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#obviously I also recommend Cabin Pressure but more people know about that one already
archerdork · 10 months
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if any of my fellow good omens peeps are like me and need some comfort content right now, I can wholeheartedly recommend the audio duologue comedy Double Acts, which coincidentally is written by John Finnemore who co-wrote Good Omens 2.
especially series 2 episode 5, Penguin Diplomacy. it has unlikely friendships, funny banter, convoluted bureaucracy and gay penguins. it’s also very easy to put on and view it through shipping glasses, if one is so inclined
i love it with my whole heart and it heals my soul
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Okay, take two for trying out different podcasts! I had four where I was going to try a bit of each before, but then I put that on pause to listen to all of one of them. And now I have another group of four to try a bit of again. Which are the three from before plus I’ve added one the replace Do the Right Thing, as I finished that:
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The new one is Three Bean Salad, because I’ve had it recommended to me so hard and so many times by a couple of different people. I almost put it on the list initially, but it didn’t quite make the cut because – okay, can I be honest? All the other podcasts got on the list because they had at least one person I already know about and really like and want to hear more from, and/or a rotating crew of guests that involve a substantial number of people whom I already know about and like and want to hear more from. And obviously that’s not the ideal way to get into comedy, it’s a bad thing when people only put out there things with people we already know, it’s good to expand your horizons and discover all the funny people you’re not already into. But I pretty much based my initial list on what people I already really like.
Obviously, I do already know one of the three people from Three Bean Salad. And I like him, I really do! I think Taskmaster is the only thing where I’ve seen Mike Wozniak play himself, though I’ve also seen/heard him as an actor in a few other things (Man Down, Josh, Cabin Pressure, I’m almost sure other stuff but I can’t think of it right now). But my main idea of what Mike Wozniak is like comes from Taskmaster, where I quite liked him! I really did like him. I’m not saying I didn’t like him.
Maybe it’s because… okay, during Taskmaster season 11, I was a bit busy backing Lee Mack really hard like he was my favourite sports team, getting deeply competitive about wanting him to come out on top in his rivalry with Jamali Maddix, being extremely impressed with every single thing about Sarah Kendall, and falling in love with Charlotte Ritchie. There was so much else going on in Taskmaster season 11, I just didn’t have the spare mental energy to also get as attached to Mike Wozniak as everyone else on the internet did. I liked him. I still like him. I just… didn’t think he was the best thing in the entire world, and I didn’t understand the hype from all the other people who did think that. Which makes me think I’m probably slightly out of step with all those other people when it comes to this, which is why Three Bean Salad didn’t get onto my list despite strong recommendations. I figured everyone else loves it because they see something in Mike Wozniak that I don't.
…Actually, as I was reading this, I just remembered that I have heard one of his stand-up shows and thought that was great. So Taskmaster isn’t my only experience with Mike Wozniak as himself. I should give him more credit. I’ll probably really like him.
The other two guys from that podcast I barely know at all. I know Henry Paker illustrates things sometimes. I heard Benjamin Partridge be very funny as a guest on one episode of Do the Right Thing, so that’s a good sign. And that’s pretty much all I know.
Okay, I'm going to give this another try. Four new podcasts, where this time I'll stick to the idea of trying a couple of episodes of each one. Really. We'll see how it goes.
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exn0bisstudios · 3 years
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As a preface: no need to answer if you don’t feel comfortable with it,I know people sometimes don’t like these questions so no pressure if you’re one of them! Who likes kids, who would like to be a parent (if their partner also wanted that of course!), and who is good with kids? Thank you!
Well, firstly, thank you for your concern! I'm okay with these topics so long as it's not about me personally, so don't worry! That said, though, I'll put this under a cut since the topic might be uncomfortable for some people.
CW for: talk involving conception, infertility, pregnancy, miscarriage
Edited 5/16 - Changes to include more inclusive language. My apologies! 
Since we're talking about the ROs and kids, let us talk about MC too for a sec.
It should be noted that it is typically challenging for a Seer to bear children/impregnate someone. The corruption that comes with their Void powers usually renders them infertile, or at least close to. However, it's not unheard of for a Seer to have children. Still, it usually results in a difficult pregnancy and can be dangerous to both the carrier and the child. Additionally, any child born from a Seer (either parent) would be Dream-touched.
That said, as we know, MC is a very special Seer. Canonically, their powers have not rendered them infertile, though their kid would still end up Dream-touched. However, I will be leaving it up to players to decide if their MC can or can't have biological kids for other reasons. And, obviously, adoption is also very much an option!
Now on to the ROs!
Mira
Mira likes kids well enough, and they're usually very good with them. They struggle a bit with dealing with noble children. Still, Mira's kind and empathetic nature tend to have children warming up to them regardless. They used to help take care of the young recruits back at the Order, both daily routine stuff and some training.
They would absolutely love to have a family one day, but it's something they kinda push to the back of their mind and try not to think about. Their lifestyle doesn't lend itself to the stability and safety necessary for raising children, considering they could be killed in action any day. They think it would be grossly irresponsible to have a family, then end up dead somewhere and leave them hanging. Mira was an orphan themself, and they know firsthand how hard life is for kids on their own. They have no desire to contribute to that lifestyle or put their own potential child through that.
If there ever came a time where they could lay down their weapons for good, though, then yes. They'd want to start a family in whatever way they could. Though not opposed to having biological children, both masc & fem Mira would prefer to adopt. Again, being an orphan themself, they would choose to take in a child. Mira would ideally like 2-3 kids so they can have a big family to grow old with, and they'd be a very supportive and doting parent. They'd probably struggle with discipline.
Nova
Children confuse the absolute shit out of Nova, and the way mortals procreate admittedly terrifies them. Nightmares are not born in the same sense that mortals are; they just kinda pop into existence fully formed. When Nova first learned about mortal procreation, they had a minor mental breakdown. The idea of another, smaller living thing growing inside someone strikes them as distinctly horrific. They've done their best to accept the idea at this point in their life, but mainly they cope with it by ignoring its existence. They see a pregnant person and basically go, 'suddenly I have no eyes.' Babies and children continue to confuse them despite their best efforts, and they have no idea how to interact with them. You put a child around Nova, and you're liable to hear them genuinely asking the kid why they are so small and dumb.
Nova's mortal body is also infertile by design. They chose this shortly after they realized they actually enjoyed sex and would do it again. They don't know if it would be possible for them to become pregnant/impregnate someone, considering they're not actually mortal. Still, they didn't want to risk it.
The only time Nova would consider starting a family is if it was something their partner(s) really, really wanted. They'd sit down and have an honest talk about how it's something that they know nothing about, that the process scares them, and that they are absolutely going to need help learning how to handle it all. But, if their partner is willing to accept all that, Nova would be willing to try. Though again, they don't know if they can procreate with a mortal, so they'd probably recommend going for a surrogate or adoption. Eventually, Nova'd grow into a good parent, very supportive, and surprisingly level-headed.
Stella
They don't have too much of an opinion on children, which shows in how they don't really know how to interact with them. Stella feels super awkward around kids, and they're more likely to tell them to shoo. Their own childhood has tainted their views, and being around children brings up things they'd rather not think about. Honestly, the fastest way to make Stella disappear is to put a child nearby.
Deep down, though, they like the idea of starting a family. It would take a lot of encouragement to get them to admit that. It'd take even more to help them process long-ignored family-related trauma and unlearn a whole lot of unhealthy habits. With the proper support from their partner(s), though, they'd really like to give things a try. Fem Stella wouldn't mind carrying a child. Still, both fem & masc Stella generally don't care if their kid is biological or adopted.
Stella would make for a very nervous parent, and they'd be absolutely terrible at discipline. They'd probably helicopter and be overprotective and would have to be reminded by their partner(s) that things will be okay.
Désiré
So a bit of history: Dez is one of the only two ROs who already has child-rearing experience. His best friend and second-in-command, Alix, was born and raised in the brothel with him. While he grew up to be an errand boy and bodyguard, she became one of the courtesans. He took up smuggling and worked his ass off to get them out of there, but unfortunately, Alix became pregnant before they could escape. Alix's son, Dimitri, was born in the cabin of the first ship Dez ever owned.
Alix eventually married Catarina, the crew's healer, who has acted as Dimitri's other mother. Thus, while Dez is 'officially' Dimitri's uncle, he has always been his only father-figure. Dimitri is 14 by the time of the game and is still a very active part of Désiré's life. You'll actually get a chance to meet him in-game since he's got a place on Dez's crew (he's the cabin boy)!
Now that history is managed, it's safe to say that Désiré would love to start a family one day. It doesn't matter to him how, though going the biological route, let it be known he's excellent at tending to pregnancy needs. He's a wonderful parent, generally gentle while supportive and encouraging, and is comfortable being stern when it's called for.
Vittore Simone
Sadly I can't get into the specifics of Vittore Simone's thoughts on kids and family without it becoming a spoiler. However, I can say that he vowed when he was young that he'd never have kids and has never thought of it since. Going forward, it would never be something that crossed his mind unless brought up by his partner and would be something he'd defensively refuse at first. Later, he'd come back with apologies and to have a more open conversation on the matter to express his reservations and fears.
Suffice to say that the idea of being a father absolutely terrifies him, and he has always taken great pains to avoid it ever happening. Even just the thought is enough to send him into panic attacks. His partner will need to be patient with him and accept that this is something he may genuinely never be able to do for the sake of his own health and any future child's. It would take a lot of time, reassurance, work, healing, support, and understanding before Vittore Simone ever agreed to give parenthood a shot. It will not be an easy road for him or his partner. It would likely be a road that never truly ends, and he'd need to be sure that they can both accept that without damaging their own relationship. He would try, though. He would do his damnedest. And, thankfully, there will never be any doubt that he genuinely does love his kid.
As a father, initially, he would constantly be terrified he was hurting his kid somehow. He would struggle with being overly permissive & overprotective at the same time. He's liable to have a panic attack any time the kid cries for the first several years. His partner will have to help him get through 'I'm a terrible father, this was a mistake' breakdowns periodically. Slowly, though, he'll build some confidence and be more comfortable interacting and expressing himself with his kid. He'll always be supportive, and he'll work his hardest to be sure his family knows he loves them unconditionally. His partner will have to accept the role of disciplinarian, though. That's never going to be something he'll be able to do on his own (but of course, he'll be there to support them in those conversations. He doesn't want to make them the 'bad guy' by any means).
Andrai
The other RO with child-rearing experience! Andrai has 15 younger siblings (yes, you heard me correctly) and absolutely adores them all. They're all grown now, but he loved taking care of them when they were little, and he still dotes on them whenever he can, in his own way. In general, he loves kids. He just thinks they're adorable. And, despite appearances, he's excellent with them. Kids love this man, they flock to him, and he has no problem with that. It confuses most onlookers.
The idea of starting his own family turns him to absolute mush. And, he'd love to, so so much. Adoption, biological, and surrogacy are okay with him. It would be up to his partner to limit exactly how many kids they have since Andrai would just say he wants them all. He makes an excellent dad, albeit quiet, and is unwaveringly supportive. He's comfortable with discipline and is the type to encourage self-assessing behavior. He's excellent at giving advice and genuinely just likes spending time with his kids and being involved in their lives.
He's probably not the one you would peg as the 'domestic bliss' type, but he absolutely is.
Vzridmi
She's very comfortable with kids since communal rearing is very common in ork communities, and she'd love to have a family one day. Some kids unused to orks might find her a bit intimidating just because of her size, but in general, children think she's fun to be around. She doesn't necessarily think about it too much, though, at this point in her life. It's not something she sees as being on the table for quite some time - she has research and exploration to be doing, after all.
Whenever she was ready to settle down for a family, she'd be comfortable with carrying a child herself, surrogacy, or adopting. She would really like to have at least one biological child if possible, though. She would make for an entertaining mother, excited about her child's life and ever-supportive of their interests and pursuits. She's comfortable with all the aspects of child-rearing. Still, She would definitely need her partner's advice if they ever discovered their kid was dealing with bullying. She'd need to be reminded by her partner not to be overprotective - she's not above threatening others with her war-hammer if they upset her baby.
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practicingmedicine · 3 years
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Practicing Medicine: Chapter 5
(+)5 COPYRIGHT 2075 ROBCO(R)
LOADER V1. 1
EXEC VERSION 41.10
32K RAM SYSTEM
15452 BYTES FREE
HOLLOWTAPE LOADED: “THE-NEW-KID”
INITIALISING….
SUCCESS!
> STATUS
Battery Level: 100%
Wireless Signal: (?)
Operating Temperature: 87F
> HEALTH
BP: 120/90
SPO2: 100%
Temp: 98.5F
RR: 17
HR: 70
> TIME
Day: 24 SEP. 2176
Time: 06:12
> CLIMATE
Current Temperature: 80F
Atmospheric Pressure: 753 mm
Background Radiation: 0.431 RAD
---
I woke up to the pleasant smell of fresh-cooked bacon mingling with the less pleasant smell of rotting wood. I rubbed my eyes- had I really fallen asleep in the damn cabin? My back hurt, my joints ached, and, according to the pip-boy, it was 6:12 AM, almost two hours before my normal wake-up time. Though my back screamed at me to lay back down, I forced myself to stand, audibly popping at least a few joints in the process. I muttered some bad words under my breath and tried to stabilize myself against one of the shelves. Soon as I pushed on it, I could feel the wood yield, splitting and snapping off in one violent motion. I tumbled to the ground along with it and a heap of medical supplies. “Goddammit,” I groaned. I started trying to scoop up the fallen supplies. None of them seemed damaged, but so much had fallen- Bottles of pills, bags of rad-away, surgical implements from the bottom of the bag…
Suddenly, the wooden door creaked open. I made a noise like a caveman who’d just been spotted screwing his buddy’s wife, and turned around to face the intruder.
“Isaac- Oh my gosh, did you actually fall asleep in there?” I couldn’t tell if that was worry that I heard in her voice, or mocking. I looked away from her.
“Yeah. I was just cleaning up in here,” I said, scooping up a few more items and putting them back into my bag. I could feel Cook’s eyes on me as I struggled to reach for a couple of items that were on top of one of the intact shelves.
“Well, you can finish packing later. I made some home-style bacon, which as I’m sure you know has a pretty short tastiness half-life before it gets all weird and chewy.” I nodded.
“Um- yeah, you’re right. Is it that weird NCR ration stuff?” I asked, following her outside the shack.
“Technically, but I think you’ll like it. I can turn a pack of instant noodles into Taglioni ai enokitake-mutante! ” She wore a proud grin when she said that, and I gave her a weak little smile back.
“Mm.”
The rising sun felt painfully bright as I scanned the horizon, noting that we had passed the big radio-tower that loomed in the mountains beside Primm. Of course, we really hadn’t traveled far yet- I could still see Primm, with its neon signs and its indefinitely under-construction roller coaster standing out against the hilly background. The coaster had been the previous Casino-owner’s idea, but Mom had decided to see it to completion. She let me ride one of the parts that worked once; I quickly decided to never ride a roller coaster again.
Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be at home with mom- not the sick mom, but the strong, gambling, slightly-tipsy mom that I had spent my boyhood with! I blinked back tears as I stared at the home I was leaving behind, then quickly turned around.
“Goddamn sun is getting in my eyes,” I muttered, and kept limping towards the scent of Bacon.
Cook and I walked around the side of the shack, and over a little hill. Once we reached the crest, I could see the campsite below, just off the highway, behind a massive boulder. The wagon and its two brahmin sat off to one side, a few yards away from a shoddily constructed fire pit, where I could see Gram sitting in a folding lawn chair. Cook led me down the steep hillside, silently indicating for me to follow behind her. It took me a second, but I got the message after slipping on the third loose rock. Standing atop the boulder, I could see the unmistakable outline of Tandi, who I think was waving.
“Took you long enough!” she shouted, her voice amplified by her helmet. Cook gave her a defiant middle finger.
“I’ll spit in your dinner!” she shouted back, cupping her free-hand over her mouth. I assumed a look of quiet horror.
“Cook! That’s a textbook BSI violation!”
Tandi hopped down from the rock, executing a perfect tumble just as I remembered that she had a horribly injured leg. I almost shouted in protest, then realized that she was already standing again. She dusted herself off.
“‘Morning, fellas,” said Gram, tipping his hat at us from his rusty folding chair. I gave him a quick salute.
“‘Morning, sir! Sorry I took so long to get up.” Gram gave me a dismissive wave.
"You’re the one missing out on a hot breakfast. Check the fire, I’ll bet there’s some left.”
I don’t much like fire, but I also didn’t like how hungry I was feeling. So despite my fears about the safety of the fire pit, I walked up and knelt beside it. It wasn’t a big fire- it had been made from a couple of planks of plywood and a chunk of tire, though I was also pretty sure I saw something metal in there somewhere. It had been built inside a hand-dug pit, with the shovel still lying off to the side, which worried me a little bit. What if I fell in? Would I fall into my own fiery grave of burning embers?
Stupid. I was being stupid. The fire was burning low now, and there were two pans of delicious Brahmin bacon cooking over the stove. That was the important thing here.
“How do you recommend taking these out?” I asked, staring at the delicious bacon which awaited me in the pan below. It was tempting to just try to grab it, but… fire, you know?
Cook motioned for me to move out of the way. She was holding a machete covered in dried blood- Animal blood, I hoped, while I moseyed right-on out of the way. Cook stepped up where I had been standing, and nimbly scooped up four strips of bacon with the machete. She wheeled around on one heel to face me, and I froze, trying not to be worried about the blade that was now just inches away from my chest. Cook smiled.
“How many do you want?” She asked. I looked down at my poor, empty stomach, then back up at her.
“...Can I just have all four? I don’t think I ate breakfast, lunch or dinner yesterday.” Food had been the last thing on my mind.
“A man after my own tastes, I see! Stress-eating is the noblest kind of eating,” she replied. She tilted her machete downwards a bit, and I quickly cupped my hands to catch the sliding strips of meaty goodness. I juggled them around in my hands as the worst of the heat dissipated.
“You don’t know the half of it. Got any plates?” Cook shook her head.
“Nope. We have a couple of bowls for soup, but I just cleaned those. Find a rock or something.” She looked at me for a moment, and screwed up her face a little. “Why are you here anyways? No offense- I like Doctors, and you seem cool! But you don’t seem like someone who’s traveled before, and New Vegas is far away. What brought this on?”
I thought for a second. I had deliberately withheld that information from Gram because I wasn’t sure how he’d react, but I wasn’t really worried about Cook. Would she tell Gram? Would he be annoyed that I’d been withholding information?
Was I maybe overthinking this a little?
“My mom’s sick. I need to see the Followers to get her help, and they’re stationed in New Vegas now.”
There. Noncommittal- I didn’t say she was dying, just that she needed help. I didn’t let on too much about the circumstances, either. I just told the truth. And I always say, reluctant honesty is the best policy, on account of It fostering character growth or something.
Come to think of it, I was starting to see why characters in the books that father always read me didn’t just dump their deepest, darkest problems on each other as soon as they met. I’d always been of the mind that most of their problems would be cleared up if they were just honest with each other- that was my thinking behind the examination. But now, I was seeing firsthand the dangers of sharing information with new people. If I told Gram or Tandi the wrong thing, or presented it the wrong way, I could see myself winding up abandoned.
Cook seemed safe, though. Where Gram seemed to care only as it related to running an effective team, and Tandi didn’t seem to care at all, Cook seemed endlessly fascinated by most things. In the examination room, she had been interested by my hand, by her own strange biology, and seemingly just by me.
Based off of that, I was pretty sure she wasn’t testing me or looking for a reaction when she asked that question. She just really wanted to know.
“Oh. I’m gonna guess that what she has is terminal?” ventured Cook, trying to make scary eye contact for some reason. I sighed.
“...Yeah. My mom has cancer. Nothing I can do about it, but I know some doctors who I’m hoping to convince to come back and help. My Aunt Julie is kind of a big deal there, and I’ll bet I could guilt trip her.”
“Oh.” We both sat in silence.
Well, there went keeping that part a secret . Still, it didn’t really matter- if I was desperate enough to mosey on up from Primm to New Vegas and beg for help, anyone with an ounce of brainpower could guess that the situation was pretty serious.
I started munching on my strips of bacon, which admittedly brightened my mood a little. I think I was on about the third piece of bacon when Cook finally decided to try to restart the conversation.
“I’m really sorry- not about your mom- well, obviously about your mom, but also about…
"Bringing it up like that,” I said, finishing her thought for her. She tugged at the hem of her dress.
“Yeah. I don’t always think before I talk.”
Well, I could understand that, at least. Not that I didn’t think before I spoke, but that I didn’t think about the right things before I spoke. I’ve always tried my best to be kind to everyone, but my idea of kindness is a lot different than most people’s. For example, most people will tell you that they’d like for you to tell the truth, which is good- I like telling the truth, makes me feel better- but when you tell them the truth, they get all upset and tell you that you shouldn’t be so mean. It’s infuriating- if they want me to lie, why don’t they fuckin tell me so?
Well, actually, maybe that’s a bit too much to expect, but it would be nice if they didn’t preface it with, “ Be honest ,” seeing as how they expect the opposite. But I digress.
“It’s okay- I have a similar problem,” I replied. Then I thought back a little, and decided to be proactive. “Actually, can I ask you a quick question?”
Cook nodded. “Ask away!”
“When you say, “be honest,” do you mean it? Like, I’ve noticed that a lot of people tell me that, and then when I tell them the truth they get all freaked out. You ain’t going to do that, right?” I asked. She grinned.
“Oh, thank gosh- I thought you were about to start asking me about my past or something. Um, no, I definitely won’t freak out if you’re honest with me. Actually, I kind of hate it when people mince words to make things sound better,” she replied, scooping up another few strips of bacon with her machete. She offered me one.
“No, but thank you!” I instinctively backed up a few inches as the blade came within chopping-distance of my nose. She smirked.
“More for me, I guess.” I watched with confusion and fascination as Cook flicked her machete, tossing all three strips of bacon into the air, and then subsequently caught them with her mouth. I couldn’t pretend that that wasn’t kind of impressive, but I honestly wasn’t sure how to show my appreciation for a stunt like that.
“That was kinda nasty,” I offered. Cook scoffed at me through the bacon.
“Oh, come on, you’re a doctor! Isn’t your bar for what’s, “nasty” a little higher than that?” I shrugged.
“I never said that stuff wasn’t nasty. But, I poke around people’s guts all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever watched someone do that before,” I replied. That was a little bit of a fib- I actually didn’t root around inside people’s internals very often. In fact, yesterday was the first time that I’d done anything that involved so much blood. But, I’d seen father do the same thing a thousand times, and I’d practiced on corpses and looked at diagrams, gotten a sense for what it was like. Even by that time in my life, the smell of blood on skin was one I wasn’t ever gonna forget.
“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment- I made a doctor sick to his stomach,” she said, finishing off the last of the bacon and wiping her mouth. I shook my head.
“No, see, I didn’t say you made me sick, I said it was “ kinda nasty- ” there’s a big difference!”
“You two, shut up and pack your shit! We’re leaving!”
We both turned around to face Tandi, who had been stalking up behind us, helmet underneath her arm. She looked a lot better in the morning sunlight than she did in the sickly glow of the flash-lit shed. Her hair flowed behind her as the wind blew, and she was able to stand at her full, impressive height, which was at least a foot taller than me. Cook and I were both completely dwarfed by that woman.
“I’m already packed--Isaac isn’t, but that’s my fault. I fetched him for breakfast before he could finish,” said Cook, and I silently appreciated her jumping to my defense like that. Tandi rolled her eyes at us with her entire upper body, and pointed in the direction of the shed.
“Well get to it then! I’m gonna scout ahead, check the usual places. Don’t do nothing stupid,” she suggested, slipping her helmet back on. Before I could think of a clever retort, Tandi was already out of earshot. She gave Gram a lazy salute as she strolled past him, and he tossed her something- a rifle, I think. She caught it with practiced ease. Then she strode behind the boulder, and out of sight.
“She’s real scary,” I decided. Cook shrugged.
“I like her. I mean, she’s not usually this mean- She’s just not a morning person. Give her some time, eh? She’ll warm up.” I gave her a look that suggested the opposite.
“Really? What could she possibly like about me? I’m a small-town doctor, she wouldn’t let someone like me tie her boot-laces!” Cook looked annoyed now. Were they actually friends or something?
“Yeah, and I’m a cook, if you couldn’t tell! She doesn’t care what you do, she cares what kind of person you are. As long as you aren’t a complete coward or one of Caesar’s  cronies, she’ll be fine with you.”
I sighed. “Okay, maybe. I’m still just gonna stay out of her way unless I’ve got to.” Cook didn’t argue with that. I looked up at the hillside that the shed lay behind. “Do you want to help me pack up?”
She shrugged. “I guess. I’ve really got nothing better to do.
That was fine by me.
-Break-
“How’s that yellow brick road song go? We should be hummin’ that right now,” suggested Tandi, strolling beside me and Gram. Cook was sitting on the top of the wagon, enjoying a midmorning snack of NCR rationed trail-mix.
“You mean the Elton John one? It’s like, “ When are you gonna come down, When are you going to Land -“ started Gram, getting into the rhythm of the song with his gravelly voice. Tandi shook her head.
“Nah, not that hippy shit! I’m talkin’ about the one that the little brat in the wizard movie sings!” I perked up at that.
“You’re talking about the Wizard of Oz!” I replied. That movie was like, one of three that I had ever seen! Tandi nodded.
"Yeah, that one! How’s the song go?”
“Well, it’s like, “ Follow the Yellow Brick Road, Follow the Yellow Brick Road, Follow the Yellow Brick road !” and then there’s a trumpet thing and then they start singing that they’re, ‘ off to see the Wonderful Wizard of Oz ,” I explained, doing a happy little jig as I sang each musical number. I couldn’t see Tandi’s expression, but I don’t think she was very impressed.
“That’s the gayest thing I’ve ever seen,” she said. After a brief pause, she began to hum the song. I hummed along, and eventually, Cook caught on and started humming too. Gram just looked annoyed.
"We’re off to see the wizard ...” Gram rolled his eyes at me. “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz! Come on, sing with me!”
“Yeah! I’ve heard you sing before, you’ve got a great voice!” said Cook. Tandi just kept humming along, walking forwards just a little faster than the rest of us as she hummed. The humming was surprisingly recognizable, given that it was being so grossly distorted.
“The Wizard of Oz is one becozzzzz…” I started, grinning evilly at Gram. He lit a cigar.
“I consider this your fault.”
Tandi began to hum louder, and Cook took that as a cue to join back in. I just grinned and kept humming along, happy to lighten the mood for the other two. It was getting really hot, after all, and we had already walked a couple of miles this morning.
Still humming, I checked the route guidance on my pip-boy. We were currently bound for Sloan, a little NCR mining town to our West, which was still many miles away. Thankfully, the highway was flat--slightly downhill actually, so the journey wasn’t even hard on my legs. Mom and I would go hiking up to the old cell tower back in the day, and I’d been keeping in decent shape by running the neighborhood almost every morning since then.
The others weren’t tiring either, which was refreshing. Tandi was so well exercised (and determined) that she could probably walk up a 90 degree slope, and Gram just seemed to be perpetually strolling through some sort of imaginary park. It wasn’t so much that he was fit, but that he saved his energy so well that it was almost supernatural.
Cook, on the other hand, was not big on hiking. I didn’t get the impression that she did any sort of dedicated exercises, and she was a lot heavier than any of the rest of us. So, she usually just sat on the top of the wagon, occasionally getting down and walking with us for a while. It was kind of fun to wave to her and shout back and forth from the ground to the top of the caravan though, so I didn’t judge.
Despite my ability to keep up, I still got the sense I was doing something wrong. The sun seemed to be getting to me a lot more than the others, which was strange considering how much time I spent outside. I was fanning myself off, taking little breaks behind the occasional shade-granting boulder, and even staying hydrated (despite our best attempts to run out our water reserves before we reached Sloan.)
So, I gave myself a mission: as we walked, I tried to look out for things that the others might be doing differently. At first, my search was fruitless--I didn’t notice anything different. We were all wearing long sleeves, (Except Cook, who was still wearing a sundress, and also keeping her back to the sun which I think meant she was taking my advice.) we were all walking at a comfortable pace, and we were all taking steps to stay hydrated. Then, as I was doing a quick scan, I noticed something-
H A T S
They all had hats!
Gram wore a bowler hat, Cook wore a baseball cap with a maple leaf on it (or sometimes a floppy hat,) and Tandi was rocking her ranger helmet. Did it really make that big of a difference? There was only one way to find out.
“Hey, Gram! Do you maybe have like, a hat I could use?”
Without even turning around, Gram chuckled at me- had he been expecting this? Did this happen to every new recruit or something? I felt a little bit like I’d failed another test.
“I was waiting for you to ask. Yeah, I got a few choices. You wouldn’t believe the difference they make!”
So he had been expecting this! I tried not to look forlorn as Gram stopped the Brahmin, opened up the back of the wagon, and ushered me inside.
I hadn’t ever seen the inside of the thing. The frame of the wagon was made of wood, I noted, and it had open sides, but Gram had covered it in brown-colored blankets, except for the place where a spigot for getting water stuck out the side of the wagon. The doors in the back weren’t locked in any sort of way, although there was a bar that Gram had to slide so that they could open up, probably so that it wouldn’t come open by accident.
Inside, there was a big black box- in fact, the frame of the wagon had been slightly modified to hold the thing, it was so big. The box was clearly locked, and it took up almost all the space inside the wagon. In the space that the box didn’t take up, there was a machine gun, a laser rifle, cooking supplies, some sort of emergency-medical-supplies box that I was pretty sure was made to hold stimpacks, a bunch of tangled up electronics that I wouldn’t even try to identify, and a few hooks with spare clothes hanging on them. At the tip of each hook was a hat or helmet, bobbing pleasantly as the wagon came to a complete stop.
“Well, Isaac, take your pick- if you can’t reach it, we can get Tandi,” said Gram, indicating the helmets in the very back of the wagon, a space that was hard to reach on account of the massive black box. I gave it a kick.
“What’s in here?” I asked. Gram shrugged.
“The NCR wouldn’t tell me- they just said that it was important, and sent me on my way.” He leaned over like he was getting ready to spill me a secret. I gave him my ear. “They promised me a hundred-thousand caps for this. None of those NCR dollars- good, solid caps. And a hunded thousand, do you know what that could buy? That’s enough to disrupt this economy in a big way. That’s more than I’ve made on every other shipment combined.”
Normally, I didn’t think much about money, but I had to admit that the number floored me. The things that a man could do with a hundred-thousand caps…
Of course, it was the NCR offering the money, so I was pretty sure Gram was going to get fleeced somehow. They would impose some ridiculous tax on his payment, or just plain sweep him under the rug, since the whole deal had presumably been made in secret. That was how the NCR operated- it was part of why the Followers had been so reluctant to work with them, and why father had hated them so much. And to be honest with you, I couldn’t disagree with him. The NCR wanted a police state, and freedom wasn’t something I took lightly. I figured that people don’t need a bunch of jackbooted thugs with barking-irons telling them how to live their lives, when they had been perfectly content before. Raiders were a problem, sure, but the NCR had really only made the problem worse by acknowledging the issue and then failing to do anything about it.
Of course, the NCR was also the only thing keeping the legion from coming in and killing us all, so I tolerated them for that. No matter how much the NCR might’ve sucked, they were better than Caesar’s Legion. At least some of them thought they were doing the right thing, even if most of them were hopelessly corrupt…
“Isaac? You gonna choose a hat?” Asked Gram. He only seemed a little bit bothered.
“Yeah, of course. Sorry,” I murmured, and started scanning the hats on display. There was a floppy hat, a tan ballistic helmet, an old firefighter-helmet, a police cap, another floppy hat...
“I’ll take the fire helmet,” I said, and pointed at the scratched grey helmet that shared a hook with a bomber jacket and a couple of sundresses. It didn’t have quite the same sun-blocking properties as a floppy hat, or the safety features of a ballistic helmet, but I’d worn a fire helmet before and it seemed like it would perform both roles fairly well.
“Alright. Can you reach it?” I nodded.
“Hell yeah I can reach it!” Though it was on one of the farther hooks, I compensated by pushing myself up to the top of the black box with one hand, and reaching for the helmet with my weird hand. I wasn’t tall enough to pull it off the hook, so instead I knocked it off from the bottom and grabbed it from on top of the black box. Once I had secured it, I let myself slide down.
“Got it,” I muttered, and slipped the helmet on. Because of some convenient rigging inside the helmet, it was surprisingly snug on my head, though I could feel it bob a little when I moved.
“Well, it’s loose for sure, but it’ll give you some good shade. Has your decision got anything to do with the thing on the front?” he asked, poking me in the center of my helmet with his finger, right where the emblem sat. I nodded sheepishly. Part of the reason I had picked it was, indeed, on account of the cool blue star of life on the front. I knew I wasn’t anything like the paramedics of the past, but I had considered them to be a sort of ideal when I was younger. Since then, I’d never quite shaken the idea of being like a pre-war medic.
“Well, come on, let’s not lose any more time. We’re closer than you might think,” he said, leading me out of the wagon. He shut the doors, and looked over the caravan with a big grin.
"In fact, riiiiggght around this bend, we’ll be able to see Sloan. We’re booming along today, just absolutely killing it! Who knows- maybe we can even get back on the road after we stop,” he continued, clearly trying to get a rise out of us. On cue, Cook groaned obnoxiously, and Tandi mumbled something about armor plates and sweat. I groaned too, but my heart wasn’t in it- I was on this journey to save mom, and the quicker it went, and the fewer hitches we ran into, the more successful I was likely to be.
“Sloan-Ho!” shouted Cook as the cart rounded the bend in the highway that had been necessitated by two giant, rocky hills. Tandi snorted at that, and I gotta admit that I smiled a little too. The town of Sloan, though still far away, was now straight ahead.
New Vegas was a long ways away from here, but I was glad that we were already making so much progress. Considering how well things had been going, it was all too easy to forget that I was on a tight, invisible timer, slowly counting down to, “too late.”
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Q and A. . . Finally!!!
@druggeddraccus said: Favorite kkc character?  Favorite kkc storyline?  Favorite book/series that isn't kkc?  What made you all decide to do this blog?  
@halfthealphabet speaking!
Favorite character: Toss up between Denna and Auri. I will protect them at all cost.
Favorite kkc story line: I have a soft spot for the plum bob storyline.
Other favorite book/series: My list of favorite books is here. Happy reading!!
So I started this blog at like one in the morning because I kept comparing Hamilton to Kvothe and created a list of lines in Hamilton that are applicable to KKC. And then I thought, maybe I should make an incorrect quotes blog. Checked to make sure there wasn’t one, threw together a quick format, and posted the quote. I woke up with followers and notes and that’s the beginning!!
@frei-rancken:  well she ^^^ just invited me and i jumped in cause it’s fun. tho i’m rarely active as a mod on this blog which is shitty of me.
@logarithmicpanda: Elodin is my fave, followed closely by Auri (I was delighted when the slow regard of silent things was announced) 
In terms of storyline, I love when Kvothe gets back to the university, after adem. But also the begining of the university arc :D and so many other parts lol. 
I definitely recommend Uprooted by Naomi Novik and The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, there are probably the best books I’ve read this year.
@halfthealphabet asked if I wanted to do it and I said hell yes. Then I proceeded not to be very active at all as a mod which makes me really sorry.
@kote-the-inn-keeper : My fav is probably... Kote or Devi. Yeah sounds about right! Um, as for joining I was just asked one day, and said sure! While I don’t post too much, I’m glad I was considered and asked <3
Story line wise, I really enjoyed too many of the arcs. Oh man one after another; all of them just so captivating and wonderful! But, I will admit, some were better than others. I really did enjoy Kvothe’s time with the Adem, and the arc where he screwed over Ambrose!
@kvothe-kingkiller : My favorite is Elodin. I love him so much. My favorite storyline is probably anything to do with sympathy or the magic in the books I love how pat actually describes how the *science* behind it works, unlike so many other fantasy series. Other than kkc I dont really know what my favorite series is... I really like anything by tamora pierce and I love game of thrones. Most other things I read are single books. I decided to do this since I loved what was being posted already and had a wealth of cabin pressure quotes that would fit perfectly.
@shineecandy said: wow congrats on your milestone! here’s a question for you: how do you deal with the wait???? it has been years. pat, please, i’m dying   
@halfthealphabet I read a lot and watch a lot of Netflix and check Pat’s blog obsessively. And write meta about it. And read more theories about it.
@frei-rancken: I just wait, and entertain myself with other things. Uni is stressing so i can’t focus on many other things. 
@logarithmicpanda We don’t. We are slowly going mad.
@kote-the-inn-keeper : I answered this in a much more long winded manner, so TL;DR I just want it to be wonderful and perfect so I will wait the best I can.
@kvothe-kingkiller : I watch waaaay too many shows and procrastinate on schoolwork so much that I dont often think about it. I’ve been waiting almost since WMF came out, gotten used to it a bit.
@dirty-n-evil said: Hi, huge fan of the KKC as well (obviously), but for the question I would ask the mods of this blog... what were each of your favorite moments through the books?  Not simply 'Name of the Wind' and 'Wise Man's Fear', but also 'Lightning Tree' and 'Slow Regard of Silent Things'? 
Hey, @halfthealphabet here
So I don’t think I can give just one favorite scene, but I will tell you that I thought The Lightning Tree was not a good addition to the Kingkiller Chronicle and that The Slow Regard of Silent Things is possibly the only flawless piece of writing I have ever read.
@kvothbloodless: Every moment is my favorite, but that being said, the scene in which Kvothe’s parents die never fails to make me cry.
@frei-rancken: It gets kind of difficult but maybe the Eolian’s pipes audition, or mostly when Kvothe tells stories about the Edema Ruh.   
@logarithmicpanda: all the scenes with Elodin crack me up! In the lightning tree, my favorite part was the ending, when you understand what happened. I love every single bit of the slow regard of silent things, but especially when Auri notices the child watching her and makes  a cartwheel. For Notw and Wmf, it’s a bit more complicated. Generally, I love worldbuilding scenes, and whenever a relationship progress in an interesting direction.
@kote-the-inn-keeper : I’m really swept away by all of it. From the characterization and the world building; mostly the building of languages. While there isn’t very MUCH, it’s still there. But, in NOTW I think my fav part was the boys trying to explain Bisexuality without quite having the proper words for it (assuming int he universe sexuality doesn’t quite fit into clear categories for words to be made). In WMF I think my fav part…. oh man this one is hard… but I think my favorite portion of this book was either his interaction with The Maer’s manservant or his time with the Adem and getting his ass handed to him by a small child. Both were very wonderful to me and well written. I can’t say anything about LT, since I have yet to have time to read it, nor more than the first page of SRST due to a lot of life issues and conflicts coming up. But, in retribution for such, I will do a ‘live’ read through of both like I did with NOTW and WMF where I took notes and shared them with you guys.
@kvothe-kingkiller: Honestly, anything to do with elodin. (tiny bit obsessed.) And in slow regard I really love when Auri find the gear and get’s it back to where she lives, (it’s been a while since I read it so I forget some of the names) and I haven’t read lightning tree in ages so while I remember the basic plot I dont really remember any favorite moment.
@freudcallsmedaddy said: What sort of theories do you have about the Cthaeh?
@halfthealphabet speaking. I think that the Ctaeth is more of Bast’s villain than Kvothe’s. So it might come back in other books, but not in Kvothe’s story. He didn’t know what power the Ctaeth even had. It could come into play in Kote's story . . .
@frei-rancken: While i read tons of theories i’m mostly a factual kind of person, so i go with it’s a fae it does not care about shackshit but it’self and its rules, it has a grudge against cinder so it sent kvothe to collide with him, but i’m totally lost on how is it going to happen.
@kvothe-kingkiller: My personal theory is that it’s a bit hyped as far as how much power it actually has. This may be just me being a science geek but the amount of decisions a person can make in the future are infinite. So infinite that even if you could see all of them, you could not possibly choose the course of a person’s life based on one conversation. You might be able to choose a basic-ish path but I honestly dont think its at all as powerful and scary as it’s made out to be.
@kote-the-inn-keeper : cRACKS KNUCKLES MMMMM BOY HOWDY AM I GONNA TRY AND KEEP THIS SHORT! Okay, so there are so many theories out there and I’ve read a few just to collect my own thoughts and ideas from. 
Now, the Cthaeh is a fae and a fae being. We know this because of Bast. It is a prominent and guarded fae due to its ability to tell the future and see the past; making it something VERY valuable and very tempting to try and encounter[NOTE: I am saying it only because we do not know (??) if the Cthaeh has an actual form and or even has a preferred gender really, or is a sentient being instead of a collision of other shit]. As, I believe, Bast said to Kote, it is actually guarded by the fae in the realm so that people don’t go to seek what it has to offer.
This leads to the automatic assumption that people had been seeking it and had been very upset and or disturbed by it’s tales of what was to come. The fae are taught to keep away, knowing that such information is already bad enough to know, let alone ask about. But that probably didn’t stop a few humans...[kVOTHE] or perhaps a few higher beings. Such as the Chandrian? I’m not saying that the Chandrian were able to go to the Cthaeh, but it is a possibility. It would explain some on how they knew where specific people would be and possibly what they would become. 
The Cthaeh also MIGHT not have started off as selfish and enjoyment seeking as we saw with Kvothe, but that also may be just a bit of a stretch. But, say it wasn’t. Say it was just trying to tell people like ‘Oh, hey, yeah in like 5 years your wife is gonna leave you for some hot headed dude who looks like this, so be careful!’ and that spiraled quickly out of control for obvious reasons. One would turn rather sadistic with the power, knowing it would just do more harm than good no matter how it was worded. But, that is just a very small half baked theory on the creature itself! But, going with such a creature or being was always in such a manner sadistic and rude, it would make sense of the fae to HEAVILY guard it. Bast did say people who got too close were killed, right? If I’m remembering that right at all. I remember something like that being said though.
To bring this sadistic being into play with the story for later and Kvothe, I’m going to nod to what was said above slightly; the Cthaeh wanted Cinder and Kvothe to butt heads and probably do SOMETHING to the course of the future. Also bringing back part of my theory of the Cthaeh not always being properly guarded, it may have accidentally sent Cinder on his strange mission and pillage at a more high hostility rate, depending on what was said, so the Cthaeh is sending Kvothe in to stop as much as he can before it’s too late.
TL;DR: Cthaeh fucked up when not guarded by the fae and sent the Chandrian on a brutal rampage to hide themselves and then told Kvothe his specific future to try and get him to steer towards stopping them.
So yeah, that’s what I got in a shorter version... I haven’t read LT, so if there was anything about the creature and Bast in it, I am not aware of it and hopefully will be soon when I get a chance to read
Anonymous said: how do you pronounce "Auri"
@halfthealphabet here I pronounce it like “aura” but with an “ee” sound at the end. Like, “or-ie” (Pat pronounces it like the others, I pronounce it incorrectly).
@kvothbloodless: I always pronounced it are-ee. Pretty much “sorry” without the ‘s’.
@kote-the-inn-keeper : “Ah-ri” OR “Auh-ree” OR “Are-ee”. Well, I guess theya re all the same now that I’m looking at them. Looking up now, I def say it like mod kvothebloodless. 
@kvothe-kingkiller: same as kote-the-inn-keeper and kvothbloodless
@displeasign said: What are you most looking forward to in book 3?         
@halfthealphabet: Closure
@kvothbloodless: Finding out how many of our half-baked theories were right.
@frei-rancken: answers. I really need to know how much of what it is said about kvothe is true and how much is just stories tell by people. 
@logarithmicpanda disaster. I want to know how Kote came to be
@kote-the-inn-keeper : Closure, answers, and an explanation as to why he chose to be an innkeeper to lay low instead of something else... i want my boy to be happy,,,,, le t kOTE BE HAPPY HHHHHHHHHHH
@kvothe-kingkiller: As others said, closure. on so many things I couldnt possibly list them all here. Also more Elodin. He’s really not a big character but he’s honestly my favorite, out of every book ive read and every show/movie ive seen. 
@octarine-ash said: For the q and a: What's your favourite actual kingkiller quote?                               
@halfthealphabet It’s such a quotable book but I use the quote, “You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way” very often. And I plan to get “Beautiful, seen” on the back of my neck. Also, I love the passage where Fela starts to fall in love with Sim.
@frei-rancken i cannot quote the entire book sadly. but... the kvothe quit grabbing at my boobs passage, the secrets as seen by Teccam, and like a shit ton of other ones.  
@logarithmicpanda the quote about loving something despite its flaws and because of them. It sums up my feelings towards the series actually.
@kote-the-inn-keeper : This one is super hard. There are WAY to many good ones and ones that i find really deep meaning in. And of course, some funny ones. The only one that comes ti mind this very second is a funny one: “You are the horseshit frosting on this horseshit cake.”
@kvothe-kingkiller: I cant find the actual quote through google and I dont really want to re-read both books on the spot to find it but I love when he’s being salty about math and poetry. Saying words for the sake of words and numbers for the sake of numbers are stupid. That quote got me through pre-calculus lol
Anonymous said: How did y'all create this blog? Is it like a side-blog or its own account?            
@halfthealphabet It’s a side blog. And it’s origin story is explained in the first answer :)
@princessmarysea said: This has probably already been asked but...what are your ships in kkc?? I love your blog btw it's really funny :D        
@halfthealphabet speaking: I have to say the only romantic ship I really care about being endgame is Sim and Fela (guys, their ship name should be Selas!!). They really are so sweet and wonderful. I want confirmation that Devi is into girls and guys (which is kind of a ship thing?). And I suppose this is a good time to mention that (although I love Denna), she and Kvothe would only have a disaster of a relationship at the point in their lives. Also, I ship everyone platonically. Especially with Denna because she needs more friends. And Mola and Auri could have such an awesome friendship as well.
@frei-rancken: Yeah mainly Sim and Fela. but if i have to come up with other ships Devi, Mola and Fela being in a happy poly relationship would be like... way too perfect. 
@logarithmicpanda Sim and Fela forever. I’m not a huge shipper though... Like if you throw any cute headcanon at me I’ll start low key shipping it.
@kvothe-kingkiller: Might be because I literally never ship anything, but... none. I mean I like sim and fela but as far as one that don’t already exist, none.
@kote-the-inn-keeper: so maaaaaaaaaany.... So many.... 
So: Kote and Bast, Kvothe and Devi, Kvothe and HAPPINESS, Sim and Fela, Wil and Mola, Wil and Sim (fite me..........), Fela and Mola (more soft/platonic), Devi and Fela, Hespea and Dedan, Tempi and Kvothe, Kote and JOY IN LIFE, Mola and Auri (PLATONIC ONLY!!!!!!!), Auri and PEACE IN LIFE (sobbing my bby let her be happy and safe pat i s2g), Kvothe and Auri (PLATONIC 100%), Kvothe and Denna, Denna and Fela (lOOK IT’D BE SO NICE JUST L I STEN), Denna and Devi (more friends than romance tho), Devi and Mola and Fela, and I think that’s all for now.
@jordantresser What do you think about Cameron Monaghan from Shameless as a young adult Kvothe? 
So @halfthealphabet speaking. I think he looks great and would act great, but also I hope they cast a man of color from Kvothe/Kote.
Hey @frei-rancken here. Well... yes and no. Like i love how he acts in general he is awesome but he looks a tad too devilish for me. Tho i would not be distressed if he were to be cast, it’d be awesome. And yes i concur with halfthealphabet it’d be great if the actor was a person of colour.  
@kote-the-inn-keeper : I didn’t even know who that was, so I looked them up. I’m going to say no, tbh. I just don’t think they fit with my headcanon face for Kvothe OR Kote.... I’d prefer someone who is of rromani origin to play Kvothe tbh; or of color. [EsPECIALLY BAST HAMILTON GUY DONT LET ME DOWN ]
@kvothe-kingkiller Again, it would be great for an actor of color to play him but I kind of think he was written to be at least very pale so that is probably not going to happen. And I think he has the right look, I’d say he would do a good job. (also yes, bast is not white, and neither are the cealdish. whoever casts this show, pls.)
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aguirreann1995 · 4 years
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What Are Used To Make Corn And Wheat Grow Taller Wonderful Tips
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Exercise Grow Taller 6 Inches
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smoothshift · 5 years
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There aren't a lot of Model 3 reviews from "traditional" car enthusiasts, so I wrote my own via /r/cars
There aren't a lot of Model 3 reviews from "traditional" car enthusiasts, so I wrote my own
While I know the Model 3 has been out for 2 years now, it seems a lot of reviews are from Tesla fans and not so much “traditional” car enthusiasts, so I thought I’d write a review voicing my opinions. That, plus I want my thoughts recorded for my own posterity.
For some time now, I’ve been considering purchasing a Tesla Model 3. I’m generally a more frugal car enthusiast, and spending $39.9k on any other car would be nuts to me, but the Tesla at least on paper offers a lot to like: there’s of course the instant acceleration at any speed, but there’s also the super low CoG, lack of distractions in the cabin (so you can focus on driving!), no warm-up and cool-down procedures, OTA updates that occasionally bring performance and range increases, and no guilt associated with lots of unnecessary driving, which I personally do value. I was also very tempted by Autopilot, since there are times I just don’t care to drive and would be perfectly happy to let the car do the work.
So, to assuage my curiosity, I rented a long-range RWD model for two days from Turo. I spent a couple minutes adjusting settings, drove off, and… instantly hated it. Right off the bat:
I could not for the life of me get the seat into a comfortable position. The seat bottom was bolstered too much and cut into my thigh, the pressure on my back was awful no matter where I put the lumbar support, and the headrest intrudes forwards and doesn’t adjust at all so when sitting upright, your head actually touches the seat before your shoulders do. Try to put your shoulders against the seat too, and you end up sitting like a hunchback. I absolutely hated this, and despite frequently adjusting the seat throughout the two days, I couldn’t make it any better.
The driver’s mirror doesn’t adjust far enough out. I like to follow the recommended method for eliminating blind spots but couldn’t move the mirror far enough to do so.
The turn signal is BMW-style in that it doesn’t stay where you put it, but rather springs up after you press it so it’s impossible to tell what it’s doing by feel alone. Even BMW is reverting on this because it’s so awful. That said, I did eventually get used to it.
The car was dog slow. Punch it, and it accelerated at a Civic pace. I’ve driven Teslas before, so I knew that wasn’t right. I eventually found out the car was in Chill Mode, and I fixed it. BUT, my time spent driving it in Chill Mode made me realize just how much of the enjoyment of this car is dependent on acceleration. Take away the acceleration, and you may as well be driving a slightly quieter Civic.
But after getting to drive the car some more, I found there were definitely a number of things I liked:
Acceleration at most speeds was solid. While this was no P100D, it definitely has good low-end torque, and of course acceleration is uninterrupted by gear changes. I found it started to run out of steam after 60 or so, and there wasn’t much of anything left after 80. Still, great for darting around traffic.
The traction control is the best I’ve ever encountered. While I’m not sure if it’s possible to turn it off, I don’t really care: while you can feel it working, it’s very unobtrusive, and its purpose is more to help put the power down in low-traction situations than to limit power. A huge change from the TC in my Mazdaspeed3, which just cuts engine power at the first sign of wheelspin.
I like the interior overall. The lack of buttons encourages you to focus more on driving (though it does forego something I’ll discuss towards the end), and the touch screen is very responsive with a mostly-intuitive layout. Materials were nice, but nothing special. The dash is soft touch, though it actually looks like hard plastic. The piano-black plastic trim in the center was unsurprisingly already scratched despite the car only having 10k miles, and the 12v outlet was in a place that left me scratching my head, but I enjoyed the clean minimalism overall. I do think wiper and headlight controls should not be in the touchscreen, since they’re safety-related.
Steering had a nice weight to it: in sport mode, it was actually heavier than my MS3, whose weight I already felt was quite good. I did not ever take it out of sport mode.
I could leave the AC on, and not worry about it robbing power from the engine. In my MS3 (and virtually every other gas car) I try not to use AC for this reason alone, but in the Tesla, no problem.
Autopilot in heavy traffic was heavenly. Move to the center lane, engage AP, and let the car do the work. I don’t drive much in heavy traffic, but if I did, it would be difficult to not get this car based on that alone. I found it was unfazed by rain too, which was a nice bonus.
The driving definitely was guilt-free, as I’d hoped. I did a number of unnecessary trips, and was excited to do so. Didn’t need to give the car any time to warm up or cool down, and while of course I used more battery punching it, I had no qualms doing so because a) pollution externalities are minimal, b) cost was minimal, and c) I knew I’d have a “full tank” again the next morning, thus the extra “fuel” used hardly mattered. Except…
…I was planning to charge in my garage using my dryer outlet. Turns out I had the wrong type of outlet, so I charged the first night on 120v, but only gained ~45 miles of range over ~10 hours. So the next day I used a supercharger. Supercharging was great though: spent only about 40 mins there, went from 64 miles to ~250, and it cost $10.80. So about a third what it would cost to gas up my premium-fuel MS3.
But unfortunately, while I really liked those positives, there were also a lot of things I really hated:
The aforementioned seat comfort. That alone would be a reason for me to not get the car. It was really bad. That’s why you try before you buy!
Missing features. The two biggest for me were Carplay and ventilated seats. I spoke to a guy at the supercharger who said he just uses “hey Siri” as a substitute. Yeah, that’s not really a substitute. He also seemed unaware ventilated seats were a thing now.
The center screen rebooted on me twice while driving. No idea why; the owner swears she’s never had that happen. To its credit, it didn’t affect drivability, even with AP running the second time, and it resumed navigation when it started back up.
The glass roof. You can’t even really see/enjoy it while driving, but you can certainly feel it. I’m in Texas; while it only got up to 89 degrees, that afternoon sun beating down on my head was unbearably bad, despite the tint. I can’t imagine how it would be on a 110 degree day. And no, there’s no cover for it, so you get the full force of the sun on your head no matter what. And of course no ventilated seats, so my back got quite sweaty. I cranked the AC more than I usually would, but all that meant was my hands were freezing while my head and back were hot and sweaty. I was not a fan (heh). Fortunately there are third party sunshades available, but it seems ridiculous to me that customers of a $40k car should need to provide their own non-integrated solution.
As I said, AP was great in heavy traffic. It was usually okay in free-flowing traffic. But when it wasn’t okay, it really wasn’t okay. Phantom braking, giving up on sweeping curves mid-curve (and reverting to going straight, forcing me to wrestle control), sometimes seeing stopped cars and other times plowing towards them, giving up on perfectly safe lane changes mid-change, waiting 5 full seconds before even beginning a lane change, braking to merge in behind someone when there’s plenty of space up ahead, waiting a while to accelerate again after someone made a right turn in front of me (and then accelerating at a snail’s pace), and so on. In anything besides super-heavy and completely free-flowing traffic, it was often more trouble to use than it was worth. I found myself yelling at the car and wrestling control (sometimes out of desire, sometimes out of necessity) quite often. All that said, I’d rather have some AP than not have it at all, so I can’t complain too much.
I’m a big fan of basic cruise control, but the only cruise this car offers is traffic-aware, which means if you want to just cruise there’s no way to avoid the phantom braking and freakouts when people merge in 200 ft ahead. You also can’t approach a car from behind and manually pass it, because it will have started braking long before you’re anywhere near close enough to require passing. It’s almost as though the car would prefer you to just sit in the free-flowing passing lane, which is obviously not okay.
One-pedal driving took some getting used to, but I did. But while I like the concept, I’m putting this in the negatives section because execution could be way better. The Chevy Bolt has a paddle you can pull to enable regen, which I much prefer as it allows you much finer control while also allowing you to rest your foot and just coast as you would in a gas car. Also, regen alone won’t bring you to a full stop, whereas in other EVs it will.
You definitely feel the weight of this car. I took it on some scenic roads, and while I never really drove beyond 5/10ths, you could still feel the car’s desire to plow ahead when pushed… but at the same time, the low CoG and good TC kept it reasonably planted. It was kind of a weird combination of sensations, and I suspect the overinflated (45 PSI) tires didn’t help.
While steering weight was good, steering feedback was fairly poor. It wasn’t full-on disconnected, but it wasn’t very communicative either.
This is not a practical car cargo-wise. I went shopping and bought four stacking chairs. They’d fit in my MS3 no problem; in this, I really had to finagle them to fit into the rear seat area. This alone is why I was honestly more intrigued by the Model Y, what with it having a hatch instead of a trunk, but since the base model won’t be out for another 2 years, I thought I might just put up with the limitations of a Model 3 until then. Eh.
But all of these pale in comparison to the two biggest drawbacks I found:
“Tesla people.” I don’t want to paint with a big brush, as I’d still consider myself one; but there tend to be two types of people drawn to Teslas: a) car people who like the car for its performance and abilities, because despite my complaints above it’s a solid daily overall; and b) “Tesla people” who came from Camrys and Priuses and have never experienced any other car in the $40k+ range (or even another performance car in general) and thus think Teslas are the greatest cars in the world. They’re people who post memes like this. They’re people who would never even consider any car that isn’t a Tesla, and as a result don’t know or even care what other cars have to offer. The guy at the supercharger who didn’t know ventilated seats were a thing is a “Tesla person.” Same with the owner of the car, who admitted she didn’t care about cars until she bought her Tesla. While obviously this is not a fault of the car, it annoys me because if half the potential market is okay with locking into a single brand of car forever, it discourages other EV competition that’s sorely needed. Plus the smug factor can be annoying, depending on how it’s presented.
Nothing about this car really evokes emotion. Some may find it odd that I even care, but this is actually the #1 thing I care about when test driving a potential new car. I want to feel emotionally connected to the car, between driving it, staring at it, or even just daydreaming about it. So why couldn’t I connect with the Tesla? I think the biggest part of it is the lack of analog experience. As humans, we are intuitively attuned to analog, physical, even visceral experiences, even when those experiences are imperfect. It’s why playing with your dog, or having sex with a human you love, are so much more satisfying that interacting with a perfectly obedient dog on a screen or watching a perfect 10 in a porno. In many cars, you get this experience in a number of ways: Exhaust note. Turbo spool. Craftsmanship. Manual transmission. Oversteer. Road feedback. Engine rumble. And in the Tesla, with its relative lack of driver engagement, you just don’t get that same experience. In fact, a good chunk of Tesla’s MO is about actively hiding that experience, what with the focus on self-driving and even a lack of physical buttons. I get that a lot of people want this, for the same reasons most people would prefer an Apple Watch to a Patek, and that’s fine, but it’s not what I want as an enthusiast. The other reason I couldn’t connect is it’s not a very “special” car. There’s no story behind it. “We needed a mass-market electric car, so we built one” is a good reason for the car to exist, but it’s not a story. Sometimes a story will come with time: many people look back on their first cars with rose-tinted glasses not because of the cars themselves, but because of the memories made in those cars. But other stories already occurred, or are still unfolding, and when you buy the car now, you’re buying into that story. It’s part of the reason BMWs with racing pedigree are so popular. It’s why people shopping at Whole Foods pay extra to read a blurb about the farmer who provided their locally-sourced organic free-range ethically-killed gluten-free vegan broccoli whereas the shopper at Walmart only buys based on price. In actuality, the two broccolis likely aren’t all that different from each other, but the Whole Foods one is “special,” and that matters on an emotional level. The Model 3 is not a special car.
Final thoughts: I think what I’d like most of all is for another manufacturer to produce a real, actual, viable competitor to the Model 3. Looking at everything available now and even in the next two years, I’m just not seeing anything. $39.9k gets you a Model 3 with 240 miles of range, acceleration close to that of my MS3, OTA updates, and AP, for better or worse. Every other EV right now is either slower, lower range, more expensive, lacks any sort of AP, lacks OTA, or even several of the above. And the EVs coming out don’t appear to fare much better: the ones most discussed are more competitive with the Model S (which debuted in 2012!) than the 3, and even there they often fall short at least on paper. And none of them have Tesla’s two biggest not-so-secret weapons: superchargers and gigafactories. While public chargers exist, superchargers are still a huge advantage due to a) public perception and b) the fact that most public chargers suck. Often they are too expensive, there are too few, they’re too slow, they’re full, they’re blocked, or they’re broken. Car manufacturers understandably want to just produce the cars and leave the infrastructure up to others, but that’s a tough sell. Even if you charge at home 99% of the time, the lack of reliable public infrastructure really hurts adoption. I know I personally would not consider a Bolt (the most viable currently-available non-Tesla EV) in part because of it. And of course, the gigafactories are a huge advantage due to the cost savings enabled by vertical integration. I don’t see Tesla losing either of these advantages any time soon, and other manufacturers will struggle to compete as a result. But I really hope they do, as we really need competition to eliminate the long list of negatives above.
Conclusion: I rented this Tesla Model 3 for the purposes of determining, once and for all, whether I want to order one or not. And now, I can honestly say… I’m more conflicted than ever. Despite the huge list of glaring negatives above, this car is a fine daily driver. And daily driving is most of what I do—I have to actually travel a bit to get to twisties, so I don’t go frequently, and while I’d like to go to a track someday, I wouldn’t want to beat my daily up on it anyways. So by that metric, AP + a bit of low-end power should be key to making the best daily in the world, right? And yet, I just can’t see this being my only car. I suspect I would miss 80% of what I love about cars, and be hot and uncomfortable the rest of the time. But a pillow + aftermarket sunshade + a headrest mod can fix all that, right? And I’d probably come to love the car eventually as I write my own story, surely?? Truth is, I have no idea, and have learned nothing.
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