#that might not even exist that i mightve just fucking made up

[cornflowercanine]

starting to understand that whole "erase entire online presence and restart from new" thing everyone's 833n on a8out for forever

#clove rambles #i spent four and a half hours making a post a8out it yesterday on dreamwidth 8ut yeah #im not having a mental illness 8reakdown moment or anything dw im still 8alling #8ut arghhh i said id stop fighting 8ut im still constantly on guard and defending and justifying #myself for everything and then some; i said id ask questions and learn even if i looked stupid #and aside from what i've asked my moirail and my closer friends i've fucking stayed stupid. #i said i'd do what makes me happy even if other people are mad a8t it for whatever reason #and here i am just fucking guilty even when ive done nothing wrong! #i cant stay happy when my life is dedic8ed to sucking up to this audience in my head #that might not even exist that i mightve just fucking made up #ugh. i have a lot to say. anyway if i revamp my online precense a little you know why #dont 8e scared and give me the 8enefit of the dou8t im still the same clove youve always known #and i dont care a8out anyone other than my moirail and having friends and i am already SET #on 8oth of those; so dont make a huge show over like.. unfollowing me or whatever #just goooooooooooooooo i am just one personnnn the world is not ending 8c im not like youuuu. #personal

[charlie-b-t]

3. How easy to annoy is your oc? Do they have common pet-peeves or are they stoic in response to everything? What is their reaction if the source doesn’t stop?

14. Does your oc do anything “just for the aesthetic”? Or are they completely practical in everything?

26. How polite is your oc? Do they do everything with the utmost courtesy, or do they completely refuse to say please and thank you?

27. How flexible is your oc? Can they touch their toes or do they have trouble just sitting down because of how stiff they are?

30. What topics does your oc know the most about? Are these obvious or would these be surprising to others?

You didnt specify a character so im gonna go with Fallout Pony (aka Dove King)!

3. Prewar i think she was probably pretty easy to irritate. She liked her solitude, her quiet, her closed doors. She liked to go on picnics with her giddyup buttercup and play by herself, so yes, i think any sort of unwelcome sound or stimuli from other people would quickly get her leaving an area. shes doing homework in the living room and youre eating cereal quietly in the kitchen? unacceptable, she must now go do her homework in her room or maybe outside.

Post war, no, not at all. in the same scenario (working on a gun mod in her workshop and you sit nearby to eat cereal or Boofer starts licking his foot noisly) shes just gonna pretend you dont exist. Everything is So Much now and its so hard to be safe or secure anywhere, if she chose to be in this room and now youre in this room shes just gonna pretend you ARENT in this room.

14. She is so fucking obsessed with Nuka World. she gravitates to anything nuka cola themed or red (which is nuka cola themed ENOUGH). She would try very hard to rationalize a clearly bad choice if it was related to nuka world. its like her THING. she actually has like, skills, talents, achievements, a life past future and dreams, btu shed be happy if someone thought of her as 'the pony obsessed with nuka cola' because to her that feels like a light and happy thing. She made a nuka cola backpack for boofer BECAUSE she found nuka cola sheets and wanted to keep them and so needed a justification for it. If she didnt know how to make a backpack she mightve ended up making a cape out of it.

26. VERY polite! she can be plenty gruff and lewd and casual with a person she knows for sure is 'on her level' but she has a habit of assuming most people have authority over her when entering a situation, so 'miss' 'mr' 'please' and 'thank you' are always to the tip of her tongue. But if she DOESNT think you have authority over her and you try to exert it shell get Real Nasty Real Fast

27. NOT flexible. Shes lanky but shes stiff as a board with no give at all at the joints. Generally ponies tend to hop around and do quick little movements and dances but she keeps her hooves firmly planted, even just a little bit splayed out to make her more securely anchored and untippable. some unfortunate genetic switch made her have long thin limbs and a giraffe neck when she very clearly was meant to be a Tank.

30. Robotics!! Shes straight foreward, can even come off as a little bit of a meat head, but she actually got into the army early by being a STELLAR robotics expert, maybe even a prodigy. She got put into power armour training immediately with the idea being that she would be sent out iwth squads to be able to pilot AND repair and modify them on the fly, as well as maintaining various Mr Gutsys and things of that nature. She wouldve been a huge asset on the warfront if things hadnt Gone The Way They Did. (but then, butterfly effect says that if she hadnt been accepted early, sent into the field as punishment, injured and sent home, then she might notve been near a vault and wouldnt have lived anyways.) Or maybe she'dve ended up dying a hudnred years ago of old age while working for the enclave. Who knows!

Anyways yeah she was one of those kids that if you left with a toaster youdve come back in the afternoon with a talking toaster on wheels having an existential crisis. She absolutely voided the warranty on her Giddyup Buttercup. Somewhere in another state that buttercup is probably still alive, wandering the wastes and killing everything in its path, searching for her lost owner that she doesnt accept probably died 200 years ago XD

[aroperyton]

oh a popular aro experience/feeling?? that i dont relate to (i feel like every arospec person has at least one of those), is the idea that like, nonplatonic relationships inherently being More than platonic relationships to you is inherently wrong+malicious+amatonormative when i like someone nonplatonically not only is there numerous factors/parts of my attraction towards them, but things i do with them OUT OF ATTRACTION that places it above/More Than my platonic relationships both in importance/priority with the ppl i know And in how i feel about them elaborating;

>if im nonplatonically attracted to someone theres a lot that factors in to it, this person just Existing inherently makes me feel good in this and that and this and that way and when they say my name or call me this or say this kind of thing to me it makes me feel this and this and thinking of them makes me wanna be with them more and think of things id wanna do in the future and being with them only intensifies that and makes me seriously try to plan a (albeit short-term) relationship with them, and that is how they make me feel -but with my friends there isn't any of this, there is no deep underlying feeling and devotion and me being Drawn to and appealed by and positive feelings that makes me want to do things with them, because i'm not attracted to them!!!! if i talk to a person and they seem cool i'll talk to them more cause talking to them's nice and That is IT that is the whole story nothing more nothing less!!!!! i describe this as platonic Attachment moreso than Attraction

>when i am nonplatonically attracted to someone, it's BECAUSE i feel all those aforementioned positive things towards them that DIRECTLY leads to - like, is on the same exact path as - wanting to do/doing shit with them! i wanna kiss em Because i'm attracted to them! i wanna wrap my arm around theirs and hold their hand Because i'm attracted to them! i wanna wrap around them in general Because i'm attracted to them! i wanna call them 8a83 and for them to call me whatever Because i'm attracted to them! i wanna do this and that and this and that BECAUSE i think they are hot and/or cute and they make me feel a way that makes me wanna do that stuff!!!! -but when someone is my friend, i do things with them just for the sake of doing stuff! i don't talk to them cause everything they say makes me go awww and wish we could move in together more, i talk to them cause i like hearing what they have to say and what they have to say is good and they're nice to talk to!! if i wanna cuddle them or kiss them on the cheek/forehead/whatever or be with them physically etc etc etc it's because they are and have been a Good Friend, ie They Are And Have Been Consistantly Good At Talking To Me and handling our relationship (ie saying the right things to me at the right time, ie not Saying 'shut up i hate you!!' when i Say 'im sad :(' /exaggerated, but you get the idea) which results in trust and respect and enjoyment of Our Relationship, IE, Us Talking To Eachother.

>so my nonplatonic relationships Usually (KEYWORD USUALLY!! while its not a kind of relationship i have a lot, i Have had nonplatonic relationships where i'd go to certain friends Before i'd go to my partner for some things and i DO disagree with the amatonormative ever-present notion that your partner HAS to come first and your friends will ALWAYS come last) come first because if i lose them or ignore them to Only spend time with my friends when i could spend it with them etc i am not just losing Someone To Talk To i am losing someone who inherently makes me happy and at ease and enjoying them Because They Are Them, and i am losing this and that and this and that thing to do that makes me happy bc im doing it with Them and able to just stew in how much i like them and how attractive they are -but! as stated before! my friendships are essentially just Talking To Someone and doing things to show youre glad theyre there because of how good talking to them is!! and if i lose them then well shit bro i can talk to fucking anyone else!!!!!! they mightve been someone who i could talk to abt a specific thing i couldnt trust with anyone else or maybe they'd talk in a specific way regarding certain things that was really comforting, BUT AGAIN THATS JUST ME BEING SAD OVER NOT TALKING TO THEM NOT BEING SAD OVER HOW I FEEL ABOUT THEM OR NOT BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS MY ATTRACTION VIA WHATEVER NONPLATONIC ACTION

(worth noting i am alloaro so if some of this reads as my nonplatonic relationships kinda railing off the ability to Do Something Out Of my attraction to them and how Attractive they are instead of just being with them and Them and my Ability to Be with them, there uh. ah. theres a reason for that ;>___>) so u might be reading this and going, oh, clove, that sounds like you're aplatonic! and you'd be right! but this is where it hits a wall cause i HAVE experienced platonic Attraction before. i Have been Drawn to and appealed by and, well, Attracted To someone.... out of platonicness. i Have felt a positive and emotional way towards someone that made me want to do things with them not to show appreciation but just out of how much they made me feel and how i felt about them, but in a platonic way! which might read as 'no homo'-y and we were just awkward friends but 'friends' was Not how we described, or not the sole way we'd describe our relationship, because we were More Than Friends*, but we weren't dating or being sexual or anything nonplatonic, but we weren't just friends, but we'd have recurring issues of ppl thinking we Were nonplatonic and that wasn't the case, but it really was way More than any regular friendship at least as far as we knew, but- so we defined that as a qpr and that was the best way to explain it and to this day i still feel like that explains it p solid even if the definitions for it aren't always the same and some aren't what i'd use for that one specifically, which crosses off another definition for aplatonic past 'i have experienced platonic attraction', 'i have had+wanted a qpr', And! that relationship and the way i felt overshadows how not-attracted to my friends i am and how clear cut the definition between 'friend' and 'not-friend [gayly]' is for me! which crosses out the last thing! so i just. feel weird abt it all. bottom line is that i know people aren't saying this shit for No Reason and if i want affirmation of the concept of 'nonplatonic relationships are more than platonic ones' i don't even have to fucking go outside i can just look literally anywhere that isn't wholly and entirely the aro community dedicated to arospec and aro-related discussion...... but i wish people wouldn't act like/imply that since this is how a lot of aro people feel, that this is not only an inherent intrinsic universal arospec experience/feeling, but that anything different directly goes against other aro people, even if the person in question is. also arospec. BUT MAYBE thats just me being hierarchy_polyamory_luvr_500 and not someone who relates to or particularly Wants to specifically aim for relationship anarchy with all my relationships started and maintained by myself, which is a whole nother post, BUT ANYHOO. don't throw affectionate/attraction-ing/partnering/amorous aros under the bus please lol XD

*ik this is kinda a loaded way to describe a relationship/feelings towards someone but wrt this specific relationship, i mean it in the sense of like.

if this makes sense? it's more than friends, but because it's still platonic feelings, it's just farther along the line of and has more going on than just regular friends, therefore. more than friends+not just friends. but the concept of a nonplatonic 'more than/not just friends' is not lost on me when it's not coming from like, a romance movie, cause -GESTURES AT THE ENTIRE FIRST 3/4THS OF THIS POST-

#rambling.txt #SORRY THIS IS SO LONG AHHHHHH #also worth noting every time ive been in a nonplatonic relationship with someone without fail #sometimes i will just be pissy and irritated and everything and everyone; or like; my Threshold??? #for anything even near the general area of bullshit will be way fucking lower and most things will have me just like #uh huh. ok. cool. good for you. mhm. whatever you fucking say. sure i fucking guess. #but with my partner that is like. not fucking there. #and so many times ive only realized i was irritated or on edge or tired of shit BECAUSE my partner talked to me unprompted #and i was like oh thank god youre here. and its like just being around them is decompressing and relieving and relaxing #BUT I DIDNT INCLUDE THIS IN THE MAIN POST BECAUSE I HAVE ABSOLUTELY 0 CLUE WHY THIS HAPPENS #OR WHAT IT LIKE; MEANS? OR ANYTHING?????? LIKE I AM GENUINELY BAFFLED WHAT'S UP WITH THIS #like it could be anything from Thats Nonplatonic Relationships; Babe! and its just another effect of Liking Someone #to alloaro stuff; to fucking trauma from insert any bad thing that happened to me???? #genuinely no clue. genuinely dumbfounded xx

[pharahlesbian]

What are your opinions on aromantic folks?

well, its kind of complicated. on the one hand, i dont rly feel like u guys r doing anything wrong per se, like none of u ever seem to do any of the harmful shit that aces do. and aro is an identity i used to hold really closely. roughly 4-5 years ago, i was on here identifying as aroace.

my personal experience with both labels is that they did measurable harm to my perception of myself and my sexuality. when i did eventually realize i was a lesbian, i didn’t immediately suspect those labels had done me any harm. not until i read several other accounts of ppl who went through a near identical experience as me

see, the answer to your question is complicated bc i first have to address split attraction. its one of my main gripes with asexuality. its my firm belief that romantic and sexual attraction should not be so neatly sequestered the way many people describe them to be. the reality of attraction is that every single person experiences it uniquely and defines it for themselves and themselves alone. i genuinely think the labels “aromantic” and “asexual” and all their variants shouldnt exist at all. and i think they are REGRESSIVE. i really do. they impede progress in a society that desperately needs it. we NEED a more healthy view of sex in our society. we NEED people to understand that its normal and ok to not want sex, or to experience varying degrees of attraction. not wanting sex or romance should be as normal as not wanting your ears pierced. and it should be something you discuss with your partner and your partner alone. having labels for this very normal experience is honestly just setting us back. we dont need to get caught up in a hundred micro labels to describe the ways we have sex. we can just have sex, or dont! or have sex once a month, once a year! or never! and thats your choice and you shouldnt be made to feel like u need to have 5 labels for what should just be how youre feeling. attraction is so nebulous, theres no way we could ever pin it down with labels and we should really stop trying

so. how do i feel about aromantic ppl. well, how do i feel about aromanticism? its a tough conversation to have, because of how personal it is, and its why ive put off this ask for a really long time. i was aroace, yeah, but aro was the label i was really passionate about. im gonna tell you some stuff u might not want to hear, but its my experience.

i was aro because i was lonely, and i was aro because i was scared. i knew i had feelings for girls, but i didnt know how to reconcile them, especially with my burgeoning gender qualms i was also having (which was also happening bc of the aforementioned attraction to girls, but thats another conversation entirely). it was scary, trying to pin down the fact that i was only attracted to girls. and i mightve come to that conclusion a lot sooner if it werent for tumblr telling me about asexuality/aromanticism/split attraction. suddenly i had a copout. cant be attracted to girls if im attracted to no one, right? that plus the fact that when youre lonely and havent experimented with dating, when everything is in hypotheticals, then anything is possible (“well i guess i COULD be attracted to men... but id never have sex with them! so i guess im panro-ace” <-an actual identity i had at age 19. comp het feeds on these micro labels and split attraction)

please keep in mind none of this is directed at you or even aromantics as a whole, im still just talking about my own experience. and my experience was that the aroace label was definitely just a convenient place to hide from being a lesbian. and i know others have had similar experiences.

so...once again. how DO i feel about aromantics? i feel as though we live in a very romance-forward world. romance is everywhere, once youre looking for it. i think i was rather bitter, and preferred pretending that not dating was an identity, rather than the painful reality of firstly not knowing what i wanted, and secondly not even knowing if id BE wanted. i think we all have varying degrees of attraction, both romantic and sexual, and i think for many the two kind of exist in tandem. and again for many, these feelings can exist a lot stronger for them than they do for others. so it leaves a lot of ppl feeling like they MUST be different. i think it makes a lot of sense that i identified strongly with aromanticism, even aside from me using it as something to hide behind. ive never really been much of a romantic. i never had too many crushes, and i only ever imagined romantic scenarios if it were fictional characters i shipped.

of course once i saw someone list these types of things out as evidence of being aro, i was like oh thats me! and latched onto it. and never did anymore introspection. the label was a copout. now, i could tell u that being aroace was a product of knowing i wasnt attracted to men yet not being able to face being attracted to women, so i was like “oh ok guess i have No attraction!” and i can tell u that since ive been with my girlfriend, ive become the sappiest romantic ever.

im not gonna tell you “you just havent found the right person yet :)” but i will say that if you have even the slightest doubt or uncertainty, to go out and experiment! date around and see how you feel. no one can tell you who u are or how u feel except u. u wont be a hypocrite for experimenting. but if youre already sure u dont really feel romantic attraction, then more power to you. not everyone on this earth needs to get married or date. i do think our society needs to normalize just being happy with who you are, and not see it as pitiful. thats an opinion that is so hard to have when youre single, bc u cant help but feel like youre pathetically trying to justify being alone, so im doubling down now that im in a relationship. its fucking ok to not be in a relationship!! if theres one thing that’s stayed the same since i was aro its my assertion that ppl need to fucking chill about orher peoples relationship status

i feel like this answer went in one THOUSAND different directions, but ive been thinking about how to answer this for a while and decided to just word vomit

TL;DR: aromantics are fine, not as harmful as asexuality, you do you, make sure you examime yourself and how you feel often, dont just take the word of ppl on tumblr (me included), everyone experiences attraction differently, i just wish split attraction model didnt exist because its perfectly fine to not want sex/romance or to have low/nonexistent attraction, i just dont believe in the labels/identities.

#ask #sorry if this is absolutely incoherent #aromiiic #ace shit #hoping u wont see this as like Hate Speech but an actual like Conversation #its a weird perspective bc there was a time when thatd be me asking a question like that with an icon like that #i remember always trying to raise awareness of aro stuff in the ace community #these conversations always require lots of nuance and understanding #unfortunately tumblr is usually low on reserves wrt nuance and tact #i always try tho and i always have high hopes that ppl respond in kind

[unproduciblesmackdown]

posts about things with absolutely no introduction but it's because i was reminded of the topic the other day

this one's for those of us in the lifelong isolation no friends society, i know sometimes there's other people out there!! anyways i've been thinking about how like, personally, obviously, b/c idk how other ppl do it b/c we aren't friends with each other lol, its just a fuckin wild thing to deal with in part cuz its one of those answers to which there's not necessarily any Right Way to handle things or Answer or Solution or anything. isolation p much = more isolation and plus not having friends makes ppl less likely to socialize with you so that's rough; anyways yknow, the point is just oops you can't Choose to like, obtain a friend. u can try to get ppl interested but you can't control it beyond that, so, yknow

anyways what am i getting to? yeah so i've never had close friends in that i was never able to share personally honest things anyways for the longest time for a couple reasons, and also, people just didn't like me. the double whammy of "oh no its abuse" and "oh no you're lowkey socially ostracized by your peers from preschool on without end" is like, good luck to little me getting friends! i had sort-of friends in like a couple ppl who'd hang out with me regularly and on occasion we'd go to each others houses or smthing but it wasnt able to be like, the normal fun event it should. oh well. middle school was a little better and a little worse but i didnt keep up w ppl cuz i went to a different school later and its that situation where you're friends-ish Because you're at the same school right...smh...didnt thrive in college magically, but one essential thing was i was away from home more often than not so, that was real important ultimately. but anyways in the end i had like a handful of college friends-ish (accepted by other friends groups lol) and theres a couple of them i still talk to now and again

so like, yknow, friends, mostly friendly acquaintances, my siblings i'd classify as friendly acquaintances, i'm very glad about all of them really. just unfortunately i've only just started to have friendships that are like a decade old and the "longtime close" friendship is nonexistent b/c college is just four years and then you go other places, and i'm not at the heart of friend groups and not "good" at communication in other ways so its hard to keep in touch in ways. smh!!

funnily enough i'm also not good at internet stuff though it's been absolutely essential, god knows. that's why i'm able to talk to anyone rn!! but i can't do group chats and i only like approaching things "one on one" aka i don't like feeling like im in the midst of a group even outside group chats. if you get what i'm saying. like even back being in the small early mh fandom of like, three dozen ppl, in retrospect i didnt like having to be in the entire Group yknow. lemme just be over here. which is what i do now.

anyways for additional reasonsl, communicating has been trickier these past few years and for the most part its been kind of a situation where i wasn't necessarily going to get to talk to someone every day, though usually it'd maybe only be like, a gap of a day or two. and anyways, the thing is that, over the past ten years especially its started to be Distressing like wanting friends, not as much having them, and also having it be more obvious that there was some kind of deficiency keeping me from having (and having had) friends like other people did. not fun! but what i'm getting around to here, whats been wild, is just this like, decade-ish (or two decade-ish if you want) Personal Effort to just figure out how the fuck to stop having to feel like shit about it all the time right? then you're lonely AND stressed and probably self loathing also

so like yeah, the thing is that the other day something was going on about like, yknow, the idea of the longtime close friend with a steadfast presence in your life, and that's just always like, lfjdglmao what!!! sounds nice. i had a friend for a week in second grade and im not sure we ever spoke and then the teacher made us sit on opposite sides of the classroom and it was too embarrassing to be friends anymore. that's kinda close but lol for real......it's not only the lack of friends to tackle but also like, i don't assume to have friends in the future. it's something that like, i would obviously theoretically want, and be happy if it happened, but i can't say i hope for it, because that implies too much being expectant or whatever. and it's weird!! its a weird time just kind of presuming friendlessness until otherwise occurs. and it's not great, i'm definitely still unhappy about all this shit. its just that i've also like, been able to shave off how distressing the issue mightve been in earlier years yknow

like it sounds all depressing to say like, i've just had to be less emotionally invested in the whole thing, but it's kind of true. not by ignoring it or ignoring the feelings so much as like...just acknowledging that this is how it is and there's only so much i can do but not hating myself about it is a start. and yeah it's like "oh, feeling less, depressing" but also frankly when i decided also that its less horrible to be friendless than to feel stuck w crap ppl / ppl who you aren't too important to / etc, i figured that i'd also rather be friendless and just enjoy being myself than try to make myself easier to talk to. i'm not like intimidating or anything, i just can't hold a conversation. but i'm not very interested anymore in trying to convince ppl to like me, yknow, i'm out here, and if i'm ever going to have friends i'd like them to be people to like me For Who I Am, wipe tear. what i'm just saying is "a weird dumbass" b/c its just vague social weirdness that ppl don't necessarily like, loathe, but probably they'd rather talk to someone else. i'm not great at socializing stuff, like i said, hence social rejection since age 4

oh and i meant to say!! i've been able to turn up my emotions by turning down my investment in the idea of Needing To Always Be Trying To Make Friends b/c, as anyone might know, all i like to do is talk at great length about whatever weird, niche shit i'm into at any given point. and that's pretty much it. i'm not pretending to be deep by not really knowing how to do small talk. lmao you guys know what i'm talking about. and obviously not everybody is into Getting Enthusiastic or super focused on whatever weird thing at any point, and i'm not Into getting my passion all fired up and being brushed off or anything, so we can all avoid each other, and i get to continue entertaining myself

so that's a way i've been able to turn my feelings up actually lol.....dunno how to segue into it so i won't but it's also just like, not saying that i Truly Don't Care about not having friends, or that it doesn't hurt that i've had this relative friendless past and the futures looking bleak, b/c it does!! it's still distressing. but like, its turned down. the whole general issue can be a very Bitter one for sure!!!! and it has been in the past sometimes and like.....it's still there basically, i've just been able to turn down the volume a lot on a bunch of these shit feelings like "that's upsetting" or "i'm bitter about that" and just kind of calmly let it simmer back down b/c i'm sort more familiarish with what sets it off and more familiar with Dealing With It Always overall

no idea if i've made the point i was setting out for there. dealing with the No Friends Isolation Life society life is not fun but we're out here, sometimes. it continues to be not fun. "oh well," is an often relevant sentiment. c'est la vie. c'est ce que c'est? i think. and i think it's nice that after years and years of just like, struggling to figure this shit out myself, and probably feeling like shit most of the time, i've at least managed to go "shh" at some Bad Feelings. definitely still there. but this time it doesn't heap extra shittiness on top b/c of having to deal with the intensity of it and feel bad about that too etc etc. it's all weird! getting more familiar with dealing with some shit which is just, the way that it is in part because of bad luck and of course i'm jealous of everybody who does have friends. but oh well. b/c c'est la vie. im also glad for everybody who has friends, obv. it's all complicated!! which is just part of why this post exists. it has no real point, i'm just kinda going like, weird, huh? and kind of good, and kind of a bummer. oh well

also im aware this is a suddenly long, technically depressing post at like circa midnight for a lot of people, but basically this is just me in normal mood. sometimes it's depressing posts time out of nowhere, but i'm not especially depressed!! nighttime is just more of my Peak Hours. night owl 4 life. thanks

oh and ps. another thing i would think about (with more distress in the past, and like, no distress now) is that its also funny cuz, one thing i’ve generally had to do is be aware that it’s a bigger deal for you (me) to get a new Friend than it is for them to be getting you as a friend, b/c math says so. and so i’ve had to push myself to not be overly hopeful or invested in order to be both fair to them and myself. and nowadays that’s just kind of how i view the no-friends-ness of it all, like. i’m not mad that i’m not for some reason way closer to anybody i know. why would i be. and i don’t expect anybody to think like “oh my god we have to be Good Friends” because like. not in a self deprecating way but like, why would any random person want that. and i dont expect to be better friends with ppl im just casual friends with, which is great, cus like Friendly Acquaintances and other lite friendships are fantastic and im very grateful. but i am aware there’s plenty of reasons making it difficult to just like, pick up a Close Buddy and i’m not like “oh i demand one from somewhere, from some reason.” so what i am trying to say is that keeping my expectations honestly realistic is an effort to be fair to both other ppl and myself and i think it works. no friends!! we out here!!!!

#long post //// #long and incoherent lord knows. whatevs #its midnight...the no Purposeful Writing hours....... #(bat emoji)

[daedalusdavinci]

for the fandom ask maybe pjo?

you know what i think this is the first time anyones ever asked me abt pjo? which is wild bc pjo is the OG. lets get into it tho

send me a fandom and ill tell you my...

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

percy i dont care if that makes me a basic bitch id ont care he means more to me than any other character ever has or ever will im not fucking around here. i havent written a fanfiction w him in so long but i promise you my love for him has never wavered for even a second

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

TYSON :sob: i LOVE HIMMM sea of monsters was my FAVORITE book when i was a kid and ive read it so many times the spine is holding together by fucking threads

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

fucking reyna AND rachel. i am clutching those aro icons to my chest and you will never get them away from me rachel was iconic asf and reynas fucking friendships are so. (crying)

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

tyson its tyson its fucking tyson i lost my shit when he popped up in the hoo books i went crazy i made it everyones problem for like months

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

can i say alabaster lol. when i was younger it mightve been him or ethan idk. leo and jason might be controversial enough at this point that they could count but im pretending not to see it

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

oh jason. jason for suresies. i cant explain it exactly its just a vibe i think hes fun to fuck around w

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

rick himself idk maybe luke or. oh gods exist. i forgot. ok demeter for like no reason i just think shes annoying

#asks

[toaster-hair]

random silly theory i randomly made bc im bored

long fucking post down below lol

so you might be thinking to yourself “hmm i wonder what this theory is about” 

well im gonna tell you; its about kazuichi soudas design and why his ass is so fucking fat in the first place.

first, ill need to discuss this image. as you can see on the right side of the image, kazuichi has his back facing the viewer. this backside shows us kazuichis thicc megatron ass.

now you may be thinking to yourself “toastie, what the fuck.”. ill explain further;

my hypothesis is that the person who made kazuichis original final design mistook him as a girl and ran with it until getting feedback from kodaka or someone else working on the game.

now youre most definitely thinking “toastie, what the fuck.” and i dont fault you for that. even i dont believe it. but ill go over my little evidence anyways.

this is his supposed “beta” design. obviously it is different from the final product, however it is practically the same. if i didnt know about this design and saw someone draw it, i wouldve just guessed they messed up on the design.

unlike a lot of other danganronpa characters, it appears he only has one beta design. to explain this, i bring up this idea; there was a bit of miscommunication with the design and art team, leading to kazuichi having a completely different design that mightve been controversial and releasing this beta as a cover up. this led to all of kaz’s other designs being unreleased/lost.

this is most definitely a stretch, but i do think the dr team not releasing or even losing references and designs is a possibility. how can i prove that? with his goth counterpart; gundham. fucking. tanaka.

this is his final design, and like kazuichi he only has one beta design we know of.

(i couldnt find a bigger pic sorry, the same image is up on his wiki) im sorry, but there is no way in my mind that these are even the same person. itd take more than just one beta design to go from some guy who looks like hed be a member of blood on the dancefloor to an edgy anime wizard. there were obviously a few more beta designs that didnt make it to the public.

“but toastie, how do you know if the main designer for kaz thought he was a girl?” well tumblr.com user, i dont. but somethings that help that theory is;

sdr2 has a pretty different style compared to dr1. ndrv3 also has a different style but it was released like 7 years after the first game i think? so i can excuse its style. while sdr2 was made only 2 years after the original (and couldve been in development way before 2012), so to me itd make more sense if they had new people.

kazuichi is still pretty androgynes (hell, maybe even a bit feminine), even more so than chihiro. the only characters that look similar to kaz (kaito and leon) are still pretty damn masculine when compared.

pink hair big hips and sharp teeth isnt what youd first imagine when you hear the word “mechanic”, is it?

to wrap up this post; while i dont think all of this theory is the absolute truth, i do believe that there is probably a lot of lost danganronpa media, whether it be a lost anime episode, a spin off novel everyone claims exists but has no original internet trace, or even a few beta designs. this theory will get confirmed when pigs fly.

#danganronpa #danganronpa theory #theory #kazuichi souda #sdr2 #gundham tanaka

[cielospeaks]

v happy to put out this guda5 event review!

Story- 9/10. only putting as 9/10 bc technically i dont like that they use only avenger and not archer nobu (like. she exists. tho tbh its mostly my gripes w avenger nobu as a whole character on a lot of levels) however it doesnt detract that much from the story. the story was really fantastic! it was bizarre, but also knew when to take things seriously, and i think it fleshed everyone out a lot which was nice (i do like katsu in funnier roles as well, but for a story abt familial ties and katsu kinda... growing to stand up for himself without his big sister a more serious tone was much better). the antagonists got nice arcs and are def in the same category as other guda npcs that “gosh i wish you were playable”. the memes abt serizawa’s strategy to attack on a weekday and stuff were funny also. anyways pretty top tier! def my favorite story of gudaguda events so far. i loved the relationship between katsu and himichans brother (and the ending between them made me even more hyped abt katsu servant, tho i wish he and himichan had lines together), and izous role especially in the event! he really shone and he deserved it so much, im so proud of him!

Free servant- n/a (counting katsu as gacha). no free servant, but unlike something like saber wars 2 it wasnt fucking bullshit. see gacha area

Gacha servant- 11/10. it gets this high a rating bc the whole gacha was excellent. the ces were nice, the characters were amazing! and it used the fp gacha awesomely also, by means of katsu! limited 1 star is rough, but w farming friend points in the event and 1 stars being easy enough to summon id say its easier than mori or izou, who are limited 3 stars. and as far as the quartz gacha i was so happy to see himiko added! at first i was scared bc i was watching the announcement w no sound but had a bad feeling the 5 star would be himi (and that id be sad not to roll her) but then she came home like... after 60 quartz! bless her heart. and hajime mightve eaten more but he came home easily enough too! thank you both so much ;w;

Event gameplay- 7/10. like summer the gameplay was fine enough, i like the easier clear events (tho it is satisfying to clear a “tough” boss with a good strategy, like rulerteam, for hard level events). himiko absolutely slays at everything! the bosses weren’t too hard but were satisfying. raids arent my favorite thing but i prefer them to like... the cf event last year. the farming was sweet, i kept thinking of the “its a farm” line and the first summer event, it was a nice nostalgic throwback. also katsu and himichans lines for picking up the farming stuff are nice.

Other- 8/10. ok first thing first, the okita costume was like. A+++++ tier. i know its only a small appearance change but she looks so good! not that her usual outfits arent good, its just like! idk maybe just the novelty but its a good look for her! and the animation up + hiji strengthening was a nice gift too! (i know that was before but still). again, npcs were wonderful and i was happy to see them, and bless them implementing katsu as playable, it gives me hope ;w; kinda sad that besides shibata in flashbacks the other npcs were absent (and heck, mori barely got any screentime either ;n; ) my theory is that odd number gudagudas are focused on okita/bakumatsu/shinsengumi and even numbers are focused on nobu/sengoku. we’ll see next year if thats correct, and if so it could mean our old buddies akechi/shibata/maxwell might get another crack at being servants (maybe even our two new friends from this one as well, but idk). it would be funny if we got a weird jttw crossover w wukong and guest appearance from xuanzang, but that might just be too out there lol.

oh and i forgot to mention abt myroom! it was nice! honestly the event (and maybe partly the sheer novelty that i barely know anything abt yamatai era) revived that feeling i had initially abt “im so excited to set off on a history adventure!” w go and other such games/series. i think this song sums it up. the music was also very nice!

Overall- 9/10.

as far as gudaguda events this one is by far the best imo. katsu becoming playable, and both the story and characters being solid. no free 4 star is a bit sad, but im much more glad katsu is a 1 star (he gets sweet outfits!). sure his np would prolly be different if he was a 4 star but it fits his character as it is (tho im never using it unless i can give him guts ;w; ). himiko, one of my most desired servants, also is added and thats awesome! hajime chan is very cute also and im super happy to see him in the game. ofc being a gudaguda event it introduces new characters and promptly confines them to npc heck, but.... katsu exists so... there’s hope? i esp feel for shibata and serizawa, they deserve to be playable so bad.

for reference, id say the shishou event was a solid 6/10. decent gameplay, not quite as fun to see the lineups as the previous years (i liked how in the loud king events they were introduced like... wrestling teams or something) but the gameplay was largely the same and i loved the misty scotland castle setting (if it wasnt obvious by my happy abundant macbeth references). shishous bunny suit is cute but i dont have her, nor any plans (i like summer shishou just fine), and as a character i like her better than the loud kings, but it just felt... more fitting? i guess? with the event structure. but either way, not a bad event by a long way. the loud king fest events arent my favorite as a whole, so thats mostly why its not higher.

#event review #gameblogging #i think the only downsides are the usual plethora of npc heck characters #but theyre all super good characters so id be down to see them all playable (heck i want them all to be playable) #the only other negatives were like... held over from last yrs event but thats problems w last yrs event not this one #and said characters were at the least.... somewhat downplayed in story significance this year #ofc so was mori and hes the one id want more of ;w; #but izou got an awesome role in it! im so proud of him! #and my son ofc! he rocked!

[illusionlock]

under the cut bc uhhhhhhhhh its a lot

chapter 3 spoilers too

i still like alice, i dont think she is bad, she just seems to be, desperately trying to fix herself, she seems like the kind of person who tried her best to be good, to impress, but when all that failed, when no matter what everything went downhill, she just got tired of playing nice. n i understand, i rly do. just. what the hell tho. do you rly need to go to those lenghts. cant wee just talk alice. cant we

joey you manipulative fuck... pals you just cannot trust men

from my view, susie fused with alice out of pure spite, to somehow prove to joey she could still be alice, but it ended up making a very... fucked up fusion. from the way alice talks even, she knew susie, n susie convinced her to do it, in a possibly manipulative manner, but it happened.

actually, heres what i think: humans rnt meant to fuse with toons. toons n humans can exist separately from one another (even if in imperfect forms, like in the butcher gang or all the other boris’, even the searchers r perhaps prototype toons) but they rnt meant to fuse. if they do, they create an amalgalm, a badly mutated copy of what that toon used to be.

alice kind of explains how toons r born? theyre born spontaneously, burst out of puddles. said puddles probably come from the machine (?) n theyre born in the bundles. alice talks of hearing multiple voices inside the puddles. considering whatever weird supernatural shit joey was involved in, those voices were likely souls conjured up to animate whatever being was gonna burst outta there.

theres a theory about being like, the first ink machine made imperfect toons, n the second made them correctly, which might be why alice said her second form was the angel form. i dont disagree, but i also rly like the idea that toons face some kind of evolution. the searchers would be the most basic stage, the butcher gang we see is probably in its imperfect stages still, until the very later stages, which i imagine the boris’ have reached, though they still seem to come with varying levels of ‘perfection’. thought there r no multiple alices or bendys. what caused boris to be so ‘mass produced’?

i mean alice does say ‘that is the most perfect boris...’ and refers to him as an ‘it’. were boris’ like, just made in the bundles bc they were easy to make n helped around? i mean boris’ personality is very helpful n loyal, like a dog, so i imagine joey wanting to mass produce boris only for the purpose of having lots of handymen who dont question orders

speaking of themes of perfection, theres an interesting line on one of her monologues. ‘and she was perfect... no matter what joey says’. was she still considered imperfect by joey at first? did he disapprove of the first alice n wanted to repurpose her whole character, n when susie refused, probably standing up for alice, he threatened to replace her?

my boyfriend pointed this out, n i agree: i think a lot of the anger alice directs at bendy is actually supposed to be pointed at joey. i mean, joey was the one who manipulated her n made her feel special in one moment n imperfect n terrible in the next. n who was joeys little darling devil, who he hated seeing get at least one little insult? bendy himself. so this anger is specifically spiting joey n his egotistical creation

i think, what happened to make the rest of the employees fucked up is much more complicated. obviously, fusion with a toon grants immortality, but turns you into a mutant with a higher or lower grade of deformation depending on how ‘perfect’ the toon is. so im thinking, something happened to make everyone want to desperately fuse with any toon available, including half made borises, searchers, you name it. n im calling it now: it was the ink machine flooding up the whole damn place. i mean, seriously, dont you think its suspicious that in updated ch2 n ch3 you have to DRAIN the ink to get down the stairs cuz theres so much?? so.. yeah. YEAH.

final point, this just further brings my point of this ‘bendy’ going around being a result of a fucked up fusion of joey n bendy. bendy mightve been considered sufficiently perfect by joey once to fuse n make him immortal, but apparently it wasnt enough, n so the fusion still suffered a great deformation n loss of most conscious perception, only leaving intact what i believe to be vague thoughts, only fragments of what they once were, but not enough to form a fully functional thinking being, only rather a near animalistic thing moved by instinct.

alice also says that although toons cant die, they can be pulled back into the puddles, by getting touched by other toons who r highly corrupted or imperfect. from her words, ‘bendy’ is such a toon.

actually, the more i think about it, the more i think human/toon fusions r based off of liches. you see, in fantasy, liches r creatures that come from a wizard who concentrates all their magic in becoming immortal supernatural beings. however, they usually tend to lose themselves n become a destructive force, UNLESS they have somethign to hold on to. this could explain why some fusions maintained their consciousness (alice n sammy) while others didnt (norman n ‘bendy’).

#don't be scared. i am here with you. #yeah its a lot sorry dfkjgkldsjhfj

[kasssiopeia]

you know i might be TOTALLY wrong here but as of right now, i dont like what they are doing with oumas character (lol what are you talking about, its kodakas character he can do what he wants SHUT UP) at least up until the beginning of chapter 4.

as oumas already confirmed for creepiest sprite in whole dangan ronpa (UDG despair crazed komaeda was bad for me but that just made me wanna chuck my vita across the room and light it on fire)

also there have been some “ohh next komaeda” rumours going around for a long time, since i dont check any tags i wouldnt know if they still exist but im not gonna lie, he DOES have some komaeda vibes.

what id like for oumas character to become, is the guy who tricks the mastermind and successfully save his friends. ouma seriously being completely evil to the bone doesnt... sit right with me? yes hes an annoying brat who acts out of boredom but he... doesnt give off any feeling of threat? at least not him alone.

In chapter 1, hes the one who goes against akamatsu, who says they shouldnt work together cause its allegedly what monokuma wants them to do. he makes a lot of threats about killing someone but hes also seen goofing around, riling people up on purpose.

chapter 2 when he got gonta on his side, i was seriously worried that he might use gonta to kill someone or smh get gonta killed (kinda like use him as a weapon as peko tried). but with the uh.. Insect calming meeting? where he stole most of everyones videos that were supposed to be the next killing motive, he was actually doing them a favour? if hed really gone through with the whole, lets sit down and watch everyones videos together, maybe the killing wouldnt have happened (maybe a bit too far fetched but it mightve happened on other terms or even prevented future killing).

chapter 3 ouma was actually pretty helpful during the investigation AND trial, seriously i was surprised that his backhanded tricks actually helped (also even tho he first claimed to be the killer, it was preeetty sure that it wasnt him and he also explains it as “i wanted the real killer to step out and push me” altho we dont know if thats his real motive or if he was just doing that for fun)

so up until end of chapter 3 i got a pretty solid actually LIKABLE character (fuck you for that death scare during the investigation tho) who is like.. chaotic good or at least chaotic neutral. he has a lot of characters that dislike him but so far it hasnt kept him from actually doing anything to harm anyone. also in his ftes hes just,.. playing games goofing around and it just gave me the feeling that he probably has to spend a lot of time alone cause his lying and trolling makes people dislike him (of course).

when ouma steals the key card in chapter 4, i actually thought he was just gonna break it so that the motive wont be used, or at least snoop it out to find a way how to get rid of the threat it poses to possible killers.

instead!!! we get this super weird cutscene i dont even know why it was shown to the player without any context or conclusion OR consequences (yet) where ouma and monokuma talk and ouma asks him to make the killing game/motive more interesting while using the scariest sprite ever(tm)

so for the player, who by now understands that ouma can be dangerous in the right circumstances, yet never chose to be and actually managed to integrate himself into the group A LITTLE, thats just... weird?

why would he suddenly act in a suuuper evil way just to send his classmates to hell? it just barely makes sense and reminds me of komaeda in chapter 4 (oh) where he just broke out the bombs and killing threats and, im gonna become a symbol of hope!

SO what i now want to happen is for ouma to actually be able to deceive monokuma, by making himself seem evil to the mastermind, when in the end his actions will have a positive effect on the whole group, maybe even end up saving them. so the player kinda gets double crossed?

if it turns out that ouma is actually this super evil person his childish self sometimes claims to be, if he turns out to be the mastermind, or even if he dies next its gonna be... so, so boring?

the character who seems evil is... actually evil? then what about all the crap he already went through where he could send his classmates to hell?

but also ndrv3 has way too many double/false shsl titles. shsl tennis player is also shsl prisoner? shsl child care is actually shsl assassin? what

#hoshis adventures at uni #hoshi plays ndrv3 #ndrv3 spoilers #just a rant about ouma #i havent finished the game so my predictions are probably wrong but #just my thoughts until chapter 4 #ouma kokichi

[theday]

hide and seek, fireworks, my style, coloured, your love, dream might (romantic or platonic? i love options), i'll be there, because it's you ((((:, you smile, with you, and better with you!!!!

thank you so much for aksing falen i love these and it also got super long lmao rip

Hide & Seek: what’s the first thing you notice when you meet someone new?

in real life, its probably their shoes/socks?????? LMAO and then their appearance but im trying 2 not let their appearance stop me from becoming friends with them :-o

online, i usually??? read ppl’s abouts first???? but idk like when it comes to actually talking to them i guess itd be their typing style?? and their use of emojis/the gif function (jenny) helps me to assess them although i do know that the way they type =/= how they are as a person but thats just what i notice first

Fireworks: name something astro’s done that has made your heart explode

falen u rly had 2 do it to me? ????? but hrm…. whenever they post selcas and when they just laugh every time myungjun laughs thats the shit that gets me the most bc its so/???? pur??e??? i love them a lot theyre always so happie and theyre all smiles every time they do a vlive it makes me happie

My Style: what do you usually wear out?

clothes not 2 sound like a loner but. i rarely go outside bc i only go outside when my family eat out and thats only on like weekends and if im hanging out with pals so i always get the chance to wear the same shirt, shorts and shoes lmao 

but its a black cat shirt (used to be a button up thing but singapore is 2 hot 4 me) and blue shorts and white converse 

Coloured: favourite MV aesthetic? 

ok real talk all of their mvs are so pretty and everything??? but my favourite has to be baby or csc

Your Love: top three astro songs

o w0rm

again

confession

every minute 

Dream Night: describe a dream date with anyone

idk?? smth ive always wanted 2 do with anyone is just walk through a park or just walk when the weather is not 2 hot or 2 cold (ike what binuki did in their recent vlive) 

if we’re getting more romantic mayb just??? cuddling???? idk i rly cant see this happening tbh 

I’ll Be There: fave astro vlive you’d watch over and over again?

but theres so many :-( but possibly all of eunwoo’s just 10 minutes with binnie :-0 the shrek vlive with the ice cream made me laugh so hard though mmMM

Because It’s You: why do you love your astro bias?

ur rly gna make me do all 6 members falen??????? ill try 2 keep it short

myungjun; binnie said he was sure mj wouldnt make it into astro and im assuming its because he was the one who was a trainee the shortest but??? look at him now with his strong vocals and even stronger personality!!! astro mightve done fine without mj but listen.. their vlives, appearance on variety shows, etc. would never be able to be as funny because mj is the reason for everyones laughter and it makes me so happy??? mj has that ability to crack anybody up with his laugh and the shit he says and does is so funny too pleaseth and i just?? appreciate mj for being there so fucking  much because he really resolves any tension in the atmosphere so easily and as the oldest member im so glad to see he doesnt find anything awkward AND despite the age gap between him and sanha, theyre like the closest?? lets not forget on that one radio thing yesterday they (astro) were asked who they were most comfy with in the dorm and 3/5 answered myungjun :_) im just happy myungjun exists? thank u mj i love u mister 777

PARK JINWOO; jinjin is the one of the sweetest leaders out there and i know every group has a great leader but jinjin is really that leader to me because as the rest of astro have mentioned before, jinwoo really buys them shit and they have said that he is the sweetest?? remember in the fan made fanmeeting i dont know what its called but i linked it and just??? jinjin is literally an angel!!! the one vlive he did with dogs? my heart melted off!!!!!! he really went and learnt the names of all the dogs present in the dog cafe!!!! he stopped the black dog which was biting hard on the table bc he was scared it’d injure itself/get in trouble and just??? jinwoo is so fucking nice just ??? if u look in the dictionary park jinwoo will appear as a synonym believe me ok and jinjin is part of dance line everybody lets not forget that he dances to release stress and that amaizng intro to again he did with rocky for their dream pt2 showcase because that was fucking so ?? i love talent and! AND i will never shut up but as a leader jinwoo takes care of his members so much and he also knows how to have fun with them and he jsut!!!!! i love him a lot

cha! eu! nwoo! (dongmin); i know 4 a fact that this will get so long lmao rip but first i just wanted to say that i am so proud of dongmin and how far he has come as a dancer and vocalist in astro ok so obviously i dont know the real hard facts tm and i can never tell the difference in anything so i dont know how accurate i really am but last year (and even now) i know eunwoo had a lot of personal schedules and he barely had time to practice? ?? i really dont know but im p sure that was it???? idk but dongmin has had to work so hard the whole of last year with the amount of comebacks astro did and i jus??? im so proud of eunwoo for being able to work hard for astro and still attend all those other schedules at the same time??? like i said idk how much time he did have/didnt have but i know it mustve been little with how late it would be whenever he arrived back at the dorm after his stuff and??? eunwoo had to practice his lines and the dance (astro’s choreography looks hard as shit and its tiring too) in time for their comeback promotions ??? and!! dongmin used to be that member (now its all of astro) who would constantly do vlives for arohas and lets not forget his just one 10 minutes where he would do vlives that were always over 10 minutes where he just talks to fans im eternally grateful for all the work dongmin puts in for astro and arohas and im sure he puts in more than 100% effort when it comes to his personal schedules too!!!! dongmin deserves the best and ive seen someone say b4 that he’d probably feel bad if he had more lines bc he was already “stealing” the spotlight by being a “face genius” and i just!! youre righ??t???? eunwoo is incredibly selfless and its easy 2 assume these kinda things tbh lee dongmin is so much more than his face and visuals he is a hardworker and!!! he loves his members and fans so damn much im !!! i love eunwoo so much i hope he knows how much we love him 

binnie; god with bin there isnt somethiing that made me love him??? all he did was go :) and my brain decided i was gonna love him forever ok but……hrm….. i guess i love him because hes such a dork?? like. .. when he laughs he just snorts and its so funny lmao i believe bin’s a good friend too well no shit ?? uMMm moon bin has a cute smile yall…… whenever he smiles my heart explodes hes just that powerful and also!!! bin has been a trainee for 7 years now and im just !! he made it!! like what the post i reblogged earlier said, he probably had other dreams but he still stuck with being an idol ??? in the end and that !!! im sad he didnt get to pursue the things he couldve liked better but im also happy hes managed to find a dream he likes and that hes basically living the dream right now??? and im so happy for him because 7 years may not be a lot to some but bin’s still young his childhood was basically training??? im just!!!!!!!!!!! so proud of him and now hes on the same kind of music shows his faves are on too nd it makes me rly proud (idk any other words my vocabulary is so fucking weak oh my god) he is having the time of his life with astro and arohas right now im so glad i forgot what i wanted 2 say im sorry bin i did u dirty im2 tense rn but i love u and i love bin bc of how much hes done and the amt of scarifies he has 2 have made in order 2 get 2 where he is tdy 

rocky swag (minhyuk); minhyuk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love him because !! hes so awkward but he tries his best for arohas!!!!!!!!!! in that first vlive he did alone he was so nervous but he managed to warm up and in the next vlive he did alone he did something that he was comfortable with (dance) and im glad he’s able to do vlives normally now even if there isnt any recent solo vlives i can see how much more comfortable he is on vlive now !!!!!! my love for minhyuk is similar to bin’s bc all he did was smile and suddenly????? im in love???? its the swag lmao but seriousy tho after finding out rocky did all sorts of dance i found him really??? respectable??? because he was able to learn so many types of dance and isnt that the coolest thing ever???? lets not forget how well he can sing???? im happy and so proud (jesus) that he sang on the recent album since previously he said that he didnt hvae any plans of singing in the albums so!!!! now!! hes singing!!!!!!!!!!! although the songs dont do him justice tbh its ok we all know how lovely he sounds when he sings especially in the binuki vlive where he sang wyls i swer my ear drums were blessed?? park minhyuk can do anything get urself a legend like rocky so basiclaly i love rocky aka park minhyuk bc hes just!!!!! outstanding???? hes handsome, he can dance really fucking well, he can sing and rap !!!!!!!!!!!!! and?? hes just a fool??? he’s warming up to doing vlives and just being himself and its the greatest thing ever i love him a lot

sanha; YOON SANHA!!!!!!!!! Love of my LIFE the baby i will protect for the rest of my LIFe??????? he is DAT boi .. the boy i love so much with my whole heart!! sanha is so cute and he just!! hes always making fun and bullying the older members i love it so much but ofc everyones weak 4 sanha bc b*tch is 2 cute honestly can relate if sanha punched or stole my money ill let him off bc hes just that cute . lets not forget he learnt how 2 play the guitar all by himslef jae is shaking ok and sanha is such a nice voice?????? every time he screams i lose my hearing its ok id do anything 4 this boy???? and to think hes only (1) year older than me is kinda??? wowie???? sanha is rly out here being a superstar and a student @ the same time and hes doing an awesome job @ being amazing !!! sanha is so cute and just?????? he loves his other members and family so much i love sanha a lot and i hope nobody will ever make him cry (sad tears) bc i will personally go to that person and we’ll have a nice chat :-) i cant think of anything atm but sh loves arohas so much and hes always doing aegyo 4 us idk its just . … thakn u young prince

You Smile: name three things that have made you smile in the past week

ok easy

mx comeback

daily astro vlives (its okay if they dont do vlives everyday they have 2 rESt)

becoming friends with lovely mbbs :_) 

with you: talk about a mutual without using their name

how long is this answer gonna be oh w0rm.. but here we go this is abt someone who ive never talked about but do talk 2 p often and theyre the other online person i am most comfortable with talking 2!!!!! 

theyre great tbh and rly good @ art and i know theyve gone through so many shit things in their life but im so glad theyre still hanging on even if their sleep schedule is totally wack still love u tho lmao at least theyre getting more than enough sleep!! theyre cute when they see sanha and it makes me soft seeing them go soft bc theyre never that warm??? when it comes 2 other ppl (kihyun crying) and im just so glad i managed to help them get (further) into astro!! being able to talk to somebody about astro has helped me so much and then i became friends with jen but im still so thankful to have a friend like [redacted] and im happy we’re friends!!!!!!!! i love them so much and i hope their days are filled with happiness even if it doesnt last for long i hope they have at least (1) happy time each day bc they deserve the BEST!!!!!!!!!!! 

even when i was still a young myday they helped me by providing links and everything just telling me where everything was and i was so :_) bc!!! they !! a bigger account was helping me someone who didnt even have 20 followers at that time and without them i wouldve never found anything tbh!!! even now when im the one whos been into astro longer, they still manage to find things so much faster than me and imlike?????? wow thats amaizng???? theyre amazing and i appreciate their presence on my tl/dash and in my dms so much thats one of the reasons why i thought they were older bc of how mature and just?? the older vibe they gave off was strong with they way they help people and whenever they comment on my tweets or someone else’s tweets im like !!!!!!!!! you’re doing amazing sweetie 

theyre so easy to talk to and even though our humor was something i thought was very different we manage to make each other laugh so much and i jsut!!! happiness!!!!!!! 

ok this was abt bell and i dnt think they’ll ever see this but if u do i love u a lot bell thank u for being alive ur so funnie and cute just thank u so mch!!! for everything

better with you: your favourite memory related to astro?

every time i watch them on vlive live i get so happy and thats my favourite memory

#once again if u read all of these thank u so much have a lovely day!!!!! #softshouyous #asks

[superemeralds]

Dude, are you okay? What's been up, an old follower, I haven't been keeping up since I left tumblr but man... If it helps... I've always loved your artwork and the Shadow origin fanfic you wrote. I think you're a really interesting person, hell it might sound odd (and I dunno if you'll remember me from this) but I've dreamt of you before and that normally happens with people who I consider friends or I'm glad to know of their existence. Please stay safe.

I think i remember you? I vaguely remember something about a person dreaming abt me. Idk who exactly it was but ????

To answer ur question tho, im just depressed lmao and im not getting any treatment whatsoever while also recieving zero support irl. (Like mom told me to just kms multiple times if i wanted it so much, she is tired of me whining abt wanting to die)On top of that im like the only trans person in germany whos made to wait 3 years to get therapy lol and i need to be in therapy for 1 entire year to get t, but im also the only person who has to go by that rule i feel. I keep hearing stories of people saying theh ring up a doc and they get their t in 3 monthsIt makes me angry and sad and im just so tiredMy dysphoria is getting really bad lately because im in a fucking downward spiral. My coping mechanism includes eating food and that means i gain weight, that means the features of mt body i hate most grow even furtherI cant bind anymore, if i do i cant breathe and i get wounds on my shoulders and my ribs feel weird so i think i mightve reached my limitIm getting misgendered more than ever and im forced to talk a lot and my voice is like the no 1 thing abt me thag makes me feel the absolute worst and disconnected from myself

On top of all this is the regular school stress and the constant pressure to not fail.I gave up school long ago, i just need to keep going so mom can get payed (long story short dad died and we get a lil pay from his job which we depend on to survive)Im also under pressure to go to uni as soon as i graduate but im so exhausted i dont feel like i can go to uni. I want to be happy with myself first (multiple psychologists ive seen have told me this too lol)But its hard to focus on ur wellbeing if ppl constantly tell u how stupid and lazy you are and that what you love and do is useless and worthless and i should focus on my education to get a real job™Im just about to turn 19 and ive been worried about getting a job for 2 years now. I need to help my “family” survive somehow. They are assholes and emotionally abuse me without an end but they are literally all ive got. Ive been broken so much that i feel guilty for hating them and wantning to leave them, im also very dependent on them lmaoBut i cant get a job because of my anxiety™ because just thinking abt it makes me feel sick and whenever i start looking up how to get a job i end up crying before i actually learned smth

Basically everything about me is fucked up and i want to die

[isaacathom]

the basic structure would basically just be the movie Anastasia but with More folk and its a whole rebel thing instead of just like, two guys and a gal. you got the mc as some peasant farmer or smth, minding their own damn business. theyre probably adopted, but that wasn’t an issue for them, per se. they assumed their parents were super poor as shit and that chance got them with their family. but its fine, right. theres no issues here.

then, yknow, a member of a rebel movement trying to overthrow the usurper king sees the MC nd goes ‘HOLY SHIT’ and everything whirrs. with a bit of difficulty, a few people who knew one of the royal children prior to the coup manage to convince the MC that they might have been one of them. They aren’t really convinced, but maybe their adoptive parents arent around or alive to corroborate (i mean, poor folk, right) and its difficult to verify otherwise. after all, if the royal child was spirited away, you wouldnt WANT to leave them in a new home with a super obvious way to identify them, like a locket. the mc is just Some Kid, as far as most are concerned.

but they convince the MC they might be royalty, and fold them into the rebel movement. they dont put them as a figurehead immediately, because they want to train the mc to both public speak and to ‘look legit’. jog their memories. it’ll be great.

but its difficult to hide their presence. especially since the royal children have been almost mythologised. rumours spread fast. its an open secret. now the king knows about it. this isnt ideal.

at some point, the MC is taken to the last confirmed location that the royal child was seen. and after some exploring - so they can jog their memory, yknow - they find a corpse. the corpse of a young child, barely 3 or 4 years old. fuck. oh no. the entire event is a bit of a mess as they try to explain away the corpse, but the damage is done for the MC. combine the corpse with their existing lingering feeling that this isnt correct, and you’ve got a person convinced they’re being fucking played for a fool.

time passes. the inner circle manage to convince the MC not to take their belief public. the rebellion is starting to rely on the MC to stay strong. they need everything to function until the king is overthrown. once there, they can figure out what to do. the MC reluctantly accepts this. it would pretty much shatter the movement to announce that their royal is fake. besides.... maybe.... maybe they arent? its still not super clear.

then the MC comes face to face with the usurper king, possibly after being kidnapped. outside, everyone is trying desperately to storm the palace to retrieve them. inside, the king looks like he’s seen a fucking ghost. like they bring the MC in, say ‘your majesty’, leave, and the king turns around and shits himself. more to himself than to the mc, he says ‘i killed you myself.’ he steels his nerves and approaches. roughly grabs the mcs face and turns it each way. he’s relieved. ‘you aren’t them’

and the MC breaks down. its relief, mostly. because everyone knew, or believed they knew, that the King had personally killed all the royal children. if there was one person who would know for certain, surely he knew. and he says they aren’t royalty!! fuck. thank god. holy shit.

Now the King is confused. sure, he’d planned to kill the MC, and when he figured out they were an imposter his mind started whirring with ways to use this to destroy the riots outside. but the MC is just. fucking gone, man. his initial reaction is to assume that the MC knew they were a fake and is upset that the ruse is up, and challenges them as such. along he lines of ‘what, you upset someone figured out your little scheme?’. but the mc’s choked out ‘no’ just. catches him off guard. ‘then... why are you upset?’ and the mc’s a lil too teary to make it coherent so he kneels down, wipes their face, yknow, all that shit. they start talking. the mc explains how they got here.

then from here im not sure how it would resolve. the mc is firmly on the side of the rebellion, and the king is firmly opposed to the mc, but... the mc was also manipulated into taking a position they didnt want. the king expected to face someone who was just as greedy and selfish as himself, someone who wanted power and was piggy backing off of a movement to do so. and instead he finds a fucking child who was forced into the position of leader and figurehead by people who probably mean well, but have ruined everything for everyone. an honesty and sincerity of such an intensity that it backfired. the royal children are dead. the MC remains.

i think the king would grant the mc kindness. there’s an understanding that the mc would never have acted, or maybe even joined the rebellion, if not for their eerie resemblance to a deceased royal. they dont deserve death. so he asks what they want to do. do they want to return home? he can likely guarantee their safety for a short time, if not their peace or peace of mind, as its likely people would hunt them down to try again. and the mc does want that, a little. but they also want to be honest. and so the king lets them do so. its diffcult to make it look sincere when the people know the king was involved, but he tries. he escorts the mc to a balcony which will overlook a large crowd of the people. he tells them to say what they want to, and what they need to. and he leaves to prepare for the chaos. he will not run. he never planned to run.

and the mc walks out and tells them. the crowd is mostly dumbstruck and silent, except for the members of the inner circle who are present, who are maybe understandably upset that the mc is giving up the ruse before deposing the king. the crowd starts to get rowdy, maybe even towards the inner circle, at which point the mc would plead for them to stop. and despite the fact that they arent royalty, or even authority, they do. and the mc insists that they direct their anger towards the man who put them all in this situation, where desperate people resorted to desperate measures, and the riot begins in earnest.

the king heard the speech. of course he did. and he saw how much power they commanded despite their illegitimacy. and that fucks him more. he doesn’t regret showing the mc kindness, as such, but he is distressed that their illegitimacy didnt impact their ability to command the crowd. rather than the rebellion becoming leaderless like he’d hoped, it mightve made them MORE popular amongst some of them. fuck. god dammit.

but kindness begets kindness. the mc and the king likely meet face to face again shortly after, this time with the mc being armed, after their fellow fighters work their way into the palace. they have another confrontation. and the mc likely wins. and the king wholly expects them to act as the rabid crowd demands. but the mc refuses. they wont kill the king. they refuse. not just because of their kindness earlier, bu because they’d be just as bad if they killed him, yknow. they’d just be violently taking power. the mc convinces the king to abdicate.

but to who? people broadly distrust the usurper’s direct family, like all of his kids who would be next in line. but in the abidication its generally understood his family is now not counted. they’ll have to trace back further. 

i think my issue here is whether the people would insist the mc take the throne (even temporarily) and whether the mc would accept that.one way to resolve that is to have another member of the royal family - more distantly, obviously - in the rebellion from the start. maybe theyre lying low in the hopes they and their family wont be hurt by the King. i would buy that. it would be a simple matter of substitution. it would raise the question of when that royal was identified, or who actually knew about it. id say the mc probably knew, especially if they and that royal are close (being of a similar age and both in the inner circle, plus that the royal believing that they’re one of their cousins or smth). the mc would confide in them after the corpse incident, prompting the exchange of information. maybe. itd make sense, i guess.

i shouldnt be thinking about this so much but its fun

#story blogging #i mostly like the idea of them convincing some poor orphan peasant that their royalty but.... they arent #and of the usurper being initially wholly prepared to hurt this One who got away until he realises its a lie. the whole thing #and that the poor mc was played like a damn fiddle. an innocent bystander forced into power. and just... some compassion #but he also knows the mc will probably fight him anyway. theyre on opposite sides even if the mc was innocent of most of the pain #and even though its tactically SOOOO STUPID he lets them go. he lets the mc go! call it an attempt to atone for what he did before #cause god man he sees the mc and shits himself inside out thinking he's seeing a goddamn ghost. spitting image of the queen #but at the appropriate age to be her daughter. or whatever. its.... something. wouldnt call him a good dude but hey. improvement