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thyme-in-a-bubble · 6 months

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can't fight the moonlight

kinktober, day twenty-nine

a/n: this one was a fantasy that was so fuzzy and took a surprisingly long time to figure out, but the hazy dream of it kept me going till i solved the puzzle

summary: it didn’t matter what you did or how hard you tried, you had no way of overpowering the beast the moonlight turned him into.

warnings: werewolf!bucky barnes x reader, smut, bucky's wolf form is very humanoid looking (think more teen wolf, less twilight), dubcon/noncon, predator/prey, established relationship, monsterfucking, little to no foreplay, dirty talk, squirting, overstimulation, cock drunk, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, forced breeding, belly bulge, size kink, size difference

word count: 2345

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“…and you’ve got some water in case you get thirsty and-, oh! Do you have something to eat? A snack or something?” you blabbered tensely as you helped lock the heavy chains that your partner snaked securely around his own limbs, bolting him to the cold basement for the night, “because I could go make you-”

Letting the iron in his grasp suddenly fall to the floor in a loud clang, like a volcano he exploded, “no!” heatedly throwing his hands up as he fumed, “I don’t need a fucking snack, would you just-…” catching your wide eyes, his sudden anger thawed a bit as he finally heard his own words, “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” you clutched your hands close to your chest, the keys tight in them dug into your palms.

Head lightly tilting to the side, Bucky let out a sigh, “you’re just trying to help and I’m-”

“It’s okay, I know,” you reassured him, “it’s the moon, I get it, don’t worry, darling,” you averted your gaze, staring down at the cold concrete floor, “I’m sorry about freaking out, like I do every month, but I just wanna do something that can make this better for you, even a little bit, anything, even though I know that there isn’t anything that can, I still can’t stop trying because I hate this,” you heard your voice grow thick and tears begin to blur up your vision, “I really really hate this.”

“Y/n…” you felt his fingers gently graze your cheek, bringing your glossy gaze back up to his, “you are helping, more than you even know. Before I met you, before you moved in and started being here every full moon, I was always terrified of getting out, terrified that I couldn’t detain myself enough and someone would end up getting hurt or worse… but I’m not scared of that anymore. It hasn’t happened once since you’ve been here to bolt the chains I can’t get to on my own and lock the doors from the other side. Plus knowing that you’ll be here when the sun eventually comes up, I hold onto that, no matter how painful it gets or how much I disappear, that fact doesn’t, it stays with me, keeps me somewhat sane throughout the night.”

Letting out a shaky breath, you blinked away the mist in your eyes, trying to be brave as you uttered, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he exhaled, gazing at you as you leaned in to seal the final padlock with a click. Getting up to your feet, you stepped towards the door, but your fingers froze on the knob as Bucky’s voice filled the cellar once more, “try and get some sleep, okay? I’ll see you in a bit.”

Glancing over your shoulder at his shackled frame, sitting against the wall, skin already glistening from the pending trauma, you promised, “okay,” even though you knew this night wouldn’t be any different from the rest.

You could never sleep when the moon was full, never even relax enough to rest for a bit. Even though the layers of resources that encased the basement silenced Bucky’s screams of agony from the rest of the neighbourhood as well as your own ears, just the knowledge that only one floor below where you were trying to slumber, there your beloved laid in pain as every single bone in his body had to break before he could turn into a monster of the moon, that awareness kept you up better than any caffeine could.

Locking the solid steel door behind you, so you repeated with the one atop the wonky staircase, the rest of the house suddenly feeling so cold without his presence.

Still clad in garb you’d worn to work, you couldn’t bother to change out of it even if the dress and stockings weren’t the most comfortable clothing to do an all-nighter in, you just seized the grey cabled cardigan draped over the armchair by the fireplace and shrugged it over top.

Holding the kettle under the tap to fill it up, your weary vision locked on the ominous sphere looming in the night sky clearly visible from the kitchen window. Losing yourself to the sight, too absorbed by the troubling thoughts it brought on, you only snapped out of the trance when cold water began to flow over the side of the pot and soak your hand that clutched it.

“Oh, shit…” you mumbled as you hurried to turn off the water and pour some of the abundances back out into the sink.

Placing it down on the stovetop, you listened to the gentle clicking that emanated before the eventual flame as you turned the knob. The slight heat radiating beneath the kettle persuaded you to shift into the living room and with the flick of a match, light the fireplace, granting yourself more of that soothing heat to help battle the night.

You nearly jumped out of your skin when the water came to a boil, kettle whistling like a demon to relay the message.

With a mug of tea in your hand, you curled up in the chair by the fire and picked up the half-read book discarded on the small side table.

This was the routine, even though you never could concentrate, you still at least tried to distract yourself.

A sudden bang ripped your eyes away from the page they had glazed over four times by now. Your vision instantly trained on the door to the cellar, clearly visible from where you were sitting.

As the door then began to rattle rhythmically from an unyielding force, your body jumped at every thud, the novel in your grasp tumbling to the floor.

Frozen in your seat, you watched as the door splintered, swiftly losing the short-lived battle and flying off its hinges.

With heavy footsteps, Bucky’s visage stepped into the light, except it wasn’t the Bucky you knew, not one you’d seen with your own eyes, but only ever heard tales about.

At first, you thought he still looked like himself, but as the firelight flickered across his form, you finally noticed just how altered he was. His natural body hair had quadrupled, fuzzing up his visage and the rippling muscles that hid beneath it, those as well seeming to have swelled up making his frame nearly unrecognisable. Though he always towered above your comparative stature, his height now was something else entirely. The sight of his eyes chilled you to the very bone, the calming blue was completely drowned out by a sea of black, with only a tiny golden flicker in the middle differentiating the obsidian. Nails long and tough like claws, broken chains still clung to his form as you watched his lip curl, a low growl rumbling throughout the room and letting you catch sight of his sharp teeth.

Scarcely breathing at all, your hopes of him not noticing your presence began to fade as he predatorily sniffed the air.

Your eyes suddenly grew wide as you spotted a part of him begin to swell up and come into the light. Throbbing, his unusually grand length intimidatingly curved upwards, it too haven grown just as the rest of his body had.

Finally breaking through your terror, you sprung up and tried your best to run, though you didn’t get far as, within mere seconds, the natural hunter caught up to you and tackled you down to the ground, shredding the cosy knit you wore in the process.

Cheek smooshed against the floorboards, you trembled beneath his beefy form as his flaming chest pressed against your back, knowing full well that if you made one wrong move, aggravated him in any sort of way, he could snap you like a twig. It didn’t matter what you did or how hard you tried, you had no way of overpowering the beast the moonlight turned him into.

As your eyes flickered to the front door, it dawned on you that if he could break not only the chain that bound him, but also the strong basement doors, then the last barrier that kept him from the outside world wouldn’t even make him break a sweat.

Growling directly in your ear, you felt his agitated breath fan across your face as his nose buried itself in your hair. Starved sniffs slowly travelling south, your heart nearly burst out of your chest as you felt him rip your clothes to shreds. Dress tattered and hanging off of you, your underwear swiftly disintegrated completely as only your stocking truly survived the attack, still clinging around your quivering thighs with only the smallest of tears to tell the tale.

Grinding desperately against the curve of your form, his monstrous girth nudged against you, catching you off guard as even in this petrifying form, you still felt your body respond to him.

“Bucky, Buck!” your voice squeaked in an attempt at breaking through to him, “it’s me! It’s me! It’s Y/n!” wildly flipping you over and roughly aligning himself with your core, you desperately tried to catch his dark eyes and try again, “Bucky, please!”

Joints locking up at the sound of your shrill cry, a flicker of reignition washed over his haunting glare, softening it slightly as you finally heard him speak, “…Y/n?” his voice was much lower than you’d ever heard it, though very much still his, “oh, fuck… I-…” a shaky breath escaped his lungs as he hovered above you, the tip of his cock nuzzled between your folds, “…I don’t think I can stop…” he grunted, his hand right beside your head digging into the floorboards and leaving splintery scratches in its wake, “I can’t fight it, I’m trying, but-”

“It's okay,” you carefully reached up and touched his cheek. You couldn’t let him run out that door and take some innocent lives. At this moment, all of his focus was aimed at you, so if it could just stay there and not stray till the sun came up, if you could distract him for only a little while longer, then the night might end without any unnecessary bloodshed. So, therefore, you gave in, “I love you, I love you so much,” your glistening eyes blinked up at him as you tried to speak with confidence, “you’re not gonna hurt me, I know you’re not. It’s okay, it’s-”

Plunging into you, an almost animalistic noise accompanied his harsh action as the beast he’d become seized exactly what it desired. All of the air got pushed out of your lungs as he buried himself in you, stretching you out beyond belief and forcing a shuttering cry to tumble from your lips.

Never mind the fact that he wasn’t wearing a condom, a thing the two of you had always been careful about, that detail fought to penetrate through the fog he sent you into. Stunned that you could even take it all, the sensation of him made your mind melt. You felt all of it. Every vein and every ridge, every jaw-dropping detail that decorated his monstrous cock drove you to madness.

“Fuck!” he snarled, bucking his hips so hard against yours that your whole body shook, the sloppy clapping of skin against skin filled the home as he greedily rammed against the deepest spot inside of you, “do you have any idea how long I’ve tried to break out of those chains?” leaning down closer, he inhaled deeply, “I can fucking smell you…” you shivered as his nose ghosted against yours, “all the way down in the basement, no matter where you are, I can always smell you… calling for me, begging me to come and rip you apart…”

Leaning back again, his bruising grip found your hips and plucked them up, holding them tight as the rest of you still laid melted against the floor like a puddle before him. Like a ragdoll in his grasp, he moved your body, fucking your drooling pussy like the ravenous beast he was.

As your eyes fluttered down to where he virtually split you in two, the dull bulge that rhythmically appeared in your lower stomach at each and every one of his ruthless thrusts caught your attention, the vision making you dizzy.

You had never felt like this, never felt anything so intense in your whole life. He was just so menacing, so magnetic, so massive. Your own enthusiasm caught you by surprise, especially as your cunt soon began to cry out around him, showing your living room floor in your want as you squirted all over his rock-hard girth.

Usually, Bucky would slow down and give you a moment whenever you had an orgasm, but in this moment, tonight, it wasn’t your Bucky that was pounding the living hell out of you, it was someone else, something else, and that creature only seemed to get even more riled up by your lewd display as he picked up his speed till his gravelly groans grew louder and his efforts began to go sloppy.

“Please, Buck,” you mumbly pleaded, picking up on his telltale signs through your cock drunk haze, “not inside.”

But he didn’t listen to you as he just kept on fucking you till he pumped your pussy full of his cum.

Panting and puffing above you, he still kept up shallow thrusts, rocking you against him and pushing his load out of your overly sensitive cunt with every piercing plunge.

“Buck?” you heard yourself uttered as you found his dark gaze, though what stared back at you was not your love anymore as there was no recognition to be found in his eyes at all.

Slamming you back against him hard enough for it to sting, you shuttered at the possibility that he was nowhere near done satisfying his carnal desire.

But just before he could ruin you completely, a sliver of light began to dawn on the far side wall. Glancing out the window, you barely managed to spot the morning crest over the treetops in the distance.

#lea’s writing #kinktober 2023 #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #werewolf!bucky barnes #dark!bucky smut #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x y/n #werewolf!bucky #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes fanfic #winter soldier smut #bucky barnes au #dark!bucky barnes #dark!bucky x reader #dark!bucky x you

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suuuupernovaaa · 1 year

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txansngum

txansngum [English] n. desperation; feeling of great worry

Anonymous Request: Neteyam's mate from the forest no longer able to stand being away from him after a few year’s travels to meet him at the sea.

After two years apart, you are no longer able to stand being parted from Neteyam, and make the journey across the sea to reunite.

Adult Neteyam. TW: depression.

1,394 words.

I had not slept in two years.

Not really, not deeply, not the way I used to sleep - dreamlessly, peacefully, without worries.

Now, I tossed and turned, sometimes I cried, and mostly, I worried. Every night. I began to dread nightfall, knowing what would lurk for me there.

Dreams of him in danger, of him calling out to me to help, but I was too far away to do anything about it.

I was living a half life, doing only the bare minimum to keep myself alive, to make it through the days, weeks, months, and years until I might see him again.

Knowing he was waiting for me was the only thing that kept me somewhat sane. Sometimes I felt I might be pathetic or desperate, but what was I meant to do about it? I could not stop how I felt.

"I will come back for you, Y/N," he had told me before he left, clutching my hands so tightly I thought he might break them, a great sadness in his eyes, and that was the last thing he said to me.

Over two years ago.

"Y/N," my mother said, gently shaking me awake. Though I was old enough to have a hammock of my own to sleep in, it was too much to bear, and so I stayed with my mother and father. "Y/N, hurry," she said, and I noticed the urgency in her tone. My eyes flew open, and my mother knelt before me, holding a small pack and a poncho.

"You must go, now. You father has left for a hunt. You know the way?"

My mother pulled me into a seated position. "What? What way?" I asked, half asleep, hungry, sad.

"To the Metkayina," she hissed, "to Neteyam. I won't watch you live this way anymore. You must find him."

She shoved the pack into my hands, and pulled the woven poncho over my head.

"Go, now," she insisted.

Still confused, I stood up and exited our home. The clan was not quite awake yet, it was still nearly dark outside. As I breathed in the fresh morning air, my mind began to clear.

My mother was giving me permission to make the journey by myself, to leave her and my father behind, and to see Neteyam again.

My steps quickened, and my heart pounded in my chest. I began to run.

"Ta'ry," I called, clicking my tongue. "Ta'ry!"

Only moments later did I hear the flap of her wings, and she landed before me. "Good morning, Ta'ry," I said, running my hand along the neck of my Ikran. "Are you ready for a long ride?"

With my pack slung over my shoulder, I connected and mounted. I could feel her excitement, reflecting mine.

"Let's go," I whispered, and we took off.

---

The journey took many days, but my mother had put enough food and water in my pack to sustain me. In our down time, Ta'ry hunted for herself and we rested - but not much. I was determined to get there as fast as we could.

My stomach was in a knot the entire time. Though I had faith in Neteyam, two years was quite a long time. Did it mean something that he had not yet returned to me? Had he moved on, joined another clan, and found another woman?

It was not worth thinking about, I tried to tell myself. I would soon find out.

The Metkayina lived along a beautiful shore, on a sandy beach in front of a lush green forest. It was such a sight to behold, my anxiety almost melted away as I approached - but it returned when many gathered on the beach at my approach.

Ta'ry and I landed, and she took off again for the forest, hearing the cries of other Ikran that surely belonged to the Sully family. My heart began to hope.

The na'vi here looked so different from my clan at home. They were a lighter, more green color, and I noticed immediately that most were covered in intricate tattoos.

"Who are you?" a voice called, and I saw an imposing man coming through the small crowd that had gathered. His dark hair was piled on top of his head, and his eyes were narrowed.

"I am... I am Y/N, of the Omatikaya. I come looking for, for the Sullys."

"Y/N?"

I scanned the crowd for the voice calling my name, and through the crowd appeared Lo'ak.

"Oh my god!" he exclaimed. "It's really you! Wait til Neteyam sees!"

He approached me quickly, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

The stress of the journey overtook me, and I fainted in Lo'ak's arms.

When I began to regain consciousness, I was too tired to move or open my eyes. I could feel that I was laying on a soft bed, and I noticed the sound and scent of the ocean near by, and that was enough to remind me where I was... but I was still too tired to move.

People were around me, I could feel and hear them, and then they began to speak.

"She looks so thin," a woman said, and I thought it might be Netyiri. "Look at her face, her hollow cheeks... she must not have been eating enough on the journey."

"Long before that," another woman said, and I felt someone touch my arm, turning it over. "She has been sick a long time. Sick of mind."

She placed something wet and warm inside my wrist, and turned my arm back down.

"She will be better when she sees him. We should have brought her with us, but she was not of age. He has suffered without her, as well, but will not admit it," Neytiri said, her voice full of regret.

"Your youngest boy, or eldest?"

"Eldest," Neteyam's mother said, and I drifted off again.

The next time I woke up, I felt more alert. Taking in a deep breath, I stretched my arms above my head and sighed.

"Y/N!"

My eyes shot open. Sitting beside me was Neteyam, and he looked so different.

He was a man now. He was at least a foot taller, with broad shoulders and long braids, but his eyes were the same, though I had never seen them so full of concern.

"Neteyam!" I sat up, and fell over into his arms. Eagerly, he wrapped them around me, holding me to his chest.

It felt as if I had not truly taken a deep breath for two years, and now my lungs were opening up, finally accepting air. He smelled of the sea, and I began to cry.

"You could have died, Y/N!" he chastised. "Ronal says it looks as if you have not eaten or slept in years. You were not taking care of yourself!"

I winced at his angry words. He pushed me back just a little, and took my face in his hands. "You must eat, and grow strong. You have to keep up here."

"Will they let me stay?"

Finally, his face softened. "You think they would send you away? Bah, of course not. I would not allow us to be parted again, Y/N. Not when you need me to survive." His scowl turned into a teasing smile, and I looked down, blushing.

"I tried. I ate! I just... couldn't sleep," I shrugged, embarrassed at the way I had carried on since we parted.

He pulled me to his chest once more. "Me either. I dreamed of you when I did." He pushed my hair out of my face, and pressed his lips to the top of my head. "I had my bag packed, Y/N. I was set to leave tomorrow to come and bring you back to me."

I sat away from him suddenly, staring at him. "No. Really?"

We were forced to laugh at the absurdity of our situation. "Dad said it was finally safe enough to go back, just long enough to get you and return. But you beat me to it."

He wiped the tears from my eyes, and we smiled at each other.

"You must never leave again, Neteyam," I reached up to grab his wrist. "Not without me."

He pulled my face to his, and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. "Never, Y/N."

#avatar #avatar 2 #neteyam #neteyam x reader #avatar fic

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kiiwiigii · 8 months

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Misunderstandings

Alec x Fem! Reader

Summary: Reader is under the impression that her mate, Alec, wants nothing to do with her. He decides to prove her wrong.

Warnings:

Smutty, smut, smut, smut

Blood kink

Dom/Sub vibes

Alec speaking in Italian

I suck at summaries.

Word Count: 3,499

A/N: Requested by the ever lovely @rosedpetal Alec isn't as dark as I wanted him to be, but there's always next time. *wink, wink*

I remember the moment our eyes met. That luscious pull, full of want and desire. A red string of fate, pulling and pulling until finally, we were right there before each other. I had heard of him, of course. The witch twins had quite the reputation in the vampire world, just how they liked to keep it.

He simply stared, slightly taken aback and just as surprised as I was. To top it off, we were on opposite sides of what could have easily become a battlefield. I had been called in as a witness for the Cullens. I was somewhat of an anomaly. Only one of three known human and vampire hybrids, including Bella and Edward's child.

When Aro had extended his hand, it was all over. I was kindly invited to stay in Voltera, with Alec. Everyone was well aware of the fact that the invitation was more of an order, and I accepted. I had wanted to be near him anyways. Who wouldn't want to be near their mate?

Well, apparently mine.

I had been here for nearly three months, and he avoided me like the plague.

When we did speak, our conversations were short and stilted, and he usually wore a pained expression.

And then I heard the conversation.

I had been looking through the books on the upper floor of the library, hoping that considering all the books here, there was a section with modern day thrillers. I needed something to keep me sane.

I heard his voice from below.

"Master Marcus?"

"Alec." Marcus answered, voice soft.

"Is there any way to change it?"

I backed away from the railing slowly, pressing my back into the shelves. I could still see them both from my position, their silhouettes highlighted by the large fire in the center of the library.

"This is the second time you have asked me this, Alec." There was a warning in Marcus' tone that I had never heard before. "My answer has not changed."

"But she's part human!" Alec growled.

They were talking about me. I clasped my hands over my mouth in an effort to keep quiet, but I couldn't stop the tears. My mate didn't want me.

Marcus stood suddenly. "Be happy that you have a mate at all, boy."

Alec suddenly stiffened and looked right at me. Perhaps he smelled my tears, or maybe he finally heard the slow beat of my heart. A flurry of emotions flitted across his face, but I didn't bother to see what he landed on. Instead, I fled, for once using my vampiric speed to seek refuge in my room.

I've been hiding here for a week now. I think it's been a week; I was already losing track of time.

"Y/N?" There was a knock at the door, following the sound of Demetri's voice filtering through.

"Yes?"

"You're not naked, are you?"

The door opened slowly, and Demetri peeked his head in with a cheeky grin, before frowning as he took in the sight of me. I was sure I looked a hot mess, bundled up in a nest of comforters on the floor next to my bookshelves.

"Hey 'Metri." I sat up, giving him a small smile.

"Hey, love." He walked over before sitting on his haunches net to me. "Everyone is worried about you. No one's seen you in a week."

"'M fine."

He gave me a dubious look and I rolled my eyes and wrapped myself back up in my covers, picking up the book I'd discarded. "I'm fine, Demetri."

"When was the last time you ate?"

I paused, thinking and then shrugged. I couldn't remember. I just ate when I felt hungry.

"Well, we can't very well have you starve. Come on." He stood up and held out a hand.

"I'm fine, Demetri."

"And you're a liar, now come on."

I plopped down in my little nest out of frustration, purposely burrowing myself deeper into the covers.

"You can't make me."

"Wow, for someone who's- what? Sixty years old? You're such a child."

I glared up at him.

"I'm an adult and can take care of myself."

"Demetri, what are you doing with my mate?"

Demetri's back went ramrod straight and I immediately hid under the covers. Okay, maybe I was acting a little bit like a child. I hadn't spoken with Alec since the library incident, and I wasn't very keen to talk to him now. I peeked out from under the covers a little.

"I'm making sure that Y/N is taken care of." Demetri's voice was neutral, but I could hear the anger lying just underneath. "Something you have been failing to do since she arrived."

I gasped, wide-eyed. Demetri was treading on very thin ice. I couldn't imagine Alec taking too kindly to being challenged. Alec was quiet for a long moment, tense as he looked at Demetri.

"I can admit when I am in the wrong."

The words came haltingly, and the look on Alec's face was caught somewhere between a chastised schoolboy and sucking on a lemon.

"Thank you for taking care of her in my absence. Please leave, I can take over from here."

Demetri nodded his head, and casting one last concerned look in my direction, he left.

Alec looked at me, and I was surprised to see a look of concern on his own face. His next comment took me by surprise.

"Why are you on the floor, when you have a bed?"

"I'm aware I have a perfectly good bed. I just prefer the floor."

"What about the couch?"

"Not the same."

"That cannot be comfortable for you."

"Since when did you care about my comfort?" I snapped. "I'm just a mutt remember?"

Alec's eyes darkened.

"Watch your tone girl. You may be my mate, but I will not tolerate disrespect, even from you."

My shoulders deflated, hiding my face in my hands. "I think it'd be best for me to just leave."

"No." He followed Demetri's earlier move, and sat down on his haunches, arms resting on his knees.

"No?" I glared at him.

"You belong to me. You are my mate, and it is safer for you to be here."

"Excuse me?? You've made it clear that you don't want anything to do with me."

"It is simply because you are part human."

"Simply? Simply? News flash, Alec. You were once a human too!"

I found myself suddenly on my back, him hovering above me, with his arms caging me in. His eyes turned pitch black.

"I am all too aware of what I once was." He hissed.

"I- I can't change what I am." I could feel the tears starting to form and spill over. "If I could, if it would get you to accept me, then I would. But I shouldn't have to."

Alec jerked back slightly, wide-eyed.

"You are right." He pressed his forehead to mine. "And if I was a better man, I would not have wished for it."

He began licking away at my tears and I froze, barely daring to breathe.

"What- what are you doing?"

"Taking care of my mate. And you are mine. I will not let you go, and I will make sure that you are taken care of just as the status the mate of an elite guard deserves." I shivered when he finished, giving a small, chaste kiss to my forehead. "It seems that I have much to make up for."

Alec kissed me then. Slow and soft, pulling me out from the cocoon and sweeping me up to sit on the little couch in my sitting area. I felt oddly exposed as he pulled me in to straddle him, his back leaning into the soft cushions.

"And you- you accept me? Just like that?" I couldn't disguise the anger in my voice, a little thrown off by our new position but still pissed off.

There was a long silence as he searched for the proper words.

"That day, in the library… I had a long talk with Master Marcus. Are you aware of his story?"

I nodded. If there was something I had learned during my first few short months here, it was that Demetri and Felix were like a group of gossiping teenage girls.

"Then you can understand his demeanor. He misses her every day, and I know that I have neglected you and treated you rather…"

"Horribly?" I finished for him, and he smiled.

"I think horrible is an understatement."

"I think I must agree." I grumbled.

He let out a chuckle before letting his eyes roam over me again. "While I hold Master Marcus in high respect, I do not wish to be like him. I do not want to make the mistake of taking you for granted. You were made for me, and I you. The Fates do not make mistakes."

"Despite my being what I am?"

I found that hard to believe.

"Yes." He said quietly, but this time he didn't look me in the eyes.

I tensed around him, and I felt his grip tighten on my waist.

He was lying, but perhaps not for the reason I thought. My eyes widened in realization, and I relaxed against him.

"You know what I think?" I hummed quietly.

He looked at me from under his lashes, raising his brow ever so slightly, eyes dark with challenge. I should probably tread carefully but fuck it. I let a shaky hand run through his hair and he tilted his head back to look at me, exposing his throat. I let my other hand cup his neck, running my thumb along his jawline.

"I think that maybe… you're scared. And you have no idea how to handle it. That's what you ended up talking with Master Marcus about, isn't it? Because I'm weaker than a full-fledged vampire. Am I right? You think I can't protect myself."

Boom. Judging from the look in his eyes and the surprise on his face I had hit the nail on the head.

"You are oddly perceptive."

"Sometimes."

He paused again.

"I do not wish to lose you. I am sure word has already gotten out that one of the witch twins has a mate. I have basically painted a target on your back."

"One that I am more than willing to wear, so long as you never treat me like this again."

He relaxed and began to let his hands wander in light caresses, leaning in to give me another kiss, this one just as soft as the last.

"Never again."

"Good."

I could feel my heart swell.

"I have missed your presence." He whispered, his lips barely grazing mine. "I have missed seeing you in the castle." Kiss. "Seeing your beautiful face looking around in wonder." Kiss. "Seeing you laugh." Kiss. "And I have missed you. You have no idea how often I have imagined you here." Kiss. "In my arms." Kiss. "And even in my bed." Kiss.

Woah, woah, woah. What?

He grinned darkly at the look on my face. "Oh yes, darling. I have imagined you in my bed from the very beginning. In more positions than you could possibly imagine."

Had I not been pretty much immortal I think I would have died.

"I have imagined all of the different ways to claim you, and make sure that everyone knows you are mine." He whispered in my ear, nipping at my earlobe before sucking on it softly.

This is not where I pictured today going. I wriggled a little bit, feeling my nipples harden almost painfully. This was not fair.

"Careful, love." His voice was strained, and I felt him grow hard beneath me.

"You started it." I nearly squeaked.

"And I would like to finish it."

His hands were cold against my midsection, and I was suddenly very, very aware of the fact that I was dressed only in an oversized t-shirt and panties. He kept his eyes trained on my face, watching for every little reaction.

"If you don't want this, I can stop." He breathed, rubbing slow circles on my waist with his thumbs.

"Trying to come up with excuses, Alec?"

For whatever God forsaken reason I felt like needling him and pushing his buttons. A part of the back of my brain told me that was really fucking dumb, but I wanted to see what he would do.

He growled and squeezed my waist in warning.

"I think I recall telling you to watch yourself earlier."

Oh my.

"You said to watch my tone." I raised a challenging brow.

His hands dug into my waist now, and I was certain I would have bruises there in the morning.

"Amore." Another growl of warning.

I simply leaned in to kiss him, happy to finally have my mate here with me. Knowing that he didn’t really hate me but wanted to keep me safe. He was just being a dumbass about it.

He let out a little groan as our lips met. I let my kisses roam downwards, over his cheek and to his neck, nipping and licking. His hands drifted up, thumbing over my nipples before giving them a rather hard pinch. I sucked in a harsh breath, leaning on his shoulder and grinding my hips downward. He let out a pleasured hiss, giving my nipples another pinch and smoothing his thumbs over them.

"Arms up." He demanded.

I did as he asked, and he pulled off my shirt. I immediately crossed my arms over my ample bosom, suddenly self-conscious.

"Hands behind your back, darling."

I looked at him startled. "What?"

"I will not have you hiding from me, nor will I repeat myself."

My heart leapt at his words, gripping my arms tighter.

"Sorry, it's just…"

He frowned and slowly took my hands, lowering them down until I was completely exposed from the waist up.

"You are not to be ashamed, and I will not stand for it. You are my mate. You are stunning." He said softly.

He ran his hands over my skin again, his lips following right behind with a lightness that I almost couldn't detect. And not in a sexual way, although I could still feel his hardness underneath me, but in a reverent way. Worshipping. He cupped the back of my neck and brought me in for another kiss, deeper this time.

"Now love, hands behind your back. I will not tell you again." He rasped, one hand sliding around the front of my neck and the other brushing against one of my nipples.

He gave my neck a light squeeze in warning, his thumb brushing over my jugular. This time I did as I was told, and his lips twisted into a grin that could rival the devil's.

"Good girl."

I sucked in a breath. Oh fuck.

He kept watching me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, a little dazed.

"You have to say it aloud, Y/N."

"Yes." I breathed.

"If we need to stop at any point, tell me."

"Okay."

"You are a fast learner, aren't you?" He leaned in, close to my ear. "I like that."

His hand left my throat, and he went back to cupping my breasts, kneading them softly before he bent his head and gave one a long lick, right over the nipple. Then he proceeded to suck one into his mouth, teeth edging along the sides.

"Alec." I moaned, throwing my head back.

I couldn't help it when my hips started grinding, but Alec immediately put a stop to that.

"The only pleasure you will get, is what I allow you to have."

A thrill went through me, and I opened my mouth to protest but it came out as a whine instead when he kissed me, tongue running along my lip and slipping past into my warm mouth. I then let out a shocked moan when his hands traveled further south, slipping his fingers into my panties and coming to rest on my soaked mound.

He rubbed teasingly, fingers finding my clit. Round and round and round. I squirmed against him, obscenely wet noises coming from below as he slipped two fingers inside me. His fingers began pumping in and out of me, combined with rubbing my clit, I could barely stand it.

Flushed, I pulled back a little, panting against his lips.

"Please." I whined.

"Please what?"

"Alec!"

"I want to hear you say it, Y/N."

"Alec. Please. Fuck. Me."

His eyes dilated at the sound of his name.

Before I could fully comprehend what was happening, I could hear the sound of something ripping, and realized that my panties were torn to shreds and dangling precariously from my hips. My warm, wet heat was exposed to the cool air, and his pants were undone, his cock out, with precum already leaking out of the tip. I panted like a whore in heat at the sight of him, eyes glazed and desperate.

He brushed his cock through my slick folds, completely in control. Then he slowly lowered me, my tight folds giving way and I let out a long moan of pleasure when he bottomed out. He was huge. I wasn't sure how he even managed to fit, or how he was going to be able to move. His arms circled around me, grasping my backside firmly.

"You managed to take my cock like a good girl. Now let's see how well you handle it."

"Wait, wait!"

He paused, looking up at me with concern.

"Can- can I move my hands now?" I pleaded.

He smirked. "No."

He thrusted his hips up without warning and I gave a shriek of pleasure. His pace was fairly brutal, and I loved every second of it. He kept sucking and licking at my neck, leaving a trail of dark, bruising love bites, and my nipples scrapped against his shirt. The pleasure was almost too overwhelming, it made the walls of my pussy clench around him.

"That's a good girl. So tight for me." He groaned into my neck. "How does it feel, taking my cock? To have me stretching you out?"

Oh fuuuuuck.

Alec was a dirty talker and I fucking loved it.

He pounded into me without mercy, and I could start to feel that delicious heat building down low.

"Yes. Yes. Yes."

I didn't realize that I had been chanting aloud until Alec let out a dark chuckle.

"Please." I begged.

He seemed to break.

"Hang on to me."

My hands immediately went to grab his shoulders, clutching at his shirt. I was pretty sure I heard a rip, but I was too lost in the sensation of being, you know, fucked out of my mind. One of his hands slipped down low again, his deft fingers circling my clit.

"Vieni per me, tesoro." He then proceeded to bite into my neck, right in the dip where it met my shoulder, and the sharp pain sent a wave of pleasure through me.

Mixing with the pleasure of his cock and the stimulation of my clit it was enough to send me crashing over the edge. I came hard, Alec's mouth muffling my own, swallowing my cries. His hands tangled in my hair, giving it a light pull. I could taste my blood in his mouth, and I found that I liked it. I swiped my tongue over his lips to get more.

Alec let out a surprised gasp, pulling back, his hips slowing down to shallow thrusts. His face was smeared with a little of my blood, and I leaned back in, giving him a lick before delving back into his mouth with a kiss, enjoying the taste of him and my blood mixed.

"Fuck." He groaned against my lips.

I dared to take a bit of control and ground down hard, making sure to squeeze the walls of my pussy to the point where he almost couldn't move.

"Fuck!"

Alec went rigid and then spasmed as he came.

We stayed like that, breathing hard for a moment, before he finally pulled out of me with an obscenely wet popping noise. I blushed and he simply gave me a grin. An actual grin instead of the devilish one I had come to know.

"Are you okay?" He asked and I nodded quickly, practically glowing with happiness.

"Words, amore."

I giggled. "Yes, love. More than okay."

"Good, because I'm ready to have you moaning my name again." He whispered, licking away the blood I had smeared on my own face. "Preferably in my bed."

{Masterlist} // {Request Guidelines}

Translations (Provided via Google): Vieni per me, tesoro.: Come for me, darling. Amore: Love

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#alec volturi x reader #alec volturi #alec volturi smut #volturi #twilight #fanfic #reader insert

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anundyingfidelity · 28 days

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I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part V)

Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 2.4k.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Warnings on this chapter: some misogyny and shit (you know who), psychiatry stuff, canon gore, blood, heads exploding, and violence?.

Notes: so I'm sorry for any mistakes during the psychyatric process, I go to therapy and take medication myself so that's all I know plus google research. And be aware of the gore descriptions, I tried to do my best I guess lol. Thanks for reading as always!

this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak @drasticemotions @soldirboy @deans-spinster-witch

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

get yourself in the taglist!

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part V: Blow Your Mind

With a deep breath, you reviewed the symptoms Soldier Boy barely 'gave' during your session. The list was kind of long on the pages and it read:

Always being on guard for any danger, self-destructive behavior, irritability, angry outbursts, panic attacks, feeling emotionally numb, not trusting anyone, not feeling safe, hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, fatigue, muscle tension, headaches, back pain...

There was a weird silence surrounding both of you, mostly because of his mood and his change in demeanor from a somewhat friendly asshole to an irritated, unbearable jerk. Once you had started with the uncomfortably stupid questions, he felt threatened. Soldier Boy wasn't actually open to talk about his past and the traumatic experiences he had, and that meant it was difficult to get to know how his body and mind were reacting to all the stress and madness he went through in decades, adding those weeks after Billy Butcher had released him from his nightmare.

He was opposed to speaking directly about how he was feeling, but you knew better that Ben speaking out on his symptoms was not going to happen. So you had to ask each one of them and review some his most harsh experiences directly, in order to receive monotonous responses, limited to: 'yes', 'no', 'I don't know,' and finally 'what the fuck is that?' You took them all as an absolute yes.

He was being defensive and you knew better than to miss anything after he almost burned the whole damn building. And with the small but confident experience you had with psychiatry, you concluded that he needed medication and therapy. As soon as fucking possible.

"Yeah, you have PTSD," you said after a moment and your eyes found his unreadable gaze.

He raised his eyebrows with false surprise. He already heard that shit from Hughie before. "And where's the fucking drugs?"

"For that to happen, you have to stop the weed first."

"I've survived bricks of coke mixed with shit you probably don't know about and you want to take the only thing that's keeping me sane? Fan-fucking-tastic!" he fumed, but you didn't flinch. Not a bit.

"Look, my goal is keeping you safe and making you sane because you definitely are not. Not right now. And since I took you out, you'll follow my process, so stop whining."

He chuckled softly with a bitter grimace on his lips as he shook his head softly. "No, that's not gonna happen."

"I don't care if you agree with that, it's settled," you continued, a triumphant smile plastered on your face.

It was true, you didn't give a single shit. He had to be clean and quit any type of drugs to start the medication but most importantly, to use his blood. Eventually. You were more than aware that he wouldn't die easily, that was proved. And it was just a matter of time to get him to your lab to take samples of his blood and run the necessary research on them while you and your team still continued the studies with the Anti-V prototype. You were only hoping that day would arrive soon enough. Two months sober, that was all you needed from him. And the best part? Soldier Boy didn't have to really know the whole details.

Ben, on the other hand, clenched his jaw so tight and closed his eyes for a moment after hearing your statement. You really were a fucking bitch, letting him fall into the abyss of misery and torture that was his own wrecked mind. He considered your intentions internally, once again for the millionth time. You showed up there all dressed up, playing a rich doctor when in reality you were just a fucking slutty brat, just to tell him he had to stop his usual pot, which you also brought happily when he asked you to. And now, you were taking away the only thing that stopped him from ripping your head off. What a great move.

"That's not smart," he insisted.

"Why not? I have you under my own terms."

Ben tilted his head, studying you carefully. "You can't stop me, doll. None of you can. I'm only here because I find it suitable instead of storming out and catching unnecessary attention."

Ben saw you swallow down, he immediately knew it was because you were angry, not scared. You never really seemed scared of him. And you tried to restrain yourself from slapping him right away. "Are you blackmailing me again, Soldier Boy?"

"Is just a warning," he said, nonchalantly. "Wouldn't want to harm such a pretty thing like you, now wouldn't we."

"Oh well, just a reminder I can also turn on the damn gas if needed," you snapped. The arrogant smirk on his lips fell off and it was your turn to smile back. "We all have hidden cards, right?"

Such an arrogant bitch, he thought.

"So, what's your plan?" you switched the subject to avoid going further into what was troubling him.

"What do you mean?"

"Homelander. You want him dead, don't you? You must be getting ready to fight again..."

His body seemed tense once you pushed him to talk, looking away from you to calm a bit. "Isn't that what all of you want?"

"Any sane person would love that, trust me."

Soldier Boy narrowed his eyes. "Well, I can do it. If I wasn't here... You've seen what he's capable of. Jesus, I've seen it," he bitterly chuckled. "And the kid? He's a fucking menace."

"You've been watching the news, I take that—"

"The fuck I do! Wasn't gonna wait for you to keep me up to date of what the fuck is going on!" Ben shouted, his loud voice roaring in your ears despite the distance.

"I don't want you to stress out more than you do," you said, vacillating. "A lot of things take time, such as you adapting to the twenty-first century."

"I'd love to know when that'll happen," Ben insisted. "Or else, I might just break out."

With a tentative smile, you started to write down the report. "I'm so glad you're talking more during our sessions."

You barely said goodbye to Soldier Boy once you finished your daily session. Your head was aching as you walked down the aisle, barely leaving the empty wing of the building behind. Certainly he was hard to handle and was behaving defensively. Before you left he began asking, or better said, bossing you to get him whatever the kid Hughie told him he needed to learn how to use. Shit like the internet and GPS, he said. You told him he was not ready for it yet.

But you'd give him a golden star for trying and insisting so badly, even if he was against eighty percent of your methods. He was up to something, there was no question for that. He was a soldier, more or less like his given supe name. People like him always had a plan, and underneath his facade, there were more plans backed up with words of honor that you had to track sooner or later.

As you made your way to your office, greeting your lab employees and guards, a disturbing sensation grew up inside. Before crossing the doorframe you subtly looked around, focusing for some reason in the security camera, more time than you'd like to admit. You turned again to finally get inside, facing the entry of your office when hurried steps and a voice stopped you from doing so.

"Doctor!"

Once again you turned on your heels to see your assistant, tablet in hand. Those had to be the results.

"Hey," you began. "You have everything?"

Bianca nodded with a straight face and handed you the tablet. You noticed her tight grip and her somehow trembling fingers when you took the device from her hands. You eyed her a little, she remained with her hands intertwined in front of her, her attention seemed lost. With caution, you continued to check the file.

"Is the patient alright?" you asked, reading the profile of the supe who had the not so good luck of being tested previously.

Solaris was his supe name. And he had the ability to manipulate light and matter with his mind. He had taken part in the program for a month now and this was his first test. As always, each supe you had into the program was low-profile. You were thankful of your team keeping these supes under their gaze to offer them some sort of solution, even after all the deaths you tracked from time to time when a test of the Anti-V was run. More than a solution for them, it was a partial contribution to find it.

You quickly scanned the updated file that Bianca completed for you. He was doing better than projected, his powers were still gone with a forecast of probably coming back within a couple of hours. A deep breath left your lips. Now that was an improvement. It was the first time anything like that happened on any tests. The supe survived, he was weak but the powers were off for a bit. It was a small step closer to your goal. Just a little bit more maybe and it could be done, finally...

"He's resting right now," Bianca interrupted your thoughts. Your eyes were back on her face.

"This is great news, thank you. I trust he's doing okay."

She nodded. "He is."

"Great, I guess I'll see him in a couple of hours," you said about entering your office.

"Wait!" Bianca suddenly closed the little space between both of you. She breathed heavily before stuttering words out. "I, I have- I'm sorry..."

"Are you okay?" you inquired, knowing her behavior was unusual. She swallowed down, turning her gaze away, her hands shaking. Was she sick? "Bianca, what's wrong?"

You tried to reach her cheek with your hand, but she stepped back abruptly, looking at you like if you were a ghost with her eyes red and wet, and a fine layer of sweat adorning her skin.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

You walked towards her, worried about what was going on but every step you took, she also gave it back.

"Bianca, what's happening?"

Her back bumped the wall of your office, and finally, she started to cry. "I'm sorry. You have to go, please..."

Your heart started pounding heavily on your chest. "What—"

"Go now! Please... Please don't hurt me..."

"I'm not going to hurt you, Bianca," you whispered, trying to comfort her.

But she continued crying and mumbled incoherent words with eyes shut, while hot tears streamed down her face. She choked on her sobs as she pleaded for her life. But you didn't understand why. You tried to soothe her, reaching her shoulder with your free hand.

And when you placed your palm on her, everything became red. It all happened in seconds. Ropes of warm blood covered your face in an instant. A loud gasp fell from your throat. You felt every drop mixed with brains on the skin of your face, on your neck, and sliding down the skin under your blouse. It was shocking and equally disgusting. And your eyes remained shut, not brave enough to move or see the horrid picture in front of you.

Your palm was still on her shoulder when the remains of her body fell to the ground with a thud. Your trembling hand wiped some blood from your face to open your eyes anew. The wall was painted with her, as much as you were, and it left a trail of blood from where her corpse slid to the floor. Her head long fucking gone.

"Shit."

Shit. Fucking shit. Was it him? It had to be him. There was no reason to doubt it. It was him. And he complied with his promise. Had Homelander been controlling Bianca? Was she the only one? No. There had to be something more. Homelander wasn't easy and he wasn't merciful with anyone. You had to stop him and get Soldier Boy out of the building. Now.

You tried to control yourself as best as you could, walking away to reach anyone, crossing a corner on the hallway, where a guard was casually passing by.

He stopped on his tracks at your sight, covered in blood and meat. "Doctor?"

"I need your help," you whispered.

He nodded quickly and you began explaining with a low, shaky voice.

"I don't know what happened, my assistant was right there with me when— Fuck!"

You walked some inches away when his head exploded, just like Bianca's did. Luckily, or not, this time was inside his helmet. All the red brains and blood were catched by it. Still, you wanted to throw up right fucking there. The remains of his body fell to the floor with a loud sound.

With a deep breath you continued your way, finding guards, lab assistants and agents. If they were alive, their heads popped into your sight. And if it was your somehow lucky moment of the day, you just found their headless corpses lying on the ground, creating a pool of blood you tried to avoid.

The only thing on your mind was taking Ben out of the building. The alarm had been turned on and the annoying sound of it was driving you crazy. Your head ached more than ever as you made your way to Soldier Boy for the second fucking time during the day.

Since there was no time to open the heavy door properly, you used a force field around the metal, moving the door until it slipped enough to let you in. You found him standing in the middle of the room. Eyes dark and alert, with fists and frame ready to fight. He wrinkled his nose once you entered the place.

"What the fuck's going on?" Ben growled, observing your blood covered face.

"We need to go, now. Take your clothes off."

He blinked, taken aback. Before he answered you continued with an explanation.

"I'll turn you invisible, but can't turn your clothes," you ordered, looking in the closet for a sports bag you knew was inside and picking a couple of shirts, pants and boxers as quickly as time allowed you to. Once finished, you turned to Ben again.

"Mind to fucking clarify?" he insisted. You sighed, closing your eyes for a moment.

"Look, I'll tell you everything once we're out," you turned one of your hands invisible for him to see.

Ben snorted with laughter. How ironic, he thought.

"No fucking way."

"Strip. We're leaving."

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy imagine #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy fanfiction #the boys amazon fanfiction #the boys series #the boys tv #the boys amazon prime #jensen ackles fanfiction #soldier boy/ben

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pepperonijem · 1 year

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i. the gentle indifference of the world || all my love

"I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world." - The Stranger; Albert Camus

Summary: He's cool, smart, attractive... and completely out of your league. But that won't stop you from falling head over heels for him. Pairing: high school!bucky x f!reader Warnings: steve is a little ooc but just roll with it Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: yay!! welcome to the first chapter!

back to library || next chapter

If you had listened to the rational voice in your head when your dad broke the news to you, you wouldn’t be in this situation.

If you had started making a list of things to pack, if you had called either of your two best friends immediately after, if you decided to be sane for 12 minutes, you wouldn’t be in this situation.

However, hindsight is 20/20, but in terms of foresight? You shouldn’t be allowed near the driver’s seat of any vehicle. Because instead of making any of the simple rational decisions after your father mentioned the possibility of moving across the country, you chose to sit down at your desk and write a letter. Fountain pen in hand and a candle burning beside you, for 12 minutes you were a character in a Jane Austen novel. Probably Lydia Bennett of all people, but a Jane Austen character nonetheless.

And that letter was how you found yourself in this situation – mortified and surrounded by whispers and stares, but worst of all, the icy blue glare of James Bucky Barnes was fixed on the pretty pink card in your hands.

A simple “no thanks,” and that was it, but why did it feel like time stopped? One word was enough to crumble your fragile heart and you froze right in place. It wasn’t until you felt a pair of arms wrap around you that you began to breathe again, and blood rushed back into your brain enough for you to see Bucky turn the corner and disappear.

Once you finally felt your heartbeat return to normal, you looked around to see the empty classroom you were in and you let out a sigh.

“You ready to tell us what just happened?” one concerned voice asked. Wanda’s voice was always gentle, always cheerful, usually loud, but the softness in her tone this time tipped you over the edge and you felt the sting of fresh tears in your eyes. She knelt down to look you in the eye as your other friend, Steve, helped you to sit at a desk.

Another sigh and you finally began to explain. “My dad said we might be moving in a couple of weeks,” you started, feeling your heart sink at the looks of hurt on your friends’ faces. “So I guess part of me panicked and I decided to tell Bucky how I felt.”

Now it was Steve’s turn to let out a sigh. The ever wise, ever charming Steve, who could see the end of any problem. His sigh was not out of pity, but out of frustration. “You know you could’ve called us right? We could’ve talked this through, came up with a better way to do this.” You knew that Steve and Wanda would not have let you go through with the idea if you had called, but you appreciated the fact that he didn’t say that.

“I know,” you began to argue. “But I don’t know, part of me… hoped he would say yes.” You didn’t miss the way Steve and Wanda’s eyes went wide as you mumbled the end of your sentence. “At least anything but whatever the hell happened today.”

You knew Steve was holding himself back. In his head he runs through every scenario before he acts, actually somewhat calculating underneath his calm, charming exterior. He knew this was the most likely scenario, but he would never tell you that, so he lets out a sigh instead and turns his attention to the math equations written on the whiteboard.

Wanda on the other hand was a reactor. Her heart was on her sleeve and her anger at seeing her best friend upset was clear in her furrowed eyebrows and shaky voice. “I just don’t get why you keep wasting your time on him,” she confessed. “He’s too dense for his own good and he’s not particularly nice either. He’s smart academically, but stupid in every other way. He’s really not worth it.”

Steve turned around, surprised at Wanda’s outburst. “Wanda,” he called out. “Aren’t you friends with him?”

Wanda scoffed in response. “What about it?” she answered back. “You guys are stupid too, but we’re still friends.” A beat of silence passed as the three of you stared at each other, unblinking, before laughter broke the stillness. It was moments like this that made you pause to appreciate the two people you called your best friends. Although life had its ups and downs, the downs never lasted long, not when you had two loving friends to pull you right back up.

You stood up, a renewed sense of pride and determination filling you up. “You’re right Wanda,” you exclaimed and she gave you a thumbs up in return. “Boys are stupid.” Steve and Wanda shared a look of surprise.

“Well that’s not–” Wanda began to protest.

“I’m not stupid,” Steve started a little too loudly and boldly. “I wouldn’t have turned you down.”

He finished his sentence softly as he watched you walk out of the classroom door. Wanda placed a comforting arm around Steve’s shoulders. “I wouldn’t have turned you down either Steve,” she teased as Steve shoved her to the side playfully.

Despite your renewed sense of pride, the quietness of your study period left you too much time to think and you found yourself lost in a sense of nostalgia as you sat at a table in the library.

The first time you met Bucky was still painted clear as day in your mind.

You were a freshman searching for solace amidst the chaos of high school on the first day and you had found yourself in the library. Until now, it was a place of peace for you, but especially so on that first day.

Running your fingers along the aisles of books, you found one that you wanted to read. The Stranger, by Albert Camus, sitting right at the top shelf, pushed just a little too far back for you to be able to wiggle it out. You let out a sigh, and rolled up your sleeve, embarrassed that your next plan of attack was to climb the shelf to be able to reach the book. You braced yourself, shutting your eyes and taking a deep breath, when a baritone chuckle snapped you out of your thoughts.

You had opened your eyes to see an arm reaching past you to grab a book off the shelf– your book. In your head you cursed his long legs and arms, but as you met eyes with the boy, you felt your heart sink down to your toes and shoot right back up and suddenly you didn’t want to read a book that was so nihilist anymore. Meursault may not have found it, but love suddenly became something that mattered.

He waved the book in your direction and you had to force your attention to his words and away from his face. “Were you trying to get this?” he asked.

“Huh?” you blinked before looking down at the book you were no longer interested in. “Oh, yeah, I was but, I don’t know if I want to read it anymore.”

He hummed and nodded in response as he inspected the book. “The Stranger,” He read. “Is it good?”

“Yeah, if you’re into stories about life having no meaning,” you explained, suddenly flustered at the way he seemed to take your words seriously.

“I see,” he replied. “Then do you think life has no meaning? It seemed like you wanted this book pretty badly.” The weight of his question startled you as you tried to stammer out a response but before you could get anything significant out, his watch beeped and he was already turning his back to you. “Thanks for the book recommendation,” he called back, waving the book in the air.

That day, James Barnes stole not only your book, but your affections.

For the next four years of your life, you found yourself loving him from a distance. You’d see him in the hallways, in class, but you could never bring yourself to say anything to him and you resigned yourself to this distance. It was lonely, but it was safe, and that was good enough for you… until today.

Now, after breaking that distance, you wished you never did. It was easier to never know how he felt about you, to be in love with the memory you had of him rather than be crushed by reality.

The final bell finally rang and you were more than ready to head home. Outside the quiet bubble of the library, the school was cheering, the drumline playing in the main hall and everyone shouting cheers to the football team, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to celebrate your senior homecoming game with the rest of the school. Instead you found Wanda and Steve and made your way home.

“Welcome home!”

The sound of your father’s voice filled you with warmth as soon as he opened the door, the joy in his greeting briefly making you forget the events of the day. He wrapped you in a tight embrace, still smelling of spices from his day spent at the restaurant, and led you and your friends into the house.

Once inside, your dad gave your friends a confused look. “Isn’t tonight your last homecoming game? Shouldn’t you be at the game?” He questioned as the three of you kicked off your shoes and set your backpacks down by the door.

Wanda looked over to you as she answered, “Nah,” she replied with an easy smile. “The real party is here.” Your dad let out a hearty laugh in response, which the three of you mirrored.

“I had made way too much dinner for just the two of us, so it’s perfect that you guys are here,” your dad put his arms around Wanda and Steve who cheered in response.

“Well, once I found out you were making the world’s best lasagna, how could I not invite myself over?” Steve said. The way your dad beamed back at Steve made both you and Wanda chuckle. Steve was both an extremely talented artist as well as an extremely talented cook, and your dad absolutely adored him for it. He was always welcome to the family dinner.

“Careful, dad,” you chimed in. “Between Steve and Wanda, there might not be any left for the two of us.” Your dad laughed in response as Steve rolled his eyes and Wanda nodded. As you settled into the table, you realized your dad wasn’t exaggerating at all when he said he made way too much dinner. The table was lined with lasagna, roasts, vegetables, and lots of side dishes, enough for a feast. “What’s the occasion dad?” You asked as you looked around the table, trying to decide what to eat first.

Your dad set his silverware down before explaining. “Well,” he began. “To be honest, I felt somewhat bad.”

“About what?” you asked, your mouth full of lasagna.

Your dad chuckled as he continued, passing you a napkin. “As I’m sure you’ve explained to your friends,” he gestured to Steve and Wanda. “I accepted the offer to help start the new restaurant. I thought about it some more, and I felt bad that you would have to uproot your whole life right at the end of high school.”

You looked at him, urging him to continue.

“So I contacted my friend from college, the one I meet with for lunch sometimes, and he said that his son also goes to the same school as you and since they have a spare room, he’s offering to take you in for the year.”

“No shit,” Steve exclaimed in response as Wanda nudged him under the table, giving him a look reminding him to keep his foul language to himself, but your dad just laughed it off.

“That means I get to stay right?” You squealed. “I don’t have to leave?”

“Yes, that’s true,” your dad confirmed. “But it’s only for the year. At the end of your school year, you can move up with me, or if everything goes really well, I’ll be back home early.” He let out a sigh of relief at seeing the way the three of your faces lit up. Ever since you were little, you, Steve and Wanda had been inseparable. You would walk to school and back home together, you would have sleepovers and every meal was spent together. Your dad felt that tearing you away from them right before you would have to separate for college anyway was cruel.

He cleared his throat as he continued. “I know the situation isn’t ideal, and that you’ll probably miss me so so so much,” he teased. “But I know you’ll be in good hands while I’m away.” He smiled fondly at the two boys sitting around the table who were looking at you with nothing but adoration in their eyes.

The rest of dinner went by quietly. Polite talk here and there, but an overwhelming effort to avoid discussing your father’s move, which was at the end of the week, settled among the four of you. It wasn’t until after dinner, after Wanda had left to go home, that you finally got to process your feelings with Steve who stayed behind to help clean up.

“Steve, you really didn’t have to stay,” You sighed as you leaned against the counter beside him as he turned on the faucet in the sink. “I don’t mind doing the dishes.”

He gave you the same winning smile that he gave your father earlier. “Please,” he began. “It’s the least I could do… you’ve had a long day.” He cocked his eyebrow at you, reminding you of the unopened note that now lay on top of your desk in your room. “How are you feeling?”

You grabbed a dish towel, helping Steve dry the dishes he washed, not wanting to meet his eyes. “Like a salad.” Steve turned to you with a confused chuckle, waiting for you to elaborate. “Don’t laugh, Wanda taught me this. I feel so many things right now but I can’t really condense it all into one thing.”

Steve hummed thoughtfully before continuing. “Okay, well what’s the lettuce right now? The biggest thing you’re feeling.”

“Hmm…” you thought. “Sad, that my dad is leaving. I’ve never been away from him that long.”

“Okay, what about the chicken?” You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, appreciating the way Steve ran with your simile.

“The chicken… Happy.” You finally gave Steve a small smile. “Happy that I get to stay here with you and Wanda.”

Steve smiled back at you. “I’m happy about that too. How are we supposed to be a trio if it’s just me and Wanda?”

You rolled your eyes playfully as you swatted his arm with the dish towel. “Steve, you and Wanda have enough personality for 13 people. I’m sure you would have found a way.”

He pouted in return, rubbing his arm where you swatted him before slipping back into a smile. “Not true, but whatever,” he relented. He was glad that the trio would remain a trio, but it got him thinking about what the future holds for the three of you. College was never really something you all had discussed in depth. Mostly just vague hypotheticals about what decorations to get for the apartment you’ll share and the kind of classes you’ll all take together. But in every future he could imagine, the three of you were always together.

After that night, the rest of the week passed by in a messy and teary blur, with Steve and Wanda coming over every day to help you pack. Well, “help” was a strong word. They mostly sat on your bed and looked through your knick knacks while asking for snacks. They were also very unhelpful at trying to convince you to “Marie Kondo” your room, as they called it.

Wanda tried convincing you that maybe you should leave your giant stuffed avocado behind, to which you adamantly argued against because she won it for you at the school carnival last year. Steve asked why you still kept your report card from fifth grade in a treasure chest, to which you responded by showing him the teacher’s notes, “Had to separate her from Steve and Wanda. They distract each other and draw pictures on their math homework. Always laughing and smiling in class :)”

Going through your whole room with them was a lot less embarrassing than you had expected, and by the end of the week, you were ready to go with only the essentials packed. Steve and Wanda came to see you off, helping your dad pack your things into the car and they each gave you a big hug before letting you go.

Your dad laughed at the scene, watching the three of you get teary eyed even though you would still see each other every day at school. But when he finally drove off and saw you looking wistfully out the window, he felt a pang in his chest and it reminded him how much he’s going to miss you as well.

The drive was fun as it always was with your dad, but as he parked in front of a huge house in a very wealthy neighborhood, the grin on your face grew even more. The homes in this neighborhood were much bigger than your own, and you figured you should enjoy yourself while you’re here. Your dad took your hand as the two of you walked to the front door of his college buddy’s home, telling you a silly story about their adventures together in university.

“Oh, I’m so excited you get to meet him,” your dad exclaimed as he rang the bell. “I heard his son is actually in your grade, so maybe you already know him.”

You looked at your dad curiously. “What’s his name?”

But before your dad could respond, the door swung open to reveal none other than–

“Bucky?”

#Bucky Barnes #Sebastian Stan #Bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan headcanon #sebastian stan x reader #James Buchanan Barnes #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes smut

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pepperonidk · 2 years

Text

i. the gentle indifference of the world || all my love

"I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world." - The Stranger; Albert Camus

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x f!Reader Summary: He's cool, smart, attractive... and completely out of your league. But that won't stop you from falling head over heels for him. Warnings: none Word Count: (i’ll be right by ur side till) 3005 A/N: i've rewritten this chapter like 6 times bc i was so nervous but uh it's finally out in the world heyooo. can anyone guess what anime this was based off?

take a look at my pinned post to see how to join the aml taglist! back to library || next chapter

If you had listened to the rational voice in your head when your dad broke the news to you, you wouldn’t be in this situation.

If you had started making a list of things to pack, if you had called either of your two best friends immediately after, if you decided to be sane for 12 minutes, you wouldn’t be in this situation.

And that letter was how you found yourself in this situation – mortified and surrounded by whispers and stares, but worst of all, the icy glare of Jeon Wonwoo was fixed on the pretty pink card in your hands.

Once you finally felt your heartbeat return to normal, you looked around to see the empty classroom you were in and you let out a sigh.

“You ready to tell us what just happened?” one concerned voice asked. Seokmin’s voice was always gentle, always cheerful, usually loud, but the softness in his tone this time tipped you over the edge and you felt the sting of fresh tears in your eyes. He knelt down to look you in the eye as your other friend, Mingyu, helped you to sit at a desk.

Now it was Mingyu’s turn to let out a sigh. The ever rational, ever charming Mingyu, who could see the end of any problem. His sigh was not out of pity, but out of frustration. “You know you could’ve called us right? We could’ve talked this through, came up with a better way to do this.” You knew that Mingyu and Seokmin would not have let you go through with the idea if you had called, but you appreciated the fact that he didn’t say that.

“I know,” you began to argue. “But I don’t know, part of me… hoped he would say yes.” You didn’t miss the way Mingyu and Seokmin’s eyes went wide as you mumbled the end of your sentence. “At least anything but whatever the hell happened today.”

You knew Mingyu was holding himself back. In his head he runs through every scenario before he acts, actually somewhat calculating underneath his laid-back exterior. He knew this was the most likely scenario, but he would never tell you that, so he lets out a sigh instead and turns his attention to the math equations written on the whiteboard.

Seokmin on the other hand was a reactor. His heart was on his sleeve and his anger at seeing his best friend upset was clear in his furrowed eyebrows and shaky voice. “I just don’t get why you keep wasting your time on him,” he confessed. “He’s too dense for his own good and he’s not particularly nice either. He’s smart academically, but stupid in every other way. He’s really not worth it.”

Mingyu turned around, surprised at Seokmin’s outburst. “Seokmin,” he called out. “Aren’t you friends with him?”

Seokmin scoffed in response. “What about it?” he answered back. “You guys are stupid too, but we’re still friends.” A beat of silence passed as the three of you stared at each other, unblinking, before laughter broke the stillness. It was moments like this that made you pause to appreciate the two boys you called your best friends. Although life had its ups and downs, the downs never lasted long, not when you had two loving friends to pull you right back up.

You stood up, a renewed sense of pride and determination filling you up. “You’re right Seokmin,” you exclaimed and Seokmin gave you a thumbs up in return. “Boys are stupid.” Mingyu and Seokmin shared a shocked look.

“Well that’s not–” Seokmin began to protest.

“I’m not stupid,” Mingyu started a little too loudly and boldly. “I wouldn’t have turned you down.”

He finished his sentence softly as he watched you walk out of the classroom door. Seokmin placed a comforting arm around Mingyu’s shoulders. “I wouldn’t have turned you down either Mingyu,” he teased as Mingyu shoved him to the side.

Despite your renewed sense of pride, the quietness of your study period left you too much time to think and you found yourself lost in a sense of nostalgia as you sat at a table in the library.

The first time you met Wonwoo was still painted clear as day in your mind.

He handed the book in your direction and you had to force your attention to his words and away from his face. “Were you trying to get this?” he asked.

“Huh?” you blinked before looking down at the book you were no longer interested in. “Oh, yeah, I was but, I don’t know if I want to read it anymore.”

He hummed and nodded in response as he inspected the book. “The Stranger,” He read. “Is it good?”

“Yeah, if you’re into stories about life having no meaning,” you explained, suddenly flustered at the way he seemed to take your words seriously.

That day, Wonwoo stole not only your book, but your affections.

Now, after breaking that distance, you wished you never did. It was easier to never know how he felt about you, to be in love with the memory you had of him rather than be crushed by reality.

“Welcome home!”

Seokmin looked over to you as he answered, “Nah,” he replied with an easy smile. “The real party is here.” Your dad let out a hearty laugh in response, which the three of you mirrored.

“I had made way too much dinner for just the two of us, so it’s perfect that you guys are here,” your dad put his arms around Seokmin and Mingyu who cheered in response.

“Well, once I found out you were making the world’s best lasagna, how could I not invite myself over?” Mingyu said. The way your dad beamed back at Mingyu made both you and Seokmin chuckle. Mingyu was both an extremely talented chef as well as an extremely talented eater, and your dad absolutely adored him for it. He was always welcome to the family dinner.

“Careful, dad,” you chimed in. “Between Mingyu and Seokmin, there might not be any left for the two of us.” Your dad laughed in response as Mingyu rolled his eyes and Seokmin nodded. As you settled into the table, you realized your dad wasn’t exaggerating at all when he said he made way too much dinner. The table was lined with lasagna, roasts, vegetables, and lots of side dishes, enough for a feast. “What’s the occasion dad?” You asked as you looked around the table, trying to decide what to eat first.

Your dad set his silverware down before explaining. “Well,” he began. “To be honest, I felt somewhat bad.”

“About what?” you asked, your mouth full of lasagna.

Your dad chuckled as he continued, passing you a napkin. “As I’m sure you’ve explained to your friends,” he gestured to Mingyu and Seokmin. “I accepted the offer to help start the new restaurant. I thought about it some more, and I felt bad that you would have to uproot your whole life right at the end of high school.”

You looked at him, urging him to continue.

“No shit,” Mingyu exclaimed in response as Seokmin nudged him under the table, giving him a look reminding him to keep his foul language to himself, but your dad just laughed it off.

“That means I get to stay right?” You squealed. “I don’t have to leave?”

“Yes, that’s true,” your dad confirmed. “But it’s only for the year. At the end of your school year, you can move up with me, or if everything goes really well, I’ll be back home early.” He let out a sigh of relief at seeing the way the three of your faces lit up. Ever since you were little, you, Mingyu and Seokmin had been inseparable. You would walk to school and back home together, you would have sleepovers and every meal was spent together. Your dad felt that tearing you away from them right before you would have to separate for college anyway was cruel.

The rest of dinner went by quietly. Polite talk here and there, but an overwhelming effort to avoid discussing your father’s move, which was at the end of the week, settled among the four of you. It wasn’t until after dinner, after Seokmin had to go home, that you finally got to process your feelings with Mingyu who stayed behind to help clean up.

“Gyu, you really didn’t have to stay,” You sighed as you leaned against the counter beside him as he turned on the faucet in the sink. “I don’t mind doing the dishes.”

You grabbed a dish towel, helping Mingyu dry the dishes he washed, not wanting to meet his eyes. “Like a salad.” Mingyu turned to you with a confused chuckle, waiting for you to elaborate. “I feel so many things right now but I can’t really condense it all into one thing.”

Mingyu hummed thoughtfully before continuing. “Okay, well what’s the lettuce right now? The biggest thing you’re feeling.”

“Hmm…” you thought. “Sad, that my dad is leaving. I’ve never been away from him that long.”

“Okay, what about the chicken?” You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, appreciating the way Mingyu ran with your simile.

“The chicken… Happy.” You finally gave Mingyu a small smile. “Happy that I get to stay here with you and Seokmin.”

Mingyu smiled back at you. “I’m happy about that too. How are we supposed to be a trio if it’s just me and Seokmin?”

You rolled your eyes playfully as you swatted his arm with the dish towel. “Gyu, you and Seokmin have enough personality for 13 people. I’m sure you would have found a way.”

After that night, the rest of the week passed by in a messy and teary blur, with Mingyu and Seokmin coming over every day to help you pack. Well, “help” was a strong word. They mostly sat on your bed and looked through your knick knacks while asking for snacks. They were also very unhelpful at trying to convince you to “Marie Kondo” your room, as they called it.

Seokmin tried convincing you that maybe you should leave your giant stuffed avocado behind, to which you adamantly argued against because he won it for you at the school carnival last year. Mingyu asked why you still kept your report card from fifth grade in a treasure chest, to which you responded by showing him the teacher’s notes, “Had to separate her from Mingyu and Seokmin. They distract each other and draw pictures on their math homework. Always laughing and smiling in class :)”

Going through your whole room with them was a lot less embarrassing than you had expected, and by the end of the week, you were ready to go with only the essentials packed. Mingyu and Seokmin came to see you off, helping your dad pack your things into the car and they each gave you a big hug before letting you go.

“Oh, I’m so excited you get to meet him,” your dad exclaimed as he rang the bell. “I heard his son is actually in your grade, so maybe you already know him.”

You looked at your dad curiously. “What’s his name?”

But before your dad could respond, the door swung open to reveal none other than–

“Wonwoo.”

#caratwritersclub #wonwoo #seventeen #jeon wonwoo #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo angst #jeon wonwoo x reader #jeon wonwoo scenarios #jeon wonwoo fluff #jeon wonwoo smut #jeon wonwoo imagines #svt #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #wonwoo x yn #wonwoo x reader #seventeen wonwoo #svt wonwoo

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lurkingshan · 10 months

Text

Step by Step Missed Some Steps

Welp, here we are at the end of this show. And it sure did have a finale! That was indeed an episode 12.

Look pals, I’ve been clear about the fact that this show went off the rails for me in the final stretch. The finale didn’t change my view on that, unfortunately — it was, in my opinion, not a good episode of television and not a particularly coherent ending to this story. The time skip served little purpose in terms of character development and as one final hilarious pacing joke, Pat is still somehow 26! But we did get some nice domestic fanfic vignettes and one last bed scene as a parting gift, which was cool of them. I am a simple woman and I was in fact happy to get 30 uninterrupted minutes of domestic relationship fluff. Would I have liked it if the fluff had a stronger connection to an ongoing emotional arc? Sure would, but with this drama I’ve learned we really can’t have it all.

In the spirit of giving this show a fair assessment while also not repeating myself too much or belaboring my criticism, I’m just gonna do a quick rundown of what its attempted big themes were and how successful I thought they were with each major thread, now that we’ve seen the full thing. Shoutout to @waitmyturtles and @neuroticbookworm for talking this through with me and keeping me sane the last few weeks, as well as @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle, @williamrikers, @wen-kexing-apologist, @colourme-feral, @bengiyo, @colourme-feral and @sunshinesanctuary, all of whom wrote posts I have linked here. This is going to be a critical analysis so if you want to just vibe and bask in the cute feel free to skip reading. :)

The slow burn that never caught fire

Let’s just get this out of the way. This show failed on the romance writing. They did a nine episode slow burn then fumbled the emotional payoff, tacked on a traditional four-act-structure breakup that didn’t fit, and had the wrong person apologize in the final reunion scene. There may have been a lot of sex, but the emotional arc for these two was incoherent and dissatisfying in the end, and I saw nothing in their reunion scene that explained to me why I was supposed to believe they would suddenly be a functional and happy couple. You gotta actually do that character work to sell it, not just tack on some cute epilogue scenes where they are suddenly healthier without showing me how they got there.

But thank goodness for Man and Ben, because they still managed to salvage something out of this mess on the strength of their chemistry alone. I thank them for their service, and I will always treasure the bittersweet arc of those first nine episodes and the exquisite angst of Jeng’s lonely pining. That was good shit.

Pat’s emotional maturity and character growth

Speaking of having the wrong person apologize in the reunion scene, this might actually be the thing I am most frustrated about. I’ve had a somewhat rocky road with Pat in this show, but I’ve wanted to believe in the arguments that his emotional inconsistency was intentional and leading us to some major character development for him. The show almost pulled it out in the final arc and got somewhere on this theme, but they blew it on the dismount.

Because all the ingredients were right there on the table. In episode 11, we saw Pat finally come into his own, both at work and in his relationships. We saw him succeed at work, we saw him grow more confident, we saw him draw firm boundaries, and we saw him call both Put and Jeng on their bullshit. We saw him walk away from these toxic relationships that weren’t serving him, and we were on his side. The finale even opens with him thriving in his new business with Chot! It was a little weird that the show had him suddenly being besties with Put given where we left them in episode 11 (I could see a way for that to happen but the show, as ever, did not do the work and hand waved it away with a time skip, so no points from me) but that’s fairly easy to overlook as long as it serves his arc. When the finale opens our boy is doing well for himself—he has become a successful businessman in his own right—which you would expect to also come with some advancement in his emotional maturity. In those early scenes he seems like he’s finally got a handle on things.

Except that crumbles the moment he sees Jeng again, and he instantly regresses into the same insecure, emotionally erratic, weak-willed youth he was before. We see him repeat all of his old patterns (to the point where it felt almost like intentional callbacks to his scenes from earlier in the series, but that would be such a weird thing to do in this context). He begins doubting himself, he loses emotional control and sobs into his dad’s shoulder, he gets wasted and makes a public spectacle of himself, he randomly decides to get back with an ex who wronged him, and he apologizes to Jeng for standing up for himself and ending their relationship when Jeng was the one entirely in the wrong and has done no work to change anything about his situation or earn Pat’s forgiveness.

And so rather than enjoying the reunion, I was mad when I was watching this scene. Flames on the side of my face. I have no idea what the writer was thinking when they crafted this ass backwards reunion scene, but it did double damage in that it put the final nail in the coffin for two of the show’s major arcs. Impressive in its own way, I suppose!

Filial piety and Jeng’s family expectations

This one truly just has me scratching my head. It feels like they simply…didn’t finish this part of the show? Because they’ve been telling me for 11 episodes that Jeng is broken and crumbling under the weight of his responsibilities to his father’s company (well, if I’m honest, they’ve only been telling us that explicitly for a few episodes, because for the first two-thirds of the show they were telling us he loves his work, but I’m trying to go with fandom interpretations of subtext here) but that he couldn’t simply walk away from this job because he is the eldest son and must fulfill his obligations of filial piety. And that a big part of the reason he fucked things up with Pat was because of that enormous pressure he was under, and he would have to face that and make things right.

So what happened in the finale to continue this storyline? Absolutely nothing! After a two year time skip in which nothing in Jeng’s work or family life changed, Pat randomly decides everything was his fault, actually, and he wants to get back together, and then Jeng simply walks away from this job. Casually strolls into his dad’s office and hands in a resignation letter like it ain’t no thing in a very short, very oddly toned scene in which his dad just kind of shrugs and then tosses the letter in the bin. Jeng even mentions in the next scene with Pat that his dad’s reaction was bizarre. And that’s it! That’s the end of that plot. We go through a bunch more time skips and Jeng did in fact leave that job, nothing else happens, the end.

And look, I’m on record as feeling like this version of Jeng that was so broken he couldn’t see his way out of this situation or be a decent partner to Pat emerged in episode 10 largely out of nowhere, but the show took us down this path, so they needed to stand by it and finish the story. But they didn’t bother. Jeng “I intend to improve myself” Kittipong Attajiranon did nothing of the sort (at least not on screen where we could see it) in either his professional or personal life. Instead his problems just magically solved themselves and we time skipped through him becoming more stable. What am I to make of that? Guess we’ll never know!

Whatever the heck that was with Jaab and Jen

I feel like for this section I should just insert that meme of the blonde lady trying to work out incomprehensible equations, because that’s what it feels like trying to figure out what the point of this storyline was. Jaab appeared on screen in this finale for about two minutes, and Jen didn’t appear at all. The show doesn’t even bother to tell us if they’re together already or if Jaab is going to Japan to try to win Jen back (even though they previously told us he’d be back from Japan by this time), and neither of them is even mentioned again.

For this, they ate up a ton of real estate in the penultimate episode? Make it make sense!

Perils of the closet and homophobia in the workplace

Let’s end this on a positive note, shall we? This is the theme I do think came through most clearly, and they almost pulled it off (but not quite thanks to the baffling end of Jeng’s work and family arc).

We saw Pat and Jeng and Chot all deal with various forms of the closet and homophobia throughout the show. We saw the way that Chot’s partner being closeted with his family hurt Chot, and the relief he felt when he was finally able to be fully open with his love. We saw how Put’s fears about being out with his career hurt Pat. We saw how Jeng’s parents did not fully accept him and how he consequently struggled to be his authentic self at work. We saw Pat express his discomfort with the way media companies exploit queerness for monetary gain. We saw Pat get caught up in an online scandal when his relationships with Jeng and Put were exposed. We saw how all of these gay men were put in the position of working for executives who saw their sexuality as a problem to be crisis managed and a bargaining chip to threaten them with.

And in the finale we got to see Pat and Chot flourishing in their own company, where their queerness was an asset and not a problem, and where they got to set their own rules about how they wanted to work and who they wanted to work with. We got to see Jeng focus on the job he loves most in a setting where he can be his authentic self. Everybody has found a better work life balance. And we got to see all of them happy and in love and thriving. And even though the way they got there didn’t always feel earned, at least we can say they got a beautiful ending free of those burdens.

As a final note, I just want to say how fun it’s been to watch this show along with y’all. We didn’t always agree, but the discussion was always interesting and the experience brought me a lot of joy. The show yeeted itself off a cliff for me in the final stretch but I will always remember the watch experience fondly and y'all will have to pry Man away from my cold dead hands. Onward to the next drama!

#step by step #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

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precious-little-scoundrel · 4 months

Note

my dearest darlingest marina i need you to know you have broken me quite thoroughly and i might never ever forgive you for it as long as we both shall live ! ❣️

to clarify- ive been saving "let's fall out of love" to read later ever since you posted it cuz i didn't feel ready- didn't think i was emotionally stable enough to read it then. well, tonight ive been clearing out my list of unread fics from last year aND GODDAMN WAS I EVER RIGHT ABOUT THAT.!!!

started getting all weepy and shaky before that first courthouse bathroom conversation and i didn't ever stop 😭 sobbed so hard and for so long at the unfairness of it all (for both of them !) i gave myself an asthma attack and had to stop reading.. what really broke me was e's bittersweet and somewhat detached realization on the courthouse steps that all their kids had flocked to laney during the divorce. couldn't stop thinking abt how badly i would've wanted to tell jesse off for being sharp to his daddy, and the knowledge that elaine COULDN'T, that it wasn't quite over yet and she still had to save face for a bit longer despite how much it killed them both, despite being the only person who could truly understand just how deep elvis was hurting right then and having been the one who'd made a whole life out of loving him hard.......... the idea of him resigning himself to having lost that forever (false) and her having to go against everything in her nature to let him ache a while longer,, oh it just shattered my spirit to bits right then and there. oh god im gonna start crying again just thinking about how lonely they both made each other 💔💔💔

im literally inconsolable, even with the reasoning behind it/ knowing how it ends beforehand, and having those future timeline fics to fall back on did nOT SAVE ME like . dear GOD woman how is that even possible?!?? if i had any shred of humanity left in my body id wax poetic for three more paragraphs abt how that speaks to your truly absolutely outstanding talent as an author and worldbuilder, but alas i think i cried out everything that was keeping me sane sometime in the last half hour and now i have to go lie facedown on the floor in my hallway and die abt it all instead 👍 fantastic work as always i love all your work so much forever etc etc 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

ps: it took me the better part of an hour to type all this out since ive lost the water content of approxinately a small ocean w my tears and am doing physically poorly in response 🫠🫠 so thanks for ur patience in this trying time 😔🙏

I spun around in circles upon reading this like my poor coon dog when she had a stroke -jovially of course. Like this is the stuff every writer dreams of getting for feedback but holy smokes, your talent for screaming? Beyond my wildest dreams. I’ve always told you how much I appreciate your time and enthusiasm to tell your thoughts Mary Hope, and now is no exception. My babe and co-author @elvisabutler deserves the pleasure of reading what we’ve wrought, as well. I’ll be halving all your medical and psychiatric expenses with her. 😏

Tbh, despite knowing both imminent and longterm reconciliation was to happen after this segment, we were just as cut up about tearing them apart as you were to read it. In fact, it was worse than all the lead up fics where the passive aggressive accumulation of grievances came across as hurts but ultimately only aggravations. This is just…PAIN. Funny how what was untenable before a tragedy suddenly appears to have been idyllic after it. Anyways.

Thank you for reading, here’s some Kleenex, albuterol and do know the sequel to this divorce is in drafts, so not finished AT ALL but it is in the works.

Not that it’ll hurt much less than this one. 😈

#sarge asks #love notes #elvis fanfiction #elvis presley

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iloveyouemanuelmarco · 1 month

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Ok so I might sound kinda crazy but hear me out, do you ever feel like you're cis when you're transgender based on reality? I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense so lemme explain my situation to you a little bit but please be aware it's probably not gonna make much sense to anyone other than me and hopefully a few other people I guess? But whatever, anyways: So basically to start us off at the beginning, I've known I was somewhere on the transgender/genderqueer spectrum for like I think a few years now or atleast 1-2 if that's important and at first it was like I was fine with not being completly a girl, but at the same time it didn't feel like a big deal because I was still mostly a girl and I had the idea that no one would get mad at me if I just lived like a cis person when I actually felt like a demigirl or something related to that because I still liked being feminine while at the same time I wasn't completly female like my birth gender. Then, awhile later I realized I felt more boyish when it came to my gender identity, but at the same time felt more girly and felt my sexuality changing it's personal definition so I was like..."Yo wtf why am I getting so upset all of a sudden being feminine? I atleast thought it wouldn't be that bad" because on certain days I would get dysphoric but also be ok on other days. Keep in mind, this was around the time still where younger me was being influenced by the transmedicalist/truscum debate points that were more popular on the internet to say the least so it was obviously gonna be negative and cause me to push those feelings of mine aside for not wanting to be seen as a "trender" or someone fake or whatever. Ofcourse I would eventually grow out of that and realize with the internet that all trans people are different and that you don't have to pick between trans boy, trans girl and nonbinary" which was slowly turning into a binary at some point by cis people. Blah blah blah, eventually I decided that I was a trans dude(ftm) but also genderfluid which is sorta accurate today but I felt more bigender then when I identified as such than anything now so I don't know uhh. Why'd I bring up all this past gender and sexuality spectrum clutter again??Oh right, because I've been noticing changes with how I present myself atleast sorta recently. To keep it somewhat sane-sounding, for the past 4 months at the very least, while I do recognize that I am technically and realistically a trans boy due to being afab, at the same time for some odd reason, I keep feeling...like a cis-ajacent man for a lack of a better term? Like its not that I wanna be some sort of "pick-me" or whatever, far from it actually but like...I do identify with the label being ftm but at the same time apart of me doesn't because I already am a man despite not being like that at birth???I feel less like a trans guy and more like a feminine cis dude trapped in a mostly female body??I know it doesn't sound accurate to you all but I hope it somewhat can make sense later? Tbh it's better when explained verbally irl than like me attempting to write down a complicated experience of mine coherently. I don't wanna be a cis male either since they hurt so many people so there's that...

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neonpixel-pixie · 4 days

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🖤 Love letter for Vito Scaletta 🖤

NOTE: hello angels, i know my tumblr is not as active as i would like it to be, but i have lack of ideas and also nearly none time since school & socializing. (if anyone is waiting for moodboard or aesthetic, i will try my best to find my time this months). at least my creative writing class gave me some idea for some kind of postable material. we were supposed to write a love letters & from some reasons i decided to write one for vito scaletta. i know it is not the best one, but it was much fun to do it and i really gave a lot of feelings into it. i hope you will enjoy it and if you like it let me know in comments (maybe i will make more posts like that if you will be interested). ~ neonpixel-pixie 🧚🏻‍♀️✨

My dearest Vito, About three hours ago, I have returned to Empire Bay after months away to spend the Christmas holidays with you, and guess what?! From your "great" friends, I found out that you ended up in prison because of your "amazing" job. Didn't I tell you to be careful before I left to Stanford? And didn't I also tell you that my parents can financially support us until you find a decently paid job? But no! Mr. Scaletta had to be as stubborn as always and not listen to me, right?! Oh, Vito, I love you so much, but why are you such an idiot? Why are you doing this to me... and on Christmas of all times?! Do you know how scared I was when you suddenly stopped writing letters to me and answering calls? I've spent nights crying because I thought you might have found someone else since we last saw each other! I know you're not like that. After all, you kept your promises like a decent man everytime. So I reassured myself thinking you must just be very busy. But despite that, I imagined the worst scenarios every day, either contemplating pulling out the hair of anyone who even looks at you or whinned like a fool for hours - not that I'm not doing that while I'm writing this letter too... and the fact that I'm writing it in your apartment doesn't really help my mood, especially when I imagine how we could spend time together today after endless waiting. You wouldn't believe how excited I was to finally see your face in person and not only on a few photographs I secretly grabbed from you before the start of the winter semester. And when I imagine that we could spend the holidays baking and decorating gingerbreads while listening to Christmas songs by Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, it breaks my heart. The only thing currently keeping me somewhat sane is the scent of your cologne, whiskey, and cigarettes, which still lingers in the rooms and reminds me so much of your sweet embrace and passionate kisses. At least it warms my soul a bit and gives me hope that you'll get out soon from that hell on earth, and I'll feel the warmth of your embrace again. I promise that while I'm in town, I'll stop by to see you whenever possible. I love you and please take care of yourself. I'm afraid for you. Yours beloved, M. ♥

#mafia 2 #mafia game #empire bay #vito scaletta #love letters #gaming #mafia #videogame #pc games #vito scaletta aesthetic #mafia 2 aesthetic #creative writing #writing #fictional crushes

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peacefulmultishipper · 1 year

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Rewatching Chapter 2 again to get more solid ground for the theory of how I think the murder went down and ended up making notes, little ideas and theories of what they could be used for the murder or simply mean for myself as I tend to be forgetful if I haven't seen something in awhile.

It's very messy and it isn't everything just the ones I want to share but at least it keeps me somewhat sane haha.

*Spoilers down below*

#theory #drdt theory #drdt spoilers #drdt #despair time #danganronpa despair time #spoilers #massive spoilers

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tchaiklatte · 10 months

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youtube

so, this happened. still feels surreal aklsjdfh

made this little vlog of the day, though it does not manage to convey just how amazing it really was...i struggle myself to put it in words

hearing their laughs and seeing their smiles irl is something i will cherish forever. eddy's soft "keep it up" when i told them i started playing piano again because of them will keep me practicing from here on out. still can't believe brett picked me in the q&a and that i got to somewhat torture eddy with the 5mil concerto question much to brett's delight lmao.

the concert was utterly amazing, unforgettable, so much fun, breathtaking and emotional, and yes i cried. i want to forever live in the 6 minutes that is twoset playing navarra.

and london gang was also a huge part of how great the day was!! such wonderful people, had delightful conversations about twoset, classical music, tonic, practice, art, fandom and so much more! they all kept me sane through the surreality of it all. thank you!!

(oh and btw the day before i also went to hilary's concert and i met her??? so fucking surreal, i'm telling you!!!)

#twosetviolin #personal #tsv world tour #eddy chen #brett yang #this is also sort of my comeback HELLO haven't been on here for a while #i already wanted to come back to making gifs now that it's summer and i have more free time #but now that twitter is also basically dead it's a done deal lol #seriously tho brett and eddy and sophie are three of my favourite people on the planet and i am just so grateful to the universe #and btw i also got to talk to belle ajksdfg she was in the audience #and i saw sumina up close (didn't have the guts to talk to her) alskdhfga #i love them so much #*mine #world tour

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wroteclassicaly · 1 year

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Please read the following:

After the events that have transpired these past few days, like many other blogs — I have decided to take extra measures to protect my peace of mind and my blog. This is my safe space, and I won’t have it ruined! I’ll be changing a few things, so it’s important to read through this post!! Saddened that it’s come to this, but we have to keep our community and one another safe and sane, & these are some of the ways that we can!

I have always blocked underage blogs and most blank blogs! I label things accordingly, I set out boundaries, and I expressed that those be respected. I’ve always had a policy of 18+ on this blog, or do not enter if you’re a minor. However, realizing how many people have truly crossed these boundaries myself and my fellow writers have set— I know that I need heavier measures. Which is why I will be starting the extra rules below, as well as my fic writing rules!

Do not attempt to contact me if you’ve been blocked from my page. I have my reasons and I do not owe you an explanation. Please respect this.

If you’re a blank blog, especially without an age in your bio — it’s an automatic block. I have a lot to still get through, as my followers accumulate pretty quickly and it’s sometimes hard to catch. If you’re of age — SAY SO IN THE BIO!

Don’t lie about your age or make duplicate blogs to follow or interact. I realize that can happen, and sometimes there’s no sure way of knowing, but I’m doing my best to keep my blog safe for my mutuals, followers, and myself. Let’s all be respectful here.

It goes without saying, that you’re getting blocked if you’re underage. Also if you’re a blank blog. This blog is 18+ ONLY

Do not interact with me or my blog if you’re under the age of 18. Do not attempt to follow this blog, either. Blank blogs — same rules apply. I sound like a broken record, but LISTEN!!!

NOTE: If you’d like to remain anonymous because of your own comfort levels — you can send me an ask via your blog, but ask me not to publish it. Maybe mark the username out? You must be 18+

Fic rules: Things I won’t write for, just send in an ask if you aren’t sure! It’s easier to answer that way than listing them!

I’m sorry if this upsets anyone about the anons, because if you’re of age and you’ve never liked sending shit off anon — I get it. But please understand. ❤️

I’ve lost an influx of followers, but I honestly don’t give two fucks, because safety is my priority here. If this bothers you — get off my page, kay? As an older community of writers, I feel that we have somewhat of a responsibility here. I’m grateful for this community and for my friends & fellow authors 💗

Note: Important Announcement

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chained-to-the-mirror · 11 months

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I looked through my notes and apparently last time I sat down to write my thoughts was in February. I had been struggling with my body image and had a nasty nightmare. I’ve not had very nasty nightmares now, but the body image thing is ever present.

I recently bought swimwear for the first time since my early teens. (Let it be noted that I’ll be 43 in a month.) It was inspired by a friend who is coming to visit and wants to go swimming. I was so nervous to even try on a swimsuit… but I did it. I now have two swimsuits/swimwear. I wonder how it will be to actually go out in public wearing them - not easy, probably, but hopefully it will be at least somewhat enjoyable in the end.

Also a new thing is that I’ve been wearing shorts now. It’s almost 30 degrees here and suddenly I’ve noticed I don’t care what others think. I even wore an almost sleeveless top! Who am I?! I think this is due to age, and running out of fucks to give. I mean, does anyone really care what I’m wearing? I don’t think so. I just want to be as comfortable as possible.

I’m putting my outfit from yesterday here - I would never have been able to wear this a year ago, no matter how hot it got. I’m surprised at myself. Also shocked at how comfortable I was eventually! There was no panicking, no distress. I see all the flaws, but it just matters less and less. I undoubtedly sound like a broken record, but I’m just so surprised.

I don’t think I would be at this point without my dear friends. They keep me sane, truly - and they never seem to get tired of shooting down my negative self talk, which matters more than anyone would guess. I love them all very much.

Another thing that’s helping is plants. I’ve become a full time plant parent, and it feels good to see things growing under my care. I’ve never been able to really do this successfully until now. I’m currently sitting on my balcony, surrounded by my green babies, and I feel calm. It’s no small thing, to feel calm! The plants also help me practice being patient. My huge tomato is testing me - there are so many flowers, but no fruit. Not even beginnings, apart from one that’s smaller than the tip of my pinky. I’m told it takes time, but I just worry. I am doing my best though, and that will have to be enough.

I don’t know where I’m going with all this, except nowhere. I suppose this is my blog, and I can go nowhere as much as I wish. I was going to write something the other day, but when the time came, I found I had no words anymore. Much like now! But I was thinking a lot about my active ED years for some reason. I used to be one of the moderators on a pro ana forum - one of the nice ones, one that helped me keep myself together for a long time. I was close to several people on there - I wonder where they are now? I kept in touch with a couple even after I was discharged from my first hospital stay, but these days I have lost contact with them. I hope they have found their own ways out. We were all sick, and brought together by being alone in our respective sicknesses.

I kept a journal on the forum - it was full of misery and wallowing, so I’m sort of glad I have no access to it anymore. In fact, I don’t even know what became of the forum after I left. I’ve tried to find it again, but nothing comes up on google at least. It was always a very private, invitation only forum. Everyone supported everyone, in both sickness and recovery (whichever way any of us went at the time). I think I’m - ironically - alive because of those girls. (I say girls, because it was all girls. I think there may have been one boy at one point, but he was not very active.)

It’s such a weird experience, and I can’t really explain it to anyone who hasn’t been a part of a place like that. I tried to explain it to the nurses and the doctors at the hospital, but I don’t think they got it. They saw it as harmful, and probably fairly. In fact, the whole thing made me realize how futile group therapy would be for eating disorders. It can go wrong in so many ways! I’ve only had personal therapy so I can’t be sure of course, but it just feels suspicious. At least for me. I think that you have to be mostly in recovery to really be able to get any help from a group. I think that I might be able to, now - now that I’m mostly recovered. But of course it’s not something that’s available for me anymore. The EDs are not even in my diagnoses - not the main ones anyway. You’d have to dig pretty deep.

I guess this is what I wanted to get out. I’m not proud of my involvement in a thing like the pro ana movement, but I can’t fully bring myself to be sorry either. These things happen for a reason, and the reason was to keep me alive. I’m grateful for that.

It’s time to stop writing. My plants around me are telling me to wrap up the day, and they are right. I only need a shower and then I can fully relax. Thank you to anyone who read this, it’s a mess!

#personal #ok to reblog though #tw eating disorders #tw weight #tw body image #let me know if I should tag something else and I will

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