oldshrewsburyian replied to your post: mearcatsreturns: best picture, A+ Goran, A+...
…I now want a Spy Movie with Goran Višnjić and Lucy Liu.
ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE.
CALL SIGN CHAOS
Starring Goran Višnjić and Lucy Liu
Crystal Chang (LUCY LIU) is an up-and-coming executive at one of the world’s most successful industrial conglomerates, based in Wichita, Kansas and owned by shadowy and reclusive billionaire Philip Mock (MICHAEL MCKEAN). (All similarities to successful industrial conglomerates based in Wichita and owned by evil shadowy and reclusive billionaires living or dead are completely coincidental). On a business trip to London, where the company is about to close yet another deal, she accidentally stumbles on a trove of deeply incriminating information about the company’s business practices and the campaign of terror they’ve waged against their last whistleblower, Molly Bly (REBEL WILSON). It’s as evil corporate bullshit as it gets, and it’s systematic and worldwide and implicates a lot of other billionaires (everyone look surprised). Crystal has a crisis of conscience and calls her brother, Eric (JOHN CHO) who tells her that she needs to get it out of there. But since Mock Industries now realizes that she has the information, they ain’t gonna stop at a little murder, and Crystal took exactly two years of karate as a kid… how?
Enter the sassy, hard-drinking former Soviet fighter pilot ace nicknamed “Chaos,” who goes by the clearly-fake name Ivan Ivanovich (GORAN VISNJIC). Once a darling of the Russian armed forces, now embittered and on the run himself for knowing a little too much about the attempted nerve-agent poisoning of an ex-colleague in the sleepy English cathedral town of Winchester. He inadvertently saves Crystal from an assassination attempt in her fancy London hotel room, and they bust out and only then stop to ask who the other is and what they are doing there. Crystal thinks he’s also trying to nail her, and/or take her to Moscow, but after a lot of arguing, they realize that they have information that could help each other… if she can trust Ivan. He doesn’t really seem like the most stable guy, and she can’t be sure that he’s not also a Russian double agent. But he’s large, smart-mouthed, good in a fight, and just threw three goons out a twentieth-story window. She could do worse.
However, if they’re going to report their information to anyone, they need to find Molly, who has gone into hiding in an undisclosed location and has the third piece to the puzzle, which ties together all this corporate cartoon supervillainy and Russian state meddling. (Can this movie get made without everyone on it mysteriously dying? The world may never know!) Cue extended spyjinks on their mad dash across Europe and Africa one step ahead of Mock Industries hitmen and Russian FSB goons alike. High-speed Vespa chases, jumping onto moving trains, dodging through crowded ferries, and slightly unrealistic action sequences abound. Crystal turns out to remember a lot more karate then she thought when Ivan is cornered by several baddies. We stan a battle couple and their angry, bantering flirtation, in which both of them clearly deeply regret their attraction but can’t help it. Crystal tells Ivan she has a boyfriend in America, which she sort of does. His name is Brad (MATT LANTER) and they’re kind of on a break, but never mind that. He also works for Mock Industries. Hmm. That seems important. But screw that guy, anyway.
Anyway, after much shenaniganry, Crystal and Ivan find Molly hiding out in Cape Town, South Africa, where they finally persuade her to come back with them and testify. She thinks they’ll all end up dead. She’s probably not wrong. That night, Crystal and Ivan finally give into their mutual attraction and have the requisite sex scene, which nobody in the audience minds because they’re all too busy drooling. Crystal asks Ivan what his real name is, and he claims that it actually is Ivan. She’s not entirely sure she believes him, but leaves it. Later, feeling guilty, she calls Brad and tells him that they’re coming back to America and she’s going to need help, and it’s really bad. He is understanding and promises that she can count on him to back her up with whatever’s going on.
Romantic angst hangs over us as Crystal, Ivan, and Molly fly to America, in a lot of disguises of varying and comic effectiveness. The three-way banter is Peak. When they land, Ivan and Molly make themselves scarce, while Crystal goes to meet Brad to prepare a strategy for going public. Except –
OH NO WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING. BRAD IS ACTUALLY EVIL AND HAS BEEN WORKING WITH MOCK INDUSTRIES TO SET THEM UP THIS WHOLE TIME. OH MATT LANTER, HOW COULD YOUR CHARACTER SECRETLY BE A TOTAL DOUCHEWAFFLE. AGONIES.
He’s planning to kill Crystal and has a Sad White Boy Villain Monologue. Halfway through, Molly bursts through a wall and hits him over the head, knocking him out. She says that she never trusted that guy when she worked there, and rescues Crystal, where they race out to find Ivan losing his goddamn mind on an innocent sprinkler salesman. Crystal restrains him from sprinklermancide. They’re shocked to see each other. They kiss. Awww.
Brad recovers consciousness (darn) and rushes to inform Mock Industries that they’re blown. Crystal, Ivan, and Molly can’t properly testify, so they once more have to scatter and prepare to transmit their information to journalists separately. It’s not clear whether or not they’ll ever see each other again. Crystal is picked up by her brother Eric and after a comic-poignant-romantic farewell to Ivan, they part.
Cut to: six months later. Mock Industries’ downfall and disgrace and multiple lawsuits is all over the news, so we can guess that Crystal and Molly succeeded. Brad is convicted and heading to jail along with most of its corporate leadership. We pan around to see Ivan reading about this in a Moscow apartment and looking pleased. A voice offscreen (we don’t see who) asks him in Russian if he knew anything about this. Ivan says, “Nyet.”
Was he a double agent until the last minute? Did he ever truly turn? Is this what he wanted all along? Did he actually fall for Crystal and call it off because of that?
WHO KNOWS.
THE END.
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Welcome to EverythingTimeless’ Weekly Roundtable, a sprawling discussion in which your friendly neighborhood Mod Time Team breaks down episodes of our favorite show, Timeless. We can’t promise to be coherent, but we’ll try our best. Lovely header gif courtesy of our pal @lady-demelza.
This week: Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot
Sarah: I think that we should first state that we are currently blogging this from what we consider the present: Wednesday, the 11th of July.
Ann: I hate to break it to you, Sarah. But it is actually the 12th of July.
Sarah: Well, I am in the past. Apparently. Changing it.
Ann: *Lucy screams in the distance*
Sarah: Can we call ourselves The Time Team? Time Team Part II?
Gissane: I like The Time Team Part II!
Ann: So I am actually just now rewatching the pilot (because if there is anything I excel at it's procrastination) and I still die over 2 things right off the bat: the cinematography of this show and MA'AM.
Sarah: That scene? With Lucy, Wyatt, and Kate silhouetted by the fire? Gorgeous.
Gissane: Agreed. It's STUNNING. And good grief, ma'am. Ma'am is everything.
Ann: Omg, for a minute I thought you were talking about /our/ Kate and I was VERY confused.
Kate: Ma'am forever and always. The little battles that Lucy and Wyatt have in that first episode create some great tension.
Ann: I swear she is a little happy when he gets time travel sick. And I appreciate that level of petty.
Sarah: Oh, definitely Ann. In retaliation for that self-satisfied look when she couldn't handle all of the seat belts. Surely.
Kate: He gets that same look when he tells he he needs her very modern bra.
Sarah: Perhaps we should start from the very beginning? I'm told it's the very best place to start.
Ann: The very best.
Kate: Maria Von Trapp was a wise woman.
Sarah: Lucy: First impressions.
Kate: Besides her phenomenal hair game? This woman is incredibly intelligent, but even better, she is witty. But Lucy in that classroom? All confident and full of facts. Leading lady swoon.
Sarah: Leading Lady Swoon™
Gissane: I loved Lucy's excitement! She puts so much heart into everything she does, and she is flat out perfect.
Ann: My first impression of Lucy was OH BUT I LIKE HER. She's a nerd through and through, in that she is hella passionate about history and is basically just Jazzed Beyond Belief about it all.
Sarah: I could definitely do with more of Professor Preston.
Kate: And having trouble with the establishment bros getting tenure? I was indignant on her behalf. But it leads nicely into her struggle to start her own legacy or fulfill her mother's. Which I think if you juxtapose with the last episode makes you go DAYUM.
Gissane: Amen to that, Kate!
Sarah: Definitely, Kate. But is also makes her intelligence and success working as part of the Time Team more satisfying. She's the fricking best.
Kate: She really is.
Gissane: Lucy was so easy to love from the moment she was on screen. Maybe it's because Abigail Spencer is a brilliant gorgeous unicorn, but she just had so much personality.
Ann: It's funny rewatching this after so long, and after being such a fan of everything about it, how different they all were at the beginning. It's like as much as I loved Lucy from the get-go, I did NOT like Wyatt.
Kate: So true. They became such a cohesive and indivisible unit i was hard to go back and see them before.
Sarah: Amen, Ann.
Ann: He was brash, kinda ruthless, and a little unhinged, to be honest.
Sarah: I thought Wyatt was boooorrring.
Ann: The dimples happily remain unchanged, however.
Kate: And besides the ma'am that stopped my heart, I was so very worried that Wyatt was going to be Vanilla Male Lead #950643
Sarah: Yes, Kate. Yes. I was like - Oh. Pretty and Generic.
Gissane: You know what I just realized, we never get a scene of what Wyatt's doing before he gets called in. We have Lucy's life and Rufus', but Wyatt nothing and now I'm very intrigued. Are we even told where he was? My memory is blanking on this.
Sarah: No! You are so right, Goose.
Sarah: We start in medias res on Wyatt.
Kate: I think Wyatt is meant to be the mystery as he is the military man. Shrouded in secret missions and all that.
Sarah: I think it also keeps him as Generic Military Pretty Boy.
Ann: I really expected him to be a cardboard cutout of the media's interpretation of a Super Soldier. As well, this episode did a really good job painting him as such. I was so happy to be surprised later on.
Gissane: And I agree. I didn't have any thoughts on him particularly rather that I didn't care. But then he mentioned his wife's death and I was like oh? Tell me more. Tell me more about the mysteries behind those blue eyes. Please and thank you.
Ann: I am at that scene right now. The whole jail scene with him and Lucy really deepened my interest in all of the characters.
Kate: And Rufus. Rufus is never not just everything and more.
Ann: E V E R Y T H I N G.
Sarah: I think that's one of the aspects of this show that really hooked me: It took character archetypes I thought I knew, and made them real, likable, and interesting.
Gissane: That entire scene in the jail is perfection. I get chills every time I think of Rufus' speech to the guard. Brilliant. EPIC.
Sarah: Fun fact: Malcolm Barrett improvised most of that speech!
Ann: He did?? I didn't know that!
Kate: That scene is even more profound now.
Gissane: That's when Rufus went from aww, what a sweetheart to OH MY GOD, YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME.
Sarah: Yeah! Kripke and Ryan talked about it at the screening I went to. He also improvised the "the back of the bus was great" line.
Kate: What this show does with Rufus, giving him this complex, meaty character and actually allowing for discussions of race through history is one of my favorite parts of the show.
Sarah: Yes, Kate.
Gissane: All the awards because that scene was the episode's best -- context and performance wise.
Ann: Hard agree, Kate. And they did it right from the start and kept it up the whole damn season.
Sarah: The moment Rufus says to Mason that it has never been a good time to be a black person in history was when I knew this show was self-aware. You can have fun, you can have irreverence, you can have a family show and still address very real, very important, very serious issues.
Kate: It's a perspective that demands to be told. I could not be happier they were brave enough to.
Sarah: And by Malcolm Barrett, who is the most perfect cinnamon roll as Rufus.
Gissane: This show's self-awareness is what makes it so unique. Time travel? Cool, it's been done a couple of times. But to actually highlight the negativity in history makes it much more unique and intriguing.
Ann: Another thing the show does well? Guest characters you care about. These random, one-off historical people...somehow relevant and fleshed out in 45 minutes every week.
Kate: I could write sonnets about Timeless and their guest characters. Maybe I have and they are hidden in my sock drawer... you don't know.
Sarah: Kate Drummond appears. Could be some sort of Male Brand Strong Female. But is somehow so careful and wonderful
(EDITOR’S NOTE: Delve into the kickass history of the amazing female journalists who could have served as inspiration for the fictional Kate Drummond with this week’s Historical Hour with Hilary, our resident historian!)
Kate: She is ballsy and capable. I love her.
Sarah: Both Lucy and Wyatt's interactions with her.
Ann: Exactly! Kate Drummond was brilliant. Also kickass red lipstick, which is bonus.
Sarah: Are meaningful and lovely.
Gissane: And so dedicated to her work. No distractions. I loved that!
Kate: And I think it is important they chose her, a character she who was fated to die. Because they make us love her and it makes the implications and the desire to change history to save her real for us. Just as it is real for the Time Team.
Sarah: Right, Kate. Contextualizing what it means to change - or not change - history. Kate is someone Lucy admired and had to watch die. Kate is someone Wyatt identified with immediately on a very intimate level - and had to watch die.
Ann: It's so powerful.
Sarah: Wyatt, as we see briefly here, is obsessed with saving his wife because he feels responsible. But in the very first episode, we see him save someone from their "fate" - only to see that effort thwarted minutes later.
Ann: OH A WILD GARCIA APPEARS. Quite literally wild. But also dayuuum.
Sarah: AND WHAT A FINE SPECIMEN HE IS. I will never not love Goran Višnjić.
Gissane: WHAT A COMPLEX SPECIMEN. And now he is someone I literally couldn't for the life of me imagine caring about and yet, here we are.
Kate: I could stare at those broody eyes, flippy hair, and angular cheekbones all the days.
Sarah: He could have chemistry with a piece of anthracite.
Kate: Yes, Goose. I knew the second he was supposed to be our "villain" we were in for a much more layered portrayal of a man with much more to show us.
Ann: That's the brilliance of well-written character-driven stories. I demand more.
Kate: We all did, so much so they were forced to renew it. Hahaha But I digress.
Ann: You also speak the sterling truth. (CONGRATS CLOCKBLOCKERS.)
Kate: (PAT YO SELVES ON THE BACKS, SIRS AND MADAMS)
Gissane: Can I just mention how much I love that fandom name?
Kate: You most certainly can, and I will heartily second it.
Ann: Also can we talk about the supporting cast for a quick second? A Denise Christopher or a Jiya Marri perhaps? Because again with the fleshed out, interesting REAL secondary characters.
Gissane: YES. And right from the start they're both such a presence on screen. You instantly want to know more.
Kate: I love Denise and her no nonsense attitude. I need to you save time guys. You will do it. I will need you again. You will do it. Wonderful, thanks, bye.
Ann: Ha ha ha, exactly!
Kate: And smart, capable Jiya! Rufus was making heart eyes at her in the very first scene and I both understand that on a spiritual level and am here for it.
Ann: Again though, another example of characters I expected them to just leave as cardboard cutouts. But nope. Not Timeless. No simple Hard Liner Bosses or Nerdy Tech Girls here. We get warm, lovely, interesting people.
Sarah: And then he asked her out like a normal person instead of weirdly objectifying her. And then she said yes like a person instead of being some strange Unattainable Manic Pixie Dream Girl.
Gissane: Shout it from the rooftops, y'all. From the rooftops!
Sarah: Yes - Annie. We actually get people!
Kate: And these people are women! How often does that happen?!
Ann: This and Wonder Woman? *laughs to keep from crying*
Kate: And women of color, no less. Be still my heart.
Sarah: I think one thing that really struck me upon rewatch was what a STRONG pilot this is. I always give myself the 3 Episode Rule.
Ann: Yes Sarah! I was just thinking that as it concluded. I immediately want to watch 15 more.
Sarah: Which is: Watch 3 episodes of a show before deciding it it's worth a watch. There wasn't huge amounts of obvious exposition. The plot was not throw-away.
Kate: It really had everything I was looking for.
Sarah: We were invested in the characters. And, as a person who is very picky about time travel, it handled that aspect so well.
Ann: I think, aside from Back to the Future, it's one of the only pieces of media that has handled time travel in a way I enjoy. Because OBVIOUSLY Back to the Future.
Kate: You can always tell when writers care about their characters because they give you no choice but to also. And they managed that with all of them which is no easy feat.
Gissane: See I liked the pilot. I didn't LOVE it. Until like the second rewatch after I'd already been invested, but it was just right to keep me wanting more. And then episode two happened. I have never looked back after that.
Ann: Oh man, episode 2. I think that is still my favorite episode.
Kate: I am not emotionally prepared to discuss episode 2. Lock it up, you two.
Ann: Gah, ok. You're right. That's for next week.
Sarah: So if we're going to sum up our feelings on rewatch:
Lady Swoon™
Wild Garcia Yes
Rufus FTW
Ann:
No One Likes Wyatt Yet
Kate:
(except Kate for shallow reasons only)
Sarah: Because that hat. Always the 40s fedora on classy, attractive gentlemen.
Gissane: He should always wear hats.
Kate: Ah yup. I mean all the Timeless men are yummy. I just want them all in various period hats for my viewing pleasure and I am not sorry.
Ann: And you shouldn't be.
Sarah: Never apologize.
Kate: The ladies, too. We are blessed.
Sarah: Any final thoughts on the first episode before we bring this Lifeboat back to dock?
Gissane: It's a damn good pilot when you think of it. So rich and full. And so very promising. I've converted about five of my friends into fans already. I'm stupidly proud of this.
Ann: I've got a question: What time period would you you guys travel to?
Gissane: One cannot simply choose. Nope. Don't make it.
Kate: Time travel questions are hard because being a lady in history could truly suck.
Ann: Yes it could. And probably will?
Kate: But I am not going to pretend like I didn't read all the Jane Austen and wish I wasn't Elizabeth Bennett.
Gissane: S A M E.
Ann: Oh hell yes. Or watch Meet Me in St. Louis and want to wear one of those outfits Judy Garland sports and sing on trolleys?
Sarah: Don't want to go all Owen Wilson on y'all, but send me back to that Lost Generation in Paris 1920s.
Ann: Only if I can drink with Hemingway.
Kate: Obvi.
Sarah: So long as you are Brave and Strong, Annie.
Kate: Can we just quickly pour one out for poor Amy?
Gissane: I wasn't prepared for that one, Kate. BRING AMY BACK.
Kate: Timeless and their twists man. MY HEART STRINGS CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH.
Sarah: *frantically makes buttons and posters* BRING BACK AMY. SAVE AMY 20K17.
Gissane: Seriously. MAKE ALL THE POSTERS.
Kate: They rip her away from us and Lucy and right before the episode with Robert Todd Lincoln. It is too much. I need to rest.
Sarah: May Robert Todd all carry us softly to sleep. Thanks for the great chat, ladies. Cannot wait to really unpack and dig in.
Gissane: Cheers to that. Til next week!
Kate: Agreed. Until next time!
Ann: See you IN THE FUTURE! #godiamsolame
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