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meet-the-coffee · 3 months

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TF2 Fucked Up-Au (or something)

I once started working on a totally odd as shit au that I forgot about, and I didn't even finish working on what the au's theme was, nor what each merc would be like to make it this a unique au????

DISCLAIMER: i don't agree with any of the weird shit these characters do in this au. But horror exists for a reason :)

Anyway here's what I remember:

Scout:

Is like a total stoner. Chill as hell. Piercings. Smokes cigarettes too. Fuckin dumbass. Comes to work high all the time. Doesn't give too much of a shit about much. Has ladies over often but never catches any feelings. Thinks Miss Pauling is just an object he wants to smash. He's an asshole. I hate him, he's a lil shit.

Pyro:

Actual serial killer. Tall as shit. Wide... Doesn't talk. Just breathes loudly and axes you to death or sets you on fire. Isn't as much of a "rainbow pyroland of unicorns and sunshine" as it is that he's complete and utter danger. A psycho. Tall and strong enough to michael myers-chokehold you with one hand against a wall.

Made up on a whim:

Sniper:

Total fucking sociopath. He's the crazed gunman with mental sickness that his canon counterpart in Meet the Sniper says he is NOT... yeah this guy doesn't snicker because he shot someone, or that he likes clicking on heads for the funsies, or for money... this guy loves all of that, but is a fucking creep while at it. He freaks people out. He isn't trying to be discrete while stalking people but he is so damn good at his interest - He is silent as death. He will stalk you home. He will watch you sleep through the window, preferrably snap a few photos or just find your breathing nice to listen to. He likes to feel warm blood on his fingers and loves that metallic smell. He's into weird shit. Don't be near him because he's unpredictable as fuck. He's manipulative, seem friendly, and then once you turn your back, you'll wake up two days later high as shit with a pounding headache, bound with your hands behind your back to an iron bar. He probably uses you for aim practice while drunk as hell. Do. Not. Turn your eyes. Away from him.

Spy:

Spy is anxious and emotional as hell, paranoid as shit and his worst-case scenario is The People finding him, especially if they find out Scout is his son. He does everything to push Scout away only because he doesn't want anything to happen to him. He's on a heavy dosage of medication to deal with it all.

Demoman:

He is so tidy. He's trying to remain composed and watches his friends get fucked up and he can't even do anything about it. He hates it. It tears him to bits when he's trying to sleep. But he likes to help, he listens to their rambles and keeps an ear out to pick up on his friends needs. He was raised by his mom and she taught him to be a kind and sensitive boy.

Medic:

I can't quite make my mind up on this guy. It's so cliché to just make him an utter lunatic but I don't feel him to be a soft guy either. There's a connection to his friends but I can't quite tell what it would be. It's a huge w.i.p.

...

Engie, Heavy and Soldier I'm don't know at all yet. And nothing is set in stone anyway.

Miss Pauling might just be an evil and fucked up gal who works like a puppet under the Administrator, idk,,

This is what I've got so far :')

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supercasey · 4 years

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TF2 RED Headcanons by an idiot that can’t pay attention well enough to read the comics

Back on my bullshit, because I apparently can’t shut up tonight. This is gonna be a big, possibly in-cohesive mess, and will probably have more focus on Scout, Pyro, Sniper, and Spy since they’re my favs, but I still felt like writing down all my dumb headcanons/ideas regarding everyone’s favorite mercenaries (at the moment at least; I might make another post like this later on, hopefully after I’ve read the comics)! Sorry if any of these seem OOC, I’m just goofin’! (Putting this under a readmore because WOW this got LONG)

Every Sunday afternoon, Scout, Pyro, and eventually Sniper when he tells everyone that he's a trans guy, hold a makeshift “Trans Buddy Club” meeting, which mostly consists of Scout mindlessly rambling about drama on base, Pyro nodding along, and Sniper occasionally adding his two cents/spilling tea as well.

Scout can speak fluent French, on account of his mom making sure to teach it to him so he could have more of a connection to his dad, but no one found out until a little after Spy told Scout he was his dad. It wasn’t long after this that Scout revealed that this entire time, he’s known every single thing that Spy's ever said to him in French, but he didn't say anything because he thought it would be funny to keep the ruse going (also because he really liked being praised in secret). Cue Spy freaking tf out because oh no, now his kid knows that he's secretly a huge softie for not only his son, but his whole team.

Sometimes Spy and Scout talk shit in French right there in front of the team, but no one has any fucking idea what they’re saying and to be honest it’s pissing Soldier off the most, much to the father and son duo’s amusement.

Pyro secretly has a little black rabbit named Lucifer (Lucy for short) in their bedroom, which they only take out to get some fresh air and hop around very early in the morning, before anyone else is awake. The only people who know are Medic, Spy, and surprisingly enough Soldier, whose raccoons became friends with Lucy.

Sniper has a goldfish in his RV, but it died three months after he joined the team; he has no idea though because Miss Pauling replaces it every time one passes away, so now Sniper is convinced he has the world’s oldest goldfish.

Scout and Soldier both really want a dog, but they're not allowed to have one on-base. :(

((Heavy plans on sneaking a dog in next Christmas and no one can stop him. It’s gonna be a Border Collie named Bandit, and it gets the most attached to Scout and Heavy.))

Demo is no longer allowed to make mixed drinks for parties; the last time he did, he got everyone so shitfaced that they had to cancel work for three days in a row in order to recover from it.

Continuing off of that: drunk headcanons.

Demoman: Unassuming drunk. Acts like he usually does, unless he’s gotten particularly shitfaced for a party/event, in which case he’ll be slurring so bad that no one can understand him anymore.

Pyro: Giggly drunk. Is just laughing the whole fucking night at nothing in particular, which scares anyone who’s still sober. If they’re too far gone, they’ll start mumbling something that sounds like it’s in Spanish.

Spy: Party drunk. An absolute fucking mess, he’s trying to impress everyone and keep their attention on him, which usually leads to him standing on tables and dancing until he falls and passes out.

Sniper: Sleepy drunk. Out like a fucking light at the slighest bit of alcohol. If he wakes up and keeps drinking though, he’ll just be slurring like Demo, only with a lot more anger in his voice. Let him sleep, or he’ll fucking stab you to death.

Scout: Clumsy drunk. Bumps into anything and everything; eventually has to be given a sippy cup for his alcohol because he dropped three glasses in a row. Talks even faster than usual, until he accidentally fucking pukes on someone.

Soldier: Calm drunk. Instead of getting loud and aggressive like most would think/fear, he’s just… chillin'. Just watches the shitshow as it happens, not even laughing when people get hurt/fall down. Kinda terrifying if we’re being honest here.

Engineer: Depressed drunk. His depression goes through the roof if he has too much, so he doesn't drink more than a few beers if he can help it. If he does accidentally drink too much, he'll be sobbing his eyes out in no time flat.

Heavy: Cuddly drunk. It’s very, very hard to get him drunk, since he’s really good at holding his liquor, but if you do, he’s gonna be hugging and carrying everyone he can get his hands on; you can expect him to have Medic and/or Pyro on his lap once he’s drunk enough.

Medic: Angry drunk. He wants to start fights with fucking everyone, all his rage coming out once he’s had a few too many; god help anyone who tries to stop him. Luckily for all involved, Heavy is more than capable of holding him still until he tires himself out.

BONUS Miss Pauling: Dumbass drunk. With too many bottles in her, she’s gonna be the one shouting and encouraging Spy to act reckless, while also encouraging Engie to drink more because quitting is for losers. Will pass out within an hour or so of downing her first drink.

BONUS The Administrator: Stereotypical drunk. Slurring, stumbling, she’s got the whole nine yards, but she’ll be damned before she let’s anyone see her that messed up. Secretly sips wine at work.

Okay, back to my rambling.

My personal headcanon names and ages for Scout’s older brothers, going from oldest to youngest: Grant 34, Timothy 32, Jacob 31, Arthur 31, Patrick 30, Malcolm 27, Curtis 26, and Jeremy (Scout) 23.

((Also, I’mma go off on my headcanon personalities for them, which are based off of how I’ve tried portraying them in my "Jeremy" fic.))

Grant - 34 years old - Bisexual - Occupation: Veteran/Construction worker - Personality: the oldest of the bunch, he takes it upon himself to keep his little brothers in line/help Ma out as much as he can. Enlisted in the Air Force after he graduated high school, and still takes a lot of pride in his veteran status after serving overseas three separate times. The family peacemaker.

Timothy - 32 years old - Homosexual - Occuptaion: Cartoonist - Personality: the gentlest of his brothers, he often gets roped into helping Grant keep the pack from running too wild. Bit of a softie; loves his husband and loves his job. Closest relationship is with Scout. Doesn’t approve of Scout being a merc but is too scared to say so. The family heart.

Jacob - 31 years old - Heterosexual - Occupation: Freelance guitarist - Personality: the firstborn of the only set of twins, Jacob is a lot more abrasive and instigating than his twin brother. Can’t grow a beard for shit, which pisses him off. Doesn’t get along well with Timmy, despite them both being talented and devoted artists. The family sword.

Arthur - 31 years old - Pansexual - Occupation: Carpenter - Personality: the second born of the only set of twins, Arthur is far more outgoing and nonchalant than his twin brother. Has a beard and loves it more than life. Secretly has a boyfriend, but is too nervous to come out. Gets along better with Jacob after they’ve become adults. The family shield.

Patrick - 30 years old - Heterosexual - Occupation: Hairdresser - Personality: probably the least social of all of the brothers, he prefers staying out of sight and out of mind tbh. Used to practice cutting everyone’s hair when they were kids. Doesn’t talk to his brothers that much, mostly due to being busy/forgetting to call more. The family shadow.

Malcolm - 27 years old - Heteromantic Asexual - Occupation: Wrestler - Personality: the most aggressive and physically competitive of his brothers, there’s nothing he won’t do to win a fight, save for using weapons/lethal force. Hard to get along with, but he still loves his brothers to bits, and was overprotective of Scout when they were younger. The family instigator.

Curtis - 26 years old - Heterosexual - Occupation: Bartender - Personality: was a total fucking mama’s boy growing up, and constantly got in trouble with his brothers for tattling on them. Still argues with Scout every time they see each other. Wants to make Ma proud, but it’s hard for him to keep a job for very long. The family drifter.

Jeremy - 23 years old - Transmale Pansexual - Occupation: Mercenary - Personality: (This is mostly for how he was as a kid) was constantly following his brothers around (especially Malcolm) in hopes of getting in on the fun. Was always treated as the family baby, so everyone was a bit scared to wrestle/fight with him for fear of getting him hurt. Very close to Timmy and Ma. The family runt.

No one on RED team can fucking drive well, save for MAYBE Sniper, but even he hates doing it. Spy gets so goddamn mad within two seconds of driving, Pyro can't stop swerving, Scout drives like a 16 year old who hasn't realized their own mortality yet, Medic jumps at every little inconsistency on the road, Heavy shouts at other drivers for being too slow/fast, Demo's depth perception is shit, Engie drives like a 90 year old grandmother, and Soldier is fine except he will literally shoot at other drivers for tailgating him/cutting him off.

The whole team has designated “Team Bonding Days” thanks to Miss Pauling, which involves playing board games, card games, and video games (in a slightly more modernized AU) together… this, of course, goes badly sometimes. The worst incident they ever had was a bad game of Monopoly that almost ended Heavy and Medic's friendship.

Uno is forever banned from Team Bonding Days. No explanation is needed.

Off the battlefield and in the base, Miss Pauling had the team set up a chore wheel, which is only occasionally followed. Engie is the most dedicated to following it, while Demo and Sniper try everything in their power to avoid cleaning the base.

Spy sometimes disguises himself as other teammates in order to get out of doing his chores, which has led to a lot of shouting matches that ended in Spy being forced to admit it was his fault.

Spy's favorite teammates to disguise himself as are Engie and Scout. He likes being Engie because he gets to be more affectionate with people without being found out, and he can act as Scout incredibly easily due to knowing him so well (tbh he's so good at masquerading as Scout that it's scary).

For Halloween, everyone put their names in Soldier's hat, then proceeded to pull out other teammates’ names to dress up as for their Halloween party. I dunno exactly who would be who, except that Scout traded around to get Spy, steals one of Spy's suits, and just goes around the party bonking people with a plastic baguette he bought online and speaking in a purposefully bad accent.

Spy: Mon fils, you can speak perfect French and you fucking know it. Please stop making a fool of ton père.

Scout: Hohoho, wee wee, I am a fucking frog that gets pegged by baguettes, hoho!

((Spy is this fucking close to committing filicide.))

Everyone can actually cook pretty well, but only very specific things for each merc: Demo can mix and blend drinks (not just alcoholic ones) like it's nothing, Pyro and Heavy like baking, Medic can barbecue anything, Scout knows how to make a lot of shit from scratch (thanks, Ma), Spy and Engie can grill like the true dads they are, Soldier will deep fry every piece of food he eats, and Sniper makes the best soups and stews imaginable.

In order of least to most messy bedrooms: Spy, Heavy, Engie, Sniper, Pyro, Demoman, Medic, Scout, and Soldier. You'd think Scout's would be the worst, but Soldier's room looks like a literal fucking war-zone.

Even when they're not working but get injured in some way (namely from shenanigans/horseplay), people will straight up kill themselves in order to respawn without the injury. The pettiest thing anyone ever respawned off-duty for was Medic suiciding over a tiny ass paper cut.

Demoman is scarily competent at the weirdest of times. For instance, Engie was once trying to figure out how to fix an issue on one of his turrets, only for Demo to stumble over, completely shitfaced, and point out the problem as well as the solution, before passing out under Engie's worktable. Demo doesn't remember this at all.

The first time Engie swore in front of the team in excess (due to dropping a hammer on his foot while he was tinkering), everyone was absolutely horrified because they had only ever heard him say “fiddlesticks” and the like.

Medic's room may not be the messiest, but goddamn is his office a fucking bomb waiting to go off 90% of the time. No one but Medic can find anything in the mess, which is just fine by him.

Heavy likes to sing (mostly just to Sasha) when he's cleaning her in the locker room. The others try to be within hearing range when he does this, because holy fuck, Heavy is a very good singer! He mostly just sings soft songs/lullabies, so his singing is sometimes used by the team insomniacs to help them get some much needed rest.

Okay, another group one. The mercs during shopping trips together:

Demoman: Sneaks a shit ton of alcohol into the cart when no one's looking. Starts complaining if he has to be at the store for too long; will try and sneak away to go home at least once during the trip. Accidentally bumps into a display case and makes a huge fucking mess.

Pyro: Sits obediently in the cart the whole time, occasionally nabbing candy and stuffed animals off of nearby shelves. Will puppy-dog eyes their way into getting everything they grabbed, no matter how much it is.

Spy: Somehow managed to steal an employee uniform and he pretends to work at the store the whole trip; the other mercs keep accidentally falling for it and asking for his help. This all goes to shit when a Karen starts shouting at him over something he didn't do, and he straight up slaps her.

Sniper: King of forgetting wtf was on the list and just grabs shit on the grounds of “Doc said we needed milk, right?” and other such excuses. Knows where everything is despite never having come here before.

Scout: “Gimme the list, I can get everythin' in, like, ten minutes!” Wants to speedrun grocery shopping due to years of shopping with his mom and brothers. Will run loose if left unsupervised and accidentally bust ass on some spilled milk.

Soldier: The one who spilled the milk that Scout busts his ass on. Insists he knows where he's going, but doesn't. Gets into a fistfight with a soccer mom while everyone's waiting to check out; the soccer mom won.

Engineer: Has a full, printed list of everything the team needs, which is organized by aisle number. Is the one who gives into Pyro's begging. Team Dad; keeps an eye on everyone and stops the soccer mom from murdering Soldier.

Heavy: Pushes the cart the entire time. Spends way too money on stuff in the protein shake aisle. At one point runs the cart down the aisle and let's go because Pyro wanted him to, and it ends up crashing into Demo.

Medic: Argues with the pharmacists at the pharmacy counter. Got lost with Soldier until they found Scout unconscious, so he had to perform CPR in the dairy aisle and a fucking paramedic criticized him the whole time; the paramedic hasn't been seen since.

BONUS Miss Pauling: Tries to more or less chaperone this shitshow of a shopping trip. Starts out cheerful and happy, ends up threatening to put child leashes on every last one of these dumbasses.

After Spy taught him how to dance in Expiration Date, Scout goes to him occasionally for advice, such as how to change a tire, how to cook certain things, how tf to do laundry, etc. Spy secretly loves that Scout does this, and tries to help him as much as he can.

Everyone on the team has called Engie “Dad” at least once, even Spy and Medic. No one comments on it.

Medic has been known to go on hour long tirades about anti-vaxxers, with Engie sometimes joining in.

Heavy buys Pyro stuffed animals during his trips to visit his family, which has started a tradition of everyone buying Pyro stuffed animals/toys when they go somewhere without them. Pyro's room is starting to look like a preschooler’s dream bedroom.

Scout calls his mom every other Friday, and he’ll occasionally let his teammates talk to her. Soldier always goes on and on about how good a soldier Scout has been (Scout cries like a baby), Medic tells her about Scout’s latest injuries (Scout damn near chokes him over it), Sniper is just glad to talk to a mom who won’t scold him for the whole phone call, Pyro hums music while Scout’s Ma sings the lyrics for them, Heavy talks about living in huge families with her, Demo asks her how she’s doing and if he can help her out at all, Engie is polite and also praises Scout, and Spy just tells her he’ll call her later before hanging up (Scout punches him for being rude to his mama).

Spy calls Scout's mom on the Fridays that Scout doesn't, mostly to check on her and sometimes to get into some, uh, “steamy” conversations over the phone. Sniper overheard a conversation between them once and now he can't look Scout or Spy in the eyes anymore.

And that's all I've got for right now! I hope you all liked my stupid headcanons!

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ascendedsandvich · 4 years

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Very important question, (for head cannon) what would the mercs do if they found out s/o was a mom? :O or their teammate it can be platonic. HOW would they find out? (P.S. Their child would prolly be a young adult)

Notes:

some mercs are just teammates while others are s/o

I gave your child they/them pronouns so that you can just insert their gender or keep it how it is

Y/N= your name, N/N= nickname, and C/N= child name

Scout

He was drinking bonk when he heard a knock on the door, Suspecting it was someone on the other team ready to steal the intelligence, he grabbed his bat, and went to the door. Hiding his trusty bat behind his back he opened the door, however he was extremely confused when he saw who was at the door. Someone who looked to be around his age was standing there, upon closer inspection scout realized that they looked a lot like you. "uh is y/n here?" They asked, scout hesitated before calling you over "yo n/n someone's here to see you" you came speeding over with a smile on your face, which prompted him to go and hide behind the nearby wall. He placed his bat down, and began eavesdropping. He knew it was wrong, but he just found this whole thing strange. Luckily his bonk was nearby, and he started to drink again. He couldn't really hear what you two were saying, but when he heard the person address you as mom, he spat out his bonk. He was so shocked, but it made sense, you always knew when he was lying, and you were always so caring to him, and pyro. The situation made him look at you differently in a good way of course, in all honesty you remind him of his ma, after that you notice Scout started to treat you with more respect.

Pyro

It was a Ceasefire day! Luckily Miss Pauling, and the administrator said it was okay for you and C/n to spend the day together. You were so excited, y'all haven't been able to see each other in months, you missed them dearly, and you could barely wait to just hug your child. After what seemed like an eternity c/n finally got to the base. You rushed over to them, and you threw open your arms engulfing them in a big hug, Both of you were crying tears of joy. Meanwhile pyro was skipping happily with a big container of bubbles in hand ready to play with you. When they finally got to the front of the base pyro saw you, and some stranger talking. Pyro tilted their head curiously, and walked over to you wondering if this person was a new friend joining the team. When you noticed pyro approaching you introduced the two "c/n this is pyro, and pyro this is c/n my child" This caught pyro off guard you never told them you had a kid. "Nice to meet you" c/n said, pyro hesitated before signing nice to meet you too. You turned to pyro "Well me and c/n are going out for the day, I will see you tonight ok" pyro nodded. When you two left in c/ns car pyro waved goodbye, and looked at the bubbles….pyro felt conflicted, and a little jealous. They didn't like C/n very much. Just like that pyro land shattered, and when you got back pyro wasn't there to greet like they normally did when you went out, You just assumed they were with engie, not wanting to put too much brain cells into it because you were exhausted, and needed sleep. The next day though you noticed pyro's mood was drastically different, they barely ate, and they weren't playing at all. During battle they just hid, and burnt any enemy who came by. Later that night you decided to confront them. you found pyro in their room, huddling in the corner, their mask was off, and they were sobbing into their hands. When you went over to pyro, and touched their shoulder, they flinched a bit not expecting you to be there. When you asked them what was wrong they could barely look you in the eyes when they explained that they were envious of your relationship with c/n because of the fact pyro's own mom was quick to brush them off, and be mean to them. you are pyro's only good mother figure, and to see you with c/n makes them so sad because it reminded pyro when the contracts are over they aren't going to have anyone to go home to. When they were done explaining you felt a bit guilty you had never realized how sad pyro's childhood was. you were quick to wrap them in a loving embrace. you suddenly had an idea "say pyro when the contracts are done how would you like to live with me and c/n?" They pulled away with a big smile on their face "really you mean it?" When you nodded their eyes lit up suddenly c/n didn't seem like the bad guy anymore. pyro's face turned red before mumbling "c-can I call you mom?" When you smiled, and said of course pyro happily put on their mask and signed thanks for everything..Mom

Soldier

You have a box full of things c/n made for you, and the box is also filled with pictures of them. whenever you miss them you like to look in the box, going through all the happy memories. One day you were doing this when soldier walked in, "hello cupcake, what do you have there?" He asked, this caused you to jump, and snap out of your thoughts. "Gee soldier you scared me, I'm just looking at all my memory's of c/n, my child" soldier was at awe, you never said anything about being a mom. he sat down next to you, and you showed him pictures of c/n growing up, and you also showed him all of the art c/n made for you. He thought all of this was amazing, he couldn't believe that c/n was 23 now. From then on he was more protective of you in battle. He admires that you raised such a good American.

Heavy

It was a peaceful night, heavy was enjoying a sandvich in the kitchen when you walked in "oh heavy there you are, I need to get something off of my chest do you think you can spare a few minutes?" The gentle giant nodded before pulling a chair for you, sitting down you told him about c/n, and how you were starting to really miss them. Heavys eyes widened, you were a mom? Wow, no wonder you were so strong in battle. Heavy told you that missing your family is so painful, but that's why you needed to do your best In battle, for them. He gave you a hug, and after that he always smirked when you showed how unstoppable you were.

Demoman

Y'all were having drinks when you told him about c/n. He gave you a surprised look, and waited for you to tell him more about c/n. you then started to tell him all of the great times you and c/n had when they were growing up. He was loving every single story you told, smiling when you smiled. You showed him a picture of c/n, he thought they were lucky to have a mom as good as you. After that he always grins when you are caring to one of the others, he also can't wait to one-day tell you his secret that he has fallen even more in love with you

Engie

you have this locket that you wear everywhere except in battle, you take it off and put it in a safe spot in your room. but this time you put it on a table in engie's garage. you two had just started dating, and you started to spend more and more time in there, so it was just more convenient to leave it in the garage. After the battle you and engie decided to chill out, and have some drinks. After it got a bit late y'all decided to call it a night, and you went back to your room. After a few minutes he noticed you left your locket, and immediately went to pick it up, and deliver it to you. He picked it up by the chain, and it opened revealing a picture of c/n. Which surprised him a bit, he studied the picture closer, he noticed that c/n was probably around scouts age, and they looked a lot like you. Suddenly your voice snapped them out of his thoughts, "engie I forgot...my...locket" you trailed off when you saw him looking at your picture of c/n. He gave you a curious look, and you sighed "I suppose I should tell you about c/n" When you explained that c/n was your child he was a bit stunned, but it made sense why they looked so much like you. He pulled you in for a hug, and said that he would love to meet c/n one day.

Spy

It was only a matter of time before he found out, he was a very excellent spy after all. He was the type of person to figure out anyones secret without them even knowing it. He suspected you were a mom long before he found out because you were very motherly, and you just knew all the mom tricks, an example of this one time Scout was sick, and you somehow managed to trick him into taking his medicine by cutting a hole into the back of a juice box, putting the medicine inside, and holding it up for scout to drink so he didn't see it one the other side. Only a mother knew those tricks. So he wasn't very surprised when he saw you, and a person who looked just like you talking on a ceasefire day. Now he isn't stupid, he immediately knew that that person was your child. He never said anything to you, but he knows. And luckily your secret is safe with him.

Sniper

He was relaxing in his camper when he heard a knock on the door, he answered it to see you twiddling your thumbs. "hey sheila" he greeted. you looked up at him "hey sniper, I was wondering if you could take me to the payphones?" Sniper thought about it for a minute, he did need to call his parents anyway, so why not. He nodded, and you two got in the front. "thanks sniper" you said as you put on your seat belt. He nodded again, and adjusted everything so he could start driving. On the road y'all just sat in a comfortable silence, which was normal since sniper was pretty shy around you. When y'all reached the payphones you got out, and rushed over eager to talk to c/n. sniper leaned against his camper waiting for you to be done. After some time had passed, and you and c/n talked, it was time for c/n to go. So y'all said your goodbyes, and you put the phone back. sniper looked up to see you crying a little bit. His expression turned to concern, and he went over, and put his hand on your shoulder. He was not expecting you to turn around, and hug him. His eyes widened, and he stiffened up a bit before hugging you back. You wimperd, and told him that you missed c/n so much, they were your child and it was so hard to not be able to see, and talk to them whenever you wanted to. Ok he was not ready for this, he had no idea what to say, he understood how you felt though, he felt the same way about his parents, he then wondered if his parents cried after they talked to him too. All he could really do was hold you, and listen

Medic

You and the German doctor had just started dating, everything was going really great, but you were really nervous to tell him about c/n. You had no idea how he would react to the news, would he think differently of you? You didn't know, but you had to tell him. y'all were cuddling on the couch in his office, when you decided to talk to him about c/n. You pulled away, and said "I need to talk to you about something" he nodded, and looked into your eyes which made you even more terrified, than you were before. You gulped, and fidgeted your slightly sweaty hands before explaining that you had a child, he was shocked "why didn't you tell me about c/n before" he asked, feeling a little hurt. did you not trust him? You looked down with tears threatening to spill "I didn't want you to think differently of me" upon hearing this he immediately wrapped his arms around you, and held you close "oh Liebe I could never think any differently of you. Raising a child is hard, and I think you are so strong, and brave for doing so" you sighed in relief finally being able to relax. A few of the tears you were holding back finally fell, and he was quick to wipe them away.

So I tried something a bit different, I'm fairly Happy with how this turned out. I hope y'all enjoyed it (•ө•)♡

#tf2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 pyro

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shitty-tf2-headcanons · 5 years

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Standard fluff question but mercs reacting to their lover telling them theyre gonna be parents?

Scout-

What?! You serious!? He’s gotta tell everybody!! Tell’s his ma, his 7 brothers, the entire team, Miss Pauling, the Administrator, Saxton Hale, Bidwell, Merasmus, etc. Everybody and their fish is gonna know you’re pregnant and expecting. Thanks Scout.

Promises to be the best damn father there ever was! But he doesn’t know how to be one. So how does he learn? Asks his ma! Seeing as she was the only consistent parent in his life, it only feels right to talk to her about child raising. She tells him everything she knows from raising him and his brothers, all on her own, of course. He hangs onto her every word. He even takes notes.

Having any pregnancy cravings? This boy is sprinting to the store and buying damn near everything in there! Feet hurt? Lay back and let the massage master work his magic! Want some cuddles? He’s already holding you. This boy has got you covered!

Soldier-

You mean to tell him there’s going to be a little solider running around here soon? That’s wonderful! He’s been wanting to train a new recruit! Announces to the team that there will be a new soldier joining their ranks with a big stupid grin on his face.

Already planning out how he’s gonna turn your kid into a skilled soldier. First, they must have a sensible haircut. Second, he must tell them the story and war strategy of Sun Tzu. Third, he shall introduce your kid to his heads outside. Fourth, he will blah blah blah blah...just be warned that Soldier will someday teach your kid the glory of fighting naked while covered in honey.

Wants to immediately start looking at baby names. You already know this man is gonna wanna name your kid something like America or Liberty. If you’re cool with those names, then go right ahead. But if no, then suggest a name you like and just say it’s patriotic or American. He’ll believes you. Still insists that your kids middle name be something like America.

Pyro-

Baby...they’re gonna be a parent? R-Really?? You just made them the happiest pyromaniac around! Will burst into tears under their mask and is going to tackle you into a hug. They’re so happy!! Not even pyrovision could make them feel this good! Everyone on the team can just feel the happiness radiating off of them.

They already know they’ll love their baby unconditionally but what if the baby is scared of them? They look like a monster in and out of the suit...so they decided to ditch the suit for a while and just wrap their entire body in bandages. Their lover tells them they look silly and they should just show the baby how they really look. From then, Pyro actually stops wearing his suit and mask when off the battlefield

Pyro wants to decorate the nursery with you. So that means painting Pyroland scenery on the walls and building a crib. Pyro also leaves all their stuffies in the nursery (even Balloonicorn) for their baby when they’re finally born.

Demo-

THE DEGROOT CLAN SHALL PREVAIL!!! THE NEXT GENERATION OF DEGROOT’S WILL BE EVEN STRONGER!! Ahem, yeah Demo is pretty happy when he learns the news. Before you know it, every member of the DeGroot clan knows about the pregnancy and is sending the both of you care packages. The care packages are mostly full of bombs and fireworks.

DeGroot clan tradition demands that the parents abandon their kid and only reclaim them when they learn their true bombing potential. Tradition also demands they lose both their eyes. Demo will understand if you are rightfully horrified by these traditions. He is too. So he just says to hell with tradition! He’s never gonna abandon his kid and make them go through what he did! And it’s their choice if they want to lose their eyes or not! He rather you and your kid be happy than make sure some dumb tradition is followed.

Doesn’t drink as much anymore when he learns you’re pregnant. He doesn’t want to give you’re pregnant self a harder time by being black out drunk all the time. He’s also doing it for the baby. He wants his kid to think of him as some fun bomb throwing dad, not a fun bomb throwing drunk dad.

Heavy-

You’re...having a baby? This...this is the best news he’s heard in a while! Is going to pull you into a bear hug and spin you around while laughing jovially, tears are beginning to prick into his eyes. Will carry you all the way to med bay just so he could tell his favorite doctor the good news. He’s carrying you to every team member and telling them the good news too. Not long after he’s gonna call his mom and sisters and tell them the good news. He’s all smiles for weeks after you tell him.

Becomes 10x more caring. Will have Medic check you daily to see if everything is okay. Will do tons of research on what you’re not supposed to do during pregnancy and will make sure you don’t do any of those things. This man will carry everywhere you need to go, can’t have you straining yourself now, can we? Makes sure you and the baby are as comfy as possible.

Along with becoming more caring, he also becomes a lot more protective. No one except Medic (even then Medic’s only allowed to get up close and personal when doing your check ups) is allowed anywhere near you. Heavy becomes something of a personal bodyguard. Will glare angrily at anyone who gets too close to you. Will also not hesitate to throw somebody across the room if they do manage to get close. Eventually everybody learns to stay out of your way. They also realize they shouldn’t do anything reckless or dangerous in front of you in fear of incurring Heavy’s wrath.

Engineer-

His honeybee is pregnant?! Yeehaw!! This calls for a celebration! This boy is gonna throw a whole ass party with the team and just cook an entire feast for everyone. Spends the entire time insisting that you eat enough for two and making sure you’re having a good time. Never fails to remind everyone that you’re pregnant, eventually Demo and Sniper make it into a drinking: every time the word “pregnant” comes out of Engie’s mouth, they take a shot.

Dad mode overload. Engie’s days are now spent just tending to you. He’s going to be cooking you your favorite breakfast and dinner everyday from then on. Full body massages are going to become a lot more common. Will fluff your pillows to their most fluffiest state and make sure your bed is as comfy as possible. Cleans up any mess you make with no hesitation. You’d think he would be tired from all this extra work but no. He’s just as energized and motivated as ever.

Just like Pyro, he wants to build a nursery with you. He’ll leave the painting and decorating to you while he starts building the crib and every other piece of furniture needed for a nursery. Will also not hesitate to build his own toys for your baby to play with when their born.

Medic-

You both kinda find out at the same time actually. He’s doing your monthly check up when he finds out you’re pregnant. Then he tells you and it just kinda spirals from there. He’s all smiles and cheers when you both tell the team but that all but disappears when the two of you are alone that night. He never imagined he would be a father...isn’t he too old anyway? Those thoughts quickly leave when he realizes how excited you are. Maybe having a baby with you, the love of his life, won’t be too bad after all. Plus the thought of having a little apprentice gets him all giddy.

Just like Heavy, you’re gonna have daily check ups from then on. As your doctor and lover, he has to make sure you and your child is at peak health. Will get snappy if you try to skip an appointment. Will also have a panic attack if he sees something even slightly wrong with you or the baby. Even his doves look a little stressed. So it kinda becomes the patient’s job to calm the doctor down.

Will have his doves on guard duty. Whenever he’s not around you, one of his doves (mostly Archimedes) will stick with you and keep a close eye on you. In the event that something does happen to you, his dove will report back to him and squawk at him. That’s Medics cue to drop everything and attend to you.

Sniper-

Not gonna lie, this man is gonna faint when you tell him. Believe him when he says he’s overjoyed, but he’s scared out of his mind. He’s not fit to be a dad!! He pisses in jars and throws it at people!! He shoots people for a living!! HE LIVES IN A VAN!!! What kind of normal dad does that?!? Snipes is gonna cling to you even more and ask for constant reassurances. He doesn’t want to screw this whole dad thing up...

Will ask Engie to help renovate his van so there’s more room for you and the baby, in the end it kind of resembles a trailer. Fully intends on traveling to places with you and the baby. Witnessing the world’s many wonders with the two of you will only make those moments that much sweeter.

Just like the other guys, he wants you to be as comfy as possible. So that means knitting a couple blankets and sweaters for you if you ever get cold. Will also do the same thing for the baby, he’ll even try to make little booties for them too!

Spy-

excuse me what the fuck??? Doesn’t faint like Sniper but gets very pale and sweaty. Oh god this can’t be happening again...once was already enough. Seriously plans on running away, he’s already trying to fake his death, when it dawns on him: Scout turned out to be disaster. He wasn’t there for Scout...so there’s a chance of your kid turning into a Scout 2.0...no...he won’t allow that to happen. Spy promises to stay and raise your kid right. He refuses to make the same mistake again.

You think he’ll allow you and your child to live on the base? Ha, don’t make him laugh! Being the extra bitch he is, he is going to buy you a whole ass house and it’s all yours. Fully decorated and everything of course. Being the shitty good expecting father like he is, he’ll spend a lot of his time there with you. It starts to feel like home after a while.

When you’re sleeping, he’ll just hold you and stroke your belly. He’s scared. He knows almost nothing about being a real father. It would be so easy to run away. But...he can’t. He loves you far too much to abandon you both now. Most nights are spent like this during the pregnancy.

Miss Pauling-

Aw crap, how is she gonna work and be pregnant at the same time? She’s always wanted kids but why did she have to get pregnant when she’s working a job that only allows her 1 day off a year. She’ll try to hide her pregnancy and keep working. But the Administrator knows everything and just tells her to go home for as long she needs. In return, she just asks that you take over for Pauling. Pauling will still insist on helping you with your new job.

Pauling is going to be feeling a little down now that she’s basically jobless and forced to try to relax for months. Just read gun catalogs to her and give her hot chocolate and she’ll feel a little better. Though being with you does improve her spirits greatly.

Is gonna wanna spruce up her apartment and bit and make some more room for the baby. So that means buying new furniture and painting the walls purple. With all the purple, you have a feeling your kid is gonna be conditioned to like the color. Just don’t mention this to Pauling cause she will chase you down and insist on painting you purple too.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 imagines #tf2 scout #tf2 solider #tf2 pyro #tf2 demoman #tf2 heavy #tf2 engineer #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 miss pauling #asks

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