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#ted lasso headcanon
crazyk-imagine · 10 months
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Jamie’s Training Coach
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Pairing: Jamie Tart x Fem!Reader
Characters: Jamie Tartt, Fem!Reader, Roy Kent, Zava (briefly mentioned)
Warnings: Cursing (it’s Ted Lasso, don’t be surprised), Jamie being half naked, Roy being Roy, the coaching scenes, Reader wanting to hurt Roy, sexual innuendos from Jamie, Roy and reader are low key besties
Word Count: 993
A/N: Y’all already know what happened but I loved it so much... I’ve re-discovered my love for Jamie. That’s all. 
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The beginning of training
When Roy offered to coach Jamie at Sam's restaurant, you were surprised (but happy with their now forming friendship, even if neither of them wants to admit it). And then when it first happened, you couldn't believe that Roy was actually at the door. You smacked Jamie's arm at the sound of the banging on the front door. He does not move in the least bit, barely moves an inch (the prick, who you love... not right now though).
And you do it again, to which he whines. "Why are you hitting my arm?" He grabs your hand, holding it against his chest, not wanting to get injured any further.  You groan, squeezing your eyes shut even tighter. "Answer the door."   "Darling, if you keep hitting me, it's going to lead to a punishment which will make me miss my beauty sleep." "Go answer the door or else I'm kicking you to the couch." "I'm not a fucking dog." The knocks are louder and louder as he talks back. "Door, now." He grumbles and slowly pushes himself out of bed, rubbing his eye along the way. "Put pants on." "No, you know I get hot." "I get it, but you don't need to show your cock to the world." "Why? You going to get jealous?" "I don't think an early morning nap at a jail cell is something either of us want." You slowly push yourself out of bed to follow him while putting on Jamie's favorite hoodie (for you) to wear.
- You rub your eyes, "Who the fuck is at the-" you squint, not sure if you're seeing things correctly. "Roy?" "Fucking hell," Jamie mutters. "Hello, I'm going to... say sorry to you for waking you up but he needs coaching." He drops his arm, after staring at his watch. "All right, let's go." "It's four a.m.," your boyfriend points out. "Yeah," Roy nods. "We start at four a.m." "I thought you were joking." "How is that a joke?" "'Cause it's four a.m." "We start at four, so you can do three workouts a day instead of two." He rubs his eye and sighs. "Okay, but it's four a.m." "Do you want to be better than Zava or not?" You roll your eyes, now realizing what this is about. Jamie sighs, "well, how are we gonna see? It's dark out." Sometimes you’re proud of how observant your boyfriend is... right now, not so much. Roy puts on his headlamp, blinding the two of you. "Fucking hell." "Ah, shit. Roy." You put your hand in front of your face. "Turn that fucking thing off." "No. Now get dressed or I start flicking your balls." He scrunches his nose, turning around. "This is perverse." 
Roy glances down at Jamie’s bare bottom, the light of his headlamp making it obvious. 
You snicker because you know this is not what he was expecting to see... until his light blinds you. "I don't like you right now, Roy." "Yeah, I'm not proud of me either. Neither of you are wearing any fucking pants." You pout, fiddling with the end of the hoodie. "I have shorts on, they’re just... very short. I'm not going flash you like Jam-Jam." Roy lowers his face with raised brows. "Jam-Jam?" "Stop talking to him and go back to bed, love!" -
During the training "Why do you only sleep with a top on?" "I get cold upstairs and hot downstairs." Roy nods, "I get that." "It's a stupid excuse for him to get laid. Don't listen to him, Roy." Jamie throws up and his "coach" greets the passer byer. "I thought you went to bed," he groans.   "I did." You push yourself off the bench and hold a bottle of water out for him, while rubbing his back. "But I also know that your body has yet to get used to "Roy Kent's training course". I have to make sure I'll have a boyfriend to come home to me." Roy rolls his eyes when he sees that you've given him a hard stare.  
Once Jamie's gotten used to training
He is all prepared to go next time, which annoys you. "Don't wake me up. I'm gonna get eyes bags," you whine. He chuckles, sitting on your side of the bed with his hand on your hip. "Since when did you care about that?" You flip onto your other side, so you can face him. "Since I've been dating a cocky little shit who likes to train at four in the morning." He chuckles. "You love it." You slowly open your eyes and crack a smile. "Not right now. Go get downstairs and take your phone with you." "I'm not a child." "In case you need to escape from Roy." "You know me so well, darling." He leans down to kiss you until he’s interrupted.  The pounding on the door traumatizes you. “Go, now.”
"Come on, Tartt! One more before dinner!" "That's your cue, Jam-Jam." "I told you to stop calling me that," he tells you with a smile. "And we both know, I won't." He pecks your cheek and lips before running downstairs. Jamie opens the door immediately, heavily breathing with his headlamp already on. "Let's go, Coach." He runs by Roy. Roy puts his on and takes off. "He better come back in one piece, Kent! Or you have to deal with me!" "He'll live to fuck you another day."
Your neighbors shout at you. 
“Shut up and go to sleep! Some people have to work!” You shout back to shut them up. 
“She doesn’t scare you when she shouts like that?” Roy asks, always finding it amusing when you shout at people. 
“Nah,” Jamie shakes his head. “It’s cute. She’s like an angry bunny.” 
You shake your head, after checking on them one last time, before locking the door and going back to bed to play on your phone while you wait for your boyfriend to return.
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Random Ted Lasso headcanons because…why not:
Roy is an absolutely PHENOMENAL cook
On the other hand, Isaac can’t cook for shit like my guy burns water EXCEPT for breakfast foods. Isaac makes the best pancakes, waffles, French toast, etc.
Ted and Higgins both go to pride every year and wear a “Free Dad Hugs” shirt
When Frozen came out, Phoebe forced Roy to watch it so many times that he could’ve probably quoted it word for word (he took her to see Frozen 2 and ended up running into Trent and his daughter)
Whenever Trent’s daughter plays pretend with him and hands him an imaginary phone, he always comes up with the WILDEST scenarios for their game
One time at team karaoke (which became a pretty regular thing after the Everton F.C. match), Jamie and Colin sang Agony from Into the Woods and Jamie did the choreography (he definitely didn’t learn it because he rewatched the musical so. many. times. because he had a crush on Chris Pine *wink* *wink*)
Ted made the mistake of showing Me Before You at a team movie night one time and the entire team was sobbing by the end
Bumbercatch is the jumpiest mf ever but LOVES horror movies
One of Jamie’s favorite movies is Dead Poets Society and his favorite character was Neil (he was inconsolable when he watched it the first time and Neil died)
Beard knew about Trent’s crush on Ted and teased him about it every time he got flustered around Ted
The only times Roy isn’t the princess when he plays Princess and Dragon with Phoebe is when Jamie plays with her (Roy has SO MANY pictures of Jamie dressed as the princess on his phone and one is his wallpaper)
We all know that Jamie’s bi awakening was Roy and Keeley but Will’s was Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher in the Star Wars movies
Will was raised by a single mom who he loves more than anything (I saw someone else hc this and it makes so much sense)
Bumbercatch LOVES Buzzfeed Unsolved True Crime/BU Supernatural and low key religiously listens to a true crime podcast
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destielcowboy · 10 months
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some of my ted lasso headcanons that make so much sense i often forget they’re not canon:
dani is vegetarian
isaac has two moms. and multiple sisters. he’s the only guy in his family
jan is a true crime junkie
colin sleeps in a freezing cold room with fans going and twenty blankets
jamie is bi
richard refused to do one of those dna tests when the rest of the team did it for “bonding” for fear of not being 100% french (but he said he didn’t want them to clone him)
please share yours 🙏
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the-lil-silver-cowboy · 8 months
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I think it's funny so many RoyJamie and RoyJamieKeeley fics Roy has no idea he's bi, and everyone has a right to believe whatever they want, but just a reminder this man went to bar called "G.A.Y." with his yoga group, then ate crepes with drag queens.
So in my head canon his yoga group is a bunch of old queer women and he's just Roy the semi-out bisexual man that they adopted.
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howiadoreu · 1 year
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ted lasso headcanons baby!
I headcanon so many characters as queer
trent crimm is definitely, 100% percent fruity
keeley is bi and that’s hardly a headcanon
jamie totally is bi and when keeley casually mentions that she is he’s like a ’oh shit’ and after a few drinks he’s tearfully opening up to her about it
jamie has seen colin on grindr and our sweet baby boy used a selfie there. despite being a premier league football player. who’s not out. when they’re left alone in the locker room jamie gently tells him ’bruv ya might wanna change your grindr profile pic, unless ya want the press coming after ya’. and colin is like ’FUCK you’re right’
isaac cuts colins hair before he has his first date with a man <3
i swear these aren’t all lgbtq+ related but. ted wears a rainbow pin on his shirt at every game after colin publicly comes out
after ted and rebecca have been together for a bit henry flies to london all alone, and the three have a little vacation together. It takes a bit for henry to warm up to rebecca as his stepmom but they end up bonding when they spend time just the two of them and she just adores him
when keeley tells roy she’s pregnant he just starts bawling like crazy
keeley comes to the club to have lunch with rebecca and jan maas sees her and asks her when they’re going to announce the pregnancy and she’s like ’jesus jan how the fuck did you know? it was confirmed YESTERDAY. I’m like 5 weeks along.’ and he just shrugs and walks away. weird man.
when isaac gets married he wears the weirdest, most colorful and camp outfit ever. his wife absolutely loves it when he tells her that he wants to do that and thus they do an outfit reveal in which she reacts to his outfit and not vice versa
isaac was totally a theatre kid. he has the energy.
when ted and rebecca have been married for a four years they decide to adopt an 11 year girl who had been in five foster homes but never got adopted. she’s had hard life and doesn’t get comfortable around them until she’s been with them for months and months. but she ends up bonding with them when she realises how she’s truly safe with them and they truly love and care for her.
when he’s twelve henry decides to live with ted and rebecca in london for two years.
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thewestcoastlady · 10 months
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The fact that Colin makes a point of saying that he doesn’t want to be a spokesperson in one episode, and then in the latest episode he says that he’s not gonna tell everyone and that the team knowing is enough, it makes me a bit fearful that there might still be a storyline about him being outed or nearly outed… but also I wouldn’t mind him coming out publicly.
Because here’s the thing: I still really hope that Colin gets to kiss his fella (presumably Michael) after winning a match.
And my other headcanon is that Colin might come out during a press conference or an interview, and that Baz might be in the Crown and Anchor with his mates during that and be emboldened by Colin’s statement and tell them that he’s also gay.
And then Mae asks “aw, is that friend from the other time, is he really your fella?” “Yeah.” “Awww… too bad he’s a West Ham fan, he will never be allowed in here, you hear?” “But Mae, he’s my boyfr-“ “NO EXCEPTIONS, I WILL NOT HAVE A WEST HAM FAN IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT”.
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finleycannotdraw · 11 months
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you know what I’d love to see on ted lasso? it won’t happen but a man can dream
total football works and trent gets excited and hugs ted. like, throws himself at him like rebecca did when she apologized.
ted is not expecting it, but hugs him back (obviously)
actually, he hugs him even tighter
we get to see trent smiling over ted’s shoulder, a real smile, for longer than we usually get to see his smiles,
cut to the rest of the room just watching them with varying reactions (confusion, awww, why are you hugging trent crimm)
trent, still hugging ted, goes “ugh, of course you give amazing hugs”
IT WONT HAPPEN. BUT A MAN CAN DREAM.
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calzone-d · 11 months
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dirty HC : giving ted a bj to help him relax
A NEED. thanks anon now i’m horny.
also i’m such a whore for giving Ted a good blowjob.
find my masterlist here.
he’d never admit it but that would be a wonderful stress reliever for him
you just lying him back and being like “i got you hun, just relax” would reeeeally do it for him
kissing all around him at first and then just licking up from the base to the tip until you can tell he’s had enough
digging your nails into his thighs while you slowly take what you can of him in your mouth
bringing up a hand to palm at his balls would make him WEAK
would have him throwing his head back and letting out some hot ass low groans
“shit, darlin’ that’s- oh fuck”
you’d be the first one to kinda do more intimate stuff like that with him so he’s forever going insane over it
moaning around him when you reach a hand down to touch yourself because how could you not
“s’okay teddy, cum for me”
def slams a hand down on the bed when you can tell he’s close so you go all the way down until your nose is pressed right underneath his belly
telling him how much you love that afterwards because you know he’s insecure about the dad bod
him nonstop moaning when he cums down your throat
partially from his orgasm, partially from the way you’re whimpering and moaning against him
even if it’s a quickie type of deal he still insists on taking care of you after
such a giver
praise would def help him relax a bit
“doing so good, love. did so good today”
totally the type to thank you, even after you’re married and all
taking it slow when he really needs to get rid of some tension
he’d rarely ask to fuck your mouth to get rid of tension, usually you’re the one asking him
that’s a led tasso type of moment
thanks anon!
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writer-and-thrasher · 5 months
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Trent Crimm post-S3 headcanon:
Rebecca hires Trent to be the team's historian. She'd need someone who's good with words, has a positive track record of working with the team, and documented their goings-on - all clearly Trent.
But why does AFC Richmond need a historian? Colin came out. Roy Kent is the new manager. They're starting a Women's Team. They're in the Champions League. Take your pick; AFC Richmond will want to document their monumental history that's coming up. Who better to do it than the (now unemployed) person who just wrote a best-selling book about them?
Trent means so much to all of them now, and I'm certain they'd figure something out to keep him around the team, but this uses his skills perfectly and allows them all to build on their prior relationships.
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thethickofitt · 7 months
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Thinking more about Trent watching Heartstopper. He’d watch it because Ted chose it for date night, I think. Of course, I had to think about teenage Trent as well.
16 year old Trent, who knows how he feels, but wishes he felt anything else.
16 year old Trent Crimm, hating the way he feels about the boy who sits at the next to him in his English class. Getting angry at himself for the feeling that flows through him when their hands brush as they exchange a pencil. 16 year old Trent Crimm forcing all those feelings away. He knows what happens to people like that. When his friends at uni tell him he should ask out their mutual friend, he's relieved. A date with a girl, that's what boys are supposed to do. It's easy, they're friends. Trent knows he should be feeling more, so he convinces himself he does. When she begins to talk about marriage, he tells her he thinks he's gay. She doesn't believe him, so he buys a ring instead. When she starts talking about children, he agrees. It's the first thing that feels right. He meets Ted Lasso. He tells his wife again. He says he knows he's gay. She tells him she knows too.
He sits with Ted as they pull up the show on Netflix. God, he's so happy that shows like this exist now, but he so so deeply wishes that was his life. He wouldn't change things, because his daughter means the world to him, but he so badly wishes that 16 year Trent Crimm could have felt excited sitting next to his crush, instead of hating himself so much.
He wishes he could tell that 16 year old boy, just how happy he is now.
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tedl-ass-o · 11 months
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Don’t mind me, I’m just thinking about Trent Crimm and his gay little mug.
And about how Colin might see that gay little mug and put two and two together. I know it’s asking a lot of a sweet dumb himbo, but I believe in him.
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trialanderrorgirl · 10 months
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AFC Richmond Players + Their Turn-Ons:
Isaac Mcadoo - Style. He likes someone with a flair for the dramatic that he can have fun and show out with. That shit’s hot, bruv.
Richard Montlaur - Taste. It’s pretty much a requirement for him. He is French.
Sam Obisanya - Depth. He wants to be able to have deep conversations with his partner and get to know them on an intimate level. Also, kindness. He needs someone who, like himself, is kind and cares about the world and the people in it, he can’t get emotionally or physically close to someone who doesn’t have a caring heart. He also likes strong women - it’s just such a turn-on, okay?
Roy Kent - Competence Kink. He loves watching his parter killing it and being the best, just absolutely at the top of their game. It turns him on to fuck them right after a magazine shoot or a brilliant goal. It used to trigger his own insecurities, but he’s worked through that with Dr Sharon so now he can just enjoy it. Also possessiveness - he likes knowing his amazingly talented partners are coming home with him.
Jamie Tartt - Praise Kink. This is pretty much canon. Boy just wants to please and be told he’s doing good. He’s also pretty into being submissive and being told what to do if his partner enjoys that, too.
Colin Hughes - Sweetness. Colin truly enjoys giving and receiving sweet, cute, and lovingly affectionate treatment. Because he and his partner usually have to be careful in public because of his job, he loves getting extra affectionate, almost cheesy, in private. It’s hot and fun.
Dani Rojas - Adventurous. Dani has tons of energy and curiosity and zest for life. He needs to be around people who can keep up with him and appreciate his energetic self. He would be so sad if his boundless energy started stressing out or exhausting his partners! Also he loves trying new things in bed and loves to share new experiences with his partner, it is a beautiful thing to do.
Thierry Zoreaux - Gentleness. People kick balls at his head all day. He likes his partners to be gentle and treat him like something precious when they’re alone or in bed, it’s so soothing and hot, too.
Moe Bumbercatch - Intelligence. He wants a partner who can keep up with him and understand him. So few people he meets get where he’s really coming from. And after all, the biggest sex organ is the brain!
Bonus! Trent Crimm, Independent - Dominance. He prefers to be in control in his life and also with his partner in bed. It is…intoxicating.
Bonus! Ted Lasso - Consent. This is always important but he likes to check in regularly, it helps him relax into it and know his partner is doing good. Also, Submission - He has so much on his shoulders, so much ok his mind, it’s a relief to just let go of the reins for a while. Also, he loves pleasing his partners and being told exactly how to do that is just the bee’s knees…and hotter than a Kansas summer day to boot
Bonus! Coach Beard - BDSM. His whole relationship with Jane is centered around this dynamic. They’ve talked about it. There’s a contract. There are ropes. There’s…ah…pegging. It’s great.
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have we all considered that the show gave trent a rainbow mug and then confirmed he’s mlm, AND THEN PUT HIM IN THAT TRANS FLAG COLORED DOLLY SHIRT AND SAID NOTHING?
COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.
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double-hoe-seven · 1 year
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AFC Richmond as dads
Should all of them be dads? Probably not, but that won’t stop me from indulging myself.
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Jan Maas
He is over the moon excited about it.
He’s almost as happy as he is scared shitless (but you’d never know he was scared).
As soon as he’s able to, he’s bringing that baby to Nelson Road to introduce them to everyone.
He even brought everyone the traditional beschuit met Muisjes to announce your baby.
He’s a pretty goofy dad, very playful and amusing for them.
Thanks to his height, your child misses nothing (but the same can’t be said for the people behind him.)
Jan has a very loose approach to parenting. He likes to let them make mistakes so they can learn from them.
Of course he’s there when they need and want him but he isn’t going to be over protective. They’re gonna fall when learning to walk or riding a bike and they’re gonna make mistakes.
Jan doesn’t want a perfect kid, just his kid is good enough.
Isaac McAdoo
Fucking Isaac.
He’s the exact opposite of Jan in the sense that he’s very overly cautious but about the wrong things.
He’s a nervous wreck about them learning to walk and run because he worries about them getting hurt but he’s also not good at remembering to latch cabinets closed or even close doors all the way.
He loves the baby with every fiber of his being but once they learn to walk it’s game over.
That child and any others are going to run laps around him.
He really thought he’d be able to keep up.
Bribes with Rolos.
He lives to see the two of you at the games.
Twins with the baby every so often and he had a special onesie made that looks like his jersey.
Sam Obisanya
He’s gentle.
He’s the parent who has full on conversations with the babbling infant.
Bedtime stories every night.
He doesn’t enjoy putting the baby down, his favorite thing is when he’s relaxing and the baby is just on his chest/in his lap.
Sam is all about the bonding experiences, he wants to have as good of a relationship with his child(ren) as he does with his own father. He wants to be the best father he can be.
His face really lights up when someone, anyone, asks about how you and the baby are doing and there is no off button for that.
Richard Montlaur
Another parent who has full-blown conversations with the baby.
He’s about halfway on the strictness spectrum.
Richard really wants them to be able to do things and learn on their own within reason, like he was raised.
But that being said, the second they’re old enough, he is taking them to his parents farm to show them everything.
He can be a goofy dad but he prefers to do it in the privacy of your flat.
In all honesty, he gets a solid B/B+ for his parenting skills.
He does have to call his parents a lot for advice because when it’s just him and the baby, he doubts himself.
Jamie Tartt
Scared. Shitless.
Jamie would rather jump off the London bridge than risk doing something to mess up the kid so he’s incredibly overly cautious.
He calls his dad for advice.
I’m just fucking around. He’d rather move to Texas than call his father for parenting advice. He actually calls Ted.
And side note, Ted answers every single time. He answers all of Jamie’s questions no matter how stupid they may or may not be.
Jamie holds the baby as they’re made of glass because for the longest time he’s afraid just breathing wrong will make the baby hate him or mess them up.
He has so much love for the child but for the longest time its overshadowed by his anxiety.
Once he gets a hold on the anxiety though, he’s just the ultimate girl dad. 
He excels whether or not he thinks so and that baby loves him.
Dani Rojas
Dani is the most fun parent.
There’s no crying fit he can’t stop.
And thank god for it.
He’s more than happy to take the night shift unless he has a game the next day, which is fair.
He really enjoys singing the songs his mother sang to him when he was a growing up.
He gets a little lost sometimes, but his hearts always in the right place. 
He has high hopes they’ll like football and want to be around it, he really wants to bond over it but he won’t force it.
Thierry Zoreaux
He's kind of nervous because he’s so far from home and he always thought he’d raise his children around where he was raised so they can have the same experiences he did growing up.
He’s the one who reads parenting books and goes to the preparation classes.
This man is ready for everything.
He takes a logical approach when it comes to making decisions about the baby.
The most illogical thing he does is buy baby yeezys. Multiple pairs of tiny little yeezy shoes that he can match with his own.
Moe Bumbercatch
First of all, Moe knits so many blankets and booties and little toys for the baby its unreal.
He spends the entire pregnancy knitting things, including a little miniature version of his jersey to put on the baby’s teddy bear.
He likes to take the baby out and about to show them the city. 
Moe isn’t the best at keeping a schedule because he’s so easily distracted but he tries his best, he’s gotten a little better.
He truly enjoys playing with the baby and bonding and being a dad.
He loves being a footballer, he loves being a partner, and he loves being a dad. 
He’s good at keeping calm when things get hectic, and they do sometimes, but he always manages a level head. 
Colin Hughes
He’s not allowed to put the baby in the Lamborghini. It’s too much car for him.
He’s very fun, very active, very present overall.
He’s good at making the baby laugh and his camera roll proves as much.
Colin has the time of his life with the baby around.
He’s a good lad, great with any child you give him.
A+ in child rearing with a D in driving.
8/10 times he falls asleep with the baby on his chest but 100% of the time he will wake up if you take the baby to put in their bassinet 
Tag Team: @bdffkierenwalker​ @anarchistbeauty​​ @tsundere-cherry-girl​
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blackholesun321 · 11 months
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Everyone: oh my God Dani totally has ADHD right?!
My autistic ass squinting at Jan Maas: I know what you are.
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politelymenacing · 7 months
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Thinking about the Crimmlet wearing an oversized England shirt and being so excited for the World Cup final that she can barely sit still on the sofa to watch it between Trent and Ted (who is still sulking a little bit over USA getting knocked out).
And about Jamie using his England connections to get a Mary Earps shirt for Phoebe because she is her favourite player and is upset Nike refuse to sell the replica goalkeeper shirt.
And about Shannon taking a break from training with the AFC Richmond Women's team to watch the final with all the other players.
And about Rebecca flying Nora out to see the final in Australia (they go first class on a Qantas flight because Nora refuses to take Rebecca's private jet).
And about Keeley doing a series of TikTok videos with everyone at AFC Richmond to show their support for the Lionesses. Amongst others, there's one with all the women who work at Richmond, one with Macy Greyhound wearing a little England kit, and a montage of times the English AFC Richmond himbos made Roy growl by jumping out and singing "It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming, FOOTBALL'S COMING HOME" at him.
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