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outofcontexturi · 2 years

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mon 26th sept 2022 journal

its another day. its currently 22:06pm and im here. high. i’ve had a good day today but i have been anxious on the inner. I was thinking about my life and the fact that im ordinary life is being switched with the extraordinary. i feel like the jonah complex is killing me. im blocking it out though and just doing things and they’re working so im assuming im doing the right thing with myself. we did hotseating today in our characters and i found it so interesting how deflective he is when people ask questions deemed too personal. answering alot of questions with questions instead of just answering. i had a voice call with Francoise and she told me and Ibraheem to slow down the first half of the scene and try to enjoy it. She also made us do this exercise where both are arms are on each others shoulder and we are pushing each other: one leading the other allowing and negotiating power and space between us whilst saying our scene to each other. I really enjoyed that because it allowed me to let go off the text and just trust that it is there. and that if i messed up we can start again because its practice and not to worry about the final product cause we’re not there yet but we will get there and when we do ill come back to this. i used to not be able to type without looking at the keyboard but now im typing without looking at the keyboard and im doing it relatively fast without messing up words which is new to me. God has truly blessed me. I had a 4:00pm call today with Helena to go over the opening scene. I found a breakthrough today with Ibraheem. he made a small offer of throwing my slippers quite aggressively on the floor and it just sparked this reaction out of me that really kept the ball rolling thru out the scene. that was a new experience on stage. It felt right. It felt nice. Helena just told us to take our time more and that some words were missed because we were going so fast. thank God for documentation and scribing shit down to go in history somewhere. maybe i need to stop giving into the thought that this physical realm is the end for me when theres so much more out there. there has to be. i maybe even need to stop trying to figure out why im here and just do what i want to do here cause fuck knows why any of us are here. im having a good time thats all i know. and a long fucking time. im going to be everything i want to be. i am everything i want. today has been good. i had to remind JD that she should stop worrying about the future and to focus on today. the here and now. im just adjusting to the new settings because im not used to loving myself this much and meaning it so all this new stuff is taking a while to get used to but trust me i will eventually. im twenty three with so much more to give and so much life to live and so many people to love. God bless me and everyone i love. amen.

22:37pm sign out

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