#like holy fuck. hey ep4? what the fuck? hey you just let that happen? what the fuck. what the FUCK. EPISODE 4. HEY WHAT THE FUCK

[luck-of-the-drawings]

EPISODE 2 AND 3 HAVE BEEN SOOOO FUN im already so emotionally attached to each of these characters.. if anything bad ever happens to any of them im killing everyone and then everyone.

#cw blood #cw vomiting #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #ARTHUR BENNETS DRY HUMOR IS SOOO FUCKIN FUNNY OH MY GOOODDD the sleepin upside down bit omg.. #i love drawing him with just the same stoic expression. he is a stone cold pillar of ice to me. one that loves his little kitty kittyyyyy #i loved watching him work with emizel aswell the dynamic is SOO FUN #I LOVE THAT EMIZEL IS SO FOND OF CATS TOO LIKE RAAAHH THATS SO SWEET.. pepper is his favorite cat.... #the part with him defending pepper was SO CUTE UGHH i love emizel he is so small and sharp and pointy AND YET #there is LOVE IN THAT BOYS MOSTLY DEAD HEART I TEEELLL YOU HWAT!!! and in other news: #i love love love the concept of 'royal shut-in gets lost in the big city' MY BABY BOY SHILOOO I ADORE HIMMMM #AND DEACON WAS SOOOO NICE TO HIM givin him a place to stay n helpin him dress up for the party and taking him around town to see the sights #im in love with deacon i love him soooo much. AND ALSO. ABOUT SHILO. #HE CAN EAT FOOOOOD LIKE SURE THE GARLIC GOT HIM BUT WE GGOOOTTA GIVE HIM A MILKSHAKE OR SMTH #LIKE I THOUGHT IN THE FIRST EPISODE WHEN HE SIPPED SODY N NOTHING HAPPENED. I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUSTA FLUKE #BUT NO ITS A PATTERN ITSA PATTERN HE CAN EAT FOOD!!! BABY BOY CAN EAT FOOOD!!!!!!! FEED HIM MORE FOOD!!! food is the best human creation #I HOPE MORE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO THESE BOYS. especially since. well. okay so ive seen the 4th episode. sigh. #like holy fuck. hey ep4? what the fuck? hey you just let that happen? what the fuck. what the FUCK. EPISODE 4. HEY WHAT THE FUCK #THAT DIDNT NEED TO HAPPEN. OH MY GOD. THIS BETTER END WELL. IN TWO WEEKS I KNOW YALLRE GONNA BE SCREAMIN TOO BC OHHH MY GLOD. WHAT THE FUCK #EPSIDOE FOUR STILL HAS ME FUCKED UP SO BAD OH MY GOD. I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT. HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHYYYYYY. NOOOOOOO!

[random-fandom-infinite]

My First™ Yuri on Ice Meta!

[Just a note – since I’m an English speaker I’ll be referring to the English subs in this Meta – my apologies if I miss any subtleties in the language.

Also this is pretty long and has a bunch of swears in it. Also it’s about Ep12, so spoilers. I also talk about anxiety, so if that bothers you, tread carefully. Also this is super long. Apologies if the “read more” doesn’t work.

Also, also, I don’t know how to take screen caps, so all I have are quotes. Sorry y’all.]

So I’ve been thinking about Yuri on Ice Episode 12, because there were a couple scenes that felt strange to me (and possibly others) – specifically, what Victor Said to Yuri right before he preformed his Free Skate.

I mean, the big thing everyone wanted to see in episode 12 was Victor and Yuri hash out their feelings – and basically what it comes down to, is most people expected Victor to say something along the lines of, “Yuri, I still love you. No matter what happens.” But we didn’t get that. Instead we got, “how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” and a lot of people (me included) were like … “WHAT THE FUCK? VICTOR WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN’T JUST SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO YURI KATSUKI OF ALL PEOPLE!”

But then there was smiling, and crying, and hugging, and everyone kind of went, “Whaaaa?”

And looking back on it, I think Victor said EXACTLY the right thing.

And here’s why.

This is what we know about Yuri, and what he’s receptive to when he’s upset.

-        A girl once tired to hug him when his friend got hurt – he pushed her away because “[He] didn’t want her to think [he] was feeling unsettled” and “[He] felt like she was intruding on [his] feelings” ep4. He hates having people coddle him and treating him like a weakling.

-        His friends and family know how to support him without “crossing the line” ep4. “Minako-Sensei, Nishigori, Yuko-chan and my family never treated me like a weakling. They all had faith that I’d keep growing as a person” ep4.  

-        Yuri seems reserved, but is INCREDIBLY competitive. “He actually hates losing” ep2.

-        In episode 7, after “shattering” Yuri’s heart, Victor says, point-blank, that he doesn’t know what to do. So Yuri tells him EXACTYLY what he needs. “Just have more faith than I do that I’ll win! You don’t have to say anything. Just stand by me!” ep7. This fits in with the previously established approach that Yuri’s friends and family use – namely, “They all HAD FAITH that [He’d] keep growing as a person”

So WHY is “I love you, no matter what happens,” the WRONG thing to say?

Because it leaves room for doubt.

Let me explain.

To a calm, confident, or otherwise non-anxious person, this phrase seems really innocuous. At its core, it means: “You always have my love, and you don’t need to worry about disappointing me – so go out there and just do your best!”  

But to someone with anxiety (or at the very least severe confidence issues), like Yuri, it sounds a little different.

Now, just clarify, this is my own interpretation, as some who also struggles with severe self-esteem issues and anxiety. (I realize everyone with anxiety is a bit different, so I can really only speak to my experiences).

To someone like Yuri, who NEEDS PEOPLE TO HAVE FAITH IN HIM, this is not a comforting phrase, because anxiety makes you miss the “I love you” part, and instead makes you focus on the “no matter what”, part.

The “no matter what” in this case, means “whether you win or lose” – which is reminder that that OH DEAR LORD THERE IS STILL THE POSSIBILITY THAT YOU WILL LOSE.

“I love you, no matter what” is a phrase people say when they’re preparing for the worst. It would be like Victor saying, “I hope you win, and I think you probably will. But if you don’t, then whatever, I guess”.

Which isn’t BAD per se, but it dismisses all of the work Yuri has put into this one moment. And it would make Yuri’s train of thought go a bit like this:

“Ok, Victor will love me, even if I lose,” – “I mean, he’s probably just saying that. I’m sure I’ll win … but what if I ACTUALLY lose though?” – “Wait, is he saying that because he THINKS I REALLY AM going to lose?” – “IS HE EXPECTING ME TO LOSE?” – “HOLY SHIT, HE THINKS I’M GOING TO LOSE!” – “NO, NO, NO, STOP IT. FUCK!” – “VICTOR HAS NO FAITH IN ME, HOW CAN I POSSIBLY WIN NOW!?”

Remember, it’s been clearly stated that Victor’s Faith in Yuri is one of the keys to his success. Yuri wants to make Victor proud, and show the world that Victor taking time off to coach him has not been a waste. He wants to prove he deserves Victor – he wants to surpass Victor and be worthy of skating on the same ice as him.  If Yuri thinks, for even an instant, that Victor is not 100% with him, he is at risk of self-destructing. We see hints of this in Episode 11, when Victor is watching the other Short Programs.

Now, obviously, this is all in Yuri’s head. We as an audience know that Victor loves Yuri unconditionally. But that’s the thing – Yuri’s entire character arc is about him finding his confidence – successfully managing his anxiety, and growing as a person. Victor is the one who helps him achieve this.

Throughout the series, they’ve made it a point to avoid the “Love fixes everything” trope – which is AWESOME. Just because Victor and Yuri are in love doesn’t automatically make his anxiety go away.

Instead, throughout the series, Victor slowly learns how to manage Yuri’s anxiety, mostly by trial and error (and he fucks up – A LOT) but ALSO by having faith in him and working through his emotions with him, instead of brushing them off. “When I open up, he meets me where I am” ep4.

Sometimes Victor doesn’t even say anything at all, because he knows that’s not what Yuri needs. “You don’t have to say anything. Just stand by me!” (YURI ep7) – compare that to episode 11 – after Yuri’s SP score is announced, Victor stays quiet, thinking, “What should I give Yuri now?”

So here’s the OTHER thing about “I love you, no matter what happens”.

It completely dismisses the very real, very intense emotions Yuri is feeling.

It’s the Grand Prix final, and as far as Yuri’s concerned at this point, it’s the LAST time he will skate competitively, AND he’s determined to win gold to make Victor proud and prove himself to the world. Not to be too hyperbolic, but to Yuri, this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED.

He is under a SHIT TON is pressure – and I mean, that’s a SHIT TON of pressure for ANYONE – even someone without anxiety. And by throwing out a flippant “I love you, no matter what”, you’re basically saying, “Your emotions are invalid. The results are meaningless, don’t worry about it”. It’s like telling a person with Depression to just “cheer up” – that’s not how it fucking works. It doesn’t MATTER that this person “loves you” – because at this exact instant, Love is not the issue. Winning is the issue. Winning is where the focus is. There’s no time to think about anything else.

Sometimes anxiety will cause you to fixate – you worry about things until they become too massive to cope with. In the most basic of layman’s terms, your “fight or flight” reflex is sounding all kinds of alarms and there’s NOTHING you can do to turn them off. (Most therapists will work with you to develop coping strategies to help “turn them off” so you can function in the real world). For me, personally, the worst thing someone can do when I’m anxious or having a panic attack is trying to take my mind off it. Relaxing, soothing words mean nothing, because in my overwhelmed mind it’s like, “THERE IS A PROBLEM! WHY ARE YOU IGNORING THE PROBLEM? DON’T TELL ME NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT – HELP ME FIX IT!”

Plus, we KNOW Yuri doesn’t like being coddled – so gently cooing an indulgent “I Love You” is REALLY missing the mark. “Oh poor baby, I’ll love you even if you lose” is absolutely NOT the kind of thing that would motivate Yuri.

And besides, Yuri already KNOWS he has Victor’s love no matter what. They’re fucking ENGAGED – Victor is literally prepared to be with Yuri for the rest of their lives. To shed some light on this, in episode 7, we have this exchange:

“But this time I’m anxious because my mistakes would reflect on you, too! I’ve been wondering if you secretly want to quit!” (YURI ep7)

“Of course I don’t” (VICTOR ep7)

“I know!” (YURI ep7)

Catch that? Yuri says, “I KNOW”. He literally screams it.  He knows, logically, that Victor doesn’t want to leave – but he still worries about it, regardless.  

But, that’s the other fun thing about anxiety – logic has no place here. Logically, Yuri knows Victor is happy with him, he knows Victor was just trying to get through to him by testing him, he KNOWS Victor isn’t just going to fuck off somewhere. But then his anxiety whispers, “But what if he DOES …” and that’s all it takes.  

Yuri is overwhelmingly stressed – and emotions don’t just disappear because you want them to. There are no magic words to make it all better. So instead of a generic platitude, instead of trying to take his mind off how he’s feeling, Victor meets Yuri’s anxiety head-on, and says something truly meaningful instead.

So WHY is “how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” the RIGHT thing to say?

Because it leaves ABSOLUTELY NO room for doubt.

Let me explain.

Let’s break down that moment in Episode 12. First, Victor says:

“Don’t worry, you can win Gold, Yuri. Believe in yourself”

Now, this is Coach Victor™ spouting off some generic platitudes. This is what literally every coach has ever said to every athlete ever in the history of the universe. This is Coach Victor™ not knowing what to say, and bumbling is way through another encounter with Anxious Yuri™.

And Yuri is having absolutely none of that shit. He says:

“Hey, Victor, you said before that you want to stay true to yourself, right? Don’t suddenly start trying to sound like a coach now.”

Yuri is 100% calling him out. There are more layers to this of course – that Yuri wants Victor to just be himself – to be the skater who inspired his whole career.  They’ve gotten this far because they’re Victor & Yuri™ and they have the Power of Love on their side – not because Victor is the world best coach.

 Yuri then goes on to say:

 “I want to smile for my last time on the ice.”

To me, this is a plea – Yuri wants to talk to Victor; Not Coach Victor™. He wants the Victor who meets him where he is. The Victor who said, “Tomorrow, show me the skating that you honestly liked the best” ep10. The Victor he loves. Yuri absolutely DOES NOT WANT the generic, “I love you, no matter what happens”. He wants Victor – brutally honest, genuine Victor.

So Victor flips his hair, rolls up his sleeves and spits some sick truth:

“Yuri, listen to me. I debated whether I should tell you this now, but … I took a break after becoming the 5 time world champion to coach you, so how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?”

And this is the part where we as fans (including me) collectively went, “HEY, WHAT THE FUCK?”

But wait … “how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” doesn’t this sound familiar? Where have I heard this before?

 Oh, that’s right – Episode 3:

“How many times have you messed up during a competition? You have the skill to win. Why can’t you make it happen?” (VICTOR ep3)

“Well that’s probably because … I lack confidence” (YURI ep3)

 “Right. My job is to make you feel confident in yourself” (VICTOR ep3)

 All the way back in episode 3, at the start of the series, Victor reveals that HE PERSONALLY BELIEVES that Yuri has the skills to win a Gold Medal. He says it point-blank, right to Yuri’s face. He’s seen Yuri FLAWLESSLY REPLICATE his program for “Stay Close to Me” – an INCREDIBLY DIFFICUT, GOLD-MEDAL-WINNING PROGRAM.

It’s almost as if Victor has had faith in Yuri this entire time – but Yuri’s anxiety just wouldn’t let him accept that.

Oh wait. That’s EXACTLY what’s going on. And we all know that what Yuri needs most of all, especially when he’s overwhelmed, is for Victor to have FAITH in him. And to “Just stand by [him]!” ep7.

So with that in mind, the line reads less as, “Yuri you suck. Why can’t you win anything? Wasn’t my coaching good enough for you?” and it starts to read like this:

“Yuri, listen to me. I debated whether I should tell you this now, but … WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK? You are SO GODDAMN TALENTED that I LITERALLY CANNOT COMPREHEND how it is PHYSICALLY possible that you have not won a gold medal yet!!! I’m not even competing this year – you’re not stuck in my shadow! There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING standing in your way. I believe with all my heart and soul that you are the BEST skater here – so GO GET THAT GODDAMN MEDAL ALREADY BECAUSE WE WORKED SO HARD AND YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT”.  

Victor has SO MUCH FAITH in Yuri that he is LITERALLY BAFFLED by the fact that Yuri hasn’t won a Gold Medal. Notice how he says “How is it possible …” rather than, “You haven’t won anything yet” or “you have to win something”. IT’S A QUESTION. He KNOWS that Yuri is so talented and so dedicated, and the very idea that Yuri could lose because of this “confidence thing” is just absolutely unacceptable to Victor. He sees AMAZING things in Yuri – and he always has. Like he said in episode 3, he’s made it his job to bring Yuri’s confidence out.

So how does that fit in with Yuri’s anxiety? This seems like the kind of thing that would put even more pressure on him.

But let’s review what we know about Yuri.

-        He hates having people coddle him and treating him like a weakling.

-        His friends and family all had faith that he’d keep growing as a person. This is the same type of Faith he needs Victor to express – “Just have more faith than I do that I’ll win! You don’t have to say anything. Just stand by me!” ep7.

-        Yuri is INCREDIBLY competitive. “He actually hates losing” ep2.

So instead of being soft and sweet – wishy-washy, doubtful and coddling, Victor is brutally honest – he gives Yuri what he needs – which in this case, is a fucking wake-up call.

Next, Victor says:

“How much longer are you going to stay in warm-up mode?”

Here, he’s meeting Yuri where he is, by issuing this challenge – he phrases it in such a way that Yuri is certain to respond to it. He knows that Yuri is under HUGE amounts of pressure, and inside, he’s facing down a massive stream of negative nonsense – so he helps Yuri fight it by voicing his absolute, immoveable, unwavering Faith in him. Here, Victor is basically saying, “I know you’re good enough to win – and more importantly, YOU know you’re good enough to win, so what the fuck are you waiting for?”He has more faith that Yuri is going to win than Yuri does. And he’s making sure Yuri knows it.

He’s doing EXACTLY what Yuri told him to do in episode 7.

And finally, we have this little gem:

“I really want to kiss the gold medal”

Can you think of a more quintessentially “Victor Nikiforov” thing to say? Yuri wants Victor to stay true to himself – so Victor obliges. This statement is so perfectly, genuinely Victor – it’s flirty, and coy, and challenging and blunt and surprising. And the little whine in his voice when he says it? Like, literally slays me.

And again, he leaves no room for doubt. He doesn’t say “If you win the gold medal, I’ll kiss it”. He says, “I really want to kiss the gold medal”.

It’s not an “IF”. It’s a “WHEN”.

It’s definitely still a challenge – but he’s not issuing an ultimatum. He’s not saying, “prove your love with a gold medal” or, “we won’t get married until you win” he’s saying “DON’T YOU DARE SABOTAGE YOURSELF AGAIN. YOU ARE GOING TO WIN. NOW BRING ME THAT GOD DAMN MEDAL SO I CAN KISS IT”

There is ABSOLUTELY NO doubt in Victor’s mind that Yuri will win. He presents this as a fact of nature. It’s like – water is wet. The earth revolves around the sun. And Yuri Katsuki will win the Gold Medal at the Grand Prix Final.

And when he does, Victor Nikiforv is going to kiss it. And then he’s going to kiss Yuri. And then he’s going to take a selfie of them and the medal, and then he’s going to take a selfie of himself kissing the medal, and then he’s going to take a selfie of him and Yuri kissing while Yuri’s wearing the medal.  

He’s already planning for Yuri’s win.

So, in conclusion – why is “how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” better than “I love you, no matter what happens”?

Because there’s a HUGE difference between saying, “I love you” and “I believe in you”.

And we know that “I love you, no matter what happens” isn’t how Yuri wants to be loved and motivated – and it ALSO it isn’t how Victor would genuinely GIVE his love either.

In episode 4, Victor says, “Ok, I won’t let you off easy, then. That’s my way of showing my love”. And he never does let Yuri off easy – he doesn’t let Yuri hide his feelings, he doesn’t let Yuri back down from challenges, he doesn’t let Yuri slack off when he knows Yuri can do better. He has faith in him.

You can see it in the way he talks about Yuri throughout the series. He’s constantly pushing Yuri to be better. And he’s constantly telling people how much he believes in Yuri.

“You have the skill to win. Why can’t you make it happen?” (VICTOR ep3)

 “Yuri, you’re not weak. No one else thinks that either.” (VICTOR ep4)

“Hmm … since you weren’t under pressure, I thought you’d score in the hundreds” (VICTOR ep5)

“Of course, you’ll see Yuri be perfect” (VICTOR ep5)

“You can score even higher, so don’t feel down, ok Yuri?” (VICTOR ep5)

“Now that Yuri can do a quadruple flip, he’ll definitely win at the Rostelecom Cup and advance to the Grand Prix Final!” (VICTOR ep7)

“Right now I see a lot of potential in Katsuki Yuri’s skating” (VICTOR ep8)

“How is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” (VICTOR ep12)

It turns out that this moment in episode 12 really isn’t out of place at all.

In this moment, Yuri didn’t need to hear “I love you” he needed to hear “I believe in you”. And that’s exactly what Victor says. Victor is showing his love by “not letting Yuri off easy” – and it means so much more than “I love you, no matter what”.

So while it looked pretty harsh and weird to us as an audience – this moment between Victor and Yuri is actually so full of tenderness and understanding. Victor FINALLY says what Yuri needs to hear. Yuri FINALLY starts to realize the FULL extent of Victor’s adoration of him – on AND off the ice. They’re still in the middle of making major, life-changing decisions, but for this one beautiful moment it they’re in sync – there’s a sudden clarity, and everything else can wait.

I think, especially for western audiences, we’re so used to having everything spelled out for us (looking at you, Hollywood), that we sometimes feel cheated when things don’t go “according to plan”. Characters in love have to kiss. Characters in love have to say “Will You Marry Me?” Characters in love have to say “I love you no matter what”.  But it’s so much more raw and real to see a relationship play out with its own unique little quirks. Its more engaging to watch two actual people trying to figure out how another living, breathing human works – how their partner thinks and feels; How to figure out what their lover needs – and how to be selfless enough to give it to them.

Sometimes it’s more fun when things don’t go according to plan.

#yuri!!! on ice #yuri on ice meta #meta #yoi #yoi!!! #yuri katsuki #victor nikiforov #yuri #victor #victuri #victuuri #viktuuri #long post #tw:anxiety #yoi ep 12 #yuri on ice