#they also dont need to eat— food all tastes like ash in their mouth

[romeavethinker]

when i think about my headcanons for shadow knights, in my mind it's a lot of fun to emphasize the undead part of them, as well as how torturous the maturation process of a newly birthed shadow knight to a fully-realized one could be. the call is an idea i like to ruminate on as well.

laurance talks early on about how being a shadow knight effects his thinking. he hesitates less, and is more inclined to selfish, spiteful thought patterns. i like to think of this being the ebbing tide of the call carefully drawing in and out of the consciousness in increasingly powerful waves. it grows from tiny whispers in the back of a shadow knight's mind into a violent cacophany that boils beneath the skin with terrifying urgency to be let free the longer the knight rejects it.

as for the physical state of being a shadow knight, this is where the emphasis on the necrotic aspects i was talking about comes in. i take a lot of inspiration for my shadow knight headcanons from the novel "hell followed with us" by andrew joseph white. in that book the main character, benji, has been forcibly infected with a disease (referred to as "seraph", the book covers a lot of christian religious themes) that is slowly, over the course of weeks, turning him into a monster. it's essentially like his body is rotting into becoming something new, and the visceral, monstrous imagery and the way his slow evolution from boy to beast is described is very similar to how i picture becoming a shadow knight feels/looks.

here's some relevant excerpts from my copy of the novel for those who haven't read it. the highlighted lines are the parts most accurate to my headcanons of shadow knights (content warning for descriptions of gore):

i kind of like the idea of shadow knights (like laurance) that didn't complete their transformation ritual and/or reject the call and stay in the overworld being punished by their own body with a slower, more agonizing transformation than if they simply accepted their new undeath and killed who they're supposed to in order to reach their full potential.

however it happens though, it's never pretty. a shadow knight's "true" form (when they activate their powers) reeks of sulfur and death, when they grow in size it sounds just as sickening as it looks, spasming limbs and ripping flesh with the deafening noise of crunching bone and tearing ligaments. smoke and something like ichor both pour from their nose and mouth. if irene is light, life, clear water, and cool, solid quartz and marble and gemstones then a servant of shad would, of course, embody the opposite. i suppose by that description you could also draw a comparison between shad/shadow knights and the desolation/the lightless flame from the magnus archives, if anybody is familiar with that show as well.

anyways im rambling, i just needed to word vomit all these ideas since i wanna talk more about my headcanons on here rather than just character analysis posts lmao

#i normally hate gory headcanons bc it always feels like ppl are just trying to make things edgier but like #shadow knights are literally undead #in that vein little side hc that i couldnt find a place for in this post: shadow knights run super hot but have no heartbeat. #they also dont need to eat— food all tastes like ash in their mouth #sorta like ghouls in tokyo ghoul #augh do i have any ORIGINAL hcs??? whatever #read hfwu tho its genuinely very good if you like visceral horror and the mc is transmasc + the love interest is an autistic guy #aphmau #mcd #minecraft diaries #aphblr #shadow knights #shad the destroyer #laurance zvahl #brainrotting (headcanons) #cw gore

[jordanlahey]

“A Blast from the Past...” (2/?)

Pairing: Poly!lost boys x Reader

Summary: The boys feast and chase downs local witch coven and it didn’t work out in their favour. Home was home but at the same time it wasn’t.

Warnings: language, innuendos

Word count: 1761

A/N: sorry it too so long I’m just catching up on fics now. Also can we appreciate this gif of Paul and Dwayne? 😍

"So you're telling me you are really from 1987 and some witch got mad at you and you came here is a cloud of red?" I repeated what david had told me, trying to make sense of it all, it didn't quite seem real but then again they are vampires and I have powers so what even is real anymore? I stay quiet trying to think of something anything.

"Don't forget we ate the witches whole coven." Paul chimed in, he seemed to be so proud about it but he just seems like a happy-go-lucky guy.

"What if I could help you find a way to get back? I'm not sure if I really count myself a witch per se but I can try find something?" I suggest, it's not the best idea but it's worth a shot. The boys all looked at each other seeming like they were having a silent conversation between the four of them.

"What's in it for you? Why do you want to help?" David lit another cigarette, blowing the smoke out as he leaned back into his chair. If was a fair question, what is in it for me? Nothing I'm just trying to help but was there really a need for me to answer?

"I can't think of anything at the top of my head. I mean while you are all sleeping during the day I can do something to keep unwanted visitors away so that another incident like earlier doesn't happen again?" Another silence in the room, I could sense that they were uncomfortable talking about anything in front of me considering we had just met, I would be uncomfortable spilling anything if I couldn't trust someone. I pull out my phone to heck the time it was nearly 5am and the sky was starting to brighten.

"Hey what's this thing?" My phone was snatched out of my hands by Paul as he eyed my phone, Shaking it, tapping it and putting it up to his mouth trying to talk to it like a walkie talkie.

"Hey give that back!" I jump to my feet and try to get it from him but he holds it above me so that I can't reach it. "Paul give it back!" He threw my phone to Marko as he did the same, I ran towards him then he flew up into the sky "that's not fair! Marko please!" I could tell David and Dwayne were amused buy this as I run between the two blonds.

It went on for a good few minutes however, Paul had landed in front of the entrance to the cave and the sun was just away to illuminate the cave. "Paul! Look out!" I run towards him again this time knocking him out the way of the sun rays, the rest of the boys hid where the rays wouldn't effect them but they were still in the same area as you and Paul. In other circumstances I wouldn't have been awkward at all but since I'm lying on top of the blond vampire it was more that awkward. Paul looked at me and wiggles his eyebrows at me causing me to roll my eyes at him and go try and get off of him.

"You're welcome for saving your ass being turned into a pile of ash." I huffed "now go, dont worry I'll keep anyone out of here in the mean time." With that they all crawled into a dark hole which I assumed their own sleeping space. If I'm being honest I hadn't even slept yet, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if I napped on the sofa? I would go to the small bed that I mentioned earlier but they tensed when I spoke about it.

Before I head off to sleep a cast a small little protection barrier to keep people out if they were to come near it would just look like a massive rock on the outside. I cuddle up on the sofa and slowly drift off to sleep.

*****

I slowly awoke from my meant to be nap and I check my phone for the time I knew the boys weren't going to be awake since the sun was still up. It's 1:30pm I  some had time to kill, I did plan on going home and getting something to eat maybe charge my phone for a little while before coming back and trying to think of a solution to sending the vamps back to their time. If I'm heading out I'll leave the little barrier up cause if I break my word they'll have my head for sure.

I headed to my home and greet my grandmother but she seems to be with a client at the moment so I leave her be and head up to my room to grab my computer and some spell books. I know it's cliche. My grandmother and I run a smoll café shop near the boardwalk, as well as a place to eat it's also a place for visitors or open minded people to come get a reading etc and we even sell small things like crystals, sage, candles etc all the good witchy stuff.

"Y/n, you were out late I didn't hear you come in." My grandmother startled me, I sigh in relief.

"I stayed at a friends house sorry about that, hey you may be able to help me." My grandmother looked at me and smiled. "How does time travel work? Are there any spells for it?" I chew the bottom of my lip, hoping she won't as me about why I'm asking her this to be honest she's smart and she knows all kinds of magic. However, she looked at me sympathetically.

"Oh honey, I know what this is about." Now I'm the one confused. "You want to time travel to stop what happened to your parents I know, but you can't change the past and if you do then you'll have to sacrifice something in return and suffer the consequences." She was way off I know this already i can't change the past but I need to send the boys back to their time, thats the same as time travel right?

"What about spells to send people back in time. Like to their time?" This stuff is confusing as heck.

"Why would you want to know something like that, honey?"

"I...it's for a book I'm writing about spells, I'm just curious." I am a terrible liar and she can see right through me. "Grandma, you are the smartest witch I know please tell me." She looked at me and I could see the cogs turning in her head if I wanted to I could tap into her mind as see what she knows.

"That isn't going to work sweetie, a witch always has a block on her mind so that no other beings can read them and I'm terribly sorry but there is no spell for that and there never has been." With that she leaves my room back down to the shop where she probably has customers waiting. I sigh in annoying. Bullshit. If there was no spell then how did the vamps get here there is always a counterspell. Nothing is ever permanent.

I finish grabbing all the books and my laptop then head downstairs to go back to the cave, it's 3:15pm the sun doesn't go down till 7ish this gave you roughly 4 hours to find a solution or do something else but you'd rather head back to the cave and keep watch there's no doubt gonna be some people poking around there and you have the best job in the world. Being a guard dog for a bunch of vampires.

Back at the cave you, sat down on 'David's' chair and proceeded to look through all the books you had about magic and spells, there had to be something here. Your nose was too buried in the books you failed to notice how quick time went by and still no sign of a counter-spell. Your book was snatched from your hands, startling you and you tried to calm your breathing as Paul flipped through the book and turning it every which way to understand the text. Which was stupid it was in perfect English probably words he isn't familiar with god bless.

"How long have you been reading the Mumbo jumbo? It's basically snoozefest." He tossed the book on the ground near the others and went flicking the through them all.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand and I've been looking through them for 3 hours maybe?" You answered, picking up the book you were trying to read.

"Really that eager to get rid of us?" Your eyes shot you the platinum blonde, he smirked at you as he walked towards you causing you to walk back into the wall.

"N-no." You swallowed thickly. "Last time I checked you wanted to go back home." You tried to rid your voice of any insecurity, probably failing miserably. David leaned closer to you.

"Last time I told you that's my seat." He stepped away from you and sat in HIS seat.

"It's not like you were using it." You huffed and muttered under your breath, this made him smirk more. "Paul could you stop tossing my books around please."

"I'm bored." Paul whined then latched himself onto you then Marko joined in.

"Let's have some fun, ayy Paul?" You looked between the two blondes as the face you a smirk and you broke out of their grips.

"Woah woahh woahh! And Don't look at me like that." You warned as you backed away from the group of vampires.

"Like what?" Marko pouted, you mentally cursed yourself and huffed.

"I'm not food! I probably don't taste good anyway so no biting I mean it." You warn again mostly at the two blondes who were sharing knowing glances.

"How would we know if you taste bad if we don't try it." You backed away from the boys then ran behind dwayne who was just watching, using him as a shield from the 2 blondes. "Like he's gonna help."

"Stay back! I have a Dwayne and I'm not afraid to use him!" This caused the boys to erupt with laughter.

"You're adorable." Marko laughed, you pouted and rolled your eyes.

"Come on you four, I bet you are all hungry anyway let's find you something to eat." You nod time the exit of the cave.

#the lost boys #the lost boys 1987 #the lost boys fanfiction #the lost boys headcanon #the lost boys imagine #the lost boys x reader #david the lost boys #dwayne the lost boys #lost boys x reader #marko the lost boys #paul the lost boys #the lost boys paul #the lost boys david #the lost boys dwayne #the lost boys marko #poly!lost boys x reader #poly!lost boys

[shiro-0197]

Omigosh thank you 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 Albie— Albie just has my heart, his paws are just so cute I'm sobbing.

oh that's okay love!! Hmm, yeah I guess you could call it winter break, although there's no winter :P we just call it the end-of-the-year break, and we start again on the 20th of January.

Ikr. Dodol is such an odd name. tbh, most of the food names here are slightly strange, but they taste absolutely delicious :D so that's good haha. I'd love to try them with you too. There's 14 states and each has their own special delicacies.

Oh God I agree. The paperwork is TEDIOUS. So you know I work, right? Well, my job is basically to just do the doctor's paperwork at a clinic 😭🤚 things would be so much easier if it were computerized, but alas, it isn't. Who knows? Maybe if you become one, you could hire an assistant to do it for you :P 😭😔 God you're so sweet. No I'd not get hurt around you, at least I'd try my best not to. Why waste a second being injured when I could instead use it to do exciting things with you? :D

thank you!! Have you ever thought of doing something like that too? I'm not very good with young kids (I actually don't really even get along with them so much because they're quite a nuisance) but from experience, the older ones are okay, especially if they're all quiet and polite 😝💖

😭I'm glad they're enough. For now. BUT SOMEDAY I really will hug you !! and someone will probably have to tear me away because I don't think I'll let go 😼

a... dried?? Blobfish?? 😭 Interesting. I don't even wanna know where he got it either omg.

yes. So so so gorgeous 😭💖 I saw an ash lynx one a while ago on Instagram but then it disappeared (I'll find it again I hope) and it was the most beautiful art breeder I've EVER seen.

you're not uneducated hush >:(( you're such a smart person, I really really look up to you grrr. and yeah they're actually different. People acknowledge that fairy tails are fiction, wherelse myths were believed to be true, or at least have a ring of truth to them. :(

I wish you were here too. AND NOOOO KURO WAIT NOOOOOOOO. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HUG HIM IF HE HAS NO LIMBS 😭😭😭

Cashews are delicious!! I don't like all nuts, but some are great. Like peanuts and walnuts. Though I have braces, so I haven't eaten them in a long time, since they hurt my mouth. I'll take them out by march, I hope, and then you bet I'm just gonna eat all of those xD I've tried Baklava!! A friend went to Turkey once, and she brought some back. It's delicious, I hope I'll try it again in the future. tho omg yes!! You're so lucky, the snacks must be to-die-for there😚😚💖💖💖💖 what other types can you get?

CHISHIYA IS ACTUALLY A CATBOY ‼️‼️ THOSE PICTURES JUST CONFIRMED IT.

I hope you enjoy your rewatch!! Coincidentally, I'm rewatching a favourite of mine too. It's called She-Ra and it's on netflix. And here's a few frames of the show I want to share with you 😿💖

I MEAN. First of all; (they're not even canon) BUT THEY'RE SO PRETTY TOGETHER. Secondly, one of them's a catgirl?? And her suit is so pretty?? And thirdly... THE DIP?? I'm dying sorry 😭😭💖

—☃️☃️ (us ü)

Yes yes !!! He's so extremely adorable and I'm kqkkkdkakkd

Оhh, I see !! That's a lot, we're going back to class at tenth, or earlier maybe. I'm glad you guys have a long break!!! You deserve it:D

Оhh, 14!! We also have 14 states (uh, provinces?) Though I dont think every one has a separate delicacy. That's so cool, though!! The more food there is, the better xD

Ackk, I know right. I did paperwork, like, once in my life and it was so exhausting?? I feel bad for you😭 I'd rather become a freelancer 😝

Fair enough! I'd do my best to have you up and straight, so you wouldn't get injured even if you wanted to (though I dont think you would)😋

Well, I've been thinking about helping kids my age with languages. But, well, I'm so bad at teaching. I'm that kind of person to go "how do you not understand this" after two times of explaining. So I try not to do that, because I dont want the teens to think I'm uncool XD

Hehe no one will have to tear you away because I'd love to hug you just as long😭😭😭💕

Aahhh!! I really hope you come across it again!! It sucks to see something gorgeous only to never encounter it again😭

Awhh, that's so sweet of you!!! 🥺🥺 I also look up to you!! You're so hardworking and responsible, couldn't be me😭 but yeah, I really get confused sometimes, people say they're the same and I'm like ????

BWNSJQJD dont worry he's all bark one bite😭😭 he'll hit me but that's all he can do, really

Yeah!!! I adore walnuts, they're my favorite. Peanuts get stuck in my teeth a lot, I still love them though💔 March is in... three months? Huhh that's a while😭 I wouldn't survive for so long without them

Hell yeah, another thing I need to make you in the future!!!! I've also tried turkish delight, the orange and the strawberry ones are my favorite. I dont like the peanut ones tho, they're too sweet😭 we also tried maklube (mac-looh-beh), and it's to die for. Tastes even better when we make it with teh whole class XD our school also has special "keklube" and "tavuklube" versions, which are totally made up names, but basically they're just cake and chicken versions of maklube

I'm forty seconds away from writing an article about why Chishiya is not so secretly a catboy XD

Aaaa I forgot about She-ra qkekkqkd!!! I wanted to watch it as well but then I got into my anime phase 😭😭 they look so good though omg😍😍 I really hope watch it soon~ I hope you're enjoying it!!!

#Ari💕 #were so cute😭😭😭 #snowmates❄

[buns-with-a-book]

Into the Spardaverse 3 - A Tale of Two Worlds

Donte and Dante talk, Cassandra and Reboot Vergil talk, lots of talking but expect some action in the next chapter.

Fandom: Devil May Cry, DmC (Devil may Cry) Characters: Dante, Reboot Dante, Vergil, Reboot Vergil, OC Tags: @nimnox @furyeclipse @synchronmurmurs @harlot-of-oblivion @queenmuzz

Summary: Dante and Cassandra hear the tale of the brothers of Limbo City. 

Dante looked around the safehouse the punk found for them. It seemed to have once been a nice apartment but now it was in ruins, sprayed with sigils and spells to deter demons by someone who came here before them. In the presence of them, he could feel a slight tingling. It was similar to Cassandra, when she summoned the orbs of light to either light the way or burn off the face of a demon. It never burned, at least not enough to slow him down, but it always kept him focused on the task at hand. 

“Hey.” The punk’s voice rattled him from his thoughts. He looked back to him, seeing what looked like a salvaged bag of food set out on the tiny table. There were a couple cans of tuna, some mayonnaise condiment packages, some sliced bread, and plastic utensils. The punk had taken an orange from the bag and was quietly peeling it open. Dante frowned at what was available, a frown that made the punk huff in irritation. “Look, if you’re gonna keep on going to find your sis, you’re going to need to eat.” 

“No pizza?” He asked, walking over to the worn couch and flopping down. 

“Nope.” The punk crossed his arms. “Haven’t had pizza in years.” 

“Jeez, what kind of life do you live?” Dante huffed, opening one of the cans and mixing the mayonnaise with the tuna. “Next thing you know, you’re gonna tell me you haven’t had strawberry sundaes.”

“Bleh, strawberries. Don’t like em.” 

“What!?” Dante stared at him. “They’re the best thing ever!” 

“I don’t like the seeds. They get everywhere and it’s distracting.” The punk replied. “I prefer oranges anyway, especially in orange sherbet.” He added, taking an orange slice and popping it into his mouth. Dante made a face, thankful that he didn’t turn out like this punk. He couldn’t fathom a life without his beloved sundaes. He quickly made a sandwich of tuna and mayo and chomped in, wincing at the taste. It wasn’t pizza...but it would do for now. 

“So, kid, how long have you been hunting demons?” Dante asked between bites. 

“...since I was a kid. I was tossed around from place to place, fighting off demons that hunted me down.” Dante noticed the softness in his tone. His hand reached up to hold a necklace, rubbing the red jewel. Dante could only presume that it was the Perfect Amulet, in another form. “Everywhere I was sent to, there were always demons trying to kill me.” 

‘Ain’t that a familiar story.’ Dante mused, staring at the punk. 

“What was your mom like?” The punk asked suddenly, rousing Dante from his thoughts. 

“What?” 

“Your mom. We’re obviously more alike beyond looks and names.” The punk said, sitting up to face him properly. Dante took another bite of the sandwich.

“Well...only if you go first.” He waved his hand. He could feel the scowl that the punk was throwing at him before he let out a sigh. 

“My mom was an angel.” He said softly. “From what I remember, she held off Mundus’ armies as long as she could while Dad fled with us.” 

“Wait, Sparda was with you?” Dante interjected. “Lucky. My dad was never with us when...that happened.” He winced at the memory of smoke and flames, of the final scream from the mother he wasn’t strong enough to save. “Nor was Verge.” He raised an eyebrow at the punk. “Speaking of him…” 

“What about your mom.” The punk hissed. It seemed that the topic of Vergil was a sore subject, not that Dante could blame him. For years, Vergil was a subject that he didn’t want to think of, especially after what happened on Mallet Island. Dante let out a sigh.

“Ok, ok. My mom…” He closed his eyes, pushing past the memories of ash and smoke and blood. “She was a witch, as I recall. Familiars, potions, the whole shabang. Don’t really remember my dad much...I think he visited a few times before he just...disappeared. Everybody talks about him like he’s the hottest shit that ever walked around. Hell, even a whole town worshiped him like a god.” He chuckled at the thought of Fortuna. The punk listened quietly, shifting in his seat. 

“The Sparda I know...that I remember, he was just a really good swordsman.”

“Sounds like some things never change.” 

“He used to be kicking until recently...until the Demon King found him and killed him.” Dante winced at that. Some things never changed indeed. “I wanted to meet him, before he died, but…” He let out a sigh. “So much for that. Shit.” He hissed. 

“I understand that feeling kid.” Dante finished the sandwich and stood, walking to the window. “There’s a lot I wanna say to my old man, a lot I wanna ask...but I can’t.” He sighed, leaning against the windowsill. He looked down the street and blinked, watching as a tiny golden butterfly fluttered down the street. It stood out from the bleakness of Limbo City. He smiled, knowing exactly what that butterfly was. He held out his hand, letting the spectral butterfly land in his palm. His hand bloomed with warmth, reminding him of the sun that was shrouded behind grey and green clouds. He looked up, out the window, and felt a sense of direction. It was northward...and it was nearby. An image of a mansion flashed in his mind, guarded by a gatekeeper made of twisted metal and appearing like an angel. A flicker of his own demonic energy melded with the butterfly, giving its wings a bright-red glow. 

“What was that?” He heard the punk ask behind him. 

“The way me and my sis communicate, if one of us is in danger.” He said, letting it flutter away. “I know where she is.” He pointed out the window. “Up that street, a couple lefts, and we’ll end up at a big ole mansion. That’s where she is.” The punk let out a frustrated sigh. “Hm?”

“She’s at The Demon King’s Palace. Fucking great.” 

“So, we’re going to kick the ass of a jackass?” Dante laughed dryly, looking back to the punk. The laugh died off at the sight of him, looking more vulnerable than he ever saw. There was also the fact that he hadn’t seen Vergil at all, neither his own brother or the brother he knew the punk had. 

“That jackass...is my brother.” 

“Jeez. Everything just has to get more complicated.” Dante muttered, running a hand through his silvery-white hair. It didn’t help that the Demon King was the punk’s brother...who slew their father as well, he could never see Vergil doing that. It was those thoughts that he mulled over. In the distance, he swore he saw a blur of neon blue, like lightning across the cloud-covered sky. He smirked and stood up.

“Come on kid, we’re gonna meet someone at jackass’ mansion.”

“Who?” The punk quickly got up.

“My brother.”  

---

Cassandra hummed softly, watching the orb of sunlight she summoned bounce around at the mere gesture of her hand. While this little bitch that called himself Vergil was searching for her Dante and Vergil, she was passing the time as his prisoner. She had settled herself on the edge of the bed but dared not take a nap. It was too risky, especially with the Demon King lurking in the very walls of the mansion that was his palace. She had no idea how the demons of Limbo City operated, if even sleeping in their realm would damn her to a hundred years of slumber. 

‘When all else fails, assume their rules are the same as the Fair Folk.’ She thought. The handle of the door twisted before opening, revealing Vergil entering her prison cell of a bedroom. Behind him was a demon on spindly legs, holding a tray of tea. She stared at the demon, unsure how to react to it aside from disgust. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked, struggling to sound as neutral as possible. 

“My agents are seeking out your allies, Rose. It will not be long before they come.” An unsettling grin crept on his face. “And with their arrival, they shall be destroyed.” She noticed his unsettling confidence, as if he knew they would be crushed by him. Did he know what the Dante and Vergil she knew held? Did the power of Sin Devil Trigger exist in this world? Or was it impossible, a lofty unreachable standard? She didn’t dare ask, not wanting to spoil the powers she knew they had, to catch the Demon King off guard. 

“So…” She hummed, glancing around the walls. “Nice sigils you got on the walls. Are they supposed to do anything?” Vergil looked at her in surprise. He carefully pulled off his gloves, walking over to her. She stood up, backing away from him. “What are you doing!?” He took her hand, ignoring her recoil from the touch. 

“Perhaps you are no angel…” Cassandra bit back a scathing comment, trying to tug her hand out of his. He let go after a few moments, Cassandra quickly pulling her hand close to her. “Would you like tea?” And he had the gall to ask if she wanted tea!? He gestured to the demon who had been standing in the room. The demon looked towards her, tilting it’s faceless head. 

“...no thank you.” She whispered, trying to keep her voice even. She dared not ask about his mother, she was certain either Mundus killed her or he did it himself. “I...I don’t have the appetite at the moment.” 

“Suit yourself, Rose.” He sighed and stepped back, walking to the demon. He picked up a teacup and began to sip the tea. Cassandra stared at her hand, gently rubbing the skin. She didn’t dare try to activate her healing Crest, not wanting to attract any more of his attention than she already had. “Who were your parents?” Vergil asked. She frowned. 

“Soren and Eos Greensleeve. If you’re asking if they were human or not, they were human as far as I was aware.” 

“Was?” 

“They’re dead.” Another half-truth. Stella was dead and Nyx was dead to her. Vergil hummed quietly at the news.

“My condolences. I know what it is like to lose your parents.” She raised an eyebrow at that. 

“Eva...and Sparda, correct?”

“You know of them?” He asked, turning to face her. She swallowed. 

“I’ve heard of them, how Eva sacrificed herself to save her sons. Sparda’s last gift, Rebellion and Yamato...all rumors and legends. I wonder how Sparda would react, seeing his son as the Demon King?”  

“Quite interesting that you speak of a dead demon, a demon who did not bend to my will. It was a shame I had to kill Sparda.” Cassandra stared at him, her body frozen from shock. “He was half-mad from Mundus’ torture, it was a mercy to kill him.” 

“You speak of mercy but I doubt you were ever capable of it.” She whispered. “You only killed him because you could do it.” The look she got from that, a look of casual disinterest in her shock, told her more than he could ever say. 

‘This bitch is a fucking madman!’ She thought, narrowing her eyes at him. She wished she could run from the Demon King, she wanted to, but she had to wait for a distraction from the outside. Preferably named Dante, but any distraction would do at this point. She noticed he was walking away from the window, to the door. 

“Where are you going?” 

“To the library. I will find out who you are, Rose. You may not be the angel I originally pinned you to be but you are someone of interest. I just need to find out who.” The spindly demon trotted after him docily, stepping out of the room before Vergil closed the door and locked it. 

‘You won’t find out, because I don’t belong here.’ Cassandra thought, walking to the window. ‘And by the time you figure it out, I’m gonna be kicking your ass.’ She opened the window, watching as a blue spectral butterfly fluttered to her. She smiled at the sight, taking it into her hand. ‘Make that both of us, you little bitch.’

#devil may cry #devil may cry dante #devil may cry oc #devil may cry vergil #into the spardaverse

[weissfai-blog1]

Love Bites.

AePete AU

"There are no accidental meetings between souls."

Pete is a vampire. AND NO – he is not some sparkling diamond vampire – though whoever look at Pete will say he is a sparkling Prince – but no – Pete is not a twilight vampire nor is he Bram Stroker’s Dracula vampire. 

He is a half Noble vampire. His mother is a powerful dragon seeker while his father is a full blooded Noble. 

The Nobles are an ancient and powerful race that possess great strength, speed and telepathy as well as various blood related abilities, such as the talent to grant similar powers to others via contracts "of blood and soul". They reside on an island nation, known as Lukedonia, that cannot be detected by human senses. They have guarded humans against predators and the forces of nature as long as they have existed, due to a genetic inability to ignore the slaughter of the weak, helpless humans. Thousands of years ago, they were worshipped as gods by various cultures around the world.

However, the Nobles are nearing extinction due to a scarcity of females to mate with. With their lifemates, male Nobles live emotion-filled colorful lives. Without them, the males fight the madness that causes them to choose between suicide or the thrill of killing humans by draining their blood, becoming soulless vampires in the process.

But he doesn’t apply to these category as he is not a full blood Noble. 

Pete is a gentle and way too sweet and shy half Noble that his father deem him unworthy of the gift and vanished him, and because his mother loves Pete so much – they both abandon the life in Lukedonia and travel and after a hundred years of traveling to different countries, they settle to Thailand. 

Pete’s mother was born in Thailand. She loves the country, the people, the beauty and the serenity of the land.

Pete and his mother change their surname to fit in with the Thai people and they settle on an old mansion. His mother told him to live like a normal boy and because Pete doesn’t crave blood like ordinary Noble, he is free to go out even on sunlight. As he is also a part Dragon Seeker, he doesn’t turn into ash or die if the sun hits his skin. He is what the others may call Day Walker.

Pete’s mother looks at her son. She worries about Pete as the first to being a half Noble and half Dragon Seeker boy to ever live. Most of the half-breeds die at their 50th years of age. But Pete is nearing his 300 years of age and though he is the same as the Nobles who lost their colour of sight, Pete never changes. He doesn’t crave blood (though she gave him blood via blood bag through blood bank), doesn’t go dark, every night she administer a soul and spirit check on his body but its clean… more like pure. Her son has a purest white soul. 

Putch heard about the legendary Noblesse but never given it a thought. For all her life, she knew only of one Noblesse and that person is not half but a full blood Noble.

Putch told Pete to live his life freely. Whoever he chooses, whether it be human or of the same kind, she will support him. 

Pete met Ae. 

Pete was walking out of his campus when again the pain in his head hits him, the pain and disoriented blurry visions keeps on popping out in his head. He wasn’t aware what’s happening in his surrounding when he heard a shout and someone drag his body and both of him and the other stumble in the ground with a loud impact.

‘Are you driving to hell?! And you! What the hell are you doing not looking where you’re walking?! Are you planning to die?! If you are, choose a place where I’m not there!’

Pete doesn’t understand what’s happening but his heart then begun to hammer and his visions doubled… the ground… its grey… he looks at his surrounding and he was blinded by the burst of colours.

COLOURS!

He can see colours… 

But the only time a Noble can see colour is when they find their lifemate through voice or connection.

‘Oi! Are you okay?!’

Pete stumbled once again on the ground and clutch his heart tight. 

Its beating crazily and there’s a line. 

A magic being woven.

A connection being form.

Pete found himself being raise by the person and for the first time he looks at him.

Pete gasped.

Black obsidian eyes looks at him.

‘Are you okay? You’re bleeding!’

He what?! Impossible!

He looks and yeah, he is bleeding. But why?

That’s their first meeting.

The man who gave him colour and light ~ Ae. A small boy but with sturdy muscular body and a harsh foul mouth.

Ae cannot help but feel lucky and at the same time with the thinking: “Did I ever save the whole country on my past life to have a friend like Pete?” 

Each and everyone who knew Ae will know that he is a brute. He doesn’t have any sweet bone in his body, he doesn’t even have a STOP DON’T SAY IT brake on his mouth. He will say what he want to say especially to some idiots who lacks braincells. 

Pond calls Ae: “Son of a Beast! He will kick his only best friend and whacks my head if I so much get on his business and be nosy! See this! See this?! That’s his fist! My skull already has a dent in the form of his fist!”

Ping: “The greatest man but has the foulest mouth on the planet. He doesn’t care nor doesn’t give a damn what other people will think. I have never been the receiving end of his fist and kick so I’m happy to say that he is still a friend I can count on.”

Bow: “Tactless beast! He just made someone cry when he flat our rejected her. But that’s what I like about Ae, he never take advantage of people and will always be there to help others.”

Can: “Ae is the bestest of the best man out there! He doesn’t give a damn and will help me even though he doesn’t know me! He is a great bastard buddy!”

Captain of the Football Team: “Ae is our MVP. He may be 174 cm shorty but he can kick those asses good bye! We love Ae in this team. He brings glory to us! Well except when he beat us Sports Science when he is an Engineering Major…”

LadyBoys: “I don’t know how the hell a muscular, sexy abs, yummy muscles belong to that shorty with foul mouth! This is an outrage! He even give me the middle finger when I told him if he wants to spend the night with me! Such barbaric action against me a lady!”

Pete chuckles to the different description of Ae. 

For him, Ae is the opposite of what they say and he cant help wander why. Ae is sweet to him. Ae never finds him annoying and he is always pinching his cheeks or ruffling his hair. Ae told him that he likes his hair, soft and silky (well he is a half-Noble so his hair is entirely different from humans) 

Ae never rush him when they are eating. Its hard for him to swallow cause he is not used to eating the food Ae gave him, he eats either fruits and drinks blood via blood bags from blood bank. So its really really hard for him to swallow any meat and vegetables.

Ae cares about his safety that Ae will bike all the way to his apartment and drop him off (when all he did was walked, he is a Noble so walking for an hour or so is nothing to him, or he can just jump building to building or well, fly – he is not human after all)

The Engineering Department won the game with Ae’s two points versus Sports Science and instead of joining the seniors and juniors at the party, Ae went to Pete. Pete was alarmed when Ae was at his apartment. Pete looks at the full moon and this is the time that he is very weak and the blood bags are not stored in his freezer where he usually storms them.

He has been feeling weak for the couple of days and the blurry visions and headache keeps on attacking him.

Ae was worried because Pete promise to watch the game only he didn’t show up. Pete never miss a game and he was not answering his line messages as well.

‘Pete, what’s wrong? You’re so pale.’ Ae was scared for Pete. Pete’s skin is milky white with a blush but the Pete before him is pale as ghost.

‘Ae… please go. I’m okay. Please please go.’

‘No! I will be here! Tell me what to do!’

‘Ae please! Go!’

Ae was angry now when Pete seems to be pushing him. 

Pete was crying and Ae doesn’t know what to do. Ae tried to hug him but Pete pushed him -  a little bit strong that made Ae stumbled and hurt.

‘OH! AE! Im sorry! But please please. I don’t want to hurt you! Please go!’

Pete was scared – he can feel hunger. 

He had never felt his way before.

He can smell it… the delicious smell of blood. He clench his teeth and told Ae once again to go.

‘No! I will not go!’

‘Ae please… I don’t want you to hate me… please’

Ae is crying now as well, ‘Please tell me Pete what’s wrong with you?’

‘Ae… I… I- please just go.’

‘No!’

‘Ae!’

Then everything on Pete’s memory become a blur and then darkness.

He doesn’t remember anything.

What he remembers is the sweet taste of blood in his lips.

He woke up and was shock. 

He was scared.

‘Ae?’

Everything – his surrounding is full of blood. Dried blood.

‘NO! NO! AE!’

‘What?’

‘Huh?’ Pete looks up and saw Ae running to him. Ae in his shorts and wet hair. 

‘Pete are you okay?’

‘Ae?’

‘Yes.’

‘Ae!’

‘Yes! That’s me! I mean yes what?’

‘You-you’re okay… what-what? Blood?’

‘Ah. Well… First of all, Pete this is not my blood. This is the blood from the bag inside your freezer. And well, some of them are your blood.’

‘What happen Ae?’

‘You kinda turn dart vader last night. You push me – well more like – haul me – good thing it was a soft sofa and went to the freezer, you open the blood bag and drink it, but you throw it away saying ‘It taste like rot’ and then you look at me-‘

‘Ae! Oh my! Did I hurt-‘

‘I’m not hurt. I understand what’s happening even though I don’t believe it – but you well, your eyes turned blue and your fangs kinda shows and told me your are so thirsty. I offer you my blood-‘

‘NO!’

‘Well yes, but when you are nearing me, you bite your own arm. And told me to get out.’

‘Then why are you still here?’

‘I can never leave you Pete. You look like your dying. And you were speaking about soul contract or blood contract-‘

‘GOD NO!’

‘Well – I don’t want you to suffer… and I understand that you need blood. I gave it to you freely.’

Pete then put his trembling hands to Ae’s neck, removing the towel, and yes, there it is his bite.

‘Ae! Oh God! I’m so sorry!’

‘Pete don’t be. I agree with it.’

‘No! no! You don’t know what it means-‘

‘It means that you’re going to drink my blood from now on. That my blood is the only blood you’ll ever drink.’

‘Ae why? Why didn’t you leave. I’m  a monster Ae. You should have left me…’

‘Pete. We have been fighting last night more than hours – me telling you to drink my blood while you insisting I get out. You even threatened to kiss me and enchant me with your other spell from your mother side and I still stayed.’

‘Why? Why Ae?’

Ae smiled and put his two hands on Pete’s cheek, ‘Because you are not a monster. You are a pure cute vampire. My vampire.’

THIS IS NOT THE END. There will be a proper chapter by chapter story fic. Thank you.

Author’s Note : I was looking for another name for Vampire when I remember about the webtoon that I’ve read years ago (its still on going) it’s a Korean manhwa title: NOBLESSE. I borrowed the title or the race and some places. I just don’t want to say just a vampire.

#love by chance #lbc #aepete #hcs #vampire #noble #weissfai writes

[just-lost-inbetween-worlds]

Chapter 2: Discovery

Nightmare*

I watch myself smash the oil lamp against the wall behind my curtains. I smirk as I do so. After the fire begins to spread I run to my mother and fathers bedroom. Once I get to the door I get a chair from the next room over, I tilt the chair against the door handle trapping my parents inside. I casually walk outside and wait for the show to begin. Their screams and cries and pounding trying to get out is like music to my ears. I clap after the house is reduced to ashes.

*end of nightmare

I wake up trembling in a cold sweat. My face feels wet as I had been crying in my sleep. I quickly wipe them away and realize the sun has risen. I need to get out of here, whoever owns this barn will surely come soon to begin work. I can't let them find me. I quickly stand up and hiss at the pain on my side from the bad burn but I rush out of the barn and into some near woods despite the pain I was in. I hide behind a tree where I could still see the farm. I need food my body is already shaking from exhaustion. I see a man walk outside and into the barn that I slept in. I sprint to the chicken coup and quickly collect a couple eggs. When the coast was clear I retreat back to the trees. As soon as I am at a safe distance from the farm and house i use my thumb to put a small crack in the egg. I poured some of the egg into my mouth and i almost threw up at the taste. I continue ingesting the eggs despite the awful taste, knowing that if i didnt eat something very soon i would collapse unconcsious, yet again.

I continued to steal eggs for a couple of days, each day I got more lazy with my work. I run to the chicken coup without bothering to check where the man was.

“Hey, little girl, are you alright? Please let me help you, you dont have to steal,” the man shouts from afar.

I stand frozen in shock. After a long while I turn around.

“Come dear, we can help heal your wounds.” he says.

After contimplating for a while i oblige and follow the kind man to his house.

As we walk through the doors he calls, “Marilla, where are you?”

“For gods sake matthew what are you doing in here at this time you are suppose to be wor-” she pauses midsentence.

“Who is this, why is she here, what happend to you child?” she says.

She continues on “Come over to the sink let me help you get cleaned up,”

“T-t-thank y-you mam,” I studder.

I walk over to the sink where she is and let her start wiping the dirt off my burns. She lets out a loud gasp as she sees the big infected burn on my side.

“I think its infected” I say quietly.

“You will need a doctor, I am going into town tomorrow, you will come with and we shall go then,”

“Thank you so much, I owe you, how can I pay you back?” I ask.

“No need to pay us back, and you will sleep in the guest room tonight. Also you can use one of my old dresses seeing to your clothes are all burnt up.” she spoke.

“Thank you so much, you have saved me,” I replied.

“Your welcome now lets finish tending to your wounds, Matthew you can go back to work now,” she said.

She finishes cleaning my burns and tells me to go rest for I have a big day tomorrow.

[ecotone99]

[HR] Massacre Of Some Goats (Part of my unreleased anthology book)

Massacre of the Goats

It is not a lie that I have seen my own son be cast of a cliff by Imperial soldiers. The mass grave of infants by the rocks below had been washed with tears and blood but there were no clothes as they were stripped beforehand. Xian had asked for nothing from the soldiers, just a bowl of rice.

What am I to tell to his mother?

His mother who's conscience were too pleasant for this world. Its..Hell. I would feed my wife the scraps that my son would not want as she slipped into a sweaty, rambling fit. And so, in a damp and hazy night like this; there would be nothing for me to eat.

In a previous life, before all of this I was a graduate in agriculture at the only university around here, the one at the base of mountains. Before the druggy withdrawn animals roamed the streets, they were my friends. We had been flooded with mystifying agents by the West, men frenzied for violence, food and sex as flames itched their glass pipes. I saw the worth it still had. The rich men were able to transport their families overseas in the presence of a multitude of melons. The export trucks followed The Silk Road as to not stray.

Just before that the educated were sent to farms as to promote equality; it was our beloved Chairman's idea. We; me, Chi and Xian were once happy in our family bubble.

My village was a tired settlement sleeping at the edge of a sharp cliff face. As the sun peeked over the one long road which passed through farmyards and small huts, one would awaken to the humbling cliff face etched with bright green vegetation looking over at the goat and drug fields across the street. My home was the plantation first from the right, I had also rented my properties to good families nearby, my monthly payments would come running down the road. We lived in comfort but to the state I was merely a rich peasant.

Around the time when produce from the wheat farmers was to be sold only to the state, our countries population was urged to kill sparrows and flies as the creatures had been a pest to the sacred harvests. So when all the food was sent to the cities, I asked the arriving cadrè what we were to eat, for this I received ten lashes.

Over the coming months, the laughter of children and symphonies of bustling businesses had ceased. People at home would hear tractors and the grunts of iron women tending to molten steel by their backyard furnaces.

'In 15 years our economy needs to be as powerful as the US', proclaimed our Chairman.

So to accelerate metal work across our Great Nation, these furnaces were quickly erected with clay. The iron scraps were sold to cadre in exchange for rice but how will peasants eat when their pots and pans have been smelted.

Then one day on the Year of the Dog, trucks carrying bulldozers peeked over the long road. They parked up in a single column formation in direct view of the cliffs face. Houses were levelled, all of my properties. Gone. Any peasant that was brave enough to scream or scold the cadrè were beaten to the bone. After tending to the beaten, I walked passed the rubble for my last cigarette, I could hear the crackling of a great fire. I lit it by the fire of my burning Opium field as the villagers screamed in pain and sorrow. I just stood and watched the painting, strokes of bright orange and black blemished the moon soaked fields. In the distance, a single dove tree unable to flee is forced to watch the evil of man.

My village was once a beautiful place, now it cries in the smoke of the furnaces. Some would say the cliff would smile when drenched in the monsoon season, now it listens to the ramblings of withdrawn peasants and dying mothers. Bodies littered the side of our long road covered in bits of soot. The community house fed grains to peasants that hadn't succumb to the black fumes but the goats behind the house were for the cities.

I stopped caring and started eating, a dead tenant of mine had once said to me:

'My mother suffered in the Revolution of 1911, she said that bark or clay can be roasted on a fire and that it can be eaten. If trees are stripped, scrapings of coal also suffice'.

From the death of sparrows and absence of flies grew the number of locusts whom ruined wheat crops across the nation. Cadre grew more violent as the food for the cities depleted, peasants were buried alive, injected with salt water and had their tender bones crushed. It was then, when the scraped coal had taken my fingernails, that my loving wife gathered the women of the village into the community house. By dawn, a dozen women and children hung from the ceiling in a brave act of self destruction. Ash blew itself across the land, tens of millions of the darkest souls floated into the next realm.

Now I sit by the community building, my son, a bloody mess of guts and muscle. My wife, hanging from the sad cliff face in the nude. Cadrè refused to bury deserters. I'm hungry. Where do I go from here? The end cannot be worse than what I have suffered, yet; I dont know what the end is. A thousand gods have pondered and agreed to bestow this intensity of suffering onto man. Why? Theres my story for you fuckers. I'm going to sleep.

The faceless man had concluded his rambling and the line of dying peasants laughed in response to his tale, all seemed to have lost their way. Before his dying breath was ready, he held back. He had questions and so with his thin stature and the blackness of coal smudged across his teeth and mouth, he grabbed a sharp shoulder blade lying next to him and marched to the goats.

The first goat he killed was too small, blood splattered across his left eye and hands as he worked hard to hold down the squealing creature. The other few goats could not be used either. From the pregnant one he had learnt to cut around the neck until he felt a crunch. This was when he was to rotate the shoulder blade, the head popped off clean. The final goat was a dream, its head lay on the ground, spitting dark red blood.

This man, with a face of blood, ash and soot fit the decapitated head onto his own after pulling out its brain and parts of its skull. Sharp cuts of bone sliced the mans neck as the head took its place on his thin face. Blood gushed down his face, the creatures blood mixed with his own and flowed down his face. He was suffocating.

The blood started to clot, it was almost solid. It webbed, crossing itself over through the dark abyss, the red plasma pulsated. It lived. He walked carefully only over the plasma as he did not want to fall to his death, however he had failed to notice the hole at the centre of the complex. Falling through shadowy growths of blood vine, the colours brightened as he fell further from his starting point. Bright blood pushed him through the new realm and he found himself lying on the face of a black pyramid plummeting to eternity.

Purple lights flashed in the dark of the black abyss, it started to rain. The pyramid of blackness in the expanse of colourful blood rain, colonised by the faceless hybridized being; continued to fall. The eye of the goat manages a blink.

Sitting opposite him, a bearded man, browned by his climate. The rain continued, it flushed down the body of a palm tree that the bearded man sat underneath.

"God hates us. Why? In infinite suffering, even death may die. Why would he kill my happiness?".

In response to his questions the bearded man smiles. He opens his eyes slowly, his legs remain crossed.

"What happens at the end? I'm standing at the edge of my world, what's the meaning?".

Frustration was growing.

Not resting his smile, the bearded man answers:

'You're alone'.

X

Malnourished villagers found several dead goats behind the community house. That night they ate meat for the first time in years. The mans old tenant tucked into thin cuts of his landlord and goats cheek. This was when Yasukè opened his eyes with a stern look.

X

Sometime in 1580, Japan.

Yasukè removes his trusted katana from the tachikake. He slides the cold steel from the hardened wooden koshirae. He stands by the open sliding door with the loose sleeve of his kimono dancing with the wind. His sword glistened amongst the dawning sun. Etched into the opening of the doorway Yasukè contemplated his dream as his talkative dwarf servant swept himself through the withering wheat fields to shout:

'Yasukè, taste battle for once. In the night as we slept, men ravaged our farmyards. Behold Yasukè, beyond the that tree stump lies thirty decapitated goats'.

Yasukè ran softly in short steps towards the sleepy cold sun. Passing the cold bark of the cut Maple tree, he lay his concerned eyes upon the massacre of some goats.

submitted by /u/steffenate [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/3dRPXav

#Blogger #Story

[is-she-dead-yet]

People often say we are human and we make mistakes but it always makes me wonder what being human actual meant.

What it means to have a higher intelligence to form societies and counties that supposedly put us at the top of the food chain even though we make invisible lines that certain humans cannot cross. Even if they are dying and need help. And bleed red just like us.

We are supposed to learn about humanity throughout our convoluted journey of education

But that never happens for the lost boys and girls. The rejects that are sat in the back and forgotten. Dusty toys forgotten on the shelf. Out of sight out of mind.

Struggling to understand fractions and self worth.

But I am human!!

When I have beautiful moments such as a tender first kiss with a female. So soft and sweet. Or falling deep in love or painting a beautiful picture with a mixture of wonder and bemusement and maybe even do I dare say happiness? A feeling of joy as the colors blend on the canvas. As if you created them yourself for The first time for all of humanity to enjoy. The feeling of elation when you pick a flower with such adoration. The feeling of bliss when your hands wrap around hers. Tender. Like you want to lose yourself in her forever. or the pure excitement and slight embarrassment when you are being sung happy birthday by people who you hope really do care. Really do love you

or inhaling the scent of a warm sweets baking in the oven. The scent filling my gracious lungs for food I know don't have to fight for anymore

Those days are over. See I know what beautiful moments are in life. The ones you cherish and remember fondly. That bring a smile that illuminates your whole face

But i am human

And that same thought that hums such melodic hyms in my ears. That tell me I don't have to go hungry anymore also spits words of venom into me. Hissing I dont deserve it so I throw it away

Or use my shaking fingers to go diving In a hungry mouth that once watered to be able to taste such luxurious food. To know what it was like. To be humbled by opportunity

And now the opportunity I fought so hard to earn myself is being squandered by my own self hate because this disease, and oh yes it a disease, courses through my veins like a cancer eating everything in its path until I'm left nothing. An empty shell. The corpse of what was once a person. Trying to plant my seed in life. Trying to grow humanity over night. It's exhausting can you tell? That's why I'm out of breath.

But I am human!

And I know we don't actually roar so this sound coming out of me is either of rage or of pure terror

Terror that you might find this admission of humanity is one done of genuine insanity

But this is really me

And im scared you'll see my wonds. The way they bleeds and flee

Like I wish I could

Or an even worse Fake. It's is looked upon as a plea for attention. A cry. Far from it. So many eyes and hands have had the un earned pleasure of feeling my skin that I struggle to not to sink into a wall when I'm in the center. Because id rather someone leave and be filled with disdain because I cant open up. That bear trap is rusted shut. Then have another human tell me it's all a lie and I won't get the observation I don't even want!

But I am human!

And im not too sure what it means but I do know me, myself and I. except when I don't at all

And im trying so desperately to make this sound intelligent but words and meaning often fail to do my pain and horror justice

It's maddening and sobering all in one

To realize what an insignificant spec in the ever turning cosmos you are

That life moves even if you turn to stone

Becasue you see there are stones that litter the floors of this beautiful Westland of a planet

Stones that humans find and throw into ponds while they too Ponder their own place on this earth

Stones that people who paid 60 grand for their education uncover and dig up and now those stones are in museums

And maybe I'm pulling my hair becasue I'm trying to figure out if this metaphors makes sense or trying to figure out which type of stone I am

A desposible pond skipper. Or an intricate masterpiece that needs to be discovered and put on display for the world to see

BUT I AM HUMAN

And im scared to be

Because being human can mean making someone who you love cry

And you do nothing

But watch them burn

While your soul that your mamma prayed to save slips away with the ashes and flames

But i am human

And im scared

But am I human?

If I wallow in such a decaying filled caccon of suicidal thoughts and emptiness. Despair. Desdian for a past that haunts me and molded me into this lunatic I am today struggling to explain how my feeble minds makes sense of the world

That I cannot overcome and often think I deserved it. And even though I scream in my sleep. Fear I might go back. Deep down I think I would deserve it. To go back because that's all I knew. All I was good at.

But i am human And im screaming and begging for help to save me from myself and no one is there but me! Struggling to makes sense. Make sense of this fucked up puzzle everyone seems to be able to put together themselves

But maybe that's becasue sometimes when we scream we close ours eyes and cant see the sunshine behind the clouds. And I try and convince myself that my purpose is to help the children I work with and love so much. So maybe they dont have to question their humanity too. At 2am. With no sleep. And blood shot eyes. And tears.

Like I do.

Like we all do. The broken toys always stand out. A crack in the perfect glass that is life. A one way mirror of horror and delight

I am human!

We all try to convince ourselves

So I scream sometimes to remind myself that we are all fighting a great fight. Mine just seems to be with myself

Even if I'm surrounded by humans fighting too

My scream consumes me so I hope you can understand when you hold your hand out to help me I cant hear you tell me you're here for me.

So I fight a battle alone.

Are you human too?