#mom where her mom fucking hits her. like.

[stinkykitty8]

My beatiful boy Hanz

(Hanz belongs to me!!! Everything else credits to Gatobob!!!)

WARNING

This post contains very heavy topics, nsfw, r@pe, 18+ stuff, and overall just not very good things. Do not read if you are sensitive to these things.

Read warnings before pressing more please!!!

Hanz was conceived through rape. After Ren ran off Strade tried to find a replacement for him. The replacement being a very beatiful woman and yet another victim to Strade's doings. Unlike Ren, Strade never let her roam free to make sure she doesn't escape the same way Ren did. Instead she was locked in the basement 24/7 shackled and collared and checked daily to make sure nothing was lose or she tried breaking off. Thats where she stayed the entire time being with Strade as he abused, tortured, and r@ped her. And through all of this she had fallen pregnant which wasnt surprising. Strade was actually expecting it to happen. Strade decided to go along with it and make her have the baby. Almost like he wanted a kid. Shortly after Hanz was born Strade really didnt see any other use for Hanz's mom so he ended up killing her and burning her body to ash. The ash is currently burried in his back yard. Hanz will never find out what happened to his mom and if ever asked Strade would never say, change the subject, or just shrug it off and laugh. Hanz was a little spoiled rich kid growing up. He was sent with 20 bucks ince for snacks at school and hes seen as a rich boy. Strade never hit him once (even though he needs it) and the worst he probably did was just yell but that was it. Strade didnt really care when he got phone calls from school because of Hanz's behavior. If anything he found it funny and encouraged it as long as he didnt go to far to be kicked out. He especially found it funny when it came to messing with Yoki. After the first day of school strades interest was peaked after Hanz mentioned a certain orange tail and ear having freak from school. And after finding out that little beast belonged to Ren he just encouraged Hanz to fuck with her more. Basically using him to get to Ren. Although Strade never physically abused Hanz he mentally abused him without Hanz really even realizing or noticing. He raised Hanz "like a man" so most times it was just him telling hanz to suck it up or trying to make him have the mindset to act like a man and not give a fuck about much else. It made Hanz really treat women horribly at that time and even the smallest things like a dude having something pink he would call them gay. Even refused to hold a purse because 'it was to gay'.

Hanz was always seen as the tough kid in school, always threatening to beat kids asses or threatening them that his dad would take legal action if they hurt him. He was all bark no bite though. When put in an actual situation like fighting he would fold and pussy out. He got into a fight once with Yoki and she left without a scratch and he left with cuts and bites that later got infected. Strade was pissed, not because Yoki hurt hanz, but because she hurt his blood. And it was almost seen as a disgrace to him and would tell Hanz how disappointed he was. Hanz always tries to be perfect and make his father proud so of course he apologizes because he thinks he didnt do enough especially for that. Hanz would do anything to make his father proud even doing things out of his comfort zone.

Strade always kept a thick padlock on the basement door and because of the sound proofing nothing was ever heard down bellow. Hanz always thought he just wasnt allowed down because thats where Strade worked and it probably had a lot of tools or objects Hanz woukd hurt himself with. One day Hanz got a little to nosey and decided to explore the basement after Strade left to the store but strade forgot his keys and came back to see the basement door open and Hanz nowhere to be found. What Hanz saw down into the basement changed his entire view of life and his entire perspective of his father. He probably saw some very badly tortured woman tied to a pole bleeding and begging Hanz for help. Of course any young child would be horrified of this even though Hanz says he could take things like that. And so when trying to leave the basement strade was standing there up top glaring at him. Strade locked the basement door with Hanz in it and left Hanz in the basement overnight. Even though Hanz was kicking, hitting, and screaming at the door repeatedly apologizing, Strade did not allow him out until the morning. Even mocking hanz saying things like "I thought you were a man why are you crying?" Even though he was about only 12. Hanz learned very quickly not to snoop around again. After that he was very quiet at school and stayed to himself. Messing with people seemed to stop and he even went so far as to give shitty apologies to the kids he fucked with. He couldn't tell anyone what he saw or and learned so he kept it a secret and "maned up" like his father said. The strong live and the weak die. He pushed that mindset on Hanz so much he believed it and began thinking Strade was doing good by just getting rid of the weak and cleaning the world. Over time Hanz was forced to help with streaming until it was basically his new job. But over time it got a little easier for him since it became a normal thing, even though he still had an ick for it. But he had to do it to make his dad proud.

Over time he ended up starting to form a semi relationship with Yoki. Nothing serious. He never really knew much about Ren either at thay time until snooping on the web and checking out some of Strades older streams and seeing Ren in them. Of course recognizing it was Yoki's father he told Yoki about it and she just couldn't believe it until she saw it and then it brought out into a small fight that was settled. Hanz had always tried to be seen as some big hotshot badass but deep down hes really just a big softie. Especially when hes older. Hes still a prick sometimes but not to Yoki or Basil anymore. Hanz is absolutely majestic. Overall just being a better version of Strade looks and health wise (Strade doesn't understand why hes so good). Unlike Yoki he actually has his own credit card and him and Strade split the cash they make on streams.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ASK!!! :3

(Hopefully this all makes sense XP)

#btd #boyfriend to death #btd oc #fan kids #btd fan kids #ren hana #strade #hanz #tpof #the price of flesh #kittys fan kids #kitty8 ocs

[afrognamedfizzarolli]

Helluva Boss Season 2 trailer break down: Pt 4 Mastermind!

The C.H.E.R.U.B.'s and D.H.O.R.K's are back bitches!

These two shots seem to be fairly face value. The C.H.E.R.U.B.'s have been stuck on earth since we saw them last, and apparently have been spending their time trying to find I.M.P. and settle the score. They are captured by the D.H.O.R.K.S, the two realizing they have a common enemy team up.

Also notable is that the portal Blitzø is peaking his head out of is that of an Asmodian crystal. Meaning he did accept it from Stolas.

I think these four shots are a direct sequence of the crew porting back to the office after a successful hit, only for another portal that the D.H.O.R.K.S and C.H.E.R.U.B.'s have developed to be able to traverse to hell, presumably to capture the main crew.

(they are Stolas' grimore to portal in the first shot. Which is kinda weird to me if Blitzø has the crystal.)

I said previously in my post on Apology Tour that I think these two sequences are most likely in Mastermind. I believe what we are seeing is Blitzø being held, and either him having another nightmare sequence, or the D.H.O.R.K.S have somehow found a way to extract his memories, and are forcing him to re-watch some of the worst parts of his life.

Regardless as to why Blitzø is seeing these, its very interesting with a few. We were lead to believe in Oops that when the accident happened Blitzø didn't see Fizzarolli crawling towards him, the first frame suggests he did see him, but chose to still run to his moms tent to try to help her.

The next is the first time we've seen anything of Fizz during the 15 years between the accident and Ozzie's. This is almost directly directly post accident, we see Cash stopping Blitzø from going to see Fizz. Confirming the popular belief that Cash was the one to come between and lie to Blitzø and Fizz (father of the fucking year right here)

The next two frames are Blitzø's perspective of Fizzarolli and Veronika from Ozzie's.

We have another flashback, this one not seen through the screen though a screen like the others. Blitzø is crying while Tilla holds him, hes wearing the same outfit as we see him in the night of the accident. I have 3 theories on what this is.

The least likely in my opinion: This is a flashback to that night, before the accident, Blitzø confiding in her that he planned to confess to Fizz that night

This is when Tilla told him how sick she was and explaining that she probably didn't have much time left.

But my personal belief is that this is not really a flashback at all, this is a dreamlike scene where Blitzø is taken back to being a teen and sees her again. She comforts him and tells him that she is proud of how he has grown, and encourages him that he needs to work to escape and save his family from the situation they are in.

Another shots that are tricky to me, I have a strong feeling these two are connected, but not completely sure where they fit. This is honestly kinda a process of elimination guess for me.

I want to included these two clips from the Hells Belles short which reference the C.H.E.R.U.B.s episode, i assume as a hint to them coming back soon.

Again I am sorry for the shit photo quality, and possible bad grammar and spelling. I currently have the posts for the rest of the episodes nearly done so expect those in the next few hours ♡ I'd love to hear any other ideas or theories about the upcoming episodes, or anything I missed/got wrong!

Pt. 1: The Full Moon | Pt. 2 :Apology Tour | Pt. 3: Ghostfuckers | Pt. 4: Mastermind | Pt. 5: Sinsmas

#helluva boss #hellaverse #Helluva boss analyzations #vivziepop #brandon rogers #Spindlehorse #blitzø #Blitzo #Blitz #blitzo buckzo #millie knolastname #Millie #moxxie knolastname #Moxxie #Loona #loona buckzo #C.H.E.R.U.B. #D.H.O.R.K.S #Agent one #Agent two #season 2 trailer #fizarolli #verosika mayday #cash buckzo

[princess-of-the-corner]

Aware AU Lila trying to lash out at the other abused kids to drive them off is indeed an intriguing idea and I agree it'd largely fail once they've determined she's sufficiently fucked up to be in their exclusive club.

All of them are used to way worse than she can do to any of them, she has no actual power of them so its basically just a kitten hissing angrily. Plus they know Chloe's main defense mechanism is to hit whatever makes her feels vulnerable so they'd be able to contextualize her behavior rather than be confused by it.

& the vexing thing for Lila is once people know the truth of her, she really doesn't have anything to use effectively. Like, Chloe could theoretically still throw her money or fathers name around if people realized her situation and force them to shut up. It might be very tragic and in certain circumstances it might not work. But she theoretically has resources that don't rely on raw fury and sharp word. Lila really doesn't.

Yeah like.

Don't get me wrong, Lila still does have money and could have some leverage in at least like. Even if she can't get her mom involved, Lila can still play the card by threatening to get her mom involved. The school staff don't want to risk annoying a diplomat, now do they?

But when push comes to shove she can't put her money where her mouth is.

#aware au

[deerlottie]

Thinking about transfem stepsister Natalie who's never had to share a bathroom with anyone sober and has no boundaries, and then when her mom cleans up a bit and starts dating your dad you resent having to share your space with this pervert who walks in on you in the shower and jerks it with her door wide open (your rooms are of course connected by this bathroom you can see right through).

How you complain she doesn't help around the house so she volunteers to do the laundry but your panties start to go missing and when you find them they're crusty and have spunk caked on. You lose it when you blatantly catch her stroking herself with a pair of your favourite ones and complain only to end up doing laundry duty yourself while she gets put on dishwashing or whatever.

Leaning into the front-loading dryer to grab the last of your (also crusty, she is a menace) socks when you feel her hands on your hips and her cock between your cheeks and this girl has the audacity to tease you like "if you wanted me to bend you over, you should have just asked".

The way she pulls your panties aside and fucks your brains out, pulling out just to finish in your panties, then stripping them off and throwing them in the washing machine before walking away, chuckling 😩

Using laundry as an excuse to use your body, your parents praising you for coming together and sharing this task as she smirks "yeah, we really came together" you squeeze her balls under the dinner table until she cries, to retaliate.

-🦪

this MIGHT be the best message ever....

she just smirks at you when you complain about her jerking off so freely and exaggerates her moans, but she knows you're always staring out of the corner of your eye. there's honestly not a day where she doesn't have the door closed when she's jerking it, and she just so happens to be showing off that she stole your panties :3

ur face immediately flushes and you scoff, slamming ur door shut while you try to ignore the throbbing between ur legs. you've been having to go commando with all your panties going missing and ur sick of it!!!!

god i just know she cums a lot when she orgasms too so it'd be such a hassle to wash her stains out...thinking about nat loving to rub her cock against your pussy and cum in ur underwear @__@ just getting you all messy, pulling your pants back up before taking you to the washing machine and stripping you all over again just to fuck you once more. turning the machine on so it vibrates against ur pussy while she hits it from the back Oh im dizzy....

#🦪 #natalie scatorccio thoughts 💭

[sammygender]

YALL ARE NOT SERIOUS PEOPLE no way i’m looking at the tumblr tag for spn 7x03 aka the sam centric flashback episode dealing with his childhood trauma and how he feels like he’s a freak and everyone is just posting about DEAN. dean and his stupid fucking pie. dean winchester used to be my guy! genuinely! s2-3 i truly thought i was a deangirl! But you people (plus this show atp lmfao) are making me hate him😭

#he was cute witn his silly pie. and i care for him and understand he’s grieving cas and thinks he’s about to lose sam and is therefore copin #Awfully and doing things like resorting to black and white john winchester embedded monster racism to do so #But thing is i’m actually getting pretty fucking sick of him coping awfully #he never learns he never grows he just gets angrier. he’s incapable of seeing sammy as someone whose decisions can be respected despite the #fact sam literally SAVED THE WORLD by SACRIFICING HIMSELF. #he just sits around and drinks and tries to become his father and avoid becoming his father in equal amounts #he’s actually awful!! sam goes off to do a case something totally justified (tho sure he could’ve asked) and dean fucking punches him in the #face… and somehow it just Doesn’t feel haha funny because its forceful and it’s serious and this is like the 3rd time he’s done this shit #and it’s also in the same ep where we see sams fraught relationship w john (Bc Duh) which is paralleled to the relationship amy has with her #mom where her mom fucking hits her. like. #dean winchester!!! when i find you!!!!!!!! stop recreating ur trauma!!!!!!!! stop taking shit out on sam :( #he cares sooooooooo deeply and it affects every fucking thing he does that’s why he’s so awful and why he cant cope #But guess what the same can be said about john winchezter the same can be said about a LOT of people. doesn’t excuse anything dean. GET YOUR #SHIT TOGETHER. #i love dean he’s vividly compelling to me. But. :/ #oliver talks #sam winchester

[littlest-nightingale]

Being compared to your abuser bc of autism is fun 🫠

#for context. my sister asks where everything goes every time we put away groceries. even though she knows. #and i needed the olives. so i put them on top of the microwave. and knowing that someone would ask #i was like hey. im putting this up here so (sister) won't ask were it goes and put it away #(bc i do find that annoying but SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE #anyway. apparently this is a horrible offense and I'm being sooo mean to her #im sorry??? what??? #i just explained why i did something i knew my parents would ask about. which makes sense to do. #and apparently im “just like the people who dod that to me” and like. no??? #im not actively making fun of her for entertainment. I'm not hitting her for shits and giggles. i just put up a can of fucking olives. #like. i have autism. i don't know how my tone comes off but i wasn't purposely being malicious??????????? at all??? #and then mom called her over to make me apologize and SHE DIDN'T EVEN CARE. WHY DID YOU MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT. #so now im just upset and somewhat regressed and I'm just. why. i guess i said it in a way that my parents thought was malicious but from my #perspective. i was just explaining something and then being compared to my abusers. so thats fun and cool #vent regression

[enigma-the-anomaly]

I hate when there is anger inside my body. I am very small and my feelings are very big :(

#it really just does not matter what I do huh #it’s spring break. I was up at 9:30 and happened to stay in bed for a bit and take my time showering and stuff #you know? cuz I’m on break? And can do whatever the Hell i want? #but apparently I was ‘sleeping all day’ according to my mom #and then she reminded me to wash my hair the next time I shower. which is code for ‘your hair looks like shit’ #it’s like that one bit from friends where they’re having a funeral for the geller’s grandmother #and Monica’s mom is like “can you imagine being criticized for every little thing you do? #it’s amazing that I grew up to be the life-affirming person I am” #the joke being that she criticizes everything Monica does and is constantly trying to “fix” her #always criticizing her outfit and hair and life choices #like. that’s exactly my mother. and guess what? I fucking hate her! #and—this is a horrible thing to say I know—sometimes I wish she would just hit me #because violence and bruises are easier to spot than the covert belittling and the slow chipping away at my self esteem #all while under the guise of helping me #as if she isn’t insulting me and treating me like a mini clone of her or a goddamn toy to entertain her #she never wanted me she wanted a dress up doll #she doesn’t want nano she never wanted nano she wants a perfect girl who marries a perfect guy #and has perfect grandbabies #she’s tried to strip me of my boricua heritage in unassuming little ways #she’s tried to strip me of my desires and interests and emotions #she’s tried to ignore my trauma and logic away my mental illness #she has tried to destroy every part of me everything that makes me what I am #and she is the victim. the one with the woefully annoying stupid disobedient daughter #because i have resisted her attempts to mold me into something that I’m not #vent #im just so tired of trying to be the person she wants me to be and never being good enough #I’m tired of feeling trapped #I’m tired of feeling like an awful person #I’m so sick of her

[magdaclaire]

re: the american education system showing high school children their "dead" peers in an effort to lessen teenage drunk driving after prom,

the suing part is one hundred percent true but several parents (including my mom <3) threatened to personally beat the ass of the principal at the time

#i'm small town they all grew up together #when my brother graduated i had just finished seventh grade #and my mom walked up to my brother's now former principal and was like alright henry you have a year #you have a year where you have none of my children in your school. i recommend getting your shit together in the mean time #and the high school had a different principal when i hit ninth grade #mer rambles #the new principal was lisa and we already had beef though thankfully my mother and grandmother were not involved #i got dress coded a lot bc wearing a belt was part of the dress code and i did not own one and had no interesting in procuring one #because i'm autistic and belts fucking suck #but every time i got dress coded teachers would send me directly to the principal bc i had an attitude problem you know how it is #and i'd walk in and lisa would be like “belt again?” and i'd be like “yeah :) how are my grades doing :)” #bc the first time i got sent directly to her i told her to pull up my grades and tell me that a belt mattered to my education #and she would just tell me to go back to class beltless #i was in... sixth or seventh grade at the time? #then lisa moved to the high school my first two years and then became superintendent #during the senior pep rally i was leaving the rally to go to my favorite teacher's classroom bc it was loud #and lisa and one of the other school board members were in the hall bc it was an Event #and they're like Where Are You Going Get Back In There and i was like well lisa i still have anxiety attacks so i'm gonna go be somewhere #else. is that alright with you? and she just waved me off :) <3 #i'm a nuisance to any and all authority figures

[botanybulbasaur]

“don’t you make your food with care??” no nicole my great grandma from southern italy would put the whole fucking peel in her banana bread and if you don’t stop policing me about the time i spend cooking your macaroni & the amount of vegetable oil i put in the water i’m going to hit you with this fucking wooden spatula do you understand me

good food is made with love and absolutely zero fucks for the exacts of what happens to it. yea fuck it dude put your chinese seasoning on my pasta sauce. snort the parmesan. use mozzarella as cheese for your noodles. you could use fucking cheddar dude i wouldn’t care. wait nO NO DONT PUT KETCHUP IN THERE YOU DUMB FUCK OH MY GOD

#hi r1999 writers can you write schneider cooking like this? /j #where’s your anger? where’s your RAGE?? #RISE RISE RISE RISE #/ref #this post is based off the time i went to my friend nicole’s house #made her pasta (because her mom wasn’t there to make food and the only thing we had was cheese steak) #tried to navigate her spices cabinet (the labels were all in chinese so i said ‘fuck it’ and let them season their own sauce) #FORGOT TO SALT MY PASTA WHILE I COOKED IT (kill me) #and nearly hit them + their boyfriend with a wooden spatula 6 times because of how worried they were #“luisa are you sure that—“ “AYE AYE AYE.” #aeiou #her boyfriend (indian) was also deemed “worst at making food” and yet called “curry eater” (affectionate) like 6 times by his own girlfrien #i also tried to figure out how to play go #nicole hadn’t played in like 10 years so we had a fucking field day #yeah shoutout to those nerds love you guys #also hi (the other guy) if you’re seeing this you’re in fact. not whiter than me. take a medal for that or something #but also let loose when you cook pasta jesus

[mothslimes]

said it before i say it again. maybe it's less internalized misogyny and more "girls who look and act like this literally bullied me from kindergarten to 12th grade and beyond" so no i would rather not talk to girls who treat female beauty standards as the holy law

#mik talks #if you think criticizing female beauty standards and those who impose them on others = criticizing all women then you might be the sexist #like im so fucking tired of feminism being all about the poor stereotypically beautiful women wearing pink skirts who are soo forced into i #hey what about the girls on the playground who were their perpetual fucking victims in their pursuit of gaining mild power #those who coulkd never even dream of fitting the mold because they werent white or straight or skinny or cis or whatever the fuck #like even the fucking barbie movie is about some beauty standard white blond skinny feminine woman being sad about sexism #this is what many terfs dont understand lul. for some feminity is a cage they dont even fit into #they have no fucking safe area of just performing their societal role #if i see one more 'fixed' 'pick me' comic where they make the author kiss the girl thats based on their bullies i will kill something #yeah blablabla the plastics in mean girls are actually victims yaaalll.... its so sad theyre the real victims...... #when will yall accept that stereotypically beautiful (especially white) women still hold power. and are often bullies. #my mom is being harassed at her workspace by her exclusively female colleagues but u tell me again how female spaces are so wholesome #and oh tell me more about the perfect female commune and the matriarchy. god you guys make me sick #oh you felt forced into performing feminity and your friendships seemed a little fake? i was called slurs in 6th grade #they stole my stuff. destroyed my things. hit me. cyberbullied me. but oh you had it so bad #to be clear this is not to say these women hold the same power as men but yeah lets not infantilize girls who CHOSE to put others down #nerdy girls who make fun of popular girls being shallow were never the problem :skull: but you all called them misogynists for being pissed #for being bullied....and wanting to feel some mild sense of superiority in their lower social role

[hauntingblue]

YAMATO NEW NAKAMA PLEASE 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️LUFFY PLEASE!!!!

#do kaido and big mom end up in the same hole??? lmaoo yamato get luffy!!! hell yes!!! #now a military trial for all the beast pirates come on!!! everyone to udon jail #APOO IS STILL ALIVE???. FUCK OFF!!!!!!! #i understand law is not on a state to be a medic but marco.... pick up some slack.... #toko :((( no fucking way they are coming out of the hole..... they aren't.... the better not.... #HIYORI!!!! no reunion??? :(( #tama first girl to adopt a mother... also why do they have the same eyes... also is nami not enough for you.... or luffy.... your uncle... #hiyori girl dont kneel.... thats your 8 year old brother.... tama backstory omg.... tama dont cry omg.... she's gonna make me cry too... #izo is dead for real.... he was shown on the dead people highlight reel.... omg.... kinemon looking like a proud dad... #that hiyori and momo reunion.... i need more... what was that.... #episode 1078 #talking tag #watching one piece #who tf is that talking to the cp0... #hawkins is alive.... oh now he regrets it.... now he is dead... well..... #can't believe izo is dead... marco saying he cant believe he is alive... WELL YOU FOUGHT TWO TIMES AND THEM DID FUCK ALL WHILE IZO DIED???? #i am so mad at this man you dont understand. HIYORI DROPKICKED MOMO AJSHAJA YEAHHH!!! #luffy and zoro waking up at the same time... it started with them too... oof #in my bliss of luffy winning and gear 5 and all i hadn't realised my pink haired samurai hasn't appeared in a while... i fear the worst.... #i love how luffy having a meal is animated like a fight... omg zoro too... using his three head technique... #nami being the first to hit momo akdjaks. well deserved also #yamato not bathing or eating for zoro and luffy and hiyori bathing zoro ajdhskjs. omg this looks like sanji is jealous FA- #nami having to think hard about who bathes where lmao sanji and brook need an execution #OTAMA WHAT ARE YOU DOING AJDHSJSHSJ ME ASF ALSO SORRY. also where tf is robin. DID THEY TAKE HER??? oh nvm there is another group... #kid you are so right he is annoying. kill him. come on!!! SAKAZUKI DIE!!!! they just wanna make me mad atp... ALSO WHERE IS ROBIN?? #episode 1079 #why is there a country with a giant picture of sabo in their clock tower lmaoo #luffy looks so little beside yamato omg.... omg soul king brook ft kozuki hiyori rock version.... AND I DONT GET TO HEAR IT???? #robin with her poneglyphs of course.... AND BROOK OWES HER TWO MORE!!!! #MOMOS GRANDFATHER???? AND HE TOOK CARE OF TAMA WHO HAS ORICHIS LAST NAME!!!

[a-little-bit-poss]

.

#im probably gonna be spending a lot of my life mourning my sisters and my relationship #we were so close but now we dont really talk outside of gatherings #i dunno #we're both living our own lives and it takes two to be distant #theres a lot of things i hate about her and its probably mostly stuff that hits my own insecurities #i used to come to her with all kinds of things #now its like she doesnt respond to my lil reachings out so like i dunno #we work for the same fucking college for fucks sake #im prolly always gonna resent her for applying and moving here without telling me and just having me hear second hand #like yes im not blameless but also like fuck her #i continue to prove i dont need her but also i miss her #we only hurt each other when we do talk #the fact my old coworker reminded me of her so much was probably part of why i hated her so bad #fuck people who think theyre better than me (read people i think are better than me) #my mom called today and thats whats got me thinking like this #im great #people love me #im loved #honestly my familys where i get all my abandonment issues #im better off without all of them but by god if thats gonna stop me from like feeling the ache of their absence like a phantom limb

[godblooded]

i just gotta say peoples' obsessions with writing toxic relationships just concerns the shit outta me on this hellsite.

#ooc. your local bodega kat. #[everyone: i love complex relationships! what everyone means: couples fighting is normal! so if they're horrendous to each other #sometimes it's normal!! #couples fight like... of course. it's unhealthy NOT to fight. but there's a level where it's....uhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH and some of what's said #or done that people condone on here is wild. if i had a nickel for every time i saw someone say their character was a wonderful spouse and #then display like 10 reasons why they're covertly emotionally or verbally abusive. the rpc has such a tendency to refer to dv in one #specific term when it comes to ic ships and it's always physical but everything else is 'complex' and man that's worrying. see also: why #i was taught in grad school never to teach streetcar with marlon brando because students excuse him immediately due to his looks and his #bullshit angst. it's alarming as fuck. coming from parents who were sometimes physically abusive (to me and each other) like... this also #needs to be recognized in self-critical media. there's so much shit that needs evaluating. and it's not like i've never written a toxic #ship. i wrote the fucking WORST on at one point because i was too chickenshit to get alana out of it. and it ended in her being DESTROYED. #you know. like those kind of relationships tend to end in. like. my ex-father beat the fuck out of a dude in a bar who hit on my mom and #then when he found out the guy died a day later it was military or jail and he went military. and then my mom took him BACK. this is REAL #LIFE SHIT. writing it is virtually incredibly depressing and writing it without making clear it's fucked up is worse. whether you've been #through it or not. in that case: why even. shit hurts enough when you go through it. why would you want to vicariously go through it #being a fake person if there was no way to turn the outcome through healing and positive growth. sorry for being an optimist basically.] #domestic violence mention / #domestic abuse mention / #abuse mention / #murder mention / #[i'm just thinking back on the most toxic fucking verse i ever had and how glad i am said person and i no longer speak.]

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

so my mom decided to give away MY cake to HER colleague's family that had come over. like we get it, you value pleasing others and looking like a good person above everything else, but give away YOUR slice of cake for that???? i didn't even know and i had a bad day and was REALLY looking forward to the treat, but i found the fridge empty and it was like a slap to the face. she didn't even apologise and would probably argue that im being so selfish instead and im. so fucking mad.

#i KNOW its just a cake and if anyone ELSE had done it i wouldve been more reasonable #but this is my fucking MOM and she has a history of ripping things i enjoy away from me till i have nothing left and making me #feel completely out of control in everything. #so. it hits different. im already on edge as it is and this was a tipping point. #im so FUCKING mad. her pathological and fucking pathetic need to look like a morally superior person is the reason my life and brain is #so fucked up and then this happens again. she's had a habit of hiding food so we can't eat it and criticizing how much we eat. #so if i look for a snack i have to fbi search the whole house for the key to the locker where she keeps it or go hungry. i mean now i can #eat out obviously but its expensive and as a kid i couldn't so the emotions are all still there #watch me using tumblr tags as a personal therapy session. #gonna figure out what i really want to eat and go get myself something nice alone to feel in control of my happiness again wish me luck

[paralien]

This is the first family funeral I've been part of, and man if I'm not tired of crying on the phone

#fanya.txt #like. not to say that i havent had deaths in the family #all my great grandparents are gone #and my paternal grandfather hit the bucket a few years ago #but w my great grandparents i didnt go to the funeral #and i didnt go to my grandpas either bc i was relieveved when he finally died #but now its my paternal grandmother where like you know. she gave me my birth name and maybe she wasnt the best at times #but she really loved me you know? and the death was so sudden #anyways. discussing different burial wreaths w mom rn bc dad and his brothers were like. “is white fine..?” and you dumb fucks #she was a professional painter shed reanimate just to kill u if u gave her a white burial #so mom and i are deciding on wreaths rn #and then i have to see if i can find any clothes to wear to the funeral on tuesday #maybe go buy more waterproof makeip tomorrow hahah

[girls4etho]

ohhh this next week is gonna be FUN (HEAVY SARCASM)

#my moms leaving for the week so my stepdads home. and i want him to die #taxi is terrified of him because he thinks its funny to yell at her. AND evrry time he goes out to smoke he forgets to close the kitchen #door and taxi keeps almost getting out AND he forgets to close the doors when he leaves etc etc #taxi aside though he takes me having autism + bad memory + an eating disorder like its a personal attack on him. and he has anger issues #every simgle fucking time he makes something and i dont like it bc he didnt like. ask. if id eat it. he gets SO PISSED OFF even though HIS #daughter is the one who almost hit my fucking mom. im a fucking angel next to her. he needs to kill himself #but. whatever. ill have pjsk all week. and i can just.... go for walks. where i sit in the park for a few hours to not be home