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ladyemberswrites · 5 years

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"A Touch Is All I Ask"

Summary: Basically, an Au of Au wherein an accident Lotor ends up traveling through the rift only for him to met and fall in love with Allura from another reality, but because life refuses to give him a break the rift creatures destroy both that Allura and her reality along with her leaving Lotor to travel the rift for centuries trying to find his way back home. Fortunately, he ends of being saved the Princess Allura from his reality. Which makes things all the more awkward as Lotor has to force himself to differentiate between this Allura and the Allura he had loved. The plot only thickens once Allura starts to develop feelings for him as she nurses him back to health.

Rating: T and Up

Words: 2k

Chapters: 1/?

He had lost everything in a single fleeting moment. A breath, a heartbeat, and soon nothingness consumed him. It ate away at the flesh and the bone, and pierced his dreaded, cold heart. His fingers reached for nothing, tiny cosmos, stars that have already long passed, and they bleed through his fingers. His fingers, these hands that have done nothing but bring about horrors, that only bring about destruction. Perhaps they were right, he is a curse. A blight on the world, a filthy obstruction. He felt the world around him drown, his body as heavy as lead and as weightless as a cloud. In space-time is obsolete. His mind and memories fragmented, and the voices that haunt him whisper in his ears in continual repeat.

The rift is relentless, a cruel, twisted mistress. An abomination, an unknown horror and they like a siren singing sailors to their deaths upon the steep rocks sing to him too as he wanders, and he drifts to nowhere. Howling, and lulling sweet tunes that fill the silence of his travels where there is nowhere and no one, and as the presumed days go by they fill the aching silence. He‘s long tuned them out-but-

~Lotor~ their eyes are amber like hers. Their hair a dark silver like hers had once been. Though, he had never heard her voice, he assumes that must have been what she sounded like. But, he knows that they aren’t his mother. Their image of her is picture perfect, not a single detail missed, but he knows. He’s no fool. He knows their games he knows their lies. They hiss when he pays the cheap imitation no mind, growling, and sneering.

~How dare you!~ they screech in union, a kaleidoscope of dissonant voices. His ears run red when the shrieking refuses to come to an end, but again he disregards them and simply keeps going, he keeps moving because he does not know when to give up. Because death is too easy, no matter how tempting it is to just collapse and sleep an endless dream. But, dreams offer him no repute, no reprieve instead they are nothing more than a reflection-a mirror world-a gateway to his own insanity. There is no peace. So, he must walk even though there is nothing.

“That's absolutely disgusting, Lance!” Pidge grimaces, her nose wrinkles as she spat out her tongue.

“Yeah, well, try actually being there and seeing it in person" he leans into her, his shoulder, bony and sharp, cuts into her side "let me tell ya, that changes a man"

“Just because you experienced it, doesn't mean I want to hear it” Pidge mutters into her palm "and can't you sit on your side of the ship?" she shoves him.

He brushes aside her last comment making himself comfortable “I thought we were friends, Pidge? Besides you who else do I have in this big lonely castle?"

"Why can't you bother, Hunk for a change" the girl surfs her screens in boredom.

"I would, but he's been too busy with his new girl-friend" he emphasizes his point by making quotation marks with his fingers "to hang out anymore-I mean whatever happened to the bro-code!?"

Pidge rolls her eyes "so, what? He can become a lonely, desperate misogynist, womanizing jerkhole?"

"I prefer the term lover man, Pidge"

"I think you missed the entire point of that statement..nevermind-the point being is that there are other men on the ship you could socialize with"

"I rather get stabbed in the spleen again than hang out with Keith out of my own volition"

"I wasn't talking about, Keith."

"Shiro's way too serious to do anything fun with. It's all Lance stop. Lance your drinking way too much. Lance you can't spike people's drinks. Shiro's awesome and all, but he doesn't have a single fun bone in his body"

"I don't think perpetuating liver damage is something I would personally consider fun"

"It's not about the drinks, the drinks are just secondary, where there's alcohol there's hot women, come on get with the program Pidge"

"Shiro's gay"

"I was gonna hook him up"

"With a dude?" She rose a dry brow.

"Of course a dude, unless he goes both ways, I can get him both"

"...Y'know it's a wonder why your single?"

"Is that sarcasm?"

"What about Coran" she dodges the question " he's a guy"

"Coran's fun-until he goes overboard. Y'know like the time he nearly killed us"

"That was your own fault y'know"

"How was I supposed to know pot would drive him into a murderous rampage-" The hiss and beep of the bridge door interrupts him. Hunched and bleary eyed, Allura wanders onboard in a complete daze, her heels clicking against the paneled walkway. Her characteristic bun hung lopsidedly off the side of her head, her ends frazzled and uncombed. Her eyes sunken with dark bruises and her favorite white jacket hangs haphazardly off her one shoulder.

Lance whistled “Boy, you look awful, Princess-or is that a new look your aiming for”

Allura snaps her head towards him with lethal speed, barely restraining the urge to strangle him

“I’m far too tired to deal with your nonsense this morning, so please do shut up unless you’d like be placed on toilet duty again”

The threat hangs in the air for a few minutes before Lance snorts, brushing her off awhile tugging at the hem of his turtleneck sweater in a nervous bout “Y-yeah, but no thanks, Princess, I've cleaned enough toilets and vomit to last me a lifetime"

Allura didn’t bother to comment but casts him one last warning glare before turning back to the teleduv, reaching out she taps it lightly bringing the ship's screens to life. The skies were all clear except for a bach of asteroids floating in the distance, but to her relief so far no enemy ships or anything remotely suspicious, as they travel the cosmos to Planet Greta off hidden on another less known side of the galaxy.

Even so, she didn't wish to take any chances and made sure to double check her assessment, while ignoring Pidge and Lance's continued conversation Bits and pieces dribble into the forefront of her thoughts here and there, but there's nothing she can make sense of being that the topic relates back to Earth.

Her checks repeat nothing new-Sighing, she cuts the feed to rub her face in annoyance. Everything hurt. Her body aches in a way that's more aggravating than truly painful. But, sleep has been hard to come by lately, the moment she closes her eyes-the nightmares began again. Her father’s blood upon her hands, splattered upon the blue silk of her gown, the sight of his mangled corpse lying at Zarkon’s iron boots. His face darkened, indistinguishable from the other bodies that littered the marble floors-

She clenches her fingers listlessly fearing that if she didn’t pay attention she’d find his blood on them again. Her skin burned, having spent the night trying to scrub the red away. Now, they just itch, the skin of her hands rubbed raw and dry. And yet, there's that lingering feeling of wetness that she just can't shake, despite knowing that it isn't there. Yet, she kept scratching her wrist as she stared out over the bridge watching nothing but stars pass them by.

“Lura?” she didn’t hear Pidge pace up to her. She turns in the girl's direction “you okay there? You’ve got that dead look in your eyes again?”

“I’m fine, Pidge. Don’t worry” she wonders if her voice always sounded hoarse, or is it just her, and she’s hearing things again. Whatever the case she just shakes her head attempting to ignore it. That and the throbbing headache that pounds at the back of her skull.

“If you say so….” Pidge didn't know what else to say or do other than offer the woman her space, and awkwardly returns to her seat.

"What's her problem?" Lance whispers.

"....I don't know. She looks sick-"

"She's not going to pass out again is she because-"

Perhaps, it’s time to give up and ask Doctor Alibhe for some sleep aid? Her nose wrinkles at the prospect, but what else can she do. She's tried everything: training until she's exhausted to the bone. Meditation only abandons her to her own traitorous thoughts which only leads to exasperation and a wish to lobotomize herself. So, no that was a no go. She's tried tea, acupuncture, oil massage. Worse case scenario, well, partially out of desperation a chiropractor who only charged her an exuberant amount of money and a nasty crick in her neck that took weeks to go away. Trial or error aside, she can't continue like this; people will notice, people are already noticing, if it keeps going the questions will never end. Pressing a fist to her brow, she huffs-if only the night didn't dreg up past horrors-

*Ping*

Her temples throb, cracking her eyes back open Allura finds herself thrown from her musings back to reality. The pinging of the teleduv continues causing her to pause and blink for a moment flicking the scanners back on.

"What?” out of bloody nowhere something pops up upon the monitors signaling a disturbance in the area. Brows tightly pinched together, she didn't see any ships-

“Enemy ship?” Lance asks in a brief moment of seriousness. Both his and Pidge's eyes dart from her to the screens above, bracing themselves for impact.

“It’s-" she squints "no” she shakes her head

“whatever it is-it’s far too small to be a ship-it’s-oh,

no” her heart plummets to the pit of her stomach.

“Oh, no what?”

“It’s another rift opening….”

“Well, that's just flipping fantastic!” Lance barks “More rift creatures! Is it bad that I rather deal with Sendak, heck even Zarkon himself any day over dealing with those walking-talking living embodiments of nightmare fuel!”

Allura swallows dryly. A lovely start to already dreary day-oh, stars, she's not sure how much more she can take of this insanity.

“Maybe we’ve been blessed by the Altean space gods!” Lance cries to the heavens “because I don’t see a single thing or y’know I'm not vomiting up my own entrails”

“Not if you don’t jinx us” Keith snaps. As quickly as it had come the rift had immediately snapped shut. Yet, no creatures of the rift made it out through the small opening. No horrifying illusions or imagery, just nothing. Just dead-end silence that did little to comfort her as she stares out among the stars and the blackness of space.

In their rush they took their respective lions on ahead with Allura placing Head Commander Hira at the helm and with the ship on high alert. When nothing assaulted them, Shiro suggested they take a look around by hand. Jetpacks loaded with full and pistols set on lethal everyone disembarked only to greeted by nothing.

Allura worries her bottom lip out of nervousness, she’s only glad that she hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast or else she would have vomited in her own helmet. Holding her pistol close, she prepares herself for anything by as the minutes trickle on by, besides the cluster of asteroids, nothing bizarre happens. An hour of searching and checking and rechecking the area's clear of any potential danger.

“I’m starting to think it was a false alarm, Princess” Keith calls out to her.

“Yeah, I’ve got nothing. Nada , zilch” Hunk tapped his scanner “besides the glitchy connection, I don’t see anything out of the ordinary”

“Me neither” Pidge mutters “it’s all just empty space as far as the eye can see.”

“Same here” Shiro adds, perplexed.

“Same with my end” Matt floats back to them “looked all over those asteroids over there, but like Hunk said zilch. Nada.”

“Perhaps, something was trying to get out, but couldn’t” Hunk states with an uneasy hitch in his voice.

It isn't unlikely, and it's probably the case, too. Though that does beg the question-if something were trying to claw its way out the rift what stopped it? Allura isn’t sure if she wants to find out.

“Hunk’s probably right” Allura agrees quietly, holstering her pistol “we should probably head back to the Lions. Oxygen's running low.” They weren't that far from the castle ship, but it's still a pretty good distance even with the lions.

"About time! This place gives me the creeps"

"Second that-"

“...more like it was a waste of time…” everyone moves on ahead of her as she can't help but linger, taking one more glance over her shoulder she scans her surroundings. It's times like these that remind her how vast the galaxy is. Enormous and all consuming like a sea with no bottom, no end. Left could right, and right, left. Shoving down the existential dread, she moves to to turn and head back until a twinkling light catches the corner of her eye. Stopping, she swivels back to look again-this time the twinkling is hard to miss, she squints, it isn't a star, as the source of the glittering is a top an asteroid closest to her. With bated breath she slowly, carefully maneuvers herself over to it. It's rocky texture is rough, the cold seeping through her gloves. With a grunt she heaves herself upwards, her thoughts oddly quiet as she focuses on climbing and hauling her weight until she reaches the top. Heaving enough to cloud the glass of her helmet, she stills to inhale a deep breath before she decides to lift her head up and freezes-

A massive body is collapsed upon the mountainous structure.

It-can't be-

Galra?

Hesitantly, she crawls towards him on all fours both curiosity and fear churning in her gut. Carefully, she reached over to quickly tap his shoulder to snap it away fearing a swipe of his large hand. Or a lunge. Squeezing her eyes shut she expects the worst, but when nothing came she instead hears a low, pained groan.So, low that if it weren't for her being so close she probably wouldn't have heard him. Placing a hand to calm her erratic heart, Allura steadies herself before gently extending both her hands to flip him on to his back, however it isn't without some difficulty. He's super heavy. With a grunt she manages and once he's on his back she's met with a rather gorgeous face, but unfortunately one she did not recognize. Examining his body, his armor is old. Eroded with rust and dented all over with the color of it faded. His face as handsome as it is, is marred with bruises painted black and dark blue, and dried blood dribbles down his obviously split lip. Yet, strangely enough she didn't find anything indicating his rank. No badge or medallion, no even a family crest holding his cape together. There's a satchel hung around his waist, but it wouldn't be wise to open it out here. He definitely looks the part of a high ranking galra general, but that begs the question, if he is, what is a seemingly distinguished general doing out here in the middle of an asteroid field? Did someone dump him out here?

Frantically her eyes dart around- but, she was so sure she hadn't detected a galra ship in the area-

Breathing heavily, she only finds emptiness.

-unless-

Her eyes fall back to him-the rift. Her eyes widen as she eyed him closer now noticing the markings on his face, a telltale sign of quintessence exposure. They weren't too bad, but it isn't something that can be ignored without consequence. Frightened out of her mind, she shouts back to her team over her shoulder.

“I found something!” drawing all eyes to her. I've definitely found something; she whispers to herself.

#Voltron #oldtron #lotura #lollura #redemption universe

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farmhandler · 5 years

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A Little Extra

Rating: T

Relationship: Shiro/Sendak

Additional Tags: Mating Cycles/In Heat, Body Image, chubby!Shiro, implied Mpreg

Chapter: 1/1 | WC 6.9K~

Read on AO3

Summary: It wasn’t as if Shiro was blind to the weight that he’d gained when he’d been pregnant. That was par for the course, and in the months that followed he’d been focused on just getting through each day.

But now, staring at himself in a shirt that was a few sizes too small, it was like being given a wake-up call.

A/N: Commission for @saltyhedgeh0g aka the lovely lovely Shannon, who asked for Bound-verse Shiro's first heat post-baby, where he's self conscious about his figure. Sendak still wants to hit it (duh).

With everything that was going on in his life, Shiro had nearly forgotten all about his old clothes.

The twins demanded his constant attention, and he hadn’t gotten rid of his paternal wear until a few months in, when he’d started being considered for public appearances and figured wearing clothes that were clearly made for someone with a large middle was excessive, no matter how comfortable they were.

He now had a plethora of new clothing in his wardrobe, both from the castle’s stores and items Shiro had purchased at their favorite space mall.

He happened upon the shirt while cleaning his room. The twins’ toys were littered about his floor, alongside a few bottles he had forgotten to clean and pack up. Some of his clothes were packed in the corner, lying forgotten.

The room was basically a pigsty, but he hadn’t had the time when every day he was kept busy.

Shiro picked up Sendak’s underwear that had gotten caught in the bedsheets and held it up for inspection, already able to tell from the scent that it had been worn at least once. Sendak’s scent was heavier than a human’s, particularly in his extremities.

After a moment of hesitation, Shiro shoved the fabric against his nose, inhaling the scent of his mate. He felt his shoulders relax, tensing leaking out of him. Sendak had been away the last few weeks on a cluster of Blade missions, but as of this afternoon they were both going to be at the castle. Since Shiro’s first heat was coming up very soon, Sendak had been put off Blade missions indefinitely until it was over.

Plus, having him around meant Shiro could actually get something done. He was currently in charge of watching the twins, entertaining them in the other room while Shiro cleaned.

Shiro started shoving all their dirty laundry in the basket when he noticed that a clean shirt had was mixed in with the dirty ones. Shiro lifted it up into the light, a smile forming on his face at the memories that it brought forth.

It was the one that had belonged to Keith’s father, and it had lasted Shiro for several years before he’d gotten knocked up by his then-estranged mate. He didn’t think too deeply about how small it seemed compared to his other clothes until he was struggling to pulling it down over his shoulders.

Did it shrink? he wondered, smoothing his hands down over his front. It fit, but only just, and Shiro was already itching to take it off.

He looked around for something reflective to use. There wasn’t a mirror in his room, and the one in the bathroom wasn’t full-length, but Shiro walked in anyway, stepping back to get as much of himself in view as possible.

What he saw made his heart thump uncomfortably in his chest.

It wasn’t as if Shiro was blind to the weight that he’d gained when he’d been pregnant. That was par for the course, and in the months that followed he’d been focused on just getting through each day. He was well acquainted with his own stretch marks and a little extra bulk, but he still fit in his suit, so he hadn’t given it much thought.

But now, staring at himself in a shirt that was a few sizes too small, it was like being given a wakeup call.

Shiro prodded the flesh gathered around his waist. His abs had been replaced with a soft stomach and a layer of fat that he didn’t remember being there before, and his chest was even softer, his nipples large and poking through his shirt from consistent breastfeeding.

Whereas he’d once had a rigorous training routine and a daily workout, his time was now occupied by taking care of his kids and saving the universe, which didn’t leave him with much free time.

Wearing a shirt that didn’t fit him made it all the more obvious how far he’d let himself go.

He hurried to take it off, hastily dropping the shirt onto the floor.

There was a flash of concerned curiosity from across the bond. Shiro hadn’t even thought to close it off, and he was hesitant to do so now, lest he raise Sendak’s suspicions, so he didn’t bother taking the bait, instead walking back into the bedroom to finish cleaning.

The laundry basket he set near the door to be taken out, and the bottles and toys he collected to bring to Sendak next door.

He was just about to knock when it slid open and Sendak filled his line of view, both twins sitting in each arm.

“Oh, hi!” Shiro smiled up at him, moving to take Ayame, the first to start reaching for him, exchanging her with the bag full of things he’d collected from their room.

“Dadda!” she cried, waving her hands lazily at him. She looked exhausted. Her eyes were drooping.

“Hi, honey.” Shiro nuzzled her cheek with his nose. She hiccupped, then swayed. Shiro encouraged her to lean her head against his chest. He addressed Sendak, “Did you just feed them?”

“I’ve been wearing them out,” Sendak clarified. “I’m hoping they will be too tired to cause a fuss during naptime.”

“Good luck with that.” Shiro shifted Ayame so she was resting more comfortably, nestled in the crook of his arm. “They’ll never stop being trouble.”

“Be that as it may, I was hoping to spend some time with you. Alone.”

Sendak’s words carried a heat that Shiro would be a fool not to recognize. Since he’d gotten back, Sendak had been especially touchy.

Shiro’s mind flashed to the scene in the bathroom as Sendak brushed his palm up the underside of his arm, right over the fat.

“I think I’m gonna get some food,” Shiro said, stepping away. “I’ve also got to wash these, and I can do that in the kitchen.”

He pretended not to notice the slight downturn of Sendak’s mouth as he put Ayame in her crib. She was dozing, so after tucking her in, she thankfully went straight to sleep.

“I will come with you,” Sendak said, still holding the very active Ellar.

“I’ll be back soon,” Shiro assured him. “You keep wearing her out and then I’ll meet you later. Okay?”

Sendak nodded without reply, still frowning, and Shiro left, heading for the kitchens.

He really was hungry, so on arrival he piled a plate full of flavored goo and set it down on the counter across from the kitchen sinks, munching on it while he worked. They used sonic sinks and no water was involved, so it didn’t take Shiro long to finish cleaning the bottles and a few of the plastic toys that were dirty.

Sendak didn’t speak with him through the bond, which Shiro was grateful for. They’d gotten adept at reading each other’s moods, and Shiro didn’t feel up to trying to explain himself.

It wasn’t like there was anything wrong with carrying a little extra weight. Hunk was a larger man, who ate just the same as the rest of them and did the same drills. He wasn’t ashamed of his size, and Shiro didn’t expect him to be.

He glanced down at his stomach, slightly distended in its relaxed state. He sucked it in, tensing the muscles, and for a moment he could imagine the layers of fat falling away, revealing the hard muscles he remembered lying underneath.

When he relaxed his stomach again, it seemed to bulge out even more obscenely.

“There you are.”

Shiro’s shoulders tensed, but he forced them down when he felt Sendak’s knuckles brush the back of his neck. He dragged his wrist over Shiro’s scent gland, then turned him around for a kiss.

“I’ve hardly seen you since I returned,” Sendak said, tilting his chin up. “Are you certain you’re not avoiding me?”

Cleverly disguised as it was, the question was somewhat genuine. Sendak didn’t like to let matters lie when Shiro was distressed in any way, and as close to his heat as he was, pumping out more pheromones in preparation, Sendak could probably sense his unease.

“No! Of course not. I’m just…” He shrugged, leaning in when Sendak drew him close. “It’s been a while. And I know that the implant is supposed to work as birth control, but I’m still nervous. I don’t want another baby.”

“No?” With one hand, Sendak cupped Shiro’s cheek, and with the other, he groped at his ass, squeezing it. Shiro tried to pull away, thinking about what he’d seen in the mirror, but Sendak held him still, mouthing hungrily at his throat.

Shiro held back a whimper as his teeth brushed the scent gland. He was especially sensitive during pre-heat.

“Last I recall, you were very eager to have me breed you,” he murmured, pulling Shiro flush and aligning their hips. Sendak was still as brawny and strong as he’d ever been; he hadn’t borne the weight of two galra children on his hips, and sometimes Shiro resented him for that. Just a little.

Like now, when he splayed his hands across his strong chest, muscular pecs outlined by his thin shirt, and saw the clear contrast between their bodies. Sendak was all hard lines and Shiro—Shiro was soft and squishy.

What little arousal that had been building inside Shiro quickly faded. If Sendak noticed—which he certainly did—he didn’t say anything about it. He pressed a soft kiss to Shiro’s jaw.

“Yeah, that’s not happening again.” Shiro pushed at his chest. “I’m on birth control, and if I wasn’t, just the thought of any more of those little monsters running around would be birth control enough.”

Sendak’s lips quirked. “They do so love to cause trouble, and they can’t even walk.”

Shiro shuddered at the thought. “I am not looking forward to that.”

“Neither am I.” Sendak gave Shiro’s ass a firm pat. “Which is why we should take this chance to…reacquaint ourselves.”

‘Reacquainting’ turned out to mean cuddling in bed. Sendak crowded Shiro against the wall scented him thoroughly, rubbing and kissing every inch of skin that he could reach. Shiro’s thoughts earlier left him feeling strangely self-conscious the whole time, but if anything, it spurred Sendak to double his efforts, scenting Shiro until his skin felt rubbed raw.

“There are other ways to get your scent on me, you know,” Shiro gasped into his mouth, rutting lazily over Sendak’s thick thigh.

“I like you like this.” Sendak cupped his cheeks, brushing their noses together, “in my arms and at my mercy. And I will have you like this, until you decide to tell me what is running through your mind.”

Shiro tried not to stiffen too obviously. Based on Sendak’s knowing look, he didn’t exactly succeed.

“Something is bothering you,” Sendak said conversationally, like he was talking about something entirely unrelated. “I would have you tell me, if you are willing to share.”

A long time ago, Sendak might have tried to force it out of him. He would have shoved and pushed and pulled until Shiro admitted to what he was feeling. And sure, it had worked then, and sometimes it might have been what he needed. Maybe he needed it now—he didn’t really know—but Shiro appreciated that Sendak was giving him time, rather than attempting to pry the words out of him.

Even if Shiro didn’t know what to do with time, or what to do with himself. The solution should have been simple: work out, get buff, become the muscular giant he used to be. But that would take so much work, and Shiro was exhausted enough from being a parent and running around the universe with Voltron. He was just too tired most days to even manage more than a single training session.

“I just feel—” Like a whale.

“Like a whale?” Sendak repeated, puzzled by the human idiom.

Shiro swallowed thickly. Sendak was in and around him, his scent burrowed into Shiro’s skin, and he felt—disgusting.

Sendak was still waiting for him to provide him with an answer. Shiro didn’t have one.

“I’m gonna go get some water,” he said instead, crawling past Sendak, who didn’t stop him, but watched him go, making no effort to conceal his concern through the bond. Shiro felt it clearly, mingling with the doubt and revulsion rolling inside him.

It would help if Sendak would stop touching him all the time. Every opportunity there was, he would take it, grabbing at him or rubbing his face across his scent gland. It wasn’t that Shiro hated it, per se, but if he would just stop touching him so much, then maybe—

“Shiro?”

Shiro blinked. He realized he’d been staring at Hunk for the last minute, and that Hunk was looking at his cybernetic hand, which was gripping his spoon hard enough to bend the metal.

“Sorry,” Shiro said, setting it down carefully.

“Are you okay? Like, actually okay? Because you know you can tell me anything, and remember the last time you hid something from us? That didn’t turn out so great!”

“It’s nothing like that, Hunk,” Shiro said. He attempted a smile. “I’m just thinking about some things.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

Shiro folded his hands in front of him, considering his words carefully. Hunk was an alpha, which meant that he was even more eager to help Shiro in any way possible.

“How do you,” he paused, “feel,” an even longer pause, “about.”

Hunk nodded encouragingly, his gaze open and his concern evident.

“Shiro—”

“It’s silly,” Shiro said. “Forget I said anything. You seem very confident in yourself, and I admire that a lot. I admire a lot of things about you. You’re a good teammate, Hunk.”

Foot, meet Shiro’s mouth.

“Uh, thanks?” Hunk laid his hands on the table, fingers twitching towards like he wanted to reach out and soothe. “But, Shiro—”

“I’ve gotta get going,” Shiro said, abandoning his meal and heading for the door. Sendak would be waking the twins for their morning feeding. “I’ll see you later! Thanks again!”

“You’re welcome!” Hunk called. “Even though I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything!”

Keith had agreed to watch the twins with Lance for the duration of his heat. Shiro wasn’t worried about them being bad babysitters; in all honesty, he was more worried for Keith and Lance than he was the twins.

Shiro stared at the doorway leading out of his room, aching to go find his babies and rub his scent all over them. Pre-heat always left Shiro feeling restless, preferring to do things on his own and in his own way, so he knew he was better off leaving the twins in more-or-less capable hands, especially if he misjudged the timing.

A hand landed on his shoulder.

Sendak, of course, was excited to share their first heat together. They didn’t get a lot of alone time with the twins around, and living in a castle filled with other people meant a quick diversion wasn’t always an option.

Shiro felt excited about the prospect, but with this being his first heat while not pregnant, and what with his body the way it was, excitement had transformed into nervous irritation.

He grit his teeth, trying to withstand the fingers brushing his throat for the thousandth time.

Right before his heat, Shiro usually didn’t like being touched. He felt itchy and uncomfortable and crampy, and he knew that Sendak was aware of this, but he seemed to have forgotten it; he had remained glued to Shiro’s side all morning, and as the hours stretched on, Shiro had had it.

He couldn’t hold back the angry snarl as he whirled on Sendak.

“Will you stop touching me?” Shiro snapped, tossing the pillow he’d been holding at Sendak’s face.

Sendak didn’t react other than to raise his hands in a placating gesture that only further incensed Shiro.

“I apologize,” Sendak began, and he went to say more, but Shiro cut him off.

“Are you done? Do you really want to touch me that much?”

“Yes,” Sendak replied in an instant. He drew close to Shiro’s side again, brushing his palm over Shiro’s heated cheek. “I am aware you don’t like me ‘smothering you’, but your scent has sweetened considerably. You’ll forgive me if I can’t help myself.”

“My scent,” Shiro repeated numbly. Of course it was his scent. Of course. What else did he expect?

“That upsets you,” Sendak observed, puzzled, and Shiro hated, hated that he was having a hard time closing off the bond when he could barely concentrate on the nest he was trying to build.

“No, it doesn’t. I’m not upset. I love that you love the way I smell. You know I do.”

“Shiro, you cannot lie to me,” Sendak began, like he was talking to a small child. “You have been upset for some time, and I have not asked because you seemed particularly averse to it. But you will tell me now, before your heat begins.”

“Oh I will, will I?” Shiro crossed his arms. “Well you’re out of luck, because nothing’s wrong. I feel great! Just great! Amazing!”

Sendak took a decisive step forward and Shiro stepped back, glaring daggers.

Normally, Shiro wasn’t this angry. Normally, he would be a little irritated, but otherwise companionable for the most part. Now, with his feelings multiplied and intensified, he could barely stand to be touched by Sendak even though that was exactly what his body wanted.

Sendak did not attempt to approach him again, reading the signals that Shiro was sending out loud and clear. After a few minutes of waiting—for what, Shiro wasn’t sure—he stepped towards the door with the claim that he was going to get them water bottles and some snack bars.

“Okay,” Shiro said, forcing a calm to his voice that he didn’t feel. His restlessness was only made worse at the thought of Sendak leaving their nest. “You go. I’ll just…sit here.”

After Sendak left, Shiro sat himself at the edge of the bed, running his hands over his knees in repeated motions.

He felt itchy. He wasn’t in heat yet, but it was approaching fast. Shiro glanced at the door.

A part of him wanted to go after Sendak and apologize. It wasn’t wrong for Sendak to want to touch him. They were partners—mates. It was normal behavior.

He glanced down at his stomach, lips curling back.

I need to work out, he thought.

Now?

Sendak’s reply jolted Shiro to his feet. He was always aware of him, even with this distance, but Shiro’s mind was all over the place. He’d somehow completely forgotten about the link.

No. But at some point I need to get into my old routine.

Impossible. You would exhaust yourself.

Shiro didn’t reply. The truth of the statement didn’t sit well with him, and on Sendak’s return, he denied the protein bar that Sendak shoved in his face.

“You haven’t eaten in hours,” he pointed out.

“I’m okay.” He wasn’t that hungry.

Sendak dropped it in his lap. “Eat.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Sendak’s jaw clenched. Shiro stared up at him, ready and raring for a fight, but then Sendak visibly calmed and he sat down next to Shiro without another word about it.

Suspicious, but relieved that he hadn’t taken the bait, Shiro set the bar next to him and started messing around on the pad that Allura had given him. On it were all the baby books and pamphlets, but Shiro had also loaded up a bunch of novels for downtime. Not that he usually had any.

He was so itchy. It felt like his skin was trying to claw its way off his body, and even the soft shirt and silky pants weren’t enough to soothe him. He’d prefer to be naked at this point, but—well.

To top it off, in the middle of reading the first page of one of the novels, his cramps started up.

A part of him had hoped that he wouldn’t have to deal with the cramps that came with heat now that he was on alien birth control, but the moment that he felt his uterus tighten, he knew it was over.

Half an hour later, and aside from four trips to the bathroom while his body emptied itself in preparation, Shiro hadn’t moved. He lay curled up in bed, a whimpering mess. It was miserable, and to make matters worse, Sendak stayed at his side, but he didn’t touch him. It was in respect of Shiro’s self-imposed rules, but the more that he hurt, the more that he was regretting acting like he had.

Shiro lasted another ten minutes before he gave in and crawled over to the other side of the bed, inserting himself in between Sendak’s arms.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, relaxing once Sendak wound his arm around him. Just the scent of his alpha made it slightly more bearable. “I’ve been such a jerk today.”

“You’re going into heat for the first time since you birthed the children. You are understandably stressed.”

Sendak stroked his flank and kissing what skin presented itself, layering them atop Shiro’s head and throat intermittently. Shiro melted against his front, rubbing his face into the fur on his chest.

They laid like that for some time, while Shiro breathed through the worst of it, waiting for the awful sensation to dissipate. Sendak kept up the attention, even going so far as to massage the muscles around Shiro’s lower back and his pelvis to alleviate some of the pressure.

It was overall lovely, and Shiro was more than a little grateful. Being surrounded by his scent helped with the worst of it, and there was nothing better than being held in Sendak’s firm embrace.

Despite the cramps, and despite the itchy state of his skin, he’d nearly started to doze, but then his stomach suddenly grew molten hot; for a moment, Shiro felt like he was about to vomit. He swallowed repeatedly, waiting for it to pass, and then the heat dissipated and settled down into his hips.

On his next inhale, the very air he breathed seemed different.

Sendak was wearing a pair of pants—his sleepwear—and nothing else, and Shiro suddenly decided he shouldn’t be wearing anything at all.

“Let’s get this off you,” he murmured, voice going soft and sweet. He smoothed his hands down Sendak’s front, fingers teasing at his waistband. He was so focused on running his hands all over Sendak’s sculpted body that he barely noticed when the gentle warmth began to ramp up.

Sweat broke out over his skin, and he shivered.

Sendak didn’t resist, helping Shiro pull his pants down over his hips, tossing them to the side. His sex was resting soft in his underwear, but after a moment it began to thicken. Shiro made a sound, laying his hand over the massive length. It was warm under his palm, and as he wrapped his hand around it, it gave a distinct twitch.

Shiro licked his lips. “You smell so good right now.”

“I could say the same,” Sendak replied. He tipped Shiro’s head to the side and buried his nose in his throat, his chest expanding into Shiro as he inhaled. “Mm, your scent is so sweet. You smell incredibly fertile.”

Shiro’s breath hitched. “Fertile? I…forgot that you could tell.”

Sendak’s hand landed on his hip, kneading the flesh there.

“Here as well,” he murmured, lowering his mouth to the swell of Shiro’s breast. “A tempting sweetness.”

Shiro’s breath came out in a rush. He pressed his face into Sendak’s chest, hands coming up over his biceps. He was so strong. Sendak had always been strong, but Shiro for some reason couldn’t get it out of his head how strong Sendak really was.

“My big, strong alpha,” he said quietly, digging his fingers into Sendak’s firm pecs. “That’s not all, right?”

“Hm?” Sendak paused where he’d been about to pull off his underwear.

“That’s not the only reason, right? My scent?” Shiro’s thoughts tumbled in different directions, and it took him a second to collect himself. He kept getting distracted by the thick root of Sendak’s cock peeking out from his open waistband. “You don’t think I’m…”

“You know what I think of you,” Sendak said. He sounded completely puzzled. “Is this related to what has been bothering you?”

“I…”

Was there any point in denying it anymore?

“I feel disgusting,” Shiro admitted in a rush. “My hips are big, and my ass is huge, and I’ve got all this baby weight that won’t go away, and I’ve got all these—these ugly stretch marks all over my hips and stomach, and—” He stopped, flushing under Sendak’s scrutiny. “I-I just feel gross. I haven’t been this chunky since I was a teenager.”

Sendak continued to stare at him.

“You are…upset by how you look?” he said slowly, like he was trying to make sense of it.

Shiro shrugged. The doubt in Sendak’s tone only made his embarrassment compound further.

Sendak cocked his head. “I had assumed that you wanted to look like this.”

“What?” Now it was Shiro’s turn to stare. “Why would I want that?”

“But you look—” Sendak paused, as trying to search for words; words that Shiro didn’t want to hear.

“Not nearly as attractive as I used to?”

“Ravishing,” Sendak finished, his tone final.

“You’re kidding me. This?” Shiro gestured down to himself pointedly. “I’m not exactly at peak physical fitness anymore. People used to call me buff.”

“You are still muscular.”

“Sure, but I don’t look like it anymore.”

Sendak’s eyes raked his figure.

“You believe you must be visibly muscular for me to find you attracted,” he realized aloud. It sounded so shallow when put like that.

“No! I mean…I suppose I’m just having a hard time understanding. I know there’s nothing wrong with the way I am, but I can’t imagine that—that you would want this.”

“That I would want you, my mate,” Sendak said, amused.

“Well—"

“The—how did Lance put it—the love of my life?”

Shiro’s cheeks flushed a darker pink, and he squirmed, not only because of Sendak but the strength of his scent, which seemed to reach inside Shiro and take hold of him, squeezing him from the inside out. He could feel himself getting wetter, and when Sendak’s fingers brushed his cheek, he leaned heavily into the touch.

“Sendak,” he breathed. He tried to slide close, but Sendak held him at bay, and Shiro didn’t understand why until he tugged Shiro’s shirt over his head and splayed both hands across Shiro’s naked torso.

“I see a body that has supported the lives of my family.” Sendak kissed the top of Shiro’s right breast. He was hard; Shiro could smell his arousal. “Fed them. You have scars from battle, hard fought and deserved. Are these ‘stretch marks’ not the same?”

Shiro didn’t have a reply. He hadn’t—he’d never thought of it like that.

“It was a battle of a different sort, and you came out the other end alive, more beautiful than I have ever seen you.” He kissed Shiro’s sternum, a rumbling growl working up the back of his throat. His scent laid over Shiro like a thick blanket; he was starting to lose focus. “These scars are just a point of honor as much your stretch marks. You are no less worthy for them.”

“I—” Shiro didn’t know what to say. He shivered when Sendak moved his mouth to the side, sucking directly on Shiro’s nipple. He knew how sensitive they were. “Sendak.”

“You carried the lives of our children inside you.” Sendak lifted Shiro’s leg so he could reach between his thighs, his breaths becoming heavy with arousal. Shiro wriggled closer, the burning need in his belly blazing to life the moment Sendak’s fingers came close to his hole. “You have fed and nurtured them, and you are healthy. There is nothing more arousing to me than you as you are now.” He paused. “You’re already quite wet.”

“Sendak.” Shiro shivered again, tiny shudders working through his body. Sendak sat up and grabbed him by his hips, turning him around. Shiro went willingly, eager to present himself.

He wasn’t aware he was already pleading with Sendak to fuck him until he dragged his cock over the slick dripping out of him and the air was punched right from his lungs.

It was different, during heat. Just that teasing touch made his fingers itch to push down Sendak and find relief himself.

“Fuck me,” he demanded breathlessly, digging his nails into the sheets. Every breath he took smelled and tasted like Sendak.

“I feel your need,” Sendak growled, “but you will wait. I will not hurt you.” A flicker of amusement. “Not until you beg for it.”

There was a sense of calm that tried washed over him from Sendak’s end of the bond. Tried being key, as it did little to quell the need rising, forming a sharp needlepoint.

“Please.” Shiro pushed back against Sendak’s cock, reaching with one hand, trying to translate to him how much he needed it. “Please, Sendak, please fuck me.”

At the first push of his cock, the moan that came out of Shiro was obscene. He spread his legs, bearing down, a plea on each breath, and when Sendak pushed nearly all the way in, Shiro’s moans turned throaty and loud. Sendak’s cock was huge, but Shiro was wet, and after a few more pushes his hips met Shiro’s, buried all the way to the hilt.

The tentacles teased the inside of his thighs, brushing over the slick and spreading it. Relief hit Shiro like a tidal wave, rolling over the pain of taking something so big so quickly, but it still wasn’t enough. Grinding himself back on Sendak’s cock, Shiro gnawed on his knuckle as his first orgasm hit him.

He trembled, twitching with aftershocks, and a second later he whined, tipping his head back, vying for more. And Sendak gave it to him.

He fucked him with the same brutal efficiency that Shiro remembered. He basked in it, each thrust relentlessly sharp and pounding, chipping away at the burning heat. He pulled Shiro back against his hips, grinding into him until Shiro squirmed as he came internally again, his cock still flushed.

He came once more after that, and he was working up to a fourth as Sendak fucked him, but by then he was so desperate for a knot he wanted to grab at Sendak’s hips and hold him in place until he could feel it. He tried, wriggling, reaching for him, but Sendak grabbed his wrist and stilled him, thrusting his sex to the hilt in one vicious thrust.

“Fuck,” Shiro gasped, his hips flooded with pleasure. It felt like his body was on fire. “Need you to knot me. Please, please, pleaseplease—yes!”

He cried out in relief when he felt the tentacles wriggle up inside him, forming the knot. It was unpleasant—the first knotting was always the most intense—but he needed it. He needed Sendak’s knot plugging him up until he was so full there was no doubt in his mind he’d be pregnant by the end.

“Yes,” Sendak said, reading his mind. “You’d easily become pregnant from my seed. Mine.”

“God,” Shiro gasped, spreading his legs, trying in futile to make more room for the massive knot. He was vaguely aware that Sendak was coming, but it was drowned out by the rush of being knotted, being so full again. “Oh, god.”

Soon after that, Shiro lost all sense of time. He was pretty sure Sendak did, too. Being bonded like they were meant that the fever of heat affected Sendak as well. Not as severely as it did Shiro, sure, but they didn’t stop fucking for hours.

At one point, when Sendak was fucking Shiro against the wall, hips wrapped around Sendak’s waist, their eyes met, and then they were kissing for the first time since his heat had started. Sendak was heedless at first of the sharp canines, but as Shiro melted into him, wrapping his arms around his neck, their coupling inexplicably softened.

“I want another baby,” Shiro breathed, swallowing Sendak’s answering groan with another open-mouthed kiss. “Want your baby. Wanna have your baby again.”

“You’ll have it,” Sendak growled. He grunted, hoisting Shiro up higher so he could fuck him in several punishing thrusts. “I will give you any number of children. You’ll be full and fat and mine.”

“Yours, yours,” Shiro chanted, framing his face with his hands. “And you’re mine. My alpha.”

In the back of his mind, Shiro knew that he wouldn’t get pregnant. He knew, and he would be glad for it later. But in those moments, while Sendak was pumping him full of come, stroking the sides of his face and biting into the bondmark, he couldn’t quite quell the sense of disappointment in knowing he wouldn’t be able to share this with him again.

And then there was the rest of his heat.

Shiro had had so many heats throughout his life that the intensity never surprised him. He was used to it.

He wasn’t used to this.

Through Sendak, his need seemed to echo back at him, a never-ending loop that had Shiro pawing at Sendak every single second, begging to be plugged on his knot. Sendak did his best to deliver, knotting him any time as asked, at one point going so far as to knot him three times in quick succession.

It was never enough. He wanted everything Sendak could give him. It didn’t matter what Sendak thought they should do; Shiro couldn’t focus on anything other than the fire burning a hole in his gut.

“Eat,” Sendak said, his words cutting through the haze that was slowly dissipating after another successful knotting.

Shiro was bathed in sweat, caked in fluids, and he felt exhausted enough to sleep for a year. Even so, he hadn’t found slept just yet. Maybe it was because their minds were connected, but he couldn’t seem to fall into the mid-heat slumber that was meant to give him a break, instead heading into round after round.

Shiro eyed the protein bar warily as he took it out of Sendak’s hand.

“Not really hungry,” he muttered, but unwrapped it with shaking fingers, taking a bite regardless. Sendak watched him like a hawk, his gaze never once leaving Shiro’s face until he’d eaten half.

“I could keep you knotted like this,” Sendak said, as much of an offering as it was a question. He stroked a hand down Shiro’s flank. “If you would like to rest.”

Shiro shook his head. He laid his arm over his forehead and sighed.

“I’ll sleep when my body’s ready. I think. There’s a reason we don’t stay knotted during heat. Even with toys. ‘S not safe.” His word slurred together as his mouth opened in a jaw-cracking yawn. “We could go into toxic shock. Or something.”

Sendak grunted in assent. Overall, he didn’t seem too bothered by the prospect of more sex. Shiro rolled his eyes and waited for Sendak to pull out and the fever to take over.

Eventually Shiro did sleep, and when he did, it was deeply. Instead of the occasional nap to rejuvenate himself, he slept for hours, his dreams twisted and strange.

When he woke, he had no clue what time it was. Sendak mentioned something about it being evening before he fell asleep, but he couldn’t remember.

Sendak was still asleep beside him. His scent was thick and warm, settling over Shiro, tempting him. Ignoring that, Shiro went to pee, but by the time he’d returned, barely a minute later, he was crawling on top of Sendak, grabbing his cock and angling it inside him.

“What a lovely picture you make,” Sendak said, his voice low from sleep, blinking up at Shiro blearily. He flashed his teeth in a vicious grin as he sank his claws into Shiro’s thigh and fisted his cock with his other hand, prompting the first of another round of orgasms.

Later in Shiro’s heat, when he wasn’t so desperate, they had more intent to linger and take their time.

Somehow, at some point Sendak ended up knotting Shiro in front of his bed. They’d started with Shiro bracing his hands on the edge, but then Sendak had cupped his full chest in both hands and lifted him up, supporting him while he rutted into Shiro languidly.

“You really—” Shiro stopped to moan, his shortness of breath attributed to the way the change in angle had Sendak’s sex gliding over his prostate. He slid his hands over the back of Sendak’s, curling his fingers in between his. “You really don’t mind the, the way I look?”

“I love it,” Sendak rumbled, an instant, honest reply. He slid his hands down Shiro’s torso, feeling every inch and curve before planting his hands greedily over the widest parts of his hips. “Your body is full from a life well-lived. Life that I’ve helped provide and nurture.” He thrust in again, and Shiro’s toes curled. “From life we have created.”

“Fuck,” Shiro rasped. It was hard to feel bad about himself when he could tell just how deeply Sendak felt about him. “You really mean that, oh my god. And I know I’ve said this a few times now—”

“A few dozen, perhaps.”

“—but I really want another baby.” His moan softened into a whine when Sendak pulled out slowly, thrusting back inside with a wet squelch. “I’m going to hate myself for thinking that later.”

“Just think: if you didn’t have that pesky implant, we could have more.”

Shiro’s following laugh was a little desperate, it melted into a low cry when Sendak finally knotted him, taking his time, slow enough that by the time Shiro came, his legs were quivering, shaking from pleasure. He would’ve collapsed if not for Sendak’s arms holding him up.

Once it was over, they laid in bed for another hour, cuddling up together, basking in the feeling of not needing to fuck for once. When Shiro shifted in Sendak’s arms, his ass throbbed, a reminder that the next few hours were going to be very unpleasant.

“Do you still want another child?” Sendak asked, nuzzling the top of his head.

“You’re only saying that now hoping I’m still thinking about it.”

“Well?”

“I love you, but we are not having another baby.”

Sendak chuckled, tilting Shiro’s head back so he could kiss him. “That is not what I asked.”

“Ugh. You know I want another baby, but we can’t.” He squirmed as Sendak’s fingers teased at his ass. “Don’t. Maybe when all this is over we can have another, but I’m very happy with the two we have now. Which I’d like to see.”

Sendak perked up at the mention of the twins.

Together they got in the shower. Sendak suggested that they use the sonic function for a faster exit, but Shiro wanted the hot water for his sore muscles—particularly his thighs and calves. He stayed under the spray for a ridiculously long time, dozing against the wall, and it was Sendak who eventually forced him to get out.

He wiped Shiro down with the fluffiest towels they had available, massaging his arms and legs while he did so, careful of the various claw wounds that had been left in the wake of their mating.

“How do you feel?” Sendak asked quietly while he was wringing out Shiro’s hair.

Shiro hummed, eyes closed. “Feel good. Sore, but that’s not unusual. I love you.”

“And I love you,” Sendak returned warmly. What felt like years ago, he’d barely been able to articulate caring about Shiro, and now—now they were in love.

Shiro smiled sleepily up at Sendak, pushing all the love and affection he could through the bond. He felt Sendak take hold of it, his one eye that was gazing at Shiro bright.

#shendak #saltyhedgeh0g #i love you girl #thank you #mpreg /#implied mpreg /#voltron /#my fic #fic #commission fic #break free verse #it'll never let me go haha

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