“atticus is a dilf”
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“i’m an atheist but this is in gods hands now”
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“god wants me dead but i will not surrender”
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“if i turn my light off you can’t hear me”
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“i need to make a playlist for when it’s three am and rap god comes on and you try to rap it but then you messed up and then you stare at your unfinished essay in utter defeat”
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“to quote shakespeare, ‘thou art a dick’”
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“murdering a family member is just a really late abortion”
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“if i do lose my toes that should be rly funny cause then my parents would have the exact average of children Americans have, 1.9”
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“when I was younger, I wanted to be Mrs. Frizzle when I grew up”
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“who needs therapy when you can rant to your students?”
-my friend after our latin teacher recounted his fear of snakes that apparently stemmed from his childhood
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“its a date then, but not really a date because we’re just two bisexual besties who like shiny rocks”
-a conversation about going crystal shopping together
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“sometimes i see a child and the only thing i can think is ‘punt’.”
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“oh to be an axon terminal”
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“my ideal self? tall. skinny. Talks slowly. Moves slowly. Bald. Lives on Kamino.”
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