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kob131 · 3 years

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RWBY0 Season 1...Review? Rant? ...Confused Rambaling?

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/32048683

So a rewrite of RWBY made by a guy known for missing the mark of RWBY criticism so hard he makes it look better by accident. You’d expect it to be pretty bad.

...Well it’s worse. As in, ‘you can’t even take schadenfreude in it’ terrible.

So...this is just the first episode of RWBY in written form. ... Again.

So this rewrite trying to be original is doing the same thing every rewrite does, fundamentally missing the point of their own goals. That is...not good.

It doesn’t get better with the details. Not at all. The opening narration is basically the same as the opening narration of the original...if you completely removed the last bit of the narrator (who we now know is Salem) enforcing an ideal of hopelessness into the viewer through showing a proxy of a proxy of hers (Torchwick) while Ozpin counters her with a shot of Ruby, the ideal to oppose Salem. RWBY0 has...a closing line asking if you could be a hero in the story. ... Which doesn’t make sense as this isn’t a second person story. So just raw info thrown in your face.

And get use to that because a huge issue with this is the format of the fic- It’s directly telling you want the characters are saying, feeling and doing. I don’t mean it’s ‘describing’ what is going on so you have a mental image of what is going on- it reads like a horrid fusion of a transcript and rough draft where we lack all dialogue and anything beyond direct raw information.

... I can’t believe what I’m seeing here. I-I geniunely don’t understand how this came to be. The reason why we have things like dialogue is because, on a surface level, it changes the flow of the story and forces the reader to pay attention in order to understand the info. But on a level so deep it’s fundamental- Dialogue exists because it’s how we translate speech to written format and the purpose of a story is to create a functional mental image.

The reason why I’m so flabbergasted by this is that I’m fairly certain this observation is done by literally EVERY writer on the planet. As in, it can’t even be called Writing 101 because it’s already ingrained into a prospective writer’s way of thought and text. You wanna know how ingrained it is? This very post contains certain techniques used in writing to keep a reader engaged I’d bet. Not because I am intentionally invoking them but because my near decade of writing has caused it to be embedded into my way of thinking and internal narrative.

Then again, maybe having little dialogue is for the best because the one line of dialogue not buried in the middle of a Pink Floyd album of text is an almsost instinctual example of bad dialogue.

“Yes, I would love to take the exam this year. I accept!”

Can you tell what the problem is here? I bet you can just from watching how it should be done so many times.

To clarify- The sentence is redundant. Ruby’s ‘I accept’ was already implied by her saying that she’d love to take the exam along with a positive confirmation. Cutting either part would lose nothing since even the expansion of info beyond the confirmation (the first part strangely enough) is implied through the exclamation mark. ..Just wow.

Honestly the issues here are so basic and fundamental it’s hard to talk about it. It’s like taking issue with a ‘sculpture’ when said sculpture is a just a marble slab with a chisel sticking out of it. This is not a fucking story or part of a story- that has a proper mental image. It’s not a summary- that condenses info. It’s not an outline- that’s the basic beats. It’s not even an elevator pitch- that can still make an image.

This is the English equivalent of raw binary- pure data that’s nigh incomprehensible because it’s not translated into a digestible form. I can’t even begin to say where to fix this because I can barely comprehend what is trying to be communicated. Nor could I even mock this because it’s so bizarre and outside normal human expression of thought.

CJ, if this is truly your honest attempt at what a story should be, let alone RWBY-

... You need to go find the world’s best critics to have them teach you these basics. Because I cannot comprehend how this has come to be.

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theyearoftheking · 4 years

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Book Twenty-Six: The Drawing of the Three

“Here is another one ready to die for you, Roland. What great wrong did you ever do that you should inspire such terrible loyalty in so many?”

I’m annoyed. I had almost this entire blog written and thanks to the magic of the interwebz, it never saved as a draft, and is now gone forever. I’m trying to keep my rage to a manageable level, I have a conference call in about an hour, and rage would not be appreciated.

So, let’s try this again.

Yes, I totally just saved this as a draft once again. I’m going to be compulsively doing that for the next hour. My apologies, you’ll be getting a far less robust post than I initially intended. Blame Tumblr.

I loved opening The Drawing of the Three and reading it for the hundredth time. I can’t explain the comfort that comes with Roland waking up on the beach to the lobstrosities, or looking at the bizarre artwork that doesn’t match up with my mental images of the story. Or reading about Eddie and Susannah/Detta/Odetta and their fantastic backstories. This is one of my favorite books in the Dark Tower universe and re-reading it is never a disappointment.

However, I fear I’ve been doing something all wrong up until this point. I have been keeping track of Dark Tower mentions in other books, but I wasn’t prepared for the number of other Steve books mentioned within this one. So far we’ve got:

The Shining: Eddie talks repeatedly about the movie, and even speaks very highly of Stanley Kubrick, so that was fun.

The Stand/The Eyes of the Dragon: towards the end of the novel, Roland mentions our crafty friend Flagg.

Misery: Jack Mort, the “pusher” refers to himself as a “Do-Bee;” a reference that would have made no sense to me had I not just finished reading Misery.

This is me, trying to tie all the threads together...

One glaring thing I never picked up on until this re-read: this book should have been called The Drawing of the Two. Yes, Roland walks through three doors, but only ends up with two members of his ka-tet. He basically just uses Jack Mort as a way to stock back up on ammo and medicine. Wow... Roland isn’t that different from social distancing hoarders right now. But I digress. We don’t get the final member of our ka-tet until the next book.

Ka.

For those not familiar with the term, Roland defines it as, “...it means duty, or destiny, or in the vulgate, a place you must go...I don’t discuss philosophy. I don’t study history. All I know is what’s past is past, and what’s ahead is ahead. The second is ka, and takes care of itself.”

The Drawing of the Three opens with Roland washed up on a beach, having his extremities munched on by lobstosities. He ends up losing a toe, and two fingers; which is bad business for a gunslinger. He fights off the lobstrosities, and passes out further up the beach and out of the reach of their little claws.

Roland eventually starts his sojourn down the beach where he encounters the first of three doors. This one is labeled, “The Prisoner”. The prisoner in question is Eddie Dean, a heroin junkie currently flying back to New York from Nassau, with cocaine taped to his body. Smart, right? Roland basically jumps into Eddie’s body and helps him evade customs officers by transporting the drugs back through the door and into his world. There’s an ensuing gunfight with the Italian mafioso who hired Eddie to smuggle the drugs, and Roland helps him survive.

There’s also a lot of back story about Eddie’s brother, Henry Dean: eminent sage and junkie; who was responsible for getting Eddie hooked on drugs in the first place; and the guilt Eddie feels for Henry’s death. Eddie is a complex, well-drawn character that you equally sympathize with, and want to kill.

Roland and Eddie are a hot mess: Eddie is going through heroin withdrawals, and Roland is fighting off an infection from the lobstrosities bites. But they keep pushing on, and make their way to the second door: “The Lady of Shadows”. The “lady” is Detta, or Odetta Holmes, depending on which personality has come out to play. Odetta Holmes is the wealthy heir to a dental fortune, and she spends her days doing the things classy ladies do: shopping, lunching, civil rights protesting, and being driven around town, because a she’s missing her legs from the knees down (the result of being pushed in front of a subway train). Odetta is pretty, kind, and well spoken. Detta on the other hand, is a demon from hell. Neither woman knows of the other, and when Detta is inhabiting her body, Odetta think she’s just had a bad headache and has passed out for a bit.

As someone who suffers from migraines, I seriously hope I don’t have an evil twin who takes over when I’m passed out. My drunk alter ego, Rosie, is already too much for me to have to deal with.

But Roland and Eddie have their hands full with Odetta/Detta; and Detta keeps trying to kill them every chance she gets. It’s both terrifying and entertaining. Eddie is over the worst of his withdrawals, but Roland is seriously knocking on death’s door by the time they find the third door: “The Pusher”.

The Pusher is Jack Mort, who is responsible for pushing Odetta in front of a subway train, and in a coincidental turn of events; dropped a brick on her head when she was a small girl, which could have caused the Odetta/Detta personalities. And, remember Jake from the The Gunslinger? Mort was maybe the one who pushed Jake in front of a taxi and killed him. But unlike Eddie and Odetta/Detta, Roland doesn’t bring Jack back with him. Instead, he just inhabits his body to get antibiotics and ammo. As you do.

Roland forces Jack to jump in front of the same subway train that maimed Odetta/Detta; which kills him, but also causes a battle royale between the two personalities and ultimately creates Susannah Dean: a combination of her two previous personalities.

Got all that?

So, Roland recovers from his infection, Eddie and Susannah fall in love, and Roland admits he’s probably going to end up sacrificing them both on his journey for the tower.

The end.

I’m pretty sure my first review was more eloquent, but you get the idea. It’s a fantastic story full of deep character development, and it leaves you wondering what’s going to happen in the next installment. Well, if we were reading these in real time, we’d only have four years to wait for the next book. But, we only have six more books to read before we get back to Jake, Blane, and the Wastelands. Bring it!!!

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 16

Total Dark Tower References: 21

Book Grade: A-

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

Next up is The Tommyknockers, which I know absolutely nothing about. But the first few pages involve a beagle, soooo... there’s that.

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights, Rebecca

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briinleyisms · 7 years

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LMAO HEY MTV IT’S MARCY WELCOME 2 MY CRIB

“LMAO” AKA “ ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) #squadgoals”

ok so lowkey have had this muse for like ten years (ive been rping since i was seven fucking beat me) but every rp i bring her 2??? drops after like??? five days likE LISTEN THAT IS NOT HOW U RUN A RP LISTEN!!! UP!!! PUT UR BACK INTO IT!!!

anyhoW ok unlike ivan since i was still figuring out his bg w rosie when i posted his ‘intro’ i actually got brinley figured out and there’s a long version and a short version. imma put the tl;dr up here ok bc the non-tl;dr is overwhelming. personality is like.... toTALLY POINTLESS WHO CARES ABT PERSONALITY but it’s at the bottom i guess :\

TL;DR:

ok basically she was born into a death cult in aliso viejo, california (tbh i just looked up rural places in ca and chose the most recently established one i could find lmao) called ‘the children of the revelation’ bc im extra. lots of fear-mongering revolving around the idea of The End of Days™. leader was a total prophet and totally abused his prophet power. planned out ritual for end of days was lowkey highkey terrifying (‘let’s go die in the river of miracles’!!!!!! [too extra help me]) and one of the ‘apostles’ was like ‘i quit’ and left iN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!!! and lowkey basically kidnapped a few ppl including BUT NOT LIMITED TO brinley and they wound up in hillsboro and ‘apostle luke’ eventually left and now she’s in the oikos house. fin.

also sik tattooz bro.

ACTUAL VERSION THAT IS LONG(ER):

TW: cult (ofc), death, violence

firST it’s of note that i considered being rly fucking extra by putting quotations around her name bc her birth name is genesis like the book of revelations which brings me 2

my Extra™ title for this cult: “The Children of the Revelation”

so it was like a commune located in some place in CA that’s apparently rural and has only recently been established called ‘aliso viejo’ and lmao watch one of yall live there

but yeAH OK commune not just a church like the church of scientology like full on “u chose this life time 2 prove ur dedication”

alright so just full disclosure that i really really want to get this right and i know no one who has ever been in a cult (let alone a death cult) and i myself have not (as is likely expected) so i have already done research but i plan on doing like 100x more since this is a really serious subject. serious to the point that i’m not even using text slang (although i will when i get on with the intro post i just gotta).

anyhoW w that info out of the way time 2 get 2 the actual like point of the cult

first of all her mom joined the cult before she was born (ofc) and she was the gift!!! between her mom and one of the leader’s ‘apostles’!!!

so!!!

basically: “lmao ur not leviticus enough 4 us.” (probs their slogan)

ok but obviously that’s scratching the surface like the real fuckery lied w/in two thing:

literal death cult (will get to that)

also doomsday cult

which sometimes go hand-in-hand anyhow

ok so the doomsday thing is what was more prominent in her life since she was 16 when she #escaped and never rly disobeyed (so many things 2 get 2!!!)

the leader’s name was ezekiel (cheever this is actually salem circa 1690) and he perceived himself as a prophet and naturally.... had prophecies. one of the most prominent ones was that the rapture would occur at 11:59PM on December 24th, 2011 (take away four days and add a year and u got the end of the world according 2 misconceptions abt the mayan calendar!)

the idea was that if u obeyed what ezekiel told u 2 do (he believed he was the fourth reincarnation of christ) u would end up going 2 heaven on judgment day but if u disobeyed...... yikes.

it depended on the magnitude of the ‘crime’ but for the most part if u disobeyed more than two times u were killed. u were hung or drowned and u were made an example of.

if u disobeyed less than two times and ur ‘offense’ wasnt worthy of immediate death dw!!! u can scrape by w torture!!! and also be made an example of!!!

so basically u were at ezekiel’s beck and call. every little bit of labor he asked u 2 do was like.......... if u didnt do it yiKES!!! ofc children werent expected 2 perform any laborious tasks rather just 2 listen and take in everything ezekiel and his apostles told them.

his ‘apostles’ who (as u can infer) served as his right-hand men were the fathers 2 all the children who would be born inside the cult. they kept ppl in line. they taught the kids when ezekiel was busy. those sorta things u kno???

ok so imma skip over some of the details that are like.... worse??? like theyre all bad but like these are the things i j feel like shouldnt be brought up in an intro post but theyre in the hella long rough-draft bio here that i went ahead and put up for this purpose rly

SO THAT BEING SAID THIS WAS SORTA A WAY 2 SHOW THE SORTA ENVIRONMENT SHE WAS RAISED IN AND IT SOUNDS FUN AND I WOULD LOVE 2 BE A PART OF IT.

so ok imma try 2 make this next part go quicker

basically the ‘judgment day’ was closing in and ezekiel’s plans were rly like no thank u ( (TW: SUICIDE) ’hey guys! 2 make sure we get into heaven not only do u have 2 follow all of my commands since im jesus’s fourth reincarnation but we all also have 2 walk into a river with rocks in our pockets at the time the world is supposed 2 scorch with hell’s fire!’ (END TW) fun christmas activities for u and ur bae.

as it started closing in it was basically all ezekiel talked abt during his ‘sermons’ like wtf??? what a church service.

‘apostle luke’ (i hate myself) was like “ok..... ok the more u talk abt this the less believable it sounds..... like wtf jesus’s fourth reincarnation??? pics or it didnt happen.” and after some months he wound up concocting this plan 2 #escape bc honestly???

so he eventually eSCAPED in the deAD OF NIGHT and basically kidnapped ppl like ok sure luke

one of said ppl was brinley which i kno is unexpected. (honestly i think this is like??? maybe the third time i brought her up in all of these bullets??? honestly @me

“wAS NOT WILLING 2 GO!!! WAS NOT HAPPY 2 GO!!! WAS NOT READY 2 GO!!! NEEDS SOMEONE 2 FOLLOW!!! DOES NOT KNO WHAT 2 DO!!! DOES NOT APPRECIATE THIS!!! IS SHOOK!!!” - everyone luke fucking kidnapped then basically had 2 serve as a stand-in ezekiel for

they ended up in hillsboro after like 84 years and he was like “OK EVERYONE GETS NEW NAMES!!! :D” and tbh he probs just pulled out one of those baby books pointed 2 a random name and bam!!! that was their name

so even tho i’ve been calling her brinley this whole time just 2 make it??? not confusing??? genesis became brinley and she was no longer a book of revelations she is apparently a name that’s most prominent in utah

over time ppl pce’d out (not rly bc they wanted 2 but bc they needed 2 like u get what i mean.)

it ended up j being three ppl in their shitty apt!!! one luke one brinley and one kid who has a name but 1) i havent mentioned it yet and 2) i dont want 2 go look for it in the bio tbh

doomsday came and brinley was shook!!! rly rly shook!!! trying 2 find out what 2 do that would be similar enough 2 what thE CHILDREN of the corn would do!!! and luke was like ( x )

a lot more climatic than im acting like it was but this is so long i dont want 2 spend too much time on anything anymore but ok minor point is homemade inkin’ machine (legit mainly bc ryan ashley -dave navarro voice- [has/had] what it takes... to be ink master. -end voice-)

ok luke left eventually and idk so did the kid idk that’s in there and at first she was like “lmao idk what 2 do ig imma squat [man ivan and brinley #parallels] and keep doin what im doin” and she did and ok

aFTER ALL OF THIS OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WRITE she wound up w the oikos (bc honestly u can only squat for so long and who the fuck would be like “yes! i would like 2 be inked by a kid on the street who doesnt rly have anywhere 2 put anything! yes!” [i would be like that #exposed]) and is now somewhere where ppl dont think the world will end soon wtf

personality but who cares abt that:

WOW THAT WAS LONG

ok!!! so i never rly had a clear definition of her personality i just like... waited 2 see (BEFORE THE RP CLOSED FUCK THAT) but then i watched a long-ass chipotle commercial (theres this one part where a cow is basically abt 2 be slaughtered and idk it’s so sad it was rly playin up that pathos i wanted 2 cry) and i was suddenly like!!! a lightbulb!!! “aha!!! basically fiona apple’s cover of ‘pure imagination’”

SO 2 GET ON W THAT

it’s been five years since she escaped and started desocializing from that lyf she knew but like............ five years compared 2 sixteen i mean which one’s gonna weigh the other out tbh (i just typed ‘way’ i cannot believe myself pls send me back 2 first grade)

so ok literally LITERALLY it is this song like im tryna think of how 2 explain it???

like the lyrics of it are (u kno willy wonka) v bright (albeit a bit ??? during that spin part) but the bg in fiona apple’s cover is so??? dark??? and honestly fiona apple’s voice just makes everything seem darker (i love fiona apple shes such a queen)

so it’s a v contradicting song

and she has a v contradicting personality

like ok one big thing that fits this contradiction is she feels like she needs someone 2 follow??? since that’s how it’s been almost all of her life??? (come 2 think of it i wouldnt be surprised w my subconscious if that’s the reason she’s still in the oikos house [asides from jobless but]) but at the same time like??? she WANTS 2 be independent??? she WANTS 2 be able 2 build a life for herself and around herself and not someone else but??? it just doesnt work that way???

MORE CONTRADICTION!!! bc of that whole ‘death/doomsday cult’ thing she is a p paranoid person??? but??? at the same time??? c h i l l ??? i mean in any case shes always gonna be lowkey paranoid but she doesnt??? rly act that way most of the time??? this could also be filed under “very curious about the norms of this brand new society but also very wary and prefers 2 Not™”

MORE!!! lmao ok religion idek what 2 do here honestly it’s so fucked. she knoWS IT’S SO FUCKED IT’S SO FUCKKING FUCKED but 16/21 years like??? v hard 2 get over that??? buT IT’S SO FUCKED. like no hate no discriminate (speaking of no discriminate highkey bi i love wlw) but also “everyone is a sinner and so am i we are living in sin we are going 2 burn it is only a matter of time satan where u @???” so like??? scared and wary??? but also??? fucked.

A LOT OF FUCKING FUCKERY.

A FIONA APPLE SONG.

THANK U AND GOODNIGHT

if u would like 2 plot pls do feel free 2 like this or hmu

and if u actually READ that all then holy shit ur a saint u would make it 2 heaven on rapture day

#( sure marcy || ooc )#hillsboro:ooc #cult tw #i highly recommend clicking on every link i worked v hard on them.#personality = a song i heard on a chipotle commercial wth

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