#the pain is constant and never ending | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emogojira · 8 months

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hahahahahhh. y’know this is kinda like that one linkin park song from their album minutes to midnight called “given up”. because i’ve given up.

#the pain is constant and never ending #what is the point.

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yet-another-heathen · 8 months

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🦽 Too weak to walk, for Henry <333

(@whumpvp kiss kiss)

Content Warning | Post-op wooziness, Henry being pliant and helpless, Fluff

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This was about as routine a heart surgery as they came. The battery in Henry's ICD had run low, and so for the sixth time in his life he'd gone under to have it replaced. Both of them were familiar with the process, and they'd had more than a month to prepare. But it didn't stop Wesley from nearly melting with relief when he first laid eyes on him again. Exhausted and pale and drugged, but still aware and still in one piece.

Wes filled out the paperwork. Collected the post-op meds, thanked the nurses one last time. Then he took the handles of Henry's wheelchair, and started them toward home.

Wes had seen him like this a few times before, but it was never going to stop making his heart ache. Henry's eyes were glassy and vacant, watching the floor tiles go by without seeming to follow them. He was still holding his hospital pillow close to his chest, looking every bit like he'd crumble apart without it.

Henry winced as they went over the threshold, knuckles going white on the pillow. Wes was even more careful about the next little bump, and then they were out to the lane where the valet was waiting with the Audi. The sound of traffic going by, the murmur of other waiting patients, the smell of heat and asphalt hit like a wave.

Henry seemed to stir a little, recognizing his car. And then he started looking around, brows furrowed until he found what he was looking for. Wesley.

"Hey," Wes said gently. He leaned down and locked the wheels on either side, making eye contact with one of the nurses and nodding for them to come over. He squatted down next to Henry, giving his arm a squeeze. "We're gonna help you into your seat. Then we're headed home to rest, okay?"

Henry's eyes were on him, blinking too slowly as he tried to focus. But eventually he inclined his head in what was probably a nod, and turned his eyes back to the car as if figuring out how to try to get in there.

Wes almost didn't catch it when Henry shifted his weight forward in an attempt to stand, only to nearly collapse into the car door. "Hey- hey—not yet." He caught him, and the other nurse jogged over to close the distance. They each took Henry under his arm, steadying him. "Let us do the work. Just put your foot here....and the other....there you go. Now on three. One, two..."

They hefted him the rest of the way out of the chair, and helped him transfer to the car. Wes caught his head just before it hit the roof, and let out a breath of relief as Henry sunk down into the seat. It took a few more moments of helping him adjust his legs and get buckled. Wes made sure he was able to keep the pillow between his seat belt and the incision site, and Henry went back to hugging it just as closely as before.

Wes thanked the nurse, then closed the passenger door. Once they were both in the silence and familiarity of the Audi, Henry's eyelids drooped. He looked exhausted, and his breathing was coming slow and a little labored. Wes buckled in, then reached over to give his leg a squeeze. He got a little sound of acknowledgement. He knew he was there.

The drive home was a quiet one. He took a longer route home, one that would avoid as many stops signs and potholes as possible to avoid jostling Henry any more than necessary. And when they finally pulled up to the steps of their rowhouse, Wes let the car idle for another minute as he coaxed Henry back to awareness.

"I'm gonna come around to get you. And we're going to take the steps really slow, alright? It doesn't matter how long it takes to get us there."

Henry made a mumble that sounded like an acknowledgement. They'd talked about this before his surgery, and somewhere in there he still knew the plan. Handrail on one side, Wes on the other. Slow and steady.

Wes gave a nod, and then came around to open his door. He helped him unbuckle, and murmured, "We're gonna leave the pillow here for now, but I promise I'll give it back when we're inside." He still saw Henry hold it even tighter for a moment, before that little bit of resistance caught up with common sense. He let Wes take it, fingers still clinging loosely as it was pulled away. The longing on Henry's face made his heart ache, but he knew it would be forgotten by the time he got it back.

Getting him to his feet was no small feat. Getting him to the base of the steps wasn't either. Henry wasn't exactly a light man, especially when he was swaying as they went. He kept tripping on his own shoes as though he couldn't remember quite how to place them. But with Wes' help they made it to the hand rail, and from there Henry finally seemed to remember his balance.

There were only ten steps up to the door, and every one of them was taken carefully and clumsily. Wes helped him lean up against the doorway as he got it unlocked, feeling Henry's whole frame trembling with exhaustion against his side.

And then they were home. He tossed the keys onto the counter, and helped Henry up the last step. Henry started hanging back just inside the doorway, looking down at his feet. It took Wes a moment to realize he was trying to toe off his shoes.

The sight tugged at him. Even drugged halfway to hell, routine was still such a powerful thing.

"It's alright, love. Let's get you sitting first. I'll help you out of them once we're in the bedroom."

"...mm?"

"Yeah. Promise it'll make it a lot easier."

He coaxed him along. They went past the couch and to the bedroom, where blankets and pillows and water were already set up and waiting. He eased Henry down onto the bed, and bent over to help him pull off his shoes.

He was gentle getting him undressed. Careful to make sure he didn't try to lift his arms, steadying him when he started to sway. He helped him settle back against the pillows. Henry's skin was clammy to the touch, but he still leaned into him when Wes pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm gonna be right back. I just need to go get the rest of our things."

Henry was almost asleep again by the time he returned. He roused him just enough to offer him his pillow. And when he saw it, the look of relief on his face said everything. He curled around it like a long lost friend, tucking his knees up and burying his cheek against it with a sigh. It didn't seem to matter that he was surrounded by other, arguably much better pillows. This was the only one he had eyes for.

Wes sat down beside him and combed fingers back through his hair. And with that, in moments, Henry was asleep.

#if there is one constant in Henry's life its that post-op he becomes INSEPERABLE from the first soft thing he gets his hands on #one of these days Wes is going to start a collection of all the hospital pillows Henry ends up bringing home with him #funny thing is that even as a kid Henry was never really into plushies #but give him anesthesia and suddenly he Needs to be clinging to something soft #will not let it go #and to be fair the diffuse pressure on his incisions does help with the pain a little #but its also just for comfort #also the typical ICD lifespan is 6-12 years #but since Henry's goes off relatively often #(which will happen when you're off doing Dangerous Villain Stuff instead of going easy on your heart condition)#the battery in his only tends to last about 3-6 years #its a damn good thing he can afford good health insurance #Henry Liliholm #Liliholm and Page #Wesley Page #ask Wick

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hanzajesthanza · 9 months

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if i thought the witcher was painfully realistic. i was wrong. it is a very clear fairytale that comforts and soothes. even in its realistic take on the genre, it inspires, even in its tragedy, it comforts.

evil is defeated epically in a final battle in the darkness, the valiant heroes fall together, the lovers die united, and all pass into legend and are remembered for ever and ever. and the spirit of our hero returns now and again to save and deliver us from evil… they become legend and in that legend they are immortal…

#txt #the witcher books #OK HUSSITE TRILOGY SPOILERS IN TAGS:#like i cant say that evil WASNT defeated in the hussite trilogy because he definitely was but not in an epic final battle but #the fact that its like in the very penultimate bit and its not reynevan who does it but his NIECE it is just so…#we came all this way and there was no ultimate showdown #i mean there kind of was but not in a big castle but in some plains with a windmill and #it wasnt really a final battle but a kill-eachothers-girlfriends bit #birkart didnt even get his hands NEAR samson before he died #scharley and reynevan just left… at the end… just like in the beginning of the first book EXCEPT NOT because everything has changed them #well has changed reynevan. kind of dandelion and geralt in that way as the second man remains a constant #reynevan no longer being like a young man but a. man. but this didnt come with grand heroism and valour. it just came with. pain and #the eventual wearing down and tarnishing of his zeal and belief and love #thats … literally so fucking dark but also so realistic and it scares me lmaooooo #and people say the witcher was anticlimatic and sad at the end LMAOOOO OHHHH NOOOOO #lux perpetua like damn that dude really was walking in darkness groping along like a blind man after losing his eternal light #ohhhhh i get it now so god has abandoned us and he also never really existed ohhh okay #his love died as he was helpless to save her and he didnt even avenge his brother and his friend trio crumpled #like like. just trying to put this all into perspective

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bumblingbabooshka · 1 year

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A Star Trek Novel called “Pocket Full of Lies” really has NO business going so hard.

#IMPORTANT NOTE: I only read Star Trek Novels as they pertain to Tuvok #so I have no idea about how the novel reads overall #but the Tuvok storyline????? Damn. DAMN dude.#what if you were suffering from a loss that affected and changed you so deeply that even those closest to you no longer recognized you?#and that change is symbolized and mirrored through this alternate reality version of your best friend who in YOUR universe also no longer #understands you...could never understand you...but THIS version of her is familiar. You can share each other's pain. You understand one #another in a way no one else does. And what if your inner grief/turmoil #was symbolized again in this alternate timeline by a constant war that's been raging f #for thousands of years with no end in sight no matter how hard you fight. The fighting in the end means nothing. The violence means nothing.#The death means nothing bc when you die another will take its place.#'His death was meaningless like this is meaningless' you think initially only to find that NO! It's the holding on to the PAIN that's #meaningless. It's the SUFFERING that's meaningless.#Tuvok being sent to convince ALT Janeway to give herself up to Starfleet but being unable to do so because he sympathizes and empathizes #with her...because (on another level) she isn't ready to give up the war (the suffering grief) and neither is he because to them the war #and the pain has BECOME the people they're grieving (Elieth & Daughter) so to give up feeling pain is to give up feeling love #but that isn't TRUE!!! and we see that in how Tuvok actually rebukes the affections and concerns of those attempting to reach out to him #and offer love...in reality this 'protection' or 'vigilance' is unhealthy and closes them off from healing and love. Bad coping mechanism.#Initially Tuvok pushes away everyone he comes across but through helping Janeway he helps himself and is finally able to take steps towards #acceptance in the purging of his anger on Dayne (Alt Janeway's husband who willfully allowed her daughter to die)#and we can see this in his outlook on how to move forward. In the beginning he's like 'I will never heal from this and I'll just live the #rest of my life never feeling safe or at peace.' <- defining and living his life according to the pain he's suffered #but in the end he has a more hopeful outlook...he sees that there are people around who want to be there for him and that he wants to lean #on...maybe forgiveness doesn't mean literally forgiving those who caused you to suffer but instead finally letting go of that suffering #and living according to joy...friendship..two hands clasped together. love.#novel experiences #Tuvok #Janeway #st voyager #oh ALSO the fact that Janeway always manages to survive being turned from a good thing to a very bittersweet thing for Tuvok bc his own #son was not so lucky...-chefs kiss-

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driftveilcity · 4 months

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I am so tired

#🐱.txt #work be like: constant and never ending painful burnout

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possuminnit · 5 months

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hi guys be honest did one of you put a curse on me that makes every limb in my body hurt. I won't get mad I promise u can tell me

#i am in Misery #its like day 3 of it being constant. like ive had limb pain for ages but it stops at least for an hour #this time around jesus fucccking christ #its never ending #possuminnit.thoughts

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femmeconomics · 2 years

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they should invent a body for girls that doesn’t hurt. not for boys though.

#the pain is never ending fr #just. constant excruciating pain until you finally crack

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koreposion · 11 months

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I feel like I should explain something, cuz it's gonna be brought up in the comic but like Indigo doesn't have all of their arms. The markings above their gauntlets aren't markings but cracks in their bone. And they're in constant pain, all of the time because of it.

The person they gave their arms for left them for dead, and that's the only reason why they can't properly heal. Not only is it a reminder but a promise to never let someone treat them like disposable trash again.

#The pain is so constant that they just ignore it most of the time #but when their magic goes wild they end up breaking more bone.#it heals but never fully and it's just so... sad #HAHAHAHHAA #HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

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girlscience · 6 months

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I am going to fight all the smoopy goopy feely fic writers, all the angst to tender fluff gushy writers, and all the squishy wooby pregnancy fic writers.

#LISTEN I like my favs falling in love. I like seeing them happy!!!!! I DO #but like that????? incorrect. wrong. you have no understanding of the inner workings of their minds #and I know them better than you ever will #reading fics like that is actually painful. it makes me want to barf #sort of related but if pregnancy was like these writers make it out to be???#I would kill myself before I ever got pregnant #I don't need or want constant angst and pain in my fics. I enjoy happy endings #but godddddddddd some of these people #if relationships are like this is I never ever ever want one #if someone talked to me like that or touched me like that or did those things to me???? I'm running away

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arthur-r · 7 months

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emily wilson out here translating the iliad and i am once again wishing i knew how to read and translate ancient greek

#listen where there’s a will there’s a way but i just finished my degree audit and looks like i will only be able to manage a classics minor #with latin emphasis (unless i abandon latin for greek which i’m not going to do even though it pains me)#but i really want to make my own iliad someday….#at this rate i’ll only ever end up making a queer prose adaptation and be criticized for projecting modern notions of sexuality onto a #completely different set of values and social understandings of homosexuality….#(which. if anything there should be more gay people in the song of achilles. don’t be mean to me i promise i understand ancients)#anyway i might just have to make a book of poetry or a novel adaptation or whatever whatever but what if i want to learn the script #and painstakingly translate every single word through years and years of dedication. while also being a librarian as my main thing #shdhdhdf i’m never gonna be classics scholar enough to professionally translate. and if i were it would be latin. but i can dream….#anyway i’m no longer failing my french class (have a 70% that should only be going up) but i’m still failing historical linguistics #my latin grade is great i’m acing it but my library science class is a D (which should be fixed in two days though — just needs more data)#so i am giving myself permission to sleep early tonight and go into class well rested for once. i’m not feeling well but that’s a constant #anyways if anyone reads the wilson iliad let me know!! i’m a fake fan of her work and haven’t read her odyssey (something about the iliad….#there’s a brutality and a raw humanity to it that puts the odyssey at a lower priority to me) but im so freaking excited to read her iliad #i have to prioritize schoolwork but soon. i’ll have to ask my latin teacher about it tomorrow though she’s an iliad enjoyer #anyway good news i think i’ll be able to get a history major with certificates in digital studies and classical studies (the two genders….)#and graduate comfortably in four years with honors in the major. this is ignoring how i’m failing my classes. i promise i won’t be forever #anyways the point is: wilson’s iliad — i will read it as soon as possible and i’m very excited #also i checked out a book from the library called the lexicographers dilemma: the evolution of proper english from shakespeare to south park #but i haven’t had the chance to read it and soon it will be due…. college is evil i’m too busy learning things to learn other things!!!!#anyway if i do honors in the major then i’m excited to eventually earn credit from a capstone thesis which i would do on lexicography #throughout history with an emphasis on classification systems and basically peter mark roget #ok anyway. wandering all over the place but the point is. wilson’s iliad. very exciting. can’t wait to find the time #and eventually i will write an iliad adaptation of my own i will. just not a full translation shdhdf that’s an unrealistic goal #especially when again. my capstone project is going to be about taxonomy of ideas. ancient epics are secondary….#anyway i hope everybody is doing well!! i am going to bed soon-ish but other than that i am around so lmk if you need anything #me. my post. mine.#college talk #delete later

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minamotoz · 2 years

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how i watch boy meets world while knowing in my heart of hearts that cory matthews is a gay man

#boy meets world #cory matthews #new hyperfix just dropped except i started this show a month ago and the hpfx is already fading #idk why i havent posted about BMW yet but ive been struck down with shory brainrot and its sorta never ending #my brain feels like its about to leak out of my ears everytime i thibk about how painfully queer coded cory is #like theres no way they did it on accident rigtrhr #just watching the show and seeing him roleplay this heteronormative married couple since the age of 3 fantasy w topanga is PAINFUL #and i love my girl pangers !!!!!! but their relationship is so frustrating to watch #idk if its the constant retconning to make them even less of a realistic pair or if its their frustrating drama (s5-7 😐)#but watching them felt like a chore #anyways thats my corp/nga rant

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loud-whistling-yes · 1 year

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I get a lot of "omg you're so nice and non-judgemental you're such a good friend" and "omg dude you're way too nice to this asshole they should not be your friend" from irl friends and family and I don't know how to say this but uh, if you had friends like I had when I was a preteen you learn to count your blessings real fucking quickly and stop being choosy on who you befriend. The bar is six feet under by now if they don't encourage the entire class to boycott me it's a win.