. You moaned at the feeling of his speed, your fourth? orgasm of the night, coming so close. Your arms wrapped around him and your nails dig in his back making him groan. The feeling of the coil tightening in your belly, tingling down to your legs, ready to snap at any moment.
âYouâre so beautiful,â he whispered, cursing under his breath when you purposefully tighten your walls around him. âYou look so pretty when youâre stretched around my cock, Christ I bet youâd look so pretty full of my cum too.â
âPleaseâŠâ you moaned as you thought about him filling you up. âPlease Joel, fill this pussy up.â
He groaned as he buried his face into your neck as he fucked into you, making the whole bed rattle at his force.
âYou want to cum sweetheart?â
You nodded frantically at his words with your eyes closed as you bit your lip harshly. He brought one of his hands down, rubbing your clit with enough pressure to ensure youâd cum.
âF-fuck fuuuck, Joel-Joel, oh my god. Iâm going toâ!â
âCum for me, my pretty angel. Let yourself go. Cum all over me.â He moaned against your ear.
Your whole body trembled as you came with a loud cry, your body squirming underneath his as you held his body closer to yours, your nails digging in his back, scratching it. That time around, the orgasm felt more intense than the others, you were feeling so overwhelmed by the pleasure. Joel groaned in your ear as your walls spasmed and pulsed around his cock, begging him to cum inside, desperate for him to fill you up the way he promised.
âFuck,â he moaned, pushing himself up as he thrust deeper into you, the head of his cock hitting your cervix repeatedly. âYou want me to fill this pussy up? Until itâs all full and messy?â
You nodded vigorously at his words, whining even more at the sensitivity. Your pussy squeezed around his cock in anticipation. âPleaseâŠâ
He groaned loudly, as he cummed inside you. The warmth of his seed filled you up and spread within your walls. You whimpered at the feel of his cum dripping out of you.
Once both of you caught your breaths, Joel leaned his forehead against yours before kissing you tenderly.
âPlease⊠stay.â You moaned softly.
âOf course baby,â he whispered before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.
âWant you to stay inside.â You whimpered as your pussy clenched around him.
Joel groaned, wrapping his arms around you before rolling both of you onto your sides. âanythinâ for you, baby.â
âI love you Joel.â You nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck, enjoying his strong hold on you.
âI love you too sweetheart. Youâre everythinâ to me.â
Both of you continued to caress each otherâs bodies, whispering sweet nothings, kissing and holding each other until you both fell into a slumber.
Joel caught your heart, promising to hold onto it forever.
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