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joshslater · 4 years

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Bulk Bucket

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"Time's up, Parker" Ronan Parker felt a firm grip on his arm from someone who had walked up behind him and was now steering him. It was Seth Dale from the football team, though Ronan could never remember what position he played. Sport wasn't a big part of his life, and while he knew most of the players, it was mostly to keep up with the latest gossip. He had been big before the summer, but now he was huge. What had he been up to?

"Good news, Parker. We are going to help each other out." Ronan looked to his other side and saw Nigel Wilkinson, running back on the team. He too was way bigger than before. Had they been working out together over the summer? "Yeah," Seth continued, "we asked around, and everyone agreed we wanted you."

They flanked him on either side and walked him around the corner, away from the library he was heading to. "Christina started to call Brennan by the name you came up with, Brawnan. He really wanted you to help us out" Ronan felt a pit in his guts. Wherever this march ended, it would be payback time. Not being athletic enough for any of the teams, or had enough patience to really shine academically, he'd used his street smarts and social skills to be an authoritative voice on who was cool and who was a joke in the school. The jocks had decidedly been on his shit-list. Not because he really disliked them, he didn't know them, but because it was easy to come up with jokes and every other guy, and many of the girls, would happily join in for their own reasons. Some were envious, some rejected the patriarchal idolization, and some were just getting even after years of getting bullied. But now the tax was due.

Ronan didn't even try to resist. Outrun the running back? Even shake out of Seth's grip would be a feat. They exited the main building and walked towards the sports center. Ronan went through hazings he could recall and started to put them in order of suck. Tied to the flag pole would be preferable to being suspended and used as a punching bag. What about stuffed in a locker with smelly training gear? Probably depends on what gear and the size of the locker. He wasn't that big, so he could fit in all the new ones. "You're awfully silent all of a sudden," Nigel said as we crossed the concrete square outside the main building. "You don't have a new joke for us? The one about beef broth was hilarious to some." Ronan remained silent, thinking that was probably the sane thing to do. "Hey, what about the meatloaf one? People used it for weeks," Seth chipped in.

Nigel opened the doors for them, all the way to their locker room. Inside it was the entire team waiting. The moment they entered the happy banter instantly died down to silence as they walked into the room. Ronan got a shock seeing them. He recognized them all, of course, but the muscles they all packed on during the summer was unreal. Impossible even. The room was quite big, but somehow it felt very cramped with a whole football team's worth of large bodies around him. All had gym clothes on, of more or less revealing kinds. The air was damp and there was a smell of sweat and testosterone in the air. All eyes were on him, but he couldn't make out their expressions. It ranged anywhere from triumphant to muted. Jonathan walked up to Nigel with a protein drink shaker. "All there, freshly squeezed" The shaker was milky white plastic, almost opaque, with a dark, green-tinted liquid inside. Nigel gave it a few shakes. It looked to be about two cups of something sloshing around in it.

"Ok, anyone not ready?" Seth asked the room. There was a second of silence. "Let's begin then." Nigel handed over the shaker to Ronan. "Drink up, funny boy". Ronan's mind was racing. What was in the shaker? Were they trying to get him drunk, or to shit himself? He knew one thing, it would be pointless to struggle surrounded by what looked like a spartan army. Hesitantly he opened the cap, put the opening to his lips, and began to sample its contents. It was sour, it was bitter, it was salty, it was sweet, but more than anything it tested of herbs. Like someone had made a herbal smoothie with whatever they found in their garden, plus lime. "Hurry up, all of it" The liquid wasn't as thick as a smoothie, but it wasn't just water either. Ronan emptied the shaker faster, shaking out the last drops at the end as a pretend front of courage. Almost immediately a loud groan came from his intestines. Then another one. "What's that? I didn't really hear you," Seth joked, and got a murmur of laughter from the team.

Ronan felt clammy and sweaty, like the first signs of food poisoning. Apparently it showed as well, as Seth continued "Not feeling well, you say? You should take a seat." Ronan was showed down unto one of the benches by several hands. He was feeling dizzy. "It's working. Get the stone" someone said. From behind someone tied a leather strap with a stone pendant around his neck. Ronan just wanted to take a hot shower, maybe throw up, and go to bed. Sitting down they all looked even more imposing, looking down on him.

"How long until he's ready?" ask someone Ronan maybe recognized as Harry. It was hard to tell with their new bodies. "The fuck do I know, " Nigel responded. "It's not like we've done this before. Let's give it time to make sure it is fully absorbed. We have all afternoon after all."

"Let's show him what we got," Seth said to Nigel. Ronan still felt like shit, but it was kind of stabilizing. He watched as Seth and Nigel removed their shirts to show off their impossibly well-sculpted bodies. They had been regular jocks as they left for summer break, muscled for sure, but no where near this. "Ok, story time while we wait," Nigel started. "So this year the team had its summer camp over at the reservation. Pretty much the same as every year. Even if the location is different, there are the fires, the tents, outdoor sports and such. It's just that one evening one old indian dude showed up. He wasn't part of the organizers, cause we hadn't seen us before or since, but he talked about how you could channel the spirits around us. Nice camp fire story, but not much more to it. Not until a few nights later when a few of us got high and saw... Well, we realized some shit that turned out to actually work. Being a team we all did it, and perhaps a bit too much, since we ended up like this."

"The coach was fucking furious," Seth jumped in. "Turns out we got a bit greedy on strength and got way more pounds to haul across the field than we can win with, so we need to make some adjustments," Nigel concluded. Ronan started to get the picture, though wasn't sure what it would mean for him. Seth continued "We can't just give all of this back. It doesn't work like that, so we were all in agreement that the best bulk bucket to dump all the excess muscle on is you. The way you've run your fucking mouth off all last year, it sounded like a cry for help."

"Fuck it, let's do it now, " Nigel interrupted. He grabbed a wooden stick with both hands, and held it out in front of him. He closed his eyes and appeared to concentrate on something. Ronan could feel the heat building in his legs, and then tiny vibrations, like when you are pushing yourself to your limit and the muscle is about to fail of exhaustion. Then it spread upwards in his body, the heat, the vibrations, and followed by spasms. Nigel stood completely still, eyes closed, and concentrated. Then Ronan saw how Nigel slowly started to shrink. Slowly and subtly, but he was changing. From what he had been told Ronan assumed the opposite was happening to him, but he couldn't really focus enough to register that. His entire body was just a blur of vibrations, heat, and discomfort.

Then it all stopped, almost instantly. Nigel opened his eyes and inspected himself. He still looked amazing, but more appropriate for a football player his age. "Fuck yeah!" Seth exclaimed, and the entire room erupted in cheers and high fives.

"One down and the rest to go. You'll probably feel like shit until everyone who jizzed in your potion is done," Nigel told Ronan, while handing over the stick to Seth.

Ronan was wide awake and was greeted by staring into a pair of pecs as he opened his eyes. It hadn't been a bad dream after all. He really had been in that locker room for hours, getting more and more pumped with muscles as one after the other of the team grabbed the stick and spent some five, ten minutes on transferring muscles over to him. He had felt less and less sick as they progressed, but his heart sunk lower and lower by what was happening to his body. After about a quarter of them he needed to get out of his clothes. His feet hurt the most, but fabric was straining everywhere. He realized he was as buff as any of them, and by the half point he was confident he could kick the shit out of any of them, but to what end? If he ran away they would just continue anyway. Perhaps the pendant was needed, and he could rip that off, but just as Nigel said he was feeling like shit. So he stayed and went from his thin, normal self, through athletic, jock, muscular, swole, to whatever bodybuilding monstrosity he was now.

He didn't cry, that's not the kind of person he was, but he felt like he should as the now recognizable players went through his greatest hits of jock insults, and a whole list of new ones like meatpacker, swole sink, and hunkty dumpty. Harry had brought a roll of stickers from a supermarket saying "USDA Prime" and put one on his chest. After he had removed it he got another one stuck on his back, and to everyone's great amusement he couldn't reach that far back with all his new muscles. Someone had brought some clothes he could actually fit in. A pair of well worn, bulky sneakers, a pair of spandex shorts, and a stringer with the print "Size Matters", all raided from the lost and found at local gyms apparently.

A lot of the players had left after they had adjusted themselves, and the last few of them left just after having thrown the clothes at him. Ronan sat in shock and disbelief for a long while before he got up and put on the scant pieces of clothing, gathered his belongings, and started to head home. He felt off, but wasn't sure how much was residual of the tonic he drank and what was just his new normal. The way his thighs made him waddle and his chest and arm muscles made the arms stand out wouldn't go away just with a night of good sleep.

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puckngrind · 4 years

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Skating Lessons part 19

Summary: Mason’s skating party

Warning: super soft and maybe swearing...

Word count: 2142

Series Masterlist

You feel the familiar weight of Josh’s arm around your waist. He didn’t wake you when he climbed into bed after his game. You don’t open your eyes just yet while your mind takes in the last few days. Josh executed the perfect birthday for Mason with birthday pancakes, class cupcakes, skating at Ice Haus, lunch at his favorite cafe, and taco night at home with Seth.

You had not talked about the car but you knew you were going to have you. You know Josh can afford it but his money is not why you loved him and taking care of yourself is something you were use to doing. You sleepy state is interrupted by feet in your stomach. Your eyes fly open and take in your bed. Josh had his right arm over you and his body was contorted so he was holding Mason in his left arm. Mason would crawl into bed with you super early in the morning sometimes but days Josh was there the two would make breakfast instead because Josh would get up.

“Good morning babe.” Josh’s deep gravelly voice almost startled you.

“How long has he been here?” You nudge Mason’s feet off of your stomach.

“He followed me in when I got here. Didn’t have the heart to put him back to bed.” Josh’s smirk flashed before he leaned over Mason to kiss your forehead.

“And you don’t find this...weird?” Your puzzled look is met by a small laugh from Josh.

“Do you want me to? I mean I’m not naked or that would be a little awkward.” Josh wasn’t letting go of Mace and his little face sleeping on Josh’s big chest made you swoon.

“No...no. I just...I mean...nevermind. So the party today?” You fumbled out your words and rubbed your hand through Josh’s hair then down to Mason’s back.

“Yeah. I’ve got morning skate only and then we will be over. Beth is picking you two up and your parents have his presents.” Josh moves his hand to cup your face and leans in to kiss you softly.

“Who is we?” You pull back and look at him realizing didn’t say I but we.

“Adults are free you said since we have skates soooo...I invited Seth.” Josh’s face says it all. He knows Seth is like a giant present himself.

“You really did?” You look deep into Josh’s eyes.

“Of course. No need for actual presents. I’m pretty sure it will be Mace’s favorite babe.” Josh starts to chuckle but stops as he sees Mason’s face move.

- - - -

Mason is zooming up and down the hall waiting for Beth. To say you son was excited about his birthday party may be the understatement of the world and he doesn’t even know about Seth coming. The doorbell rings and Mason is grabbing the handle before you can even get over there.

“There’s my birthday boy!” Beth has her hands wide open and Mason jumps into them almost knocking your very petite friend off her feet. “So, is this okay to wear for a skating party? I’ve never been to one.” Beth puts Mason down and motions to her jeans and sweater that are under her coat.

“Yup. Mace wanted me to wear my jersey so...” you motion to your Anderson sweatshirt, “We compromised.” You wink at Beth who turns her attention back to Mason.

“And I see you have on your special 5 year old Blue Jacket sweatshirt from Josh?” She grabs Mason’s coat and puts it on. “We ready?” Mason’s response wasn’t really words more audible excitement.

The ice rink had everything set up in the party room. You rolled back and forth from there to main lobby directing Mason’s friends towards the room. You are talking to a preschool mom worried about her son skating when you hear the employee.

“Oh, hello gentleman. We don’t have anything booked for you today.” Her voice is shaky but you keep talking to the other mom. That’s when you hear Josh.

“Oh, we are here for the party but not with the organization. Thank you though.” Josh is at your side and kisses your temple. You glance over to see the flustered employee’s eyes go wide. You never thought about it but there was an added package that included Stinger and players. You did not need to pay for that added bonus.

“Glad you could make it.” You finish your conversation with the mom you were talking to before she heads into the party room and you turn your attention to Josh. Then you see the group behind him. “Josh?” Your eyebrows go up and your attention shots towards the group.

Not only is Seth standing behind him but Boone, Luc, and Ryan. All in their Blue Jacket team issued gear just like Josh and skates in hand.

“Well when Seth and I were talking about it the other three wanted to come. Hope that’s okay?” Josh kisses your lips softly and you feel his grin.

“I mean clearly you win in the gift giving.” This makes the men laugh as you wheeled over to greet them too. “Let’s go. We have pizza and cake before skating.” You eye Luc’s hand and you stop. “You all coming is a gift enough, what’s that?” You point and Luc’s grin says it all.

“Oh just something from the team.” Boone chimes in with a chuckle.

“Geez.” Your hands go in the air. “Maybe I should just take the bike back....and we can forget about Christmas.” This causes an uproar of laughter with the boys and Josh’s arm finds your waist.

“He’s going to love the bike because it’s from you plus it’s all he talks about in the morning.” Josh whispers in your ear and you feel the warmth spread through your body. “Now let’s get this party started.”

“I’ve heard you say that in a different context Andy.” You hear Seth murmur as you make your way to the party room.

You took in the room during the party. Josh and his teammates mixed seamlessly into your world. There were a few selfies and a star struck parent or two but the focus was on Mason. Josh helped you light the candles and Ryan even offered to record him blowing out the candles. He made you and Josh pose with Mason before Mace started opening up presents.

Mason tore through his presents and got to the bag from the team. Your present was carefully hidden away and your dad was stepping away to grab it.

“This is the coolest thing ever!” Mason yelled as he pulled out a Stinger stuffed animal with a helmet. You notice the sharpie all over the mini helmet. The boys got the entire team to sign it. Your heart sinks a little knowing your present may not get the same reaction.

“Hey Mace, ready for Momma’s present?” Josh grabs the Stinger and bends down to Mason’s level. Mason nods in excitement and Josh points towards where your dad is carrying the odd shaped package his way. Mason’s eye get wide as your dad opens it up. Josh stands up and has his camera out as he pulls you into his side slightly. The joy on Mason’s faces were exactly what you were hoping for. You looked up at Josh to thank him and his face matched. This man loved you son more than you could ever hope for. Your daze was broken up by the nervous employee who came in to explain how skate rental will go.

“Are you ready to get in the ice?” Josh wraps his arms around you and looks deep into your eyes.

“How J?” You look down at your boot.

“Do you trust me?” He smirks at you and lessens his hold.

“Always.” You breathe out almost forgetting you were in public.

Josh pulls out your skates from his bag and bends down to place your right skate on. You look puzzled as he goes back into his bag. Josh’s face lights up as he pulls out what looks like a tiny sled with straps.

“What the....what is that? Where did you get it?” Your face contours as Josh’s tongue slips between his lips as he straps it on your boot.

“I may have had our skate guys make this so you can get on the ice.” Josh looks up at you and out to the ice where Mason is already racing Luc, Seth and Ryan. “Ready?” He stands up and pulls you up in one swift movement. You are unsteady and Josh holds you up. He stands behind you as you hobble keeping you up with his strength. The fact that he doesn’t seem to be struggling baffles you.

“Momma!” You hear Mason mid ice and look up to see your boy racing over to you. Stopping just short of running into you.

“See, I told you Josh would figure it out.” You run your hand over his tiny face and he skates backwards as Josh pulls you along.

“You good (y/n)?” Josh checks once you went around half way. He gracefully skates backwards and you feel someone skating slowly behind you. “I’m pretty sure this is just karma for bragging about your lessons.” Josh chuckles and so does the person behind you. Chancing your luck of balance, you glance behind and see Boone not far behind you. He’s clearly the security if Josh loses his grip.

“Skating lessons?” You look up at Josh and he starts to move behind you. Legs spread on either side of yours, he pulls your body towards his. “Watch it.” You look up at him and he smirks. “We are you know...around my parents.” Josh laughs at loudly.

“it’s only because Boone needs to go race the kids.” Josh pulls his fans from your body long enough to point towards center ice where the entire party is lined up including Josh’s teammates, your dad and a few of the fathers.

“Can we sit on the bench to watch?”

“Hold on Babe.” Josh doesn’t even let you brace before he scoops you up and quickly skates to the bench. He looks over at the kids and adults racing and puts you on down so you can sit.

“Go J.” You look at him. “Mason deserves having time skating with you too.” You shoo him and he leans down kisses you gently and skates faster than he had to the center. Wrapping his arms around Mason and gets right into the competition.

“Wow!” You hear Beth approach from behind you as she comes to sit on the bench. “Like...he’s so amazing with Mason. It’s....”

“Perfect.” You finish her sentence as you watch the two boys you love play around doing the one thing both love doing...skating.

Mason’s party was exactly what you were hoping. You thanked Josh’s teammates as they loaded the last of Mason’s presents in the car and said their goodbyes to Mason already in his seat.

“Thank you.” You whisper as you run your hands through Josh’s hair and down his neck. “Like, really, I don’t know how to thank you?” You see Josh’s eyes shoot to the mirror to see Mason passes out and then he looks quickly at you.

“I mean, I have some ideas?” He smirks and you smack his arm.

“Hey, I’m driving some precious cargo plus we only have one car right now.” He laughs and interlaces his fingers in yours then brings up your hands to his lips kissing the back of your hand sweetly. “And you don’t have to thank me. It was fun. I should have invited my parents down early to come. Maybe next year.” Josh starts humming to the song on the radio still with his hand in yours.

“Wait...what? When are your parents coming?” Your pitch was higher than normal and not on purpose. You liked Josh’s parents but he hadn’t mentioned them coming.

“Is that okay? I mean Thanksgiving is coming up and they usually come down when we have a few home games in a row. Maybe I should have asked.” You hear the worry in Josh’s voice from your response and your heart sinks a bit.

“Babe, it’s great. You haven’t seen them in awhile.” You take the pause to kiss the back of Josh’s hand.

“I did just go to Toronto, (y/n).” He chuckles.

“Right, right. I saw the pictures. I guess your universe doesn’t revolve around just Columbus, Ohio.” You laugh too.

“I mean, it does...but yeah. I can’t want to get you two to Burlington.” Josh pulls the car into park. “I think you will love it.”

“Yeah.” You stare at Josh as he shifts to cup your face.

“Maybe I’ll convince you to come home for the whole summer too.” Josh kisses you gently and slides out of the car.

#josh anderson #my andy man 77 #skating lessons fic

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enden-k · 5 years

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Drew my friend’s Imu OC from their really interesting fanfic! I really like them bc black haired characters and uniforms are my weaknesses.....plus, Seth is one of my favorite Egyptian Gods (outside of the Im universe) so one more bonus point!

Kuroa belongs to @kassimu and this tiny something happened bc of our chat:

I hope the way I drew them is acceptable! ;;

#great priest imhotep #im great priest imhotep #drawing this was a lot of fun i enjoy drawing such characters!#myoun's art

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nevermindthewind · 6 years

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decathlon of wonder

It’s the tenth Jimmy Jab Games and no one is gonna get in Jake’s way on his quest for glory and the Box of Mystery.

And that’s just the way Amy wants it.

It’s a Jimmy Jabs pregnancy reveal y’all!!!!!

(read on AO3 or under the cut)

“Alright squad,” Terry says from the podium. “I just received word that the United Nations summit will be beginning any minute. You all are to remain here -- ready to go -- for the duration of the meeting in case of protestors.”

“Yes sir,” says Rosa with a slight nod.

“The Captain and I are leaving for One Police Plaza for our meeting with Commissioner Holt. We will be back in four hours.” Terry’s eyes narrow. “You all better not do anything stupid while we’re gone.”

“Don’t worry, Sarge. When have we ever done anything stupid?” Jake asks playfully. Terry gives him a menacing look, causing him to backtrack. ��Okay, okay, we won’t do anything while you’re gone.”

Terry gives him one more glare before exiting the briefing room.

As soon as the door closes Jake turns to the rest of the squad.

“Of course we’re going to do something while they’re gone,” he whispers, his eyes lighting up. “And not just anything. Friends, it’s time for--” The door handle turns, causing him to completely change the subject.

“No Charles, I do NOT want to wax each other’s le --”

In walk Amy and Gina, both in civilian clothing.

“Oh thank god,” Jake sighs. “What are you two doing here? You’re off today,” Jake nods at Amy before turning to Gina. “And you’re supposed to be with Holt.”

“Holt agrees that my job is optional,” Gina shrugs. “And when I heard you all were stuck here, I figured you could use some entertainment a la me.”

“He definitely did not say that, but okay,” says Amy, rolling her eyes before looking back at Jake. “I needed to drop off some paperwork downstairs, but I thought I’d come up and say hi before I left. Hi!”

“Hi,” Jake grins. Six months as a married couple and he still gets butterflies whenever he sees her.

She crosses the room to where Jake is sitting and leans down to give him a peck on the lips. “There’s a bagel and coffee on your desk.”

“Aw, thanks babe.” He looks up at the squad. “How great is my wife? Seriously, name a better wife than Amy Santiago Peralta.”

“Jake, we’re losing time…” Rosa warns. Jake jumps, his attention brought back to the situation at hand.

“Right. Ames, Gina, take a seat. For today is the day you’ve all been waiting for. THE JIMMY JAB GAMES.”

Amy and Gina slide into empty chairs as the entire squad breaks into cheers.

“But this is no ordinary Jimmy Jabs,” Jake says as he pops out of his chair and begins pacing the aisle. “No, for not only has it been ten years since the inaugural competition, but it is also the tenth Jimmy Jab Games to be held in this very precinct. Which is why today’s Jimmy Jabs will henceforth be known as...drumroll, please…”

The squad obliges, hitting their hands against the table. Jake brings his fingertips together and wiggles his eyebrows in an attempt to create suspense.

“...Jimmy Jabs Ten: Decathalon of Wonder.”

Everyone oohs and ahhs at the name, their excitement evident. Everyone, that is, except for Amy, whose eyes are filled with disappointment.

“I wish I could stay,” she mutters.

Jake’s face falls. He’d forgotten Amy wasn’t on duty. As much as he loves the games and loves competing with the entire squad, it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without Amy there. Plus, this was supposed to be their first Jimmy Jabs as a married couple. According to that marriage book he’s been reading — That’s right, he reads on the reg now — they were supposed to celebrate important milestones together. What’s more important than the Jimmy Jabs?!

He’s just about to suggest she stay when Gina, of all people, beats him to it.

“Come on Amy, live a little and stay for the games. The pantsuit shopping can wait ‘til tomorrow.”

“But I have errands to run,” Amy insists, although Jake can tell she’s thinking it over.

“Come on Ames. It’s only a few hours, and we can finish all our errands tomorrow or something,” Jake suggests as he approaches her chair. As he gets closer he can tell she’s tired, and maybe a little stressed by the slight furrow in her brow. Half her squad had been out with a stomach bug last week and Amy’d been forced to work overtime to make up for the lack of manpower. He takes her hand in his. “It’d be way more fun if you stayed. But if you need to go, I totally get it.”

Amy gives him a tiny smile as she runs a hand through his hair.

“You’re sweet,” she says. “I’ll stay --”

“Yay!”

“-- But only so I can kick your ass,” she adds with a smirk, turning to face the others. “JIMMY JABS! JIMMY JABS!”

The rest of the squad joins in the chanting, and in that moment Jake’s never been more proud of his wife.

After the ceremonial lighting of the bagel, the detectives file into the kitchen where six items sit under various fast food napkins. Once everyone has taken their seats across from their respective object Gina begins the explanation of the rules.

“Despite the name of the games we don’t have time for an actual decathlon.”

“I stand by it,” Jake interjects.

“So we will be continuing with the traditional four game event. The loser of each game will be eliminated, while the winner will get a bonus in the final round. The overall winner will receive, along with all of the glory and pride that comes with being a Jimmy Jab champion, this magical box of mystery.”

She holds up a beat up lunch box that had to be at least thirty years old. It was metal, with a picture of…

“Wait a second,” says Jake, confused. “Is that my Superman lunch box from the fourth grade?”

“Yeah girl, I stole it from your old apartment before you moved out. Anyway,” Gina continues, “The real prize inside this box, but in order to win it you must survive all four competitions.”

“I don’t know, that box seems like a good prize to me,” Jake murmurs to Amy, who rolls her eyes.

“Sure it is, babe.”

“The first game is ‘Smoothie Move, Exlax,’” announces Gina. “Under your napkins you will find a smoothie containing a variety of foods I found in the lunchroom refrigerator. These foods include but are not limited to Charles’ latest desk yogurt, expired salami, and, as a tribute to Double J 7, month old chinese food. Whoever drinks the most of their smoothie wins.”

The squad gingerly removes the napkins to reveal a smoothie that was probably the grossest, most unnatural color Jake had ever seen.

“It looks like melted silly putty,” he says, holding the cup in the air to get a better look.

“Or one of Holt’s flavor free nutrition shakes,” Amy adds, her nose wrinkled in disgust.

Charles eyes his cup with utter terror. “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this…” he murmurs to himself.

“Ugh, it smells like ass,” says Rosa. Her nostrils flare as she sets the glass down. Amy looks at her in horror.

“Why would you smell it?”

“Enough,” snaps Gina. “Contestants, place your straws in your cups. On your mark, get Seth, MEYERS!”

Jake plunges his straw into his smoothie and begins to drink as much of it as he can. He decides to take small sips, not wanting to overwhelm his stomach with...is that a pickle?!

“Why is mine crunchy?” Rosa cries in between sips.

“This tastes how cat poop smells,” gags Amy. She’s already turned a frightening shade of green.

“I don’t know why you guys are complaining, these are delicious,” says Hitchcock, who’s currently licking the edge of his cup.

It’s only three seconds later that Charles pushes his cup away.

“Nope, I can’t. Sylvia is too important to me.”

“Who’s Sylvia?” asks Gina.

“My mouth, duh. After everything she’s done for me she needed a name.”

Amy’s next to fold, setting her smoothie down with a shudder. Rosa and Scully bow out shortly after, until it’s just Jake and Hitchcock. Hitchcock’s looking close to bursting after a minute of slurping, and honestly Jake’s pretty sure his belly is filled with more air than smoothie. Jake’s actually beginning to wonder if he has a chance. But just as the thought enters his mind Amy jumps up and runs to the bathroom, her hand covering her mouth.

A couple years ago Jake would have kept going, his drive to win outweighing any form of compassion. But this is his wife and she’s clearly about to hurl, so he sets his cup down with a clatter and rushes after her.

“Ames!”

Amy ignores him, reaching the ladies room in record time and letting the door slam in Jake’s face.

He knocks on the door to the bathroom before opening. As soon as the doors open he hears a violent cough come from the stall closest to him.

“Babe? What can I do?”

A pause.

“Can you go get Gina?” she asks weakly.

Of all her possible answers, this one catches him completely by surprise.

“Gina? Our Gina?”

“Yeah, babe our Gi --.” She’s cut off by another wave of...well, you know.

“You’re sure? Gina Linetti?”

“JAKE.”

“Right, okay.” He shuts the door and turns only to run directly into Gina herself. “Aghh!”

“Lemme guess,” Gina says with a knowing smirk. “She’s asking for me?”

“Yes,” says Jake, bewildered. Gina and Amy are friends, sure. But of all the people Amy would ask for as she’s vomiting fridge smoothie, Gina’s pretty much the last person he’d have expected. Gina, on the other hand, looks completely unsurprised. She merely pats him on the shoulder as she walks past him and barges into the bathroom.

“Don’t worry Amy dearest, your favorite human has arrived.”

Jake did a double take. “Huh?”

Today is weird.

Fifteen minutes later both women emerge from the bathroom, Amy looking a little pale but otherwise okay. Jake grabs her hand and gives it a squeeze, pulling her to a stop as Gina keeps walking.

“You good?” he asks. She smiles as she squeezes back.

“I’m fine. Just couldn’t handle the salami-egg roll-pizza smoothie, I guess. Wonder why?” she adds with a touch of sarcasm.

“Okay,” he nods. He’s just about to ask about Gina when Rosa calls over to them.

“Come on dummies, we’re about to start round two.”

“Yeah come on, dummy,” says Amy. There’s a playful glint in her eye as she pulls him to the center of the bullpen where the rest of the squad is waiting.

Gina has already taken her perch at the whiteboard, where each of their six photos are lined up.

“Charles has been eliminated,” she announces, crossing his photo out with a red sharpie. “Surprise, surprise.”

“Sorry buddy,” Jake says, giving Charles a pat on the back.

“Thanks, Jakey.”

“Moving on,” says Gina with a dismissing wave. “The next event is called ‘Dude Where’s My Bomb?’. One at a time you will each put on a pair of drunk goggles and search for the fake bomb I have hidden somewhere in the bullpen. Whoever takes the longest loses.”

“Oh you’re going down, Santiago,” Amy says, a smug smirk flickering across her face. “Drunk goggles are my shit.”

“You sure, Peralta?” Jake asks with mock concern. “Because I seem to recall you falling down a flight of stairs in drunk goggles mere months ago.”

“That was Charles,” Amy retorts.

“Yeah Jake that was me. How dare you confuse me, your best friend in the entire world --”

“-- Amy’s my best friend.”

“-- YOUR BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD,” Charles repeats, “With this flooze.”

“Hey that’s my wife!”

“Yeah not cool man,” Amy adds.

“SILENCE!” Gina bellows. Everyone shuts up at once. “You savages.”

Rosa gives Gina a silent nod of approval, causing Gina to wink back before continuing.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we will go in the order of the last game’s winners. Which means -- and I can’t believe I’m saying this -- Hitchcock will be going first. Hashtag shudder.”

“Yeah baby!” Hitchcock says smugly.

Hitchcock’s winning the Jimmy Jab games. Amy’s suddenly besties with Gina. And he just confused Amy for Charles.

If Jake didn’t know better, he’d think he was in the Upside Down.

It turns out the day’s more normal than he thought, because both Hitchcock and Scully get eliminated within the span of twenty minutes. Hitchcock straight up left the precinct during his turn because he heard someone mention an ice cream truck outside and Scully fell down the stairs in his drunk goggles less than thirty seconds after his turn started.

“We are now down to the final three,” says Gina as she crosses out both Scully and Hitchcock on the leaderboard. “Which leads us to the acting portion of the competition.”

“Oh no,” murmurs Amy.

“Ha HA!” Jake cries. “You might as well throw in the towel now, Ames. We both know that I, Jacob Peralta Santiago, am the KING of --”

“Not that, Jake.”

The shakiness in her voice causes Jake to look over to where his wife is sitting, once again a ghastly shade of green. She has one hand on her stomach and her gaze is trained on the floor, on the one blue tile she always focuses on when she’s feeling panicky. Or nauseous, apparently.

“Ames?” he asks timidly. “Babe, you good?”

Amy gives one shake of the head before jumping out of her old desk chair and racing to the bathroom.

Jake follows suit, fully planning on barging in this time because she’s his wife and she’s sick goddamn it, but before he can take even a step in that direction he sees someone walk past him.

Gina.

“I got it, Jakester,” she says as she continues past him.

“What? No,” Jake sputters. “Gina, I love you but I can go, you don’t have to --”

“Let her go,” says Rosa, grabbing his arm to stop him from going after Gina. “She’s got this.”

“Got WHAT? Rosa what the hell is going on?!” His voice is higher than he’d care to admit, but there’s clearly something going on that he doesn’t know about and it is stressing him the fuck out. “Rosa, if she’s sick or something I feel like as her husband I should be in the know. Right now I could not feel more outside the know.”

Rosa rolls her eyes. “Nothing, dude. Relax. Gina has some mystical salve that she insists cures nausea. Amy wanted to try it. Just let her be.”

“Mystical salve?” Jake asks, raising his eyebrows. Amy would never buy into that.

“Ugh I know,” says Rosa with a slight look of disgust. “I’m pretty sure it’s just Vicks with raw ginger in it, but whatever. When she was...well, when she was sick she said it was the only thing that helped.”

Jake has approximately five million more questions. How did Rosa and Gina know that Amy was sick and not him? When did Amy start taking advice from Gina? And when did Gina start offering it?

But just as he’s about to ask, Gina and Amy are walking out of the bathroom.

“Alright losers, listen up!” Gina calls from the front of the hallway.

Jake gives Amy a look, raising his eyebrows with concern.

“You okay?” he mouths.

She nods and gives him a slight, almost shy smile.

“In the interest of time we will be cancelling event three and moving straight into the final event,” Gina continues. “Rosa, as you came in third in ‘Dude Where’s My Bomb?’, I am sorry but you have been eliminated.”

Oh crap. There is no way Rosa will take this without a fight. Rosa’s come in second the past two Jimmy Jabs, and they all knew how badly she wanted a win.

So imagine his surprise when Rosa merely plops down into her chair, rests her feet on her desk and says, “Fine by me.”

“WHAT?!” Jake exclaims, unable to mask his confusion any longer. “How are you okay with this?”

Rosa just rolls her eyes. “Because, unlike you, I don’t need to win a stupid game to know that I’m a badass.”

“That stings, but okay. I guess,” Jake says, giving her one final confused look before turning to Amy. “What about you? You sure you can do this, babe?”

Amy walks over to him and places a hand on his chest. His heart instantly slows at her touch, allowing him to actually relax for the first time since this crazy-ass day began. She glances up at him with a sweet smile, pecking his lips before pulling back and looking him right in the eye.

“I promise I am more than able to kick your ass.”

“Alright then!” Gina exclaims. “She seems fine to me.”

Jake lets out a relieved laugh as he removes Amy’s hand from his chest and interlaces their fingers together. The entire precinct gathers around the couple, who are now standing right in the center of the bullpen. The scene is not unlike Jimmy Jabs of years past, except now instead of trying not to flirt with her, Jake is openly holding Amy’s hand and fiddling with her rings, wondering how in the world he got the hottest and smartest girl in the world to actually fall in love with him.

“The final event of the Decathlon of Wonder will be, as per tradition, an obstacle course,” Gina announces. “If the contestants could please keep their hands off each other, I will explain the rules,” she adds with a pointed look at both of them.

Jake gives Amy’s hand one final squeeze before letting go.

‘Thank you,” says Gina with a swift nod. “First, contestants must enter the break room, where they will eat an entire donut without using their hands. Then you will race to complete Pin the Tack on the Terry, in which you will have to successfully place a thumbtack on a picture of Terry, specifically Terry’s nose, while wearing a blindfold. Once Terry has been successfully tacked you must race to the bulletin board on the second floor, where you will tear off a phone number from a roommate advertisement. And finally, you will return to the bullpen, where you must solve a riddle in order to be granted the key to the box of mystery.”

“Oh Amy,” says Jake with a smirk. “Amy, Amy, Amy. Are you ready to be owned by your loving, incredibly talented husband?”

Amy rolls her eyes.

“Weird take on a very strong and wonderful marriage, but okay.”

“Contestants, to your starting positions,” says Gina, cutting them off. Amy and Jake lineup facing the breakroom. “On your mark, get set, HARMON!”

All the worry, all the weirdness of the day flies out the window as Jake and Amy sprint towards the break room, where two donuts sit on the worn wooden table. The crowd files in after them, cheering both detectives on as they hold their hands behind their backs and attempt to eat their respective donut. Jake finishes a hair ahead of Amy, jumping out of his chair mere seconds before Amy takes her final bite.

“Eat my dust, Peralta!” he calls over his shoulder as he flies across the bullpen to the briefing room.

Unfortunately for him Amy’s lighting fast, so she reaches her station before Jake’s even finishing putting on his blindfold, an old bandana Gina found in the lost in found.

“Why can’t I get this stupid blindfold on?” he practically growls as he fumbles over the ends.

“Why can’t I get this stupid blindfold on -- title of your sex tape.” Amy briefly turns her head to smile at him, her eyes already covered by her own makeshift blindfold. It’s simultaneously the most sexy and most frustrating thing in the entire world.

“You wish,” Jake retorts. Amy’s grin widens before she feels around for her first tack.

“Yeah I do.”

“God, I love you.”

Finally after what had to be his fiftieth try Gina announces “Jake has tacked Terry’s schnoz!”, eliciting a groan from Amy and a full on “WOOP WOOP” from Jake.

He races down over to the elevator and this time he doesn’t even think about holding the door open for Amy. This year he’s winning all on his own, no matter what the cost. (Within reason, he’s not an animal.)

It takes forever for the elevator to come to a stop and for the doors to slide open. He scours the room for a bulletin board that might have a roommate flier on it, but just as he spots it he hears the familiar ping of the elevator door. Sure enough Amy’s flying straight towards him as soon as the doors open wide enough for her to squeeze through.

“NO!” he cries, lunging towards the board and ripping off the first phone number he sees. Amy’s right behind him as he slams his palm into the up button, hitting it repeatedly until the doors slide open. This time he actually hits the door-close button, but it’s too late. Amy runs into the elevator with at least five seconds to spare. Her cheeks are tinted pink, all evidence of her earlier sickness gone as they wait for the elevator to take them to their final challenge.

“You know Ames, you might as well just call it quits now while you can,” Jake says with a careless grin. Might as well take the time to slip in a little trash talk, just for kicks. “I’m clearly gonna win.”

“We’ll just see about that, babe,” Amy says with a smirk. There’s a twinkle in her eye, one that makes his heart physically ache, and for a second Jake is taken aback by just how beautiful his wife is. She’s in her favorite pair of jeans and his favorite sweater of hers, the pink one that makes her skin look like caramel. It’s almost, almost enough for him to want to give up entirely, to let her win and let his prize be seeing her happy, but then the elevator comes to a halt and the doors open and forget that, he has a Jimmy Jabs to win!

The two of them fly to Gina’s desk where a sealed envelope waits for each of them. Jake tears his apart and reads the question:

As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks, every sack had seven cats, every cat had seven kittens. Kittens, cats, sacks, wives. How many were going to St. Ives?

At first Jake freezes, the presh of trivia and riddles almost costing him the competition right then and there. But he reads the question again, and again, swearing he’s heard this particular puzzle before. In a movie, maybe? That’s when it hits him--

“It’s the Die Hard puzzle,” he gasps. Without thinking he calls out the answer. “One. The answer is one!”

“Ding ding ding,” announces Gina. “We have a winner!”

“YES!” Jake cries. The crowd around them erupts into cheers as Jake slaps the paper with the riddle on the desk before lifting both his fists in celebration. “I AM THE KING OF JIMMY JABS!”

“Congratulations Jake,” says Gina as she removes a tiny silver key from her front pocket. “Now I believe this belongs to you.”

“You hear that, babe?” Jake says as he snatches the key out of Gina’s outstretched hand. “I believe we now know who is the most glorious member of this couple?”

Amy, God love her, doesn’t look the least bit put out by the fact that she lost the games. In fact, she is downright beaming. Why is she so happy?

“Care to congratulate me?” he asks as he dramatically waves the key in front of her face. “Me, the winner of five out of ten Jimmy Jab Games?”

Amy rolls her eyes as she gives him a playful shove.

“Just open your prize, weirdo.”

Jake grins as he takes the key over to the box, which had been left on Amy’s old desk.

“You know, I really shouldn’t be that surprised anymore,” Jake continues as he slides the key into the lock. “I think I’m just gonna have to accept that I am the ultimate --”

He pauses as the box clicks open, revealing a plain white box with his name written in Amy’s careful cursive.

“What’s this?” he asks, his heart racing as he looks up to see Amy’s smile has grown even wider. “Why’s my name on the box?”

“Just open it,” she says, prodding him along. He gives her one final look of bewilderment before removing the lid. His jaw drops, his stomach filling with the most wonderful mix of joy, confusion, and excitement he could have ever imagined.

Because laying in the box are five positive pregnancy tests.

“Ames…” he whispers, looking up to see tears running down his wife’s face. “What the...Is this for real?”

“Mhmm,” she nods, bringing her hand up to her mouth in the way that makes him melt. “I took them two days ago on my lunch break. I was going to tell you right away, I swear! But then Rosa found me asleep in Babylon clutching the test and she got Gina to help me with the nausea and we kind of came up with this...”

She’s cut off by Jake lifting her off the ground in an (almost) bone crushing hug. He spins her around before gently bringing her back to earth. His arms stay around her waist as he touches his forehead to hers.

“We’re having a baby?” he whispers. He bites his lower lip in an attempt to contain his excitement but it’s no use. His grin is so wide it almost hurts.

“We’re having a baby,” she repeats, joy saturating her voice.

“Oh my god...” He lets out a laugh as he kisses her, rubbing the tears away from her cheeks as he brings a hand to her face. The crowd around them whoops and hollers, but they could care less. Because Amy is pregnant and they’re gonna be parents and he loves her so damn much.

After they break apart Amy leans into his chest as Jake wraps his arms around her waist.

“You’re really happy about this?” she murmurs, her voice vibrating against his heart.

“Oh Ames,” he all but whispers as he plants a kiss on the top of her head. “I am so, so happy about this.”

“Me too.”

“I do have one question though,” he says, causing her to take a step back so she can actually see his face.

“Yeah?”

He brushes a small piece of hair out of her face as gently as he can.

“Are you...are you saying I knocked you up?!”

Amy bursts into giggles as she runs her hands down his arms. It was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.

“Yeah babe, you sure did.”

#I loooooved this idea after I saw it on tumblr somewhere and had to give it a shot #hope you guys like it!!#brooklyn nine nine #b99 #peraltiago #peraltiago fic #jake x amy #jake peralta #amy santiago

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spiritgriffon · 7 years

Text

Rachael’s Favorite FE Characters

Well, since I posted my favorite Pokemon... everything a while ago, I figured I’d post my favorite FE characters class-by-class as well! I’ll also post my least favorites.

The games I own are Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Shadow Dragon, New Mystery on an emulator, Awakening, Heroes, all 3 Fates & Echoes. I’ve played a bit of FE4 too but I’m not far enough into it to pick favorite characters.

Favorite Lord:

Male- Chrom (He’s pretty vanilla but I still love me my Blueberry Dorklord)

Female- Erika (Who is not NEARLY as foolish as recent entries would have you believe. She’s quite a bit better than Celica at any rate- there’s no way she’d fall for fkn JEDAH)

Least Favorite- Ephraim (He’s such a... warmonger. There is no point in the entirety of SS where I go “Yes, he’ll make a good king!”)

Favorite Avatar

Robin! Robin’s the best. Robin has the best coat. Do I need to say more?

Well, I guess I’ll say too that Robin’s personality is quite a bit like my own, which is why I prefer Fem!Robin. I too, would relentlessly pelt Lon’qu with figs and, when faced with unwinnable odds would, just resort to a Big Fire™

Least favorite goes to... IDK, I want to say Kiran but Kiran can marry Navarre so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Cavalier/Paladin/Great Knight

Seth wins, but Xander and Berkut are close seconds. Seth/Erika is my ultimate FE OTP- they’re the only ones in the whole series I can’t even bear to pair with anyone else for a playthrough to get their supports. I like Xander/Corrin and Xander/Sakura quite a bit, but neither come anywhere close honestly. And Berkut is my angry garbage son~

Least favorite goes to Jagan. You honestly think I’m going to kill Frey who arguably has better stat growths than both Cain and Abel and keep you? Screw canon, off you go, old man!

Favorite Myrmidon/Swordsmaster/Trueblade

Joushua, obviously!

...

I mean, Navarre doesn’t really count because he’s my favorite FE character PERIOD. Besides Navarre, I like Joshua.

Least favorite is Marissa. Not that crazy about Mia either, but Marissa is just so inferior to Josh stats wise and while he’s tons of fun, she’s no fun at all. If she were in another game it’d different but Joshua makes her look really bad in comparison. Plus she took his spot in Awakening AND I’M STILL SALTY 4 YEARS LATER

Favorite Mercenary/Hero/Dreadfighter

Navarre in FE1

Ike!... Yes, I’m counting him here... Oh fine, Ogma then. They’re both big gay softies that are 40% pure iron muscle and 60% heart. I bet they give the best hugs!

(And no, I don’t believe Ogma’s “feelings” for Caeda are in any way romantic bc he met her when she was like 5 and he was probably 20. He probably feels like her big brother or father- which is equally impossible for him to express due to his lot in life. Plus, Marth never gets jealous around him, while he practically turns green around any of the other characters interested in her.)

(Oh, and I consider Soren to be the more canon partner for Ike over Sothe and Ranulf bc Priam is a thing and I’m like 70% sure Soren is supposed to be trans. And yes, there is a canon lesbian whose name is currently escaping me & Sothe is canonically bi, they just went with the “heavy implied to the point of being basically irrefutable” route instead of outright stating it, so it is VERY possible Soren is trans. I like all 3 ships tho)

Least favorite is... The dude from SS. I can’t even remember his name. He’s the only freaking mercenary in SS and his personality doesn’t do anything for me.

Favorite Knight/General/Baron

The Black Knight of course! His writing is bit... a lot of a mess, but you can’t deny how badass he is.

On a less villainous note, Forsythe is pretty cool too.

Least favorite is... IDK, was there one in Awakening? I thought there was one on the cover but he’s so forgettable...

Favorite Archer/Sniper/Ballistician/Bow Knight/Hunter

Tacomeme :)

Leon is also pretty cool, but he’s not nearly as useful in-game. I like Niles too! But I’d be lying if I said a good part of that wasn’t bc of Takehito Koyasu and his sexy voice rip

Least favorite is Faye in Heroes Python’s inability to hit the broad side of a barn Zero’s stupid name change to Niles Innes. His stats are nice but his personality rubs me the wrong way.

Favorite Pegasus/Falcon Knight/Sky/Kinshi Knight

Probably Claire! I didn’t expect to like her much (I got Maribelle vibes at first), but she really grew on me throughout the game and her supports. I love the way her friendship with Alm was written- if it had evolved into a romance I would have found it believable, but it’s one of the VERY, VERY few times I think IntSys has handled a one sided crush on the main character well.

Least favorite is... Probably Cordelia. Like I said, VERY few times. (Vanessa, Sumia, Syrene, Palla, Catria, Est, Hinoka, Subaki, Tanith and Sigrun all tie for second to last. This is... not my favorite class.)

Favorite Dracoknight/Wyvern Rider/Wyvern Lord

Hmmm... I would say Camilla, but my headcanon version of her is quite a bit different from the way she actually is in canon lol. So... Probably promoted Caeda. Minerva is utterly useless on the battlefield, unfortunately, and I like Caeda about the same as Clare so I put her here.

I guess I like Haar, Jill, Cormag, Gwin, and Valter (As a villain, not as a person) somewhat too.

Least favorite has to go to Beruka. I find her... bland.

Favorite Villager/Recruit

AMELIA THE GENERAL IS COMING THROUGH! MAKE WAY, MORTALS

Do I need to say who my least favorite is? Do I really need to?

It’s Faye. Because... she’s Faye.

Favorite Thief/Trickster/Assassin/Rogue/Ninja

That has to go to Julian! He’s very similar to Gaius, but instead of candy, his thing is puns. Fun fact: I have a blood sugar condition similar to diabetes IRL that makes me unable to eat sugar, so Gaius just made me crave sweets I can’t have most of the time :/

Second place goes to Gangrel or Rennac. Gangrel is actually my second favorite character to romance in Awakening due to his great redemption arc in his supports with both Robins & his talks with Em in the DLC, and IMO he makes the second best dad to Morgan (And yes, I have ALL of male Morgan’s supports with his fathers, yes, it was boring, repetitive, and took hours, and yes, the only one I like better is Chrom), and Rennac is just... so hilariously cranky. They also both go in the “They deserved better in their endings” bin- Rennac can’t marry L’rachel despite their great chemistry and Gangrel flat-out dies if you don’t marry him.

Least favorite... I guess Nina. I never found her very funny.

Favorite Cleric/Troubadour/Valkyrie/Bishop/War monk

Elise! She is... one of two healers I like. In the entire series.

The other is L’rachel.

And Sakura, Lissa, Natasha, and Rena I... don’t particularly dislike.

I don’t like any others. Tat/iana is the worst of the bunch. Tat/iana is actually my least favorite character in the series

Favorite Fighter/Pirate/Warrior/Barbarian

Maybe... Vaike or Ross? Or Boyd? Basilio? Wow, there aren’t any I really like a lot. Guess this is my least favorite class.

My least favorite of all HAS to be Arthur though.

Favorite Mage/Monk/Dark Knight/Sage

Soren! He’s really well written. At first he comes off as a racist asshole, but as the game goes on & you get his supports, he proves himself to be a really great, three-dimensional character. And he’s so gay for Ike. Like, so, so gay.

Least favorite is all of the little red-headed boys that are clones of each other. Except maybe Ewan, because he’s actually useful in-game. Most of the others aren’t.

Favorite Dark Mage/Sorcerer/Summoner/Necromancer/Druid/Witch/Cantor

LYON!!!! Oh man, I don’t want to spoil exactly what happens but suffice to say that he is my FAVORITE antagonist in the series.

My least favorite is either Validar or Iago... I don’t know which to pick. They are how NOT to do a decent sorcerer villain in FE. But all of the Cantors in Echoes also get a special mention for being FREAKING ANNOYING.

Favorite Manakete/Dragon Laguz

Tiki- particularly young Tiki! She’s so sweet... and badass!

Least favorite... ugh, I have to say Myrrh. I do like her, but her uses of Dragonstone are so limited that you can barely use her and while she’s just as cute as Tiki, she’s not nearly as tough. She also has a lot sadder story than Tiki- she’s a really good character, but she just doesn’t make me feel bubbly and happy when I see her the way Tiki does.

Favorite Beast Laguz/Bird Laguz/Taguel/Wolfskin/Kitsune

All hail King Naesala! He’s another character that brings a smile to my face when I see him-and that’s saying quite a bit, since he has a pretty serious story. This man oozes personality- He shows up on screen and you know he’s there to kick the world and rule the ass. And no, that’s not backwards.

Honorable mention to Reyson- every time these two are on screen together you know that Reyson is about three seconds from punching Naesala right in the nose, never mind the fact he’d probably break every bone in his tiny, fragile fist. The fact that Naesala’s only paired ending is with Reyson’s sister is just hilarious to me.

I guess my least favorite is Lyre... She sort of feels like she’s just there to have one more playable character to me, since she has so little bearing on the story.

Favorite Dancer/Singer

In terms of personality, supports, and gameplay, Feena is far and away my favorite. However... I’m honestly not a huge fan of her design, so in terms of appearance, Azura, who I personally think has one of the best designs in the series, takes the cake. The fact she has such a catchy theme song is a huge bonus too!

Tethys gets the last spot because she’s completely useless in battle. I’ve heard Ninian can’t fight either but she boosts your stats- why did they give Tethys the shaft so badly?

Favorite Lancer/Soldier

And finally... ending this on a weird one. See, neither Nephenee nor Oboro do anything for me- I don’t dislike them, but I don’t particularly like them either. So, I guess this one goes to Azura!

#fire emblem #Personal #OK to Reblog!#I hope somebody sees this it took 3 hours #And no I didn't really forget Kellam's name

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