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jungwnies · 2 months

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hi maeby! its been a while, im sorry this took too long and I don’t know exactly when you’ll see this but know that i’m writing this on december 16 for reference hehe (this will essentially be a 2023 recap but ill try to be as short as possible)

last time i was here i think it was the end of june or beginnings of july and a lot has happened in my life, on august i turned 21 and i also went to the eras tour!! definitely one of the best days ever in my life and maybe top 3 on best days of 2023 🤍

talking about my birthday its little sensitive topic, for the past five years or so my birthdays has kind of been something that I’ve dreaded so much and i'm just the opposite of happy, its like those posts you see everywhere of people crying in their room during their birthdays and this year wasn’t the exception, this years birthday..lets just say it will be memorable but leaving that aside august was kind of okay

the concert experience may be on of my favorite memories just because it feel so cathartic, it was just so beautiful talking to strangers and us bonding over music and art, listening and singing to my favorite songs, getting to go to a concert for the first time on my own, traveling with my sister (just the two of us) for the first time, all the beautiful pictures and videos and people that i keep with me because of that one experience it just something that I will eternally be grateful for (also, so. many. friendship. bracelets.)

i remember looking back at my life and my lowest points in it and thinking (and hopefully it won’t get too sad) “well maybe someone out there was right, i just needed to hang on a little tighter, cause imagine missing out on this”

september was filled with delicious food and me going out a little more often

in october was my sisters birthday, so she held a halloween costume party and i got to dress up as an elf/fairy, i also went to one of my best friends birthday party and felt amazing seeing a couple of familiar faces after months, and some of them even years, waiting. also yes, this means i ate a lot of cake on october (my moms birthday was also on this month hah). i also took a ceramic class. i loved it (I made a small bowl :))

november i went out a lot, bought new clothes, bought christmas decorations, studied korean, went to the doctor cause i thought i was going to die (turns out im not, even far from it : im as healthy as a horse)

and as of december, planning christmas dinner with my mom and sister, got a bad haircut that made me cry so hard and then got it fixed at another salon, had dates with friends, retook ceramic classes (i made two cups, three heart shaped plates and a little jewelry organizer), scheduled one more therapy session before the year ends after months of not going, took more buses this month than in my whole life and i guess im slowly figuring out my stuff a little more.

i discovered new artists this year, feel in love again with old ones that I had forgotten about, learned new cooking recipes, got a little more out of the house than last year, made amends with my body and established boundaries even though it hurt :)

turning 21 this year essentially meant a lot, i don’t want to go into more detailed as to not make this any longer but lets just say im planning on getting 21 tattooed on my next year haha

i hope the rest of the year was kind to you, if you feel comfortable to answer with maybe your favorite parts of 2023 would be great! if not just know that i love you and missed dropping by here, hopefully starting 2024 i'll be back here regularly <3<3

take care, stretch, rest all you need, take your time, and remember that im always right here rooting for you and hugging you 🩶🩶🩶

happy holidays :) love youuuuu

-🧸anon

hiii 🧸anon <3

it has been literally so long, i was taking a break from tumblr, honestly i didn't even think i'd come back but seeing this upon logging in literally brought joy to my heart knowing you're still around! :)

i've read everything, from your birthday to your christmas dinner with your mom and sister. starting with your birthday i'm glad that 2023 you had a memorable birthday after dreading it for so many years, and i hope 2024 also brings you joy! onto the concert next, i know exactly how you feel, it's something that you don't feel often and the crowds are just so amazing because it's people who share the same love for the same artist, and it's like you are in your own little world for a few hours. next, september & october, i'm glad it was filled with food and another birthday, it seems so fun to have a halloween themed birthday honestly!! november, i'm glad it was a good month besides the scary doctors visit >.< december seemed to have been a busy month for you, and hopefully your hair is okay now :( hopefully the therapy sesh went well. I'm glad your year was overall not too shabby, and I'm glad that you had a lot of character development. Hopefully 2024 brings you absolutely nothing but joy! 🖤

now onto my year, i guess i'll go with the highlights. i essentially had a relatively good year, i was able to do a lot of things, and uni was not too stressful, but it's a little harder this semester. starting with my august, i didn't do much except get ready for the semester, signed up for my september classes etc etc, it was relatively boring. my september was a little more eventful, i took a marine biology class which was so fun, and i'm not even majoring in marine bio, we got to talk about sea legends and a lot of the lore behind mermaids and other stuff. in october i did the same thing, but i made one of my best friends ever, except uhhh we're not really friends anymore as of recently, but my heart goes to them, they meant alot. in november i built a new computer, a little nerdy but i actually really enjoyed it except i had a mental breakdown trying to do cable management LMFAO 😭😭in december i had a good month, except the basement flooded so that wasn't very slay but regardless it was a good month filled with nothing but holiday spirit and gifts.

now with a short little update on my 2024, because it's been awhile. in january i went back to school for the second semester, and it's been tough i'm not going to lie. i also got a boyfriend so like !?!??! kinda crazy, he's not too bad but like every relationship we definitely have our downs. in february, it was a short month but nonetheless eventful this is the downfall of me and bestie tbh, but it's okay he was like a life lesson or something!?!?! now this month, it just started and it's been great, it's midterm week right now so i'm a bit stressed, but i also suddenly got motivation to go back on youtube and write on tumblr again, so i'm super happy about that :)

i hope 2024 is kind to you and gives you a lot of joy! remember to take care of yourself, just as you always say to me, stretch, rest all you need, take your time, and remember that im always right here rooting for you and hugging you as well! ❤️❤️❤️

have a great year, and i hope to see you again 🧸❤️

#🧸 — jungwnies #🧸 anon #🧸#thank you anon #ily anon #📥 jungwnies #𐐪♡︎₊˚ ― jungwnies #jungwnies anons #jungwnies

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nicomrade · 5 months

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i didnt read nearly as much this year (2023) compared to last, i mostly re-read my faves that ill maybe post about one day and i read non-fiction from libraries. I am a Communist by Park Kun-Woong and Ichi-F by Kazuto Tatsuta are the two that id say stood out the most in that regard, but i kinda wanna keep these retrospective posts to fiction only so lets go for my actual 6 picks naow

Poison City - Tetsuya Tsutsui (2014-2015) opening with my favorite author, poison city is about art censorship- specifically of mangas in japanese libraries- how it happens, why, by and for whom, who it affects, how it shapes the publishing industry and so on. it was written after tsutsui found out his own work (manhole) had been banned in a prefecture, without him ever being notified. its only 2 volumes but the most nuanced discussion of the topic ive seen. like all tsutsui work it is in my brain forever like a worm and if i see it IRL i get an urge to reread it right there right now. which happens often cuz french libraries (justifiably!) love it

Gekiga-Yose: Fallen Words - Tatsumi Yoshihiro (2009) i got into a little gekiga rabbithole sometime last spring that segued really nicely into a rakugo moment for me. Fallen Words is neatly at the junction of the two and maybe the best way to experience rakugo stories if you cant watch performances? its not rakugo but it tries really hard to make the original jokes work in a new medium. fascinating project that i really enjoyed and laughed outloud at while reading. it also helps other rakugo-based fiction have more context and depth for a non-rakugo liker audience

Blood on the Tracks / Chi no Wadachi - Oshimi Shuzo (2017-2023) "this is not a work that wants to teach you how to heal, how to cope, or give you catharsis, or tragedy." chi no wadachi is about parental abuse and keeps to following the protagonist for as long as his mom has influence over his life, in all of the ways that she does, and nothing more. its heavy, its hard, and its something you need to meet halfway. not the oshimi shuzo work id necessarily start with but its the one i read fully this year and also the one i got into comment fights on mangadex about lol

Billy Bat - Naoki Urasawa & Nagasaki Takashi (2008-2016) billy bat is about art and its about making art and its about what if there was a bat on the moon that gave you catharsis. its got historical fiction its got protagonist changes its got walt disney its got an insane amount of historical research put in. its got two bats. its art as an universal language, as something its artist owns but that also belongs to everyone who's ever connected with it, art as the root of humanity, as the lense through which people view and shape the world. and its about a japanese-american artist named kevin.

Bokurano: Ours - Kitoh Mohiro (2003-2009) bokurano is about kids who are roped into a mecha war for earth's survival. it questions whether you can live without harming others, the nature of remorse, childhood trauma, and so on. its dubiously a death game- i count it as one but its also explicitely interested in this very question- "is this a game?". is bullying a game? Is csa a game? Is parental abuse a game? Neglect? Sibling violence? War? Is that what a game is? anything that children do?

Undercurrent - Toyoda Tetsuya (2004-2005) its easy to say reading undercurrent feels like youre drowning because the water motif is already omnipresent but this really is a piece where the story and the artistic motif are just in symbiose. undercurrent explores one woman's life managing her bathhouse almost on her own at the same time as she's dealing with more personal issues, and my first instinct upon seeing the cover is always to hold my breath. cannot say anymore just read it

+ bonus mention to Gantz - Hiroya Oku (2000 - 2013) for ruining my whole life. i didnt start it in 2023 but i was overcome by some sort of fever in january that made me finish this fucking manga and it hasn't left me since. don't read gantz. you can watch the live action movies they cut out 95% of the manga and make it actually good also akagi's actor (kanata hongo) plays my fave character in them. but whatever you do, don't read gantz.

#my death games #nicomreads #hongo playing that guy in gantz ruined me cuz now i cant remember the name of the actual character i always just call him akagi #i think hes nishi? who cares hes akagi. they put akagi in gantz. hes besties w the ball

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oswednesday · 7 months

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waa @proceduralbob tagged me! thank youu

name: wednesday

pronouns: they/them

where do you call home?: without the right to roam, in a planet with boards and states and nationalities, this is kind of a faulty concept, people ask this sort of thing to judge your worth, sometimes i poke fun at people for like what state or city they live in but know its kind of in a post-ironic or whatever sort of way, i live online! but i suppose the geographical answer is the usa equating that with home feels gross, home feels personal and all encompassing, doesnt it?

favorite animal: im like, rabbit themed, so there's that of course i love so many animals i feel like i have a fave per genre of animals, im really into jellyfish , my fave owl is great horned, i also love flamingos and giraffes and bats and cockatoos

cereal of choice: i only eat cereal as intended like two months out of the entire year max, i like applejacks (with banana slices) and cocoa bunnies from the annie's brand (with strawberries) (cereal feels really naked without fruit on it!)

visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner: im pretty sure this is something that gets taught in schools in conservative states cause no one gives a fuck whether its junk science or not, i Prefer someone to show me how, then walk me through it and then ill do it a bunch with assistance until i get it, but thats often so taxing to be vulnerable with someone else and not everyone has the patience for me so maybe like visual/kinesthetic/auditory in that order maybe? maybe thats just self fanfiction

first pet: fish! like the first animal i was aware of like, the concept of a pet like we have a pet in the house were two box turtles but those were like, my parents pets, they did not take good care of them! the first pet i consciously was like i want to keep and take care of them were fishes

favorite scent: (oops i forgot to remove the previous answer and fill this in)i have a lot of scents i like but rn i think murphy's wood oil soap!

do you believe in astrology: i think there are three "categories" of astrology

there is the math; the history and the culture and the arts and how much it like is apart of human history like that's real and inseparable from understanding the world around us you cant be like well thats astronomy because its also people folk lore and mythology of their cultures and belief systems and that kind of math was not separate from each other, it was used and is used as aid to make complicated numbers more digestible, as a way to memorize and to pass along oral traditions, its also a form of a people's wealth, so thats real yes

then there's social/economics/psychology of it like time periods coincide with ups and downs of wealth in a place like historically and its also like how the seasons impact people, what food is available, what sicknesses are more easily transmittable during certain seasons, which impacts somewhat the way we interact with the world as early age roles are set in by family, society, so on, thats real

then there's my cringe fetus in the womb is an aries i can feel the energies, that shits fake, but that feeds back into like point two and this point isnt any different than the other awful ways parents can interact with their children about 'metaphysical' matters

so i suppose yes i do, like, in a social science and a traditional art sort of way

how many playlists do you have on your music service of choice: i have a lot i like to make playlists a lot, maybe ill share them with the internet more often

sharpies or highlighters: highlighters are cute! sharpies have more use though, highlighters might win simply for the cute factor

song that makes you cry: once the pokemon 2 movie starts its ON <-the tears, from the ost for some reason

song that makes you happy: i listen to a lot of vashti bunyan and haruomi hosono for that feeling, oh maybe im not answering these correctly, i know nobodies got me like still alive (portal 2007)

and finally, do you write/draw/create: i do all kinds of gay stuff

#wednesdaycore #anyone can do this! if you do tag me back so i can seee

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mallowmaenad · 22 days

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back when i was trying to get back into brute forcing game dev (i am very stupid) I had aspirations of making an RPG in the Doom engine inspired by stuff like Strife, Hedon and Lycanthorn as well as a Hylics mod my friend was making for Doom which gave me the idea to make it about a cartoonish wizard that used spells with goofy hand gestures in place of regular weapons. I got disheartened when I was told about the limitations of DoomBuilder and my depression and then my life when to absolute shit before I could do anything but hold onto my soul like the safety rail of a rollercoaster car. I still thought about it a lot in the back of my mind, about enemy types like necromancers that would turn dead enemies into animated skeletons, a large battle between two castles the player would get into, secret forest mazes, magic items that would give you a double jump or a hover, the Doom Eternal-like rhythm of strafing and swapping spells for certain enemies, even a small class system that affected your starting gear and a plot about animated dolls and the sheltered life of a wizard's apprentice. Inventory would be managed in a "mind palace" where you could also check your quest progress and find secret levels taking place in the player character's psyche. One of the spells in this drawing is "shooting star," where you hold down the fire button to conjure more stars and release to fire them one after the other or press alt fire to release them all at once in a shotgun-like spread.

I have a friend who might teach me rpg maker which I'm excited for but I don't think it's what would fit what I had in mind for this game. Maybe with some encouragement and guidance I'll return to DoomBuilder or something similar. I'd like to, but thinking about doing it and actually doing it are two different things. I think when I started making music I was imagining it'd be this game's soundtrack, I know making a game on your own especially the open world zelda-meets-dragons-dogma adventure game I had in my head is incredibly difficult, but I think I could at least do the music, graphics, writing and maybe a portion of the actual meat. It'd look a bit ugly on purpose like if a team of deviant art users were tasked with rebooting a 3DO game with an insultingly mediocre stab at imitating the works of graham kartna, toby fox and some of niel cic's older stuff like what he was doing under the name Deporiatz.

I don't know. Ive felt stupid all of my adult life, I hate being stupid and learning is hard, I've been extremely insecure about my art ever since ny ipad shattered and I could no longer draw with the same polish I had before, last time I asked for art criticism I was told "this looks like you don't draw very often" by an artist I really adored and that kinda put me in the muck about it. I still draw I just rarely post it out of anxiety. Idk I guess I'm trying to rip some sort of band aid off and see what happens. Probably nothing, the number of people who will see this are probably in the single digits and ill probably delete this post out of embarrassment in a few days, but the thoughts will stay with me.

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winchester-reload · 1 year

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You are one of my all-time favorite artists. I look up to your artworks so much! I also look up to the way you handle conversations with people and to your kindness within the fandom.

I have a question that does not have a clear answer probably, but I still want to try to ask it. It has been my dream since a long time to work as a freelance artist, even though I know it can be stressful and it can sound a little idealistic, but I love to make something that moves other people and touches them on an emotional level. But I don't know how to tell people, well, that I exist and that I sell commissions / prints / other things. Especially now with Twitter going downhill so fast. I have the feeling a lot goes via Twitter and that people on there are usually more likely to support you than for example on Tumblr or Instagram, and when the platform gets deleted I would loose a lot of people I kind of learned to know a little on there. Also in general - I don't even know if there is really a need for my art. I hope asking you doesn't feel like I have any ill intentions because I surely have not, I just wanted to ask if you maybe have any advice to becoming a freelancer? I am trying to not get stuck on that idea too much because art should be first and foremost fun, but it still has been a dream of mine. Most of the time I don't even feel worthy enough to ask for support with what I do so where would I start?

If this question is a too heavy one I completely understand. In any way I wish you a super nice day and much love for you and your art! You have the talent of making me fall in love with Destiel over and over again in dozens of different scenarios.

Hello, my dear anon,

First, I want to apologize for the time it’s taken me to answer this ask. I had to sit on it for a while and give it a proper think before I answered, and my brainpower is very limited these days. Maybe it always was… 😆 but I wanted to try to get it out before the end of the night, in the spirit of 2023 and new beginnings.

Though I do think it’s important to acknowledge the idea of having fun doing something you love, it’s a little idealistic to approach a career with that as your cornerstone. Because the truth is, freelancing often isn’t fun. Learning any craft can sometimes be a slog, but turning it into your job will inherently bring in aspects of work you don’t find fun or don’t willingly love doing. But this is where the passion you mentioned comes in.

Passion is the magic fairy dust that helps you push through the rest of it: the bad art days, the good art days. Cold wars with the local Post Office and hot mental wars with yourself. Your own self-esteem. Your self-worth. Your own lack or abundance of determination — it all waxes and wanes. Success in anything—but especially success in a self-dependant business like art freelancing is completely contingent on your ability to push through those things and hold onto your passion. Note: passion is different from inspiration. I don’t create art EVERY TIME because I feel inspired to create. I create art EVERY TIME because I feel passionate about creating—some of the time, I’m even feeling inspired. However, the things you make when you’re not “inspired” can end up being some of the most foundational pieces in your portfolio. Self-discipline builds muscles you didn’t know you needed.

And with that foundation comes the need for community support.

Building a community that appreciates the art you have to offer is totally doable; it just takes time, patience, and perseverance. You don’t necessarily have to use Twitter, if it does go belly-up, but I understand it sounds like the platform you’re most comfortable using. Personally, I started on Tumblr, and I found the majority of my support through this platform before eventually artist-spreading my way over to Instagram. I should note that this was during the Tumblr heyday, however. Before they purged adult content and banned female-presenting nips from the world. These two places are still the main social media’s I post to and interact with. It takes a shovel, a bucket of chocolate, and someone with a loaded handgun to get me to log into Twitter, but I will every once in a while. Today other platforms may prove more beneficial for you than Twitter has been. I believe, currently, Tiktok is listed as the number #1 social media for self-promotion and audience building for creators, strictly because of their solid algorithm it employs. I only recently made a Tiktok myself because I’m on the cutting edge of social media like that… (sarc), but Youtube is also a fantastic place to go if you’re not afraid of posting your face everywhere.

I tend to shy away from TikTok and youtube because I don’t think the world needs to see my face everywhere, but the cold hard truth is it’s something we have to embrace to really experience the benefits of those platforms.

In short: don’t be afraid to expand beyond Twitter.

Now, to address your comment about the need for your art:

The thing is, it’s not up to you to decide whether or not other people “need your art.” Do you need your art? If the answer is yes, and it should be, then make it. The other people who need your art will find it. I know that sounds all flowery and optimistic, but it’s the truth. Don’t waste your time trying to answer that question for them; you can’t. All you can do is make the art. Let it speak for itself. Your audience will find it. They’ll talk about it to their friends, colleagues, neighbors… etc., and your platform will grow.

Of course, be sure you’re consistent in posting and the quality of your work. Use tags, so your posts come up in searches, network with other creators, challenge yourself with projects outside your comfort zone to expand audience possibilities, participate in art/fic challenges if this is fan-art related (or even if it’s not), and don’t be afraid to reblog/repost your own work.

If all that sounds doable for you, then freelancing might be the career for you.

That was terribly rambly, but I do hope it helps a little. I’m rooting for you, my friend. I think this world needs all the art.

#asks #art asks #wonderful people #destiel #freelancing

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ricksanchezbignaturals · 10 months

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↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ daily click for palestine ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

☆profile picture by @piki-miki !!☆

ok tldr: this is my main blog but the rick and morty hyperfixation hit hard so that's most of what i post. there's other fandoms too, just not as often. as for non fandom things ive got queer, leftist, neurodivergent, mental illness shit as well as random memes/shitposts/etc that i find funny.

i tag posts with [media] [character] [ship] and relevant attributes like autistic [character] or trans [character]. totally ask if you want me to tag something, but at the moment i don't trigger tag anything consistently. so uh blanket content warning for this blog (and a list of fandoms and some stuff about me) under the cut.

content warning: nothing extreme enough to piss off tumblr, but there is very suggestive art and general "horny about that old man" vibes. slurs like f*****, d***, t*****, and r*******, and maybe others that i don't remember. discussions or depictions of homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia, ableism, racism, classism, possibly some other bigotries that im not thinking of. canon typical content (like gore, death, probably some in poor taste jokes coming from rnm). loads loads loads of mental health things, suicide, self harm, smoking/drinking/drug use and addiction, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, ocd, adhd, autism, overstimulation, meltdowns, dissociation, gender dysphoria

basically i think the content warning can be boiled down to this: anything that happens in rick and morty, bojack horseman, or disco elysium can show up on this blog.

i do not ship rick and morty together but a lot of ship art just looks like regular fanart if you don't know any better so it's possible that ive reblogged something r1ck0rty before without realizing.

i do ship jerrick and rickcest and like to reblog that kind of ship art. i don't consider those ships to be incestuous but i know some people do so i figured id give you a heads up.

☆fandoms in varying degrees of frequency☆

~smiling friends~

~rick and morty~

~cyberpunk 2077~

~king of the hill~

~disco elysium~

~gravity falls~

~seinfeld~

~bob's burgers~

~solar opposites~

~bojack horseman~

☆about me☆

im 21, autistic, and very mentally unwell.

ive got a long time special interest in cats.

big fan of caffeine, nicotine and weed. love me some substances but my stomach is so sensitive that getting drunk and especially getting hungover feels like the whole ass organ is trying to die and take me down with it.

pretty much as far left as you can get without actually reading theory or doing anything lol. i spend every day rotting in bed so im not exactly out there fighting the system.

very queer. bi or pan, idrk which but that doesn't matter to me personally. im whichever one i need to be at any given moment to piss off people saying dumb shit like "bisexuals don't date enbies" or "pansexuality isn't real" or whatever.

a lot of labels fit my gender. im a male-ish, demiboy, nonbinary, genderfluid, genderqueer, transmasc with an interest in more obscure identities that the internet circa 2016 had me shying away from.

as of february 2024 im 3 years on t!

but yeah, that's all i got for now. asks and dms are open, you're welcome to just drop in my messages and start talking about rnm or whatever. im no therapist but if you need someone to listen or commiserate in mentally ill solidarity, im here.

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

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unioncolours · 8 months

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Majsasaurus - A self reflection

One thing I am allergic to is when others talk ill about their own writing, chapter lenghts or their own personal way of producing a labour of love. It makes my skin crawl, and I cannot understand why they choose to publicly hurt something they made out of love. I also see it as an offense to their readers, and I would never offend my readers in such ways.

My thoughts about this makes me reflect too on why I never do that or feel that way.

This post will be a personal self-reflection on why I love my own writing beyond any self doubt. Please do not see me as an arrogant person. See me as a person who has good self-confidence and has the right to have good self-confidence. See me as someone who from a young age learned that my writing is worth love.

Read more if you are interested. If you want to argue with me, do not read. I don't want to argue with anyone. I just want to reflect on a personal matter.

I, like most of other writers, started young, from the moment I held a pen - or later handled a keyboard to write on Word, which we had easily accessed since my family have had PCs ever since PCs came into commercial production.

I, Bex, was writing a book at a young age, like many other children! I was maybe seven-eight and wrote a book about my toy horses, with an insanely big cast (I collected toy horses....). Every chapter was 2 pages long, font size 18, row spacing 1. For every chapter I finished I asked my dad to beta read it for me. He did. The book was at least 50 pages long when it was finished (and yes, I finished it... took me along time though).

My dad helped with grammar, and most often I heard praise about my plot. He beta read the entire thing and helped me edit it. This meant I got used to having my works read by someone else from a very young age, and got used to someone who was willing to put down their time to read and value my art. The "book" was called "The Horse Moor" 😂

I started very soon to get praises in school. The praises were for my plots, for my creativity, for my vocab. For a child my grammar was immaculate and I never recieved any critisism. I was beaming. I got to know I was good. The entire class got to know I was good, since the teacher let me often read my own stories out loud to the entire class. I stood in front of everyone, reading my own stories out loud, and my friends and enemies had no choice but to listen to me, haha. I got used to advertise and push my own stories onto other people.

When I was 8 my mother put me in acting, one of the best choices she ever made for me. The shows were seasonal each summer, and my mum came and watched every single show (they were fifteen in total each season). This made me feel like I was worth a lot, that I was loved and my mother used fifteen of her evenings each summer for five years to watch me act the same show over and over again. This taught me that my art (in this case acting) was worth people's time. It was worth my mother's fifteen evenings. I was worth time and space. (When I was fifteen the news paper even wrote a review of the current show and wrote that I was one of the best actors on stage. Imagine that boost for a fifteen year old.)

My self-confidence was so high. It even got to the point I was in school asked to write my own show to show to the parents, which I did when I was eleven years old. I wrote my own show, and solo acted in front of the entire school and everyone's parents and showed now strangers my writing.

Up until my teenage years no one had ever, ever, said a bad word about my writing or any of my art in any capacity. It didn't even cross my mind that someone might have any critique towards my stories ever. At the age of twelve I won an award in school for my stories, and recieved it in front of the entire school and everyone's parents. I got it confirmed that I was the "best" in my class. And I truly felt like the best in the world.

In my country, creative writing is not part of the curriculum and after the age of thirteen we never had creative writing again in school. I sought out a little creative writing club - we were three members of it. During the club sessions we gave feedback to each other, but never on the actual writing styles such as sentence lenghts, choices of words, or anything of the likes; we fed each other positivity like drugs, we loved and held each other's writings - and so did even the teacher. I have never in my life had the experience that so many on tumblr talk about, the "evil" English teacher who put their own creative writing biases into the kids with thesauruses and the likes. I have just learned to keep on going with my own writing style. I got grammar corrected, but never artistic choices, ever. It taught me that my writing style is good as it is and to never compete with my other writer friends.

I wrote a lot at home, three entire novels between 14-21, whereas one never got completed, the second is completed but will never be read by anyone because it was mainly a practise (which I saw as practise, I didn't write that novel for the sake of numbers, or praise or anything. It's around 70k just Bex practising writing a novel from start to finish) and the final one is bookbinded and "published". I have a fourth one unfinished at 80k from when I was 21-23. (The reason it's unfinished is because I started writing fics instead haha). The bookbinded novel was the one I let friends read (aka, I pushed the novel onto them), five in total, and every one of them told me they loved it. Lies or not, I beamed. And I believe them. And I believe myself.

In 2014 I found a new group for playwrights who had a chance to become professionals, and I joined. I have gone to those meetings and lessons for nine years now. I thrive. I get critique on my stories, and I correct them, and I grow and I get love and support and amazing feedback. I have seen my plays been put up by professional actors, including a very profilic one here who acted in my play Kiss of Death. And for every damn show I have worked in for nine years, my parents and grandparents have been there rooting for me and giving me flowers and chocolate. For nine years my confidence has grown and my plots and writing techiniques have too.

At 24 I started writing fanfics, in English, and opened up my words for whoever stumbled upon them. Of course I was nervous, but due to my background I had already finished an entire long fic before posting a single chapter. Of confidence and knowledge in my own worth I did not really focus on the kudos or lack of many comments. The writing and journey was more important than the goal (praise and comments) for me. The journey IS the goal. Sometimes I get a lot of kudos, sometimes just a handful. But the most important thing for me is that I have done it. I have written. I have walked a journey, however hard, and that is damn magical.

That is also why I would never disgrace my own journey of writing. You will not see "crying in writer"-posts from me. Talking ill about the journey is like shooting oneself in the foot, like putting a noose over one's own head!

Ranting online might the chararctic for some, but ultimately it is damaging the culture of (fan) writing and is killing the magic. That is how I see it. Pride feeds magic. And oh, how I wish everyone can feel that magic. (As you might sense, I have acted as "therapist" for other fan writers and I have developed compassion fatigue when it comes to this part of community).

Is confidence part of the inheret personality of a person, or is it the result of the circumstances? I don't know. But I know that I will do anything to my future children to make their confidence just as strong as mine. If they become a creative person I will read, praise, watch, and listen.

This self-reflection might not make sense and it is fine. What I want is other writers to find joy in the process and not kill the magic around them. Find the magic in plot, sentences, metaphors and Chekhov's Gun. Find the magic in scenes and character development. Find the magic in the process and in your words.

A final word. I am not arrogant. I know my own faults and places were I can improve, am well-aware. But I will fake until I make it and I will not show my weaknesses. I don't kill magic.

#majsasaurus #don't be upset with me

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osaemu · 7 months

Text

life update under the cut bc this is a blog and people talk about their lives on their blogs!

omg okay so its only wednesday but I SWEAR ITS BEEN A WEEK SINCE THE WEEKEND. i have a five-slide presentation due at midnight that i havent started ((its 7:30 pm here)) and math homework due tmrw and im procrastinating bc i dont wanna do them 😭😭

ummm i have to make my queue post and then my mutuals post sometime soon. maybe ill do a selfship one too when my comms are done!! comms meaning art comms from other people but im writing in exchange so i have to do those too. maybe ill open writing comms for money whenever i set up paypal or something idk

kinda sucks that we finally got topless gojo but not the way we wanted it LMFAO,, sorry gojo nation. i would be devastated but dazai my number one pookie bear had the best day ever today so..... womp womp. also chuuya was so cute n silly in todays episode so i just cant bring myself to be sad rn lol

i think its funny how i stay up until 2 am most nights willingly and i dont drink coffee or energy drinks at all. im just built different!!

oohhhh i wanna talk about my irl friends rn. so irl whose codename is gonna be link on here is super cute n silly, she also writes fanfic but not nearly as often as i do. shes an ao3 girlie and shes super into zelda and thinks i write too much lmao which is probably true.

codename elsa is literally gorgeous. perfect breathtaking amazing in every way possible. shes a year older than me and i love her sm!! she thinks dazais very skinny which is true but...... hes my bf (real) (not clickbait)

codename jeanmarco is three years older than me and goes to berkeley :D theyre super fun to talk to and i cant wait for them to come back n visit!! i told them about the bsd and jjk updates today (theyre mostly involved in the aot fandom) and they said they were happy dazai survived bc otherwise i wouldve gone insane :3

honorable mentions: codename cat who got me into jjk (my old crush) left me on delivered for a whole month LMFAO, if it was anyone else they would be blocked but he leaves everyone on delivered so. im trying not to take it personally bc hes sweet but very bad at person-ing edit: he liked my spam post right after i posted this wow i manifested that so hard yall

also codename partay! keeps saying that if i were an animal id be a cat. idk why, i was whistling the other day bc i love whistling and she was like "hannah if you were an animal you'd be a cat".

EVERYONE ON MY SPAM TODAY SAID I LOOKED LIKE RAISIN BREAD TODAY. HOW DO I LOOK LIKE RAISIN BREAD.

anyways thanks for reading my life update ima do these more often now lmao!

#hannahs life updates 💌

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natsmagi · 1 year

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I'm sorry but you're wrong. you are wrong. proship is not just "an excuse to draw pedophilic and incestuous things." people have been doing it WITHOUT excuses since the beginning of fandom. some people create those things to process their trauma. of course it might be triggering to some people, but that's why it's tagged and stamped with warnings. so people can avoid it. kids and teenagers can be groomed with literally any media. anything. doesn't matter what it is. kids can be groomed with bluey as easily as with art of underage genshin characters or whatever. what I see as much more dangerous is the idea that there are things that can and should never be explored in fiction, that somehow it's still gross to engage in those things in a space where literally no real human beings are harmed. that's some evangelical thoughtcrime shit and I am not here for it.

I appreciate you saying you would never harass anyone over it, because you'd think that would be the bare minimum, but these days apparently it's not. and on what you said about "you shouldn't have to label yourself proship when you're just anti harrassment" yeah. I agree with that. but you kind of DO have to label yourself that way, because apparently doxxing is just a normal thing people do now and teenagers are getting the idea that harrassment is "righteous" if done to these specific kinds of "bad" people, often minorities and especially queer people.

I'm not saying you have to personally be comfortable with those kinds of content. it is totally understandable to want to avoid them entirely. but I would ask you, what percentage of people who enjoy those things would ever even CONSIDER bringing them into real life? I can pretty much guarantee you that the real percentage is incredibly small, and the proship community is NOT accepting to people who perpetuate real harm against real human beings.

idk. i don't mean to come off as hostile, it just really bothers me that it's come to this. there's nothing wrong with creating content that makes people uncomfortable. and let's just say it's not a coincidence that the people who are vehemently against it are using nazi dogwhistles.

oh jesus okay. i hear what youre saying and i do want to take your words to heart, so ill be trying to be as indepth with this as i can be

quickly though before we start i wanna comment on your last paragraph; the person who sent the ask later sent me a dm and we talked things over so both of us could get a better grasp of the situation. the person is a minor, and while i dont know how old they are, i do genuinely believe that this was an honest mistake on their part. they messaged me out of the kindness of their heart, and while maybe theyre slightly misguided in some areas, i think it is only right to treat each individual with respect and try to educate them when they perpetuate something harmful, especially when theyre young

ok, now lets go over this point by point

"some people create those things to process their trauma." yes! i am well aware of that, and i would never be against people creating vent art of the situations that traumatized them. my issue comes with posting it online for people who are genuinely into that sort of thing to see. maybe its just me but i personally wouldnt want to risk people getting off to my trauma, especially when ive now visualized it in such a personal way. if anything thatd be re-traumatizing for me. i dont see the point in having it so publicly available for anyone to see

"of course it might be triggering to some people, but that's why it's tagged and stamped with warnings. so people can avoid it." which is good! and i think it would be deeply unwise of someone who is uncomfortable with these topics to seek them out and engage with it. if triggering content is being made and it makes you uncomfortable its better to just leave it be and move on. that said; that doesnt make it any less upsetting to see, especially when its prominent. and people should be allowed to state that they still dont support it, just maybe dont harass the creator because of it

"what I see as much more dangerous is the idea that there are things that can and should never be explored in fiction, that somehow it's still gross to engage in those things in a space where literally no real human beings are harmed." in my post didnt i mention that i think dark topics should be explored too? maybe i phrased it poorly but yes i agree with this point. i do not think you or anyone else should be shamed for consuming dark media, even if it consists of fucked up topics like what tends to be the focus of proshipping. the thing is though; these topics need to be handled tastefully. they need to be handled with respect and empathy for the victims, or else itll just feel pornographic. if youre just writing detailed smut about a grown man with a child, what is it we're exploring? is it gonna go into the psychological effects that would leave on the child? was the amount of detail in the smut necessary? was the smut ever truly necessary to get the point of sexual assault across? all these things should be considered when dealing with these topics, because again, theyre VERY HEAVY and should be treated as such

"apparently doxxing is just a normal thing people do now and teenagers are getting the idea that harrassment is "righteous" if done to these specific kinds of "bad" people, often minorities and especially queer people." yes, it is a very unfortunate thing. this is not something i can defend. i can however shed some light on different sides to this though. most often these kids arent doing much more than hitting you with a mean jokey qrt, while only a small portion actually go out of their way to full-on harrass someone. neither of course is okay, but lets not act like this is something only these teens engage in. i have seen many proshippers go out of their way to leave comments on teens posts where they whine about proshipping about how theyre wrong and horrible people for thinking such things, sometimes even spamming them just to try and get a response so they can dunk on them with some Sick Own, as if theyre not arguing with literal kids online. no side is in the clear on this, so lets not act like one is holier than the other

"what percentage of people who enjoy those things would ever even CONSIDER bringing them into real life?" i dont doubt many proshippers wouldnt bring these fictional fantasies into the real world, what scares me is the audience it may attract. i.e. pedophiles and the like. you and your proshipper friends might be lovely people who would never even think of committing these crimes, but what about the silent onlookers? the percentage that actually WOULD consider it? the margain may be small, but should we not try eliminating it to the best of our abilities? now, you could argue that it is not your responsibility nor within your power who consumes your content, and id have to agree with that. but from a personal standpoint thats just not something i can get behind. maybe its my paranoia talking, but since the probability is still there its not something i can bring myself to support. you mentioned earlier that kids can be groomed by anything, and thats true. but my fear lies less with kids stumbling upon the content, and moreso actual pedos finding content to get off on and a safe space to discuss these fantasies, although having it be about fictional characters rather than real kids. yes, they will always find a way if theyre sick enough, but thats why i want it to at least be explicitly known that pedophilia is not respected and you will be shunned for it. so even if proshippers dont actually support it, i fear it gives pedophiles a place to indulge in their fantasies (and for even more claritys sake; i am not calling proshippers pedos)

"there's nothing wrong with creating content that makes people uncomfortable." i agree with you!! its okay to make content that makes people uncomfortable, theres art in that. art can be expressed in so many forms, and sometimes the intent IS to make the audience uncomfortable. but like ive stated; with these things you really have to handle it with utmost care. and i dont think the intent with this type of content tends to be to make the audience uncomfortable either? all i often tend to really see is people talking about how hot they find it, and i dont think that should be the takeaway from topics like this. again; its all about intent.

"and let's just say it's not a coincidence that the people who are vehemently against it are using nazi dogwhistles." but isnt preaching "theyre trying to take our freedom away!!" a right-wing dogwhistle too ?? the constant fearmongering i see in the proshipping community is concerning. making up stories just to make the other side look bad, claiming theyre silencing you, is this not what the right does??? why do i see it so often from the proshipping community???? again, both sides have faults. can we please stop acting like one is better than the other??? i frankly want no part in this discourse.

to finish this off though, i am sorry anon. i never want my account to feel like a place where people cant express themselves and be who they are. but i do still have my own morals and views. i have my own ideals, and i have my own principles. i do not identify with either anti or proship, its just the dangers of proshipping scares me more than the dangers of antis. of course both can get bad. my point was never to argue in favor of the other side, my point was only ever to let it be known that i dont condone proshipping. that is all

if i misrepresented your community im sorry. i am only one guy at the end of the day and theres only so much i can know on these topics while also only being 19 years old. theres much i dont know, so thats why im always willing to learn. but no matter how hard i try the fear of giving pedophiles a place in a community terrifies me. the mere thought is enough to make me scared for those younger than me out there.

it was never my intention to dictate how one should or should not consume media. you are free to do as you wish, i have no authority over you, these are just my reasons as to why it isnt something that i can support.

thank you though for taking your time to write to me. i hope ive made my stance clearer and have it known that i dont mean any malice. im just so deeply scared of more children getting harmed due to personal reasons and its genuinely bringing me to tears. thank you again

#ask

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dufrau · 8 months

Note

Get to know your fic writer! 40 for all the artists out there, 7, 14, and 47

Hello!

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see? Okay I would never actually ask anybody to draw this because its arguably nsfw depending on how you actually draw it but robin's description of nancy with her shirt busted open and a grenade launcher on her shoulder, and in the background robin is staring like 😵‍💫 holding a lit molotov and steve is running at her like "you gotta throw that!" lol. besides that maybe the end of Red&White etc with the champagne and nancy pulling robin's tie. or from Entirely On Purpose when they're sitting in their chairs by the window and Nancy puts her foot up on Robin's chair. those are all things that feel very visual to me but literally any art of anything from any of my fics would make me so happy!

7. How do you choose which POV to write from? The idea sort of brings the POV with it. Like I pretty much always know who I'm writing when the idea occurs to me, its all intertwined. Sometimes it starts at POV because I like to sort of switch off, or at least keep it mixed up, so ill think of ideas through the lens of the POV I want to write. I think I write Nancy more often than I write Robin so I'm probably due for a Robin POV next!

14. How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences? I don't think i feel what they feel exactly. But I definitely write from personal experience, what i *might* feel or might have felt in a similar circumstance. But also keeping in mind that the characters aren't me and might not react the same ways. The main thing when I'm writing emotion is that I don't try to logic it out or pathologize it, it doesn't need to be explained, I don't think, it just needs to be believable. Also emotions don't happen one-at-a-time usually, there's usually something else going on, something hiding behind or fueling the most obvious feeling. Like how vanilla and chocolate arent actually opposites, right? They are just different. So a person can be happy and sad (for example) all at once, and I think that's where the tension comes from.

47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting? I revise throughout. As I write I'll go back and change things and add things to earlier sections, move parts around as the overall picture comes into focus. Then I do one big proofread/edit/revision when its done, before posting it. And then I usually read it again a couple days after its posted to clean up punctuation/italics/a line i hated that i only just figured out how to fix etc.

Thank you!

Questions Post Keep asking if you want im bored!

#asks #sweepy-stringvibes #ask game

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acefaun · 2 years

Note

Hey there! 🦊 I first wanted to say that I really enjoy your work, writing and art, and whenever I get an alert you posted something, it really makes my day. 🖤

I was hoping if you had time and if it was something interesting enough to write, if I could make a request for a Dui comfort story...? Something along the lines of a reader who's dealing with a lot of health issues (nothing super scary or terminal) but feels that her declining health will make Dui stop loving her?

If not, it's totally okay! Thank you for always writing awesome work! 🖤♊

Dui~ Through Sickness and in Health

Synopsis: There are some goldfish who are effortlessly healthy, while there are others like MC who are just born unhealthy. With all Dui has been through, she's starting to wonder if he'll stay with someone as ill as her.

✨Masterlist✨

Female goldfish!

A/N: Thank you thank you thank you! I'm so glad my writing can make your day! I wish I had more fics to post more often!🥺 I love being able to write relatable comfort fics. But I'll try to be as unspecific about the illness as possible. But I know most illnesses lower your immune system(especially some medicines made to help) so that's what I'm running on. I also placed this one during the peak of Covid, because what’s more dramatic than having a low immune system during a time of world-wide disease?

–Word Count: 3,967–

The Earth was riddled with chaos and fear. Between the riots that were happening in the streets and the people who refused to wear masks, I wished staying home was an option—there was a threat of a lockdown, but even if it happened, it couldn’t last forever. The government couldn’t imprison people in their own homes for that long.

So, rather than staying in my lonesome house, I paid Dui a visit. All this talk of isolation was making me feel greedy for socializing and affection.

Compared to the nearly barren streets, the run-down mansion was a sight for sore eyes. Knocking on the front door, I adjusted my mask before entering. It didn't take long at all for Dui to make his way down the stairs.

The bright smile on his face told me he was prepared to greet me happily before he noticed the mask on my face and faltered. Was it a new fashion style I was going for? He recalled seeing guys with masks on the anime I introduced him to. Maybe this was related. Taking it as a completely normal form of dress, he resumed smiling. “You showed up before I could go get you.”

“I was feeling a little suffocated by myself,” I admitted.

“How about I hold your hand and take you on a date so you don't feel so lonely?” My heart stuttered, and I found myself speechless as he gracefully took my hand in his. “Why don't we go grab some cherries? Then we can go somewhere and eat them together.” His eyes glittered with excitement as his newfound plan. Why was he so cute?

Suddenly the mask was making my face feel very warm. But an intrusive thought made me nearly pull away before I asked, “Can gods get sick? The mansion’s really clean, right?”

He drew back, tilting his head as he contemplated it. “Our godly powers protect us from human illness. Though there are certain illnesses gods can catch. They're pretty rare cases though. Not that they travel around like human illnesses. Why, what's up?” His eyes wandered back to me. There wasn't any apparent reason I could've been asking about god sicknesses. Unless I would be worried about him because of what happened to Ichthys’ parents! “(Name)!” He abruptly called my name, making sure I was looking into his eyes. “I promise I won't get sick and leave you, okay? An illness that can kill a god must be a pretty scary concept, but I promise it's super hard to catch.”

As nice as that was to hear, that wasn't the point of my question. I was just glad to know that the mansion was an environment free of bugs for me to catch. At least I knew I wouldn't have to wear a mask visiting them in the future.

My grip tightened around Dui’s hand, desperate to keep him with me. “Thanks. I'm glad to hear it.” I just hoped he could say the same… if he ever found out about me.

***

Our date was considerably less normal than usual. There weren't many humans around the streets and there was an unusual number of people wearing masks—though most of them were older from what Dui could tell.

Dui just assumed it was an anime thing, but it didn't seem to add up. He didn't understand why some humans complained about wearing masks while others complained when humans didn't wear masks. I, on the other hand, seemed perfectly fine with wearing a mask.

The only time Dui really stopped to take in the situation was when someone passed Dui a snide remark about being on top of me without a mask on. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, only holding him closer, but he was already looking to me for answers.

“What's going on with everyone today? What's the big deal about masks or no masks?”

I paused with him, tilting my head. “You guys don't know what's happening on Earth?”

“Something happened?”

“Hold on,” I shouted, pulling away to assess whether or not he was being serious. “You're telling me that none of you know about the big bad disease that's going around killing people even though you deal with humans every day?!” I faltered at calling us humans, drawing strange looks to us, but no one really seemed bothered as they kept walking. But Dui only looked more lost. “There's an airborne disease called the corona virus. It's really easy to catch and unhealthy humans who catch it can't deal with it very well and can die.”

“Coronavirus…” He repeated the name slowly, scratching his jawline. The name sounded familiar enough, but he didn't know it was that bad. “I think Scorpio mentioned it once. Actually, I think we had a whole meeting about it in the Heavens. Then… We ended up letting it fester. Then it grew… and now it's a world-wide catastrophe. But don't worry! The Department of Wishes is fixing it. Haven't you heard that they're working on a cure?”

“You let this happen?”

“No! Don't- It sounds bad, but-” Even with the mask he could tell I was giving him quite the pout. While he usually thought it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen, he was getting quite nervous. “It's fine! You're not supposed to get wrapped up in our work. Zyglavis told me not to involve you. It'd look bad if we wrapped a human up in our work. Please, trust me.”

I huffed in amusement, reaching up to pat his head. “I'm not blaming you. You don't have to get so worked up.” Still, he seemed no more relaxed after having to defend the Department of Punishments from my judgement. “Dui,” I whined, “Why are you pouting? I was just kidding. Please, don't ignore me.”

He huffed, pulling me close to bury his face in my hair. His nose was still stuffed in my hair as he muttered, “I'm not talking about work with you anymore.” After a quiet moment of standing there and absorbing my warmth, he hesitantly asked, “Gods don't get sick but… should I wear a mask too so we match?”

I tilted my head. “You want to wear matching masks?”

Dui reached into his pocket, pulling out a mask that looked just like mine. Only after getting my help to wear the mask did he beam at me. “Now I look even more human. But…” His sudden lack of enthusiasm almost made me tell him to take it off. But he only had one problem on his mind as he asked, “I guess we look like those cool guys from your anime show, but how am I supposed to kiss you?”

My heart melted at his purely honest question. If that was the only problem he had with wearing a mask then these humans were overreacting. But his depression at not being able to kiss me was something amusing. Thoughtfully, I suggested, “I have an idea.” If he weren't a god, I might rethink getting so close to another person. But Dui needed some cheering up.

Grabbing the front of his shirt, I tugged him closer, booping my nose against his through the mask. His eyes were comically wide and I could tell he was blushing. “This works for now, but…” He paused, taking my hand in his again. “I'll give you a real kiss when we get home. Okay?”

Dui took the situation on Earth well enough. I only joked around with him about it because I didn't want to make him suspicious or worried. If he knew I was one of those easy-to-die humans he'd probably panic. I knew the gods already saw me as nothing but a weak human. How much more pathetic and fragile could I get in their eyes?

Besides, the thought kept coming back to me that Dui already had to go through losing his best friend. I was convinced he wouldn't want to stay with me if he knew how easily he could lose me thanks to my declining health. I always did my best to hide any symptoms, but that was also a hard game to play.

With covid, everything was much more difficult to hide. I would accept Dui’s offers to go on dates in the Heavens, but the minute he suggested an Earth date I had to refuse. I knew I was pretty obviously avoiding other humans, but that was just to keep Dui free from worrying or overthinking.

Despite all my efforts, my stress only ate at my health over time. Though it was only a self-inflicted fever and lack of appetite, I stayed isolated in my home as if I had covid. Stress was another unfortunately unavoidable thing that could cause symptoms of my illness to flare up. If I stayed in bed for a while and rested, I was bound to bounce back in no time.

***

Dui was worried—he tried to act like he wasn't but it was obvious to everyone else. Dui only ever drowned himself in work when he was trying to avoid something. The subject of his avoidance just so happened to be me. He hadn't heard from me in days, not even through the Wishes gods. There had to be a reason. Clearly I didn't want to be bothered by Dui that I had been silent.

Or… There was another option that Dui didn't want to consider. Unfortunately, it was a real possibility. If I had covid, then he needed to fix it immediately before I could die!

With his mind made up, he abandoned his pile of finished work and rushed down to Earth to get to my apartment. He knew if I didn't have covid that he might just be bothering me, but he'd deal with that when it came.

Knocking gently at the door, his anxiety rose as I failed to answer right away. Still, he had to keep cool so Shadow Dui wouldn't come out and cause a disturbance.

Nervously letting himself in the freezing apartment, his eyes flitted around for me. Not finding me in the kitchen or living room, he walked over to my room where he found me dozed off in bed, curled warmly in the blankets. Well, he guessed so considering how freezing it was.

He pursed his lips before lowering the temperature for me. Maybe that way I wouldn't have to look like a turtle hiding away in a fluffy shell.

But hearing the shuffling and the turning of the thermostat, I shot up in a panic. I tried not to make too much noise, but Dui already turned around with wide eyes. “Dui! You're… Why are you here?”

“I was worried,” he mumbled, standing awkwardly by the doorframe. “You haven't said anything in a few days so I came to see if you had something going on. Are you feeling okay? You look like you haven't gotten out of bed all day.”

“Nonsense! I'm fine,” I brushed him off, getting out of bed quicker than he could blink. I hated how I had to act fine when my eyes just wanted to close and never open again. “I just stayed up late watching a movie. My wonky sleep schedule is messing with my head. Guess you wouldn't understand much since you don't experience sleep…”

“Really?” He brushed his fingers through his hair as he really observed me. “I hope I wasn't bothering you then. I guess I should just-”

“Dui,” I frantically called, making him pause in his quiet ramblings. “Why don't you… I mean, why don't we have a date? I guess I've been neglecting you because of all this disease going around. But we could have a date here at home. We could watch that movie I was talking about.”

This time it was my turn to ramble, but he didn't seem to mind as he immediately accepted my offer. “I'd love to have a stay-at-home date. You can set up the movie while I get a few snacks. You must be hungry.”

Before I could argue against him getting food for us, he was heading off to my kitchen. Sighing tiredly, I made my way to the living room. As much as I wanted to spend time with Dui, my stamina surely wouldn't last all day. Just moving around the living room was making my head spin.

Luckily, the living room was a fairly small space, and it took little effort to set up a movie from the comfort of my sofa where I sat tiredly waiting for my boyfriend to return.

I was almost dozing off when I jolted awake by the feeling of a body sinking on the cushion next to me. “I got- The movies ready.” My eyes shot to the bowl of popcorn that he made for the two of us. “Oh. That's a lot.”

“I figured I'd make a lot since we're sharing. And I know you like to eat while watching movies.” His smile was so kind, and he was always so considerate of my likes and dislikes. It was unfortunate that I probably couldn't stomach much. “Hey,” he said, noticing my lack of a reaction, “Are you sure you're feeling okay?” I wasn't outright saying anything, but Dui had a gut feeling that I was hiding something.

Sensing the tension between us, I quickly excused my behavior. “Remember, I stayed up all night watching shows. I ate a good bit yesterday so I'm not too hungry. I was just a little worried that you made too much, but don't worry. Whatever we don't eat, we can save for later.”

Was that a lie too, Dui wondered. He saw nothing out of place in my kitchen and my trash was nearly empty. He couldn't bring himself to question me though with how unusually pale I looked.

Even through the movie, he noticed how I only picked at the snacks he offered. Dui was far too distracted with me to even pay attention to what was going on in the little screen—which made sense considering I was the more important thing to focus on. I just seemed so lethargic and out of it today, but finding that I had fallen asleep on his shoulder, his eyes narrowed. Gently touching my forehead, he pulled away with furrowed eyebrows. I was much warmer than usual and the only conclusion he could jump to was that I had covid and was trying to hide it from him.

First things first, he had to calm down and think this through. Covid wasn't necessarily a death sentence. As long as he took care of me then it would be fine.

…

No.

He had to see Huedhaut as soon as possible to save my life! Too many humans were dying from this disease. He needed the cure.

Leaving me comfortably tucked in my bed, he was off to the Heavens in no time. This was an emergency. At this point it didn't matter who Dui needed to go through to talk to the smartest god in the Heavens. “Huedhaut!”

His voice rang down the hall of the Department of Wishes, drawing both Leon and Huedhaut to a halt. Dui was clearly the last god they expected to go screaming through the halls of their department—more specifically on the hunt for Huedhaut. But Dui looked terrified, and this shook them.

“Dui,” Huedhaut replied, already trying to assess what could have caused such a commotion. “What happened?”

“It's (Name),” Dui rushed the words out, thankfully not losing Huedhaut along the way. “I need your help. She’s sick and I don't know what to do. The cure—the one for the coronavirus that's spreading in humans—I need it. I have to save (Name).”

“Dui, wait-”

“If I don't get it now, (Name)’s going to die!” That single thought drew Shadow Dui out in no time, flying towards the Wishes god. Fortunately, Leon wasn't letting that unstable Shadow freak any closer. “Let me go! Give me the cure!”

“Stop,” Huedhaut sharply ordered. “I'm not giving you anything until you can calm down and talk to me.”

“I'm sorry,” Dui said, trying to pull himself together. He didn't need Shadow to be acting out when his top priority was taking care of me, not getting into trouble with the other gods. “I'm sorry.” He helplessly looked at Huedhaut as Leon stopped restraining him. “(Name)’s sick. She has a fever and she won’t eat much and she sleeps all the time. She has covid. You can help her, right?”

Dui felt slightly discouraged at hearing Huedhaut sigh but Huedhaut was quick to excuse himself from Leon’s company to help Dui with this task. Walking down the hall, Huedhaut finally revealed, “(Name) doesn't have covid, let that be a comfort. I've taken extra measures to ensure that she’s safe, and she’s taking precautions as well.”

“Then what's wrong with her?” Dui begged for answers. “She’s still sick. She was hiding it from me too. I don't know how to fix a sick goldfish. What do I do? What does she have?”

“First, what you can do is slow down,” Huedhaut advised the anxious god. He was worried when he first found out about my health issues as well; it was something he discovered when I got rid of his sin. Seeing how well I lived with such an ailment, he never brought it up with anyone. But apparently it was more of an issue than he suspected. “(Name) has an illness that's part of her and occasionally she’ll fall ill as she is now. There's no such cure that can fix it. The only thing you can do is to be there to help lessen her symptoms.”

Dui slowed down, his eyebrows furrowing together even more. He was much calmer to know I wouldn’t die, but he was distressed to find out that this was my normal health. That wasn't good at all. I never told him anything. Was it a secret? Did I keep it quiet because I wanted to deal with it alone?

Still, why would I lie to him about it? How many times have I fallen ill and didn't let him take care of me? It's his role as a boyfriend to be there for me and he was failing miserably to notice the most important things about me. Pursing his lips together, he asked, “How do I help her? Tell me everything!”

***

It felt nice to just be able to lie down and sleep. It was especially nice since I wasn't feeling the heat of a fever. In fact, my head was feeling cool and relieved as if stuffed in a cold rain cloud.

As comfortable as I was, my brain finally woke up enough to remind me that Dui was supposed to be around. I couldn't remember him leaving, making me wonder where he went. Though, the longer I laid there, I felt something cold resting on my forehead. My eyes shot open in a panic, but I was still too lethargic to move around quickly.

Luckily, the only thing I found hovering above me was Dui’s worried face, his eyes wide as he stared at me. “Why didn’t you tell me you had an illness?” My heart jumped anxiously at the sudden question, but he didn’t stop there. “I could’ve helped you. I could’ve made you something easier to eat. We could’ve had more at-home-dates. Why’d you keep it from me…? Didn’t you think I’d care?”

I was sick, sure, but I didn’t know how he found out that this was a common thing that I lived with. But now that he knew, it was time for a proper explanation. Lying wouldn’t help anything at this point. “I didn’t mean to- well…” I paused. “I did intentionally hide it. I just didn’t want to hurt you or scare you away. I figured if you didn’t know about it then you wouldn’t leave me for someone better—someone who didn’t have to suffer often with a chronic illness…”

Dui quieted down, slouching in his seat beside my bed. “You thought I’d leave you because you were sick?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” I looked away from him, not wanting to see when he would finally decide to break up with me. “You’ve been through so much and you already lost your best friend. I can’t sit here and expect you to be okay with waiting for my death too when there are goddesses who won’t die like me. So I thought if we didn’t talk about it then I could pretend like everything’s going to be okay!”

“Everything will be okay,” he emphasized, his hands wrapping around mine. I turned my head back to him, finding him watching me with sincerity shining in his chocolate eyes. “I don’t want a goddess—I never did. I want you! I want you to talk to me. I want to take care of you and love you. Can’t you just rely on me when you’re not feeling good? You’ve been pretending like you’re okay and you’re fighting your body. I can do things for you.”

Seeing the tears that gathered in the corners of my eyes, he was quick to jump on the side of the bed, pulling me into his arms. Burying my face in his shoulder, I whispered, “Don’t think of me as weak.”

“You’re not,” he reassured, his fingers caressing my back as if I were too fragile for him to squeeze. “You’re a strong goldfish.You’ve been fighting this all on your own all this time. You even put up with us gods. You’re definitely the strongest goldfish I know. But now I’m here to help you. We’ll be stronger together, right? So don’t worry.” Pulling away with that dorky smile of his, he felt your head for a fever once more before rising from the bed. Ushering you to sit back against the pillows he propped up, he stepped away from the bed. “You stay in bed. I’ll get you something light to eat that’ll be easy on your stomach. I’ll be right back.”

I watched him leave for the kitchen with a newfound determination. He didn’t give me a single second to argue for him to stay since he knew I had eaten little in the past few days. He still never explained how he found out about my chronic illness, but in the end, I guess it didn’t matter. My sweet Dui was determined to stay by my side and help me through it. My cheeks heated up again, but I could tell it wasn’t from the fever this time.

#star crossed myth #star crossed myth fanfic #scm leon #scm karno #scm teorus #scm huedhaut #scm tauxolouve #scm aigonorus #scm zyglavis #scm scorpio #scm krioff #scm dui #scm ichthys #scm partheno #fanfic #department of wishes #department of punishments #star crossed myth imagines #my asks

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daily-ethoslab · 1 year

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hihi! this is a bit of a weird question totally fine if you don't wanna answer this, but how dyu find like, what to draw etho doing for this account?

I mean ofc he's etho he's a little cryptid, but still you're on day 200! big achievement!

im currently on like day 40 of my daily account and it gets hard to keep coming up with different things to draw the character in. So much kudos to you for keeping this up for 200 days!! really cool dude

This is a very normal question! Don’t worry about it :D

I’m not the best at explaining things BUT ill try my best!

The way I go about choosing a topic or subject for my etho drawings kinda goes in this order! If one dosent currently work then I move onto the next.

1. Something from the newest upload! (Screenshot redraws or moments that made me laugh)

2. Idea list () Sometimes I get an Idea or two but i wont have the time/energy to develop it so i write it down! As you can see… a lot of them I kinda skip over but thats ok! Not every idea is going to work :). I try not to think about it too much, the thinking is for later me.

3. Pinterest. Not to shill but Pinterest is great for inspiration. I have different folders for poses, outfits, and more! So if I cant come up with something I can go to Pinterest! (This does take a bit of set up cause you need an account and all that ish)

4. Try to experiment with your art! I’m kinda guilty of not doing this one. Its very easy to just use the same mediums and same poses and same colors because they’re comfortable and fast! Try using a different medium! (Traditional art is great for this) maybe set some restrictions on your art like drawing using only straight edges, color palette, using your non dominant hand! Its always a great way to shake things up!

5. Other people! Sometimes you can ask others for requests or ideas! More often then not if people follow you they probably have something they want to see! I also want to include drawing something from fan fiction in this category cause thats other peoples brains. Just make sure you credit people!

6. Memes. these also tend to be the more popular posts ive noticed haha. But sometimes drawing characters in a meme format can be a good because it gives you a joke and sometimes a pose. (I try not to use these too much cause I don’t want it to get stale and i dont want to become reliant on them.Not shaming anyone who does 😓)

7. Last resort….. I HATE when it comes to this but sometimes your ideas are nonexistent and your inspirations are evaporated. Think of this as a break in case of emergency option. Don’t. Stop. Drawing. If you keep drawing the same thing over and over the mind numbing boredom will force your brain to pull SOMETHING out. (Not recommended! Can cause burnout!)

This isn’t in a strict order as i kinda bounce around! I hope this helpful in some way! If you need me to explain something a bit more I would be more then happy to!

This account is actually really huge for me! Would you believe me if i told you I’ve NEVER made it past day 10 of Inktober. Look at me now! Day 211! I think one of the best things to keep in mind is that not every post has to be perfect. Some days art just isn’t working but you still want to post! (Ive been trying to get a back stock of ethos for these days but it’s been difficult q_q ) Its ok to post something bad! Its ok if you don’t really learn anything from it! Its ok to be human! Don’t push yourself to post everyday! I don’t think ill be able to when school starts up for me again!

Last but not least, have fun. Its your account! No one is forcing you to do what you are doing so just have fun!

#tt #daily accounts #not dailyethoslab #anon #answered #i wish you nothing but success anon!#ty for the kudos haha #i hope this is understandable and or helpful in someway ^_^

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vhvrs · 2 years

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Hello I'm so sorry to randomly put this in your inbox, but I have some real questions that I'm kind of too scared to ask anyone else?

I think I'm... I think I finally admitted that I might be trans? I think? I've been so terrified of calling myself that, especially out loud, because I've been so scared that I'm accidentally being transphobic when I can't even figure out my own identity? I'm AFAB, and I like having a very pretty "girl" body and even adore hyperfeminine "girl" things. Like, I love girly stuff and dressing like a girl? Is it the looking like a girl I like? But like, something has always felt off and like it wasn't quite right to just be a "she"? It's so hard to explain because for years I was just a girl, using feminine pronouns and everything. But as I've gotten older, I found myself using they/them more and more often, but it's actually in the last week or so that I've started using he/him pronouns officially instead of just in my head. And guess what? It felt amazing doing it! But here's my problem: What is it called when you're AFAB, do still really like very feminine things and "looking/acting like a girl", but want to use he/him pronouns? I'm so scared and confused and I feel so ashamed because I'm scared I'm just CIS with extra steps? Like, I see a lot of posts that say a lot of people are just muddying the waters and making things even harder for other transgender people, and I would never want to hurt anybody like that! I've tried Googling my question several times, each a different way because I was worried I wasn't wording it properly? But all the results I get are mixed and I'm confused what they mean. Am I allowed to be a boy that's... like, likes being a "girl", just not called a girl? Or at least isn't called a girl all the time? Just sometimes when I feel like it? Maybe?

I know this is all some really heavy stuff and I'm so sorry for just dropping this on you, but I really need help and I don't know where else to turn. If you're unable to help, do you know some other resources that I might try to look for? I'm sorry. You just seem so confident in yourself and your art has been really helpful, but I wanted to ask because I was hoping that I could maybe just get, like... even a sliver of what might be wrong with me? As dumb as this sounds, I'm scared of just being CIS (Again, I am so sorry for this long post, this text really got away from me)

hey i appreciate you feeling like i was the person to come to w this off the bat and not to fret about the ask at all bc im abt to overexplain myself right back - ive been in this exact same position actually! i had a long struggle moving from being a girl into being where i am now and where i am now is.... who knows! ive been figuring myself out for like. eight years at this point n i expect to keep figuring myself out even longer. the train of thought youre on reminds ne a LOT of how i felt when i started thinking i wasnt cis though so ill just kindve. dump what has helped me? and you can take what you want from it.

point blank anyone who says its possible for other trans ppl or even just ppl exploring their gender to bring harm back into the community are full of shit. they said this when i thought i was a genderfluid demigirl eight yrs ago. theyll keep saying it. it will continue to not be true. ive had friends who explored their gender identities and realized they were cis and if anything its really healthy for them and the community! its not bad to go thru that.

on topic, i could try to point you towards specific labels or communities but trying to get caught up in those can sometimes just confuse or scare you more - again speaking from experience trying to google just what i was and what i was going thru. especially trying to figure everything out at once.

like i label myself as a bi agender bc its EASY n to have a vague thing to tell ppl or put on pride icons but at the end of the day, im just theo. thats my identity n that could be yours too! when i think abt my bf, im a gay man. when im watching crazy girlies on a show, im a girl. when i want to buy nonbinary merch bc nobody makes agender merch, im nonbinary. im just theo no matter what.

you dont sound cis and thats the most important thing to remember. even if you were somehow cis w extra steps bc thats. not a thing. even if you looked n acted n dressed exactly as you did when you viewed yourself before all of this but FELT you werent that presentation, you wouldnt be cis. you could like... be a girl but a bit to the left and youd be trans.

also, perhaps changing the language you think abt yourself with may help you rule out whats going on? instead of seeing things in a v binary girl things vs boy things way? its hard bc like. gender based society but trying to not see dressing a certain way as being feminine/dressing like a girl and certain pronouns being like. boy/masculine pronouns can really help! if you mean you dont want to bind or you like dresses, then you can do those things in a masc or fem or any way u want - its YOU doing it. if you want those things to be girl things bc it helps, then theyre girl things! if seeing them as boy things helps, then they're boy things!

im sorry if i... didnt really answer your question or help ultimately but i just remember how much wanting definite answers didn't really help me at the time so i dont want to say like. oh youre nonbinary! oh youre genderfluid! oh youre a demigirl! oh youre a he/him girl! being trans is so different for everyone n thats ultimately why you may be struggling to find specific answers.

honestly? id keep doing what youre doing and trying different gender affirming things like you are. something will click as you do and youll come to realizations that, in that space, will help you a lot. perhaps itll be something that changes but it will click eventually.

i literally felt like i was transphobic towards trans men for having he/him in my pronouns for YEARS bc i wasnt Being Male Enough to earn them. but i no longer see myself as needing to be masc to prove i deserve to be called a he. to me, thats as genderless as they/them. shits weird n personal n a bit cringe.

nothings wrong w you for not having things figured out either. you will. i promise.

#also like generally if my art has been helping u i recommend either going thru my trans hc/trans hcs tag #or going backwards thru my art tag bc i very much used my art to figure my gender shit out n it helped immensely #i also encourage anyone who may have something to say to reply or dm bc this is just my perspective as like #someone whos gender REALLY is based off who theyre dating lol. being bisexual is v much a gender for me

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