#kyman headcanon

[hatsunevitu]

for some reason i enjoy so much the idea of kyle actually genuinely liking cartman’s appearance. like, he would never admit it – especially to cartman – but somehow eric really is a perfect match for kyle’s preferences.

therefore he can’t possibly stand the idea of cartman changing his appearance to become more “beautiful” in other people’s opinions, because kyle likes him the way he already is — and kyle already is sure cartman is beautiful.

so eeeevery time cartman has even a tiniest thought of losing weight, kyle makes sure he will change his mind.

cartman: I don’t know, man, maybe I really should lose weight… I mean, I’m hot as hell right now, but imagine all those girls who will go completely insane when they see me all skinny and sexy?

kyle: Gross. I don’t want to even think about it.

cartman: Are you jealous, Kyle? Or are you just envious ‘cuz I get more females’ attention being big-boned than you do with your thin ass?

kyle: Don’t you flatter yourself, Fatass. When was the last time a girl looked at you without a terror on her face?

cartman: Oh, shut up, Jew! You’re just afraid you’ll look even uglier next to me.

kyle: So you’re going on a diet, right?

cartman: Right!

kyle: Okay, good luck with this. …Oh, wait, isn’t this a KFC restaurant right there? And, wow, look: I have fifteen bucks right here! Damn, that’s just perfect for a double portion of chicken...

cartman: No… you sneaky little…

kyle: Huh? What’re you saying? I didn’t quite catch it. Do you wanna join me, Cartman?

cartman: …I hate you so much, Kyle. You’re going to burn in hell for forever. More than that: I will turn your life to hell myself–

kyle: So you’re going or not?

cartman: …Yes.

ALSO yes he’d support cartman’s decision to lose weight for himself but he just hates the idea of cartman changing his body just for social standards. and i just want at least one person to completely adore cartman’s looks and compliment him and i think kyle’d be the one to do so. once he get over his embarrassment, he’ll start telling nice things to cartman once in a while and cartman who is absolutely not used to genuine praise will be so. fucking. happy. every time.

#also i hc that kyle absolutely not understand the concept of ‘beautiful’ and ‘ugly’ when it comes to peoples appearance #and idk THIS WOULD BE SO HEALING AND COMFORTING FOR CARTMAN #i love them and i love how they can absolutely adore and admire each other but will never admit it openly #(on the other hand cartman is absolutely in love with kyle’s hair like he can play with it and look at it for HOURS) #he thinks kyle’s haircolor fits kyle’s personality very well #i have a really big soft spot for this dynamic when both secretly admire each other #btw i srsly hope it doesn’t sound fatphobic /gen i was only trying to write close-to-canon dialogue ;( #also when they start dating kyle will totally go feral when he hears anyone call cartman ‘fatass’ #its his special petname for his bf u dont get it #south park #sp #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kyman #sp kyman #kyman headcanon #sp cartman #sp kyle

[cheescheesy]

racoon 🦝

#south park #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #south park fanart #headcanon #eric with fangs #he's so cute #kyman #kinda?? #the coon #coon and friends

[rx-aysgl]

On Kyle's Side: My Personal Take on Cartman And Kyle's Dynamic From Kyle's Point Of View

This is a four part essay in which i explore Cartman and Kyle's relationship, focusing primarily on Kyle's perspective. As said, i have broken it down into four different parts titled:

Sense of Identity

Martyr Complex and Competitiveness

Cartman

Their Relationship

There will be an extra chapter where i will make some additional commentary.

Hope you guys enjoy.

1. Sense of Identity and Selfishness

In the show Kyle is always concerned about “doing the right thing”, at least that's what he likes to tell himself. Though in reality, he is extremely selfish when push comes to shove and the reason for that stems from his constant questioning of his own identity and his stance in things. This makes him come off as rather inconsistent in a lot of ways. As a result, Kyle feels very lost. So what does he do? He decides to base his opinions and feelings and thoughts off of his environment because his own existance overwhelms him so much (eg. the "Tooth Fairy Tats 2000" episode). This puts him into this vicious cycle where he keeps getting lost even more due to not being able to pinpoint his own frame of thought and latching onto the external world that consists of many different people who have found their own way in life who also keep changing constantly and thus leaving all kinds of contradicting impressions on him. Throughout the series we see him try to change his apparence, religion, even his personality for the sake of fitting in (this also correlates to his martyr complex which i will get to). He creates this moral code for himself that he conditions himself to stick to in order to find his own identity and feel a sense of belonging but the sheer inconsistency of said moral code causes him to come off as indecisive, sometimes as a people pleaser and sometimes a hypocrite.

His defiance of a stable frame of mind pushes him to act on instinct and his momentary emotions while his refusal of self-acceptance causes him to distance his true self from others he considers close to him (Stan), hence the selfishness. It makes sense because how could someone get close to another when he can't even make peace with his own identity?

The reason i am mentioning this is to point out that since Cartman is so extreme in his beliefs and deliberately commits so many evil and selfish deeds, Kyle is obsessively drawn to him because it is so easy to call out and oppose him. Their polarity makes Kyle feel a sense of self he doesnt allow himself to truly make peace with and sugarcoat how fucked up he can be just like all the people in South Park that have wronged him but not enough to channel these feelings into. Cartman keeps Kyle grounded. Just like basically every other kid in the show, Kyle has done terrible things but he is so concerned about being right that he has to have Cartman by his side to make him escape from his own inner conflicts by reflecting it directly onto Cartman, the one person he is actually much more similar to more than he likes to think but he can only subconsciously acknowledge it.

2. Martyr Complex and Competitiveness

Another very essential aspect we need to pay attention to is Kyle's martyr complex. Kyle feels the need to not only to do the right thing but also to “sacrifice himself” for it. He is so self righteous to the point that not only does he not acknowledge his own flaws he also thinks he has to be and is some kind of heroic figure to others (eg. "Ginger Cow"), though this is more subtle compared to the other aspects of his personality.

The martyr complex causes Cartman to be seen as an even easier target than he already is and Cartman is more than willing to exploit Kyle for it hence feeding his very own complexes. They mutually feed off of each other to the point they are obsessed with each other and need each other. I would also like to point out that Kyle often shares some of his most vulnerable moments when Cartman is by his side in a suprising way (eg. choosing to stay by Cartman's side in the "You're Getting Old" and "Ass Burgers" episodes as an escape from Stan's depression at the time, crying with Cartman in "Kenny Dies" etc.) and vice versa. Though this is hard to notice on Cartman's side because Kyle conveys his vulnerability via confusion, sadness and desparation whereas Cartman does so via anger, jealousy and revenge.

3. Cartman

Cartman chastising Kyle like this most likely stems from how he believes Kyle was the catalyst to how fucked up he turned out to be due to his constant agression and bullying towards him in the earlier seasons, where he was mostly just a spoiled brat and nowhere near as bad as he is now. His pent up fury leads Cartman to also feel an extreme amount of envy towards Kyle with the reason of Cartman being a little more capable than Kyle at recognizing how him and Kyle share many similarities (being very emotionally driven, selfishness, neuroticism, stubbornnes, a habit of denying their own mistakes) who is in full denial of it on a conscious level. Cartman does try to get closer to Kyle and also the rest of his friends and seek their validation in the earlier seasons but as time goes by he realizes more and more that Kyle does not get the same treatment as him regardless.

Therefore, Cartman blames Kyle for his suffering and takes it all out on him in various disgusting ways because he thinks that Kyle deserves all the terrbile things happening to him.

It is very important to take into consideration how abhorrent Cartman's upbringing was and how influential it is to the way he feels towards Kyle. All of his childhood; he was raised with all kinds of abuse, neglect, extensive bullying and was depraved of almost all positive emotions. The result of this is Cartman ending up percieving positive emotions in a very traumatized, distorted and disturbing way. With this gradual build-up and "Scott Tennorman Must Die" being his breaking point by spreading fear to all of South Park and feeling an overwhelming amout of attention on him that he craved so much, Cartman ultimately comes to the conclusion that he can only and only validate himself by inflicting negativity on others. Independent from being conventionally "positive" or "negative" emotions, post-Scott Tennorman Cartman correlates all of his emotions to seeking attention and asserting himself as much as he can in means of a defense mechanism and in means of validating his own existance. His real feelings are filtered through a broken perspective, of which are conveyed intensely to the people he feels strongly about like Kyle or Liane.

How this all comes back to Kyle lies in the fact that Cartman also "benefits" from the way Kyle caters to his own problems via their seemingly very polarized relationship, not only does Cartman keep Kyle grounded as mentioned but Kyle does keep Cartman grounded as well.

At this point, their individual vicious cycles have become one, a constant play of cat and mouse; with both of them unable to differentiate which one is which, ever chasing.

4. Their Relationship

Describing their feelings towards each other as solely hate wouldn’t do justice to the times they tried so hard to keep the other in their lives (eg. the "Smug Alert" and "Skank Hunt" episodes) not only for the sake of just existing in each others lives or keeping in touch etc. but also to keep each other in their individual loops they are in, of which they cannot maintain with anyone else.

As a consequence Kyle and Cartman’s mutual obsession with each other leads them to go such lengths as saving each other multiple times. However, since there is a perpetual competitiveness between them due to Cartman's evny towards Kyle and Kyle's insatiable need to prove himself to be better than Cartman, they simply cannot stand each other’s happiness, especially if it involves someone really close to them, like a partner. Cartman ruining Kyle's potential romantic relationship with Nicole in "Cartman Finds Love" and Kyle trying to ruin Cartman's relationship with Heidi in "Doubling Down" and Kyle being unable to appreciate Cartman finally changing his ways for good and having a loving relationship and family in the Post Covid specials are all examples of both of them selfishly trying to involve the other in their own issues they should be able to deal with on their own, only have they not been such self absorbed people.

Their rivalry brings out the best and the worst in each other and they both know deep down that they are just like each other and they both hate it and feel an odd sense of comfort in it. That is exactly the reason why they simply cannot stand when the one of them goes on to have a happier life than the other. Not only do they feel as if they have lost some kind of battle but they also feel abandoned when it happens.

Extra Thoughts:

I find their relationship to be extremely complex and honest to god it has my multi media overthinker ass climbing up the walls and shitting furnitures. They are my favorite characters in the show and analyzing both of them was such treat to me. Due to some things i have mentioned in this essay especially on the last chapter, you can interpret some of them in the same vein as some kind of shipping subtext, even though this essay is essentially written in means of sheerly exploring this dynamic as it is. I honestly like keeping things really ambigious without necessarily categorizing relationships as romantic or platonic but if written properly i can enjoy both renditions of this relationship.

In order to clarify some things, i can enjoy romantic kyman ONLY AND ONLY in the condition of Cartman bettering himself over the years. I know it would be really difficult and may seem impossible to most of you but i find it an interesting and challenging story to think about and create content for. I believe that Eric is forever gonna stay as an asshole and i do not expect him to become an angel in the future. However I also think of him to be a really traumatized 8 year old, who is a really fucked up product of his really fucked up environment, a child who is smart enough to learn to be a better person, especially to those he values as his friends if given the proper opportunity. I do not think that their relationship will ever be a conventionally and classically an ideal one, especially from an outsider's perspective but Kyle and Cartman (and the entirety of South Park's cast) are both very far from being ideal human beings in the first place. At the end of the day, relationships can be very complex and unhealthy in real life, they always come in different colors and shapes. It is okay to explore a relationship in fiction without thinking it is the ideal relationship or the relationship you want to have in your own lives. It is okay to explore a relationship because it is interesting and well-written. This is what media literacy is all about.

As a disclaimer before some dumbass ship discourse happens, there are ofc some lines not to cross like the romanticization of inc*st, p*dophilia, r*pe and things like ww2 aus and shit btw. That being said, if you cannot separate fiction and reality to the extent i talked about in the previous chapter, this is your stupidity. Stop making it everybody's fucking problem.

anyways im gonna be extra deadass rn if someone gave me a 100k word long collage au that is written properly i would eat that shit up like theres no tomorrow. it doesnt even have to be romantic i just want more of them they are so interesting 😭😭😭 they also funny as fuck so the 2012 yaoi becomes even funnier. what a great dynamic godzamn 😭😭😭😭

Thanks for reading!!!

#south park #south park analysis #south park meta #sp #sp analysis #sp meta #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #sp discussion #south park headcanons #analysis #kyman #cartyle #kyle and cartman #dynamic analysis #media analysis #sp kyle #sp cartman #character analysis

[er1c-c4rtman]

Headcanon: Cartman is the shortest in his friend group

#E_C☆ #south park #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #Oh yesh I have a new artstyle now lol #kyman #I have another hc but I wanna draw art that goes with it soooo stayed tuned mates >_< #sp headcanons

[c0unt-fagu1a]

Kyman Headcanons

Kyle monitors Eric's Twitter/X so he doesn't get banned

They probably watch a shit ton of movies, but Kyle heavily dislikes horror movies, and his least favorite is Human Centipede. They've watched it once, and Kyle hates it. He'd leave the room if Cartman ever tried to get him to watch it again

Kyle sends Eric an alarming amount of Instagram reels/TikToks/dumb shit when he's severely bored

Not entirely Kyman, but Eric is genderfluid (Kyle doesn't care as long as they're both comfortable)

After a while, Eric begins to read the Torah (I think that's the name of the Jewish scripture. Please correct me if I'm wrong) (and when I say after a while, I mean six months to a year)

Eric also thinks about openly converting to Judaism (he does!!)

Shockingly, Eric can cook and bake (he's a housewife fr /j)

They have like 5 million cats (2. It's 2 cats.)

Kyle always steals Eric's clothes because they're "dirty" (he wears them)

Eric wears glasses, and though he hates them, Kyle loves them

It's the same with Kyle's hair– Kyle hates his hair, but Eric is actually obsessed over it.

Kyle calls Eric "Eric" when they're alone but "Cartman" in public. He doesn't use many other pet names

Cartman uses a ton of pet names, and they're mostly obnoxious (Kyle love them)

Eric also loves PDA, whereas Kyle pretty much only likes hand holding and a kiss on the cheek in public

Kyle calling Eric "Cartman" is like your parent saying your full name for them

Cartman overexaggerating absolutely everything in their relationship

Eric is a Zodiac Girl

I suggest (later down the line):

Eric is learning how to make traditional Jewish meals, especially for holidays (like Hanukkah). He comes over one winter to celebrate with the Broflovskis. Makes a perfect Latke or whatever it's called.

Sheila isn't pleased to have him over. Kyle thinks it'll be a disaster.

Sheila is very hesitant to try the latkes. She is pleasantly shocked when it's wonderful

Also, Eric gets along with everyone in the Broflovskis family eventually.

He's a sweet and pleasant boy in front of Sheila. An absolute terror with Ike (they probably bond by gaming together), and he's worse when he and Gerald are trolling people online.

Kyle has no idea what or how Eric is getting along, but he's slightly suspicious of it, nonetheless

Eric and Sheila talk about Kyle's hair all the time.

"He's so handsome. I don't know why my little boy hides his curls."

"I know, Mrs. Broflovski. I keep telling him, but he's just so stubborn."

Everyone thinks that Eric's love language is physical touch (because of how he acts in public) it's actually acts of service

#south park #kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #cartyle #headcanons #sheila broflovski #gerald broflovski #ike broflovski #south park headcanons #kyman headcanons #kymannies interact #anti kyman dni #anti cartman dni #i think about them a lot #theyre just so cute #eric also gets kyle to dance w him all the time #JZUST UGH #/pos btw #genderfluid #cartman is genderfluid bc i said so #and so am i so #girl math #but im a guy #guy math?? #logay math

[roomofshroom]

my kyman headcanons (18+)

i love others' headcanons so i thought id share my own <3 these are mostly 18+ but not all of them are!! if you dont agree w some of them its ok its mostly for fun!!

hey there's a part 2 !!!!

kyle would mostly call eric cartman and eric would try to secretly find ways to get him to call him eric more

when kyle does occasionally call cartman by his first name it's when they're getting intimate so eric associates kyle calling him by his first name with sexy times and then gets ...excited anytime kyle says his name which makes for some very funny situations

they would hide that they're in a relationship for the first few weeks but their friends would have their suspicions anyways bc they're not fucking blind and the way eric looks at kyle just says it all (not stan tho, mfer is blind af)

they would tease each other, name call each other in front of their friends and their fights would get very heated but for different reasons than others have in mind

cartmans a little brat and enjoys when kyle gets angry so much he purposely makes him angry in front of their friends, just for them to dissappear and angrily make out in a closet or somewhere secluded

stan would be oblivious to that and call cartman an asshole for getting kyle mad and then he'd worry ab his best friend when he suddenly dissappears w/o a trace

kyle doesn't want to admit it but he likes it when eric tries to get him riled up and sometimes he even exaggerates his angry reactions just to see eric get those excited sparks in his eyes

when they finally tell their friends they're together stan throws up (mf was oblivious the whole time), kenny asks them VERY personal questions ab positions they've done together, butters is happy for them and congratulates them, craig says he had known the whole entire time ('you guys are so blindingly fucking gay it's making my eyes hurt'), tweek would hand him 5 dollars (mfers made a bet out of it), clyde would say to tolkien that he's worried ab them checking him out and tolkien would just tell him to stfu bc 'being gay doesnt mean they wanna fuck you, no one wants to fuck you, clyde'

now that everyone knows, eric would brag to everyone ab not being a virgin anymore and jokingly try to go into details ab their sex life which kyle would VERY QUICKLY shut down and blush the entire time

eric now calls stan a virgin million times a day, asks him if hes jealous that hes 'getting that sweet sweet jewish ass' and constantly remind him that hes 'fucking his best friend nya nya nya hahaha' while kyle tells him to stfu

eric gets a stupid fucking tattoo 3 month into the relationship something like a fucking arrow pointing to his ass saying 'kyle was here' or i dont fucking know, anyways kyle would hate it and call him fucking insane

when kyle finds himself in a deep convo w anyone else thats not their friend or eric himself, eric always interrupts to make SURE they know kyle's HIS man so 'don't try to steal my man bitch' while he snaps his fingers and leaves w a dramatic hair whip (nonexistent long hair)

eric would be very veeeeery clingy while kyle would get slightly controlling sometimes just to quickly realize and get mad at himself (eric loves it when kyle's controlling and jealous so he doesn't mind)

eric would cry and whine about the dumbest shit ever ('mom said im not allowed my xbox bc i keep yelling at others in the game to kill themselves waaa khal, isnt she such a fucking bitch?') and kyle has to comfort him bc 'that's his boyfriend duty', kyle would call him a fucking crybaby which would only cause cartman to cry louder forcing kyle to shut him up somehow (maybe with a kiss)

#kyman #kyman headcanons #kyle x eric #kyle x cartman #sp kyman #sp kyle broflovski #sp eric cartman #south park headcanons

[ihatethiswebsite77]

When will the "Cartman has a crush on Kyle, but shipping Kyman is crazy" crowd realize that they make absolutely zero sense.

Like-

IN CANON neither Cartman nor Kyle have a crush on eachother. What they do have is a deep and weird obsession with eachother. YOU are actively choosing to interpret that obsession as a crush Cartman has on Kyle, but that is not the "canon" dynamic or nature of that obsession. In the same way people who ship Kyman will interpret it as reciprocal (or maybe they won't, it depends), cause the thing is that Kyle is just as obsessed with Cartman as Cartman is with him. That's why you can interpret this dynamic as any shade from nonexistent, to one sided, to reciprocal.

If Kyle is as obsessed with Cartman as Cartman is with him, and you think that Cartman has a crush on Kyle because that's how you CHOOSE to interpret that obsesssion. Then it's just hypocritical to go off on people who use the exact same logic you did to come to that conclusion. You don't have to think of it as reciprocal, it's completely valid to see their obsession as manifesting as a crush in one and not the other, or to even see it as just obsession in both.

It's just god damn weird to be so nasty about it to other people. Both of them are obsessed with eachother in a way, and people are allowed to interpret each of their obsessions however they want. If people who ship kyman are delusional for interpreting Kyle's obsession with Cartman the same way you interpret Cartman's obsession with Kyle, then I'm afraid you are all sinking in the same boat load of delusional together.

#my personal take on this is that im a kyman “dynamic” enthusiasts #i like their canon dynamic the most but i like any interpretation that keeps it's essence as well #i also get ticked off when ppl are like “kyle would never date cartman he would be so disgusted” #and im like #ah yes as opposed to cartman who has canonically shown just an incredible desire to be in a relationship with kyle #like pls be fr cartman would have the exact same reaction to this as you think kyle would #if by some chance they do end up with crushes on eachother both of them are taking that revelation in the WORST way possible #it's NOT just kyle that would have this disturbed reaction at the thought of cartman liking him #the reality is that both of them have a weird obsessive hatred for eachother and anything you imagine beyond that is headcanon #you are just as much headcanoning cartman's obsession developing into a crush as someone who ships kyman might headcanon kyle's obsession #developing into a crush #headcanoning cartman as having a one sided crush on kyle is as much an exploration of their dynamic as having it be reciprocal is #i don't care what moral obligations you might have to that #but you are both going at this with the same logic so please refrain from digging into eachother further because it's just annoying #that's all #kyman #sp kyman #kyman discourse #eric cartman #kyle broflovski

[spookymultimedia]

Lifelong friendship 💛🩷🤍🩶🖤

#south park #south park fanart #eric cartman #kyle brovlofski #kyman #queerplatonic ship #lithromantic #aromantic headcanons

[basu-shokikita]

Wanted to post this small-ish thread from my twitter about how I feel that Kyman would act if they got together

#kyman #kyle broflovski #eric cartman #basu post #basu headcanons

[derpoprime]

edible

#doodle #south park #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kyman #fanart #ive headcanonned for the longest time that cartman is a feral creature and will bite and scratch kyles arm out of affection #to kyles dismay and disturbance #before coming onto tumblr and realizing people hc that kyle bites him too #hiveminds the lot of us #anyway i do believe they're squishy #not just his amr but you know what i mean #its 1am i should not be allowed to write

[hatsunevitu]

thinking about kyle who somehow memorises every little detail about cartman’s life. he says he does it so he can use it against cartman in the future but honestly nobody believes him. every time stan and kyle go to the shop to buy something before cartman and kenny come to play xbox together, they’re like

stan, grabbing vanilla ice cream: Okay, and this one’s for Cartman.

kyle: Nah, he hates vanilla, I’d better choose this chocolate one, that’s his favorite, plus take marshmallows cuz he likes to add them to ice cream.

stan: …Tell me again why do you always remember Cartman’s taste?

kyle: What?! I don’t remember just his taste particularly, I have a good memory and accidentally remember other people’s preferences.

stan: Ok, so what’s my favorite ice cream?

kyle, confused: Uh… Strawberry?..

stan, betrayed: I don’t even eat ice cream! Ever! Dude!!!

kyle, embarrassed af: Can we just continue shopping PLEASE.

#south park #sp #eric cartman #kyman #kyle broflovski #sp kyman #kyle x cartman #cartman x kyle #kyman headcanon #sp kyle #sp cartman

[wednesdayfunnys]

eric starts calling kyle princess to make fun of him sometime in eighth grade and abruptly realizes he is fucking too close to the sun when kyle looks him dead in his eyeballs and says, with the utmost sincerity, “i kinda like that.”

#like oh fuck. shit got gay. abort mission #headcanon #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kyman

[whatevahwhatevah]

I think its a common headcanon that Eric enjoys Gaga’s music (of course, that gay ass), but I think that one of his personal favorite is Government hooker IDK it gives me his vibes you know?? I love listening to it and imagine him singing it to himself 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Also Bad romance? Kyman coded, he sings it and think about Kyle without a doubt

#op headcanons #kyman

[weirdkit1k]

March 27th, 2023

Look at my little guys. Oh my gad😭😭😭

Holding HIS* hand

#art #sp #south park #sp eric #sp cartman #sp kyle #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kyman #sp kyman #sp headcanons

[svnraez]

kyle broflovski the kind of guy to commit every hate crime possible, fuck any mother imaginable, learn how to skateboard and fly a plane, memorise the first one hundred digits of pi backwards and learn how to cook foods in ways that end up being minorly inconvenient to those who digest it etc etc if it means keeping cartman from feeling an ounce of happiness

#south park #kyle brovlofski #eric cartman #this is not a kyman post #this is a ‘kyle fucking hates cartman’s guts post’ bc he does #sp headcanons #south park headcanons #kyle broflovski headcanon

[roomofshroom]

kyman headcanons part 2 !!!! SFW (cartman oriented!!!)

since yall liked my kyman headcanons so much i thought id give it another try and write down sum more ! :D

part 1: here

cartman would plan little fucking schemes to see if kyle really loves him (text him from a fake instagram profile, pay a girl to make a move on him, shit like that)

motherfucker craves attention so much, so he like pretends he's sick or dying or that something really serious happened to see if kyle comes running to him

kyle quickly realizes this is not a one time thing and is really annoyed w him but manages to come running everytime cartman pulls something like this, eric always treats him with a big smile when hes at the doorstep ("you came! :D " "ofc i came you said ur fucking mom was dying?! where is she?" "oh she just went shopping" "so you made it up?! you know how fucked up that is?!" "technically, my mom IS dying, we are ALL dying every second of every day ever since we were born, kHAL...")

cartman uses like an unhealthy ammount of emojis in every message, sends shit ton of tiktoks, reels, youtube shorts and has a completely different types of conversations w kyle on every social media platform all at once (like on instagram he's venting to him about how he doesnt feel appreciated enough by the world while hes sending him memes on discord and streaming himself playing fall guys or smth i dont fucking know)

kyle's style of texting is very simple, he doesnt like long messages, he doesnt really send memes or tiktoks or anything but he religiously watches everything eric sends him, responds to him asap and writes medium sized messages with emojis because cartman is super fucking clingy and goes on a rampage if kyle doesnt respond for more than 3 hours or if his response isn't "enthusiastic" enough (*eric sends a meme of cats with a "this is so us" comment* kyle: <3 eric: do you hate me? kyle: no wtf i dont??? why? eric: idk just seems like you hate me)

cartman hangs out w kyle's mom and makes kyle's mom unknowingly share embarrassing details of kyle's life just to tease him w the information later, they also look through baby pictures together

eric and kyle's mom love gossiping together and they watch say yes to dress together and critique the dresses ("the mermaid style dress with HER LEGS!? i thought she'd wanna show them off!" "yes, such a shame, wasted potential")

sometimes cartman just goes to kyle's house solely to hang out with his mom ("oh hey cartman, i wont be able to hang out today, i need to-" "no worries, I'm here to watch tlc w your mom")

cartman's love language is words of affirmation, obviously, and he makes kyle say everything he loves about him at least twice a week as a "communication exercise, so that their relationship stays good and they both feel appreciated" (its honestly just a way for eric to get praised, he loveeees that shit)

he knows kyle's love lang is acts of service (hes known him for years, kyle didnt even need to tell him) so while he's at his house he'll wash the dishes and fold his clothes but he won't admit to it, he actually hides it and feels embarrassed, kyle just knows ("hey, did you clean my room while i was downstairs?" "no?" "look, its clear you did, just say so" "i don't fucking know what you're talking about, khal" "...thank you, eric" "...shut the fuck up, jew, as if I'd touch your dirty ass room")

cartman's actually very shy with showing affection when its just two of them and when kyle says something sweet unprovoked, cartman usually blushes and shuts him down, turns it into a joke or straight up ridicules kyle ("you're actually very pretty, cartman" "yeah, you're pretty too... pretty gay, HAHA")

kyle's shy with showing affection in front of others and cartman fucking takes that and runs with it sometimes, doing everything to make kyle uncomfortable, he's being all lovey dovey infront of kenny and stan to see kyle cringe internally and awkwardly smiling on the outside to 'not seem like a bad boyfriend' (cuz when he once couldn't take it and told cartman to shut the fuck up, cartman got fake sad and stan came to kyle afterwards and gave a speech about "sometimes having to put up with stuff you don't like to make your girl, uhm sorry, to make your... significant other happy")

#kyle broflovski #kyle x cartman #kyman #sp kyle #kyle x eric #sp eric #sp cartman #sp kyman #south park headcanons #kyman headcanons #eric cartman