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smigglescultture · 18 days

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(THIS IS SUPER CRAZY LONG BTW SRRY) I was thinking about it a lot last night and here's the thing:

I don't like random acts of violence. Obviously, I have some sort of fixation on mass shootings but typically I don't like people such as TJ Lane or Nikolas Cruz and especially Salvador Ramos. People who kill just for the thrill of it. I do not like them. That's why I do not like serial killers or their cases.

And look, I'm sure if I got into the nitty gritty of each case, I would understand the perpetrators more. In fact, I know by all angles I might look like Im a hardcore AL stan or whatever, but it never started like that. And still isn't. I think he was an incredibly smart, and funny boy who seriously could've become something in his life, but what he did was utterly disgusting and I will never be able to just put that past him, even if I do agree and maybe even look up to some aspects of him. I'm not a nihilist in the belief that everyone deserves to die. And especially not young children.

However, when it comes to Columbine specifically, its almost like every moral inside me is just pushed into the back of my mind. And maybe that's because I relate so deeply to these two assholes, or whatever, but I have to admit that I feel very guilty for the way I think about this case. And it wasnt an instant thing, I knew I felt eaten up with guilt from the second I joined this community.

It started with Zero Day, I made a tik tok account (DONT EVER DO THAT, TRUST) and suddenly I see all these people who at the time I considered freaks, have mass killers as profile pictures. I started to just block all of them, I used to repeat to myself how awful it was, replay in my head what those people did, and how their victims felt. It was like a compulsion to combat the obsession I was falling into which was the fact that, I was sickly interested in the whole thing. I dont even remember what kick started it, when I became what I considered a "degenerate", but, oh, did it happen.

I would be angry, furious, sick and disgusted with myself for even thinking of D&E. But the more you start to worry about the intrusive thoughts inside your head, the more they come. So the more swallowed up by guilt I felt. The more shame I was consumed by. I thought I had hit a rock fucking bottom. I remember the first time I ever saw that library picture of E&D, and I had never felt such shock and surprise in my life. I was so shocked at what I saw, I briefly mentioned (AND SHOWED?? DONT DO THIS BTW IM DUMB) it to my friends...and my parents. Who all just brushed it off, "yeah, theirs some sickos in the world". Which was easy for them to say, they weren't the ones becoming "sick".

All of that to say that, that picture was the nail on the coffin. The way I look at it now it was like I was on a rope desperately trying not to fall into the water, the community, but my arms couldn't take it anymore and I gave in. Slowly but surely those thoughts about E&D weren't painful and shocking to me anymore, I read Dylans journal and that was really a point of no return. I felt seen, the more I read it, the more time that has went on, it's like reading pages of my own life. I remember writing in my own journal that, even still I was ashamed for reading it, to relating to it.

I mean obviously, this fixation consumed me. I tried to put it into anything I could. Dinner table politics? Boom, mass shooting. My speech and debate script? Boom, mass shootings. My essay for school? Mass shooting. Art work for school? Mass shootings. And none of this has gone away or even flickered, and most times I'm completely okay with that.

But I am sometimes still constantly shameful. I think to myself, "if there ever is a mass shooting, you will sacrifice yourself first to repent for your little obsession" Even though I've lived in America all of my life, I have now become so obsessed about thinking where a shooter could be, especially at school. Not paying attention? Im probably thinking of a way to escape a shooting. Not just casually either, like, vivid imagery type shit. The worst part is that me and my brother go to the same school. I still feel guilty about my "fixation" with guns and mass shootings. I fear that as punishment for this, he would be the one to die in a shooting, not me. And he's my world, he's my best friend, he's the one who told me to stay away from here, and he's the one who still loves me anyway.

That's why I stray away from info posts about the Columbine victims. You'd think maybe it would be some compulsion to make up for my constant thinking of the killers, to learn about the killed, but no. It makes me feel even worse. I do care about those kids. I think it was a tragedy. Nobody should've died, they were all victim's to life and America and God himself maybe.

But what breaks my heart the most, the thing I will never get out of my head, is that one of the boys who died that day, shares a name with my brother. The first time I ever learned that, (which I do hold strong opinions about why certain victims get more "fame" and why that pisses me the hell off, but different post) I could've just fucking puked. I don't want to outright say his name because god forbid my brother ever stumble onto tumblr, but the reason why they killed him, the awful things they said, it makes me so angry. That poor fucking kid, he didn't do anything, nothing, not even indirectly. It makes you forget the empathy you held for E&D cause why would they have said those things or done that. They knew damn well he would've never, ever, not once, been someone who caused them pain. But this isn't a deep dive into why they did this shit.

All of this to say, I really hope you don't see me as just another edgelord, alpha male (yeah right, sure that was going through all your heads) "kill em all" kind of dude. Yeah, I don't care for humanity. Yeah, I am obsessed with gun violence. And no, I don't focus much on victims online. I relate too much to two goons who thought that everyone was against them. That's why I repost so much about them, cause I see them in me more than anything else. I do not "like" random acts of violence, I just like the comfort of knowing I'm not so out of my mind.

#wow sorry for the book I just released #i really appreciate it if you read all that #someone sedate smiggles

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fireinanhourglass · 10 months

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thoughts on the good and bad of barbie movie (all spoilers):

i think i would have really liked barbie movie when i was 13 and just realizing/learning what patriarchy was. the marketing definitely gave the wrong impression that this was a more adult-level (ie. sophisticated) exploration than it turned out to be, but that’s ultimately fine. i’m happy for the 13 year olds who will see this movie

i think hollywood needs to remember the importance of character motivations again. ken was the most motivated character in the movie, and because of that delivers the only emotionally resonate line from a character perspective (“i only exist in the warmth of your gaze”). i appreciated ken in this movie, but his arc and dip into patriarchy was so disconnected from how sexism/toxic masculinity operates as a structure IRL i’m not sure what commentary it was attempting to convey. that said, ken was the best part of the movie and his battle with rival ken was brilliant

stereotypical barbie is strangely unmotivated by anything but the status quo for the majority of the film, but runs away from executives at the mid-way point because….? (what was the issue with the box, other than the symbolism we can infer, given she was all fine with returning to the status quo and there is no indication the box *wasnt* that?) then she suddenly develops a desire to be human the the end because….? (one montage at the middle and end does not a character arc make, especially when both montages gloss over the actual blood and teeth of being human).

unlike ken, who was given rather rich characterization and inner conflict, stereotypical barbie remains a bit of a blank slate. she wants to be a pretty, perfect barbie…until she doesn’t? there’s no reason to think barbie was a role she felt forced to play. she spent the whole movie trying to reclaim her old life. the real world is given minimal depth outside two brief montages, so why does barbie want to be a ‘real woman?’

this is more a ‘me’ thing but — clearly i know more about ruth handler than this movie wants me to, so it was weird to see her lionized

the best moment in the movie was when barbie looked at the older woman and called her beautiful. that scene alone justified a lot of the movie for me

the set design of barbieland and kendom was incredible. any part of the movie set in that location was a ton of fun just from a pure visual standpoint

the human mother character is written in a way that would get the script a big “show, don’t tell” note written on the margins during peer-review. and the feminist speech given to barbie near the climax is so girlboss i don’t even know where to start (if the oppression women are facing in this world is merely double-standards and fear of being judged while existing as a normal person/person trying to ‘have it all,’ then their world seems to be doing pretty ok?)

since i think this movie is mostly for 13-14 year olds, i don’t think they needed to portray the violent underbelly of the patriarchy— the nods towards sexual harassment were sufficient. but given even that level of violence wasn’t really grappled with during the feminist speech at the climax, i’m again questioning what this movie is attempting to say about IRL patriarchal structures. the kens sexualize barbie during their brief takeover, sure, but given they are sexless the underlying criticism of objectification seems muddled. again, character motivations are a weakness in this film

the human daughter has a random change in motivation right before the climax of the movie, and it was the scene i realized the movie was not prepared to engage any substantive criticism of barbie as a cultural symbol (i mean, the only criticism it does engage is fairly toothless and from the mouth of a literal teenager, so idk what i was expecting tbh). this is a commercial after all, but it was jarring and took me out of the film for a moment

anyone who says this film lands solid shots at the execs (or even fires any anti-capitalist shots at all tbh) is kidding themselves, sorry. exces are ultimately portrayed sympathetically and support the re-establishment of the barbieland matriarchy, even tho the kendom is making excellent profits for them regardless. it’s gentle ribbing at worst

i’m very mixed on the ending scene of the film. sending barbie to the gyno seems like a very cis-sexist choice to me: the affirmation that she is now a “real woman” is the confirmation that she now has a vagina. i’m open to other interpretations, but i’m really bothered by this ending

despite my criticism of them, i did find the exces to be fun comedy characters. the scene where the chase barbie through the cubicles was great. anytime the movie dipped into cartoon-comedy, i was having fun

i was irritated that werid barbie got an off-screen makeover in the climax to look a little more attractive in an off-beat kinda way. undermines the feminist speech the mom character gave a lil bit, to make the one “ugly” (it’s still kate mckinnon) barbie be a little more polished before she was accepted back into the fold

the treatment of midge was also irritating. the human mother suggests a working-mom barbie/ordinary barbie at one point and i’m like….that’s midge. pregnant woman midge who is treated as ‘frumpy’ and ‘not as special’ is ordinary barbie. why does everyone dismiss her, if she’s the kind of woman we’re supposed to valorize irl?

allan was fun. i liked allan. allan should have gotten to go the the real world

while i do think some parts of the movie were over-hyped and therefore some of my frustrations are bc i set my expectations too high, i must say the performances were spot-on all around. every single ken WAS ken. every single barbie WAS barbie. top-notch cast

overall i give the movie a 6.5/10 (i would say 7/10 if not for the gyno scene). i don’t think i want to watch it again in theaters, but i will be curious to watch it with my bro sometime

#mickey rambles

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demonboyhalo · 3 years

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TECHNO IMPROVISED THE THESEUS SPEECH??

#IMAGINE TOMMYS REACTION TO HEARING THIS AFTER THE STREAM ENDED #TECHNO MOTHER FUCKING BLADE YALL WTF #that speech was INCREDIBLE and it wasnt even scripted!!!#technos just like that!!!#the blade is quite literally Built Different holy shit #i never want to see someone doubting technos role-playing abilities again... he pulls out lines like this as if it is nothing!#guess techno really is wilbur's brother...tech got infected with the theatre kid lmao #mcyt #technoblade #philza #phi1za #wilbur soot #sleepy bois inc #sbi #tommyinnit #tommy innit #dream smp

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lesbianyennefer · 6 years

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i went to see tlj and tfa double bill last night and i have some feelings..

when i just fresh came out the cinema i was so relieved that kyle is now utterly unreedemable and that re*lo didnt happen that i was like that wasnt too bad but now ive slept on it im starting to grow more annoyed and these are my feelings:

- the ‘humour’ was jarring and ooc. par examplar jj specifically wrote it in a way that hux is just a pompous arrogant ass youre supposed to hate because hes the fucking leader of a facist group and the scene in tfa where hes gives his speech is supposed to make you see just how evil he is and is incredibly unsettling. turning him into a joke feels like youre dumbing it down and trying to make him ‘likeable’. Having rey make a quip when force bond talking to kylo about putting a shirt pulled ALL of the tension that should have been there out of it and ruined the believability utterly. you honestly expect us to believe tfa rey would be joking with a man that totured her and her friends and murdered the man she looked up to as a father figure? It made it feel like a parody. which is coincidentally how i feel about the whole film. in the vein of villains snoke was treated the same which turns into my next point:

- he changed the personalities of half the characters. ones that prominently spring to mind - hux, snoke, poe, rey and dont get me STARTED on luke. snoke went from this mysterious calm and collected entity into this charismatic posturing joker before being abruptly discarded, rey was suddenly making ‘jokes’ a lot (emphasis on the apostrophes) and lost most of her personality, i dont even think poe was the same character and then luke. OH BOY LUKE ryan literally took one of the softest sweetest male characters in history luke everybody deserves redemption luke fucking turned his father from the dark side skywalker and literally wrote in a script that this man tried to kill (only for a second but doesnt negate the point) his fucking nephew because he saw dark in him LIKE FUCK OFF. i cannot literally belive that he sat down and thought hmmmmm lets make luke skywalker the creator of kyle ron!!! like the whole luke turned into curmudgeonly old man could have been worked well that part i liked but it was just completely offset by the idea that he would do something like that!!! though tbh i should have known from the moment he just threw the lightsaber rey handed him over his shoulder this wouldnt go well (another jarring moment that brought me straight out of the film just thinking about the stark contrast between that and the raw pain and emtoion in lukes face at the end of tfa makes me MAD what could have BEEN)

- rey was treated as a throwaway for kyles man pain. like her entire ark is about trying to redeem him. because of course its the womans job to save the man who violated her mind, lacerated her friend and killed han solo in front of her. like youre telling me rey would just willingly sacrifice herself literally into the arms of the first order to save that little bitch willingly get herself cuffed taken to snoke and dont get me started on her being tortured in front of kyle to fuel his diffcult choice and man pain :((((((((((((( ‘oh it touched his hand and saw light in his future oh please dont do this kyle!!’ rien literally RUINED one of the first female characters i looked up to in sci fi and turned her from a protag into a side to kyles story. and what was with the really sudden and completely forgotten about part where she went ‘straight to the dark?’ what???? the laughability of it all topped of by the fact that she did it all because they ‘needed a jedi to save them’ because luke wouldnt train her and then at the end shes just fucking moving rocks like its nothing like lmao?? the point??????

- it literally felt like everyone got a rushed and really stupid plot line except kyle. those that are supposed to be the mains were treated like side characters. rey is just there for kyles (and to an extent lukes) man pain, finn and rose’s storyline was??? literally ??????????? his ‘epic’ battle with phasma lasted all of 2 seconds and now shes another character wasted. Poe’s was so incoherent and you know i cant even go INTO lukes

and to top it off the plot was just a bit shit like as that reviewer said you could literally skip this film and not miss anything and theyre right except youd miss the butchering of one of the greatest characters in cinema and the turning of a .quartet of bright exciting new characters into shells of themselves and fuel for the Sad Story of Kyle Ron.

like im sure i have more to say but this is the rant off the top of my head i need to get out so yeah fuck this please save us jj i feel ike pure shit just want you back!!!!

#only positive - reys a fucking lesbian no one can deny it now shes GAY #/// tlj spoilers #becky speaks

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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‘Feud’ star says President Trump has created ‘great unity amongst women’

Alison Wright as Pauline Jameson, a fictional 'Feud' character who is all too real.

Image: Kurt Iswarienko/FX

Shes the one Feud: Bette and Joan character whos largely fictitious but what she represents is truthful today as it was in the 1960s.

Pauline Jameson the capable assistant to What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? director Robert Aldrich who harbors ambitions to become a screenwriter and filmmaker herself is not to be confused with a British actress whose career was in full flourish around the same time as the series was set: they share only a name.

But as actress Alison Wright (The Americans, Sneaky Pete) reveals to Mashable, the character a composite of many smart, creative women working in Hollywood at the time represents an untold number of ladies hoping to shatter its many glass ceilings. Pauline herself may not be real, but the creative struggles depicted in her story were and in many ways still are as genuine as it gets.

Aside from what was on the page for you with this character, what did you need to know about her about women in similar positions as her, from that time period to wrap your head around what you wanted to do with your performance?

Wright: I had the good fortunate of Pauline being a composite character. Obviously, Ryan had a couple of guiding lines that he wanted her to be: book smart and cool as a cucumber was the character description. And that he wanted her to have a little feel of Eve Arden, and the ladies of that era and that sort of quirky personality.

So what I did was I started researching Bob Aldrich. We came up with the idea that Pauline had worked with Bob for quite a few years, and that she had worked on the previous project that he had done with Joan Crawford, Autumn Leaves. I came across a really great quote that Bob mentioned, a story that he was interested in telling, and the kind of characters that he was drawn to were characters that prevailed: characters that were struggling against the odds for their self-determination, for what they wanted their life to be. But no matter what the prevailing odds were, they didnt really concern themselves with those odds or focus on them, they just fought through and fought against them.

SEE ALSO: ‘Feud’ star Jessica Lange on the ways Hollywood is still failing women

I thought that was a really great personality trait that would make sense for me to build Pauline around that. I obviously watched all of Joan and Bettes films, the ones that I hadnt seen yet. I read a couple of books about Bob Aldrich. I watched a ton of movies from a little bit earlier than that time, movies from more like the ’40s and ’50s, just because thats a time period that I really like, and something that I could take the opportunity to tip my hat to in my creation of Pauline, since I did have a little leeway.

That was probably where I started from and what my basis was for it. In terms of being a woman, I know how that goes.

Once you solidified your vision for her, what did she begin to mean to you as an individual character, and as a function in this bigger story thats being told?

I like the idea that its 1952 and she was somebody that had a broader scope for the picture of what she wanted her life to be than just being a mother and a wife. I like that shed somehow gotten the gumption in that time period to have those aspirations and dreams, and not really be bogged down with the difficulty of achieving them or how impossible it might seem or how the odds were all stacked against her. That is just what she wanted to do, and that she was going to try and do it.

Shes not in the victim corner, but she was quite proactive and had her head screwed on and sensible, and not living in a dream world. I think its very valuable for women to see characters like that on the screen reflected back at them. So I was very proud of that.

Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford, Alison Wright as Pauline Jameson.

Image: Suzanne Tenner/FX

Of course, the election actually happened right in the middle of shooting episode 4. Literally, the day before the election happened was the time I was shooting a scene with Fred Molina as Bob Aldrich, and I was asking him, Would he read it? Would he read my script? Would he even consider producing it? He said that he would, and kind of laughed and joked a little bit at me. He said, Why are you so surprised that Im going to help you? Shes very able and competent. I had some sort of line like, Well, some men just dont like the idea of a woman in charge.

There was a certain sense of irony in the place in the storytelling, and the time in history that this was set, that I imagined once this was shot and people were watching it, that there would be a little bit of a tongue-in-cheek look back to how things were for women 50, 60 years ago.

Then of course, it turns out that its resonating on a much deeper level, because things are really just exactly the same and really havent changed that much. So it is very timely and important and had something to say. Its great as an artist when you get to be part of something thats more than entertainment.

Is was poignant to see these female characters from all different levels of Hollywood, from Mamacita to Pauline on up to a star of Joan Crawfords caliber, having to conspire together to achieve their dreams and ambitions. Has it changed significantly in your experience in Hollywood? Or is there still sort of a sisterhood alliance thats needed to push things forward?

I think its still needed, and I think we still need to cultivate it more and work on it more. I do think that given the current situation that were now in, women are empowering each other more, and trying to lift each other up more, because a divide and conquer will do just that. Theres not just room for one woman. Theres enough of the pie for everybody. Even for actresses.

When we get that through our head that were not all competing for this one top spot, theres just not just one of these places, there is enough for everybody. Then if we can understand that more, and band together, and lift each other up to support each other more, everybody wins.

SEE ALSO: Meet the woman behind ‘Feud’s’ most fascinating character

I think its something that feels like its a movement thats happening now, in no small part thanks to the person that is the president now. I feel like weve had this great unity amongst women at the moment, in every walk of life. I hope it continues. We need more of it. We need more women to try and shake things up and make room for other women.

Were discriminated against as women for so many different things, in just the casual sexism and misogyny that we accept. Things like Throwing like a girl, all these expressions that we have. If we could all just take a second to actually point a finger at those things, and hold the mirror up, maybe they will change. I feel like were really at a moment in my lifetime where that stuff is very tangible, and hopefully pushing forward in changing things Im sure they said the same thing 40 years ago.

You clearly leaned into your research. What were the great takeaways of studying all those classic era films?

Theres no negative takeaway at all. Its fabulous entertainment. I dont know how many times I watched The Women, the original one the excellent one, not the dreadful remake. The one from 1939, I watched that over and over, just to get an idea. Even if it wasnt for Pauline, just the kind of women that Pauline would have to have been used to being around. Its very specific that she could hold her own against anybody, but she wasnt a wallflower. Shes got her own wit, and cheekiness about her.

I read a lot of their biographies too, I saw all of their interviews. I tried to read anything about any women that worked in the studio system and what it was like to have to shuttle between departments to try and work your way up. I read about what life was like in Hollywood in the ’20s, ’30s and ’40s.

Pauline obviously came from somewhere else. Shes not from Hollywood. And obviously Im foreigner, and I live in England. I got to read all about the development of California and Los Angeles, and the business itself as well. Theres no downside to any of that. Thats part of being an actor: the random pockets of knowledge that you get from all the stuff.

It came in really handy when Im doing it, because one day I was with Sarah Paulson and shooting her scene when shes Geraldine Page. She has a phone call with Joan Jessica couldnt be there she was away, so they asked me to step in and be Joan Crawford off camera for Sarah Paulson. So I got to do that, and luckily Ive been watching Joans movies nonstop. So I got to have fun, and sit on a toilet around the corner in the dark and do my best Joan Crawford impression to the bathroom walls all day long. So that was a really awesome moment too. Id like to think I was pretty good, but who knows?

Since Pauline is a composite character, if you could write her ending, what would you love to see happen for her in her ambitious Hollywood career?

As luck would have it, I by no means claim that I got to decide on anything about her, but since she was a composite character, there was a little discussion about what her story may end up being. Tim Minear had a few options, and we talked through them. We had the luxury of deciding what was going to be the most exciting for the end of her storyline.

I had my input, and they took it on board. They chose the ending that I wanted the most, Im sure because they wanted it the most too. But I did happen to have a little luxury to actually do that in this case, which is wild. So of course I want to be a great example for women, and of course wanted her to succeed, and not fail, and not be beaten.

Feud airs Sundays at 10 p.m. on FX.

WATCH: Viola Davis makes Emmys history, dedicates incredible speech to women of color