#sorry for vent i just wish i would stop misgendering myself :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

light-gayber · 1 year

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I need to vent. I'm sorry for the long post, you don't need to read it.

TRIGGER WARNING: Therapy, struggling with poverty, bullying, homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, deadnaming, abandonment, isolation, attempting to self-unalive

It feels so weird when I'm at therapy, and I'm discussing an issue I've been having, and then my therapist asks stuff like "Why do you think that is?" Or "What do you do to help?", And then she smiles and nods when I say why I think that is, or what I do to help, because apparently, knowing what the hell is wrong with my brain, and acting to try fixing it, is normal, but not to the degree I do-

She says that a lot of my coping mechanisms and thought processes relating to struggling with something are already really smart and like I do therapy on myself.

I literally had to learn how to do it because I didn't have a good therapist for so long that I accidentally taught myself.

My Mom did teach me a few things, like that I should not hoard stuff just because I think it could be useful later, because I remember growing up when we didn't know if we could afford buying new things when needed.

I sometimes cry when I waste food, because I remember growing up, and Mom and Dad telling me not to waste food because that's what we have. The other day, I almost cried when my poptart fell on the floor because I didn't wanna eat anymore, but it was already opened, and whole. My Dad ended up eating it, but I felt even more guilty then because he has diabetes.

I feel ashamed of myself for wanting things. I should not be ashamed of myself for that. We can afford things that aren't necessary now! I have this innate urge to apologize to my Mom and Dad whenever we "splurge" a little bit on something at the store, like wanting sardines, or a donut, or an energy drink, or something else small like that. Or anything else for that matter.

I'm glad my sister doesn't have as many problems, but I still get anxious whenever she asks for things, because we started being able to afford more stuff when she wasn't even in 2nd grade, so she feels more comfortable asking for things. I've always been an anxious person, especially when it comes to finances. I habitually round things up to the next dollar when buying stuff, even when it's 5 cents over a dollar. It feels right. It has saved me some money, but I'm still a minor, who can fall back on my Mom and Dad when I need stuff.

My social anxiety sucks. I want it to stop. I get that it's a "survival mechanism", but it's doing more harm than good. I wish I didn't feel anxious about just going up to people and asking questions. I don't blame my parents for how awkward I am, though. They knew I had really bad anxiety in general, and that being with people for an extended period of time every day would harm me.

But if they had just put me in public school a little earlier, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. Maybe I wouldn't have tried to drown myself in an empty cat litter bucket (The one the clean litter comes in) when I was 10. Maybe my brother leaving wouldn't have hurt me so badly. Maybe I would know how to function around people, and when it's okay to call them out on bullshit.

I don't know why, but when people use she/her pronouns for me, or I hear my deadname, it physically hurts. I have had panic attacks and flashbacks at home from a little knitted pillow with my deadname on it. I wish I never went to that school. There are things now that I can't handle without flashbacks. I wish I never met my ex. I wish I never said yes to his dumb little confession when we hadn't even met. I would be way more comfortable now. I wouldn't have to feel like I have to be careful when walking to the busstop for school. I would be able to do karate with my sister. I wouldn't have a fear reaction to the word "Trinity".

#mental health #tw: vent #tw: swearing #tw: homophobia #tw: therapy #tw: transphobia #tw: deadnaming #tw: bullying #tw: misgendering #tw: suicide attempt #tw: isolation #tw: abandonment #tw: food mention #tw: hoarding #tw: illness mention #tw: mention of diabetes #tw: anxiety

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vissla · 3 years

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#last In It post for the day I hope it probably isn’t healthy to keep doing this #this is all going to sound so guilt trippy i promise it isnt i jus need to vent #and its long so dont read this honestly id rather you didnt probably FHKJHJKSFHSJKghj #love you all thank you <3 #I guess I shouldn’t be sad bc I got kicked from a group who clearly weren’t going to ever be able to fully accept me #if being requested to not call me queer was enough to make them uncomfortable #but I’m still sad. it was nice to have a community of people with similar interests bc (especially with covid) I have nobody to talk to #I’m really in it #I hate this #I’m so sick of having to wrap myself in ten layers of niceties; otherwise I get misgendered and characterized as Annoying Angry Gay Man #it’s so telling when you only ever call me michael and use he/him; even tho u kno I go by ducky and use any pronouns #also this sounds so guilt trippy I don’t mean it in that way I promise I just feel shitty and need a place to vent #sorry sorry sorry #I don’t understand why this has to be such a point of contention #me asking on my blog to not be called queer and then getting wiped without so much as a message or warning #and again I guess this would’ve happened sooner or later and is indicative of how things wouldn’t have worked out in the future #but I at least wish I knew before this all happened. or I wish that people would stop seeing me as Angry and misinterpreting my posts #it’s never my intention to start discourse #especially not discourse for discourses sake. but I do like discussing things #and I was expressing a boundary. but bc I didn’t present in self deprecatingly and with 10 layers of niceties of course it’s misinterpreted #other ppl are allowed to rant and express their opinions and emotions but I am not offered that same luxury. or at least I’m the one #who has to suffer the consequences #i guess i do have the luxury this is tumblr of course i do but shtill #it’s an annoying double standard. and I know it’s because I’m just seen as That Annoying Gay Man Man Man Man Man Man Man Man Man #I don’t know where I’m going with this I’m just talking at this point idk #I don’t think anyone has read this far if you have I commend you but maybe you probably shouldn’t’ve DHDKDHSKSJSKDHS #I guess that’s it for now #I love you beloved mutuals so so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#thank you for putting up with this I love you ❤️

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s0upenthusiast · 3 years

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this is a vent post so if you don't wanna see that just scroll lol//

i'm so fucking exhausted and i wanna die so bad right now. i'm so dysphoric i feel nauseous and i wish i could just make it go away. i'm sick of being introduced as "daughter/granddaughter" and as my deadname but when i ask people to not do that they say "oh but ____ wouldn't understand" and they call my transness my "problem" and they tell me i look like a girl and i wanna kill myself so bad but at the same time i just wanna survive and see myself get out of this alive and i want to transition and live as myself but i don't know how much longer i'm going to have to live like this and i don't know how much longer i can live like this. my 15th birthday is soon and i want to be excited but i know i'm just going to get gifts and cards addressed to my deadname and it's gonna hurt so bad and there's nothing i can do to stop it i wish i could just stop existing forever so it won't happen. i wanna tell my therapist how i feel but she'll tell my family about it and i don't want fake fucking sorrys and i don't wanna talk to them about this because they're the ones causing it and they'll just victimize themselves and say how hard it is for them and i don't want to fucking hear it. i don't want their fake sympathy after they continued to stand by as i am fightimg through this alone AND having to help with other people's battles too. i'm so tired i'm so tired i just want it to stop already i wanna do it so bad right now because if i did it would all go away and i wouldn't have to feel this way ever again i wouldn't have to be deadnamed or misgendered ever again i wpuldnt have to wake up and want to cry everytime i look in the mirror i wouldnt have to deal with the trauma i wouldnt have to deal with the ed. the only thing stopping me from giving in and doing it right now is the fact that these stupid fucks would put my deadname on my gravestone

#personal vent #i might deletethis later its late and i just needed somewhere to dump all my feelings for right now #vent #ed mention #tw suicide #tw transphobia

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thalmor-banjo · 3 years

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This is a vent post but I have to get this off my chest.

I have ADHD, but it’s undiagnosed by medical professionals. I think it’s pretty mild, but I still have issues with schoolwork, personal projects, etc.

I stim when feeling very overwhelmed/intense feelings. Sometimes it’s happy flapping from a good fanfic or amazing scene from my favorite show. Other times it’s angry jerks. If I stim when I’m angry everyone shuts me down immediately and says I need to, “Get control of your (my) emotions.” When I was small I wouldn’t hide my stimming and no one really thought it was anything unusual, but as I grew I learned to mask it (because I was intermittently taken to therapy for years). Now I mask in public but when I’m alone, it kinda just all comes out, ya know? And it feels good and happy and oh my god do I love it. But if I do it in front of anyone else (who doesn’t know, some of my close friends do and I’m comfortable being myself in front of them), they’ll look at me like I’m fucking insane.

Another thing, I get overstimulated occasionally. Most of the time I'm ok and can slip out of the situation, but sometimes I'm really really not. (Some background, I have an autistic sister, but outside of her specific situation my family is v ableist.). During quarantine I've stopped masking as much (because it's literally impossible to keep up 24/7) and it's been...detrimental to say the least. Whenever I visibly get overstimulated, someone in my family will notice, then they'll all intensify the behavior ("Exposure therapy is the cure for being overwhelmed"-my lovely mother). I hate it so much. Like I'm obviously in discomfort, can you fuck off???

This March something happened. I'm not sure if it was some kind of breakdown or what, but I just couldn't anymore. The whole day I was on edge, but being forced to sit in the cold living room, not allowed to listen to music or have a blanket, just being forced to work, it fucked with me. My thoughts were too loud for my head. I kept trying to work and they just would shut the fuck up. I tried to explain, but no one would listen. I lost it. Started crying, begging for my headphones. My thoughts were too loud and I couldn't push them down. It wasn't like they were meaningful, I just couldn't focus. It felt like they were ballooning up into my throat, blocking the words I so desperately wanted to scream. Instead, all that came out was, "it's too loud" or something of that vein. I had reached a breaking point. I can't even describe how it felt in words. I was so panicky because my family wanted this work to be done and I was trying so hard but my thoughts were too loud and I just wanted to be in my warm bed snuggled up but I couldn't because who knows why and I had to sit in this cold chair that was sticking to my thighs. The words to describe what I was feeling just couldn't come out past the great nothingness blocking them. They (mis padres) were texting the entire time this was happening. I found out later what they were. Here's my favorites, "she's (I'm trans and they misgender me constantly omfg but that's for another day) acting like River (a character from Joss Whedon's Firefly, one of my absolute favorites. They had just shown it to me the past week. The implication being I was acting out to get out of work, that I was just faking)," "If she (ew ew ew she/her get it awayyyyyyyyy) were a dude, I would punch her (again, they're implying I'm acting out for attention and trying to skip out on work while also being incredibly ableist.).". My parents, the people who have teared me since birth, let me shatter and crunch under their unsympathetic feet. When I tried to communicate my suffering, they turned away, assuming it was all an act and none of it was real. It really stung at the time, and I still don't trust them with a lot of my real thoughts.

Probably the final thing, hyperfixations. I don't forget to eat or drink when hyperfixating (although sleep can be an issue). Not sure why, but it just works out that way. Recently I fell head over heels for the Mandalorian. Space westerns are just my thang (looking at you Firefly). Mando is this battle hardened man who's so devoted to his religion and yet a little green baby comes along and changes it all. My favorite episode is Chapter 15, spoilers ahead. I hate Mayfeld, so much like oh my god. But he makes a good point about lines we're not willing to cross until lines get blurred. It really spoke to me. SPOILER When Din is forced to take off his helmet to do the scan, my heart dropped. I've had to break promises (that I've made to myself) to keep safe (ex: coming out in 2020). But it wasn't just some throwaway vow. This was his religion, his entire way of life. And his sect says you are no longer Mandalorian after removing the helmet, that taking it off means never putting it back on. It's incredibly moving and speaks to something in me; there's a reason it's my favorite episode (so far). And also part of it is that Pedro Pascal is really fucking handsome. Like IRL I'd probably have a squish on him more than anything else, but he's still really hot. Anywayyyyyyyy, back from the tangent, I've watched it at least four, maybe five, times. Chapter 15 is a good episode and it makes me happy. A note: my family (aside from one other member) is aggressively heterosexual and cisgender. Like any time I talk about the future they're immediately like "oh yeah, you'll tell your husband and kids about this later.". It grates on my nerves so much. Like I'm not straight, never will be, and would rather adopt and help (a) kid(s) that need a home rather than bringing another human into the world. Idk if it's just me, but the way they imply I'll have a heterosexual relationship as a cis woman who fucks her husband is just weird and uncomfortable. I don't wanna talk about my sex life with them, nor 1} who I'd like to fuck 2} how I'd like to fuck 3} when I'd like to fuck. Long story short I don't want them to know that I enjoy Pedro Pascal's acting because they'll fucking hound me on it. I wish I didn't have to protect myself and not reveal my thoughts, to keep everything rolling around upstairs from falling off my lips. Then they act like I'm unreasonable for not wanting to share what I'm smiling about. How my sister (who's also ND), starting seeing memories from her past lives. I don't know enough about that kinda stuff to say anything meaningful. I know if I'd have said that my parents would have scoffed and ignored me, but when sister says it, the words are coming directly from God's lips. But when I brought up reality shifting ( something I've been attempting since October), father asked if it was somehow possible for everyone to share a hallucination across thousands of miles. I just wish they'd treat me like they treat her. Like a human bean who deserves to be believed and respected.

I just wanna be able to stim and enjoy things I love without being "normal.".

Anyway, sorry for the long rant, thanks for listening/reading, here's a gif of this absolute human cinnamon bun of a human bean (description, it's Pedro Pascal glancing to the side, raising his brows, looking back, smiling, and then opening his eyes and mouth to make a goofy face):

#undiagnosed adhd #adhd inattentive #vent #adhd vent #trauma maybe???#family is exhausting

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noahsenpai · 4 years

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i just need to vent here for a quick sec. (tw: gender dysphoria)

if i’m being honest, dysphoria is probably the worst pain i’ve ever felt in my life. when i was younger, i accidentally stubbed my toe on a corner of a wall that had a nail sticking out of it, but you know what, dysphoria trumps that by at least a thousandfold. arguably, dysphoria is probably worse than the weight of every depressive episode i’ve ever gone through combined. possibly plus that and the severe anxiety i went through after the traumatizing car crash i was in last february as well.

don’t even get me started when it comes to my family. it’s frustrating, you know??? probably beyond frustrating, but i’m struggling for words right now bc i’m shaking. i struggle for 4+ years of depression COMPLETELY on my own without talking about it with my parents, and then when shit finally hits the fan and goes past the breaking point i’m finally taken to a therapist and a psychiatrist. however, when i tackle something as it is first presenting itself to me, and when i share my feelings after it hasn’t even been a year of juggling the thoughts accompanying this particular issue (gender dysphoria specifically), i’m pushed into a corner and forced to suck it up and basically deal with it on my own. i’m dismissed. my problems are dismissed. each day that goes by when my parents deadname or misgender me the less tolerant i get to it, and the less i care about the fact that it’s a new thing for them. as of right now that tolerance is thinner than a single strand of hair, if possible. i just wish they would listen to me. it’s fucking frustrating. it sucks major fucking balls, dude. the worst part is i don’t know what my next step is. do i share some resources about trans youth and studies on how transitioning DRASTICALLY decreases the suicidality of trans people or just throw together a research document of all these findings? do i ask them if i can see a person who specializes in gender? or do i just say fuck it and go to a clinic once i go back to school or even sometime before without consulting with them first?? I JUST DON’T KNOW ANYMORE. AND WHEN I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE I START LOSING HOPE AND IT’S WHEN THE BIG BAD DEPRESSION SWITCH IS FLIPPED ALL THE WAY ON. WHEN PEOPLE LOSE HOPE, THEY LOSE THE WILL TO LIVE. AND I AM UNFORTUNATELY GOING DOWN THAT SLIDE WITH EVERY PASSING DAY.

i felt so fucking good at school. i felt so fucking validated. i felt like myself. and to be thrown back into this household with people who do NOT validate me and who do NOT see me for who i really am is the biggest fucking shitshow i’ve ever had to experience firsthand. all my trans friends are validated by their families, and their families are validating towards me, except for my fucking ass at my fucking house. you know that passive eye roll that’s kinda just a gesture at surface level but it speaks a thousand words about what a person is feeling? that’s the kind of thing that (specifically) my mom does whenever i bring up my thoughts about my gender or any new updates on my trans friends’ lives that i feel is necessary to share with my parents. actions speak louder than words, right? this small one sure as hell does. it makes me want to shut the fuck up and not talk about anything anymore.

anyways it’s almost 2 am and i should probably go to sleep instead of disturbing all you lovely folks with this stupid ass vent but you know what? it feels like no ears are open to listen. i’m sorry if i sound overly angry as well, because damn it, i am. i am SO angry. there’s a time when you can’t hold back anymore, y’know? that’s now. anyways i sincerely love each and every single one of you guys and if you read this entire thing i love you even more. okay i’ll stop rambling now and y’all can get back to sleeping/eating/gaming/whatever you do at this time of night.

#noah rambles #tw: dysphoria

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lancelotlaments · 3 years

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Vent #155

So i finally wrote the letter that I'm gonna have to send to my family whenever I become financially stable, and I'm gonna post it here for practice for when i have to actually send it

Hey everyone,

I'm writing this to inform all of you that you are a great family who support me in every endeavour I have. Except for one I guess. I don't know how to describe to you how badly it hurts being rejected by everyone in your family for attempting to be yourself. I wanted nothing more than to be the best son and grandson to all of you but instead I felt ashamed of who I am. I never stopped being myself, I just got a little bit better at hiding it. Although, I'm sure you guys still had your suspicions. You aren't stupid after all.

I had such high hopes after dad sent me the picture of him holding a piece of paper saying something along the lines of "I love you and accept you no matter what, Alex". I cried myself to sleep with tears of joy. I had never felt more loved and safe and seen in my entire life and I thought things were looking up for me. I'm not entirely sure where things went wrong because I blocked a lot of it out of my memory, but I hated having to hide who I was from all of you. I felt like a failure. If it were any type of "phase", it definitely wouldn't have lasted through the intense backlash that I received from the support group I had who quite literally saved my life.

I wanted nothing more than acceptance and I felt like I could never be the daughter you wanted. I used to lay in bed at dad's house scream crying into my pillow wishing that I could be cisgender, if for nothing more than just to feel like i belonged in my family. You have no idea what I would do to be comfortable in my female body. I feel like my identity tore me apart from my family and I started smoking weed to cope with the fact that I will never have unconditional support from y'all. But when I look at myself it's like I'm looking at another person. Not that I'm ugly because I'm not. I'm fairly attractive actually, my body just doesn't belong to me.

But at this point, you guys have shown me how you would treat me if I were to be transgender and for that, I'm sorry to say this, but I will no longer be remaining in contact with you all and I will be starting my medical transition. Thank you for all you have done for me, but this is the most important thing in my life. If i don't get these procedures done, I will become a part of the trans suicide statistic that is already incredibly too high. By the way, if you do decide to change your mind and accept me not only as Lance ___, but as your son and grandson. Here are a few links to some scientifically backed articles you can read up on about the correlation of LGBT+ suicide and family acceptance.

https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/pdf/10.1089/lgbt.2015.0111

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5178031/

https://www.childtrends.org/blog/research-shows-the-risk-of-misgendering-transgender-youth

And here are some articles if you would like to read about the scientific legitimacy behind transgender identities.

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/voices/stop-using-phony-science-to-justify-transphobia/

https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/transgender-biology-b653717a2dff

Finally, I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to, because y'all are the last family I am still in contact with. My biggest wish in the world is to just have a happy family that loves and supports each other, even through the bits and pieces they might not agree with.

I love you all and I'm sorry, but it doesn't have to be this way if you can find it in your heart to finally accept me.

Lance ___l.

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covered-in-ash-archive · 7 years

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eddie is horribly abusive and y’all need to be aware of him

i really did not want to have to resort to this. i fully intended to not call eddie out and just let this die off. since it hasn’t, multiple friends have convinced me to come forward with the abuse, stalking, harassment, manipulation, gaslighting, misgendering, etc i have been subjected to at the hands of eddie over the past week+. i haven’t used tumblr in... ages, so i’ve completely forgotten how to use coding in tumblr posts. sorry in advance for that. this is going to be both a call out and a “hey, this is what really went down” type of thing.

before i hop into covering the hot garbage that has been happening, here’s is where to find eddie. i fully encourage everyone to block him and warn others. he has been getting away with abusing people for years.

his twitter: https://twitter.com/mrgluskin

his horror blog: https://outlastwikia.tumblr.com/

if anyone knows the url for his main blog, please let me know.

update: been told his main blog is gluskin. i have not confirmed it for myself because i simply want nothing to do with eddie.

this is going to be long, sorry. tw for... pretty much everything. reblogs are encouraged and appreciated. let’s expose this abuser before he can abuse anyone else.

alright. for background’s sake, eddie followed me on twitter because we had a mutual friend, catherine. right off the bat, he bombed me with positive attention, liking all of my tweets, complimenting me, etc. a friend has since pointed out that abusers often do this before abusing their victims. i just figured he was a friendly guy and didn’t think anything of it. catherine and i had a falling out because she kept frequently using the r slur, despite not being autistic, and it was really making me, an autistic person, feel extremely uncomfortable (this is a whole different can of worms, though. catherine has also been outed as an abuser and a suicide baiter). disgruntled by the situation, i posted this to vent my frustration.

this is my personal opinion on the issue, as an autistic person with autistic friends and family, all who agree with my stance. i’m not here to debate this. i want this to focus on eddie and not get derailed.

eddie absolutely flipped his shit at me. he claimed that since he has adhd (which he went on to say is EXACTLY LIKE AUTISM... not even gonna bother to explain how wrong that is. i have both. i should know) he is entitled to use that slur, my feelings be damned. he said that me saying he should not use the r slur erases the ableism people with adhd face. again, this is... not how it works. i wish i had grabbed screencaps because it seems that his tweets have been deleted. all i have is my side of the conversation, where you can see that i was perfectly calm and polite.

i ended things by explaining that i could agree to disagree for the sake of our friendship & that as long as he didn’t use the slur around me i would be fine. he stopped replying to the thread after that.

a while later, i received this message from eddie.

i’m going to point out real quick that the last time i posted to twitter about my makeup was months ago. eddie could only know this if he dug through MONTHS worth of tweets. this was where his stalking began. he went through hundreds upon hundreds of tweets looking for any tiny thing he could use to attack me over. he was actively looking for conflict & things to be mad about. he needed something to demonize me over, because “they asked me to not say r*tard” is obviously going to make him look bad if he cites that as his reason why he has beef with me. we discussed jeffree star briefly & then he blocked me. i wrongly assumed that was going to be the end of it.

i noticed that, during all of this eddie/catherine drama, someone had stolen my url. i thought it was petty/funny, and posted this to twitter. this is the only thing i said about the url. this is literally it. i did not and have not accused anyone of stealing it. i honestly don’t care because i very rarely am on tumblr nowadays.

i’m not sure of exactly what happened, but i’m assuming either catherine told eddie i had said it was him, or eddie somehow convinced himself of it. eddie unblocked me instantly and sent this.

he reblocked me after this. at that point, i consider it harassment.

as i’m combing through his twitter for all of this shit he did to me, i just now saw that he posted screenshots of our conversations in an attempt to turn people against me, while omitting that this whole thing began because he wanted to use SLURS. he posted a handful of tweets gossiping about me.. he has been attempting to paint me as a racist transphobe and he has been telling everyone i accused him of stealing my url, even though i told him i hadn’t accused anyone.

a mutual friend of ours (who has since ditched him) then contacted me saying eddie was posting screenshots of my social media while shit talking me.

the green thing is a screenshot of my listography. i don’t like or associate with q*eer because it’s a slur. i’ve been distancing myself from the lgbt community as of late due to the influx of rape threats, misgendering, harassment, racism, and overall nastiness i’ve been dealing with from lgbt people. i shouldn’t have to justify this. i have my reasons. this is, again, eddie grasping for anything he can use against me.

because liking problematic things makes someone a bad person, amiright? it’s not like i’m an adult who can recognize when something is problematic & still have the capacity to enjoy aspects of it. to put into perspective... eddie is vocally kin with a serial killer from a game that demonizes mentally ill people. he has no room to talk.

this whole time, eddie has been telling people that he cut me off as a friend over me owning jeffree star makeup and was incessantly trashing my name publicly while spreading lies about me. we have mutual followers, so i posted this, trying to keep his name out of things in an attempt to not escalate the drama.

eddie continues to vague and obsess. meanwhile, i’m trying to move on with my life.

not wanting to be associated with a community that treats me poorly doesn’t mean i suddenly don’t face the same struggles as them or can’t have an opinion on the issues i face, just so you know.

at this point, i sent him a message politely asking him to stop talking about me all over his twitter and to move on with his life. he deleted the response but the preview is still on his twitter.

here he is, again, lying about me. i have not contacted a single one of his friends once. i have harassed no one. i haven’t even spoken with catherine since this all began.

anyway.

1) i’m 22 but that’s irrelevant

2) anyone else think him calling my friend ‘babe’ is kind of creepy? just saying

eddie began implying if not outright saying that i’m abusive. he posted this while talking about me. he was “confronting” me at the time so... who else could it possibly be about?

i tweeted these in response, because i take abuse allegations extremely seriously. as an abuse survivor, i do not appreciate even having it be IMPLIED that i am abusive.

after posting these, i hopped in the shower. eddie proceeds to have a meltdown. he had me blocked but i had not blocked him. at this point, i had blocked our mutuals. the only way he could have seen these tweets was by refreshing my twitter over and over again, waiting for me to say something about him/the situation. eddie unblocked me & quoted my tweets with this.

i haven’t lied about anything, as my screencaps illustrate. he just wants to be absolved of any responsibility. i also did not “throw a fit” - i very politely requested that he stop gossiping about me publicly. he also messaged me around the time he quoted my tweets.

again, have not lied about anything. he attempted to gaslight me by saying he was actually calling jeffree star abusive, which is absolutely not what he did. check the screencaps.

i was tired of being nice to the person who had so far harassed and stalked me, lied about me, and attempted to gaslight me.

*drops this here*

well i mean, at least he admits he’s been harassing me?

this tweet below was confirmed about me. in it, he calls me a trans man. i have explicitly stated many times that i am not a trans man. i am nonbinary. i have told my twitter following countless times that calling me a man is misgendering. it is in my bio.

@ranunculae aka fawn reached out to me late at night on the 21st. we had a 5+ hour long conversation in which they explained to me that eddie had abused them and has spent the past 2 years harassing and stalking them like he was doing to me. eddie and catherine had teamed up and suicide baited fawn until fawn had to go inpatient. eddie and catherine have been attempting to socially isolate fawn for 2 years now by spreading lies and doctored screencaps in a sketchy “call out”. you can read fawn’s statements here.

https://ranunculae.tumblr.com/post/166659734265/i-never-abused-eddie/amp

https://ranunculae.tumblr.com/post/166779554950/ranunculae-ranunculae-keythecoward

the 2nd link includes a conversation in which a minor talks about eddie grooming him and attempting to be sexual with him.

i’m going to post some things that fawn sent to me over chat just because they’re semi-relevant.

my irl best friend, cat, was close friends with catherine. fawn and i felt that cat needed to know that catherine was involved in suicide baiting and abusing fawn with eddie. so, we approached cat about it and fawn explained their entire side of things to cat.

eddie, through his relentless stalking of me, noticed we were all in contact.

i want to clarify that fawn/katie has not been on his twitter once throughout all of this. fawn’s boyfriend periodically checks eddie’s twitter to see if he’s still stalking and obsessing over fawn. fawn’s boyfriend saw eddie harassing me, and he let fawn know that eddie had picked a new target to abuse. then fawn contacted me. it literally is a smear campaign. and fawn said the smear campaign was against ME, not them, even though eddie has been posting libel about fawn for years.

1) actual minors have come to me and fawn to tell us about eddie preying on them and grooming them

2) this was a response to cat taking mine and fawn’s sides

3) eddie called cat a ‘cuntbag’, which is misogynistic

4) these ‘victims’ have not come forward because they don’t EXIST. meanwhile, i am nearly the 30th victim of eddie’s that has ACTUALLY COME FORWARD.

eddie attempting to guilt trip and manipulate cat, a csa/incest survivor, for siding with fawn.

again, more lying about me. as you can clearly see, i never threw a fit. i have been calm during this entire ordeal. also... this is, once again, him trying to divert attention away from what really started this; his NEED to use the r slur around someone who is uncomfortable with it.

cyberfuneral = cat’s twitter handle

cat sent me screenshots. eddie does not have her blocked. this is, again, lies and manipulation. if it looks like we’re sneaking around a block, then we’re obviously the bad guys, right?

when cat confronted catherine about eddie calling her misogynistic insults, eddie lied to catherine and claimed he never called cat a cunt. he didn’t even bother to delete the tweets to hide his lies.

scroll up to see him calling me a man, which i am not, thus it was misgendering. also, childish insults.

this is referring to something i added at the bottom of my listography. i’d like to point out that he posted this within minutes of me updating my listography. further stalking right there.

this is what my listography currently says. it is a temporary placeholder in lieu of an actual call out. it will be replaced or updated with the link to this post after it is published. you wanted the screencaps posted, eddie, so you’re getting your wish.

i can only imagine what filth eddie is saying on his locked personal twitter. i think i’d rather not know, though.

it has been more than an entire week of stalking, harassment, gaslighting, manipulation, lying, smear campaigns, misgendering, misogyny, etc etc from eddie. he is awful. he is abusive and a manipulator. do not befriend him. the second you upset him, he will turn on you and treat you like he has countless others. i am just one victim out of many. stay away. block him. spread this to warn people.

@eddieabuser2

#outlastwikia #ranunculae #avas demon #call out post #abuser call out #gluskin #gayfreddy #edgiegluskin #ptsdgluskin

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gatorfruit-moved · 6 years

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200, 192, 189, 174, 171, all in the believe in category, 154, 149, 146, 145, 142, 141, 138, 131, all in the here's what i think about category, 86, 84, 76, 66, 60, 54, 49, 44, 22, 18, 15, 11, 6, 2 Only answer the ones you want - there's a lot...Sorry lmao. I'm just curious

I love when I can go on and on about questions, thank you

200 My crush’s name is:I have two and people irl have my tumblr and one of them has a tumblr so :x they’re both a K name. 192 I am allergic to:Cats which does not stop me, all kinds of pollen, and lavender. 189 Last book you read:I’m currently working on When The Moon Was Ours174 Do you have any siblings?Not biologically but my friends may as well be my brothers, we say we are. 171 Do you play an instrument?I’ve been on flute since late third grade and I’m learning both guitar and bass. Do you believe in169 Love at first sight:Mmmmm not really? I dunno. 168 Luck:In a way to just describe entropy yeah. 167 Fate:Again not really but I like to use it in a poetic sense. 166 Yourself:Pfffft not really165 Aliens:HELL YEAH164 Heaven:Nope163 Hell:Nah162 God:Nada161 Horoscopes:No but I think they’re neat160 Soul mates:It’d be cool but no159 Ghosts:No but I like supernatural shit like that158 Gay Marriage:OH YEAH BABEYYY157 War:No but I don’t really like involving myself in that discussion, i don’t know jack about psychology or sociology. 156 Orbs:In the supernatural sense no but I do believe in my friend’s cat we call Orb. He deserves all the love. 155 Magic:No but another thing I think is cool. 154 Hugs or Kisses:I love bear hugs so much but I’ve also never been kissed. Cheek and forehead kisses are good but I’m going with hugs. 149 Hot or cold:Cold but with warm sun146 Chocolate or vanilla:Vanilla! Swirl is the best though145 Night or Day:Night but like just as the sun is starting to set. 142 McDonalds or Burger King:mcnaldos. I was gonna italicize it but mobile sucks. 141 White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:Milk unless it’s cookies and cream which reminds me of the summer, when Uzii and Abbas bought out the whole stock at the general store on Kelley’s Island. 138 Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:I mean I’m ugly and poor lmao. If we’re talking personality, sweet and poor. If it’s appearance, i don’t care ab looks sooooo ugly and rich. 131 Small town or Big city:This is so hard for me because I live for Pittsburgh but Kelley’s Island was so perfect. Here’s what I think about122 War:Like I said in the do I believe one, I don’t know enough to say anything. It’s a complicated issue but for the most part I hate it121 George Bush:I have no idea120 Gay Marriage:I may be gay married one day lmao119 The presidential election:I mean this past one gave us some top notch SNL. It’s a shame though that the first on I kept track of was this shitshow. 118 Abortion:I’m very pro choice117 MySpace:Idk116 Reality TV:I love me some drag and cooking competitions but not things like the bachelor. 115 Parents:Mine? I’m fine with. Our relationship is a little weird. Plus I was raised by grandparents so it’s a complicated thing. I can go more in depth if you want. 114 Back stabbers:Rot in hell Alexa. Sorry just a vent. 113 Ebay:I dunno really112 Facebook:I barely use it but it was good to come out on lmao111 Work:I need it110 My Neighbors:I don’t talk to them but my old ones were creeps109 Gas Prices:I don’t drive so 🤷🏼‍♂️108 Designer Clothes:Hate it when they steal my culture 🔪🔪🔪 but other than that idc. There’s some stuff that is ridiculously priced but others, it’s just people making money doing something they love so power to them107 College:Let me in106 Sports:I bleed black and gold. I’m such a pittsburgher. 105 My family:Strange. I love em but they’re weird. Like I’ve got Opa’s side in Detroit which is all 6’+ and fairly well off, although we did lose the matriarch. There’s Oma’s in the Netherlands that I don’t know anything about. Papaw’s who are also well off, Aunt Martha outbid a college for her house but other than that I don’t really know them. Grandma’s Mexican yinzer family I love. We get petty over refried beans and guacamole. There’s some issues with me and coming out though. 104 The future:I’m kinda of afraid but there are days where I’m not and those are the best. 86 The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:Testosterone tbh84 People call me:Scottie, Scooter, Scoots, Major, two people are trying to push Scrotum and Scootums, along with various things like faggot and dumbass lmao. By friends, it’s not in an insulting way. 76 Right now I am talking to:Mack and attempting to get tumblr to let me talk to @kairoth although answering all these did take time66 People that make you happy:This list would be bigger if I talked to some people more and others didn’t betray me but the big ones are Mack and Kennedy60 I lose all respect for people who:Oof I can’t remember any of the big ones but if I heard them I’d remember. Deadnaming and misgendering is the biggest tho. 54 The worst pain I was ever in was:I can’t remember what it felt like when I got the fishhook through my shoulder but it left a scar. Granted falling in the parking lot during practice did too which didn’t hurt a lot. The one I can remember though is waking up in the middle of the night not able to move my knee, and so my leg, at all. It stills hurts from time to time and it’s got a mysterious bump that’s stressing me out. 49 Do you want children:Yeah, I feel like I’d be a good dad. I have dreams about it sometimes. I had one where I had a little tan freckles blonde haired daughter was teaching how to box. Another with a little brown haired brown eyed son, tying his tie, talking to him about how if he likes a girl, not to be mean but to treat her like a princess. If he ever makes a mistake, to buy her and her mother flowers, maybe even her sisters. I dunno. It’s nice to think about. 44 One person that you wish you could see right now:Carson so I can have a serious talk with him. Opa because got i miss him, and Great Grandma Laney. Dad, although I saw him recent enough that I’m not desperate. And the two crushes, not gonna name names. Favorites22 Animal:I love hyenas with all of my heart18 Sport to play:Hockey. Not only am I good at the actual game and get so much enjoyment out of it, but there’s nothing like a solid shoulder check. I threw a kid way bigger than me into the wall in middle school. 15 Day of the week:I used to really like Tuesday for some reason but now it’s probably Friday, especially if I go out and do stuff with friends right after school. 11 Food:Wedding soup I guess? It’s a comfort food. 6 Flower:I really like snapdragons, bleeding hearts, and warm colored roses. I’m also a huge fan of daffodils, tulips, hydrangeas, snowball bushes, and pansies for nostalgic reasons. I just really like flowers. 2 Dog breed:Oh man that’s tough. I really like big dogs, not quite in size but like stature if that makes any sense??? Things like bulldogs and pitties. Xolo dogs are great too

Thank you again!

#personal #questions #long post

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