#oh I'm feeling so down today

[megaclaudiolis]

YANG HAONAN - Junior World Championships 2019

#yang haonan #杨皓楠 #junior WCh 2019 #gymnastics #mag #made by me #oh I'm feeling so down today #so many games been postponed #I still havent seen this kid in 2022 #chn nationals was supposed to start today but it's postponed #don't know when a competition will actually happen before asian championships #I miss him and want to see him compete :'( #also the saddest thing is his gym club is based in Hangzhou and he's been training there since he was 16 #maybe even earlier #and he's a Zhejiang native #it would be his ultimate dream to compete at the Asian Games in his hometown representing chn #now it's postponed :'( #so much uncertainty... #ever since he made it to senior there's trouble after trouble he couldnt control #i wish him the best #I hope time treats him well #😢 #皓楠加油 #在一个想楠楠想疯了的情况下精神状态真的不稳定

[mattodore]

pets him

#river dipping #ts4 #matthias evanoff #theodore doe #a burning house to live in #echthroi #🦇 #i used this image to experiment with some new things i learned #making that hickey on matthias's neck look more gnarly was fun. theo tries to make them last as long as they can so. #they normally look pretty dark and nasty #i really did mean to post this yesterday but yk how it goes... anyway. i'm going to make An Attempt at tackling my activity feed today #if i sound weird to any of you just pretend i seem so normal #i also want to actually catch up soon... #ik i'm definitely behind on kmik and the legacies i keep up with #i just don't want to sound insincere when i catch up... #so i might just put those off for when i'm actually back to feeling uhhhhhh . not like a weird little husk of myself #oh. also i made this pose. their height difference is actually there it's just that matthias is leaning forward a lot and bending down #and theo's up on his toes and leaning into matthias's chest

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

🩷🥰🧓🏻The Old Man🧓🏻🥰🩷

#kisses for this handsome geriatric man on this fine Saturday. and everyday who am I kidding. #just him and his FLOOFY salt 'n pepper curls and oh so fuzzy mustache #feeling extra 😍😍😍 for him today just because I'm in my feels real bad and craving a cuddle or two from him. it's all I ask. #maybe stare deeply into those adorable brown doe eyes of his and boop his nose because it's just so darn cute. yeah that'll fix me. #🩷🩷🩷Wesley🩷🩷🩷 #Wes Borland #Limp Bizkit #nu metal #Black Light Burns #down the rabbit hole

[sleepinglionhearts]

Once again I am thinking about becoming an art teacher vs. thinking about how fast I'd get fired if I became an art teacher

#idk I work well with kids but I dunno if I'd survive a classroom overfull of 'em #and like ok sure I could try teaching in Austin or something but the thing is #I would WANT to teach in town or in some other middle of nowhere small town because I feel like #those are the students who like. NEED to have someone teaching them wild ideas about art and communication #and what art can do and what art does and what art has to say #i would get so fired so fucking fast lol some kid would be like 'guess what we did in class today' #and then parents would come down on me for teaching art history to their 12 year olds #and not in the conservative white friendly way hsgshsgshs #oh who am i kidding I'd get fired as soon as parents (or some other teachers!!) find out I'm queer #happened to my 10th grade english teacher #anyway. just having some thoughts tonight

[princekirijo]

Imma be honest with you chief this week has not been fun. At all

#oh boy i had a terrible three days time to go tell my tumblr followers about it! #ah no but jokes aside y'all. #i started my job on monday and i actually like it so far! #i haven't done any actual work or anything quite yet cause its all onboarding at the moment #but so far so good! all my colleges are lovely #so you might ask why is this one of the worst weeks of my life? two words #FOOD. POISONING. #this shit is straight up EVIL #im doing better today thank god but yesterday??? omfg #“look im being uber dramatic here but when am i not to be fair” #But seriously #ill try not to go into too much detail but. 10 hrs. yeah. #my throat feels like someone has shoved a metal ball down it #i havent eaten anything today #and I'm missing two days of training over this 😭 #this is so embarrassing first week on the job and boom food poisoning knocks me out for two of them #im gonna be the food poisoning guy 😭 #i hope y'all are having a better time than i am

[anemoflower]

Me: *playing R.aiden's story quest yesterday, super excited about the story etc.*

Also Me: *just takes tons of screenshots of T.homa* Wait- what was the mission again?

Alsooooo the two g.enshin bfs standing next to each other (pls ignore that Wrio is in "rage mode", he fought a bunch of h.ilichurls seconds before and hasn't cooled down yet- haha "cooled down" get it- sry)

Tbh I can't imagine how these two would interact with each other but they are for sure gushing about their girlfriends ❤

#;babbling phia #;phia plays games #;thoma #;Wriothesley #sky was pretty T.homa is pretty had to to screens <3 #However I loved the quest! Ei is adorable hfhfhiuh #now I'm super excited to do A.yatos quest soon bc this means... potential more T.homa :> #and also I wanna finally get to know A.yato since Nerina will probably interact with him a lot when living with T.homa in I.nazuma #I met him in the recent event in F.ontaine tho and he seems like a very polite nice guy #A.yaka is already very good friends with Nerina so maybe she will get along with the big bro too... #OH MY GOD WAIT #this last screen got me thinking #when Wrio is in rage mode Elowyn can soothe him and make him feel relaxed again #maybe she massages his temples or she just simply intertwines her fingers with his #and he goes *foooo* (insert cool down sound here) and is relaxed again #(today is a rotate ALL of your f/o's in brain kind of day)

[coquelicoq]

yeah sex is great but have you ever unflooded your street by removing leaves from the storm drains using the litter-grabber tool you bought from lowe's two weeks ago for that exact purpose?

#every year my street floods in the autumn when it rains heavily. usually multiple times. every year!!! #i hate it it's so stressful. and of course the cars keep driving down it even though it's unsafe. a lot don't even slow down #and they throw up these huge walls of water with their passage #the street becomes totally unusable for pedestrians wheelchair users bikers strollers etc. #it's just the worst. and every year i'm like oh i should get a thingy so i can do something about it #and i never do in time. but this year. THIS year. watch out world #i cleaned out the drains preventively a few times in the past couple weeks but today is the first day of somewhat heavy wind and rain #so i went out this evening and two of the four drains were completely clogged :( but i got out my tool & as soon as i cleared a little spac #a whirlpool formed and sucked all the water into it! with this amazing noise. it was fantastic #then i cleared away the rest of the leaves cuz that tiny spot would get covered up very quickly otherwise #i came back by an hour later and they're still looking great <3 i'm basking in the afterglow #it is funny how much easier a homeowner could do this than me. those people have yard debris cans #they have space for shovels. god. a shovel. my kingdom for a shovel #i'm just piling the leaves on the curb one handful at a time and then leaving them there (out of the way of everyone of course) #because i have nowhere else to put them and no way to transfer them farther distances #but it's mostly just apartments near this intersection so we gotta do it for ourselves #anyway i'm probably gonna have to do it again tomorrow because there are a lot of dead leaves out there right now #but man! i've never been able to do anything about this before except call the city and wait for them to send someone. this feels so good

[imwritesometimes]

wouldn't it be funny if I could write again lollollol........

#got a very sweet comment on a fic today and I was like oh my god. oh my goddddddd. ppl *still* like my stuff. #ppl still like my silly little stupid little stuff that I had stupid silly fin working on & it's dumb and silly but I shared it! #and ppl like it! #and I'm like not pushing myself anymore. like before I was kinda trying to force shit to happen #like sitting in bed with an open notebook/laptop like CREATE BITCH! #and I'm not doing that anymore lol and being on my meds has really made me feel SO much better #but also like I just don't.... have any ideas anymore. can't rotate blorbo like a rotisserie chicken anymore #I lay down to go to sleep now and because my body is not operating under severe extreme toxic anxiety levels anymore #I just fckn fall asleep. like I'm OUT. good night. sleepin. snoozin. zonked. 7+ hours. #no more blorbo thoughts at the end of the day I'm TIRED and my brain FINALLY shuts off #I hope one day I'll write again. I had so much fun with it. I have had a couple Thoughts #since I have been on my meds #but they're nothing more than a few quick sentences scrawled in a notebook. #it's like I'm doing so much other stuff and having fun in other ways and SLEEPING FINLALLY SWEET GOD ALMIGHTY #there's just like zero processing left for original blorbo ideas #this doesn't make sense and I bet you were all relieved cause I haven't ranted in tags in like months but hahaha #🤡 I STAY HONKIN'!!!! 🤡 #(I'm actually really in a really good place mentally rn I promise like the best I've felt in years I'm just ahhh!! tonight lol) #erin explains it all

[fooltofancy]

sure need to put some uh. work. into becoming less insane.

#the problem is that i'm a coward and the things that would fix me are like. #explicitly socialization lmao #me feeling guilty about how weird mallow is because he doesn't know what to do with other humans sitting here like why am i so weird around #other humans #.... oh right #'do it scared' buddy i am never not scared #and i am so. fucking. tired. #takes a lot of energy to be terrified all of the time #weird insouciant (word of the week no takebacksies) reflections brought on by the grim reaper post which today just made me think #'you know the most peaceful thing i can think of is to die alone' #okay bud let's turn u on some music and maybe you'll calm down

[aberooski]

I'm seriously hanging on by a thread right now I might just go drop dead 😭

#work has just been really overwhelming today I'm going to crack #I hate people #I almost broke down in front of the usher manager today because our radio died while we were falling behind becaus3 #one of the theatres got out slightly late and set us back for like 45 minutes because everything was gettinf out one on top of the other #on complete opposite ends of the theater #amd it's not a small building guys #and I was already angry because there was a huge spill in a theater earlier I had to get a mop for and it was a pain in the ass #then we started falling behind and when we fall behind I get really stressed so I jad to ask the usher manager for help to catch up when we #were switching radios and even with his help we didn't catch back up until JUST NOW because we're on a 30 minute set break #and I've jusy been stressing and running around the theater and I want to go home and cry and drop dead #I'm so hot and tired and drained amd my legs have been sore for DAYS and this is NOT helping and I hate it here and I qant a real job #like I'm fucking 24 years old this shouldn't be the best I can do but trying to find anything else to get out of here has been IMPOSSIBLE #and I just feel so hopeless and helpless and trapped and miserable #I'm so angry and sad and tired and in pain and miserable all the time now #and it's awful and I hate it I don't wanna be that wah anymlre #I can't even type oh my god #I'm dying #abby's having a crisis

[ratcandy]

oh god help me .my l egs

#went on very very long walks down many trails today for bug collecting purposes . some running happened. lots of walking over trees #and up and down hills #i should not have done any of these things . my poor legs. oh good lort. the agonies. #my JOINSt they're trying to ESCAPE #my toesssss my ankles. my knees. ahuhg. uaurug #and then i had to walk around in a walmart afterwards. and then ascend and descend stairs a few times. #i finally laid down in bed and i can feel my legs about to slough right off #and I used the BAD compression socks today this is AWFUL. the compression happening was ZILCH . ZERO! NADA!!! #and it was HOTT and i'm so..... deeeeehyrdated <- forgot to bring water with her on the trails #BUT!!!!!! I caught a ton of bugs. So you know what? Maybe the agonies were worth it. I'm saying this boldly knowing tomorrow me #will be like WHY. WHY DID I DO THIS. AHGHRHHH #clamtalk #the things i do for bug #my joint based disability looking at me in utter horror like what are you DOING babe #i'm suffering. for what purpose? mmmmm bug

[mashmouths]

it's supposed to be 85° tomorrow are you fucking kidding me

#IT'S DECEMBER CAN I GET A COOL BREEZE AT LEAST. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE MID 50S MONTH. GIRL. #i have a big presentation tomorrow and i don't have time to wash my hair so dressing nice was my only option but my only nice school tops #are sweaters. what the fuck do you mean 85° in december i'm going to kill myself. #girl the dead week stress is becoming dead week apathy i already know i'm failing a class and i have until like friday to write a 5 page #paper with no prompt and pray my prof is feeling merciful enough to accept it even though it'll be late #i can feel myself shutting down and i won't be able to explain myself to my parents or my family at the holiday shitfests but! might be #getting diagnosed in the nearish future if 1) my new dr believes in adhd and 2) i can convince her i have it so fucking bad #sorry gang i feel like i do this every finals season but oh? my god am i having a genuinely bad time <3 also i sprained my ankle last night #and it hurts So Bad today so i'm hoping if i limp into class and also up to the front tomorrow they'll grade me easy #i do have to finish my fucking slides first. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh. #a post

[autistic-shaiapouf]

It feels so genuinely strange to feel at peace after being in crisis mode for so many years. My therapist said it takes, on average, 2 years for the results of (C-)PTSD recovery to made visible and I'm right on target for it; it's just. I feel okay and it's starting to sink in.

Good things have happened this year and they don't feel like they're gonna be taken away, I've met very good people and they don't feel out of my grasp. I'm actually getting to know myself, seeing what my autism wants from the world, the candles and incense and sprays pointing me towards sensory seeking (and that's okay!), the special interest in music pulling me in all directions (and that's okay!), spending lots of time reading and changing up what I was taught constitutes a meal by breaking it down (and that's okay!).

I don't actively dislike my field of work, have hobbies I engage in, friends I engage with, a vehicle the same year I got my license, I feel like I'm breathing for the very first time.

I'm okay, and it's starting to really feel that way.

#i've been thinking about this a lot lately. that i feel okay. i came home after closing with the pharmacy and sat down with a book #i had some food cobbled together for something to have before bed bc i need to get groceries today #i might finish my book today and i have so many more to pick from; considering re-opening comms in a few days too #it's just. i feel like i'm beginning to take up space in my own life and now that i'm doing that i want to take as much as possible #i want everything i can grab onto and it's exciting!! sometime this month marked 2 years since i dropped off that letter to my parents #about why i left and was cutting contact and. everything i have done since then. the new stuff and the new friends and the general autonomy #oh the autonomy! being a person on my own! acting in my interests and being allowed to be silly bc it makes me happy #happy to have more books more mugs more candles.. i'm starting to actually get to know myself and it's something i've never had a chance #to actually do; i see myself. i see him #i see him and i love him. #shai speaks

[eleilinnrallin]

Me: Hey I'm trans.

People: Read The Bible

Me: only finding affirming things in bible study ... Yeah I'm doing that. I'm trans.

People: >:[

#personal #fr it's a little ridiculous #I'm just. so tired of *gestures at the State Of Things* #tired of people saying I'm an ''ideology'' and that I should be eradicated #tired of people saying my friends should be eradicated #tired of people trying to take away our access to safety and medical care and the ability to use the bathroom #like come on I just want to live #just let me be my genderfunky little Christian self #I am legitimately going to be moving to somewhere safer after college because there's no way I'm gonna feel safe here #but even so depending on how other things go... if national stuff goes down hill #it's going to be devastating #(main post only vaguely connected to this ig) #oh but also so many people just. don't get how genuinely hard it is to be queer and Christian #we were ''discussing'' why it can be hard to have faith in sunday school today #and like I brought up some very real reasons I struggle with faith sometimes #(other people. policies actively harming us. being called wrong and bad and whatever when we very much aren't.) #and the group just kinda backed off and was *scared* to have an actual discussion #like they didn't know how to react #and a lot of my queer friends aren't religious anymore so it's hard to have conversations about specific things like this with them #also genuinely when I've been studying in the bible I don't find anything anti-trans #I just find things that are really good to me and helpful *and that are supportive of me being trans* #yet for some reason I'm the bad guy #for some reason ''love others as I have loved you'' #and ''greater love has no man than this; that a man should lay down his life for his friends'' #has turned into ''eradicate trans people'' #''force people to either conform to your idea of Right or be severely punished'' #''it's ok to blatantly misgender and disrespect people'' #i. just. want. to. live. #I want to be a college kid messing off with friends and going to classes and not worrying about getting kicked off campus #I want to be able to sing in a register I can't reach by an octave when I try sing it

[fstbmp-a]

What is the universe cooking today?

#my kingdom ;; ooc #vent // #negative // #deadnaming // #so i didn't get my groceries the order was cancelled and refunded #which means i wont get food and i wont have money for potentially A Few Days so #nothing to really eat for days now thanks to that #and to top it off my housemate is on a deadnaming spree despite my many corrections #that it absolutely positively feels intentional i'm fucking SEETHING RIGHT NOW #wrong pronouns and all i'm just. oh my rage cannot be put into FUCKIN WORDS #whatever i just gotta. find some shit to do to calm the hell down i guess #sorry if i'm not on much today that. well needless to say i feel like hot garbage and lava