#rafael is no one's saint

[ashintheairlikesnow]

🧤 Invasive/Uncomfortable exam for Rafael

CW: BBU, medical whump, medical setting, dubcon touching (nonsexual), discussions of dubcon/noncon, BBU, pet whump

-

"What seems to be the nature of the problem?" The doctor isn't asking him. No one ever asks Rafael questions - he's just a pet, after all, barely human.

A human-shaped sex toy. Like a vibrator that needs to be fed three times a day. He hums, a sound like a flat vibration, and then smiles, a little dreamily, at the internal joke.

Everyone ignores him.

"Someone went rough on him last night," Boscoe says with a shrug. His master's favorite and highest-level servant, paid a small fortune to handle these sorts of things in his absence, pretending that it wasn't him who went so rough, that he isn't the reason Rafael is here right now.

Rafael slept alone in the big bed last night, once Boscoe was done with him, and he barely slept at all. The ache still throbbing and spiking through his lower half has as much to do with that as the loneliness.

The clinician looks at Boscoe with eyebrows raised above her glasses, waits a beat, and then primpts, "Any more detail than that?"

"Nope." Boscoe shrugs again, gives a half-cocked grin. "Sorry, I'm just the household manager. Mr. and Mrs. Isbell went on vacation in Europe."

They had kissed him, each of them, and then left him lying in the bed, trying not to cry. Boscoe had come in an hour later, and told him to make noise, as much as he wanted.

So he did.

He never tells his masters about Boscoe hurting him when they're gone, because only with Boscoe is Rafael ever allowed to scream.

"Fine." The doctor looks Rafael over, without distaste or judgement but with absolutely no feeling at all. It's almost nice, to have someone who doesn't need to tell him he's pretty, or that he looks like a good slut, or any of the things the people around his masters seem to believe are compliments. "All right, you, lay down on your back for me and just scoot those hips right to the edge."

"Yes, ma'am," He responds, laying back on the padded exam table easily, even allowing his back to arch with graceful, perfectly feigned thoughtless seduction as he slips his heels into the leather stirrups and moves his arms slowly over his head, shifting until his ass nearly hangs off the edge.

"Good boy," The doctor says absently. Rafael shivers a little with pleasure at the praise, keeping his eyes closed and biting down on his lower lip. It's a trained reaction, one that's thoughtless by now, but it's never really instinct.

The nurse, an older woman, doesn't even look at him as she takes her place at the end of the table. The doctor grunts as she puts on blue latex gloves and smears clear lubricant on her fingers. "Hold steady, pet. This might cause some discomfort."

Rafael wants to ask her if there is anything you can do to him that doesn't.

He keeps his mouth shut, though.

Boscoe is still watching him with his arms crossed where he stands against the wall. Rafael chances only the slightest glance, looking away when he sees Boscoe's eyes trailing over the welts left along Rafael's ribs from the night before, the bite marks so deep they've bruised in the shape of teeth on one hip.

"His owner signed off on the use of his body?" The doctor asks as she slides the first finger inside. Rafael bites his lower lip harder to keep himself quiet, because it doesn't feel uncomfortable - it stings, torn skin protesting yet another invasion.

"Yes," Boscoe lies easily. Then, to add a kernel of truth, "They often allow their friends or business partners to use him."

Not their employees, though, but that's never stopped Boscoe. And Rafael knows how to keep secrets, knows how to trade his silence in front of the masters for the ability to weep when they're gone.

One finger becomes two, then three, the pain rising, and Rafael can't hold back the softest whimper no matter how hard he tries. "Ma'am-... Ma'am, I-"

"Sssshhh," The doctor shushes him harshly, and Rafael swallows back any thin, weak protest against her touch he might have been able to manage. "I know. I can tell this is hurting you."

She doesn't stop, though. She gets a small silver tool out, rubs it over in the same lubricant, and then forces that inside, too.

When Rafael cries out, the nurse slaps a hand over his mouth to muffle him, glaring down at him at his vision blurs with tears. His chest heaves, panting with the need for this to stop, to stop hurting, just to give him a minute to prepare himself for it.

But no one listens to him.

It's not like he's a person, anyway.

#rafael is no one's saint #bbu #wru #pet whump #noncon touch #nonsexual touch #dubcon #medical whump

[harbingersecho]

PALLA GRANDE - charred saints

"charred saints? hah, pretentious as always... but i love a good show." - ines

two very different outfits for the party

#vampire the masquerade #ravnos #lasombra #vtm #charred saints #mine #*23 #ines #rafael vargas #palla grande #my third eye opened so wide when I thought of liberty spikes as a halo #i actually love the spikes sm i might just make them part of her design permanently #ines rly leaned into the Charred part while Rafael went for the Saint role lol. maybe one day i'll finish nikifors fleshcrafted outfits..

[malevolent-muse]

What is SVU? A Random Synopsis

One time I had a reader tell me they had never watched SVU ... this was my response:

Wait.... what? You've never watched SVU?!!!! OMGosh! Okay, SVU. Let me tell you about how amazing it is.

There's this cop, his name is Elliot Stabler. He's an ex-marine with a wife and a bunch of kids. He's partnered up with this smoking HOT babe. You know her, Olivia Benson. The sexual tension is REAL but that doesn't stop them from having a great dynamic and the shows is basically a buddy cop adventure with people getting raped... and Ice T! But he's a good man and doesn't cheat on his wife. In fact, Elliot and Cathy separate for a bit and he still does NOTHING with Olivia.... Instead, he gets his estranged wife pregnant and they get back together. Everything is great until the actor did not renew his contract and the whole show devolves to revolving around Olivia.

Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE HER. She is my favorite. But since she has to carry the whole show, the writers turn her into a saint. So no more hooking up with hot guys, no more flipping out on bad guys... instead she gets her act together, gets promoted, and adopts an orphan. Yeah... she's a saint. Blah blah blah.

Then Carisi joins the squad and that character pretty much SAVES the show. He came on and we were all like... oh no, here's another character that will be around for a season or two and then gets shot or arrested or killed. But no, not Carisi. He's so sweet and naive... But thinks he's tough. He has a terrible New York accent. He's cute but sucks at knowing how to attract women. He is smart and gets his law degree. He has CRAZY sexual chemistry with Rafael Barba (the SVU assistant district attorney) but of course Barba is a man... And Carisi is "straight" and catholic so it's basically queer-baiting but we all love it anyway.

What else can I say? I LOVE SVU :D

#svu #law and order svu #synopsis #queer baiting #olivia benson #elliot stabler #sonny carisi #rafael barba #random

[khaleesiofalicante]

Okay, so I got NO work and No writing done today. The weather was too cozy so I just drank lots of tea and listened to music hehe.

So, instead of an LMCH or LBAF update, you get a glimpse into the Lightwood-Bane family in the RWRB AU. I'm so excited for you to all to meet them next week (?).

What was that mean tweet he read at the Jimmy Kimmel interview last year? 

President Lightwood’s family looks like the cover of a diversity brochure of a community college. 

Max had laughed out loud so hard that he almost fell off the chair. Because despite being mean, it was absolutely hilarious and you gotta give credit where credit is due. 

Despite this kind of criticism, the Lightwood-Banes used their diversity to their advantage. They each had their own strength and a target group they controlled. 

Dad, who was called the Orion of the Democratic Party - for his targeted initiatives and unmissable victories. His father, if he set his mind to something, always saw it through. Dad had the rich people and the white people and especially the rich white people under his thumb. The Lightwoods were famous long before Dad wanted to become president, so it also helped that their family came from old money and had friends in all the right places. 

Bapak, who was nicknamed Saint Magnus, is kind of like a modern-day Mother Theresa – perfectly balancing Dad’s straightforward and no-bullshit personality with soft smiles and gentle words. Bapak, who used to be a refugee himself, got most of the minority votes –including racial minorities and second-gen immigrants. He was very appealing to the liberals - especially the activists and the scholars and the feminists.

People liked Dad. But people were in love with Bapak. 

Well, not all of them, obviously. 

Just because they have a gay president now, it doesn’t homophobia was dead and equality is achieved. 

This is still the real world. 

Rafael, who had dubbed America’s Future, is the visionary among them. Because what Rafael lacked in experience, he made up more than enough with his passion. Despite spending all his free time with bapak, if there’s any, and hogging all of bapak’s attention like the unapologetically selfish asshole he is, Rafael is a mini-Dad. Max, who grew up with the man, saw it a long time ago. But the people started to see it too. 

However, while Dad had the upper class covered, Rafe wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty – not literally though. Bapak taught him to protect his cuticles. 

Rafe is one with the people of the working class. He got his first part-time job at the local diner when he was in middle school, he volunteered for everything damn charity project under the sun during high school and by the time he was in college, he was already helping Dad with his next campaign. 

While the rest of his family worked really hard to earn these titles and support, Max had barely done anything at all. He, anointed and appointed as ‘America’s Sweetheart, by the people themselves, just needed to be himself. A sweetheart. 

It wasn’t the press the gave him the name. Max’s target demographic is Gen Z and the name turned into a thing shortly after someone random person on TikTok made an edit of him to Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince. 

He’s fine it. Honestly, it’s much better than being called America’s Future. Yikes. 

Since Max’s key demographic is chronically online and would rather die than go out, much of the work he does is also online. This means he needs to have a consistent social media presence and do the allocated number of livestreams every week and meet the expected number of social media reach every day. 

It’s a little exhausting. But it’s nothing compared to what Rafael does, which is to do real work in the real world. 

But there you have it. 

The First Family of the United States of America. 

The Orion, Saint Magnus, America’s Future, and America’s Sweetheart.

#ahhhhh bye #mavid rwrb au

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Thanks to you I recognized San Rafael Arnaiz’s name in a book.

*tearful smile*

I just love him so much.

For those who don't know him, St Rafael Arnáiz was a trappist, from Spain, who died at a relatively young age, of diabetes, around the time of the Spanish Civil War.

I found him -or he found me- at a very sad time in my life, that because of [PERSONAL BACKSTORY I'M NOT COMFORTABLE SHARING HERE], had me very desperate and despondent thinking I was "nothing" and that my life was "broken", that everyone had a neat little path and place in the world, and that I had missed my train to my own.

I did find some consolation in St Benedict Joseph Labré, but then, he was also somewhat a figure of legend: desiring for long the monastic life, being assaulted by scruples every time he tried it (probably also OCD and anxiety), he then dedicated most of his life to being a pilgrim, constantly going back and forth to places of pilgrimage, begging, taking letters from one monastery to another, etc, etc. But I could never become that.

The thing with St Rafael is that his journey is so real, so small, so humble, and above all so honest and raw, reading his notebooks is a very cathartic experience. His story starts like so many saints stories, with loving family and miraculous recovery from illness in childhood, a brilliant career in the world as an architect being left behind for the austere and secluded life of a trappist monk... and then he gets sick. And his whole life crumbles around him. He's handed a death sentence, left without direction, in the middle of a war-torn country. And so he goes through these harrowing experiences of having to tear himself from the trappa and then from the world and back again, while feeling at home nowhere, carrying the fatigue and the thirst and the irritability of his (then) chronic, terminal illness... and then he returns to the trappa one last time, and he live a little while, and then dies.

In appearance his life is a tragedy and a failure... and yet there's such a light in it. Not in terms of a forced cheerfulness and grand declarations of deserving pain and embracing expiation... when he suffers he suffers and he complains, and he tries again, and he finds joy in small things, and his mood changes several times in one day, from feeling the most miserable idiot, peeling turnips in the cold, to the mental image of turning Heaven into a farmer's market and laughing when thinking of seeing Christ and the saints and himself surrounded by baskets and baskets of prepared fruits and roots and veggies.

Bottom line: his life mattered, obscure and "failed" as it was. A life doesn't need to be triumphant to matter, and a person doesn't have to reach or perform the extraordinary or the expected to be lovable and loved and mourned and remembered.

Some of his art:

The man himself:

And that's why I picked him for my Confirmation saint, because I felt understood, and I understood that my life was worth it, wherever it led me in the end.

#Rafael Arnáiz Barón #Christianity #Catholicism

[lorirwritesfanfic]

"You were such a small baby, Raf."

"I was born prematurely."

"You were?!" Her head snaps to the side to look at him.

"Yeah..." He nods. "Mamãe was thirty seven and had some complications during her pregnancy. She was in the thirty fourth week of pregnancy when she went into labor."

"Oh, that must have been awful..."

"I think it was... Vovó prayed to Saint Rafael everyday and made two promises if I survived. The first one was to name me after the saint and the other was to not cut my hair until I was five."

"Really?"

Rafael flipped a few pages and pointed to a picture of him with long hair.

"Oh my god!" She beams. "I know you're cute, but look at this face and those pretty and long curls!"

His cheeks grow dark as he looks away. "I don't know... Long hair isn't that much fun. It gets tangled too easily. No kid wants to run in the field and get hair on their faces while playing tag."

Rafael Aveiro moodboard + excerpt of Part Of The Package for @choicesnovchallenge Black Awareness Day

#choices moodboards #open heart #rafael aveiro #choicesnovember2023 #lorirwritesfanfic #lorircreates

[hearttohaato]

Encanto OC Event Week 2

Part 2: Tomás Herrera & Others

(Part 1 Here)

The second half of my OC relationship info post - this'll include some info about Tomás's bonds with my other OCs, as well as those background OCs' relationships with each other and canon characters.

@encanto-extended-edition

Tomás in regards to his natal family:

Tomás is the youngest in a family of four, born to Lucía and Horacio Herrera.

Lucía was a schoolteacher and volunteer in the town library, who passed away when Tomás was still a child. Tomás loved and admired his mother, considering her to have been a saint in life. The memories he has of her are fond ones, recalling her as being a kind woman without a bad word to say about anyone. He thinks highly of her optimism and humility, and her ability to make anyone feel understood and listened to.

Lucía as well as Tomás's older brother, Mateo, are both canonically deceased as per the events of the story the Herrera family is introduced in. This leaves Tomás and his father as the last living of their family within the Encanto.

Horacio used to be a mason, having to retire early due to weakness in his legs. Between this and the loss of his parents, his wife, and eventually his oldest son, Horacio sometimes thinks he's cursed - but his one silver lining is his remaining son, Tomás. Horacio has zero qualms about being openly affectionate with Tomás both physically and verbally, and though he's a little oblivious at times, he only wants the best for his boy. Tomás in turn is a loyal and protective son to Horacio, willing to put up with a little embarrassment if it makes his father happy. It doesn't matter how old Tomás gets, he'll always be his papá's conejito.

Art by cringecanto (right)

It's a bit self-indulgent of me, but I'm of the mind that when Tomás marries into the family, Casita springs up a small in-law suite for Horacio so he won't have to spend his days in an empty house. I also am of the mind that in their youth Horacio and Bruno were quite friendly with each other, due to both more or less being underdogs with not a lot of friends between them.

Horacio likely approached Bruno before his wife's passing, just on the off chance he saw her make a miraculous recovery. That isn't what he saw, of course. But though devastated, Horacio accepted the result with as much grace as he could and didn't blame Bruno or his visions for the bad news.

They ended up losing touch when Bruno became more withdrawn and eventually "left", but upon Bruno's return to society their friendship ends up picking right back up where it left off. When Tomás marries into the family and Horacio tags along, he and Bruno spend a good amount of their time having tea and playing cards as old men tend to do.

The rest under the cut to spare the poor dashboards out there!

The Patch:

The Patch, or El Parche, is the group name I use to refer to Camilo's small group of older friends, including Tomás (as introduced in the previous post). They're childhood friends; as a unit and individually they're all well-liked young men within their peers and the community as a whole, decently popular in different ways. They initially were meant to be unnamed background characters whose designs were pulled from random Encantownies, but I accidentally got attached to them and now they all have proper designs and development. Such is my life.--

Cristián Vargas, Rafael Molina, Santiago Torres, Tomás Herrera

Santiago (22) is the oldest not only of the friend group but of his own siblings, of which he's got 6 younger sisters and brothers. He's the designated 'mom friend' by nature, easily slotting into leadership positions and able to keep a handle on multiple goings-on at once. That said he very much is a mother hen type, a bit fussy and prone to scolding his siblings and friends (usually Rafael) whenever they start steering towards bad decisions.

Tomás and Santi are usually on the same page when it comes to caution and forethought, contrasting with Rafa and Cris's more go-with-the-flow attitudes. Santi's compassionate nature makes it easy for him to pick up on what Tomás is feeling without him voicing it, taking it upon himself to either make decisions based on what Tomás would most prefer or urging the others to do so instead. Tomás appreciates Santi looking out for him, feeling it alleviates pressure off of his own shoulders when he's unsure of what to do.

Rafael (21) is the most boisterous of all of them, the beacon of activity and extroversion to balance out his more subdued companions. He's a risk-taker and extremely liberal-minded about topics that usually wouldn't be openly bragged out, often leading to Santi urging him to keep it down (which will inevitably be ignored or expanded upon specifically to make Santi flustered).

His loud and brash personality clashes with Tomás's reserved ways, but the two have a unique bond despite the expected incompatibility; Rafael is not at all discouraged by Tomás's quietness and Tomás isn't put off by Rafael's brazenness. They both think the other is easy to communicate with - Tomás never has to guess what Rafa's feelings are and Rafa likes Tomás's predilection for being a listening ear.

Cristián (20) is far old enough now to have an identity and social circle separate to those of his twin brother César, but when he was a young child he used to be very shy and hesitant to leave his brother's side. When Santi and Rafa became his friends it was the first time he felt comfortable with something (or someone) that was more or less his own - so when his new friends started chatting with Tomás he felt a little threatened. Fears of abandonment were unfounded though, as not only did his friends not dump him in favor of the New Kid, but he very quickly realized why they liked Tomás and ended up getting attached to him too.

As adults they have similar mellow temperaments and get along quite nicely, though Cris's vastly improved self-assurance has made him a lot more laidback and unflappable than the more organized and prim Tomás. Tomás admires Cris's ability to be both steadfast and considerate, unwavering in what he believes in but knowing when to handle situations with delicateness and care.

When Camilo entered the picture and turned the Patch into a five-man-band, all four of the older members collectively decided that he was more or less their joint little brother. Santiago attempts to provide Camilo with proper advice and look out for him in ways an older brother should, which often means trying to make sure Rafael keeps his crude language in check around him. Rafael usually does not, taking a completely different approach to being and older brother and totally enabling Camilo's mischievous nature. Cristián is somewhere in the middle, oftentimes siding with Santi or Rafa purely based on what he think would have the most entertaining result.

Beyond this though Cris is a unique source of understanding for Camilo, as Cris is the only other person he knows who doesn't experience romantic attraction for anyone and has no interest in dating. He could have asked Bruno, of course, but solidarity feels a little better coming from someone close to his own age rather than his quirky hermit uncle.--

Cris, Santi and Rafa are the older brothers to Cecilia, Alejandra and Juancho (the town kids) respectively.

Other relationships to Encantownies include:

Santi and Alejandra have five other siblings, and José (the tall fellow Camilo shifts into near the start of the movie) is their tío. Osvaldo is a tío to Rafael and Juancho, as well as their teenaged sister. Cris's parents are seen bringing Cecilia into Casita before Antonio's ceremony, and his twin brother César is the young man who asks Luisa to help upright his leaning house.

Other OCs:

Claudia Reyes (19) is the young lady with the drum seen during The Family Madrigal, whose family owns the music shop they're playing in front of. Beside her are her brother-in-law on the left and her father on the right.

She's Rafael's long-time girlfriend, on his same wavelength of open-mindedness and free spirit. They've been in a strange will-they-won't-they situation since they were teenagers, with Rafael playing it off like they're not all that serious and just messing around. Everyone knows Rafa's totally full of it and is head over heels for her though, including Claudia who's more or less just waiting for him to finally get around to proposing. They're going to have at least 4 kids together.

She knows the rest of the Patch more or less as her boyfriend's friends, but there's still rapport between them and Claudia's more than welcome to hang with the boys whenever she wants. On top of that, she's also Luisa's good friend who oftentimes will suggest Luisa try out outrageous things in an effort to push her out of her comfort zone.

The town librarian, usually referred to as the Maestro, is an enigmatic yet helpful figure in town whose mission in life is the sharing of knowledge. They can be considered everyone's friend, though like Horacio they have a kinship with Bruno that goes back quite a few years. All perfectly platonic, mind you! Additionally, given Lucía's history of volunteering in the library, the Maestro also is on good terms with the Herrera family and still keeps in touch with Horacio pretty regularly.

And I think those are the most notable relationships to get into for now! Up next will be the AU posts, and... boy, do I have a lot of those. 🫠

#encanto oc event #encanto oc appreciation #encanto ocs #haato art #friend art #tomás herrera #cristián vargas #santiago torres #rafael molina #claudia reyes #encanto librarian #horacio herrera #lucía herrera #also there's hints of my headcanon that camilo (and bruno) are aroace in here

[megalony]

Reliving the dream- Part 4

I suddenly felt inspired to write for Rafael Barba and SVU again, I hope you will all like this part. Any requests and comments would be greatly appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr​ @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss​ @sj-thefan​ @omgitsearly​ @luckytrashgooprebel​ @scarsout​ @deaky-with-a-c​ @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​ @vousmemanqueez-blog​ @jonesyaddiction​ @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms​ @saint-hardy​ @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​ @mrsalwayswritex​ @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @crazylittlethingg​ @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod​ @ceres27​ @thereisa8ella​ @qardasngan​

@a-brignac​​​​

Masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) and Rafael had to recover from losing their baby 2 years ago, but their lives start to change again when (Y/n) finds out she’s pregnant again.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A smile wormed it way onto Rafael's lips and he paused in his ministrations of undoing his tie when he felt a pair of warm arms securing around his middle. He shivered when he felt (Y/n)'s face pressing between his shoulder blades and her hot breaths fanning against his skin through his dress shirt.

"Hello mi amour," His voice was soft as butter while he threw his tie onto the bed and kicked off his shoes. He had only just walked through the bedroom door and (Y/n) automatically clung to him like he had been gone days instead of hours.

"Hi baby." (Y/n) closed her eyes and inhaled his scent before she tightened her arms around him, not wanting to pull away just yet. She could feel him chuckling quietly and he reached an arm behind him to hold her hip before he slowly turned around in her arms.

With a growing smile, Rafael cupped (Y/n)'s face in his hands and pressed a longing kiss to her lips and he swore she melted against him into a puddle. "How was your day?" He spoke quietly in between kisses and he slowly walked (Y/n) back until her knees hit the bed and she sat down.

Even though she had seen him this morning before work it felt like the hours had dragged until he walked through the door. (Y/n) wasn't ever so keen on being home alone, when they were both at work it was okay because she was busy and around people but if Rafael was working and she wasn't, (Y/n) felt at a loss for what to do. All she wanted was to be wrapped up in his arms lately and the moment he let her go she felt empty.

It didn't dawn on (Y/n) that she was only in her bra and underwear until she watched her husband rake his eyes over her frame and his smile turned into a catfish grin that made her stomach flip. She had been in the process of getting changed after a bath when Rafael came home.

A curious look came across Rafael's lips as he leaned over (Y/n) with his hands resting on her hips and his legs stood between her thighs. He watched intently as she took hold of one hand and moved his palm until it was pressed under her growing stomach. Silence enveloped them and he waited patiently and confused until he felt a small wriggle against his hand that made his face light up.

They were at twenty weeks now so it was about now that (Y/n) would start to feel the baby moving and soon she would feel them kicking and she knew the moment it started, everything would feel real. Up until now she still couldn't get her mind around the fact that they were going to have a baby. That she was going to have a baby.

All she could think about was their baby girl and a repeat of history that would render them childless again.

The chances of having another miscarriage or stillbirth were very slim and extremely unlikely but it didn't make it any easier. (Y/n) wanted to be the kind of woman who could go out and look at baby clothes and buy some in advance without panicking that if she bought even one outfit, she would tempt fate and then she would suddenly have a miscarriage. It didn't feel safe to buy anything or get the spare room set up and decorated, (Y/n) didn't want to do anything until their baby was almost born.

If she was being honest with herself, (Y/n) would rather not get anything ready until she'd gone through labour and was sure they would be able to bring their child home at the end of it all.

Going through labour and ending up with no child at the end didn't even come with feelings, it left (Y/n) and Rafael hollow. They were able to see, hold and cuddle their baby for as long as they wanted but it wasn't the same because they had to savour her touch because one touch had to last a lifetime without her.

"They know their Papi." Rafael smiled charmingly before he pulled back and began to unbutton his shirt.

At their scan next week they would find out if they were having a boy or a girl and though Rafael was excited, he knew (Y/n) was apprehensive. If they had a girl, it would feel like they were replacing Bella and he knew (Y/n) would just be waiting until the day she thought she would miscarry. If they had a boy maybe she wouldn't be so panicked but he wasn't sure.

He wanted her to enjoy the experience like last time, he knew (Y/n) had loved feeling the baby move and watching her body change to look after their baby. He would feel a lot better if (Y/n) was calmer and excited rather than panicked and worried.

"Your mum came round today," (Y/n) slowly rose from the bed with one hand rubbnig soothing circles over her stomach. She made her way over to the chair in front of the window and held out a box to Rafael.

"From mami?" He questioned befoe he took the small blue box from (Y/n)'s hands and set it down on the bed to take a peek.

His breath suddenly got stuck at the back of his throat and he felt himself tense for a few seconds as he looked into the box. Rafael's hands were subtally trembling when he slowly pulled the hand-knitted blanket out of the tissue paper. It was a lovely cream colour with rows in squares and two rows or purple and green bordering around the blanket.

"It's lovely, I cried when I opened it." (Y/n) couldn't speak without her voice breaking and it made tears well up in her eyes.

The blanket was beautiful and it was hand-made which made it all the more special but it hurt.

(Y/n) felt awful when her mother-in-law came round and gave her the gift because she couldn't help but cry when she looked at the blanket. It was touching to have something so lovely that must have taken hours to complete and it would be very special to her child when they grew older. But that was the part that made (Y/n) cry. She didn't know if the baby would be okay or even alive to appreciate this gift.

When they told his mother last time that they were pregnant, she had been over the moon and she made a similar blanket which was champagne white with pink flowers and pink ribbon sewn around the edging. She also made purple slippers for their baby as well but they had been made in vain.

"She's been dying to make some outfits since we told her." Rafael gently folded the blanket back and put it back in the box before he turned towards (Y/n).

"I know, and I want her to make them but we didn't even keep the last blanket she made, we b... I can't do that again."

(Y/n) rubbed at her tired, sore eyes before she sat down on the bed and flopped to lay on her side.

Deep down, (Y/n) wished she had that baby blanket his mother made for them. It might have been something she could hold onto and cuddle when she yearned to have their baby in her arms. It would have been a good source of comfort for them both but they didn't have it anymore. When they lost Bella, they had dressed her in the only outfit Rafael's mother had managed to make for her with how premature she had been and they wrapped her up in the same blanket she had made. Bella was buried with the blanket so she was warm and comfortable.

(Y/n) couldn't go through picking an outfit out and swaddling their next baby up in this blanket to be buried in the ground. She couldn't do it again.

"Querida, we won't have to do that this time." Rafael sat down on the bed beside her and moved his hand to smooth over her stomach. "You can feel them moving about now and we know they're okay. We're gonna have a baby who will be perfect."

A grin broke out on (Y/n)'s face despite the few tears still leaving her eyes and she slowly carded her fingers through Rafael's hair when he shuffled down so that he was level with her stomach. She wasn't sure what he whispered but whatever it was made the baby within her stir before he kissed her stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey hun, you want something to eat?"

Amanda's voice broke (Y/n) out of her thoughts and she tiredly looked up, trying to look around for the blonde who was sitting on her desk across from (Y/n). She had a Chinese takeout pot in her hand and chopsticks in the other that she was clattering together like a crab's pinchers which made (Y/n) smile despite how rough she felt.

Nothing she had been eating recently had stayed down long enough to digest, everything came back up and (Y/n) was feeling worse for wear because of it. She just prayed that Rafael wouldn't come down to the precinct today because she promised him if she didn't manage to keep breakfast down then she would stay home. But she didn't want to be home alone, if anything happened to the baby she didn't want to be alone and work was the best place to be when she was around her friends. It wasn't like she was doing any hard work either when she was bound to desk duty for the foreseeable future.

"No, thanks I'm good." It was tempting, (Y/n) was always partial to some noodles but she didn't want to take the risk. It would be better to fast for the day and let her stomach settle than risk eating something and throw it up later.

"You sure (Y/n)? There's some rice or some plain noodles if you want." Carisi perched himself on the edge of (Y/n)'s desk and held a container out towards her with a bright smile and a fork in his hand because he couldn't work the chopsticks properly.

"No... w-what have you got?" (Y/n) couldn't help the way her lips pulled into a frown when the smell hit her nose like a truck.

It never normally affected her but even the simplest food seemed to smell so horrid to (Y/n) now she was pregnant and it was making bile rise in her throat. All she wanted to do was eat, her stomach was growling with hunger and it was making her head spin but she couldn't when throwing it up again later felt so awful. Her throat burned from the acid when she was sick and her stomach seemed to turn in knots.

Starving herself until she was better would work because she had tried to eat little and often but it only meant she was sick more often. Even water wasn't staying down recently either.

"Sweet and sour chicken, want some?"

The moment Carisi moved the container towards her, (Y/n) leaned back and held her breath so she wouldn't smell the food and she pushed it back towards him, hoping he would get the hint and move it away.

"Sorry Carisi but it smells, could you...?"

"Yeah, yeah sure, sorry. Why don't you try some crackers?" He could see she was feeling a bit queasy and he also knew she hadn't eaten anything for lunch yet. Going without wouldn't be the best idea, at least some crackers would line her stomach and be easier to hold down.

It felt good to eat a few prawn crackers, (Y/n) could feel the tension leaving her body and her stomach- and the baby, seemed to settle a bit more when she ate a few. It was so tempting to gorge out and eat the whole bag but (Y/n) knew better than to do that because it wouldn't help and it was daring to want to try some rice and noodles but she had to pace herself and take it slow. Maybe this afternoon she could try and eat something else.

That was a mistake.

(Y/n) pressed her palm to her forehead and closed her eyes, trying to take a few deep breaths but she could feel the panic bubbling up in her stomach. Eating had been a mistake and it had barely been twenty minutes since she had those crackers and they were churning in her stomach already.

She was going to be sick and she knew it. Pushing herself up onto unsteady feet, (Y/n) tried to smile and walk slowly but she broke out into a sprint for the toilets when she could feel bile rising at the back of her throat and bubbling up into her mouth.

She didn't make it to the toilets.

Her knees caved in next to the water fountain that held her weight for her as she clung to it and heaved onto the floor. Even the cup of water she had managed to have this morning came back up with vengence and everything spilled out onto the floor until she was coughing and spluttering. Her skin was burning against the cold fountain beside her and (Y/n) could feel her body beginning to shake.

"(Y/n)?"

"Fuck," (Y/n) choked on the word as well as the water that was still trying to escape her lips.

(Y/n) tried to lift her head to see her husband hurrying towards her but her head felt like it was suddenly full of lead and weighing towards the floor. Even her eyes burned when she looked up through hooded lashes to see a blurry image of Rafael coming at her at full speed.

"Querida, look at me." Rafael's voice was gently but full of worry when he reached her side. He dropped his briefcase to the floor and in an instant his arms were around her waist, keeping her to his side. "Come on, mi amour." His voice was soft and gentle and he let her lean her weight onto him and guide her slowly down the corridor to the toilets.

The moment they got into the toilets, (Y/n) felt like the room had spun on its axis and the only thing keeping her up when her legs caved in was Rafael's arms that swooped under her armpits and hoisted her up so she didn't collide with the toilet.

"Fuck! Sweetheart, you still with me?" He wasn't sure if she had fainted or if her energy had dwindled but when she buckled, he held her back to his chest before he slowly lowered her down to her knees in front of the toilet. Sighing in relief when he heard a small whimper from her lips before her head flopped on the toilet rim and she threw up again.

With a deep breath left Rafael's lips before he kneeled down in the small cubicle with her and gently pulled her hair away from her face.

She didn't look well. Her skin was blotched with sweat and she was burning up and her tired eyes could barely stay open and even though she had been sick, her lips were clearly dry and chapped telling him she hadn't been drinking enough.

It broke Rafael's heart when (Y/n) started to cry mixed with choked breaths when she felt like she could barely breathe at all. If he'd have known she was this bad he wouldn't have gone to the office this morning, he would have stayed home with her and made sure she either ate something or went to the hospital to be checked up because this wasn't good.

"Alright sweetheart, it's okay let it out. I'll talk to Liv and take you to hospital."

(Y/n) didn't want to be like this, she didn't want to be or feel like a burden because she should be able to look after herself and the baby, Rafael shouldn't always have to come to her rescue but it was good that he did. She didn't know where she would be without him.

It took a lot of effort for (Y/n) to push herself away from the toilet and lean back into Rafael but she instantly felt better and relaxed when she leaned into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. She could feel him kissing her damp forehead and muttering something in Spanish against her hair but she couldn't work out what he said, all she could hear was static in her ears. Her head snuggled further into his chest and a murmur vibrated against her throat but she didn't know what she was trying to say.

"What?" Rafael leaned his chest back and tilted his head down to try and look at (Y/n) to work out what she said but his body tensed and his muscles tightened when she went limp against him and her head lolled against his chest. "Oh, sweetheart."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Rafi?"

"How do you feel, Querida?"

(Y/n) leaned into his touch when his hand smoothed over her cheek and he moved to sit on the edge of the bed she appeared to be laying in. She stayed quiet for a few moments, trying to work out what was happening and remember what she was doing before she woke up here.

She could remember throwing up at the precinct and being in the car with Rafael but everything else was made of cotton wool and clogged up in her mind.

"W-what...?" Her hazy vision looked down at her hand but she shuddered when she saw a needle stuck into her vein on the back of her hand connected to a drip. What were they giving her?

"No, no Querida leave it in, please." Rafael was quick to grab both her hands and hold them on his lap to stop her from trying to take out the IV. He couldn't have her rip it out like he'd seen her do before, there would be blood everywhere and it would only serve to hurt her. It was there to get her fluids up and to get the anti-emmetics into her system so she could start to eat properly without throwing everything back up again.

"How long have we been here?"

"About three hours I think. I brought you to the emergency room and they brought you up here, you're on an IV for fluids and some anti sickness meds so you can start to eat soon. They want to keep you in overnight and make sure you actually keep something down before we go."

He hadn't expected her to remember what happened this afternoon, she had seemed very out of sorts the few times she woke up.

He managed to get her in the car with the help of Carisi and she briefly woke up and then again when they were waiting downstairs in the emergency room. When she woke up again when they moved her into this room Rafael had pinned her down so they could put the cathiter in her vein and since then he'd made a few phone calls and waited for her to come back around again.

"I don't want to stay, Rafi, baby please-"

"You can baby me all you want but we're not leaving until they say you're ready." The way he rose his brow and quirked his lips made (Y/n)'s stomach flutter before she suddenly moved both their hands to rest on her tummy. It only now dawned on her that something may have happened or gone wrong with their baby. "The baby's fine." It was as if he could read her mind and see all the worries floating around and he wanted to quell each one to make her feel better.

He would burn the world down if she asked him to.

His smile suddenly softened and (Y/n) could see his eyes glossing over before he leaned closer until theri foreheads were touching.

"They did a quick ultrasound to double check everything was okay... we're having a baby boy, Querida."

#rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba one shot #imagine #law and order #law and order svu #Olivia Benson #sonny carisi #Amanda Rollins

[shinakkyo]

i love anne so much... she really is so strong in her own fragility, and so gentle even when she's angry...

(cut for long rambling)

i do get kinda ugh in "outsider savior" narratives but i think saft handles this quite nicely where anne consistently does what she can but ultimately never takes credit & its idk, nice to see a protag who gets frustrated at a situation that they have the power to resolve, but that will be meaningless if they do so... that scene with the fairies not getting why she was so upset about their loyalty to rafael was so touching?

the whole slavery system in this world is made even more fucked imo when you think of how fairies are born, and how they can be astonishingly innocent depending on the conditions of their birth, gullible even, like the fairy that was born in front of anne, who didn't know she was already free until rafael "taught" her what freedom was supposed to be. and anne is frustrated because she knows that, even if she idk, defeats rafael & tells the fairies "you're free for real now!", it's not her place to tell them how to live their lives + if they don't understand how rafael was manipulating them all along, it'll be like a betrayal instead of help.

(actually not to go on a tangent but this series understands "innocence" so well too lol i think it's always explored sooo nicely... anyway)

that said, i didn't quite love shall going "she gave me back my wing while he took yours" to the other fairies, like i get your point my man but i don't like when anne is treated like this idealised woman... she's not a saint & i think in the first cour they established that very well but now idk it feels like shall fen shalle is so stupid in love with her that he's putting her on a higher pedestal with every episode lol

anne remains a solid character despite that, tho, which i appreciate immensely. the scene in the paige workshop and elliot throwing hands with keith was probably my favourite in the entire episode (and one of my favourite in the entire series tbh) bc i felt that while well-intentioned, keith still saw anne as a "girl to be saved" while elliot and the rest of the paige workshop see her as what she really is: a girl who is so determined to do good that it's infectious, a woman who is so genuine in her appreciation of others that people can't help but be loyal to her, even when they're jealous of her skill.

im really excited for the next episodes bc there's so much going on now! the romance plot is so solid that they can really indulge with the rest of the story without us feeling like "wait but what about shall and anne—"... good shoujo stuff.

#sugar apple fairy tale #i never know how to end these ramblings lol

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Oh Rafael my precious boy! I will buy him everything he wants and most importantly: make a nest on the sofa, cuddle him all he wants and watch movies with him all day and buy his favourite snacks🥺

He deserves the woooooorld😭

How is he doing these days?🥹❤️

Oh, Raf is fine these days, but remember when he wasn't-

CW: Takes place when Rafael was at his first safehouse. Soooooo much casual slut shaming here, people. So... so much angst.

They go quiet when he comes back, the group of three sitting at the kitchen table. Rafael feels their eyes on him like lit matches on the tips of his fingers and he hunches his shoulders, arms crossed in front of him. His backpack is lighter than when he left, and he wonders if anyone ever pays enough attention to notice.

"Holy cow, I didn't even know he was gone," A former Domestic, Freddie, says with a slightly nervous, airy laugh. Her voice is a whisper that isn't quite quiet enough, but Raf pretends he can't hear it anyway as he slips his shoes off to leave on the little rug by the door.

"That's what they do," Another says - Sam, or Sal, or something else Raf can't quite remember. His voice sounds like he must be rolling his eyes, but Raf refuses to look and see if he is or not. "They sneak around like that, they teach them in training. I saw one getting his feet whipped because he walked too loud once."

"Gross. That-... that sounds awful." Raf blinks, surprised at the hint of sympathy, and glances over to see Freddie shiver.

"Honestly, he probably liked it. They love that stuff, that's why they get picked for it. They're just like that already. I heard they have to talk about their-" Sal lowers his voice, but it still carries. "-their kinks with their handlers when they sign up."

Rafael's face burns as he moves to walk past the doorway. His handler never asked him what he liked or didn't like. His handler had told him outright it didn't matter and the person he was before didn't exist any longer. He, if he wanted to be good, would learn to want what his master or mistress wanted, there was no such thing as having a desire of his own. Did they not know that?

It was warm outside, and he'd been sweaty on the bus in his black sweater and pants with the sun beating down and heating them up, but now he shivers from a chill that lives entirely under his skin.

They know. They don't care. The idea that he wanted it all is easier, and... he must have, right? Or he wouldn't have ended up like this.

"Hey." The third one speaks up, waving to get his attention. "Uh... Romantic. What was your name again?"

Raf pauses, turning to look instinctively, meeting three pairs of flat, hostile eyes in flat, hostile faces. Mr. Martin swears they'll warm up to him, but they never have. Maybe no one ever will. Even Mr. Martin treats him like there's slime on his skin, especially when he said he didn't want to change his name. "It's Rafael. Yeah?"

Vex, that's what the third one calls himself. Raf remembers that, because he'd told Rafael once it was because he hoped him running pissed off the people he'd run from. Rafael had thought he was sharing as a way to break the ice, but then Vex had never spoken to him again. Until now.

Vex's eyes narrow. "Where do you keep going all the time?"

His heart stops, panic sparking like torn wires in his nerves, but Rafael knows how to be terrified and never show it. He only smiles, perfect and pretty, his good-pet-grin. "The library. I'm trying to learn how to read again."

His voice comes out smoothly sincere. He's a good liar. All Romantics are incredible liars. That's what everyone says, anyway. And Raf is pretty good at it.

"Huh." Vex shares a look with the others that Raf can't quite read, and his prickling unease keeps rising. "You never come to our group lessons, though."

Rafael has an answer prepped for this. He shrugs, unbothered. "You said it wasn't comfortable for you when I did."

Vex frowns, thoughtful, some of his prickling hostility fading. To Rafael's shock, he looks... almost guilty. "... Oh. Yeah. I forgot we told Mr. Martin that."

"You kept sitting with your legs open," Freddie says, voice slightly uneven. "And... sitting too close."

"... I know. Again, i'm-... sorry, I am, I didn't even know-... No one told me until Mr. Martin said you told him-"

"Whatever." Vex snorts. "Let's talk about the library. You're spending, like, hours over there."

"Well... It's not just learning to read." His heart isn't pounding in his throat at all, he can't feel his fingers trembling until he hides them in his pockets. He doesn't even flush when he realizes in a spike of shame that there's an empty condom package still in there. He forgot to throw it away before he got back. It crinkles and he has to fight not to widen his eyes. The sound feels impossibly loud.

It must not carry. None of them seem to notice.

Freddie nudges Sal with her elbow. "Told you so. He's fucking somebody."

Sal sighs. "I didn't argue with you, Fred."

Vex's eyebrow raises. "That's against the rules. Mr. Martin says no inappropriate relations inside or outside the house. Especially sex ones. You'll get kicked out for that."

"I'm not sleeping with anyone," Rafael lies without even batting an eyelash. "You can have Mr. Martin check my phone, I'm at the library the whole time."

The phone is, anyway. He leaves it there, most of the time, in a hiding spot inside a conference room nobody ever uses, before he meets one of the other Romantics who work on the street and goes back to the apartment and the warmth of their arms and the familiar slick slide of their bodies against his. Sometimes he has money to pay, sometimes he doesn't, but they open the door even when he has nothing but his body to offer.

Sometimes they just hold him, and it's enough to make him feel human again, for a while, anyway.

Vex looks at him, then away. "Whatever. As long as you're a creep somewhere else, who cares what you do?"

Raf swallows. His throat feels too small for the air he has to breathe. "You can ask Mr. Martin-" He starts again, catches his voice wobbling and fights hard to keep it steady, falsely confident.

"I'm not a snitch," Vex interrupts, snapping the words angrily. Raf catches himself backing up instinctively to avoid anyone who might be angry getting close enough to hurt him for it. "None of us are. We aren't Romantics like you."

"Yeah, we're not the ones who go tell the owners whatever gets them more dick and called a good boy," Sal sneers. Freddie just looks worried and a little scared of them all. Raf's face burns bright red.

"I-... I don't-"

He does, though. Sort of. Rei, his second-favorite of the others he finds on the streets who understand him, calls him that at the end. Raf likes it and Rei likes to play good and gentle owner with happy pet, using a soft voice that warms Raf inside and out with the idea of anyone ever saying it without the edge of humiliation or danger his own master and mistress held.

Sometimes just hearing it so sweet like that can have him coming in a flash or crying and the feeling is almost the same.

"It's-" Raf's voice finally cracks, and he clears his throat. He can't look them in the eyes any longer. "It's against the rules to use unkind language to each, each other-"

"It sure is." Sal snorts, derisive. Disgusted with him. "Gonna go tell Mr. Martin we were mean, Romantic?"

"My name is Raf-"

"We don't care. Look, you tell Mr. Martin we were big meanie-faces and hurt your delicate little slut feelings, then maybe we tell Mr. Martin that you're definitely not spending all that time just learning to read."

Rafael's heart beats so fast he feels like he's trying to outrun his own body. "No, I, I am-"

"We just said we don't care. Just... go somewhere else." Vex waves his hand, and Rafael turns on his heel and tries not to move like the beaten animal he is as he goes back to the room he stays in, alone, where he lays awake all night in a bed where there is no one to hold him.

How they talk to him would hurt less if it wasn't true.

He is sneaking off to find sex, the comfort he isn't allowed to have, the only touch anyone ever gives him. He does sit too close, and not know how to stand or sit in ways that aren't a wordless invitation. He does lie, over and over and over again.

He breaks all the rules and he can't seem to stop.

But... it's only because he's so lonely he could scream until his throat bleeds if he has to live where no one will touch him.

Rafael throws his backpack across the room, slamming his door so hard the frame rattles and hearing Mr. Martin's muffled no slammed doors, please! from somewhere else within the house.

Another broken rule.

Rafael collapses onto his bed, curling up on his side, pulling out the plastic feather he carries everywhere he goes. Rubbing his fingers over the texture helps remind him - the guy who gave him the feather thought he could do this. Believed in him.

Had said, somebody loved you, and really, really meant it.

Even if someone had, Raf thinks, they probably couldn't love him now. Not this version of him, anyway. And the guy, who had been gorgeous and had been one like him, definitely... He didn't really know Raf at all. No one does.

But everyone here thinks they don't need to talk to him at all to already know everything they needed to in order to judge him as worthless.

Their judgments would feel less like damnation if he didn't think so, too.

He'd only ever been worth what his body could do for the ones who put the collar around his neck. That hasn't changed at all. He just has no collar and no one to care for him now. No one who cares about him. His handler was right. He's only ever going to be wanted for one thing.

If it weren't for the feather and the memory of the man in the museum believing he deserves to be free, he'd walk outside right now and turn himself in.

Go back to his master and mistress, to a home that isn't home but at least there they cared enough to touch him.

At least there he had been lonely without being alone.

#rafael is no one's saint #whump #bbu #box boy universe #writing #box boy #referenced dubcon #referenced noncon #runaway whumpee #ANGST

[liberty-barnes]

went down a rabbithole of discourse to see what people mean when they say they don't like the wedding and well

let me ask you this:

do you not the like this plotline because it's "poor writing" (even though it was literally planned from the start, ie rafael knowing) or you do not like it because it shows that carlos isn't a saint with minimal, "cute" flaws, here to help tk get better?

do you not like iris or are you villainising her because she's "getting in the way of your ship" and doesn’t act in a neurotypical way, or in what you're "used to" seeing from neurodivergent characters?

really think about these cause i think you might figure some things out.

now i haven't made it a secret that i'm liking this plotline, but i'm not just gonna call out one side without explaining mine, that would just be unfair, so here are my full thoughts now that ep2 is out

i love this plotline because it's an opportunity to delve into carlos' character development, which when compared to tk, we haven't had much. like sure, they've been a couple and stuff but apart from the jealousy with connor and the issue with his parents, what have we really learned about carlos? compared to all the development we've had from tk, carlos at times felt very much like a tool for tk to move forward, because the character himself still had such limited growth opportunities

now the marriage plotline is his time to shine. i recently reblogged a post where it was mentioned that tk came full circle in the first 3 seasons, starting with a failed proposal and ending with a successful one, so i think that tk at this point is okay to take a secondary, and just overall less dramatic approach to his character development. because we've seen him go through the big things. now it's carlos' turn to do like a pokemon and evolve.

we get to see the full scope of his anxiety, internalised homophobia, and saviour complex.

it's already a huge step that he talked to tk about it before he took care of the divorce. people with anxiety disorders (it's me hi i'm people) can tell you that bringing up a problem without having a solution is next to inconceivable. we feel like we always need to have solutions for our problems and if we don't, then people can't know about them. so the fact that carlos trusted tk enough to tell him (albeit after being "forced" to by andrea) tells you a lot about just how much he cares. and we also got the opportunity of seeing tk's growth because he didn't take it personally, didn't think this was against him, he understood that this was carlos' own problems and just like carlos helped him deal with his issues, tk's gonna help him deal with this.

it also shows just how far carlos' internalised homophobia went, and shows that even though most of it wasn't on screen, he's done amazing progress. the conversation on the couch is a testament to that growth, to him realising he wasn't broken at all. it's also a great way to show internalised homophobia, because it's something that most queer people go through, especially at the beginning, and i think it's beautiful to show that no matter how much time passes or how many mistakes you make, the important part of it is that you found yourself, the rest can be taken care of later.

and of course, his saviour complex. we saw it when he let the bank robber go, we saw it when he broke down because he felt like he failed tk by not having enough fire extinguishers to protect him, and we see it now by him staying married to iris for the health insurance. abd not going to see her because in some way, he feels like he failed her. maybe he should have noticed her illness sooner, or he should have been there with michelle from the start, but he didn't know what to do or what to say so he just didn't go. which again, if you have an anxiety disorder, you can relate. sometimes when things feel too hard or we don't have a set plan for everything that's gonna happen, or we make it harder than it is in our minds, we just don't go. speaking from experience, i ghosted my therapist for a year cause i forgot to call in sick for one appointment and thought she would judge me so i didn't go back. that's just how much anxiety can affect you, and for carlos, this is his "monster", this marriage is the thing that he desperately wants to fix but doesn't know how, finds too complicated, so he's stuck where he is because he's just not able to fix it.

and it's amazing to see how much tk gives him strength, the trust they share, and how carlos found his motivation in tk. that's love and from one anxious person to another, i'm really proud of carlos

now as for iris, i love her, i really do. she shows a mental illness that we don't always see, and normalises the fact that even after being medicated, neurodivergent people aren’t just suddenly gonna be "fixed". she's saner with her medication but we see how she finds it hard to communicate because her brain just works differently. when can see during her talk of an annulment, she thought she was being obvious the whole time, and it was only after tk asked for an explanation that she realised she needed to express this better. she doesn't mean her questions maliciously (ie carlos warning tk beforehand and being ready to step in if it got too much while also trusting that his fiancé can hold his own), she just has questions and asks them. she asks them because she's curious, because she's worried about carlos, because she wants to know more about tk. she doesn't have that little voice in her head telling her that her questions can be taken the wrong way.

and the part everyone's mad about, with her calling tk carlos' life's work. she didn't say it to insult tk, she didn't say it because she thinks he doesn't deserve carlos, she said it because in her mind it proves how perfect they are for each other. "always needs a project" + "can be his life's work" = soulmates. and idk if i understood that because i'm neurodivergent or because whatever else, but it made sense in my brain, i get her.

and ofc, it's a great opening to show off tarlos' ability to communicate with each other and both their individual and joint growth.

now for the fact that they can't get an annulment, i'm honestly not sure that was the plan at all, it might have been brought in just for the symbolism and after realising they can't do it, they'll have to stick with divorce. i don't know, i'm hapoy to let the writers surprise me and then pick apart and analyse the story as it comes.

and for the fact that iris is now missing, again, don't have many thoughts about it right now other than i think she went looking for the woman at the care center that she talked about when tk first got there, bc that comment felt too pointed not to become a plot point. but again, i'll hold any thoughts until after the episode air.

i see so many people getting stuck on what could happen, and what was "seen coming" etc, but honestly, just trust the writers. we know it will end in a wedding, ronen and rafael trust the writers fully, and that's good enough for me you know. i'm not gonna stress about what "could happen" in a tv show, i do that enough irl. i'm just gonna enjoy the ride.

so yeah that was me

#libby rants #911 lone star #iris blake #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos #lone star meta #carlos reyes meta #tk strand meta #iris blake meta #lone star season 4 #911 lone star meta #lone star 4×02 #lone star 4×01

[khaleesiofalicante]

Magnus points at it and shows Rafael. “That’s where Alec works.”

“His name is daddy!” Max corrects.

“Rafael can call him daddy when he is ready,” Magnus says gently.

JAJSJAJSKWWKSKSSK MAX HE ARRIVED FOUR DAYS AGO BE PATIENT

“What do you work?” Rafael asks.

Magnus replies to that in fluent Spanish. Alec will never not be amazed by the skills Magnus hides inside him.

Smart people are hot

“He takes care of people,” Magnus explains in English. “He keeps them safe.”

“Like Jesus?” Rafael asks.

Magnus chuckles. “Yes. Like Jesus.”

Alec smiles and shakes his head.

I agree. Alec is Jesus

“Oof,” Magnus says and peers at the book. “Saint James is the patron saint of Spain and is also known as Santiago.”

“Yep,” Alec nods.

“That’s Raphael’s name!” Magnus says. “My friend Raphael, I mean.”

“Rafael Santiago Lightwood-Bane,” Alec says out loud.

“I like!” Max yells.

“That actually sounds nice,” Alec points out. "Do you like it, Rafael?"

Rafael nods. 

Alec grins. “We could name him that.”

“Raphael will not approve,” Magnus bites his lip, trying not to grin.

“Baby. When have you ever let that stop you?” Alec asks. “I think it’s funny, actually.”

“Alec. We are not going to name our child just so we can piss off one of our friends,” Magnus says incredulously.

They name him Rafael Santiago Lightwood-Bane.

Nobody understand how chaotic are Magnus and Alec together. For real

I LOVE MALEC FOR THIS HEHEHE.

#tlnd

[rottengurlz]

im gonna need u to drop book recs immediately every quote i see u post has me peeling the skin off of my face. i trust ur taste

Asking this is opening the box of pandora which is my heart I hope you know that!!!!

idk what kind of books u like so I’m gonna recommend some of my faves of the year so far

To Be Devoured by Sara Tantlinger

An absolutely gorgeous and devastating book about woman named Andi who becomes obsessed with vultures to point she wants to become one. Her gf Luna tries to help with her infatuation but the need to taste dead flesh and be part of the flock sends Andi down an unforgivable path.

Angels Before Man by Rafael Nicolás

This is probably one of the most beautiful books ive ever read but also ripped my heart out and spit all over it. It’s a retelling of the fall of Lucifer from Lucifers perspective where he struggles with shame and his identity until he meets Michael and finally learns to love himself. Lucifer wants to worship michael but God is jealous and not a kind creator.

Rapture by Saint Harlowe (the book I’m currently reading)

A beautiful and horrifying book about a man named Adrian Price getting abducted by the very handsome and murderous Jackson Monroe. The longer Adrian is with Jackson the more he begins to understand him and their bloody obsession with each other begins.

These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever

A beautifully cruel book about 2 men named Paul and Julian both with troubled pasts who are immediately drawn to each other. Paul begins to idolize Julian for his charisma and confidence but Julian is also very cruel and unpredictable. Their relationship begins to spiral into obsession but Paul is desperate to to protect their bond even if it leads to unspeakable violence.

#yes I haven’t finished rapture yes it’s one of my favorite books of the year already #I would look up any triggers before reading these too!!! #I WILL describe every book I love as beautiful

[buzz-london]

*10 countries with the highest rates of prostitution in the world:* 1. Thailand (Buddha) 2. Denmark (Christian) 3. Italian (Christian) 4. German (Christian) 5. French (Christian) 6. Norway (Christian) 7. Belgium (Christian) 8. Spanish (Christian) 9. United Kingdom (Christian) 10. Finland (Christian) *10 countries with the Highest Murder Rates (murder rate)* 1. El Salvador(52.06) 2. Jamaica (43.85) 3. Lesotho (43.56) 4. Honduras (38.93) 5. Belize (37.79) 6. Venezuela =36.69) 7. Saint Vincent and the Grenadines (36.59) 8. South Africa (36.40) 9. Saint Kitts and Nevis (36.09) 10. Nigeria (34.52) *10 Most Dangerous Countries for Women* 1. Afghanistan (Muslim) 2. Syria (Muslim) 3. Yemen (Muslim) 4. Pakistan (Muslim) 5. Iraq (Muslim) 6. South Sudan (Muslim) 7. Chad (Muslim) 8. Democratic Republic of Congo (Muslim) 9. Sudan (Muslim) 10. Sierra Leone (Muslim) *10 countries with the highest rape rates* Botswana - 92.93 Lesotho - 82.68 South Africa - 72.10 Bermuda - 67.29 Sweden - 63.54 Suriname - 45.21 Costa Rica - 36.70 Nicaragua - 31.60 Grenada - 30.63 Saint Kitts And Nevis - 28.62 # Number of rape incidents per 100,000 citizens. India is one of the lowest with figure of 1.81 *10 Most Alcoholic Countries in the World:* 1) Moldova (Christian) 2) Belarusian (Christian) 3) Lithuania (Christian) 4) Russia (Christian) 5) Czech Republic (Christian) 6) Ukrainian (Christian) 7) Andorra (Christian) 8) Romanian (Christian) 9) Serbian (Christian) 10) Australia (Christian) *Countries with the highest homicide rates in the world:* 1. Honduras (Christian) 2. Venezuela (Christian) 3. Belize (Christian) 4. El Savador (Christian) 5. Guatemala (Christian) 6. South Africa (Christian) 7. Saint Kitts and Nevis (Christian) 8. Bahamas (Christian) 9. Lesotho (Christian) 10. Jamaica (Christian) *Top 13 Most Violent Countries in the World (Global Peace Index 2021)*: 1. Afghanistan - 3.631 (higher scores indicate less peace) 2. Yemen - 3.407 3. Syria - 3.371 4. South Sudan - 3.363 5. Iraq - 3.257 6. Somalia - 3.211 7. Congo (Dem. Rep of) - 3.196 8. Libya - 3.166 9. Central African Republic - 3.131 10. Russia - 2.993 11. Sudan - 2.936 12. Venezuela - 2.934 13. North Korea - 2.923 *Top Theft rate - Country rankings* - thefts per 100,000 people 1. Denmark (3949) 2. Sweden (3817) 3. Uruguay (3205) 4. Australia (2460) 5. Grenada (2307) 6. UK (2283) 7. Bermuda (2190) 8. France (2135) 9. Finland (2081) 10. Norway (1991) 11. Netherlands (1791) 12. USA (1750) 13. Switzerland (1712) 14. Austria (1650) 15. Germany (1576) 16. Canada (1409) *Top 10 Most Corrupt Countries in the World (2021 Best Countries rankings)*: (U.S. News and World Report, BAV Group, and the University of Pennsylvania) 1. Iraq 2. Colombia 3. Mexico 4. Brazil 5. Russia 6. Guatemala 7. Kazakhstan 8. Lebanon 9. El Salvador 10. Azerbaijan Among the 180 countries evaluated in 2022 by the World Corruption Index, the worst 10 are *Somalia, Syria, South Sudan, Venezuela, Yemen, Libya, North Korea, Haiti, Equatorial Guinea, and Burundi.* *Name of World's Most Dangerous Gangster:* 1. Yakuza (Non-Muslims) 2. Agberos (Christians) 3. Wah Singh (Christian) 4. Jamaica Pose (Christian) 5. Primeiro (Christian) 6. Aryan Brotherhood (Christian) 7. Blood (Christian) 8. 18th Street Gang (Christian) 9. Mungiki (Christian) 10. Mara Salvarucha (Christian) *Big names of drug cartels in the world:* 1. Pablo Escobar-Colombia (Christian) 2. Amado Carrillo-Colombia (Christian) 3. Carlos Lehder-German (Christian) 4. Griselda Blanco-Colombia (Christian) 5. Joaquin Guzman-Mexico (Christian) 6. Rafael Caro- Mexico (Christian) *But according to Rahul & Congress party, Hinduism is considered the cause of violence in India.*😡 *We must know such information and share it with everyone, especially with our youth. Because youths are cheated through social media.*

#politics

[justisco]

Heyy polly, since I don't have Instagram, would you be comfortable to share some of the players that have shown support for m*ndy?? I know this is a weird request and I understand if you're not OK with answering but I wouldn't want to support ignorantly any kind of individual in solidarity with a r*pist... Anyway as you said it's always nice being here such a safe space ❤❤

hey, no worries i'm more than happy to answer so people are aware of who is being supportive

at current time this is who i've seen, there may be/probably is more:

memphis depay (he made a long post and most of the support has been on that)

paul pogba (posted a picture of himself on facetime to m*ndy)

players who have liked/commented on the posts

jack grealish

neymar

antonio rudiger

rafael leao (posted about it on twitter)

rico lewis

aymeric laporte

rio ferdinand

marcos alonso

manuel locatelli

lucas vazquez

david alaba

nicolo zaniolo

jesse lingard

miralem pjanic

trevoh chalobah

andreas pereira

jurien timber

abdoulaye doucoure

steven bergwijn

nuno tavares

fikayo tomori

samuel umtiti

kieran trippier

ousmane dembele

alejandro balde

jerome boateng

joao cancelo

dominik szobozlai

jules kounde

marcus thuram

pierre emerick aubameyang

romain saiss

bruno fernandes

lucas hernandez

gini wijnaldum

lucas digne

allan saint-maximin

ollie watkins

sergio roberto

pierre-emile hojbjerg

nathan ake

sofiane boufal

there may be more, but i could only really see the ones i follow and then those who had commented, plus a couple that i had seen people mention on here

hope you're ok <3

#tw: rape

[megalony]

Courtroom Chaos

This is my first time writing for Rafael Barba but I am so excited to post this and I hope I can get some requests to write for him.

I have been on a break from writing for a while but an glad to be back again, I hope you all will enjoy.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez-blog @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27 @thereisa8ella @qardasngan​

Masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) and Barba are in a relationship and are working on a tough case. When they are in court, a fight and chaos soon breaks out.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What's taking so long?"

(Y/n) cast her eyes over to Nick who was taking to pacing up and down in front of the doors to the court room. His quiet grumble had been heard by them all but no one gave him a response. They could all feel his worry radiating off of him and mingling with their own, this was a high priority case and without it being hard enough, their star witness had just been taken to hospital.

"Barba's trying to get a continuance, the judge won't take it lightly." Olivia leaned her head to the side as she folded her arms over her chest.

They all knew Rafael had tricks up his sleeves and he had a very direct yet sarcastic way about him that was hard to resist or say no to. (Y/n) knew her ADA would be pulling out all the stops to make sure that this trial didn't go down the plug and that they could still have a chance of winning. But that didn't stop (Y/n) from biting her thumb in panic as she leaned her shoulders back against the wall and tipped her head down.

Their star witness in this murder trial had been fine for three weeks leading up to this trial. (Y/n) had spent almost every day with her, Rafael had been with her in his chamber going over and over her story to make sure there were no inconsistences and coaching her of what to say when questioned by the defence. Everything was going great, but her nerves had gotten to her and she had drank too much.

She was having her stomach pumped at the hospital and if all went well she could be on the stand by as early as tomorrow afternoon. But Rafael needed to convince the judge to give them a continuance so the trial could still go ahead and their witness could appear tomorrow instead of today.

"So?" Nick clutched his hands on his hips and sped over to the rest of his colleagues when he saw Barba walking down the corridor advancing towards them.

Rafael had his usual confidence expression on, one hand was tucked into his trouser pocket and his other hand held his briefcase. (Y/n) watched the way he advanced over to them, he wasn't hurrying with the haste of needing to prepare a plan B and he wasn't frowning or biting his lower lip which meant he must have gotten what he wanted.

"We didn't get a continuance, but Tina can appear on the stand tomorrow instead. The trial moves forward, (Y/n) and Olivia will be on the stand today instead of tomorrow, we're all good."

Rafael turned his head in (Y/n)'s direction, a certain look in his eye to silently ask his lover if she was okay with that. He knew better than anyone that (Y/n) didn't like to be questioned formally like this and he had seen her the last time she had been on the stand. Someone pointing a gun at her didn't terrify her as much as being on the stand had done, it sent her panic through the roof.

He watched closely as (Y/n) nodded her head but didn't say a word, keeping her eyes glued on the floor to try and calm herself down.

(Y/n) wasn't afraid of suspects, she had a gun strapped to her hip for security and added intimidation, she had her colleagues with her and there was little a suspect could do to harm her unless she was undercover.

But Rafael knew that the suspect in this case had her rattled because he had tried to strangle (Y/n) when she stopped him from attacking their witness. For her to take the stand and tell the court he had done that, added to the facts they knew when they had arrested him and what they knew of him, (Y/n) was all but condemning him and he would be there to watch. Confrontation wasn't (Y/n)'s strong point if it involved her, if she was simply a cop confronting a killer it was fine. But explaining her own actions and thoughts made her feel vulnerable.

"You'll be fine, you'll be answering my questions first just as we talked about." Rafael tipped his head down and his brows rose to silently ask if (Y/n) understood and to make sure she knew she didn't have to panic about this.

He could see the look in her eye that made his heart yearn for him to reach out and wrap his arms around her and tuck her into his chest and to take her far away from this mess, back home where they had hardly been these past three weeks. But he couldn't whisk her away, nor could he do that kind of public affection right now when everyone was starting to pile into the courtroom.

It was no secret to the detectives that (Y/n) and Rafael were in a relationship but if people knew and then watched him question her they would be whispering about how professional it was even though he was allowed to question her.

So instead, Rafael settled for cradling the back of (Y/n)'s head and kissing her temple for a brief second before he slowly untangled himself from her. He would have to go into the courtroom soon and set up ready for the case to start up fresh again today.

(Y/n) could feel her nerves going haywire but she tried to swallow them down and forget them for now. Her eyes scattered around the busy hallway but her eyes soon latched onto a figure she was dreading to see.

Liam.

The defendant who had somehow got himself out on bail and was allowed to stalk the streets looking for another victim to snatch. Of course he was going to be here today but he should have been here earlier and the look on his face told (Y/n) what she had dreaded. He knew Tina wasn't showing up today.

They had all hoped that they could keep him from finding out so that when she didn't turn up as a witness he would be confused. Tina was on 24 hour surveillance to keep her safe so Liam couldn't intimidate her but he tried his luck wherever he could and they knew he would try today to find her.

(Y/n)'s eyes locked with Olivia who seemed to be thinking the same thing, for she made a beeline for their other witness and made quick work of ushering her into the courtroom so she couldn't be intimidated.

Spinning on her heels, (Y/n) moved the bottom of her jacket to make easy access for her gun in case she had to be prepared for him to start a fight. Her heart pounded in her ears as she advanced down the corridor towards the man who was coming at her like a train. His hands were clenched at his sides, his face bursting red from the blood pumping underneath his skin and his pupils were blown wide from adrenaline.

"Where is she?!"

"Mr Casey you need to calm down and go into the courtroom the trial will be starting in five minutes."

"Where is she, my Lawyer just told me she isn't here today. Where is the bitch?"

His eyes were rabid like those of a madman, constantly diverting from one angle to another trying to look through all the onlookers and find Tina in the sea of faces to confront her and scare her away from testifying.

"If you don't calm down you'll be escorted out. She isn't on the schedule for today-"

"Bullshit, what's wrong, has she recanted?" The look in his eyes was like a dark glimmer passing over his pupils, it was like he had just gotten exactly what he wanted if that question turned out to be true. He had done his best to intimidate Tina into backing away and he had strangled (Y/n) when he knew he was helping Tina and pushing her to do this.

They all knew that if Tina didn't make her statement in court then the case would eventually fall apart and Liam would be a free man allowed to commit more crimes because he knew he could bend anyone to his will.

"Tina is rescheduled for tomorrow, that's all."

(Y/n) took a calculated step back and hovered her hand over her holster, her head ticking to the side to warn Liam she was going to pull the weapon on him if he got worse. His voice was raising and full of anger and his hands were balled into fists, he wouldn't care if he had witnesses around him seeing him attack (Y/n) or anyone else, he would do it if he was angry enough.

"No, I've told that bitch more than enough times she isn't testifying and you're not covering for her and making her either. Get out the fucking way and tell her she's done for."

Liam's hand swiftly reached out and pushed at (Y/n)'s right shoulder shoving her back a step before she regained her balance.

"You need to leave. Security."

(Y/n) waved her hand around for the security guards near the entrance to the courthouse to come and help. She wasn't having him going in like this because he would cause a scene and they didn't need that today on top of everything else. There had been many times during this trial that Liam had been told to leave and they had recess because he couldn't control his temper which the Jury had seen first-hand.

"Shit!"

A round of curse words left Rafael's lips the moment his head turned just as he was about to enter the courtroom. His eyes latched onto the back of (Y/n)'s figure before his hand let go of the door and his briefcase was dropped at his side, his feet skidding on the polished floor as he bolted.

His eyes focused on (Y/n) but his ears focused on Nick's voice who was hurrying along with him, shouting threats at Liam to stop what he was doing.

Just as Rafael got towards the pair, Liam swung out at (Y/n), effectively knocking her backwards until she collided with the bench behind her and tumbled down to the floor.

Nick made quick work of tackling Liam to the ground along with the security guards who approached the scene as Rafael focused his attention on (Y/n). His knees harshly thumped against the hard marble floor but his hands delicately moved to cradle (Y/n)'s face, his thumbs brushing against her flushed cheeks as he felt breathless.

"Querido? Querido, you with me?" He tilted her head back a little, feeling relief washing through him when he saw her eyes flicker open, tremoring side to side as she tried to focus on looking at him.

"Hmm, I- I'm alright, just winded."

Pushing her head forward, (Y/n) rested her temple against Rafael's shoulder and clamped her shaking hands down on his wrists to comfort and steady herself. She could feel him kissing her temple and she could hear his heart beating horribly fast causing him to shake too.

"I'll go talk to the judge, get a continuance-"

"No, no Raf I'm okay, we can't risk losing this case." (Y/n) knew she didn't sound very convincing and she was rather breathless but once she caught her breath back she would be okay. There wasn't a lot of questions she and Olivia had to ask anyway, once they were done it was over for today. They weren't losing this case and they weren't postponing it if they didn't have to either.

"You promise me you're okay?" The tone he used reminded (Y/n) of how he spoke to their victims or witnesses when asking them something they couldn't dare lie about. But it was the look in his eye that made her insides melt and set alight at the same time.

The moment she nodded, Rafael pressed another kiss to her temple before he moved into a crouching position, holding his hands out so he could help her to her feet. (Y/n) felt him tense the moment they stood up and she took in a sharp breath to stop from making a sound of pain. His arm wound around her waist like an iron bar as a sign that she needed to tell him if she wasn't okay but (Y/n) just patted his chest. She was okay.

The air had been knocked out of (Y/n) when her side collided against the arm of the bench. Her lungs had become paralysed before suddenly restarting again and it made her chest tight and her lungs burn for oxygen but she was okay. If she needed to she would get checked out after court, (Y/n) was no strangers to bruises and her ribs felt bruised.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My next witness is (Y/n) (Y/l/n)."

Rafael's voice sounded so quiet and distant in (Y/n)'s ears but when she took a very deep but painful breath, she could feel herself coming back to reality. She lifted her head and tried to blink through the foggy feeling that had been building up since the confrontation with Liam outside the room.

(Y/n) had been thankful to both Rafael and Olivia for deciding that Olivia would be his first witness called so that (Y/n) could have a little while to calm down and prepare herself before she was called up. But now she was wishing she had gone first and got it out the way. Her chest was tightening to the point she felt like her lungs were going to pop and her head was pounding like a drum.

But she couldn't go back on her words now and ask the judge if she could testify at another time so she could get checked. She had said she was fine so she would have to give her testimony and then go to the hospital. Besides, she would be able to see Tina and tell her how things were progressing if she went after she answered the questions.

She could feel Nick's hand resting on her elbow to steady her when she stood up and tried to compose herself, ignoring the shivers running up and down her spine as she focused on walking over to her counsellor.

(Y/n) could feel her skin prickling with heat as she slowly and unsteadily advanced towards where Rafael was stood beside his desk. She couldn't see the worry in his eyes as he watched her, knowing something was deeply wrong from how disorientated his partner looked as if she had been drugged or she was sleep-walking to him.

Rafael tipped his head to the side as his eyes narrowed on his beloved. His lips parted to let out a small whisper to ask if she was okay but the words never got past his lips before a grunt replaced them. The moment he saw (Y/n)'s eyes start to roll back and her footing stuttered, his legs moved of their own accord.

His body jumped in front of (Y/n)'s path and as she fell forward, her head crashed onto his chest, bouncing back and then resting on his chest before the rest of her body and weight was thrown onto Rafael. His arms clutched to her waist and he went back a few steps to steady himself and he was suddenly shouting for help.

His right hand moved to cradle the back of (Y/n)'s head before he bent his knees and slowly lowered himself down to the floor, easing (Y/n) down until she was sprawled across his lap.

A string of curse words in Spanish left Rafael's lips before he looked across at Olivia who was already on her radio to get an ambulance to them.

"Querido, mi amour... open your eyes." Rafael smoothed his thumb over (Y/n)'s cheek, noticing how her eyes were moving behind her eyelids showing she was somewhat partly conscious in his arms. He knew he should have made her to and get checked out, he saw the way she collided with the bench and then tumbled down to the floor and Rafael heard the way she breathed when she stood up. But everyone was so anxious to get this case finished and won that they both ignored her pain and carried on.

It felt like seconds had ticked by rather than minutes whilst Rafael knelt cradling (Y/n) in his arms, a soft expression on his face as he continued to bring her round and keep her awake, whispering to her as the court was adjourned and evacuated except for them and Olivia and Nick.

Rafael wasn't as panicked as Olivia thought he would be in a situation like this considering she had seen the way he bolted for (Y/n) earlier and let his vulnerable side show. But then again, (Y/n) was awake and though her breathing was harsh and laboured, she was still breathing okay and her pulse wasn't drastic.

(Y/n) was barely coherent nor properly conscious but she could hear the paramedic at her side saying she had broken some ribs and she had some trauma to her lung. She could see the look her lover was giving her, Rafael had one eyebrow cocked up and he was biting the corner of his lips that were tightly pressed together. That told her that her condition clearly wasn't too bad or drastic.

She was still in Rafael's arms so she let her mind wander as he spoke to the paramedic, as long as she was in his arms she was safe.

"Her chest cavity is clear, there's no blood or air trapped, she probably has trauma to her lung. An x-ray to be sure and get her checked out and she should be fine with some painkillers."

(Y/n) wasn't unconscious, she was still breathing and her lungs were clear as was her chest which meant nothing serious had happened. If she had an x-ray to make sure her lungs were clear and got checked over she would be fine. The shock of hitting the bench may have just rattled her chest and lungs and sent shock through her system.

Rafael nodded, relief surging through his veins and when he looked down at (Y/n) in his arms, their eyes locked for a few long, loving seconds. His lips twitched into a small smile merging with a smirk and (Y/n) could see he was about to shake his head at her before he leaned down and hovered his lips against her ear.

"We're gonna get you checked out first, but we will be talking about this when we get home, Querido."

#rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #imagine #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba one shot #barba x reader #law and order #law and order svu #rafa x reader