#think this was the last one i was able to get bc bday money or smth | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

peligrosapop · 8 months

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I can’t sleep and have a headache, I’m in pain and sober ( weed would help 2/3 at the least)for some stupid reason. So, I’ll rant.

I went skating (as in skateboard) yesterday

did my first ever 50-50 trick (skate trick) at 40

but also pulled a muscle in my upper thigh and I’m limping a bit and it hurts. (Hi, It’s me, Pedri without free accessible healthcare)

A girl flirted/hit on me and I can’t thinking about it bc, maybe I liked the attention? and she’s cute? I get plenty of attention at home though, dunno wtf is going on.

I forgot to call my mom on her bday but I called her today and we talked like an hour and it was nice. I like my mom a lot. I don’t want her to die, ever. My dad’s death anniversary was last week and I just realized yesterday. None of us surviving family members said anything either, guess we rather forget.

The call with mom also made me realize I barely call anyone anymore, ever. Last time my older sister called I didn’t pick up and have ghosted her since. I told my mom I’m being anti social atm. I need to call my pregnant younger sister. I guess I’m the asshole.

I text with a lot of people that I don’t know IRL and have neglected a lot of my IRL friends. I even have neglected online friends I like a lot. I still chat people a bit too much, I’m afraid.

I think my current obsession with Barça on tumblr and tumblr in general helps me focus on something else but myself when I’m stuck creatively or emotionally.

I need to finish writing 4 songs that I started and are almost done. One about staring at your crush, one about dreaming of people that have passed away, one about Messi (in the most non-obvious way) and one about leaving everything behind to move somewhere else to remake your life. It is annoying to feel like I can’t when I’m perfectly able to. They are 80-90% done.

Right now I’m in between jobs doing some gigs and the break in routine and extra time to do fun stuff things has been , instead of being liberating, weird.

My fav girl friend has been really busy lately and I fucking hate it. I feel needy. And I hate it.

My boyfriend is amazing, thank god he’s there. My bff. I am a mess rn. He was trolling me a week ago saying “I read this list of symptoms of depressed people and you checked out most of them” and I laughed at him and he was like 😅. I’m not depressed. It’s okay. I have depressive tendencies from anxiety but that’s it. I’m a hedonist most of the time, anyway. 🤣 Very few fucks given but active existencial dread.

My health/body has been changing since I hit 40 and it’s pissing me off. Also I kinda stop caring care of myself for a second but getting back on track. Also need to start saving money for all the “hey you hit 40 so you may have this” health test, like cancer screenings and shit. But hey, better old than dead.

and….I need a hug. And to write poems but they won’t come out. I don’t need anyone to do anything. I just need to get it out of my system.

I wish you were here and not so far away, you know this. I punched my pillow today like I told you I wanted to. I wish it was easier.

We had a friend as a house guest for a week and he just left today without telling us, even though he was supposed to be here 2 more weeks and now he said he is with a dude we don’t talk to anymore. lol wtf is wrong with people?! can’t they be normal?!!!! You can say you wanna go see a friend, why just disappear and tell us a one like text when we asked where the fuck you are. He may come back? I dunno ahahahah. Maybe its our bad for having a bunch of moody musicians as friends.

Also, like my bf jokes all the time….when I die, be happy for me because I won’t have to pay any more bills.

Maybe this was too real but IDGAF. The end.

#mental health rant #buenas noches

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pearly--rose · 11 months

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Thanks @pretty-thief for tagging me!

1. Were you named after anyone?

Not my first name, but my middle name (Rose) is the first name of my mom's aunt. I think it was more that my parents liked it as a middle name vs. choosing to name me after her, though.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday, lol -- I went to the movies for my bday (for the first time since Feb 2020 actually) and saw Past Lives, which completely destroyed me 🙃

3. Do you have kids?

No, and am like 90% sure I don't want them. I think it depends on if I ever meet the ~right person~ but I'm getting older and that's not really feeling like a possibility. But I've also never been good with kids and definitely never had dreams of being a mom, so yeah.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Too damn much.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

Just soccer, through middle school. I guess I also did dance for a while as a kid, and took tennis lessons with friends for a summer or two (but I always sucked at it.) I was really good about running regularly last year up until Feb of this year, and then totally fell off that wagon. But I got some new running shoes for my bday so it's time to try again 😅

6. What's the first thing you notice about someone?

I honestly don't know, I've never thought about it. It feels stupid to say "their face" but that's probably the real answer.

7. Eye color?

Hazel (my eyes are in fact my favorite thing about my appearance)

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, I've never been able to do scary movies. I'll watch some under the right circumstances, but I'd never choose one over a happy ending.

9. Any special talents?

I used to be able to name every country in the world bc I had an incredibly boring job where I mostly just sat around all day, so I started trying to memorize them via that Sporcle quiz where you get 15 mins to name them all 😂

10. Where were you born?

New Jersey, and I'm somehow still here. I think there must be some sort of ancient magic keeping my family in this state, because dad's side came here in the 1600s and apparently we just never fucking left lol

11. What are your hobbies?

I feel like I used to have legit hobbies, but if I'm being honest covid really fucked with the way I interact with the world and I don't do nearly as much as I used to do. Like I used to love traveling and taking pictures, but I'm still not really comfortable traveling and I rarely take my DSLR out anymore. I play guitar? Never with enough dedication to get really good, but I like picking it up every now and then and teaching myself a song.

12. Do you have any pets?

Hell yeah I do, her name is Pearl, she is a fluffy white Persian rescue and she will be 6 in September and is my favorite thing in this entire world.

13. How tall are you?

4'11" (AND THREE QUARTERS OKAY) / 59 inches / ~150 cm

14. Favorite subject in school?

Anything artsy

15. Dream job?

Being independently wealthy? lolol but honestly, I don't really know anymore. I don't hate what I do, I just wish I had it in me to be more motivated to make a little more money at it. But then again that would probably require working myself to the bone, and I'm not interested in that either. I think I wouldn't mind running a little cafe someday, but the restaurant industry is too fickle to new businesses for me to ever want to actually take that risk.

Tagging: anyone who wants to answer!

#about me #i feel like i was too depressing in some of these answers #but that's what happens when you ask me to think about my life around my birthday 😂

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horce-divorce · 9 months

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3 entire days of calling every shelter from Traverse City to Indiana and being told there's nowhere to leave my boyfriend's cats, and it's once again other queers who come to our rescue... We have to take the cats about 4 hours away, but they will be safe and with someone we know and trust.

I have to take care of a few things at home this weekend (very important kids bday party, getting my phone replaced, making sure the car is working) before we take the cats. We're gonna try to go grab what we can of Bel's things from the basement and pawn or donate the rest. On Monday I'll start calling housing commissions again about places we can apply for, and start looking for other ways to make money. There's a festival up here soon, maybe I can get some under the table work, but also I'm thinking it's probably officially time to make an Onlyfans...

Then we need to stealthify the car and make it more habitable for the 2 of us. Like right now it's fine to camp in but long-term it needs a lot. We're sleeping on horrible flat bed rolls that hurt my back and joints, so I need a foam pad for the car. And we desperately need a fan for ventilation, as well as shades for the windows and more screens for ventilation as well.

Considering the very real possibility that we may not be housed again by winter, we need to be ready to stealth camp wherever we can find a place to park. We've talked about traveling or going south for the winter, or even jumping btwn friends homes and staying a few weeks at a time. But in any case the #1 thing we will need in addition to our meds is gas. We will be absolutely and utterly fucked without gas bc we are in Bumfuck Nowhere with no other way out.

I feel selfish for saying I'm less scared about being homeless than the last time... I know what this means. I've already been chronically unhoused for 10 years, I'm used to the packing up and going. Bel just lost everything. His home, his pets, his family, his childhood belongings, years worth of art and gifts and sentimental things, his support system. He feels like HE is going to die, and rapidly swinging from feeling like he should bc he's worthless, to being like "I am more powerful than God and I will live out of spite!!!" I don't know how much he's actually processed yet since it's all so fresh.

But I am so much more functional on his behalf than I was for just me. Losing myself seems like par for the course, who cares. The stakes are much higher if Bel is the one getting lost. I can't let that happen. I may not be able to house us or protect him in a way that matters, but whatever it takes, I will NOT leave him all alone. I wish so much that someone had been there with me the first time.

Anyway that's just the latest rundown for anyone invested. If I made a little Amazon wishlist w some of the stuff we need for the car, do yall suppose anyone would help us w those items? I think it's worth a shot, I may poke at that today.

Ugh

#me #prsnl

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lettersformiah · 2 years

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9:37am, 4 aug

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!!! MWHA MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH WAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWHA! 18 kisses for your 18th <3 <3

i love you sosos much and i hope youre sleep is good!! im so sorry i wasnt really around yesterday but sometimes life just gets me like that yk? but! im here now :D i love you i love u i love u i love u hehehe i hope you get spoilt and i wish i could do something more for your bday >:( its so painful that i cant have a dinner or just hug you :( i miss u so much. but! january! we make up for all the things in january! we can get a little mini cake and celebrate both of our bdays! and we gotta do valentines day then too! im excited for all of the things we are gonna do even though its literally like 4? 5? months away heh. getting ahead of myself but only bc i miss u so much! i want to do all of the things with u. and! we will get our cute airport meet too!!! heheheheh im so so so excited!!

im in geo right now and mrs haggart isnt here and the work is boring as os i dont want to do it hehe. maybe ill do it in french. but i dont think ill be doing much of anything then. i gotta take out some money before work for next week and ill need to buy a drink or smth. but when its slow i can buy a chocolate! or!! i really wanna try the new v so i might get one of those. the warehouse is so chill and i really like working there! shitty im working on ur bday :( but im excited to see sophie and aj again bc they are so sweet and they make working there not so bad. hehe i love you so much. i want you to be able to read this soon so i gotta remember to upload it asap. so hopefully i did that. i love you.

i dont have much news other than that. i still need to handwash a shirt for tomorrow which i think i can do before i hop on my bus. i also really wanna call u before work but i dont know if you will be around. might die if i dont talk to you for like 18 hours though >:(

im so excited to pick my subjects and im so so excited for next year. i was looking forward to year 11 last year (my mistake smh) but year 12 will be purely subjects i want to do or can do and there will be no english or science or french or silly fuckin algebra. and im excited ! apart from exams. im a bit worried about those this year because i dont think ill be able to do drama? bc i wanna focus on the alice in wonderland stuff. soo i think ill do geo and english? bc english sucks but i can ramble about techniques in a poem and answer some questions about it i think. i think i can do that okay. im excited to get a few extra weeks off too!! ill have an extra couple weeks as study leave but obvs only doin 1 exam sooo?

only a few mins left of geo! i did a little bit of work but honestly id rather spend my time thinking about u >:) i do that all the time. but been doin it a bit more today. i miss you and i love you. wake up soon darling cause i wanna talk to u agaon hehehe

i love you so much lovely

-mads<3

#letters

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dokiyeom · 1 year

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THE TAG IS SO SO CUTE ILL END IT 💥💥 u should send me more asks & ill give u an emoji hihi 🫶🫶 IM EXCITED TOO YAY i have so many fic & smau ideas so im glad i can work on them then! (maybe i should tell u a few of them 🤭 ....)

that sounds so nice!! i think i recently ate sukiyaki (?) && it was so so good! baking and mahjong 💔💔💔 im glad u had so much fun because i also completely get what u mean?? i don't have any family here nor do i have any cousins/family members of my age + the distance is just 👎 so im not in contact with any yk

im still . flabbergasted like i want to go 2 japan too hello 😭 tbh at first i thought u lived in maybe japan or IDK but then u said u would show ur friends ur motherlands? so i was like ??? and also I WANNA KNOW UR TIMEZONE PLSPLS pleaseee yes im dutch & french but was born in the netherlands and lived there for 10ish years before moving to France!!

OK I WILL WATCH AN EPISODE SOON THEN!! pls this is so funny YES ik jay + me = twins hihi i hope so too!! that would be really cool but im just waiting impatiently for the official announcement rn so that i can mark it on my calendar, BOOM! ill also go to a big city just before my bday so maybe MAYBE if I have some pocket money i could buy myself a cute dress for the party and or an album teehee YA I HOPE U FIND IT IN JAPAN OMG im curious do u alr have some albums or like merch

i LOVE sudoku omg ,, it's so cool that ur using photoshop like u made ur carrd thingy with that right? it's so pretty i will never not say that. im sure ur gonna do v well hihi 🫶

i will !!! try to drop by ur ask box more frequently !!! unfortunately i’m,, a tiny bit awful at coming up w ideas on what to say but i will try !!!! and hello yes ??? u should 100% tell me abt ur smau ideas !!! or fic ideas in general && in return,, i’ll share some of my horribly messy notes app full of fic ideas w u <3

aagg i’m so happy u enjoyed sukiyaki !! if u get the chance,, i highly rec kansai style sukiyaki unless eating a bit of semi raw egg feels unnatural or intimidating !! i feel like i should b more loyal to kanto style bc i’m from the kanto area,, but kansai sukiyaki is just. wow. && aagg yea i feel u :(( i think it allows for u to b a lot closer a family friends bc they end up sorta being a proxy,, but it does kinda suck not being close or in contact w extended family <//3

i hope ur able to go someday !!! && my time zone is pacific standard time !! or pacific time atm bc of daylight savings,, but i did live in japan for a while &’& am considering moving back there after uni !! and woa hello u live in france ?? that is so cool omg,, i def want to visit france at some point for the fashion museums and exhibitions wraaaa :0 also fun fact,,, i took a plants/human welfare course last yr && the only thing i really rmbr from that was tulip’s apparently caused an economic recession in the netherlands during the early 1600s :D

EXCITED FOR U TO WATCH !! and omg what if the cb announcement is after woozis done posting all the album pics on his instagram :00 but oo what sort of dress would u get ? lw i’m so insanely picky w dresses that for prom i’ve just decided to get a lower costing plain dress && alter it + sew on an egregious amount of accessories

&& yes i have albums !! for merch i have a candy bong && moa bong that i got for the twice n txt concert i went to,, but unfortunately i stood in like for like an hr and a half at the svt concert mercy line only to reach sort of the front area && hear a staff member at the truck yell that carat bongs were completely sold out <//3 i do have. a pc binder that both brings me sm joy && shame for realizing how much money i’ve spent on. silly little pieces of paper w people taking silly little selfies tho. what abt u :0

RIGHT SUDOKU IS SO <3 but it’s also caused me like. sm headaches omg. and thank uu <3 i did make it on photoshop !! but i’m considering making a new one w more of a powerpuff girls/ diff take on a retro cyber theme :D

#aiyah aya !!#answered (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ #aya's lomls ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡#dori dearest ꒰๑´ᗜ`꒱*›◡‹꒱꒱

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fluttersheep · 2 years

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i’m having a really good day. i was able to go to the store and get a lot that i needed bc i remembered my friend gave my a gift card for my bday

a middle aged woman with blue streaks in her hair said my hair was adorable and i was cute

it’s a beautiful day and bunney and i went to the park and smelled all the blooming trees and took pictures of everything

i got some house cleaning done and Finally refilled my bird feeder. i think it’s certainly hot enough to start getting my balcony garden started too. i set money aside for it so i’m prepared and my friend who is good at gardening is going to go with me to the garden store and help

oh and last night i used my money back to treat myself to some free bath bombs and they’re pokeballs with pokémon inside so i get to use one tonight!

#flutterspeak #gotta make some good food today to top it all off #desperately grasping on to the good things when they happen

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sanchoyo · 2 years

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me and my sis are gonna possibly maybe have a Yard Sale tomorrow and im very excited...its been SO long since ive had one and the weather has been super pretty lately.. so the idea of just hangin out w my sister and our dogs and makin money...effervescent . a fun time (we live in a p good area for it too, last time I had one I was only like. 10. but me and her ended up making 300+ together at that one, lol)

also ive had 2 HUGE garbage bags full of clothes I meant to donate sitting in my room for a MONTH so. glad to be getting rid of those (what doesnt sell tomorrow will either go on depop or be donated locally, depending on if I think the depop girlies will like it. depends on how eccentric it is lol) I rly hope to sell as much as possible tho bc still unemployed...

I think my next goal (aside from the money i plan to use to get my dog the full spa treatment) I would rly like to maybe get a nice camera for myself for my bday. I already have the model in mind... my goal was GONNA be to get my switch fixed bc Viddy Games Fun, but like, if the new loz doesnt release this yr I dont feel as rushed or obligated 🤷‍♂️ and theres a few local jobs for taking pics ive seen (like, for car lots/sales places and real estate, and possibly Events for ppl once I get a bit better at it) and im like oh. that would be easy and something I could reasonably do? bein into art gives me the advantage of being Good at composition and being able to digitally fix/enhance the images if theyd need that. or..tentatively considering a yt channel? I think..it might be fun. but im not rly planning anything concrete yet tho 🤷‍♂️

#ive been in a good mood bc SPRING!!! WARM!!! lately adsjfhkj #just tryin to do self improvements. havent been online a ton lately bc of that #ive kinda been on hiatus unoffically and its been nice! this blog has been going on a queue but it runs out in abt a week :/ need 2 refill #and seriously considering deleting my twt #the only thing im hestitating abt is theres some friends who ONLY post art there and id miss them :(#but i have their contact stuff /discords to talk to them at least #its just...a lot of my old art is only on twitter and dA #archiving all of it would be SUCH a hassle and so time consuming...argh #anyway hope u guys are all well :)#sanchoyorambles

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zhuhongs · 3 years

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なんか私の想いが溢れ出した. i went out with some friends last night and every time i go out i always realize just how bad i am at communicating and how bad I am with people. (long meandering post under the cut. feel free to ignore its unfocused and long.. like 2k words under there)

I’ve mentioned this before but I don’t really talk much irl. I don’t talk, I can’t connect properly. Every time I’m out with people I just feel fundamentally, like… different. So a group of my irls friends plus me were going to the movie theatre and I personally really hate movie theatres. I knew we were going to one and prepared myself thinking “oh it’ll be fine bc you'll be with friends, just enjoy their company '' But god I really hate movie theaters. It’s been so long, i forgot how much I really really hated them. They’re so loud and bright. I’d much rather watch a movie at home but tbh I also just don’t like movies bc I can’t sit through them and I can’t focus and I don’t get invested easily and I need to be doing something with my hands at all times. To make matters worse, my friend's friend that I really don’t like came along. I just, I don’t like her. She’s just too loud and attention seeking and childish. Like she says things for a reaction, like rlly not okay things sometimes and I just can’t stand her. like we went to see godzilla vs king kong and then entire movie she kept YELLING "IF THEY DONT KISS I WANT MY MONEY BACK" and i was like... you are 21 yrs old oh my god.. this isnt ur tumblr blog in middle school. shut up. But here’s the thing, I don’t know how to tell her or anyone that. Like I just can’t figure out a good way to say it, so I put up with it. Things like this just make me feel incredibly annoyed. I always talk on here about how if I have an issue with anyone, I’ll just say it like an adult. But in face to face situations I just don’t know how to say things. Well I do know how to say it - it’d be easy. I just hate having to do it. Like I don't have to say the whole thing about how I don’t like her but when she says like “simp” when she’s nonblack I could just be like. “Hey don’t say that, here’s why” and I’m sure she’d stop. Yet I can’t bring myself to have that one moment of discomfort to tell her to stop yelling in my ear or stop saying things that make me annoyed. I feel useless in a way. ちゃんとできない。ちゃんと伝えない。During the entire movie I was thinking to myself that I’d rather be home watching a drama by myself and doing hw. I also hate going out for other reasons. I hate being seen. I hate my appearance. I know I don’t have to be pretty, I only need to exist for me. Like wow, I just have so many body image issues, and they all manifest heavily as soon as I go out in public.

But afterwards I changed my mind a bit. There was a moment where we were outside running around in the street and it reminded me of that one scene in AIB episode one with Chota, Karube, and Arisu in the street and I was rlly like… wow… maybe human connection really is good. It doesn’t matter if I’m pretty or good at talking, sometimes, to laugh and be silly wth others is all you need to make your night. Just one moment, just one person really is all it takes. We all went out for dinner afterwards and it was really really fun. I enjoyed it, there really is something about eating with someone that brings you closer to them.

The entire time though, I didn’t talk much. I don’t really know when to cut in in a conversation to a point where it feels right. I feel like by saying my piece I’m interrupting others just to say something that wasn’t really of any use. Really, I prefer silence with others. I’m bad at talking in social situations but I’m great at talking in classes and at work because of the context. Because I’m expected to engage there. The pretense is different. Like you’re supposed to contribute in those places. It’s acceptable to talk there. But for me, it doesn’t really feel acceptable to just share about myself like that in a social group setting. I wish I could always communicate like how I am doing here. It’s so much nicer online. I get to post my full complete thoughts without bothering any of you. My words can easily be disregarded and just flipped through. It’s passive. Posting is passive, talking is active. And sometimes, people don't really want to talk to others, they just want to say their piece. Like when talking about their problems, often we just want to say it and the act of saying those words is all we need. We don’t want input, it annoys us. I don’t like to cut in, and I can never find the right words to say. Even right now, none of this feels like it’s coming out correctly. None of my words feel like they’re coming out correctly nowadays, but this is the only way I know how to be. If I can’t post my thoughts on here, even if they come out crooked and ugly, I may never speak again. I have to keep talking, and typing, and trying otherwise I’ll never get any better. And I know it’s okay to do things wrong, but still, I can’t let myself do that. Again, I do fine when I’m at work and school. I’m functional, normal, you would never be able to tell how much is going on in my head. But in private, I may never speak again if I wasn’t spoken to.

When I was younger, around 12 or 13, I remember something a friend posted on my first online community. They posted, quite honestly, that they never wanted to meet anyone on there irl. No matter how close we are, it would never be the same IRL. I didn’t get that sentiment at the time. To me, why wouldn’t you want to see your friends everyday in person? That would be great. But I think I get it now. I’m afraid that if I ever met any of you someday it wouldn’t be the same. I’m not really the same in person. I’m bad at talking, bad at connecting. I’m not a proper person. But I feel like that’s okay. It’s okay to just exist on here as I am. While my friend was talking to me on our drive back to her place (we carpooled) she was telling me about her life. And she was apologizing like “oh I’m sorry I keep talking about myself” but quite honestly I was glad to just be able to listen. At some point my friend kept asking me what was up so I decided maybe I’ll tell them the arcane secrets of how I’ve been into guardian and how all the characters rlly hit for me for personal reasons. That was really the only thing I thought that was of note to tell her about. Really I don’t think I’ve done or felt much new since I last talked to her. But as I was trying to explain I just wasn’t doing it right. She just didn’t get it and trying to talk about something like that just made me embarrassed to the point where I just dropped it and tried to just say, “oh yea, you got it, that’s it.” and move along bc I didn’t think she’d get it. She’s the type that doesn’t really get how you can make meaningful connections online. So whenever I try to talk to her about certain things, it just doesn’t register. I’ve learned to choose my battles. I didn’t really think she wanted to get it. So I didn’t tell her. I tried telling her about stuff I liked in the past and I just always stop halfway through. I can’t communicate properly. I can’t speak in a way that I think is worthy of being heard. So I don’t talk. It frustrates me to no end. It feels like everyone else can do it so easily, that I’m the wrong one.

I had another friend from Uni message me about something and she was like “so what’s new with you, twin” (we have similar bdays and get along well so we call each other that) and tbh I just, didn’t know what to tell her. I had talked to her in a long time, so things had happened but nothing so easily said that I could just tell her over text. SO I just was like “work, school, yk how it is” and yea. I really am the one choosing not to let people in. It frustrates me to no end but I don’t know what a good starting point is ever. I feel like I should just send all my IRLS my long reflection essays next time they wanna know what's up. All the secrets to why I am the way I am are in there.

I’m scared of telling people how I feel about anything. IRL when I say something I often speak quietly, moreso like I’m only talking to myself. People often don’t hear what I had to say. And I don’t repeat myself. If it was something someone didn’t hear, in my head, that means that it wasn’t important enough to repeat. I’m afraid of talking and being misunderstood and never being able to be interpreted the way I mean. I want to convey all my thoughts correctly the first time. So i don’t repeat myself, not bc I’m mad at the person who didn’t hear me. It’s not about them, it’s about me. I don’t believe my words to be worth repeating. I don’t want anyone to stop the conversation for me. Just keep going, it won’t come out the right way anyways. I was taking a uquiz a week or so ago and one question was “what power do you want” and one option was smth like the power of comprehension. Which would make it so every time you spoke, that person would understand you the way you intended. That is the most ideal power for me to ever possess like it was unreal. I’m still thinking about that quiz. It was good.

I know that I’m worth being listened to and that my words are valuable enough to be heard but I don’t want to do that. I’d rather listen. I only like talking when it’s safe like it is here. I’m trying my best to get better though. I keep saying that I want to be a proper adult. I want to live right and without regrets and i really think communication is key to that. I’m trying. It’s hard but I’m trying. But still, I can only talk here a lot. I can’t talk any other way. I don’t tell my friends about my interests, it embarasses me to no end.

Being on here is comforting though. When I talk about stuff like this, I always see a lot more people than usual like my post. I feel like you can all relate. Really, people are more similar than not. We all have very similar burdens and pains and baggage. It’s comforting, I'm not alone. My words might be able to help someone. Because when all of you talk about the same things, i also feel seen and comforted and since we are so similar, then the same is true for the things I say.

But anyways, I did a lot of listening tonight, and it reflects the sentiment above. People are the same. I was listening to my friend’s friend talking about her mom earlier and the entire time, I really resonated with what she was saying. I got it. Her mom’s situation was really similar to my own mom’s situation in the past. And I was just amazed at how I barely knew this girl but I felt really similar to her. I saw her differently after learning all that. It was really a great thing. ANd on the way home, my friend was telling me about her life recently and some things andi really understand what she was going through. I didn’t say anything, because again, I don't like to interrupt. And when I try and be like ‘oh me too, it's the same for me too” I feel like I’m derailing. I know I’m not but I really think she needed to say her piece. So I let her. But the entire time, I thought about the things in my life that were the same as what she was feeling and it was beautiful. Life and human bonds are beautiful. Even when they are hard and messy and annoying, people all want the same things. They want to be loved and seen and understood. And in those moments when we feel seen, it’s worth more than any of those complicated feelings that come along with it. Not to be cheesy but wow… in order to reap the rewards of being loved, you really do need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known. I was glad I didn’t stay home watching a drama. I was glad that I went out. No matter how alienated I feel from others, there’s still merit in being around other people. No matter how much others may misunderstand you and annoy you, they are almost always worth more than being alone. That;s because deep down, we’re all the same.

I’m not good at reminding myself that. As I said here, I don’t let people see me. I don’t let people in, I’d rather keep them out. I’m a picky, boring person. I don’t like people easily and I don’t tell them much. I stay inside my own head and I don’t like to come out. I was raised that way. But people are worth it. Communication is worth it, no matter how hard. It’s all worth it. I need to try harder so I can be a person who is able to see and enjoy more beauty in this world. I spent my hr long drive home listening to music and ruminating on these thoughts, trying to plan out all the words I wanted to say here. I don’t think I said any of it right. I’m not satisfied with how I write nowadays. But writing, talking, conveying emotions, all of these things are worth doing. So no matter how crooked and awkward it comes out, I will keep doing it. It is my goal.

#🐌.txt #i wrote this last night bc i had a lot of thoughts driving home and the entire time i was out but they didnt translate well to type #i tried fixing it this morning and its still just off and im sock at reading it so into the void it goes #honestly i could make a playlist to describe my emotiona better at this point but ill never listen to those songs again.. ita just the like #uesterdays vibe #anyways good morning tho.. im gonna make a cup of coffee and take a shower now #i love u all im glad ur here

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grlfriends · 3 years

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giovanna give us your #controversial kpop takes!! you seem passionate abt ***** being mediocre 👀👀👀

omg anon this is definitely going under a read more

ok so it's not that I think they are mediocre but rather that I know how much being from a big company can determinate your success, onces will go on and on about how much jyp was broke before them and how sixteen had a low viewership rate and how jyp was almost "out" of the big3 (a lie bc if that was truly the case then yg wouldnt be considered big3 rn, big3 is about how much influence and power you have on media yes it's related to how rich the company is but not all that matters when we all know that's not even being considered by anyone lmao) but at the end of the day no matter what they were still under big3?? the amount of money they had to even START a show about the group and then to film the like ooh ahh mv was huge man, onces make it seem like they had 10 dollars and a dream when that was definitely not the case, I know I seem bitter about this but bc I'm a fan of a group who was truly in that situation it just seems so fake and attention seeking?? yall know how much an mv like like ohh ahh and cheer up cost?? yall know how much producers and outfits and hair and makeup and studio and everything else costs?? jyp was always powerful and just bc they were in a bad time and bc they got more rich after twice it doesnt mean they were # broke before them, of course luck is a factor in any situation but let's be honest, do you think if a company was that broke and if twice had done that badly in their debut an mv like cheer up would even exist?? it's expensive y'all

also about the mediocre thing: I dont think they are mediocre but rather that no twice track has made me fall in love with them, I do like some songs but that's it, I feel like after their cheer up promotions jyp was very smart and played all the right moves and got them even bigger, they are not mediocre but we all know jyp has a fucked up ear that has rejected THE iu and THE yuju which is now considered top3 best vocalists of the 3rd generation (along with eunji from apink and wendy from rv) and I dont think they have been necessarily giving them the songs that fit their voices the best, some of them are able to adapt better (nayeon) and some are not (ie: momo voice was too deep for some of her parts in more and more), at the end of the day it still sounds nice if you're not listening to the live locals, their choreography is okay but is more focused on going viral than anything lmao, it's not bad but you can definitely see the comeback their team opened their email box and found out about all the emails about onces having to defend themselves bc twice had easy choreographies and SOME members were still not doing okay vocally and then decided to turn up their difficultly level to catch up with the current trend among ggs at the time ON THE TOP OF making them a token gg (along bp) to white gays listen and like bc they werent cute like that anymore and were doing hard choreographies so they were # not like the other ggs and this only expanded twice fan numbers in western countries (I also think that the bigger a group is the more their fans get obsessed with them and stop caring about their song quality and only listen to them bc they're a fan not bc they truly enjoy the music anymore you know?? I feel like feel special was okay but if a smaller gg like idk weki meki (I know it's not their sound but bear with me) or even a nugu gg like pink fantasy had released it it wouldnt have achieved 10% of the numbers it did or even made these groups have a bigger fanbase you know??) so do I think if they were from an actual broke nugu company they would have be as famous as they are now releasing the same songs? no and there's nothing wrong with that, kpop isn't a talent show and it's more about how well known you are with the most basic stuff

once again, I know this is too big of an essay for someone who has said they dont think they are mediocre but honestly that's my opinion and at the end of the day it doesn't matter bc they're still million sellers but that's my opinion ✌🏻 also do I think they're the nation's gg? no that's snsd and will always be

other hot and spicy takes:

bgs should go cute again, where's my fresh and energizing concepts?? astro why did you leave us in the dark?? sm why did you ruin nct dream when you could have made them comeback under another name/unit and make dream remain with the cute concept still

if any bigger gg had released queen by 3ye everyone would have lost their minds, it's the girlboss anthem everyone is looking for and no one knows about, everything from choreography to the lyrics is what blinks think bp is doing in terms of power

I miss gfriend intros so much :(( source PLEASE listen to this poor soul and give us intros, i cant stop thinking about how good the sots album intro would have been with that yuju siren call notes

also about gfriend but ma'am. apple supremacy, this is hands down their best release and best album this year (even tho I'm in live with three of cups and grwm for as long and the songs have been out) and also I wish crossroad had a bigger impact in the instrumental, the guitar should have been louder and it should have appeared sooner, the post chorus (that part they sing about the star) should have something more so it wouldn't feel as flat as it kinda did

↳ and I think that the beginning and bridge choreography should have been not that, specially the bridge..... that arm movement and the walking becomes okay after a while and getting used to it but still, it should have been anything else, let sinb choreograph a part of the title track for a change please

normalize people saying gfriend were robbed in 2016, rough WAS the 2016 soty and no one can tell me otherwise, people were so mad a nugu gg had the catchiest song of the year 2 years in a row (me gustas tu and then rough) they literally boycotted my girls 🤒

CONTROVERSIAL but I dont think rv has the best choreography and bsides in kpop..... their fans are just too used to noise and saying everything is # a concept (but the Russian roulette mini album DAMN it was amazing)

↳ also their title tracks..... it's been a wild ride but the ride is in flames and about to explode

I miss seventeen fun songs, now they're all about being edgy and dark and it's okay I guess but I miss their early days so so much, everything since thanks (even tho it was released close to my bday I have to admit I dont think it's that good either....) has not been it and it made me stop being a fan, I loved them so so much once and now all I have is old pretty u performances and funny gifs of them on their gose eps 😔 svt comeback with the pastel colors I miss those days of your youth

↳ also I cant believe pledis still has trainees when they're probably going to debut another bg when svt enters military years and then will be working in their solos and/or units since a gg wil be boycotted by pledis after 2 years maximum

the loona lore is 100% more about orbits going crazy over anything than BBC actually planning out stuff, their mvs are like any other aesthetic mv y'all

↳ also on the loona topic I dont think they're the powerful dancers people make them out to be, they have beautiful choreographies and are in sync that's all

↳ can orbits please STOP the ch*ves madness, yves is so straight it hurts and people are turning this into a l*rry of kpop almost

↳ when is haseul coming back 😭 people are calling Kim lip the leader for the longest time and it makes me mad seeing haseul forgotten like that.... maybe when she comes back loona will stop having those sm adjacent (derogatory) songs

I cant believe korean people have turned as you wish by wjsn the top end of the year song to enter the new year when dreams come true is RIGHT!! THERE!!! as is just much better by simply being good where as you wish, well, it wishes 😶

↳ ot13 wjsn was the best and their only good releases as ot10 was boogie up and save me save you, yuehua and starship if any of you break ot13 I'm going insane and beating everyone involved

cant believe non stop was the sing that made oh my girl famous when closer exists and they were not problematic yet, non stop is an attack on peoples ears and sucks so bad there's nothing remotely good or even okay about it (actually, their last good song was a-ing bc that's when jine was there 😢 other than that bungee was okay and banana allergy monkey was quite catchy too) also yooa has an annoying voice idk how they chose HER to debut solo

#ask #anon #this is LONG

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luvdsc · 3 years

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Hi sweatpea! I've been admiring you for a while and wanted to chuck you a message but your inbox is closed. I really enjoy reading your works and constantly finding myself reading them after a long, stressful day. Idk how you do it, but I genuinely look up to you. I just wanted to also ask for some advice. After reading your asks and what not, I'm in a similar situation. Even though I am younger, nearly 21 I work a full time job at a hospital. I worked all throughout covid and damn I'm still exhausted. Where I'm located, my state has been covid free since Jan/Feb. Though everyday I am still working. I feel like I have no energy or emotions left in me. I work and go home cook, clean and repeat. I barely sleep bc of insomnia and I repeat the next day. I feel as if my social life is non existent and I feel like I'm going into a slump bc the smallest things will tick me off or I become upset really quickly. I'm sorry to like dump this on you, I just wanted some advice on how to manage life and I did wanna DM and just check in on you every so often but it's okay! I hope you are resting enough ❣️

Just bc I forget to add on to make more sense , wow I'm an idiot, like literally. I live out as home as well and I don't study. I work full time to help get me by but I live paycheck to paycheck. My friends don't get it either?? They all have everything handed down to them whereas I am completely different you know? It's just frustrating and upsetting and ofc I wanna study too, bit I have a medical condition that affecting me rn to do that and my friends kind of like, look down on me??

✿ ✿ ✿

hi, lovebug! 💕 sakdfahkj wait i think my inbox is open since you sent me an ask? 😅 i toggled with the allow/close ask option a few times just to be sure. thank you so much for reading my fics and enjoying them, honey bee 💜 i am gonna be honest with you - i’m practically a workaholic and my social life has really deteriorated because of it 🤧 so i don’t think i’m the best at managing life 😅 my daily life is pretty much the same - i wake up, work, eat dinner, work some more, watch an hour of tv or do some art, exercise, go to sleep, repeat. the last time i facetimed my friends was for one of their bdays at the beginning of feb and when i facetimed steph and ti a few weeks ago. i really only manage to keep up with texting with 7-8 of my friends daily, and everyone else is pushed to the backburner until the weekend, or if i’m too tired, i respond to them the following weekend. however, i communicated this with my friends before - that i’m not purposely ignoring them, but i’m really busy with work and i need to put my mental health first, which means any little free time i get will be used to relax and destress. so they understand, and they’re fine with me responding later than usual. so at this point, i think what’s best for you is to try to carve out maybe an hour of your day for just yourself and focus on your mental health. do something you enjoy, exercise, watch a tv show, etc. i find that having that one hour for myself makes me feel much better after an exhausting day of work 💕 i think adding in little things throughout my day also help, too, like when i take a break, i go and sit outside for a bit or i eat my favorite snack. so it’s kind of like having little pick me ups throughout the day, which keeps me going 💞

also, you are absolutely not an idiot, honey bee. there’s nothing wrong with living at home, and you’re saving money that way, so that’s smart! studying does not equal intelligence. some people are lucky and have been given more life opportunities than others based on their social / economic status, which lets them have that option to study in school. that doesn’t mean you’re not smart. you’re working full time and providing for yourself, which is absolutely incredible, and i’m positive that so many other 20 year olds would not be able to say the same or do what you’re doing. i do not know what it’s like to live paycheck by paycheck, but i’m sorry that you have to go through with that ): i imagine that it’s very stressful... also, your friends don’t really sound like your friends if they treat you like this and make you feel that way. if you’ve communicated with them how you feel and they still act like this, i think you should drop them. they’re only adding negativity and stress to your life. i’m sorry to hear that you’re going through so much, and i can only hope that your situation gets better in the future, sweetpea 💗

#asks #poutypoutybin

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cinanamon · 4 years

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my response is too long n i’m too lazy to send it through asks i hope you don’t mind us talking like this 😭

my top three groups used to be exo bts and nct so that’s how i chose my albums (i only got them on bdays or christmas so i had to pick and choose) but nct is the only one who kept that ‘position’ so my exo n bts album are just taking up space at this point. the photo book for the bts one is falling apart tbh so can’t sell that 💔 but i’m seriously considering selling my exo one bc it’s intact! or at least the poster bc it doesn’t even fit anywhere on my wall.

regular is my fav album of nct so it’s a keeper, and the super m i’m kinda bored of the songs tbh but its a mark version + mark pc so i’ll keep it for the photobook. i’m just rambling at this point but yeah 😭😭

that’s cool that you collect cds tho! i get not wanting albums where you don’t like many of the songs tho, the next time i buy an album if u do will probably only be if i like all the songs and i know i won’t get bored of them. and agreed the bts albums lately don’t have the greatest packaging idk but they’re def steals bc they have so many songs! i think if i still actively stanned them i’d consider buying one. (though i think i’d still consider one of their albums from wings era and back today bc they’re just chefs kiss)

also another thing keeping me from buying albums is that a) i need to save money for art supplies/design software tbh so i’d rather buy those and b) i don’t have my cd player from when i first bought those albums so they’re just there atm :/

oh dude you’re totally fine!! And DUDE those were/are mine! but I get about not caring for them much anymore :/ but I hope you’re able to sell them easily then!! (Also WAIT my bts: tear album is falling apart too??? Like the seams are coming out on one part and I have no idea what to do). And you’re totally fine for rambling lol! I completely get that about keeping it just for mark 😭

And yeah! I think it’s the smartest course of action now as to not regret a purchase, esp with how expensive the albums are :,) and YES like the last album had a LOT of songs that were good but i just! Hate the concepts/packaging but I probably will get it for Christmas :,) and WINGS OMG yeah that album was top tier

And oooh that makes sense, yeah! I think albums were easier to splurge on when you’re not saving for college/work/essentials (so basically when you had birthday money as a teen LOL) but I hope you’re able to buy the design/art supplies you want!! :)

#submissions #jupitersmark #mutual #neha 🦚#submission

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paolopallegient · 4 years

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good morning, today is a better day.

i feel like all my work in the morning for the past 2 days have really helped achieved this feeing of me tal safety. To explain

3 days ago i learned that Gabbi had cut me off. It was hard to find out, i went ahead and slept it off, it meant nothing to me at night. I woke up and the information sunk into my heart. I was at my worst that morning, but i forced nyself to do good to myself. I remember not wanting to move, but i put my clothes in the laundry, showered, meditated, had a good bfast too with black bean noodle and some egg. It was good. Then i had work later with Darren and Dhan. It sucks because i love working with Darren and Dhan but i wasn't in no mood to communicate or talk to anybody. It makes me sad. I went home and facetimed Nicole and she had told me the true meanings as to why Gabbi had cut me off, which included why kiana had cut me off as well.

i went home and showered, got into bed and listened to music the whole time. I didn't want to talk to my parents, i didn't want to do anything bro. I waited for my parents to sleep just so i can eat by myself. I remember crying to Nicole about this moment because i felt like there was no hope for me. I remember late at night i hopelessly texted Kev so that we can talk it out. I needed to talk it out with somebody. Somebody who'd have my back. The insecurity within me had a feeling he wouldn't like what he heard or even lose another friend with him. It turned out well though.

The next day, I did the same stuff. I woke up, showered, did my laundry, made bfast, and even picked up an earlier shift. I usually work 4-9, but on this day i worked 1-9 so i was there longer. It turned out to be good for me. As i mentioned, i had to meet up with kev to talk about it. It was really good for my mental. I feel like i'm really learning how to grow and surround myself with good things nowadays. I guess i've experienced so much people leaving my life and the presence of their absence affecting me had taught me something 😂🤝😂. It's crazy, anyways, Yeah he was able to give me the guidance i needed. He told me that what i did isn't as severe as to what people are doing concurrently. Men are doing much worse than what i've done. He also said something very nice to me near the end, where i was dropping him off at his place. I was playing a logic song, a song off his new album No Pressure, but the song was in the background really so i wasn't paying attention. Kev placed my attention to the song and he said to me that he doesn't want me to be in the fear of being "cancelled" or crossing paths with somebody that doesn't like me because "that's not freedom."

damn.

That's not freedom. The song was "Amen", one of his favorite song off No Pressure. What he said there was something i carried through the whole day. I went to work after i dropped him off and i was thinking about that endlessly. I went to work and Kevin & Will were working. I realized that i like working with Kevin because he actually likes to talk and conversate. He's not as bad as people talk about him. It's merely the opposite, he surprises me. At the beginning he was hard on me when making drinks because, i was learning yenno? But now, when i do something "lazy" i'm surprised that he does the same. He made 3 drinks in a a blender lol. I've gotten condemned for doing such so i don't do it anymore. Anyways, talking and working the first half of the shift was nice. I was happy to talk to him. Kathy and Solo came in later. Solo is always dope, it's hard to talk to him doe because he's quiet as fuck and i like my music loud lol. Then Kathy was where it was at tho. I'll just say what she told me rather than how the conversations went. She told me she used to study film. She wanted to be in Film Production(i think) and went into Film Criticism on accident bc she wasn't looking close enough as to what she was studying or what classes were part of the curriculum. She told me as well that she's married, and that her and her husband used to own a restaurant, an american chinese place like Panda Express. 3 years ago she used to work at a boba shop, a local one in Orange County. I noticed that she refrains from telling me the names of the places she works, maybe those were years she didn't want to remember. It's understandable. 2018 and 2019 are years I do my best not to remember. Typing those years out actually made me reminisce and wow yeah i understand her, suggesting that her bringing up the names were the case as to why she wouldn't wanna talk about them.

Anyways, later in the shift around 6-7 it got busy and i started getting real mentally negative. It was insane to me, i started just drifting off while making drinks and i remember secretly slamming my hand down on bar. It just sounded like normal noise considering things are slammed all the time anyways, so nobody noticed anyways. Later, something crazy happened. I saw a girl come up and she had very familiar eyes. This is where my ability to recognize people astonishes me because I saw this girl's eyes and i recognized her as Noah Abel Cruz's girlfriend. Then i look whose next to him and it was Noah lmao. I had the quickest intuition to discount them, then i pulled out... i didn't tell Kathy to discount them... I wish i did. It was like my authentic self remember 2014, then my older self remember 2017-2018 😂 lmao stupid. I wish i coulda saved them some money in the name of growth. Although, what i did had shown that I was affected by his and my decisions from the past. I didn't appreciate what he's done or said to me in the past. Although, i still made their drinks... i think...? I remember yes, i did make their drinks. This moment i really am not proud of lmao so, it was pretty ass haha. I made their drinks and i remember being done for awhile, and Solo was busy AND KATHY WAS BUSY SO I MIGHT'VE HAD TO BRING THEIR DRINKSS TO THEM. But naw, I was able to hear Kathy's next order i think so i just remember beginning it and then solo came and brought the drinks. What happens later with the Noah story is crazy. from 7:10-7:50 i was going relatively crazy. I was thinking and repeating that moment forever. "shoulda discounted them" "shoulda shown him that i've grown" "should brought their drinks to them" idk. Earlier in the shift i texted Melissa if she could roll my weed because, yesterday with Dhan and Darren, Dhan gave me weed...? LOL Like, i have no form of smoking it but yeah. He just gave it to me, and Melissa agreed to roll my weed. Then i get a snap from Christian that they're both hanging out at the time i text her. I told him that, if they want free boba, come bc we close at 8, and they got excited. They came around 7:50 and were so playful?

They were happy to see me... It was nice to felt needed, or at least produce excitement for somebody. It was nice. I remember somewhat scrambling because solo was making drinks and I wanted to make their drinks and yeah. I made their drinks, said goodbye, etc. Then we closed, nothing much this night, just showered and laud in bed, ate later and watched Japan Sinks (which i don't like lmao, i won't be finishing this series lol). Anyways, yeah. I forgot to mention, the Noah thing. So we closed, i got into my car and called Kevin bc he called me while we were closing. He told me that Noah called him, and told him exactly what i was telling him. Like, "man i felt weird" stuff like that. He was saying that we'll probably reconnect at a listening party in the future at Kevin's. I think i have to organize my feelings with Noah first. Thinking about it now, i'd still feel weird. We'll work on it. I'll work on it. Anyways, yeah. crazy.

Christian, Melissa, Noah, Coworker Kevin, Vrother Kevin, Dhan, Darren, Nicole, all these people enjoy my presence. Even my parents enjoy my presence too. i have to remember this.

today, i will get up, use the restroom, i want to brush my teeth bc i didnt brush last night. I'll come back, make my bed, meditate, then shower, then fold my laundry, Kevin is coming around 12:30 so i'm assuming that we'll probabky eat when he comes. We'll be watching Do The Right Thing and Once Upon A Time In The West, an oldie double feature. It'll be good. Later in the day, i'm going to melissa's so she can roll my weed. I appreciate her. I appreciate kev. Today will be good and i'll further beaing good to myself. Tired of being tired of being tired.

Kiana, Gabbi, Justin, Preet, Bianca, etc. I want you all to know that i'm choosing to grow. I feel like i have potential to achieve greatness in this life. I want to do better for my seed so that my sons or daughters know consent and know how to "read the room" and not make people uncomfortable. I want to teach them and educate them. My nephews and nieces as well. For the future, if i become a teacher, i do want to teach my students as well. I want to become a person of change. I will change, i'll show you all. You can decide to be present for that, if not then...

I wish the best for all of you. I remember a life where i cared for all of you. Thank you for being apart of my journey. I have 0 defenses in my case if i get cancelled, i admit to what i've done. Although, i'm not going to allow that to restrict me from growing and being a better person. If you ask me, why wouldn't cancel culture WANT me to grow and be better? Idk. If i lose more friends to this, I won't be surprised but, yenno what i'll do?

Wake up in the morning, shower, meditate, do my laundry, and eat breakfast. I'm done being a shit-person to others, but it begins with myself. I have to love myself.

Today is day 3 not getting cancelled. I have a dentist appointment sunday. Next week is Julius's bday. Gabbi's too but i won't be celebrating it lol. Then Passdown retreat, then the week after school starts. Then blam. Life keeps going. I will grow.

Thank you Paolo for taking the time to just type this whole thing out... this was also a step towards loving myself. Alright, i have to shit. See yall in my next post. Love you all. Swag.

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wikshots-blog · 5 years

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( lisa teige, 22, female ) by chance have you met NOVA WIKSTRÖM yet? i hear SHE has lived in PIONEER SQUARE for THREE WEEKS and works as a SPORTS & FREELANCE PHOTOGRAPHER. i’m surprised you haven’t met them yet but for when you do, i hear they can be quite SCATTERBRAINED but also OBSERVANT. for whatever reason they remind me of CEASELESS MOVEMENT OF HAIR & FEET & HANDS, SILVER RINGS ON DELICATE FINGERS, DOING ANYTHING TO GET THE PERFECT SHOT. ( lias, 20, they/them, est )

THE STORY

--- nova and her older brother aksel ( 24 ) are both swedish ( technically a mix but a too complicated mix of norwegian and swedish to really pick out the percentages -- not that it really matters ). she was born in trondheim, NOR and her brother in örnsköldsvik, SWE, but they were both raised in the north america : minnesota in their earliest years, then london ON, and washington dc as their father jumped from coaching gig to coaching gig for various different teams. they spent and still spend their summers/long breaks in a lakehouse in sweden just outside of örnsköldsvik ( that was always nova’s favorite time of year ).

--- the money in their family comes from the men playing hockey. their father rasmus wikström had a lengthy 15 year career in the nhl as a third/fourth line winger ; not one of the superstars, no, but respectable as a player, wore an A more often than not, and made a few million every season in the process, as you do. but the true superstar in the family is aksel, drafted 9th overall in the 2013 draft by the canucks, who then had an unpredicated breakout season in the first half of the season in the ahl, got called up to the nhl and never went back. teams are still kicking themselves for passing him up. he’s three years into a six year, seven million dollar contract — and he’s proving that he should have asked for even more.

— nova was nothing like her brother. her brother was one-track, laser focused on one dream his entire life… meanwhile nova had no clue what she’s doing. she’s good at plenty of things ( drawing, writing, lacrosse, math, yes– even hockey ) but she never pursued any of them hard enough to become EXCELLENT at any of them. jack of all trades, master of none, right?? she’s never been able to focus on one thing in her entire life, probably because she gets bored easily.

— this in particular led to her outcast in her own family. their mom especially started pushing nova to find “her passion” freshman year of high school, because she believed that everyone should have a life plan. but nova had no interest in trying to figure it out and it only led to more arguments and tension in the household, which turned to long silences with curt comments undermining nova’s character. her father was mostly absent, too busy coaching or something else, too busy to really care about his non-hockey playing child. aksel was the only one in the family she really got along with because he never pushed her, put up with her sometimes meaningless rambles, and seemed to be the only one who understood her and with her brother now gone to the other side of the country, nova felt like she had no one to talk or turn to.

--- nova graduated high school quietly and still had no idea what she wanted to do with her life ( save for get out of her parents’ house ) ; no college plan, no nothing. luckily, aksel provided an easy out for her : allowing her to stay with him at his apartment in vancouver. it was in that first year after graduating that she bought her first camera.

--- she had taken a couple photography classes in high school and had enjoyed it well enough, but had never felt the need to pursue it. however now, with her camera in hand and aksel cheekily telling her to get some good shots of him on the ice, nova accidentally fell in deep love with the art. she excelled at it --- sports photography, hockey in particular since she knew the sport so well. so much of it is predicting and HOPING for the perfect shot.

--- nova had no want for connections, the path for her to get a media passes and access for behind the scenes business was easily afforded to her given her relation to her brother. and the season after that, she found herself part of the canucks photography team and only getting better. in the off-seasons, she honed her talent on other things --- freelance work and other things, though nothing thrilled her as much as sports photography and the unpredictability of it all. it kept her on her toes like nothing else and for that she enjoyed it.

--- she was quite content with her position ; she and aksel continued to share an apartment --- her practically rent free, since aksel needed rather little help to pay for it ( though of course, it left her vulnerable to dumb favors he asked of her, that she did begrudgingly with a roll of her eyes ). summers were spent back home in sweden by the lake -- the whole family together somewhat peacefully, their differences seemingly less severe with so much time spent apart...

--- until this summer. she hadn’t been planning on taking a position with the seahawks ; but the opportunity arose and when she made the final cut, she accepted. it was better maybe than her typical freelance summer work, and she was starting to desire a bit of CHANGE. she put a security deposit down on an apartment not far from the stadium and drove down in the car aksel at bought her for her 21st birthday. she doesn’t know where this will take her ( and it’ll be a little odd living alone again ) but she’s ready to see where it does.

MISC

— nova and her brother are fluent in swedish and conversational in norwegian. she has a slight accent when she returns in the fall from sweden ( mostly from speaking swedish all summer ), but it fades out pretty quickly.

— she drives an orange subaru crosstrek like the sporty legend she is ( jk not a legend, but she does drive a crosstrek ). the car was a birthday present from aksel last summer. she’ll drive up to vancouver occasionally still to check on aksel’s apartment and bc she misses the city a little.

--- nova runs a blog where she’s been documenting her time living with aksel ( with his permission ). it’s typically more candid photos with funny memoir-type short pieces she writes when inspired. she’s not sure what will come of the blog now.

--- her freelance ‘company’ is called WIKshots.

--- she almost always carries around a small unlined notebook with her that she writes or draws in. she’s forgetful even at the best of times and find if she thinks of something genius, she better jot it down quickly.

--- she’s almost always moving : tapping feet, jittery fingers, shifty eyes --- the only time she’s truly still is when she’s taking photos, but even that’s it’s only for the briefest moment. nova will also do anything to get the perfect shot, no matter how crazy she might look ( climbing onto things, laying on the ground in a busy street, truly anything ).

--- she almost always wearing four ( technically five ) rings, all silver : left middle: 2 delicate blue topaz w/ a thin band left thumb: braided spinner ring right index: thin chevron right ring: TBA but her brother gave it to her on her 18th bday

WANTED CONNECTIONS

--- i’m not sure how it turns out, but their first impression of nova is her doing something ridiculous to get That Shot.

--- gimme all the people in pioneer square that she keeps running into

--- someone who kinda grounds her : she’s so flighty and hard to keep track of sometimes -- with her brother out of the picture in seattle, it’s only going to be worse. give me someone who understands that but also works to keep her grounded when times. someone to be that rock...

--- long shot, but i’d love for her to interact with ppl who know who her brother is ( like... the aksel wikström, one of the young stars of the vancouver canucks ).

--- i love slow burn romo plots but i also have to gauge chem between our muses first

--- anything at all !!

#206.intro

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baekhvuns · 2 years

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HAI HAI HAIIII i forgot when i last sent u an ask but it probably wasnt that long ago🤩 WE WERE GIVEN A WEEK LONG BREAK OMG,, but they gave us loads of homework lmfao💀 why even bother giving us a "break".

my bff jus had her bday yesterday and we jus spent the afternoon playing games from our childhood😭 it was very fun,, MY STOMACH FELT LIKE BURZTING RIGHR AFTER EARING LUNCH JWIDKSJXJSJS I WAS SO SCARED TK NOT FINISH MY FOOD BCS I AM NOT THE ONE PAYING FOR IT😭😭 i ended up not finishing my food lmfao my friend told me its okay😔<3 the serving was like,, 3cups of rice and a very small amoubt of beef😔 IT WAS EXPENSIVE TOO?@?@??@?! i caNNOT

also ive been curious abt this,, how do u plan out a fic? hekxkskx i could barely plan out an outline for an essay istg.. ur fics are so well written and organized😭 it isnt confusing to read at all even if its literlly over 10k words😔

maybe thats jus bcs ur thAT good of a writer<3 eheh

I CAAN TYOE NOW ok nvm lmfao

also,, concert videos and photos are now resurfacing twt and i am tryung my best tk not feel jealous😔 JWKDJWKD I STILL WOULDNT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE CONCERT IF THEY COME TO OUR COUNTRY ANYWAYS🤩🤩

omg lol what if one day i jus opened the app and the first thing id see is ur latest fic uploaded id cry(happy tears) lmfao i would do that thing yknow where u read slower than usual bcs im scared ill finish reading the fic😟 I ALWAYS CHECK THE LITTLE SCROLLY THINGY ON THE SUDE OF THE DCREEN IDK WHAT ITS CALLED LMFAO,, TO SEE IF IM VLOSE TO THE END KF THE STORY,, IF I AM I WOULD READ S L O W E R NWKXJSKX

also i jus read smth on twt abt how ppl depend so much on 8 pirate boys for happiness😔😔😔 idc lol cat hwa<3

i stikl wobt be active here😭 bcs as i said earlier our school gave us a tON of homewrok istg what if i would just,, not look at it and pretend it doenst exist,, because if i dont see it,, it doesnt exist yesyes😌

hope ur having a great day today<3 stay healthy and happy mwuah also hope u arent too hard on urself when it comes to writing bcs alot of ppl are anticipating and are excited fkr u to post,, u can take ur time ofc no pressure,, im not rlly good with words but i hope u get my point😭

-🍤

HIHIHI SBDB

HIHIHI BDBDBD oMG i think it was yesterday mayhaps!!! NAURRR WHATS THE POINT OF THE BREAK THEN 🔫🔫 hate it when they do this but id still do the homework bc grade conscious 😚

HDMWDHKSBFB OMF U SEEM LIKE U HAD LOADS OF FUNN LESSGOOOOO BDMWHDK FREW FOOD??? BESTIEEE RUNNN TO THE STALLSSS 3 cups of rice 😭😭🤚🏼🤚🏼 BFMWBDMS ur friend materials gworl w/ all that money, she got a black card??? she wanna drop the numbers by any chance-

omg ok so i don’t plan a fic at all 😭😭 i think of a random scenario out of nowhere and then start building on that scene like “what’s the plot? how will it go” and sorts thank u so much bestie i think there’s a few ways i mentioned in the “for writers” tag below!! thank u so much i truly be thinking how the fics are so confusing bc they jump a lot 😭😭😭😭

maybe thats jus bcs ur thAT good of a writer<3 eheh

GDWNDHSN NAUR NAUR there’s so many others here who r sOOOOOOOO GOOOOD im an beginner compared to them

😭😭😭 GONNA LIVE THE CONCERT THRU OTHERS VIDEOS IF ANY ANON WENT TO THE EUROPE KNE THEY NEED TO DROP VIDEOS HERE TBH

LMFAOOOO READ SLOWLY PLS 😭😭😭😭😭 BEST FRIEND IT CAN BE UP TMR IF MY BESTIE IS AWAKE TO READ IT FOR ME BEFORE I POST <33333 CRY THEN I PROMISE BDBDFB

also i jus read smth on twt abt how ppl depend so much on 8 pirate boys for happiness😔😔😔 idc lol cat hwa<3

my personality atp is being emotionally dependent on hwa <3

OMF OFC UR WORK COMES FIRST FBFFBF LMFAOOOO

thank u so much 😭😭😭 hope u have a nice break too!!! dO YOUR HOMEWORK,,,, omg thank u for that again 😭😭 i know ppl anticipate my fics but fbfbb ill only ever publish them if im happy with the way it turned out!! so i don’t go that hard on myself, if at all!! i just do this for funsies no pressure!! FBWNFBWMDBWK NO NO I GET UR POINT I RLY APPRECIATE IT SHRIMP <3 🍤

#✉️ : ask #🍤 anon #for writers !!

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