#that hurts this was supposed to stay wholesome damnit!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

demonbanisher · 2 years

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Okay, so I know this story has been relatively soft and wholesome so far but this is where our boys were taking me today. I think, perhaps, this is just the next part of their story that needs to be told. TW: depression Master List here

A Sky of Grey

“Damnit,” Remus cursed as he banged his foot off a half-opened drawer of their dresser.

“Are you okay love?” Sirius asked, rounding the corner into their bedroom.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Just this stupid brace keeps getting in the way of everything.”

“Dorcas and I are still researching other healing spells. Hopefully we’ll find something soon.”

“You can stop trying,” Remus huffed as he fumbled backwards on his crutches so he could push the drawer in. “The trap was silver. Nothing is going to work.”

Sirius watched him closely for a moment, taking in the tight brace that ran from ankle to thigh, criss-crossing his body, the tension in his shoulders as he leaned on the crutches, the bags under his eyes. “You’ve been up here all morning, love. Why don’t you come down and sit with Addie and I?”

“I’m fine,” Remus said, turning away from him. “Just tired. I need to rest a bit.”

“Oh, well get into bed then and I’ll bring Addie up here. I can bring some of her softer toys up too and we can just spend the day in bed together, or at least until she tries to crawl off the side of it.”

“I’ll be okay, Sirius. Just go get Addie breakfast.”

Sirius paused, his brow furrowing in concern. “Remus, it’s the middle of the day.”

“Right, sorry, then lunch. Just get her lunch then. I’ll be okay.”

“Remus -” Sirius was interrupted from a thud and they both turned to look at the door. “Shit, I left Addie in her high chair. There wasn’t anything around but... just stay here. I’ll be back in a second.”

Remus knew he should feel something. He should feel Sirius’s panic and concern. He should be running with him down the hallway to make sure Addie was okay. Instead, all he felt was relief that he was gone and for a moment he didn’t have to pretend anymore.

“Okay,” Sirius said when he reappeared in their room sometime later. Remus couldn’t tell if it had been minutes or hours. It felt like hours. “Little miss baseball here decided to throw the empty bowl I left her with at some oranges, but everything is still in one piece. Well, the oranges are kinda bruised, but no biggie. So here is one delivery of daughter, and one delivery of a late-breakfast smoothie,” Sirius added as he plopped Addie onto his lap and then held out a smoothie to him.

Remus looked down at his daughter, who immediately looked up at him with the biggest grin in the world. He remembered the first time she smiled at him in that shallow bathtub and how it felt like someone had turned on a light in the world. He looked away from it now. His chest ripping open.

“Remus?” Sirius asked as he set the smoothie down and took Addie off his lap and set her on the floor. “Are you okay?”

Remus nodded his head, but kept his eyes away from Sirius’s. Fighting to keep the walls in place.

“Moony,” Sirius said, sitting in front of him and place his hand on his knees, “talk to me please. Is it your leg? Does it hurt?”

Remus shook his head again.

“Darling, please,” Sirius asked, reaching out one hand to turn Remus’s head back to face his.

Remus slowly raised his eyes to Sirius and then to Addie who was clapping her hands against the wooden leg of their bed frame and something in him just crumbled.

“Remus,” Sirius whispered as he reached up to brush a tear away from his face, and Remus wondered when he’d started crying.

“I - I can’t feel it anymore. I look at her and I feel nothing. Why do I feel nothing?”

Sirius just looked at him softly.

“I want her and I want this, but I can’t - . It- it hurts to look at her because I know how it’s supposed to feel. How good it is supposed to feel and I can’t feel it anymore.”

“Oh Remus,” Sirius said as he tugged him down onto the floor so he could hold him.

“What’s wrong with me?” Remus cried as he buried himself into Sirius’s chest.

“I don’t know love,” Sirius asked as he held Remus tightly, rubbing small circles into his back as he watched Addie over his shoulder. “But we’re going to figure it out, okay?”

“I didn’t want you to think that I don’t love her. That I didn’t want this.”

“Never love, never.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

And Sirius just held onto him tighter as he watched their sunshine daughter and thought about how much it would hurt him to only be able to see her in shades of grey.

#unexpected au #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #wolfstar parents

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raguna-blade · 4 years

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Revolutionary Girl Utena 13-15

I’ll give overall thoughts like...later. Tomorrow. or whatever. God.

God.

Episode 13

Just realized in the intro that Anthy and Utena are not spinning in sync. Almost in sync, but not quite.

Can't believe I didn't think about this before, but Juri is also something of a Ditto fighter. Not quite as blatant as Touga sis, but kinda.

...The...The Recap of the Thesis again? Wait are the colors of the roses different?

What shit is about to happen oh god.

WAS IT SUCH A GOOD IDEA?

Shadow Girls immediately? UFO?

...Is..Is toga listening to a recording of himself?

Egg time but uh... Uh this feels way fucked up.

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS

Dios...?

Also, seven trials? Self Duel? What?

Friendship 1 (saionji)

Self 7 (Touga)

Slap on Beat. It is a thing. No way this is on accident. CONFIRMED

Also, Saionji actually had reads on Utena? Uh...Not sure how to feel about this.

Never Lose the Strength and Nobility even when grown.

Also, Anthy was legit shocked this first duel huh? First awakened and all but...Huh.

That really was just a soul crush there though damn.

Choice 2 ( Saionji)

Keep fighting the duels? Yeah man.

THIS CLIPS EP THOUGH. Can't even have just a cheap review of things without it doing something huh.

It just occurred, but do any of them know WHY they do the sword drawing thing with Anthy?

...Are these slaps gonna stay on beat? Can...Can we not?

Choice breaks the seal on Dios power? Not just friendship, but choice? Choice made by friendship? Hm

Reason 3 (Miki)

The need of the bride thing still remains weird and unexplained yet.

Toga taking things away and uh...being on the bed like that is...Not painting a great image

...Wait, is the Rose Mosaic supposed to be a violation thing?

Love 4 (Juri)

Wait, Revolution is impossible because they lost hope? Wait wait wait what?

Also, with this being full blood light imagery, these night darkness gods, some shit went down here didn't it.

Gynous?

Certainty of Death Namely Light. Absolute Destiny Apocalypse? Huh....

These...Inside i'm hollow.

Adoration 5 (Nanami)

Also, just realized, Sword with Power turned pink. So...Is pink the power color here?

Increasingly sure that the rose mosaic is doing SOMETHING. And that these songs are well

Conviction 6 (Touga)

Wait...She cleared Seven duels?

uh...Black roses huh.

Uh yeah where were you anthy?

Not ominous clouds at all.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE SHADOW GIRLS

...Oh that's ominous.

HOW DOES HE NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS DUEL SHIT

WHO ARE THESE DUDES

WHOS THIS GENDER BEND UTENA AND ANTHY?

Episode 14

...Going Down?

Anthy Genderbend?

Utena Genderbend?

….Darkness absorbing rose...Uh...UHHHHH

Utena Elevator Action? Uh...?

Regular action on Saturdays for Anthy? Huh.

Exploring.

Her Big Brother. Explaaining this..Now...? OK

….What the fuck. The Chairmans house? Literla Planeterium

Akio what the fuck. I mean your room your rules.

Akane...marrying.

SHES IN HIGHSCHOOL

SHES IN HIGHSCHOOL AKIO WAIT A FUCKING SECOND

….No I do not like this.

NEVER BAD HERE HUH THATS A BALD FACED LIE

HELD THAT SILENCE FOR A FEEW SECONDS JESUS

How is Anthy the most brutal character this series with like the LEAST dialogue. Everything is a murder. Hot Fire Only.

Is that Akio on his desk or his bud?

Shadow Seminar. Mikage Seminar. This is uh..Ominous.

Recruiting Miki...?

So it's a secret...?

….100 people buried.

...Making boya as bride...? So it's not...Gendered? What.

So they're collecting strong duelists?

Kanae Ohtori so, keep an eye on her.

Not ominous the pointing at all.

What's with this...anti elevator.

Ok, so Akio is 10000000000000000000% a fucking predator right? We're not gonna get a reveal he's not. This isn't supposed to be a secret right?

What's with the butterflies?

Kanae recognizes Anthy's Weirdness. She just wants anthy to be her friend and nope.

Only choice is to revolutionize the world and...THIS SHITS HORRIFYING.

That's just a corpse?

Wait, they turn black when they die?

Can't escape.

Oh no is he YEP STABBING HER IN THE CHEST

THIS EPISODE IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE

WAKABA NO

WAKABA NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU SHADOWS GIRLS NEW SHADOWD GIRLS

NEW DESTINY APOCALYPES MIX?HEY WAIT A SECOND THAT LOOKED DIFFERENT?

Am I shadow Jumping? Can't be sure.

But...Is utena about to kill this girl? That's what this feels like it's going to.

….Oh that's ominous. Flowers on desk are death things right?

….Another Utena Ditto?

Ok, but...How...?

SO MANY DEAD STUDENTS

Murder Anthy?

So wait, did she invoke dios on purpose there?

Ring Broke. Sword Broke. And...she's on the floor dead....?just. Hot DROPPED INTO THE INFERNO?

Freezing the heart of a girl?

Anthy is cool with murder I guess?

I DO NOT BELIEVE SHES FINE AT ALL ANTHY

UNCANNY ANTHY

Chuchu doesn't like Akio it seems.

NOPE

NOOOOOOOO GOD DAMNIT NO

AKIO WHAT THE FUCK

GODDAMNIT021

Episode 15

Ok, before this gets weird, Is there a SINGLE brother sister group that's not weirdly incestuous? Miki? Please no. Don't do this.

Kozue what are you even doing.

Jesus god Every adult is MAD SUSPECT IN THIS SETTING.

Literally the only adult who seems legit is the hall monitor lady.

Touga in his depression room.

Nanami doing her best.

Also, confirmed, Heart to Heart.

Ok, so Purple Hair Dark skin dudes and...Anyone I guess Are all on the mad suspect frame right now.

MIKI IS A GOOD BOY. PLEASE REMAIN WHOLESOME I BEG YOU.

He's trying so hard and anthy is so fucking scary.

...Does Chuchu only stick around where anthy is cool...? Calm I mean.

YEAH UTENA CHEER THE BOY ON! HES A SWEETHEART.

Uh...what's with the running? From...Kozue?

...Did Kozue merc someone?

Who Hurt Her bro. Ok. Seems...

oh, that's hate alright.

Oh god. The hellavator. No no please no.

Student Council! Nanami, Being the hero

we need...And they changed the speech. It seems...more hopeful.

PLEASE LEAVE UTENA. JUST GET OUT OF THERE

Please. Please just one sibling relationship that's not vaguely incestuous....Why the focus on the mlikshake.

Anthy: This literally is so goddamn wholesome compared to my bullshit so you know what weird.

INTERVIEW TIME GOD THE MUSIC

Kozue, intentionally doing shit to make bro mad to make him look at me.

This is WAY less concerning than last time but also

...Am I gonna have to start watching where those roses pop up? Cause...hm.

Black Ring Kozue.

PLEASE STOP TOUCHING HIM LIKE THAT

DAMNIT

Wait, did...it

DID IT TURN MIKI INTO A ROSE BRIDE THING?

SHADOW GIRLS YOU CAN'T SAVE THE MOOD NOW

What are you even...

Why does the Staircase theme sound LESS melancholy, but more ominous? How the hell do you pull that off.

just realized that the pauldrons on utena and Anthy's outfits have shown up on others and...i'm not sure how to take that.

….Vases on the tables? Milkshakes.

Time Machine. Finally a song I can get on first run.

Anthy is taking the threats on her life pretty well.

...Did she drink all those milkshakes.

Utena with the sick flips

Which actually seem to be her thing, she's stealing dio's thing.

Another one bites the dust.

And Miki wakes up after her heart(???) is broken.

And she remembers nothing.

Moon thing. Look at it,

Squeak Squeak. NOPE NO GODDAMNIT NO.

#revolutionary girl utena #liveblog #Episode 14 was fucking harrowing #Black Rose Arc Said Its Go Time CHOOCHOOTRAUMATIME

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