#this has been persistent for. months?

[cadaverousdecay]

im sick of being sick. stop it. no more. cut it out.

#i will. rip out my throat #this has been persistent for. months? #and it just gets worse #no. stop. thats enough

[stil-lindigo]

reverb in an empty hall.

prints (all proceeds go towards aid for Gaza)

#the plan for this comic has been lying in my notes app for months now #i felt compelled to make it now #my mental health has really been in the pits lately which means ive been playing disco elysium a lot again #the bleak reality of the game and the beauty that persists in it despite *everything* in it comforts me #i love you disco elysium #i love you kim kitsuragi #i love you harry #take what you will from this comic but for me at least its about saving as many people as you can on your way out #i hope that's properly conveyed <3 #disco elysium #harry dubois #kim kitsuragi #whirling in rags #stillindigo art #it may surprise some of u to know this but before the Palestinian genocide began I was predominantly just an art blog #I haven’t posted new art in 4 months

[designernishiki]

yakuza 5 kiryu is the gayest iteration of kiryu. also by far the angriest. this makes yakuza 5 kiryu extremely enjoyable

#man’s just straight up not having a good time right now #no but for real I have never seen him so persistently Angry in a game before like his heat actions are. over the fucking top #the car door slam one? SKINNING SOMEONES FACE ON THE FUCKING ASPHALT #man’s just been seething for months and has so much pent up. everything. that he only knows how to express as anger #kiryu’s a sweet guy who generally means well and we love him for that but. by god we can about ignore his unbridaled bloodlust #which I absolutely believe trumps majima’s any day #majima craves chaos and thrill and whatnot which Could be in the form of fighting but also could be doing some other reckless shit #generally speaking. #while kiryu. is like an addict but for Violence #needs to beat the shit out of people to feel like himself or to process(?) emotions or whatever #anyway. point is y5 kiryu is dealing with a shit ton of built up angst and it becomes EVIDENT seeing how merciless and brutal he is #in this game #kiryu #it’s entertaining. kiryu get help #rambling #y5

[dreamlogic]

...

#chronic blogging #shit chat #well at this point both of my parents (who i inherited my Just Tough It Out streak from) have #upon hearing how bad my post-hysterectomy pain has been #told me 'umm no you need to go see someone.' and 'please just go to urgent care i will pay for it if your insurance won't.' respectively #haunted by the ghost of my right ovary (sharp stabbing pains & debilitating muscle spasms around the incision site) #it's been 1.5 years since surgery and it's getting worse not better #at my 1mo post op i was like 'hey right side hurts a lot worse & the incision seems really wonky & off-center. thoughts?' #they said it was nothing to worry about give it time i might still be feeling pain up to 6mo post op #sooo 8mo post op contact surgeon again 'hey remember that thing i mentioned? yeah still hurts bad enough i struggle to walk sometimes' #she says eeehhh maybe you developed pelvic floor dysfunction or always had it and surgery made it worse. read this book & do some stretches #book stretches & muscle relaxers helped for a bit so i just carried on but it was not improving in fact becoming more persistent #lil over a year post op contact surgeon like 'HEY do not ignore me i am in an amount of pain that is NOT NORMAL and you WILL see me' #drive 1+ hrs for her to poke at me for ~10 minutes ignore most of what i was saying and determine it's just muscle spasms do more stretches #said physical therapy MIGHT help if i did it 2x monthly for at least 6mo. which would've involved commuting over an hour during the workweek #no THANK you i'll just keep doing my stupid stretches. and the thing is. #the stretches ARE helping. i feel my overall balance/flexibility/stamina improving #but that by contrast is making the STABBING PAINS WHERE MY RIGHT OVARY USED TO BE all the more obvious #'oh it's just muscle spasms' well why the FUCK are my muscles spasming around THIS SPOT EXCLUSIVELY for SEVENTEEN MONTHS STRAIGHT #i have essentially no pain on my left side at all. i feel overall just fine & dandy but i am convinced there is something #like. very seriously wrong on the right side causing this #and yeah if my surgeon won't listen to me maybe i will check myself into urgent care and demand an ultrasound #(which btw i asked for during my last visit & she told me it was unnecessary & to fuck off) #but now the two people who instilled me with a very deep mistrust for the medical industry #and from who i learned from via a lifetime of observation how to dissociate from chronic pain in order to function #are telling me 'yeah no this is bad you need a DOCTOR.' umm. i probably need a doctor. #was talking w/ E last night about degrees of pain & like. avg day is like 4-6 on a 0-10 scale. good days 2-3. #i don't consider calling out from work unless it's like an 8 or higher cause i'm just so used to it. #i'm sick of it. so fucking bored with being in constant pain. i want my life & energy back. i want a personality beyond Oh Just Tired back. #i wanna be able to enjoy touch again with immediately hitting overstimulation threshold due to pain.

[icicleteeth]

Biting chewing frothing at the mouth at a vn artist my sister found who i think i can trust with getting a comm of honey with all my childhood viet foods i just have to wait for them to OPEN 😭

#i set aside a little bit for comms from the last opening i did and maybe if i open more soon…. #legit the prospect of getting a comm like this is giving me will to live and Persist through the horrors irl has been this whole month :’)

[toberracore]

Can you draw 008 oiled up twerking please please please please please please please please please please please pleasep please please

Pretty please 👁️\__/👁️

Pls. 👉👈

Vile.

#Toberracore #Toberracore_asks #Toberracore_008 #this person has been asking this for months #I admire your persistence #never again

[guinevereslancelot]

starting to think the volume of ginger ale i consume daily to battle nausea is not actually normal 😌❤️

#fellas is it normal to need a ginger ale with every meal to not feel like ur gonna throw up 🤨 #i dont have one w breakfast bc no time but i feel soooo sick in the morning and actually did throw up last week #im not having my lunch one today for once but usually i need it #maybe a handful of days a month i dont need it with lunch same w dinner #insane volume of ginger ale in my house at all times truly #anyway. the symptoms persist #this has been a shitpost

[jessiesjaded]

The thing about autoimmune diseases is. They do be diseases, hey.

#ive been sick for over a month and have had a persistent migraine for like ???? a week or some shit #can barely be bothered to eat or get out of bed #im just tired of life at this point #not much good has happened for a very very very long time

[heylinfanclub]

Dangit big money friend I know which blog is yours I just can’t find it or remember the url n can’t find you in the DMS I kNOW I’ve talked to you (adhd memory fog promise I got that big respect)—- but I can’t say Paypal names allowed in fear of deadnames. YOU COME GET ART FROM ME POSTHASTE. hell I’ll make physical art and MAIL IT TO YOU. Your generosity knows no bounds and I hope to share the love with the energy it provides me to SURVIVE.

Note to self: I should make an art piece about the Wealth of Having Community.

#me. #(you essentially just replaced my uncle for the month which is. so comforting. #(for me and for him #(letting him know I’m taking care of #(feels like it’s always been a fear of people who take care of me that I can’t— FIND HELP—- i prommy to them I’ll try my hardest #(either by loving a strong community or by making due by little art pieces #(I grew up homeless I struggle to even see ‘trouble’ as trouble sometimes #(I get in the red I do panic #(but not eating not buying anything not doing anything that’s not free—- that’s my childhood #(I can SURVIVE IT #(but bank red scares me cause it’s Persistent and always appears when you’re least able to attend it (ie: no money?? lETS CHARGE YOU MORE!! #(sniff #(Good people get mentioned to my church lady friend #(she’s. nice. but she has the Christian values of ‘if ur good- good things will happen’ ie: YOU NEED TO EAARRNNN GOODNESS #(usually by working hard #(but lookit this. I do work. I don’t kill my self over it tho. and I spend the rest of my energy on people I care about #(if I had money I’d always be giving it away lord knows I did in college oof #(could’ve saved more if I didn’t help all my friends w their problems but #(that’s how the rich get rich. they in it for themselves. #(*I am rich in relations* so hrmPh #(**rambles further** also spoke to my friends about how the suburbs are subpar communities cause u can’t run businesses in em #(no churches no stores no repairs. cause you can kick someone out of a house but not out of their BUSINESS LOCATION. #(but also cause it risks creating a community you can’t control. becomes self sufficient. doesn’t require capitalism selling them shit. #(when they can share trade and gift. ugh. beautiful times.

[gayopinion]

i think i have some kind of vomiting disorder cause i'm just chilling after waking up and my body's like SINK. NOW

cyclic vomiting syndrome is my best guess which is basically just "throws up unexplainably disorder" anyways but idk what causes it..... maybe weed? sometimes i cough too hard and start dry heaving but holy shit i cannot be doing that at the function. i actually gave up alcohol (not "sober" so i still occasionally indulge) back in like march because i took ONE shot at someone's house and threw up all over their bathroom (which i cleaned and sanitized alone and the owner was super understanding) but that was enough for me to be like um clearly this is something i can't engage in easily and reasonably.

also you know who should actually not be allowed to drink? runners. most god awful people on the planet to drink with. my ex roommate LOVED literally just getting up and running away after we'd all been drinking, it was the saddest excuse for wanting to be chased ever, fuck off. i should've seen that insecurity red flag from a mile away.

ok post over

#the dry heaving that precedes it like it's so embarassing i sound like that dude that cries in that twitter audio #BRO PLEATHE [AAOOOUGHHH] AKCUHKJDA BRO WHYYYYYY #emetophobia tw #emeto tw #vomiting tw #vomit tw #personal #sometimes i forget i can just say whatever like who even reads this stuff. and the besties that do already love me. hi moochie reading this😘 #also i feel the need for a disclaimer that the dry heaving issue is a few months in but the vomiting has been happening since 2019 i think #maybe that bad cart did irreparable damage to my body. not sure #i'm not just like oh i threw up i have Disorder like. this is persistent

[krafterwrites]

Dealing with problems becomes easier when you give them a personification in your head and imagine yourself engaging in an anime styled battle with them

#For a while I've been picturing the sleep curse as basically the Time Eater's first form in the shape of me #Or whoever's causing my sleep problems the most at the moment #And it's really helped motivate me a lot because fighting against it is a lot easier #When I think of it like a villain that I'm in a fist fight against #Instead of just a vague and strange concept #Also yes I am still dealing with it even though I said I solved it because it is extremely persistent #But I'm close to banishing it forever hopefully #Because it's about to be the three month anniversary of it first coming into my life #Wow if I think about the fact that this has been happening to me for a quarter of a year I'm probably going to get pretty upset #So I'm not going to do that and instead just do something else #Krafter Talks

[canyourlawnmowerdothis]

after being in an echo chamber for so long (being told i am completely crazy insane for pestering my mother to take me to the pain clinic i was referred to months ago to get diagnosed), having multiple people say Hey What The Fuck Eight Months? Its Been Eight Fucking Months Since Then? has been the wildest shit. this is great. one of those people actually had the power to give her a deadline for when to schedule it by and like. wow. someday soon i may not be confined to my bed almost all day every day. i may get to go back to volunteering at my job i love

#this is like. all ive posted about anywhere all day but its so fucking revolutionary for me #i havent gone to school in months which means i dont leave the house basically at all and that has been. so awful #and when i do i have to recover usually for several days #and the possibility of finally being taken fucking seriously is so. #i can know better whats happening to me. i can start pt. god willing i can try other mobility aids without being questioned by my doctor #the concept of not having to choose between having a life and being able to use my body is. so fucking crazy #anyway. i will go be cringe elsewhere now bye #and yet i persist

[nat-seal-well]

vent post under the cut, feel free to keep scrolling lol

(tw for mentions of… eating disorders I guess. Just to be safe)

I’ve spent so much of my life pretending to be confident and comfortable with my body but the truth is I hate literally everything about myself and I don’t know how to admit that any way but through writing it like this where no one I know in my daily life will see it lol

I hate that I’m hungry all the fucking time. I love all of my irl friends so fucking much but they are all so small and half of them complain about it and I’m like?? Do you have any idea how much I would give to look like you? The others complain about being too big and I’m just standing there, like twice their size. I go without eating hardly anything for days to feel some sort of control and then when I do eat it’s like this shameful thing.

And it’s all very complicated and it overlaps with so many other things, like how all of my self-worth is based on how much I can give people. Because if I can make things even a little easier for someone then at least I’m not completely worthless, you know? Like sure I hate my body but it means I’m good at comforting the people I love when they need it. But that’s it.

Idk I’m just very tired of trying to be so strong and confident for everyone all the fucking time and I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing it, because I’m not either of those at all

#sealy rambles #vent post #tw eating issues #this has been gnawing at me got literal months now #well for longer than that #but lately it’s gotten more persistent

[heropaws]

Thank you guys sm for giving all those kit adopts a home!! :D

If you guys liked the base, a version of the base is up on my gumroad!

#the comments on them made my day #artblock has been persistent and relentless for the last few months! #yowling

[bluesidedown]

.....

#im finally getting treatment for a persistant skin issue that ive had for like. 18 months #(turns out to nobody's surprise its related to my chronic illness. arent autoimmune disorders fun :)))) #and like wow ive literally gotten one round of injections and used the prescribed ointment like twice and it's already so so much better??? #kinda feels like magic tbh. #(wild how getting the actual issue treated appropriately works????) #but also like im only now realizing how much this has been gloating in the background of my life causing me stress for an entire year #just. relief. the prospect of wearing tanktops without feeling gross and embarrassed. not having to worry and wonder about what's going on #it's so nice.

[ii-zi]

On a brighter note I haven't had a single fever or nosebleed since I stopped attending one of my classes and stopped doing the housework

#yes the house is a pigsty rn. yes im getting so much shit from my parents about it #no i refuse ro go back to daily fevers jskfkdkgks i personally consider 9 months of non stop fevers to be #enough to last a life time lol #currently working on going outside and being able to move after i come back home <3 #not working too well JDKSJSJJ but by god im working on it #i did started getting migraines again tho. but those are probably bc I'm only sleeping every other day lol #my appetite it's been wack idk im vacuuming every single piece of sugar available and my body's rejecting like #all carbs fats and dairy jskdkfj had a riot in my gut for two days bc of 4 cookies the other day lol #anyways im so so glad the fevers seem to be completely gone GOD that was such a long fucking year #ive been fever free all month i think???? #like every other Symptom™ persists but the evil has been defeated JDJSJD at least in my mind the fevers were the main factor #that contributed to my mind quite literally frying over the course of the last year #i did so well all these pandemic n then boom. fuck u #idk about u but i deserve to Rest methinks