#just put the weirdo in varying different environments of people's minds

[wtf-triassic]

Longisquama insignis

By Tas Dixon

Etymology: Long Scales

First Described By: Sharov, 1970

Classification: Biota, Archaea, Proteoarchaeota, Asgardarchaeota, Eukaryota, Neokaryota, Scotokaryota, Opimoda, Podiata, Amorphea, Obazoa, Opisthokonta, Holozoa, Filozoa, Choanozoa, Animalia, Eumetazoa, Parahoxozoa, Bilateria, Nephrozoa, Deuterostomia, Chordata, Olfactores, Vertebrata, Craniata, Gnathostomata, Eugnathostomata, Osteichthyes, Sarcopterygii, Rhipidistia, Tetrapodomorpha, Eotetrapodiformes, Elpistostegalia, Stegocephalia, Tetrapoda, Reptiliomorpha, Amniota, Sauropsida, Eureptilia, Romeriida, Diapsida, ???

Time and Place: 242 million years ago, in the Ladinian of the Middle Triassic

Longisquama is known from the Madygen Formation of Kyrgyzstan

Physical Description: Longisquama was a small, somewhat lizard-like reptile reaching somewhere around 8 or 9 centimeters in body length from snout to tail - though this is uncertain, as tail elements are not preserved at this time. It had very large, hockey-stick shaped scales in a single row going along its back, with some of the longest scales being as long as the body of the animal - or longer, we really don’t have its tail. They go from somewhat long towards the head, reaching a peak length right after this, and then shrink in size as they go towards the tail - probably. Again, we don’t have a lot in terms of preserved elements of this animal, and while we know they were shaped like hockey sticks, there is a chance the fronds may have varied in size or shape or extended more on the back. They were attached to the spine by knob-like attachment points, similar to follicles for other integumentary structures like hair. There was probably soft tissue surrounding this follicle to keep the scale steady. The fronds had a raised ridge down the middle, with horizontal bars going up and down the length of the scale. The head of Longisquama was small, ending in a short point with tiny teeth inside, and it had a small head. It appears to have been quadrupedal - maybe, we don’t really have hind limbs - and with its legs splayed out to the side on its body. It was also quite skinny, based on the size of its ribcage. 

Diet: Longisquama was probably an insectivore, eating the variety of different insects that were present in its environment. 

Behavior: We really have no idea what the long scaled were used for. They were probably for display, nothing like feathers at all, and would have looked pretty to other Longisquama. They may have even been iridescent, much like many lizard scales, allowing them to display to each other in their deeply green and dense forested environment. There is no evidence that they would have been suitable as flying structures, and honestly beyond that we have no idea. There doesn’t seem to be evidence that they were used like Synapsid sails for cooling, either. Display is the best idea we have at this point. As for other behaviors, it probably would spend a good chunk of time in trees, and may have been social in doing so - the display structures do seem to imply a certain amount of social behavior. As far as parental care or other complex social structures, however, we have no evidence either way. 

Ecosystem: The Madygen was a deeply forested environment, with dense coniferous trees surrounding extensive lakes set in deep mud. This very wet and very green environment meant that there weren’t a lot of large animals present - instead, most of the animals were adapted for the trees and catching each other and plantlife among the branches. This extensively muddy and sticky environment means that a wide variety of animals - especially insects - were preserved well in the formation. Other creatures include the leg-glider Sharovipteryx; the Drepanosaur Kyrgyzsaurus; a mysterious probable-salamander Triassurus; a primitive cynodont Madysaurus; the Reptiliomorph Madygenerpeton; sharks such as Fayolia, Lonchidion, and Palaeoxyris; and many ray-finned fishes like Alvinia, Megaperleidus, Sixtelia, Ferganiscus, Oshia, and Saurichthys. As for insects, there too many to list: the earliest Hymenopterans (the group including wasps, bees, and ants); the great Titanopterans like Gigatian; moths, beetles, crickets, mosquitos, flies, grigs, and even mysterious Triassic insects with no close modern relatives. Seriously, you don’t want me to list them all - there’s hundreds of species on Fossilworks alone! So there was plenty for Longisquama to chow down on. 

Other: Oh Longisquama. Such a poorly preserved animal. Locked away in Russia, far away from the prying eyes of so many in this world. Unstudied, unloved. And yet, from the few photographs we have of its fossil, so many have insisted - insisted - we know exactly what it is. The enigmatic nature of Longisquama and it's completely poor fossil record (and, again, entrapment in Russia) have left it as a sort of Schrodinger’s Triassic Weirdo. What is it? What is it related to? What are those frond things? Does it play a role in the evolution of other groups? 

Here’s the thing, though. Longisquama is so poorly preserved and all we have are pictures of the fossil unless you want to go to Russia, badger some Russians, and look at the fossil - which very few people actually want to do. So, that having been said, we can’t use it for anything, basically, and we certainly can’t say anything about the fossil. 

We do know some things:

The long ribbons on Longisquama are not leaves it fell on top of. There are enough fossils of Longisquama to reinforce that it has these fronds every time, and they weren’t really shaped like any known plant leaves anyway. I know, it’s a bummer. 

It’s not a Dinosaur. It lacks Archosaur features, as far as we can tell from the fossil photos. So, if it’s not an Archosaur, it’s not a Dinosaur. 

It is not a Bird Precursor. While Longisquama - and quite a few other reptiles of the Triassic - convergently evolved similar facial features in the superficial sense to birds, they weren’t actually that similar on the skeletal level - they aren’t archosaurs! - and none of the rest of the skeleton resembles birds. Furthermore, we have one of the best transitional sequences ever known specifically for bird evolution - we have in the fossil record every step of the process from ancestral archosaur to bird, through the dinosaur family tree. The sheer number of feathered dinosaur fossils and other features found in dinosaurs such as similar hand configuration, body shapes, skeletal structures, and behaviors have left no doubt in the minds of the vast majority of scientists that birds are dinosaurs and, therefore, not descendants of Longisquama. 

It’s not a Pterosaur precursor. Literally all studies of its classification puts it far away from pterosaurs; furthermore, there are no clear links between Longisquama and the early pterosaurs of the Triassic period. While Pterosaur evolution isn’t quite as clear as bird evolution, we also have decent reason to believe pterosaurs are Archosaurs; meaning, Longisquama isn’t their ancestor. 

The fronds aren’t feathers. Even if feathers were that deep in terms of reptile ancestry that it was retained through many stages of evolution from Longisquama to early dinosaurs and pterosaurs, there is no evidence for this trait in living non-avian reptiles like Crocodilians (no, they don’t carry a feather gene, they just have the same protein that feathers are made out of) or Lizards, and thus the odds of these being weird pre-feathers is low. Instead, they are most likely highly modified scales. 

So, what is it? We don’t know. Maybe a Drepanosaur (more on those weirdos later). Maybe just a completely separate lineage of Triassic Weirdos. Probably an Archosauromorph? Maybe something else entirely? A Diapsid. We know it was a Diapsid. And that will have to be enough for now. 

~ By Meig Dickson 

Sources Under the Cut

Alifanov, V. R., and E. N. Kurochkin. 2011. Kyrgyzsaurus bukhanchenkoi gen. et sp. nov., a new reptile from the Triassic of southwestern Kyrgyzstan. Paleontological Journal 45(6):42-50. 

Fischer, J.; Voigt, S.; Schneider, J.W.; Buchwitz, M.; Voigt, S. (2011). "A selachian freshwater fauna from the Triassic of Kyrgyzstan and its implication for Mesozoic shark nurseries". Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology. 31 (5): 937–953. 

Ivakhnenko, M. F. 1978. Tailed amphibians from the Triassic and Jurassic of Middle Asia. Paleontological Journal 1978(3):84-89. 

Sharov, A. G. 1970. An unusual reptile from the Lower Triassic of Fergana. Paleontological Journal 1970(1):112-116. 

Sharov, A. G. 1971. Novye letayushche reptilii is Mesosoya Kazachstana i Kirgizii [New Mesozoic flying reptiles from Kazakhstan and Kirgizia]. Trudy Paleontologicheskiya Instituta Akademiy Nauk SSSR 130:104-113. 

SHCHERBAKOV, Dmitry (2008). "Madygen, Triassic Lagerstätte number one, before and after Sharov". Alavesia. 2 (5): 125–131. 

Tatarinov, L. P. 2005. A new cynodont (Reptilia, Theriodontia) from the Madygen Formation (Triassic) of Fergana, Kyrgyzstan. Paleontological Journal 39:192-198. 

Unwin, D. M., V. R. Alifanov, and M. J. Benton. 2000. Enigmatic small reptiles from the Middle-Late Triassic of Kirgizstan. In M. J. Benton, M. A. Shishkin, D. M. Unwin, E. N. Kurochkin (eds.), The Age of Dinosaurs in Russia and Mongolia. Cambridge University Press, Cambridge 177-186

#longisquama #longisquama insignis #diapsid #reptile #triassic #triassic madness #triassic march madness #Prehistoric Life #paleontology

[welcome-to-the-petting-zoo]

Hey guys! I was wondering if any of you could offer me some tips on calming yourself down or lessening stress? Because of my contamination fears and the fact that I live in the U.S. everything has been piling up. My family doesn’t rlly take me or anything seriously either. So I’ve been falling into fits of “I’m not going to be able to leave the house in years, what’s the point in being here” and general other bad thoughts so I wonder if anything you known could help calm me down? Thanks!

Hey there Anon,

TP here. I'm so sorry you're struggling like this, and especially that your family can't/won't provide you with the support you need.

I'm going to try to collect some general advice and some healthy coping techniques, maybe you can find something here that can relieve your stress. I don't know enough about your lifestyle, specific issues and circumstances to tailor the list to your needs too much, but I'll try to bring up some varied points so maybe there is something you'll find useful.

There are things you can do in the moment to relieve stress and then there are things that are more preventive or work over a longer period, I'll try to cover both categories.

Let's start with in the moment relief:

Grounding. The same way grounding techniques can help with dissociative symptoms, they are also a great tool for stress relief. If you can take a moment to collect yourself, it can help you avoid blowing up or imploding into a depressive mess. There are great breathing exercises geared towards stress relief, but you can also do some physical practices, like putting your hands together in front of you like you were praying, and pressing your palms together as hard as you can, for as long as you can. This will release the physical tension in your body and with that, some of the emotional charge will dissipate too.

Depending on whether your stress manifests as anger, you can also do anger relief exercises, such as trying to rip a piece of cardboard in as many pieces as you can, or, my personal favourite, taking an old pair of sneakers and throwing them against the ground or an outdoor wall, because that won't harm either the wall or the shoes, and it's loads better than turning that anger on yourself or another person. Of course if you can manage your anger without having to act on it, all the better, but if you feel like you're about to explode, blowing off the steam in a non-dangerous way that still allows you to express your destructive urges can work.

This is extreme, but if you have the environment (e.g. you can go to a place away from humanity), you can even try to just scream as loudly as you can. I've never tried this method, but some people swear by it.

Remove yourself from the situation/environment. I know it can be super hard during the pandemic, but if you have the chance, just taking a walk, especially if you can go somewhere devoid of people in nature, is one of the best ways to clear your head and give yourself the space you need to calm down. What I often do is, I get on my bike and take a long ride on some abandoned back roads, which of course is a very special privilege most people don't have, but if you can carve out a little space for yourself somewhere, that can do wonders.

If you can't leave the house because of your fear of contamination or any other reason, I would advise you put on a pair of headphones, if you have noise cancelling ones, those are the best, but basically any pair will do, lie down on your bed and listen to music or nature sounds for a while. I live listening to the sea, or forest noises. There are several free apps you can download that let you create your own sound scapes from different sound elements, so you can tailor your experience to your specific tastes. If lying still is too hard or distracting, you can also try pacing while listening, just make sure you keep to a slow and steady stroll so you won't end up accidentally winding yourself up even more.

You can try doing some yoga, workout or sport. There are a lot of exercises you can also do indoors and generally, moving your body is a wonderful thing, it relieves stress, releases some happy chemicals and tires you out so you won't feel anxious anymore. Basically how this works is, emotions have physical "symptoms" and they work both ways. If you're experiencing the bodily sensation, you'll get the emotion as well, which also means, if you can stop the physical symptom, the emotion will go away too. For example, if you make yourself smile even though you're in a bad mood, you'll soon start feeling better, or the thing when people get anxious or angry because they are hungry and they can feel a knot in their stomach... It works just like that with anxiety/stress as well, if you can relieve the tension from your body, you'll also feel less stressed.

You can try stim toys or other equipment that's geared towards people with sensory integration issues. These tools were developed for people who get easily overwhelmed, so they are extremely efficient for relieving stress. There are tons of different kinds, so you can experiment with what feels right for you. Maybe it's a squishy toy, maybe a weighted blanket, or something you can bite into or a logic puzzle to stimulate your brain. As I said, there are loads of resources out there, and I'm positive there is something you could benefit from, and well, these tools are there for anybody who needs them, so feel free to experiment with them!

Okay, so let's take a look at the longer term things.

Meditation is one of the most awesome things ever. If you're not into spirituality, or if you think it's bullshit, rest assured, that's where I came from too... Until I've tried it. It helped me so much with my insomnia and other stress related issues, and well, it's not like I'm suddenly a hardcore Buddhist or something (not that there is anything wrong with that either, meditation and spirituality/any religion can absolutely go hand in hand), because in the end I like being my weird pragmatic self, but even so, meditation is something I love doing, it gives me peace and teaches me how to relax and come closer to understanding what my body needs and how to pay attention to it. There are also very cool resources for that, both apps and podcasts/YouTube channels that have guided meditation materials or that teach you different techniques.

If you have the spoons, please, do exercise! It is so damn helpful and important, but I also know it's something that can be super hard and I also struggle with it a lot, but whenever I actually manage to move around just for a few minutes, I feel so accomplished and so well physically and mentally.

Try to express your emotions in different ways. Create awesome vent art (your skill level doesn't matter, you can literally be scribbling on a piece of paper, or squishing a block of clay into a shapeless lump, it's not about artistic quality)! Experiment with different media and techniques, write, draw, sculpt, make collages out of magazine cuttings, press flowers, knit emotional sweaters, whatever your preferred method is, creating is a truly healing experience. It allows you to collect your thoughts and emotions and express them in a way that engages your brain in a different way than just thinking about it does, and it turns the negative emotions into positive experiences of creation and relaxation.

Ask someone to give you a massage. Again, back to the whole body and mind influence each other thing, not to mention that massages feel awesome and if it's a friend or loved one giving it, it also creates intimacy and a shared good moment which in and of itself can help a lot.

Talk about it! Seriously, fuck those people who tell you it's somehow wrong to talk about your issues or that you're being a burden. YOU'RE NOT! If you're in distress or you just feel like you need a talk, just do it! If you have noone to talk to, just get back to me, I'll be happy to listen if that means you're feeling better. There will ALWAYS be people who would happily listen to your venting if that would make you feel relief.

Finally, if this is something that's an option for you, consider talking to a therapist or your healthcare provider. They might be able to point you in the direction of some resources or talk about the possibility of temporary medicinal treatment until the pandemic blows over.

I hope this helps a little bit, and of course, if you have any follow-up questions, I'll be happy to elaborate on any of the points. I'm sorry for not including specific links or resources, but I'm a disabled weirdo and right now typing this out is all I have in me. But if you can't find something, or would like specific recommendations, get back to me and I'll look into the specifics for you.

Best of luck,

TP

#tp answers #stress relief #healthy coping mechanisms

[authorticity]

For the transformers ask meme you reblogged several days ago: 3, 4, 13, 14, 23, 27, 32, 38, 40

Eyy!

3: Favorite Autobot?

All? Of them??? I really like Optimus, Magnus and Ratchet; but the more I write them, the larger a soft spot I have for Bulkhead, Arcee and Rodimus. And Whirl and Swerve. This is about as ‘favorite’ as I’m going to get here, unfortunately; whichever one’s at the top of the list varies from hour to hour. It’s a big cast, can you blame me?

4: Favorite Decepticon?

Probably either Soundwave, Starscream, or Knock Out, although for very different reasons. Soundwave is surprisingly unassuming for an antagonist; whereas Knock Out just had nerve for days. He has absolutely no social fear whatsoever; which is a very entertaining trait to have in a workplace environment that encourages stabbing as a form of conflict resolution.

And Starscream’s just fun. Screechy, murderous fun. I make no excuses.

As I was writing this, it made me remember how much fun Shockwave is, too. It’s a big cast I’m sorry

13: Least favorite Decepticon?

There was this weird little mind-control-y Insecticon in the IDW comics. Bumbshell? Him. He’s creepy and I don’t care for him.

Also, screw Airachnid. She’s so much fun to dislike.

14: Least favorite Autobot?

Would it be cheating to say Getaway?

Would it be cheating to say Sentinel?

Trash boys. Bastards. So awful you love them.

Picking out favorites was tough because I couldn’t choose. Picking out least favorites is tough because I like most of the characters at least a little.

23: Favorite underrated character?

to be fair, I haven’t gotten far enough into the comics to meet her, but I always felt like there was a lot of wasted potential with Elita One.

Also, Ten. He’s a sweetheart who deserves much love and also a class in goddamn sign language.

27: A bot you’d want to be best friends with?

I am also a literary nerd with a flair for the dramatic and limited social ability, so I feel like I’d enjoy being friends with Orion Pax.

I am also a melodramatic weirdo with an irritating voice, so I will also say Starscream. Having a front row seat to him and his aura of nonsense would be the most entertaining thing ever; and I’m very easy to manipulate, so i think he’d be open to the idea.

32: Favorite altmode?

Wheeljack turns into a racecar that is certainly not street legal. I love the fact that he went out and found the most noticeable car possible, and came back and unironically went “Yup, found the perfect camouflage, sir. No trouble here.”

38: How did you get into Transformers? 

I was aware of it from a young age; in that I would be fascinated by the toys and enjoyed the cartoons when they were on; but I paid way too much attention to gender norms as a small child. This wasn’t enforced or encouraged by my parents or anything; i just picked up weird ideas on what I was ‘allowed’ to like, and what was for ‘little kids’ or ‘boys’ or what have you.

Years later, I stumbled on a meme about MTMTE and did some researching; and was charmed by the amount of care and skill someone had put into something that I had so easily dismissed as a kid. The lesson that you should enjoy or dislike something on its own merits rather than how it relates to your perception of yourself  is one I wish I had learned a lot sooner.

40: What would you do if the Autobots landed on Earth right now and asked for your help?

Contact Amnesty International for them???

Well, honestly, first impressions would probably involve a lot or suppressed terror. but if they were adamant they really need my, personal help, I guess I’d do my best. That’s not really a situation you just walk away from, even if it’s not giant robot aliens. When people who’ve been through as much as the Autobots say, “We need you to do this thing for us,” there’s really only one moral thing to do, isn’t there?

[enbyflock2]

Cisgender Men in the Field of Music: A Phenomenon! (?)

(Disclaimer: the discussion questions raised at the end about body transitions and hormones, in no way, discredits anyone that wants to go through with that process for themselves, [or has made that decision for themselves]. I fully support and understand anyone that wants to go through transitions or take hormones. There are many valid reasons to fully transition).

           As a non-binary, assigned-male-at-birth transgender person who is pursuing a music education degree, I have always been curious about music’s effect on people at both the social and psychological level. Socially, it was always of interest for me in high school to see that the creative spaces in my school system was where there tended to be the broadest range of students in different socio-economic classes. This was usually not the case within sports, where I noticed that football and basketball tended to appeal to the students in upper socio-economic classes and, of course, they were separated by gender. I was also pleasantly amused and socially relieved by the straight, cismale senior drum major putting on a dress occasionally at marching band rehearsals, and amused by my straight, cismale friends throwing on dresses at campfire night to dance to my guitar playing and singing when I was senior drum major.

Psychologically, music has been of interest to me because I have grown up with my sister who has Asperger’s and observed the way music has affected her. I had a couple friends in high school with Asperger’s, one being involved with arts and the other being involved with music for a short time. I remember being curious about the effect these creative spaces had on them, and remembering my band teacher once pointing out that this friend of mine had an exceptional sense of intonation and rhythmic precision on his clarinet. I remember, growing up, being absolutely mesmerized by Evelyn Glennie, the world-renowned deaf percussionist, and occasionally watching the videos of Oliver Sacks interviewing savants and recording their incredible performances on musical instruments. At a personal level, I have been very curious about my own self and my relationship and identity within music, as I now recognize that music can have the ability to alleviate my social dysphoria and, to a certain extent, my body dysphoria, as music can be incredibly helpful with establishing a positive relationship to one’s body.

           With these interests in mind, I decided to interview cisgender men in the music department here at University of Puget Sound. I talked with ten of them, and decided to get two from every instrumental department: woodwinds, brass, strings, singers, and accompanists/percusssionists. I interviewed a clarinetist and flute player, a tuba and euphonium player, two violists, a tenor voiced singer and a baritone voiced singer, and two pianists. I wanted to get one accompanist and one percussionist, but I struggled to find a percussionist with a music degree. I was okay with any and all types of music degrees: music education, music performance, bachelor of arts in music, and even double majors, with one major being in an outside field and the other being a BA in music. The interview questions were very open-ended, and I tried to interview them in pairs. The questions brought them to reflect on their past and present life experiences. The questions asked them about involvement with sports, their reactions to music making in the past and present, and their perceptions of gender. Each interview session ranged from about forty minutes to an hour.

           To be honest, I was not surprised with any of the answers that were given. However, I was definitely intrigued by all of their personal responses and anecdotes. While many of the answers were varied and personalized, there are trends and conclusions that I reached from the interview sessions.

           In regards to questions such as involvement with sports and reactions to making music in the past, there was a broad range of answers given. I heard a wide diversity of sports mentioned, such as soccer, track and field, cross-country, weightlifting, swim team, baseball, football, basketball, wrestling, ultimate frisbee, and lacrosse. There was also a spectrum in regards to levels of involvement with the sports: from absolutely no involvement with sports all the way to high involvement with sports. There was the question of how sports conflicted with music, if at all. The guys that played sports occasionally or at a lesser level of commitment tended to have little to no conflict between making music and playing sports. The two men that had the most conflict with sports were Davis and Sam. Davis, a junior clarinet performance major with emphasis on education, was very involved with baseball in school. Davis told me “I wanted to play it in college up until junior year [of high school]… I was Varsity captain my senior year… I was a pretty good player.” With conflicts between baseball and making music, Davis told me “there was a certain amount of insensitivity from my coach and my band director when I had miss things for something else… there was a time I got sat down in a game because I had to miss a practice for a jazz band concert… and I wanted to be like, ‘Coach, they’re my team too, you know.’” Sam, a sophomore music education major, played the most sports out of the interview group, playing baseball, football, soccer, track and field, and doing weightlifting. Opposite from Davis, Sam felt like there were many opportunities for conflict, but he “made it work for [himself].” The only comments he got from coaches or band teachers were occasional passive-aggressive comments that he found he could easily brush aside.

           One of the questions I posed to the group was “If you remember the first time you picked up an instrument or started singing, what was your initial reaction? Did you find it more intellectually stimulating, an emotional experience, both, or neither?” Then I posed the questions “What are your initial reactions to making music today, in the present?… If your reaction has changed or developed over the years, why do you think it has?” For these questions, I received a variety of responses, but then also great consistency within certain answers. The two majors whose primary instrument is their voices described their initial experiences with music to be very emotional. For the instrumentalists that could vaguely remember their first time with singing, most of them remembered the initial reaction as more emotionally driven than intellectual. However, for the instrumentalists, there was large variety in their responses for the first time they picked up an instrument. Sam’s reaction was very emotionally based when he first picked up the tuba, as was Taylor’s, a senior music education major, when he picked up piano. However, Henry, a sophomore economics bachelor of science major and music BA, remembered his initial experience on piano to be more intellectual. The two violists felt their initial experiences with violas was very intellectually driven. Jordan, a junior music education major, describes that, “When you first pick up a viola in fourth grade, it’s very hard to have an emotional response out of it. It’s just not how it works when you don’t know how to play it… Little Jordan really wanted to know how it worked!”

           What is unanimous though is that all of them have had a “balancing out” of reactions to making music now in the present. The men that saw it as more emotional first became drawn to a more intellectual perspective of music after studying in college, and the same goes vice versa. Some of the men still feel more drawn to their original perspective of making music above their newfound perspectives, but some feel drawn to their newer reactions, or have had a blend of both an intellectual and emotional reaction. When I asked them all if they feel ciswomen in the field of music would develop any differently with their reactions to making music in terms of intellectual or emotional stimulation, I received a unanimous questioning response along the lines of “Why would they react any differently?” Some of the responses I received elaborated further on this question and discussed on what terms they may react differently, which leads me into the answers on the perception of gender within music.

           There were common threads of discussion and themes that kept recurring when we talked about perception of gender within the field of music. One was that all of the men felt they did not receive direct messages telling them that pursuing music was an “unmanly” career path, but if they did receive any messages it was within indirect communication from others. Some of this indirect communication was received from the family environment with the concerns of making it financially and sometimes the value of the “male breadwinner” was brought into play, but the men that received these messages never felt the family was directly unsupportive. Taylor recalls living with his grandmother for his first fourteen years of his life and how “she was very old school in the way that she raised me, but she was open-minded… but the rest of my family… having twelve male cousins and four uncles, it was very ‘manly’ so to speak… no one would ever outwardly say that this was not a man’s thing to do… but my grandma once told the family that you can’t say to him this is not a man’s thing to do.” Some of the indirect communication was received from the school environment, as both Colin and Michael were made fun of in school, but never directly physically harassed or bullied. Colin, a junior flute performance major, recalled humorously, “I was made fun of middle school… especially for playing the flute, because the flute was viewed as a female-oriented instrument… and I was chubby and had long bleached hair. I was kind of like a little weirdo!”

           Another theme that appeared was one about privilege. Four of the men said something about sometimes feeling guilty that playing music seemed like a “selfish thing” to be doing, as not everyone has that privilege. Another theme was recognition that men are still somewhat dominant in certain areas of the field of music. While everyone unanimously agreed that cisgender women would not develop any differently from cisgender men in regards to their reactions to making music in terms of purely intellectual and emotional stimulation, there was a outlying discussion that cisgender women may only react differently probably because of the male dominance in certain fields of music. Colin points out that he sees a lot of irony in that his middle school environment for flute players was heavily gendered as a female oriented instrument, but today when he goes to flute clinics, most all of them are “gay men.” Zane, a senior music education major, said “I see a lot of women in the education field… but women pursuing conducting would feel differently from me, maybe, or probably, because of what they have to go through… especially because all the old masters in conducting are old dudes in general… I see a lot more women in professional orchestras than I do with women in conducting.”

           In regards to asking about their perception of their own identity within the male gender, there was always somewhat a response of “What does the ‘typical man’ even mean?” When the topic was further elaborated, there were common tropes that were brought up describing men in the field of music, such as “socially conscious,” “sensitive,” “intellectual,” “reserved,” “transcendent,” and even “gender neutral,” or “not gender specific.” Forrest, a senior viola performance major, described that “ever since middle school, all of my closest friends have been female… and I’m not sure why that is… all my female friends knew I was a straight guy with no gender identity crisis or confusion happening.” When I asked them, “Do you have a preconceived notion on what a “typical man” is?… Do you care to meet any of these notions at all?” there seemed to be a common thread of desiring to keep their internalized qualities of “manhood” that only serve their physical and mental well being, as well as their developed social and moral values they wished to keep.          

Doing this minimal, local “fieldwork” process was a lot of fun, but the topic of gender in music, and gender in general, is clearly one that leaves room for much more discussion and questions. It is also, obviously, one I have a lot of personally vested interest in.

           In my experience with music tying together kids from a variety of socio-economic classes in my primarily white hometown, it seems to be the same case for men in the field of music in regards to the stories they told me about what sports they played and their overall secondary education experience. I wonder if I would continuously receive the same variety in stories at a public university, or in an interview process with several more people drawn from both public and private universities.

I was very intrigued by how there were a large variety of initial reactions for both emotional and intellectual, but even the factor of singers feeling more emotionally drawn compared to violists being more intellectually drawn, and the wide spectrum of answers from wind and accompanist instruments, made complete sense. Singing is an activity that directly correlates from your relationship to your body, and vocal education at the fundamental level is structured to help you engage the entirety of your body through instructional activities. Violists, on the other hand, have to engage with their instrument very intellectually at first, as it is like a puzzle trying to learn how to play viola at the fundamental level. Brass and woodwind players understandably had a spectrum of initial responses, as woodwind and brass instruments are all designed very differently, and the reaction, I theorize, is mostly dependent whether or not the instrument is demanding you to have engagement with your body first or engagement with technical facility first. The pianists Henry and Taylor both had opposite responses, and even this makes sense. Piano is one of those instruments that allows for a large range of initial responses, as it is an instrument that allows for an initial approach of either exploration or heavy technical facility.

It makes sense that all of these responses have kind of balanced out in the present, and there have been both intellectual and emotional reactions within their life experiences. I theorize that musicians that are experiencing their instrument or voice as a bodily sensation initially come to learn more about the technical and theoretical side of music and this somewhat balance out their reactions. Likewise, it makes sense that the two violists in my group have found more emotional reactions within music making, as when you finally start to solve the “puzzle” of viola playing you can then feel more at ease with your naturalistic body movements to further enhance the sound. As someone that occasionally experiences body dysphoria but feels alleviated from it through playing saxophone and occasionally singing, I truly believe there is a correlation between involving your body with your instrument and voice and gaining an emotional reaction. It would be great to test this correlation with further tests and surveys reaching to other university music majors, and it could almost be made into an interesting psychological case study.

I am definitely interested in all the social aspects of my fieldwork study. Apparently a lot of the men felt like the field of music, as a whole, is not heavily “gendered.” I would be curious to see if ciswomen in the field of music would feel the same way, and if there would be differences in response between private and public universities. I am curious if they would think that they have a disadvantage in the field because of societal norms, sexism, or other situations. I wonder that, even if ciswomen may feel a disadvantage, if they feel like there is progress being made. As from my perspective, I feel like there is much progress made in the field of music with regards to perceptions of gender, but I am not entirely sure, because most of my perspective of the music field comes from this school.

When I received the answers about how all of their past environments responded to them for being cismen involved with music, I was happy to see that, even though they may have received indirect communication from the family and school environment not to pursue it, they also received great support from family and school. I was also happy to see that a few of the men made a conclusion that I often make towards gender, which is that binary gendered people are allowed to act in a way they see fit towards their gender. But it becomes problematic if they subjugate other people for not acting in the way they see fit to their personal perspective towards gender.

Which leads me to many broad areas of personal curiosity towards gender, dysphoria, and supposedly less “gendered” spaces such as music. I am similar to the men I interviewed in that I have received great family and friend support for pursuing my degree. However, I have had a fair share of backlash of indirect and direct communication telling me this was not a proper thing to do as a man, from both family and my past school environments, as well as general harassment and bullying in school for not acting like a man. I am often left to wonder about dysphoria, and whether or not if it is something purely internal and naturally set from birth, or if it is internalized and dependent on social environments, i.e. “nurture”? I wonder if people with dysphoria can internalize gender differently if they move around into varying other social environments, or if it is set after a certain age? Assuming that music and the arts are spaces that are not very “gendered” as I gathered from this fieldwork, would dysphoria even be triggered if more spaces outside of music were not so heavily “gendered?” These are not questions I know the answer to, but they are of relevance. With a new election term and an administration that will heavily stigmatize LGBT folks, the prospect of transgender people not receiving body transitions and hormones they want may be more likely, and the option of not ever going through these may continue to be seen as a considerable option. If areas outside of the music and the arts were less “gendered,” would dysphoria even be triggered as much, and will transgender people even feel the need to do body and hormone transitions? Are music and the arts one of the few places that can offer relief to dysphoria and social acceptance for gender nonconforming people, or could other social circles progress and learn that these differences in gender perception and expression should not be stigmatized?

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