#like she commits to the bit so if people really start thinking she eats sapient humanoid creatures like she’s ‘yes and’-ing that shit

[kingdom-dance]

Thinking about it Ady and Wyll would make the most sense like on paper and narrative-wise but he is not nearly fucked up enough for her he is too normal even with the devil pact shit he would not get her and be too polite to say anything about it

#wyll is honestly way too good for her tbh #ady who in campaign threatened to eat vaguely humanoid but still very much humanoid sapient creatures to freak them out #like wyll would be treating her the way a parent who has no idea what anime is treats their weeb child #while if she did that in front of astarion he’d be like ‘delightful!!’ and think threats of cannibalism are funny #astarion clapping while she describes in detail how she’s gonna bread and fry the illithid’s tentacles serve them w/lemon & cocktail sauce #bevause ok Ady is funny but she also says a lot of offputting weird shit that just doesn’t land quite right #like she commits to the bit so if people really start thinking she eats sapient humanoid creatures like she’s ‘yes and’-ing that shit #like wyll sweetheart you can do a lot better than the bard with an inferiority complex daddy issues and a latent trauma response

[thenixkat]

Cassie in name only

-A fun story shared at every family reunion is about how her great great grandmother escaped slavery and got the family the land they live on. That their ancestor, how couldn’t read or write but was smart as a whip used to kill her master’s children, not all of them of course just one for every child she lost b/c it was only fair, who organized a revolt when they Union army was getting close that kept the whites distracted with folks trying to runaway that let them to be drugged, cut and fed to the hogs and how she headed out west as soon as she was sure the master’s family was dead. 

A fun story that got her in trouble at school when she shared it during Black History month.

And one of many reason why she believes that anyone (human or alien) who owns slaves does not deserve to live.

-Land land her family owns is evenly divided amongst her mom and her mom’s siblings. That land borders the nearby national park. Lots of people have tried to get their land for lots of reasons in lots of ways but they’ve managed to keep holding onto it.

Her parents farm is still in use, they grow and sell hay and breed feeder rodents and rabbits, and raise chickens and keep horses. They save a little money growing their own food.

Their man money comes from both of her parents’ veterinary work. Her mom still with The Gardens (which is better structured than in canon b/c like fuck is there just a fucking crocodile pit that people can straight up fall into), her dad does veterinary care for farm animals he just kinda drives out to where he’s needed.

The clinic still operates at about the same level but there’s more people working in there b/w Cassie and her dad and her sister and her brother-in-law. Plus the volunteers. There tends to be someone in there. But added bonus of an actual clean and sterile room for doing surgery as well as an incinerator for deceased patients that really shouldn’t be turned into food/animal feed for one reason or another.

The barn is not a good place for secret team meetings.

-She is definitely chubby, probably fat, because her family makes sure people eat well and eat the kinda stuff that’ll give them the energy to work all day. She is also very strong and has quite a bit of stamina. She’s not necessarily fast, short legs are the enemy of speed, but you will not escape if she decides to chase you down, you will run out of steam first.

She however does not walk around wearing clothes covered in animals shit because that’s both unprofessional and unsanitary. She’s not about to embarrass her family walking around dirty and she’s not about to give some racist fuckwit a freebie to act like Black people are filthy. Her parents raised her better than that. She’s got aprons to use. After doing her chores in the morning she changes out of her work clothes, washes, and gets dressed in her school clothes. Are they fashionable? No. Are they hand-me-downs and/or comfortable? yes. Are they practical in case she need to do labor in them? Also yes and if she gets them messy she knows how to wash her own clothes.

-She doesn’t object to using morphs of ‘smart’ animals, lots of animals are more intelligent than people give them credit for and that doesn’t mean its wrong to use or eat them. Humans are animals just like any other. She does object to just acquiring people and morphing them (yes even hork-bajir and taxxons), mostly b/c wearing someone’s face could probably get that person killed, enslaved, or worse and also people tend to know what their coworkers look like and when somethings off. If they’re gonna have morphs of straight up sapient beings they’re gonna be frolis-ing some shit.

-She’s still an estreen but not because of some unknown talent, she just knows a lot about comparative anatomy. Earth animals, especially vertebrates? Her morphing is smooth is fuck. No knees turning the wrong direction to turn into heels, no finger turning into feathers, she knows what goes where and how. Inverts? A bit messier but nowhere near as bad as the others. Aliens? Does her best guess and the rest is wibbly (if she ever got her hands on info about the internal anatomy of these aliens she’d be sudsy tho). Cassie (in name only) @ the others: I’m begging you to look at an anatomy textbook.

Marco’s a lot better at the frolis maneuver without training but Cassie is better at figuring out the best way to blend animals together.

- Cassie’s family has a lot of land and she knows the neighboring forest very well. There are places that you could say.. hide a lot of people for a few years without anyone noticing. She knows that you can’t just liberate someone without a plan as to what to do next. Rachel’s dad leaving is something that is a very useful opportunity.

-When she finds out about the chee it makes her absolutely livid that these assholes refuse to use their considerable amount of skills to free enslaved people. She and Rachel are of one mind chewing these bitches out for being lazy assholes.

She is also very much not ok with the chee torturing their captive yeerks when they could either kill them or since they have the technology just put them in a pool when they don’t need them. It’s excessively cruel.

-She checks on the free hork-bajir frequently, offers what food and medical supplies she can, gives a helping hand when they start to build. She listens to their stories and shares those of her own ancestors.

-She feels equally guilty whenever a hork-bajir or taxxon falls to her fangs as she does  killing humans. Especially after finding out about Melissa’s dad and why Chapman is a ‘voluntary’ host. They look different but they’re still people, just as much as Elfangor and Aximili and Gaf and Mertil are people (even if the andalites show a startling tendency to be racist fuckwits). She does her best not to kill anyone and later favors a hork-bajir morph so she can use dracons to drop and stun opponents.

-Without meaning to, she becomes the one to question Rachel’s plans if they feel too impulsive. Someone has to and as much as she likes Jake he doesn’t really have any strong opinions and neither does Tobias and Marco’s just a tad too aggressive. And the andalites are all... andalites.

They’ve got to think both long term and much bigger than just Earth, especially once the team finds out exactly what andalites are like b/c the yeerks aren’t their only enemy. And Cassie definitely plans to help out her hork-bajir family once the threat to Earth has been managed.

-When a yeerk controlling a little girl named Karen follows her home she mentally kicks herself in the ass and resolves to get smarter about leaving the battlefield and will certainly be having a conversation with the rest about it too. 

She does not play mind games with the yeerk, she just disarms the host and takes them to the place that the team starves yeerks out of their hosts. She gives the yeerk an ultimatum and refuses to give a singular shit about what justifications Aftran has for keeping a seven year old girl as a slave and torturing her. She tells Aftran about how her ancestors murdered their slave masters  and about all the weird and wonderful forms of life and why the propaganda she’s spewing is bullshit. And that its no one’s job but their own to be a good person. And that Aftran will absolutely die if she continues to be an asshole. 

In the end Aftran gives up and in a surprise Karen decides to spare her life so Aftran gets to live as a prisoner in the rebel yeerk pool until her fellow yeerks who aren’t jackasses decide that she’s served her time. The Yeerk Peace Movement gets Karen cleared from the Empire’s records.

-Cassie was not surprised to learn that the yeerks had abolitionists among them. She was surprised to find the free hork-bajir working with them but when she stopped to think about it if the hork-bajir could work with the andalites in their team, the people who committed genocide against their people and were generally racist dickbags, its not that much a stretch that they could work with yeerks too.

#nix meows #aus #animorphs

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #181

UPDATE 181: Meat

A long time ago, I finished reading Homestuck. It was quite the long tale, and it was rather enjoyable! At the time I thought there ‘d be nothing else, because Act 7 seemed like quite the final chapter – or if there was anything, it’d be bits and pieces that wouldn’t warrant a liveblog. Yet here we are! Turns out, after this long, there’s epilogues. In plural, as you can see. Somehow, there are now epilogues and they’re said to be quite long, too. After taking a cursory read that made me read more than I thought I would, here I am, reopening this liveblog to explore the epilogues.

What I have read so far...is not particularly enticing or even likable, at least in terms of enjoyment, really, but there’s something about the writing that makes me want to continue. Credit where it’s due, yeah. Still, I’m interested in seeing where this is going, and now, I’m posting my thoughts here for everyone to see. Here we go! So, let’s start with the epilogue liveblog!

You know, before that, I should note that now the story has its own URL instead of being into the old mspaintadventures website. Kind of late in the game for this change, Mr. Hussie. I mean, the story is over, and although there’s a whooole lot of new content, it seems a bit senseless to have this in its own domain. Then again, the rest of the mspaintadventures stories were kind of...hidden away in the website? I don’t remember links to them, when I used to read Homestuck. Maybe Homestuck getting its own domain is for the better. I do wonder if this is a hint more stuff will come in the future. The extra-epilogue. The postscript-extra-content. The seriously-guys-this-is-the-end chapter.

There are two epilogues, it seems. One is meat, the other is candy. I immediately notice this is related to the cherubs’ food. I wonder if it means one epilogue will be...bloodier? Crueler? More chaotic and violent? I mean more like something Caliborn will like, while the other will be more to Calliope’s tastes. I’ll start with the meat epilogue, simply because it’s to the left.

From what I can tell at a glance, there are no images, but there are colored words, most likely from conversations between characters. That should be fine, although Homestuck was pretty visual at times, its strength was the writing and characterization.

Well then! The very first paragraph already beats most of Homestuck in terms of extremely descriptive stuff. Heck, this reminds me of Worm, with its extensive paragraphs about bugs and how they crawl on people and cause all sorts of nasty effects. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Meat was definitely the right choice, you think, as grease drips down your chin. The meat is cold and undercooked, so you have to grab it with both hands while you rend it apart with your incisors. It bursts in chunks, filling your mouth with blood and your throat with mangled knots of gristle and long strings of muscle fiber. You take big bites, almost too big to swallow, so big that you choke on the meaty mulch and hock some of it up into your nasal cavity. You sneeze out a gooey rope of phlegm and flesh. You stop for a moment to wipe your face, but your chin is still slippery after you swipe the mess away. Slivers of meat catch between your teeth as you masticate with bestial enthusiasm. You use your thumbnail to fish them out.

...am I eating this meat straight from the cow.

Apparently the person who is eating meat that’s almost raw is John, who I guess gained a taste for raw meat at some point. Maybe he’s trying to emulate Jade’s canine half, for all I know. He’s with Roxy and Calliope, the later providing the meat. I suppose cherubs wouldn’t know about cooking meat. Speaking of cherubs, eating meat reminds John of Lord English, and he gets so sick thinking of Lord English he decides he knows what he must do. Alright! Didn’t waste any time dilly-dallying around!

JOHN: i have to go back and kill lord english.

ROXY: u sure?

JOHN: i think so. it will probably be hard. but i think it’s the right thing to do.

JOHN: everyone is counting on me.

When is this epilogue set? Before Act 7? I thought by now Lord English was dead and gone, not that it still was something that needed to be done. Then again, it’s not like Lord English’s death was shown on screen, if I remember correctly. Maybe this is after Act 7 and he’s going back in time with his retcon powers. I suppose he’d still have them.

Roxy seems disappointed, so I suppose she knew this had to be done at some point. Given John’s retcon powers, it’s not impossible this is the last time she sees John if things go wrong. Calliope is more accepting, saying it’s John’s decision. Time to leave?

Seriously, things have gotten quite more descriptive now. Still unsure if that’s good or not.

The farewell is quite unsatisfying, and the moment passes without John being able to make it better, so he goes to prepare himself and write a note for Roxy as a farewell and/or apology. Not only to her, to all of his friends. It’s like he’s aware the chances he’ll return here aren’t that high. I wonder if John would die here at the end. It’d be quite...something!

In this epilogue, there’s a Troll Kingdom, which I imagine is ruled by the trolls who survived Homestuck, raising the grubs created by ectobiology. Dave and Karkaroni are there, Dave lives with the trolls, I suppose because his relationship with Karkaroni now includes living in his hive.

KARKAT: NOT NOW DAVE. JAKE’S ASS IS ON TV AGAIN.

DAVE: stop ogling jakes ass this is important

KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHOSE ASS I SHOULD STOP OGLING.

Apparently the reason why Jake’s ass is on TV again is because he and Dirk have a show involving rap battles and robot wrestling, which I suppose is the natural progression from when Jake used to get said ass kicked by a robot. People like the show, and I’m already convinced it’s partly because of the schadenfreude of seeing Jake losing against robots – because no way Dirk is losing, hah

Karkaroni has a few choice words for the fake gladiatorial show, and points out this show is all about zooming onto Jake’s ass. Maybe ‘pumpkin patch’ is an euphemism. Either way, the relevance of the TV show is eclipsed by the announcement Jane is running for president of the entire Earth. Aha, truly the wretched pastry baroness’ descendant.

DAVE: i dunno crocker is just an ambitious woman i guess

KARKAT: THIS SOUNDS FUCKING AWFUL.

DAVE: oh it is

DAVE: it absolutely is

DAVE: also like

DAVE: dont tell her i said this but

DAVE: i think shes basically a fascist

...well then. Oh all things that could have been used to describe Jane from what I remember of her, ‘fascist’ didn’t come not even close. Then again, it’s not like Karkaroni had any meaningful contact with Jane, and all Dave did was call her hot, which isn’t really the epitome of camaraderie and intimidate knowledge. They both even admit to that.

DAVE: oh also shes a fucking xenophobe

KARKAT: OF COURSE SHE’S A XENOPHOBE!

...ah.

...

Did I miss something? Was there something between Act 7 and these epilogues that revealed Jane harbors xenophobic inclinations? Why am I having to ask aloud ‘hey is Jane a xenophobe’

KARKAT: DAVE, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICED, BUT

KARKAT: A LOT OF HUMANS ARE???

DAVE: yeah ive noticed

Well, that part isn’t really surprising. Humanity just has a knack for looking down on other people, I can only imagine how it’d be when it’s about other sapient species. If aliens ever make contact with humanity it’ll be a social mess.

Since letting Jane claim the spot of president of Earth is not good, apparently, Dave wants to stop her, eliciting laughter from Karkaroni who is already imagining Dave running against her. No, Dave couldn’t handle that responsibility, no way.

DAVE: anyway no

DAVE: im not running

DAVE: you are

Hm...unless Karkaroni got over the many issues he had from his leadership attempt during Sgrub this can’t end well. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t like the idea, precisely because he doesn’t feel like he has what’s needed to be a leader. It’s not that he would lose horribly – Karkaroni actually is rather popular. I suppose all of the Homestuck survivors are popular – it’s that he doesn’t feel ready and he seems to hate the attention. Understandable.

KARKAT: MAYBE I DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE BEING FAMOUS?

KARKAT: AND MAYBE THAT’S AS GOOD A FUCKING REASON AS ANY *NOT TO RUN FOR THE FUCKING PRESIDENCY OF EARTH*?????

KARKAT: NOT TO MENTION THE IDEA OF AN ELECTION IS KIND OF A FUCKED UP AND WEIRD THING TO ME CULTURALLY ANYWAY, AND I’M STILL KIND OF GETTING USED TO THE IDEA THAT PEOPLE CAN JUST... “CHOOSE” THEIR FUCKING LEADERS AND NOT HAVE THE SAME OLD MERCILESS BITCH IN POWER FOR SEVERAL MILLION YEARS.

Perfectly valid reason. I mean, it’s not something kind of inconsequential as being the class president of sophomore year in school or whatever it’s like up there in America. It’s president of the entire planet. If Karkaroni wins there will be consequences, even if he steps away immediately. Either he commits to this fully, or he simply shouldn’t run.

DAVE: ok ill just be the one to come out and say it

DAVE: shes going to be a fucking disaster for the economy

So Jane’s a republican. Haha! Ah, I shouldn’t touch this not even with a ten-foot pole. Nevermind that.

DAVE: i guess i have to admit

DAVE: part of this

DAVE: for me personally

DAVE: its

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING DAVE

DAVE: its about obama

Somehow, I didn’t even bat an eye with Dave described part of the reason why this is personal for him is because Obama didn’t get to be president due to, you know, the end of the world. I find it in-character, somehow. This isn’t the first time Dave extols Obama’s virtues, and after quite an extensive diatribe, he says maybe Obama reincarnated in Karkaroni. Thaaaat has to be the most Dave-y encouraging thing he could have ever thought. It’s for things like these that I like Dave, haha

Apparently only humans have tried to get to high offices, because no other species has even tried. They lack ambition, and given what I remember from Sburb, that’s believable. The only species that could come close to taking part in this are the trolls, and they’re not used to elections. No wonder humans have the high spots of politics.

DAVE: karkat dont stereotype

DAVE: remember the mayor

DAVE: remember how at one point a long time ago he raised an army and rebelled against an evil king

KARKAT: OH YEAH

KARKAT: SOMEHOW I ALWAYS FORGET HE DID THAT.

KARKAT: KIND OF MIND BOGGLING, REALLY.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT, I MISS THE MAYOR.

DAVE: me too

Ah, yeah...I miss him too. I wonder what happened to him.

The government is in charge of troll reproduction through cloning, I suppose because the mother grub isn’t ready yet. In the meantime, the balance of power will get entrenched to the point where even when there’s a functional mother grub, humans will restrict troll population so they don’t take over the planet and make the horrors of Alternia happen. No lie, that’d be pretty bleak for humanity. Last time the horrors of Alternia were forced onto Earth everyone died. No troll right now would try, buuuut yeah, that’s not going to be forgotten...for a while.

Somehow, Dave’s arguments about how Jane has zero business acumen, is sinister, and trolls are getting the raw end of the deal are actually getting Karkaroni to pay attention, until he finally caves, simply because it’d make Dave happy. That’s sweet. But yeah, this is...not what I expected what would happen in the epilogue. Well then!

DAVE: aw yeah

DAVE: you wont regret it this is gonna be dope

DAVE: i think we have a great shot too

DAVE: with my political savvy and economic genius and outrageous flair for subversive anti establishment messaging and propaganda, and your big loud fucking mouth...

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK

DAVE: um i guess also your charisma and likability and shit

KARKAT: YEAH.

KARKAT: YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT...

KARKAT: I’M PRETTY SURE I CAN FAKE THOSE THINGS WELL ENOUGH.

DAVE: oh also

DAVE: your weirdly sincere humility

KARKAT: I PREFER THE TERM “SELF LOATHING” ACTUALLY.

DAVE: ok lets try to avoid that phrase on the campaign trail too

KARKAT: THIS ALREADY SOUNDS LIKE A PAIN IN THE ASS.

I’m not a political strategist, but if Karkaroni is going to run on a platform about how Jane sucks and there’s inequality towards the trolls, I’m not entirely certain it’s good there’s a shadowy human pulling the strings in the campaign. Kind of seems like bad optics to me. Then again, can’t say I know where this is going so let’s just wait and see.

Yup, Dave definitely will be the brains behind this presidency. They already agreed he’ll write what Karkaroni will say, even though he should improvise and speak from the heart, like he tends to do. Not a bad idea, it’s part of what makes him endearing.

DAVE: time to talk some strategy

DAVE: we need to rally as much high profile support to our cause as we can

DAVE: but there are some uh

DAVE: “lines of loyalty” to figure out

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: i mean which of our friends are going to side with us and which ones will side with jane

It’s a safe bet to think the New Wonderteam will side with Jane and the Original Flavor Wonderteam with Dave and Karkaroni. Calliope likely will stick with Roxy, so she’d be on Jane’s side. All the living trolls would go with Karkaroni, so...overall? It seems to me the advantage is clear. Dave is slightly less optimistic than me, but he does think they can get many on their side.

...okay, what happened to Jade? What kind of twisted scenario involved her to the point where neither Dave nor Karkaroni want to talk about her? I’m almost afraid of finding out.

So there are four kingdoms, if I understand this correctly: one for humans, one for trolls, one for...carapaces, I guess, and one for the consorts, which would be aaaaaall the silly reptiles and amphibians from Sburb.

Jake’s support will be pivotal, and since I’m already betting he’ll be on Jane’s side out of, you know, being friends with her for quite some time, it seems like she’ll have the edge there. Then again, it’s true Jake is fairly timid, so there’s also a chance he’ll refuse to take a side. I’m starting to think any sane person would stay the heck away from any side in this mess, honestly. These two haven’t even announced Karkaroni as a candidate yet I already kind of dread what’s coming. I don’t know, it’s just this...constant atmosphere that something’s pretty wrong. I don’t really like it.

During all this, Dave receives a call from Dirk, so he calls back to ask what’s going on. This page ends with Dirk abut to insinuate he needs Dave to cut his head off again. I see these two’s weird pseudofamilial relationship is as messed up as ever. Charming.

So, back to the more Homestuck-y stuff. John zaps back to the story, apparently he agreed with Rose what needed to be done. First he makes sure Aranea won’t be up to shenanigans, taking off that ring of life from her finger. Good! Then he stashes Gamzee into the fridge again. Good! Everything’s fine over here. John zaps to the next plot point.

Ah, I have to read just two paragraphs to know what moment is this. The conversation below confirms my thoughts. Wait, I have to get the image for this moment:

There we go. Boy was it a pain to find it now that the long outline list is gone.

I think in Homestuck they had noticed John hanging out above them, and this time they see three of them, one of the Johns being an adult version. That’s going to be difficult to explain. Questions are asked, and evil Jade is zapped away to maybe get ready for the fight against Lord English, hopefully she won’t still be evil when the time comes, even if she technically is against Lord English and wants him dead. John is here to talk with Dave, anyway. If I recall correctly, Dave was supposed to give the final blow with that sword with the Welsh name, so my guess is that John is here for that. Get ready, Dave, you’re going to fulfill the fate you didn’t want in the first place! But at least I’m fairly certain John will be more successful at this than evil Jade was.

Turns out I’m not wrong about why John is here. In fact, the narration even says this:

Dave’s eyebrows descend beneath his sunglasses. You feel pretty bad because you’re about to completely circumvent the life-changing epiphany he’s just had that you know for a fact will make him a happier, chiller, and altogether more well-balanced human being.

Pretty unfortunate, really. It sucks to be Dave.

As I said before, Jade is zapped away to parts unknown, and Dave is informed of how everyone was spending their lives as normal adults with no big problems and a fairly peaceful life. Clearly John left the present before Dave and Karkaroni started their political war against Jane. Oh well. Off you go, Dave, get ready for a fight with Lord English. In the meantime, John will gather the rest of the team.

You know, I’m starting to realize I had a lot more to say about Dave and Karkaroni’s new political adventures than about the more familiar Homestuck-y messing around John is doing with the plot. I guess it’s because, as strange as the other plotline is, it just has...a lot other stuff to comment about that hasn’t been present in Homestuck before? Hm.

Yup, Dirk immediately asks for his decapitation as a solution for the tremendous defeat he has suffered at Jake’s hands, defeat that shouldn’t have happened because, as Dave states, Jake is pretty awful at everything. Either the show is rigged or Dirk must have quite a lot in mind for him to not even make an effort.

Yep, it’s rigged. I hope Jake knows. That guy never had a break during the game, hopefully he’ll get a break now. Speaking of Jake, he has to take the brunt of entertaining everyone while Dirk takes the call in the middle of the show. Whatever he has to talk about must be somewhat urgent, if he felt like calling Dave in the middle of it.

This narration sure is calling attention to Jake’s ass a lot, I lost count of how many paragraphs include something about it. Hussie, is there something you’d like to share with the class? Last time I checked the story he didn’t seem particularly interested in Jake’s ass, or in...Jake in general, really.

It seems what Dirk is doing here is intentionally making himself the villain of this show, but it’s not because he’s throwing Jake a bone or anything. No, it turns out there are more sinister goals here, or at least they’re sinister for Dave and Karkaroni’s newfound political ambitions.

DIRK: The point is, this is much less about me, and more about providing a foil for Jake’s heroism and charisma.

DIRK: It’s very important that his popularity continues to be cultivated, to maximize his political capital.

Sounds like they were planning Jane’s campaign for quite a while, if they went so far as to make Jake the hero of their show just for political capital. I bet that was the plan all along, right from the very first time this was broadcasted. How long ago was that, I wonder? But yeah, as Dave predicted, Dirk is fully on the Jane corner of this mess. He’s fully aware of Jane’s flaws and theoretical fascist/xenophobic tendencies, I presume, and he believes Jane’s the best for the current situation of the world. Whether he’s right or not...well...until proven otherwise I believe that too, yeah.

DIRK: We’ve all had our fun here, but it’s easy to overlook the fact that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition.

DIRK: Just beneath the surface, it’s quite a dangerous and unstable place.

Won’t lie, that never crossed my mind at all. From the way Act 7 ended, and how happy the ending was supposed to be, I simply thought things were going to be just peachy. I’m interested in knowing just how exactly it’s a quite a dangerous and unstable place. Care to explain, Dirk?

Guess not. I hope he explains how he knew what Dave and Karkaroni are planning, then. They took this decision like ten minutes ago.

DIRK: I think your heart is in the right place, but the dude is a complete amateur.

DIRK: He’ll get eaten alive. I also have a hard time imagining he even wants the job.

DIRK: Really, it’s an awful idea for him to even run. Think about how much it’s going to inflame the interspecies tensions on this planet. Is that what you want?

DIRK: I’m happy for both of you, really. It’s nice that you encourage and support each other in this way. But you’re sending him on a fool’s errand which can only end badly.

To be perfectly honest, other than the part about inflaming interspecies tensions on the planet, that was more or less what I thought. So far I agree. Even the part about inflaming interspecies tensions sounds plausible.

You know, it’s kind of fun both sides have a savvy Strider political operative. These two are more alike than Dave would like to admit, really.

The reason why Dirk is calling is because he wants to dissuade Karkaroni from running, even if he doesn’t say it. He admits Jake is not under Dirk’s beck and call, though. Does that really change anything? Dirk may not be on Jake’s good graces, but perhaps Jane is? Either way, this is a call to subtly dissuade and it’s not going to work because Karkat is stubborn as hell once he gets his head into something and he did. Tough luck.

The call is over, Dirk is back into the staged fray, so Jake thinks about Dirk’s capricious nature.

DIRK: Sorry for the momentary diversion, Jake. Now where were we?

JAKE: Momentary??? Gadzooks man you were on the phone for half a friggin hour!

JAKE: I know you like to get the crowd all hot and bothered but we are supposed to be professionals here!

...no wonder the crowd was starting to get so upset. Half an hour?! Just how slowly were the Striders talking?

Jake pulls out rhymes that honestly reminds me of Dave’s old rapping convos from like Act 1 or 2, peppered with old-timey sayings. It’s the kind of thing that makes me wonder how Jake is popular all over the planet. It’s said it’s out of pity, but goodness, that must be a metric ton of pity. The rap fight ends with Dirk sedating Jake to take another call. Geez, no wonder you’re not on his good graces anymore, Dirk.

Aaaanyway, back to John. He has gathered everyone back at his childhood home, ready to start the discussion on how to get rid of Lord English once and for all.

Jake is sort of ruining the mood anyway by bouncing away on your old Green Slime pogo. Doesn’t he realize how dangerous that thing is? Of course not. The fool.

To be frank that thing looked fun to me, even though I wouldn’t ride it without a helmet. John needs to appreciate more the painful playground elements in his life.

It’s nostalgic to read a convo with the kids. I hadn’t realized until now I missed Jade’s goofy mannerisms. Jade was always someone I was so fond of. Heck, all of the kids are people I’m fond of, although I’m less fond of Dirk and Jake than the rest. My opinion of Homestuck may not be as high as it once was, but the characters are something I still appreciate.

John answers a question: what happens to the people from the timelines they all left? Who knows. They may have stopped existing, which I’m sure is something they’d have liked to know before, but there’s nothing that can be done about that. Better start planning so they don’t die horribly and make nothing matter, alright.

The planning is mostly disorganized and structureless, although some common themes that often recur involve you and your original three friends leading the charge, since you are the oldest and wisest, and therefore the strongest, with the exception of Jade, whose gaudy array of powers make her the most formidable of the group, bar none. Aside from that, it appears the consensus is that the melee will likely devolve into an absolute free-for-all—at least going by the general patterns of incoherent banter, shit-talking, and points of pedantic tactical disagreement plaguing the jam session.

Sounds about right. I still think Jade would be very useful in the fight as long as she’s actually there and not...getting knocked out by mailwomen-turned-winged-dog. Maybe this time there’ll actually be something about the kids getting into a fight with Lord English. I’m not really going to hope for that too much, given how Hussie is not into catering to orderly narratives, but eh. No harm in dreaming.

The reunion ends when Jake eats dirt when he falls from the pogo, and in all this there wasn’t even a word about the plan. Not a good omen for the ‘show everyone fighting Lord English’ dream, really. The kids all talk together, some of them meeting each other for the first time, while John wistfully stares at Dad Egbert who is visible through the window.

The sun is hitting the glass in such a way that you can’t see his face.

Ah, yes, how could I forget the eternal sun that was in Dad’s vicinity all the time, that’s why his face always appeared mostly blank. That’s why the sun was right beside the Homestuck letter logo, it’s always there. Besides, if it’s a bad idea to go talk with Dad Hebert, may I ask why they’re all gathered in this yard, one week before the meteors strike? I know I’d be alarmed if I looked out of the window and saw seven hooligans and one adult hanging out in my yard.

There are other things to be wondering about, anyway, like the fact John may not be seeing these as real versions of his friends. Then again, in my opinion, he’s thinking a bit too hard about this. Of course he’d feel kind of detached, simply because of the age difference. That’s hard to overcome. Is it time to leave and go possibly die? Grab hands and hope it’ll go okay!

No, seriously, why am I taking like a page for John’s retconning and like three and half for Dave and Karkaroni’s Elect-a-Troll 20XX? Oh well. Dirk is still in the stadium, apparently their shows always ends in a riot, making me wonder how are they popular with people. Public disorder doesn’t really paint a good image of you. The caller is Rose, and she’s not feeling happy.

ROSE: The bottom line is this.

ROSE: I am ascending, and it is terrible.

Is Rose reaching Nirvana? How else am I supposed to interpret ‘ascending’? It’s not like she’s not a higher existence already, what with godhood and all.

What’s going on is that Rose is being plagued from visions and a higher awareness of her alternate selves’ lives and tribulations, giving her something close to omniscience when it’s about the universe, and Dirk is going through that too, which I suppose helps explain how he knew what Dave wanted to do. That’s what Dave will have to go against? Good luck to him.

I have to wonder if Dirk being such a stalwart Jane supporter is fueled by his recent omniscience. Maybe he knows something Dave and Karkaroni don’t, maybe the warning he gave them was something he foresaw. That aside, then he also must have known how useless it was to call Dave and that it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Having omniscience must seriously suck. At least Dirk has a way to work with his omniscience in a way that won’t wreck him apart, and I’m curious what it’s going to be. That said, though, a story about Dirk and Rose having foreseen a nasty future and working to stop it even at the cost of a few valuable friendships would be interesting. I’d read that.

Any conversation that will come from this will be at the studio later. I for one am looking forward to it, I admit. It’s an interesting topic, rich with possibilities and potential for development. It’s a shame these are epilogues, though. In the end, this will go nowhere, I imagine. Isn’t it a pity when you come across an idea or a plot that could span an entire story, but you know it’s not likely to come to fruition? Real shame, that.

I think I’ll stop for now. I have read only seven pages out of forty-three or so, but this should be enough for now. I can’t say I have been...enjoying this. I’m interested, but not really happy so far. Maybe it’s because a couple rather questionable things have come out of the blue and for the life of me I can’t make them fit with the characters or the story. Strange.

Also, something about the writing style is...off. It’s far more descriptive than Homestuck usually was. Most of the time it’s nice, other times I wonder if it was necessary. Still, I wonder where this will go, so at least the epilogues have that on its favor. Just for that, I think liveblogging it will be worth it.

Still, these epilogues are non-canon, aren’t they? If they’re canon can you please tell me that? Thanks, readers! So, for the time being, this update ends here.

Next update: next time

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

[imaginetonyandbucky]

How about... Established relationship, Bucky plans to entice/seduce Tony (using any means you'd like), so that Tony will nail him through the mattress. Or up the wall. Or on any surface really, Bucky isn't picky (fortunately, neither is Tony).

The B in Subtle Does Not Stand For Bucky (Part One)

Author Note: Dear Prompter… this story came out of the followingdiscussion: Tisfan: I’m trying to think how to do this so it’s interesting. Bucky’s idea ofseduction is “hey, babe, wanna?” if he’s not just dragging Tony off toward thebed by his hair.Everyworldneedslove: Yeah, Subtle, not exactly Bucky’s thing. Or Tony’s. Infact, Tony pretty much misses subtle entirely.

(In Tash’s defense, she did NOT realize they’d be THIS STUPID.)

Part One

It wasn’t the first time they’d annoyed Tash, Bucky knew that forsure. Probably more like the sixth. He couldn’t help it; carrying Tony out ofthe common room and upstairs to nail him right through the mattress was tootempting. He was even willing to blame Tony for it in the first place, becausethe man was handsy as hell and had a terrible habit of making lewd jokes andbedroom eyes nearly constantly.

Personally, Bucky thought Tash should give him a little bit offucking credit that he didn’t just take his incredibly sexy boyfriend to thefloor in front of God and everyone. (He’d considered it once, but managed toget them into the elevator before peeling Tony’s pants down to his thighs andswallowing his cock. Also, totally not his fault that she hit the elevatorsummon button. Really. It wasn’t.)

“You wouldn’t know subtle if it bit you on the ass,” Tash said,glowering at him.

“Subtle would be better behaved and not bite anyone,” Stevepointed out. “Certainly better behaved than Bucky’s been.”

Bucky threw his hands up in the air. Both of them ganging up onhim seemed a bit much, really. It’s not like they weren’t loud and obnoxioussometimes, too. “I can totally be subtle,” Bucky sneered. “You just watch.”

Tash took a sip of her tea and gazed at him over the rim of hermug. “We have an accord, then. No sex, unless you can get it subtly. And I willknow if you cheat. You… won’t like the consequences.”

Bucky glowered. He (had been) was the world’s deadliest assassin,credited with dozens of high-profile jobs, and he’d never been caught right upuntil he’d decided to be caught. How hard could it be, getting hisboyfriend into bed without being blatant? Tony was just as into it as Buckywas. “You’ll see,” he said again.

Bucky might have picked the worst. Week. Ever. To attemptto seduce his boyfriend quietly. The Maria Stark Foundation's annual ball wasthat week, and Tony was rather involved in the planning. Bucky knew Tony hadpeople for that sort of thing, and hell, the Foundation had people for thatsort of thing, and yet Tony hovered over the caterers and venue planners likethey were getting set to invade Latveria.

Subtle.

After a day of meetings and double-checking with severalcoordinators, plus a quarterly stockholder’s report, Tony was sure to be tired,stressed out.

Bucky chilled a bottle of wine, drew a bubble bath and sprinkledrose-petals all over the bed and waited for Tony to come back up to thepenthouse.

And waited. And waited some more. When Tony finally made his wayback to their room, he was stripped down to his workshop clothes, streaked withgrease and with an angry burn across the backs of his knuckles, shufflingacross the floor with his eyes mostly closed. By then, the bath had gone coldand the wine was warm. Not that Tony noticed either. He didn’t stop until hisknees hit the edge of the bed and then he fell face-first onto it and wasasleep before Bucky could even say hello.

Bucky sighed. Overworked genius Tony was his fifth favorite thingand Tony was adorable when he was sleeping. He peeled Tony’s clothes offwithout waking him and got him settled onto the bed, tucking the blanket aroundhim, then went to clean up. There was always tomorrow.

(mobile users, ware the readmore)

The problem was, Bucky thought, more that Tony wasn’t used to anysort of subtle. He didn’t eat until his stomach was practically crawling out ofhis mouth to go hunting on his own. He didn’t rest until he was falling down.JARVIS had been known to complain from time to time that the only bad thingabout not having some sort of corporeal body was that he couldn’t smack hiscreator upside the head from time to time and send him off to nap.

On the other hand, the coffee pot was one of Tony’s favoritedevices. Bucky spent the better part of an hour composing little messages onheart-shaped sticky notes. He put one on the handle of Tony’s favorite mug, onthe top of the bean grinder, one on the side of the coffee maker, and one onthe box of donuts he left next to the coffee pot, all cake with pink glaze andsprinkles. Tony’s favorite.

Sure enough, not long after, Tony came into the kitchen, phoneheadset in place as he conferenced with someone or other -- not Pepper, he wasmuch more polite when it was Pepper. He smiled at Bucky, then reached up intothe cabinet for his mug. The sticky note fluttered off, unnoticed.

“No, what I’m telling you is that it’s a completely workable--” Hethrew up his hands in annoyance and flicked the top off the bean grinder as hereached for the beans. “No, that’s because you’re not listening to me,”he growled, and mashed the grinder button with rather more force thannecessary.

...Had that note gotten mixed in with the beans? Bucky didn’t seeit anywhere.

Tony dumped the beans into the pot and stabbed at the button. Hewas going to have to wait a few seconds for the coffee to brew, so surely he’dsee that note.

“Michaels, I’m too busy this week to come down there and tell youhow to do your job,” Tony snapped, pacing the kitchen. “If you can’t make senseof the notes, maybe I should send over someone who can. ...That’s what Ithought.”

He dragged off the headset and threw it on the counter in disgust.“Ug, how did he end up in my R&D department?” he demanded. He pulled themug out of the stream of coffee and swigged it back like particularly cheaptequila. “Oh, hey, donuts!” He nudged open the box and pulled one out, taking ahuge bite. “Fnnks, bah,” he muttered. He leaned over and left a sticky kiss onBucky’s cheek, then was gone again, mug in hand.

Bucky groaned and scrubbed at his face with both hands, listeningto the rasp of his beard as it scraped against his palm. “How does he evensurvive?” Bucky muttered, knowing that no one was listening. “Seriously?” He wasgoing to have to up his game. Shit.

Bucky thought he was starting to get somewhere with the textmessage flirting. Tony at least looked at his phone an awful lot. Boardmeetings, and R&D brainstorming sessions, and working on repairing theAvenger’s gear, and strategic planning reviews with SI security, Tony alwayshad his phone with him.

Subtle, Bucky reminded himself. Which probably meant no dick pics.

Thinking about you, babe.

He did some research. Emojis were the big thing, right? It tookhim a while to track down some hints and tips, and then it took him a littlelonger to figure out why eggplants and peaches featured in a lot of thesamples, but when he did get it, Bucky almost rolled off the couch, laughing.

He texted Tony an eggplant and a peach. Tony had the world’s mostperfect ass; more than one person had commented on it. And while Bucky wasn’tsure it actually looked like a peach, he’d be more than happy to take a bite ofit.

Tony texted back a lollipop, and a... oh, that was a tongue. Well.

Bucky scrolled through the options. Why why why were there so manydifferent icons and what the hell were even some of them supposed to be? Thereneeded to be some sort of search feature. He found a bunch of hands; let’s see…that one, index finger, pointing. And the OK. Winkie face. He was just hittingsend when the building alarm went off.

“No, no, no, no,” Bucky muttered. “What the…”

“Avengers assemble,” Steve’s voice came through the overhead. “Wehave reports of hostile non-human life forms attacking the coastal area offMaine. Quinjet, fifteen minutes!”

“No. no. no.” Bucky slid to the floor in front of the coffee tableand banged his forehead into the wooden surface before getting up. He had afucking job to do.

There were some things that should not be allowed. Giantsemi-sapient squids that spat smelly, half-frozen ink all over everything wereright at the top of that fucking list.

They were also fast as hell, prone to swatting flying Avengers outof the air like they were playing badminton with their tentacles. Iron Man hadactually gotten shoved into one beaky maw and nearly eaten before he managed tounibeam a hole in the back of the thing’s head and make an escape.

The squids’ bodies were squishy, the skin thick and rubbery, andkilling them was like trying to stuff marshmallows into a wine bottle. Theywere hard as hell to cut, and shooting them put the whole group at risk fromricochettes. Bucky wasn’t even sure they’d been defeated so much as they’dgotten bored and wandered back where they came from.

Tony had already contacted Atlantis and their obnoxious ruler,Namor the Sub-Mariner, for more useful tactics. Which would have been great,except Namor had some very strange ideas of what was befitting for his stationand Tony was having to drop everything to entertain the fucking merman.

All bad press aside, Tony could actually be quitediplomatic when he wanted to. The trick was getting him to want to -- but itturned out that having been nearly eaten by a giant squid was pretty motivating.So when Namor finally deigned to make an appearance, Tony ushered him aroundand catered to that swollen ego in the name of getting Namor to actually committo doing something about the squids.

And if Tony seemed a little stiff, his smile a little tight, well,Namor was a first-class asshole, even when being helpful. It wasn’t until thewhole nonsense was nearly done that Tony stumbled over a bit of chopped-offtentacle and winced in pain that Bucky realized he’d been hiding injuries thewhole time.

Extracting Tony from Namor’s clutches (okay, so it wasn’t thatbad, but Namor didn’t really understand human physiology and concepts like bleedingto death weren’t high on his list of concerns) involved shoving Steve atNamor and probably owing Steve a million favors, because the Prince of Atlantis(or whatever his damn title was) had something of a crush on Steve, which Stevewas desperately trying to avoid dealing with.

“God dammit, Tony,” Bucky swore, as soon as he managed toget Tony around the corner where no one would notice that Tony was limping,bleeding, and sweating like crazy inside his armor. Bucky got a thumb downinside Tony’s armor and triggered the release mechanism. The amount of bloodthat flooded out of the left boot was pretty damn worrying. Bucky gritted histeeth and picked his boyfriend up in a bridal carry. “Barton, I got cleanupduty for you, near the south door.”

Another week of celibacy, because Tony never could do shit byhalf-measures, including getting his ass almost dead. After losing so muchblood and a head injury on top of that, his recovery was complicated by thesquid ink getting into his wound, which caused an infection.

Bucky knew Tony was pretty damn sick. He knew it because Tony didn’tspend the first two days trying to check out Against Medical Advice. But it washard to be around Tony, when Bucky was already wound up from a week’s worth ofcelibacy. Bucky was a terrible person, spending too much time at Tony’s bedsidewhile he was ill, spoon-feeding him and helping him wash up with half anerection and difficulty concentrating because he was too busy staring at theway Tony’s mouth moved, or wanting to peel that thin hospital gown aside and--

Yeah, Bucky was better off just staying out of arm’s reach. Hedidn’t want to hurt Tony by accident. Bucky was a selfish, horrible person.The man had practically bled out on his feet; being ravished by a formerassassin was not what Tony needed.

Cho finally notified Bucky that they were releasing Tony frommedical. Bucky spent some time picking out an outfit; he wanted to look hisbest for Tony, maybe tempt Tony into a little messing around now that he wasfeeling better.

Tight jeans that emphasized the curve of his ass, outlined Bucky’smuscular thighs. He wasn’t quite as chesty as Steve -- Steve, who always worehis shirts too small and looked like he ought to wear a damn sports bra to keephis nipples under control -- but Bucky wasn’t lacking in muscle. He selected athin dark blue top, the material worn and comfortable, clinging to his chest injust the right places, thin enough to see the shadows of his pecs, to trace thelines of his abs. He tore the sleeve off one side -- short sleeves had atendency to get stuck in the plates of his arm and anyway, Tony liked thearm.

It was nice to see Tony up and about, his color better than it hadbeen for days. Tony gave him a quick smile and it was all Bucky could do not tolift his man up and push him against the wall to kiss him stupid. But he wasstill trying, even if it was the hardest thing he’d ever done. “Hey, babe,” hesaid. He took Tony’s hand gingerly. Just the brush of his fingers againstTony’s skin was enough to tingle, sending zings of want down Bucky’s spine.Barely twining their fingers together, he led Tony over to the elevator. “Wantto grab a snack and then go home?”

Tony’s smile got a little wider and he leaned against Bucky’s sidein the elevator. “Yeah, that sounds good. Doc says I’m supposed to stay up onmeals to replace all the blood, blah blah blah. But home, for sure. So sick ofmedical I could puke.”

“Missed you,” Bucky commented, pulling Tony closer against hisside, aching for the feel of Tony’s lean body, wanting nothing more than to --

“Hey!” Steve cheered as the elevator door opened. “Tony’s back!”Bucky wasn’t going to ask about the purple marks just above Steve’s collar.Probably.

Except that the kitchen was full of Avengers, guests and friends.Rhodes had even managed to get out of whatever military shit he was doing tocome visit. And Namor, too. (That man needed to put some clothes on, really!)

Clint  had made a huge cake shaped like a bandaid (okay,really, whose idea was it to fill the cake with strawberry sauce, so as soon asit was cut, it started fucking bleeding? Ew.) and there were snacks and drinksand…

Bucky sighed. Tony was being passed around his friends like aparty favor and it took Bucky a while to find a unoccupied corner where hecould have a sulk. It’s not that he didn’t want to share his boyfriend, hejust… didn’t want to share.

Not that Bucky could be too upset; it was good to have Tonyhome, and better to see how happy he was, surrounded by friends and family. Butby the time he’d spoken to everyone and had a slice of Clint’s horrifying cakeand gotten into a “discussion” with Rhodey and Steve about the advisability ofletting weird space monsters eat him specifically so he could blast his way outagain, he was visibly exhausted.

And by the time Bucky had nudged him away from the party (still infull swing) and up to their room, Tony was pale and shaky from overexertinghimself, and obviously too drained for more than a quick kiss goodnight.

There was a large, empty space in the middle of the bed, thesheets cold and crisp. Bucky sighed and pulled himself all the way to the edgeof the bed.

At first it had been cute, in a frustrating sort of way. Tony wasabsent-minded under the best of circumstances, but he’d never been anything butpassionate when Bucky had nudged him into something.

And then it had gotten irritating; if the Avengers were deliberatelygetting in their way, it would have been easier to get around. This justseemed to be life.

Finally, Bucky decided the best idea was to just wait it out.Surely Tony would start something, wouldn’t he? He’d always been just as eagerfor it as Bucky was. How much accidental abstinence was Tony willing to put upwith before Bucky was the one on the other end of the seduction? That would beokay, right? And technically wouldn’t go against his agreement with Tash.

Except that… nothing happened.

That empty space in the middle of the bed stayed empty.

Bucky thought he was imagining it, but eventually he couldn’t ignoreit. Tony was deliberately putting space between them, now. He pulled back,hastily, if Bucky brushed against him, like he was burned. He fell asleep inthe workshop rather than coming to bed at all some nights. Bucky found himselfin the awkward position of explaining that he wasn’t tired, so that Tony wouldget in the bed at all. And Bucky would end up waiting until he was asleep, justso he wouldn’t bother Tony.

Some nights he’d wake as soon as Tony stepped in the room and thenhold his breath, pretending to sleep as Tony would creep in like a thief. IfBucky stirred or reached for Tony, it was all apologies and ‘sorry to wake you’and ‘go back to sleep.’

Maybe… maybe Tony had never been into it. God that hurt to thinkabout, like the bottom of the world had fallen out from under Bucky’s feet.Maybe Tony had felt pressured into sex. Bucky had never hesitated before, justnudging and kissing and… had Tony not wanted him? Or at least, not asbad as Bucky wanted it?

He tried to think back, had Tony ever instigated their trysts, orhad he just gone along with what Bucky wanted? Why… why would Tony do that, whywould he not say anything if… shit. Shit.

Well, maybe Tony just -- there were words for it, right, Buckyremembered JARVIS bringing things to his attention in his welcome to thefuture, try not to be an asshole lectures. Asexual, that was a thing. Was… wasthat what things were like, for Tony. Had he been merely tolerating Bucky’sadvances?

Bucky rolled over, pulled the blankets over his head, feelingsick.

Or maybe Tony was just done. He was done with Bucky. Fucked himout, so to speak. He was ready to move on to someone else. Steve had warned Bucky,had told him that Tony wasn’t really a settle down sort of guy, that he wasalways moving on to the next best thing. Bucky waited in dread for theconversation, the one that started “it’s not you, it’s me.”

That empty space in the middle of the bed was the fucking GreatWall of China. Bucky didn’t know how to cross it anymore. He pulled back, asfar as he could. Started dodging conversations with Tony because he didn’t wantto hear the words. Left the room, rather than staring at Tony like a starving dog.

He couldn’t even be mad at Tash about it; she’d showed him that hewas fucking missing it. Tony didn’t want him anymore, and Bucky hadn’t even noticed,until she drew his attention to it.

Shit.

Stay tuned for Part Two

(co-written by @tisfan and @everyworldneedslove)

#winteriron #tony x bucky #tony stark #bucky barnes #angst #misunderstandings #accidental abstinence #natasha is a troublemaker #tony is clueless #bucky has no game #prompts #tisfan #everyworldneedslove #Anonymous