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wrenhyperfixates · 2 years

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okay. so my batch is in 2 different classes, okay? so thats 40 kids in one room and 40 in the other. but most kids havent been coming offline yet so its around 20 kids in each room. so thankfully im in the section where theres non-dramatic career driven kids so i dont have to deal w this shit. HOWEVER my friend group consists of 6 people including me, where 3 are in the other class. so those 3 tell me and the other 2 (who r in my class) everything. so as of yesterday, ive got 3 star couples to talk about.

A.) so lets call this guy M. so M is this real tall dude, about 6'2, tallest in my class. taller than an average indian. he's bony though. doesnt eat nothing. starves himself for those "abs". he has fluffy hair but im sure its dry asf. to give u a glimpse of how cringey he is, before i moved to this school, he used to date my friend S back in 10th grade. (shes part of my friend group, shes in my class atm. S calls herself stupid for ever dating him, we agree. we also hate him). so S is also pretty skinny, and shes like 5'2. his ideal type. so he once told her that "he would totally be qualified for a model because hes got the Looks™." but hes actually a malnourished (being malnourished is kind of a thing here, apparently thats what most girls and guys dig, as of ive heard) little twig i could probably snap with one hand. so M is like still hung over S, yeah? we now have another girl O. she looks JUST like S. except shes weirdly skinny. like abnormally. (not body shaming people here but i need people to understand that starving themselves is not healthy and it shouldnt be a 'statement maker'.) so, M and O date now, theyre always holding hands in class, and apparently one of their spotify playlist covers is a picture of them kissing ? cringe. cringe cringE CRINGE. now this girl O, used to date this boy T, who is a dick. T is stupid, mean, a Man™, and weirdly obsessed with being able to relate with females. call him a pick me boy if you will, because that's what he is. i used to know T, in 2020, all the members of my class made an Instagram group and apparently he had asked a bunch of girls out on "swim dates" which is really creepy. his trademark line is "I'm a nice guy." I guess that one line sums him up. so last year, T and M were bffs. T promised M that he'd someone get M and S back together. (S was so scared. she was legit worried T might go out of the way and mess her life up.) but then when M and O started dating, WELL. BFF-NESS GONE, GF-BF-NESS HELLO. anyways that's our first star couple. also, M is shit homophobic 🤪🤪

B.) so now we have V. i used to talk to him because we shared a common interest in basketball, and my other friend from my previous school and he liked the same girl a few years ago (even longer story). this boy used to date this SUPER cringey pick me girl R. she was so cringe. but now shes okay. ig some common sense was instilled. but an insight of how cringe she was~ she had his IG username on her bio. with a " ❤️🌍🔒🗝️" next to it. bye I'm literally getting goosebumps from all the cringe SO. they break up because he finally realizes how cringe R was I think? anyways I've heard it was messy asf. so now V is dating this girl H. did I mention V is shit short? he's like 5'6. so his current girlfriend is kinda pretty, but overhyped. shes very fair, has light brown hair (standard indian hair is dark brown or black. her's is lighter which makes her stand out (?)). so remember my friend S? S and H used to be bffs. but H was *barf emoji*. so they don't talk anymore. anyways I think its been a few months since V and H started dating, I saw them looking at each other like pissy drunk butterflies yesterday. V was all "omg look I play basketball like yeah dummy I do too but I don't show that shit off but no. understandable. he wants to seduce his gf or whatever u go boy. but why are they cringe you ask? because when me and S asked H a confirmation on if H and V were dating, she said "well, its complicated. we ... don't do things." LIKE WHAT HELLO YOURE 17 YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THINGS IF YOU DONT WANT TO so then me and S are just standing there and nodding like mhm. yea. understandable girl. u go. then H still rambles off, telling us that (these are her exact words) "hE iS mY hALf bOyfRiEnD" LIKE ME AND S LOST IT THERE. there's a really cringey romance book called "half girlfriend" by an author called chetan baghat. it was really overhyped when we were like 13 or 14, so to use that dreaded phrase "half bf/gf" well.. u just ruined ur social quo. anyways that's star couple 2 for you. C.) here we have the last one !!! hurrah !!! now I don't know either of these people personally so its pretty less. so this boy, (he is also shorter than me. my excuse to people in this school asking me why I do not date is "I am tall. i cannot see most of the boys." I know its a lame excuse but I am not dating here. nuh uh.) lets call him P. so P and M (from the first story) are currently BFFFFFFFF's. i guess its goodbye T. poor guy. (not). so P is just.. abnormally loud. like he's also a Man™. i guess he likes to 'assert his dominance with his voice' or whatever. so P currently dates this girl J. now J, is an overwoke, hyper desi idiot. like its good to be desi, a lot of people (including 14 year old me) are/were embarrassed ASF to be desi because hello western culture and the american stereotype. but somehow, when people get past that, they either become like me, one who's into the culture and loves the aesthetic and tries to learn more about culture heritage etc, or they become J. overwoke, partial-research-doing another pick me variant. shes so desi, her IG stories are filled with her dancing, singing, doing Desi™ things. and its stupid. like to be desi and express it is one thing, but to run into people and scream in their face "OYYY IM DESI WHY ARENT YOU START BEING MORE INDIAN DARLING" is another. that's J for you. i don't know much about P, but the fact that he's besties with M kinda sums up the cringe factor.

there you go. if u've died from the cringe, I need a funeral invite 💕💕

Bestie school started right before I could answer this this morning 😭😭😭😭 but omg very cringey. Sounds like the kind of drama my school had in literally the 6th grade. So what does that say about these people. I’m glad you get to observe without being involved tho. That’s when drama is the best 👌

#you’re not involved because you’re superior 👌😌#ask #my bestie #friends #mutuals #lostgreekgod

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marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer · 6 years

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MTVS Epic Rewatch #208

Don’t forget to vote on the season 7 polls!!

BTVS 7x21 End of Days

Stray thoughts

1) So this is how Faith is doing as the leader…

…and this is how Buffy is doing as the outcast Slayer…

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder who’s the boss… (maybe we should ask Abed.)

2) I don’t like seeing Faith hurt, but I do get a very sick (I admit it) satisfaction at seeing all these girls hurt and scared because they kicked Buffy out and they screwed everything up in the worst possible fashion. I know that by having Faith lead them into yet another trap the writers were trying to prove the point that what happened at the vineyard could’ve happened to anyone and that it wasn’t Buffy’s fault (Buffy will make this same point herself later on the episode.) Both Buffy and Faith were trying to do what they thought was best, yet it backfired. Shit happens yada yada yada. Yet I just can’t help but feel personally vindicated when I see Faith and the potentials fuck everything up so spectacularly.

On the other hand, not only was Buffy able to pull herself together after the group (and her friends! Her family!) kicked her out and made her feel like the worst piece of shit in the whole world, but she also managed to A) get the scythe and B) make Caleb nervous, which was a first. So yeah. #teamBuffy

3) So why exactly were the Scoobies looking for Buffy? I mean, didn’t they kick her out literally the day before? And now they’re suddenly worried about her or something? The only person who followed Buffy after they all kicked her out was Faith. Faith! Do you see how wrong/ironic that this? Do you see how painful it must’ve been for Buffy not to have NONE OF HER FRIENDS – not Xander, not Willow, not Giles, not even her own sister! – go after her to see if she was okay? To ask her where she was going or what she was going to do? The only person who showed any concern whatsoever about her was probably the only person she would’ve labeled a potential enemy.

Damn you all, I’m still pissed off. I hate this. I hate having to feel this way about the characters I’ve loved for seven seasons in the FINAL EPISODES OF THE SHOW. It just feels so wrong, but I can’t help but HATE THEM. What the hell was this fucking writing choice? I hate it. I hate everything about it.

4) If I have to say something in favor of Kennedy is this, when shit hit the fan, she was the only one who wasn’t screaming like a moron and who was actually trying to fight off the Turok-Han. So yeah. The girl got spunk.

5) But she’s nothing compared to our designated BAMF.

6) No one is kicking Buffy out now, HUH? HUH???????????????????

Yes. Yes, you did.

8) And this is exactly why they shouldn’t have kicked her out or “rebelled” against her or whatever the fuck they thought they were doing.

BUFFY You guys, it was a trap. It's not her fault. That could've just as easily happened to me.

9) While I do appreciate the pun and the side glances between Buffy and Willow…

I still feel it’s very wrong they’re all just talking and Giles is playing around with the scythe as if the last time they’d been together they HADN’T HUMILIATED BUFFY AND KICKED HER OUT OF HER OWN FUCKING HOUSE???? LIKE SERIOUSLY??? In Willow’s own words, you're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.

Like, I know the apocalypse takes precedence, but maybe say “sorry for kicking you out” and “thank you for saving us AGAIN”.

10)

11) Again, I get the same feeling with Xander. Like, did they all suddenly forget they had left Buffy alone and kicked her out of her own house? Xander is all like, “I don’t need you to protect me just because I lost an eye” but literally a day before he was telling her it was HER fault he’d lost it, and using that as a justification not only for removing her from her role as a leader but also TO KICK HER OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE. And now it’s just like nothing ever happened? How is that possible? How is literally no one apologizing to Buffy? And not only is he not apologizing, but Buffy is telling him that he’s her heart and the reason she’s still alive, which okay, it’s all kind of true, but he’s also the guy WHO BLAMED YOU FOR LOSING HIS EYE AND WHO KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE THE DAY BEFORE?!

I didn’t know that End of Days could make me as angry as Empty Places but here I am.

We’re 14 minutes into the episode and still, no one has apologized to Buffy and they’re all pretending like they didn’t turn their backs on her and it’s pissing me off. I hate feeling this way in the episode prior to the series finale. This is not how a fan should be feeling right before the show ends!

12) Not only do I know what a glottal stop is but I’ve also learned how to pronounce it. Or at least I was able to pronounce it a few years ago.

13) And hence the fate of Miss Kitty Fantastico was finally revealed…

DAWN Xander, my crossbow is not out here. I told you, I don't leave crossbows around all willy-nilly. Not since that time with Miss Kitty Fantastico.

If you must hate Dawn, it should only be for this.

14) Did anyone really believe Xander would hurt Dawn?

15) What was the point of this scene…?

…I mean, other than to give us Nathan Fillion’s orgasm face?

16) And this is the difference between Buffy and the rest… just remember how everyone reacted and treated Buffy after the vineyard, and see how she acts here after literally the same happened with Faith in charge…

FAITH What do you want me to say? I blew it.

BUFFY You didn't blow it.

FAITH Tell that to—

BUFFY People die. You lead them into battle, they're gonna die. It doesn't matter how ready you are or how smart you are. War is about death. Needless, stupid death.

She’s understanding and reassuring, she’s not pointing fingers or kicking people out. And that’s why she’s a hero and the rest are a fucking bunch of morons. I’m sorry, I’m still so angry about Empty Places and this episode is not making things any better.

17) But I do love when my two slayers see eye to eye…

FAITH So, here's the laugh riot. My whole life I've been a loner.(…) No ties, no buddies, no relationships that lasted longer than... (…) Me, by myself all the time. I'm looking at you, everything you have, and, I don't know, jealous. Then there I am. Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life.

BUFFY Yeah.

FAITH And that's you every day, isn't it?

BUFFY I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a slayer.

FAITH There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together.

BUFFY Also, you went evil and were killing people.

FAITH Good point. Also a factor.

BUFFY But you're right. I mean, I... I guess everyone's alone. But being a slayer? There's a burden we can't share.

FAITH And no one else can feel it. Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.

BUFFY Takes the edge off.

FAITH Comforting.

BUFFY Mm-hmm.

This is something that had been a long time coming. Since day one, Faith had envied Buffy. Just like Buffy saw in Faith her road not taken, Faith saw in Buffy the life she could’ve had but didn’t. She envied it and she wanted it for herself. She literally tried to steal it away several times. So if she couldn’t have it, if it wasn’t meant for her, then she could take Buffy away from it, drive her to the dark side, where she lived. Every attempt was futile, even stealing Buffy’s body and literally taking her life. It only made her feel more undeserving, more inadequate, more unworthy. But every time she’d taken a shot at being the leader, it was by playing tricks, by taking what it wasn’t rightfully hers. This time around, she had somehow earned it. There was no foul play on her part. Others made the decision for her and gave her the role she’d craved for so long. And she finally understood that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Yes, Buffy did have friends and people who looked up to her and cared about her. But when push comes to shove, when tough calls must be made, the Slayer is always alone. The weight of the world is only on her shoulders, and she can’t share the burden. It took four seasons but Faith finally got it. And she could finally let go of all the envy and jealousy.

18) I just love the fact that for the first time Buffy is the one who opens up to Spike. She’s always been the one who pretends there’s nothing between them and who skirts around her feelings and dismisses his. But not this time. And for me, it was enough that she acknowledged that it meant something, even if they – and we – don’t know exactly what that was.

BUFFY You're a dope.

SPIKE I'm a what?

BUFFY You're a dope. And a bonehead. And you're shirty.

SPIKE Have you gone completely carrot-top?

BUFFY Do you see this? This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. Look, I am tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals. You know, I have Faith for that. Let's just get to the truth here, OK? I don't know how you felt about last night, but I will not—

SPIKE Terrified.

BUFFY Of what?

SPIKE Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.

BUFFY Spike...

SPIKE It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but—

BUFFY I just told you it did.

SPIKE Yeah... I hear you say it, but... I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but... I've never... been close... to anyone. Least of all, you. 'Til last night. All I did was... hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah... I'm... terrified.

BUFFY You don't have to be.

SPIKE Were you there with me?

BUFFY I was.

SPIKE What does that mean?

BUFFY I don't know. Does it have to mean something?

SPIKE No. Not right now.

19) Update: 29 minutes in and I’m still waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

20) Am I the only who thinks this speech is okay but like, the writers were trying too hard to give Anya her “Anya Speech Moment” of the season and it kind of feels a bit, I don’t know, forced?

ANYA Well...I guess I was...kinda new to bein' around humans before. But now I've... seen a lot more, gotten to know people... seen what they're capable of, and... I guess I just realized...how amazingly screwed-up they all are. I mean really, really screwed-up in a monumental fashion. And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die...which they...they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane. And yet, here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do. They never... never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too.

21) #priorities

22) And in another episode of Plots Totally Pulled Out of the Writer’s Ass… (a.k.a. Joss Whedon Tries to Rectify the Fact that He Wrote a Bunch of Men Violating the Original Slayer by Putting a Demon Inside of Her and Thus Utterly Destroyed the Whole Slayerness Equals Feminism Theme)

WOMAN We forged it in secrecy and kept it hidden from the Shadow Men, who...

BUFFY Yeah. Met those guys. Didn't really care too much for 'em.

WOMAN Ahh, yes. Then you know. And they became the watchers. And the watchers watched the slayers. But we were watching them.

BUFFY Oh! So you're like... what are you?

WOMAN Guardians. Women who want to help and protect you. We forged this centuries ago, halfway around the world.

Okay, I get it, I get what you were trying to do, but it was so fucking obvious, it was so transparent. Like, I know most of the so-called metaphors in this show were not so subtle (think the fucking monster-penis in Doublemeat Palace, for instance.) But the feminist struggle in the slayer vs the council struggle was always something that I personally enjoyed. And this is how Joss’s brand of “feminism” began to crumble down, in my opinion. This is what a white dude who is a self-proclaimed feminist believes to be a Good feminist storyline, but it’s so clichéd and self-evident it's almost cringe-worthy. Like, you get a bunch of Evil Men quite literally raping a Poor Woman, who is faked Empowered (her powers were lent to her by the Evil Men and the source of her powers is Evil, Demonic in nature because duh! she is a Woman) so that they can Manipulate her and Use her for the benefit of the Patriarchy. But oh wait! This is a Feminist Show! So in spite of what the Evil Men who were supposedly the Powerful ones did, there always were These Great and Powerful Women behind it all, the True Guardians of the Slayer, This has been a Matriarchy all along, you see?! PLOT TWIST!

Yawn.

The worst part? I can imagine all the writers patting themselves on the back for writing such a groundbreaking and Feminist storyline and for sticking it to the Men.

23) And btw, just to show you how big a Feminist Show this is, we get this…

I guess since this is a Feminist Show and Angel is the hero here and Buffy the damsel in distress, that makes Angel a woman, right?

But hey, at least he (or she?) literally let Buffy deliver the lethal blow…

24) And yes, this totally makes sense!

because Angel has not claimed to be in love with Cordelia and Buffy has not just had her more honest heart-toheart with Spike. Let’s just disregard whatever arcs have been developed in both shows in order to deliver a Ship Moment for the Bangel fans, right? Who cares about character development, right? Because I’m positive this is what former lovers do after not seeing each other in over a year, being currently emotionally unavailable, and facing the greatest evil of all. Suck face.

25) Update: minute 42 and I’m STILL waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

26) Sorry for the bitter rant!

27) If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

#Buffy the Vampire Slayer #BTVS #Buffy Summers #Faith Lehane #The Chosen One #MTVSepicrewatch #mine #recap #End of Days #BTVSrewatch2015 #btvsrecap

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some-good-meme · 7 years

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Get To Know Me

Tagged by @elliox , thanks man this looks fun haha

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag however many people you want

(I would put it in the read more but idk how sorry)

THE LAST: 1. Drink: a coke i think 2. Phone call: rescheduling a doctor appointment ha 3. Text message: @elliox talking about buying shorts 4. Song you listened to: stuck in the sound, lets go probly 5. Time you cried: when i found my kitty dead.. well i guess i might have teared up a bit when a close friend left for the summer too,,,

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: haha man i cant even get someone once 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: guess not 9. Lost someone special: hasn’t everyone at some point 10. Been depressed: oohhhhh yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: ooohhh buddy yes

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: silver, black, that cool green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yeah! and i love em! 16. Fallen out of love: dont think so 17. Laughed until you cried: haha yea good times 18. Found out someone was talking about you: i mean yea but i don’t care, keep it comin 19. Met someone who changed you: honestly that happens everytime i get close to someone and i hate it but yes 20. Found out who your friends are: yeeeah sure did 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i guess that could count

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i think almost all??? maybe a couple no 23. Do you have any pets: 1 dog, 6 chickens, and i guess 2 kinda 3 cats now 24. Do you want to change your name: i mean i love my name,, but ive loved the name Alex ever since i could remember so idk 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: A hotel, and a heartwarming chat with a friend in the bathtub till like 4 am haha 26. What time did you wake up: i slept in till like 12 today it was good 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: drawin p 28. Name something you can’t wait for: a new start tbh, like the place i was at was good but i cant wait to be completely independent and to move on from some things

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: about a week ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i think ive grown from all the bad stuff so idk, but if i had to choose one id say all the times ive just gone with the flow and it blows up in my face 31. What are you listening to right now: nothing rn cause ive been listening to the same stuff all day haha 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: mmm dont think so 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me not being able to tell people how i actually feel !!! 34. Most visited Website: youtube probably cause music hah

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: yeahh, theres moles here 36. Mark/s: couple scars i got for really dumb reasons like burning myself while making cookies or falling off a treadmill hahah 37. Childhood dream: always wanted to be a mermaid , still love mermaids hah 38. Haircolor: brown rn, a little bit of bleached ends 39. Long or short hair: he short 40. Do you have a crush on someone: yea i guess a little one

41. What do you like about yourself: mmmm being able to make friends 42. Piercings: 5 on my ears and one nose ring 43. Bloodtype: ha i really should know this buuut

44. Nickname: smelly haha, oh and asshole alice i think is one 45. Relationship status: there was potential but she lives in Washington (im in Minnesota) 46. Zodiac: aquarius 47. Pronouns: really any i dont care, but i mostly use she/they 48. Favorite TV Show: x files is always good

49. Tattoos: im thinking of getting the solar system around my arm

50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: dose a root canal count ? 52. Hair dyed a different color: used to be orange 53. Sport: used to be in gymnastics 55. Vacation: love Mexico 56. Pair of trainers: uhhhhh nope

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: nothing rn 58. Drinking: kinda want some water 59. I’m about to: go downstairs to get some water probly 61. Waiting for: idk to get tired so i can finally sleep i guess 62. Want: $$$! and cats! oh and friends(just in general)!!! 63. Get married: eh,,, if it happens its cool if it doesn’t oh well 64. Career: gonna try to be an animator, if that fails i guess ill run away and live in an abandoned water tower or something

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: probly hugs 66. Lips or eyes: i guess eyes,,, but when those lips are good thats 👌👌👌 67. Shorter or taller: no preference i guess 68. Older or younger: also no preference 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: abs are niceeee 71. Sensitive or loud: some of both ? 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship probably 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker cause i think im the hesitant one at times

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: yup

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: many times with the contacts, good thing theyr the daily ones 77. Turned someone down: a real long time ago but

78. Sex on the first date: not into that sorry 79. Broken someone’s heart: sure hope not 80. Had your heart broken: yeah, but its all good now 81. Been arrested: no but i keep having dreams of it and when i wake up i get it confused with reality haha 82. Cried when someone died: of corse 83. Fallen for a friend: ehh i dont think i knew what it was at the time but kindof ??? real lowkey tho real lowkey

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: not too much lately haha 85. Miracles: i guess 86. Love at first sight: didnt for the longest time but then it happend to me soo 87. Santa Claus: haha no sorry 88. Kiss on the first date: that just seems kinda weird idk

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: ive got a lot of friends and i dont like ranking them but some are @elliox, @nart-snart, @deez-lockz, @alieyawn, @echeveriia, @the-fourth-musketeer, @lcxiegrey, and @hackin-cactus 91. Eyecolor: hazel 92. Favorite movie: too hard to choose,, i usually just choose a miyazaki movie off the top of my head when i get asked this

I tag: hah well so many have already been tagged,,, but everyone i atted will be tagged i guess @

(if u dont wanna do it thats fine too!)

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nonsensicalmillennial-blog · 5 years

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Are You Okay?

A girl in my calculus class asked me that today because i was struggling with one of the questions.

“thats a very different question than what youre actually asking me” i responded.

So heres some reasons why im shit:

1) I started crying in class today pretty much because i didnt make my bed this morning. The longer story is that i was watching some goalcast video or something last night and it was about how, if you make your bed in the morning, every day youll be happier because it’ll motivate you to do the next task of the day, and the next, and the next. And also, because, even if you have a really really crap day, youll come home to a nicely made bed. But i had a shitty day and i didnt even have a made bed to come home to.

2) I snap at people all the time. Like somebody will be bantering with me, or actually asking if im alright, or just trying to have a conversation wth me, and for some reason i’ll snap at them and tell them to fuck off or just be really blunt and it pisses me off because its usually somebody i care about and im jut being a twat to them.

3) I dont open up to anyone. here i am, lucky as can be, with supportive people all around me, and yet no, i keep everything to myself and try to deal with it all on my own. mos days i dont even tell people about my day. the most my family get is ‘it was aight’ before i disappear to my bedroom or some place other. My boyfriend is checking if im okay and even when im not, ill lie and tell him ‘of course xxx’ because i dont want to have to try and explain my feelings when im not really sure what they are myself, and even if i am sure, i dont want him to think he doesnt make me happy because he does, more than anything and i love him. Also, I hate the thought of my parents feeling helpless and wondering why i cry every day but i just cant bring myself to open up to them. i cant tell them that after everything they went through to get me into this world, i dont want to be here anymore. My group of sorta-friends are all angels and after me being a shitty friend theyre still here to care about me and i dont deserve it so i dont utilise it.

4) im stubborn but indecisive at the same time. ew.

5) Im really shit because i want so desperately to be skinny and have abs and a good figure and some days i do have that, but only when ive eaten under 500 calories for a week and worked out everyday. and not only do i look great, but i feel it, and i feel more motivated and happy and just good. but then theres the days where ill get halfway; i skip breakfast and lunch, but then as soon as i get home, i binge, and then i get more upset so i binge more, and then the next day i hate myself, and ill make myself throw up. why am i so crap at being dedicated?

6) i hate myself, albeit some days more than others. i bet it gets really tiring and shitty for other people. like i know im annoying and im genuinely sorry. and im shit because i dont have the willpower or to get out of it and it frustrates me too i feel awful.

7) i lie. like even if its just a little white lie here and there i still do it and i feel guilty everytime because i know im gonna get bad karma from it so why do i do it. i gotta stop that.

8) i feel like im not really myself. but im not ever. like im not even sure who i am. i know that sounds awfully philosophical for someone of my age and calibre but i dont know who i am. i feel like i try different people on every week or day or whatever but i havent really found which combination of them i actually am. i want to find out because i hope that when i do i will be fixed somewhat and things will be easier and ill be able to explain things but really who knows. who has any idea at all. maybe nobody knows who they are.

9) i literally have four friends at school that i hang out with and i love them all but honestly, ill only ever hang out with one of them after high school and its really sad because we all know it.

10) i only really have one TRUE friend and shes incredible. i have the other group i mentioned before but i dont deserve them one bit no matter how much i love them. ive been a dickhead to them and yet theyre still there for me day after day.

11) im a crap girlfriend beause i dont talk about anything and i never know what to do or how to react to things. also i overthink everything but ill never tell you that.

Rant over. Thanks for reading about how shit i am :)

#rant

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survivormuxloe · 5 years

Text

Episode #10: "This is why people hate the gays” - Michael

Oh my fucking god did y’all see that tribal I was like butch it’s me I’m going like bye bye omg but NO it was simply a vote reveal and the idol WILL be mine

So a few things to go over...

One, the plan to get rid of Felix was successful and bought me and Michael another day...HOWEVER, it would appear that I was not the first person to make it to the end of the bridge, which is a shame cuz I REALLY needed this idol, but it's okay.

Because Michael is still gonna be considered a bigger threat than me, and the most likely to go home if we both don't win immunity. That being said, I'm REALLY hoping I can pull this immunity off cuz it'd just be nice to not have to worry about it being me at tribal.

i'm on highkey alert starting now.... this round (and honestly for the rest of the game) is prime time for blindsides and the waters are ripe for it... i really wouldn't be shocked if i'm targeted and have to play my idol hmph. i really really really just want to be able to use it successfully and i will feel content af with my game no matter what happens...

my plan to take out jones is slowly unfolding, i worked on ryan earlier, and got him to see jones as a ringleader.. and he wants her out soon.. which is perfect for me hehe.. i just dropped some hints here and there that she has a lot of connections.. and now he's paranoid that she's gonna bring together a group of michael/david/mo/ahrre... which is perfect for me since i can use him to take her out... funny enough im not sure when i should take out ryan, he's definitely a threat going forward... but if i play my cards right i can take both of them out because i'm also painting ryan as a big target to some of the others hehe.. im trying not to overplay rn bc my ass is not on the line for votes currently, one misstep and I'm gone

im so mad.. rn LMAOAOAOAO like. jones is overplaying as hell n i want michael gone SOOOOOO BAD but i gotta be fake af.. almsldndg

me n ryan r the best duo tho like.. i think ive convinced everyone thet we arent as together as they think umu

So Felix went home. Which I knew about despite voting for Michael. I thought it was gonna be like 5-5 and tobi was considering to flip to avoid rocks. I didnt want Felix gone personally so I sent in a vote for Michael knowing it wouldnt change the outcome.

Jones is really overplaying wanting this next vote to be a split vote. Like no its 3-3-3 that way. THATS NOT SAFE. ITS ASKING for someone to flip. NO. Jones is going home this round or next round. Thats the T.

extra shit.. me tobi rhys ryan are all mad susp of miss jones and i think im tryna convince all of them to stick wth her plans until f7 and us 4 can cut her ass out of the equation :) yayayaya im excited. girl deserves it after her overplaying last week as much as i love her

Wiggling my way out of danger was a huge success, now i'm just hoping to lay low and not cause much drama and basically let the larger players; David, Rhys, Jones take one another out which will allow me to hopefully slip through the cracks and make it far.

nvm idk how to feel ab my position anymore ignore all previous confessionals that i praise myself LMAOAOAOAOA

It’s critical that I try my best to win immunities since my name and David’s is on the line and I’d rather he’d go than me. My best plan is to use Jones to my advantage she has a lot of sway with the other side and by playing off her need to be the leader and to have power to keep me in this game. Everybody wants power and everyone wants control and if Jones thinks that she has control over both sides of the tribe then she’s not gonna get suspicious and take me out.

So I’m a little disheartened by the touchy subjects results. I won “the biggest goat” and “who doesn’t deserve to be here” and it sucks because these people are my friends and I guess most of them think this. But water off a ducks back, I’m going to smile and keep moving forward. I wanna win.

Another day another update. So from were we left off Felix did end up going home good shit he didn't have an idol. He did play the vote reveal thing but I doubt that changed anything in the slightlest lel. That attempt from Scott to save face by also voting Felix is cute tho hehe.

Anyhow so after that we went to touchy subjects which tbh I was waiting because that would be an opening in my game. So Ryan and Rhys think I'm a goat which it's not suprising considering they're the ones I talk to the least. However most importantly Mo was picked as the goat by the most people.

Now this is a tough game and everyone is putting a lot of effort into it so imo it's not easy to point out a goat and Mo is understandably feeling down because he's as much into this game as everyone else. So I knew this was my opportunity to make a move because Mo will be wanting to prove himself to others so if I'm gonna try something this is my best oportunity to get his vote.

Now I grab Michael and David as well who are in a desperate spot and BAM we have the underground boys. So now the plan is simple. Tobi told me they want to split the votes between Mo and Michael in case Michael has an idol, so we get them to split then Mo and me flip and hopefully get someone.

That someone should be Ryan IMO because he's def a duo with rhys and even a stronger duo with Scott. So birds one stone. Plus he called me a goat so hey thre's that :)

lmfao i'm getting dead silence from half the tribe and totally awkward conversation from Jones... definitely getting the vibe that i'm the target. I know Scott got tea from Tobi that Jones has concocted some scheme to split the vote on me and/or rhys or something to that extent? idek i need the full picture tomorrow but lol. should be a fun show no matter what happens

Ok so Michael, David, Fabricio and I formed an alliance because were kind of on the outs. I know this is weird because I had rough pasts with all of them but I really like this alliance. Now, do I trust Michael? Absolutely fucking not, he already lowkey threw me under the bus after the alliance was made. By telling Jones I told him. So I want him gone soon.

bih.. i aint in the mood today at all..

first of all last night touchy subjects. david wins lol x. i get most trusted n least trusted bc thats a thing ig. werk mama.

then to make matters worse... miss jones wants to split on either me or ryan incase michael idols ...

n now ive told tobi abou t my idol n idk why im just feelin quirky n cool lol

I have to laugh... this game gets wilder by the minute... my position right now is really fragile but its good if i play it right... right now i have a lot of influence over what happens hehe... like i swear to god i feel cocky but lets review some things. 1. Jones is wrapped around my finger... i've been playing this whole super supportive ally and she even gave us the name "kermit and miss piggy" for our duo (me being miss piggy obv) and i've been working hard on her.. i got her to realize michael was actually super manipulating and was using her for a lot of things.. which is funny because that's exactly what im doing to her... she even showed me some stuff he wrote to her and i was consistently telling her that im trying to protect her from being manipulated by him... i swear to god im evil HAHA and like i love her and all but she's a huge social threat and if i see a clear shot im gonna take her out 2. scott scott scott... we were sharing idol guesses a few days ago and he went ghost on me on the guesses... i had suspicions that he was close to getting/had the idol... AND HE LITERALLY TOLD ME HE HAD IT I WAS LIKE OMGGG like this made me SO relieved because that means that i don't have to worry about the merge idol popping up without me knowing, but after i leaked his idol in Saint Vincent i have NO idea why he told me again... like this obv makes me wanna take him out and do stuff but im not gonna leak it again... i think. But like im not here to play fiddle to him... im here to win and if i have to take him out later i will... but the thing is that i don't know when a good time to take him out is, if im in f6 with a bunch of goats, the target is gonna be on me... so i have to think more about what im gonna do about him 3. ryan... i haven't been working hard on him, but he did come up to me with a plan to get me, him, rhys, and scott to the f4 like omg thats pretty iconic but going to f4 with a challenge beast like ryan? i have to laugh... im not stupid... challenge beasts have been the bane of my org career and im not about to let it happen again here... i have a lot on my plate right now, and im playing hard, but what's lovely is that i dont think im a threat to anyone? at least in comparison to the scott/ryan/jones clusterfuck that im gonna try to orchestrate, im lowkey... i swear to god if i actually pull this shit off.... my mind... but then again i might just flop again like usual so who knows hehe

now that ik my name has been thrown out im so nerv ALMFNHFg like i dnt wanna be blindsided 5-4 o.o but uhm i hope for the best n hopefully im smart enuff to play idol ?

i just want jones gone is that so much to ask

idk How to make confessionals apparently Bc I KEEP FORGETTING AHHH Michael comes to me right after the Felix vote and says “hey David crossed the bridge the idol’s gone” and I’m like MOTHERFUCKER. I WAS THIS FUCKING CLOSE. And it obviously scared me because either of them could be lying and one of them could have the idol. And I OF COURSE PANICKED. The next day I went to try and cross the bridge (Bc I was on 90) and I ACTUALLY DID IT!!! but guess what,,,,, THERE WAS NOTHING!!!!! HORRAY!! Idk what I’d do with myself if I got an idol tbh,, that shits scary. But yeah knowing that the idol is gone AND THAT I heard it from Michael first is hella scary and that could mean 3 things - A) theyre felling the truth and it’s gone, B) Michael’s a liar and Has it, or C) David lied to Michael and David has the idol. So right now this information is fucking with my head. And it’s deeeefinitely going to in the next vote.

So David wins immunity and I’m not THAT bothered by it? Of course it just makes things harder for everyone else Bc the original plan was to split between Michael and David, BUT NOW WE CANT. Either way Michael has to go home. He has a really terrible way of getting into everyone’s head and it’s not good for anyone. Plus if he makes it to the end he has such a good chance at winning with an underdog story it’s not even funny ajddjkf. BUT Theres still the possibility that one of those two has an idol, and we really have to think wisely on who would go in case that happens. Tobi thinks Mo is the safer move, but I really don’t think there’s a point in getting rid of someone that everyone thinks of as a sheep. Plus I’d like to sit with him in the end soooooo yeah. My personal preference on who the “blindside target” would be is Ryan. I love him to DEATH and Sweyn to the end, but he’s a challenge threat, and we have to pick off Sweyn eventually if the Muppet alliance wants to be victorious. Michael and david are already on board with getting him out anyway Bc they think he and Rhys are “tight” lol. But right now the vote split should be 7-2 on Michael as far as I know, there’s a solid chance that Mo will get a vote and if he does I’ll actually DIE. Also /according to Michael/, he said that Mo came to him and told him was voting for Michael. AND LIKE THATS THE THING MICHAEL IS PLANTING SEEDS IN MY HEAD THAT MO ISnt some I can trust and that /scares me/ which is why he has to go. If the tribal goes right, Michael goes, if Michael plays an idol, Ryan goes. If it’s a tie between Ryan and Mo, Ryan goes.,,, hopefully.

So, Touchy Subjects, Im almost irrelevant, atleast im honest.

Anyway, The vote plan is Michael. However Jones is scared of an idol. I dont really want to split a vote but Jones is persistant on it. Ive been talking with people and apprently the split vote is on Mo.

However I talk to Ahrre and he knows this information too? Im on the bottom of whatever this is. Like I NEVER hear stuff first. I NEVER feel like I acctually know whats going on.

So to be honest. I dont feel like im going to win. Atleast not on this path. So I need to take a peck at the leader. Jones. Mo and Ahrre are said to be in her pocket. This is bad for 2 reasons. Jones has more power, and they arent doing much thus will be dragged to the end. So removing power, and increasing my odds of getting to the end will be great.

So the split vote is set to be 5-2-2. However, I can safely tell Michael that its 2 on Mo. So Michael & David both vote Mo. This is 5-4. We just need 1 flip to make this happen. So that could either be me, changing my vote to Mo. Perhaps someone else could flip beside me. Fingers crossed.

So it seems like once again I am getting voted and with the amount of idols and such out there it’s getting more and more scary being this bitch who’s constantly getting voted because at any point I’m either getting the majority or I’m getting idolled out. I’m just hoping and praying that everything goes well and I need to start winning immunity

i like don't know what's happening fahsdfhas. i kinda snapped and messaged michael for some reason, i think to see if he was gonna vote me.. and i kinda told him/he asked and i confirmed that there's a split plan in motion and he told me him/david are voting Mo and i was like well if you don't want me out i don't want you out... and Scott tells me he heard throuoght the grapevine (from tobi who heard from ahrre who was told by michael fjasld) that Michael said it was RHYS that let him know??? i'm. so idk faksdjf but i'm floundering a bit tbh. there's like less than 3 hrs until tribal so i hope i figure out concretely whats gonna happen

Alright so let's go through a couple of things.

I WON IMMUNITYYYY. Omg, it felt so good to get redemption after losing this same challenge in my first org. (I got the tiebreaker there too and was WAY off, LOL fuck me) And anyways, it feels good to not have to worry about it being me tonight and to have a spot in the final 8. Hopefully this shows people that I've BEEN here to friggin play.

So now as it stands for tribal tonight...myself, Michael, Mo and Ahrre are gonna vote Ryan out. The other side are planning to split their votes 3 for Michael and 2 for Mo cuz they think Ahrre and Mo are voting for Michael. If all goes well and no idols get played, then we're in for the biggest power shift this season has seen and I cannot wait to be a part of that shift, cuz it's FUCKING GO TIME BABY

ugh the idol paranoia i'm having rn........ i can't if i go home w the idol im gonna hate myself n if i misplay the idol im gonna hate myself jlskhfd like this vote is so uncertain to me.. i could be overthinking but i just dk... so like i almost want to just be messy and get the other 5's votes on me and idol myself…

ok so messy ryan jumped out and acted on his idolinpocket paranoia flaksdhf. i talked to both mo and michael and threw jones under the bus pretty bluntly.. mo seemed to already knoow that jones created the split plan w him as the vote, and is just acting like he thinks he's going home so idk if thats genuine or not. michael on the other hand, seems genuinely thinking it was between him or mo and now wants to get ahrre and me to vote mo with him and david and rhys who already voted mo. fladfjas so i've realized i was highkey overthinking but. this is interesting

Right so idek where I left off but I think it was right after the underground boys were formed. Anyhow so Jones was weary of ryan so she thought about voting him, thing is he only wanted him as a backup plan in case Michael played an idol because everyone and their mums want him dead at the end of the day I guess.

So I'm like ok let's get michael and david to vote ryan with us and then while one of us still votes michael to make it a 4-3-2, (without letting her know Mo was with us and that I would vote ryan anyways lel) but then she freaked out and so did everyone really and they suddenly didn't want to split anymore and everyone was voting Michael.

However I managed to convince Tobi (and by proxy the rest of sweyn cause let's face it tobi is on top of this game that's another guy I've got to get rid of) to split the vote anyways, so as it stands Tobi and Rhys are voting Mo and Ryan Scott and Jones are voting Michael. But the thing is that they think Mo and me are also voting Michael but in reality we're gonna vote Ryan so it SHOULD be 4 votes Ryan 3 Michael and 2 Mo.

Now my worry is that if Ryan plays an idol it all goes to shit but I'm trying my hardest to make sure he doesn't know. Anyhow let's see how this plays out.

It doesn’t feel good to be facing elimination especially now that jones is voting me. Any slight deviation from the plan for anyone could lead to my elimination but I hope that now ryan is voting mo that I might just scrape by once again and with jones’ Transparent game she shouldn’t be Long behind Ryan.

lmao so they (michael, david, ahrre, mo) tried to pull off a rly good move flipping their votes onto me. and if only rhys hadn't had to sleep early and didnt vote Mo, I'd be sitting pretty but they did that.... unfortunately for them, apparently Jones fucked up heavily and immediately voted Michael in the revote? did i hear that correctly? KLFSJLDFHS WIG. i kinda feel bad bc... i really should be leaving here but.... wig. I had done some campaigning to Mo before I found this out and think i was making some good groundwork to get him to keep me and he was at least oon the fence, so i might have had a shot even if jones were gonna vote me. but wig.. if she really did that, then that means me and scott have made the final 8 and we still have 2 idols in our pockets WHEW. big moves is coming ladies

This is why people hate the gays smh. Please be ryan please be ryan please be ryan go home Ry ry

ugh can't believe my best friend michael is leaving tonight ): LMSHNBG am i fuck..

legit im sooooo happy ryan is staying altho a little peeved as well tbh.. i coulda had 2 idols :flushed: but i wont complain.............

anyway. i still think jones is crazy n her idea of trying to get me to flip on ryan is absolutely absurd ALMJFNFG like bitch.. i know im on the bottom if i flip im not dumb why do u think i didnt vote mo like u told me to lAMNFHBFG IJS!!

i just gotta win immunity next week n im confirmed at least f5? hopefully? LAMNHFBFG like. i dont wanna. be tied on. and i wanna keep this idol for the l0ong haul. which is why i told ryan and tobi. oooop. LAMNJHBFG.

PROB NOT A GOOD IDEA TELLING TOBI but i rly do trust him this time around... he gives me legit all the tea n i do the same back :flushed:

lolll i lvoe having the worst jury management :))) love sticking to sides :)))) like i aint gunna clear that perception up by voting ryan suck my dick he trusts me and thats all i care about..

like. im gunna be hounded on for not flipping to a side who wants me out n thats so annoying!! i rly cant win aLMFHFG. these cunts can fuck off idc ill argue with every single one of them

michael... he's a cockroach... he wont just DIE like there have been so many times where there was something stopping him from leaving... last round jones wanted felix so we obliged and now its this stupid tie revote kjflkjdf like this is exactly why i wanted him out earlier... getting numbers against him is gonna be hard and i really hope his ass leaves in the revote... he should anyway hehe.. i have a few options going forward and i feel like i could possibly do a lot but the question is do i want to be doing a lot??? if people start thinking that im a threat then shit LMAO but the thing is there are so many goats and pawns (mo, ahrre, david) that if you do anything significant, your threat level is obvious and like i want to take out some of the threats but im worried if i take out too many,,, the goats will become sentient and take my ass out... i just need to take this one vote at a time while planning for the future its simple :^)

ITS BEEN A MESSY 24 HOURS AND HERES THE FUCKING TEA so the vote ended up being a tie. NOT THE ONE I PREDICTED. It ended up being a Michael/Ryan tie. AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER AJ EXPLAINS THE RULES MICHAEL BLOWS UP MY WHOLE FUCKING GAME (almost.) he says “Jones you orchestrated this vote follow through with it” AND IM???? LITERALLY??? Ryan was never a target of mine,,, never the main target I mean BUT NEVER A TARGET. David Mo and Michael all told me that Ryan was gunning for me though,, but that was AFTEr I revoted for Michael sooooooooo that’s the tea. But like,, Michael is,, kind of being an asshole. Very much so. I feel like he’s taking advantage of my emotions to try and manipulate me into Saving him, but I really wouldn’t mind if either him or Ryan went?? Preferably Michael obviously lol. He was never someone I wanted to take to the end anyway, so it’s better to get rid of him while we can lol. Also!!? That dumbass shit that Michael said on hangouts??? Rhys and Ryan made a whole ass 180 in our relationship Bc THEY THOUGHT I VOTED FOR RYAN BC OF WHAT MICHAEL SAID AKDJKDFNJF. Thank god I was actually able to work it out with them, but like,,, fuck that scared me. This is why Michael needs to go Bc he’s a loose cannon and will DESTROY MY GAME. OFF WITH HIS FUCKING HEAD

i finally understand why no one respects Mo as a player lol, he really has no back bone of his own at all..

The vote ties 4-4-1, and Michael is sent home 4-3 after a revote.

#episode #royallyyours

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