#there were just so many templates that i never used on Writing Program…

[aka-indulgence]

Pspsps aka can we please have a morsel of dr sans and mr horruer

Well since you asked so nicely

A newspaper clipping. It seems like your infatuation- I mean your good friend Dr. Sans has made the news again. His creations always seem as strange and wonderful as fiction. Wait… what’s that about a strange man…?

#dr sans & mr horruer #fun fact #i used to write fictional newspaper in class #there were just so many templates that i never used on Writing Program… #also me spending upwards of an hour making that fake ad lol #i love messing around with blending modes #ask

[bananainbox]

Free printable envelope address template

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#Free printable envelope address template download

#Free printable envelope address template free

My tasteful aesthetic was too mature for such silliness (eye roll). In 2014, there were no children in my family … my nieces, who are big fairytale fans, didn’t exist yet! I think that’s probably what prompted me to get rid of the printable fairytale envelopes in 2015. These playful mail art envelope designs are back up on the TPK website after over three years of being MIA. However, this post is unique in that the idea came from my own past work! I made a set of three fairytale-themed printable mail art envelope templates in early 2014, and someone had “pinned” a photo of them. I get many of my tutorial ideas from Pinterest, and this tutorial was no exception.

#Free printable envelope address template download

If you like this design, you’re welcome to download it! What Prompted This Tutorial

#Free printable envelope address template plus

If you like it, too, I’d like to give it to you! You can find both the black and white plus the turquoise and brown versions of the printable mail art envelope by clicking here. I enjoyed creating the design for this tutorial, and I love the way it turned out. Your finished, folded envelope templates will end up being 6-1/4″ x 4-3/8″ (15.9 cm x 11.1 cm). Write your recipient’s address on your envelope, add a stamp, and you’re ready to send it! If you’re confused by the written assembly instructions above, see the last (fifth) photo here. Fold all of the flaps behind the main rectangle/front, then glue the side flaps to the back flap. Cut, Fold, and SendĬut out your printable mail art envelope along the gray guidelines. The paper on the right depicts a modified version of the design I used Photoshop to quickly add some color to it! 6. The paper on the left depicts an unedited copy of my scanned design. If you aren’t very tech-savvy, that’s fine! You can skip playing with the design and just make copies of what you created by printing off the scanned file.

#Free printable envelope address template how to

If you know how to digitize artwork, you can play with your design in Photoshop (or your preferred program) to modify it. Otherwise, copies of the scan may look a little blurry when you print them out. Try not to scan in the design at a lower resolution than 300 dpi. If your scanner presents you with a choice, I’d scan the finished template in at a resolution of 350 dpi. Use your scanner to scan the finished design into your computer. I like drawing with a dip pen and ink but any pen, paint, or marker will work! If you have the time, you can draw a pencil draft of your design and trace over it.

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Remember: you can use this template over and over once you create it, so it’s okay if you dedicate extra time and care to making the design! Feel free to use the writing instrument of your choice. Make sure that your pencil guidelines are faint! Otherwise, you may have trouble erasing them. As you draw your mail art design in subsequent steps, you can keep the front of the envelope in mind. For that reason, you may want to use a ruler and a pencil to draw guidelines that separate the front of the envelope from the flaps. It’s helpful to know exactly which part of the envelope will appear front and center. I usually create my printable mail art envelope designs on 32# laserjet paper. It doesn’t really matter which paper you print the template out on as long as that paper will play nice with your drawing instrument.

#Free printable envelope address template for free

You can find the blank mail art envelope template for free by clicking here. Print Out the Blank Mail Art Envelope Template You’ll just need a printer, a scanner, and your drawing instrument of choice. I’ve never quite gotten over the thrill of scanning artwork to duplicate it, which may explain all of the printables on the TPK website! Printable mail art is one of my very favorite things to create … I come up with envelope designs all the time that I want to keep and re-use! In this tutorial, I’ll teach you how to make your own printable mail art envelopes, too. You could draw something, and all of a sudden, there it was on your computer screen! And then, you could take it a step further and make copies of what you’d drawn. My family first got a scanner around the year 1998, and I remember being fascinated with the concept.

#Free printable envelope address template

[epicvewor]

Fast php ide mac

#FAST PHP IDE MAC SOFTWARE#

#FAST PHP IDE MAC CODE#

The short answer to this question is that code/text editors only allow you to write and edit, maybe with some advanced features. What is the difference between IDE and Text Editor? The more useful tools the IDE contains, the better for the developer. In general, there is no standard set of features an IDE should have.

Plugin support to extend functionality.

IDE should allow you to quickly go to the definition of class or method.

This allows you to see your work in a more structured way and helps you find errors

#FAST PHP IDE MAC CODE#

Syntax highlighter – parts of your code can be displayed in colors that correspond with different elements such as properties, tags, attributes, and all the rest.Viewing live web page inside the IDE for better understanding of the output.Debugger is a built-in program that allows you to debug errors.For some languages ​​IDE needs a compiler or interpreter – an integrated program that translates your code into a computer-readable language.Typically, an IDE includes the following features (here we list features that are more inherent in a Javascript IDE):

#FAST PHP IDE MAC SOFTWARE#

IDEs increase programmer productivity by combining common activities of writing software into a single application: editing source code, building executables, and debugging. The first IDEs were invented back in the 1990s for the C language, and after that different programs for other languages ​​such as Java, Javascript and others began to appear.īasically, IDE is a piece of software with a wide range of functions that help in the development of other software. The IT industry has been developing quite rapidly: these days a lot of work in software development is performed by IDE. In some cases, while reviewing the IDE, we’ll mention the plugins and packages that come with the tool that you might find helpful to install. We will also cover the main features that should be included in an IDE, as well as the main differences between IDE and code editors. We’ll also take a look at the IDE’s capabilities for React Native development, also taking both positive and negative aspects of the IDE into notice. In this article, we’ll cover some of the best IDE for React applications. Others plunge into choosing a very serious editor in order to automate their work as much as possible. Others don’t bother at all and develop in a simple code editor. Some developers prefer to do all development in one tool and never leave it. Besides source editors and automation, some of them even have smart code completion. Complexity can be a nasty headache for even the most experienced developer, so many people try to rely on integrated development environments (IDEs) to do most of the work. Modern software development often means working with multiple tools in different languages. The selection of IDEs and code editors is so large that it becomes difficult to choose the right development tool. Where should you look when looking for the best IDE for React development. What is the difference between IDE and Text Editor?.Give it a try for all your PHP development needs. Scott Chow from The Blog Starter calls it “the best tool I have used for the development of WordPress themes and plugins”. You will not change the way you work, but you’ll work faster and easier because all your tools are just a shortcut away. Using the profiler, you will tweak your application performances.īecause PHPEdit is fully customizable you can make it behave the way you want. Using the debugger you will produce better software because you’ll be able to put breakpoints, step inside your code, watch variable content, check call stack and more. Including advanced php related tools, powerful debugger and profiler, code beautifier, help integration, real time syntax checker, advanced keyboard templates and much more.īecause PHPEdit contains several tools to increase your personal productivity like Syntax Highlighting, Code Hint, Code Insight, automatic Code Completion, Keyboard Templates, Quick Marks, Code Browser… PHPEdit is an Integrated Development Environment (IDE) for PHP designed for professionals.

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[tailorcurve82]

Funeral Planning Checklist

funeral templates

online funeral programs online funeral programs

funeral program templates A home should have the capacity to deliver a good service to families which still mourning the loss in a registrant. If you in order to start a funeral home and grab it running smoothly, you need consider a great of issues. We had a small service for our son and my church was wonderful - they paid for that service and Keagan's cremation. We granted the hospital permission to autopsy his heart and lung and my husband and I consented to genetic testing. At this time I had not a clue there the connection to Paxil. After his autopsy results came back, i was told has been a thing that just happened; there no good reason.

There probably isn't any occasion where freshness a lot more vital than when giving funeral preferred. Bright, fresh and vibrant flowers are synonymous with life permanent. Wilted or damaged flowers throughout a funeral do not represent the content that you wish to express on that day. If you plan to personally visit the flower shop then you will see for yourself the quality. If you are going to get afflicted with them for you to the funeral home, be guaranteed to have them arrive a handful hours before services begin so there will be enough to maintain any problems should there be any type of. Once own all what exactly is it in front of you, it's simple see why the business really broken down. You might be surprised to find out that the failure for the business wasn't completely your fault, most likely. As I suspect understand haven't had much practise at writing obituaries, I've suggested a description here. I'm an avid obituary reader (sad I know) as well as having realised these people tend adhere to a standard format. To be able to start, pick a time-span; 80 or 90 years is nicely generous. Meanwhile, from the police lab, we were scrutinising the pellet inside a scanning electron microscope. They found so that it is made a good alloy 90% platinum and 10% iridium. It was harder than steel and immune to corrosion. 2 holes were less than 0.35 mm in width. It was apparent since this pellet was designed and designed for one purpose and one purpose lonely. The ceremony will be organized for you. You should skill to give some input with guest speakers at least, but decorating the wake, the casket, clothing, make up and the funeral can all be used care in.

There is often a difference between pre-paying and pre-arranging a funeral. This would mean with to pre-pay might still make the arrangements over your final chooses. This will take the stress off your friends. When dealing with someone in many a loved one, family members may not make info about the subject decisions. They may even spend more money than technique afford, greater than your insurance scheme. Pre-planning gives you the option to master the obligation involved and planning all the steps so all your will not need to worry concerning. No matter what your age, it has never too early or overdue to pre-plan for your funeral and are covered by peace of mind knowing your nearest and dearest will be alright an individual do pass.

#funeral program

[activepantry49]

Don't Write The Obituary For Israel Just Yet

funeral booklet funeral program template online funeral programs funeral program templates funeral pamphlet While working on creative writing projects, I ran across an assignment to write my own obit. It gave the option to write as if I died today or in the. Initially, the thought of writing my student's obituary seemed rather morbid; however, diet plans . truly something in order to. The story I read described what happened after an automobile accident occurred in the nitroglycerin manufacturing area. Alfred Nobel's brother, Emil, which has a few others were killed in getaway. The newspaper got the obituary drastically incorrect. They reported that Alfred had died, as an alternative to Emil. The obituary detailed Alfred's inventions of deadly nitroglycerin and dynamite. Appalled by simply because he could remembered for only developing substances that were genuinely useful but were also chosen as weapons, Nobel established the Peace Prize so he will remembered for something of peace. To do your business autopsy find an abandoned place that enable you to sit and reflect at the life of your business. With pen and paper at your fingertips (or laptop on lap) write down everything that anyone can think of that particular went right with the business and alternatively, everything that went totally. Your goal is to create a "Success" versus "Failure" spreadsheet that will benefit you better understand exactly why the business went southern. It isn't a custom or tradition to deliver flowers for the grieving family group. According to Jewish customs, no efforts should be generated to cheer up family members. For Orthodox Jewish families, you must leave the family alone, so that they can mourn someone in many their a single. Hence, refrain from sending flowers or flower arrangements to a Jewish commemorative.

Just fascinated by someone with less than stellar way with words-at all telling my story their way sent me into an obituary writing madness. Thus, following are four reasons why I think you should write particular obituary.

We didn't think this kind of storm would have been as devastating as that. We didn't think that 111 homes in Breezy Point, NY would be burned to the ground. We never considered that over 30 people on Staten Island alone would lose their lives for this terrible attack. But we saw grace; nobility and true character emerge that solemn day. Meg Dunn, President/CEO of A good solid.A.M.I. (American Academy McAllister Institute of Funeral Service) in NY was the first ones to answer the plea for help. 18 A.A.M.I. alumni followed suit as well as funeral vendors for instance ASD, a funeral home answering service. Once include identified the values you want to be identified with place work on integrating them into your lifetime in present day. You can create a life that is true those values by choosing your goals to your fit your values.

And there's more good news: you're growing new neurons at almost the same rate that you will be losing one. This means that the count of brain neurons you would at age 20 isn't significantly in excess of what you'll have at age 70. Solar lights aren't slowly going outside in your the brain. You can think just fine at every age.

#funeral program

[dollgreece32]

Why Need To Know Write Your Obituary Today

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funeral template

In my former life, I was a diener. What exactly is a deiner, you may wonder? It is one of the vilest degrading jobs any located on the internet have. Actually the word deiner is German for servant, however in the context of my life, I was an attendant inside the morgue. I would weigh the organs as they were removed from at the very least during an autopsy and do other things that the pathologist laughed and said to do.

Decide cash flowers have to be sent. May customary to give the flowers directly to your funeral home or church. Washboard abs too late for the funeral perform send flowers or a potted plant to home to the no longer living.

There's additionally a common mindset that resolutions are hard to stick and. Many people see how long discovered that "hold out" and keep track with their resolution doubting they are able to it from the start. It's predicted that shops give up on their resolutions even after a end of January. Can you explain that? Well, how can you accomplish something will not believe you can use? obituary records are actually legal documents that correlate with the death folks. These death records often contain the dead people's biographical information as definitely. Yet, it is of quite a great importance that the obituary records are posted on neighborhood newspaper during which the dead people may have obtained death in the first place. Just leave someone with less than stellar way with words-at all telling my story their way sent me into an obituary writing mania. Thus, following are four reasons why I think you should write personal obituary. We did not have to make a choice in the end because it made for my family. We were advised by the doctor that had been "fetal demise". I suspected that there was something wrong because Got severe abdominal pains days prior and also checked out of. An autopsy report revealed that he any hole within the heart so never hold survived until birth. Although I was sad all around the pregnancy ending, in felt a huge weight lifted as in order to mention be put in a position to develop a decision who would change existence no matter what - either I not in favor of my husband's wishes and raise a special needs baby, or terminate the pregnancy like just how much and cope with tremendous guilt for a very long time. At this point we decided he would let him go. At 10 pm, with Keagan in my arms, our minister sat in the room and prayed for about 10 minutes, then my husband and I were left alone with our son. The nurse stopped everything aside from pain medication and a disconnected the respirator. At 11pm his heart stopped beating. Important Note:Cocoa mulch is created from crushed cacao shells, which contain caffeine and theobromine.These are two compounds to which dogs are particularly juicy. These substances will also present in everyday foods such as baker's chocolate, chocolate cafes. Depending on the size of passed away and the quantity of of cocoa mulch it ingests, symptoms would include, stomach upset to a heart attack.

#funeral program

[fellowstrangetownappreciator]

Curious and autistic-coded

Hello there! April draws to an end and with that I think it’s high time to hurry up and write this. What does April have to do with anything, you ask? April is the Autism Acceptance Month. So what better month to do this?

Unfortunately I didn’t make it. I failed. It’s already 1. 5. when I’m posting this. But at least I tried to deliver on time.

In this mini essay I’ll present my case about why I think the Curious brothers from TS2 Strangetown display autistic-coded traits and my personal takes on it.

It’s basically your average headcanon post but with a funny top hat!

0: Preface: What do I mean by “autistic-coded”?

When a character is coded as something, it means that they have traits that are associated with the demographics in question to make the consumer knowingly or not link the character with the demographic, although the character's "label” is never explicitly disclosed.

In the nutshell, it means that there are canonical reasons to read the characters as autistic, although you won't find the word "autism" anywhere in the game nor in the developer's commentary.

In this particular case I do believe that the developer may not even be aware of the code, as there is no evidence to suggest otherwise. If there is, I’m not aware of it and I would be happy to learn.

So, let’s start!

1: “The white male who is very good at science”

Unfortunately autistic representation in pop-culture has a long history of being rather straightforward in which traits the characters often have. This stems from the belief that autism is “a boy’s disorder” (that’s why some autism charities to this day use blue in their symbols). Among popular examples of autistic-coded characters are Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper and Death Note’s L and Near. I’m sure you can think of more but you’ll find that most of them are men and either explicitly white or racially ambiguous white-passing. They also tend to be gifted in tech, logic or other science-y activities.

There’s nothing wrong with that! Nothing wrong with being an autistic with those “stereotypical” characteristics and there is nothing wrong with people being represented. What is wrong is the monotony and afab people/people of color being underrepresented which leads (among other factors) to harder access to diagnosis and resources for those people in real life. But! That’s a topic for a different day. (and not for a simbrl, mind you)

Back to the Curiouses! I just wanted to say that autism in media is traditionally associated with characters whose gender presentation, race and interests align with theirs. Those characteristic thus make a very convenient template for autistic-coding.

2: Inconsistent performance, huge gaps between strengths and weaknesses

Pascal, Vidcund and Lazlo are very skilled Sims by default, extraordinarily even for their age. Pascal has a skill maxed while his younger brothers both near maxing theirs.

But as you can see in Pascal’s default skill panel, apart from Creativity, all his other skills are extremely low, 0 points for Mechanical, Body and Charisma, 1 point for Cooking and Logic and his second best skill, Cleaning, has only 3 points. The same situation can be observed in Vidcund’s and Lazlo’s, except their strong suits are Logic and Cooking respectively.

Huge discrepancies within performance in different cognitive areas is a common trait found in those on the autism spectrum. We’re often talking extremes here and the scale of the difference is the defining factor. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, it’s just in neurodivergent people those tend to be unusually noticeable.

I think that skills, simplified as they are, are the closest The Sims has to possibly simulate that because they track the character’s performance and expertise in different areas and allow comparison. In real life, of course, this comparison is not nearly as possible and exact, nor desired, but for all our analysis-loving enthusiasm, here we’re still talking fictional characters.

3: Struggle with social cues

It is widely known that one of autistic traits are difficulties with processing social situations, picking social cues and successfully replicating socially desired behavioral patterns.

But these three are Sims, are they not? They cannot possibly display this trait, since they’re programmed the same way as others.

Yes and no.

It is true that there is no specific in-game feature that would allow Sims to behave with explicit neurodivergency in mind* but with the right combination of traits they can simulate behavior that really hits close to home for neurodivergent players.

*at least not in TS2, TS3 has traits that simulate some possible neurodivergencies but their names tend to be rather... ableist unfortunate and they’re not relevant to this post since they’re not autism related, and even if they were, we’re focusing on TS2 exclusively

Let’s take look at Lazlo here. He is, indeed, a playful soul. He likes to goof around, tell jokes, make others laugh. And since he’s very close to his brother Vidcund, close enough even to Tell Dirty Joke (an interaction that needs quite a high relationship to unlock), he autonomously does just that.

And oh boy, does Vidcund disapprove.

From my personal experience playing them, their relationship usually takes quite a hit from every cheeky joke Lazlo throws Vid’s way. They usually autonomously repair it very quick but it happens often.

But that’s a standard behavior. Vidcund’s very serious, he doesn’t take well to jokes.

No. I mean technically yes, Vid is definitely a grumpy old plant dad but, at least in my game, he tends to accept Lazlo’s jokes. All kinds of them, actually, except for the dirty ones. And Pascal, who technically has even lower Playful points (0 in comparison to Vidcund’s 4), doesn’t seem to mind Lazlo’s poor attempts at grown-up humor.

But! What is it that makes Lazlo try still? What drives him to attempt to make Vidcund laugh with a dirty joke over and over again? (and fail?)

I my interpretation, Lazlo doesn’t do that on purpose, he is just really poor at evaluating “dirtiness” of a given joke and frequently misinterprets Vidcund’s cues. The animation of a dirty joke being rejected even supports that as Vid doesn’t signal his discomfort with any exaggerated easy-to-read facial expression until Lazlo gets to his punchline.

No only that but as I mentioned, the invisible lines between spicy and too vulgar are often hard to thread. I can recall many times I thought I was saying a witty quip on an “adult” topic and was met with awkward silence or someone shushing me because “that’s not how you speak in public”. I can well imagine myself in Lazlo’s shoes.

A situation of social cues being misinterpreted or ignored can be observed also in Vidcund. Programming-wise, those are just his low Niceness and extreme Shyness showing but combined they again paint a picture of a very neurodivergent-looking behavioral pattern.

He often behaves like the concept of politeness or social rules doesn’t exist because the combination of the aforementioned traits makes him come off very blunt (lecturing and shoving telescope-peepers with no warning whatsoever) and distant (having a high chance of rejecting simple small-talk socials).

(That’s Jasmine Rai casting the “Summon Vidcund” spell.)

Yes, I am fully aware that it makes a stronger case for him being an a**hole than autistic but... there’s no reason he can’t be both. Not all autistic people are sweet cinnamon buns, all personalities you can think of can be neurodiverse and, for some their neurodiversity can even amplify their inconsiderate ways, as I believe it is the case with our dear grouch Vidcund.

4. Their bios

“No matter what happens, Pascal believes there is a logical explanation for everything. In his free time, he practices home psychoanalysis and collects conspiracy theories.”

(that’s how I imagine practicing psychoanalysis looks like, sorry Freud)

“Serious and exact, Vidcund strives to fit the universe into a nice tidy package. He has an unnatural fondness for African violets.”

(let’s collectively pretend those are African violets)

“Not as studious as his older brothers, Lazlo got his degree in Phrenology. He likes to call phone psychics and spends hours trying to bend forks with his mind.”

*error: screenshot of Lazlo bending forks not found*

(but here he is hanging out with Erin Beaker, the closest thing to “calling phone psychics” you can actually do in-game)

Both Pascal’s and Vidcund’s bios point to a pattern-focused worldview with a strong emphasis on rationality as the center-point that anchors the way they understand the world around them and build their principles on. This “pattern-ization” of thinking is a common autistic trait, with rationality being a popular theme because emotions tend to be difficult to access and asses for many of us.

Lazlo’s biography is an outlier. But it still has something significant in common with those of his brothers: All three of their bios allude to a potential special interest of sorts.

Special interests as an autism-related term are very specific, in-depth and long-term hobbies or areas of expertise that make an autistic person happy and they tend to go to seemingly exhausting lengths, often at the cost of other areas of knowledge and most likely the person’s ability to talk about anything else for a long enough time. (a loving hyperbole, no disrespect meant) Mine are my characters and cats. An even more intense but a short(er)-term passion is called a hyperfixation.

Them potentially having a special interest is yet another possible autistic-coded feature.

5. Wait. Why does it matter?

Right. What does it matter if a Sim (A SIM) (or two or three) is autistic? What do I hope to achieve, pushing my autistic Curiouses agenda down your throats?

I got to write a long rant-piece about some of my favorite TS characters and I feel like I can finally die satisfied.

Apart from that and me sharing my happiness of finding some good pixels I can relate to, it is a matter of representation.

Remember by the very beginning I wrote how most of the representation our community gets in media tends to be just a one specific type of character?

And how the Curious brothers seem to fit the stereotype to a point?

There is something I omitted, something I saved for the last on purpose.

The role. The role in their story, the role in the society the piece of media portrays.

We often see neurodiverse, autistic or autistic-coded character as children, students, villains, lone savants, victims in distress, comedic relief sidekicks, either very vulnerable and needing protection, or detached and having their role defined only by their academic prowess or their special interest/profession.

What we rarely get to see them as, are... parents.

That’s what many of us autistics are or plan to be someday in the future. The dogma around autism has started to dwindle relatively recently and there are little to no examples of autistic adults being the care-givers for once in the media around us.

The Curious brothers are just that. They are chaotic, they are eccentric, they can be a little too much... but they are dutiful and loving fathers/uncles to their little aliens they raise.

They make it work. Even if they face difficulties, even if they don’t exactly fit the standard.

“Sometimes, a family truly can be three brothers raising alien babies, and it’s beautiful.”

It encourages us to define family by love rather than traditional structures and it shows us that portrait of a functional neurodiverse family we need to see.

And goodness, is it a powerful sight.

#the sims 2 #the sims #ts2 #simbrl #pascal curious #vidcund curious #lazlo curious #autism acceptence month #headcanon #actuallyautistic #autistic curiouses agenda #please someone take tumbrl from me

[blubberquark]

Excel, Word, Access, Outlook

Previously on computer literacy: A Test For Computer Literacy

If you’re a computer programmer, you sometimes hear other programmers complain about Excel, because it mixes data and code, or about Word, because it mixes text and formatting, and nobody ever uses Word and Excel properly.

If you’re a computer programmer, you frequently hear UX experts praise the way Excel allows non-programmers to write whole applications without help from the IT department. Excel is a great tool for normal people and power users, I often hear.

I have never seen anybody who wasn’t already versed in a real programming language write a complex application in an Excel spreadsheet. I have never seen anybody who was not a programmer or trained in Excel fill in a spreadsheet and send it back correctly.

Computer programmers complain about the inaccessibility of Excel, the lack of discoverability, the mixing of code and data in documents that makes versioning applications a proper nightmare, the influence of the cell structure on code structure, and the destructive automatic casting of cell data into datatypes.

UX experts praise Excel for giving power to non-programmers, but I never met a non-programmer who used Excel “properly”, never mind developed an application in it. I met non-programmers who used SPSS, Mathematica, or Matlab properly a handful of times, but even these people are getting rarer and rarer in the age of Julia, NumPy, SymPy, Octave, and R. Myself, I have actually had to learn how to use Excel in school, in seventh grade. I suspect that half of the “basic computer usage” curriculum was the result of a lobbying campaign by Microsoft’s German branch, because we had to learn about certain features in Word, Excel, and PowerPoint on Windows 95, and non-Microsoft applications were conspicuously absent.

Visual Basic and VBS seemed like a natural choice to give power to end users in the 90s. People who had already used a home computer during the 8-bit/16-bit era (or even an IBM-compatible PC) were familiar with BASIC because that was how end-users were originally supposed to interact with their computers. BASIC was for end users, and machine code/compiled languages were for “real programmers” - BASIC was documented in the manual that came with your home computer, machine code was documented in MOS data sheets. From today’s point of view, programming in BASIC is real programming. Calling Visual Basic or .Net scripting in Excel “not programming“ misrepresents what modern programmers do, and what GUI users have come to expect after the year 2000.

Excel is not very intuitive or beginner-friendly. The “basic computer usage” curriculum was scrapped shortly after I took it, so I had many opportunities to observe people who were two years younger than me try to use Excel by experimenting with the GUI alone.

The same goes fro Microsoft Word. A friend of mine insists that nobody ever uses Word properly, because Word can do ligatures and good typesetting now, as well as footnotes, chapters, outline note taking, and so on. You just need to configure it right. If people used Word properly, they wouldn’t need LaTeX or Markdown. That friend is already a programmer. All the people I know who use Word use WYSIWYG text styling, fonts, alignment, tables, that sort of thing. In order to use Word “properly“, you’d have to use footnotes, chapter marks, and style sheets. The most “power user” thing I have ever seen an end user do was when my father bought a CD in 1995 with 300 Word templates for all sorts of occasions - birthday party invitation, employee of the month certificate, marathon completion certificate, time table, cooking recipe, invoice, cover letter - to fill in and print out.

Unlike Excel, nobody even claims that non-programmer end users do great things in Word. Word is almost never the right program when you have email, calendars, wikis, to-do lists/Kanban/note taking, DTP, vector graphics, mind mapping/outline editors, programmer’s plain text editors, dedicated novelist/screenwriting software, and typesetting/document preparation systems like LaTeX. Nobody disputes that plain text, a wiki, or a virtual Kanban board is often preferable to a .doc or .docx file in a shared folder. Word is still ubiquitous, but so are browsers.

Word is not seen as a liberating tool that enables end-user computing, but as a program you need to have but rarely use, except when you write a letter you have to print out, or when you need to collaborate with people who insist on e-mailing documents back and forth.

I never met an end user who actually liked Outlook enough to use it for personal correspondence. It was always mandated by an institution or an employer, maintained by an IT department, and they either provided training or assumed you already had had training. Outlook has all these features, but neither IT departments nor end users seemed to like them. Outlook is top-down mandated legibility and uniformity.

Lastly, there is Microsoft Access. Sometimes people confused Excel and Access because both have tables, so at some point Microsoft caved in and made Excel understand SQL queries, but Excel is still not a database. Access is a database product, designed to compete with products like dBase, Cornerstone, and FileMaker. It has an integrated editor for the database schema and a GUI builder to create forms and reports. It is not a networked database, but it can be used to run SQL queries on a local database, and multiple users can open the same database file if it is on a shared SMB folder. It is not something you can pick up on one afternoon to code your company’s billing and invoicing system. You could probably use it to catalogue your Funko-Pop collection, or to keep track of the inventory, lending and book returns of a municipal library, as long as the database is only kept on one computer. As soon as you want to manage a mobile library or multiple branches, you would have to ditch Access for a real SQL RDBMS.

Microsoft Access was marketed as a tool for end-user computing, but nobody really believed it. To me, Access was SQL with training wheels in computer science class, before we graduated to MySQL and then later to Postgres and DB2. UX experts never tout Access as a big success story in end-user computing - yet they do so for Excel.

The narrative around Excel is quite different from the narrative around Yahoo Pipes, IFTTT, AppleScript, HyperCard, Processing, or LabView. The narrative goes like this: “Excel empowers users in big, bureaucratic organisations, and allows them to write limited applications to solve business problems, and share them with co-workers.”

Excel is not a good tool for finance, simulations, genetics, or psychology research, but it is most likely installed on every PC in your organisation already. You’re not allowed to share .exe files, but you are allowed to share spreadsheets. Excel is an exchange format for applications. Excel files are not centrally controlled, like Outlook servers or ERP systems, and they are not legible to management. Excel is ubiquitous. Excel is a ubiquitous runtime and development environment that allows end-users to create small applications to perform simple calculations for their jobs.

Excel is a tool for office workers to write applications to calculate things, but not without programming, but without involving the IT department. The IT department would like all forms to be running on some central platform, all data to be in the data warehouse/OLAP platform/ERP system - not because they want to make the data legible and accessible, but because they want to minimise the number of business-critical machines and points of failure, because important applications should either run on servers in a server rack, or be distributed to workstations by IT.

Management wants all knowledge to be formalised so the next guy can pick up where you left off when you quit. For this reason, wikis, slack, tickets and kanban boards are preferable to Word documents in shared folders. The IT department calls end-user computing “rogue servers“ or “shadow IT“. They want all IT to have version control, unit tests, backups, monitoring, and a handbook. Accounting/controlling thinks end-user computing is a compliance nightmare. They want all software to be documented, secured, and budgeted for. Upper management wants all IT to be run by the IT department, and all information integrated into their reporting solution that generates these colourful graphs. Middle management wants their people to get some work done.

Somebody somewhere in the C-suite is always viewing IT as a cost centre, trying to fire IT people and to scale down the server room. This looks great on paper, because the savings in servers, admins, and tech support are externalised to other departments in the form of increased paperwork, time wasted on help hotlines, and

Excel is dominating end-user computing because of social reasons and workplace politics. Excel is not dominating end-user computing because it is actually easy to pick up for end-users.

Excel is dominating end-user computing neither because it is actually easy to pick up for non-programmers nor easy to use for end-users.

This is rather obvious to all the people who teach human-computer interaction at universities, to the people who write books about usability, and the people who work in IT departments. Maybe it is not quite as obvious to people who use Excel. Excel is not easy to use. It’s not obvious when you read a book on human-computer interaction (HCI), industrial design, or user experience (UX). Excel is always used as the go-to example of end-user computing, an example of a tool that “empowers users”. If you read between the lines, you know that the experts know that Excel is not actually a good role model you should try to emulate.

Excel is often called a “no code“ tool to make “small applications“, but that is also not true. “No Code” tools usually require users to write code, but they use point-and-click, drag-and-drop, natural language programming, or connecting boxes by drawing lines to avoid the syntax of programming languages. Excel avoids complex syntax by breaking everything up into small cells. Excel avoids iteration or recursion by letting users copy-paste formulas into cells and filling formulas in adjacent cells automatically. Excel does not have a debugger, but shows you intermediate results by showing the numbers/values in the cells by default, and the code in the cells only if you click.

All this makes Excel more like GameMaker or ClickTeam Fusion than like Twine. Excel is a tool that doesn’t scare users away with text editors, but that’s not why people use it. It that were the reason, we would be writing business tools and productivity software in GameMaker.

The next time you read or hear about the amazing usability of Excel, take it with a grain of salt! It’s just barely usable enough.

#end-user computing #computer literacy

[cancerbiophd]

PhD Dissertation Masterpost of Advice and Resources*

*or at least what helped me when I was writing mine for a PhD in Cancer Biology in the US--so they may not apply to other fields and/or countries.

Firstly, what a PhD Dissertation and Defense process is like (for my program)

Always check your university’s graduate college’s dissertation formatting and guidelines. That should be your #1 rulebook to work off of. Download their formatting guide and read it thoroughly. Before turning in your dissertation, make sure you’ve addressed all the requirements. 

Get a sample from a previous student as reference, preferably one from your program, or even better, your lab. All dissertations are publicly available online at your university’s library (with the exception of those with embargoes). Always have an example on hand--you never know when it’ll come in handy for minor formatting details, or even references (if it’s a dissertation from your own lab). 

Familiarize yourself with whatever writing program you’re going to use, and if it can do any of the formatting automatically for you. For example, Microsoft Word can make a Table of Contents for you if you use their Automated Styles, and you can use the Navigation Pane to view all your sections at a glance (and jump instantly to that section). I highly recommend figuring out all the formatting before you start writing, as it may be really frustrating to go back and fix things (especially if you’re doing this on the due date). Scroll down to the end of this post for formatting resources. 

I think the ideal timeline is one month per chapter, give or take a few weeks depending on how much you have done beforehand and how much time you have per day to allocate to writing. There will be a lot of back-and-forth edits with your advisor, you may find out there are missing data that need analyzing/finalizing, etc. Your last month or so of writing may have to be dedicated 100% to your dissertation, so plan accordingly. I have heard many PhD’s tell me to even start a year out, because you may be busy your last couple of months with job interviews, or even starting your new job, etc. 

Export your images as .png if possible or your document will become too large. 

Use a citation manager, if you don’t have one already, such as Mendeley. 

Also have a way to keep track what each reference is about, especially for the Introduction as that may require some new additions (ie. things you learned in class or lab meeting but never actually had to chase down a primary reference for). You can use Excel, Word, or good ol’ fashioned printouts in subject binders--anything that helps you remember what the paper is about what. I ended up citing over 400 references in my dissertation--that was a lot of papers to keep track of!

As with any large writing project, make an outline first. This way you can better structure everything from a bird’s eye view, and make sure you’re not missing anything. Just like building a house, you need to set up the frames first before the drywall. The outline to my Introduction was 5 pages long before I even wrote the first complete sentence, and the outline also helped me not feel too overwhelmed with the task before me (likewise, I also started off each paragraph with a brief outline of the points I wanted to cover. It worked really well in getting rid of writer’s block)

Have a separate folder for each chapter, to keep things better organized and easier to manage. I didn’t put everything together in a single file until the very end. 

And always back up your files, or work entirely off a Cloud-based system, like Dropbox or Box (which your university may provide for free). There’s absolutely nothing worse than losing allll your hard work, especially your Dissertation! 

Set aside at least 1 hour before your Dissertation is due to your committee for last minute issues, like formatting, uploading, etc. 

If you’re in the Bio field, I highly recommend making your figures using Biorender.com. It honestly saved me so much time, and it took my dissertation and defense to a whole new level of professionalism. It’s free to use for students, though the paid student version ($35/mo) has more features. 

Links to other resources:

University of Michigan guide for using Microsoft Word for Dissertations

Dissertation templates (with build-in-instructions) from Duke University (scroll down to end of page) (thanks @conquerorwurm for this one)

Making an outline from Sacred Heart University

More about making an outline for Dissertations

Other tips on surviving this challenging time:

Write smart, not hard. Use your energy and creativity levels wisely. For example, I found out I was really great at synthesizing thoughts (and thus words on the document) in the morning, but not so much at night. So I did most of my writing in the morning, and then reserved evenings for making figures and adding references (aka things that required less brain-energy).

Take breaks! This is definitely a marathon, so please try not to push yourself too hard to prevent burning out. Here’s what my writing schedule looked like 1 week before my dissertation was due to my committee--you can see I worked hard, but I also had lots of breaks throughout the day to eat and/or recharge, and I tried to sleep 7-8 hrs/night. 

The moment you think you can’t do something alone, seek out a resource that will help you. There’s no time or energy to waste. Resources include: your advisor, another lab member, a university writing center, online tutorials, even other grad students on tumblr. No one else has written a dissertation on their own, so you shouldn’t have to either. 

Have a support system, like another fellow student going through something similar who you can talk to. It helps so much to not be lonely during this. 

Have something fun planned after you turn in your dissertation and after you defend to look forward to. Sometimes all that was left to get me through the tough and frustrating moments was the thought of all my plans post-defense: going to my favorite used bookstore, reading for fun again, relaxing and watching movies, and more. Small things, but oh so powerful to keep me going sometimes. 

You will get through this. I know it’s hard. I know how close to tears you are. But I also know you will survive. Remember all those tough times in the past? Like when you were studying for your qualifying exams? Or writing and re-writing that grant application for what seemed like the 500th time? Those were some tough times, but you got through them all. And so you will also get through this.

And lastly, but probably most importantly:

Do what works for you. You haven’t made it this far in your academic career without a solid understanding of your own working style, so stick to that. My advice is just what happened to work for me, personally, and thus may not apply to anyone else. 

Good luck, and congratulations, soon-to-be Dr!

#grad advice #writing advice

[rq-s]

Title: Falling Down 

Pairing: Xu Minghao / NB!Reader

Genre: Light Angst & Platonic OR Romantic

Word Count: 2.9k+

Warnings: None. However, I do interpret the timeline and meaning of his lyrics loosely. I can’t and don’t claim that it’s the “correct” way to do so; he wrote it to be ambiguous for a wide audience to enjoy. Please watch the Falling Down Making Film for clarity.

Credits: ENG Translation of Falling Down 

Summary: You and Minghao have been consistent penpals since 2004, sharing each other’s cultures, languages, passions, and lives as you both grew up. 2014 came around and letter from him only came in 4 times, and only 1 in 2015. The last this you ever heard from him read he was a bird in a cage.

Notes: Italic = letter  ... = omitted letter content 

My Masterlist

Spring 2004

“How about this one, honey?” Mom handed me a postcard from a spot on the rack that I couldn’t reach. The large font caught my attention and told me it was a landscape picture of the closest national park. Though nothing in the picture was recognizable, it reminded me of camping, which made me smile despite having never been before.

“Sure.” Was all I said, and I followed her as she pushed our full shopping cart to the register and began chatting with the cashier.

Like usual, I quickly put the postcard on the conveyor belt along with the groceries. As soon as it was empty, I went to the bagging station and put the scanned and bagged items back into the cart. Making sure to the boxes and cartons together neatly like Tetris, careful not to squish the bread.

“What a diligent little kid you have!” The cashier spoke, her voice worn with age, but with a sense of joy that reminded me of a stereotypical grandmother.

“She always says I do it wrong.” Mom joked, smirking at me. She never did let go of my “If you want it done right, do it yourself.” attitude I had even as a kid.

 Mom finished paying, and we went put into the chilly morning air of the parking lot that was made even colder by the shadow of the supermarket. I once again moved the bags from the cart to the trunk and brought the cart to the nearest drop off spot while Mom started the car.

The ride home was mostly silent, save for the sound of the road beneath the wheels and the hum of the heater.

“Thanks for letting me do the penpal thing, Mom.”

“You’re welcome, but remember the deal; you get more chores to do. You’re 7 years old now, you can handle doing the dishes by yourself, right?” The tone of her voice was completely serious, but I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ve been helping with the dishes for years, and I’ve learned from the best. I’ve got this!”

 When we got home, I scoured the bags for that postcard, and luckily it was only bent on one corner. I wrote down bit of info about that park - whatever Google told me, and set it aside. I grabbed the template application from my school binder and filled in the blanks. 

Hello! My name is _____________, I’m __ years old, and I am from ________! I am learning Mandarin, but I’m still a beginner. I hope to learn more about your culture and language as we exchange letters!

For now, I will tell you a bit about myself. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Along with this letter is a postcard and other information about where I am from!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Signed,

_____________

It was a pretty basic template that we had to copy from, and in retrospect, it was cringy as all heck, but it had to be formatted juuust right and follow the guidelines exactly, or the penpal program admin’s wouldn’t accept it.

From what I was told, someone from China who’d also applied and been approved would be paired with me, based on age and interests. Only this first letter was prewritten. Once we were paired up, the letters themselves and the mailing of them was up to me and my family. 

I was lucky I got a match at all, most of the kids in my class didn’t. I learned pretty quickly why: I was the only one who put “dancing” as an interest.  

Summer 2007

...

This was a frog I found at the lake! Mom got mad that I touched it, and when it jumped out of my hands and back into the water, it got mud all over us!! 

Later we had a barbecue and some other campers came buy, but their kids were teenagers and didn’t wanna play with me, so here is a picture of me pouting in the tent instead of having fun. 

...

This is the last one, when we finally got home from the long car ride. we all were sunburned really bad, but it looks like you can see freckles on my face because of it! 

Whenever either of us would go on trips, even just to the water park or to a festival, we’d take Polaroid pictures to send. Most the earlier pictures Minghao sent were of him at tournaments, then they turned into selfies from after dance practice. It wasn’t until they were in their teens that he began to take more artsy pictures, with the occasional selfie thrown in. He’d always put at least one polaroid in each envelope, and photography quickly became one of the many things he excelled at. 

Winter 2010

…

And I still can’t believe you were on TV!! Twice!!! All these letters… I can use them as blackmail someday when you’re a superstar! Muahah!!

I’m not nearly as good as you still, but Miss Lilly says my footwork has gotten a lot better! I wish you could teach me, but words don’t have the same effect as seeing it. I doubt I’d get it even if you tried to explain… and don’t even think about trying to teach me any martial arts, my brain will melt!!

…

My letters were always a bit longer than Minghao’s, and were full of run on sentences and unorganized thoughts. He was always clear and concise, yet sensitive. He always gave strong and encouraging advice on my Mandarin, but my English tips barely seemed to help him. I always cared more about getting to know him and telling my own stories than about practicing. Though, I don’t know what stories I had worth telling as a 13 year old. We contrasted each other a lot, and Mom said it made us a better fit for each other.

It wasn’t a weekly thing, but we always wrote when we could and has a steady back and forth. Sometimes the envelopes were thick, with many pages, postcards, candies, cool leaves or rocks we’d found, songs we had been listening too; things we cared about and wanted to share. But sometimes they were thin, barely a page long, with hastily written characters and a sincere apology. Both made me smile the same just the same – both showed how much he cared.

 Spring 2012

Perhaps it was because we were the same age, and despite not meeting, had spent so much time together. He somehow always understood me, and never made jokes when I was opening up about the less fun sides of life. He went at his own pace, and it took quite some time, but he eventually felt comfortable doing the same.

…

I’ve worked so hard for this, I know I’m capable, but I’m genuinely terrified. But I’m excited, too. I feel so overwhelmed and I don’t feel like I can tell anyone, they’ll worry, or they’ll tell me I shouldn’t do it.

I want to try. I want to be on that stage and in that tournament and I want to come out having earned something.

…

 Fall 2012

 Congratulations!! Now I can brag that I know THE Xu Minghao who won 8th at a WORLD DANCE COMPETITION!!!! I knew you’d do great. Yeah, you were nervous, but your hard work showed through!

As soon as I read the news online, I was so happy. Eight is a good number, right? I think It suits you. Even when you're laying down, you have infinite potential! That’s you, Xu Minghao, Number 8, my best friend.

Come to think of it, it's been about 8 years since we met, hasn’t it? it must be some sort of prophecy!!! Haha I’m kidding, but seriously… That’s more than half our lives. We’ve spent knowing each other half of the time we’ve even been on this Earth!

I’m really glad I know you, Minghao. I’d be lonely without your letters, I think. I hope I make your days brighter, like you make mine. I hope we never forget about each other.

 It was rare for me to get so sentimental, but he needed someone to be his fan, and I wanted to be the best fan of Xu Minghao I could be. Not to say I was the first, like I would joke about doing, but because he deserves it. I knew it from the way he talked about training, that he’d make himself a star someday, no matter what.

Because of this, though, it was this letter and onward that we stopped doing the copies and corrections. I noticed myself missing his teasing marks on my papers, or the cheeky smiley faces he’d draw when I did well. We stopped sending trinkets and polaroids too, so each envelope felt a lot emptier.

 Spring 2013

I’m really going to Korea now… The flight is in a few days, I’ll send you another letter from the new address as soon as I get there, so please wait for it!

…

I had bad dreams back then, about how things would be different, slower and distant. His letters were a significant part of my life, and I was afraid to lose that. Yet I was surprised he was even allowed to keep sending me letters. Retrospectively thinking though, it wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to write to his family.

Was I like family to him back then?

 Winter 2013

I’m sorry for not writing you back sooner. The company has been really busy with Seventeen TV starting. I’ve been practicing a lot, I barely have time to eat or sleep, let alone sit down and write. There’s barely anyone around who knows Mandarin, and I’m still just learning how to make sentences in Korean, and they call me Myungho… Those who I can talk to are all boys, but they’re my friends, and possible group members, so I shouldn’t mind.

I miss your handwriting. Sometimes I reread our old letters, and notice that we’ve changed so much. But I keep every memory, did you know that?

I always feel better quickly. When I think about being on a stage, having fans singing with us and cheering for me… It makes me so happy that I cry, sometimes. But then I can’t help but think, “Will it ever be me? Or will I just dream of being there, and someone else will get the chance?”

That’s usually when I find one of your letters. The one you sent on my birthday a couple months ago, that you sprayed with that citrus scent? It’s my favorite, I relax so much when I read it. It reminds me of home, somehow.

I’ll try to write more often, I’m sure you’ve been patiently waiting. Let’s exchange pictures again, it’s been a while, right? I just really miss you.

 Was he like family to me? No… I think, back then at least, it was something special for me.

Summer 2014

Hey! I haven't heard from you since April! I miss you a lot, but I know you must be really busy. I’ve been trying to watch the previous Seventeen TV episodes when I can, the other boys seem funny and nice. I hope they all take care of you, like you say Junhui has been.

I’m always wishing you sweet dreams, I worry about how you’ve been. I wish I’d have asked for your phone number or email or something before, but now that you’re so busy and under a big company… I just hope these letters and postcards reach you well.

…

Fall 2014

…

Also, they’ve been saying I’ll qualify to be on SeventeenTV soon. The others are hoping it’s a sign that we’ll get to debut soon. You’ll watch it, right?

Things are looking bright for me and my brothers here, but I can’t help but feel full of dread. I can’t pinpoint why. Junhui said it might be stage fright, but I don’t feel afraid.

I know they all support me, and I support them, but I feel like I might disappear, and not even you would remember me. I know its not true but it’s what I’m feeling.

…

Winter 2014

I SAW YOU!! I watched it as soon as it released, I didn’t understand what most of them were saying without English subtitles, but I could understand you, and I saw you! I’m so proud of you Minghao, you’re an official member of Seventeen!! You’ve been working so hard, I’m sure you’re exhausted. Please try and take time to rest and heal before debut, all of you need it!

…

Spring 2015

May 26th 2015. That is the day I debut. I know we haven't talked much, but I hope you’ll be there in spirit. Thinking about you cheering for me makes it easier to handle. I’ll fight for you, for me, for them, and for us. I’ll try, even though things feel like they’re ending.

I’m going to be busier than before. I’m not sure about the contract, but I’ll try to still get letters out. For now, have this. Thank you for everything.

A layer of grey I can't escape Walls built of fear are colored all over with red Who will listen to the sound from the bottom of my heart at the end of the world(/day) There's no one by my side Flee Flee

The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking I can't find love at all So why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Hidden by the dark clouds, helpless and pitiful Can't feel myself, light is lost Before the end of the world(/day), (I'm) yelling, sounds of pain But there's no one by my side Flee Flee

The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking After I disappear completely, (you) won't realize I once existed Why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Falling endlessly, falling in silence What did I ever do wrong

Missing someone you’ve never met is an entirely separate kind of heartbreak. I began to doubt every single thought and feeling I had, every single word I wrote, everything began to bleed between imagination, ideal, and reality. 

The Minghao I watched on the screen wasn’t the Minghao I knew, and I started to wonder if I ever truly knew him in the first place. I felt like a fool, and even then, I continued to be foolish. I wanted to believe I knew what he meant; that I understood him, but as the years went on, I got more and more lost.

They won awards, they went on variety shows, they released albums, they went on tours. They traveled, they worked, and they grew. I needed to believe I knew him, but Minghao and The8 are not the same. And as I grew to love The8, Minghao began to fade into the back of my mind. When I watched him try to express himself beyond his stage persona, each time I saw flashes of a beautiful bird locked in a rusted cage.

I always kept the letters.

They’re my private collection of memories between he and I. They were the only way I knew it was real. I could run my fingers over his handwriting, feel how he sometimes pressed too hard and left marks in the paper. I could see how the paper and ink warped when he accidentally got tears on it. I could look at his pictures from his childhood and know what he was thinking as he took it. 

I knew him.

Summer 2020

Hey, Minghao. It’s me, do you still remember my handwriting? Maybe it’s changed... No, I know it has, because I’ve changed as a person. It feels strange, I know what you’ve been up to, but you might’ve even forgotten my name. But I feel in my heart that you havn’t. Maybe thats wishful thinking.

Anyway, I’m so proud of you Minghao. You’re a superstar, just like you dream of being back when you first started dancing. You’ve become part of a family, and have so many fans cheering for you every single day. Congratulations!!

…

5 years. Does the smell of citrus still remind you of home? Of me? Maybe it just reminds you of the hard times you had back then. But I guess you’ve been reminiscing about that a lot lately?

I watched the video as soon as it came out, and I was shaking as soon as I heard your voice. That song isn’t a special piece of yourself that you shared with me anymore, but it’s part of your story for the whole world to see, and you told it so well.

...

I miss you.

It was finally time.

It was a fairly thick envelope, inside were many postcards of where I’ve been, quickly written notes as I reacted to songs and memorable moments, and full-length letters that never got sent.

It was so surreal to sit in front on him at this panel. He looks just like he did as a kid, but more refined, stronger inside and out. His aura intimidated me like I was seeing a skyscraper touch the clouds for the first time, and yet he maintained eye contact with me like I was a dandelion about to be blown away with the breeze.

“It’s me, Minghao.” The words barely drifted from my mouth, but they struck him like lightning as realization stealing his breath away. For a moment I saw his eyes twinkle, and the corners of this lips twitch.

A member of staff took the envelop away from him; he barely was able to read the label.

My time would be up soon.

His fingers intertwined with mine and he opens my photobook to his page with his free hand, looking down for only a moment to sign it.

The next Carat was nudging my shoulder already.

“Not yet.” I whispered both to them and to him with a squeeze of his hand. He did the same, like a beat of the heart, and then released. I watched his chest rise and fall with a deep breath as he gave the next fan the same focus and care he gave me. 

I forced a smile on my face as I scooted over.

Did he truly realize it was me? Why could I feel his heart beating faster from the tips of his fingers? Did he want to contact me all this time, or had he chosen to stop and was scared to tell me? Did he miss me too?  

My smile was only fake for a moment, though.

I was meeting his second family for the first time, after all, I needed to make a good impression. After years of keeping up with the group, it should have been easier to feel comfortable, and to be happy like the others.

Yet my hands continued to shake, their faces blurred and the sounds around me went quiet. My senses went in and out of focus like waves reaching and leaving the shore.

The warmth and the texture of his hand stained mine, and as i stared down at it after going back to my seat in the crowd, it felt alien. His hands are same hands that have been writing my name on every envelope for so many years...

I felt like I was falling.

#the8 #xu minghao #minghao #the8 x reader #xu minghao x reader #minghao x reader #seventeen #svt #svt the8 #seventeen the8 #minghao fluff #minghao angst #seventeen x reader #svt x reader