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lemonlyman-dotcom · 10 months

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Oversharing On The Internet

Thank you @iboatedhere 🍋🛶

ONE: Are you named after anyone?

No. My dad was desperately grasping for anything, because he hated the name my mom wanted. He did a pretty good job though.

TWO: When was the last time you cried?

I honestly don’t remember. My dad is battling some really scary health stuff right now, so it was probably related to that.

THREE: Do you have kids?

Stealing Rae’s answer: God no.

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Of course not (she said sarcastically)

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you play?

Despite my obsession with the beautiful game (football) (soccer) I never really played. I did, however, coach three-year-olds and that was kind of fun. Except for the time when I had to wear my local pro soccer team’s mascot costume (eww, so hot and smelly) and do photo ops with kids and some of the players (kind of neat). I was also on swim team in school and I was, like, really good at it.

SIX: What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their teeth. I know, it’s weird!

SEVEN: What’s your eye colour?

Deep soulful brown.

EIGHT: Scary movies or happy endings?

I refuse to watch scary movies.

NINE: Any special talents?

Writing, I guess. Also I can cook.

TEN: Where were you born?

By the sea.

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies?

Reading, hiking, writing, watching the football (soccer), going to the matches and wearing my scarf and singing the silly little songs, listening to music in every form, going to record stores and buying records then bringing them home and listening to them. I go to a lot of concerts. Last one was Erykah Badu, can you believe it?

TWELVE: Do you have any pets?

Oh my god, you guys! I have been living in shitty apartments my whole adult life where I couldn’t have a dog. But I just made an offer on a home which was accepted and you know the first thing imma do is get me a dog! It’s going to be a Boston terrier and I wanna name it Disco Pickle.

THIRTEEN: How tall are you?

5'7

FOURTEEN: Favourite subject in school?

History in high school.

FIFTEEN: Dream job

Something in the music industry, maybe working at a quirky indie record label or being on the music team for a show like Lonestar. How do I get that job? I would crush that soundtrack.

Tagging: @freneticfloetry @chicgeekgirl89 @never-blooms & @carlos-in-glasses

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seaofwine · 6 months

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time for my monthly oversharing on the internet (tagged by @verdantlyviolet)

Are you named after anyone? My middle name is a family name, so really after everyone who's had it

When was the last time you cried? A couple of weeks ago I think? I don't remember when exactly. Probably a combination of grief and how frustrating this block of classes has been :')

Do you have kids? None of my own! Though I took care of my sibling most of the time.

What sports do you play/have played? Oh boy. I played a ton of different sports growing up, I think I stuck with swimming and volleyball the longest.

Do you use sarcasm? >:3c

What's the first thing you notice about people? I notice eyes and hands first

What's your eye color? Blueish green? Kind of?

Scary movies or happy endings? I'm partial to both, but lean more into happy endings.

Any talents? I can write, and I'm pretty good at Macgyvering my way through life

Where were you born? East coast of the US (best coast)

What are your hobbies? I love hiking, just going out to be in the middle of nowhere for a bit but I am also spectacularly bad at directions. I like painting a lot too.

Do you have any pets? My family has a cat back in the US that I miss so much!

How tall are you? 5'3" gang

Favorite subject in school? I loved art and history. My favorite courses I took for uni were Greco-Roman architecture & a seminar I took on the life of Alexander the Great

Dream job? I want too many things to choose (wizard)

@ing anyone who would like to participate!

#chirps

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detective-giggles · 10 months

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Internet Oversharing

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies? Thanks to @chaotictarlos and @bonheur-cafe for the tags!

ONE. Are you named after anyone?

No. My mom just liked my name.

TWO: When was the last time you cried?

Friday... for reasons.

THREE: Do you have kids?

My fur-baby Rusty is adorable and the only kiddo I need (or want).

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Define A Lot?? Is every day a lot?

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you play?

I was a gymnast.

SIX: What's the first thing you notice about people?

A sense of humor. I like to laugh and I like when people make me laugh.

SEVEN: What's your eye colour?

Brown. Boring brown.

EIGHT: Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings.

NINE: Any special talents?

Ha. Nope.

TEN: Where were you born?

6 hours and two states away from where I currently live.

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies?

Baking, Glitter pen/jar making, writing...

TWELVE: Do you have any pets?

See #3 (he’s little and a sweet heart and a Yorkie/Maltese mix)

THIRTEEN: How tall are you?

I’m not short I’m fun-sized.

FOURTEEN: Favourite subject in school?

Of course it was english.

FIFTEEN: Dream job

“dream” sounds so weird. Okay, if you asked me in high school, I would have said collecting evidence at crime scenes! And actually, I might still get that opportunity. So.

Tagging: @thebumblecee @sanjuwrites @noxsoulmate @plaidbooks @taralaurel

#fun facts about me #okay i'm a nerd #i'll admit it

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ausetkmt · 5 months

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In the early days of the internet, a hater was the worst thing you could be. Spite and sarcasm had no place in a sea of people who watched videos of babies laughing or tended to their virtual farms. Thankfully, as time passed, we as a society have learned to stop lying to ourselves. No one is ever truly out of sight and out of mind today, which is why we shamelessly send bad posts of people we don’t like to our friends or have entire group chats dedicated to gathering receipts. Over 70,000 people have uploaded their confessions on TikTok to the tune of the catchy “Hater’s Anthem” because, as the song itself says, we love the way it feels to be a hater.

You, too, might find yourself looking at the social media feeds of people you don’t like and getting joy out of that experience. It’s a common habit, an often harmless way to let off some steam, but continually hate-stalking others’ accounts can keep us trapped in a cycle of unproductive negativity.

Since prehistoric times, humans have thrived on seeking out and obtaining information about the world around us, especially as it pertains to other people. It doesn’t matter whether we love or hate them; these emotions activate some of the same circuits in the brain and consequently release the same rush of rewarding feelings. Often, we’re drawn to dislike those who we feel violate social norms — like that annoying microinfluencer who overshares every single detail of their deep-seated trauma — because we’re intrigued by why and how they’re able to do what they do. These reasons could be even more complicated and varied if we personally know those we keep tabs on.

Of course, this kind of social media lurking is completely different from actualbehaviors of criminal stalking and acts of hate. There’s a serious distinction between quietly sending a friend someone’s weird Instagram story and actual bullying and harassment, which should never be condoned. But no matter how harmless this common version of social media stalking could seem at the onset, it can still be detrimental. When we’re feeling particularly down in the dumps, it’s hard to see that what we’re looking at is just a deluge of highly curated information that may not serve our better interests to engage with. The feeling of social comparison that follows forces us to keep up with appearances and overcompensate for what we lack.

Despite these real effects, it can be hard to admit that it’s a problem that needs to be addressed, mostly because of how easy it is to hide. “Think about other behaviors like smoking, drinking alcohol, or compulsive shopping. There are often witnesses to this or a trail of evidence, which makes us feel more accountable to other people,” explained Georgina Sturmer, an integrative counselor who has worked with women struggling with addiction. “[Hate-stalking] can be done in private, without fear of being caught or questioned, making it much easier for us to go down a rabbit hole.”

As a result, we tend to go down these spirals alone and leave social media stalking sessions feeling ashamed or embarrassed, wondering how we got so invested in others’ digital lives in the first place. It’s a complicated behavior that brings up a lot of conflicting emotions. With that in mind, the names of some of the people interviewed for this article have been changed to protect their identities.

Recognize the behavior and understand what’s driving it

Like any other addictive behavior, hate-stalking can be a habit we develop to address an unmet need. “It’s easy to go online in an attempt to tackle underlying feelings of loneliness or boredom. Once we’re there, social media contains built-in features that keep us on the hook,” Sturmer said.

When we acknowledge that our social media lurking can hinder our happiness, it’s important to get to the root of this behavior. Take Annie, who still keeps tabs on the former bullies who made her high school life a living hell. “I’ve kept up with their lives for so long to see if they’ve peaked in high school,” the 29-year-old creative told me in an interview. “Sadly, hate-stalking has only made me more self-conscious, especially when I see a former bully thriving. I tend to talk to myself from a place of shame whenever I don’t achieve something like them.”

Sometimes, there can also be an element of seeking karmic justice, of wanting to know whether someone is suffering as punishment for hurting us in the past. Take Rica’s former coworker, who Rica said was so threatened by her that she tried to derail her career. “[This person] moved to another company, and I started hate-stalking to see if she would make something of herself after leaving,” the 42-year-old salesperson shared. “I just didn’t want to believe that she could ruin my career and not face any consequences. I’d like to think that the universe is fair.”

Coming to terms with our reasons for lurking will require asking and answering some pretty uncomfortable questions. “Examples of this could include: What are you seeking in this encounter? Are you going [to this person’s account] to torture yourself? Is this a manifestation of feelings of loneliness or anger or envy? Or are we curious what other people are doing without us?” said Jaimie Krems, a social psychologist and professor at the University of California Los Angeles.

Consider, too, the role social media may have previously played in your relationship with this person: Maybe you were “liking” and commenting on their posts, or your catch-up lunches or birthday parties were featured on their feeds a lot. These interactions may have brought the distinct kind of validation that serves as online currency, which might be a reason why we keep coming back to some people’s accounts.

Limit your exposure

At the end of any relationship, we’re often told to unfollow or even block the other person on all social media platforms. But for those who find it hard to cut them off immediately and completely, detaching from a stalkee and their daily activity is nonetheless necessary.

Lily, a 22-year-old writer, admitted that checking up on her ex-boyfriend and his new partner two years after the breakup just adds salt to her emotional wounds. “Even if the intention behind it was to feel better about myself, it would always make me feel like shit because, at the end of the day, I used to be that girl beside him, making plans of growing old together,” she said. Seeing anniversary and milestone posts on her feed from her ex is particularly difficult for her: “It would remind me of how things were like when the breakup was still fresh: crying nonstop, screaming my lungs out in pain, and feeling all this anger and frustration and grief.”

It’s important to track moments when you feel the need to social stalk and assess what factors those instances may have in common. Were you in a specific place that reminded you of them, hanging out with certain people, or doing a particular activity? Maybe this could also be indicative of a larger personal issue we have, like in Annie’s case. “Now, I’m trying to see if my hate-stalking is a manifestation of my demand avoidance: if I’m doing this just to ignore what I know I should be doing to make my life better,” she said.

Put a plan in motion

If we’re not careful, social media stalking can go from a harmless little treat to a negative reflex that bleeds into our daily routines. “Acknowledging the urge as it creeps up on us and giving ourselves a few minutes to pause before acting on it could be helpful,” said Krems. Exercising this self-restraint, even in small increments, can help us think about whether it’s something we really want to do or just a habit our brains and thumbs have grown accustomed to.

Other long-term examples that could help kill this habit include losing ourselves in something else — maybe a hobby, a piece of media, or even another person. “Lately, I’ve found that crocheting and going on TikTok instead helps me,” Lily said. It can also help to open up to someone we trust so we can process what we feel rather than forcing ourselves to seek out information that confirms our destructive beliefs.

In extreme cases, like those that require a total digital detox, we could find ourselves making excuses instead of taking steps to curb our behavior. In this case, Sturmer invites us to examine why this may be the case: “Perhaps you don’t want to put boundaries in place because you say you really need social media for other purposes. Ask yourself if this is really true, and try to seek out ways to get only the information that you needelsewhere.”

Accept that it’s a normal part of life

Contrary to popular belief, keeping tabs on the social media of people you don’t like isn’t always this shameful activity that signals the beginning of a depressive episode or unhealthy obsession; when taken at face value, it’s just another means to acquire new knowledge — and if we find exactly what we’re looking for, it could significantly improve our outlook. “I found out that my former coworker didn’t get into the company she wanted and was forced into retirement,” Rica said. “It’s amusing to see her trying to convince everyone that she’s happy with how her life looks now.”

On other occasions, it can even serve as a means to strengthen or start relationships. “There’s a possibility that shared hate might actually bring us together more than shared love. If we both hate the same person, perhaps we have underlying similarities that could make us great cooperators,” said Krems. “This coalitional hate-stalking can feel good because we’re both discovering information and bonding together, which could have great payoffs for our well-being.”

While this may seem like a reach to some, let’s face it: No matter how much we claim to have moved on, the right mixture of boredom and curiosity could compel us to check up on a certain person. The schadenfreude that can come with that doesn’t mean we’re irredeemable or evil human beings. Our feelings toward the events in our lives, and the people we meet, are valid and varied. As long as our social media check-ins aren’t an obsessive and organized effort to ruin someone else’s life or to hurt ourselves, we don’t need to beat ourselves up when we go down the same ol’ spiral.

“Not liking someone and wishing them ill, should we be doing that? That’s a question that depends on our morality,” Krems said. “But does almost everyone do that? I think the answer is yes.”

#Why do we keep tabs on people we can’t stand?#emotions #hate #pain #validation

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hopeintheashes · 10 months

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Oversharing on the Internet

Tagged By: @mellaithwen! <3

ONE: Are you named after anyone?

Nope! My parents just liked the name. I was almost named after my dad's grandmother, though. (For clarity, my actual name isn't Hope, that's just for internet anonymity purposes. :-))

TWO: When was the last time you cried?

I just watched a sad documentary, so in that sense, less than an hour ago. Over something in my own life? My last therapy session. (Most therapy sessions. In a useful/productive way.)

THREE: Do you have kids?

Not yet! That's the plan, though.

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot?

An average amount, I think?

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you play?

I danced all the way through school (lyrical/tap/ballet/etc.). I did one season each of soccer when I was 8 and basketball when I was in 7th grade. Really wasn't my thing. Now, I do non-competitive things like hiking and kayaking.

SIX: What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their expression/attitude - it's always a quick calculation of, Is this an interaction where I'm going to be safe? Comfortable and relaxed? On the defense? In work mode? Things like that.

SEVEN: What's your eye color?

Brown. (Which apparently is a rare combo with red hair! Yay.)

EIGHT: Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings all the way.

NINE: Any special talents?

Sight-reading piano music. This talent was honed via many years of not practicing and just showing up to lessons/to play for church and sight-reading the music on the spot, lol. It's a useful skill!

TEN: Where were you born?

About an hour from where I grew up. (I was adopted, for context.)

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies?

Music, reading (hey, I love it even if I don't do it as often as I used to!), writing (fanfic, of course), doing Vermonty outdoorsy things at a casual level, crochet/knitting/embroidery...

TWELVE: Do you have any pets?

No, not since I had fish as a kid. I'm not opposed to having pets in the future, but probably it will take a) a partner who really wants a pet and/or b) having kids, so that my life is already tied-down and complicated, haha.

THIRTEEN: How tall are you?

5'6"

FOURTEEN: Favorite subject in school?

Anything music-related, for sure, followed by anything that felt like I got to unlock a puzzle/discover something new - so really any class (English, science, math, social studies) that was taught in an interesting way. Or occasionally where we taught ourselves, in the semesters where we had teachers who didn't actually know the subject matter. Yes, this happened on a semi-routine basis. Our (rural, moderately-resourced) school was... okay. Adequate. It had some bright spots! We'll go with that.

FIFTEEN: Dream job

The one I have now! (The profession/career, I mean, although my first year at my current job has been a positive experience as well.)

I'm still in semi-hermit mode so I'm not going to tag anyone, but this is me waving at the world: Hi! I still exist! Okay, I'm disappearing again. :-)

#tag game

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