#mind u I used to be such a film buff I’d watch 3 movies in a day most days of the week for the longest time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tosye · 2 years

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art-related rant incoming, if you read this I love u and if you have some advice I love u even more

I’m at this weird (annoying really) point in my drawing skill where I’m either good at bodies or faces, not both at the same time and it’s so frustrating and idk what the case is all I can think of is that I’ve trained my eye a lot and not my hand and so I can catch more errors than before and observe things better and kinda understand and conceptualise them but not like put it into practice in a confident and timely manner?? like I will draw a face hell if I’m struggling with it I’ll construct it but like it’s so frustrating bc it’s taking me forever?? I’ve been wanting to do themed sketch sheets and basically like 10 half bodies took me 2 hours and it went rather smoothly but then I’ve been struggling with the faces (and mind you I only have 5 to draw since half of them is just din in the helmet and I’m already done with those lmao) for additional 5 hours already and I’m not even halfway done????? like what the fuck is going on and idk if I should kinda focus on simplifying features but I kinda don’t want to do that??

and i mean I know it’s my neurotic perfectionism peeking through but like my latest piece took me 5 hours total to make and I’d say it’s semi-realistic and now I can’t seem to draw even like 5 sketchy messy faces in under 5 hours?? and like I’ve noticed that at some point I started doing some things differently than before but in a way I’m not sure I like and so I think it’s adding to the whole thing??

and I know I’m supposed to take breaks but like hyperfixation hello?? and I know that i will inevitably be getting seemingly worse at drawing for a bit here and there and then I’ll get like enlightened and I’m gonna be even better bc yk the learning curve blahblahblah but like how much longer?? will this one last?? bc I’m kinda over it ngl

also I seem to have lost the ability to make full coloured pieces like the ones I’ve used to do but we don’t talk abt this lmao

#tosye talks #I’m really REALLY sick and tired of this slump #and like idk if it’s burnout bc I don’t feel like it is but at the same time if this is going to last #I’m very much heading straight to burnout hell #and I do not need or want that rn #also I can’t chill and have the worst work ethic possible lmao so that’s def not helping #like I’m either doing smth 24/7 or like not doing it at all for months #I think I kinda need a break but my adhd brain doesn’t like breaks from hyperfixations we need dopamine here in this house #and I can’t remember the last time I watched a movie or smth #I mean it just doesn’t hit the dopamine spot as much as it used to before I started meds #mind u I used to be such a film buff I’d watch 3 movies in a day most days of the week for the longest time #basically idk what to do with myself if drawings off the table lmao

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kenrik · 6 years

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Conflicted - that was what I felt after my first viewing of TLJ.

My journey from “???” to “WTF!!”. Comparing my insight from my first viewing of TLJ to my second.

1. I am Reylo shit. But after watching TLJ, I couldn’t process what I’d just seen. I felt like there was nothing bridging the gap from “You’re a monster!” to “Let’s work together, Ben Solo~” So, I thought, initially, that their relationship was poorly constructed. And, I felt conflicted because - although I would love Reylo to happen, I didn’t want it to happen in a mucked up sort of way.

2. The first scene - the bombing scene. I couldn’t understand it. Where the hell did those vessels come from? Who the hell was that woman. And why the hell do we care about the medallion around her neck? Just - who the faq?

3. Poe is an idiot. A dolt. A trigger happy fool. (A stark contrast to his soundness from TFA.)

4. Then, after the first scene - I guess everything happened and my brain went haywire - thinking - W.T.F.????!!!??? My brain proceeded to shutdown afterwards, I think. And just let the images pass.

5. Holdo’s sacrifice was very cliche. Best sacrifice scene for me was Lelouch’s. Going back to it, I guess anime’s sacrificial themes make western ones pale in comparison. Anyway, I didn’t appreciate this scene so much - even with the spectacular cinematography - because it was what it is - cliche. Also, there would be zero casualties other than herself. I mean, as far as logic went - anyone with half a brain would’ve done what she did. “It’s only logical.” lol

6. Too many jokes. Hux became a punchline which I found annoying. I felt it was forced (lol). Also, the recurring about Poe being trigger happy - wanting to bomb everything in sight. That was just, very cringeworthy. (And I understand why they did it, though. Curse you Marvel! And your many jokes! DAMN-IT.)

7. Luke’s snarkiness. Maybe I need a refresher course on his character. Last we saw him, he’s been battling with incredible shit as a kid. Then now, we jump to his old master type guy who smirks a lot... BRIDGE. THE. GAP.

8. Kylo Ren - the GIGANTIC. PAIN IN THE ASS. CRYBABY. One of the reasons I left the movie house utterly conflicted was this character. When I though he had progressed (somewhat) - he goes reverse psycho mode and losses all his shit - and with it, all that development he made in the middle part of the film. As a Kylo Ren buff - this was incredibly frustrating to say the least.

8.5 Rey’s constant rejection of Kylo Ren. But who can blame her?? That guy’s a mess! One of the reasons I left the movie house conflicted was Kylo’s flipflopping character development. By the end - I was like - of course she’d leave you - you’re an idiot! Two rejections in one movie plus that one rejection in TFA... how many times does Rey have to reject you before you clean your act up, stupid Ren?! I felt angry and sad for Kylo, for being conflicted, lost, close to something certain, solid, then all out batshit crazy and lost and conflicted again. It was a rollercoaster for me and my rooting for Ben Solo’s character. Damn did that guy take me for a ride.

9. Phasma v Finn scene. Phasma is an incredible baddie. I loved their fight scene. My comment is, though, - that it was minute. Ever so tiny. And her “death” was so anticlimactic - I can’t even. It was cliche. The fight could have been longer.

10. Finn and Rose - IDIOTS. What were those two thinking sharing their plans to an absolute stranger?? And they get shocked that the thief sold them out the first chance he got. Seriously - their whole subplot was like stepping on dogshit. I get the message the team wanted to bring across. But seriously, that same message could’ve been said with a better subplot. There was no answer as to who the man with the rose pin was - no recall to the past story, to any story in SW. Use the old characters for some substance! We have so many more of them at the team’s disposal. :/

Cookies (Parts I loved since the first viewing.)

1. Leia is kween. That force stunt she pulled was epic. It was incredible. I can’t even. (Proves to show you how strong she is with the force - and FU fanboys whining - “The force ain’t werq dat wei betch!”) 2. Luke and his liberal approach to the force. Preach!! 3. Rose’s message about weapon dealers (AKA AMERICA, RUSSIA, CHINA. H8CHU FUCKERS - fighting each other when you’re basically on the same fucking boat - HU U THINK UR FOOLING). 3.5 Rose hitting deserter Finn with a stunbaton/gun. 4. That immaculate contrast of white and red minerals. 5. BB8 DOING ALL THE WORK IN ROSE and FINN’S ARC. I mean - GIVE THE DAMN DROID/ROBOT AN OSCAR! 6. Rey’s druggy self-discovery scene. That was just crazy good. 7. The bitchy fish nuns. 8. Chewie roasting porgs while porgs watch in tearful horror. 9. Luke’s leap from one hill to the next. 10. Ben’s slide/glide when he first talks to Rey via force bond. 10.25 Rey’s incessant bitching to Ren via force bond about how Ben is a monster. How she beat him. How she found Luke before him. How she beat him. How he’s a loser. How he’s an idiot. How she hates him. (During that scene, I just can’t help but laugh at her intense lashing out at him HAHA) 10.5 Rey shooting Ren the first opportunity she got. 10.75 Ren standing in the bridge? looking at the platform thing? And Ren being all savage and unforgiving and shooting the fighter planes of the resistance. 11. Snoke’s labyrinth scene!!!!*#*#JMNFUWNF!!!*@(#*$ 12. Epic Yoda is epic. I watched the film with my blockmates, impromptu right after our last finals exam. His quote "Failure is the best teacher.” literally made us ball out in tears. DAMN IT. Yoda got us again! “Do or do not, there is no try.” is so good it’s unfair. 13. Kylo ren practically throwing a tantrum when he faced his uncle Luke. 14. “You came from nothing.You are nothing... But not to me.” 15. Luke’s deep backwards dip in his face off with his nephew Ben. 16. Hux’s screaming repeat of Ben’s order to proceed, earning a “dafuq” look from Kylo. 17!!! Kylo Ren and Anakin = obvious blatant parallels! The hair, the attire, the anger in their expressions!

My SECOND VIEWING gave me clarity. So, here is my feedback after not having been taken by a shitload of surprise. 1. The scenes had okay pacing. Just unnoticeable because a lot was shoved to our face in less than three hours. 2. Finn/Rose subplot was meh, not exactly the worst thing in the world. And, it makes sense that they get that type of subplot. Rose was a low-ranking member, delegated to catching deserters. Finn knows next to nothing about the Resistance. And Poe is a loose canon. Of course the quest they’d end up in is only as good as what their character’s can make up. This is very realistic actually. 3. It’s a kid’s movie. Of course it would be riddled with cliches. 4. Vulnerability - that’s what bridged the gap between Rey and Ren. 5. Captain Phasma is coming back! *hopefully* She deserves a better send off! 6. Kylo Ren’s character development. I was devastated after my first viewing. I thought he had regressed to the point of no return. Man, I was so ready to throw all my Reylo hopes away because dammit if an idiot ends up with Rey. But, I failed to appreciate that last scene between them properly.

Ren is kneeling, head bowing low in remorse. And Rey were eyes hard and unforgiving, her expression, swelling in disappointment of him. Wow. That said a lot. This is a huge step. After Rey left him (wow it’s like leaving a lover after having had sex), Ren just catapults himself into a raging fit. How could he not? How could he not lose all of his shit after having LOST ALL HIS SHIT. HAHA (Shit is such a good placeholder for the dumb.) I mean - he just killed his Supreme Leader. He offered his heart out to Rey - to this stranger. For once in his life, nothing had been clearer to him - he wanted to join forces with Rey. Forget everyone else. So long as she joined him, nothing would ever be unattainable. But she rejected him. And then - he lost all his shit. He was so certain for once - that Rey would join him. That she saw the same future he saw of her, of them, standing together towards the same goal. With her rejection - he was thrown back to confusion. To that irrational conflict he could never make sense of. Everything that happened after was an intense blur that he could do nothing more but work in automatic mode. And his automatic mode is work like a bitch baby. Imagine this - everything happened so fast after than one moment of clarity - The resistance found a safe haven. The Millennium Falcon was shooting at them. And that one person he’s been searching for all his life resurfaces out of thin air. All the lies that Snoke told him, all the hatred that scum put in his mind, just exploded.

Everything happened so quickly. He had no second to think straight. He went to what was natural - what Snoke taught him. Which is why~ that moment of realization at the end, of regret, remorse, guilt - towards Rey, towards this person who seemed to genuinely believe in him - is so important. It makes me believe that he’ll be thinking of his actions more rationally. And this makes me happy for my favorite character.

A lot have said this, but I think a year or a few will pass in the timeline before we rejoin the characters. We’ve seen their conflict. Now, we’ll see them in their fullest form - allowing for the ultimate battle. This, I’m really excited for. And I give zero fucks whether or not Kylo will be good or bad. I just want him to know who he is and what he is fighting for. And for the briefest moment, we saw it in TLJ - the death of the past - of the Republic and of the Jedi Order - and hopefully of the ashes of the Empire - the First Order.

TLJ was a really good film. I can’t say it was a really good SW film, but it was an incredible film. You haters need to get your shit together and progress with everyone else. Also, I hate you all for crying Mary Sue on Rey. We women had to deal with countless Mary Sue men in our blockbusters. Now we have one of our own, you’re bitch crying at Disney. FU.

Stay calm. Stay chill. KenRik.

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