#please tell me you didn't read all this

[enhanced-operatives-division]

Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one #i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking #and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped #i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format #anyways. #THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever.. #this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good. #it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen) #also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head #idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard. #whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope #im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT #ieytd #john juniper #reginald crane #junicrane #starstruck #i expect you to die #<- being BRAVE!!! #when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that #the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :( #but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH #also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah. #god im so messed up about these two #make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG..... #i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which - #- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL #GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall....... #FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga #thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry

[deadlittledogs]

uwwuuhhh… *sniffles*….. MY MISS LITTLE LADY, WHY DID I ACCIDENTALLY NAME YOU SOMETHING GAY….

#She was the first kitten I intended on adopting out so when I made her CL ad I was like. Alright whatever it doesn't matter #I'll just name you something cringe and gay cuz whoever takes u will just change it #but then.......... slowly.... I started to.... le fall in love.... #and by the time the people who wanted her came to the house #I PLAYED SWITCHAROO LMAO #I WAS PANICKING ALL FUCKING DAY CUZ I DIDN'T WANT HER TO GO #AND MY DAD WAS LIKE. I doubt those people will be able to tell the difference. they all look the same to me. just give them another one. #and gulps that's exactly what I did lol #handed them a different one so I could keep her for myself <3 #and after long deliberation between her and her arguably cuter sister......shes dah one for me.... she's so sweet and snuggy.... #BUT NOW SHE HAS A CRINGE GAY FUCKING NAME AHHHH #when I say it I wince because... WELL.... ITS AN ANIME CHARACTER..... #AND I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GUY #I want to get her a name tag soon.... and I don't want it to be the name of a freaking ANIME character lmao. #if you're reading this GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS HELP ME HELP ME PLEASE

[hella1975]

not someone commenting on tams to tell me to update taob. what if you fucked off forever

#the actual nerve of some people like it's bad enough getting those kinds of comments ON taob #bc obviously any comment along the lines of 'im literally begging you to update' is gonna piss the fuck out of a writer #BUT TO DO IT ON A DIFFERENT FUCKING FIC????? HAVE A HORRIBLE DAY #and the fact these people not only dont think they're doing anything wrong but think they're COMPLIMENTING ME #'i love your writing so much please update taob' IS NOT A FUCKING COMPLIMENT. LET ALONE ON A FIC THAT HAS NO RELEVANCE TO TAOB #WITH NO MENTION OF TAMS IN THE COMMENT EITHER. NO 'I REALLY LIKE THIS FIC. UPDATE TAOB' not that that would make it okay #but the utter audacity of it all is jarring. how are you gonna clearly have read tams and felt the need to comment #just to have NOTHING to say about it and tell me to update a different fic. actually fuck off #ending the comment with 'okay i love you' do you now. do you really. well it's unrequited babe. fuck off #you people make me mad sometimes istg #'hella why are you always so negative about taob's popularity' when i get something good out of it i'll let you know #edit: they left that comment on ch1 of tams which actually implies they didn't even read it which is somehow. worse #like they've clearly just clicked on it with no regard for the passion and effort i put into it seeing as it's a WHOLE SEPERATE FIC #and considered only that i might give the comment more attention if it was on tams not taob. what the actual fuck is the thought process #in what WORLD is someone taking that as a compliment. in what world am i gonna go 'omg writing it rn just for you bestie 🥺' #actually fuming about this idk why this one has got to me so much the utter CHEEK of it all has really knocked me sideways lmaooo

[bloody-wonder]

Top five mangas?? 👀👀

thanks i'm gonna include manhwa too tho bc i read it more often :)

semantic error made me unlock hitherto undreamt of levels of fun that can best be compared to the profound enjoyment a hetero woman experiences when watching a really good self-indulgent romcom. i previously thought i'm only into exceptionally fucked up bl but this manhwa taught me i'm not above very basic romance if it's well-written, hilarious and sexy and frames weirdness as something that can be appealing and awaken desires

killing stalking was the first bl manhwa i ever read and what an introduction to the genre it was! it's very good but very dead dove do not it so i wouldn't rec it to just anyone. for me, it was very fun binging the whole thing overnight bc why sleep when you can instead plunge deep into the darkest corners of human psyche while scrolling cartoons

twittering birds never fly has the audacity to maintain that slowburn since *checks wikipedia* 2011?? what the fuck?! if semantic error is a romcom twittering birds is a soap opera with no end in sight - and it has me in a chokehold. yashiro is one of the most characters of all time, i hope he admits his feelings for doumeki sometime before i turn 50 but it's still fun to watch him get into increasingly dramatic situations in order to avoid doing just that lol

painter of the night is just self-indulgent. i don't think the plot is any good at all and i don't particularly like the main character but i'm sufficiently compensated for these flaws by the historical setting and yoon seungho. the joseon period costumes are just so fun to look at - at one point i went down a rabbit hole researching those fascinating gat hats. more bl should be set in the past tbh but it probably takes more time and research for the creators. and yoon seungho is just your classic bad boy you want to fix and do in fact fix. the drrrrama of it tho!

the cornered mouse dreams of cheese / the carp on the chopping block jumps twice is probably the least well-known on this list? this short two volume manga was recced to me by a friend and i really liked it bc it features a protag struggling with his sexuality in a way that to me read very aro. it's also about the quarter-life crisis so. all the themes very near and dear to my heart lol

#book tag #i got another ask just like this so i hope you can see the answer anon #ik there are more historical bl manga/manhwa out there so give me recs please if you know some good ones #ooku is on my 2024 tbr #the honorable mentions that didn't make the list: #the pawn's revenge (killing stalking but less fucked up) #here u are (semantic error but not as good and sexy) #love or hate (this is for if you really like soap opera and juicy drama) #just recently read the summer hikaru died and it has great potential but i can't tell for sure till the whole story is out #it's definitely the most creative out of all of these #there's also this ace manga i want to check out - i want to be a wall

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

the father [solar lunacy] the son [you move to dayshift but aren't paid any more, go figure] and the holy spirit [i see you, sundrop!]

#random thoughts #fnaf #solar lunacy because it's what people think of when they think about iconic sun and moon fics (and for good reason) #(bamsara is a master at subtext and creating little scenes that all build up to a beautiful picture) #dayshift go figure because god. the corporate bullshit. the domestic bullshit. THE VIRUS BULLSHIT. #and also because it features my all-time favorite original character (drumroll please) #dundundundundun RILEY GREENE OF I SEE YOU SUNDROP FAME #god what didn't i see you sundrop do right. the characterization. the slow build up of dread throughout the entire fic. riley greene. #IT IS 106 CHAPTERS NOT INCLUDING A POSSIBLE FUTURE EPILOGUE #god sorry to the other two fics on my list but reading i see you sundrop broke my brain a little #the scenes with riley's mother. THE SCENES WITH RILEY'S MOTHER OH MY GOD #you can tell a fic is good when it gets you to give a shit about an oc that hard #their CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??? WHICH IN TURN FED DIRECTLY INTO WILLIAM AFTON'S DEMISE????? #I AM DEAD. I AM DECEASED. #im rereading solar lunacy rn if you can't tell lol i went on a spree #fucking love the concept of sun not being completely isolated from moon and his illness god fuck #solar lunacy 🤝 i see you sundrop: we're gonna have some wild fucking takes on moon's illness in relation to sun #me: oh god thank god some good fucking food #and OBIWAN??? OF DAYSHIFT GO FIGURE FAME??? #best oc side character i think. i want to see him and sun just go at it for an hour shooting the shit #don't really have much else to say on dayshift go figure right now cuz its on SUCH a cliffhanger #that's kind of taking over my mind rn idkwettl #i could go on for hours about i see you sundrop though. that fic grabbed me by the throat and threw me down the stairs #binged that shit in two days #sun mentions having a crush on riley once and it's never mentioned again and that kind of fucks actually #the other two are romance fic and they're REALLY GOOD AT IT OH MY GOD #solar lunacy. just in general. makes me blush so hard it's not funny #OH SPEAKING OF BLUSHING #THE MC IN DAYSHIFT GO FIGURE KEEPS GETTING FLUSTERED IT'S SO CUTE #dayshift go figure is more of a typical 'i am in love and refuse to acknowledge it' fic it's so adorable

[magicalfish6286]

something i discovered about hsr fans is that no one understands dan heng's character apparently.

#it's kinda pissing me off. you guys realize he isn't dan feng right #like that's one of the main things with his character. trying to move past a life that wasn't his #atoning for the sins of crimes he did not commit. and all that #but no i guess people would rather ignore his entire character arc so far just so they can have yaoi or whatever #like am I missing something. please tell me i didn't read in game text for hours for nothing #this is what i get for getting into a gacha game for the story and characters instead of just shipping

[turtlesallthewaytomgreg]

they could have had the moment after the bathroom fight be longer, have them step even closer, have the fight be more sexually charged and it would be perfectly tonally right and nothing that new for succession. if for nothing else, then to make it less.. dismissible... cause i'm pretty sure there's eros in this relationship lmao. ..... jesus. against my better judgement my thoughts just keep circling back to that mattmac interview. cause it's one thing to say everyone has their own interpretation but it's another to say it's projection

and i'm not saying this to dampen people's enthusiasm about the finale or tomgreg. cause the authors are dead for good and it's our playground now. i just like being called insane for the right things, and seeing sexual tension between tom & greg in s1-3 and most of s4 is not one of them.

hey, really appreciate this anon. i'm with you, they definitely could've heightened the sexual tension in the fight scene while staying 'on tone.' for me, it's just frustrating and/or confusing knowing that tomgreg 'won' last night (e.g., in being solidified as a 'forever' pairing), yet nevertheless feeling like there was something else still in the room, holding their chemistry back/preserving grounds for 'projection,' even if subtly.

more than anything, though--why confirm stewy as queer in the finale but not push beyond subtext with tom/greg? why maintain plausible deniability with one ship if you're still choosing to ally yourself with lgbtq+/alienate homophobic audiences with another? not to sound jealous of kenstewy fans (lmao definitely am), it's just too bad, that in choosing to make one queer-affirming concrete judgment call, they didn't take it a step further/make others.

#tomgreg #small gripe #please don't come for me #i know they're canon #and i appreciate everything the writers have done #i just missed them all season #i missed the frequency of the intensity and insanity #i missed the fluffy moments of 'we tested this #and 'we hear for you' #i missed the dinner dates #and the 'secrets folder' #and i'm staying here tonight' #i missed everything they didn't show us off screen #everything #all the gaps we were left to fill in #all the times when 'grabbing a drink' could've been a euphemism but it was never confirmed #all the times when i couldn't tell if the show was laughing with me or laughing at me for reading tomgreg as queer #so welcome to all of the post series angst #all of the unfiltered thoughts and feelings #because it was perfect #and this ship will mean everything to me forever #and i still think it's okay to hope #and i still think it's okay to still push for more #and still i think it's okay to dream for the day #where queer representation isn't even a thing people talk about #the day when including queer characters isn't a concern #and there's no ambiguity #and there's no guessing about queer relationships #and there are shows that aren't defined by/reduced to whether or not they have gay characters #that is all

[timiddot]

i need a new job but im disabled and autistic and i cant drive and ive only ever worked one job before the one i currently work and i don't have any college and the job market is so bad right now i don't know what to do at all i just need to make more money but i'm completely fucking drained mentally and physically from my current shitty job that isn't even that hard i'm just weak to the point where i don't have the energy to look for other jobs and my fucking computer is kinda broken and i really want to work a remote job but i can't with my computer like that and i don't know what to do but i can't keep earning fucking $9 an hour with like 20 hours a week but i can't work another retail job or i think i will genuinely lose my mind more than i already have and that therapist hasn't gotten back to me and i don't know what to fucking do at all i am so lost i just want it all to be fucking over!!!! AND IM SICK HAHAHA FUCK ME !

#moss sprouts #sorry im not doing good. #the last like 6 months of my life have made me so fucking hopeless #with everything that happened w logan and shit and money and life is just hell #i dont even have anybody to talk to abt shit with logan because i didn't fucking tell anyone when it was happening #and now its been over for months and what point is there to bring it up #i dont have frienfs that i can talk to #im sorry i dont really expect anyone to read this #if you Know who i mean when i say logan please dont like..contact them about my fucking dumb posting. #i doubt anyone would but im paranoid i just want it all to be over

[andthebeanstalk]

Yo the writing in this movie is weak as shit

Like, the animation looks good and there are some fun segments, but why is the writing so fucking WEAK???

This is fuckin' embarrassing.

41 years since Miyazaki's Castle of Cagliostro established Lupin could be likeable, and you have somehow made a movie in which Lupin threatens a girl with sexual assault and then also there is a sympathetic Nazi character?????

And! AND! what is this shit?? What is this utter laziness??? EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THIS NOTHING-ASS PLAIN WHITE BREAD CHARACTER DESIGN IS NOT JUST ANNA FROM FROZEN??? EXPLAIN IT TO ME.

And she's next to the Lupin characters, who are so dynamic and alive! She looks like an unfinished 3D model base this is nothing.

And, more importantly, will someone please explain to me why this horrendously-written character is present for the climax instead of anyone in the Lupin gang???

Like, let me be absolutely fucking clear: All this girl actually does in the movie is nearly cause a second Holocaust. Literally, her actions are the thing that allows the Third Reich to nearly regain power. That is the only thing she actually succeeds in. She fails at every other thing she tries to do!

And I don't care that she feels bad about it! I don't care that she did it accidentally! The fact is, this is literally the only impact the writers gave her in the story! The only explicitly Jewish character that survives the movie! They just! Didn't catch the optics on that, I guess! They don't give her something heroic to do later in the film that has any tangible weight to it, either! The old Nazi character does that! They just plum forgot about Laetitia I guess! Too bad she takes up 60% of the screentime in this film!

I mean, this movie starts with a Nazi shooting a Jewish man in the head, and then that Nazi raises that man's granddaughter as his own in order to trick her into doing Nazi shit for him. In the first scene he interacts with her in a parental capacity, it is clear that she fears being beaten by his metal cane. That Nazi then goes on to be framed in a sympathetic and undeniably warm light by the film. He actually does more for the good guys than Laetitia does! His death is given way more weight than the Jewish character he kills at the beginning.

Gods, this is shit. This is so fucking disrespectful.

I mean, if Laetitia was a golden retriever, the plot would have changed literally not at all.

In fact, it would have absolutely been an improvement because then her actions, characterization, and relationships with the other characters would have made sense. She would have been way more likeable too!

GENTLEMEN, If your female character could easily be replaced by a lamp, a prized possession, or a Pomeranian, then you have fucked up.

"Arf! Arf arf! Grrrrrr!!!", "MANGY DOG!!"

And Laetitia is, no mistaking, the main character of this film. THIS film. You know? The film called Lupin that is supposed to be about Lupin except it's actually about the world's most generic girl reacting to Lupin??

And all this focus on Laetitia comes at the expense of time with the Lupin gang!

Fujiko has like 4 lines!

Goemon has like, 6!

No one in this movie has a character arc, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE LITERAL ABUSIVE-PARENT NAZI CHARACTER.

OOPSY DAISY.

Anyway, the main value of this movie is that Jigen is so so so so hot. But damn. I do think he could've still been hot in a non-shitty film. 🤔🤔🤔

#lupin iii #lupin #original #lupin the third the first #lupin iii the first #hey! why does this suck so bad??? #it is so easy to make Lupin likable just don't have him threaten to rape anyone it's just so easy #Mr Miyazaki managed to create a non-misogynistic Lupin in 1979!!! we have the technology! this movie came out in 2020! there's no excuse! #I guess she helps them get past those three trials when they're going to get the super weapon #but all that actually ends up doing is allowing the Nazis to take the super weapons so??? #there's no reason one of the gang couldn't read ancient languages or pull out a translation dictionary. she didn't need to be there. #someone please tell me there's other good lupin iii content because Jesus Christ #my girlfriend pointed out that it seems as though the writers were trying to do a doctor who kind of thing #like what is it like to be a character that is helped by lupin and his gang? #the thing is you do still need a fucking character #archeology is not a character trait. you have to write your female characters with more than an inch of depth. fuck OFF #i hate this fucking character so much #and it is fully the fault of the writers. presumably men. if women wrote this movie i have no fucking idea what their problem was #there's a point where fujiko leaves Lupin in the hands of the bad guys. which would be pretty standard except they are literal nazis!!! #also fujiko definitely does do work for the Nazis. like it seems maybe she's trying to rip them off but it's not clear! #that should be clear!!! #also lupin is like 'you and i do what we do bc it's in our DNA! We can't help it!' and like. hm. #I mean that's weak on a good day but if your villains are Nazis it becomes a weird time to validate the concept of biological determinism

[girlscience]

Okay, obviously I have some body image issues. This is very clear to pretty much everyone who knows me. I have had them since I hit about 10 years old I think? That gives me 15 years of disliking the way I look, for one reason or another. I have tried a lot of things throughout that time to change my perception of myself. And currently, I feel like I am stuck in a weird place that I can't figure out how to escape.

I understand that there are studies now showing that dieting and working out don't actually work long term for most people. I know that getting into that mostly causes things like yo-yo dieting and circular weight gain/loss. I know that being fat is being shown to not actually be unhealthy in the ways it has often been shown as and perceived to be. I know that literally all the media everywhere is blasting me with idealized bodies that pretty much do not exist or only exist through extremely unsustainable/unhealthy means.

I have tried for so long to believe in and promote body neutrality or positivity for myself and other people. I constantly refuse to let myself think about what I see in the mirror or in pictures. I tell myself to get exercise for the physical and mental health benefits, not for my physical appearance. I try to view my body for what it can do and not how it looks. I tell myself to live the life I want to live now, rather than waiting to live it till I have the body I imagine living that life. Without exaggeration, I am fairly certain I think about these things every single day.

And none of it is working.

I actually feel I dislike my appearance now more than I did even a year ago. I feel like I am constantly noticing things about my body that I never did before or new changes to my body, and I am deeply uncomfortable with them. And I want to do something about it, and clearly simply changing my mentality isn't doing anything. I want to diet and exercise. But I also know it likely won't be a permanent change. I am concerned that I would give myself an eating disorder. And I'm also concerned that I would be feeding into diet/exercise culture. I am worried about hurting the people around me who are also fat. I am anxious about the fact that I am not actually that large so I don't want to talk about it with other people because I know it will make people who are larger than I am feel terrible. I don't want to make other people who are gaining weight feel bad for that. But, I hate the way I look.

This is not sustainable. At some point something will break and I think it might end up being my brain. I am worried about how that would end up. The things I do for my brain and my body shouldn't be about how it might affect other people, it should be for me. But I don't want to be bad for the things I do. I want and have wanted for so long to look like a powerbuilder/warrior/dwarf/strongman lifter/crossfit athlete/etc. I want to be big. I want to be visibly strong and powerful. And I am absolutely not. And I know I struggle with commitment and discipline and all of that, but I also know I struggle a lot with how this desire appears to other people.

Really, I think what this is all coming down to is other people's opinions. I dislike the way I look and am told that's bad. I want to change the way I look and I'm told that's bad. I do nothing and get told that's bad. I have to want these things for the right reason, in the right way, and have to talk about it right all the time. And I just can't. I don't like the way I look and I wish I looked like a brick shithouse and everyone else can fucking suck it.

#please if you know me irl don't read this and then tell me nice things about the way i look #i appreciate that you want to make me feel better but that's not what i'm looking for with this #i am mostly just trying to work out how i feel and what i want to do about it #and what my exact thoughts are about all of it #for example until writing that out i didn't even realize a big part of the circles i'm running in #are entirely about what other people think or how other people might perceive my actions #i am not telling other people to work out #i am not forcing people to go the gym with me #i actively don't want to make other people feel bad or do anything to disparage the choices they make #about their bodies #i do not want to starve myself #i don't want extreme 6 pack abs like people get from being dehydrated for movies #the things i want aren't unhealthy or unachievable (i don't think anyway) #i don't want them just because society thinks being fat is bad #it has a lot more with wanting to be strong and have muscles and not feel soft #than it does the number on the scale or any stretch marks or what size pants i wear #sure i watch superhero movies and wish i looked like them. but i am also aware i'm not fucking male #and my hip bones won't ever be that shape no matter how much i work out #so i would like to think that as a reasonably intelligent 25 year old i can figure out how i want to look #and not have it entirely be just because society told me to look like that #and that wanting these things doesn't make me some evil brainwashed asshole #i don't know that all of this is making sense anymore or actually making point i am trying to make. i'm tired #anyway. to wrap up. fuck other people. i don't have to listen to shit #and if i want to do push-ups and eat lots of protein and get hugeass biceps you can't stop me #and i'm not evil for not wanting my belly button to look like a circle and not a squished frown

[fantabulisticity]

Internet drama and illiteracy/willful ignorance ahead, scroll if you don't want to read it

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So my friend sent me this video of a guy reacting to and acting out a fictional reaction from the roommate of someone who made the original vid about "splicing together" spider and caterpillar genes and releasing a ton of them into the wild. The original video is a joke and pictures naturally-occurring, non-modified species that already exist. Several others and I went into the comments to reassure people who were freaking out that this video was a joke. One of those reassurers (lovely_vonnie) was being kind of an asshole about it to a bunch of people. And on one of those threads, this happened:

How dare you suggest we piss on the poor?!

#please note that at no point did I call them bitchy -- i told them that I WAS NOT mad or being bitchy. #like. people told you this was fake MULTIPLE TIMES and you kept doubling down because you can't fucking read. #THE VIDEO IS FAKE. IT'S ALL FAKE. NO ONE RELEASED INVASIVE CATERPILLARS THAT LOOK SPIDERY. #jesus christ some people just wanna be mad. #after that last one i just fuckin blocked em they aren't interested in learning anything new. they just want to yell at people online. #personal #like. buddy. NO ONE RELEASED ANYTHING. IF THE BEGINNING OF THE VIDEO IS FAKE THEN THE END IS ALSO FAKE. IT'S ALL FAKE. THE WHOLE THING. #FUCKING GET OFFLINE. #'now multiple people are telling me' yeah because YOU DIDN'T LISTEN THE FIRST TIME. #this is why i don't use instagram #i only sae that vid because my friend sent it to me #i fucking hate instagram culture #IT'S A JOKE! IT'S A JOKE! THE WHOLE VIDEO IS A JOKE! NO PART OF IT IS REAL! YOU ZEROED IN ON ONE FUCKING PART AND THOUGHT IT WAS REAL AND... #...GOT PISSY AT PEOPLE TELLING YOU IT WAS FAKE. IT'S FAKE. IT'S ALL FAKE. EVERY PART OF IT.

[lavenoon]

I like this song

Answering these two together because I'm assuming the tornado warning may have inspired the song - but I do hope you stayed safe during all of that!

The song is nice! Not quite what I casually listen to myself, but I like the beat, and I bet with some rain it makes for a nice ambience (:

#answer let luce #kbell14 #that being said #I. uh. didn't really know how to answer these? #if there's context I missed please let me know but right now this is a random anecdote and I don't know how it relates to me #I wanted to answer this to tell you because I recognize you #but I don't *know* you #in the future I might not answer asks that don't relate back to me/ something I posted or reblogged #I can only imagine this was maybe prompted by the reading nook with rain sounds video I reblogged yesterday before I went to bed? #but tornado warnings sound terrifying to me and not at all calm #so. sorry but idk

[sternbilder]

ok so today I had one of the most fascinating and enlightening discussions maybe of my life and I need to share bc it blew my MIND (warning: long)

here's the context. there is a friend I have. they are a pretty good friend of mine that I've known for many years now and I appreciate them as a person very much. lately I have noticed that they've been texting me fairly frequently. which, from my point of view, is once every couple of days. not because they had something specific to say, but just saying hello or asking how my day was.

I'm sure this was well-intentioned, but this was starting to get a tiny bit grating for me. we just met up in person literally two days ago! and you had texted me not long before that, too! nothing new has happened since then! my day has been quite boring, actually! I thought, in my mind, as I swiped away the notification—and immediately felt like an awful friend.

I knew from past experience that responding to the message would invite an immediate and not easily escapable conversation that, due to my poor multitasking skills, would distract me from work or require me to context switch away from whatever else it was I was doing at the moment—cooking, doing chores, watching TV—and worse, amount to little more than idle chit-chat about the same boring quotidian complaints as usual. I am not one of those people who thinks they're above small talk or don't see its social value, but I found myself thinking, am I the one who is being not normal here in not enjoying having this specific kind of interaction MULTIPLE times a week with the SAME person?

so recently, I've been finding myself routinely avoiding opening this particular friend's messages for fear of hurting their feelings if they saw that I had left them on read for a prolonged period of time. I had even gone so far as to avoid posting in a group chat in which we're both participants so that they don't realize that I have, in fact, been online, just not responding to them, specifically. my hope was that after enough slow responses, this friend would eventually get the hint and give up on trying to maintain a steady steam of conversation, but somehow this has not worked so far.

this was starting to weigh on my conscience. I realized that I will have to eventually fight my conflict-avoidant tendencies and just confront this friend directly, for the sake of both my sanity and our friendship. but how to do this gently? tactfully? without implying that I don't value their friendship or that I perceive them as needy or annoying? that was the tricky question. because I know that my friend isn't doing anything wrong! if anything it is probably me that is weird and antisocial and I probably just need to work on my social skills!

but not wanting to feel like a total asshole and hoping to go in with an informed and reasonable mindset (knowing full well that my understanding of social norms isn't always the keenest), I asked a different group chat for their opinion, hoping to gain some perspective on what boundaries they generally considered normal and acceptable to exercise. I phrased my question thusly:

how many friends* would you say you have where you text on a regular basis (say, multiple times a week) 1:1 just to say hi, about nothing in particular *explicitly a friend, not a family member or SO

y'all. the responses were eye-opening.

there were four people who participated in this discussion, all four of whom were in different camps and had wildly different experiences:

0, and assumed most others were the same

0, but assumed most others were not the same

multiple, and assumed most others were the same

multiple, but assumed most others were not the same

1 was me; in retrospect, I am realizing that because I had assumed that these kinds of interactions were not typical, I had interpreted my friend's gesture as something much more significant than it probably was in their mind, which is to say something that they just happen to do with everyone they know and like—which created a sort of pressure in my mind not to let them down and caused a sense of intense anxiety when I found myself struggling to reciprocate. I am absolutely floored at the revelation that it is apparently normal and common for people to have MULTIPLE friends (not even partners!!! or family!!!) that they are talking to on a constant ongoing basis at any given time, and at the possibility that I was treating my friend's feelings with kid gloves when it REALLY wasn't that hashtag deep for them.

2 clarified that they never initiate these kinds of chats, but when others initiate with them, they're fairly comfortable with simply letting these kinds of pings go unanswered, assuming the other person will just move on to someone else without taking it personally.

3 confessed to me that they once tried to do something similar with me, and eventually gave up, but had felt a bit hurt and rejected at my lack of enthusiasm, because they assumed that I was doing this with other people, just not them specifically. they sympathized very strongly with my friend.

4 also recalled that they had at one point tried something similar with me, but sort of got that I wasn't one of those people who would be receptive to this style of communication and wasn't particularly bothered by this, agreeing with 2 that the expectation is not that the recipient HAS to respond, and that my friend should probably pay closer attention to the face-saving social cues I was sending by not responding or responding slowly.

but yeah, the takeaway from this conversation is that people's preferences and experiences and expectations when it comes to digital communication are WILDLY varied, and because both communication technology and the social conventions surrounding them are changing CONSTANTLY (just a few examples: are read receipts good or bad? what about typing indicators? online status? are emoji reacts or gifs/stickers an acceptable substitute for an actual reply? group chats vs. 1:1 DMs? synchronicity and formality of various communication methods like email and chat and video? are phone calls are still socially acceptable?) there are either no agreed-on norms or different camps of people have vastly different understandings of what the norms are

among the other highlights/a-ha moments of this discussion:

Friend 4 asked another friend who is even MORE extraverted than they are what their # was and they reported somewhere in the ballpark of 20-40 people in any given week which is absolutely buckwild to me (importantly, all four of us in the original group happen to be software engineers, a class of people notorious for their lack of sociability, so I have no confidence that I have captured a representative sample size even within this particular group—the numbers both 3 and 4 gave were still both in the single digits, though they are definitely the warmest and friendliest of the bunch)

I realized that one difference between me and 3/4 was that we fulfill our social needs quite differently? specifically, I mostly connect with friends over group chats, of which I have a handful that are quite chatty and at least one or two that I'm actively posting in on any given day. I also typically have at least one, often multiple, real-life social plans every week! I am, in fact, very satisfied with my social life, to the point where it is almost maxing out my social quota (especially recently now that I've started dating someone)! but anyway—I find group chats to be my ideal form of day-to-day communication because there's less urgency and pressure for any individual person to contribute if they're not feeling up for it, and ALSO in the case of group chats where at least one member is a straight man (which is the majority of them for me, and I call out straight men only because they are the only demographic I have historically had this issue with) there is less room for platonic interactions to be undesirably misinterpreted as romantic

3/4 expressed that they prefer 1:1 conversations because they feel more personal and they can be more vulnerable about sensitive topics, which I would generally agree with—though in several of my group chats, I personally do feel comfortable enough with all the members to share things about myself with the entire group just by virtue of having known everyone for a long time and having built group camaraderie, but they seemed to not be comfortable with this without having previously established a consistent 1:1 pattern of day-to-day communication (or maybe they meant they were uncomfortable with the group forum itself, even if they were cool with sharing with everyone individually)?

they also expressed that for them, frequent unsolicited checkins and 1:1 attention from a friend would feel exciting/flattering/validating for them, whereas for me it would feel overwhelming, especially if we weren't THAT close

I do use 1:1 DMs also, but for a very different set of use cases: 1) if I haven't caught up with someone in a while (read: weeks or months), in which case we'll often just not text super long and make plans to call or meet in person instead, or 2) if I have something specific to say, like "here's this meme/song/piece of news I think you'd like to see" or "I need advice on X" or "guess what happened that made me think of you" or "I heard X happened, are you OK?"

I found that whereas I have a very clear distinction between communication preferences with a friend (someone I talk to on a regular basis but don't have a constant line of individual communication with) vs. a significant other (more or less willing to do this, unless they preferred not to), such a boundary between a platonic and romantic relationship does NOT exist for all people which boggled my mind

but yes anyway. I am learning so much about the way people view socializing in the digital age and I am so curious to know more and I kind of wish more people talked about this more openly (specifically among friends! because in my experience this is something that is fairly common to sort out explicitly in a romantic context) because I think this is probably the kind of thing that no one talks about because people are either afraid of potentially hurting feelings or everyone is just kind of assuming by default that their takes are universal without realizing that no actually, many people have strong opinions on this that are the polar opposite of theirs

but my gut feeling is that there is a lot of completely unnecessary friction that could just be resolved if only we could agree that it's cool to be more upfront about what our communication preferences are without worrying about that being taken extremely personally by the other party? bc idk, every single person I talked to about this today was like holy shit this was a whole fucking revelation actually, I can't believe I hadn't thought about this before thank you for bringing this up

#cam thoughts #I still have to talk to original friend #but am thinking maybe doing this next time I see them in person bc I find it so much easier to convey tone not when typing #bc there is an external factor that I suspect may have to do with why they're suddenly reaching out so frequently and I want to be sensitiv #but now I want to know the answer to this question for literally everyone I know. Im SO curious what is actually objectively normal/typical #but my gut tells me that this is like #inherently a delicate question to ask bc it can really make it uncomfortably clear if 2 ppl are not on the same page re:their friendship #also I realized that most of this group are specifically SWEs who have worked ON a chat application in the past. #so of COURSE we all have super strong opinions about literally all of this which is hilarious #also I didn't want to say it but have I definitely been thinking *meme voice* is this attachment theory? this whole time? lowkey mayhaps. #also also if you're reading this and I ever left you on read please do know that I do feel bad about it and I am sorry #final postscript I do not mean to suggest that I never want to be reached out to or checked in on. just. my capacity for social threads #is extremely low so please don't take it personally if I cannot prioritize your message right away or scale back chatting to a slower pace #tl;dr everyone is normal and fine and just different and the sooner we realize this the healthier our digital social lives will become.