#lol wtf is this Im in a silly goofy mood | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

consistent-self-destruction · 3 years

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detachment hours !!!

i can feel myself getting a headache and RAWHHH

what the FUCK is this mood and WHAT brand of mental illness is it stemming from because GRAHHHDSKDFNDSK

i feel like the word "manic" depicts this energy n mood perfectly, but im also vaguely aware that manic/mania are terms reserved for actual mental health conditions so to use them to describe my state would feel wrong and invasive but JUST for lack of a better word i'll use it for now with respects

HEY BAES XOXOXO

i have literally no followers on this blog LMAOO i'm literally talking to myself but it's fun ig

anywho so i think im losing my grip on myself and detaching from reality again lol

and it's weird bc people have described the sensation of detachment to me before but this doesnt FEEL like that, but it doesnt feel numb either?? it feels like my brain just running without any actual thoughts so that i dont break down. i dont know how to describe that??? like a moving hamster wheel going SPEED but like without the hamster.

and i just find EVERYTHING funny and talk out loud to my ceiling and myself and my stuffies, literal fucking inanimate objects

like my computer was being slow like a little over 5 minutes ago and i shook it in front of my face and went "you STUPID FUCKING DINOSAUR" and started GIGGLING to myself cause that meme is FUNNY AS HELL LMAOAOAO

im literally just talking and referencing dumbass memes to myself and laughing for no reason and feeling v silly v goofy in a gen z way that's just indescribeable and i just. i dont understand what this is.

- ive got a god tier depression room rn

- i havent showered in a couple days lol

- i havent been productive like i was and even tho im doing well in most of my classes i have like a 21 in english bc my teacher is overwhelming with all the google classroom posts and things get lost in the stream and it's just a MESS and very disorganized and that lack of organization and order STRESSES ME OUT and i lost track of everything in that class and im too overwhelmed to pick up the pieces

- dont even talk to me ab college i think i'll cry lol

- i just have no sense of time or deadlines, and im falling back into familiar patterns of just letting everything go and i know once i let go i cant pick it back up and i cant have lost it all already, the year just started

- i dont know what im doing !!! scared-

okay wait i just felt myself hold back a MAJOR sob so i think i WONT go into that anymore bc clearly that's a lot LMAOOO

anyways sitting down and writing calmed down some of the manic unhinged jumpy energy but

im still freezing cold for no reason, my head keeps ticking for no reason (no i dont have tourettes), i still feel that headache coming on, and im not gonna find motivation or a sense of direction any time soon and anyways im really fucked up rn and i think it's cause i spent like an hour or 2 just stalking people i knew from my old school because i miss them even tho they dont remember me and im fucking PISSED that my parents pulled me out bc i think i wouldve like myself sm better rn if i'd stayed.

okay not going into that either, i feel myself starting to cry there too LOL WTF

i just cant grip reality rn and i keep obsessing over things and people i cant have and the life i couldve lived bc i dont like the life im living now and i feel like i cant CHANGE the life im living now // so nothing's changing in the present and nothing will change so #ESCAPISM tingz, and staying in my romanticized past and indulging in what couldve been now // AND I CANT STOP AND I CANT PULL MYSELF OUT OF THIS ENERGY AND AHHHH

i dont know who to talk to about it or HOW to talk about it and how i could even get help w pushing out of this anyway but yuh

we're feeling #stuck #manic #COLD ASF #ticking #escaping reality and all that jaz asf

crying sobbing sliding down walls tbh

im not okay.

- 9:27 pm // 10.27.21 -

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