#my stupidass humor

[umeqii]

-⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY ⠀⠀⠀. . . ⠀⠀⠀but you're lowkey cool .

fandom ; class of 09

character ; nicole

gender ; female reader (lesbian nicole real)

creator ; umeqii

QUICK A/N - so like idk i'm a nicole kinnie and so like i might (i will) self project but yk ^_^ and uh idk i js wanted to post smth abt co09 bc like all i saw was mf jeffery ones and no one likes jeffery he's a fucking wierdo anyways!!

TW - like it's co09, so mentions of pedophilia, drugs, dark humor, sh, suicide jokes, things like that :P

─── WHAT IT'S LIKE DATING NICOLE !!

okay so it's quite clear that nicole is a sociopath, and she's aware of it and she payed VERY little attention to you at first

i guess you were just like, that one girl who just sits in class n minds her business and overhears alot of weirdass drama like that one blonde bitch kelly being inlove with her cousin or something

but you had a new student, and you gotta admit, she was really pretty ≥∇≤ !!

her personality; not so much (real though)

anyways, you grew up to read people really easily from the way you were raised n shit so when you first spoke to nicole in class, you realised she was faking to smile; or just faking to be nice in general

so you kept that in mind, but didn't say anything because you were loekwy afraid :P

one time, you guys had science together n this kid jeffery kept tryna talk to nicole and it's not like you were mad at her for tryna make new friends, it was jeffery you were mad at

he didn't even acknowledge you one bit ☠️☠️

so you just end up standing next to them saying nothing and looking like a random stranger

when nicole sat in her seat, with jeffery rambling about anime girls or something, you saw how she looked REAALLLYYY pissed so you were gonna sit in your seat (which was opposite hers) and ask her

UNTIL THAT BITCH JEFFERY LIKE SAT IN IT ☠️☠️😭😭

you just ended up staring at him with a slightly open mouth when he ignored your soft askings of "can you please move?"

that's when our favourite toxic lesbian said something!! (i'm delusional)

" oh my FUCKING god, next time i hear anything about your stupidass anime cat girls, i will actually hang myself from this light. like who the fuck even asked?? i know damn fuckin' well i didn't. and get your greasy and filthy ass out of y/n's seat, you bitch. "

😨

that was jeffery's face (and lowkey yours' too)

he got out of your seat and mumbled an apology to you and sat somewhere else leaving you and an annoyed nicole sitting in silence

" oh uh...are you? "

" do you have any meth. "

" ah fuck sorry, i don't do.. uh yeah "

" you look like you do, you seem fucking crazy "

" oh. "

so like after that, and you, being the sapphic you are, ended up falling inlove with nicole !!

she was lowkey a bitch and you won't lie, toxic as fuck but she was your only friend and she stuck up for you so that's good??

she treats everyone with no respect at all, but for you, you can see the SLIGHT change in attitude

like you see her with jeffery, then people like jecka and emily, and you!!

she would always say things about you guys making out or having sex in the bathrooms and you couldn't tell if they were jokes or not

but like i lowkey cba to say how ym got together so all ik is that yu asked her out, she made out with yu and yh

so like now HEADCANONS time

nicole is an insecure girl deep, deep down so that's why she acts the way she does.

but yeah, those insecurities make her REALLY jealous 😭😭

it's sometimes concerning .

like one time you were approached by emily and she was asking you if you wanted some drugs or something, which you declined, and you ended up complimenting her hair and saying how it brings out her eyes and she ended up hugging you

then nicole stormed over and started going fucking crazy mode at emily saying how " don't you have like a 30 year old boyfriend you can give head right now? so fuck off and let me give this bitch head instead, you cokewhore!! "

something along the lines of that

like i guess showing affection makes her pretty vulnerable, so when ym are in public she's a bitch

she's really controlling or whatever the word is (toxic)

"y/n, you know how much of a fucking pathetic loser you are? just think how fucked up you would be without me, then. like no offense babe, but you're really fucking deranged in the head but i guess that's something that makes you hot."

okay that's all i can think of but yeah i also hate parental controls like why are only 5 of my apps unlocked like let me go on discord ://

you guys should add me on discord, my user is umeqii yiu bitches /affectionately /nf

#nicole x reader #nicole class of 09 #umeqii #class of 09 x reader #class of 09 #co09 x reader #co09 nicole x reader #co09 #toxic yuri #nicole kinnie

[peribytes]

i cannot stand the (using this word seriously) cringe of having to watch a dignified character have to interact with a character whose entire purpose is to beat the audience over the head with low-brow stupidass humor. free my man from that fucker

[feekins]

my stupidass sense of humor making me cry laughing at inscrutable shit like

#text postan 2k23 #the daily life

[blu-spy]

okay that’s it no one else is allowed to leave kudos on WTWG

#me raising my glass of immature stupidass humor at whoever left the 69th kudo #and all the rest of u too <3 #wtwg #blu-text

[arsenicolada]

my grandpa’s favorite cartoon was ren and stimpy, if that isn’t a perfect indicator of the type of man he was idk what is

#loving stupid humor runs in my family apparently #grandpa loved ren and stimpy #mom loves grim adventures and still thinks fart jokes are funny at age 53 #and there's me who can't go 5 minute w/out making a pun or a stupidass joke #we're a family of fools #bumming baby #the personal life of a jellyfish

[yackers]

actually I think one of the biggest reasons s3 gets so much hate is because people bullet point all of the changes from s2 without including the context and humor and character & relationship development that come with and between each change like

‘jerome cheats on mara’ -> a relationship that wasn’t working all that well had a disastrous ending that taught jerome a lesson he needed to learn about taking responsibility for his actions and their effects on others, leaving him a much better person. plus like I’m not excusing him but he doesn’t set out to cheat, like mara decides to finally forgive him after he moved on to willow.

‘patricia and eddie break up!’ -> patricia had never really had to deal with the fact she’s in a relationship before without the distraction of sibuna, the entire time they were officially dating in s2 she mainly just ignored him until she periodically ambushed him with some weird idea based and what she thought a relationship was because one of her friends told her to. and once she didn’t have a big secret to keep her from dealing with the fact she was actually in a relationship she freaked out and broke up with him. the entirety of s3 they’re both still into each other. patricia then realises that if she really likes eddie she has to be the one to make the first move and actively participate in her relationship with him, thus she matures and they remain the stupidass couple they have always been.

‘fabian just solves the riddles and researches’ -> that’s literally all he’s ever done?? like he flirted with nina and read books it’s always been his thing. he also hangs out with his friends a lot!! him and eddie’s brotherly relationship is so good all season. he has more developed scenes with joy alfie and patricia. and he has really sweet scenes with kt where he supports her the way he did with nina (and also eddie too). and he’s so funny this season!! he has some of the best lines and delivery, he goes on the team that are actually doing the action with kt and eddie almost every time so I don’t know where the idea that he just sits in his room with a computer came from?? he has always been the smart love interest and in season 3 he gets to break out of that a little and be more comedic. yeah he’s jaded and more of a know it all which is to be expected when he’s with eddie instead of nina. idk if you actually watch season 3 I don’t feel fabian has no part in it, he’s part of the story from the get go. there aren’t really too many individual character storylines because no one really has time to do much when the world is ending and your friends are evil and he’s just not an exception to that.

‘jerome and joy make no sense together’-> they do a couple shake up every season. jerome and mara had been building so long that there wasn’t much more to take it. plus if you look past the initial what?? factor joy and jerome are actually pretty cute together and they suit each other pretty well. to be honest this is a point I care least about because both couples were quite to the side and there aren’t many people left who like have either as their main ship but my point is if this is your barrier to watching it, it doesn’t come out of nowhere I promise

idk if you read a bunch of plot points it’s easy to hate on but this season is like the funniest and the sisterhood is great and kt and willow are such good characters!! kt and eddie’s friendship is hilarious and sweet and you’re missing out!!!

#this is a follow up to before and then I’ll shut up I promise #i wasn’t gonna post this because my ranting is annoying and I get that #but I was in a bad mood and I sat and wrote all this and I don’t feel like letting it go to waste #I just think more people should give s3 a chance #I used to not like it!! I get you!! but it’s so fun and I love it so much now and that’s why I’m like this!! #so much of it out of context sounds wild and weird but so would season 2 tbf #just give it a shot!! #and if you’re gonna shit all over it without ever having seen it at least stop tagging it with everything under the sun and tag it as hate #the show only has three seasons why deprive yourself of 40 episodes of content #THIS IS REWRITE EXCLUSIONARY REWRITES ARE FUN #house of anubis #txt

[ibelonginthepast]

Please read this, I spent too much time on this hehe (yes am trying to guilt trip into reading this)

Okay so I went through the jace herondale tag (yes because am dumb) and I have to say this

There is a friend of mine, who's barely 17, she's kicked out of her own house by her own mother who doesn't believe her when she told her mom that her step dad tried to sexually harras her. Shes living with a brother who doesn't welcome her, everyday she faces relatives who shame her for living with her brother and being a "burden" as they call her. She has been separated from her siblings, someones she loved dearly and she cant talk to them now. She feels abandoned and alone.

She loves jace herondale, someone u all hate with passion. Now, I don't like jace herondale. He's a problematic character and I get it. I hated him dearly for a long time, but I learnt to not when I met her.

Jace herondale and Clary fairchild, she holds on to them. She holds on to them so bad, so tight. And everytime, everytime u hate on jace or clary, she breaks a bit. She feels alone and abandoned again.

But don't pity her, she's a warrior. Something she shares with jace herondale, after being rejected and tortured, she stands still. She faces everyday, deals with everything with a smile and her sarcastic humor.

When I feel alone, when I feel rejected, when i am sad and I am looking out of the window or staring at a knife and thinking about killing myself or atleast hurt myself, I often think about magnus holding me back, I think about him hugging me amd telling me it will be okay.. I hope about meeting someone like him. I think about alec, I think about him patting me on my back, and smiling awkwardly and telling me that I'll be fine, like he is. That I'll find my way out, that my papa will learn, that my brother will like me, that my mom will maybe be proud that I'll find lovely friends that my friends will hold onto me, that I wont be a failure, a disappointment, I will not end up dead or abandoned that I'll be okay.

Clace, does that to her. She holds on to them, so hard.

I know u don't like jace, I relate to you. I hate jace being an asshole and making hurtful ignorant jokes, I dont like him being the cliche, I dont like him for being a white, straight, rich, abled, neurotypical, male protagonist, I don't like him being attracted to his sister, I don't like him being an asshole to alec, not being there for him, I dont like him using alec sometimes, i dont like him being selfish and self absorbed, and other stuff; but I also realise that it's not him.

I criticize cassie for that. It's her who indirectly kind of promoted incest, and wrote the situations and the characters that way. She is the one who glorified the homophobic and sexist jokes and language. U understand that right? The problem is never characters being assholes, cause that's what makes them realistic and human. What makes it problematic is glorification. And no consequences of those actions, no redemption.. showing that it's okay.

We all remember the time when alec was being biphobic, and slutshaming magnus. But cassie wrote it in a way, where she showed us that he was being an asshole, that he was being biphobic and that's wrong. That alec is slutshaming magnus and that's wrong. And he will face consequences of that, he will face Magnus' hurt self, magnus will break up with him, magnus is hurt, alec was teaming up with a stupidass evil camille. Alec was wrong, and that was conveyed.

But Jace's problematic nature was never pointed out. Rather it was glorified as his sense if humor and the fact that he is just amazing in general. U need to criticize the author for that, not Jace. Its not jace who's glorifying his shit, cassie's doing that (if u wanna look at jace as a person).

Now people may be like, 'by hating jace, we are criticizing cassie's work, so it's the same thing'. But that's the problem, by hating jace, u will overlook all the positive traits. You condemn the character, you restrict its growth.

U wanna point out jace's problems, please do. I do it. But criticize cc for that. Don't condemn people who love him. Be nice about it. That way, maybe the people who love him will also start seeing that problems, and will find a way to love him along with criticizing and disproving his behaviours in some situations.

Jace herondale is not evil,, he is ignorant sometimes, dumb, selfish, self obsessed and that's bad, but that's also human. It's okay if he is that way, what not okay is showing that this behavior is okay. Criticize that.

Please.

#jace herondale #clary fairchild #the tsc fandom #tsc #reblog please :))))))))))))))))))

[aro-throughyourchest]

Review (kind of) of Camp Loser Says What?

SPOILERS ALONG THE WAY (You knew that)

TIMESTAMPS ALONG THE WAY (A lot of them)

(0:19) Now, that I think about it, how has their (the Woodscouts) camp not been shut down? So far, they’ve tried to kidnap kids, they’ve trespassed on grounds, and NOW, they’re threatening a camp WITH GUNS that has kids 7-12 when these guys are clearly in their teens! It’s been established this place has a sheriff, so... Why the fuck is the FBI surveilling Camp Camp?! They should be keeping their eye on these assholes! 

~

(0:20) SEE!! THEY’RE TRAMATIZING LEGITIMATE CHILDREN!

~

(0:44) ....I can’t tell whether to make a “Roll Credits” joke or bitch slap Pikeman right across his stupidass face.

~

(1:05) A 10-year-old knows what a cultist looks like, but a group of teenagers don’t. Also, FUCK YOU DANIEL!

~

(1:12) A dramatic entrance of a cult leader followed by the most cheery theme song ever. Dear God... ANYWAY SKIP! :D

~

Wait, so, the Woodscouts just had these, lying around? Waiting for Camp Camp to surrender? I mean, it’s nice that they paid attention to everyone’s outfit choice, but they’re really that desperate? Jesus. Also- *retches at the color*

~

(2:31) HE’S GONNA KILL EVERYONE, YOU STUPID-

~

(2:43) What are you gonna do to them if they don’t oblige? There’s 12 of them, two of them being adults, and there’s 4 of you- And there’s a batshit crazy cult leader there, I forgot.

~

(3:25) ....You know, I somehow wouldn’t mind if the WoodScouts got sacrificed to Xemug. The rest of Camp, yes, but them, I don’t mind turning a blind eye.

~

(3:52) ...They had a Nikki-sized cage just, around... Also, how did they get her in it?

~

(4:15) Ah, the tiniest bit of humor in this bleak world. THANK GOD.

~

(5:05) As the episode goes on, I just want to hug David more and more. Or literally anyone except for the Woodscouts and Daniel. I want hugs. :<

~

(5:14) ....And, there it is. The “first” sign that Daniel is fucking mental. (How did they not notice HE DOESN’T BLINK?!)

~

(5:43) Max is so done with their bullshit, and so am I.

~

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THE CAMP?!

~

(6:20) Another shot of Max being done with their bullshit. Also, they didn’t think a sacrifice table was a bit off. At all. 

~

(6:27) Now they notice. After it’s already been built. And now, Pikeman is on the near bottom of my most hated characters on this show. Passing Jermy Fartz.

~

(6:46) OH MY FUCKING GOD, EVERYONE! YOU STUPID SONS OF BITCHES!

~

(6:47) *Screams into pillow*

~

(7:28) Nope, scratch that. He now officially at the bottom of my list. Jesus Christ, how ignorant are this kid’s parents, if he’s this oblivious to when to something is obviously a bad idea. SUCH AS A 10-YEAR-OLD GETTING SACRIFICED TO A FUCKING ELDRICH HORROR?!

~

(8:04) I know it’s supposed to be “dramatic,” but really he should’ve chosen a lot quicker. Choosing between sacrificing a bunch of children to a fucking cult or getting rid of the psycho killer. ~

(8:15) Where the hell is Max? He can’t swim, so he can’t have gone far.

~

(8:33) ...NOPE! I DRAW THE LINE AT THIS CULTIST BEING RIGHT THAT XEMUG EXISTS! NOPE! NOPE, NOPE, NOPE! *Packs bags and tips hat* NOPE! *SLAMS DOOR* N O.

~

(9:45) OH THANK GOD, IT WAS ALL A SCHEME!! I know that seems redundant because of what Pikeman said but really. Oh my fucking god...

~

(9:54) Andddddd, here comes the moral.

~

(10:02) Holy shit, that was Petrol? :O

~

And after all that, I can say... THAT EPISODE WAS FUCKING INSANE! With the Woodscouts being dumbasses and terrorizing children, to them trying to sacrifice Nikki, to a whole bunch of other things, I don’t know what to think. All the poor children are also going to scarred for a while probably due to all the stress and worrying about being sacrificed. 

The WoodScouts are now my least favorite camp. I know there are only three choices but holy fuck are they stupid as hell. I don’t want to blame the writers for how this episode rubbed off on me, but yeah, this episode left a bad taste in my mouth, and I probably wouldn’t watch it again out of boredom.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go wash my brain out from all of the WoodScouts' stupidity and the absolute absurdness I’ve just witnessed. Good day- AND GOOD GOD!!

#camp camp s4 #max cc #neil camp camp #camp camp nikki #daniel camp camp #the woodscouts cc #david camp camp #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH #Geez this episode was whack

[hourglassgod]

Thank you to @junkpilestuff for making me aware of this via twitter.

Okay, so I will admit that I really love Asra. Like, a lot. Similarly, I love Julian for being his dorky self. However, after thinking about it for a long while, I realized that if I actually appeared in The Arcana I would most realistically end up with Nadia or Portia. Let's face it. These two have much less drama than our other boys.

So, when I saw this chart on twitter, I got curious. It wasn't that surprising that I would have something akin to a one sided relationship with Asra. Honestly, I would likely assume he didn't have feelings for me and automatically rule out having a romantic relationship with him.

With Julian, it could work but it wouldn't be ideal. I'm going to be frank and say that I've been in relarionships with people like Julian. I loved them dearly but it tended to burn bright and sizzle out due to problems that couldn't be resolved. (And I might have run out of patience) So, it was understandable that I would be drawn to Julian but I would have better luck with him if he had the self realization that he has developed in the most recent chapters. (On a sidenote, Julian and Asra are listed as an ideal match. I could see them getting along quite well if it weren't for the Apprentice's, ah..., effect on Asra at the time causing his judgement to cloud. Then again that entire time frame is a shitty place to try and start a relationship.)

Lucio would be a one sided match. He would likely be enamored with me, and I... I would likely kill him. I had a stalker like him at one point that I got fed up with and beat up to scare him away. Kudos was that it kind of worked.

Muriel would be a better chance. I got to say that I like his quiet nature and way of thinking. However... he kind of, you know, hates us. Ouch. However, the first time I met him I was kind of bristling before deciding that I wanted to become his friend. If he opened up and we did eventually become friends, I might end up after a few years realizing that I like him. I would then try to initiate a relationship and pray that it would work. Honestly, in real life, I wouldn't mind getting married to someone that I became best friends with first before starting a romance with. (On a side note, as formerly having Muriel's personality, he might very well be in love with Asra, even if he doesn't quite realize it himself. And also relating to personal experience and in game evidence, Asra would likely only view him as a good friend or a brother. Which sucks ass and could explain some of the jealousy/hatred towards the apprentice.)

Portia has more than enough of a good chance, in my opinion. She has the teasing fun personality that draws me to Julian, but she lacks some of his danger seeking drama ways. Multiple times she states that Julian is being unnecessarily dramatic when a problem could be solved in a simpler more direct manner. Which I love about her. I actually fell in love with her when I was going through Julian's route and having mild panic attacks at his thoughts and choices. And then Portia would come along to say "That's a stupidass decision, Ilya." And I would be like, Ah! Someone who understands! Additionally, I love her quick humor (Ilya and having more than enough salt for the rest of us). I could definitely see us teasing Julian relentlessly. Also... I will admit that in Julian's route, I did contemplate ditching him in a relationship to go for Portia instead. Her lifestyle with a nice cottage, garden, and Pepi is much more suited for me than constantly running around on crazy adventures with Julian. I crave some of the simpler things in life while still being able to have a good laugh and fun like I would with Portia. It would be a hard decision based on the timeline, but I would have a better relationship with Portia than Julian since I can't have both.

Okay, moving on from that slightly depressing note...

Nadia is listed as an ideal match for me. Oh lord. Where to start? Her teasing personality just KILLS me. I am used to doing it to other but when it is done to me? It's a 50/50 chance of me saying something witty back or melting into a puddle of goo. Also, I admire her for being a strong woman and trying to accomplish everything on her own. Considering that Lucio wasn't supporting her or helping her, but she started to improve with Asra and Julian's friendship? I would more than be willing to help her and get her to open up about trusting other people. Plus, it would be nice knowing I had someone reliable at my back going through the events of the game. I also feel like as we progress in a relationship she would definitely help me with my "it can't hurt you if it's dead" ways that could certainly get us into trouble with the way things seem to be shaping out in game. Although, in real life, it is an issue as well. Have I mentioned how intelligent and caring she is? She helped design fucking aquaducts in Vesuvia! She geniunely wants to help the people and has the opportunity now that Lucio isn't in the way. (Side note, as also being in a similar mindstate to Nadia before. I can see why she might strike up a relationship and marriage with Lucio. However, it would be a toxic one. I could go more into this at another time if wanted.) I enjoy helping people and would love to do so with Nadia at my side. I could see where she comes from in the beginning with wanting to hang Julian, but after meeting him I would advise caution and try to find out the whole truth. I love figuring out mysteries and either bringing a peaceful end or a righteous execution of consequences. That isn't to say that I would be sympathetic to the difficulties Nadia has with actually killing someone, as I touched on before. I could definitely see us being in a relationship though it would be interesting seeing the both of us constantly presenting each other with gifts that we think the other would like to show affection. I also think that I could help her when it comes to the times that she NEEDS a break. I could see the relstionship working out but I have no idea where it would lead us in the end. Hopefully some place happy where she has reconnected with her family and Vesuvia is prospering with its people healthy and cared for.

I think that that is enough analysis for now. I might do some more theorizing later. Lol. I probably could have done a video on this on YouTube, but oh well.

Asra- ISTP

Julian- ESFJ

Nadia- INTJ

Lucio- ESTP

Portia- ENFP

Muriel- INTP

Me- Can you figure it out?

Thanks again to Junky for inspiring this mess. *salutes*

#the arcane game #personal #personal question #fan theory #theories #mbti personality types #in game relationships #asra #julian #lucio #count lucio #portia #muriel #nadia #if people are interested I might do more #lots of possibilities

[richiefuckfacetozier]

Chapter 15: Under Pressure

Story: It’s Not My Fault

Pairing: Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak

Located on Archive of our own

For other chapters - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |

“She didn’t even let you tell her?” Beverly said in horror from the backseat of the car. Richie drove Eddie and Beverly to school the next day. They had started doing it when Richie's father gave him his mother's car after her DUI. 'The only useful thing Wentworthless has ever done for me.' Richie had said once.

“What a fucking bitch.” Beverly hissed.

Eddie fidgeted awkwardly at Beverly’s brashness. As angry as he was, she was still his mother. “It was awful Bev. Then I was so terrified I might see her this morning that I made Richie help me sneak out the window and down a fucking tree.”

Richie laughed heartily, taking his eyes off the road to say to Beverly. “It was hilarious. He fell on the last branch and landed in my arms like a damsel.”

“EYES FORWARD!” Eddie screeched. “And it wasn’t funny! I saw my life flash before my eyes.” Eddie shoved Richie’s shoulder.

Richie scoffed, “Oh please, you fell like 4 feet.”

“You’re the cutest, Eddie.” Beverly laughed and ruffled his hair affectionately. Eddie scrunched his face at her. He ran his fingers through his hair to flatten it back down.

“I am not cute.” Eddie grumbled.

“Yes, you are.” Richie and Beverly said at the same time. Richie put his hand up and without even looking at it, Beverly perfectly high-fived him.

“How do you two do that?” There was a slight twinge of jealousy at how in sync Beverly and Richie always were.

“Rich might be your soulmate but he’s my other half.” Beverly poked Richie’s side. Eddie could not help but smile to himself at being called Richie’s soulmate.

Richie squirmed away from her poking since he is the most ticklish person around, “It’s true. She could probably guess what I am thinking right now.”

Eddie crossed his arms surveying them with doubt. He zeroed in on Beverly. “Alright, prove it. What is Richie thinking?”

“You don’t want me to say, I promise.” Beverly laughed.

“Do it, Bev.” Richie bounced in the driver’s seat excitedly. “Try to guess!”

She grinned at him and cracked her knuckles as if getting ready for a boxing match. “Alright, three things. One, what you are going to do about lunch since Eddie didn’t pack any food for either of you and you probably forgot your wallet.”

“Correct.” Richie nodded.

“You shouldn’t be driving without your wallet!” Eddie chastised.

Richie shrugged, “I keep my license in the glove compartment.”

Eddie opened the glove compartment to check then closed it roughly. “You’re an idiot. We can go off campus and get food, I brought money.”

Beverly put her hand over Eddie’s mouth to stop him from harping. “Two, if I brought weed for us to smoke later. The answer is yes.”

Eddie pulled her hand from his mouth glaring at the pair, “Guys, seriously?” 

“Listen,” Richie said with an air of superiority. “We are trying to cut back on cigarettes for you.” 

“And because cigarettes are making our lungs shit.” Beverly added in annoyance.

Eddie huffed, “Well, good because not to pull the dead dad card but he died of lung cancer you dipshits.”

Beverly shrugged, “Weed is better than nicotine anyway.”

“That’s true but harder to get in small-town stupidass Maine,” Richie complained.

“What’s the third thing he’s thinking about?” Eddie said bringing them back on task. 

Beverly smirked devilishly, “Three, sorry about this Eddie, he’s thinking about sex with you.”

Eddie's mouth gaped open and his has flushed bright red. He twisted in his seat to scream, “Fuck you, Beverly!”

She put her hands up in defense laughing, “It’s true!!”

“To be fair, I always am, so that one doesn’t really count.” Richie reached over and pinched Eddie’s cheek.

He batted the hand away, “Unlock the door, I’m gonna to fling myself out of the moving car.”

They all started laughing so hard their sides hurt. Eddie was grateful to have two of the best distractions in his life. Beverly and Richie were the best at cheering him up. When they quieted down, Beverly brought her hand forward to hold Eddie’s. They had the same size hands. Her’s were calloused just like Richie’s. He sighed and squeezed her hand kindly.

She hesitated then asked, “So what are you going to do about your mom, hun?”

He shared a quick glance with Richie. “Again I say, unlock the door so I can fling myself out of the moving car.”

“Eddie!” She laughed at his dark humor. “Are you going to try telling her you're gay, again?”

“Nope.” He said definitively.

“Come on, my fruity skittle, you have to try again until she listens.” Richie encouraged. He placed a hand on Eddie’s knee rubbing it soothingly. The attention from both of them was becoming overwhelming. Eddie did not want to have this conversation right now, but he had already decided what he would do after last night.

“No, I’m not going through that again. I will act like nothing happened because I know that’s what she’ll do.” Eddie let go of Beverly’s hand to turn in his seat and talk directly at Richie. “I’m going to get through school, graduate, and move away forever. That’s the only sensible option for me.” 

Richie removed his hand from Eddie’s knee and placed it back on the steering wheel. Eddie observed as his mouth turned into a thin line but he kept his eyes front refusing to acknowledge this latest confession.

Beverly, however, was not going to ignore it. “Eddie, that’s crazy. You can’t live a lie for a year and a half.”

He locked eyes with her incredulously. “I’ve been living a lie under that roof for 16 years, why bother being honest now. I won’t get to be myself until I’m far away from Derry.”

The car fell silent. Beverly was regarding Richie with caution, who was still staring forward in thought. His grip on the steering wheel tightened significantly. There is a deadly calm that passes over Richie when he is angry before he blows up or says what is wrong. Everyone in their friend group finds it extra unnerving because Richie is rarely truly mad.

He took a deep breathe then let it out. Eddie watched him do all this in confusion. He seemed to be trying to control the anger. What does he have to be angry about? Eddie thought.

“I love you for you and always will,” Richie said through gritted teeth. “But please stop talking about leaving forever unless I am in that equation. It is pissing me off.”

Eddie opened his mouth to snap at him but closed it deciding he would not go there. There was too much going on his head to be fighting with Richie. “I love you too.” Eddie whispered. “And of course. I go wherever the fuck you go.” Richie’s intensity eased and he smiled at Eddie for repeating the same words he said last night.

Beverly sighed sadly, “I love you both and I’m sorry your parents suck.”

“I think my mom is coming around. She loves Eddie.” Richie rolled his eyes grinning. “Wants to adopt him and hasn’t insulted me for being gay in a while.”

“Oh my god, that’s so precious!” Beverly squealed animatedly. “Do you think she suspects anything between you two?”

Richie nodded, “Definitely. My mom is too smart not to.”

Eddie felt his mouth dry up with nerves. “Oh god. I hope she doesn’t tell my mom,” Eddie grumbled. “But I really like her too so that’s nice.”

Richie pulled into the school parking lot trying to find a spot. It did not take him long because he had the best luck with parking spots. “How do you always get a front row parking spot!” Eddie laughed in disbelief.

Richie wiggled his eyebrows seductively, “Clean living, baby.”

“Ok. Sure, Trashmouth.” Eddie smirked.

Richie put the car in park but kept the heater running. They had some time before classes to sit in his car. Beverly pulled out a cigarette, saw the evil-eye Eddie was giving her, then put it back in her pocket. “How’s your mom been doing in general, Rich?” She asked.

“Bev, she’s been sober for 2 weeks.” He said with pride. “She went back to AA.”

Eddie gazed at him with surprise. He felt a pang of sadness that Richie had never told him something so important. “I didn’t know she ever went to Alcoholics Anonymous.”

“Oh yeah,” He turned his head toward Eddie. “She’s been going on and off for a decade but this is the most amount of meetings she has ever been too. It’s nice, but it will inevitably come crashing down soon.”

“Why?” Beverly asked in concern.

Richie took a deep breath and let it out. “My dad’s leaving her.”

Beverly immediately put her hand on his right shoulder, Richie placed his own on top of hers. She did not say anything right away. It blew Eddie’s mind how connected the two of them were. They were all an extremely connected group. Shared trauma will do that to you.

Beverly raised her face up and shouted, “Hey, universe! Go fuck yourself! Leave my gays alone.”

“Did you mean guys?” Eddie laughed.

She placed her other hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I did not my love.”

“Alright, Richie,” Eddie decided to change the subject before one of them cried and got sappy. “What is Beverly thinking about.”

“Hmmmm,” He thought for a moment. “What did you have for breakfast Bev?”

She sat back in her seat crossing her arms with a challenging grin on her face. “I didn’t eat breakfast.”

“Alright, she is thinking about: our science test today, if Stanley is going to cancel their shopping plans this weekend, and whether Ben will finally ask her out. 

“Never going to happen,” Beverly sighed dramatically. “Sometimes I wonder if he really likes me or not. Then I see the way he looks at me and I am just like...kiss my fucking face, Ben Hanscom!”

“Why don’t you ask him out? Who says the guy has to do it?” Eddie suggested.

“Oh, I have. Three fucking times but he doesn’t think I am serious. No one ever takes me seriously.” She wrapped her arms around Richie’s shoulders and pretended to weep.

“Same!” Richie joined her fake crying charade.

“I wonder why.” Eddie commented sarcastically. He shoved them apart and added a forehead flick for good measure. “We should probably head inside.”

As Eddie opened the door the icy air hit his face harshly. He hated being cold more than anything. Richie walked around and slung his arm around Eddie’s shoulders knowing this about him. Normally he would berate the taller boy for being too openly affectionate, but the extra warmth was really welcoming. He let himself move closer into Richie’s side.

“I’ll see you two later, I’m going to try and catch Ben before homeroom.” Beverly kissed Eddie on the cheek kindly. “Sorry, again about your mom babe.” Then she looked at Richie. “And sorry about your dad. I love you both.” 

“We love you too, Bevvie.” Richie said smiling. She waved them goodbye and jogged toward the school.

Richie brought his face to Eddie’s ear whispering, “So my most beloved tootsie roll, I know we have already talked about not doing anything on Valentine’s Day next week but I was thinking since…”

“No, fuck Valentine’s Day.” Eddie interrupted him pulling out of the embrace. They were starting to be too obvious anyway.

“Come on Eddie! Please?!” Richie whined.

“No Richie, Valentine’s Day is a stupid commercialized holiday meant to make you buy overpriced flowers or chocolates, It makes single people feel bad and I don’t care for it. If you truly love your loved one then you would show it every day.”

“I wonder what that’s like.” Richie grumbled angrily.

Eddie stopped in his tracks staring at Richie, who turned around realizing Eddie had ceased walking. Eddie’s face was burning with rage. “Richie...what the actual fuck?”

“I’m sorry Eds. It’s just…” Richie grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side of the school building out of hearing range. A couple people glanced at them curiously but no one paid much attention. When they were safely away from others, Eddie pulled his arm away. 

Richie put his hands in his pockets taking a shaky breath, “Eddie, I want to go out on a real date with you.” Richie’s eyes were boring into Eddie’s with a lot of emotion. “As actual boyfriends.”

Eddie’s own face softened at that. “We go on dates, Rich.”

Richie shook his head. “I don’t want one of our usual ‘dates’. Where we go to the Aladdin Theater and have to sit in the back to hold hands. Which only happens if there is no one in the row with us. I don’t want to have a fake date where we have to invite everyone else just to make it look like it isn’t a date. I’m tired of the secrecy. I understand it, honestly, I do, but I am still tired of it. We are going on almost 5 months dating and it just feels like we aren’t moving in any real direction. In fact, sometimes it feels like we are moving backward. I just think we should go on a -”

“Ok!” Eddie yelled to stop his rambling. 

Richie stared at him, not believing he had successfully convinced him. “What do you mean, ‘Ok’?”

Eddie exhaled, “I mean ok. Let’s got on a real date.”

“Are you serious?” Richie searched his face for any sign that he was joking or wanted to take it back.

“Yeah, you have a car,” He went to hold Richie’s hand with a reluctant smile. “Let’s drive out of town and go on a fucking real date.”

Richie pulled him in closer with excitement making Eddie stumble into his chest. Richie kissed his cheek. “Wow, so this weekend?”

“This weekend sounds great.” Eddie paused and played with the zipper on Richie’s coat, then asked, “Have we really been dating for 5 months?”

Richie smirked at his boyfriend’s complete cluelessness. “We kissed September 14.”

“Shit...our 5 month anniversary is on Valentine’s Day. God damn it.” Eddie peered at him hopefully. If he could avoid a Valentine’s Day anniversary, he was going to try. “Alright, but you didn’t ask to be my boyfriend until my birthday in November.”

Richie brushed Eddie’s bangs to the side slowly. “I consider the kiss to be more pivotal than when I asked to be boyfriends. It’s hotter.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Such the romantic.”

“Only for you, babe.”

“Hey, Richie…” Eddie bit his lip anxious to ask this question.

Richie continued running his hand through Eddie’s hair absently. “Yeah?” 

“When Beverly called us soulmates...do you think she is right?” Eddie held his breath for an answer.

A bit of a blush spattered on Richie’s cheeks as he said, “Absolutely.” Without an ounce of doubt.

Eddie smiled up at him feeling just as much certainty. “Me too.”

The first bell rang signaling that they needed to head toward class. Eddie placed his hand on Richie’s shoulder squeezing it. “We’ll talk more later. Let’s go to homeroom.” He turned to walk away but Richie wrapped his arm around Eddie’s waist bringing him roughly into his chest. Richie leaned forward brushing his lips lightly against Eddie’s but not fully closing the distance. As if challenging Eddie to pull away. His hot minty breath washing over Eddie’s face made him shiver. His needs took over any logic and he put his arms around Richie’s neck pressing their mouths together.

Their lips parted quickly, wasting no time as their tongues rolled against each other. Their breathing was heavy and loud as Eddie sucked on Richie’s bottom lip. Both of them were practically panting.

Richie slid his hand under his jacket and up the front of Eddie’s shirt. His touch leaving a trail of burning in its wake. Eddie moaned as their bodies molded closer together. This just encouraged Richie as his other hand grabbed Eddie’s behind. Eddie gasped and kissed him harder practically bruising their lips. Richie kneaded him eliciting another groan from Eddie. He could barely focus with Richie touching him like this. Eddie was hot. Too hot. He needed them to stop right now.

Except he wanted to keep kissing Richie. If he could kiss Richie every day, all day, for the rest of his life, he would. Richie kissed down his jaw as he pulled Eddie even closer, flushing their bodies as one even through all the layers. Eddie rolled his hips against Richie who groaned. His lips pressed against Eddie’s neck, licking and biting into his skin.

“Don’t mark my neck,” Eddie breathed out.

“Fine.” Richie brought his lips back up to kiss Eddie’s. Then the moment was broken by the sound of the second bell.

“SHIT!” Eddie grabbed his bag and started running. Richie following on his tale. They ran up the school steps and flew through the halls until they reach their classroom.

Eddie swung the door open quickly. “I’m so sorry Mr. Clarke!” Eddie said breathlessly.

“My car broke down, had to run ten blocks here.” Richie lied easily.

The teacher frowned, “Sit down Mr. Tozier.” Richie and Eddie went to take their seats. Eddie made eye contact with Mike, who was laughing to himself at their appearance.

“Hold on Mr. Kaspbrak. You are wanted in the principal’s office.” Mr. Clarke held up a pink slip.

“For what?” Eddie wondered aloud. He was rarely called to the principal’s office anymore. His mother used to do it a lot more when she made him go to doctor’s appointments every week.

“I have no idea. Take the slip and go now.” Mr. Clarke insisted. Eddie glanced back at Mike and Richie. They had identical looks of confusion and Richie shrugged.

Eddie walked through the hallway slowly, trying to prevent a panic attack. The only explanation for being called to the office would be something his mother wanted. He mentally kicked himself for not going downstairs to see her in the morning. Sneaking out the window was a mistake. Eddie suddenly got nervous that she was taking him out of school for good. She was going to homeschool him and never let him out of her sight.

When he got to the principal’s office, he was ushered in right away. The principal of the school was an older man named, Jon Filch. He was a stern man, who lost his son years ago. It was one of the children taken from Derry too soon. Eddie always felt awkward around him, but he got that way with most male authority figures.

“Hello, Edward,” Principal Filch said in an exhausted voice. “Had a nice long shouting match with your mother this morning.”

Eddie put his hands on his face in embarrassment. “I’m so so sorry. We are fighting, so she tends to um...take out her anger out on everyone but me.”

He ran a hand through his grey mustache nodding. “Yes, I remember fondly her yelling at me when I was a vice principal at your elementary school.”

“Again, I’m sorry.” Eddie averted his eyes to his hands.

“Edward, she wants to pull you from all your classes with Mr. Richard Tozier. And I think -”

Eddie's anger flared up and he immediately shouted, “What?! That’s completely crazy. We share every AP class together!” His breathing was picking up as his voice rose in pitch, “And not all of them have a second class available. You can’t just - “

Principal Filch raised his hands in defense, “Edward! Relax. You are going to give yourself a panic attack.”

“How do you know I get panic attacks?!” Eddie yelled louder, breathing erratically.

“You used to clearly get them as a child. Please, breathe. Let me speak.” He stated firmly. Eddie’s eyes flashed distrustfully. Most adults in this town could not be trusted but he held back his anger.

“Please sit.” Eddie glanced down and realized he was standing with his hands clenched. He slowly sank down into the seat.

“Contrary to popular belief, I tend to side with students when it comes to their education. You know yourselves better than your parents think.” He picked up a stress ball and handed it to Eddie. He reluctantly took it, letting his hands squeeze the ball methodically. “From my conversation with your mother, I gathered some kind of relationship is happening between Richard that she is not a fan of?”

Eddie pressed his thumb into the ball aggressively, refusing to give the older man his attention. He focused on his finger with the gold pinky ring Richie gave him for his birthday. It calmed him to look at it, thinking about how much he cared about Richie. He wished people would be more understanding of them. People being his mother. 

“It’s not anyone’s business but your own.” Eddie inspected him with scrutiny, not sure he heard him correctly.

“One of the best parts of life is that you get to pick your friends. And they pick you in return. You don’t get to choose your family but you do decide how you handle life’s challenges together.” Flinch held his gaze trying to get a proper read on Eddie. It made him anxious being put on the spot in this way. “I know a little something about overbearing mothers. When my wife and I lost our son…” His voice cracked and he tried to clear it. He grabbed a cup of water on the desk, drinking it.

“Your son was Hughie. Right?” Eddie said solemnly.

“That’s right.”

Eddie nodded thinking back to a boy, who was about the same height as him before he passed. With bright green irises and red hair like Beverly’s. “He invited me to all his birthdays since we were 5. He was really sweet.”

“Thank you. My son always thought you were cool with your inhaler and fanny pack. Don’t ask me why, he was an odd boy.” Principal Filch played with his thumbs for a moment thinking. Eddie handed back the stress ball, which Filch accepted gratefully. “Anyway, when we lost our son, my wife went into superhero Mom mood. It drove the kids and me crazy. She nearly killed herself with how much she was taking on through her pain.”

He held Eddie's gaze steadily trying to see if Eddie understood him. “My point is, you and your mother have had loss as well. I’m sure that grief has manifested into the woman she has become. You just need to try talking to her and if that doesn’t work or feel safe, please come speak to me or any of our counselors.”

Eddie soaked all this in with humility. He could not remember the last time an adult was truly this kind to him. Mrs. Tozier had come around but they started off rocky, leaving him wary of upsetting her. The principal barely knew him and actively cared about his well being. 

“Thank you. I’ll think about it. But what are going to do about my AP courses? I can’t drop them! I don’t want to get stuck in this town.” Eddie gave him an apologetic expression. He knew Principal Filch had lived in Derry his whole life.

He grinned knowingly, “I wouldn’t want that for you either. So what we are going to do is make sure you sit on opposite sides of the classes you cannot switch out of and switch you into the classes you can.”

“That is completely unfair!” Eddie protested. “How can you take her side like this?!”

“I am not taking her side. But it was the best compromise I could come up with that pleased her enough not to take you out of school entirely.” He seemed sincerely sorry but that did not stop Eddie from being angry.

“Fine. Give me the new class schedule.” Eddie demanded. “Please.” He added dismissively. Mr. Filch handed over the schedule. Eddie took it and read it over quickly. He would have homeroom with Bill and Beverly now, so that was not too bad. Richie and him now only shared 2 classes when they were in all 7 together.

He turned around and began marching out of the office. He was ready to be an asshole and not say goodbye, except he stopped himself.

“Thank you for what you said. Richie and I are having a hard time balancing family and our relationship so it means a lot to hear some kind of support from an adult.”

“Anytime, Edward.”

He considered him for a moment, “I prefer Eddie.”

“Anytime, Eddie."

#richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #bill denbrough #stanley uris #mike hanlon #the losers club #losers club #it #it 2017 #it fandom #it fanfiction #thetheatregal reddie fanfiction #gay #kissing #i am a loser #It's Not My Fault #Shannon writes

[crispy-ghee]

Also everyone here commiserating with me about Yondu, all the people who love my stupidass skeleton humor, all the people who noticed my stupid ruby rhod drawing Slow sales day, but a fun day. Plz talk to me about Adventure Zone and the Gorillaz forever

[lalka-laski]

Did you ever build furniture forts as a child? I loved doing that! And that’s not a bad idea for a future quarantine activity hmm...  What kind of dog is your favorite? I dislike dogs. Sorry, I know this me sound evil to some people but I just don’t find them cute or amusing at all! Is there anything on television worth watching at the moment? TIGER KING! I will shout that from the rooftops. It’s the most chaotic mess imaginable and it had me HOOKED. I honestly don’t know what to do with my life now that we finished it.  Have you ever had an online meet-up? I did a brief stint on Tinder but only went on 2 in-person dates. I was too nervous to ever meet up with anybody else. What is bothering you as of now? My quarantine boredom is leading me to snack all day long and I’m worried about gaining back the weight I just worked so hard to lose.

Do you prefer water or land? Well since I couldn’t survive solely in the water, I’m gonna say land for practicality’s sake.  Do you tend to make a lot of messes? Nah, I’m more of a neat freak. But I do have some moments when I slip into depression that small messes pile up. Are the majority of your friends male or female? I have a good mix but I think overall I have more female friends. I’m definitely a “girl’s girl.”  Have you ever considered dropping acid? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOT. I will never fuck with any type of hallucinogen or psychedelic. I have enough paranoia just from popping a damn Benadryl.  Would you consider yourself to be mature? I think so. I still have an affinity for lots of childish pleasures (for example, I just watched Sleeping Beauty while snuggling a teddy bear) but I’m still an adult who mostly makes adult decisions.  Describe your music style: I don’t limit myself to a single genre and my tastes are quite varied. But majority of my favorite bands and artists would fall into some type of alternative rock/pop category. I love some radio friendly rock and I’m not ashamed of it! How does your hair currently look? Like complete garbage, tbh Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? I have 3 aunts and I have a good relationship with all of them. However, I’m not as close to them as other people seem to be with their own relatives. So I really don’t know how to answer this! If you have a car, what color is it? I don’t Have you ever had a seizure? That’s a terrifying thought. Thankfully, I’ve never had one.  When was the last time you were in a hospital? I visited a friend in the fall who was undergoing chemo  Do you go on vacations a lot? Hardly ever Are you self-conscious around other people? I’m really growing into myself and coming into my own. So while I do have some insecurities and jealousy that creeps in, I’ve learned to really embrace and celebrate who I am.  At your workplace, are you required to wear a uniform? Nah, just business casual. And I push the “casual” part a little far...  What is your favorite pair of shoes? If I could be barefoot all the time, I would be. But I guess my next option would  be flip-flops or something as close to barefoot as possible.  What was the last piece of candy you ate? I just ate a handful of baking chocolate chips because I had an urge for sweetness Is sarcasm like a second language to you? It’s not. And I really don’t care for people whose entire personalities or senses of humor are built on sarcasm.  Have you ever witnessed a physical fight in real life? I live in Rochester, NY. They are unavoidable! What do you think of people who get drunk every weekend? Listen, I do think society as a whole has a dependency on alcohol and the normalization of binge-drinking is wildly unhealthy. However, I myself would fall into that category of people who get drunk almost every weekend. So I’m not saying it’s *right* but I am saying it’s a very easy trap to fall into. 

What was your GPA in high school? It was reasonable. I don’t remember the exact number because I wasn’t as obsessive about my GPA in high school as I was in college Do you require a lot of private time? Quite a lot. I need silence, I CRAVE it.  Do you use a lot of hair products? Just normal shampoo and conditioner and then a purple shampoo weekly to keep my blonde from going brassy. I do like to play around with hair masks (specifically from Lush) from time to time though. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent at one time? My monthly rent probably? I don’t think I’ve ever spent higher than that in one place What is the best pizza place out there? If you know me, you know I’m a pizza FIEND. So there’s hardly any pizza that I WON’T eat. I have to admit that I have a serious soft spot for Little Caesar’s (I know, I know...) but I also love a lot of local chains. Goddammit, now I want pizza.  Have you ever attempted to make anything crafty? I craft often! It’s always been one of my favorite hobbies.  Do you use any medicines daily? Heartburn medicine Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can’t play? Nope, I can’t play any. Period.  Have you played on any sports teams in your lifetime? I did soccer briefly as a kid. But what white middle class kid didn’t?  What is your least favorite holiday? I don’t have a dislike for any holiday really.  Do you curse a lot? I really try to keep it at a minimum  Does it bother you when people copy your actions? No one really does that. I’m not even sure what this question means entirely??  When was the last time you used a disposable camera? Couldn’t tell ya! How many states have you visited in your lifetime? Ermm... 4? Not counting the one I live in.  What is your favorite book series, if you have one? I was never much into series books, not sure why. Perhaps because they’re typically more genre fiction? My book preferences are realistic/domestic fiction which don’t really lend themselves to entire series.  Are there any movies coming out soon that you’re excited to see? There hardly ever is.  Do you have any celebrity autographs? I had Mat Kearney sign a piece of paper when I did a meet-and-greet with him, but my stupidass misplaced it. Oh well, at least I still have the pictures!  If you could be a Disney character for a day, who would you be? AURORA  What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? Hm, I do like black just because it’s slimming and classic. But I like soft, pastels too What color are your eyes? Gren Have you ever been punched in the face before? God no