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whatareyousearchingfordean · 4 years

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Happiness Begins

Part 24

Chapter Summary: Jared sets his plan into motion. Elsewhere, the reader works on coming to terms with her struggles over these past few months.

Word Count: 2.6K+

Warnings: Language, discussion of mental health struggles,

Author’s Note: Only one more part after this!!! AH! I am tremendously blessed and constantly surprised by all the love and support I have received for this crazy little series. I couldn’t have done it without y’all, so enjoy the fruits of your labor. xo Alex

Catch up with the series masterlist and find more works by yours truly over at Alexandra’s Library!

The sun was malicious as it beat down on the small Austin country club. It was normally packed on beautiful Sundays and this one was no different. Jensen was cruising down a hill in his golf cart, one of his old high school buddies riding shotgun as they played a full eighteen. It felt nice to get out and do something again for a change. It had been so long since he had any free time, seeing as he was between projects right now, and he wanted to soak up all of it before the next one came along.

He slowed the cart down as they reached their hole, putting it in park on the flat grassland. He hopped out of the cart and searched his bag for a putter.

“I don’t understand how you keep beating me. I’ve been practicing for months.” His buddy laughed, Jensen joining in along with him. He opened his mouth to comment, only for another voice to pipe up first.

“Yeah, he always was the one to beat.” Jensen tensed as he recognised the familiar voice coming up to him and his friend. Jared was alone as he approached the men, but he was smiling brightly. Confusion was evident on Jensen’s face as he tried to determine what was happening.

“Hey, Jared, good to see you again bud.” Jensen’s friend held out his hand for Jared to shake.

“Likewise.” He nodded before turning his attention back to Jensen. “It’s good to see you too, man.” Jared pulled Jensen in for a hug, stunning his fellow actor before he returned the sentiment.

“Can I talk to you?” Jared pointed his thumb behind him, indicating to Jensen that he wanted to talk in private.

“Uh, sure.” Jensen was hesitant. He wasn’t sure what Jared was playing at yet. Especially considering the last time they talked outside of work, they were in a screaming match. But he followed him a little way away from the cart nonetheless.

“What’s up?”

“I figured you’d be here today.” Jared started.

“So are you following me?”

Jared laughed. “No, no nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s... well it’s about Y/n.” Jared ran a hand through his hair, pushing the long locks out of his face. He had a smile on his face, but Jensen could read the pain that hid behind it.

“Jared…”

“No, just listen. I want you to know, I’m sorry. I fucked up, okay? I was selfish and stupid and I should have seen it sooner. I guess I couldn’t believe that you weren’t just using her to pass the time because it was easy.” Jared admitted. “And I hate myself for ever thinking that. I know you better than that. I think it was just my protective older brother coming out. You know she hasn’t had the best track record with guys, and I just couldn’t see past that for some reason.” Jared sighed. “You two, well, you guys are actually pretty perfect for each other, no matter how weird I may feel about that. And I’ll be honest, I do still feel weird. But I’m working on it.”

Jensen sighed, rubbing his hand across the full beard that adorned his face. “That’s great Jared, really I’m glad, but I think it’s a little late.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Y/n doesn’t want anything to do with me. I hurt her. I took back every promise I made to her. I don’t deserve her forgiveness anyway.” Jensen didn’t go into specifics, Jared would get the picture with what little he had offered.

“Yeah, she is hurting. She’s hurting something fierce. I’ve honestly never seen her this way and it scares me. I overheard her tell Gen she is thinking of selling her business and moving to New York. Got some big offer from a huge beauty conglomerate. Didn’t even feel like she could tell me about it either.” Jared explained. Jensen’s head snapped up, his brows coming together on his forehead.

“No, Y/n would never do that.”

“That’s what I thought too. But she’s been offered some huge deal to sell her shares and be a VP for this new company. And she is seriously thinking of accepting it.” Jensen adjusted the ball cap on top of his head.

“Why would she do that?” Jensen’s words came out in a sigh.

“Do you really have to ask that question?” Jared put a hand on his hip when Jensen scoffed at him.

“Come on, you can’t put that on me.”

“I’m not blaming you, I swear. Y/n is hurting though, and I don’t think that anyone else will be able to talk her out of it.” Jared said honestly.

“So that’s why you’re really here, to beg me to convince your sister to not run away because of me.” Jensen rolled his tongue behind his teeth, biting back the urge to yell. That would never get him anywhere.

“I meant what I said. I am sorry. But I also know that she won’t listen to me. She may however, listen to you.” Jared jumped to the defensive the second the angry words left Jensen’s mouth. “Look, I’m not saying you two should pick up things where you left them, not that I would care either way, but she loves you in a way that I have never seen before, and that has to count for something.”

“It did, at one point. Now, I’m not so sure.” Jared frowned at his friend. In one way, he did need his help, but at the same time he understood his hesitancy. They didn’t have the greatest history where his sister was concerned.

“Just let me get you two in the same room. Then we can let it happen naturally. What do you say?” What could Jensen say to that. As much as he was hesitant about tricking her into something, he didn’t want her to go. Danneel’s words had been haunting him since he had returned from LA. Jensen had been on the fence about whether he should take her advice and go after the woman he loved, and if he let her run off to New York, he may never get his chance. Y/n deserved to have all the facts before she made such a huge decision. She needed to know that he wouldn’t let her go without a fight.

“Ok, Jare.”

****

Gen’s words were still ringing in her head as she carried her tired body up the stairs to her apartment. Having babysat the three littlest Padalecki’s for the night, she was more exhausted than she had been in a while. She had forgotten how wild they could get sometimes, and she just had to be the fun aunt and cave when they begged for cookies. Three kids hopped up on sugar was, in hindsight, a bad idea.

In the end, she was thankful for her time with family. Being able to spend real time with them had what Gen said to her affecting her more than she thought it would. She had all but made up her mind about going to New York, but the more she thought about it, the more the idea actually scared her. It was a big step to take, and she still had at least one more person to talk to before she called Mr. Baltussen back.

The next morning, when she rolled out of bed, the sun was already high in the sky. She had slept far past her normal time, but for the first time in a while, she felt rested. Maybe it had to do with her plans for today. Or maybe she had truly needed to exhaust her body in order to get a truly restful sleep. Either way, she saw it as a bright sign. It was her reason to keep moving forward.

Seeing as she slept in a little later than normal, she had to make quick work of showering and getting dressed before her appointment. Y/n plucked her favorite pair of converse from the stand near her front door and plopped down on her couch to put them on. As her weight settled in the middle of the couch she felt something bump her hip. She turned, her brow scrunched together on her forehead to find her laptop falling into her hip.

“Seriously,” she huffed to herself. After all the time she spent looking yesterday, it had been on her couch all along. She could have sworn she checked the cushions, but apparently not as well as she thought. Y/n picked up the device and set it on the coffee table so she would be sure of where it was later, before bouncing out the door.

Nothing had changed about the small office she once again found herself in. The walls were still the same soft shade of green she used love some time ago. They still held the same paintings and the plants that had once threatened to overtake the room were still alive and strong. Even the couch that she had hated sitting at was still full of accent pillows that tossed a splash of color into the otherwise neutral room.

Y/n took a deep breath, allowing the essentials oils diffused into the space to ground her. It was like she had never left, and there was nothing she was more thankful for at this moment. When Gen had said she should talk to someone, she didn’t know Y/n had already scheduled this appointment. She had fallen so far from being a reasonably functioning human being. Just seeing Jensen and Danneel together and admitting out loud she wanted to sell her business, had sent her into a tailspin. Y/n had reached her breaking point, and she wasn’t hesitant to admit that she needed help.

“Please, take a seat.” Dr. Hawkins stood up from her place behind her desk as Y/n entered, picking up her notepad and taking a seat in the armchair across from the couch. Y/n complied to her request, making herself comfortable on the soft furniture.

“It’s been a while since we talked last. Where do you want to start?” Y/n bit her lip as she contemplated her choices. It truly had been a long time since she had been to see her therapist, and with everything that had happened in her life, she could build her way up or just jump right into things. “How about we start with work?” Dr. Hawkins suggested after a moment of silence.

“Work is hectic. Things are really hitting off, not to mention I just spent the last few months juggling my business and working on set with my brother.” Y/n fidgeted in her seat, a movement that did not go unnoticed by Dr. Hawkins.

“Yeah, and how did that go?”

“Not at all how I expected.” Y/n was gnawing on her lip again. She wasn’t sure why she was hesitant to talk. After all, that was the whole reason she was here in the first place. Hell, she might as well just jump right into it. Y/n took a deep breath. “Long story short, I slept with Jared’s best friend slash co-star slash guy he considered his brother. All behind his back, for months.”

“And why do you think you did that?” Y/n scoffed. She should have seen that question coming, she just expected more of a reaction.

“Because I’m an idiot. Because the guy made me feel safe, and beautiful, and loved. I think I was lonely after clashing with my mother at Christmas about my dating life and also being stood up. He fed me every line I wanted to hear and for some reason I believed him.”

“What makes you think he was lying to you?”

“He told me he was all in. That he loved me and wanted to be with just me. He said it wasn’t just about the sex. But then Jared found out and things got bad. Jared punched him and wouldn’t talk to either of us. For weeks.” Tears were brimming in her eyes. Recounting everything was harder than she thought it was going to be. Admitting it out loud to another person broke her out of whatever bubble she had put herself into. It all sounded so ridiculous coming out of her mouth. “When things got tough he just bailed.”

“What exactly did he say to you?” Dr. Hawkins pushed.

“He said that we ‘all needed a break’.” Y/n made air quotes with her fingers. “His reasoning was that he wanted to give me my brother back and he knew I could live without without Jared.”

“Was he wrong?”

“You know me. Family is everything to me. He just failed to see that I can’t live without him either.” It was hard for her to admit that out loud. After all, she had promised herself that a man would not define her life. Yet here she was, a broken shell of a woman because Jensen left her. It was a constant battle inside her head, a seesaw bouncing back and forth against her skull. Most days it was just exhausting.

“To me, it sounds like he didn’t lie to you. He may not have gone about things exactly like you wanted, but that doesn’t mean that he was ever insincere with you.”

“What about me seeing him with his ex fiance all over the media? He told me he was over her, but they are out in L.A. together having dinner.”

Dr. Hawkin’s lips curled up in a small smile. “Are they still friends?”

“Not that I know of. I mean, she was at his birthday party a few months ago.”

“So what is to say it wasn’t just two friends getting together? Who says it had to be romantic? Was there any indication they were intimate?” Oh, she was good. Y/n scrunched her nose up, shaking her head. Of course her broken heart had soaked up what the media had fed her to fuel its own story on things.

“You know, I understand now when people call therapists ‘common sense filters’.” Dr. Hawkins chuckled along with the messed up woman across from her.

“So, let’s say that he truly did love you. Perhaps his leaving hurt him just as much as it hurt you. Maybe he needed a friend to talk to? Isn’t that why you are here, to talk to somebody?”

“Yeah.”

“And did you patch things up with your brother?”

“We are working through things.”

“It sounds to me that he made the right choice.”

Y/n bit back the tears. “And me and him? Where does that leave us?”

“Do you forgive him?” Y/n nodded. Of course she forgave him. She would be lying if she said she didn’t. Somewhere deep down, even as pathetic as it sounds, she forgave him the minute her and Jared started talking again. “Then as cliché as it sounds, if it is meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other.”

“You’re right, that does sound cliché.” Both women laughed, the moment lifting from Y/n’s shoulders.

“You know, it is okay to mourn your loss. Because that’s what this was. It was a loss, Y/n. All that matters is that you don’t let that grief run your life. And that’s something I tell all my mourning patients. You are a strong and smart woman. I know you’ll get through this.” Dr. Hawkins pushed away her notepad, her full attention on Y/n.

“Yeah, I see that now.” Y/n smiled, allowing more of the weight on her shoulders to dissipate. Right now, she was kicking herself for not coming back sooner. But that’s what happens, life gets in the way sometimes. What matters now is that she found her way back. Her way back to Austin, to her family. And she would find her way back to happiness, even if it isn’t in the way she expects. More than that, she would find peace.

Part 25 (Final)

Forevers: @spn-impala @22sarah08 @turtlepad @callmekda @chaldei @hobby27 @cowboysnwinchesters @tranquility-or-chaos @pikabootoyouchu @dawnie1988 @grease222 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @polina-93 @clarinette07 @moonlight-babeh @suckerforfanfic @witandnargles @sleepylunarwolf @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan @geeksareunique @akshi8278 @superfanficnatural @malfoysqueen14 @deanwanddamons @waywardbeanie @emoryhemsworth

Et Cetera: @jbbarnesgirl @hillface89 @arses21434 @thevelvetseries @sslater34 @mrsirishboru @smoothdogsgirl @spnfamily-j2 @encounterthepast @facadeformyrealblog @supernatural-bellawinchester @screechingartisancashbailiff @rebeccathefangirl @squirrelnotsam @heartinmyhead1 @1d-killed-me @samsgirl93 @deans-baby-momma @deanmonandnegansbitch @woodworthti666 @supraveng @onethirstyunicorn @heartsaved @know2grow @littlewhiterose @surprisinglysarah @stoneyggirl @carryon-doctor-lock @thebookisbtr @youaremyfiveever @kalesrebellion @lilulo-12 @winchester-fantasies @vicmc624 @supernatural3002 @winchester-writes @maralisa124 @therollingstoners @parinarain @kaz11283 @charmed-asylum

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ckyking · 7 years

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glaive!nyx/oracle!noctis/knight!nyx

well @nicrt @bitchkrieg, this is how the nyx sandwich happened. because i have no self-control (@jasperraven can attest to that). #jokingturnedfeelings is how i like to decribe this process

alright, so, this started as a joke where i considered what oracle!noctis would do if thrown into the canon verse (mainly because i was rewatching kingsglaive at the time and my salt increased tremendously)

"what a sad and hopeless future this world holds." noctis whispers as he looks up at his father's figure going down the steps of insomnia's citadel, "though, it is not that different from ours in the end."

the kings of lucis trying to pull him into their games when the hostilities start. crystal fragments fighting against the oracle's light as he struggles to keep his trident in place, "you cannot grant what is not yours to give!", he shouts as the trident grows hotter in his hands, "you are nothing to me, kings of lucis!"

"i am the oracle of tenebrae and you will heed me.”

also, him going "fuck it, no one here is dying, do you hear me? "

"i do not fucking care, even if we only stay one day, none of you are dying!"

nyx is both glad and salty about this, "if i knew this was what it took to make you fight against fate, i would have opened that damned portal myself ages ago"

looking at regis and nyx and crowe and luna and going, "you're mine, you're mine, you're mine and you're mine. "

"no one is dying ever"

he is all dutiful and all but you fuck with someone else's fate and he will wreck you

oracle!noctis is a vicious little creature who gladly tear you apart if you threaten his people and he will look harmless while doing it

And then, because my brain hates me, it shifted to noct struggling to keep glaive!nyx alive as dawn rises because a) healer and b) fuck the lucii

while knight!nyx is trying to convince him that " no, you cannot take him back with you!"

"he nearly died! I'm not leaving him there!"

"noctis, no."

"noctis yes.”

"your strays are not crossing the dimensional barrier, i forbid it. "

noct stops looking up at his nyx to ask glaive!nyx who he is keeping alive through sheer force of will, "do you want to come with me?"

he nods vaguely because he is dying and dazed by the pain, and noct goes "well, that settles it"

"goddammit noct, you can't take him, me, glaive!me back!"

"just say he is your long lost twin!"

"he is in no shape to agree to this!"

"well, he is dying, so he doesn't have that much choice left if I leave him like that.”

but, but imagine for one second if something happened between glaive!nyx and noct while knight!nyx was still held back by his "duty"

(because it’s a thing in the oracle!au. also, they are good at talking about every single feeling except for whatever is growing between the two of them. anyway)

glaive!nyx still reeling from the events and having to adapt to a whole new world and to a whole new life where everything he cared for is unreachable now. everything he knows is switched around.

but he is still nyx so he would take one look at noct and what he is going through after everything calms down and be like, "i can't just leave him like that."

knight!nyx literally seeing what his life would have been without noctis. and he is so thankful.

but nyx without the weight of the years spent together? noctis would find it that much easier to act on his growing affection, even if he still feels guilty as hell and so painfully in love with his nyx.

not that he continues to separate them with the word "his" seeing that glaive!nyx also becomes his in noct's eyes after a while.

glaive!nyx is wilder than knight!nyx, and drags noct everywhere with him while exploring this new eos. it feels like his first meeting with knight!nyx, and it's fun to watch discover new-old things and to show him around tenebrae.

knight!nyx never leaves them alone if he can help it, but seeing glaive!nyx flirting with noctis just drives him crazy. and it hurts seeing noct react to him so easily

and noctis feels guilty over stealing nyx away from his world and tries to make it up to him, which ends up drawing them closer to each other.

the worst, the absolute worse in knight!nyx's eyes is when glaive!nyx is sworn in as a knight. and his tattoos start around the finger he wore the ring on and goes up his arms following the veins of power the lucii's power left behind.

it's horrible seeing him with as deep a connection to noct as nyx himself, because the oracle's power had to dig in deep to keep him alive, and it shows

he can see them falling in step with each other like the oldest knights automatically do with noct, or reaching for the same thing, or doing remarkably similar movements and it grates

you better believe he enjoys fighting himself when his counterpart is recovered enough. lets him get all his agression out, and he not-so-secretly enjoys him having to teach himself a new fighting style what with the lack of warping

(not that glaive!nyx doesn’t try to create an alternative to that using the oracle’s power)

but noct still comes to him, still seeks him out as usual, even if a little less than usual because of glaive!nyx.

he still wonders if noctis gravitating toward his other self means that he is not good enough

glaive!nyx sees this, because some things are universal to every nyx ulric, but he doesn't want to do anything about it. because noctis is the only familiar thing he has in the entire universe and he is so tired of letting things go.

also, glaive!nyx is so suicidally protective of noctis, it's unreal. the oracle is ready to tear his hair out over this because of course the only thing worse than nyx at this staying unharmed business would be nyx

that would be the thing to make knight!nyx snap to be honest. just him looking at noctis being himself and imagining him with glaive!nyx and his heart just breaks.

him taking noct into his arms and kissing him, "please, don't send me away. i will be better, i promise, just please. "

and it's noctis' heart that breaks this time

"i'm sorry nyx, i'm so sorry, but i can't send him away. i can't. he has no else, and- "

"do you love him?"

"i- i can't- "

and he can feel nyx retreat from him at his non-answer and he panics and holds on that much tighter to him,

"don't leave me nyx. i- i may be growing to love him, but i do love you, so please. "

nyx wants to believe, knows that it may be true, but he is still not sure, and it kills him

he gently disentangles himself from noct and walks away, because it's a mess of feelings and thoughts and he can't

the connection between them slams shut and he knows without looking back that noctis is holding back tears, just like he is

glaive!nyx finds noctis in the same position later, when he goes in search for him, because they were supposed to explore around town together.

noctis is looking out of the window at the setting sun, eyes dry but cheeks wet and he is just- blank. nyx just sits near him, one knee folded back against his chest and talks softly, to try and draw him back. but noctis refuses to look at him because he will break if he sees his face

except he eventually does, because they are nyxandnoctis and he can't help it. when he does, he just folds nearly in half and cries because his heart has always been the most fragile part of him

noctis ends up leaning against nyx's chest and cradled in his arms, exhausted from all the emotions. he shakes his head when he is asked if he wants to go to his bedroom, and he is curls closer to him.

they end up spending a good part of the night there. when he finally falls asleep, nyx takes him to bed and go hunt hunt for his counterpart, because he can imagine what went on exactly.

when they do, glaive!nyx goads him into a fight like he is so good at while knight!nyx tries to ignore him. but when he brings up noctis, they go all out.

knight!nyx is trying to deal with his love and his sadness and his perceived inadequacy while glaive!nyx is letting out all his pain and his confusion and yes, his growing devotion for noctis because he is the only thing he has in this world. and he ends screaming at his counterpart in the middle of it

telling him that he's an idiot for not taking what was freely offered for so long, and that he is not going to let noctis go to matter what

knight!nyx is terrifyingly silent and the deadlier for it while glaive!nyx's words destroy him.

it's the taunt about him never loving noctis that sets him off and glaive!nyx is fucking glad because this means the other him is feeling something. even if he ends up pinned to the ground with a kukri to his throat while he presses his own against knight!nyx's stomach

and that's how noctis finds them when he runs out of the manor in search of a threat, their wild emotions having awakened him

noctis gets so sad then, sad and self-recriminatory and angry and most of all guilty "i want you both. is that what you wanted to hear? because it's true! are you both going to leave now!? poor sad naive noctis who cannot even make up his mind. it that what you wanted to hear!?"

they stop fighting at this and painfully get to their feet while noctis is looking from farther away, terrified of their reactions and trying not to show it. they limp toward him with strikingly similar expressions which makes his hand tighten around his trident, summoned in preparation of battle. and then, they kneel in front of him, head bowed low and they apologize of all things.

noctis laughs at that, because all of this is ridiculous, they are all ridiculous. but this is such a nyx thing to do, and he ends dropping the trident which vanishes before it hits the ground and hides his eyes with his hand.

and things get a little better after that, because they sit down and fucking talk about the three of them and where they're heading

bonus : they both go by nyx ulric. it drives the other knights crazy, so they end up calling one of them nyx and the other ulric. noctis is the only one to call both of them nyx, and it baffles everyone how, every single time, no exceptions, nyx and ulric know exactly which one of them he is referring to.

aaaand voilà! this is how the thing happened. now back to sleep with me.

#my fic #what is it with me and ot(insert number)#oracle!au #nyxnoct #nyxnoctnyx #nyx ulric #noctis lucis caelum #final fantasy 15 #yoohoo new pairing tag #nyx/noctis/nyx #fic ideas #ffxv hc

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